Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.
It's ready. Are you welcome to step Mom? Never told you?
From House top works dot com. Hello and welcome to podcast.
This is Molly and I'm Kristen. Kristen. I am guilty
(00:21):
sometimes after meals of saying something like I could have
married that steak or I could have married that sandwich.
When I have a really good meal, I tend to
talk about marriage to be tend to propose to it.
I do even though it's gone, even though it's in
law belly making me happy. I still sometimes say, Wow,
that was I'd give a ring to that steak. I'd
(00:42):
have that steaks babies. And it's just a funny way
to express how much, or maybe it's not funny way
to express how much I love a meal. Yeah, and
and the thought of a thought of steak babies running
around is pretty great. In fact, I do it so
much that um one of my friends recently we were
at brunch, said oh man, I love these pancakes, and
she said, would you marry them? And I was like
(01:04):
a bit more of a casual, casual relationship. Their booty
call every now and then I wouldn'trry them, but love
them and leave them those pancakes. Yeah, so I've gotta
gotta start watching this because apparently it's coming a pretty
bad trait. But even though I jokingly talk about marrying food, um,
there are people for whom that attachment to an inanimate
(01:26):
object is not that unusual. That you would literally like
to marry a stake, or, in the case of some people,
the Eiffel Tower, the Berlin Wall, a computer, the Golden
Gate Bridge. And these people are termed objectim sexuals, meaning
that they have sexual and romantic feelings for an object. Yes,
(01:47):
they aren't attracted sexually attracted to other people, but it's
discreet from a sexuality, and that they have sexual feelings
and romantic attachments to like you said, buildings, uh, sound equipment, UM, architecture,
all sorts of things. Actually, none of the people in
(02:09):
any of our research were in love with food, so
maybe I shouldn't have used that comparison, but buildings and
monuments seemed to be the most common ones, at least
in our research. And this term objective sexuality was coined
in the nineties seventies when this woman named Asia Rita
married the Berlin Wall, and she took the last name
(02:30):
of Berlin or Mauer, which means Berlin Wall and um.
She was sort of the first big topic of conversation
around this study. And then in the ensuing decades, we've
had Erika Eiffel who married the Eiffel Tower. There was
one woman a year ago, I believe, who married an
amusement park ride and she took the last name of
(02:52):
the company that manufactures the ride. And there was a
movie that came out to a few years ago about
this phenomenon. Although people in the object and sexual community
really kind of disavow this movie because they feel that
it was sensational that, you know, they just really want
to talk about, you know, how you have sex with
the Eiffel Tower, whereas these people are talking about how
these objects bring the same sort of love and satisfaction
(03:16):
support that other people get from a man or a woman.
If you were to talk to Erika Eiffel about her
relationship with the Eiffel Tower, she uses a lot of
the same kind of terminology that you would use to
describe a husband or a boyfriend or a significant other
of of any kind. They feel she feels a communication
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she feels an actual energy coming from the Eiffel Tower
and an energy that she gives back and that radiates
from it, and uh is faithful in a way to
to the Eiffel Tower. Right when she talks about, you know,
she had admired the Eiffel Tower and picture she sort
of has seems to have this thing for all bridges
(03:58):
and structural objects. But she talks about going to the
Eiffel Tower for the first time and just being able
to hear it to be she hears it crying out
to her, and she deems the Eiffel Tower of female mooset.
Objective sexuals tend to put a pronoun on their object
of interest in some people. You know, there was one
man who said that every object he was involved with
(04:19):
us with another he so he was a homosexual objective sexual.
Whereas um Eric Eiffel sees the Eiffel Tower as a female,
she sees the Golden Gate Bridge as male. And she
talks about how she can have these relationships with these
different structural objects and get the kind of you know,
get fulfillment from it so much so that you know,
(04:40):
as we said, she had a commitment ceremony with the
Eiffel Tower a few years and Eric Eiffel says that
objective sexuals are animous who believed that everything in the
world has a spirit and a soul, and that's what
she is connecting to in these objects. And she first
fell in love with a bridge in her hometown, and
then she subsequent relationships with an archery boat and a
(05:03):
Japanese fighting sword, among other things. And this idea of
things having souls. Um, you know, that's how objective sexuals
no almost know when a relationship is falling apart, because
breakups do exist. Um. They it's like they stopped receiving
that energy from an object. One man talks about how,
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you know, he would sometimes be cheating on his objects
because he'd be doing repairs on other objects and he'd
start getting the vibe from the new object, he'd go
back to his original object. Let's say it was a computer,
and the computer would just be cold and frosty, the
way a person might be if they suspected you were
having an affair. And a lot of the trend stories
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that you read about objecting sexuality, they tried to portray
who who might have a relationship with a Niffel tower
or the Golden gate bridge or a sound board, because
it does seem so foreign to us. You know, we
have the podcast about a sexuality, and that seemed you
know already so um people didn't know. I don't really
(06:05):
know what to do with the idea of um of
people not even wanting to love other humans. But then
with objective sexuality, the idea of feeling some kind of
romantic attachment to an object is even more foreign. And
so when they're going through and looking at the community
that has that has come out as objective sexual, they
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find that a lot of them do tend to either
have aspergers or be autistic, which makes sense. Those conditions
are marked by an inability to connect with another person. Um.
But you know, not every person who has autism or
aspergers is an objective sexual. Not ever, every objective sexual
does have autism or aspergers. Um. You know, one thing
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that they always try and look for is instance of abuse.
Was there some traumatic instance in this person's life that
leads them to not trust anyone? And they don't find that.
