Bannon Surrenders, Elf On The Shelf = CIA Op? 11.16.21

In episode 1031, Jack and Miles are joined by comedian Chris Calogero to discuss Bannon surrenders, How Republicans are ACTUALLY winning…, Look I love Reese’s but WTF is this shit?, The Elf on the Shelf Ban is, Sadly, Not Real and more!

1. Bannon surrenders
2. Here’s how Republicans are ACTUALLY winning…
3. Look I love Reese’s but WTF is this shit?
4. The Elf on the Shelf Ban is, Sadly, Not Real
5. "Elf on the Shelf" May Be Making Your Kids Paranoid
6. How Elf on the Shelf Became a Surveillance State Apparatus

LISTEN: First Little Rollie by Sam Wise

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to Season to eleven, episode
two of day production of My Heart Radio. This is
a podcast where we take a deep dive into America's
share consciousness. It is Tuesday, November one, which of course
means that it's National Check your Wipers Day, as if
we need a national day for that. I've already checked

(00:22):
my wipers a couple of times today. But yeah, we all,
we all need to. Actually, it is a good thing
that you said that. I'm like one of those people
because it doesn't rain enough in l A. It does,
and I put my wiper or no, they're not wipers.
They just turned to smearrors. It just like I was thinking,
the wind fucking rain off your wind, so it's just
merely will smear the moisture. So I will check because

(00:42):
I think I have a floppy white I was driving
down from San France, l A. As the locals called
Cisco down five man and just going through uh like
fog sand storm type deal or fog dust storm. It
was brown fog and and it was getting all over

(01:04):
my windshield sand storm too. Yeah, I checked the I
checked your ship out of those wipers. That's not true anyways.
My name is Jack O'Brien A K. Shark. I just
met you and this is crazy, but here's my Tosie's
come to them. Maybe let's courtesy of absolute garbage, total

(01:26):
nonsense and utter ridict A K. Gerald, Rice and I
am thrilled to be joined as always by my co
host Mr Miles grad Right, so hard for that kid's
size car. But in the end that just Texas SAIDA
started to ball. He said he'd call, but in the end,

(01:51):
I judge pose for a picture. Okay, that's from Marquis Marcatrelius.
That's from the child Hack where we said if your
kids want something, just take a photo with it at
the toy store and say you're sending it to Santa
to cease the complaining and the crying. So shout out
Santa if you don't get it, man, yeah, and then

(02:12):
you'd be like, honestly, may have sounding like we might
have a north bowl and tightened this motherfucker up, which
say so yeah or yeah, I guess Santas just just
very busy. Yeah, could you imagine just start being such
a coward parent, you just start painting Santa's like a dude.
It doesn't give a funk about your killer. I don't know.
I guess like he he really dropped the ball on
that with you. Nothing to do with you, though I

(02:34):
think I would have remembered. Come back this ELFH on
the shelf ship. Hopefully we'll get to that. But that
that thing is is wild and ongoing. I have yet
to experience it, but we can talk elf. Elf on
the shelf culture. Elf on the shelf culture. It's you know,
social critics have pointed out that it's normalizing the idea

(02:57):
of like a CCTVs ur valance state culture to the
point that that there was a really a product that
sold well that was a ELF camera. Didn't have an
ELF on. It was just a fake surveillance camera that
you put in your kid's room. And we're like, if
the if the red lights on, it means it's capturing
everything and sending it right to Santa. So we'll talk

(03:19):
about that. But Miles, we are thrilled to be joined
in our third seat by a very funny comedian writer
you may have seen on Twitter playing original characters such
as a surprisingly progressive uncle, existential henchman, shitty X men,
and gender revial event planner. He's been featured in the
New York Times Funnier Die by his Fusion TV Paste

(03:40):
magazine and is performed at festivals and on stages across
this great land. He hosted a podcast called Morning Coffee
and which he discussed grief, loss and death with comedians,
and is the co host of the stand up late
night show not Quite Midnight. Please welcome the hilarious and
talented Chris College. We're here. We're doing it. Baby. Happy

