August 15, 2024 • 21 mins
With age comes growing pains, especially as women. We talk about the difficult balancing act of feminists beliefs, beauty and aging standards, personal desires and confidence.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to stuff I've
never told you, but actually I heard you.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And welcome to a happy hour where I'm just gonna
be unhappy. We'll call it a and wine, but I
don't have a wine and noother do just Anie, Oh,
but on wine a little bit, uh, and we're gonna
do all the things, uh Anie. Before we start, are
you partaking of anything refreshing?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I am taking. I am drinking a light beer, as
you called it, a warm beer, because we've been in
here recording for a minute. But it's still it's still
got its temperature. It's still got its temperature.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
It's got a temperature.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
It's cool, it's not warm.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I am drinking on some bubbly water because we are
frantically trying to get a lot of recordings, a peek
behind the curtain before we head out to do a panel,
actually getting out there in the world and reminding people
that we exist in the podcasting world, which is a
whole thing, and honestly it is a catalyst to what
(01:23):
we're talking about today. So if you are particular of anything,
please do so responsibly. You know what we mean by that.
We are not currently being sponsored by anything we are
necessarily talking about, but just as an FYI, if you
happen to be in DC and participating in a podcast movement,
we're gonna be there.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yay.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
The last time we went to do this was pre pandemic,
So this is gonna be like a reminder of what
we used to be like, except for the fact that
I have and I think any you would probably agree,
become a more introverted and awkward. And I'm assuming you
were kind of there with me.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were. I mean, honestly, we were
pretty awkward at the last one, but that was just
our vibe.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
This is.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Because you were what that dance you kept doing?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
What is wrong with me?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
I was doing that the entire time, wasn't I You
were and I we were just I remember when they
kept people would come over to us and it was
clear they were trying to make conversation and we would
just kind of stare at them awkwardly. Yes, so I
feel like we were awkward, but we were better than
this what we're going to be now.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yes, so yeah, so we are getting prepared to do that.
So we are not doing a Sex and the City
viewing today. Apologies it will be back, and y'all know
once again as a reminder, we're trying to find a guest,
one of you amazing listeners to come and hang out
with us. We've got several names, but if you want
to your name to this list of possibilities to join us,
(03:04):
please do so. We'll tell you at the end of
this episode how to do that. All you need is
really a good internet connection and or okay internet connection
and maybe headphones and then an email to talk to
a producer who does amazing things. All of that to
say it is coming back, But for now, I'm going
to talk about how anxious I am about making appearances
(03:28):
once again, especially feeling like I have aged a lot
in the past two years. And I say this as
a person who is truly trying to accept aging. I
really didn't think I would be one of those people
who would get hit into panic mode. But I kind
of have hit that panic mode to the point. As
(03:48):
we've talked about when it comes to self esteem, weight,
just looks in general, and not my not being white,
all of those things. Being Asian, there's so much panic
that I feel like I'm having right now in prepping
not only being in front of people, which we're not
going to have that many people that we're talking to, Like, honestly,
(04:09):
we're anticipating a little crowd, not much of a crowd.
But the nervousness in just thinking about it, being seen,
being judged, being looked at is really really unnerving, to
the point that I have been grinding my teeth extra
hard and trying to find quick solutions to change myself,
which is really really really anti feminist in my mind,
(04:33):
you know, like this level of conversation that we've had
about are we feminist? Is is bad feminism? I am
I a hypocrite for doing these things I've looked at
looking at anti aging things because I don't know what
has happened. Again, it could be the pandemic, It could
just be in my mind. I don't think it is,
but like so many things that I wish I could
fix or turn back in so many ways. And it
(04:55):
also has to do with my body image. It also
has to do with again, like I feel like I'm
starting to get these bags, these SAgs. It's not cute.
And I swore up and down what five years ago,
I would never be this person, this would not be me.
I will not be the person who will look into
spending extra money to change myself because society right wrong.
