September 5, 2024 • 34 mins
Hi Family Secrets family, this week we're bringing you a podcast we think you'll enjoy: You Probably Think This Story's About You. Dani also gives an update on the release date for the next season of Family Secrets.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, Family Secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Family.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I hope as our calendar turns from summer to fall,
you're feeling refreshed, relaxed, invigorated for all that lies ahead.
I have a treat for you. We're sharing an episode
of the hit podcast. You probably think this story is
about you, which I binge listened to a few months
ago while doing one of my favorite new activities, sweating
(00:29):
it out in an infrared sauna. Great storytelling while doing
something good for you. What could be better? You probably
think the stories about you is about one woman's brave
searching excavation of her own marriage, her family history, and
her deepest self in order to ask and answer the
questions we always ask. What secrets have been kept from me?
(00:54):
What secrets am I keeping from others? And what secrets
have I been keeping from myself? I think you'll love it.
Have a listen. Also, speaking of calendars, please mark yours
for the all new eleventh season of Family Secrets, which
drops on Thursday, November seventh. It's thanks to you that
(01:14):
Family Secrets is Iheart's longest running series podcast. I'm thankful
and moved by the groundswell of response to Family Secrets
and grateful that you're sticking with me. The secrets they
just keep coming, and now I hope you enjoy. You
probably think this story is about you.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
This podcast is marked explicit intentionally because some of the
topics may be difficult for some listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
We've provided resources and more information in the show notes.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yeah, not everybody needs to know what they are.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
No, no one will know.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Brittany tells everybody. Oh, I'll tell everybody.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
I got to come up with a way to summary
it's my life like five words. I went into that
wanting the dream and ended up with a nightmare. But
I had the very best intentions. You probably think the
(02:20):
story is about you. I'm Brittany Yard and this story
is mine. I had been swiping and matching and going
(02:41):
on first dates sort of all of June. Navigating dating
apps can be challenging, constantly dodging the scammers and the
catfishers and the guys trying to sell me bitcoin. Canaan's
profile came up three different times. There was a lot
(03:03):
more thought around his profile than others. I would either
swipe laughter, swipe right, and it was a pretty easy decision.
He was one where I clicked on all the pictures,
read all the prompts.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
For some reason, I was hesitant, but I was attracted.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
And I'm not sure if it was a look in
his eyes or if it was something that I could sense.
I don't know if it was the mood, his dimples,
the prompts. There was a mischievous grin in his main
profile picture. I couldn't tell if it was like comedy
(03:44):
or something else. Something about that fourth time that I
saw him come through, I was like, Okay, fuck it,
so I swiped right. I went on a day within
two days of matching, and I at the time was
(04:07):
doing a walk for all my first dates. Canaan lived
in Tacoma and I was in Seattle. I ended up
going down to Koma to meet him because my best
friend lives down there, and I was like, we'll go
on a walk and then I can meet my best
friend for dinner, you know, sort of kill two birds
with one stone. Every time I go on a date,
I have to send her screenshots and like, this is
(04:28):
the guy I'm seeing, this is where we're meeting. I
will check in with you, you know, in an hour.
If not, like, come rescue me. I actually got there
early so that I could check out and see him arriving.
Within thirty seconds of me hitting that curb, he was
behind me, tapping me on my shoulder. I turned around
(04:51):
and he said, can I interest you in some bitcoin?
Mischievous smile, dimples, and he went in.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
For a hug.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
He is this gorgeous man that has so much charisma,
very attractive.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
He smelled amazing.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
I don't know what he did to my olfactory senses.
So he's a dad and his son plays football. I
have that connection with him. My second youngest is a
football player, and so we had talked about how you
navigate teens and athletic sports, especially when they're trying to.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Go to college for football.
Speaker 6 (05:41):
He had played football in college and he got kicked
off the team, and then he joined the Marines. He
had left the military at sixteen years to come home
and take care of his son. So we were about
halfway through our walk, and I usually like to ask
people that have kids what the relationship is with the exes,
because it's either crazy or not crazy. His ex wife
(06:06):
died by suicide and had been an addict. That's why
he was so involved in his son's life at this time,
because after she passed, he came in and took on
that role of you know, mother and father. It was
(06:28):
just one more thing that I felt connected to. I'm
not ready to share that story with him yet, and
he said, you know, I'm sorry that I kill the mood,
and I said, no, it's your story. I had told
him that I had not been with anyone for a year,
(06:49):
that I had taken a year off. Canaan moved to
the Pacific Northwest in January of that year and had
gone on a couple of dates, but hadn't dated March
and had had a bad experience and it was the
only woman who's ever had to block. Finally, recently, his
(07:09):
sister in law, Tasha started this hinge dating account for
him because she was really worried about how lonely he was.
And he had told me, He's like, yeah, she'll text
me and be like you got a rose. You need
to get online and respond as if she was getting
the email notifications for his dating profile because the sister
(07:33):
in law and brother were so invested in finding him
his person because he was so alone. He talked about
how it was really hard for him with the gloomy weather,
and I remember thinking that I needed to get him
into red light therapy so that he would have enough
son and vitamin D to want to stay because now
(07:56):
that I had met him, I didn't want him leaving
the north West. The conversation kept getting better. We ended
up walking, I think for two and a half hours.
His job is working with people in need and helping
them find the support for their illness. He matches my
(08:16):
giving and caring nature all the aspects of my life.
He has that same energy for himself and for other people.
I had found somebody that I would want to have
a connection with. I had totally lost track of time
(08:36):
during our walk, and when I realized that I was
an hour late to meet my best friend Anna, I
checked my phone and I had missed a bunch of
her text messages.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
She's like, where are you?