(04:04):
wiper wiper day to you. Yes, thank you. I like
I check your wiper's days. All I could think of
was like like somebody in the fifties using that as
slang for like a parts on a woman or something
like check out the wipers on her. Check your wipers apply.
Also Miles Great Angry White Kid new metal voice, I

(04:25):
mean look like how I'll always say. Hybrid Theory was
the the album for kids whose parents divorced. Yeah, and
you didn't and you didn't know what to do, but
they they gave you. They gave you something to scream about.
They gave you an outlet. Oh yeah. Hybrid Theory will
always be my top my top twenty albums, just because

(04:46):
it captured a moment of my emotional development. So clearly.
Uh yeah, I can't let it go. Yeah, you could
like sense the baggy jeans as you were singing that.
Oh yeah, and like me like getting enough fight in
the Staple Center parking lot after high school hockey game
because so turned up off of that ship. Yeah yeah,
yeah emotionally too. Yeah it was Did you ever have

(05:06):
a lip ring? Miles? Probably only hat earrings. I only
had the diamonds, and I remember one time the reff
was like, hey man, your diamonds are too big. I
can see him through your helmet. I'm like that, you're
probably what do you think I exactly, I don't know.
I might refer you to the track by Cameron because

(05:26):
I'm gonna get you that ship that Gretzky skate on.
What do you mean? Oh you mean buy me diamonds? Okay,
that's for people who are really into Cameron cameraon. Yeah, yeah,
that's what this show is. Hockey cameraon fans. Yeah, welcome. Well,
in the end, it doesn't really matter, that's true. Alright, Chris,
We're gonna get to know you a little bit better

(05:47):
in a moment. First, we're gonna tell our listeners a
couple of things. We're talking about Bannon surrendered about that.
We're gonna talk about the packing and the cracking, which
is how Republicans are doing this. They keep winning all
these fucking elections even though they don't have the numbers.
We might get to that elf on the shelf. We
will certainly get to the Reese's pie. What do they

(06:11):
call it? Just Thanksgiving pie. I mean, they're just they
went for it. They were just like, this is the
pie now, and they may not be wrong, they may
not be wrong. It's just a big Reces cup. So
we're gonna talk about how we feel about that plenty more.
But first, Chris, we do like to ask our guests,
what is something from your search history? Oh? Okay, so
search history. So here's the thing. I took a thing

(06:33):
from my search history on TikTok Okay. I used TikTok
a lot and one thing that I'm always looking up,
but it is from my search history. It's is opening sandwiches.
So it's I searched this thing that is people on
TikTok go to sandwich places and then just kind of

(06:53):
very sexually open the sandwich, like they crack it open
so that you can see like what is in eyed
of it, like how it looks and how it's constructed.
So I'm like, I'm real deep into sandwich talk right now.
That's like where I'm at. What's a notable like example,
the the horny ist that a sandwich opening has ever
gotten you? Chris right, well, so like you know, a

(07:15):
real good not to say that accusatorially. No, no, no,
I accept where I'm at in my life and uh
in the culture right now. Uh. But there's a place
in Brooklyn called Federov's Roast Pork and they do like
this insane Philly cheesteak, and so you know, when it's open,
it's already dripping baby like it's it's it's happening, everything's happening,

(07:38):
and the commentary is just like oh yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah yeah. They're like it's like but it starts like
everything starts like with them, like the sandwich all wrapped
up right and they just like put it down and
you're like, oh, what's gonna be in there? And then
they you know, they unwrapped that like white paper off
of it, and then they just grabbed two halves and
you're like at that point, you're like, just do it,

(08:00):
pant just open I'm ready, Yeah, let's see it. And
then they just show it to you and then they're
like yeah and you're like yeah, and then you're like
I can watch it again or I can move on
to a different sandwich. Really depends on how into the
sandwich you are. Is there a backstory like with like
with are they like, oh, my teachers here and they
said that I've been very bad and I need to

