Second Cup: Skip the optional arguments

Life is more pleasant when you choose your battles

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to skip the optional arguments. There are times

(00:23):
when the stakes of a decision are high and the
ethics or consequences require you to engage, But often you
don't have to argue with people, and you will likely
be happier if you skip the optional arguments. Today's tip
is inspired by Elizabeth Pasarella's new collection of personal essays.

(00:48):
It was an ugly couch anyway. As she puts it,
what happens as you get older is that you have
to slog through so many mandatory arguments and difficult relationships
that you stop choosing optional ones. This is something I
am trying to keep in mind on the argument front.

(01:09):
With five kids, there are definitely arguments I have to
engage in when it comes to keeping them safe and healthy.
The toddler really does need to be strapped into his
car seat, the teens do need to surrender their phones
at night so they can get enough sleep before school
the next day. But there are also a lot of

(01:30):
arguments that I can skip. The eight year old can
wear sweatpants to church if he wants. I am pretty
sure God doesn't care, and at this point in life
I should be secure enough if any one else wants
to judge. I value accuracy. And I also have a
three year old who spouts all sorts of fanciful ideas.

(01:54):
So if he yells I am not going to school tomorrow,
and he very much is and absolutely loves preschool so
much that he doesn't want to leave once he's there,
I don't bother pointing this out. I just say, ooh,
that's an interesting idea, and then we move on. I
try to pick my battles with older kids too. Yes,

(02:16):
it would be good if all the dishware were to
be returned in a timely manner to the kitchen. On
the other hand, it's not really that big a deal.
As a friend was talking to me about raising her
young people, she noted that if her kids were failing school,
or were in legal trouble, or were addicted to something,

(02:38):
the dishes would be the last thing she was worrying about.
We are blessed if our kids are doing fine. The
dishes will make it to the dishwasher eventually, so that's okay.
I also believe we can skip the optional arguments with
the adults in our lives as well. If your great

(02:59):
aunt has different political preferences than you, you can maybe
state your case once and then just talk about other
things when you see her. You don't need to correct
someone who pronounces a word wrong unless the person is
practicing a speech and actually wants that kind of feedback.

(03:21):
If you are pretty sure the tailor told you your
pants would be ready on a different day, but it
is not an inconvenience, you can just run with it now.
Of course, if something is immoral or illegal, or dangerous
or truly important to you, then by all means take

(03:41):
the battle. There are many hard things we have to
do in life. Arguing with a three year old about
whether it is going to snow tomorrow or not isn't
one of them. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks
for listening, and here's to making the moose of our time. Hey, everybody,

(04:11):
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod
that's b E the number four then Breakfast Pod. You
can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcasts
at iHeartMedia dot com that before Breakfast is spelled out

(04:34):
with all the letters, thanks so much, should I look
forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production
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