December 21, 2024 • 44 mins
Anney and Samantha cordially invite you to learn more about the science and social issues around extroverts, introverts and ambiverts, particularly when it comes to women in this classic.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Wellcome stuff. I've never told you a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And as we're closing out twenty twenty four, there's a
lot of gathering seeing of people that happens at the
end of the year. And I have to say I've
noticed one question. I get a lot when I go
home and people find out I'm on podcast is about
(00:39):
extroverts and introverts and ambiverts and just the science of it.
I find it like every time I go home, it
somehow comes up.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Really yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I think it's because almost everyone I know when I
go home is an introvert, but I'm an extrovert, and
there's been an interesting shift of it. Seems they're craving
going out more than I am. It's like I'm like,
I finally get to stay in. And because being an
(01:14):
extrovert means you just do something new, new stimulus, so
it comes up a lot. Actually interesting, I know, uh,
and people are always asking me about like the definitions
of it. I guess maybe this it came up and
people know I've done and we've done an episode on it,
(01:34):
so it comes up in conversation a lot, and people
are really interested in knowing the science of it, because
I think when you are hanging out with a lot
of people during the holidays, you're kind of curious about
why you feel the way you feel. And it is interesting,
It is really interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It is interesting. Annie.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I would like to say, I think my partner took
the perfect picture of my style of socializing, which is
literally me under a blanket next to my dog and
all you can see is my dog in this tall blanket.
So I like being social without being social. What is
that called?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
You know, they should really like update this because I
remember I took I talk about it in here, but
during the pandemic, I was like, maybe I'm not an
extrovert and I took the like official test and it
was like, no one, you were an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I mean the word ambient art was not widely used
until more recently.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I know we talked a little bit about that as well,
and I think there have been spectrum levels of this
and we probably should do a revisit because there has
been new conversations, especially after the pandemic.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yes, yeah, we should come back and revisit because we
were doing this during I think the early days at
the pandemic, but I'm I would be very curious to
know if anything new has come out about it, because
clearly people are interested.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Every time I go.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Home, someone asked me about it. So for a later date,
but in the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
IM never told you a production of iHeartRadio. Today we're
going to talk about something that has been coming up
a lot during these are quarantine times, which is extroversion
versus introversion, extroverts versus introverts. And I'm sure we've all
(03:49):
seen the memes and jokes about being told to stay
in for quarantine is an introverts dream apart from the
unending anxiety of a pandemic, right, and about how introverts
have been preparing.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
For this their whole lives.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Haha, extroverts, look at you panicking about having to stay
in And these are definitely over simplifications. Most of us
need a healthy dose of downtime and socializing. But we
thought we would unpack some of this and especially how
it pertains to women. So how would you classify yourself, Samantha.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Honestly, I originally I would have said, an introvert completely,
because I am absolutely that person who gets zapped very
quickly in a crowd of people, and even before coming in,
I automatically panic if there's more than five. So but
after this research, I feel like it changed with my
age as well as with what's happening right now. Not
(04:53):
that my personalities changed, but even like my understanding of
my personality is kind of changed.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
What about you?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Interesting?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, I have to say one, I feel very judged
doing this research, thank you. I am definitely an extrovert.
Every I've taken the personality test and everyone I get like,
oh yeah, by a lot, which I honestly, I've kind
of surprises even me because I do a lot of
(05:24):
things that are typical introvert traits, like when it comes
to decision making. And we'll get more into this later.
I am so much an introvert, and you know, you know,
I love to read and like research and stay in
and I'm actually fine being alone.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I live alone. It's just that I would go out
all the time.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But right there are certainly qualities that I thought like shyness,
and shyness is very often misunderstood to be synonymous with introvert.
And I'm actually really shy, but that it turns out
doing this research really does doesn't have anything to do
with being an introvert or an.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Extrovert, right.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
I feel like I am definitely an IFP. That has
always been my thing, and so being an introvert through
and through I have never really questioned all of that.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
But you know, as you talked about being judged.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Right now with the research, there was definitely like I
feel a little more empowered with my communication skills right now.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's really funny because I remember so clearly. One day
I was driving, I was carpooling with a bunch of
our coworkers for we do this big volunteer day every year.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
And I was carpooling and it was early in the morning.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I was just like, you know, bubbly talking because it
was silent, and I was trying to, you know, have
some kind of conversation and my friend there's like a
pause and he said, so.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You're a morning person. Right. It's like, oh, so maybe nobody.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Actually wants to talk and I'm just annoying everyone.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And I had a moment.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Doing this of like realizing how many times I thought
I was I don't want to say helping out, but
I was like, silence is something that I always try
to fill and perhaps somebody just wanted silence.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Well me, To be fair, I think it's not just
morning person is being an extrovert. Right, I'm a grumpy
I'm a grumpy ass morning person, and it doesn't necessarily
have to do with my introvertedness.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Is absolutely to do to the fact that I'm.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Always tired, as well as the fact in the morning,
I'm like, why, why do things happen?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
What is happening? What is to day? So, you know,
I think that's just a whole different level anyway.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
But yeah, it definitely has those connotations of who's too talkative,
who isn't talkative enough?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And what does that mean?
Speaker 4 (07:50):
So actually, let's talk about the what shall we Yeah, So, basically,
an introvert is someone who gets their energy from being alone,
and an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Gets their energy from other people.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
An external stimulations based on the way their brain is wired.
And that's pretty much that's pretty much. Yet our introvart's
more introspective. Not necessarily are they shy?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Not necessarily right, And some researchers put these ideas more
on a spectrum so you're not one or the other,
or those are outliers, but somewhere in between. Other research
suggests that extroverts are more driven by reward value, which
influences social behavior. So I think it's a dopamine release
and a lot of these reward values we can get
(08:31):
them in social situations, so it kind of pushes for
more social interaction. Meanwhile, one proposed model on introverts breaks
introversion into four types social thinking, restrained, and anxious, and
most people, according to this model, are a mixture of
those things if they're an introvert.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Right, So, our modern understanding of these concepts go back
to the nineteen twenties and call Young, which I'm sure
most of you heard of. Young also described a third group,
which he believed to be the largest, and that were
sort of a mixture. Nowadays, we call that group ambiaverse,
and they have qualities of both introverse and extroverts, and
those some think ambiverts are just introverts who learn how
(09:13):
to behave like extroverts, which we'll talk.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
A little bit about later on.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Scientists believe these differences have to do with how our
brains get aroused that interverse process information more quickly and
need less stimuli. A nineteen sixty four study with Lemon
jews found that introverse salivated more with just a few
drops of the jews compared to the extroverts. The scientists
concluded that this meant introverts needed less stimuli for their
(09:38):
brains to get aroused and extroverts needed more stimuli to
reach that same level. Since we can only process so
much at once, introverse turn inward to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
There have been so many studies and research into this.
I love that Lemon study. I'd never heard of that. Right,
that's a good one, I think. Yeah, so many books
have been written, these ideas have been incorporated into Yes,
the Meyers, Briggs and the Big five personality test. Psychologists
have argued about how they fit into fixed mindsets, which
(10:11):
is kind of this you are who you are and
that's it, and growth mindsets, and that's the belief that
you can cultivate new behaviors in yourself with time and effort.
So fixed mindset is sometimes also called self as a
story mindset, and these are associated with lower self esteem
and self awareness. So if you're coming from a fixed
mindset and you tell yourself I'm an introvert, then you
(10:34):
might become even more introverted than you actually are. This
is actually one of the number one reasons I love
traveling alone because I feel like you can break out
of those kinds of stories that people have made about
you and that you have cultivated for yourself. Psychologists have
also argued that maybe personalities are situational, meaning we change
(10:55):
and adapt much more than we think if they.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Exist at all.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
And I read so much many articles about it, and
it was fascinating. I've never even thought about it in
the way people were discussing it.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
It was oh so cool.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
So depending on the sorts, it's either an even split
when it comes to percentages of the population or about
twenty five percent introverts, or the population is about half
two two thirds in reverts.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
So the numbers very a lot.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Yes, yes, And twenty eighteen sarvey is conducted by Eby
found that fifty five percent of introverts felt anxiety after
getting an invite to something, compared to eighteen percent of extroverts.
So seventy four percent of extroverts felt excited by the
invitation compared to forty four percent of the introverts and
introverts worked twice as likely to turn down an invite,
(11:46):
and introverts were twice as likely to hang out with
someone they know.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
But there were a few things we can agree on.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Two thirds of all responders admitted they won't go to
a party without an exit plant.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I think that's a great idea personally, and.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Both groups were also likely to avoid bridal showers in
any events with babies or children. And yes, yes, I
am definitely one of those people. And I will say
it's according to the event and how many people I know.