(08:22):
eat this sandwich. Yeah, there's there's a lot of uh A,
step moms getting stuck in furniture right right, step mom
trying to fix oven. Right, she's like and you're she's like,
I'm stuck, can you help? And you're like, let me
open the sandwich and grease my hands up there, let
pull you out. Was there ever a sandwich that like,
I mean, what I mean is the appeal just to

(08:44):
be like damn, like look at that thing fully loaded?
Because I mean, I'm I love sandwiches. I love food,
and I get like, you know, and food influencer culture
the things you should be like the burrito spread where
like people would make the wildest bridles then you cut
it in half and then you just kind of break
it over like yeah, yeah, yeah, you have the hand
movements down by the way. Yeah, you know, I'll watch

(09:04):
a lot of the Burrito and they just don't do
it for me anymore. I'm trying to gets me excited
and I'm hoping the sandwiches are like that or oh yeah,
well the appeal is like that I have become like
I do the thing where I opened my Google Maps
and I and if there's a place I want to go,
I mark it, I save it as you know, you
can like flag places as I want to go here,

(09:26):
because I used to always be like, oh I want
to go to that place and then just never remember
where it is or like when I'm nearby. So my map,
my Google Maps is just like littered with green flags
that are all just like places to eat that I
haven't been to. So yeah, the thing is like it
tells you where the place is, like what the best sandwiches,
and you mark it down to go there, and then

(09:47):
that's it all right, So the appeal is like a
future sandwich for you. Yeah yeah, because I'm like the same.
I don't I'm not as I need to move to
your level where I start actually marking them in like
I r l maps because I just liked them on
TikTok and then I go back to my likes and
I'm like, then I'm then I'm like an idiot looking
at TikTok. Where then I just watched the one same
bit of hits and I'm like, what did I come

(10:09):
there for? And I'm like, that's right, the Poopoosa pizza.
That's what I wanted to get, And that ship is
on my list of TikTok food or not, you know
ship that I places to go. Yeah, yeah, that's some
pizza sized Popoosa. Oh my god, that sounds incredible. Do
they ever? Did they ever do it with like national chains,
like a subway tuna sandwich opening. I wish they would.
I wish I wish there was a TikTok dedicated to

(10:31):
somebody just being like, oh look at the b K
big Fish right. Hell yeah, the cheese is threading. It's
it's real solid cheese. It doesn't move. Oh they made
this three hours ago? The change how Yeah? That are
like those gross lunch places in like New York that

(10:52):
are just or every every smell of food just congeals
into one smell. That is the hot bar. The hot bar,
it just smells like hot yeaheah, No, I don't know
that's where I'm into. I love him. I love him.
You don't have to get on my level and mark
him down. But I recommend everybody mark down the places
you want to go. Well. I think there's so I

(11:14):
think it's just speaks to like the amount of information
we're bombarded with, and especially when it comes to ship,
like you like, you know, because he's out this ship
is so sophisticated. They're like, bro, I know, you want
to see some food and I'm like, oh cool. And
it's always like and this is you know how it's
always like this hidden spot in al Hambra. You have
to check it out, like like robot voice always narrating,

(11:35):
and I get so overwhelmed. I just like I'm uh so, no,
I think for me to take this to the next step,
I will take the map. Yeah. I get really mad
when they when they do those like influence three things
that are like here's a little corner that we just
found that has blah blah blah blah. Right, and then
they don't they like name the restaurant, like they like
flash it up at the end for like one second,

(11:56):
and you're like what are you doing this for? Like,
why are you doing this to me? I don't know
how to get these Southwestern ag rols that you're talking about.
Please let me know where they are, Chili Factor. Oh
you guys both named different Southwestern agrols. Yeah. I love
where we're kind of it's sort of an East Coast
West Coast degenerates or eating nonsense cheesecake factory. Though, you

(12:19):
gotta like, you gotta do it like a Bible verse, man.
You gotta put like where it where it, where it
is in that gigantic menu. You have to figure out
where it is between the local ads and ship You're like, yeah,
I'm like, that's why I just say the same thing.
I'm like, give me the avocado agg rolls and my
chicken littles. Let's go yesterday. Smart. Yeah, I I bring
my own cheesecake factory menu that's dog yeared and has