Speaker 6 (08:46):
And I was like, I'm okay, I'm going to be
late for dinner, but I can't wait to get there
because I think I'm going to let this guy fuck
me up. Like I don't know what's going to happen,
but I'm totally going to let him fuck me up.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
My name is Anna Love. I am Brittany's best friend
of twenty eight years. I remember being miffed that your
date with this guy had delayed our time at the Matador.
That's primary like kind of what I recall from that day,
you know, being very excited for you obviously that you
(09:20):
had found somebody that you, you know, really connected with,
and if that's the delay, then super, But also like.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Come on, we have taking have tacos to.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Eat and tequila and or rum to drink, so let's
get going. You know, I remember being very excited for
you that you had found somebody that you hit it
off with. The key things that I sort of remember
was him commenting on your Nike Cortes, you know, and
being you know, kind of intrigued by that.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
We were already planning our next date. I texted him,
do me a favor and tell Tasha thanks for me.
Hopefully I spilled that right.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Trust me, they're thinking you as well, them being kindle
and Tasha tas Ya.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Oh, that's much prettier than I spelled it.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I think I'm just going to flood you with a
bunch of random facts about me. Oh, speaking of which,
fun fact number one, All of my bakeware and tupaware
are the results of me not returning it to the
original owners.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
What do you want to know about me or is
lasagna the whole goal?
Speaker 3 (10:33):
It's really important for me to ensure you're comfortable leaving
your lasagna pan with me for a few weeks.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
A few weeks red Flag.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
On our second date, he was talking to me about
how they wanted him to come to his son's school
and do some video recording. It was National Suicide Prevention Month,
and because his son's mom had died by suicide, they
(11:13):
wanted him to come and sort of tell this story.
And he had talked about how he didn't want to
go and do it because he felt like he wasn't
a good parent for the first part of his son's
life because he was in the military and always gone,
And then he didn't really step into a full parenting
role until his son's mom passed, and that's when he
(11:36):
stepped in and sort of focused on his son and
being the father that he kind of always wanted to be.
As we were talking about this, I told him that
it sounded like impostor syndrome. Do you feel like an
impostor coming in being this amazing dad now and like
you don't deserve to have that recognition because you weren't
(11:59):
there beginning, and he was like, that's exactly what it
feels like, Like I don't want to bring attention to
myself because I feel like an impostor. There's so many
times in my life where I've felt like I'm faking
it until I make it, like I don't really know
what I'm doing, but I just keep trying, or I
(12:21):
just keep pushing through. And there are times when I
feel like an impostor, like I'm not meant to be
in a situation. And so I actually didn't tell him
any of that. I just let him tell his story.
(12:42):
There was nothing like spectacular about what we were doing,
but on these walks we got into really vulnerable conversations
and I feel more connected to this person that I've
had two dates with that and I did with my
ex husband because he was sharing so many stories and vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Bits about his life and.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
It was all from the place of and I learned
something from it, and I've grown and I want to
be a better person, or I've decided I've made the
choice to move forward instead of looking back.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Were you ever or are you a cheater?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
I wasn't a cheater, but I was a guy who
used a fast tempo of the military to not ever
get into anything serious now here. I am at forty
and I haven't had those type of experiences, which sucks.
I perfected keeping people away, and now that I wouldn't
mind the closeness. I don't know what that even looks like,
so I stumble awkwardly through it and learned not to
(13:54):
press it. It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Speaker 6 (13:58):
Thank you for being open and willing to share with me.
I don't cheat. It's a huge value of mine. I
am loyal to fault at times. I've sacrificed a lot
of me in the past to keep another person going.
I am not settling for anything less than a partner
that I can trust with my whole. Last self, I
(14:19):
was already starting to write and sort of remember different
parts about the date and conversations we were having because
I wanted to put them on paper. I wanted to
remember the moments, but I also I wanted a love
story from the first date on. I was falling in
(14:47):
love with that love story and I wanted to share it.
I like to write down all the experiences in my life,
and I talked to Canaan about us writing this book
together to share our love story, and this is his
(15:07):
first chapter.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Babe, sorry it took so long today it was a
shorter day, and honestly, it's the first day in two
weeks where I didn't have something.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Else after work. It feels good.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Being able to pour that energy into you because you
do the same for me. I miss you every day.
Enjoy and don't judge my writing. Fireworks, sparklers, explosions near
and far. These are common to the celebration of the
fourth of July, but does not even sundown. And she's
(15:40):
star spangled, banning my shit.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
He grinned and skipped across the street.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
He was headed for the second day with her in
a span of a few days. Things are escalating quickly,
and he's here for it. She was unlike anyone he's
ever met, Seductive, mysterious, assertive, passionate, but tranquil, all wrapped
(16:06):
into one person. What kind of Pacific Northwest sorcery is this?
She's aware, she's educated, she's funny, she's well.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
She's here.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
As he sneaks up behind her while she glares out
at the sound as they stepped off in pursuit of
a magical conversation over another ten thousand steps. Damn, I
want to co parent a plant with this woman.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Play it cool.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
We both spot an empty bench facing our version of
the Mona Lisa, Yeah, you guessed it.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Water.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
We sat quietly as she started to dump it all
and I mean all the hesitations in her voice hovered
over him like a cumulus cloud or whichever one brings
is those torrential downpours. Two and a half hours passed
by so quickly he walked her to her vehicle like
a gentleman should another skipped heartbeat. Of course, she reversed
(17:07):
into the parking stall. Who is this woman? They start
making out again, without a care in the world of
who's around. They both jumped and shuffled quickly, as unknowingly
the impromptu makeout session blocked the adjacent car from leaving.
