Mission Impossible with Alex Schmidt

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to listen to Caitlin Durante, Jamie Loftus, and special guest Alex Schmidt as they discuss Mission Impossible.

(This episode contains spoilers)

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the Bedel Cast, the questions asked if movies have
women in um, are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands,
or do they have individualism the patriarchy? Zef invest start
changing it with the Beckdel Cast. Hello and welcome to
the Bechtel Cast. My name is Caitlin Dronte. My name
is Jamie Loftus, and we host a podcast about the

(00:21):
portrayal of women in movies. We sure do. I can't
really see you. I know this is weird. There's a
bunch of mikes in the way. Here, here we go.
This is better, hie. So we talk about the representation
of women in film and how it's usually bad. Yes,
that's our go to. We use the Bechtel test as
a jumping out point for discussion, test created by cartoonist

(00:45):
Alison Bechdel in the nineteen eighties that features a Hey,
what what is it? Do you want me to see it? Yeah?
I forget. The Bechtel test requires that a movie, let's say,
has to mainly identifying characters in it with names. Yes,
they have to speak to each other and guess what

(01:05):
they should not be talking about? Men? Can we can
we test drive it right now? Please? Yes, Hey Caitlin,
Hey Jamie, what's up. There's something about the movie we're
discussing today that I found very distracting. What is it?
The bone structure of the lead actress was? It was
too Does it pass the Victel test if I'm a

(01:26):
hot woman's face? But I do like, okay, the main
act who is even the main actress in this in
this film we're discussing today, because it looks like her
bones were stung by bees her like her her cheekbones
are so out of her face. I believe you're talking
about the character Claire played by Emmanuel I don't know

(01:48):
what this last name is. Anyways, that did pass. It did,
But again, I don't know why we're judging a woman
by her looks or even talking about it. That's I mean.
But but her her bones gets stung by bees, and
I wanted to raise awareness someone get helped for Emmanuel
built get the bees away from her. Yeah. Anyway, so, um,

(02:11):
usually we don't body shame women on the podcast I
was doing. I was doing that to prove that the
Bechtel test is actually flawed. True, Wow, Jamie, Yeah, there
was a method. It's not a perfect system. The stakes
are made, which is why we always have a larger
conversation about just the treatment of women in general in

(02:31):
the movie. So we are talking about Mission Impossible, and
we have a guest here with us as always. He
is a comedian, a writer, and host of the Cracked podcast,
Alex Schmidt. Hey, great to be here. Hi, thanks for
I'm so glad to be doing this. I got to
go back to the nineties by watching the movie. It's great,

(02:54):
feel good. So what is your history with Mission Impossible,
the movie, the franchise. I'm some who grew up on
a lot of James Bond movies. My grandma worked at
our local library and they had only very specific things
on VHS, and one of them was the entire James
Bond franchise, and so I saw all of them when
I was really really young, and then I just needed

(03:14):
more movies along those lines, and so I got into
the Mission Impossible franchise, Like it's kind of I feel
like it's kind of a filler place holder for when
you're out of James Bond movies. You can watch Tom Cruise. Yeah,
it's kind of diet James Bond. If James Bond were
American and way Shorter, Welcome to Mission Impossible. And then

(03:36):
I feel like, when you're out of Mission Impossible movies,
you're like, let's see what Jason Bourne is doing. And
then when you're out of Jason Bourne, you're like, because
Matt Damon's not even fun to watch at least Tom
Cruise is fun to watch, yeah, when I was, and
Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are both way bigger stars
than basically everyone who's played James Bond except maybe Sean Connery.
But like, it's just a much more interesting character somehow,

(03:58):
James Bond, Like I feel like, specially Ethan hunt is
so he's like a robot name Ethan. I'm just like
I dare like there, I'm only going to sympathize or
feel for a character named Ethan to a point. There's
just you've got to be a really stellar Ethan for
me to go to the extra mile for you. Right,

(04:21):
they can't have a super secret agent named Brandon. You know,
I'm not on brand, Like I'm out immediately. Man. People
are gonna listen to this podcast in ten years and
be like, what's wrong with Ethan Ethan as our president?
What if we had a president Ethan that's what I'm saying.
It would be confusing. Sure, Yes, I don't know how
the Canadians adjusted to a Justin right. Having a manager

(04:41):
Justin in charge just feels like is he ready? Regardless
of how qualified he is, his name's Justin, so is
he ready? I don't know. He sounds like he's fourteen. Yeah,
I see what you're saying. Anyways, Anyway, so you grew up,
would you say, with the way into spy movies. Yeah,

(05:02):
I'm pretty sure I didn't see this one in theaters
because it came out ninety six, so it didn't quite
line up. But I'm pretty sure I saw the rest
of them in theaters and also needed to google all
of them to remember the plots or what happens. Well,
not to brag, but in preparation for this episode, she
went full DOWNNY I went, I went like deep Cover

(05:22):
into Mission Impossible. You were in the main frame. I
hacked into the main frame. I'm now a member of
the I m F. I'm so excited of like how
much we get to talk about hacking today? Can I
just say I'm so thrilled so much? Also, the I
m F, I think in real life is some kind
of World Bank sort of thing. It's very distracting every

(05:44):
time they say it in the movie. Yeah, I think
they're going to do loans or something. I don't remember
that actually being the name of their organization in the movies. Okay,
so my history is that I well, I just rewatched
all five of them within the span of forty eight hours. Brag. Yeah,
I'm so sorry or proud. Okay. I like this franchise, Um,

(06:04):
it's why. Yeah, I have fun with it. I don't
love it. I don't think they're cinematic masterpieces, but especially
as they go on, I think they get better and
I enjoy like Ghost Protocol especially. I liked Ghost Protocol
is my son's name, really because that's my stripper name
and they both can be president, right en, my president.

(06:31):
But I summarily grew up with this franchise. So the
first one came out in nineties. I was ten, so
I don't think I saw it right away. I think
by I saw when I was like twelve. Um, if
you had asked me at that age what my favorite
song was, I would have told you it was the
Mission Impossible theme song. It's a very good theme song. Yeah,
it's great. It's great, like James Bond, it just works. Yeah.

(06:52):
And then I did see Mission Possible to in theaters
at a drive in movie theater in whatever year that was.
And if you'd ask me that year what my favorite
movie was, I would have told you Mission Impossible to,
even though that movie stinks. But then and then all
the other ones I saw, like in theaters, I enjoy them,
and I'm excited about Fallout coming out. So yeah, I

(07:15):
would say I have a certain soft spot for Mission Impossible. Yeah.
It's also it's like the Fast and Furious franchise where
it's gotten better lately to like they're on an upswing.
So with a new one coming out, I'm stoked. See
I tapped out at Tokyo Drift. I think I haven't
seen any of that Tokyo Drift is Wait? Is that
was that a joke? Ar Oh, we're talking. I just

(07:38):
got so confused. Can I Mission Impossible Tokyo Drift? Okay,
say something about this movie, which is that I don't
understand a thing that I felt insane watching this movie.
Because this is a movie for the public. It's not
supposed to be like you can't see Mission Impossible unless
you have a graduate degree, which, by the way, Kayle

(08:00):
does don't if you know that, Jamie, you know that
I hate to bring it up, so thank you so
much trying bringing up that. I do have a master's
degree in screenwriting from Boston University. But I took the
MENSA exam the other day failed and it's because I
don't understand what happens is. I can't make I can't
make heads or tales of what happens in this fucking movie.

