February 9, 2024 • 47 mins
It's Cryptid Time! On the heels of a somewhat... titillating social media video, the guys dive into the story of the world's saddest cryptid. Out in the hemlock forests of northern Pennsylvania, numerous hunters have tried and failed to capture a uniquely upsetting, lachrymose little cryptid with bad skin, weird legs and a penchant for continually weeping. He can be lured by the sound of crying... but if you try to catch him, he'll vanish, leaving only a slurry of bubbles and tears. Join Ben, Matt and Noel as they explore the bizarre story of the Squonk.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
From UFOs to psychic powers and government conspiracies. History is
riddled with unexplained events. You can turn back now or
learn this stuff they don't want you to know. A
production of IHEARTRADI.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello, welcome back to the show. My name is Matt, my.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Name is Noel.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
They called me Ben.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
We're joined as always with our super producer Paul Mission
controlled decant. Most importantly, you are you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
You are here.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
That makes this the stuff they don't want you to know.
We're excited about this when fellow conspiracy realist we like you,
hopefully love cryptids and you guys remember recently we republished
a classic episode about cryptids from Australia and we got
so much cool feedback from that we thought now might
(00:56):
be the evening to follow up with a new cryptid exploration.
It's a bit of an obscure when for many people
you might not have heard of it unless you're from
a specific region of Pennsylvania. No spoilers just yet. Let's
start at the beginning. Here are the facts. But for
anybody who listens to the show and doesn't know what
a crypti is, how would we how would we explain this?
Speaker 3 (01:18):
A mystical creature? That may or may not exist.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That's pretty great creatures. Biological creatures often sometimes a little
more magical, that exist in folklora like tales about these
creatures have been told a lot of times orally over
the course of centuries.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I tried to straddle that line there by saying mystical,
because I think mystical can be magical, but doesn't have
to be. It could just be the they you know,
they have.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
An aura of mystery to them, sort of like mazes
and puzzles.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Yeah, exactly, the stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Well, yeah, it's really interesting that cryptids range from highly plausible,
like slight variations on known species of animals, to I
would say, on the other end, is that magical thing
that's maybe not even existing on this plane at all times?
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Mythological right, legendary creatures? Yeah, and there are a lot
of venn diagrams. Obviously, the most famous cryptids here are
things like bigfoot NeSSI aka Locknest Monster. I still think
that's an unfair name, the chupacabra goat Sucker not a
great street name, but you know, that's just the sort
of a tip of the iceberg, edge of the forest.
(02:31):
Every civilization throughout history has some kind of record or
description or belief in some sort of cryptid, right, and
often it might be a misidentified real creature, right, how
like elephant's skulls gave most likely gave rise to the
mythology surrounding the cyclops. And we know that as science
(02:53):
advances and as more and more people explore more and
more parts of the world, belief in some cryptids has
waned over the centuries, but a lot of people are
still convinced there are undiscovered creatures out there, usually in
remote areas of the surface or deep in the depths
of the ocean, which in a previous episode is where
(03:13):
we I think that's where we concluded that large undiscovered
creatures would most likely have to be in the ocean
at this point.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yes, and they are.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
We're also talked about about giving it the outback lately,
you know, where if there were going to be some,
it might be in vast difficult to explore places, you know,
on Earth.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
M Antarctica, underneath the eyes somehow.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
The steps of Central Asia. I'm holding out for that
Mongolian death worm. Guys, it's just such a cool name,
that is. Yeah, there are Okay, though, we like we
always want to point out there are also creatures that
have been considered cryptids of a very specific type and
then later they have been proven to exist. They're almost
(04:02):
always going to be animals that were thought to have
been alive at one point and then gone extinct, and
then they're rediscovered, the celacanth being the most the most
famous example. And some of that obviously goes down to
the honestly the the condescension of European scientists back in
(04:25):
the day through history and so they would say it's
not discovered or it's not real until we from you know,
Cambridge or whatever see it in person.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Well, yeah, there were recent sightings again of the Tasmanian
tiger that when it went extinct, at least according to
most everyone. I love seeing those reports because it's often
trail a trail camera or something that catches what really
does look to be a Tasmanian tiger. But there's no
way to.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Verify unless you you know, Habeas corpus, unless you have
the body, or you have the scat which is just
you know, the poop, not the scatman.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Ask the scatman what he thinks of the Tasmania tiger. Unfortunately,
I believe he may have passed sweed opped up. That
guy is huge in Japan, by the way, so because
he did.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
In Japan too, not the you know weather phenomenon, but
informer you know miikky boom boom bam, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
And music is going to come up a lot in
tonight's episode. This this information is familiar to all long
term cryptid fans or cryptozoology fans. I said long term
as though it's a medical condition. That's not the implication.
But there is good news. As twenty twenty four, I
guess we are long term cryptozoologists enthusiasts, but as of
(05:46):
twenty twenty four, last year seems to have been a
stellar year for cryptids. The more preferred term now is
lost species, and we have to think of it like
a large scale murder mystery. Usually, like the big question
in the mass extinction of Earth, is at what point
(06:06):
do we say, okay, give up the ghosts, that animal
is gone from the world, that species is no more.
We used to say, if you haven't seen it in
the wild or on the streets or in the zoo
for fifty years, then you can say it's extinct. But
it looks like fortunately a lot of those deaths got
(06:26):
announced prematurely.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
For example, back in the nineties the International Union for
Conservation of Nature revised this to kind of change the
language a little bit to deem species extinct if certain
criteria were met. One that they refer to in the
document is if no reasonable doubt exists that the last
(06:49):
individual member of that species has in fact died. And
sometimes there can be discoveries that lead to, you know,
finding out that's not in fact the case. For example,
in twenty twenty three, there was a rare lizard called
the I'm guessing it's lead lions because a spell with
a whilik in France and leon's by whatever leons. Grassland
striped skink was rediscovered in ding Ding Ding, Australia. So
(07:12):
just saying a lot of a lot of places to
hide in that they're bush and it's just tough to
get out there, you know, and stay for the amount
of time you would logically need to observe observe the wild.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
And it's it's weird too because these aren't all bugs.
We'll give you a couple more examples. A colony of
little penguins they're really called was.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
There is a card for that in wingspan. It's called
little Penguin. It's horrible.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Yeah, well, good news for them because they had a
colony that went extinct about thirty lot more than thirty
years ago, and they were rediscovered, Uh that they had
returned in a new little penguin had been hatched, and
even little or tinier penguin.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
And this this happened, you know, decades after everybody, every
human expert, was convinced they have been wiped out by
foxes possibly dogs. And then there's more stuff. There's an
echidna out in the middle of nowhere rainforest in Indonesia.
People thought that was extinct until November of last year.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
The kidnas, it was gone till November. It was gone
till November. That's beautiful. Uh the kidnas name this is
beautiful too. Is Zaglosis Attonbury after David Attenborough.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Of course it's probably there are more things named after
David Attenborough. Do you know that all bird names, Sorry guys,
I've been playing a lot of wigs ban lately. You
know that all bird names named after people are going
to be changed.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
But that's like a thing that's not aware of that Yeah,
that makes sense, really interesting. But they're going to keep
all They're going to keep all the prank names like
the Red Tit and all that crowd.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Oh, there's plenty of tits for days and winspannits unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
So we also say that we also have to point out,
as we've said previously, that in the case of these rediscoveries,
he says, inspiring and warm and fuzzy as they feel
they're happening because of some other terrible things that are happening.
Extinction is spiking, right, human the age of the anthropascene
means that more humans are getting into places, encroaching on
(09:16):
traditionally wild animal territory. Still, it's inspiring, and this is
sort of a love letter this episode to a particular
cryptid that we would like to inspire and maybe at
the end we can figure out whether we have decided
to believe in this guy. If there's one cryptid I
think we collectively want to see more of in twenty
(09:37):
twenty four, it's the Squawk.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
And he's not the sexiest.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
We did a little thing online to try to boost
his self esteem. The internet largely agrees the sexiest cryptid
is mothman that's known, right just because of that.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Dumper, right, I mean, and those like nine abs unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
The sexiest human like cryptid maybe, yeah, you go. A
lot of cryptids may not walk upright, or you know,
have dumpers like that, or abdominals that are just chiseled.
But but there's other things. The lines and curvature on
some cryptids could be considered quite.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
A team folds of their the old man's skin.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
There's a beauty to imperfection. I think it was Leonard
Cohen who said there's a crack and everything.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
That's how well things.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
About NeSSI just how smooth it must be.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Come on, yeah, and you know it's really in the
eye of the beholder, isn't it? Not a Dungeons and
Dragons joke? But I'm very into dungeons and dragons again. Uh,
the squawk is not the most well known cryptid by
a long shot, but according to some surprisingly old folklore,
it may just be the world's saddest cryptid. We're going
(10:56):
to tell you why afterword from our sponsors. Here's where
it gets crazy. We're doing a great job with the description.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I love velveteen skin.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
There maybe we talk a little bit about the hemlock
forest in northern Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
This guy is a pretty small range. Oh.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah. When we say the hemlock forest, we mean all
the dang hemlock trees that exist in Pennsylvania. There's a
lot of them, and this thing is allegedly existing somewhere
in that area. If you look at a map, you
can find several like natural reserves that are not based on,
(11:40):
but named after, the hemlock trees that exist within the area.
