January 5, 2017 • 65 mins
The babes with the power of voodoo--Caitlin, Jamie, and guest Jenny Zigrino--discuss Labyrinth. Fun fact: the Labyrinth in this film is mostly made of up morally ambiguous gray areas where a fully grown man preys upon a teenage girl!
(This episode contains spoilers)
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the be Dol Cast, the questions asked if movies
have women and them, are all their discussions just boyfriends
and husbands, or do they have individualism the patriarchy and
best start changing it with the beck Dol Cast. Hello
and welcome to the Bechdel Cast. I'm your host Caitlin
Dronte and the other one Jamie Laftus, and we are
(00:23):
talking about movies and how women are portrayed in them.
That's what the Bechtel Cast is about. I want to
take back calling myself. The other one that was, yeah,
I'm gonna be less down on myself, but I immediately
jumped to, yeah, don't minimize yourself and your role. Okay,
what were you talking about. Let's try again. Okay, but
we're keeping this all in. But we're all this is
(00:44):
a character. I'm supposed to be making a concentrated effort.
I had, like a I paid a hunt someone first
last week. What you can say, you do the intro,
you say like, hey, welcome, okay, okay, ready, yes one,
Hey welcome. This is the Bechtel Cast. I'm your first
and primary and most important host, Jamie Laptus, and I'm
(01:06):
your ship piece of crap host Caitlyn, ok don't be
so hard. We should learn from me. I'm so confident,
and let's try it again. Okay. I think people get it.
We are both equally important and this is like a
cheese your own adventure podcast, Like who do you want
to be? The Elpha of this one? Um, Welcome to
the Bechtel Castes is what we were trying to say.
(01:28):
That's what leave this all in. This is perfect. Some
stuff we're working some stuff out. Yeah, it's a hard
time of year. It's the winter. It's sad. We're in
the throes of it. Baby, we are. I got to
I saw snow yesterday because you were in Boston or
New York or somewhere on the northeast. Was in Boston
(01:48):
and I got to brush off my dad's car and everything. Wow. Yeah,
I've been living in a tropical paradise that is Los Angeles.
It's a beautiful city. Um. Well, let's uh introduce our guest.
Why don't we Okay, Oh wait, we didn't say what
the podcast is about. That. Oh they get it. Okay, Yeah,
I guess let's stop saying it's the best. It's Yeah,
(02:10):
I'm on board with the Yeah, listen to another episode.
I'm tired of talking about this podcast. Yeah, let's quit,
let's cancel. No, let's introduce our guest. She's a very
funny comedian. You might have seen her on Conan. Uh.
She's also in movies like Bad Santa to One movies.
(02:31):
Hello and welcome. Jenny's a green lady. Thank you so
much for being here. You're both equally as important, but
not as important as the guests. Exactly, exactly, Okay, So
there the alpha was sitting next to us. All it's
the whole. That's why I just like you bitches, and
that's it out. Sat back and watch. It's coming from
(02:52):
the house. These girls think they matter? What right a producer? Okay,
never mind, you guys do matter. Okay, we'll get to it.
I want to talk about Aristotle, but I don't think
he wants us to talk about what is how he
has to poop? I told you we'd call it a Yeah,
(03:12):
he does, and he but he made a real show
of not doing it before we started, So now it's
honest to make a real show of when he chooses
exactly your punishment if you if you hold it for
the whole episode, that would suck. It's like for him,
it's like yeah, but for all of us too, I'd
like to make this about myself as well. Sure, let's
(03:35):
make it about the poop, you guys, that's that's we're
having focus issues in this thing. Well, let's try to
reel it back in and talk about the movie that
we're going to be talking about, which is The Labyrinth. Uh.
It was came out in What six, directed by Jim Henson,
(03:56):
written by Terry Jones. It's got every anything, not everything.
Tell us tell the what does this movie mean to you?
Why did you choose this one? I chose this one
because I feel like for a lot of us, it
was the first time we really saw a female protagonist
(04:16):
in a movie that wasn't all about getting the dude,
that wasn't a baby. She's still trying to get the dude,
but it's a baby dude. She's a dude, and it's
a little dude's Yeah. And and then also for many
of us, we were introduced to David Bowie through this movie,
and it was the first time we felt our loins
(04:38):
do anything. So I think it recognized that they were
there and forever we were into Dandy's and lady boys.
So that's what I'm into now, and that's the only
thing I'll ever be into. When did you see this
movie for the first time? I think I saw when
I was a kid. And then remember when hot topic
(05:00):
I don't hold to fit? Oh yeah, two thousand and one.
Then it was just like all day, every day, and
then it stopped. And then I went to an arts
high school and it had a real big resurgence in
the arts high school every Halloween. Every Halloween, someone was Bowie.
I just googled where what the baby from Labyrinth looks
(05:20):
like now? And I wish I hadn't what. Okay, First
of all, the Huffington's Post headline is very mean. It says,
thirty years later, the baby from Labyrinth is a real
life goblin king. I don't know, maybe it's something he
just texts. But he's I mean, he's wearing a fedora.
(05:41):
He's not like it's a bummer that used such a
cute little baby. Okay, let's see here it is, but
there's a there's an American Express ad really getting in
the way of me, uh finishing up this? Okay, so
here he is a real life goblin king. I don't
think it's that bad. He's just wearing a lot of layer.
He just he looks like a steampunk kid. That's it.
(06:04):
He is a steampunk it. I think he makes something.
He makes like steampunky things or something looks he looks fun.
He's oh now he's a peer and a fabricator. Do
you think he's got His whole identity is based around
the fact that he was in The Labyrinth as a baby,
and he's like, I gotta live up to this. Wonder
(06:27):
his real name is Toby for real? Yeah, I just
said Dobby, like Dobby the Alpha was like, Toby is
a different in the man's name. I wonder if he
inspired it. You know that David Bowie did the sound
of the baby laughing because he didn't didn't like the
(06:49):
baby's laugh made it sounds like I can do that.
I can do better, I can do better. I love
that he did. He does that like that trick with
the crystal ball, which has no business really, I mean,
is it a bubble luring? It is, but like they
worked this like very flimsy reason for it to be
(07:11):
in the movie and all there, He's like, do you
want a gift? He doesn't have anything to do with anything.
But look how I can do this cool trick. And
I'm just like you. You just wanted to show off.
David Bells like almost everything he does this, it's just
a big fun show off down to his like leggings.
He wants you to know. He wants you to know. Yeah,
(07:31):
and we want to know. We do want to know. Um,
just a quick recap of the story. How I want
to David and how the baby's ugly man? Now he's
he's actually, he's he's a regular looking dude. He just
I'm just I'm trying to get us to pass the
(07:53):
Bectel test in real life. Because all we've done so far,
let's talk about other men. One last thing. His face
looks really a smooth baby to acknowledge that this is
what we're talking about, and to look at the picture.
It's mostly just because I'm too lazy to get up
and walk around the table and see what it looks like.
I'm just saying that freaks me out, like a really
smooth face, like a smooth man. And oh yeah, you
(08:16):
didn't know if you were talking about like the baby's
smoothness or he's like, oh no, I like a smooth baby.
I like a harry a swab. I like a swab baby,
like a scar baby, scar baby. Okay, now baby, all right,
(08:37):
let's okay, no more fu. No, we're going to welcome
back to it. Oh yeah, we just have to like
spend a minute talking about something else and then we'll
go back to how we want to fuck David Bowie. Um.
The story is, uh, this little this girl, she's down
a teenager. She is all about fans. She's like, I
(09:00):
love fantasy. It looks by the theater book. She loses
me first scene for that reason, Like, this is fucking nerves.
What's this done? Soliloquy? You're doing yourself in the park
just kind of interrupted quick. Okay. I was when I
(09:22):
was younger, I went to fat Camp and we had
this girl there who God bless her, Like I wish
I knew her now because she seems like she would
be so cool. She was obsessed with the with the
play Cats, so she would just put on cat face,
like yeah, she's just fun. She would just do cat
(09:44):
face and sing and do performances from the musical Cats
by herself. That's it. I just just memory. Yeah, But
like because we're fat camp we're all fat, and we
were playing baseball when day and we got really sweaty
and it was like summer in Massachusetts, and her makeup melted.
(10:07):
Oh I love a good cat girl there. It's just
like a fucking nightmare. Then she she left her because
there's some mean to her. But it's so funny to think, Well, I,
whoever you are out there, young girl who contact me?
(10:29):
I miss you and I thought about you everybody since
I was twelve. Anyway, let's just never talk about the movie.
Let's get she's a hot theater kid, all right. Yeah,
she's a baby theater kid with really expensive costomer like
that cost and would cost like a thousand dollars at
(10:50):
a unfair geeze. She was dedicated, damn, or just a brat.
Probably more of a brat um. The story is about
a girl. She's a young budding woman and she likes you, Caitlin.
I want to fund her. That's what I'm talking about.
(11:11):
That passes the test. I don't want to suck that.
Jennifer Connelly. But like Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream,
Oh yeah, oh I straight like the TV is for sure.
I watched we talked abou just like one word and
then it's over. In the first episode, we talked about
(11:32):
kill Bill, and I had only seen the DBS kill Bill,
which is like a great kill bill. Yeah my name,
and I like two Party, that's great. Nice. Oh yeah,
the movie lab Yeah do you want me to? Yeah?
Do you want to? Just gets right there, alright, a
(11:53):
young budding theater nerd right, just wants to do theaters
and plays and ship. But she got this dumb little
brother who's a baby, and he's a brat and she's like, oh,
I don't want to take care of this dumb sucking baby.
And then she's like, goblin king take this baby away.
And then she runs away that goes to the bathroom
or something, and then she comes back and the baby's gone.
(12:15):
She's like, oh no, where's this baby? And then David
Bowie shows up. We all get owners and then and
then he's like, oh, you can come get your bro,
but he's I have him now, and so then she'll
get yeah, go to the city goblins. Then she finds
this tiny goblin that she's befriends who's like all grumpy
and ship, and then she makes it through. There's like
(12:36):
some weird dancings and a ball and she's like, oh, no,
I'm questioning everything. Do I love him? Don't I love him?
And then eventually I mean, should we give the end away? Yeah?
There are spoilers here. Yeah. Oh, she makes a lot
of goblin friends on the way to serdidymus, which I
(12:59):
think is just a nickname for epididymus, which we all
know as the male reproductive organ tube thing. I don't
know what's an epididamus. Let me look it up. I
just looked up. Oh that's not an epidemas, Yeah, isn't it.
I don't know. I went to public school. Epidermis is
(13:20):
your skin? But what am I thinking about? Yeah? Where ventricles?
Seminal ventricles seven venecles? No, I'm fucking right. Epididamus highly
convoluted duct behind the testes along which sperm passes to
the fast My dick, I'm so sorry that I ever
(13:46):
judged you for is the squirtle bags. It's the first name.
But well, you were googling anatomy. I googled did David
Bowie and Jennifer Connelly hook up? I hope not. She
(14:07):
was like fifteen when they filmed this, but like David
Bowie did that not to get into his legacy, but
he was like down, yeah, but they didn't bummer good
because that would have been statutory rape. Again, she was
fifteen when they filmed that movie. Uh, that's the story
(14:32):
of the Labyrinth. Uh. Let's talk about um our characters. Uh.