(08:20):
And like I was telling you, you guys in the elevator,
like I I thought something was happening, and I was like, okay,
let me just check Wikipedia to make sure this is
what is actually happening. So totally different was happening. But
it also makes no sense to me. This movie is
for intellectuals. I'm literally too stupid to watch this movie.
It felt very bad. No, I don't think that's true.

(08:41):
I only barely understand what happens in the movie because
I've seen it several times. Doesn't totally make sense. But
so your history, Jamie, is that I wrested it this
morning and I was bad. I was like sitting so
like you, I didn't start watching the movie as close
to my television. As I ended, I kept getting closer

(09:02):
because I was just like, maybe it'll make more sense
to get physically closer to this movie. I don't I
don't understand what what shall I give you? The recap Jamie?
And he didn't help you understand what happens in this
wonderful movie? Yeah, I think. But all that said, I
think I liked it. I just don't know what happened. Sure, well, okay,

(09:23):
you're not wrong in finding this movie to be hard
to follow, because Mission Impossible is about Ethan Hunt. He
is a spy who works for the I m F,
which stands for the Impossible Mission Force. Is that it
I didn't know that's what it stands for. The Yeah,

(09:45):
that is what it's something like that. It's it's definitely
impossible mission something is? How do they recruit anybody? Right? Well,
I think it's somehow affiliated with the CIA, but I
also don't totally understand that because in the later movies
like the CIA hates the I MF, so like, who knows?
Please don't at me and tell me. I would wish
to remain ignorant of this. But anyway, okay, So Ethan

(10:07):
Hunt works for this like spy organization, and he and
his team of people get assigned a mission, and among
the team is um, Okay, well we'll get there. But
first it's um Jim Phelps, which is John Foye's character,
my guy named Jack, which is Amelio Estevez, and then Sarah, Hannah,

(10:30):
and Claire. So this is the team that is ginger
parody on the team exactly exactly equal in the middle.
It had been a long time since I saw this,
and since the very first person I saw was Emilio Estevez. Like,
for a second, I thought, oh, is he the lead
of all of these? I forgot? Did I just super
super forget who is the main character in the movies
because it's just Amilio Estevez for about a minute, which

(10:52):
feels like an eternity. I clutched a little bit when
I saw him, too, because I was like, oh, that
would be kind of better. But then you pan up
and you see his frosty tips, You're like, oh, he's
a hacker. Now I understand, you know what. I was
let down by the fact that he was not wearing
tiny glasses, which is kind of the hackers uniform. He

(11:13):
had the frosty tips, he didn't have the tiny glasses.
He did have the black turtleneck, so it's like he
was two thirds of the way there. He went a
little rogue by not having tiny reflective glasses. Well, people
go rogue in these movies all the time. Yeah, Rogue Nation.
I was gonna say, isn't that the name of one
rogue ghost ghost station um ghostwirld Uh. There is another

(11:40):
hacker who I thought you were talking about, who we
meet later on the second Hack, the second that's his
character's name, Hacker re Ducks. Okay, so this is the team.
We've barely begun the recap it doesn't make any sense.
So they are tasked with finding a bad guy who
has a list of names of spies. He has one

(12:02):
half of it already and he needs the other half
to like actually figure out the identity of the spies.
So they're gonna basically get evidence that he's trying to
steal it and then stop him and figure out who
the buyer is and stop him as well. But as
they're trying to do this, things start to go wrong
and people start to die, and everyone dies seemingly except
for ethan Um. So then he has a rotten go

(12:26):
ethan President Ethan Everyone we're rooting for Ethan because it's
hard to remember. So Ethan Hunt is the only one
left alive on his team. So he calls like his
pals at the I m F. And he's like, hey, Kittridge,
who's a superior of his He's like, something's happening. And
he meets with them, and Kittridge believes him to be

(12:47):
a mole, and he's like, this whole thing was set
up as a mole hunt, and it looks like you're
the mole, Ethan Hunt, and he's like, no, I'm not.
Your last name is hunting everything, maybe you would one
we're hunting for. I'm in the You're like, oh, this
guy is smart. Yeah. Yeah. So Ethan Hunt runs away

(13:08):
because he's like, I'm not the mole, but I have
to figure out who is now. So Ethan Hunt learns
about this mole who's collaborating with an arm stealer named Max,
so he's like, I gotta go find Max and like
figure out who the mole is. And there's this whole
thing where it's like the mole is working with Max
on this job that they call Job three fourteen, and

(13:30):
then its actually the the Mole goes by the name
job and it's a biblical reference and then he's like, okay,
and then he says distracting from an arrested development stands
when they shot a job all the time there and
then Ethan Hunt sends an email to Max at job

(13:52):
space three colon fourteen and it that works the Internet
in this movie. The Internet is the most compelling character
in the Entiremente has the most charisma out of everybody
doing laps around our Tom the inner the way the
Internet works, where there's one point where it's like there's

(14:15):
a window open that says internet and then he types
in access and then it says like thinking, I was like,
what is this is misunderstanding dial up? Like what it's
like one of those old text adventures where it's like
you're in a cave, turn left and then you like,
but somehow it's hacking the Internet. Both hackers talk about

(14:36):
the Internet in like a way that it's like whoever
wrote this movie was just hoping no one would ask
a follow up question because there's the second hacker. I
don't know what his name is because he comes in
over an hour into the movie. Very cool thing to do,
just introduce five hundred characters our fifteen and sure, but
the second hacker, Luther says, in the same sentence, he said,

(15:00):
as like mainframe motherboard hacking access. And then Tom is like, well,
we've got to figure this out. You've got like, what
are you talking about? I just want you to know
that I just send an email to Max at job
Space three colon fourteen and it did not work. An

(15:23):
error message came up right away and said this address
is not recognized. The CIA wiped them out, clean Ology
got involved. They're like, this is this was Shelley miss
Gavages email and it's gone. Now do you guys? Ever,
when I see a Tom Cruise movie, I give him
a little bit of credit for just not wedging Scientology

(15:45):
into it all the time, even though he doesn't deserve
any you know, every time I see a movie with
him and it ends, I'm like, I didn't come up once.
How about that? A little bit proud. There's moments where
it's like, oh, he could very easily just break the
fourth wall and start pitching us. He's out our attention
and surprised he doesn't use this platform to like hawk scientology.

(16:06):
But no, he he keeps a separation of church and
career against Yeah, alright. So the rest of the story
is so he is trying to figure out who this
mole is named Job. This is where I get very lost.
So he meets with Max, who turns out as a woman.