(05:22):
Like that's the best way I can say it. There's
so much pressure I feel like in being the perfect
feminists and being the perfect woman, in being the perfect intersectionalist,
and being the perfect Asian person in order to represent
these things that is really really a mindful like I
(05:43):
can't describe it as anything else, and wanting to do
a good job in not only representing those marginalized people
who are in the same categories I'll say it that
way as I am, but also trying to do this
in a way that I'm like, i am a healthy
individual with great confidence, but I'm not too confident that
(06:07):
I'm narcissistic and ecocentric. Look at me, I am humble enough,
Like those are the titles that I feel like in
order to represent anything that we have to have, And
so I am really struggling right now and trying to
bypass that into them, which is what I was really
hoping that I would jump into. Getting older, Like there's
parts of my personality that I am Yes this, I
(06:30):
am too old for this, So trying to measure and
balance those and at the same time trying to treat
myself okay, that I'm not going to have a full
fledged panic attack, which I have already contacted physicians, and
being like I need medication, give me as a person
(06:50):
who doesn't typically take medications, I like, no, I need it.
I need it immediately because I am in anxiety mode
for some pay of these things and any I've already
(07:11):
gone to get my facial and I have not gotten
the answers that I want. There's so many things that
I'm trying to figure out that I can do that
doesn't feel like I'm crossing my own boundaries or maybe
and again this is we've talked about this before, but
like why can't we if it gives us more confidence
or if it's healthy for us, like we're doing it
(07:32):
in a healthy manner, but it still feels like we're
being hypocrites, you know what I'm saying. So like, I
have never done botox, I have never done any type
of surgical stuff. I have never like I actually did
try to do a survey about whether or not I
would be interested. I have never been the type of
person who would spend money on that stuff. Have I
spent money on topical things? Yes, way too much money.
(07:57):
Like I'm scared to look at if I were to
sit down to write how many products that I have
bought in the last three years, Like, I have a
feeling that would put me in a shame spiral. So
I can't. I can't do that to myself because there
are so many things that I'm like believing on TikTok.
It's not TikTok's fault, is my self esteem of like
(08:17):
these will fix these things I've heard like Gauasha and
all these things, and I have tried all these things.
Some of this just makes my feel like face feel better,
So I'm like, yeah, I'll do that. But like I
have realized that I have fallen into the trap of
spending so much money in corporate world for these products,
hoping to change and have an outcome that will change
(08:39):
things that are just natural. But it's hard to accept
it as natural. And again this is compounded by the
guilt of wanting this a that I can't naturally be this,
uh be feeling like that if I don't try something
like this, and if I don't succeed in something like this,
I'm going to be judged for it. See, if I
(09:01):
do succeed in something like this, and if I'm not honest,
then I'm a hypocrite. D If I am honest is
succeeding in these things, I'm a hypocrite. You know, Like
all of these things feel like such a layered part
of our conversation and aging as women, aging as a
(09:22):
marginalized person, aging in an industry that you are seen,
like you have to be seen, whether or not I
would don't Like I have come upon the realization that
as a kid, when I wanted to be a star,
like I really thought I could be an acting or singing,
(09:43):
to this point of realizing, I would have not survived
that industry because the level of criticism, the level of trolls,
the level of people. No matter what you do, what
opinion you made, if you were a blank slate, you're
always going to be judged, and even more so when
you have compounding layers of being a marginalized person. So
(10:08):
this level of like being seen now, which I'm not
even really we're not even not to undermine all the
work that's happened, but you know, we're not number one
category of women's podcasting. Let's be very very honest. We
work hard, we try to get great information, we try
(10:29):
to be as entertaining as possible, and we try to
be accurate and informative. But that doesn't necessarily mean that
we are the most famous podcasters, you know what I mean? Like, so,
like I'm not writing in that, but just being seen
by the few people who we love and who we
are connected with is amazing. But that also comes the
(10:49):
realization we are seen that people see us, and I'm like,
oh god, what does that mean? Yeah? You know, So
with that responsibility of people with good information, correct information,
being as honest as we can be and vulnerable as
(11:09):
we can be within our own healthy limits, it's really
hard to find those boundaries and not question all of
these things that I have and like going back and
forth of like, Okay, if I do this thing, am
I hypocrite? Okay? If I do these things? Am I
(11:32):
being anti feminists?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
If I think these things or change things these things
about me? Am I hating myself? Or am I calling?