They both giggled, and without hesitation, in a soft voice,
she said, oops, sorry, this is dating ap forty. They laughed,
(17:33):
and he dived in once more for a departing kiss
on her freckles. Yes, we are definitely going to parent
a plant, he thought as he drove away.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
So I have freckles everywhere. From sort of the beginning,
he just started calling me freckles, and so many times
in text messages it was always freckles this, or can't
wait to kiss all your freckles. When somebody just calls
you baby or babe or whatever, it's adorable, but it's
(18:07):
very generic. And so for Canaan to say good night, freckles,
it really it hit because that's what I look like.
Canaan had an incredible way of making me feel comfortable
in my skin. There were no insecurities that I had
with myself when I was with him. It didn't matter
(18:31):
that I had had kids or that maybe my body
wasn't perfect. There was no shame that I carried in
myself when I was with him. I had decided to
introduce Canaan to my friends and my daughter Brianna. We
had decided to go to this concert. It felt like
(18:53):
the right time to see if he could handle the group.
During the concert, it was all outdoor. We were on
large picnic benches, and Caanan and I were on the
same side. I don't normally bring guys i'm dating around
(19:13):
in the friendship circle unless I think that they can
survive all of all of us, you know, and a
lot of it is that we have all been friends
for over twenty years. Here's what my best friend Anna thought.
Speaker 5 (19:29):
Well, I went in expecting to get initial impressions, and I,
you know, sort of tasked Francisco with his gathering of
information because he's a pretty good judge of character and
also loves you very much and wants to see the
best for you.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Francisco is another longtime friend of mine.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
So I came in kind of I just wanted to
sort of gauge if he thought you were as amazing
as we all think you are, and you know, and
if he then deserved to be in your presence. He's
very handsome, very good looking guy, presents really well, and
I thought, how amazing for my best friend to find
(20:10):
somebody that she finds so physically attractive and mentally attractive
and emotionally attractive. He was very intrigued by you, asking
me questions about what it was that he needed to
do to remain in your good graces, and I basically
told him, you know, she's amazing, and you're right for
(20:31):
wanting to stay in her good graces.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
I was sitting in between his legs and he had
his arms around me the entire time. Other than a
couple trips to the bathroom. We were sitting together on
the picnic bench, smashed together with his arms around me.
I had passed him a note. A lot of it
was him like whispering in my ear. Here's Brianna.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
I am Brittany's first and most important daughter. Well only,
I guess, so I'll take that. So you met him
essentially on our like fourth date. It was one of
the first times I'd seen you be more touchy feely
with someone both or really in public or in front
of me. I feel like we're family's not a huge
(21:17):
PDA family really in general kind of at any level,
we don't that's just not happening. It wasn't even anything crazy,
but like kind of just constantly in contact with each other,
Like there you were leaning on him a lot, or
like arms around, diddly laugh, cute s eyes. It was
definitely the first time that i'd seen kind of more
(21:38):
of the like physical contact in like in public. But
to really be like out at a bar and kind
of see you doing that was the biggest thing that
I noticed. Just attractive Die, They're having a good time
over there, Like this's all seems like good vibes. I
feel like especially coming out of your divorce and this
is your first time dating. It was just like, oh,
this is like, yeah, you're enjoying yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
If you're having a good time. I might have then
I was done and smoked a lot that day. So
there are some of that days. It's a little just
a little fuzzy for me.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
He seemed, you know, for all purposes, to be like
a really upstanding guy. Seemed very charismatic and very much
enamored with Brittany, which you know, made sense to me,
like why wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
He be.
Speaker 6 (22:40):
May Beach House is my happy place. We decided to
go out for the weekend. It is where I have
spent the last twenty five summers and as much time
as I possibly can the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
It is just this beautiful.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Saltwater canal that is lined with beach houses and fresh
oysters and clams. I went out the day before and
he came out after work on Friday, and we spent
the weekend out there. But we had made plans to
go to the drive in because he had never been.
(23:20):
I did the whole back of the truck, mattress, snacks
and blankets and you know, all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
I found afford to make exceptions.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I mean, once word leaks out that the pirate has
gone soft, people begin to disobey with them.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
It's nothing but work, work, work, all the time. You
mock my pain life.
Speaker 6 (23:39):
I'm pretty sure I fell asleep because it's so cozy
and comfortable to be in the back of a truck,
cuddled up to this amazing man.
Speaker 7 (23:46):
Please, please, I need to live.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
It was the police that caught my memory. I asked
him what was so important for him, true love, you replied.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
I think he was insecure about his ability to have
a solid relationship because he didn't feel like he had
had one before. He said, I am so terrified that
you are going to find out about how much of
a jerk I used to be, and you're not going
to want to be with me anymore. He said, I've
(24:28):
worked so hard to not be that person anymore.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
There was a story where.
Speaker 6 (24:37):
He met a woman at a bar and took her
back to his brother's house, trying to pass off his
brother's house as his own. But the woman actually knew
his sister in law, so she knew that it wasn't
his house, but he still hooked up with her. When
he looked me in the eyes, and I could see
(24:59):
the fear of rejection or maybe not seeing him for
who he was today. I told him that I am
with who he is now, that you know, what's happened
in the past doesn't matter, and the man that I
want to be with is the one that is standing
(25:20):
in front of me now. We both felt like we
had finally found the person that we wanted to be with,
and that we were in places in our lives where
we were able to be open and vulnerable with each
other and really get rid of the bullshit that came
(25:49):
with our past lives and the baggage, and just focus
on who we were to each other in that moment.
Moving forward, out at the beach House, I had recently
purchased the property across the street and it was a
like a lot of acreage, and my intent was to
(26:10):
create an event space and sort of this campground area.
After we had gone there, he always talked about being
my park ranger. That he wanted a little booth at
the front and he would just sit in there, and
you know, he.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Was going to be my park ranger.
