You don’t have to talk about it

Save your energy for the arguments that matter

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to remember that you usually don't have
to talk about issues that you know will derail the
conversation or send to certain people in predictable directions. You

(00:27):
can choose to avoid these issues and the stress and
discord that goes along with them. If you're going to
poke the bear, be sure there's a good reason for
poking the bear. Otherwise let it go. You probably know
family members, friends, or colleagues who have beliefs or habits
that you disagree with. You probably know people who immediately

(00:51):
get tents or riled up whenever particular topics come up.
It happens to all of us. So here's an idea.
You can just choose to avoid these topics. I'm not
necessarily talking about obvious hot button issues like politics. If
any time your neighbor hears the phrase youth soccer, he
launches into a lecture on how soccer is more dangerous

(01:13):
now than when you are kids, and provides copious statistics
about the prevalence of concussions. Don't mention to your neighbor
that your daughters at soccer practice does refer to her
after school activity. If any mention of snow sets your
sister off on her battle with the township over the
order in which roads are plowed, maybe just don't talk
about the weather when you're making winter small talk. Likewise,

(01:36):
if your boss launches into a tirade every time you
mentioned the two week lead time that the communications department
now requires for everything except crisis communications, just don't bring
it up. Be sure you get your draft your boss,
and plenty of time to get his approval so you
can send the text to Communications for layout and design
with two weeks to spare. There is really no need

(01:59):
to poke this bear. Now. That's not to say that
there aren't times when it's productive and necessary to have
difficult conversations. If someone says or does something hurtful to someone,
you can and should be an ally and speak up.
If someone seems like they might potentially listen to calm

(02:20):
arguments against a particular conspiracy theory that might be actively
harming them, well by all means you can try. But
there are also a lot of times when you can
simply sidestep hot button issues or issues that are hot
button for anyone else but are for that particular person.
When bringing up a particular topic will only cause drama

(02:40):
and distress without any positive benefits. Just don't do it.
Don't poke the bear if you are not actively prepared
to deal with the bear. And of course, here's the
flip side of this. If someone else raises a comment
that you find provoking, you can decide not to engage.
When I'm in groups with people who are new to

(03:02):
parenting or better yet expecting their first and they announced
that they will never do X Y or z and
don't see how anyone could do x Y or z,
I tend to just let it go and trust that
life will deliver its lessons soon enough, no need to
go into it. You can also use pocket phrases to
foreclose discussion about the contentious topic. Oh Joe, and you

(03:25):
know we disagree on that, but I love how passionate
you are. Are you going to the virtual high school
parent orientation next week? Or I think lots of people
have different perspectives on that issue. Are you guys doing
anything for spring break this year? Unless you are talking
with someone who is particularly dense or belligerent, the person
you were talking with will probably understand your intentions here

(03:46):
and move on again. I am a big fan of
hard conversations when they are necessary. I am also not
a fan of being a doormat or shying from conflict.
And there are some people who really love a good argument,
And there are also times when it's called for. Some
people like to form small discussion circles with people who
have different politics or different worldviews, precisely for how interesting

(04:10):
this can be. Really, it can be invigorating and force
you to hone your arguments and examine what you believe.
But there's a big difference between seeking that out and
just making conversation while you're waiting to pick up your
kids at karate. In life, we should choose our battles.

(04:32):
When everything's a battle, we burn ourselves out rather than
holding our fire for when it will really matter. So today,
be intentional about what topics you bring up or how
you respond when people mention something contentious. You don't have
to poke that bear. You can often get what you

(04:53):
want in life by ignoring the sleeping bear and quietly
walking past. In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening,
and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody.

(05:14):
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod
that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast

(05:36):
is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I don't

(06:00):
know yet