But yeah, I think if you look on a map
and the way it's described in many places on the internet,
it's just hemlock forest, North Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
It's pretty vague. One quick question that I mean, maybe
maybe others are wondering hemlock the tree, is the hemlock
the poison in derived from the hemlock tree or are
those two completely different things.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
I'm pretty sure that the poison hemlock is is a plant.
I think the hemlock that's poison. It's kind of like
a carrot.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah, it's got little white flowers. Poison hemlock small white flowers,
So I don't think they're related. But that's I've always
been confused. I'm glad we took the moment. It is
because hemlock trees are actually conifers.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Okay, but this is Connium maculatum.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And and con and.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
I think hemlock is around the world, right.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Hemlock trees a lot like pines. I mean really, you know,
they got that same shape very much, that feel of
Oregon kind of you know.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I have a cool scientific name sugay.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Yeah, or Suga mertensia, because Ruca is a genus.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Sure, there are a bunch of folks in the family there,
but yeah, we were looking into We're trying to find
some specific specificity, like which hemlockforest in particular. But according
to all the lore, the squawk just doesn't have a
mailing address. It as a general area. So you got
to come through and you have to listen very closely,
(13:22):
because the best way to find the squonk is to
wait for the sound of weeping. Because this semi quadruped
has a pretty rough, rough skin condition and it, according
to the stories, again, it is smart enough to feel
bad about itself, so it is always lachrymose, and it
(13:44):
is always just weeping and weeping, and it's tough to
catch because we'll see that some people call it stupid
when they're describing it, but no squak has ever been
officially entered into the scientific record, because even in the
stories where they catch him, he uses his superpower, which
(14:05):
is that he dissolves into bubbles and tears when he
is apprehended or captured.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Jesus, does he have a function? Sorry? What's this? What's he?
What's he for? What was he made for?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Well, for trappings? He was made for trapping, as we
have found from a was an entry from the eighteen
hundreds that it was like a somebody's just writing down
their daily goings about in way Earley, Nebraska or Lancaster
County out there, and they mentioned the squonk.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yeah, yeah, you can.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
It's weird because you would think, with you know, understandable validity,
you might think, wow, this guy seems like an internet meme.
Surely it's a recent creation like slender Man or something.
But the use of the word squawk and does pictions
perhaps of these creatures date back, As you said, Matt
Sen Trees, the Nebraskan settler's diary that we're mentioning eighteen
(15:04):
seventy eight is great because I just found this one
of interest because it's dropped so casually, and because it's
not clear he's talking about squawk, because a squawk is
not they're not. They're thought to be Pennsylvanian, right, possibly
desert immigrants to the Pennsylvanian forest, but you don't hear
about them in Nebraska except on on February.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
What is it there?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
It is on February twenty seventh, eighteen seventy eight, on Wednesday,
where a guy says, but we'll get a little ephemeral
with it. Went to Salt Creek. Shiit three traps for autumn,
two for menk caught to squawk, and I was mad
and went to literary in the evening where the warm.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
It's so great. What does that mean? I went went
to literary?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You mean like a complet go like like a reading
competition of some kind.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Maybe it's uh, he goes to the literary often, because
on January twenty third, the guy's also at the literary.
So it may be just the local hangout spot in town, right,
or maybe it's like the community hall or the literary center.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think it's gotta be just some kind of, as
you said, gathering place, because there are several other entries
that C. C. Beach makes in this diary where he's
like and then mister mister Perkins joined me to my
house a lovely fellow. And then I also I stayed
over at this place for fine folks and just very
(16:37):
he's a trapper too, so yeah, but he's just making
his way about and sometimes he goes to literary and
sometimes he catches to squonk or so he does, or to.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Catch them, yeah, or squirrel or squawk. But he was
mad because he's looking for mink and honor. It makes
me think.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Of like snipe snipe hunting, you know, like that was
another kind of mythical creature. And then I think, you know,
people would use to sort of make fun of inexperienced hunters,
tell them to catch a snipe, you know, and boy
scouts to do that. I had.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Yeah, I'm glad we're getting to that now because that's
something that's something I think is important to the conversation.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Here.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
We gotta we'll see the snexelant setup because we'll see
some of the i'll say, similar narrative threats. Right like
Samuel Johnson apparently mentions the squawk and in the description
we've just gave you in his dictionary. And then the
most in depth early mentioned what really puts this guy
on the map is a book by a guy named
(17:38):
William Thomas Cox. It's called fail Some Creatures of the
lumber Woods with a few Desert Mountain Beast nineteen ten.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
That's we're kind of fet wow, because we're mainly talking
about creatures of the lumber Woods. We're going to throw
out a few desert and mountain beaches just to round
it out.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
This is the Fearsome Creatures of the lumber Woods with
a few Desert and Mountain Beast is a book that
purports to be a compendium of field guide of creatures
that are considered fantastical, legendary, or cryptozoological. And went back
and found the original book. Ended up reading a lot
(18:16):
of it because it's a fun ride. Thought it would
be thought it would be fun in the interest of
some performance with our theater backgrounds, if we kind of
round robined the description of the squawk. It's about three
paragraphs long, and I don't know there's a poetry to it.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
The range of the squawk is very limited. Few people
outside of Pennsylvania have ever heard of a quaint beast
which is said to be fairly common in the hemlock
forests of that state. The squawk is of a very
retiring disposition, generally traveling about at twilight and dusk. Because
of its misfitting skin, which is covered with wats moles,
it is always unhappy. In fact, it is said by
(19:03):
people who are best able to judge, to be the
most morbid of beasts. And I know we're Pennsylvania here,
and I was putting some Southern on it, but it's
the only way I know how to talk.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Old timy hunters who are good at tracking are able
to follow a squonk by its tear stained trail. For
the animal weeps constantly when cornered and escapes seems impossible,
oh and surprised or frightened, it may even dissolve itself
in tears. Squonk hunters are most successful on frosty moonlight nights,
(19:35):
when tears are shed slowly and the animal dislikes moving about.
It may then be heard weeping under the bows of
dark hemlock trees.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Mister J. P.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Windling, formerly of Pennsylvania but now at Saint Anthony Park, Minnesota,
had a disappointed experience with a squak near Mount Alto.
He made a clever capture by mimicking the squawk and
inducing it into a sack in which he was carrying
it home. Wait, suddenly the bird enlightened and the weeping ceased.
Wentley nunslung the sack and looked within. There was nothing
(20:09):
but tears and bubbles bows.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Okay, these descriptions are remarkably kojent, and like, like, I
don't you know what I'm saying that, I don't feel
that these are the descriptions of something made up? Or
do you do you think this is? Like? Well, what
story is a good story? Man?
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I mean, Joseph Campbell was right about hero's journeys. Some
stuff just works in a story, so it sticks around.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Right. They gave the ring of truth to it, is
all I'm getting at. There we go.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
They give the They give the squonk a taxonomic definition
as well, or term lacrymacorpus dissolving's so it combines the
Latin terms of tear, body and dissolved. So its scientific
name is dissolves into tears.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What if it doesn't actually dissolve? What if it shrinks
itself down because its body mass is like ninety nine
percent liquid, or you know.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
It can actively dehydrate. That's cool, that's smart.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I like that. Uh.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
And and this this is as somewhat I guess, if
not generous. It is a somewhat sympathetic description of a squawk.
It's saying, hey, it feels bad. It's life is tough.
Another very very similar book published in nineteen thirty nine,
written by a different author, but with a very similar title.
(21:35):
It's a lot meaner. It's more of a distract to
the squawk. It's like, which squonk hurt you? Did you
win the squonk date for a while? Why are you
describing it as slow and of a low mentality? Low
mentality is such a weird insult.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, and ascribing it to a creature that clearly is,
you know, reproducing. It wouldn't be here if it was
a reproducing.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Unless it's the one of its kind, you know, and
it's somehow supernatural, right. Maybe maybe it jumps through dimensions
like the people have argued the Bigfoot might.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Well, it can dissolve itself in tears, y'all. It can
dissolve itself in tears and bubbles. Perhaps that's some sort
of form of teleportation.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You see. Maybe they're not tears. Maybe it's creating a
portal that it can then like travel.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Through ectoplasmic good may perhaps it's just its leavings. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
They also said in this nineteen thirty nine book, also
called The Fearsome Critters, they said the squawk is quote,
probably the homeliest animal in the world, and it knows it,
which is like weirdly personal. So it's we are able
to speak with Henry H. Tyrone because our weigelboards out
of order. But I don't know, man, he's all gas,
(22:54):
no breaks on dissing this guy, and we have no
idea whether he met the naked mole rat, which I think,
again visually skin wise is probably the closest to descriptions
of a squonk, right.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Yeah, I could see that. Do we really describe it
like full in a full way, like looking at these pictures?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah, we've got the photos here. These It varies a
little bit, of course, because there's no actual photograph of
a squonk, or there's nothing claiming to be a photograph. Instead,
we have artistic depictions, and in most of those pictions
what we see is a largely quadruped creature, its eyes vary,
(23:37):
but they always are weeping. Sometimes there's a little bit
of you know, when people cry really hard and a
little snot comes out of their nose. There's a little
bit of that for the guys's got wartz wrinkles. He
has sometimes a little tail, sometimes not. There were a
couple of pictures I saw where he looked a little
bit more reptilian, but I would say in most of
(23:58):
them he looks more like mammal with a weird, awkward facer.