Speaker 6 (26:28):
So Canaan and I grew so close in five months,
and I couldn't believe that we had spent almost a
half a year together. We were talking about all of
the things that we were going to do when football
season stopped and we had more time. I got tickets
to la for Brianna, Anna and I and decided that
(26:50):
Canaan should come and meet more of my family spend
time with us, so that he could feel comfortable stepping
into this role as my new park ranger. We got
on the plane, is Your Captain, and he reached into
his carry on bag and pulled out this book that
(27:13):
he gave to me. And this book was cartoon characters
of him and I on the dates and adventures that
we had been on over the last five months. On
one of the pages, it was a picture of me
and him lying in bed, and he said, I love
how romantic you are here, everything I ever dreamt of.
(27:34):
And my response was, well, let's just hope we're really
not heavily medicated in an Essayan asylum. That I had
made that comment one time in bed. The very last
page of the book was this book lists just a
few of the reasons why I didn't sell you Bitcoin.
I can't wait to spend my life discovering more and
more reasons to love you. Here's how my best friend
(27:56):
Anna described it.
Speaker 5 (27:58):
I think that anybody putting forth the type of effort
that you put forth into a relationship, because you make
everybody feel very special. So I think for you, that
book was like somebody is putting forth the effort into
me that I put into everybody else.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
It's such a simple thing, a moment at some point
three weeks before to plan it and to do it.
So that was the start of our trip, which was amazing,
and then the show. We had a great time at
the show. What was it like traveling with us and
that whole experience.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
That experience, it was pretty awesome. I finally got to
spend some time with him and actually engage and find
out who he was. He talked about his career path,
which I found to be very impressive. It was like
really amazing, you know, the work that he was doing
and why he was doing it. So I think that
the sort of the initial questions started to arise when
(29:05):
your cousin Greg started asking questions at dinner.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
And we're at this great spot in Manhattan Beach where
you just sort of order small dishes. We had like
twenty different overabundance school. Greg is ordering, Yes, that's what's
going to happen. Greg is my dad's age there cousins.
I frequently go to La just to stay for a
(29:31):
couple of days at his place, and we go to
dinner and we spend a lot of time together talking.
His opinion matters so much on who I connect with
and who I bring around, especially after the two failed marriages.
We were at one of those long tables with bench
like seating and Greg, Brianna and Anna were on one
(29:54):
side and Canaan and I were on.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
The other, as we usually did.
Speaker 6 (29:58):
We were sitting as close as we could to each other,
thigh to thigh, and he had his phone in his
pocket and it was vibrating constantly, notifications, just constantly. And
I understand being polite and not pulling your phone out
at dinner and like whatever, but we have children, and
(30:23):
when your phone goes off NonStop, like you check at
some point. At one point he excused himself and went
to the bathroom. In my brain, I was like, he's
checking his phone. Something's off. Didn't say anything. And then
later that night we were on Greg's patio and I
(30:47):
remember looking over at the two of them talking and
initially it's like, Oh, I'm so glad Greg is really
important to me close to me.
Speaker 5 (30:57):
And then Greg asking more questions, and there were some
questions that came up where we were sort of shooting
looks at each other across the table, like, well, that's
different than anything that I've heard you tell me before.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
He brought up his time in the military, and then
Greg just is Greg, and he dives deep into whoever
he's talking to. He really tries to get to know people.
So he was asking him questions about his time in
the military, why he left his work, about his ex wife,
and it's really for Greg about getting to know somebody closely.
(31:36):
Canaan fell into that conversation so comfortably with Greg that
we ended up talking for a couple hours that night.
My daughter Brie remembered the details and.
Speaker 7 (31:48):
It got into more of the specifics of her dying
and the drug abuse, and Greg was doing the light
oh if this is too much. It was dating into
light some pretty light intense details about like going through
addiction and hating to deal with that and deal with
that with his son around her addiction. I mean, there
was a lot of It was a long time that
(32:09):
we were talking about it, they were descriptive stories, like
there was a lot of depth to it. I mean,
I think we were in the living room talking for
like another hour or two after dinner, and I remember
feeling like it was heavy and feeling like it was intense.
I think I was jumping in and talked to write
about it too, just I mean, that's that's why my
relationship ended previously, was drug abuse and use and kind
(32:31):
of things around that. So I remember us stating to
really a deep, kind of personal level about those issues.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
The story that Canaan was telling in that moment was
not the same story that I had heard before. The
details of the story that he was telling were different
than he had told me previously, and it was similar
enough that it made sense, But I also started questioning
(33:02):
the story he told me, or which story do I believe.
I remember watching Canaan and Greg talking, and Canaan's everything
started to change, how he was sitting, how he was
(33:23):
crossing his legs, his tone in his voice, and he
started mirroring Greg. And it was incredible to watch, and
it didn't make any sense to me because it wasn't
how he had ever talked to me, I had never
(33:44):
seen this side of him that with the phone and
sort of some of the other stuff was for sure,
the first time that I really started questioning all of
it that entire trip was when he just unraveled.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
You probably think The Stories About You is a production
of Large Media. That's La r J Media. Our executive
producer is Britney Ard. Our showrunner is Sid Gladou. Creative
direction by Tina nol. Our associate producer is Kareem Kiltau.
Sound engineering by Chris Young and Sean Simmons. Graphic design
by Nigella Shama, opening theme by youth Star, and miscellaneous.
(34:39):
If you want to know more about Britt, follow her
on social media. You can find her at Britney dot
Ard on all platforms. If you like what we're doing,
don't forget to hit that follow button wherever you're listening
to this podcast right now, and also give us a
rate or review on Apple Podcast or Spotify
Hi, Family Secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Family.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
I hope as our calendar turns from summer to fall,
you're feeling refreshed, relaxed, invigorated for all that lies ahead.
