Try a collaborative riff

How to make small talk more creative

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to try a collaborative riff. Rather than getting
stuck with small talk about the weather, try creating something

(00:26):
with your conversation partner instead. Today's tip comes from behavioral
scientists Maya Rosignant Milan and Erica Boothby. In a New
York Times article, they proposed what they call collaborative riffing
as an alternative to small talk. They write, our aim

(00:48):
and conversation shouldn't be to mine for surface level commonalities
or go on a charm offensive. Instead, we should ask
ourselves what could we create together in this moment. I
definitely appreciated their portrayal of small talk as usual. You're
having a root canal next week. I had a root

(01:09):
canal last week. You're from a small town in Iowa.
I'm from a small town in Massachusetts. Sometimes these superficial
similarities do pave the way for real connection, but more
often they remain an uninteresting game of ping pong, with
the ball going back and forth and getting nowhere. In particular,

(01:31):
that is where collaborative rifts come in. The authors explain
when riffing speakers resist the urge to counter every observation
with their own example, instead building bridges to new ideas
like that reminds me of or tossing in a Can
you imagine if they refer to earlier parts of the

(01:52):
conversation to create inside jokes. Collaborative riffing is more playful
than typical conversation and can be more fun and creative.
You could see how this would play out. For instance,
if a friend from work mentions she watched K Pop
Demon Hunters over the weekend and you watched Inside Out too,

(02:13):
you could suggest lightly that it sounds like you have
the beginnings of a list of kid movies that parents
actually like. Your colleague might then accept your subtle invitation
to suggest another movie to go on the list, and
then you could build from there. That is a collaborative riff. Maybe,

(02:35):
after listening to a splendid Table podcast episode about all
the things you can do with instant ramen, you make
yourself ramen for lunch with shredded carrots and leftover chicken.
Then on a zoom work meeting right after lunch, in
the pre meeting chit chat time, you could mention the
podcast in what you just ate. If your colleagues seemed

(02:57):
to find Ramen lunch appealing, you could all then brainstorm
together other ingredients to use with Ramen. Instead of the
usual three minutes of boring chit chat. You all rift
together on interesting lunch ideas. You just might get your
creative juices flowing for the meeting. You discover what foods
your colleagues like in case you want to invite them

(03:19):
to lunch in the future, and you may even get
ideas for future Ramen lunches. Creating something together, whether serious
or playful, is a lot more fun than talking about
the weather or shallow similarities, so consider giving it a
try and you might enjoy small talk a lot more.

(03:43):
In the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and
here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for
listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

(04:03):
you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts
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