(16:32):
How many times are they going to do this twist?
The androgynous name twist. Hilarious? Love it, It's so cool.
So he meets with Max and he's like, by the way, Max,
who is an arm stealer? Yeah, I'm like an undercover spy,
and I'm going to get you that list that you wanted,
pay me a bunch of money, and revealed to me

(16:53):
who Job is. Vanessa right, Grave is fabulous in this part. Yeah,
she's great. But he basically just reveals this whole identity
to this person. And then he's like, I'll get the
thing that you wanted, this you know, list that will
compromise the identity of however many undercover spies, all of them,

(17:14):
all of them. Yeah, yeah, just give me like ten
million dollars and I'll get you this list and I
just want to know the identity of the mole. And
it's like that's not a good deal, but we accept
it because you know, we don't understand really what's happening.
I also can't hear the plot over the sheer volume
of Dutch ankles in this movie. You're just like, I can't.

(17:34):
I have no sense of space or time. So many
Vanessa Redgrave does not. I'm pretty sure, with the exception
of two or three shots. Never isn't in a Dutch
angle in this entire Why I don't. I didn't notice
that very much. This is a movie for dumb people.
There's only geniuses and stupid people will understand this movie

(17:58):
and appreciate people. There's nothing that's like kind of smart people. Um, okay.
So then he compiles this new team of people, among
them as Luther, the new hack hacker number two, and
they plan to infiltrate the CIA and steal this knocklist
of the list of all the names of the spies.
And then they do that, and that this is supposed

(18:20):
to be the impossible mission, because how do you get in.
There's like there's a voice activation, there's a retinal scan
the room, if it increases temperature, if there's any pressure
on the floor, packing hacking, hacky hacking, so all the
stuff happens. They get the Knocklist. Then it's revealed that
Jim Phelps John Voyd's character was the mole all along

(18:41):
and he like set everyone up and him not dead
at all, him not dead at all, and his wife Claire,
who does come back I forgot to mention um and
helps Ethan Hunt in his impossible mission. Ethan Hunt gropes
her and then she's like, I'm sad John Voitch is dead,
and I'm like, why were you dating him? But then
you were married? God, this is like, I mean, of

(19:05):
all the there you have to suspend your belief a
lot in this movie, but the fact that she would
date John voy who in this movie that is twenty
years old, is already five hundred years old, it's just
a lot I did. And they introduced that marriage very
early on, and that was it was like an s
S thing where I was like, okay, so it's a

(19:25):
fake marriage, right, like it's definitely she's and then no
actual marriage, like that's real. Everything else is an illusion, right, Yeah.
The one moment for the clear character that I was
actually very I was like, oh, that was a good
acting beasting. She when she pretends to find out that

(19:46):
John Boyd is dead, she goes, Chuck is dead, and
I was like, oh, so sad. She did love him
even though she never sat and hear him more spoke
to him on screen, So uh yeah. The end of
the story is basically Ethan Hunt on confronting John Voyd's
character and learning that his wife Claire was like a

(20:07):
double agent and had like crossed him, and then she
gets shot dead, and then he has to like proved
Kittridge that he's not the mall. He's like, here, I
found the actual mall. There's a whole helicopter thing. There's
an explosion, there's a train, there's the glasses, there's the
John Voight mask. Right, you're wearing John Void's face, and

(20:28):
then you're not. And that's exciting. Yeah, And that's an
underrated part because it's they convinced Claire to go into
train car and then Tom Cruise massed as John Void
is waiting for her, and then after they speak, real
John Voight immediately pops out from a closet like two
feet away from top Cruise. So for an indetermined amount
of time, real John Voight was just watching fake John

(20:49):
Void from very close quarters. It's great. Why wouldn't Ethan
Hunt like sweep the room and make sure his enemy
John Voight isn't hiding in a closet nearby, And how
were they able to do it on such a quick turnaround. Well,
the later movies show the maskmaking process and it's really

(21:09):
eye opening. Yeah, this, this franchise is like obsessive about masks,
and there's always we'll talk about this a little later,
but there's certain like recurring things that happened in every
Mission Impossible movie. I'm down for that. I mean, a
goofy rubber mask reveal is always very fun. It's not
as effectively or tastefully done as it is in The

(21:30):
Master Disguise, which is one of my favorite movies, where
James Brolin rips off a mask of Bo Derek and
the audience stands and chairs. Yes, Josh, no, James Brolin,
the old one. He plays Dana Carvey's father. Dana Carvey's
forty six in that movie. But but his character is

(21:51):
supposed to be twenty three. It's wild, my gosh, how
dare he? Anyways? Well, anyway, so that's the that's the
story of the first Mission an Impossible movie, as far
as I can explain it. Um, let's take a quick
break and we will be back in a moment and

(22:12):
we're back. Hello, So mission impossible. There can I just
rip off my John Voyd mask really quickly. Very hot John.
I thought that was you, but it turns out it
was Jamie Lofton. John Voyd is actually out on the balcony.
He'll come in now and we'll have a confrontation. As
we hinted at during the recap, it seems like there's

(22:34):
like a parody within the team at the beginning at
the beginning of the movie where it is three men
and three women, but once they all die, because they
all die within the first like twenty minutes except for
well Claire comes back. But um, basically two of the
three women die, two of the three men die, so

(22:55):
we're left with Ethan Hunt and Claire is like kind
of the main players um in the movie. And then
it was was president Ethan Was he dating hot lady
with the red lip? Was that like a thing or
were they were just where? Were they just pretending because
of spies? Do you know what character you're talking about? Thomas? Yes,

(23:16):
I don't think they were dating. I think there's a
very classic spy move of the two of us need
to pretend to make out. So there's a reason we're
just in this alley watching somebody. I think they were
just doing that, so they were just okay because I
was like, I don't know how attached we're supposed to
beat because then they're just killed. So it starts gender
parody and then becomes the opposite as the movie goes on,

(23:37):
which is great because it's great pretty much all the
new characters who were introduced, aside from Max is a man,
because when we meet Kittridge, we meet Luther, we meet Krieger.
Because I was like, when I was first watching this,
I was like, I didn't super remember it that while
I was like, oh wow, is there going to be
a bunch of women in this movie, that's forgetting that

(23:58):
they almost all die right away. Also I realized, like, oh,
what a parent, what a gender parody on the team.
But then I think they did gender parody so they
could kill female characters to like create weight, you know.
I think that's kind of why it's such a female team. Honestly,
like to give it like if it was an all
male team and they all die, it's like less feeling.

(24:20):
Maybe is probably actor producer Tom Cruise's opinion, I think
it was pretty rough. Yeah, and then he gets to
have the moment with with Kristen Scott Thomas of like,
you wouldn't have that if that was an all male
team of like, oh we get we get a kiss
and we get a item. I don't like that they
bring all the women and they're like, Okay, well we're
going to murder them, but we're going to bring the

(24:42):
model back. And she's John Boyd's wife. Yeah, if he
and a male agent did the fake out make out
in the alley, that would have ruled. It would have
been great, Like that was the move like a band
called fake up, Like what what you've done if the
spy that he had been paired up with was a man?