Am I being fat phobic? Am I being agist? Am
I being anti Asian? Like There's so many things that
feel like come into play when it's just a simple
panel that we're going for thirty minutes, y'all thirty minutes long,
(12:01):
and like coming out and having this as a catalyst,
and also there's a couple of other things that may
be projects in the future having me break down, because
that means I have to be seen and I can't
just sit in my hole, slash my house and never leave.
Like but when I see the mirror and see myself
(12:23):
and see myself aging and changing, which is completely natural,
but realizing I don't love aging and I don't love
the sagging, and I laugh because I don't want to cry.
But there are so many things like is do I
(12:46):
do something about it? Or maybe it is a psychological
thing that I need to go back to therapy about
because I need to undo these ideas about myself. You know,
there's like that could be just the underlying thing, but
there's so many pieces to this that as I ramble on,
it feels hard to undo and it feels hard to
(13:07):
reconnect all these things in a healthy manner.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah, I mean it is. That's That's one of the
I have found hardest things about being an intersexual feminist
is those questions you always have to interrogate, Okay, why
am I doing this? Maybe it is like not the
(13:32):
most feminist thing, but no one can be the perfect feminist.
And then you're weighing that, and then because we're on
this show, you feel even more like, well, I can't
be preaching this and then off the side doing this,
and so then you have to be open about it.
You don't have to, but I feel like it should
(13:53):
be generally right unless it's like a real strict boundary.
It's difficult. It's difficult when it's because we all grew
up with these experiences wherever you grew up. It's hard
to untangle what is just a negative thing that you've
(14:17):
been taught versus something you might just want, versus like,
maybe it was a negative behavior you've been taught, but
this will make you feel better. And at the end
of the day, there are worse things, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I know, I feel like we live in a society
where we have to choose the lesser evil and in comparison,
but also fails cross too.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It does, it does. I've had stances where I've thought
of doing something I very briefly thought about a long
time ago, getting a liposection. Yeah, and I the reason
(15:10):
I didn't is because one we've talked about this. I'm
terrified at being put under and I'm terrified people take
a video of me. Yeah, But two, I was like,
if that comes out and I want to feminish show
brush in that's.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
The end of us. Like we've talked about some things
when we were writing books and like we can't have
this or that will just be like the controversy in this.
We've had so many conversations because there's so much layered
responsibility and we don't take that lightly. And I think
that's the other big part to this is like we
I don't know, maybe it's a Libra in me, but
I have to be balanced and honest, like I cannot
(15:47):
not do it, which is odd because I think growing
up I was probably a reactive attachment, which is all
about trying to look like you're completely independent but also
getting what you want, so kind of in that level.
But now that I've kind of let that go and
went through all the therapies and trying to find a
balance and healthy attachments and all of that, I come
(16:08):
to gum to the other end of like I want
to be truly honest, like I really want it's going
to always be in the back of my head that
I'm a liar, or that I'm the hypocrite like I
will I will punish myself or I will judge myself
more than others in reality and respect. But again it's
because and I think this is just like is the
(16:31):
value of our listeners. They can read us really well,
so I think in that and I think they would
know if we were dishonest, if we were being hypocritical.
And to that point again, because we have very smart listeners,
and that's part of that reality. You and I from
(16:51):
Jump and I'm pretty sure you probably were firm even
before we understood what we wanted to be in this
podcast is honest and upfront and real and realistic. Like
that's that other part because in all fairness, humanity is flawed,
which is why so many bad things have happened. But
(17:12):
we also want to be the ones that are a
part of fixing it, correcting it, and bettering it. I mean,
that was the intent in my job in general, like
like in general. But I can still also look back
on that time and knowing all the mistakes that I've made,
and there's a lot of guilt and thinking that I
was making good decisions, that I was making choices that
(17:35):
were for the better, you know, so that this is
just like underlying panic of all of this. And yes,
again this is partially triggered by the fact that I'm
going to be in public. Like I can't tell you,
like it's significant for us, but for in reality it's
not that big of a deal. But it has made
(17:57):
me go onto this panic, which you and I were like,
and I think I'm the one who was like, we
need to get out there more. I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You were I was like really, I mean, you were right,
but it was I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, so these were all the things that I'm like untying,
I guess and rifling through as we are approaching very
quickly again y'all, so you'll be listening to this if
you listen to this on the day of the release,
it is that following Monday. This following Monday that we
will be going. So today we're recording it being released
(18:40):
on August fifteenth of twenty twenty four, that following Monday
will be in DC. If y'all are around, let us know,
I'll at us. But trying to make ourselves known and
hopefully give good advice for others. Who want to be
in podcasting, and you know, we love bringing people into
the podcasting world. The more women the better, the more
or marginalized people the better. We need all of the
(19:03):
voices to make this intersectional and this medium is still
going strong and that's something important. So oh, for those
of y'all who think that you've got to handle on
things that I am talking about, send me some advice
because I'm struggling.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yes, yea of me too. Also, as always, I feel
like we talked about this in are Are We Bad Feminists?