(12:42):
little like oh like like a good yeah yeah like
and like little notes about about what you had before
and yeah, licking your finger. What is something you think
is overrated? Chris, I'm gonna go that show you you
know that you know that show you But that's like

(13:04):
the one that's about Stalker right. Yeah, it's like this
Penn Badgeley is a stalker and it's on like season three,
and I just like, I can't. I can't with that
show man. I don't know why it bumps me out,
but I watched the first season and I was like, oh,
this is interesting. He's a stalker. And then I was like,
I mean, how many seasons are we supposed to spend
with this bad He's a real bad guy. And it's

(13:27):
a bump someone saying like they're like, but that that
was like the mastery of its like and then you're
kind of like, whoa am I rooting for this stalker? Yeah?
It kind of was conflicted feelings about that. It was
like in the first season and maybe it was just
like we watched like the second you know, I've tried
to watch like the second season of it, and then
he like moves to l A. Of course, you know,
he made it big in New York, so now he's

(13:48):
moving into l A. And it was the like, I
know the writing is not going to be great on
that show, right, fine, whatever, but like the jokes about
like l A culture from him were so jarringly bad. Yeah,
like him hit me with one of his observations. It
was just like stuff like like you would hear it
like an open mic, you know, like oh, like uh, guests,

(14:10):
they just love kale out like stuff like you know,
you're just like you're like, oh, that was ten years ago.
That was ten years ago a joke, and now it's
like we've moved on to different things, and they're like,
people do the people have sober like know that there's
other beers other than perhaps blue ribbon you can have
on tap dude, Yeah, that's exactly. It was like a

(14:33):
coffee seven bucks. I remember when you could just somebody
a Greek man would spit in your cup and that
was good enough. Right right, It's it's called you because
these are all jokes that you would come up with
on your very first you the viewer, with on your
very first try coming up with something if a gun
was put to your head. That you they're talking about

(14:55):
is the is the worst guy in your office? Right?
It's so funny, man, Like so many articles about their
like their perspective on l A. The Merry Suit You
season two has a Los Angeles problem, Buzzy, The l
A and You is a fantasy. Oh really, it's so funny.
Yeah it's and I just like that. People go crazy

(15:17):
for that show, and it's like it's not for me. Man,
I'm out. I'm out on it. I think it's overrated.
I don't think it's good and it's not even fun
bad to me, like where you're like, this is bad,
but I love it. Yeah, right, it's just it just
makes you mad. Well, you know, I I love a
terrible l a joke so that you might have sold me.
Yeah you might. You might want to check it out, Yeah,

(15:38):
you might enjoy it. What is something you think is
under raged? All right? Underrated? This is I'm coming in
hot with an underrated uh that thing? And and maybe
I'm wrong, maybe it's properly rated, but I'm going underrated mayonnaise. Mayonnaise.
I think it's the most most underrated thing in the refrigerator.
I was holding on but with both hands, and that's

(16:00):
because you were doing you were doing your ace vent
or asshole a meal bit. Yeah, the whole show. By
the way, for people who can't see, I've been doing
the whole show, pretended to but yeah, it's worked pretty well.
I actually got flood right when I logged. Only when
you did when you hit the daily se guys, that's
just yeah really yeah, and putting a putting a like
a really long beard on it was helpful. It's not

(16:23):
oh it's not okay, Yeah I've heard about that now. Yeah. Yeah,
but you were saying, man is man is where we're
a week? My wife would would like physically fight you
on this one. Yeah, she really, what's I feel like?
But Mayo is Mayo is like the base of all

(16:44):
of so many great great dips and sauces. And you
throw it in a pan when you're making a spaghetti
sauce sometimes and that that will give it a little
bit of life, you know what I'm talking about. What. Yeah,
that's a little hack I haven't heard of in there. Yeah,
throw some mayo, Throw some may and where when how
why throws some mayo? And when you're making a little

(17:06):
when you're making a little sauce, man picking it up,
give it some flavor? Wow? Yeah? Is this something you
discovered or this is something you read like on a
like a like a talent. I think I think it
was like we do like some Hello Fresh every now
and again, and they were like, here, put mayo in
this and in this sauce. And and and they give
you a packets to mayo and like it actually came
out really well. It came out right. Wow. Yeah. You

(17:29):
ever see like the how Disney makes their grilled cheese. Oh,
they slither with mayo and fry. Yeah, let's get that color. Yeah,
so that's in there. Baby. I don't know if you
also have used mayo for grilled cheese and it does work.
Oh yeah, that's the only way you get that color.
Because I used to do butter and I'd be like,
what the funk? It only gets at a certain point.