(25:05):
And it just yeah, it feels gross that it's like, oh,
well she's a woman, so what choice do you have
but to pretend to make out with her? And it's like,
which is something that happens a lot in these movies
where and this one the first one specifically. So Claire
comes back after Ethan Hunt thinks that she is among
all the people who have died on his team, but
she comes back and he's extremely suspicious of her because

(25:27):
he thinks maybe she's the mole or maybe the mole
sent her. So he like pretty violently grabs her, rips
off her coat like man handles her, pats her, DAPs
and pats her down in a very like sexually aggressive way,
throws her on the bed, gets on top of her.
She's crying. He's like, who's done you? Who sent you?
She's like no, Like, this is the rendezvous we're supposed

(25:49):
to like meet. He's screaming at her, his face is
like enters away from hers, and it's like, take away
the context of the scene and just look at the
image and it could easily almost looked like a sex
scene where he's like, they're on a bed, he's on
top of her. So it's making what's very like a
very violent and angry moment and sexualizing it very heavily

(26:12):
for no reason. Yeah, it's And also keep in mind
he just screamed at her that her husband died, right,
He's like, your husband's dead, and then he had like
kind of attacks her, and we were like, what what
is happening? And then the way that that bothers me
with this genre of movie in particular is that we

(26:32):
see this scene and it is aggressive, and then later
we find out that she's lying and that she's like
a double agent, and so that sort of to an
audience member justifies like, well, it's okay that he did
that because she was lying, and guy exactly, yeah, right.
And then well, another interesting thing about the Claire character

(26:54):
is that so because she was married to John Voight's character,
we find out that that's what's motivating her to Ethan
because as far as we know in the beginning, before
we find out that he's alive and that he was
lying and he's the mall and that um, she's also
like collaborating with the bad guy. Her being married to
him is what's motivating her to help Ethan, which is
like a reversal of a trope that we usually see

(27:16):
where it's like my wife for my daughter. So it's yeah,
it's so for clear, so we're seeing instead my husband
basically my husband. I don't know how interesting that is.
It's certainly like a role reversal, but it still feels

(27:39):
kind of trophy. I think it does. And also it
ensures that her character from most of the movie, as
far as we know, her motivation is strictly tied to
two men, and it's also sort of implied that she
you know, it's like that she's at the end. John
Voight basically speaks on her behalf for a whole scene,

(28:01):
and it's like she was just seducing you. She doesn't
think you're hot, Tom Cruise. That's like she think I'm hot.
John voyt like the twist. That's the real twist of
the movie. But it was like basically he's saying, and
she's again one of those my favorite action movie tropes,

(28:22):
which is the woman can watch the last scene of
the movie, but she cannot participate. Um, so she's fully
audience and sometime actually be like Ethan. But John voy
is just stating what her double agent thing was when
she easily could have and it's also like I sent
her because she had to seduce you, Like that was

(28:44):
clearly what his character saw the value. And then he's
what was that thing he said about like I got
I got a taste of it or something disgustingly some
cross thing like I've tasted the goods or the goods, Yeah,
at the goods myself, And I was like, oh my god,
she's there, you know, right, But then he shoots her

(29:07):
like two seconds later. Yeah, he's like my wife, who
it seemed like they were on the same page and
actually loved each other because they were working side by side.
It didn't make sense that he shot it, right. No, right,
But even so, like I don't know it just what
had been established about their relationship is like totally negated
whenever he shoots her for no fucking reason. Right. His

(29:30):
character is confusing to me. Her character is also confusing
to me. It's sort of is explained at the very end,
but we don't know why she's doing that job outside
of her loyalty to her husband. Really, we don't know
anything about her, and then her husband kills her. So
I have a question about did she and Tom Cruise
hook up? Was that fade to black suggestion that they

(29:53):
hooked up or did she just like lick his hand
and then he was like good night, I'm in real life?
Second thing for sure. I mean this is also these
movies the few ways they're different from Bond movies. I
feel like between Tom Cruise being the star of all
of them and being the producer of all of them,
and there's there's not really a lot of other carryover

(30:14):
between them, like it's basically James Bond but a sexual.
Not that there's anything wrong with being a sexual if
you are, but like there's no I feel like Tom
Cruise as a person in life doesn't know how to
deal with women at all, and so it just carries
over to the screen. So it's a James Bond movie
or James Bond has no interest in women. But it's
just like doing the beats of it, you know, like

(30:35):
a hot woman to be around Vond and I don't
want to kiss. Yeah, right, Bond is like a womanizer
like always. But well, okay, I actually so, because I
watched all of the Mission Impossible movies, I made a
few notes on each one and I just basically um
some you know, recurring motifs and whatnot. So for Mission

(30:57):
Impossible to which came out in two thousands, there's basically
only one female character in the entire thing, played by
Sandy Newton. There's a scene where she and Ethan Hunt
are in a bathtub hiding from like a bad guy
or something, and he's on top of her and she's like, actually,
I like to be on top, So then she wraps

(31:18):
her legs around him and like flips them over so
that she's on top of him. She's then straddling him
while she's like stealing some jewelry. They are wearing clothes,
but they're wearing turtle she is she is using tools
to steal this jewelry that are disguised as a makeup
compact and a lipstick. You know, when you're a woman

(31:41):
and you're like a thief or spy, your tools have
to be disguised as makeup. Those are the rules. Because
it reminds me of in this first movie. I feel
like the famous thing is stealing the thing in the
Cia vault and Tom Cruise floating over the floor. All
three of the guys have very male jobs in it.
And then Claire's job is to just score stuff into coffee. Right, Yeah,

(32:02):
she gets the most boring ship to do out of
every like a very It's also kind of like she
has to be like flirtatious because she's sitting next to
the guy. They're like on the same side of the table.
No one's across from him. It's like a really weird
They're just like sitting side by side like touches. He's
way too close to him. He looks up, she smiles
at him. And he's like, oh, pretty girl, smile to me. Yeah,

(32:23):
and then the script Tom Cruise wrote that she was
probably like she uses girl powers to do it, Like
that's it, Like he doesn't know anything about women, so
like their power is girl stuff, like to self act
Nicole what girls do and put in the script there. Yeah, yeah, wait. Oh,

(32:45):
so there's a couple of uh my favorite moment of
Mission Impossible to Anthony Hopkins is in this one, and
he is void and busy. I guess no, he dies
at the end of Mission Impossible. I thought that I
just bad that I started just assumed he would come back.
Who seems like characters in this franchise can kind of
just come back. I'm my god, he's probably well, I
want to talk about that in a second. But so,

(33:07):
Anthony Hopkins is trying to get Ethan Hunt to recruit
Sandy Newton's character to like join their team because of
her past relationship to the man that they're trying to
get close to, and Ethan Hunt, who's developing a romantic
relationship with her for no reason other than they need
to see a Hawkeye and Hawk girl kissing on screen. Um,
he says, no, she doesn't have the training for that

(33:30):
kind of thing. And Anthony Hopkins says, to go to
bed with a man and lie to him. She's a woman.
She's got all the training she needs. It's like, okay,
we get it, Anthony Hopkins, you've been dumps. Stop projecting, honey,