There's one where he looks kind of like the one
that becomes a meme. He looks almost like a small
species of bug combined with combined with bovine or goat
like legs.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
A little bit of water bear quality to.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
It, and maybe that's yeah, like tartar grade almost a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
But his little goat legs are interesting, and they're sort
of oddly spaced, you know what I mean. They're sort
of like strangely in the middle, and then he sticks
out in the front and the back. You know, it's
a see, he does seem to be a bit of
an unfortunate creature.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I was gonna say it reminds you a bit of
a short nose to kidna. If you weren't really close
up to it, and then you didn't see the spiky bits,
you may mistake them for folds and or warts.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah, that's a good that's a good point. Reminds me
of the stuff we did on the Frogmen cryptids. The
idea about creatures getting misidentified, it is pretty pretty frequent.
But even if, okay, we don't know how tongy in
cheek these books are meant to be. Are they meant
to be a fun like McSweeney's type thing, or is
(25:12):
it like just a cash grab or is it like
a coffee table book of its time? Did the people
writing this genuinely believe in it? I'm gonna say probably not,
but it's tough for us to tell. We can't all
see the squonk emergent In other works of American folklore,
Paul Bunyan runs into a squonk. It's the same story.
(25:32):
Someone hears the weeping or the wailing, and they try
to mimic it, and then they get close to the squawk,
they catch the squawk, the squonk disappears. The guy's got
an im o, which is he's got an emo m o.
He's got a em no, No, we'll let it go.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I'll have, I'll have, I'll have what he's having. No,
I was gonna say earlier. He is a very emo
little fellow. He's in his feelings you know, a lot
which you got to appreciate. And I'd get a cryptids
he under At least he knows you know how to
feel at leasty, he knows how to emote, he knows
who he is. Apparently there's a gift to that.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
We also, I think one of the reasons we can
answer the question about how sincere these authors may or
may not be is by just giving you a quick laundry
list of other animals or life forms listed and explored
in the Fearsome Creature's Book from nineteen ten. They include
(26:36):
positively Soussian names like the bill Dad, the Tripadero, which
sounds so cool. The Trippadero sounds like the name of
a nineteen seventy station wagon to.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Me, sure does well, you guys, I mean the table
of contents and this Fearsome Critters book that we've been
referred to is just absolutely a feast for the census.
I think I think we've all been dying to just
like read some of our faith rits do it. Oh,
I don't know. I guess one that comes to him
comes to mind for me is the uh, well, there's
(27:06):
the there's the Columbia River sand squink, not to be
confused with the squawk. This is a squink, mind you.
And the come at a body like like it's like
there's like a threat, like, come out a body, bro
come at me. Come on, I dare you not to
mention the side hill gougur not cougar and subspecies. H.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I found stuff on the shaga maaw guys. It has
the four legs of a bear and the hind legs
of a moose, and is quote given to devouring the
clothing of lumbermen.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Oh really really really likes flannel.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And then there's of course the snow la Ghoster, which
sounds like a snot based roller coaster.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Yeah of some sort, right.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
Uh, I don't know there These are clearly not scientific names,
though the team does give them uh to the to
the animals in each entry. You can find this book
on for free online thanks to services like archive dot org,
so you can read the whole.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Thing if you like. I do have to say that
some of them have like fun, really fun alternate names
like this one here is called the the Dinga Mall,
but then in parentheses it says Plunkus. Which is it
the Dinga Mall or the Plunkuss? And I send this
to you guys off air, and as I think probably
the listeners are already getting irritated with me about I'm
(28:26):
becoming very obsessed with modular synthesizers. And the plinkiss and
the squawk both sound like great names for modules that
make beeps and boops.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I'm gonna shot one more out, guys. It's the hoop
snake the way I am looking at it here described
as a snake that places its tail in its mouth,
and it's like, bros, it is and then it rolls
at a very.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
There's a lot of wild West tales about that guy too.
So weird, really really impossible to dodge. Remember that circle
ship in Prometheus.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
They seem to have a really difficult time dodging because
they just kept running in a line as the circles
ship was rolling after them. Uh.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
You can also check out Fearsome Critters dot org, which
is the modern day descendant of this and has much
much more on there, including, of course, the milking trout,
which of course bothers me.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
You guys know, I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan,
But isn't there that Harry Potter offshoot called like, uh
Fantastic Beasts and where to find find them? I think
this seems like a similar kind of codex.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
And so with these, with these names, what we could
say is we're seeing more folklore collection than hard investigative science.
And we have to ask ourselves, with all those other
creatures identifying in the book, what happened to them? Why
did the squawk become the breakout star of this American cryptozoography.
(29:58):
In this case, it's because of the Internet. The Internet
inspired a renaissance, a squonk lore, fandom, and perhaps even
genuine belief. I think it was in the two thousand
and tens we started seeing a lot of memes and
posts of the squank, the most famos being drawn by
Ashley Garst. That's the one where the legs are really
(30:18):
small in the center of the body, and people would
share this picture and then they would share another picture.
It's like he's just like me, or he gets it
because he's a mythical creature that's so ugly. That he
hides from plain sight and spends most of his time weeping.
So that's classic Internet reaction stuff, you know, and shout
out to our good friends over at know your meme
(30:40):
who have a neat little article on the Internet history
of the squonk. I was surprised by how many of
these I felt like I recognized once I started looking
at him.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Did you guys look at this?
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Did you see the different macro or what are they
called image macroon?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yeah, for sure, now, I guess I didn't realize until
we started talking about it. This was something that I
had experienced in passing.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Yeah, you know, like a picture that that macro the squonk,
and then you know the picture under it is that
William Defoe meme where he's saying, you know, I'm something
of a blank myself, but he says I'm something of
a squonk myself.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Damn. Some of these got the squank looking kind of
fearsome though, some sort of creature that would hunt you down,
you know, and stalk you from from the from the grass.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Is it looks like a mildly deformed bulldog to me.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Mm yeah, like someone edited out the neck. Mm hmmm.
Do you guys remember that movie The Relic. Yes, it
was like a creature that ran around and eight people
in the museum. It kind of looks like that. I
was scary.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
He had sort of tusk like teeth like that was
the Relic one where the creature can adapt.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I don't think so.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
I don't think that's a different one that came out. Okay,
this one's part reptilia and I'm looking at it now.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Okay, Yeah, the Elick was with what's her name, Penelope
Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore and it's been all. The
whole thing takes place, I believe, in the Museum of
Natural History in New York and there's a creature that is,
you know, stalking the curators of the museum and tearing
them to shreds. But he kind of looks squonk like
(32:19):
he's got those weird goat legs that kind of invert
you know what I mean. That's what That's what made
me think about it.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
And they call him the Kethuga in there. So there
is a cryptid star, and cryptids play a huge part
in pop culture, so does the Squawk. While there's not
any proof of this guy accepted by modern science. Yet
he sure shows up in a lot of other things.
I think maybe we pause for a word from our sponsor,
if we're all cool with that, and then look at
(32:46):
the squonk as a cultural phenomenon, and we have returned.
You guys, I had no idea how popular Blank was
with musicians in the seventies. It just it's really it
was unexpected to me.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Well it makes sense. I mean, you know, you got
a lot of these seventies bands that are doing the
prog rock thing, and a lot of that's tied up
in dungeons and dragon z type lore, and I don't know,
the squawk is a pretty great candidate for a mythical
being to write, to write a riff about.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Well. Yeah, you just imagine somebody who came across a
copy of that nineteen ten book right about the Lumberman,
the Fearsome Creatures and the Lumbermen, and they're like, ah,
we absolutely must feature the squawk.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah, what's the sensitive fellow?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, I wonder why there's not more stuff about some
of those other ones. I feel like this is there's
untapped potential in the gilly galoo, the bird that lays
square eggs. I mean, come on, that's gotta be a thing.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
I think for the names alone, you know, some of
them are syllabically challenging, right, Like putting in Central American
wind tosser into a song lyric is a little bit tough.
Cannabis could do it, Kendrick could do it, but I
don't know if you will. So, yeah, you're right though
there is this specificity also kind of reminds me of this.
(34:13):
This was an era where those songs with more specificity
of reference seemed a little more welcomed in popular culture.
I'm not sure. Maybe they were just thinking outside the
box man, Maybe they were just more inspired, or like
so many people on the Internet today, saw themselves in
the story of the Squonk. We're talking off here. I
(34:33):
think I can't remember who it was when we were
talking about this before we filmed that video. I think
we were all surprised to learn that Genesis has a
song dedicated to the Squonk.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Yeah, and it's funny because I'm a big Genesis fan
and I don't know this record super well. It is
the first one that you pointed out Ben with Phil
Collins taking over as lead vocals. But I think we've
talked about too that like Phil Collins does such a
good job. I was singing exactly like Peter Gabriel. It's
almost uncanny and a little bit of sus if he
asked me. But I guess it kind of made sense
(35:07):
because they were singing, you know, he was singing backup
for him for so long. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
It's also apparently there is some Genesis lore about this,
wherein they say that Collins wrote the lyrics. The bassist
what's his last name, Banks.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Here's the keywords player.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
I believe, oh Banks, Okay, I believe that he and
another band member wrote the music and they asked Collins
to write the lyrics. And so, according to the story,
he had recently read a book called The Song of
the Dodo by a guy named David Kwaman, and it
talks about multiple species going extinct, how they can become
(35:47):
mythologized or romanticized as these supernatural creatures after their demise,
and so he wanted to he just made him think
of the squawk, and so he wrote that song, and
I guess looked around the room and said, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Sure, sure, Phil, let's do it.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Is that? Do you think that was their energy?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Mm hmm, yeah, great, Phil, the sad you want to
make the you want to make a song about the
sad one that turns into tears.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Great, here we go.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
He's like, you know, dragons are a thing, Phil, or Bigfoot.
There are a lot of choices.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
The hoop snake goes really fast, just saying goes hard.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Yeah, just veer to the left a little bit, you'll
be fine.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Mongolian death worm, I mean, yeah, it was that squawk
was definitely a choice. Zz Top may have also shouted
out the squawk and this was their first album. Is
a song called Squank and kind of like the early
drawings of the Squank, this seems a little more aggressive,
like it's about how the the squank lives in the
swamp and it'll come get you. I don't know if
(36:56):
that's coincidence. Could also be a portmanteau of sank and wank.
It could very well could. We haven't talked as easy yet.
I always thoughts easy Top was a person.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Uh.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
I was always mystified by that one guy who didn't
have a beard.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
It's his deal, he'sow Was he not permitted to have
a beard? Was it in the contract. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
I don't know, but we also we do know. Steely
Dan has a song called any Major Dude Will Tell You,
which I had not heard. I know about you, guys,
I had not heard this until this. Well, it has
the it has the lyrics in there. Have you ever
seen a squnk's tears? Well, look at mine? Okay, because
(37:47):
they're just as real. I guess they also, Yeah, with
the squalk.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
I think that's what it is, guys. I think there's
sort of like a lot of these these rock band
people are sensitive at heart. You know, they might put
up a tough front, but uh, they're sensitive folks, and
they and they relate to the squawk.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I can see that, you know. Isn't that the mark
of a good story? You see yourself in it to
some degree.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (38:13):
There's also a Final Fantasy character named Squank. It's much
more bird like, is it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah, what Final Fantasy is this?
Speaker 3 (38:20):
In this? In Final Fantasy fourteen, I want to.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Say, Ah, Okay, I am not familiar with this.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
He is something called a rank B Elite mark in
the Sea of Clouds. I understand some of those words.
He has a chirp attack.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (38:39):
There's also the legendary performance group collective out of out
of Pennsylvania called Squank And what's that? Uh, what's that
immersive theater thing we liked in New York Sleep Sleep
No More and Omega mar Meo Wolf stuff. If you're
(38:59):
fans of that kind of thing, you might be fans
of Squank folks. Apparently they've traveled around the world in
the country creating this really trippy, edgy what did someone
call it that? Their reviews are pretty interesting post industrial
performances that sounds fun, crackpot modernist and cartoony. Michelangelo's Russ
(39:20):
Belt data Debusy meets Godzilla.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Those are pretty great reviews.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
I think we were trying meets Godzilla.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
I have no idea what that would even entail, but
I want to find out. Sign me up. You've also
got this term chemical squawks, which sounds like a performance
art thing in and I wouldself, which is actually a
science y term for a stable, stable substance held in
a solution. Yeah, but but it can't be isolated or
captured with that being dissolved.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
Yeah, so scientist, the real name for those things is
chemical squaks.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
That's wild. Well, and then I'm excited to get to
this part be because we talked earlier a little bit
about the idea of being sent on a snipe hunt,
you know, and which is you know, is usually a
stand in for like a wild goose chase, Like this
is not something that you're ever going to actually find,
So what about a squawk hunt? Is that similar or
is there potential that you might find the damn thing?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
I mean, it feels like it's maybe a regional variation
the idea of going out to hunt for squank, maybe
like sending someone to hunt for snipe. Did you guys
ever get sent on a snipe hunt?
Speaker 3 (40:28):
It came up in a very early boy scout event
camp out thing, so I only have vague recollections of it.
As you know, I didn't progress very far in the organization.
But do you remember mentioned of a snipe hunt?
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Mm hmm, pretty common thing, I think, especially in the South.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Did you have to go on a snipephunt?
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Mat? I go on snipe hunts every night, dude.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Just to stay on your toes, keep the head on
a swivel.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
That's right, Oh right, you got a snipe security expert.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
It's a there's an episode of King of the Hill
where it's not a snipe hunt, it's something else. Maybe
it is actually the Order of the Straight Arrow. He
asked the episode, and they send them on a on
a snipe hunt.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
It's great Order of the Arrow joke. They do make
you sleep rough in the Order of the Arrow, or
at least when I joined, it was really weird. You
know what they gave us for the night. They give
us a keeper bag with two matches and set the
set the book back on fire. I don't know, man,
(41:31):
I was like, I'm just not going to eat tonight,
all right, but it was weird. I don't think that's
strictly legal. Uh yeah, I don't know. That's a question
with that hunt, like in both the in the Snipe case,
like you guys are saying, it's generally acknowledged right that
snipe is considered a fictional creature. It's a prank to
some people hunting for it. But do we think that
(41:53):
people in Pennsylvania or broad genuinely believe in the existence
of the squamk or is it seen as more like
a power or full symbolic thing.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Well, I just really quickly back to the King of
the Hill episode as it turns out Bobby takes it
very seriously and accidentally kills a whooping crane which is
in danger. So it's a it's a real problem there.
I think he doesn't actually kill it, he just beats
it up and it comes back and it rouses us later.
But god, I think I think it is symbolic. Yeah, absolutely,
(42:23):
But with symbolism it can be taken very far by
a belief. You know.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah, I don't think anybody actually thinks squawk's real. But
I bet it's a fun thing for kids, same as
a lot of the tall tales we tell them to,
you know, help them understand why there's so many presents
under the tree and that kind of thing. I bet
it's a fun It's a fun little thing, especially if
you're out in them hemlock forests.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
Shout out to Laurel Hill, Right, that's one of them.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (42:52):
And yeah, we'd love to hear your thoughts on this too, folks, like,
is this maybe a misidentified real animal and that misidentification
later gave way to a story that was just too
interesting to fade into obscurity.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (43:08):
If that is in the case, indeed the case, what
was that original animal the kidney idea is really interesting.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, I think for my money that that entry from
c C Beach where where it says when does Salt
Creek set transfer and otter to mink and caught to squawk?
In my head, that is a stand in for useless
creatures that I can't make any profit on any meat.
(43:36):
That good for me.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I think that's right.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 4 (43:41):
No, you're totally doing It makes sense to me because
he's definitely not getting what he's looking for in that
in that trapping situation.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Yeah, creatures that would still would that would set off
a trap, right they the pelt is useless and all
that stuff.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
I don't know, that's just that's so maybe it's like
archaic slang, yeah, for just a generic trash animal.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, it's not about the squank weeping. It's about you
weeping because you just spent a bunch of time and
effort and you caught that and now you don't get
to eat and you don't get any whatever.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
I mean, I think you were right about the suicide
dog bridge out there out there in Europe. So this
feels like a really reasonable explanation to me, A really
smart one too. We wanted to maybe that has solved
the mystery. One to end with a big, big thank
you to everybody for tuning in, of course, but also
(44:37):
to some folks who gave us some great news. If
you happen to be in the area of Johnstown, Pennsylvania,
and you want a really rollicking swamp related time, then
allow us to introduce you to an entire annual festival
dedicated to celebrating the world's saddest cryptid Squonka Palooza tenth
(44:58):
twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Hey we should we should have a Little Leo party.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (45:06):
The Little Leo contingent attending the Squanka Palooza, he yeah.
They have fun game speakers, performance entertainment vendors, snacks of course,
And we reached out to the good folks at Squanka
Palooza when we heard about them after this video and
just the nicest people. Want to give a shout to
Lisa of Cryptid Comforts and Joe of Crypto Theology.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (45:30):
They both sell a lot of like handcrafted cryptid merchandise
and they gave us the story of how Squanka Palooza
came to be. Lisa wrote a book called Whyso sad
Squawk with her friend Brandy Hale, who is the troubadour
of Squanka Palooza, which I feel like is a really
cool job title.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Uh and.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
Lisa teamed up with Joe and he is the boots
on the ground out there in Pennsylvania. They wanted to
shout out their fellow cryptocreator, Holly who Art, who designed
the website helps with the tech side, So shout out
to Squawka Palooza. Let us know if you're gone, Let
us know if you're going, who knows, Like Matt said,
we might end up in town.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Two absolutely, and let us know if you plan out
being there. You can reach out to us in the
usual social media places of note, we are conspiracy stuff
on Facebook, YouTube, and x nay Twitter we are conspiracy
stuff show. However, on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
You can give us a call. Our number is one
eight three three std WYTK. Why not call in and
leave us a three minute voicemail while you are out
in the Pennsylvania forests hunting for a squawk, We want
to hear it. Maybe do they do wood knocks? We
don't know wood weeps. Just call us in, give yourself
(46:54):
a cool nickname and let us know if we can
use your message and name on the air. If you
don't want to do that, why not instead send us
a good old fashioned email.