But I am absolutely that person that waits to see
who is going to that party or event first, so
I will go click through every single person and who
(12:23):
they are and who's coming with them. So for me,
I will wait till the last possible minute to give
you a response, which probably infuriates many of people, but.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I just I have to pre prayer.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So I'm assuming Annie, are you an automatic yes person?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Pretty much like I guess. The biggest thing actually is
how far do I have to drive? That's fair, But yeah,
like if you invite me to something, I will probably come,
and I even have It's sort of a fomo thing
where I used to feel like, well, what's going to
happen if I stay in?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
But what could have and if I go out?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
But I've had to anti proof some events because I'm like,
I don't know this person well enough to be as
you know, Samantham frequently the last person to leave, so
I have to like set an alarm on my phone,
like okay, you should go.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Now, and you and I close enough, I'm like, okay,
I'm going to go to sleep now.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, you'll just kick me out, which is great.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Usually I'm like you can stay, you can stay as
long as you want, but I'm going to go to sleep.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Right just what I need because otherwise I will stay.
So yeah, I do, like I do take a kind
of survey of what kind of party I think it's
going to be, like how many people do I know?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
But I'll probably be there if you invited me.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Another survey found that extroverts have more sex than introverts,
but it was self reported so should be taken with
a grain of salt. Some research also suggests that extroverts
are happier, and there are a lot of theories as
to why that might be from the world being set
up for and more accepting of extroverts. The whole cultural
(14:04):
personality thing. We're going to get into this more, but yeah,
in a lot of ways, our culture and like even
work is set up for extroverts, and if you're trying
to fit into that, that can lead to a lot
of feelings of failure. And there's also science that found
simply acting happier, like smiling thinks us happier doing those
(14:24):
kinds of things, and if you're an extrovert, you're probably
doing that more often. So maybe it's that I feel
like happiness is a hard thing to quantify, but right, And.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
I think the phrase fake it to you make it
is definitely a part of that as well. So there's
been a lot of the studies into sex and age
differences and extraversion and introversion, which is very fascinating in itself,
and many of them show that introversion is more common
among women and that levels of introversion go up with age,
which I could say I have more confidence in being
(14:55):
at home and staying at home, and we're not just
being introverted, so it's more of I'm able to say
no now and I'm able to be like, nah, I'm
tired and not feel ashamed of I'm tired of people.
So I feel like, yes, I could be the age thing,
but it could be just the I'm more in set
into my personality and more confident in saying no.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But again, this is the whole back to.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Introvertse trying to keep up with extroverts as well. I
think at a younger age or just in general, you
want to try to again act as if you're personable,
and you have this dread of not being friendly enough,
outgoing enough.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So part of that is pretending to want.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
To be at these places, so when you get older
you just don't care anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's where I feel like I'm mad.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
I'm like, yeah, I'm aging nicely to be able to
say hell nah. So Fridays yeah, and Fridays to me
is no longer let's hang in party. It's the soft
pants and bench watching alone party, and I look forward
to it.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Well.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Of course, now that we're in this quarantine, life is
a little different, but before it was absolutely like, yeah,
this is this is what I want, this is what
I look forward to.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It is funny.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I'm glad you brought this up because I when I
was trying to think of my own motivations for things.
It's really hard to separate out, like what is your
brain chemistry? And then what is something that's just like
like for me. I know I've talked about it before,
but when I get anxious, I plan and it's a
way of like not thinking about whatever it is I'm
anxious about. And so people used to ask me, like,
(16:28):
were you drunk when you invited me to that thing?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I'm like, nope, I was probably.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Panicking and I was just trying not to, like I
had to keep my schedule so busy. And it's hard
to say if that's extraversion or like some weird PTSD thing.
There's just so many factors, right, and it's hard to
separate it out. And finding out like that women are
more introverted, Like there's a higher percentage of women. I
(16:54):
feel like introversion is more accepted among men when you
think about like the strong and silent type or the
stoic type, or the sitcom husband who reads the paper
while his wife just talks away and he just wants
to be left alone, whereas introverted women are often labeled
as depressed or a spinster.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Although I will say I was thinking like.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Les Lemon from thirty Rock did a lot for the
whole to staying in and eating your night cheese or
whatever it is, and that got me to thinking, are
women conditioned to perform more traits.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Associated with extroversion?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
And when I think about myself, there are definitely some
behaviors that I can't say for sure the force, the
motivating force behind them. And I think as a woman,
I do feel a lot of pressure to make people
happy and to if you invite me to do a thing,
I'm going to show up and I'm going to make
sure it's a fun time. And I do think some
of that is societal conditioning. So it's hard to say
(17:52):
for sure, right human beings are complicated.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Well, I mean, I think that also plays into the
societal idea of women being host and hostesses and so there.
I definitely remember in college people loved when I would
take in charge of a party and trying to plan
things and organize things and make sure everybody's happy, all
of these which by the way, makes me panic, makes me.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Have an anxiety attack. I actually hate it.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
I hate large gatherings that I'm in charge of because
the entire time I'm so unhappy and trying to figure
out if this person is unhappy, how do I make
this better? Oh my god, this person's not talking, they're
having you know, all of these levels. But I think
that's part of the being the perfect quote unquote woman
of the house, whether it's you're a mother and you're
hosting a party, or you're someone's wife and you're hosting
(18:39):
a benefit for them.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
You know, you see it.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
We've talked about it before in the political roles when
wives of candidates are shown as being the perfect pristine
people who are friendly, outgoing all of these and bubbly
and what does that look like? It's automatically a tuned
with extra version, right.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
And then on the flip side of that, and I
know going to discuss this more in a bit, but
a lot of times women are expected to be quiet, right,
and that is associated with introversion. So it makes me
wonder these numbers how accurate they are and how can
we separate that out all these societal forces. But all right,
(19:22):
let's get into extroversion and extroverts. But first we're going
to pause for a quick break for word from our sponsor,
(19:42):
and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So, according to positive
Psychology dot com. Extroverts are recharged by socializing and make
decisions quickly, speak more our outgoing, are easily distracted, action oriented,
gregarious and expressive, great communicat and enjoy being at the
center of attention. Now, as we said, not all extroverts
(20:05):
are the same, and not all will exhibit all of
these things.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Essentially, it just means.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
What we said at the top, your energy is coming
from external stimuli.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Right, So, terms associated with extroverts chatty kathy or a
social butterfly, flirty birdie, which, by the way, this is
that's a new one to me, just like oh I.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Used to get called flirty birdie all the time.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Why that just oh my, okay, we'll go back. We'll
go because it's just so nonsensical of a term.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Okay, keep it on people, person that I have heard charming, witty,
and dearing. And while these are generally viewed as good
things that are frequently used to demean women or haha,
minimize them, surprise, surprise, and things along the lines of airhead, ditsy,
the joke that you can't get women to stop talking,
all of.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Those ridiculous narratives. But it also can go hand in
hand with not so great things like she's easy.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Yeah, of course, I feel like if you were having
to put this in the dichotomy of the Madonna and
the horror, the extra verts the horror for sure.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And like the introvert is cold.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Ice queen, right, and then because I just read about
Frozen and Elsa being an introvert, yes, there we.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Go, that she is the ice queen, literally the ice queen.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Maybe we got it all wrong in many ways, that's
what we were saying earlier. Society is set up to
favor extroverts, especially in industries that depend on relationships, being
outgoing and making and deepening connections. Networking can really help
you land a deal or climb a corporate ladder. Extroverts
(21:46):
are likelier to hold management and senior positions. One said
he found the number of introverts and top positions was
as low as two percent and are likelier to promote
other extroverts. And part of that is what is that
that's that like buzzworthy term face time, like you got
to put face time in at the office, and like
you've got to be at the social happy hours, and
that's where a lot of these opportunities kind of come up,
(22:07):
and the extroverts are more likely to be doing those
things right. When it comes to the public seer, extroverted
people do tend to dominate the scene because they're out
there all the time. However, this is not always the case.