(17:50):
They're like, no, that's the sugar and the mayonnaise that
you need, and then you get that nice texture. And
I'm like, I didn't know that. I do like you
yelling at butter though, Oh yeah, you should see Agro
Nightmare and I'm like throwing ship getting mad at mayonnaise.
But yeah, I love. I mean, I'm a big Japanese
qup mannaise fan. That'sh it on fucking everything, And yeah,

(18:12):
I don't know. I mean, it's uh. I get in
some places where people get upset about mayonnaise, but at
the end of the day, it's just like a fat
delivery vehicle, right, it's all the things you like anyway,
eggs olive oil, all that stuff, but like, um, I
feel like it takes a bad a little bit of
a bad a bad rap. And I'm like a big
Mayo proponent. Well, I think if you're like if if
you're putting mail and everything like it's ranch, then sure,

(18:35):
I think there's a thing with like you know, mal I.
I get to a certain point like it is necessary
for a lot of things, but then you do like
I've I've reacted to seeing things where it's like just
extreme amounts of mayonnaise being used for something that I
didn't realize mayonnaise was in. And I'm like, yeah, that's fair,
that's fair, but and it does. I am Italians, please
call in with your thoughts on mayonnaise for your Sunday sauce. Well,

(18:59):
not the Sunday sauce. This is not for the Sunday
and not not in the gravy, okay. But but if
you're going a little outside the box, yeah, I don't know.
I really I feel like I need to just stand
up for for the Mayo people. But I do agree
with you some people do that gross thing where it's
like it's too much and it makes the noise and

(19:20):
it doesn't it doesn't make an appealing noise in a
big bowl. Really, really, do you funk with Mayo? Chup?
Is that what we're calling it instead of yeah, catching
a hey, catching a Yeah, fancy sauce. That's just fancy sauce, right,

(19:40):
that's the that's the Burger King special sauce. Yeah. Yeah,
I love mayown catchup Mayo and Frank's hot sauce. That's
good stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's a good dip. Oh. I
just gotta say I was reading into this the you
the Netflix, you l a stuff. Yeah, I just love Okay,
So just to give you an idea of one of

(20:03):
the things that like sort of piste them off, he says,
it's love because that's one of the characters, right, Yeah,
she's the one that he like, I think he falls
in love with or something to Los Angeles and who
serves up that j goldline. She introduces him to the
city via the search for his quote perfect bite, taking
him on a tour of food trucks and strip malls. Okay, food,

(20:25):
got it. Then it's like stuff about like everyone's drinking
green juices. Yes, this is what I'm saying yeah, okay, yeah,
I mean, we would never do that. I have an
empty green juice right next. We never do that because
we keep our Yeah, yeah exactly. I think it's fine
like that people do actually do it. But I think
at this point we need to have grown up and

(20:47):
been like, that's just what happens, and it's no longer
like oh oh you guys like of course, right yeah,
you know, if it's and if it's really behind, they're
gonna be like, hey man, you want to go to
a poke bar? Like I like that guy. I like
that character. Hey man, you want to go to a

(21:08):
pokey bar? Oh man, this poke that's a little bit
of all right, man, I'm from West Hollywood. The we
have the highest minimum wage in the nation. They do Hollywood. Alright,
let's take a quick break and we'll come back and
talk about what's happened in the news. And we're back.