We have one female protagonist, Jennifer Sarah, who is the whiniest, angstyest,
most annoying little bee word that I've ever encountered. Were
(14:56):
never like that when you were a pater nerd and
a teenager didn't have those outfits. I might be having
selective memory, but I really remember myself as being a
really cool kid. Okay, sure of course you're walking around like, hey, guys,
you know what epidennymus means. Yeah, I was teaching all
(15:16):
the kids. Yeah. I So she's pretty much the only
notable primary female character. Was also the Worm's wife who
never screen and the hag Puppet. The hag puppet, but
she's very tertiary. Also, although the um are any of
(15:40):
the oh what's their names, the ones that take their
heads off, they all I all perceived them as men
male genitals. They don't, but they had like I suppose
the voices of men their genderless. Yeah, they a lot
of them are a bit genderless. Yeah. Yeah, a lot
(16:03):
of those goblins are genderless too. Well, no, some of
them have like dresses and shot um. Either way, I'm
going to continue to argue that the only notable funeral character.
What about that this stepmo. I loved this step mom,
Like she had a story like there, she didn't do
anything wroungd. She have one line and she's like, why
(16:25):
does she treat me like I'm a stepmother in a
fairy tale? All because you know, Sarah gets home and
then she's like her stepmos like we were worried at
seven pm, and then she begins to scream and run
away and pour Steven I wrote down, Um, poor stepmom
liked her hair. She should have good hair. She did,
(16:46):
she did great stepmother. Well that scene I think that
allows the movie to technically pass the Bechtel test. Yeah. Yeah,
because they talk about yeah, like I was worried about
you where if you been You're supposed to be home
to babysit or whatever. It's a short conversation, and that
the step mom has three minutes of screen time maybe less,
(17:09):
Like it's not she's still getting paid and residual. She was,
she was and she had like anyways, I was like,
she's very beautiful. I really like her. But she doesn't
come back. No, she doesn't. Yeah, and she's on screen
for yeah two minutes. Okay, so pass the test, guys,
test done, good night. But so by comparison, we have
(17:37):
a bunch more more. Uh, how do you talk again?
I'm just gonna keep stuttering broken, I'm a robot. There's
a bunch of dude characters, is what I'm trying to say. Characters.
We've got Jaref, the Goblin King. Is that it's Jareff.
(17:58):
Jareff is his name. David Bowie's character is named Jareed.
I wonder how many Jarrett's were born from this movie,
although they'd be like our age and I don't know
any Jarred's so that you know, well, I mean just
put facebook anyway, there's a little Jareff. Now, um, we've
(18:24):
got Hoggle, which I have some things to talk about
concerning him in a moment. Yeah, well, Hoggle is a
piece of ship. He's a piece of ship. Yeah, but
we grow to love Hoggle. Actually I find him repulsive
and horror I just hate everything about him. We have Ludo,
who's like the big monster guy, and then Sir Epididymis
(18:50):
is I don't know, a little fox creature. I don't know,
I think so. But then he's writing a dog. Now
he's I think he's a Yorkshire terror. He looks like
a oh is that the is that dog British? The
one that looks really nice and like he came from
Renaissance fair. I'm sorry I was. Yeah, that's because I
found a ton of Jarreed's and that's why I wasn't
(19:14):
really listening. Look at this one. This one is like
he's really leaning into Jareff. Jareed. What's his name, Jared?
Where is he from? If you're listening, I don't know,
but he's an event coordinator in Infinity marketing deal. We're
probably giving away too much of British stranger's phone saying
(19:37):
I guess I don't know anyway. Okay, Well that they're
out there, Yeah, those horny moms had a lot of Jarreff's. Yeah,
they're like, I don't know why, I just like this name.
It just you know, what sounds so powerful. It's just,
you know, I just want to have an alluring son.
You can really take a sweep a teenage girl off
(19:57):
her feet. Yeah, let's talk about that. Uh. There is
the scene or the sequence where Jared' is like, hey, Hoggle,
give the girl this peach rufie and make her eat
it so that she can have a dance scene with me,
(20:20):
a very sensual ball dance thing that's like a dream. Weird.
He rufies her. He does rufe her. But that scene
is like that was supposed to be like her dream
scene of like if you stay, like all your dreams
(20:41):
are going to come true. So you So she's in
love with him. She supposed to be like seventeen in
this kid, I told myself, but I'm not sold. Look
i'm gonna say she's seventeen. I'm gonna say she's legal.
For so the movies. She might have played an older
character than her actual Jennifer was actually aged because she
(21:03):
was fifteen when this movie came out, and I didn't
perceive her as being like like she was just had
gone through puberty to me, like she she seemed older
to me. She seemed seventeen to me. Really she seemed
like fourteen to me. No fourteen year old has brows
(21:24):
like that. Did you see her brows? They're great. Well,
Jennifer Conny is an outlier with her eyebrows, so she
really came into That's what people always say about her.
She born eyebrows first. She she had that thing where
they're like brushed up a little, but it doesn't look insane,
which is like, I could never do that. I overtweets
(21:47):
when I was a teenager. Anyways, those skinny ones like pregnant,
those are like absolutely teen mom eyebrows that over plucking. Anyways,
I just I just think that that it wasn't some
a rufie Peach. It was just like he wanted to
stop her from getting this baby because he wants that
to keep that baby. But he's also like, if you
live in this Peach world, all your dreams will come true.
(22:10):
Come on, It's very complix. Maybe that is because that's
what your impression of that scene was when you first
watched it as a kid. So I saw this movie
for the first time when I was probably in college,
and then I watched it again three times over the
past few weeks to prepare for this episode, and I
(22:32):
was like, oh my god, he uh he rufies her
with this peach and then so that he can have
this weird dance, this ballroom dance thing with her and
get all close to her and he's a predator and
it's weird, and I just found it very creepy, especially
because again she's fifteen. David Bowie at the time was
thirty nine. It was three over age, Okay, so I
(22:56):
would not have thought it was charming if they hooked up, Yeah,
it would have been, But fifteen year old Jenny still
would have sucked. There's like that's okay. That's the thing.
It's like, we are like it is wrong, but like
remember when you were fifteen, you totally wanted to suck,
(23:18):
like thirty year old men, that's all you wanted to do.
That's why that scene was like because I was watching
this movie for the first time, like every I don't
know why. I haven't seen a lot of movies. How
many movies have I seen that we've done on this.
I just the beauty and the beauty and the beast
and that was about it. But I was okay with
it just because it's like I feel like when I
(23:39):
was that age, I had that exact like fantasy about
someone from the cast of Harry Potter, you know, like
everyone has that. Wait, but they would have been your
age unless it was Snape. I also would have sucked Snape.
Can we just put that out there? Oh yeah, Moody
the all died this year. Yeah, Prince too. Would you
(24:01):
have got heartbeat? Yeah, he's worried that all your icons.
I would have sucked Leonard Cohen, which is somewhere, which
is a harder choice. That is hard. Oh, well this year,
I love a deep voice. I do. Uh. But but
(24:23):
like Suzanne Arrow, Leonard Cohen living on like living in
Greece for no reason. Yeah, I think I would have
definitely hooked up with Anton Yelkin, who also passed. Is
that he's about little guy from Green Room and he's
(24:43):
in Star Trek and he sounds hot. He's age appropriate,
is what he is? Oh he's the jeep. Uh. Yeah,
he had a very tragic death. Uh, and I'm sad
to bring it up. Let's talk about that. We lost
a whole spank bank about it. The fact that we
(25:05):
keep going off on tangents is very fitting because we're
just getting in the lost in the labyrinth that is this,
So it's very somatic. Actually, Okay, so again, he rufies
are at the peach. You don't like it. I think
it's more of a spell, so it doesn't count as much. He's, Okay,
it's a spell. Everyone's motivation. You can have it. I'm
(25:28):
not going to agree with you, but that can be
your weird, creepy take if you wanted to. Can we
can we backtrack a little bit to the scene where
she yells at the baby, literally insane to me, like
she I've never and I was like, we were all
at bitchy teenage girl. Never would I pick up an
(25:49):
adorable baby and try to send it to hell because
I couldn't like wear my Renaissance Fair costumes outside, Like,
that's just crazy. I wouldn't I would do that. Now
it's a shirty year old woman. I'd be like, I
hate chipping out of my life. Why did I have you?
I can't wear my red something? Was she in a play?
(26:11):
Or is that she just has no friends? That's why
she has to make friends with. She's desperate to be like, Hoggle,
you're my friend, right, It's just like, no, I don't
really want to be your friend. She's like, no, she
didn't really technically make any friends. In this movie. But
at the end they love her. At the end, they
do love and then they all come back. Yeah, in
(26:33):
her room. She turns around and she's like, my friends,
but he just turned around and all your friends already
in your room and they were all goblins even creepier
like that, look at my mirror, and I'm just like,
I wish my friends were here. And I turned around
and they're all there. Wow, I really would like there
to be like that scene. And then we see it
from like the parents and there's no one. They just like,
(26:55):
she's lost her mind. Yeah, bard in school, she but
she screams at this baby a lot. And then there's
like cutaway scenes where the goblins are like, send the
baby to hell, and then she does at the last second,
and she's like, I wish the Goblin king would take you.
(27:16):
And then I don't, like, I don't know why she
blames this baby for all of her problems. That was
confusing to me. And then and then David Bowie's motivation
why does he want to keep the baby? Is there
a reason he wants to add to his goblin collection?
Because the baby turns into a goblin as I guess,
I mean that's never explicitly stated, but that he's luring
(27:45):
He's yeah, he's luring young women into his labyrinth. He
doesn't that's the only way. He just sits around the
girl to curse her baby, and he's like, pussy, Oh
it also okay. So then she yells at the baby,
baby disappears, and then David Bowie appears and she's not scared.
(28:06):
I was like, do they know each other? Well, yeah,
there's the whole thing about the movie. He's the villain,
but like, they have several scenes together. One of them
he's dancing with her after he roofied her spell. It
cast a Rufi spell on her, it's not ripe if
(28:26):
it's a spell. Is that part of the betel? Yeah? Yea.
So there's that creepy thing. There's uh, the other creepy
thing where I'm pretty sure Hoggle also wants to have
sex with Sarah. Well, look at him, he does. I
(28:48):
think Hoggle has a genuine love for her. I viewed
it as more so, Yeah, I see, maybe I'm just
at but I feel so bad by giving me the
peach a paternal horny. But I don't think that necessarily
implies that it's like a parental or like a fatherly
(29:10):
he's the goblin. It's not a real thing, it's really
he's a he's a tiny person in a suit. That's it.
There's like a lot of I had one smart thought
this whole movie. Let's hear it. Okay, here it goes.
There's a lot of references to other ship in this
(29:32):
movie where it's like, there are a few things there
is the fact that she was like a pubescent fucking
mess who her parents were trying to fix her. And
that kind of reminds me of like when do you
getting booted out of the nursery in Peter Pan. That's
what that whole like flashback scene felt like to me,
when she was like my toys suck or whatever. And
(29:54):
then the whole like it was a kind of Wizard
of Ozzie too, because she's just like walking through, you know,
walking down this very long hallway and making friends and
then at the end, just like in the Wizard of
oz there's a room full of goblins and a baby
and David Bowie, Yeah, exactly, Like that's my smart thought.
What if it's like it's a would be like an
allegory for for growing up women, growing up of a
(30:19):
coming of age, take a better period this what is
the thing that I was just like, are they talking
about a pussy in a mean way? When they kept
calling it like whatever the stink swamp? I was like,
is he just stuff like fart swamp? But then there
(30:40):
was a huge cavernous like pussy opening in the middle
of the fart swamp that there was a hole. WHOA, Okay,
I think it was a butt hole. That's as long
as there was some sort of reference to a human hole.
