May 8, 2023 • 13 mins
Sometimes it is hard to put things into words. Anney dishes on her recent and ongoing fridge drama, and what it has to do with gender differences.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
I'll never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today I'm
just gonna talk about what's been going on that has
delayed my schedules so much for this Monday many. But
(00:28):
it actually was an idea I've had for a while,
and it does involve some generalizations and stereotypes around gender.
I'll just say that a lot of this is my
anecdotal experience, so I will put that at the front
because I've had this idea. We've talked about it before
of like when dudes just don't get it, they just
(00:49):
don't get it, and we've talked about it before of like,
you know, I've had moments with dudes where they're like,
I tell them I'm going to cross the street, I'd
rather cross this side of the street. I know I'll
get cat called on this side of the street and
they're shocked. Like we've talked about that. We've talked about
how a lot of my guy friends, your guy friends
(01:09):
have had the moment of you know, no, when we
go to a club and we reject a guy, it
becomes this like we've talked about, sort of grows things. Today,
I wanted to talk about something else come but that
is related to that. Because I am listeners, I'm in
the midst of like refrigerator drama to the likes you
(01:31):
would not believe. I mean, this has been a six
month ordeal.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
It surely has.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It has. It's the reason our scheduling, our episodes have
been so haphazard this week because of this part.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Of the part of the reason, not completely.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
But part of the reason, but a big part of
the reason. And Derk my very special Star Wars we
go on top of that. But I just I I
have been without a working fridge for about five months.
It was working okay, but it was like not working,
and I hesitated to contact my landlord for a lot
(02:10):
of reasons. And what is happening now is one of
the big ones is that it becomes a whole thing
and it just impacts my schedule so much. But another
reason is something where I've talked about before, like I
don't want to bother anybody. I don't want to bother you.
(02:31):
I'll just I'll just I'm making do it's fine, right,
you know, that kind of mentality that I think that
a lot of women do experience. But it's Also, I
feel like I've had several experiences in my life where
I've had a moment where you don't want to say
(02:51):
something aloud to somebody and you're hoping they'll pick up
on your cues right like please, and it's become this
thing where I'm like, oh, he doesn't get it. And
one of the one of the first times that happened
was I was traveling with a group of people. I
think I was a freshman in college, and it was
kind of evenly split between men and women, and we
(03:14):
were we had like a host who was guiding us
through these things, and I really liked him, but half
of the group didn't. Kind of the nature of when
somebody's telling me what to do in some way. But
I needed to do laundry and he knew it and
(03:35):
he needed to do laundry, and I was like, Okay,
we'll just do laundry together. And then all the like
other women in the group were like, you're gonna do
laundry with him. He's gonna see all your underwear and
all this stuff, and I was like, oh no, I
didn't think about this, and so then I had to
backtrack and I was like, oh, I don't really need
to do laundry. I'll do it later because I was
(03:57):
kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear. Whether I
should have been or not, but I was. And then
I had a backtracking. It was like, you're being weird,
Like what are you doing? You need to do laundry.
We'll just do laundry. And I was like, it's fine,
it's fine, it's fine, because I didn't want to like
vocalize to this guy I didn't know very well, like
I'm kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear and
(04:18):
now people have made me self conscious about and it
was just a moment where he clearly like did not
get it, and it was very awkward. It was awkward.