(21:38):
It's abandoned, has surrendered. I hadn't really like read through
all the details of what they what they got on him,
but it's pretty it's not it's not good for him.
I mean, it's enough that they're like, hey, you need
to talk to us, asked because you know, the things
that they were looking at our talks he had with

(22:00):
Donald Trump, like at the end of decemb and he
was just apparently telling he was like, you gotta focus
on January six. You gotta put your eggs in a
basket on Janey. January six, Jane, this is the moment.
But that that that the And then he was also
at a meeting there's like with a lot of people
who have also been served as subpoenas at the Willard Hotel,
which is on January five, where plans were pretty i

(22:21):
guess robustly discussed about like how we can try to
overturn the election results, and so they're like saying, yeah,
this is also an interesting thing that we may want
to speak to it. And also on his like podcast
radio show on January five, he said, quote all hell
is gonna break loose tomorrow. So they used that as
evidence that quote he had some foreign knowledge about extreme

(22:43):
events that would occur the next day. That seems fair, dude.
It's like at this they were it's getting it's every
it's all so explicit, like we've had enough info where
people are literally like, on January six, we would like
to run an insurrection and they're like, we gotta talk

(23:03):
to this guy. I think, yeah, I don't mean insurrection
like that. And then the d A is like, oh, okay,
he didn't mean insurrection like that. Was Trump at the
Willard Hotel meeting on January five, reps. I think everyone
else was there, Yeah, everybody, but you imagine they're like

(23:23):
leaving the White House to go to this hotel. Yeah,
very hard to travel clandestine when you're the FFing president.
But you know, so Bannon he ignored his congressional subpoena
because again, as he said, and many othership said, like, well,
Trump told me to exercise executive privilege over that, so
I'm not gonna go. But like he and many others

(23:44):
are quickly discovering, Donald Trump is not the president, no
matter what percentage of Americans believe that. And then also
Bannon has not been in the in the executive for years,
so it's like this isn't even like what Yeah, it's
like applies or you can't just say things like you
can't just say the things that you think will work,

(24:05):
even though like I guess you kind of can, because
a lot of those guys still haven't even like being arrested,
like Bannon, you know, right, but yeah there and and
again being like no, no, I can do this actually,
and then the fact that we don't see much movement.
Like again everyone was like, is Merrick Garland gonna actually
get this thing going? And look big? He was indicted
on Friday and then Bannon terms him turns himself in

(24:28):
on Monday. But yeah, I mean, I think that's the
thing about being a white criminal in this country too.
It's like playing like tag where like you know, when
you're a kid, and like one thing is like like
safe you know, oh no, I'm over here, so I'm safe.
But it's like these people, though, those are gonna be like,
oh no, my shoes are safe. Actually you can't. Like
but they're like we didn't even agree on this, like yeah,
but I just said it, So what are you gonna
do about it? Like yeah, that, and they're like, yeah,

(24:50):
he said it. I mean you gotta think about it
because he did say it. He did say that, So
I guess the subpoena is meaningless. All that to say
is he's gonna I mean, I as we record this,
he's probably seeing a judge. He will make his plea,
which will probably be not guilty, so then he can
prolong this and then go to a jury trial and
then there'll be a whole other ship show from there.

(25:10):
Mark Meadows, the chief of staff, who is you know,
the chief of staff on the sixth, has also ignored
Spina as well. So we'll see what goes on there.
But me in the meantime, like the Republicans are like,
they're already vowing to exact revenge for this. Yeah, what
so they're they're promising to haul in Biden aids, Oh yeah,

(25:33):
if we do that, Oh, afghanis or whatever, I mean,
Jordan is a fucking loser. Yeah, And he all he
does is, you know, he said, he's like I can't
wait to be back at the chair of the Judiciary Committee.
And he's acting like he's gonna all all these people,
and it's like, motherfucker. Y'all have been the Republicans have

(25:55):
had control of the Congress for many years, and we've
seen what happens. The best, y'all, door is like some
just nonsensical Benghazi thing. Nothing that's like actually amounts to
real anything aside from just grandstanding or creating like a
you know, an avenue for some increased propaganda yeah, or