A lot of famous introverts have I guess, kind of
gamed the system, like figured out how to succeed in
(22:28):
this like extrovert world, I.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Want to say.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Right, so, even primary education is often structured in a
way that favors extraversion over introversion. And another way this
idea of an introvert extrovert in the workplace intersects with
women is that we're always being told to assert ourselves,
speak up of meetings, make ourselves heard, largely extroverted qualities
and you can actually even see that and open office plans. Yeah,
(22:54):
that kind of geared toward that whole interaction, you know,
teamward being loud, being very interactive, which and when you
start researching and we'll talk a little more about it.
During the interversion portion is anti productive for introvertse because
they need that solitude to have a creative mindspace and
being able to work out their own creativity and or process.
(23:16):
So it's very much so that whole level of what
is it scared.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Toward back in the before times.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Our office is an open space office, and you weren't
there yet, Samantha. But when we moved in, like two
or three months later, we had a whole office meeting
and it turned into an hour and a half of
like half the office just saying how much they in
open spots, open office space.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
And I will I would say, as surprising as that
may be, our office is made up of a lot
of introverts.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I mean, I would venture to guess that is true.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
But yeah, I came into the office and like, what
is this? Because yeah, I hated it. I hate because I'm.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
Like, I don't like being watched and every time, maybe
it's just my own like inability to focus, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Like, what what, who's who's here? What are they doing? What?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And then being afraid and I'm again, I'm not extroverted
to an extent, but I do have a voice, and
I do like to talk to myself.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I do have a talk, you know, And so sometimes
when I talk to.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Myself, I forget I'm in an open space with a
lot of other people who have figured out not to
talk to themselves.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
I've definitely overheard some curse words and some some laughs.
So maybe you're not as out of place as you
think you are.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Something maybe maybe.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Other research suggests the existence of what is called an
ambivert advantage. Because ambiverts are good at listening and asserting themselves.
Some studies have found that they are more productive than
both introverts and extroverts. There's also something called the friendship
paradox and the extroversion bias. Essentially, our outgoing extroverted friends
(25:04):
are more likely to be represented in our friendship circles
because they have more friends, leading to the misconception there
are more extroverts than there actually are, and extroverts aren't
great at understanding introverts, or they haven't been for a
long time. I do think this is improving some they
(25:24):
might see introverts stuck up or judgmental, like, oh, you're
too good for my small talk or whatever it is.
For some they just can't compute the idea that someone
would want would need to be alone and there not
be something wrong. I kind of this need to check in.
Oh they're they're by themselves, I should check in, And
(25:44):
like this was a moment for me again where I
was thinking back to that interaction I had with my
friend in the morning and whatever the case was extroversion
or he's just not a morning person, but it like
never occurred to me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I thought I was doing a service.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I was trying to help and not wanted at all,
not wanted at all. The word antisocial gets thrown around
a lot when you're talking about introverts, and that's the
product of a lot of our media narratives around what
introversion is. Even the Dictionary recognizes our cultural understanding of
(26:22):
introvert in one of its definitions as shy and withdrawn,
which isn't accurate. It can be, but that's not what
it means. Right, So let's talk about introverts. Let's clear
some of this up, all right, but first let's take
one more quick break for word from our sponsor.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
And we're back. Thank you, sponsor. So, Samantha, you tellos
about introverts, I.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Got you so for my peoples.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
According to Positive Psychology, they describe introverts with these traits
recharged by spending time alone or flight before making decisions.
Listen more enjoy one on one conversation introspective of self aware,
I think before acting, learn through observation, and more sociable
with people they know. Again, introverts don't always have all
of these traits, they're just commonly associated with introverts, and
(27:22):
according to author Susan Kin, introversion is quote simply a
preference to socialize in these.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Quieter ways we mentioned earlier.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
How surprisingly, there are statistically more women who are classified
as introverts than there are men, but when it comes
to the stereotypes, it seems men are more accepted as
introverts than women. As blogger Mikaela Chung puts it, Western
society tends to be more accepting of stoic men than
their female counterparts. It's not uncommon to hear women being
referenced to as snobs or awkward, or even stand offish
(27:52):
if they aren't interactive enough, But for those who may
be considered talkative, they are sometimes referenced to as chatty.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Cathy's.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
When we were researching the subject of introvert versus extrovert,
there does seem to be a lot of assumptions of
the personality trait being negative for introverts, opinions stating that
introverts are strange or selfish, or maybe even hiding something
I knew it, Samantha. One statement even goes as far
to say, every once in a while, it's something good,
but eighty percent of the time the introvert is a
(28:20):
shady character.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Don't mind me, I'm not being shady.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
As in fact, with those many negative stereotypes of introverts,
and specifically female introverts, there's this continued conversation of what
leadership looks like for those who have been identified as
an introvert. The many articles we looked at seem to
be quote how to guys to provide introverts the skills
needed to move forward. As one article states from the
US News, it is a double whammy effect, which is
(28:48):
referencing the already known statistic that women are less likely
to be promoted or considered for a promotion into a
leadership position and add to that the challenges that often
can be associated with introverts, such as quietness or inability
to schmooth slash network in order to be seen. And
in one study conducted by ones in Dialchart, only fifteen
percent of the supervisory level was made up of introverts,
(29:09):
while only two percent or CEOs so that's kind of
a very odd, weird low number. And if we want
to talk about levels, let's also think on the many
women of color, LGBTQ, non binary women introverts trying to
move forward in their careers. But we'll come back to
that in a bit.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
In most, if not all, of the research that we
came across, the constant mention of imposter syndrome was a
theme of trying to navigate what seems to be a
world of extroverts who are framed as outgoing and assertive
and less you're a woman than you run into also
the problem of being labeled as overbearing or loud, know
it all. Many of those who identify as introverts often
(29:46):
speak of trying to change their personalities and pushing themselves
to be seen as more friendly and outgoing, or just
not moving forward and backing away from opportunities due to
inability or anxiety of trying to be acknowledged or given recognition.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
And so with that, here are a couple of help
advice for introverts trying to climb the ladder, supposedly, so
let's see if they work.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So one is focus.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
On your work at hand or passion instead of looking
at the downfall of your personality type. Introverse are so
often mistaken as antisocial, when in actuality is the level
of interaction and social networking that can drain an individual,
and it's not necessarily being around another human. For me,
I think I need connections someone who I can be
completely honest with and open with on a personal level.
(30:31):
I am very quick to get to the depth of
a conversation, to the point that I've been called intimidating
you really, but it's something that I can't if it's
a vapid conversation for too long is exhausting to me.
And so when you think about all of that and
how that could help, when you're able to find a
passion or that passion in general and put it into practice,
(30:53):
the impact can be significant in a career slash work field.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Right embracing your intro version. Yeah, it's neither is better
than the other. Right, neither is better than the others.