And I'm not saying that's all on him at all
because I didn't tell him. I felt like I couldn't
tell him. It was just so it was one of
those things where I was mortified over this quite small
(04:41):
thing that didn't even happen, but then it became a
thing where it was like every time I did laundry,
it was kind of like what happened there? What was
going on? And then like another example is so I'm
having trouble my drains are draining very well, and you're
(05:03):
not supposed to use like products, chemical products in a
building like this because it'll eat the pipes. So I'm
gonna have to, you know, use the old snake and
do it. And someone was like, you should get ear
leonlord to do that, and I was like, well, when
I was a kid, I remember very clearly my dad
did it and he pulled out like this, you know,
(05:26):
lump of hair, slimy lump. And I wasn't even in
the room. He came and found me and showed me
and was like, look at this, this is your hair,
and I was so there, really yes, yes, because it
was gross. Like the fact that he was like kind
of annoyed by it, it really it stuck with me,
(05:52):
and it just became this thing that I'm so anxious
about and like trying to always make sure I didn't
get any hair in the drade and going all these.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
I know, it's not possible, that's not possible, that's silly,
not for you, but that he would try to shame you,
because mine is the same way. Like I've been losing
a lot of hair and I will do my best
to try to not let it go down. But it
does because we have tons of hair and unless you
go to plug up the sink or whatever forever and
then slowly like fish out all the hair every day,
(06:24):
which would take hours of your life.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
No, right, And we're not the only ones. It's just
shorter sometimes.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yes, yes, but it just it did feel very like
this is your fault, you know. Whether I don't think
he intended that. I think he was just annoyed and
it's not fun. But I took it to heart. And
so like the idea of having to deal with my landlord,
I mean I would.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Not call my landlord for that. I never have.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
That's not a but you and I are the same
place of like I don't want to bother Ram, and
so like for me, if I'm calling you as a landlord, yeah,
it's something important like oh the roof might cave in,
Oh this might get be set on fire, like I
don't know, but like outside of that, yeah, Drane, I
don't necessarily think that would be a thing. Although I
(07:15):
think that's where we got have gone wrong, is that
we are self sufficient, and so it's easier to tell
us no ye, because we're more or less like more
or less likely to push push back, and so we
would probably back down and they know that, but they're
more likely to pay attention to those who complained the
loudest we made a mistake.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah. Yeah, Well if I if this was a different
episode and I really wanted to just go into what
was happening in my refrigerator situation, then yes, I agree,
it's not like you.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, very upset for you.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Oh my god. So like that's another aspect of this though,
is the apartment stuff around, because I think what I'm
(08:15):
talking about more what we've talked about before when dudes
don't get it is more of kind of like a
romantic situation or just dating or existing. But I'm a
part of this is more sort of logistical stuff. And
one of the things that's annoyed me a lot lately
is with my landlord, but other people as well, like
he he kind of was frustrated with me because he's like,
(08:36):
I have a chain lock and I just keep it
on all the time because because he was like, why
do you have this lock on? I'm like, why do
you think? But also I bet if I didn't have
it on, then it would be my fault that if
something happens, right and It just was frustrating because I
was like, well, it's kind of a safety thing. It
(08:57):
makes me feel better at the chain on.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
He has it on his building, So why do you
have it if you don't want people to use it?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I know it that makes those sense.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
No, it doesn't. But it's also it reminds me of
so many times when I have to kind of explain
like I don't feel safe for whatever reason.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Right, I mean, this dude has no idea because he
just walks in anyway, and as the time, which is
against the law. By the way, yes, if you're a renter.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah, but that's what I tried to talk about one time.
It's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't like, why
would you think that's a good idea to just walk in?
Speaker 3 (09:39):
But that's the thing is like we are even more
like aware and very suspicious because I think you had
told me he came through, and you didn't know he
came through, and I'm like, you check your apartment for
cameras because that's where I am in life, Like this
is bad. This is a dude who just walked in
without talking to you. That's very very concerning. And also
any person gender, if you just walked in. They're gonna
(10:02):
fight you, or at least be on the defensive, you know, like,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Why did you just walk into my house?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
M Yeah, And I feel like I've had this play
out before, because I was thinking about this, I've actually
this is the first time I've been in a renting situation,
a living situation where I'm kind of responsible for all
this stuff, right, Like for a while, I was mostly
(10:30):
dorms in college, and then I lived with a dude
who I was sort of subletting his apartment, apartment in
his place, so he was taking care of all that.
This is kind of a new so I'm not really
sure in a lot of ways, like what I asked for?
What do I not ask for? What is the expectation?