I have a treat for you. We're sharing an episode
of the hit podcast. You probably think this story is
about you, which I binge listened to a few months
ago while doing one of my favorite new activities, sweating
(00:29):
it out in an infrared sauna. Great storytelling while doing
something good for you. What could be better? You probably
think the stories about you is about one woman's brave
searching excavation of her own marriage, her family history, and
her deepest self in order to ask and answer the
questions we always ask. What secrets have been kept from me?
(00:54):
What secrets am I keeping from others? And what secrets
have I been keeping from myself? I think you'll love it.
Have a listen. Also, speaking of calendars, please mark yours
for the all new eleventh season of Family Secrets, which
drops on Thursday, November seventh. It's thanks to you that
(01:14):
Family Secrets is Iheart's longest running series podcast. I'm thankful
and moved by the groundswell of response to Family Secrets
and grateful that you're sticking with me. The secrets they
just keep coming, and now I hope you enjoy. You
probably think this story is about you.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
This podcast is marked explicit intentionally because some of the
topics may be difficult for some listeners.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
We've provided resources and more information in the show notes.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yeah, not everybody needs to know what they are.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
No, no one will know.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Brittany tells everybody. Oh, I'll tell everybody.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
I got to come up with a way to summary
it's my life like five words. I went into that
wanting the dream and ended up with a nightmare. But
I had the very best intentions. You probably think the
(02:20):
story is about you. I'm Brittany Yard and this story
is mine. I had been swiping and matching and going
(02:41):
on first dates sort of all of June. Navigating dating
apps can be challenging, constantly dodging the scammers and the
catfishers and the guys trying to sell me bitcoin. Canaan's
profile came up three different times. There was a lot
(03:03):
more thought around his profile than others. I would either
swipe laughter, swipe right, and it was a pretty easy decision.
He was one where I clicked on all the pictures,
read all the prompts.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
For some reason, I was hesitant, but I was attracted.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
And I'm not sure if it was a look in
his eyes or if it was something that I could sense.
I don't know if it was the mood, his dimples,
the prompts. There was a mischievous grin in his main
profile picture. I couldn't tell if it was like comedy
(03:44):
or something else. Something about that fourth time that I
saw him come through, I was like, Okay, fuck it,
so I swiped right. I went on a day within
two days of matching, and I at the time was
(04:07):
doing a walk for all my first dates. Canaan lived
in Tacoma and I was in Seattle. I ended up
going down to Koma to meet him because my best
friend lives down there, and I was like, we'll go
on a walk and then I can meet my best
friend for dinner, you know, sort of kill two birds
with one stone. Every time I go on a date,
I have to send her screenshots and like, this is
(04:28):
the guy I'm seeing, this is where we're meeting. I
will check in with you, you know, in an hour.
If not, like, come rescue me. I actually got there
early so that I could check out and see him arriving.
Within thirty seconds of me hitting that curb, he was
behind me, tapping me on my shoulder. I turned around
(04:51):
and he said, can I interest you in some bitcoin?
Mischievous smile, dimples, and he went in.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
For a hug.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
He is this gorgeous man that has so much charisma,
very attractive.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
He smelled amazing.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
I don't know what he did to my olfactory senses.
So he's a dad and his son plays football. I
have that connection with him. My second youngest is a
football player, and so we had talked about how you
navigate teens and athletic sports, especially when they're trying to.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Go to college for football.
Speaker 6 (05:41):
He had played football in college and he got kicked
off the team, and then he joined the Marines. He
had left the military at sixteen years to come home
and take care of his son. So we were about
halfway through our walk, and I usually like to ask
people that have kids what the relationship is with the exes,
because it's either crazy or not crazy. His ex wife
(06:06):
died by suicide and had been an addict. That's why
he was so involved in his son's life at this time,
because after she passed, he came in and took on
that role of you know, mother and father. It was
(06:28):
just one more thing that I felt connected to. I'm
not ready to share that story with him yet, and
he said, you know, I'm sorry that I kill the mood,
and I said, no, it's your story. I had told
him that I had not been with anyone for a year,
(06:49):
that I had taken a year off. Canaan moved to
the Pacific Northwest in January of that year and had
gone on a couple of dates, but hadn't dated March
and had had a bad experience and it was the
only woman who's ever had to block. Finally, recently, his
(07:09):
sister in law, Tasha started this hinge dating account for
him because she was really worried about how lonely he was.
And he had told me, He's like, yeah, she'll text
me and be like you got a rose. You need
to get online and respond as if she was getting
the email notifications for his dating profile because the sister
(07:33):
in law and brother were so invested in finding him
his person because he was so alone. He talked about
how it was really hard for him with the gloomy weather,
and I remember thinking that I needed to get him
into red light therapy so that he would have enough
son and vitamin D to want to stay because now
(07:56):
that I had met him, I didn't want him leaving
the north West. The conversation kept getting better. We ended
up walking, I think for two and a half hours.
His job is working with people in need and helping
them find the support for their illness. He matches my
(08:16):
giving and caring nature all the aspects of my life.
He has that same energy for himself and for other people.
I had found somebody that I would want to have
a connection with. I had totally lost track of time
(08:36):
during our walk, and when I realized that I was
an hour late to meet my best friend Anna, I
checked my phone and I had missed a bunch of
her text messages.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
She's like, where are you?
Speaker 6 (08:46):
And I was like, I'm okay, I'm going to be
late for dinner, but I can't wait to get there
because I think I'm going to let this guy fuck
me up. Like I don't know what's going to happen,
but I'm totally going to let him fuck me up.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
My name is Anna Love. I am Brittany's best friend
of twenty eight years. I remember being miffed that your
date with this guy had delayed our time at the Matador.