By and large. They do find a few people who
have had abandonment issues, maybe they were in the foster
care system or abused by a family. Member. But you know,
there doesn't seem to be that that trend, which makes uh,
(07:10):
these people start to argue that it's just a normal
part of human sexuality that should be recognized on the
sexuality spectrum, much like that argument we had about a sexuality.
Is this should this be a sexual orientation? Should this
just be recognized as you know, a choice that people
have made? And uh. A researcher named Amy Marsh, who
has done probably the biggest study of objective sexuality, says,
(07:35):
it is, it is an orientation. It should be considered
right up there with heterosexuality, homosexuality, objective sexuality. Right. She
was saying that if you were to apply the same
definitions of heterosexuality and homosexuality um, but simply replace the
human aspect of it with an object, it would you
would have the same types of emotional attachments two things
(08:00):
um and Amy Marsh did a survey of I believe
it was twenty one objecting sexuals about their relationships with objects,
and there was a lot of variation, UM, even within
that small community, in terms of whether or not they
directly communicated with the object, whether or not they masturbated
(08:21):
with the object. UM. Some of them or would have
monogamous relationships, non monogamous relationships much like dating. Right, Yeah,
they had very levels of intimacy. I think that's you know,
probably a question that jumps to a lot of people's minds.
And if you're sexually attracted to this object, how do you,
you know, consummate that? And you know, they don't go
(08:41):
into detail, and you know, but humans don't necessarily want
to detail either, So I don't think that that's out
of line with with anything. But you know, they do
find ways to find to have that satisfaction with their object.
And you know, some people have lobbied the accusation. These
people are choosing the easy way out because they don't
have to deal with the romantic entanglement so another person.
(09:02):
You don't have to to deal with what another person wants
or thanks or any of that, and that this is
somehow easier than a real relationship. But is Zerka Eiffel
points out, You know, you have to deal with the
fact that all these tourists are all over the thing
you love. You have to deal with the fact that
you can't, you know, go to bed with it at
the end of the night. So they're saying it's no
easier or more difficult than any other kind of relationship.
(09:24):
It's just another equally valid relationship. And I feel like
the reason that a lot of them participated in Amy
Marsh's study was just to bring awareness of the fact
that there are people who can find happiness this way,
and if you do find happiness this way, that you're
not alone. But since the objective sexual community is so
small a least the people who are out, and because
(09:46):
it does seem so taboo to have an emotional attachment
to an object, there is a lot of controversy about
whether or not this is just some kind of fetish
and you're putting way too much stock into this um
or whether or not, like you said, it should be
considered its own type of sexual orientation. And that's something
we can't answer, and I don't think any of these
(10:07):
researchers can because it is such a small community right now.
I think that, you know, we talked in the A
Sexuality podcast about how the articles kept saying this a
sexuality revolution was going to happen and soon everyone was
going to identify as a sexual they would all come
out of the woodwork, and um, you know, I have
to wonder if in ten years, there will be more
stories about this um and then they'll if they'll still
(10:28):
be there like they are today, where it's just sort
of like it's always filed under like the weird IMACKI news,
like woman woman marries Roll across your ride, weirdomackie. But
you know, if these people continue to find each other,
if awareness continues to be raised, you know, maybe they'll
be in the New York Times wedding section one day. Perhaps,
So I think at this point we should turn it
(10:48):
over to our listeners. And because I'm curious to know
what what folks think about this? Are these people just wacko?
And how on earth could you think that you are
dating the Golden gate Bridge? Or is there something to it?
Can you find love in in objects? Can you really
(11:09):
fall in love with the Eiffel Tower? Let us know
your thoughts, mom stuff, mom stuff and how stuff works
dot com? Because my I'm I'm sure that maybe people
could fall in love with podcasts. Of course that's similar,
I would hope, So I hope. So so let us
hear your thoughts. All right, So let's do some list
your mail. I have an email here from Donna, who
(11:29):
writes on your Monogamy podcast. I was surprised how certain
you were that we are not a monogamous species. I
don't know that justifying such behavior for examples of the
animal kingdom, it's really such a persuasive argument. Most of
what we do as humans is an effort to distance
ourselves from the baser characteristics of the animal kingdom. Though
it is likely that there was a time when we
ran it around naked and eating raw meat like animals,
(11:50):
we worked to rise above such behavior. As a species,
we have put forth significant effort to be more than
merely animalistic. I also personally knew some people that tried
your proposal of new monogamy. They did set ground rules
and the plan work for about one year, but after
one year the woman found someone that she wanted more
than her husband. I'd assumed that most people would not
be surprised by this outcome and would say, well, what
(12:10):
did you expect? Though this method may work for birds,
I'm not sure that my much more developed and civilized
mind can happily move along in a social relationship without
the fidelity that my marriage needs. Is it possible that
monogamy is part arising above those baser instincts? Allowing us
to work for a higher existence. Well, I have an
email here from Catherine in response to our episode on eyebrows,
(12:34):
and she writes, after listening to your Eyebrow podcast, I
was reminded of an exchange student from Brazil who lived
with us several years ago. She said that where she lives,
it was customary to shave off one eyebrow completely upon
graduation from college. I don't know if that also applied
to high school or postgraduate graduations, but I treasure a
picture I have of my beautiful Brazilian exchange daughter missing
(12:57):
one eyebrow. I thought you'd get a kick out of this.
Any interesting, very interesting tradition. Yeah, maybe we should start
doing that for every podcast we can. Yeah, for our
next two episode, we will shave off our eyebrows. All right, Okay,
Actually no, I'm not gonna make that deal. You're on
your own. You think that. We'll send us emails if
you would like to share your thoughts. It's mom stuff
(13:19):
at how stuff works dot com. You can also hit
us up on Twitter and on Facebook, and of course
you can read our blog. We would love you too.
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(13:41):
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