Second Cup: You don't have to explain

People are too busy worrying about their own lives to worry about yours

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is that you don't need to explain your every
move and request as long as you are being reasonable.

(00:26):
Saying less might keep you from causing a bigger problem.
People are also too wrapped up in their own lives
to obsess much over your actions, so you can usually
just live your life. This episode is first airing over

(00:47):
the holidays. It's a time when extended family and friends
gather and people go to parties and the like. Often
in these contexts we feel the need to explain our
very choices. You might mentally prepare explanations of why you
are asking visitors to take off their shoes in your mudroom.

(01:09):
You might come up with a list of bullet points
about why you gave some folks gift cards instead of presents.
You tea up arguments about why you are not drinking
alcohol or eating the brownies that everyone else is raving about.
Maybe you feel like whatever you are doing is conspicuous,

(01:31):
and if it is not what everyone else does, you
might be self conscious about it. But if you ponder
all the mental energy that you put into your own choices,
you can quickly see that there isn't a huge amount
left over for anything else. Have you been obsessing over
whether your colleague is drinking at that party? Did you

(01:53):
notice if Aunt Gertrude ate your cheese dip? Did you
demand an explanation from a relative who gave your kids
gift cards? My guess is no. Most people are too
busy worrying about their own lives to worry all that
much about anyone else's. So if you tend to explain

(02:17):
yourself a lot, try pulling back, wait to see if
someone asks for more detail. If so, you can provide it.
If not, maybe just let it be. For instance, if
you are getting an end of your eye exam, your
eye doctor's office doesn't need to know why you are

(02:39):
asking for a hard copy of your prescription. They don't
need to know that you prefer an online company's frames
to the ones in the office, or that you want
to minimize the cost of glasses this year because you
are saving up for a down payment for your first home.
Just request a hard copy of your prescription, and then
everyone can move on with their lives. Your hairstylist probably

(03:03):
doesn't care why you need to reschedule your appointment two
weeks from now. You can just ask whether she has
another opening later that week. Now, if you are canceling
your appointment for today, that is a different matter. That
is a lot more inconvenient to the stylist. So you
should probably let her know that you woke up with

(03:24):
a fever and don't want to expose her to your germs.
There is a good reason you are inconveniencing her, but
for much else that is not the case. Your boss
doesn't need to know the exact purpose of the medical
appointment that is necessitating that you come in late one
day next week. You can provide a doctor's note documenting

(03:48):
your absence if need be, but you probably don't need
to explain about your mole that is being removed. I
feel like people go through an evolution in their lives.
You are young, we worry that everyone is thinking about
what we are doing. At some point we realize that
most people aren't thinking about us all that much. At first,

(04:13):
that can be a little alarming, especially if you made
any big life choices based on what you thought other
people thought was right. But then you realize the fact
that no one is thinking about you is absolutely liberating.
The clerk at the grocery store has seen one hundred

(04:34):
orders this morning already. He really doesn't care that you
are buying cookies and soda. He doesn't need to hear
that you bought broccoli the last time you were there.
You don't need to explain yourself. You can just live
your life in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening,

(04:58):
and here's to make you the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,
or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

(05:26):
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