Bonus: Dani's Listening, Episode 5

In this new bonus series, “Dani’s Listening”, Dani connects with listeners by responding to those who’ve called in to share their family secrets.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Danny's
Listening is a bonus series brought to you by Family Secrets.

(00:26):
I have a last name that I was given at
birth because it's my father's last name, and it was
my grandfather's last name and my father's family's last name.
So when I went to college, a professor pointed out
to me that it was a famous last name that

(00:46):
belonged to the barrister in the US that created the warrant.
So I continued with my last name into my marriage,
did not take my married name either, and had a
couple of graduate degrees unbeknownst to me. When my grandfather
died in I learned he had adopted my father and

(01:08):
he was not my biological grandfather, And then things began
to make sense because he didn't act like it. We
were left out of that inheritance because we were not
biologically related. My father passed away a few years ago,
and I never heard or knew anything about his father,

(01:29):
being told that he had disappeared in the Merchant Marine,
that my father was a baby, and never knew his dad.
After I did ancestry, DNA at cousin reached out to
me this summer through the Internet who found me as
a match and decided to help me discover this grandfather

(01:51):
that I had a name to but did not knew
anything about that family. He discovered he died differently than
we expected, and that he had called in three days
after his wife died to a West Coast newspaper to
say he had shot his wife, and three days later

(02:15):
after he made that phone call, he shot himself. But
it's a shot to me, and I doubt my father
ever knew would happen to his real dad. He did
well in his life, but there is this legacy that
was never shared and now maybe I know why, or
we just never wanted to know why. Hi, it's Danny.

(02:44):
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your
story with us. It sent chills down my spine because
I'm putting together season six of Family Secrets, which will
drop on December ninth. By the way, and one of
the episodes is literally called name of the Father. So
you were given a last name at birth that meant

(03:05):
something to you as you grew up, a famous last name,
one you felt connected to and proud of. I totally
relate to that. I felt the same way about the
Shapiro family. They were illustrious, prosperous, admired. It was a
legacy I attached myself to. I didn't take my husband's
name either when I married, and all of my books

(03:27):
are published under that name, Danny Shapiro. To discover well
into a life that the name on your birth certificate
is not the same as the family name you come
from biologically is a wild blow, and it's one that's
hard for many people to wrap their heads around. It's
the discovery of it that is I think the biggest

(03:47):
shock and heartache. Believing one thing and discovering another at
such a fundamental level. It's heartbreaking that your father was
left out of his inheritance because he had been adopted.
That blow, on top of the blow of the discovery,
must have been extremely painful for him. For all of you,

(04:08):
and now you're left, thanks to the wonders of DNA discovery,
holding all this new information about your biological genetic heritage.
Your dad is gone. You're pretty sure that he never
knew what happened to his biological dad, who lived a
life that contrasts sharply with the life he had known.
I have a few more thoughts First, that cousin who

(04:31):
reached out on ancestry dot Com sounds like a really
good and kind person, one of those angels we meet
along the way when we're on the rocky path of
such an unexpected discovery. Secondly, you say your dad did well,
he had a successful life. This to me feels key.
Your dad gave you that name. No, perhaps it wasn't

(04:54):
his genetic family name, but he lived most of his
life with that name, and you've lived all of your
life with yours. I've come to think of these complex
stories like yours, like mine, as threads in a tapestry.
All these threads woven together is what made your dad
your dad, and what makes you you. I wonder if

(05:16):
you can embrace your dad's family name, the one he
lived and died with. That's as true as anything else.
And I wonder too, if you might find some small, private,
deeply personal way to acknowledge that other thread that has
woven into what makes you you. I wish you the
best of luck on your ongoing journey. I'll be thinking

(05:38):
of you. If you have a family secret story you'd
like to share on Danny's Listening, please call eight eight
eight Secret zero. That's eight s e c R e
T in the number zero,