What do you do when you're not here?

How to connect with people, and maybe turn an acquaintance into a friend

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is about a question that can help you feel
a little closer with someone. If there is a person
you often see in a particular place, you can ask

(00:25):
what do you do when you're not here? This question
will help you get to know them a little better.
We tend to know people within specific context like work, volunteering, exercise,
parents of the kids in your kids' school, or activities, neighbors,
book club, church, and so forth. But it's easy not

(00:47):
to know what's important to people when they are not
in the context you share. You can build the relationship
by asking about that, so as you are figuring out
your arsenal of small talk questions, add this one in
what do you do when you're not here? I think
this is a great question for a few reasons. The
biggest one is that it doesn't make assumptions like a

(01:09):
lot of other questions do. I hear from a lot
of stay at home parents who find it awkward when
people ask what do you do because they know that
question usually means what do you do for paid work?
This question can also be awkward for people who are
out of work and may not really want to talk
about it right. Then it's also very open ended. The

(01:32):
person can choose what part of the rest of their
life they want to talk about. Maybe a parent wants
to talk about his job or all the things he's
doing with his kids, but maybe he'd like to talk
about his recreational soccer league or that he just marched
in a parade associated with his heritage. Who knows. You
wouldn't know to ask about either of those specific things,

(01:54):
but if they are what he is excited about spending
his time doing, well, now you know. Figuring out what
people do when they are not in your shared context
gives you a fuller understanding of them, and that can
pave a way for a deeper connection. You might find
ways to extend the relationship. For instance, if you find
out that your yoga buddy works part time at an

(02:16):
art museum, then she's probably interested in art, and she
might end up being the perfect person to gallery hop
with you. You can discover a shared interest, extend an invitation,
and move beyond your initial context. This is what turns
an acquaintance into a friend. So if there is someone
you know in one context, ask them this question, what

(02:39):
do you do when you're not here? You'll avoid offending
someone because we all do something apart from wherever we
are at the moment, and you can learn what they
are excited about. Those are all good things. In the meantime.
This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

(03:00):
the most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach
me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

(03:24):
is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,
please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows.