SMNTY Fiction: Terminus, Part 2 (Chapter 7.2)

Tilda and Madison finally discuss the traumatic events that led them to hide and recover.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. We'll welcome to stuff
one ever told you production, but I heeartt you and
welcome again to another edition of Spiny Fiction. This is
a once a month thing that has a bit more
sound effects thanks to the amazing Christina, our super producer.

(00:28):
It is ongoing. We are in the second of a trilogy,
and this one was originally called Big Things Start Small,
but I just called them all Terminus, Part one, Part two,
Part three because otherwise I don't know what's going to
happen here. It's confusing enough when I'm titling things. So yeah, this,
I would suggest you listen to the other ones first,

(00:50):
but you too what you want. I can't tell you
what you do. This is something that I wrote for
National Novel Writing Month and twenty eleven, I believe is
when you try to write a novel in a month,
and it's a very dystopian end of the world thing
that looking back now, I'm like, oh, little did you

(01:14):
know what was to come? But I don't really edit
them that much because I like looking back at it
and talking about it. What was going on in my
head at the time. I remember exactly where I was
when I wrote this, which I wrote it on pin

(01:35):
I wrote with a pin on paper, and then I
had to submit it. You got to type it up.
I don't know what I was thinking, but if you
heard the last chapter, it was a very introspective chapter.
They had just had this really traumatic experience. This one

(01:55):
is them talking that out. So content learning for descriptions
of violence, description of murder, nothing too in depth memories
of violence, non explicit descriptions of panic and anxiety. I
would say of like low self worth, illness into the world,

(02:17):
projecting not a healthy not the healthiest relationship. I think
in light of the world they live in, it's understandable
and I'll talk about this a little bit more at
the end, but like, yeah, not the healthiest of relationships.
So a recap. Yes, there's this virus that's really decimated
the human population. It turns out it was released purposely

(02:41):
by the religious component of the US government, and they
had a vaccine, but they destroyed it all because they
were really they would rather have power than help people.
And they did have two vaccines. They saved one for Madison,
who is their grandson, and Tilda managed to get him

(03:04):
the vaccine and broadcast Tilda his mom broadcast to the
world like what they had done, and they flee and
now they're on the run, and they have recently been
confronted by a rogue group who attacked them and Tilda
was forced to kill them with the help of Madison.

(03:27):
It's the first time Madison has had to do something
like that, So they're dealing with the fallout of all
of that. On top of that, they've got this call
from the leader of this underground rebellion who's saying like, hey,
we need you to come back to DC because we

(03:49):
can make a vaccine, but we need your son, Madison
to do it. And Tilda and Madison have been on
the run their whole lives because she illegally in this world,
conception is controlled, children are controlled. So she ran away
with him, and so they've been on the run this
whole time, and she's really struggling with like trust and
I don't know what to believe about any of this.

(04:13):
They've found this place. They're exhausted, they're gonna stay the
night there. Tilda has been putting off this conversation she
needs to have with Madison about what happened, and that
is where we are. Let us get into the fiction.

(04:42):
Outside was brittle and crisp, the air sharp in her lungs.
The grass crunched beneath her feet as she crossed over
to the barn, unlatching the fence. Inside were two rows
of stables, outfitted with tools and pails and saddles. On
the other side was a big pen that looked like
ed once been used for and cows and other livestock,
long troughs. No feed, though one of these times she

(05:06):
hoped they'd find something for Scout in one of these barns.
Tilda went around the back of the farmhouse to the
silo on the opposite end. It was a looming, ominous structure,
menacing against the horizon. Tilda had never been inside a silo.
She wasn't entirely sure what one would look like. On
the inside. She located a discrete metal door in front

(05:27):
of the metal cylinder, having to use her weight to
leverage it open, not that it was that heavy, but
that it had been so long since it had been opened.
The creak of it wrenching open echoed loudly in the
metal canister. It released a breath of stale air. Tilda
blinked at the darkness within, not knowing what to expect.
It was empty, just a metal container of nothing. Everything

(05:52):
was muted, her footsteps on crystal granules of dirt, swallowed
by the emptinss she just released from its cage. She
felt like if she screamed, there would be no sound.
She tread a careful path to the center, spinning in place,
looking at the gleaming metal walls. The light from her
flashlight was absorbed by the rounded sheets of metal, and

(06:14):
what wasn't bounced meagerly around shimmered, almost like water on
a calm day. Claustrophobia welled up within her, and she
desperately sought out the door, retreating out and closing it
behind her. Hugging her middle, she could feel the nothingness
contained insides silently howling behind her. Trapped once again in

(06:34):
its box. She hurried back to the farmhouse, sliding the
lock into place behind her and striding back into the
main room, where Madison was finishing up with a makeshift
bed of especially comfy proportions from the blankets tilt it
had tossed down the flashlight she'd given him. Balancing on
a table, Scout had already closed her eyes, looking comfortable
under the handstown quilt tucked around her. Madison sat back

(06:58):
on the couch, sinking into the pile of blankets, watching
her intently, Tilda plopped down warily in the love seat adjacent.
Slipping off her pack, she pulled out a water bottle
and tossed it to Madison once she'd caught his attention,
and then a bag of trail mixed for him and
jar of canned fruit for herself. She thought it'd be
easiest on her throat. They worked their way through their

(07:20):
meals silently, Tilda parsing what she wanted to say, or
trying to at least her thoughts kept screeching to a halt.
Unable or unwilling to face what addressing them would mean.
Madison broke the festering silence. First, Are we safe? Tilda
couldn't lie as safe as we can be for now?

(07:45):
He bowed his head of shaggy hair, accepting her answer.
His place is really big, he tried, yeah, Tilda agreed roughly.
Madison inspected her, appraising. Are you all right? He asked,
his voice wavering delicately tilt. His throat tightened immediately in response,

(08:08):
I'm fine. Her voice was staggered with cracks and fissures. Look, Madison,
we need to talk about what happened. His wide gaze
held hers, wanting her to explain it, to make it
make sense. You killed them to protect me, Madison asserted

(08:30):
in a brave voice. Yes, Tilda agreed. I didn't want to,
but I had no choice. They were going to take
us in. She broke off on able to give voice
to what they had planned for Madison. They were dangerous,

(08:52):
she supplied, after she'd caught her breath. Her heart was
thumping violently. They would have killed us first. Those are them,
I know, Madison whispered quietly, staring at his feet. He
was hurting you, he was. I thought he was going

(09:12):
to kill you, Madison. Words became mangled, broken collisions of phrases.
He was sobbing, Tilda realized, and doing his best to
hide it from her. Cautiously, Tilda stood and approached him.
Sitting next to her son, the blankets comfortable and mushy
beneath her, He crawled into her lap almost the second
she sat down, surprising her. Stiffly, she started stroking his back,

(09:37):
kissing his forehead. It's okay, it's okay, she murmured, hot
tears soaked into her jacket. Tilda screwed up her courage.
She had to ask, are you are you afraid of me? Madison?

(09:57):
For a minute, he wept quietly. Tilda thought she might
dissolve into sobs as well, But then he said thickly, no,
you protect me, you you, you saved me. Tilda sagged
and shocked relief, and then hugged him more tightly, fiercely,
so grateful at the gift he'd given her. I stabbed him.

(10:22):
Madison choked out into her jacket. I stabbed him. Oh, honey,
Tilda breathed, you saved me. Ellis would have killed me
if not for you. She gave him a gentle shake.
You didn't kill him, just distracted him. He didn't kill him, baby,

(10:45):
She emphasized. Why they do that? He asked her, heart broken.
Why couldn't they just leave us alone? The world's a
dark place. People have been hammered and roughened into creatures
of survival, often depraved things driven by instinct. Kindness is
the exception, not the rule. They weren't safe. Safety didn't

(11:08):
exist anymore, not for them. There were people who wanted
to hunt them down and hurt them, and those people
were everywhere, lying in wait, watching, dying, and willing to
kill to have a child like Madison, someone untainted by
HSB five. Everyone's so scared. This is what fear does.
It strips away everything else and leaves a monster, and

(11:31):
it's awake, mindless. But of course she didn't say that,
she couldn't. She just stroked his hair. I'm sorry. I
wish things were different. You shouldn't have to grow up
in a world like this. It was worthless sentiment, but

(11:51):
Madison quieted a bit. I Tilda started and then stopped,
wondering how much she should confide in my Madison. He
was her only companion, the only person she could talk to,
and the fact that she had murdered two men in
cold blood earlier that day was eating her alive from
the inside out. Her skin was crawling with the memory