And I have been living here for a long time,
but I that's that's interesting. But also I feel like
(10:51):
I have been in a situation before with a repair
guy who came in and I was clearly kind of
like on edge about it, and he was like, oh,
I get it. I have I have a daughter and
I don't feel comfortable when dudes come into her place either,
(11:11):
And I was like, I'm not sure this is you're
not making me feel better. I get what you're trying
to do.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
A daughter understand, No, it's all right here.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
We we've heard that so many times of like, well
I have a mom, and I'm like, okay, I know,
but it's just like I don't. I feel like I've
been getting that a lot too from some people of
you know, oh, I get it, you don't feel safe.
I've got a daughter and she used to say, but
I'm like, I don't know, I just okay.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's not tokenizing.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
I mean, it's not the extreme of us, like I
have other Asian friends, but it's sort of I know,
I know women, okay, great, but.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
It's also sort of implying like, oh, I get that
there's a power and balance here and you don't feel safe.
Let me comments on it.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I don't know, Bob come in.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
It's like I said, I get what they're trying to do,
but it's also like no, it's not it's not. And
then they'll last for your numbers sometimes, which just happened
to me too, and then you're like.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Oh, yeah, yeah, anybody in access like that. When I
will live in an apartment. The dude hitting on me
was a maintenance dude, and I was like, oh, I
do not feel safe mm hmmm, because you have keys
to my place.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Exactly exactly, I don't know. I just had a lot,
a lot on my mind about this.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yes, it's been a six month thing.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It has, it has, and I've been I hope so
today fingers cross, fingers cross. Who knows, six months from now,
I might be back with another update about this.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
You get a house.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Your message has heard loud and c well. Thank you
for letting me rance a little bit and share my
sort of messy thoughts about this, And as always, if
you have any messy thoughts about this, you can email
us at stephaniea mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
(13:21):
on Instagram and TikTok at Stepmom've Never Told You. You
can also find us on YouTube, and we have a
book at stuff you should read Books dot com. You
can pre order it there. Thanks as always to our
super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Thank you very much, and thanks to you for listening
Stuff Whenever Told Me his production of iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts on my heart Radio. You can check out the
iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
(13:42):
your favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
I'll never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today I'm
just gonna talk about what's been going on that has
delayed my schedules so much for this Monday many. But
(00:28):
it actually was an idea I've had for a while,
and it does involve some generalizations and stereotypes around gender.
I'll just say that a lot of this is my
anecdotal experience, so I will put that at the front
because I've had this idea. We've talked about it before
of like when dudes just don't get it, they just
(00:49):
don't get it, and we've talked about it before of like,
you know, I've had moments with dudes where they're like,
I tell them I'm going to cross the street, I'd
rather cross this side of the street. I know I'll
get cat called on this side of the street and
they're shocked. Like we've talked about that. We've talked about
how a lot of my guy friends, your guy friends
(01:09):
have had the moment of you know, no, when we
go to a club and we reject a guy, it
becomes this like we've talked about, sort of grows things. Today,
I wanted to talk about something else come but that
is related to that. Because I am listeners, I'm in
the midst of like refrigerator drama to the likes you
(01:31):
would not believe. I mean, this has been a six
month ordeal.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
It surely has.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It has. It's the reason our scheduling, our episodes have
been so haphazard this week because of this part.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Of the part of the reason, not completely.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
But part of the reason, but a big part of
the reason. And Derk my very special Star Wars we
go on top of that. But I just I I
have been without a working fridge for about five months.
It was working okay, but it was like not working,
and I hesitated to contact my landlord for a lot
(02:10):
of reasons. And what is happening now is one of
the big ones is that it becomes a whole thing
and it just impacts my schedule so much. But another
reason is something where I've talked about before, like I
don't want to bother anybody. I don't want to bother you.