I feel like I have retained my sanity. I think.
I think the guys who took their heads off of
my favorite part of that movie. They have a great song.
(31:02):
It's like what the chili? The chili song or which
not losing your head? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. They they're dancing
around in front of what's very clearly a green screen. Yeah,
it's great, and you can kind of see the outlines
of the people that's been talking. But it's like nowadays
all that would have been CG. And puppets are so great.
(31:26):
Puppets are awesome. Yes, yeah, I like puppets. Yeah. Then
they make it feel real and wonderful, like you totally
get lost. If that's a CG thing. I'm like, it's CG.
But if it's like a puppet, I'm like, oh, that's
like I feel like that's a real creature. Though, Can
we talk about has anyone seen Mohanna? No? No, I'm
your f B post batic? What is it? It's so good?
(31:48):
Everyone won't see it? Should see man will Mariana and
I love him, but he ruined our opening weekend for
bad Sanna, So fuck that guy. Probably let But movie
Moanna is so good and I loved it so much,
(32:09):
and I think everyone should see it a thousand times
and buy it on DVD, even though that's a medium
that doesn't is gonna haveb sleet. I still buy DVDs.
You still by DVDs. I wonder what the vinyl version
of DVD is gonna be? You mean, like what? Uh like?
I collect vinyl and then whenever we all just like
(32:34):
press a button in our head and we like play
a movie on our eyeball screens. That's so DVDs are
going to be like the vinyl they call it, they
call they call the swamp the land of stench, and
they keep threatening to send people to the Land of stench.
Maybe I was just being self conscious. But I was like,
they're talking about your someone's place. But did they act?
(32:57):
I actually had that same I forget did they actually
fall into it or they just went down the still
they stopped them, so yeah, and then there's a bridge
over at the collapses. But then they also with the
stones and they make part noises. I mean, it's just
great's just five minute fart jokes. Is it a fart?
Don't know? I mean, I think you can tell the
(33:17):
difference queffart. It's true. Queezers are delicate. I think they're
called quee fi laural. It's like, no, it's like if
you see a herd of moose. It's just the plural
is the same. It's just quef. I had so many
(33:38):
que time or no, it was it's like I saw
a bunch of quef in the woods. I had another thought,
which is that, oh, because there's only um one primary
(33:58):
female character there doesn't really allow the there's no like
relationships that she can have with other female characters. And uh.
Also concerning is that the she doesn't go through any
sort of like emotional arc even though she is she
(34:18):
does see that line you don't control me or whatever
that line. Yeah, No, I think she. I think she
definitely goes from Bradty Brett Bratt to like, I'm a
woman and you can't control me, and I'm going to
get that baby back because I love that baby and
I'm responsible for that baby. And also it's my fault
(34:39):
that I sent that baby to hell. Yeah, she does
accept expose the responsibility of the How I'm no, i'mot
this thing the iPhone store. I think it's very warm
in here, and I think I'm just getting over you
(35:00):
did I'm also going through because I'm so old. No, um,
I suppose I guess I just didn't notice her arc
as much as I noticed like a Hoggle, who's all like,
I'm alone some man, and I don't want any friends,
but okay, I guess it's okay to have one. And
(35:22):
also I'm a coward, but I should be every person
I've ever been in a relationship. How you're about to
talk about this character? Are you getting turned on now?
You're like, oh my god, maybe Hoggles, I was going
to talk about how I used like puppets, like I
have a not that puppets like get me horny, but
(35:43):
I do think I like I used to guys, I
used to use your words carefully. I used to theater
and so, oh did you oh at the brend or No,
it was in Brookline. It was in Brookline. The kids wonder, yeah, oh,
could you can see from the train station. I always
wanted to go in there. It was fun. I worked
(36:03):
there for like a year, and but there was a
puppeteer there. He was the artist in residence and he
lived in the attic of the puppet. I was like nineteen,
and I wanted to him real bad. I had the
biggest crush on the attic puppeteer and he talked to
you through the puppet. He he didn't talk to women
(36:24):
really at all. He was afraid of that. Yeah, I
want to show you the puppets. He I took his class,
his puppet class, and it was these very It's like
imagine the scene from Ghost with the pottery, but like
with me. God was one time I was forming the
(36:49):
head of my puppet and he touched my hand and oh,
my god, okay, and he was like, what's its name.
It's just like I don't know, and he was like,
I think it's going to have a beautiful voice, and
I'll never oh, my god, I'm the sweating. I think
(37:10):
then if you were to ever the hottest thing that's
ever happened to me in my entire life, he was
also Yeah, he was like twice age if you ever
hooked up with him. I imagine the four play for
him to be like have an erect penis, but like
have a puppet on over it. He was just like
(37:31):
another smaller didn't um, this is what I just imagined,
and I'm it's forever to haunt met is. He has
a piercing and here's a string attached to it in
a little marionette. God, and you know how make it dance? Well?
(37:53):
You know how like a penis can like flex a
little bit so it could do a little Yeah, I
could do a little dance. Maybe I'm actually virgin I
have Did you let me explain to you how much
as can play Aristotle comment Aristotle's having a meltdown? How's
your Did you ever have those in synct marionets? No? No,
(38:22):
I don't know what those are. I had five well off,
there were five members shows, five marionettes. You had to
get the full set. That's when Bye Bye Bye came out,
and there was the set of marionettes that came out
and they were horrifying, But I've played with them a lot.
Were they like paper like three? Like in general, I
enjoy puppets. That's rule. All right, Well you guys have
(38:45):
puppet finishes. Were here and I ghosting it, Jim Hanson
over here. Okay, the puppet guy came to a stand
up show I did many years, Like I thought you
were just going in the sense that the publica came
when I probably Oh no, no, I wouldn't want to
(39:08):
wreck a puppet, you know. But like, but he came
to a show like years later, and I, like, you know,
zoned in on him. I was in love with him,
and he like absolutely didn't remember who I was. Oh no,
I know you're like when you walked her like it
did have a beautifulness. What did you think of that voice?
(39:33):
I want you to fund this guy so badly. No,
I know, I bet he still lives in that attic,
still in that Yeah, I'll find him. Let me see
if there was any other if there were any other
things I wanted to say. The the we have the
it passes the back to test again, the movie does
(39:55):
whenever she encounters that like little old hag puppet, which
is the only other like obviously female puppet um because
they talk about uh, she's like, oh, don't you want
to go and play with your toys? And it's a
weird conversation but it technically passes. Although like she's very
(40:17):
she's like tricksy and deceptive, so it's I don't like
to see women treating other women that way. Oh my god,
girl and girl cry you know, I'm okay, wait, how
do we feel about how high in the air David
Bowie threw the baby really inside, like you could tell
it was a dummy. But it was like, how does
that add to the story, how high he threw that baby.
(40:38):
It's a good use of physical comedy, It's true, and
David Bowie was very funny, master physical, master physic. He
wore a dress one time. Men in dresses is always
it's a joke because he's not supposed to wear it.
According to I get it, Like I'm just like, I
don't know if you guys get it, but I just
(41:01):
d same birthdays. Really whoa we are? One? Let me
guess January and close at all? Same good months January.
He speaking of m guessing things and questions you have
a game game. Okay, the game is called uh, drumroll please,
(41:29):
I can't the laby a rent. I just would like
to say Calen has been tweaking this game, tweaking this
labyrinth for upboards of three, rubbing it gently, wait with
(41:49):
a small one of the big one. The laby a majora,
the labor labor labynt. There's a labya manora and a
majority even in even in the Goblin King, there was
an outer The labyrinth is did you not? Did you
(42:09):
see a womanhood? So I had to many wrong turn
everyone's boulder, just walls falling at Oh and all those hands,
oh the gropy, Oh those the other you want to
talk about, like helping hands, which actually the ones that
(42:29):
got the ones that got chopped. You know when someone's
fingers you when you just chop them. Yeah, Well, the
hydrochloric acid in the vagina usually won't just sect, and
then there's just bones. Yeah all right. Well, there's two
directions that I was going to maybe have this game go.
One was that we just tell stories about men who
(42:50):
don't understand how to pleasure a woman, because it's such
a complicated labyrinth of folds and bits, down there or
the second one, which I actually it's a fold in
a bit more than is or maybe that's what mine is. Uh.
(43:15):
Email is the basic version at the bectel cast dot
com if you've ever had sex with me, and let
me know if whether or not you can confirm that
my vagina is a fold in a bit. Anyway, the
game I've been told of a very nice one. Well
you are the so I got I got an oh boy? Yeah,
(43:40):
reviews are One time a guy told me that my
vagina speaks to him and then did you do a
really good like? I'm the first version of what's the
(44:01):
second version of the first? Second one is just a
trivia questions about woman's women's anatomy, so we already learned. Okay,
cool because I didn't have anything prepared for the other one.
But we all know that that men um are lazy
and don't understand vaginas and it will always be a
mystery to them totally. You know, they get everything else
(44:24):
in the world, they just don't get this. Okay, yea true,
it's blind spot. Yeah, we'll also I will say that
all women are insanely different and complicated, and what works
for one is not gonna work for the other. That's true.
Some of we got talking vaginas, we got yeah, yeah,
that could really go either way. That yeah, maybe interpreted
(44:50):
it anyway. So I have five questions for Jenny to answer,
and if you win, you each When you get right,
you get to you go further into the LaBier wins,
and you're trying to reach the clip castle. You reach
(45:15):
the castle and you have, uh an orgasm. I don't know.
I don't know what the prize is, all right, Number one,
although and you mentioned something to this effectually, I think
you might get this answer right. Where does the average
vagina fall on the pH scale? I have got multiple choice? Sorry,
(45:41):
I forgot to mention that, so too, four point five,
seven or ten point five? What's the what's the right?
What's so? Water is seven? So neutral is seven? Like one?
Uh No, it's basic. The higher the number, the more basic. Okay, Sorry,
(46:02):
uh it's a four point five correct. I thought it
was the higher the basic, The higher the number, the
more basic. You can. Yeah, the vagina is acidic, so
it's full of acid, caustic acid that will burn your
penis off. I just want to point out that my
(46:24):
vagina is a ten on the Richter scale. Look out, guys,
earthquake danger that makes the earth move shift those plates.
Number two the condition and I'm going to mess up
(46:46):
the pronunciation of this. Uh uterus uh dittle fists the delphis.
I don't know. You get the idea is characterized by
a woman having a a upside down uterus, two uteruses
three and uh see not three? Uh see an abnormally
(47:08):
large uterus or d a uterus that produces an excess
of menstrual blood to uterus. Correct, my friend has that? Really? Yeah?
Oh my god, I guess also since I have a
tilted one. Really, I have a tilted one. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome, guys, just saying you go down a different
(47:30):
path with this here. That's what I like to say
about You're ready to get educated. It's like studying for
your s A T. S. That's great, sexy, Yeah, that's great.
Number three Okay, how far am I in the labyrinth?
(47:52):
By the way, you well you've gotten. I mean, we
had to help you out a little bit with number one,
but I knew what it was. Science. Yeah, there's a
math question later on there. But you're your two fifths
of the way into the labor rint Congratulations number three,
which company produced a film that was the first film
(48:15):
to use the word vagina, Disney, Paramount MGM, or Warner Brothers.
I'm gonna say Warner Brothers. They seem more edgy. You
are not correct. It was Disney, believe it or not,
in a nine short educational film called the Story of Menstruation.
(48:38):
I've seen that really. Yeah, first of all, that that's
a not a film film. Okay, I'm thinking feature films here. Yes,
that was a misleading question. It's yeah, there's a Did
you guys know the original name for Bambi was Vagina.
