Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is any and Samantha and all good stuff
I've never told you production by Heart Radio, and today
we are bringing back a follow up to my recent
classic follow up on the cemin Roll, in which I
(00:27):
talked about some of the some of the things I
saw after being in the space for a minute and
writing in the space for a minute, and how I
was kind of intrigued by how sad it often was,
even though sinin roll.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Is so nice and wholesome.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
So I was just curious about why that is. And
I was doing it too. I'd be like, I'm going
to write a happy story and suddenly I'm crying, and like, why.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You could be happy in a mineral wise is happening?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I think you're saying this as you're writing, in control
of this narrative. Why did I do this to you?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
There's one story I wrote and I got to the end,
and at the end you can put an author's note,
and I was like, I really intended for something else
to happen, but I just got to writing and this
is what came out. People were like, you know, sometimes
if you're really channeling a character and they're just gonna
go their own way, like, well, he went his own way. Yes, yeah,
(01:37):
well please enjoy this classic episode. Hey, this is Annie
and Samantha. I don't put this stuff. I never told
you production of iHeartRadio. It is Thursday, which means it is.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Time for another happy hour.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
As always with the ease, drink responsibly if you choose
to do so. For today's drink, it has coffee in it.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And I'm breaking my two cups rule.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
So are you're gonna say one of the cups for
this episode?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I was, But I did it. I did it. It's fair.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
You do what you need to.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I think it'll be okay.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
So, well, today we're talking about cinnamon rolls again, which
you can go and find. I believe it was my
very first happy hour I did. It was about cinnamon rolls,
the troupe where we discussed this drink. But Samantha, do
you want to describe kind of the basics.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yes, I think we've described it before. But essentially, it
is coffee and you'll get chocolate syrup or hot chocolate powder,
however you want to do it. Mix it in that
hot coffee, add a little dash of cinnamon so the
cinnamon roll part, and then you can use either creamer
Bailey's or not and add that into there, a little
bit of whiskey if you desire to add a little
(03:03):
more punch to it, whipped cream on top, a little
more cinnamon, and there you have any cinnamon roll?
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yes, And I am drinking mine out of the cemon
roll mug Samantha made me, which I adore.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I want to take it with me everywhere, but I'm
also very afraid it will break. So yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Also, it's fifteen ounces, so it's not your regular.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Oh is that more or less?
Speaker 3 (03:28):
That's more? Oh wow, coffee cup.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I'm gonna have a good day then.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Right, So I'm like, not only did you add a
little more than your typical m so the three and
then some okay?
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Oh no, oh you're fine, It'll be fine. Yes, I
do want to say.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
When I was checking out, one of the women asked
me what the whipped cream was for and I said,
you know, it's just I'd like to put it on coffee.
And she acted like I was a genius and was
so excited to try it. And I was like, oh, yeah,
I put it on top coffee, a little cinnamon.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
She was like, oh, has she never gone to that
Starbucks over there? They always put cream on coffee. I'm confused.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
I think they were just being nice, Samantha.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Also why she was asking you about web cream? What
that was super personal?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
And be like, I have a date, it's a activity.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I have a friend coming over. That's all you say.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I mean, I wasn't looking to mess with the kind
woman checking me out, But I see where your head goes.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
I'm just saying, that's such a weird question. I guess
maybe they're just being nice, but like, still, you're like,
why you never know what you're gonna get with things
like a whipped cream?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
That's true, she thought it was pie, so, you know,
pretty innocent. Innocent. Speaking of innocent, what we're.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Talking about today is we're revisiting the idea of cinnamon
rules again because I've been thinking a lot about this
this topic because obvious, I love cinnamon rolls, which is
the trope, which is essentially someone who's really innocent, who's
really sweet, really bright, like a light a damn sweetheart,
as I like to say. And I also like reading
terribly sad things about them and also writing terribly sad
(05:14):
things happening to them, and I keep finding myself shouting
you can be happy, Cinnamon.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Roll, let y'rself be happy.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And once again I find that that says something about
my self trauma and self esteem and particularly in this case,
happiness and Samantha knows like you, along with a bunch
of my other friends, have been getting my fan fiction updates,
and this one in particular, where it's just like wrecking
me so sad.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
And the author it sounds like.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yes. And I recently had one update where the author
was like, I'm gonna split this chapter in half because
it's so sad and you're gonna want to take a
break in the middle, and I was like, dang, true. Correct,
But I've been thinking about this whole idea for me
when a lot of times in these stories and when
(06:07):
I write them, and I think when I would describe
them to you, you'd probably think that doesn't sound as
sad as what you've been making it out to be,
because it is really really sad, but it's not like
the level of crying I have done. And I think
part of that is it's something I really connect to
where the cinnamon role doesn't feel like they deserve.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Happiness or that they are worthy.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Of happiness, and there's something about that level of insecurity
and low self esteem that I just connect to you
really strongly, and I find absolutely heartbreaking. And I think
there is a level two of selflessness. I get selfish
to think of your own happiness, and we've talked about
how that's often weaponized against women in particular and especially
(06:56):
when it comes to raising children. That's something that comes
up in a lot of these two of like a
key trade of the Cinnamon role is they are selfless.