(33:52):
who's Beth? I don't know? Oh really, really quick. Um.
The use of gadgets in Mission Impossible is great. The
gum impractical. If you sat on that gum you would
blow up. It doesn't It's like what if Tom Cruise,

(34:12):
God forbid, put that gum in his back pocket, he
would explode and then the glasses flip. Sorry, anyways, Amelia
did a great job. Also Amelia in this movie, and
I double checked to make sure this is true. For
some reason, Alex to go uncredited in this His name
is not in the credits. He's in why It more

(34:34):
than a lot of people. Yeah, he has quite a
few lines and he's really in it. Yeah, it's not
just a cameo. He's uncredited. His death is so gruesome
by the way he gets like a elevator spiked to
the face. Final destination is horrible. So talking about your
point of like recurring characters, Jamie of all the movies

(34:56):
in the franchise, it's always the same leading man of
Tom Cruise play Ethan Hunt. And there's quite a few
recurring side characters who are except for one example, all men,
because you have Simon Pegg's character who comes I think
he's introduced in the third movie and then he's in
I think all the other ones after that. Luther is

(35:19):
in I think every movie or every movie but one. Yeah,
he's always happy. Yeah, Jeremy Renner character gets introduced and
he's in a couple of the movies. So it's several men.
And then there is one character who I think in
the third movie, um Ethan Hunt gets married, uh to

(35:43):
Michelle right. I don't know if that sound and then
she shows up again in another movie, but only for
like a split second. So it's really any of the
notable characters who are recurring are all men, and of
the women who so in the movies there's usually one
main woman. They're not really romantic lead because yeah, he

(36:04):
is often like kind of a sexual the a sexual
bond girls well like so it's not a sexual because
they are usually sexualized in some way and there is
often like a moment where they either have like a
flirtation or some sort of sexual tension, but there's like
a female lead. She changes every single time in the movie.

(36:25):
There's no recurring female leads. Usually as the movies go on,
they stay at the same age, but all the other
like you know, Tom Cruise and everyone gets older, so
we don't Tom Cruise could be drinking the blood of
young people and would immortal. Sure, We've all seen interview
with a vampire, so that tracks there being no recurring

(36:45):
women in the movie. I feel like sends a message
to everyone who's seeing this, especially the men, that it's
like cool to be a playboy, and it's cool to
have like a bunch of different women, and whenever you
get bored with one, you can just like dump her
and move on to the next. I feel the Bond
franchise is much more guilty of this than Mission Impossible,
but it's still implying that like women can be replaced,

(37:07):
that they're basically just like objects that you can cast
aside and recast in a new movie. I want to
see a movie about the island where Tom Cruise sends
women when they turned thirty. I wanted to see a
movie about all of Tom Cruise's former co stars who
he shipped off to an island on their thirtieth birthday. Um, yeah,

(37:27):
because there that that is such a trope of this
genre and of I mean, but it really spans all
genres where rom coms are often very guilty of this.
You know, in historically, male entertainers tend to get more
opportunities to do things later into their lives and are
also just given I mean, even John Voight's character in

(37:49):
the first movie, the massive age gap between him and
his Uh not not to shame anyone who has made
December robmance, but this is fucking ridiculous. Like it's it's
pretty much the often the only representation we see of
like a hetero romantic relationship where it's a much older man.
It's like, if there is a movie with an older

(38:12):
man as the lead, it's very rare to see his
romantic partner be his contemporary. Yeah, she's almost most always
like years younger than him. And it's interesting because I
think that these tropes in this movie in particular are
kind of like it's it's very clear to see them

(38:33):
because there is this whole kind of sexless vibe to
this movie where you see these tropes, and it's like
they've plugged in all the like young women dates, old man,
hot women interested in the lead, but it's presented in
such a non sexual way for the male lead that
it's almost just like this weird roadmap of like, oh, yeah,

(38:54):
this is how all action movies are, regardless of whether
it makes sense for the plot or the cares. Because
in James Bond movies, it's so knocking you over the head,
it's so sexual, but this one, it's like almost like
there's like a little bit of an uncanny quality to
the way women are treated, because it doesn't make sense
in such a non sexual movie for women to be

(39:16):
presented this way. But it's just like, well, this is
what we do in these movies, and it's just again,
it's very bizarre to me that he works in every
of the movies. There's why who's a woman who he
works with and who proves herself to be very competent,
and yet why don't we ever see her again? Sometimes well,
sometimes she dies in the movie, but if she doesn't,
it would stand to reason because other of the like

(39:39):
male characters who are recurring, like Luther and Simon Pegg's
character and Jeremy Renner's character, like they come back, why
don't any of the women get to? And this also
got me thinking that so even in this, in this
first movie that came out, a few of the main
men are Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, John Voight, three like famous,

(40:00):
recognizable dudes who are still even like over twenty years later,
still famous, still recognizable. The women whose character's names are Sarah, Hannah,
and Claire. I, off top of my head don't know
those actresses names, even though we just I just said
one Emmanuel, like I've never I don't know her. That
might be sort of familiar faces, but I don't recognize

(40:23):
them by names certainly. And it got me on this
train of thought where I wonder if lesser known women
get cast in these parts opposite men, because it's like,
are they worried the women, like a more famous woman
is gonna upstage the man, you know what I mean? Like,
but that varies for franchise to franchise, But in this one,

(40:45):
especially like in the later movies, the woman who gets
cast opposite Tom Cruise is usually familiar, but not like
a household name, like maybe it's like, oh, well, they're
giving like an up and coming actress her chance? Is
it bad to say actress? I feel like it's this actor,
an actor who's a woman, her chance. But I also

(41:06):
wonder if it's like, well, like Tom Cruise doesn't want
to be upstaged by like a woman, just as famousism.
I don't know. This might be all pure speculation, but
I think this is true of and it doesn't vary
from franchise to franchise, but I think this is actually
pretty common for like action franchises like this. I think
that this this rule definitely applies to Transformers This. That's

(41:28):
the franchise that came to my mind where Megan Fox
became such a big name off of that movie and
then she kind of got like blackballed from that franchise
because she was kind of like too big and was
asking to be treated fairly and they're like, oh no,
we'll just get someone else. Yeah, instead of treating you
fairly and like your work has impact on this franchise,

(41:49):
we will literally just recast you. Yeah, I think, because
I think with a lot of these franchises too, you
can just see those Hollywood machine parts moving of Oh,
we just need a new lady, new lady and then impossible.
It's sort of extra weird because I think it's also
just partly driven with Tom Cruise the person being like
he's probably bad at hanging out with women or like
being around them, Like he clearly wants the exact same

(42:12):
dudes on set every time around, like this new one
I think is the first repeat director, but it's only
been male directors. It's the same guys on the crew
all the time. He just wants Alec Baldwin and Ving
Rahim's back all the time, but constantly new women all
the time, just everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Tom Cruise, I mean,
and and we just we just don't have time to

(42:33):
unpack Tom Cruise today. But there's when will there be time?
You know, there's so many levels of fucory to the
career of Tom Cruise, and Tom Cruise as he pertains
to women, shouts out to Katie and Nicole, Boy, they
have to deal with some shit really bad. You can
read up on it if if you want. But yeah,
I mean, I would imagine I'm just shot in the