That's a fun fact. I thought Bambi was a little girl.
(49:01):
Dearly went through puberty and got horns, and he was like, oh,
I'm a man. If I thought Bamby was a boy too,
I was always gonna now Bamby is just a stripper.
I was about to say, if I if I became
a stripper, which was my dream for about three or
four years, I was gonna become Bamby. But yeah, there's
still time. Just kidding. Yeah, I think it passed my prime.
(49:21):
Now you can do it. I would have called myself
if I have to name myself after Disney character. I
think I would. My stripord name would be Um Dopey,
one of the Welcome to This Day alright. Number four
on average, how many eggs will be ovulated from a
(49:43):
woman's ovaries before she goes through menopause. Okay, okay, you're right,
you're right. I didn't even know the other answers. I
know all the answers for the Disney ones, and I'm
just gonna give Molanna. Is that the movie? Uh yeah,
(50:05):
She's like, oh, come here, Mauie, touch my vagina. None
of us have seen a character. Maui is a character.
He's like the demi god. No, he's a character. He's
a he's a demigod. Guys, it's such a great movie.
Go watch um anyway, the and then number five, So
you're four fifths away through comment because I'm gonna give
(50:27):
you the Disney one because I feel very generous. Yeah,
so add the number of vaginas that one kangaroo has
and the number of vaginas that one koala bear has.
How many vaginas do you have? One of the ants
for their multiple choke. I forgot that. I was like,
(50:48):
just do the mass. Your choices are two, three four
or five four? So close it's five five? I guess what, guys,
kangaroos have three vaginas and koala bears have two vaginas.
(51:08):
Where do they get the extras? They well, karngas? What
I combine the two animals into one word, it's just
five vaginas. Wait, okay, I never understood how like is
the baby born into the pouch? So the pouch? No,
(51:30):
here's what happens it's born from? So but it has
to uh like sex vaginas that the kangaroos, the men
the man the men kangaroos put their penis in, and
male kangaroos have I think just one. But I didn't
(51:52):
research that because who cares about men? About them? Apparently?
What's your level? Air battle? Oh? Yeah, because I think
that it's catching because now I have too Well we're
done pretty soon, um there are I like, how so
far off we've gotten fre but u and I'm not
(52:15):
going to get any of this information right because I
didn't google this enough. But kangaroos have to like sex
vaginas and then a separate one that they actually give
birth out of, and then they give up birth like
it's a tiny little like one inch long kangaroo baby
and it crawls up from the vagina into the pouch
and then it like germinates there. It crawls up like
(52:38):
I did, and they're like pocket They're like so small
and they're like hairless and freakish looking. It's dissisting or
it's the miracle of life. So the vagina is clearly
near the tail and then it just yeah, it has
to crawl up like latches. Are you looking at pictures?
(53:04):
And then Koala bears have that. It's like a maggot. Yeah, yeah,
so it so it's horrifying maggot. Why are they like that?
Oh my god? It's because I don't know if they're
like born prematurely and then they have to like can
I develop into the bears are bugs and I didn't
(53:28):
know how do they know? How do they know where
the pouches instinct? I guess that looks like something tomorrow
and Pombo would eat. Yeah, the and then a Koala
bears have two vaginas and two verses and all of
them have chlamydia. So fun fact about coal bears like
(53:50):
a mesh bag. It's a live guy. But that's a
weird photo so unfortunately you do not have an orgasmic
clitteris castle. You did not answer all the questions correctly,
but guess well, so there was with men. That's the
good Vie Cold always still fake it and fake it
um I have you guys? Ever, I've never faked one. Really, yeah,
(54:14):
I've I've faked some more convincingly than others. Some some
I've been given a stern look at the end, like
we both we both know what that was, just being like, yeah,
I think maybe I packed one, like once or twice.
But now whenever guy's like, oh, did you did you come,
(54:36):
I'm just like, did you do anything to make me come? No?
Someone asked me that question, do you punch him? The
last time someone asked me that question, I was like,
don't ask me. That gave him his answer. Uh. So Also,
I'm really selling myself. I don't fake orgasms. Pretty Vagina
(54:56):
and me and David Boyd the same birthday, so it's like, yeah,
you're doing a hard sell. Come on, guys, we have
so many horny mail listen. Uh is there anything else
we wanna mention or chat about before the movie? I mean, look,
this is I think this movie we can look past
(55:18):
the Bechdel test and just see that this is a
fun romp you can all get behind. And it's written
by an amazing writer as an amazing director, and it's
a it's, it's the it's it's really encapsulated our childhoodshoods.
(55:39):
Are you also a robot? This? I like the childhood.
I like that. The moral of the story is that
you got to become an adult sometime, but you can
still tackle your goblin friends something and have a roll
full of stuff down when friends. Did Dave the boy
(56:00):
ever come back at the end though? Did he die?
Like he die? He just like he's like, I've got
to go hit on another teenage I've got another one
thirteen year old wanting to not have to babysit. I
really like that scene at the beginning was chilling to
(56:22):
me when she was just picked it up and held
it and was like, you cursed goblin baby. It's like
he's so cute and he's wearing the words walt of
outfit and he's a little blond baby. Yeah, and he
was thrown too high And that's all all my thoughts
on the movie. Give the step on, Give the step
on the sequel, Yeah, for real. Uh well, we rate
(56:45):
the movie on a scale of zero to five nipples,
and so when we read it in the context of
like how well did it portray the female characters. Um,
so I'll go first. I usually rate it too highly
and then I feel dumb. But that's why you go first.
That's why I go first, and then everyone else. Let's
(57:05):
me know how dumb I am. I'm gonna give it
uh m hmm. I'm gonna give it a one point
five because like pissing you off. And yeah, there's the peach,
then other ones. Yeah, I've learned my lesson not to
be so generous. Um, don't eat that peaching. There's that gross,
(57:26):
like pseudo like attraction between the two of them and
the peach. Another pussy reference could be because of the
advice that they give you when you're a young man.
They're like, does he act like you're eating a peach.
I don't know what sex said class you took, but
I learned about the epididymus. Hey, kids, just act like
(57:52):
you're eating a peach and put your and you want
to peach, just rub the head of your dick on
the stag. Oh, where is the daycare in my school
is probably why, oh, there are a lot of peaches
getting fun. Alright, I have to go kill me. Yeah,
(58:14):
I give it like one point five. One of them is, uh,
what's his name? Hoggle Hoggle's nipple, which is disgusting, and
then one of the half nipple is I don't know,
I'm bad at this. I didn't take enough improv classes,
so it's just a regular nipple. You're saying you didn't
take enough improv classes is like like a compliment to
(58:37):
your true Uh what's your rating, Jamie? Two sultry fifteen
year old hard nipples for David Bowie. They're pointed at him,
but they can't touch. Yeah, good, that's my rating. I'm
(59:00):
going to give this a three because, first of all,
you guys are putting your adult eyes on this movie. Okay,
when you were fifteen you saw this movie, Like, okay,
you're obsession with n sinc How old were you? I
was probably twelve, And how old were they they were?
Who knows, but you know what she wanted to do
to them? I wanted to exactly exactly, So you're putting
(59:27):
your adult eyes on this movie, Aaron. People who are
going to see this movie are probably going to be
teenagers because the hot topic, I'm sure it is running
out of ship to sell. So they're like, let's bring
back the Labyrinth right now. Actually they're doing pretty well
with their uh the Nightmare for Christmas ship. But my
first kiss was with a boy in a Jack Skellington sweatshirts. Oh,
(59:52):
I was gonna say, awesome. I think my my first
kiss was um was this kid Nate and I was
I was wearing my I worked at a Hallow Halloween express.
Hell yeah, and then my big orange Halloween I already
grabbed my boob like like like a little like it
(01:00:14):
and I was like, I was like, is this what
it's supposed to be like? And then I was like,
you need to call Like I was, I had a
panic attacks, like you need to leave. Mom was on
a beach and I didn't know what a boner was
until it was against me and I was like and
then we were standing on a rock and I almost
fell off the rock. I like, I am a virgin.
So so I finished three Okay, So I feel like
(01:00:39):
she is not on a mission to fuck first of all,
to get her take her bro and at the end
she is like, you don't have control over me like
I'm an independent woman. I'm strong and fearless. I'm gonna
get this baby back. Um, you can't seduce me with
your peach spells. Okay. And it's a peach spell okay.
And she makes all these great friends and at the
(01:01:01):
end she gets her brother back. And it's not about
uh fucking, it's about becoming a woman. Okay. Fair, that's
a fair assessment. I'm on board ticket, I'm barred with that.
And that little baby grew up to be a steampunk Yeah,
good for him. All's well, that ends well. I bet
when he sleeps he still sees David Bowie, don't girls
just staring down in his peach dreams? Millions of peaches
(01:01:30):
peaches for me? Is that the caned peaches? One? I
don't know can peaches? Yeah? Yes, I love vasiline. Something
about putting vasiline. She know what you're talking? Oh wait,
it's oh it goes right, he does that whol thing.
(01:01:55):
No you're thinking of London. Oh that old sex to
love it anyway. She don't use jelly racially jelly. She's
Vasseline's vassiline. It's not the peach song at all. I
(01:02:17):
think it's London. Well this is a great Yeah, I've
had a great time. Thank you so much, Jenny for coming.
Is there anything you want to plug? Where can people
find you? See Jenny's AGREENO J N N Y z
as in zebra I g R I N L And
that's all my instas and Twitter, Twitter and snaps and
(01:02:41):
all much ship and uh yeah, and then I'm gonna
be at uh sketch Fest next month in San Francisco,
and shit, what else am I gonna be? Go see
Proba although by the time this comes out it might
(01:03:03):
already be on DVD or something. Yeah, and go to
my website for tour information. That just Jenny dot com.
Thank you agains so much, Thank you guy. You can
follow us on Twitter at becktel Cast. We've got followers, Yeah,
we do have. We Sometimes I look at it and
I'm like what, I'm like, wow, people like us. You
(01:03:24):
can like us on Facebook also, um, we're just I
think some people did that cast. Yeah, some people did
that too. I can email us. I've been here. I
cannot believe it's hey, straight from the source, it was
happening here. I'm not a believer. You can also email
us at the becktel Cast at gmail dot com your
(01:03:45):
past sexual partner and you want to Yeah, let me
let me know what my vagina was. Like, I'm very
curious if I've got never there's any men out there
the one and give me in a second, I would
take it. Yeah, so emails about that and nothing else.
And um, my past levers just want to call me
to say hi, check in checking checking in? Is that? Oh?
(01:04:13):
We should end it in two different ways too. Oh,
like I say something, you say something entirely different. I
was just want to do and I just want to
do one more confident thing. Oh sure, Um, you go first,
because I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, Wow,
what a fun podcast we had today with our guests.
Jenny's a green al My name is Jamie. I feel
(01:04:33):
I've felt great this whole time, and I feel like
my future is bright and I am having a good
day and I like my outfit. Thanks for listening. That
was wonderful. Okay, I M I'm gonna just f that
back to myself later. H Jamie. I cherish you and
I like that you are my co host and I
(01:04:53):
have a great time doing this with you and Jenny.