(12:13):
of it. But at the same time, and more importantly,
she was his mother. She shouldn't place her burdens on
her child, But where then could she place them? I
didn't want to kill them, She finally settled on a compromise.
Killing should always be the last resort. It takes something

(12:36):
from you, You lose a piece of yourself. He climbed
out of her lap to sit next to her so
he could better look her in the eye. He lost
a piece, Madison asked innocently, Yeah, I did, and it
was true. She did feel as though something inside her

(12:58):
had broken off. She'd felt the same way when she'd shot,
and if she was straight with herself, most likely killed
the man in Chicago. Madison seemed to think for a second,
I guess maybe I did too. He pulled his knees
up to his chest and rested his chin on top
of them. I feel different, and I'm worried if I

(13:21):
don't help with a vaccine, he specified, I'll just feel
guilty for the rest of my life. I'll be a bad,
selfish person responsible for the death of the human race
till the thought. But shoved the thought away. They had
a vaccine, she reminded herself forcefully. They were trying to

(13:41):
manipulate her Madison into coming back, but she wasn't going
to put Madison into any more danger than they were
already clearly in. You're a good kid, you know that,
she said fondly, and he flashed her a bewildered look.
You're so kind hearted, and you're always thinking of other people.
She paused, pondering the best way to frame what she

(14:03):
was going to say. You're not a bad person, you
are not selfish. They have a vaccine, and last time
we were here with Mark and his friends, they betrayed us.
Madison studied her intently. He had probably always suspected that,
but not known for sure. They were willing to use
you once, and they'd do it again. But if if

(14:28):
things change, if something happens that proves to me and
be safe to go back to DC, that they really
need us and we'd help by going back, then we'll
go back. I promise. She hoped she wouldn't regret making
that promise some day. But until then, I'm not going

(14:48):
to put you at risk again. We are in enough
danger as it is, and I don't think we can
trust Mark. Madison processed all of this, his brow wrinkled
with deep thought, his cheek smushed against his knee. Tilda
took a final swig from her water bottle, her throat
painfully dry. After her rather uninspiring speech. Okay, he finally said,

(15:12):
He looked back over to her. But how will we
ever know we can trust someone? Tilda exhaled, slowly, her
swollen face, giving a rather painful throb. Trust comes with time,
with actions. We'll have to wait and see what they do.
More shiny words that amounted to very little, but they

(15:33):
were true. He pressed the heels of his hands to
his eyes, a very adult gesture. He sucked in a
shaky breath. I'm sorry, he hiccuped, I'm so sorry. Tilda
cupped his cheeks, tilting his face toward hers. For what, baby,
for what? He stopped for a moment, fighting an internal battle,

(15:56):
before he burst out with you've lost the peace. You've
lost peace. His voice morphed into a bangled whisper. You
lost the piece because of me tilt. His eyes welled up. No, no,
I didn't. None of this was your fault. You're not
responsible for the actions of others. Madison looked away, sobbing quietly,

(16:18):
trying to shield her from his grief. But she wouldn't
let him escape her so easily. This she couldn't turn
away from you. Give me something to hold on to,
You make me whole. I would have lost everything, every piece.
She gave him a gentle shake of the shoulders. If

(16:39):
not for you, you gave me that, You give me that
something to live for, in a way to piece myself together.
Those bright blue eyes stared at her, an entire universe
contained behind their glassy surface, the universe to be lost in.
They watched her in that way that told her what
she was saying was something he was going to remember,

(17:01):
something he was trying to take in and figure out
the truth of how it fit in and assimilated into
what he knew and what he was shifting pieces, rearranging
the responsibility of it unnerved her. She pushed down the crawling,
insidious unworthiness that lived in her very skin. Without you,

(17:24):
I'd be nothing, I'd have nothing. So don't you dare
blame yourself for the actions of those two men. That's
giving them power they don't deserve. Tears cascaded over her fingers,
but he held her gaze, his hand coming up to
touch her face, taking in the bruising and the puffiness.