(42:56):
dark here. Tom Cruise probably does not want and actress
who is his equal experience wise on screen with him,
because it seems like he has a pathological fear of
being upstaged. Yeah, yeah, that would be That would be
another thing I guess. I will say I didn't know
that Emmanuel bay Are is within a year of the

(43:17):
same age as Tom Cruise. Sure in this movie when
he is young, she is an age appropriate person for him.
In this movie, she's not age appropriate for John Voight, who,
as I said, was born in eighteen ninety six if
you can believe was eighteen nine six. That's so crazy
that he's still working. Sure, it means like, yeah, she

(43:39):
is age appropriate in this movie, but twenty two years later,
when this franchise is still going on and the women
who are you know cast opposite him are still you know, thirty.
So let's take a quick break and we will be
back shortly, and we're back. Another thing I wanted to

(44:06):
talk about, and Alex you touched on this is like
that very iconic scene where Tom Cruise is like dangling
on the rope, like suspended, kind of in mid air
when he's like trying to steal the knocklist. That scene
has been like spoofed, parodied, alluded to in like bazillions
of things in pop culture, one of them being Paddington,

(44:29):
but that's neither here nor there. But please go check
out the movie Paddington and Paddington too if you haven't
um anyway, So it got me thinking about very famous
and iconic movie scenes like this. I made a list
which will take probably too long to go through, but
you can. There's like super cuts on YouTube of like
you know, iconic movie scenes or like famous movie quotes,

(44:51):
and you'll find that almost all of them involve men,
not a woman to be seen. And if there is
a woman to be seen, uh, it is usually in
like a very romantic, hetero context. So if we're thinking,
like you had me at Hello, right, she's declaring her

(45:12):
love for a man, she's sometimes if she's in a
Harrison Ford movie, chances are she's being grabbed by Harrison
Ford and kissed. Forcibly, God, I hate Harrison Everyone's dream
Oh God, push them out a window. But but I do.
I want to believe it about the about the iconic scenes. Yeah, yeah,

(45:32):
so that's unfortunate. Fortunately, I think we at least in
the past ten years, have more female action heroes to
choose from, which is great, but it's still yeah, in
in terms of the history of cinema. It's really just
straight ladies kissing straight dudes, and sometimes they get in

(45:53):
a line, and sometimes if they're lucky, and sometimes you
get Scarlett O'Hara shaking her fist at the sky and
you're like, oh, that's exciting. But wait, she's a slave owner,
so that's not good either. So movies are bad. Movies
are not good. Oh, just a couple. So going back

(46:14):
to some of the other sequels, a few things I
wanted to mention or just trends that I found is
that there's almost always a scene where Ethan Hunt does
something to a female character that is not a sexual act,
like hiding from a bad guy or like searching them
because he thinks they're suspicious, but the movie always frames

(46:36):
it as something very sexual because he isn't usually ever
given a romantic interest in the movies. So, like, you know, whatever, director, producer,
writer was like, well, we still have to have you know,
Tom Cruise fondling a woman on the screener. Who's gonna
want to see this? Right? He's like, I have to
prove that I am a man who likes girls and

(46:57):
everyone needs to see Yeah, yeah, I don't. His vibe
is so creepy, and and not just this movie, like
Top Gun, a lot of things from this era. In particular,
he the way he deals with women is like very intense.
To me, it just seems really creepy. And watching this movie,
I started developing a fan theory that he's just like

(47:17):
two teenagers in a long coat or something and he
doesn't know what to do, so he's doing bad things.
And he's five four, he's one teenage And it is
wild how just like such intense, insecure masculine energy is
broadcast to the largest possible audience. It is fascinating. Sociologically,

(47:39):
Tom Cruise's career is fascinated because you're like, he's so
insecure about whatever. Who knows, He won't tell us, but
but we all have to. We all have to watch it.
And I love it. And he's always running. Have you
seen the supercut of him running? Though? There's an eighteen
minute video just of someone took all the scenes in

(48:03):
every movie has ever been in of him running. It's
eighteen minutes long and it's actually amazing. Wow, there's five
minutes of Tom Cruise running in two thousand eighteen alone. Wild. Yeah,
you can watch it like one of those Christmas log videos,
like it's just the same thing endlessly. It's kind of
calming after party. A few of the other trends I noticed,

(48:30):
um is that there's often violence against both men and
women in these movies. But often when a woman is
killed it's because she's been like captured and tied up
and you know, murdered in cold blood kind of thing,
whereas when men die, it's usually because they're like in
combat and they're like fighting for themselves. There are a

(48:51):
few exceptions where there's different agents who are like kicking
acid fighting. In fact, there's one scene and I think
it's it's either it goes protocol or rogue nation. But um,
there's a woman who's like fighting a room full of
bad guys and like Tom Choose is tied up so
like he can't help right away, so it's like her
like kicking ass. Yeah yeah, and she has to like

(49:15):
save him and help him. Um. So every once in
a while there will be like a role reversal like that,
But for the most part, in these movies, women are
sexualized in some way very needlessly. They are often dams old.
There are a few, you know, characters who come and
go who are like, oh, yeah, she's pretty cool, she's
a badass, but she of course isn't given a personality

(49:38):
or anything like that. But so yeah, the treatment over
the span of this franchise of women is peculiar because
they don't just entirely because some you know, action franchises,
the women will just be damns old and she can't
fight for herself, she can't do anything. Um, she's given

(49:59):
no skills, no part salting, anything like that. And these movies,
at least there are like women agents who are like
fighting and like doing cool stuff, and some of them
are hacking even and some of them are like, you know,
doing this and that. But the first, like in the
first movie, at least, it seems like Tom Cruise and
John Boy respect the women they're working with, don't call

(50:19):
their qualifications into question, which is a low bar to set.
But in most movies like this, you know, you'd have
that moment of like, can she really do her job
and be so very hot, and then she has to
prove it. There aren't those proving moments in this, in
the first movie at least, but it's still it's like
they treat women like neutral to light negative and and

(50:44):
I think do what a lot of these movies do
and what the vast majority movies do, which is kind
of just like forget about its female characters for large
swaths of the movie and then go back to them
when they need something sexy to happen. But there's not
really any character motivated sense that we ever cut to Claire.
It always has to be like, oh, a sexy thing

(51:05):
needs to happen, or John Voight is going to enter
the room soon, like those are mostly hercus and so
it's just like, I mean, I can't believe that Tom
Cruise can't write a female character. I can't believe it.
I mean, is he writing these at all? Is he?
I'm sure he's probably like the character to do this movie,

(51:28):
this thing in this movie, but like the fifth one,
in the upcoming sixth one, the director is his like
previous script doctor on these, it's Christopher mcquarie, So I
think he. I think he does the Will Smith thing
where he has a script guy that he puts in,
so he's not like writing writing it, but he's telling
someone what the type kind of right, all they said
this is a fun movie that does not treat women.