That's primary like kind of what I recall from that day,
you know, being very excited for you obviously that you
(09:20):
had found somebody that you, you know, really connected with,
and if that's the delay, then super, But also like.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Come on, we have taking have tacos to.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
Eat and tequila and or rum to drink, so let's
get going. You know, I remember being very excited for
you that you had found somebody that you hit it
off with. The key things that I sort of remember
was him commenting on your Nike Cortes, you know, and
being you know, kind of intrigued by that.
Speaker 6 (09:48):
We were already planning our next date. I texted him,
do me a favor and tell Tasha thanks for me.
Hopefully I spilled that right.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Trust me, they're thinking you as well, them being kindle
and Tasha tas Ya.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Oh, that's much prettier than I spelled it.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
I think I'm just going to flood you with a
bunch of random facts about me. Oh, speaking of which,
fun fact number one, All of my bakeware and tupaware
are the results of me not returning it to the
original owners.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
What do you want to know about me or is
lasagna the whole goal?
Speaker 3 (10:33):
It's really important for me to ensure you're comfortable leaving
your lasagna pan with me for a few weeks.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
A few weeks red Flag.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
On our second date, he was talking to me about
how they wanted him to come to his son's school
and do some video recording. It was National Suicide Prevention Month,
and because his son's mom had died by suicide, they
(11:13):
wanted him to come and sort of tell this story.
And he had talked about how he didn't want to
go and do it because he felt like he wasn't
a good parent for the first part of his son's
life because he was in the military and always gone,
And then he didn't really step into a full parenting
role until his son's mom passed, and that's when he
(11:36):
stepped in and sort of focused on his son and
being the father that he kind of always wanted to be.
As we were talking about this, I told him that
it sounded like impostor syndrome. Do you feel like an
impostor coming in being this amazing dad now and like
you don't deserve to have that recognition because you weren't
(11:59):
there beginning, and he was like, that's exactly what it
feels like, Like I don't want to bring attention to
myself because I feel like an impostor. There's so many
times in my life where I've felt like I'm faking
it until I make it, like I don't really know
what I'm doing, but I just keep trying, or I
(12:21):
just keep pushing through. And there are times when I
feel like an impostor, like I'm not meant to be
in a situation. And so I actually didn't tell him
any of that. I just let him tell his story.
(12:42):
There was nothing like spectacular about what we were doing,
but on these walks we got into really vulnerable conversations
and I feel more connected to this person that I've
had two dates with that and I did with my
ex husband because he was sharing so many stories and vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Bits about his life and.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
It was all from the place of and I learned
something from it, and I've grown and I want to
be a better person, or I've decided I've made the
choice to move forward instead of looking back.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Were you ever or are you a cheater?
Speaker 3 (13:32):
I wasn't a cheater, but I was a guy who
used a fast tempo of the military to not ever
get into anything serious now here. I am at forty
and I haven't had those type of experiences, which sucks.
I perfected keeping people away, and now that I wouldn't
mind the closeness. I don't know what that even looks like,
so I stumble awkwardly through it and learned not to
(13:54):
press it. It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Speaker 6 (13:58):
Thank you for being open and willing to share with me.
I don't cheat. It's a huge value of mine. I
am loyal to fault at times. I've sacrificed a lot
of me in the past to keep another person going.
I am not settling for anything less than a partner
that I can trust with my whole. Last self, I
(14:19):
was already starting to write and sort of remember different
parts about the date and conversations we were having because
I wanted to put them on paper. I wanted to
remember the moments, but I also I wanted a love
story from the first date on. I was falling in
(14:47):
love with that love story and I wanted to share it.
I like to write down all the experiences in my life,
and I talked to Canaan about us writing this book
together to share our love story, and this is his
(15:07):
first chapter.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Babe, sorry it took so long today it was a
shorter day, and honestly, it's the first day in two
weeks where I didn't have something.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Else after work. It feels good.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Being able to pour that energy into you because you
do the same for me. I miss you every day.
Enjoy and don't judge my writing. Fireworks, sparklers, explosions near
and far. These are common to the celebration of the
fourth of July, but does not even sundown. And she's
(15:40):
star spangled, banning my shit.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
He grinned and skipped across the street.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
He was headed for the second day with her in
a span of a few days. Things are escalating quickly,
and he's here for it. She was unlike anyone he's
ever met, Seductive, mysterious, assertive, passionate, but tranquil, all wrapped
(16:06):
into one person. What kind of Pacific Northwest sorcery is this?
She's aware, she's educated, she's funny, she's well.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
She's here.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
As he sneaks up behind her while she glares out
at the sound as they stepped off in pursuit of
a magical conversation over another ten thousand steps. Damn, I
want to co parent a plant with this woman.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Play it cool.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
We both spot an empty bench facing our version of
the Mona Lisa, Yeah, you guessed it.
Speaker 7 (16:40):
Water.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
We sat quietly as she started to dump it all
and I mean all the hesitations in her voice hovered
over him like a cumulus cloud or whichever one brings
is those torrential downpours. Two and a half hours passed
by so quickly he walked her to her vehicle like
a gentleman should another skipped heartbeat. Of course, she reversed
(17:07):
into the parking stall. Who is this woman? They start
making out again, without a care in the world of
who's around. They both jumped and shuffled quickly, as unknowingly
the impromptu makeout session blocked the adjacent car from leaving.
They both giggled, and without hesitation, in a soft voice,
she said, oops, sorry, this is dating ap forty. They laughed,
(17:33):
and he dived in once more for a departing kiss
on her freckles. Yes, we are definitely going to parent
a plant, he thought as he drove away.