(26:15):
they like start a whole thing that immediately gets cleared
right like there's no, there's nothing there. They're like, you know,
we're like, oh, we're gonna haul you in for this,
and then everybody's like, yeah, that's actually not anything. So
they're like, you can't even issue a subpoena for it.
Oh we did so, and then they're like okay, and
my lawyer said, this is literally nonsense, like yeah, Clinton,

(26:36):
You're like, huh, I'm just a podcaster, but thank you. So. Yeah,
that that's where they vowed. I mean again, that's their
weird idle threat. I mean, more than anything, it is.
I think the biggest start is yeah, it's realistic that
they'd take control of Congress again, and then they're completely
you know, shut down everything that that's more realistic than

(27:00):
you better you better not better not or I'll call
your aids in and they'll have to talk about their
job out loud. But it does the overall work of
making the insurrection. The fact that they were trying to
hang the vice president before he could trying to hang
with the vice president, Oh my bad. Yeah, that was

(27:20):
a big that was a big misnomer. They were trying
to hang out with Mike Pens so that that was
an argument. But then they realized that nobody wants to
hang out with Mike Pens. That's impossible for a human
being don't want to hang out with Mike Pence, so
that they threw that legal angle out. I can't imagine
the amount like of balls, and like, what how knowing

(27:45):
you're that untouchable to just ignore a subpoena. I would
ship my pants if somebody, if anybody subpoened me for anything,
There's no way I would ever ignore it. But like
the amount that they know that nothing will happen to
them to just nor a subpoena is wild, right yeah,
I again, that's but and that's the place we find

(28:08):
ourselves in. And just like with Trump entering the presidency,
all the norms that were just being being like, yeah,
maybe you normally do that, but I don't give a fuck, right,
And now we're just seeing it's continued to like we're
just seeing how much of the like don't don't normalize this,
we can't let this be normals, Like this is well, hey,
guess what, just by virtue of him being there, this

(28:30):
is where we're at now, right, I feel like it's
not all Trump though. It's also like the Brooks Brothers riot,
like that where they took hold of the vote counting
in Miami Dade County and like went in and started
like wreaking havoc and they got the vote count suspended

(28:50):
and it turned out it was like a bunch of
Republican operatives. Like that's something that was just normalized and
we were just like, yeah, that happened. But I think
in different was the media wasn't reporting on that for
what it was. You know, like you'd have to really
be interested in the Brooks like like at the time,
you wouldn't have known who the funk was down there
getting involved with it, because I don't think the attention

(29:12):
was on it. But yeah, that that not to say
that Donald Trump completely shifted everything, but I think it's
just done in such a brazen way. People like this
guy is just fucking We used to pretend they used
to pretend, like it almost seems like there, you know,
the more we do this show and pay attention to politics,

(29:33):
the more it seems like there's a tacit agreement by
both the Democratic Party and the mainstream media that like
we need the Republicans around, like they need the Republicans
around to remain powerful, and so they like let ship
like this. I don't know, like there's so many legal

(29:54):
technicalities and political technicalities, but it's just like I don't know,
it feels like there's a out of like there's nothing
that's out of our hands at this point. Ship that's
going on that I feel like they recognize that they're
in a better position, like the centrist and like big
D Democrats are in a better position if they're just
in a buying area against like this far right, Like yeah,

(30:18):
maybe cannot party inspire them to do better as a party.
I think that helps. But in terms of like rab power,
like they're losing that, oh yeah completely, And I think
that's where it's like, well then what are you all about?
Because you know you're getting this smash put on you
right now as we speak. But it's like, yeah, it
is a bummer to see them always be like to

(30:39):
imagine that any like the other side is gonna play
by They still think that they're going to play by
the rules, you know, oh kind enough that if we
could convince them, I'm like, you know, you can't. You
haven't Maybe it's like we both get money from the
same companies to keep things going no matter what, and

(31:00):
then at the end of the day, we will never
see the fallout of our failed policies because we're too insulated.
Maybe that I think that might work. Yeah, that sounds
like a plan. Well, speaking of a plan, Republicans are
going to retake the House and the Senate, and one
of the main reasons they're going to be able to
do that without any sort of demographic growth or appealing