Speaker 4 (47:01):
We are conspiracy at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Stuff they don't want you to know. Is a production
of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
From UFOs to psychic powers and government conspiracies. History is
riddled with unexplained events. You can turn back now or
learn this stuff they don't want you to know. A
production of IHEARTRADI.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello, welcome back to the show. My name is Matt, my.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Name is Noel.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
They called me Ben.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
We're joined as always with our super producer Paul Mission
controlled decant. Most importantly, you are you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
You are here.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
That makes this the stuff they don't want you to know.
We're excited about this when fellow conspiracy realist we like you,
hopefully love cryptids and you guys remember recently we republished
a classic episode about cryptids from Australia and we got
so much cool feedback from that we thought now might
(00:56):
be the evening to follow up with a new cryptid exploration.
It's a bit of an obscure when for many people
you might not have heard of it unless you're from
a specific region of Pennsylvania. No spoilers just yet. Let's
start at the beginning. Here are the facts. But for
anybody who listens to the show and doesn't know what
a crypti is, how would we how would we explain this?
Speaker 3 (01:18):
A mystical creature? That may or may not exist.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That's pretty great creatures. Biological creatures often sometimes a little
more magical, that exist in folklora like tales about these
creatures have been told a lot of times orally over
the course of centuries.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I tried to straddle that line there by saying mystical,
because I think mystical can be magical, but doesn't have
to be. It could just be the they you know,
they have.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
An aura of mystery to them, sort of like mazes
and puzzles.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Yeah, exactly, the stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Well, yeah, it's really interesting that cryptids range from highly plausible,
like slight variations on known species of animals, to I
would say, on the other end, is that magical thing
that's maybe not even existing on this plane at all times?
Speaker 4 (02:10):
Mythological right, legendary creatures? Yeah, and there are a lot
of venn diagrams. Obviously, the most famous cryptids here are
things like bigfoot NeSSI aka Locknest Monster. I still think
that's an unfair name, the chupacabra goat Sucker not a
great street name, but you know, that's just the sort
of a tip of the iceberg, edge of the forest.
(02:31):
Every civilization throughout history has some kind of record or
description or belief in some sort of cryptid, right, and
often it might be a misidentified real creature, right, how
like elephant's skulls gave most likely gave rise to the
mythology surrounding the cyclops. And we know that as science
(02:53):
advances and as more and more people explore more and
more parts of the world, belief in some cryptids has
waned over the centuries, but a lot of people are
still convinced there are undiscovered creatures out there, usually in
remote areas of the surface or deep in the depths
of the ocean, which in a previous episode is where
(03:13):
we I think that's where we concluded that large undiscovered
creatures would most likely have to be in the ocean
at this point.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yes, and they are.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
We're also talked about about giving it the outback lately,
you know, where if there were going to be some,
it might be in vast difficult to explore places, you know,
on Earth.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
M Antarctica, underneath the eyes somehow.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
The steps of Central Asia. I'm holding out for that
Mongolian death worm. Guys, it's just such a cool name,
that is. Yeah, there are Okay, though, we like we
always want to point out there are also creatures that
have been considered cryptids of a very specific type and
then later they have been proven to exist. They're almost
(04:02):
always going to be animals that were thought to have
been alive at one point and then gone extinct, and
then they're rediscovered, the celacanth being the most the most
famous example. And some of that obviously goes down to
the honestly the the condescension of European scientists back in
(04:25):
the day through history and so they would say it's
not discovered or it's not real until we from you know,
Cambridge or whatever see it in person.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Well, yeah, there were recent sightings again of the Tasmanian
tiger that when it went extinct, at least according to
most everyone. I love seeing those reports because it's often
trail a trail camera or something that catches what really
does look to be a Tasmanian tiger. But there's no
way to.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Verify unless you you know, Habeas corpus, unless you have
the body, or you have the scat which is just
you know, the poop, not the scatman.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Ask the scatman what he thinks of the Tasmania tiger. Unfortunately,
I believe he may have passed sweed opped up. That
guy is huge in Japan, by the way, so because
he did.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
In Japan too, not the you know weather phenomenon, but
informer you know miikky boom boom bam, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
And music is going to come up a lot in
tonight's episode. This this information is familiar to all long
term cryptid fans or cryptozoology fans. I said long term
as though it's a medical condition. That's not the implication.
But there is good news. As twenty twenty four, I
guess we are long term cryptozoologists enthusiasts, but as of
(05:46):
twenty twenty four, last year seems to have been a
stellar year for cryptids. The more preferred term now is
lost species, and we have to think of it like
a large scale murder mystery. Usually, like the big question
in the mass extinction of Earth, is at what point
(06:06):
do we say, okay, give up the ghosts, that animal
is gone from the world, that species is no more.
We used to say, if you haven't seen it in
the wild or on the streets or in the zoo
for fifty years, then you can say it's extinct. But
it looks like fortunately a lot of those deaths got
(06:26):
announced prematurely.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
For example, back in the nineties the International Union for
Conservation of Nature revised this to kind of change the
language a little bit to deem species extinct if certain
criteria were met. One that they refer to in the
document is if no reasonable doubt exists that the last
(06:49):
individual member of that species has in fact died. And
sometimes there can be discoveries that lead to, you know,
finding out that's not in fact the case. For example,
in twenty twenty three, there was a rare lizard called
the I'm guessing it's lead lions because a spell with
a whilik in France and leon's by whatever leons. Grassland
striped skink was rediscovered in ding Ding Ding, Australia. So
(07:12):
just saying a lot of a lot of places to
hide in that they're bush and it's just tough to
get out there, you know, and stay for the amount
of time you would logically need to observe observe the wild.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
And it's it's weird too because these aren't all bugs.
We'll give you a couple more examples. A colony of
little penguins they're really called was.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
There is a card for that in wingspan. It's called
little Penguin. It's horrible.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Yeah, well, good news for them because they had a
colony that went extinct about thirty lot more than thirty
years ago, and they were rediscovered, Uh that they had
returned in a new little penguin had been hatched, and
even little or tinier penguin.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
And this this happened, you know, decades after everybody, every
human expert, was convinced they have been wiped out by
foxes possibly dogs. And then there's more stuff. There's an
echidna out in the middle of nowhere rainforest in Indonesia.
People thought that was extinct until November of last year.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
The kidnas, it was gone till November. It was gone
till November. That's beautiful. Uh the kidnas name this is
beautiful too. Is Zaglosis Attonbury after David Attenborough.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Of course it's probably there are more things named after
David Attenborough. Do you know that all bird names, Sorry guys,
I've been playing a lot of wigs ban lately. You
know that all bird names named after people are going
to be changed.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
But that's like a thing that's not aware of that Yeah,
that makes sense, really interesting. But they're going to keep
all They're going to keep all the prank names like
the Red Tit and all that crowd.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
Oh, there's plenty of tits for days and winspannits unbelievable.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
So we also say that we also have to point out,
as we've said previously, that in the case of these rediscoveries,
he says, inspiring and warm and fuzzy as they feel
they're happening because of some other terrible things that are happening.
Extinction is spiking, right, human the age of the anthropascene
means that more humans are getting into places, encroaching on
(09:16):
traditionally wild animal territory. Still, it's inspiring, and this is
sort of a love letter this episode to a particular
cryptid that we would like to inspire and maybe at
the end we can figure out whether we have decided
to believe in this guy. If there's one cryptid I
think we collectively want to see more of in twenty
(09:37):
twenty four, it's the Squawk.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
And he's not the sexiest.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
We did a little thing online to try to boost
his self esteem. The internet largely agrees the sexiest cryptid
is mothman that's known, right just because of that.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Dumper, right, I mean, and those like nine abs unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
The sexiest human like cryptid maybe, yeah, you go. A
lot of cryptids may not walk upright, or you know,
have dumpers like that, or abdominals that are just chiseled.
But but there's other things. The lines and curvature on
some cryptids could be considered quite.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
A team folds of their the old man's skin.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
There's a beauty to imperfection. I think it was Leonard
Cohen who said there's a crack and everything.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
That's how well things.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
About NeSSI just how smooth it must be.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Come on, yeah, and you know it's really in the
eye of the beholder, isn't it? Not a Dungeons and
Dragons joke? But I'm very into dungeons and dragons again. Uh,
the squawk is not the most well known cryptid by
a long shot, but according to some surprisingly old folklore,
it may just be the world's saddest cryptid. We're going
(10:56):
to tell you why afterword from our sponsors. Here's where
it gets crazy. We're doing a great job with the description.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
I love velveteen skin.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
There maybe we talk a little bit about the hemlock
forest in northern Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
This guy is a pretty small range. Oh.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah. When we say the hemlock forest, we mean all
the dang hemlock trees that exist in Pennsylvania. There's a
lot of them, and this thing is allegedly existing somewhere
in that area. If you look at a map, you
can find several like natural reserves that are not based on,
(11:40):
but named after, the hemlock trees that exist within the area.
But yeah, I think if you look on a map
and the way it's described in many places on the internet,
it's just hemlock forest, North Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
It's pretty vague. One quick question that I mean, maybe
maybe others are wondering hemlock the tree, is the hemlock
the poison in derived from the hemlock tree or are
those two completely different things.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
I'm pretty sure that the poison hemlock is is a plant.
