Second Cup: Find your first question

Bypass the small talk and form quick connections

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to find a go to question that helps
you connect meaningfully with people you know well and those

(00:24):
you have just met. We all want to connect, but
sometimes our usual chit chat doesn't do it, and a default,
thoughtful first question can help. So. I was recently introduced
to the new podcast Your Mama's Kitchen with host Michelle Norris.

(00:46):
On each episode of Your Mama's Kitchen, Norris interviews a
person about the role of food and family in their
early life and its lasting impact on who they are today.
Norris begins each podcast simply by saying to her guest,
tell me about your mama's kitchen. That's a question that's

(01:08):
bound to bring up something one way or another, and
so the material gets good fast. In a similar vein
on the podcast On Being, host Krista Tippett starts each
interview by inviting her guests to tell her about what
she calls the spiritual or religious background of their childhood.

(01:28):
Both questions elicit early memories about a particular aspect of life.
You get to know the person quickly, as they talk
about these foundational and specific to them, but also close
to universal experiences. Of course, you don't have to be
a professional interviewer to ask questions that lead to deep conversation.

(01:48):
Though it might not always be appropriate to ask random
people about their childhood spirituality. You do have to use
your judgment, but even so, a little thought, little trial
and error can help you generate a great first question
if you are interested in the role of work and
purpose in people's lives. When people refer to their jobs

(02:12):
or volunteer commitments, you might ask what drew you to
your work, or you could ask what was your first job?
Or even what did you learn at your first job
that is still helpful now? Whatever the context, it can
be fun to ask people what surprised them about an
experience they have just mentioned. This works for pretty much

(02:34):
anything new in their lives new job, new home, new baby,
new puppy, newly empty nesting, new bifocals. You can also
ask what was surprising about a conference or a class
reunion they attended recently, a city they just visited, a
restaurant they tried, or many other experiences. It's a good

(02:56):
first question to follow onto any scrap of information that
you have been handed. I know of a person who
routinely asks people what's been bringing them joy lately. Hopefully
a happy conversation will ensue after that. If you love traveling,
when you encounter other people who love traveling, you can

(03:19):
ask them if they have been on any great trips lately.
The same is true for reading read any good books lately.
On the other podcast, I host Best of Both Worlds.
My co host Sarah Hart Hunger and I often ask
our guests to describe a typical day in their lives.

(03:39):
We have found that our listeners love to know the
details and logistics about the lives of successful people, and
asking about a typical day offers a great window into
what a person's daily life actually looks like. So if
you want to deepen your interactions this year, finding a
few go to two big questions that invite the people

(04:02):
around you to share who they are and the stories
of their lives can be smart. I will note that
for people you see again and again, you obviously don't
want to ask the same question every time you talk.
As someone who has been a repeat guest on some podcasts,
I know firsthand that you do sometimes need to rotate,

(04:26):
but if you have a few questions ready to go,
you have tools for reliably nudging conversations along. You won't
spend your life talking about the weather or how busy
everyone is, and that is a good in its own right.
Do you have a favorite first question? You can let
me know about it at Laura at Laura Vanderkam dot com.

(04:51):
In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and
here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for
listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

(05:11):
you can reach me at Laura at Laura Vandercam dot com.
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