I cherish you to cherish. Thank you so much. Uh
and and just like being my friend and stuff. You're
so we're all really great war I know. Oh yeah, guys,
Merry Christmas, Christmas, and Hanka is going to be on
(01:05:14):
Christmas this year, and happy Hanakah and happy happy times
all around for all of us. Really ending this fun
episode on a solemn note. Everyone just go fun boy,
get that ga, get fun by Peach, all right bye
(01:05:35):
by
On the be Dol Cast, the questions asked if movies
have women and them, are all their discussions just boyfriends
and husbands, or do they have individualism the patriarchy and
best start changing it with the beck Dol Cast. Hello
and welcome to the Bechdel Cast. I'm your host Caitlin
Dronte and the other one Jamie Laftus, and we are
(00:23):
talking about movies and how women are portrayed in them.
That's what the Bechtel Cast is about. I want to
take back calling myself. The other one that was, yeah,
I'm gonna be less down on myself, but I immediately
jumped to, yeah, don't minimize yourself and your role. Okay,
what were you talking about. Let's try again. Okay, but
we're keeping this all in. But we're all this is
(00:44):
a character. I'm supposed to be making a concentrated effort.
I had, like a I paid a hunt someone first
last week. What you can say, you do the intro,
you say like, hey, welcome, okay, okay, ready, yes one,
Hey welcome. This is the Bechtel Cast. I'm your first
and primary and most important host, Jamie Laptus, and I'm
(01:06):
your ship piece of crap host Caitlyn, ok don't be
so hard. We should learn from me. I'm so confident,
and let's try it again. Okay. I think people get it.
We are both equally important and this is like a
cheese your own adventure podcast, Like who do you want
to be? The Elpha of this one? Um, Welcome to
the Bechtel Castes is what we were trying to say.
(01:28):
That's what leave this all in. This is perfect. Some
stuff we're working some stuff out. Yeah, it's a hard
time of year. It's the winter. It's sad. We're in
the throes of it. Baby, we are. I got to
I saw snow yesterday because you were in Boston or
New York or somewhere on the northeast. Was in Boston
(01:48):
and I got to brush off my dad's car and everything. Wow. Yeah,
I've been living in a tropical paradise that is Los Angeles.
It's a beautiful city. Um. Well, let's uh introduce our guest.
Why don't we Okay, Oh wait, we didn't say what
the podcast is about. That. Oh they get it. Okay, Yeah,
I guess let's stop saying it's the best. It's Yeah,
(02:10):
I'm on board with the Yeah, listen to another episode.
I'm tired of talking about this podcast. Yeah, let's quit,
let's cancel. No, let's introduce our guest. She's a very
funny comedian. You might have seen her on Conan. Uh.
She's also in movies like Bad Santa to One movies.
(02:31):
Hello and welcome. Jenny's a green lady. Thank you so
much for being here. You're both equally as important, but
not as important as the guests. Exactly, exactly, Okay, So
there the alpha was sitting next to us. All it's
the whole. That's why I just like you bitches, and
that's it out. Sat back and watch. It's coming from
(02:52):
the house. These girls think they matter? What right a producer? Okay,
never mind, you guys do matter. Okay, we'll get to it.
I want to talk about Aristotle, but I don't think
he wants us to talk about what is how he
has to poop? I told you we'd call it a Yeah,
(03:12):
he does, and he but he made a real show
of not doing it before we started, So now it's
honest to make a real show of when he chooses
exactly your punishment if you if you hold it for
the whole episode, that would suck. It's like for him,
it's like yeah, but for all of us too, I'd
like to make this about myself as well. Sure, let's
(03:35):
make it about the poop, you guys, that's that's we're
having focus issues in this thing. Well, let's try to
reel it back in and talk about the movie that
we're going to be talking about, which is The Labyrinth. Uh.
It was came out in What six, directed by Jim Henson,
(03:56):
written by Terry Jones. It's got every anything, not everything.
Tell us tell the what does this movie mean to you?
Why did you choose this one? I chose this one
because I feel like for a lot of us, it
was the first time we really saw a female protagonist
(04:16):
in a movie that wasn't all about getting the dude,
that wasn't a baby. She's still trying to get the dude,
but it's a baby dude. She's a dude, and it's
a little dude's Yeah. And and then also for many
of us, we were introduced to David Bowie through this movie,
and it was the first time we felt our loins
(04:38):
do anything. So I think it recognized that they were
there and forever we were into Dandy's and lady boys.
So that's what I'm into now, and that's the only
thing I'll ever be into. When did you see this
movie for the first time? I think I saw when
I was a kid. And then remember when hot topic
(05:00):
I don't hold to fit? Oh yeah, two thousand and one.
Then it was just like all day, every day, and
then it stopped. And then I went to an arts
high school and it had a real big resurgence in
the arts high school every Halloween. Every Halloween, someone was Bowie.
I just googled where what the baby from Labyrinth looks
(05:20):
like now? And I wish I hadn't what. Okay, First
of all, the Huffington's Post headline is very mean. It says,
thirty years later, the baby from Labyrinth is a real
life goblin king. I don't know, maybe it's something he
just texts. But he's I mean, he's wearing a fedora.
(05:41):
He's not like it's a bummer that used such a
cute little baby. Okay, let's see here it is, but
there's a there's an American Express ad really getting in
the way of me, uh finishing up this? Okay, so
here he is a real life goblin king. I don't
think it's that bad. He's just wearing a lot of layer.
He just he looks like a steampunk kid. That's it.
(06:04):
He is a steampunk it. I think he makes something.
He makes like steampunky things or something looks he looks fun.
He's oh now he's a peer and a fabricator. Do
you think he's got His whole identity is based around
the fact that he was in The Labyrinth as a baby,
and he's like, I gotta live up to this. Wonder
(06:27):
his real name is Toby for real? Yeah, I just
said Dobby, like Dobby the Alpha was like, Toby is
a different in the man's name. I wonder if he
inspired it. You know that David Bowie did the sound
of the baby laughing because he didn't didn't like the
(06:49):
baby's laugh made it sounds like I can do that.
I can do better, I can do better. I love
that he did. He does that like that trick with
the crystal ball, which has no business really, I mean,
is it a bubble luring? It is, but like they
worked this like very flimsy reason for it to be
(07:11):
in the movie and all there, He's like, do you
want a gift? He doesn't have anything to do with anything.
But look how I can do this cool trick. And
I'm just like you. You just wanted to show off.
David Bells like almost everything he does this, it's just
a big fun show off down to his like leggings.
He wants you to know. He wants you to know. Yeah,
(07:31):
and we want to know. We do want to know. Um,
just a quick recap of the story. How I want
to David and how the baby's ugly man? Now he's
he's actually, he's he's a regular looking dude. He just
I'm just I'm trying to get us to pass the
(07:53):
Bectel test in real life. Because all we've done so far,
let's talk about other men. One last thing. His face
looks really a smooth baby to acknowledge that this is
what we're talking about, and to look at the picture.
It's mostly just because I'm too lazy to get up
and walk around the table and see what it looks like.
I'm just saying that freaks me out, like a really
smooth face, like a smooth man. And oh yeah, you
(08:16):
didn't know if you were talking about like the baby's
smoothness or he's like, oh no, I like a smooth baby.
I like a harry a swab. I like a swab baby,
like a scar baby, scar baby. Okay, now baby, all right,
(08:37):
let's okay, no more fu. No, we're going to welcome
back to it. Oh yeah, we just have to like
spend a minute talking about something else and then we'll
go back to how we want to fuck David Bowie. Um.
The story is, uh, this little this girl, she's down
a teenager. She is all about fans. She's like, I
(09:00):
love fantasy. It looks by the theater book. She loses
me first scene for that reason, Like, this is fucking nerves.
What's this done? Soliloquy? You're doing yourself in the park
just kind of interrupted quick. Okay. I was when I
(09:22):
was younger, I went to fat Camp and we had
this girl there who God bless her, Like I wish
I knew her now because she seems like she would
be so cool. She was obsessed with the with the
play Cats, so she would just put on cat face,
like yeah, she's just fun. She would just do cat
(09:44):
face and sing and do performances from the musical Cats
by herself. That's it. I just just memory. Yeah, But
like because we're fat camp we're all fat, and we
were playing baseball when day and we got really sweaty
and it was like summer in Massachusetts, and her makeup melted.
(10:07):
Oh I love a good cat girl there. It's just
like a fucking nightmare. Then she she left her because
there's some mean to her. But it's so funny to think, Well, I,
whoever you are out there, young girl who contact me?
(10:29):
I miss you and I thought about you everybody since
I was twelve. Anyway, let's just never talk about the movie.
Let's get she's a hot theater kid, all right. Yeah,
she's a baby theater kid with really expensive costomer like
that cost and would cost like a thousand dollars at
(10:50):
a unfair geeze. She was dedicated, damn, or just a brat.
Probably more of a brat um. The story is about
a girl. She's a young budding woman and she likes you, Caitlin.
I want to fund her. That's what I'm talking about.
(11:11):
That passes the test. I don't want to suck that.
Jennifer Connelly. But like Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream,
Oh yeah, oh I straight like the TV is for sure.
I watched we talked abou just like one word and
then it's over. In the first episode, we talked about
(11:32):
kill Bill, and I had only seen the DBS kill Bill,
which is like a great kill bill. Yeah my name,
and I like two Party, that's great. Nice. Oh yeah,
the movie lab Yeah do you want me to? Yeah?
Do you want to? Just gets right there, alright, a
(11:53):
young budding theater nerd right, just wants to do theaters
and plays and ship. But she got this dumb little
brother who's a baby, and he's a brat and she's like, oh,
I don't want to take care of this dumb sucking baby.
And then she's like, goblin king take this baby away.
And then she runs away that goes to the bathroom
or something, and then she comes back and the baby's gone.
(12:15):
She's like, oh no, where's this baby? And then David
Bowie shows up. We all get owners and then and
then he's like, oh, you can come get your bro,
but he's I have him now, and so then she'll
get yeah, go to the city goblins. Then she finds
this tiny goblin that she's befriends who's like all grumpy
and ship, and then she makes it through. There's like
(12:36):
some weird dancings and a ball and she's like, oh, no,
I'm questioning everything. Do I love him? Don't I love him?
And then eventually I mean, should we give the end away? Yeah?
There are spoilers here. Yeah. Oh, she makes a lot
of goblin friends on the way to serdidymus, which I
(12:59):
think is just a nickname for epididymus, which we all
know as the male reproductive organ tube thing. I don't
know what's an epididamus. Let me look it up. I
just looked up. Oh that's not an epidemas, Yeah, isn't it.
I don't know. I went to public school. Epidermis is
(13:20):
your skin? But what am I thinking about? Yeah? Where ventricles?
Seminal ventricles seven venecles? No, I'm fucking right. Epididamus highly
convoluted duct behind the testes along which sperm passes to
the fast My dick, I'm so sorry that I ever
(13:46):
judged you for is the squirtle bags. It's the first name.
But well, you were googling anatomy. I googled did David
Bowie and Jennifer Connelly hook up? I hope not. She
(14:07):
was like fifteen when they filmed this, but like David
Bowie did that not to get into his legacy, but
he was like down, yeah, but they didn't bummer good
because that would have been statutory rape. Again, she was
fifteen when they filmed that movie. Uh, that's the story
(14:32):
of the Labyrinth. Uh. Let's talk about um our characters. Uh.