I think the hemlock that's poison. It's kind of like
a carrot.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah, it's got little white flowers. Poison hemlock small white flowers,
So I don't think they're related. But that's I've always
been confused. I'm glad we took the moment. It is
because hemlock trees are actually conifers.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Okay, but this is Connium maculatum.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
And and con and.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
I think hemlock is around the world, right.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Hemlock trees a lot like pines. I mean really, you know,
they got that same shape very much, that feel of
Oregon kind of you know.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I have a cool scientific name sugay.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Yeah, or Suga mertensia, because Ruca is a genus.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
Sure, there are a bunch of folks in the family there,
but yeah, we were looking into We're trying to find
some specific specificity, like which hemlockforest in particular. But according
to all the lore, the squawk just doesn't have a
mailing address. It as a general area. So you got
to come through and you have to listen very closely,
(13:22):
because the best way to find the squonk is to
wait for the sound of weeping. Because this semi quadruped
has a pretty rough, rough skin condition and it, according
to the stories, again, it is smart enough to feel
bad about itself, so it is always lachrymose, and it
(13:44):
is always just weeping and weeping, and it's tough to
catch because we'll see that some people call it stupid
when they're describing it, but no squak has ever been
officially entered into the scientific record, because even in the
stories where they catch him, he uses his superpower, which
(14:05):
is that he dissolves into bubbles and tears when he
is apprehended or captured.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Jesus, does he have a function? Sorry? What's this? What's he?
What's he for? What was he made for?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Well, for trappings? He was made for trapping, as we
have found from a was an entry from the eighteen
hundreds that it was like a somebody's just writing down
their daily goings about in way Earley, Nebraska or Lancaster
County out there, and they mentioned the squonk.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yeah, yeah, you can.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
It's weird because you would think, with you know, understandable validity,
you might think, wow, this guy seems like an internet meme.
Surely it's a recent creation like slender Man or something.
But the use of the word squawk and does pictions
perhaps of these creatures date back, As you said, Matt
Sen Trees, the Nebraskan settler's diary that we're mentioning eighteen
(15:04):
seventy eight is great because I just found this one
of interest because it's dropped so casually, and because it's
not clear he's talking about squawk, because a squawk is
not they're not. They're thought to be Pennsylvanian, right, possibly
desert immigrants to the Pennsylvanian forest, but you don't hear
about them in Nebraska except on on February.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
What is it there?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
It is on February twenty seventh, eighteen seventy eight, on Wednesday,
where a guy says, but we'll get a little ephemeral
with it. Went to Salt Creek. Shiit three traps for autumn,
two for menk caught to squawk, and I was mad
and went to literary in the evening where the warm.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
It's so great. What does that mean? I went went
to literary?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You mean like a complet go like like a reading
competition of some kind.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Maybe it's uh, he goes to the literary often, because
on January twenty third, the guy's also at the literary.
So it may be just the local hangout spot in town, right,
or maybe it's like the community hall or the literary center.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think it's gotta be just some kind of, as
you said, gathering place, because there are several other entries
that C. C. Beach makes in this diary where he's
like and then mister mister Perkins joined me to my
house a lovely fellow. And then I also I stayed
over at this place for fine folks and just very
(16:37):
he's a trapper too, so yeah, but he's just making
his way about and sometimes he goes to literary and
sometimes he catches to squonk or so he does, or to.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Catch them, yeah, or squirrel or squawk. But he was
mad because he's looking for mink and honor. It makes
me think.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Of like snipe snipe hunting, you know, like that was
another kind of mythical creature. And then I think, you know,
people would use to sort of make fun of inexperienced hunters,
tell them to catch a snipe, you know, and boy
scouts to do that. I had.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Yeah, I'm glad we're getting to that now because that's
something that's something I think is important to the conversation.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Here.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
We gotta we'll see the snexelant setup because we'll see
some of the i'll say, similar narrative threats. Right like
Samuel Johnson apparently mentions the squawk and in the description
we've just gave you in his dictionary. And then the
most in depth early mentioned what really puts this guy
on the map is a book by a guy named
(17:38):
William Thomas Cox. It's called fail Some Creatures of the
lumber Woods with a few Desert Mountain Beast nineteen ten.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
That's we're kind of fet wow, because we're mainly talking
about creatures of the lumber Woods. We're going to throw
out a few desert and mountain beaches just to round
it out.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
This is the Fearsome Creatures of the lumber Woods with
a few Desert and Mountain Beast is a book that
purports to be a compendium of field guide of creatures
that are considered fantastical, legendary, or cryptozoological. And went back
and found the original book. Ended up reading a lot
(18:16):
of it because it's a fun ride. Thought it would
be thought it would be fun in the interest of
some performance with our theater backgrounds, if we kind of
round robined the description of the squawk. It's about three
paragraphs long, and I don't know there's a poetry to it.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
The range of the squawk is very limited. Few people
outside of Pennsylvania have ever heard of a quaint beast
which is said to be fairly common in the hemlock
forests of that state. The squawk is of a very
retiring disposition, generally traveling about at twilight and dusk. Because
of its misfitting skin, which is covered with wats moles,
it is always unhappy. In fact, it is said by
(19:03):
people who are best able to judge, to be the
most morbid of beasts. And I know we're Pennsylvania here,
and I was putting some Southern on it, but it's
the only way I know how to talk.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Old timy hunters who are good at tracking are able
to follow a squonk by its tear stained trail. For
the animal weeps constantly when cornered and escapes seems impossible,
oh and surprised or frightened, it may even dissolve itself
in tears. Squonk hunters are most successful on frosty moonlight nights,
(19:35):
when tears are shed slowly and the animal dislikes moving about.
It may then be heard weeping under the bows of
dark hemlock trees.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Mister J. P.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Windling, formerly of Pennsylvania but now at Saint Anthony Park, Minnesota,
had a disappointed experience with a squak near Mount Alto.
He made a clever capture by mimicking the squawk and
inducing it into a sack in which he was carrying
it home. Wait, suddenly the bird enlightened and the weeping ceased.
Wentley nunslung the sack and looked within. There was nothing
(20:09):
but tears and bubbles bows.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Okay, these descriptions are remarkably kojent, and like, like, I
don't you know what I'm saying that, I don't feel
that these are the descriptions of something made up? Or
do you do you think this is? Like? Well, what
story is a good story? Man?
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I mean, Joseph Campbell was right about hero's journeys. Some
stuff just works in a story, so it sticks around.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Right. They gave the ring of truth to it, is
all I'm getting at. There we go.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
They give the They give the squonk a taxonomic definition
as well, or term lacrymacorpus dissolving's so it combines the
Latin terms of tear, body and dissolved. So its scientific
name is dissolves into tears.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What if it doesn't actually dissolve? What if it shrinks
itself down because its body mass is like ninety nine
percent liquid, or you know.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
It can actively dehydrate. That's cool, that's smart.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
I like that. Uh.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
And and this this is as somewhat I guess, if
not generous. It is a somewhat sympathetic description of a squawk.
It's saying, hey, it feels bad. It's life is tough.
Another very very similar book published in nineteen thirty nine,
written by a different author, but with a very similar title.
(21:35):
It's a lot meaner. It's more of a distract to
the squawk. It's like, which squonk hurt you? Did you
win the squonk date for a while? Why are you
describing it as slow and of a low mentality? Low
mentality is such a weird insult.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Yeah, and ascribing it to a creature that clearly is,
you know, reproducing. It wouldn't be here if it was
a reproducing.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Unless it's the one of its kind, you know, and
it's somehow supernatural, right. Maybe maybe it jumps through dimensions
like the people have argued the Bigfoot might.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Well, it can dissolve itself in tears, y'all. It can
dissolve itself in tears and bubbles. Perhaps that's some sort
of form of teleportation.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You see. Maybe they're not tears. Maybe it's creating a
portal that it can then like travel.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Through ectoplasmic good may perhaps it's just its leavings. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
They also said in this nineteen thirty nine book, also
called The Fearsome Critters, they said the squawk is quote,
probably the homeliest animal in the world, and it knows it,
which is like weirdly personal. So it's we are able
to speak with Henry H. Tyrone because our weigelboards out
of order. But I don't know, man, he's all gas,
(22:54):
no breaks on dissing this guy, and we have no
idea whether he met the naked mole rat, which I think,
again visually skin wise is probably the closest to descriptions
of a squonk, right.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Yeah, I could see that. Do we really describe it
like full in a full way, like looking at these pictures?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Yeah, we've got the photos here. These It varies a
little bit, of course, because there's no actual photograph of
a squonk, or there's nothing claiming to be a photograph. Instead,
we have artistic depictions, and in most of those pictions
what we see is a largely quadruped creature, its eyes vary,
(23:37):
but they always are weeping. Sometimes there's a little bit
of you know, when people cry really hard and a
little snot comes out of their nose. There's a little
bit of that for the guys's got wartz wrinkles. He
has sometimes a little tail, sometimes not. There were a
couple of pictures I saw where he looked a little
bit more reptilian, but I would say in most of
(23:58):
them he looks more like mammal with a weird, awkward facer.
There's one where he looks kind of like the one
that becomes a meme. He looks almost like a small
species of bug combined with combined with bovine or goat
like legs.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
A little bit of water bear quality to.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
It, and maybe that's yeah, like tartar grade almost a
little bit.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
But his little goat legs are interesting, and they're sort
of oddly spaced, you know what I mean. They're sort
of like strangely in the middle, and then he sticks
out in the front and the back. You know, it's
a see, he does seem to be a bit of
an unfortunate creature.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
I was gonna say it reminds you a bit of
a short nose to kidna. If you weren't really close
up to it, and then you didn't see the spiky bits,
you may mistake them for folds and or warts.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah, that's a good that's a good point. Reminds me
of the stuff we did on the Frogmen cryptids. The
idea about creatures getting misidentified, it is pretty pretty frequent.