So another tip, be strategic. Again, when we were talking
about introverts and social settings, the idea of big groups
of strangers is daunting, but small personal connections can be
just as if not more, useful, in strategic planning for
(31:21):
the growth of a company or an idea. And who
doesn't love a good email. Well, it depends, but I
actually do love email. This is where introverts can excel
and all those meetings, you know, that could have just
been an email. As we see today, the introverts there.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
For you, right, I don't want to talk to your face,
I'll just send you an email even better.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I am like that.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I actually do really prefer. But that's my hearing problem.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I think that's fair.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Those who have issues with hearing, or are deaf or
can't hear, they probably would really, really really prefer being
able to have a concentrated chat room versus video chats
or just a video, or having in person conversation where
it's a giant group of people.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
The panic I feel when I have like multiple voices
and I can't see faces, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It is interesting to me too, because I in theory
I would love to do face to face things, and
I do, but I have to do It's like another
anti proofing thing where I know, if I don't have time,
I'm going to keep talking because I like it and
I want to talk to this person. So a lot
of times even though I would prefer to do face
(32:39):
to face, I make myself do emails because it's a
time saver. So it's funny to hear it from your
side and then hear it from my side.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Where we're essentially trying to do the same thing we
really are. We're just taking.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Different routes and have different motivations for it. And as
we mentioned, when it comes to women being intro there
is the issue of the double whammy, but going even
beyond that on an intersectional level, we do see or
even assume when it comes to women of color, LGBTQ plus,
non binary or as Lynette Crane, who is a consultant
that speaks on introverts and job advancement, called it a
(33:15):
triple whammy.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
Right as In fact, a blogger named Nicole Nichols writes
specifically in being an introverted Black woman and the many
stereotypes that come along with being a black woman, whether
it's the expectations that black women are bold and bigger
than life personality, and then what happens when that is
not that person's individual personality. She writes, we've all seen
in the media of the sister Girls with the rotating
(33:38):
next shrill voices and tempers that go from zero to
one hundred and two seconds.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
As hard it is to believe.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
In a society that is more diverse than ever, there
are still people whose only exposure to black women are
shows like Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, and the
Woral Housewives of Atlanta, which seem to never showcase an
introverted black woman as In fact, there was a season
in which one of the members of the Real Housewives
of Atlanta talked about the fact that her scenes were
cut completely and I believe she wasn't invited back because
(34:06):
there was not enough drama. Sure, yeah, And she speaks
on the stereotypes that continue to dismiss introverted women of
color and maybe even their value. She goes on to
talk about her experiences of being reprimanded for being too
quiet and not lively enough at a social event, and
it definitely is a level of judgment for who she
is as an individual and a personality type. So I
(34:27):
find that really fascinating when we have that expansion of
oh my god, this is already bad, but let's add
these again intersectional issues that we don't see or think
about enough.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yeah, it is interesting to think of how we've just
sort of coded as a society that the wallflower or
whatever that there's something wrong right right, and that you
need to.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I don't know, like they're just being weird or awkward,
but really.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Like I don't know, I like to go talk to
the wallflower and if they're not into it, I just
leave right.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
And I think this is also a big conversation to
have in the LGBTQ plus community when we think about
the ideas of a gay man versus lesbians and the
ideas that happened of who is who, who has the
bigger personality and who kind of has this negative connotation
when we see the world around us, and even when
we talked about transgender communities in the conversations that we
(35:29):
have to have, you see amazing things like pose, but
automatically assume that all transgender people are that vibrant because
of a persona and so it's very problematic when it
comes to the fact that you're not that person. You're
just an individual who was finding their identity in a
different way quietly and need a process. And it's an
interesting whammy of how does this continue to affect and
(35:51):
how does this continue to be a negative impact for
you as that person going through such a giant personal growth,
personal awareness and trying to navigate that in a world
where you're supposed to fit into these things for people's entertainment.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
So I hear what I am hearing is more representation
what Yes. Though introversion has been long viewed as a negative,
as we've been discussing as recent years, not necessarily because
of our current isolation situation, it has become almost popular
to call oneself an introvert. I when I was researching
(36:30):
this to the one of the reasons I felt so
judged was the many articles written like finally we can
escape those extroverts and.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
They're small talk, they're treaded small talk.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I was like, oh, I don't like by small talk
small talk.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Oh good, we will be fit. Well that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yeah, yeah, we need each other. We do need each other.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yes, And it's kind of a shift in this conversation
on what an introvert actually is, like an understanding of
what it is, what it means, and the power behind
the creative quiet pri process often associated with an introvert.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Right, And another conversation we definitely want to come back
to is the idea Chelsea Brooks talks about with the
gender perceptions of extroverse and introverts, with the idea that
introversion is a feminine trait. When talking about extrovertse we
hear of it being masculine, bold and loud, and when
we discuss introverts, the idea of more analytical, thoughtful, reserved mousey,
which is seen as feminine, and the question of why.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
So going back to the author we mentioned earlier, Susan Kine,
she's kind of like the expert introversion. She wrote Quiet,
The Power of Introverts in a World that Won't Stop Talking.
She also did a TED talk that I know, like
Emma Watson is called out and Bill Gates says it's
one of his favorites. So she's a big deal. Right
(37:49):
In this conversation, I.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Think every blogger that we saw or every writer that
we saw that did a post mention her at least
three or four times.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yes, sure, yes.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
And she commented on how introversion and our ideas around
it impacts feminism. She said, women who are naturally quiet
feel as if they can't be feminist or be powerful
because of it. We really need to undo that perception.
And yeah, we perhaps inadvertedly, are sending this message to
young girls that a strong woman has to be an
(38:19):
extroverted one. There are no strong female introverts, which is
absolutely not true.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Yeah, as in fact, we have some examples of some
amazing female intervis Audrey Hepburn, who was a genius and
a lovely actress way back when. Breakfast in Tiffany's is
still one of my favorites, even though Capoti hated it.
Fair enough, Eleanor Roosevelt who had made such impact when
as the first Lady Meryl Streep, you don't you know
(38:48):
she's a powerhouse.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We know this, She's a powerhouse and everything.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Rosa Parks who started a movement on her own, and
then Michelle Obama, come on, come on, the show was
Michelle Obama. So if you don't sorry that we love her,
and yes she should be given the respect, all the respects.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Yeah, it is interesting how many really creative, famous people
are introverts. And actually, when I first started working here,
kind of going back to your point, I was surprised
at how many of the hosts of the podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
We do are introverts.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
And I mean it makes sense because I do think
being analytical is actually one of the keys to being creative,
and that's my own personal thing. I can go into
it forever and ever. I won't but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
So now that we've kind of given you the three
not two types of personalities of extrovert, in avert, and introvert,
where do you think you lie and how does that
affect us today?
Speaker 1 (39:44):
In Quarantine?
Speaker 4 (39:45):
I will say specifically, as I said earlier, at the beginning,
I was kind of like, yes, I am an true introvert.
I cannot maintain an enlarge group. I panic from the beginning,
but then have to rev myself up. I put on
a show essentially. I think you know, you and I
have talked about this when I'm on, I'm on. Yeah,
but it is exhausting and I need like five days
(40:08):
to recoup.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yeah, now I totally get that.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
You actually can. I can feel it physically. I am
so exhausted. I can sleep for days. My voice is gone.
Maybe because I'm always screaming. Maybe it's because I'm dancing too,
I don't know, but it is. It's a whole level
of like, oh my god, these are the things that
I have to do. But I'm good at it, and
I know how to read people enough, but it also
comes to the point that before I come into a situation,
I'm gonna watch your personality first and see what meshes first.
(40:36):
I think that's part of my social work background as well.
But in quarantine times it's been kind of difficult. Like
I love my own space and I love being recharged,
but yeah, I'm like, oh oh, now, this anxiety and
overwhelming need to actually be around people has kind of
(40:57):
pushed me to the Okay, I'm ready for a giant
party with my friends where we're just all loudly speaking
to each other, trying to catch.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
Up, touching, maybe within three feet of each other.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Right, Look, every time I'll look at anyone, I think
every time I'm watching a movie recently or TV shows,
like they're standing too close. Why are they standing so close?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
I know it's gonna leave a like lasting impact or sure.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
Do you think you are absolutely an extrovert or would
you say you're more of an ambivert line?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
I actually i think I'm out like really strong, maybe
like on the very edge of ambervert an extrovert.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
I think I'm pretty strong extrovert.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
And I actually took one of the tests yesterday and
out of five five being extrovert, one being introvert, I
got four point eight or something. But the thing is,
it really helps me not to reframe to correct how
I was thinking of it, because I, like I said,
I don't have to be around people all the time.
It's the new experiences and the stimulus that I get
(42:07):
and like I can, I can write my fan fiction.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
You know days.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
But uh, it is, I've noticed it. It has worn
on me being in during this quarantine, right And you
can listen to are the mini we did recently for
more on that, But it's it is. I'm glad we
did this one because I did have a lot of
misconceptions and I would have said, maybe I'm more of
an introvert actually, and people just think I'm an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
But you need a stimulus and I do not.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
Yes, yep, but I think and I think for sure
we're talking about memes.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
You are absolutely the one I'm thinking. I want to
like check on your extroverts or not.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Okay, I know, I'm just like standing at the windows.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Looking out someone someone come talk to me us.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Definitely check in, I mean check in all your friends because,
like we said, it's not like it's a cake walk
for introverts.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
Right and remember, because the anxiety and the like.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
If we're talking about the level of the analytical side
of this, this is a haunting and very scary moment
for everyone. And it doesn't matter what your personality type is,
if you're optimistic, wonderful, But for an introvert who again
can't internalize a lot of emotions in general and that
may not speak out when something is wrong, is definitely
(43:31):
something this can be a problematic issue.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's not easy for
anybody for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
So in general, check on your peoples.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Yes, yes, check on all your friends, and yeah, look
right to us, right please, And we would love to
hear from you. We'd love to know where you are
on this extrovert introvert spectrum. You can email us or
email is Stuff Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia Dot. You
can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or
(44:02):
on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as
always to our super producer Andrew Howard.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Thank you Andrew, who was an introvert for sure.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Yes, we'd actually discussed it earlier today, and thanks to you.
For listening stuff I've Never Told You is a production
of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Wellcome stuff. I've never told you a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
And as we're closing out twenty twenty four, there's a
lot of gathering seeing of people that happens at the
end of the year. And I have to say I've
noticed one question. I get a lot when I go
home and people find out I'm on podcast is about
(00:39):
extroverts and introverts and ambiverts and just the science of it.