But then when they do want something for themselves, when
I want them like you can be happy, they think
that that's bad or wrong and they don't deserve it,
(07:18):
and they'll feel guilty about being happy about like staying
in one place allowing themselves to have happiness. And this
is my favorite kind of tragedy, even though it makes
me so sad, is when you could be happy, but
you get in your own way, or you believe you
don't deserve it, and even though people are trying to
build you up and support you and giving you all
these options, you don't choose them because you don't think
(07:41):
you deserve it. And that's the fan fiction that I've
written that I've talked about. My Quarantine baby is five
hundred plus pages. That's essentially how it ends, as like
this really tragic, deciding that it would be better for
yourself to suffer for like ever essentially to help other
people as opposed to letting yourself be happy. But yeah,
(08:04):
and this whole idea of like people feeling that people
are better off without you, that you want to shrink
and not bother anybody I've talked about That's how I
have operated, and I've like almost lost friendships over it
because people have misinterpreted it. And also it can be
very selfish because you're not thinking about what the other
person wants, or you don't believe them when they say
(08:28):
that they want to hang out with you or that
they want you in your lives can be hard, Like
we talked about that a lot too, for any marginalized person,
it can be hard to tell yourself that you have
self worth when there's so many things telling you.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
That you have no value.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
And also like this whole idea of can you be
happy alone and if you are, what does that say?
And feeling like you need someone to validate you and
your happiness, your existence, your legitimacy, Like.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's not good either. But I just find it interesting.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
That that's what I've been connecting to so strongly, and
I feel like I'm almost on a precipice smit. I
feel like I like I'm at a part of healing
because I do I want this fictional person to be happy.
And I think that, like we talked about in the
original Cinnamon role one, that's one of the things I
(09:28):
think for me, at least, the connection to trauma is
this fictional person is much easier in a lot of
ways to connect to you and to feel bad forward,
to feel like it's not their fault or x what
like this strong person went through this and it wasn't
I don't think it's their fault.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Then it wasn't my fault either. And so like me
shouting at.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
My computer, let yourself be happy, cinemoal, you can be happy.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
It does feel like a step I've made, a step up.
I think.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
I think it's funny because perhaps this is just like
owning your own self and having a moment of self reflection,
of being able to root for that when before you
were just like this is dethlate, it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Maybe, yeah, yeah, And I mean that's the saddest part
for me of a lot of this is.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
That being as a reader or as.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
A writer in some case like it's cruel, but it's
almost like you think you could be happy, Well you're
not gonna be happy in the end. Yeah, which is terrible,
but that is like my favorite type of tragedy, which
I know is weird to have a favorite type, but
that is. But yeah, and there's this kind of whole
(10:46):
idea of being afraid of your own happiness and letting
yourself be happy. You've talked about the comparison game, and
I feel like, especially over the past few years that
have been so tough and dark, it is it is hard.
It feels wrong to be happy, right, or to let
yourself be happy right.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
There's definitely guilt and being like, oh everything is okay.
I think we've talked about this before when my friends
were all in upheaval and then I'm okay. It doesn't
feel natural, right because A I'm typically the one in crisis,
or B being okay when everybody else is down doesn't
feel like I'm being supportive for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, it's an odd aspect of human nature.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
It makes sense, especially when you're an empathetic person.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
That feeling happy or feeling okay when other people aren't
does somehow feel like selfish or guilty or wrong when
it shouldn't, especially if you you're helping and supporting in
ways that you can. But yeah, that's that I feel.
It's something I still struggle with, and I'll almost like,
(12:12):
if I catch myself feeling happy, I'll come up with
reasons not to be happy sometimes or or just feel
like an extreme amount of guilt about it, And especially
because I do live alone, and I'll just get my
head about, like what is any of my existence even made.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
It feels weird.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Something else that we've discussed before is especially I can't
speak for other cultures, but especially in the United States,
I feel like there is an air of.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Like being happy.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
I don't know how to word it exactly, but it's
you should always be striving for more, like you're never
going to be happy with what youpp you should always
be pushing for more.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
And if you're happy, that's almost.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Like a weak thing, like a weakness, like we know
we kind of have glorified pain and suffering or working
or always being stressed in an odd way, like kind
of going back to that whole workaholic thing or never
taking a vacation. Here in the US, it's like we've
turned happiness into or admitting you need these spaces to
(13:24):
be happy into a weak thing, right.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Contentment is not okay. That means you've given up.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Yeah, exactly, and you can't really talk about it, or
if you do, usually it's in terms of like something
you've accomplished, which is absolutely something to be happy about
and be pleased with.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
But I feel like that's sort of the one area.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
And even then sometimes people will be like, well, she's
bragging or XYZ shouldn't have been talking about this, and
oh gosh, it's happiness.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Shouldn't be so complicated that it is in a lot
of ways.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Of course, there's also the there's a difference between happiness
and contentment and faking it, yeah, and or trying to
outdo someone and outshine someone. There's always that too, that
level of also reading the room.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yes, that's very important, but it's absolutely true. Very good point,
very very good point.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
And I think again, during our really like time of
being just massive upheaval where we're all more connected than ever,
that can be harder than ever as well, because I'll
just gip my head about like I feel like I
can't post anything on social media because there's so much suffering,
(14:45):
which again, there is a difference between like reading the
room and just shutting down completely, right, But yeah, that's
definitely important to this whole thing. And also, you know,
happiness looks different for different people, and and finding out
what that means to you can just be a whole thing.