We did it multiple times, but we've talked about it
in several episodes. Anyway, it can look different ways whatever.
(19:50):
It's the choice that matters and the whether or not
you're doing it. But I do think asking why you're
doing something is important. So you're that's a good You're there, somemtha.
You're starting the question, yeah, which I think is very
very important and like why are you doing something? I
think it's important. So, yes, listeners, if you have any
(20:12):
thoughts about this, If any of you do are at
podcast movement, reach out, come to our panel Tuesday the
twentieth at three ish three thirty ish. It's called Better
Banter our friend Eves is gonna be there. It's her
idea from female First, so it'll be really good. It's
about having a good conversation with your co host, So yeah,
(20:35):
come check that out if you happen to be there,
and if you have any thoughts about this, please enter
our Sex and the City contest if you're interested. We're
hoping to do that soon. You can do that in
many ways. You can emails Stepanie mom stuff at iHeartMedia
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mostap podcast,
or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff when Never Told You.
(20:57):
We're also on YouTube. We have a Tapolist store and
we have a book you can get wherever you get
your books. Thanks as always too, our super producer Christina,
Executiveroducer May and our contruder Joey. Thank you and thanks
see you for listening. Steffan Never Told You is protection
of my Heart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,
you can check out the Heart Radio, Apple podcast or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to stuff I've
never told you, but actually I heard you.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And welcome to a happy hour where I'm just gonna
be unhappy. We'll call it a and wine, but I
don't have a wine and noother do just Anie, Oh,
but on wine a little bit, uh, and we're gonna
do all the things, uh Anie. Before we start, are
you partaking of anything refreshing?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I am taking. I am drinking a light beer, as
you called it, a warm beer, because we've been in
here recording for a minute. But it's still it's still
got its temperature. It's still got its temperature.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
It's got a temperature.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
It's cool, it's not warm.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I am drinking on some bubbly water because we are
frantically trying to get a lot of recordings, a peek
behind the curtain before we head out to do a panel,
actually getting out there in the world and reminding people
that we exist in the podcasting world, which is a
whole thing, and honestly it is a catalyst to what
(01:23):
we're talking about today. So if you are particular of anything,
please do so responsibly. You know what we mean by that.
We are not currently being sponsored by anything we are
necessarily talking about, but just as an FYI, if you
happen to be in DC and participating in a podcast movement,
we're gonna be there.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yay.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
The last time we went to do this was pre pandemic,
So this is gonna be like a reminder of what
we used to be like, except for the fact that
I have and I think any you would probably agree,
become a more introverted and awkward. And I'm assuming you
were kind of there with me.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were. I mean, honestly, we were
pretty awkward at the last one, but that was just
our vibe.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
This is.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Because you were what that dance you kept doing?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
What is wrong with me?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
I was doing that the entire time, wasn't I You
were and I we were just I remember when they
kept people would come over to us and it was
clear they were trying to make conversation and we would
just kind of stare at them awkwardly. Yes, so I
feel like we were awkward, but we were better than
this what we're going to be now.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Yes, so yeah, so we are getting prepared to do that.