Speaker 6 (17:46):
So I have freckles everywhere. From sort of the beginning,
he just started calling me freckles, and so many times
in text messages it was always freckles this, or can't
wait to kiss all your freckles. When somebody just calls
you baby or babe or whatever, it's adorable, but it's
(18:07):
very generic. And so for Canaan to say good night, freckles,
it really it hit because that's what I look like.
Canaan had an incredible way of making me feel comfortable
in my skin. There were no insecurities that I had
with myself when I was with him. It didn't matter
(18:31):
that I had had kids or that maybe my body
wasn't perfect. There was no shame that I carried in
myself when I was with him. I had decided to
introduce Canaan to my friends and my daughter Brianna. We
had decided to go to this concert. It felt like
(18:53):
the right time to see if he could handle the group.
During the concert, it was all outdoor. We were on
large picnic benches, and Caanan and I were on the
same side. I don't normally bring guys i'm dating around
(19:13):
in the friendship circle unless I think that they can
survive all of all of us, you know, and a
lot of it is that we have all been friends
for over twenty years. Here's what my best friend Anna thought.
Speaker 5 (19:29):
Well, I went in expecting to get initial impressions, and I,
you know, sort of tasked Francisco with his gathering of
information because he's a pretty good judge of character and
also loves you very much and wants to see the
best for you.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Francisco is another longtime friend of mine.
Speaker 5 (19:48):
So I came in kind of I just wanted to
sort of gauge if he thought you were as amazing
as we all think you are, and you know, and
if he then deserved to be in your presence. He's
very handsome, very good looking guy, presents really well, and
I thought, how amazing for my best friend to find
(20:10):
somebody that she finds so physically attractive and mentally attractive
and emotionally attractive. He was very intrigued by you, asking
me questions about what it was that he needed to
do to remain in your good graces, and I basically
told him, you know, she's amazing, and you're right for
(20:31):
wanting to stay in her good graces.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
I was sitting in between his legs and he had
his arms around me the entire time. Other than a
couple trips to the bathroom. We were sitting together on
the picnic bench, smashed together with his arms around me.
I had passed him a note. A lot of it
was him like whispering in my ear. Here's Brianna.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
I am Brittany's first and most important daughter. Well only,
I guess, so I'll take that. So you met him
essentially on our like fourth date. It was one of
the first times I'd seen you be more touchy feely
with someone both or really in public or in front
of me. I feel like we're family's not a huge
(21:17):
PDA family really in general kind of at any level,
we don't that's just not happening. It wasn't even anything crazy,
but like kind of just constantly in contact with each other,
Like there you were leaning on him a lot, or
like arms around, diddly laugh, cute s eyes. It was
definitely the first time that i'd seen kind of more
(21:38):
of the like physical contact in like in public. But
to really be like out at a bar and kind
of see you doing that was the biggest thing that
I noticed. Just attractive Die, They're having a good time
over there, Like this's all seems like good vibes. I
feel like especially coming out of your divorce and this
is your first time dating. It was just like, oh,
this is like, yeah, you're enjoying yourself.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
If you're having a good time. I might have then
I was done and smoked a lot that day. So
there are some of that days. It's a little just
a little fuzzy for me.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
He seemed, you know, for all purposes, to be like
a really upstanding guy. Seemed very charismatic and very much
enamored with Brittany, which you know, made sense to me,
like why wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
He be.
Speaker 6 (22:40):
May Beach House is my happy place. We decided to
go out for the weekend. It is where I have
spent the last twenty five summers and as much time
as I possibly can the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
It is just this beautiful.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Saltwater canal that is lined with beach houses and fresh
oysters and clams. I went out the day before and
he came out after work on Friday, and we spent
the weekend out there. But we had made plans to
go to the drive in because he had never been.
(23:20):
I did the whole back of the truck, mattress, snacks
and blankets and you know, all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
I found afford to make exceptions.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I mean, once word leaks out that the pirate has
gone soft, people begin to disobey with them.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
It's nothing but work, work, work, all the time. You
mock my pain life.
Speaker 6 (23:39):
I'm pretty sure I fell asleep because it's so cozy
and comfortable to be in the back of a truck,
cuddled up to this amazing man.
Speaker 7 (23:46):
Please, please, I need to live.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
It was the police that caught my memory. I asked
him what was so important for him, true love, you replied.
Speaker 6 (24:05):
I think he was insecure about his ability to have
a solid relationship because he didn't feel like he had
had one before. He said, I am so terrified that
you are going to find out about how much of
a jerk I used to be, and you're not going
to want to be with me anymore. He said, I've
(24:28):
worked so hard to not be that person anymore.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
There was a story where.
Speaker 6 (24:37):
He met a woman at a bar and took her
back to his brother's house, trying to pass off his
brother's house as his own. But the woman actually knew
his sister in law, so she knew that it wasn't
his house, but he still hooked up with her. When
he looked me in the eyes, and I could see
(24:59):
the fear of rejection or maybe not seeing him for
who he was today. I told him that I am
with who he is now, that you know, what's happened
in the past doesn't matter, and the man that I
want to be with is the one that is standing
(25:20):
in front of me now. We both felt like we
had finally found the person that we wanted to be with,
and that we were in places in our lives where
we were able to be open and vulnerable with each
other and really get rid of the bullshit that came
(25:49):
with our past lives and the baggage, and just focus
on who we were to each other in that moment.
Moving forward, out at the beach House, I had recently
purchased the property across the street and it was a
like a lot of acreage, and my intent was to
(26:10):
create an event space and sort of this campground area.
After we had gone there, he always talked about being
my park ranger. That he wanted a little booth at
the front and he would just sit in there, and
you know, he.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Was going to be my park ranger.