But even if, okay, we don't know how tongy in
cheek these books are meant to be. Are they meant
to be a fun like McSweeney's type thing, or is
(25:12):
it like just a cash grab or is it like
a coffee table book of its time? Did the people
writing this genuinely believe in it? I'm gonna say probably not,
but it's tough for us to tell. We can't all
see the squonk emergent In other works of American folklore,
Paul Bunyan runs into a squonk. It's the same story.
(25:32):
Someone hears the weeping or the wailing, and they try
to mimic it, and then they get close to the squawk,
they catch the squawk, the squonk disappears. The guy's got
an im o, which is he's got an emo m o.
He's got a em no, No, we'll let it go.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I'll have, I'll have, I'll have what he's having. No,
I was gonna say earlier. He is a very emo
little fellow. He's in his feelings you know, a lot
which you got to appreciate. And I'd get a cryptids
he under At least he knows you know how to
feel at leasty, he knows how to emote, he knows
who he is. Apparently there's a gift to that.
Speaker 4 (26:15):
We also, I think one of the reasons we can
answer the question about how sincere these authors may or
may not be is by just giving you a quick laundry
list of other animals or life forms listed and explored
in the Fearsome Creature's Book from nineteen ten. They include
(26:36):
positively Soussian names like the bill Dad, the Tripadero, which
sounds so cool. The Trippadero sounds like the name of
a nineteen seventy station wagon to.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Me, sure does well, you guys, I mean the table
of contents and this Fearsome Critters book that we've been
referred to is just absolutely a feast for the census.
I think I think we've all been dying to just
like read some of our faith rits do it. Oh,
I don't know. I guess one that comes to him
comes to mind for me is the uh, well, there's
(27:06):
the there's the Columbia River sand squink, not to be
confused with the squawk. This is a squink, mind you.
And the come at a body like like it's like
there's like a threat, like, come out a body, bro
come at me. Come on, I dare you not to
mention the side hill gougur not cougar and subspecies. H.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I found stuff on the shaga maaw guys. It has
the four legs of a bear and the hind legs
of a moose, and is quote given to devouring the
clothing of lumbermen.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Oh really really really likes flannel.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And then there's of course the snow la Ghoster, which
sounds like a snot based roller coaster.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Yeah of some sort, right.
Speaker 4 (27:49):
Uh, I don't know there These are clearly not scientific names,
though the team does give them uh to the to
the animals in each entry. You can find this book
on for free online thanks to services like archive dot org,
so you can read the whole.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Thing if you like. I do have to say that
some of them have like fun, really fun alternate names
like this one here is called the the Dinga Mall,
but then in parentheses it says Plunkus. Which is it
the Dinga Mall or the Plunkuss? And I send this
to you guys off air, and as I think probably
the listeners are already getting irritated with me about I'm
(28:26):
becoming very obsessed with modular synthesizers. And the plinkiss and
the squawk both sound like great names for modules that
make beeps and boops.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
I'm gonna shot one more out, guys. It's the hoop
snake the way I am looking at it here described
as a snake that places its tail in its mouth,
and it's like, bros, it is and then it rolls
at a very.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
There's a lot of wild West tales about that guy too.
So weird, really really impossible to dodge. Remember that circle
ship in Prometheus.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
They seem to have a really difficult time dodging because
they just kept running in a line as the circles
ship was rolling after them. Uh.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
You can also check out Fearsome Critters dot org, which
is the modern day descendant of this and has much
much more on there, including, of course, the milking trout,
which of course bothers me.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
You guys know, I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan,
But isn't there that Harry Potter offshoot called like, uh
Fantastic Beasts and where to find find them? I think
this seems like a similar kind of codex.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
And so with these, with these names, what we could
say is we're seeing more folklore collection than hard investigative science.
And we have to ask ourselves, with all those other
creatures identifying in the book, what happened to them? Why
did the squawk become the breakout star of this American cryptozoography.
(29:58):
In this case, it's because of the Internet. The Internet
inspired a renaissance, a squonk lore, fandom, and perhaps even
genuine belief. I think it was in the two thousand
and tens we started seeing a lot of memes and
posts of the squank, the most famos being drawn by
Ashley Garst. That's the one where the legs are really
(30:18):
small in the center of the body, and people would
share this picture and then they would share another picture.
It's like he's just like me, or he gets it
because he's a mythical creature that's so ugly. That he
hides from plain sight and spends most of his time weeping.
So that's classic Internet reaction stuff, you know, and shout
out to our good friends over at know your meme
(30:40):
who have a neat little article on the Internet history
of the squonk. I was surprised by how many of
these I felt like I recognized once I started looking
at him.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Did you guys look at this?
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Did you see the different macro or what are they
called image macroon?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Yeah, for sure, now, I guess I didn't realize until
we started talking about it. This was something that I
had experienced in passing.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Yeah, you know, like a picture that that macro the squonk,
and then you know the picture under it is that
William Defoe meme where he's saying, you know, I'm something
of a blank myself, but he says I'm something of
a squonk myself.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Damn. Some of these got the squank looking kind of
fearsome though, some sort of creature that would hunt you down,
you know, and stalk you from from the from the grass.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Is it looks like a mildly deformed bulldog to me.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Mm yeah, like someone edited out the neck. Mm hmmm.
Do you guys remember that movie The Relic. Yes, it
was like a creature that ran around and eight people
in the museum. It kind of looks like that. I
was scary.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
He had sort of tusk like teeth like that was
the Relic one where the creature can adapt.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
I don't think so.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
I don't think that's a different one that came out. Okay,
this one's part reptilia and I'm looking at it now.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Okay, Yeah, the Elick was with what's her name, Penelope
Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore and it's been all. The
whole thing takes place, I believe, in the Museum of
Natural History in New York and there's a creature that is,
you know, stalking the curators of the museum and tearing
them to shreds. But he kind of looks squonk like
(32:19):
he's got those weird goat legs that kind of invert
you know what I mean. That's what That's what made
me think about it.
Speaker 4 (32:24):
And they call him the Kethuga in there. So there
is a cryptid star, and cryptids play a huge part
in pop culture, so does the Squawk. While there's not
any proof of this guy accepted by modern science. Yet
he sure shows up in a lot of other things.
I think maybe we pause for a word from our sponsor,
if we're all cool with that, and then look at
(32:46):
the squonk as a cultural phenomenon, and we have returned.
You guys, I had no idea how popular Blank was
with musicians in the seventies. It just it's really it
was unexpected to me.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Well it makes sense. I mean, you know, you got
a lot of these seventies bands that are doing the
prog rock thing, and a lot of that's tied up
in dungeons and dragon z type lore, and I don't know,
the squawk is a pretty great candidate for a mythical
being to write, to write a riff about.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Well. Yeah, you just imagine somebody who came across a
copy of that nineteen ten book right about the Lumberman,
the Fearsome Creatures and the Lumbermen, and they're like, ah,
we absolutely must feature the squawk.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah, what's the sensitive fellow?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah, I wonder why there's not more stuff about some
of those other ones. I feel like this is there's
untapped potential in the gilly galoo, the bird that lays
square eggs. I mean, come on, that's gotta be a thing.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
I think for the names alone, you know, some of
them are syllabically challenging, right, Like putting in Central American
wind tosser into a song lyric is a little bit tough.
Cannabis could do it, Kendrick could do it, but I
don't know if you will. So, yeah, you're right though
there is this specificity also kind of reminds me of this.
(34:13):
This was an era where those songs with more specificity
of reference seemed a little more welcomed in popular culture.
I'm not sure. Maybe they were just thinking outside the
box man, Maybe they were just more inspired, or like
so many people on the Internet today, saw themselves in
the story of the Squonk. We're talking off here. I
(34:33):
think I can't remember who it was when we were
talking about this before we filmed that video. I think
we were all surprised to learn that Genesis has a
song dedicated to the Squonk.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Yeah, and it's funny because I'm a big Genesis fan
and I don't know this record super well. It is
the first one that you pointed out Ben with Phil
Collins taking over as lead vocals. But I think we've
talked about too that like Phil Collins does such a
good job. I was singing exactly like Peter Gabriel. It's
almost uncanny and a little bit of sus if he
asked me. But I guess it kind of made sense
(35:07):
because they were singing, you know, he was singing backup
for him for so long. Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
It's also apparently there is some Genesis lore about this,
wherein they say that Collins wrote the lyrics. The bassist
what's his last name, Banks.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
Here's the keywords player.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
I believe, oh Banks, Okay, I believe that he and
another band member wrote the music and they asked Collins
to write the lyrics. And so, according to the story,
he had recently read a book called The Song of
the Dodo by a guy named David Kwaman, and it
talks about multiple species going extinct, how they can become
(35:47):
mythologized or romanticized as these supernatural creatures after their demise,
and so he wanted to he just made him think
of the squawk, and so he wrote that song, and
I guess looked around the room and said, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Sure, sure, Phil, let's do it.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Is that? Do you think that was their energy?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Mm hmm, yeah, great, Phil, the sad you want to
make the you want to make a song about the
sad one that turns into tears.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
Great, here we go.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
He's like, you know, dragons are a thing, Phil, or Bigfoot.