So we are not doing a Sex and the City
viewing today. Apologies it will be back, and y'all know
once again as a reminder, we're trying to find a guest,
one of you amazing listeners to come and hang out
with us. We've got several names, but if you want
to your name to this list of possibilities to join us,
(03:04):
please do so. We'll tell you at the end of
this episode how to do that. All you need is
really a good internet connection and or okay internet connection
and maybe headphones and then an email to talk to
a producer who does amazing things. All of that to
say it is coming back, But for now, I'm going
to talk about how anxious I am about making appearances
(03:28):
once again, especially feeling like I have aged a lot
in the past two years. And I say this as
a person who is truly trying to accept aging. I
really didn't think I would be one of those people
who would get hit into panic mode. But I kind
of have hit that panic mode to the point. As
(03:48):
we've talked about when it comes to self esteem, weight,
just looks in general, and not my not being white,
all of those things. Being Asian, there's so much panic
that I feel like I'm having right now in prepping
not only being in front of people, which we're not
going to have that many people that we're talking to, Like, honestly,
(04:09):
we're anticipating a little crowd, not much of a crowd.
But the nervousness in just thinking about it, being seen,
being judged, being looked at is really really unnerving, to
the point that I have been grinding my teeth extra
hard and trying to find quick solutions to change myself,
which is really really really anti feminist in my mind,
(04:33):
you know, like this level of conversation that we've had
about are we feminist? Is is bad feminism? I am
I a hypocrite for doing these things I've looked at
looking at anti aging things because I don't know what
has happened. Again, it could be the pandemic, It could
just be in my mind. I don't think it is,
but like so many things that I wish I could
fix or turn back in so many ways. And it
(04:55):
also has to do with my body image. It also
has to do with again, like I feel like I'm
starting to get these bags, these SAgs. It's not cute.
And I swore up and down what five years ago,
I would never be this person, this would not be me.
I will not be the person who will look into
spending extra money to change myself because society right wrong.
(05:22):
Like that's the best way I can say it. There's
so much pressure I feel like in being the perfect
feminists and being the perfect woman, in being the perfect intersectionalist,
and being the perfect Asian person in order to represent
these things that is really really a mindful like I
(05:43):
can't describe it as anything else, and wanting to do
a good job in not only representing those marginalized people
who are in the same categories I'll say it that
way as I am, but also trying to do this
in a way that I'm like, i am a healthy
individual with great confidence, but I'm not too confident that
(06:07):
I'm narcissistic and ecocentric. Look at me, I am humble enough,
Like those are the titles that I feel like in
order to represent anything that we have to have, And
so I am really struggling right now and trying to
bypass that into them, which is what I was really
hoping that I would jump into. Getting older, Like there's
parts of my personality that I am Yes this, I
(06:30):
am too old for this, So trying to measure and
balance those and at the same time trying to treat
myself okay, that I'm not going to have a full
fledged panic attack, which I have already contacted physicians, and
being like I need medication, give me as a person
(06:50):
who doesn't typically take medications, I like, no, I need it.
I need it immediately because I am in anxiety mode
for some pay of these things and any I've already
(07:11):
gone to get my facial and I have not gotten
the answers that I want. There's so many things that
I'm trying to figure out that I can do that
doesn't feel like I'm crossing my own boundaries or maybe
and again this is we've talked about this before, but
like why can't we if it gives us more confidence
or if it's healthy for us, like we're doing it
(07:32):
in a healthy manner, but it still feels like we're
being hypocrites, you know what I'm saying. So like, I
have never done botox, I have never done any type
of surgical stuff. I have never like I actually did
try to do a survey about whether or not I
would be interested. I have never been the type of
person who would spend money on that stuff. Have I
spent money on topical things? Yes, way too much money.
(07:57):
Like I'm scared to look at if I were to
sit down to write how many products that I have
bought in the last three years, Like, I have a
feeling that would put me in a shame spiral. So
I can't. I can't do that to myself because there
are so many things that I'm like believing on TikTok.
It's not TikTok's fault, is my self esteem of like
(08:17):
these will fix these things I've heard like Gauasha and
all these things, and I have tried all these things.