We have one female protagonist, Jennifer Sarah, who is the whiniest, angstyest,
most annoying little bee word that I've ever encountered. Were
(14:56):
never like that when you were a pater nerd and
a teenager didn't have those outfits. I might be having
selective memory, but I really remember myself as being a
really cool kid. Okay, sure of course you're walking around like, hey, guys,
you know what epidennymus means. Yeah, I was teaching all
(15:16):
the kids. Yeah. I So she's pretty much the only
notable primary female character. Was also the Worm's wife who
never screen and the hag Puppet. The hag puppet, but
she's very tertiary. Also, although the um are any of
(15:40):
the oh what's their names, the ones that take their
heads off, they all I all perceived them as men
male genitals. They don't, but they had like I suppose
the voices of men their genderless. Yeah, they a lot
of them are a bit genderless. Yeah. Yeah, a lot
(16:03):
of those goblins are genderless too. Well, no, some of
them have like dresses and shot um. Either way, I'm
going to continue to argue that the only notable funeral character.
What about that this stepmo. I loved this step mom,
Like she had a story like there, she didn't do
anything wroungd. She have one line and she's like, why
(16:25):
does she treat me like I'm a stepmother in a
fairy tale? All because you know, Sarah gets home and
then she's like her stepmos like we were worried at
seven pm, and then she begins to scream and run
away and pour Steven I wrote down, Um, poor stepmom
liked her hair. She should have good hair. She did,
(16:46):
she did great stepmother. Well that scene I think that
allows the movie to technically pass the Bechtel test. Yeah. Yeah,
because they talk about yeah, like I was worried about
you where if you been You're supposed to be home
to babysit or whatever. It's a short conversation, and that
the step mom has three minutes of screen time maybe less,
(17:09):
Like it's not she's still getting paid and residual. She was,
she was and she had like anyways, I was like,
she's very beautiful. I really like her. But she doesn't
come back. No, she doesn't. Yeah, and she's on screen
for yeah two minutes. Okay, so pass the test, guys,
test done, good night. But so by comparison, we have
(17:37):
a bunch more more. Uh, how do you talk again?
I'm just gonna keep stuttering broken, I'm a robot. There's
a bunch of dude characters, is what I'm trying to say. Characters.
We've got Jaref, the Goblin King. Is that it's Jareff.
(17:58):
Jareff is his name. David Bowie's character is named Jareed.
I wonder how many Jarrett's were born from this movie,
although they'd be like our age and I don't know
any Jarred's so that you know, well, I mean just
put facebook anyway, there's a little Jareff. Now, um, we've
(18:24):
got Hoggle, which I have some things to talk about
concerning him in a moment. Yeah, well, Hoggle is a
piece of ship. He's a piece of ship. Yeah, but
we grow to love Hoggle. Actually I find him repulsive
and horror I just hate everything about him. We have Ludo,
who's like the big monster guy, and then Sir Epididymis
(18:50):
is I don't know, a little fox creature. I don't know,
I think so. But then he's writing a dog. Now
he's I think he's a Yorkshire terror. He looks like
a oh is that the is that dog British? The
one that looks really nice and like he came from
Renaissance fair. I'm sorry I was. Yeah, that's because I
found a ton of Jarreed's and that's why I wasn't
(19:14):
really listening. Look at this one. This one is like
he's really leaning into Jareff. Jareed. What's his name, Jared?
Where is he from? If you're listening, I don't know,
but he's an event coordinator in Infinity marketing deal. We're
probably giving away too much of British stranger's phone saying
(19:37):
I guess I don't know anyway. Okay, Well that they're
out there, Yeah, those horny moms had a lot of Jarreff's. Yeah,
they're like, I don't know why, I just like this name.
It just you know, what sounds so powerful. It's just,
you know, I just want to have an alluring son.
You can really take a sweep a teenage girl off
(19:57):
her feet. Yeah, let's talk about that. Uh. There is
the scene or the sequence where Jared' is like, hey, Hoggle,
give the girl this peach rufie and make her eat
it so that she can have a dance scene with me,
(20:20):
a very sensual ball dance thing that's like a dream. Weird.
He rufies her. He does rufe her. But that scene
is like that was supposed to be like her dream
scene of like if you stay, like all your dreams
(20:41):
are going to come true. So you So she's in
love with him. She supposed to be like seventeen in
this kid, I told myself, but I'm not sold. Look
i'm gonna say she's seventeen. I'm gonna say she's legal.
For so the movies. She might have played an older
character than her actual Jennifer was actually aged because she
(21:03):
was fifteen when this movie came out, and I didn't
perceive her as being like like she was just had
gone through puberty to me, like she she seemed older
to me. She seemed seventeen to me. Really she seemed
like fourteen to me. No fourteen year old has brows
(21:24):
like that. Did you see her brows? They're great. Well,
Jennifer Conny is an outlier with her eyebrows, so she
really came into That's what people always say about her.
She born eyebrows first. She she had that thing where
they're like brushed up a little, but it doesn't look insane,
which is like, I could never do that. I overtweets
(21:47):
when I was a teenager. Anyways, those skinny ones like pregnant,
those are like absolutely teen mom eyebrows that over plucking. Anyways,
I just I just think that that it wasn't some
a rufie Peach. It was just like he wanted to
stop her from getting this baby because he wants that
to keep that baby. But he's also like, if you
live in this Peach world, all your dreams will come true.
(22:10):
Come on, It's very complix. Maybe that is because that's
what your impression of that scene was when you first
watched it as a kid. So I saw this movie
for the first time when I was probably in college,
and then I watched it again three times over the
past few weeks to prepare for this episode, and I
(22:32):
was like, oh my god, he uh he rufies her
with this peach and then so that he can have
this weird dance, this ballroom dance thing with her and
get all close to her and he's a predator and
it's weird, and I just found it very creepy, especially
because again she's fifteen. David Bowie at the time was
thirty nine. It was three over age, Okay, so I
(22:56):
would not have thought it was charming if they hooked up, Yeah,
it would have been, But fifteen year old Jenny still
would have sucked. There's like that's okay. That's the thing.
It's like, we are like it is wrong, but like
remember when you were fifteen, you totally wanted to suck,
(23:18):
like thirty year old men, that's all you wanted to do.
That's why that scene was like because I was watching
this movie for the first time, like every I don't
know why. I haven't seen a lot of movies. How
many movies have I seen that we've done on this.
I just the beauty and the beauty and the beast
and that was about it. But I was okay with
it just because it's like I feel like when I
(23:39):
was that age, I had that exact like fantasy about
someone from the cast of Harry Potter, you know, like
everyone has that. Wait, but they would have been your
age unless it was Snape. I also would have sucked Snape.
Can we just put that out there? Oh yeah, Moody
the all died this year. Yeah, Prince too. Would you
(24:01):
have got heartbeat? Yeah, he's worried that all your icons.
I would have sucked Leonard Cohen, which is somewhere, which
is a harder choice. That is hard. Oh, well this year,
I love a deep voice. I do. Uh. But but
(24:23):
like Suzanne Arrow, Leonard Cohen living on like living in
Greece for no reason. Yeah, I think I would have
definitely hooked up with Anton Yelkin, who also passed. Is
that he's about little guy from Green Room and he's
(24:43):
in Star Trek and he sounds hot. He's age appropriate,
is what he is? Oh he's the jeep. Uh. Yeah,
he had a very tragic death. Uh, and I'm sad
to bring it up. Let's talk about that. We lost
a whole spank bank about it. The fact that we
(25:05):
keep going off on tangents is very fitting because we're
just getting in the lost in the labyrinth that is this,
So it's very somatic. Actually, Okay, so again, he rufies
are at the peach. You don't like it. I think
it's more of a spell, so it doesn't count as much. He's, Okay,
it's a spell. Everyone's motivation. You can have it. I'm
(25:28):
not going to agree with you, but that can be
your weird, creepy take if you wanted to. Can we
can we backtrack a little bit to the scene where
she yells at the baby, literally insane to me, like
she I've never and I was like, we were all
at bitchy teenage girl. Never would I pick up an
(25:49):
adorable baby and try to send it to hell because
I couldn't like wear my Renaissance Fair costumes outside, Like,
that's just crazy. I wouldn't I would do that. Now
it's a shirty year old woman. I'd be like, I
hate chipping out of my life. Why did I have you?
I can't wear my red something? Was she in a play?
(26:11):
Or is that she just has no friends? That's why
she has to make friends with. She's desperate to be like, Hoggle,
you're my friend, right, It's just like, no, I don't
really want to be your friend. She's like, no, she
didn't really technically make any friends. In this movie. But
at the end they love her. At the end, they
do love and then they all come back. Yeah, in
(26:33):
her room. She turns around and she's like, my friends,
but he just turned around and all your friends already
in your room and they were all goblins even creepier
like that, look at my mirror, and I'm just like,
I wish my friends were here. And I turned around
and they're all there. Wow, I really would like there
to be like that scene. And then we see it
from like the parents and there's no one. They just like,
(26:55):
she's lost her mind. Yeah, bard in school, she but
she screams at this baby a lot. And then there's
like cutaway scenes where the goblins are like, send the
baby to hell, and then she does at the last second,
and she's like, I wish the Goblin king would take you.
(27:16):
And then I don't, like, I don't know why she
blames this baby for all of her problems. That was
confusing to me. And then and then David Bowie's motivation
why does he want to keep the baby? Is there
a reason he wants to add to his goblin collection?
Because the baby turns into a goblin as I guess,
I mean that's never explicitly stated, but that he's luring
(27:45):
He's yeah, he's luring young women into his labyrinth. He
doesn't that's the only way. He just sits around the
girl to curse her baby, and he's like, pussy, Oh
it also okay. So then she yells at the baby,
baby disappears, and then David Bowie appears and she's not scared.
(28:06):
I was like, do they know each other? Well, yeah,
there's the whole thing about the movie. He's the villain,
but like, they have several scenes together. One of them
he's dancing with her after he roofied her spell. It
cast a Rufi spell on her, it's not ripe if
(28:26):
it's a spell. Is that part of the betel? Yeah? Yea.
So there's that creepy thing. There's uh, the other creepy
thing where I'm pretty sure Hoggle also wants to have
sex with Sarah. Well, look at him, he does. I
(28:48):
think Hoggle has a genuine love for her. I viewed
it as more so, Yeah, I see, maybe I'm just
at but I feel so bad by giving me the
peach a paternal horny. But I don't think that necessarily
implies that it's like a parental or like a fatherly
(29:10):
he's the goblin. It's not a real thing, it's really
he's a he's a tiny person in a suit. That's it.
There's like a lot of I had one smart thought
this whole movie. Let's hear it. Okay, here it goes.
There's a lot of references to other ship in this
(29:32):
movie where it's like, there are a few things there
is the fact that she was like a pubescent fucking
mess who her parents were trying to fix her. And
that kind of reminds me of like when do you
getting booted out of the nursery in Peter Pan. That's
what that whole like flashback scene felt like to me,
when she was like my toys suck or whatever. And
(29:54):
then the whole like it was a kind of Wizard
of Ozzie too, because she's just like walking through, you know,
walking down this very long hallway and making friends and
then at the end, just like in the Wizard of
oz there's a room full of goblins and a baby
and David Bowie, Yeah, exactly, Like that's my smart thought.
What if it's like it's a would be like an
allegory for for growing up women, growing up of a
(30:19):
coming of age, take a better period this what is
the thing that I was just like, are they talking
about a pussy in a mean way? When they kept
calling it like whatever the stink swamp? I was like,
is he just stuff like fart swamp? But then there
(30:40):
was a huge cavernous like pussy opening in the middle
of the fart swamp that there was a hole. WHOA, Okay,
I think it was a butt hole. That's as long
as there was some sort of reference to a human hole.
I feel like I have retained my sanity. I think.
I think the guys who took their heads off of
my favorite part of that movie. They have a great song.