(17:46):
I'll be fine, til de reiterated, cursing the scratchiness of
her voice. What if they find us the people he
was talking about, he whispered to fear, like a stark
candle casting light on his face. We'll keep moving, We'll
take smaller roads. We've got scout, she indicated the sleeping

(18:06):
horse with a smile. They won't find us. She prayed
that was the case. Madison nodded hesitantly, wanting to believe.
Let's get some sleep, okay, Tilda suggested, even though they
both knew that any sleep they got would be haunted
with ghosts. Madison tightened his grip at her suggestion, a

(18:26):
spark of fear igniting behind his eyes. It's okay, she repeated,
switching off his light and gently laying him down on
the mountain of pillows and blankets. He dissembled, pulling him
close to her chest and tugging a comforter down over
both of them. Neither of them shut their eyes, each
staring into the darkness. The comforter pulled heat around them,

(18:46):
a net of warmth cocooning them. Tilda fought asleep, encroaching
upon her her brain buzzing until something heavy settled behind
her eyes and her brain shut off like a light switch.
She dreamt that Madison was gone. She didn't know where
he was or how long he had been missing, just
that he was gone and she needed to find him.
She'd been reduced to an automaton with only one purpose,

(19:09):
her need to find Madison, her compass, her being, everything,
her singular universe. It was cold, but she didn't notice
her body was dead. Her limbs hung limply and swung
as she stumbled forward in the never ending sea of nothing.
In her brain was a constant refrain, her catechism, Home

(19:30):
is where you are. Home is where you are, Home
is where you are, looping constant. A whimpering dredged her
from her sleep with a breathy gasp. It was dark,
the darkest part of the night. Madison was whippering, softly, squirming,
caught in the throes of a nightmare, her head heavy
and confused. Tilda murmured comforting words in Madison's ears, clumsily

(19:51):
petting his hair in his arm. Lost at sea, that's
how she felt, caught in the waves, not sure which
way was which, unable to catch her breath, dehydrated it
hungry and shriveled, seasick and homesick and desperate for solid ground,
And Madison was lost with her. She wondered what nightmares
haunted him tonight. She imagined Ellison Jake played a large role,

(20:13):
impossibly even herself. Her throat seared, her body throbbed, her
face burned. She felt weak and flimsy, stiff in some
places and soupy in others. Madison quieted and snuggled deeper
under the covers. Tilda shut her eyes but felt dizzy,
as though she was on a raft, rocking and careening
over cresting and troughing waves. She swallowed back the nausea

(20:35):
rising in her throat, the pain like a shard of glass.
She wheezed, opening eyes that were hot and her swollen face.
She could see shapes, shadows darting through the room, but
she knew she was hallucinating in her exhaustion, her tired
and stress added brain firing with all the excess nerves
generated by the day's events. Her eyes closed, a time

(20:56):
would pass and she'd open them again, not truly achieving
sleep for the rest of the night. And that brings

(21:19):
us to the end of this edition of spenty fiction.
I hope that you enjoyed it. As I hinted that before,
I apologize for my bad acting. I'm trying not to
like go overboard, but sometimes I feel like I go
underboard in a way. It's like kind of a mess. Really,
I'm just trying to narrate it in a way that
is not jarring, right, So apologies for that, thinks is

(21:44):
always to super producer Christina, who makes these amazing And
I did as I mentioned, I did want to say
before you yell at me, before you write in, I
know that this is not the healthiest relationship. I know.
And actually I've said this before. I'm really excited for
us to get to the ending of this story because
it's examined, it's like talked about, because she's basically defining

(22:08):
all of her worth through her son, all of her
everything is about Madison, and that will be dealt with later.
But I just want you to know I do know. Okay,
that's not the healthiest thing. And I think in terms

(22:31):
of the apocalypse, in the life they've lived, it makes
sense that they don't have the healthiest copying mechanisms. They're
very attached to each other in a way that's not
the healthiest thing. I think it makes sense, but it
will be confronted. We will get to it. And yeah,

(22:54):
this was a pretty It had a pretty intense conversation
in this one, and I had forgotten about how they
really talked it out. So I hope that you all
enjoyed it. I hope that you're continuing to enjoy this.
I love hearing from you all about it. And yeah,

(23:15):
if there's anything that is in this realm of fiction
that we could do that's in the public domain you
would like us to try, we do like doing these.
You can email us at Stephanie moms Stuff at iHeartMedia
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok at Stuff I've
Never told you. We're on YouTube, we have a tea
public store, and we have a book you can get

(23:37):
wherever you get in your books. Thanks as always too,
our super producer Christina are executive for us to Maya
and our contributor Joey, thank you and thanks to you
for listening Stuff I Never Told You the protection of
my Heart Radio. For more podcasts or my heart Radio,
you can check out the heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. You're only

(24:00):
on you t