(51:51):
It's like it doesn't treat women well, it doesn't really
treat women at all. It is a very non sexual
action movie movie, which is unusual because I feel like
actual movies so often tip into outright misogyny. This one
doesn't because it just doesn't. Is like, this movie doesn't
know how to talk to girls. Like literally, this as

(52:11):
a text does not know how to talk to girls
and largely doesn't. Yeah, it's in like the corner of
a middle school dance. It's just like, what do I
do all the time? I worked so hard on my outfit,
but I don't know how to talk to anybody. But
that said, because it just is like kind of awkward
and the way it treats its characters a lot of

(52:33):
the time, I still was able to enjoy it. I
don't know, Like I I was like, this movie makes
no sense. You have to be a literal genius to
understand what's going on here. That's not The story is
not well written, and like, why would a arms dealer
want a knock list of spies? Like that just doesn't

(52:55):
make a whole lot of sense. Her job to figure
out she would need it at all? Right? Is she
an arms steeler and a list dealer? Like she's just
gonna flip it. I don't give it. And then why
why would Ethan Hunt whose job is a spy and
a huge part of being a spy is to not

(53:15):
let other people know that you're a spy. Why would
Max that he's a spy. That's a classic Bond move
to He just like goes into a casino and they're like,
you need to do some detective work here, and he
just walks up to people and he's like, I'm James Bond,
where's the villain? It's great, it's really fun, like, oh, sure, okay,

(53:36):
I guess we're just going full dummy on this, right.
So it's not that you need to be a genius
to understand this movie. It's that this story, i would argue,
is not clear or that well written. But the John
Voight mask rip really does make it worth the time.
The mask reveals, especially as the franchise goes on, are

(53:58):
very fun. You're like, this person that I thought was
Philip Seymour halfman is actually is that one elf? Oh
my god, then you got me again, which every time
that happened, someone went Ethan, come on, you're so crazy.

(54:20):
You get these maths if someone photoshops mission and Parmesan
do it to us now. I feel like you've been
holding that in for an hour. The five seconds I
thought of it and then said it was real heard them,
Oh boy? Um, does anyone have any other thoughts about
the movie? Oh real quick? I actually wanted to talk

(54:42):
about the character of Max who So before we see
we meet Max on screen, Max has talked about a
lot and the pronouns that are used are he because
everyone assumes that Max the arm Dealer is a he.
And then there's a big reveal that whenever we meet
Max on screen, it's actually a woman, which we've covered
here and there on the podcast before, where it's I

(55:05):
don't know how commonly recurring this trope is, but it's
definitely a trope where you know a character who you
thought was a man surprised either they take off their
mask or they take off their helmet or whatever, or
you know, we just meet them and it's actually a woman.
It bothers me that like someone's gender is like used

(55:26):
as a big surprising reveal, but it also might be
like providing commentary on how gender normative everyone is, where
it's like, oh, this person who's a an armstealer or
you know, driving a motorcycle, or a doctor who you
think might be a man just kidding. A woman can

(55:47):
be those things too. It's a shitty reveal, and it's
recycled over and over and over. I feel like most
commonly in a movie like this, but sometimes it's kind
of crosses genres as well. Yeah, yeah, And I don't
know how there is to talk about her character aside
from that, because she's just sort of there being a
plot device. Essentially, she's pretty much given no characterization. And

(56:09):
also what she doesn't makes no sense because again, she's
an arm stealer. I don't understand what her situation is.
She's just like, I think it's one of those situations.
It's it's not quite Walking and Jelie. But sorry, that's
a really highbrow reference to Christopher Walkins one scene in
Jeelie It's not quite Walking and Jeelie, where it truly

(56:31):
appears that the actor in question was told they would
be given an amount of money to wander on set
and just hold a cup and be like, here were
some words off the top of my head. But there
is a quality to Vanessa Redgrave's part where it's like
she's sort of just acting like herself for like, kind
of a character of herself of like a very posh,

(56:53):
like smart woman who isn't going to tell you everything,
you know, Like her character doesn't make a ton of sense.
I that said, I am glad she's there. I love her.
I love her. Her scenes with Tom Cruise are weirdly,
but I think it's because they're so non sexual. That's
why they're compelling. I'm just like, how does Tom Cruise
view this woman? Does he think of her? How does he?

(57:16):
It's very unclear. I think a more interesting movie than
this one would have been an exploration of an arm
steeler who's a woman and what that life is like,
Like is she taken seriously by her buyers and other
male arms steelers? Let's explore that, Let's unpack. Yeah, because
if she we never see her like knock anybody's heads
together anything, So clearly she did a lot of that before,

(57:39):
and that would have been really exciting to see, you know,
like nobody gets to that position without enforcing first you know, Yeah,
where's the origin story? Let's like it? Yeah, I mean,
but that's None of the characters here are well written
or really make any sense. So that's why I love it.
I mean, it's just a weird move. Be uh, it's

(58:02):
just a weird movie. Tom Cruise is a is a
weird man. I have terrific teeth. Tom Cruise is problematic
as hell, but I honestly quite enjoy him and I
like a lot of his movies. He is an actor
who leads with his teeth, which is wild. Like if
you watch Tom Cruise act, his teeth somehow our first, like,

(58:24):
you know, like some people lead with their hips, but
Tom he's just like going into every role tooth first.
Chances are Tom Cruise is running towards you were unning,
running somewhere teeth first shining. I think he just has
one gigantic tooth and then draws in the lines that

(58:49):
he's a complicated man. Look, this movie, the First Mission
Possible movie is not that great. I have never seen
any of the TV shows, so I don't really I'm
not a familiar with the source material. Kind of goofy. Yeah,
it's just I'm sure it's like can't be sixties like
super camp kind of thing. But as the movies go on,

(59:09):
they get better and better. I think Ghost Protocol might
be my favorite Um, I liked three enough to buy
it on DVD. Mission Possible To is objectively a bad movie,
but the rest are like pretty pretty decent, and I
think easier to understand. So, like, I think the first
one and the first two are just like what the
fund is happening in this movie, but I think they

(59:33):
get better as they go on. But um, yeah, so
this is a franchise I enjoy when I'm not looking
at it through the backtel cast lens. But when I
am doing that, you know, it's not hard to see
that this franchise does not treat women especially well. There
are certainly franchises that do a much worse job. There

(59:55):
are some that maybe do a better job. But action franchise,
you'd be hard pressed I find one that like it's
a feminist masterpiece, because I can't think of any off
the top of my head that are, well, there's the alien,
that's true. Yeah, I mean there are like good female
action here is, some of whom we've covered on this

(01:00:17):
very podcast, But as far as this particular formula goes
where it's like a male action lead, which is of them.
I'd be interested if any of our listeners could come
to us with a male action lead franchise that has
female characters that are treated well. Yeah, because certainly, like
as we discussed already, Bond does not do a good job,

(01:00:41):
Indiana Jones does not do a good job. Yeah. So yeah,
action franchises have a long history of not treating women well.
Speaking of does this movie pass the Bechtel tests? Not?
Women don't even make eye contact in this movie. It's
crazy and it really and like I wrote down, I