(02:31):
I'll just I'll just I'm making do it's fine, right,
you know, that kind of mentality that I think that
a lot of women do experience. But it's Also, I
feel like I've had several experiences in my life where
I've had a moment where you don't want to say
(02:51):
something aloud to somebody and you're hoping they'll pick up
on your cues right like please, and it's become this
thing where I'm like, oh, he doesn't get it. And
one of the one of the first times that happened
was I was traveling with a group of people. I
think I was a freshman in college, and it was
kind of evenly split between men and women, and we
(03:14):
were we had like a host who was guiding us
through these things, and I really liked him, but half
of the group didn't. Kind of the nature of when
somebody's telling me what to do in some way. But
I needed to do laundry and he knew it and
(03:35):
he needed to do laundry, and I was like, Okay,
we'll just do laundry together. And then all the like
other women in the group were like, you're gonna do
laundry with him. He's gonna see all your underwear and
all this stuff, and I was like, oh no, I
didn't think about this, and so then I had to
backtrack and I was like, oh, I don't really need
to do laundry. I'll do it later because I was
(03:57):
kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear. Whether I
should have been or not, but I was. And then
I had a backtracking. It was like, you're being weird,
Like what are you doing? You need to do laundry.
We'll just do laundry. And I was like, it's fine,
it's fine, it's fine, because I didn't want to like
vocalize to this guy I didn't know very well, like
I'm kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear and
(04:18):
now people have made me self conscious about and it
was just a moment where he clearly like did not
get it, and it was very awkward. It was awkward.
And I'm not saying that's all on him at all
because I didn't tell him. I felt like I couldn't
tell him. It was just so it was one of
those things where I was mortified over this quite small
(04:41):
thing that didn't even happen, but then it became a
thing where it was like every time I did laundry,
it was kind of like what happened there? What was
going on? And then like another example is so I'm
having trouble my drains are draining very well, and you're
(05:03):
not supposed to use like products, chemical products in a
building like this because it'll eat the pipes. So I'm
gonna have to, you know, use the old snake and
do it. And someone was like, you should get ear
leonlord to do that, and I was like, well, when
I was a kid, I remember very clearly my dad
did it and he pulled out like this, you know,
(05:26):
lump of hair, slimy lump. And I wasn't even in
the room. He came and found me and showed me
and was like, look at this, this is your hair,
and I was so there, really yes, yes, because it
was gross. Like the fact that he was like kind
of annoyed by it, it really it stuck with me,
(05:52):
and it just became this thing that I'm so anxious
about and like trying to always make sure I didn't
get any hair in the drade and going all these.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
I know, it's not possible, that's not possible, that's silly,
not for you, but that he would try to shame you,
because mine is the same way. Like I've been losing
a lot of hair and I will do my best
to try to not let it go down. But it
does because we have tons of hair and unless you
go to plug up the sink or whatever forever and
then slowly like fish out all the hair every day,
(06:24):
which would take hours of your life.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
No, right, And we're not the only ones. It's just
shorter sometimes.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yes, yes, but it just it did feel very like
this is your fault, you know. Whether I don't think
he intended that. I think he was just annoyed and
it's not fun. But I took it to heart. And
so like the idea of having to deal with my landlord,
I mean I would.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Not call my landlord for that. I never have.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
That's not a but you and I are the same
place of like I don't want to bother Ram, and
so like for me, if I'm calling you as a landlord, yeah,
it's something important like oh the roof might cave in,
Oh this might get be set on fire, like I
don't know, but like outside of that, yeah, Drane, I
don't necessarily think that would be a thing. Although I
(07:15):
think that's where we got have gone wrong, is that
we are self sufficient, and so it's easier to tell
us no ye, because we're more or less like more
or less likely to push push back, and so we
would probably back down and they know that, but they're
more likely to pay attention to those who complained the
loudest we made a mistake.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah. Yeah, Well if I if this was a different
episode and I really wanted to just go into what
was happening in my refrigerator situation, then yes, I agree,
it's not like you.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, very upset for you.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Oh my god. So like that's another aspect of this though,
is the apartment stuff around, because I think what I'm
(08:15):
talking about more what we've talked about before when dudes
don't get it is more of kind of like a
romantic situation or just dating or existing. But I'm a
part of this is more sort of logistical stuff. And
one of the things that's annoyed me a lot lately
is with my landlord, but other people as well, like
he he kind of was frustrated with me because he's like,
(08:36):
I have a chain lock and I just keep it
on all the time because because he was like, why
do you have this lock on? I'm like, why do
you think? But also I bet if I didn't have
it on, then it would be my fault that if
something happens, right and It just was frustrating because I
was like, well, it's kind of a safety thing. It
(08:57):
makes me feel better at the chain on.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
He has it on his building, So why do you
have it if you don't want people to use it?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
I know it that makes those sense.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
No, it doesn't. But it's also it reminds me of
so many times when I have to kind of explain
like I don't feel safe for whatever reason.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
Right, I mean, this dude has no idea because he
just walks in anyway, and as the time, which is
against the law. By the way, yes, if you're a renter.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah, but that's what I tried to talk about one time.