I find it like every time I go home, it
somehow comes up.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Really yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
I think it's because almost everyone I know when I
go home is an introvert, but I'm an extrovert, and
there's been an interesting shift of it. Seems they're craving
going out more than I am. It's like I'm like,
I finally get to stay in. And because being an
(01:14):
extrovert means you just do something new, new stimulus, so
it comes up a lot. Actually interesting, I know, uh,
and people are always asking me about like the definitions
of it. I guess maybe this it came up and
people know I've done and we've done an episode on it,
(01:34):
so it comes up in conversation a lot, and people
are really interested in knowing the science of it, because
I think when you are hanging out with a lot
of people during the holidays, you're kind of curious about
why you feel the way you feel. And it is interesting,
It is really interesting.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It is interesting. Annie.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I would like to say, I think my partner took
the perfect picture of my style of socializing, which is
literally me under a blanket next to my dog and
all you can see is my dog in this tall blanket.
So I like being social without being social. What is
that called?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
You know, they should really like update this because I
remember I took I talk about it in here, but
during the pandemic, I was like, maybe I'm not an
extrovert and I took the like official test and it
was like, no one, you were an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
I mean the word ambient art was not widely used
until more recently.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I know we talked a little bit about that as well,
and I think there have been spectrum levels of this
and we probably should do a revisit because there has
been new conversations, especially after the pandemic.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Yes, yeah, we should come back and revisit because we
were doing this during I think the early days at
the pandemic, but I'm I would be very curious to
know if anything new has come out about it, because
clearly people are interested.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Every time I go.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Home, someone asked me about it. So for a later date,
but in the meantime, please enjoy this classic episode.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
IM never told you a production of iHeartRadio. Today we're
going to talk about something that has been coming up
a lot during these are quarantine times, which is extroversion
versus introversion, extroverts versus introverts. And I'm sure we've all
(03:49):
seen the memes and jokes about being told to stay
in for quarantine is an introverts dream apart from the
unending anxiety of a pandemic, right, and about how introverts
have been preparing.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
For this their whole lives.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Haha, extroverts, look at you panicking about having to stay
in And these are definitely over simplifications. Most of us
need a healthy dose of downtime and socializing. But we
thought we would unpack some of this and especially how
it pertains to women. So how would you classify yourself, Samantha.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Honestly, I originally I would have said, an introvert completely,
because I am absolutely that person who gets zapped very
quickly in a crowd of people, and even before coming in,
I automatically panic if there's more than five. So but
after this research, I feel like it changed with my
age as well as with what's happening right now. Not
(04:53):
that my personalities changed, but even like my understanding of
my personality is kind of changed.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
What about you?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Interesting?
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Yeah, I have to say one, I feel very judged
doing this research, thank you. I am definitely an extrovert.
Every I've taken the personality test and everyone I get like,
oh yeah, by a lot, which I honestly, I've kind
of surprises even me because I do a lot of
(05:24):
things that are typical introvert traits, like when it comes
to decision making. And we'll get more into this later.
I am so much an introvert, and you know, you know,
I love to read and like research and stay in
and I'm actually fine being alone.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I live alone. It's just that I would go out
all the time.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But right there are certainly qualities that I thought like shyness,
and shyness is very often misunderstood to be synonymous with introvert.
And I'm actually really shy, but that it turns out
doing this research really does doesn't have anything to do
with being an introvert or an.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Extrovert, right.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
I feel like I am definitely an IFP. That has
always been my thing, and so being an introvert through
and through I have never really questioned all of that.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
But you know, as you talked about being judged.
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Right now with the research, there was definitely like I
feel a little more empowered with my communication skills right now.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's really funny because I remember so clearly. One day
I was driving, I was carpooling with a bunch of
our coworkers for we do this big volunteer day every year.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
And I was carpooling and it was early in the morning.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I was just like, you know, bubbly talking because it
was silent, and I was trying to, you know, have
some kind of conversation and my friend there's like a
pause and he said, so.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
You're a morning person. Right. It's like, oh, so maybe nobody.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Actually wants to talk and I'm just annoying everyone.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
And I had a moment.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Doing this of like realizing how many times I thought
I was I don't want to say helping out, but
I was like, silence is something that I always try
to fill and perhaps somebody just wanted silence.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Well me, To be fair, I think it's not just
morning person is being an extrovert. Right, I'm a grumpy
I'm a grumpy ass morning person, and it doesn't necessarily
have to do with my introvertedness.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Is absolutely to do to the fact that I'm.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Always tired, as well as the fact in the morning,
I'm like, why, why do things happen?
Speaker 1 (07:40):
What is happening? What is to day? So, you know,
I think that's just a whole different level anyway.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
But yeah, it definitely has those connotations of who's too talkative,
who isn't talkative enough?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And what does that mean?
Speaker 4 (07:50):
So actually, let's talk about the what shall we Yeah, So, basically,
an introvert is someone who gets their energy from being alone,
and an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Gets their energy from other people.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
An external stimulations based on the way their brain is wired.
And that's pretty much that's pretty much. Yet our introvart's
more introspective. Not necessarily are they shy?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Not necessarily right, And some researchers put these ideas more
on a spectrum so you're not one or the other,
or those are outliers, but somewhere in between. Other research
suggests that extroverts are more driven by reward value, which
influences social behavior. So I think it's a dopamine release
and a lot of these reward values we can get
(08:31):
them in social situations, so it kind of pushes for
more social interaction. Meanwhile, one proposed model on introverts breaks
introversion into four types social thinking, restrained, and anxious, and
most people, according to this model, are a mixture of
those things if they're an introvert.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Right, So, our modern understanding of these concepts go back
to the nineteen twenties and call Young, which I'm sure
most of you heard of. Young also described a third group,
which he believed to be the largest, and that were
sort of a mixture. Nowadays, we call that group ambiaverse,
and they have qualities of both introverse and extroverts, and
those some think ambiverts are just introverts who learn how
(09:13):
to behave like extroverts, which we'll talk.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
A little bit about later on.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
Scientists believe these differences have to do with how our
brains get aroused that interverse process information more quickly and
need less stimuli. A nineteen sixty four study with Lemon
jews found that introverse salivated more with just a few
drops of the jews compared to the extroverts. The scientists
concluded that this meant introverts needed less stimuli for their
(09:38):
brains to get aroused and extroverts needed more stimuli to
reach that same level. Since we can only process so
much at once, introverse turn inward to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
There have been so many studies and research into this.
I love that Lemon study. I'd never heard of that. Right,
that's a good one, I think. Yeah, so many books
have been written, these ideas have been incorporated into Yes,
the Meyers, Briggs and the Big five personality test. Psychologists
have argued about how they fit into fixed mindsets, which
(10:11):
is kind of this you are who you are and
that's it, and growth mindsets, and that's the belief that
you can cultivate new behaviors in yourself with time and effort.
So fixed mindset is sometimes also called self as a
story mindset, and these are associated with lower self esteem
and self awareness. So if you're coming from a fixed
mindset and you tell yourself I'm an introvert, then you
(10:34):
might become even more introverted than you actually are. This
is actually one of the number one reasons I love
traveling alone because I feel like you can break out
of those kinds of stories that people have made about
you and that you have cultivated for yourself. Psychologists have
also argued that maybe personalities are situational, meaning we change
(10:55):
and adapt much more than we think if they.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Exist at all.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
And I read so much many articles about it, and
it was fascinating. I've never even thought about it in
the way people were discussing it.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
It was oh so cool.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
So depending on the sorts, it's either an even split
when it comes to percentages of the population or about
twenty five percent introverts, or the population is about half
two two thirds in reverts.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
So the numbers very a lot.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Yes, yes, And twenty eighteen sarvey is conducted by Eby
found that fifty five percent of introverts felt anxiety after
getting an invite to something, compared to eighteen percent of extroverts.
So seventy four percent of extroverts felt excited by the
invitation compared to forty four percent of the introverts and
introverts worked twice as likely to turn down an invite,
(11:46):
and introverts were twice as likely to hang out with
someone they know.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
But there were a few things we can agree on.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Two thirds of all responders admitted they won't go to
a party without an exit plant.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
I think that's a great idea personally, and.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Both groups were also likely to avoid bridal showers in
any events with babies or children. And yes, yes, I
am definitely one of those people. And I will say
it's according to the event and how many people I know.