(31:02):
It's like what the chili? The chili song or which
not losing your head? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. They they're dancing
around in front of what's very clearly a green screen. Yeah,
it's great, and you can kind of see the outlines
of the people that's been talking. But it's like nowadays
all that would have been CG. And puppets are so great.
(31:26):
Puppets are awesome. Yes, yeah, I like puppets. Yeah. Then
they make it feel real and wonderful, like you totally
get lost. If that's a CG thing. I'm like, it's CG.
But if it's like a puppet, I'm like, oh, that's
like I feel like that's a real creature. Though, Can
we talk about has anyone seen Mohanna? No? No, I'm
your f B post batic? What is it? It's so good?
(31:48):
Everyone won't see it? Should see man will Mariana and
I love him, but he ruined our opening weekend for
bad Sanna, So fuck that guy. Probably let But movie
Moanna is so good and I loved it so much,
(32:09):
and I think everyone should see it a thousand times
and buy it on DVD, even though that's a medium
that doesn't is gonna haveb sleet. I still buy DVDs.
You still by DVDs. I wonder what the vinyl version
of DVD is gonna be? You mean, like what? Uh like?
I collect vinyl and then whenever we all just like
(32:34):
press a button in our head and we like play
a movie on our eyeball screens. That's so DVDs are
going to be like the vinyl they call it, they
call they call the swamp the land of stench, and
they keep threatening to send people to the Land of stench.
Maybe I was just being self conscious. But I was like,
they're talking about your someone's place. But did they act?
(32:57):
I actually had that same I forget did they actually
fall into it or they just went down the still
they stopped them, so yeah, and then there's a bridge
over at the collapses. But then they also with the
stones and they make part noises. I mean, it's just
great's just five minute fart jokes. Is it a fart?
Don't know? I mean, I think you can tell the
(33:17):
difference queffart. It's true. Queezers are delicate. I think they're
called quee fi laural. It's like, no, it's like if
you see a herd of moose. It's just the plural
is the same. It's just quef. I had so many
(33:38):
que time or no, it was it's like I saw
a bunch of quef in the woods. I had another thought,
which is that, oh, because there's only um one primary
(33:58):
female character there doesn't really allow the there's no like
relationships that she can have with other female characters. And uh.
Also concerning is that the she doesn't go through any
sort of like emotional arc even though she is she
(34:18):
does see that line you don't control me or whatever
that line. Yeah, No, I think she. I think she
definitely goes from Bradty Brett Bratt to like, I'm a
woman and you can't control me, and I'm going to
get that baby back because I love that baby and
I'm responsible for that baby. And also it's my fault
(34:39):
that I sent that baby to hell. Yeah, she does
accept expose the responsibility of the How I'm no, i'mot
this thing the iPhone store. I think it's very warm
in here, and I think I'm just getting over you
(35:00):
did I'm also going through because I'm so old. No, um,
I suppose I guess I just didn't notice her arc
as much as I noticed like a Hoggle, who's all like,
I'm alone some man, and I don't want any friends,
but okay, I guess it's okay to have one. And
(35:22):
also I'm a coward, but I should be every person
I've ever been in a relationship. How you're about to
talk about this character? Are you getting turned on now?
You're like, oh my god, maybe Hoggles, I was going
to talk about how I used like puppets, like I
have a not that puppets like get me horny, but
(35:43):
I do think I like I used to guys, I
used to use your words carefully. I used to theater
and so, oh did you oh at the brend or No,
it was in Brookline. It was in Brookline. The kids wonder, yeah, oh,
could you can see from the train station. I always
wanted to go in there. It was fun. I worked
(36:03):
there for like a year, and but there was a
puppeteer there. He was the artist in residence and he
lived in the attic of the puppet. I was like nineteen,
and I wanted to him real bad. I had the
biggest crush on the attic puppeteer and he talked to
you through the puppet. He he didn't talk to women
(36:24):
really at all. He was afraid of that. Yeah, I
want to show you the puppets. He I took his class,
his puppet class, and it was these very It's like
imagine the scene from Ghost with the pottery, but like
with me. God was one time I was forming the
(36:49):
head of my puppet and he touched my hand and oh,
my god, okay, and he was like, what's its name.
It's just like I don't know, and he was like,
I think it's going to have a beautiful voice, and
I'll never oh, my god, I'm the sweating. I think
(37:10):
then if you were to ever the hottest thing that's
ever happened to me in my entire life, he was
also Yeah, he was like twice age if you ever
hooked up with him. I imagine the four play for
him to be like have an erect penis, but like
have a puppet on over it. He was just like
(37:31):
another smaller didn't um, this is what I just imagined,
and I'm it's forever to haunt met is. He has
a piercing and here's a string attached to it in
a little marionette. God, and you know how make it dance? Well?
(37:53):
You know how like a penis can like flex a
little bit so it could do a little Yeah, I
could do a little dance. Maybe I'm actually virgin I
have Did you let me explain to you how much
as can play Aristotle comment Aristotle's having a meltdown? How's
your Did you ever have those in synct marionets? No? No,
(38:22):
I don't know what those are. I had five well off,
there were five members shows, five marionettes. You had to
get the full set. That's when Bye Bye Bye came out,
and there was the set of marionettes that came out
and they were horrifying, But I've played with them a lot.
Were they like paper like three? Like in general, I
enjoy puppets. That's rule. All right, Well you guys have
(38:45):
puppet finishes. Were here and I ghosting it, Jim Hanson
over here. Okay, the puppet guy came to a stand
up show I did many years, Like I thought you
were just going in the sense that the publica came
when I probably Oh no, no, I wouldn't want to
(39:08):
wreck a puppet, you know. But like, but he came
to a show like years later, and I, like, you know,
zoned in on him. I was in love with him,
and he like absolutely didn't remember who I was. Oh no,
I know you're like when you walked her like it
did have a beautifulness. What did you think of that voice?
(39:33):
I want you to fund this guy so badly. No,
I know, I bet he still lives in that attic,
still in that Yeah, I'll find him. Let me see
if there was any other if there were any other
things I wanted to say. The the we have the
it passes the back to test again, the movie does
(39:55):
whenever she encounters that like little old hag puppet, which
is the only other like obviously female puppet um because
they talk about uh, she's like, oh, don't you want
to go and play with your toys? And it's a
weird conversation but it technically passes. Although like she's very
(40:17):
she's like tricksy and deceptive, so it's I don't like
to see women treating other women that way. Oh my god,
girl and girl cry you know, I'm okay, wait, how
do we feel about how high in the air David
Bowie threw the baby really inside, like you could tell
it was a dummy. But it was like, how does
that add to the story, how high he threw that baby.
(40:38):
It's a good use of physical comedy, It's true, and
David Bowie was very funny, master physical, master physic. He
wore a dress one time. Men in dresses is always
it's a joke because he's not supposed to wear it.
According to I get it, Like I'm just like, I
don't know if you guys get it, but I just
(41:01):
d same birthdays. Really whoa we are? One? Let me
guess January and close at all? Same good months January.
He speaking of m guessing things and questions you have
a game game. Okay, the game is called uh, drumroll please,
(41:29):
I can't the laby a rent. I just would like
to say Calen has been tweaking this game, tweaking this
labyrinth for upboards of three, rubbing it gently, wait with
(41:49):
a small one of the big one. The laby a majora,
the labor labor labynt. There's a labya manora and a
majority even in even in the Goblin King, there was
an outer The labyrinth is did you not? Did you
(42:09):
see a womanhood? So I had to many wrong turn
everyone's boulder, just walls falling at Oh and all those hands,
oh the gropy, Oh those the other you want to
talk about, like helping hands, which actually the ones that
(42:29):
got the ones that got chopped. You know when someone's
fingers you when you just chop them. Yeah, Well, the
hydrochloric acid in the vagina usually won't just sect, and
then there's just bones. Yeah all right. Well, there's two
directions that I was going to maybe have this game go.
One was that we just tell stories about men who
(42:50):
don't understand how to pleasure a woman, because it's such
a complicated labyrinth of folds and bits, down there or
the second one, which I actually it's a fold in
a bit more than is or maybe that's what mine is. Uh.
(43:15):
Email is the basic version at the bectel cast dot
com if you've ever had sex with me, and let
me know if whether or not you can confirm that
my vagina is a fold in a bit. Anyway, the
game I've been told of a very nice one. Well
you are the so I got I got an oh boy? Yeah,
(43:40):
reviews are One time a guy told me that my
vagina speaks to him and then did you do a
really good like? I'm the first version of what's the
(44:01):
second version of the first? Second one is just a
trivia questions about woman's women's anatomy, so we already learned. Okay,
cool because I didn't have anything prepared for the other one.
But we all know that that men um are lazy
and don't understand vaginas and it will always be a
mystery to them totally. You know, they get everything else
(44:24):
in the world, they just don't get this. Okay, yea true,
it's blind spot. Yeah, we'll also I will say that
all women are insanely different and complicated, and what works
for one is not gonna work for the other. That's true.
Some of we got talking vaginas, we got yeah, yeah,
that could really go either way. That yeah, maybe interpreted
(44:50):
it anyway. So I have five questions for Jenny to answer,
and if you win, you each When you get right,
you get to you go further into the LaBier wins,
and you're trying to reach the clip castle. You reach
(45:15):
the castle and you have, uh an orgasm. I don't know.
I don't know what the prize is, all right, Number one,
although and you mentioned something to this effectually, I think
you might get this answer right. Where does the average
vagina fall on the pH scale? I have got multiple choice? Sorry,
(45:41):
I forgot to mention that, so too, four point five,
seven or ten point five? What's the what's the right?
What's so? Water is seven? So neutral is seven? Like one?
Uh No, it's basic. The higher the number, the more basic. Okay, Sorry,
(46:02):
uh it's a four point five correct. I thought it
was the higher the basic, The higher the number, the
more basic. You can. Yeah, the vagina is acidic, so
it's full of acid, caustic acid that will burn your
penis off. I just want to point out that my
(46:24):
vagina is a ten on the Richter scale. Look out, guys,
earthquake danger that makes the earth move shift those plates.
Number two the condition and I'm going to mess up
(46:46):
the pronunciation of this. Uh uterus uh dittle fists the delphis.
I don't know. You get the idea is characterized by
a woman having a a upside down uterus, two uteruses
three and uh see not three? Uh see an abnormally
(47:08):
large uterus or d a uterus that produces an excess
of menstrual blood to uterus. Correct, my friend has that? Really? Yeah?
Oh my god, I guess also since I have a
tilted one. Really, I have a tilted one. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome, guys, just saying you go down a different
(47:30):
path with this here. That's what I like to say
about You're ready to get educated. It's like studying for
your s A T. S. That's great, sexy, Yeah, that's great.
Number three Okay, how far am I in the labyrinth?
(47:52):
By the way, you well you've gotten. I mean, we
had to help you out a little bit with number one,
but I knew what it was. Science. Yeah, there's a
math question later on there. But you're your two fifths
of the way into the labor rint Congratulations number three,
which company produced a film that was the first film
(48:15):
to use the word vagina, Disney, Paramount MGM, or Warner Brothers.
I'm gonna say Warner Brothers. They seem more edgy. You
are not correct. It was Disney, believe it or not,
in a nine short educational film called the Story of Menstruation.
(48:38):
I've seen that really. Yeah, first of all, that that's
a not a film film. Okay, I'm thinking feature films here. Yes,
that was a misleading question. It's yeah, there's a Did
you guys know the original name for Bambi was Vagina.
That's a fun fact. I thought Bambi was a little girl.