(01:01:01):
was like, this scene where they're all prepeping, this scene
where they are propeping, the scheme is like the seven
minute mark. I was like, they are going to have
women talk to each other. We're going to get it.
And then they don't. And then there's never even two
women in the same room. They would really tease you
at the top, but like, uh, they don't even look

(01:01:22):
at each other. I went back and rewatched the scene,
partially to check out Amelia's tips, but mostly to see
if women even look. They don't even look at each other.
There's no acknowledgement. It's mostly Tom Cruise being like, can
we get a capucio machine? My name is I want

(01:01:43):
to better coffee? Didn't I have? And then and then
John Voyd's like, yeah, my wife made that coffee and
then she's like I made that coffee end of scene. Yeah. Yeah,
Because if people haven't seen this movie at a while,
it's like Tom Cruise trying to do what he thinks
adults do at work when they choke around. It is
really really weird or grown up. It's really like he

(01:02:06):
like flipped through some Dilbert and was like, this is
probably it. Yeah, they talk about cappuccino a boss a
roof good enough for me. My name is Ethan. So
let us rate the movie on our nipple scale, where
we rate the movie based on its portrayal of women
zero to five nipples. I'm going to have to give

(01:02:28):
this one, I think, like a one, And maybe that's
even being too generous. Like I had such high hopes
starting out because I was like, oh, three of the
six people on this team of spies or women, like
is this gonna be dope? And then they pretty much
all instantly get murdered. So it's not the feminist text

(01:02:50):
that we were all hoping for. The women who do
survive and don't get murdered, yeah, their motivations are not
totally clear or they are attached to a man. They
aren't really given much cool to do on screen, Like
we already talked about Claire, like when they're like going

(01:03:10):
in to steal the Knocklist, she just has to like
look cute in a red dress and poison a guy
and that's like pretty much all she gets to do.
And other than that, Yeah, she's either like groped by
Tom Cruise or screamed at or she gets shot by
her husband, So still makes sense that would happen. And

(01:03:31):
then with Max, like, I don't understand why she's in
the movie, or why an armstealer would want this list,
and why it's just none none of that makes any
sense to me. So yeah, the women who are in
the movie pretty much don't make a whole lot of sense.
And overall the movie just does not treat women well.

(01:03:52):
The franchise does not treat women especially well. We are
not surprised by that. But maybe Mission Possible fall we'll
do a better job. Yeah, I wonder how the Mission
Impossible franchise is going to tackle the me Too movement
that that's really the text to her waiting for Also, um,

(01:04:13):
as we often come across, this is an extremely white movie,
you know, very hetero everything like that. Um In fact
that I had to watch the first scene when they're
introducing all the members of the team. I had to
watch that like three times because I was like, okay, wait,
which woman is Sarah and which one is Claire and
which one is Hand? Because they're all three white women

(01:04:34):
who look very similar. They all have the same hairstyle.
Who gave them all the same hairstyle? I had no
idea who was who and until two of them died
and I was like, Okay, this one's named Claire and
she's still alive, and Okay, Like I don't know, maybe
put some diversity name movies and you wouldn't have to
tell so many fucking white people apart anyway. So yeah,

(01:04:58):
let's go down to a half nipple, and the half
nipple I will give to Max because I like that actor.
I guess I'm gonna give it one. And and this
is almost an unfair yardstick to be using, but put
against comparable series, it does not abuse women to the

(01:05:18):
same extent that most franchises in this genre that are
equally successful. But such a low bar. But but I
think that that is worth noting as it pertains to
this movie because it does like it does make a
difference in the way you you view the movie. That said,
this movie just like doesn't know how to talk to girls. Uh.

(01:05:39):
The groping is absolutely unnecessary. The way that that character
is spoken for while she's in the room and then
killed in the last scene is like borderline ridiculous because
it doesn't make sense. Uh. So, not only is it
not based in reality from a gendered standpoint, it is
also very bleak. Um. Yeah, I mean, I think of

(01:06:04):
the few merits this movie has, it's nice to at
least see female characters in an action series whose skills
aren't constantly called into question. I think part of the
reason that is, though, is because they're not given that
much to do and or they are all killed at
the beginning of the movie, which again, yeah, that first
scene is just like so frustrating because it's like, uh,

(01:06:26):
we've got almost a movie here, and then we I think, Alex,
you're totally on the right track with being like, well,
there there's gendertive parody at the beginning, so you can
see a lot of women die and have emotional steaks
attached to that. So it's it's weird like this there's
just like a weird Uncanny Valley quality to the way
this movie deals with gender because I don't think it

(01:06:46):
knows how because Tom Cruise is involved. Um So I'll
give it, you know, I'll give it one nipple for
the women that are there. None of the characters make sense,
but the female characters in this movie don't makes sense
and don't have any existence outside of the male characters
that also make no sense. Uh. So I'll give one nipple,

(01:07:08):
and I'll give it to Alfred Molina because I think
that he really could have shown up in this movie
in almost any part, uh in an effective way. I
would love not to, you know, but if Amelia really
didn't want to be credited in in this movie, Freddie
would have taken the credit. He would have taken the credit.

(01:07:28):
He would have hacked the main frame. We don't get
to see thick Hackers a lot, and that would have
been an interesting move. So there you go. So Alfred
gets mine. I was much a franchise called thick Hackersick Hackers.
It's like kind of my type. Yeah, that's I mean,
you both nailed it. I yeah, I would give it,
I think one whole nipple because yeah, it doesn't go

(01:07:50):
as overboard with brutality toward women as a lot of
action movies. Like we said, incredibly low bar. But also
it does a lot of things wrong too, and especially
like this was the least I've ever liked it watching it,
because I was thinking, oh, this was maybe much more
feminist than I remembered, And then it's super isn't all
of a sudden Like it's just a sudden hard left turn. Yeah.

(01:08:11):
I think if Tom Cruise could have gone and like
just been on an island by himself and made whatever
movie he'd want to make, it would be this movie
with absolutely no women in it, Like there are only
women in the film because he knows that's like a
consideration that the rest of human civilization and the species wants,
and otherwise it would just be boys hanging out and
that I can't wait for that franchise. Yeah, we can

(01:08:34):
rename maybe of movie franchises to boys hanging out there
sometimes boys hanging out with guns. Yeah. Well, Alex, thank
you so much for being here. Was great course. Um,
where can people follow you online? Do you have anything
you'd like to plug? Yeah? My Twitter account is at

(01:08:55):
Alex Schmidty. It's my name with a Y on the end,
and then my website is Alex Schmidty dot com that
has show dates and other info and more awesome. I'm
a cracked podcast. Please listen, please um. You can follow
the becktel Cast on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook at
bechtel Cast. You can subscribe to our Patreon. It's five

(01:09:18):
dollars a month and it gets you two bonus episodes
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You can buy merchandise from our online store there, and
you can follow me at Caitlin Darante on Twitter and Instagram.
You can follow me at Jamie loft Is Help on
Twitter and Jamie Jamie christ Superstar on Instagram. Because I

(01:09:39):
don't play by the rules, that's right, your ghostro Combination
five Road Ghost, I'm a thig hacker. This episode will
self destruct in five seconds. All right, Bye bye