But I am absolutely that person that waits to see
who is going to that party or event first, so
I will go click through every single person and who
(12:23):
they are and who's coming with them. So for me,
I will wait till the last possible minute to give
you a response, which probably infuriates many of people, but.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I just I have to pre prayer.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So I'm assuming Annie, are you an automatic yes person?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Pretty much like I guess. The biggest thing actually is
how far do I have to drive? That's fair, But yeah,
like if you invite me to something, I will probably come,
and I even have It's sort of a fomo thing
where I used to feel like, well, what's going to
happen if I stay in?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
But what could have and if I go out?
Speaker 3 (13:01):
But I've had to anti proof some events because I'm like,
I don't know this person well enough to be as
you know, Samantham frequently the last person to leave, so
I have to like set an alarm on my phone,
like okay, you should go.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Now, and you and I close enough, I'm like, okay,
I'm going to go to sleep now.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, you'll just kick me out, which is great.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Usually I'm like you can stay, you can stay as
long as you want, but I'm going to go to sleep.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Right just what I need because otherwise I will stay.
So yeah, I do, like I do take a kind
of survey of what kind of party I think it's
going to be, like how many people do I know?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
But I'll probably be there if you invited me.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Another survey found that extroverts have more sex than introverts,
but it was self reported so should be taken with
a grain of salt. Some research also suggests that extroverts
are happier, and there are a lot of theories as
to why that might be from the world being set
up for and more accepting of extroverts. The whole cultural
(14:04):
personality thing. We're going to get into this more, but yeah,
in a lot of ways, our culture and like even
work is set up for extroverts, and if you're trying
to fit into that, that can lead to a lot
of feelings of failure. And there's also science that found
simply acting happier, like smiling thinks us happier doing those
(14:24):
kinds of things, and if you're an extrovert, you're probably
doing that more often. So maybe it's that I feel
like happiness is a hard thing to quantify, but right, And.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
I think the phrase fake it to you make it
is definitely a part of that as well. So there's
been a lot of the studies into sex and age
differences and extraversion and introversion, which is very fascinating in itself,
and many of them show that introversion is more common
among women and that levels of introversion go up with age,
which I could say I have more confidence in being
(14:55):
at home and staying at home, and we're not just
being introverted, so it's more of I'm able to say
no now and I'm able to be like, nah, I'm
tired and not feel ashamed of I'm tired of people.
So I feel like, yes, I could be the age thing,
but it could be just the I'm more in set
into my personality and more confident in saying no.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But again, this is the whole back to.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Introvertse trying to keep up with extroverts as well. I
think at a younger age or just in general, you
want to try to again act as if you're personable,
and you have this dread of not being friendly enough,
outgoing enough.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
So part of that is pretending to want.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
To be at these places, so when you get older
you just don't care anymore.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
That's where I feel like I'm mad.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
I'm like, yeah, I'm aging nicely to be able to
say hell nah. So Fridays yeah, and Fridays to me
is no longer let's hang in party. It's the soft
pants and bench watching alone party, and I look forward
to it.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Well.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Of course, now that we're in this quarantine, life is
a little different, but before it was absolutely like, yeah,
this is this is what I want, this is what
I look forward to.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
It is funny.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I'm glad you brought this up because I when I
was trying to think of my own motivations for things.
It's really hard to separate out, like what is your
brain chemistry? And then what is something that's just like
like for me. I know I've talked about it before,
but when I get anxious, I plan and it's a
way of like not thinking about whatever it is I'm
anxious about. And so people used to ask me, like,
(16:28):
were you drunk when you invited me to that thing?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I'm like, nope, I was probably.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Panicking and I was just trying not to, like I
had to keep my schedule so busy. And it's hard
to say if that's extraversion or like some weird PTSD thing.
There's just so many factors, right, and it's hard to
separate it out. And finding out like that women are
more introverted, Like there's a higher percentage of women. I
(16:54):
feel like introversion is more accepted among men when you
think about like the strong and silent type or the
stoic type, or the sitcom husband who reads the paper
while his wife just talks away and he just wants
to be left alone, whereas introverted women are often labeled
as depressed or a spinster.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Although I will say I was thinking like.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Les Lemon from thirty Rock did a lot for the
whole to staying in and eating your night cheese or
whatever it is, and that got me to thinking, are
women conditioned to perform more traits.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Associated with extroversion?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
And when I think about myself, there are definitely some
behaviors that I can't say for sure the force, the
motivating force behind them. And I think as a woman,
I do feel a lot of pressure to make people
happy and to if you invite me to do a thing,
I'm going to show up and I'm going to make
sure it's a fun time. And I do think some
of that is societal conditioning. So it's hard to say
(17:52):
for sure, right human beings are complicated.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Well, I mean, I think that also plays into the
societal idea of women being host and hostesses and so there.
I definitely remember in college people loved when I would
take in charge of a party and trying to plan
things and organize things and make sure everybody's happy, all
of these which by the way, makes me panic, makes me.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Have an anxiety attack. I actually hate it.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
I hate large gatherings that I'm in charge of because
the entire time I'm so unhappy and trying to figure
out if this person is unhappy, how do I make
this better? Oh my god, this person's not talking, they're
having you know, all of these levels. But I think
that's part of the being the perfect quote unquote woman
of the house, whether it's you're a mother and you're
hosting a party, or you're someone's wife and you're hosting
(18:39):
a benefit for them.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
You know, you see it.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
We've talked about it before in the political roles when
wives of candidates are shown as being the perfect pristine
people who are friendly, outgoing all of these and bubbly
and what does that look like? It's automatically a tuned
with extra version, right.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
And then on the flip side of that, and I
know going to discuss this more in a bit, but
a lot of times women are expected to be quiet, right,
and that is associated with introversion. So it makes me
wonder these numbers how accurate they are and how can
we separate that out all these societal forces. But all right,
(19:22):
let's get into extroversion and extroverts. But first we're going
to pause for a quick break for word from our sponsor,
(19:42):
and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So, according to positive
Psychology dot com. Extroverts are recharged by socializing and make
decisions quickly, speak more our outgoing, are easily distracted, action oriented,
gregarious and expressive, great communicat and enjoy being at the
center of attention. Now, as we said, not all extroverts
(20:05):
are the same, and not all will exhibit all of
these things.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Essentially, it just means.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
What we said at the top, your energy is coming
from external stimuli.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Right, So, terms associated with extroverts chatty kathy or a
social butterfly, flirty birdie, which, by the way, this is
that's a new one to me, just like oh I.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Used to get called flirty birdie all the time.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Why that just oh my, okay, we'll go back. We'll
go because it's just so nonsensical of a term.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Okay, keep it on people, person that I have heard charming, witty,
and dearing. And while these are generally viewed as good
things that are frequently used to demean women or haha,
minimize them, surprise, surprise, and things along the lines of airhead, ditsy,
the joke that you can't get women to stop talking,
all of.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Those ridiculous narratives. But it also can go hand in
hand with not so great things like she's easy.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Yeah, of course, I feel like if you were having
to put this in the dichotomy of the Madonna and
the horror, the extra verts the horror for sure.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And like the introvert is cold.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Ice queen, right, and then because I just read about
Frozen and Elsa being an introvert, yes, there we.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
Go, that she is the ice queen, literally the ice queen.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Maybe we got it all wrong in many ways, that's
what we were saying earlier. Society is set up to
favor extroverts, especially in industries that depend on relationships, being
outgoing and making and deepening connections. Networking can really help
you land a deal or climb a corporate ladder. Extroverts
(21:46):
are likelier to hold management and senior positions. One said
he found the number of introverts and top positions was
as low as two percent and are likelier to promote
other extroverts. And part of that is what is that
that's that like buzzworthy term face time, like you got
to put face time in at the office, and like
you've got to be at the social happy hours, and
that's where a lot of these opportunities kind of come up,
(22:07):
and the extroverts are more likely to be doing those
things right. When it comes to the public seer, extroverted
people do tend to dominate the scene because they're out
there all the time. However, this is not always the case.
A lot of famous introverts have I guess, kind of
gamed the system, like figured out how to succeed in
(22:28):
this like extrovert world, I.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Want to say.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Right, so, even primary education is often structured in a
way that favors extraversion over introversion. And another way this
idea of an introvert extrovert in the workplace intersects with
women is that we're always being told to assert ourselves,
speak up of meetings, make ourselves heard, largely extroverted qualities
and you can actually even see that and open office plans. Yeah,
(22:54):
that kind of geared toward that whole interaction, you know,
teamward being loud, being very interactive, which and when you
start researching and we'll talk a little more about it.