There are a lot of choices.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
The hoop snake goes really fast, just saying goes hard.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Yeah, just veer to the left a little bit, you'll
be fine.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Mongolian death worm, I mean, yeah, it was that squawk
was definitely a choice. Zz Top may have also shouted
out the squawk and this was their first album. Is
a song called Squank and kind of like the early
drawings of the Squank, this seems a little more aggressive,
like it's about how the the squank lives in the
swamp and it'll come get you. I don't know if
(36:56):
that's coincidence. Could also be a portmanteau of sank and wank.
It could very well could. We haven't talked as easy yet.
I always thoughts easy Top was a person.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Uh.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
I was always mystified by that one guy who didn't
have a beard.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
It's his deal, he'sow Was he not permitted to have
a beard? Was it in the contract. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (37:25):
I don't know, but we also we do know. Steely
Dan has a song called any Major Dude Will Tell You,
which I had not heard. I know about you, guys,
I had not heard this until this. Well, it has
the it has the lyrics in there. Have you ever
seen a squnk's tears? Well, look at mine? Okay, because
(37:47):
they're just as real. I guess they also, Yeah, with
the squalk.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
I think that's what it is, guys. I think there's
sort of like a lot of these these rock band
people are sensitive at heart. You know, they might put
up a tough front, but uh, they're sensitive folks, and
they and they relate to the squawk.
Speaker 4 (38:07):
I can see that, you know. Isn't that the mark
of a good story? You see yourself in it to
some degree.
Speaker 3 (38:13):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (38:13):
There's also a Final Fantasy character named Squank. It's much
more bird like, is it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah, what Final Fantasy is this?
Speaker 3 (38:20):
In this? In Final Fantasy fourteen, I want to.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
Say, Ah, Okay, I am not familiar with this.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
He is something called a rank B Elite mark in
the Sea of Clouds. I understand some of those words.
He has a chirp attack.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (38:39):
There's also the legendary performance group collective out of out
of Pennsylvania called Squank And what's that? Uh, what's that
immersive theater thing we liked in New York Sleep Sleep
No More and Omega mar Meo Wolf stuff. If you're
(38:59):
fans of that kind of thing, you might be fans
of Squank folks. Apparently they've traveled around the world in
the country creating this really trippy, edgy what did someone
call it that? Their reviews are pretty interesting post industrial
performances that sounds fun, crackpot modernist and cartoony. Michelangelo's Russ
(39:20):
Belt data Debusy meets Godzilla.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Those are pretty great reviews.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
I think we were trying meets Godzilla.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
I have no idea what that would even entail, but
I want to find out. Sign me up. You've also
got this term chemical squawks, which sounds like a performance
art thing in and I wouldself, which is actually a
science y term for a stable, stable substance held in
a solution. Yeah, but but it can't be isolated or
captured with that being dissolved.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
Yeah, so scientist, the real name for those things is
chemical squaks.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
That's wild. Well, and then I'm excited to get to
this part be because we talked earlier a little bit
about the idea of being sent on a snipe hunt,
you know, and which is you know, is usually a
stand in for like a wild goose chase, Like this
is not something that you're ever going to actually find,
So what about a squawk hunt? Is that similar or
is there potential that you might find the damn thing?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
I mean, it feels like it's maybe a regional variation
the idea of going out to hunt for squank, maybe
like sending someone to hunt for snipe. Did you guys
ever get sent on a snipe hunt?
Speaker 3 (40:28):
It came up in a very early boy scout event
camp out thing, so I only have vague recollections of it.
As you know, I didn't progress very far in the organization.
But do you remember mentioned of a snipe hunt?
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Mm hmm, pretty common thing, I think, especially in the South.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Did you have to go on a snipephunt?
Speaker 2 (40:47):
Mat? I go on snipe hunts every night, dude.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Just to stay on your toes, keep the head on
a swivel.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
That's right, Oh right, you got a snipe security expert.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
It's a there's an episode of King of the Hill
where it's not a snipe hunt, it's something else. Maybe
it is actually the Order of the Straight Arrow. He
asked the episode, and they send them on a on
a snipe hunt.
Speaker 4 (41:10):
It's great Order of the Arrow joke. They do make
you sleep rough in the Order of the Arrow, or
at least when I joined, it was really weird. You
know what they gave us for the night. They give
us a keeper bag with two matches and set the
set the book back on fire. I don't know, man,
(41:31):
I was like, I'm just not going to eat tonight,
all right, but it was weird. I don't think that's
strictly legal. Uh yeah, I don't know. That's a question
with that hunt, like in both the in the Snipe case,
like you guys are saying, it's generally acknowledged right that
snipe is considered a fictional creature. It's a prank to
some people hunting for it. But do we think that
(41:53):
people in Pennsylvania or broad genuinely believe in the existence
of the squamk or is it seen as more like
a power or full symbolic thing.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
Well, I just really quickly back to the King of
the Hill episode as it turns out Bobby takes it
very seriously and accidentally kills a whooping crane which is
in danger. So it's a it's a real problem there.
I think he doesn't actually kill it, he just beats
it up and it comes back and it rouses us later.
But god, I think I think it is symbolic. Yeah, absolutely,
(42:23):
But with symbolism it can be taken very far by
a belief. You know.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah, I don't think anybody actually thinks squawk's real. But
I bet it's a fun thing for kids, same as
a lot of the tall tales we tell them to,
you know, help them understand why there's so many presents
under the tree and that kind of thing. I bet
it's a fun It's a fun little thing, especially if
you're out in them hemlock forests.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
Shout out to Laurel Hill, Right, that's one of them.
Speaker 3 (42:51):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (42:52):
And yeah, we'd love to hear your thoughts on this too, folks, like,
is this maybe a misidentified real animal and that misidentification
later gave way to a story that was just too
interesting to fade into obscurity.
Speaker 3 (43:07):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (43:08):
If that is in the case, indeed the case, what
was that original animal the kidney idea is really interesting.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, I think for my money that that entry from
c C Beach where where it says when does Salt
Creek set transfer and otter to mink and caught to squawk?
In my head, that is a stand in for useless
creatures that I can't make any profit on any meat.
(43:36):
That good for me.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I think that's right.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 4 (43:41):
No, you're totally doing It makes sense to me because
he's definitely not getting what he's looking for in that
in that trapping situation.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Yeah, creatures that would still would that would set off
a trap, right they the pelt is useless and all
that stuff.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
I don't know, that's just that's so maybe it's like
archaic slang, yeah, for just a generic trash animal.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, it's not about the squank weeping. It's about you
weeping because you just spent a bunch of time and
effort and you caught that and now you don't get
to eat and you don't get any whatever.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
That's a great idea.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
I mean, I think you were right about the suicide
dog bridge out there out there in Europe. So this
feels like a really reasonable explanation to me, A really
smart one too. We wanted to maybe that has solved
the mystery. One to end with a big, big thank
you to everybody for tuning in, of course, but also
(44:37):
to some folks who gave us some great news. If
you happen to be in the area of Johnstown, Pennsylvania,
and you want a really rollicking swamp related time, then
allow us to introduce you to an entire annual festival
dedicated to celebrating the world's saddest cryptid Squonka Palooza tenth
(44:58):
twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
Hey we should we should have a Little Leo party.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Sure?
Speaker 4 (45:06):
The Little Leo contingent attending the Squanka Palooza, he yeah.
They have fun game speakers, performance entertainment vendors, snacks of course,
And we reached out to the good folks at Squanka
Palooza when we heard about them after this video and
just the nicest people. Want to give a shout to
Lisa of Cryptid Comforts and Joe of Crypto Theology.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Uh.
Speaker 4 (45:30):
They both sell a lot of like handcrafted cryptid merchandise
and they gave us the story of how Squanka Palooza
came to be. Lisa wrote a book called Whyso sad
Squawk with her friend Brandy Hale, who is the troubadour
of Squanka Palooza, which I feel like is a really
cool job title.
Speaker 3 (45:51):
Uh and.
Speaker 4 (45:53):
Lisa teamed up with Joe and he is the boots
on the ground out there in Pennsylvania. They wanted to
shout out their fellow cryptocreator, Holly who Art, who designed
the website helps with the tech side, So shout out
to Squawka Palooza. Let us know if you're gone, Let
us know if you're going, who knows, Like Matt said,
we might end up in town.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Two absolutely, and let us know if you plan out
being there. You can reach out to us in the
usual social media places of note, we are conspiracy stuff
on Facebook, YouTube, and x nay Twitter we are conspiracy
stuff show. However, on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
You can give us a call. Our number is one
eight three three std WYTK. Why not call in and
leave us a three minute voicemail while you are out
in the Pennsylvania forests hunting for a squawk, We want
to hear it. Maybe do they do wood knocks? We
don't know wood weeps. Just call us in, give yourself
(46:54):
a cool nickname and let us know if we can
use your message and name on the air. If you
don't want to do that, why not instead send us
a good old fashioned email.
Speaker 4 (47:01):
We are conspiracy at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Stuff they don't want you to know. Is a production
of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Stuff They Don't Want You To Know News
Hosts And Creators
Matt Frederick
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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