And especially you know, as I've gone through like how
do I identify sexually and what does like my being
(15:12):
happy in a relationship or not being in a relationship
looks like, and all of that stuff, I've been thinking
about it. And you can't be happy all the time,
of course, but it's this idea that I've been like
too afraid to even let myself believe that's an option
to be happy, and then the idea that maybe I
(15:32):
could be but I'm just too afraid to do it
or too afraid to fight for it or whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
And I'm making it sound like I'm miserable all the time.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
But this is kind of what has been going through
my head as I'm like reading these stories and connecting
with them so hard and trying to figure out why
I'm connecting with them so hard, and why this is
what I write is that the people that I write
consistently don't let themselves be happy and don't choose happiness.
And so I've just been trying to work through why
that is and why that does restate with me so much.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
And I think I think that's good to think about.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
And I think a lot of people have been thinking
about what happiness really means to them instead of like
what they think it should be, what they think it
should look like. And obviously, again with the whole cinnamon
roll trope, I personally do think a lot of trauma
is involved in that whole thing.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
And the idea is almost like they.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Go through all this stuff and yet they are still
this beautiful, bright, happy whatever, whatever, whatever. But this is
the one area where they can't. The trauma shines is
that they have low self worth. They can't be they
can't allow themselves to be quote unquote selfish or to
choose something for them that they want that would make
(16:49):
them happy because they think they don't deserve it, because
they haven't done enough, or.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Whatever it is anyway.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Not I mean, they could be necessarily about you, but
for a lot of people it could be also the
difference in seeing themselves in a more dramatic manner than
it is the reality. And so this was like, yes,
this is me even though it's really not you, but
it could be had you been in this fantasy life.
But also being that if you have a sadder, more
(17:19):
disposition that if you want to be a main character,
this would be the main character that you see yourself being.
So there's a whole lot of reflection on that. Also
to note, for those of you who go into friendships
and relationships who for the most part feel guilty about
being happy, there could be something to be said about
the relationships you're having in that if they're not celebrating
(17:41):
with you, there's something wrong. There's a thing to be
able to, yes, commiserate together, but they should be able
to celebrate with you as well, So there should be
an even stead even with the worst parts of your day,
you should be able to celebrate something. There's something to
be said to have someone in your corner who see
you and backs you and is able to encourage you
(18:04):
even in the worst parts of the day. So there's
a lot to everything to that. If you only have
friendships that only make you feel guilty for being happy.
There's something wrong with that friendship, Yes, just to put
that out there.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
For sure, And I think, I mean most of what
I'm talking about is more of what I the hole
you are not allowed, Like the person in the relationship
is like, let me help you, and you're like no,
because I don't deserve it. Right, But yes, Also if
you do make that space and the other person is
making you feel guilty, then that's the different thing.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Not healthy.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I mean, neither one is good, right, like right, you
need to figure out where that is.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
I think I think more of that on social media,
where it's constantly how dare you?
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah, that becomes a toxic level of like, but it's nice.
It's okay to have a moment of niceness, whether it's
you got to sit by yourself and sure, yeah, we
don't necessarily need the Kim Kardashian renting out island during
the pandemic, be like, look at how happy I am.
We don't. That's not reading the room. That's a different
level saying I'm with someone and we're happy and we're
(19:09):
content baking of bread. That's not a bad thing, right.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yes, yes, I mean find happiness where you can that
doesn't hurt other people and its healthy absolutely, but as
Samantha knows, we're about to embark on a tragedy.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Comfort there we go. This is like.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
My favorite, my favorite thing obviously in the fiction realm,
not in the real world.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
But I have been telling people about.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It and they're like, what what are you doing. Basically,
We're going to watch a bunch of sad things and
eat a lot of soup. So we're gonna be sad
and then.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Comforted lots of soup. People.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I love soup, so I'm very excited. Well listeners, As always,
we would love to hear from you. Cheers, kills, happy
happy hour. If you would like to email us, you
can or email Stuff mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com.
You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast
or on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You. Thanks
for always to our super producer Christina, thank you, and
(20:09):
thanks to you for listening.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
STUFFE Never Told You the direction of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
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