During the interversion portion is anti productive for introvertse because
they need that solitude to have a creative mindspace and
being able to work out their own creativity and or process.
(23:16):
So it's very much so that whole level of what
is it scared.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Toward back in the before times.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Our office is an open space office, and you weren't
there yet, Samantha. But when we moved in, like two
or three months later, we had a whole office meeting
and it turned into an hour and a half of
like half the office just saying how much they in
open spots, open office space.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
And I will I would say, as surprising as that
may be, our office is made up of a lot
of introverts.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
I mean, I would venture to guess that is true.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
But yeah, I came into the office and like, what
is this? Because yeah, I hated it. I hate because I'm.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
Like, I don't like being watched and every time, maybe
it's just my own like inability to focus, but I'm.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Like, what what, who's who's here? What are they doing? What?
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And then being afraid and I'm again, I'm not extroverted
to an extent, but I do have a voice, and
I do like to talk to myself.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I do have a talk, you know, And so sometimes
when I talk to.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Myself, I forget I'm in an open space with a
lot of other people who have figured out not to
talk to themselves.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
I've definitely overheard some curse words and some some laughs.
So maybe you're not as out of place as you
think you are.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Something maybe maybe.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Other research suggests the existence of what is called an
ambivert advantage. Because ambiverts are good at listening and asserting themselves.
Some studies have found that they are more productive than
both introverts and extroverts. There's also something called the friendship
paradox and the extroversion bias. Essentially, our outgoing extroverted friends
(25:04):
are more likely to be represented in our friendship circles
because they have more friends, leading to the misconception there
are more extroverts than there actually are, and extroverts aren't
great at understanding introverts, or they haven't been for a
long time. I do think this is improving some they
(25:24):
might see introverts stuck up or judgmental, like, oh, you're
too good for my small talk or whatever it is.
For some they just can't compute the idea that someone
would want would need to be alone and there not
be something wrong. I kind of this need to check in.
Oh they're they're by themselves, I should check in, And
(25:44):
like this was a moment for me again where I
was thinking back to that interaction I had with my
friend in the morning and whatever the case was extroversion
or he's just not a morning person, but it like
never occurred to me.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
I thought I was doing a service.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I was trying to help and not wanted at all,
not wanted at all. The word antisocial gets thrown around
a lot when you're talking about introverts, and that's the
product of a lot of our media narratives around what
introversion is. Even the Dictionary recognizes our cultural understanding of
(26:22):
introvert in one of its definitions as shy and withdrawn,
which isn't accurate. It can be, but that's not what
it means. Right, So let's talk about introverts. Let's clear
some of this up, all right, but first let's take
one more quick break for word from our sponsor.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
And we're back. Thank you, sponsor. So, Samantha, you tellos
about introverts, I.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Got you so for my peoples.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
According to Positive Psychology, they describe introverts with these traits
recharged by spending time alone or flight before making decisions.
Listen more enjoy one on one conversation introspective of self aware,
I think before acting, learn through observation, and more sociable
with people they know. Again, introverts don't always have all
of these traits, they're just commonly associated with introverts, and
(27:22):
according to author Susan Kin, introversion is quote simply a
preference to socialize in these.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Quieter ways we mentioned earlier.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
How surprisingly, there are statistically more women who are classified
as introverts than there are men, but when it comes
to the stereotypes, it seems men are more accepted as
introverts than women. As blogger Mikaela Chung puts it, Western
society tends to be more accepting of stoic men than
their female counterparts. It's not uncommon to hear women being
referenced to as snobs or awkward, or even stand offish
(27:52):
if they aren't interactive enough, But for those who may
be considered talkative, they are sometimes referenced to as chatty.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Cathy's.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
When we were researching the subject of introvert versus extrovert,
there does seem to be a lot of assumptions of
the personality trait being negative for introverts, opinions stating that
introverts are strange or selfish, or maybe even hiding something
I knew it, Samantha. One statement even goes as far
to say, every once in a while, it's something good,
but eighty percent of the time the introvert is a
(28:20):
shady character.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Don't mind me, I'm not being shady.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
As in fact, with those many negative stereotypes of introverts,
and specifically female introverts, there's this continued conversation of what
leadership looks like for those who have been identified as
an introvert. The many articles we looked at seem to
be quote how to guys to provide introverts the skills
needed to move forward. As one article states from the
US News, it is a double whammy effect, which is
(28:48):
referencing the already known statistic that women are less likely
to be promoted or considered for a promotion into a
leadership position and add to that the challenges that often
can be associated with introverts, such as quietness or inability
to schmooth slash network in order to be seen. And
in one study conducted by ones in Dialchart, only fifteen
percent of the supervisory level was made up of introverts,
(29:09):
while only two percent or CEOs so that's kind of
a very odd, weird low number. And if we want
to talk about levels, let's also think on the many
women of color, LGBTQ, non binary women introverts trying to
move forward in their careers. But we'll come back to
that in a bit.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
In most, if not all, of the research that we
came across, the constant mention of imposter syndrome was a
theme of trying to navigate what seems to be a
world of extroverts who are framed as outgoing and assertive
and less you're a woman than you run into also
the problem of being labeled as overbearing or loud, know
it all. Many of those who identify as introverts often
(29:46):
speak of trying to change their personalities and pushing themselves
to be seen as more friendly and outgoing, or just
not moving forward and backing away from opportunities due to
inability or anxiety of trying to be acknowledged or given recognition.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
And so with that, here are a couple of help
advice for introverts trying to climb the ladder, supposedly, so
let's see if they work.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
So one is focus.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
On your work at hand or passion instead of looking
at the downfall of your personality type. Introverse are so
often mistaken as antisocial, when in actuality is the level
of interaction and social networking that can drain an individual,
and it's not necessarily being around another human. For me,
I think I need connections someone who I can be
completely honest with and open with on a personal level.
(30:31):
I am very quick to get to the depth of
a conversation, to the point that I've been called intimidating
you really, but it's something that I can't if it's
a vapid conversation for too long is exhausting to me.
And so when you think about all of that and
how that could help, when you're able to find a
passion or that passion in general and put it into practice,
(30:53):
the impact can be significant in a career slash work field.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Right embracing your intro version. Yeah, it's neither is better
than the other. Right, neither is better than the others.
So another tip, be strategic. Again, when we were talking
about introverts and social settings, the idea of big groups
of strangers is daunting, but small personal connections can be
just as if not more, useful, in strategic planning for
(31:21):
the growth of a company or an idea. And who
doesn't love a good email. Well, it depends, but I
actually do love email. This is where introverts can excel
and all those meetings, you know, that could have just
been an email. As we see today, the introverts there.