(49:01):
Dearly went through puberty and got horns, and he was like, oh,
I'm a man. If I thought Bamby was a boy too,
I was always gonna now Bamby is just a stripper.
I was about to say, if I if I became
a stripper, which was my dream for about three or
four years, I was gonna become Bamby. But yeah, there's
still time. Just kidding. Yeah, I think it passed my prime.
(49:21):
Now you can do it. I would have called myself
if I have to name myself after Disney character. I
think I would. My stripord name would be Um Dopey,
one of the Welcome to This Day alright. Number four
on average, how many eggs will be ovulated from a
(49:43):
woman's ovaries before she goes through menopause. Okay, okay, you're right,
you're right. I didn't even know the other answers. I
know all the answers for the Disney ones, and I'm
just gonna give Molanna. Is that the movie? Uh yeah,
(50:05):
She's like, oh, come here, Mauie, touch my vagina. None
of us have seen a character. Maui is a character.
He's like the demi god. No, he's a character. He's
a he's a demigod. Guys, it's such a great movie.
Go watch um anyway, the and then number five, So
you're four fifths away through comment because I'm gonna give
(50:27):
you the Disney one because I feel very generous. Yeah,
so add the number of vaginas that one kangaroo has
and the number of vaginas that one koala bear has.
How many vaginas do you have? One of the ants
for their multiple choke. I forgot that. I was like,
(50:48):
just do the mass. Your choices are two, three four
or five four? So close it's five five? I guess what, guys,
kangaroos have three vaginas and koala bears have two vaginas.
(51:08):
Where do they get the extras? They well, karngas? What
I combine the two animals into one word, it's just
five vaginas. Wait, okay, I never understood how like is
the baby born into the pouch? So the pouch? No,
(51:30):
here's what happens it's born from? So but it has
to uh like sex vaginas that the kangaroos, the men
the man the men kangaroos put their penis in, and
male kangaroos have I think just one. But I didn't
(51:52):
research that because who cares about men? About them? Apparently?
What's your level? Air battle? Oh? Yeah, because I think
that it's catching because now I have too Well we're
done pretty soon, um there are I like, how so
far off we've gotten fre but u and I'm not
(52:15):
going to get any of this information right because I
didn't google this enough. But kangaroos have to like sex
vaginas and then a separate one that they actually give
birth out of, and then they give up birth like
it's a tiny little like one inch long kangaroo baby
and it crawls up from the vagina into the pouch
and then it like germinates there. It crawls up like
(52:38):
I did, and they're like pocket They're like so small
and they're like hairless and freakish looking. It's dissisting or
it's the miracle of life. So the vagina is clearly
near the tail and then it just yeah, it has
to crawl up like latches. Are you looking at pictures?
(53:04):
And then Koala bears have that. It's like a maggot. Yeah, yeah,
so it so it's horrifying maggot. Why are they like that?
Oh my god? It's because I don't know if they're
like born prematurely and then they have to like can
I develop into the bears are bugs and I didn't
(53:28):
know how do they know? How do they know where
the pouches instinct? I guess that looks like something tomorrow
and Pombo would eat. Yeah, the and then a Koala
bears have two vaginas and two verses and all of
them have chlamydia. So fun fact about coal bears like
(53:50):
a mesh bag. It's a live guy. But that's a
weird photo so unfortunately you do not have an orgasmic
clitteris castle. You did not answer all the questions correctly,
but guess well, so there was with men. That's the
good Vie Cold always still fake it and fake it
um I have you guys? Ever, I've never faked one. Really, yeah,
(54:14):
I've I've faked some more convincingly than others. Some some
I've been given a stern look at the end, like
we both we both know what that was, just being like, yeah,
I think maybe I packed one, like once or twice.
But now whenever guy's like, oh, did you did you come,
(54:36):
I'm just like, did you do anything to make me come? No?
Someone asked me that question, do you punch him? The
last time someone asked me that question, I was like,
don't ask me. That gave him his answer. Uh. So Also,
I'm really selling myself. I don't fake orgasms. Pretty Vagina
(54:56):
and me and David Boyd the same birthday, so it's like, yeah,
you're doing a hard sell. Come on, guys, we have
so many horny mail listen. Uh is there anything else
we wanna mention or chat about before the movie? I mean, look,
this is I think this movie we can look past
(55:18):
the Bechdel test and just see that this is a
fun romp you can all get behind. And it's written
by an amazing writer as an amazing director, and it's
a it's, it's the it's it's really encapsulated our childhoodshoods.
(55:39):
Are you also a robot? This? I like the childhood.
I like that. The moral of the story is that
you got to become an adult sometime, but you can
still tackle your goblin friends something and have a roll
full of stuff down when friends. Did Dave the boy
(56:00):
ever come back at the end though? Did he die?
Like he die? He just like he's like, I've got
to go hit on another teenage I've got another one
thirteen year old wanting to not have to babysit. I
really like that scene at the beginning was chilling to
(56:22):
me when she was just picked it up and held
it and was like, you cursed goblin baby. It's like
he's so cute and he's wearing the words walt of
outfit and he's a little blond baby. Yeah, and he
was thrown too high And that's all all my thoughts
on the movie. Give the step on, Give the step
on the sequel, Yeah, for real. Uh well, we rate
(56:45):
the movie on a scale of zero to five nipples,
and so when we read it in the context of
like how well did it portray the female characters. Um,
so I'll go first. I usually rate it too highly
and then I feel dumb. But that's why you go first.
That's why I go first, and then everyone else. Let's
(57:05):
me know how dumb I am. I'm gonna give it
uh m hmm. I'm gonna give it a one point
five because like pissing you off. And yeah, there's the peach,
then other ones. Yeah, I've learned my lesson not to
be so generous. Um, don't eat that peaching. There's that gross,
(57:26):
like pseudo like attraction between the two of them and
the peach. Another pussy reference could be because of the
advice that they give you when you're a young man.
They're like, does he act like you're eating a peach.
I don't know what sex said class you took, but
I learned about the epididymus. Hey, kids, just act like
(57:52):
you're eating a peach and put your and you want
to peach, just rub the head of your dick on
the stag. Oh, where is the daycare in my school
is probably why, oh, there are a lot of peaches
getting fun. Alright, I have to go kill me. Yeah,
(58:14):
I give it like one point five. One of them is, uh,
what's his name? Hoggle Hoggle's nipple, which is disgusting, and
then one of the half nipple is I don't know,
I'm bad at this. I didn't take enough improv classes,
so it's just a regular nipple. You're saying you didn't
take enough improv classes is like like a compliment to
(58:37):
your true Uh what's your rating, Jamie? Two sultry fifteen
year old hard nipples for David Bowie. They're pointed at him,
but they can't touch. Yeah, good, that's my rating. I'm
(59:00):
going to give this a three because, first of all,
you guys are putting your adult eyes on this movie. Okay,
when you were fifteen you saw this movie, Like, okay,
you're obsession with n sinc How old were you? I
was probably twelve, And how old were they they were?
Who knows, but you know what she wanted to do
to them? I wanted to exactly exactly, So you're putting
(59:27):
your adult eyes on this movie, Aaron. People who are
going to see this movie are probably going to be
teenagers because the hot topic, I'm sure it is running
out of ship to sell. So they're like, let's bring
back the Labyrinth right now. Actually they're doing pretty well
with their uh the Nightmare for Christmas ship. But my
first kiss was with a boy in a Jack Skellington sweatshirts. Oh,
(59:52):
I was gonna say, awesome. I think my my first
kiss was um was this kid Nate and I was
I was wearing my I worked at a Hallow Halloween express.
Hell yeah, and then my big orange Halloween I already
grabbed my boob like like like a little like it
(01:00:14):
and I was like, I was like, is this what
it's supposed to be like? And then I was like,
you need to call Like I was, I had a
panic attacks, like you need to leave. Mom was on
a beach and I didn't know what a boner was
until it was against me and I was like and
then we were standing on a rock and I almost
fell off the rock. I like, I am a virgin.
So so I finished three Okay, So I feel like
(01:00:39):
she is not on a mission to fuck first of all,
to get her take her bro and at the end
she is like, you don't have control over me like
I'm an independent woman. I'm strong and fearless. I'm gonna
get this baby back. Um, you can't seduce me with
your peach spells. Okay. And it's a peach spell okay.
And she makes all these great friends and at the
(01:01:01):
end she gets her brother back. And it's not about
uh fucking, it's about becoming a woman. Okay. Fair, that's
a fair assessment. I'm on board ticket, I'm barred with that.
And that little baby grew up to be a steampunk Yeah,
good for him. All's well, that ends well. I bet
when he sleeps he still sees David Bowie, don't girls
just staring down in his peach dreams? Millions of peaches
(01:01:30):
peaches for me? Is that the caned peaches? One? I
don't know can peaches? Yeah? Yes, I love vasiline. Something
about putting vasiline. She know what you're talking? Oh wait,
it's oh it goes right, he does that whol thing.
(01:01:55):
No you're thinking of London. Oh that old sex to
love it anyway. She don't use jelly racially jelly. She's
Vasseline's vassiline. It's not the peach song at all. I
(01:02:17):
think it's London. Well this is a great Yeah, I've
had a great time. Thank you so much, Jenny for coming.
Is there anything you want to plug? Where can people
find you? See Jenny's AGREENO J N N Y z
as in zebra I g R I N L And
that's all my instas and Twitter, Twitter and snaps and
(01:02:41):
all much ship and uh yeah, and then I'm gonna
be at uh sketch Fest next month in San Francisco,
and shit, what else am I gonna be? Go see
Proba although by the time this comes out it might
(01:03:03):
already be on DVD or something. Yeah, and go to
my website for tour information. That just Jenny dot com.
Thank you agains so much, Thank you guy. You can
follow us on Twitter at becktel Cast. We've got followers, Yeah,
we do have. We Sometimes I look at it and
I'm like what, I'm like, wow, people like us. You
(01:03:24):
can like us on Facebook also, um, we're just I
think some people did that cast. Yeah, some people did
that too. I can email us. I've been here. I
cannot believe it's hey, straight from the source, it was
happening here. I'm not a believer. You can also email
us at the becktel Cast at gmail dot com your
(01:03:45):
past sexual partner and you want to Yeah, let me
let me know what my vagina was. Like, I'm very
curious if I've got never there's any men out there
the one and give me in a second, I would
take it. Yeah, so emails about that and nothing else.
And um, my past levers just want to call me
to say hi, check in checking checking in? Is that? Oh?
(01:04:13):
We should end it in two different ways too. Oh,
like I say something, you say something entirely different. I
was just want to do and I just want to
do one more confident thing. Oh sure, Um, you go first,
because I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, Wow,
what a fun podcast we had today with our guests.
Jenny's a green al My name is Jamie. I feel
(01:04:33):
I've felt great this whole time, and I feel like
my future is bright and I am having a good
day and I like my outfit. Thanks for listening. That
was wonderful. Okay, I M I'm gonna just f that
back to myself later. H Jamie. I cherish you and
I like that you are my co host and I
(01:04:53):
have a great time doing this with you and Jenny.
I cherish you to cherish. Thank you so much. Uh
and and just like being my friend and stuff. You're
so we're all really great war I know. Oh yeah, guys,
Merry Christmas, Christmas, and Hanka is going to be on
(01:05:14):
Christmas this year, and happy Hanakah and happy happy times
all around for all of us. Really ending this fun
episode on a solemn note. Everyone just go fun boy,
get that ga, get fun by Peach, all right bye
(01:05:35):
by
The Bechdel Cast News
Hosts And Creators
Caitlin Durante
Jamie Loftus
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