It's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't like, why
would you think that's a good idea to just walk in?
Speaker 3 (09:39):
But that's the thing is like we are even more
like aware and very suspicious because I think you had
told me he came through, and you didn't know he
came through, and I'm like, you check your apartment for
cameras because that's where I am in life, Like this
is bad. This is a dude who just walked in
without talking to you. That's very very concerning. And also
any person gender, if you just walked in. They're gonna
(10:02):
fight you, or at least be on the defensive, you know, like,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Why did you just walk into my house?
Speaker 1 (10:10):
M Yeah, And I feel like I've had this play
out before, because I was thinking about this, I've actually
this is the first time I've been in a renting situation,
a living situation where I'm kind of responsible for all
this stuff, right, Like for a while, I was mostly
(10:30):
dorms in college, and then I lived with a dude
who I was sort of subletting his apartment, apartment in
his place, so he was taking care of all that.
This is kind of a new so I'm not really
sure in a lot of ways, like what I asked for?
What do I not ask for? What is the expectation?
And I have been living here for a long time,
but I that's that's interesting. But also I feel like
(10:51):
I have been in a situation before with a repair
guy who came in and I was clearly kind of
like on edge about it, and he was like, oh,
I get it. I have I have a daughter and
I don't feel comfortable when dudes come into her place either,
(11:11):
And I was like, I'm not sure this is you're
not making me feel better. I get what you're trying
to do.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
A daughter understand, No, it's all right here.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
We we've heard that so many times of like, well
I have a mom, and I'm like, okay, I know,
but it's just like I don't. I feel like I've
been getting that a lot too from some people of
you know, oh, I get it, you don't feel safe.
I've got a daughter and she used to say, but
I'm like, I don't know, I just okay.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's not tokenizing.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
I mean, it's not the extreme of us, like I
have other Asian friends, but it's sort of I know,
I know women, okay, great, but.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
It's also sort of implying like, oh, I get that
there's a power and balance here and you don't feel safe.
Let me comments on it.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I don't know, Bob come in.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
It's like I said, I get what they're trying to do,
but it's also like no, it's not it's not. And
then they'll last for your numbers sometimes, which just happened
to me too, and then you're like.
Speaker 3 (12:20):
Oh, yeah, yeah, anybody in access like that. When I
will live in an apartment. The dude hitting on me
was a maintenance dude, and I was like, oh, I
do not feel safe mm hmmm, because you have keys
to my place.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Exactly exactly, I don't know. I just had a lot,
a lot on my mind about this.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yes, it's been a six month thing.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It has, it has, and I've been I hope so
today fingers cross, fingers cross. Who knows, six months from now,
I might be back with another update about this.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
You get a house.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Your message has heard loud and c well. Thank you
for letting me rance a little bit and share my
sort of messy thoughts about this, And as always, if
you have any messy thoughts about this, you can email
us at stephaniea mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
(13:21):
on Instagram and TikTok at Stepmom've Never Told You. You
can also find us on YouTube, and we have a
book at stuff you should read Books dot com. You
can pre order it there. Thanks as always to our
super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
Thank you very much, and thanks to you for listening
Stuff Whenever Told Me his production of iHeartRadio. For more
podcasts on my heart Radio. You can check out the
iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to
(13:42):
your favorite shows.
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