Speaker 4 (31:40):
For you, right, I don't want to talk to your face,
I'll just send you an email even better.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I am like that.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I actually do really prefer. But that's my hearing problem.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
I think that's fair.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Those who have issues with hearing, or are deaf or
can't hear, they probably would really, really really prefer being
able to have a concentrated chat room versus video chats
or just a video, or having in person conversation where
it's a giant group of people.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
So that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
The panic I feel when I have like multiple voices
and I can't see faces, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It is interesting to me too, because I in theory
I would love to do face to face things, and
I do, but I have to do It's like another
anti proofing thing where I know, if I don't have time,
I'm going to keep talking because I like it and
I want to talk to this person. So a lot
of times even though I would prefer to do face
(32:39):
to face, I make myself do emails because it's a
time saver. So it's funny to hear it from your
side and then hear it from my side.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Where we're essentially trying to do the same thing we
really are. We're just taking.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Different routes and have different motivations for it. And as
we mentioned, when it comes to women being intro there
is the issue of the double whammy, but going even
beyond that on an intersectional level, we do see or
even assume when it comes to women of color, LGBTQ plus,
non binary or as Lynette Crane, who is a consultant
that speaks on introverts and job advancement, called it a
(33:15):
triple whammy.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
Right as In fact, a blogger named Nicole Nichols writes
specifically in being an introverted Black woman and the many
stereotypes that come along with being a black woman, whether
it's the expectations that black women are bold and bigger
than life personality, and then what happens when that is
not that person's individual personality. She writes, we've all seen
in the media of the sister Girls with the rotating
(33:38):
next shrill voices and tempers that go from zero to
one hundred and two seconds.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
As hard it is to believe.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
In a society that is more diverse than ever, there
are still people whose only exposure to black women are
shows like Love and Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, and the
Woral Housewives of Atlanta, which seem to never showcase an
introverted black woman as In fact, there was a season
in which one of the members of the Real Housewives
of Atlanta talked about the fact that her scenes were
cut completely and I believe she wasn't invited back because
(34:06):
there was not enough drama. Sure, yeah, And she speaks
on the stereotypes that continue to dismiss introverted women of
color and maybe even their value. She goes on to
talk about her experiences of being reprimanded for being too
quiet and not lively enough at a social event, and
it definitely is a level of judgment for who she
is as an individual and a personality type. So I
(34:27):
find that really fascinating when we have that expansion of
oh my god, this is already bad, but let's add
these again intersectional issues that we don't see or think
about enough.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yeah, it is interesting to think of how we've just
sort of coded as a society that the wallflower or
whatever that there's something wrong right right, and that you
need to.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I don't know, like they're just being weird or awkward,
but really.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Like I don't know, I like to go talk to
the wallflower and if they're not into it, I just
leave right.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
And I think this is also a big conversation to
have in the LGBTQ plus community when we think about
the ideas of a gay man versus lesbians and the
ideas that happened of who is who, who has the
bigger personality and who kind of has this negative connotation
when we see the world around us, and even when
we talked about transgender communities in the conversations that we
(35:29):
have to have, you see amazing things like pose, but
automatically assume that all transgender people are that vibrant because
of a persona and so it's very problematic when it
comes to the fact that you're not that person. You're
just an individual who was finding their identity in a
different way quietly and need a process. And it's an
interesting whammy of how does this continue to affect and
(35:51):
how does this continue to be a negative impact for
you as that person going through such a giant personal growth,
personal awareness and trying to navigate that in a world
where you're supposed to fit into these things for people's entertainment.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
So I hear what I am hearing is more representation
what Yes. Though introversion has been long viewed as a negative,
as we've been discussing as recent years, not necessarily because
of our current isolation situation, it has become almost popular
to call oneself an introvert. I when I was researching
(36:30):
this to the one of the reasons I felt so
judged was the many articles written like finally we can
escape those extroverts and.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
They're small talk, they're treaded small talk.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
I was like, oh, I don't like by small talk
small talk.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Oh good, we will be fit. Well that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yeah, yeah, we need each other. We do need each other.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yes, And it's kind of a shift in this conversation
on what an introvert actually is, like an understanding of
what it is, what it means, and the power behind
the creative quiet pri process often associated with an introvert.
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Right, And another conversation we definitely want to come back
to is the idea Chelsea Brooks talks about with the
gender perceptions of extroverse and introverts, with the idea that
introversion is a feminine trait. When talking about extrovertse we
hear of it being masculine, bold and loud, and when
we discuss introverts, the idea of more analytical, thoughtful, reserved mousey,
which is seen as feminine, and the question of why.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
So going back to the author we mentioned earlier, Susan Kine,
she's kind of like the expert introversion. She wrote Quiet,
The Power of Introverts in a World that Won't Stop Talking.
She also did a TED talk that I know, like
Emma Watson is called out and Bill Gates says it's
one of his favorites. So she's a big deal. Right
(37:49):
In this conversation, I.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Think every blogger that we saw or every writer that
we saw that did a post mention her at least
three or four times.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Yes, sure, yes.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
And she commented on how introversion and our ideas around
it impacts feminism. She said, women who are naturally quiet
feel as if they can't be feminist or be powerful
because of it. We really need to undo that perception.
And yeah, we perhaps inadvertedly, are sending this message to
young girls that a strong woman has to be an
(38:19):
extroverted one. There are no strong female introverts, which is
absolutely not true.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Yeah, as in fact, we have some examples of some
amazing female intervis Audrey Hepburn, who was a genius and
a lovely actress way back when. Breakfast in Tiffany's is
still one of my favorites, even though Capoti hated it.
Fair enough, Eleanor Roosevelt who had made such impact when
as the first Lady Meryl Streep, you don't you know
(38:48):
she's a powerhouse.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
We know this, She's a powerhouse and everything.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Rosa Parks who started a movement on her own, and
then Michelle Obama, come on, come on, the show was
Michelle Obama. So if you don't sorry that we love her,
and yes she should be given the respect, all the respects.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
Yeah, it is interesting how many really creative, famous people
are introverts. And actually, when I first started working here,
kind of going back to your point, I was surprised
at how many of the hosts of the podcast.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
We do are introverts.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
And I mean it makes sense because I do think
being analytical is actually one of the keys to being creative,
and that's my own personal thing. I can go into
it forever and ever. I won't but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
So now that we've kind of given you the three
not two types of personalities of extrovert, in avert, and introvert,
where do you think you lie and how does that
affect us today?
Speaker 1 (39:44):
In Quarantine?
Speaker 4 (39:45):
I will say specifically, as I said earlier, at the beginning,
I was kind of like, yes, I am an true introvert.
I cannot maintain an enlarge group. I panic from the beginning,
but then have to rev myself up. I put on
a show essentially. I think you know, you and I
have talked about this when I'm on, I'm on. Yeah,
but it is exhausting and I need like five days
(40:08):
to recoup.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yeah, now I totally get that.
Speaker 4 (40:13):
You actually can. I can feel it physically. I am
so exhausted. I can sleep for days. My voice is gone.
Maybe because I'm always screaming. Maybe it's because I'm dancing too,
I don't know, but it is. It's a whole level
of like, oh my god, these are the things that
I have to do. But I'm good at it, and
I know how to read people enough, but it also
comes to the point that before I come into a situation,
I'm gonna watch your personality first and see what meshes first.
(40:36):
I think that's part of my social work background as well.
But in quarantine times it's been kind of difficult. Like
I love my own space and I love being recharged,
but yeah, I'm like, oh oh, now, this anxiety and
overwhelming need to actually be around people has kind of
(40:57):
pushed me to the Okay, I'm ready for a giant
party with my friends where we're just all loudly speaking
to each other, trying to catch.
Speaker 3 (41:05):
Up, touching, maybe within three feet of each other.
Speaker 4 (41:11):
Right, Look, every time I'll look at anyone, I think
every time I'm watching a movie recently or TV shows,
like they're standing too close. Why are they standing so close?
Speaker 2 (41:18):
I know it's gonna leave a like lasting impact or sure.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
Do you think you are absolutely an extrovert or would
you say you're more of an ambivert line?
Speaker 3 (41:33):
I actually i think I'm out like really strong, maybe
like on the very edge of ambervert an extrovert.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
I think I'm pretty strong extrovert.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
And I actually took one of the tests yesterday and
out of five five being extrovert, one being introvert, I
got four point eight or something. But the thing is,
it really helps me not to reframe to correct how
I was thinking of it, because I, like I said,
I don't have to be around people all the time.
It's the new experiences and the stimulus that I get
(42:07):
and like I can, I can write my fan fiction.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
You know days.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
But uh, it is, I've noticed it. It has worn
on me being in during this quarantine, right And you
can listen to are the mini we did recently for
more on that, But it's it is. I'm glad we
did this one because I did have a lot of
misconceptions and I would have said, maybe I'm more of
an introvert actually, and people just think I'm an extrovert.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
But you need a stimulus and I do not.
Speaker 4 (42:39):
Yes, yep, but I think and I think for sure
we're talking about memes.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
You are absolutely the one I'm thinking. I want to
like check on your extroverts or not.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Okay, I know, I'm just like standing at the windows.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Looking out someone someone come talk to me us.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Definitely check in, I mean check in all your friends because,
like we said, it's not like it's a cake walk
for introverts.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
Right and remember, because the anxiety and the like.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
If we're talking about the level of the analytical side
of this, this is a haunting and very scary moment
for everyone. And it doesn't matter what your personality type is,
if you're optimistic, wonderful, But for an introvert who again
can't internalize a lot of emotions in general and that
may not speak out when something is wrong, is definitely
(43:31):
something this can be a problematic issue.
Speaker 3 (43:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's not easy for
anybody for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
So in general, check on your peoples.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Yes, yes, check on all your friends, and yeah, look
right to us, right please, And we would love to
hear from you. We'd love to know where you are
on this extrovert introvert spectrum. You can email us or
email is Stuff Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia Dot. You
can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or
(44:02):
on Instagram at Stuff I've Never Told You. Thanks as
always to our super producer Andrew Howard.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Thank you Andrew, who was an introvert for sure.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Yes, we'd actually discussed it earlier today, and thanks to you.
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