Some of this just makes my feel like face feel better,
So I'm like, yeah, I'll do that. But like I
have realized that I have fallen into the trap of
spending so much money in corporate world for these products,
hoping to change and have an outcome that will change
(08:39):
things that are just natural. But it's hard to accept
it as natural. And again this is compounded by the
guilt of wanting this a that I can't naturally be this,
uh be feeling like that if I don't try something
like this, and if I don't succeed in something like this,
I'm going to be judged for it. See, if I
(09:01):
do succeed in something like this, and if I'm not honest,
then I'm a hypocrite. D If I am honest is
succeeding in these things, I'm a hypocrite. You know, Like
all of these things feel like such a layered part
of our conversation and aging as women, aging as a
(09:22):
marginalized person, aging in an industry that you are seen,
like you have to be seen, whether or not I
would don't Like I have come upon the realization that
as a kid, when I wanted to be a star,
like I really thought I could be an acting or singing,
(09:43):
to this point of realizing, I would have not survived
that industry because the level of criticism, the level of trolls,
the level of people. No matter what you do, what
opinion you made, if you were a blank slate, you're
always going to be judged, and even more so when
you have compounding layers of being a marginalized person. So
(10:08):
this level of like being seen now, which I'm not
even really we're not even not to undermine all the
work that's happened, but you know, we're not number one
category of women's podcasting. Let's be very very honest. We
work hard, we try to get great information, we try
(10:29):
to be as entertaining as possible, and we try to
be accurate and informative. But that doesn't necessarily mean that
we are the most famous podcasters, you know what I mean? Like, so,
like I'm not writing in that, but just being seen
by the few people who we love and who we
are connected with is amazing. But that also comes the
(10:49):
realization we are seen that people see us, and I'm like,
oh god, what does that mean? Yeah? You know, So
with that responsibility of people with good information, correct information,
being as honest as we can be and vulnerable as
(11:09):
we can be within our own healthy limits, it's really
hard to find those boundaries and not question all of
these things that I have and like going back and
forth of like, Okay, if I do this thing, am
I hypocrite? Okay? If I do these things? Am I
(11:32):
being anti feminists?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
If I think these things or change things these things
about me? Am I hating myself? Or am I calling?
Am I being fat phobic? Am I being agist? Am
I being anti Asian? Like There's so many things that
feel like come into play when it's just a simple
panel that we're going for thirty minutes, y'all thirty minutes long,
(12:01):
and like coming out and having this as a catalyst,
and also there's a couple of other things that may
be projects in the future having me break down, because
that means I have to be seen and I can't
just sit in my hole, slash my house and never leave.
Like but when I see the mirror and see myself
(12:23):
and see myself aging and changing, which is completely natural,
but realizing I don't love aging and I don't love
the sagging, and I laugh because I don't want to cry.
But there are so many things like is do I
(12:46):
do something about it? Or maybe it is a psychological
thing that I need to go back to therapy about
because I need to undo these ideas about myself. You know,
there's like that could be just the underlying thing, but
there's so many pieces to this that as I ramble on,
it feels hard to undo and it feels hard to
(13:07):
reconnect all these things in a healthy manner.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Yeah, I mean it is. That's That's one of the
I have found hardest things about being an intersexual feminist
is those questions you always have to interrogate, Okay, why
am I doing this? Maybe it is like not the
(13:32):
most feminist thing, but no one can be the perfect feminist.
And then you're weighing that, and then because we're on
this show, you feel even more like, well, I can't
be preaching this and then off the side doing this,
and so then you have to be open about it.
You don't have to, but I feel like it should
(13:53):
be generally right unless it's like a real strict boundary.
It's difficult. It's difficult when it's because we all grew
up with these experiences wherever you grew up. It's hard
to untangle what is just a negative thing that you've
(14:17):
been taught versus something you might just want, versus like,
maybe it was a negative behavior you've been taught, but
this will make you feel better. And at the end
of the day, there are worse things, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I know, I feel like we live in a society
where we have to choose the lesser evil and in comparison,
but also fails cross too.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It does, it does. I've had stances where I've thought
of doing something I very briefly thought about a long
time ago, getting a liposection. Yeah, and I the reason
(15:10):
I didn't is because one we've talked about this. I'm
terrified at being put under and I'm terrified people take
a video of me. Yeah, But two, I was like,
if that comes out and I want to feminish show
brush in that's.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
The end of us. Like we've talked about some things
when we were writing books and like we can't have
this or that will just be like the controversy in this.