Speaker 6 (26:28):
So Canaan and I grew so close in five months,
and I couldn't believe that we had spent almost a
half a year together. We were talking about all of
the things that we were going to do when football
season stopped and we had more time. I got tickets
to la for Brianna, Anna and I and decided that
(26:50):
Canaan should come and meet more of my family spend
time with us, so that he could feel comfortable stepping
into this role as my new park ranger. We got
on the plane, is Your Captain, and he reached into
his carry on bag and pulled out this book that
(27:13):
he gave to me. And this book was cartoon characters
of him and I on the dates and adventures that
we had been on over the last five months. On
one of the pages, it was a picture of me
and him lying in bed, and he said, I love
how romantic you are here, everything I ever dreamt of.
(27:34):
And my response was, well, let's just hope we're really
not heavily medicated in an Essayan asylum. That I had
made that comment one time in bed. The very last
page of the book was this book lists just a
few of the reasons why I didn't sell you Bitcoin.
I can't wait to spend my life discovering more and
more reasons to love you. Here's how my best friend
(27:56):
Anna described it.
Speaker 5 (27:58):
I think that anybody putting forth the type of effort
that you put forth into a relationship, because you make
everybody feel very special. So I think for you, that
book was like somebody is putting forth the effort into
me that I put into everybody else.
Speaker 6 (28:17):
It's such a simple thing, a moment at some point
three weeks before to plan it and to do it.
So that was the start of our trip, which was amazing,
and then the show. We had a great time at
the show. What was it like traveling with us and
that whole experience.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
That experience, it was pretty awesome. I finally got to
spend some time with him and actually engage and find
out who he was. He talked about his career path,
which I found to be very impressive. It was like
really amazing, you know, the work that he was doing
and why he was doing it. So I think that
the sort of the initial questions started to arise when
(29:05):
your cousin Greg started asking questions at dinner.
Speaker 6 (29:11):
And we're at this great spot in Manhattan Beach where
you just sort of order small dishes. We had like
twenty different overabundance school. Greg is ordering, Yes, that's what's
going to happen. Greg is my dad's age there cousins.
I frequently go to La just to stay for a
(29:31):
couple of days at his place, and we go to
dinner and we spend a lot of time together talking.
His opinion matters so much on who I connect with
and who I bring around, especially after the two failed marriages.
We were at one of those long tables with bench
like seating and Greg, Brianna and Anna were on one
(29:54):
side and Canaan and I were on.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
The other, as we usually did.
Speaker 6 (29:58):
We were sitting as close as we could to each other,
thigh to thigh, and he had his phone in his
pocket and it was vibrating constantly, notifications, just constantly. And
I understand being polite and not pulling your phone out
at dinner and like whatever, but we have children, and
(30:23):
when your phone goes off NonStop, like you check at
some point. At one point he excused himself and went
to the bathroom. In my brain, I was like, he's
checking his phone. Something's off. Didn't say anything. And then
later that night we were on Greg's patio and I
(30:47):
remember looking over at the two of them talking and
initially it's like, Oh, I'm so glad Greg is really
important to me close to me.
Speaker 5 (30:57):
And then Greg asking more questions, and there were some
questions that came up where we were sort of shooting
looks at each other across the table, like, well, that's
different than anything that I've heard you tell me before.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
He brought up his time in the military, and then
Greg just is Greg, and he dives deep into whoever
he's talking to. He really tries to get to know people.
So he was asking him questions about his time in
the military, why he left his work, about his ex wife,
and it's really for Greg about getting to know somebody closely.
(31:36):
Canaan fell into that conversation so comfortably with Greg that
we ended up talking for a couple hours that night.
My daughter Brie remembered the details and.
Speaker 7 (31:48):
It got into more of the specifics of her dying
and the drug abuse, and Greg was doing the light
oh if this is too much. It was dating into
light some pretty light intense details about like going through
addiction and hating to deal with that and deal with
that with his son around her addiction. I mean, there
was a lot of It was a long time that
(32:09):
we were talking about it, they were descriptive stories, like
there was a lot of depth to it. I mean,
I think we were in the living room talking for
like another hour or two after dinner, and I remember
feeling like it was heavy and feeling like it was intense.
I think I was jumping in and talked to write
about it too, just I mean, that's that's why my
relationship ended previously, was drug abuse and use and kind
(32:31):
of things around that. So I remember us stating to
really a deep, kind of personal level about those issues.
Speaker 6 (32:39):
The story that Canaan was telling in that moment was
not the same story that I had heard before. The
details of the story that he was telling were different
than he had told me previously, and it was similar
enough that it made sense, But I also started questioning
(33:02):
the story he told me, or which story do I believe.
I remember watching Canaan and Greg talking, and Canaan's everything
started to change, how he was sitting, how he was
(33:23):
crossing his legs, his tone in his voice, and he
started mirroring Greg. And it was incredible to watch, and
it didn't make any sense to me because it wasn't
how he had ever talked to me, I had never
(33:44):
seen this side of him that with the phone and
sort of some of the other stuff was for sure,
the first time that I really started questioning all of
it that entire trip was when he just unraveled.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
You probably think The Stories About You is a production
of Large Media. That's La r J Media. Our executive
producer is Britney Ard. Our showrunner is Sid Gladou. Creative
direction by Tina nol. Our associate producer is Kareem Kiltau.
Sound engineering by Chris Young and Sean Simmons. Graphic design
by Nigella Shama, opening theme by youth Star, and miscellaneous.
(34:39):
If you want to know more about Britt, follow her
on social media. You can find her at Britney dot
Ard on all platforms. If you like what we're doing,
don't forget to hit that follow button wherever you're listening
to this podcast right now, and also give us a
rate or review on Apple Podcast or Spotify
Family Secrets News
Host
Dani Shapiro
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