We've had so many conversations because there's so much layered
responsibility and we don't take that lightly. And I think
that's the other big part to this is like we
I don't know, maybe it's a Libra in me, but
I have to be balanced and honest, like I cannot
(15:47):
not do it, which is odd because I think growing
up I was probably a reactive attachment, which is all
about trying to look like you're completely independent but also
getting what you want, so kind of in that level.
But now that I've kind of let that go and
went through all the therapies and trying to find a
balance and healthy attachments and all of that, I come
(16:08):
to gum to the other end of like I want
to be truly honest, like I really want it's going
to always be in the back of my head that
I'm a liar, or that I'm the hypocrite like I
will I will punish myself or I will judge myself
more than others in reality and respect. But again it's
because and I think this is just like is the
(16:31):
value of our listeners. They can read us really well,
so I think in that and I think they would
know if we were dishonest, if we were being hypocritical.
And to that point again, because we have very smart listeners,
and that's part of that reality. You and I from
(16:51):
Jump and I'm pretty sure you probably were firm even
before we understood what we wanted to be in this
podcast is honest and upfront and real and realistic. Like
that's that other part because in all fairness, humanity is flawed,
which is why so many bad things have happened. But
(17:12):
we also want to be the ones that are a
part of fixing it, correcting it, and bettering it. I mean,
that was the intent in my job in general, like
like in general. But I can still also look back
on that time and knowing all the mistakes that I've made,
and there's a lot of guilt and thinking that I
was making good decisions, that I was making choices that
(17:35):
were for the better, you know, so that this is
just like underlying panic of all of this. And yes,
again this is partially triggered by the fact that I'm
going to be in public. Like I can't tell you,
like it's significant for us, but for in reality it's
not that big of a deal. But it has made
(17:57):
me go onto this panic, which you and I were like,
and I think I'm the one who was like, we
need to get out there more. I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You were I was like really, I mean, you were right,
but it was I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, so these were all the things that I'm like untying,
I guess and rifling through as we are approaching very
quickly again y'all, so you'll be listening to this if
you listen to this on the day of the release,
it is that following Monday. This following Monday that we
will be going. So today we're recording it being released
(18:40):
on August fifteenth of twenty twenty four, that following Monday
will be in DC. If y'all are around, let us know,
I'll at us. But trying to make ourselves known and
hopefully give good advice for others. Who want to be
in podcasting, and you know, we love bringing people into
the podcasting world. The more women the better, the more
or marginalized people the better. We need all of the
(19:03):
voices to make this intersectional and this medium is still
going strong and that's something important. So oh, for those
of y'all who think that you've got to handle on
things that I am talking about, send me some advice
because I'm struggling.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Yes, yea of me too. Also, as always, I feel
like we talked about this in are Are We Bad Feminists?
We did it multiple times, but we've talked about it
in several episodes. Anyway, it can look different ways whatever.
(19:50):
It's the choice that matters and the whether or not
you're doing it. But I do think asking why you're
doing something is important. So you're that's a good You're there, somemtha.
You're starting the question, yeah, which I think is very
very important and like why are you doing something? I
think it's important. So, yes, listeners, if you have any
(20:12):
thoughts about this, If any of you do are at
podcast movement, reach out, come to our panel Tuesday the
twentieth at three ish three thirty ish. It's called Better
Banter our friend Eves is gonna be there. It's her
idea from female First, so it'll be really good. It's
about having a good conversation with your co host, So yeah,
(20:35):
come check that out if you happen to be there,
and if you have any thoughts about this, please enter
our Sex and the City contest if you're interested. We're
hoping to do that soon. You can do that in
many ways. You can emails Stepanie mom stuff at iHeartMedia
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mostap podcast,
or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff when Never Told You.
(20:57):
We're also on YouTube. We have a Tapolist store and
we have a book you can get wherever you get
your books. Thanks as always too, our super producer Christina,
Executiveroducer May and our contruder Joey. Thank you and thanks
see you for listening. Steffan Never Told You is protection
of my Heart Radio. For more podcast from my Heart Radio,
you can check out the Heart Radio, Apple podcast or
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Stuff Mom Never Told You News
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