(31:24):
conversion of the base is through jerrymandering, which is something
that we've been talking about since, you know, for decades
and is only getting worse. Yeah, you know, the plan
has always been you know, you saw Arnold Schwartz and
Agra remember a few years you like, we've got to
stop the jerryman's ring like it's they want to they

(31:45):
just want to cob up the state. And it's true,
Republicans all over our doing it. Democrats are doing it too,
because that's really the only way you can try and
carve out like seats that seem like safe, basically trying
to create as many non competitive seats as possible so
there's no need to appeal to up the broader electorate.
You can now completely change the environment for a politician

(32:07):
where it's now you're beholden to the base, because guess what,
there's not going to be a group of disaffected voters
in your district who can somehow mobilize and then find
the majorities two out to you. So this has been
happening even more aggressively since the census data was released,
and now they're just carving the funk out of it.
And like you're saying at the top of the show,
they do it like the two main ways to do

(32:28):
it is to crack a district or pack a district.
When you pack a district, that's when you're just finding
a demographic group and then you're saying, okay, well here's
a group that we can maybe just try and to
loot their power. So what you can do is try
and carve up districts that will sort of not give
them as much centralized power in any given place. Just
pack them into these certain areas. Sure maybe like in

(32:51):
one sense it can be fine let them have that district,
or another will be like, well if we carve this
one neighborhood up and like so that's like five districts
end up having a piece of it. Guess what now
they can't do ship or cracking. It is the same
thing where you just kind of want to just really
just like dilute the actual vote. So cracking is the

(33:13):
thing you were just describing where they dilute, where they
break up like a Let's say you have a neighborhood
that is like a million democratic like strongly democratic people.
You break them up into like six different things, and
then it's like yeah, but then packing is when if
they decided, okay, well we'll put that one million person

(33:35):
neighborhood as just a single district, and then we break
up everything around it. And so you get like, you know,
if you're if you're looking to like split up five
districts worth of a population, you put all of the
Democrats in one of them, and then you give yourself

(33:56):
four districts basically is and now it's like, well, I
guess what if only Republicans live here now? Because of
these weird like I mean, when you just look at
some of these districts, you're like, god, oh, yeah, liked
Jim Jordan's have you like? His district is like nuts, Yeah,
it looks like a vascular system. Yeah. Yeah, it's just
like it's just like spread out through Ohio. It's part

(34:19):
of Ohio. That is just like it's like like putting
the game on easy mode or something, and like it
doesn't make any sense, like how is this all his?
But like they just like have cracked it up and
broken it up into so many different pieces and then
you look at it. You know, this is the most
chilling fact. Right. This is from the New York Times
article about like sort of the redistricting efforts. Quote on

(34:41):
a highly distorted congressional map that is still taking shape,
the party that the Republicans has added enough safe house
district to capture control of the chamber based on its
redistricting edge alone. So you'd be like, well, guess what,
I just changed these and now those are solidly Republican.
Sorry for Oakes, You're gonna have to try a lot

(35:01):
harder to maintain your majority in the House. So it's
an uphill battle, and I think that's why there's many articles,
especially this week coming out where people like the Democrats
like know what right that's going on? That kind of
goes back to my earlier point, like they know that
this is happening. They know, like, like like we said, we've
been talking about this for decades. They know that this

(35:23):
is how the game is played, but they don't. I
just feel like that there is a bunch of strategists
who are talking to democrats and being like, you guys
are actually in a better position when you're like fighting
out of power, when you're like the other party so well,
because there, I mean, there's a few levels to right.

(35:44):
A strategist might come as on as a consultant and say, like,
you guys are like completely missing with with the messaging
and the legislation you're going after, like someone who's like
thinking that like they want to win elections, or the
more sort of zoomed out cynical view is, Dude, if
we get too much momentum, we're actually gonna have to
like change things, like well actually have to deliver on progress.
So if we can just fuck up and do the

(36:06):
same thing like, oh no, they got it for a
couple of years ago, guys, we gotta get this thing
back from them. Huh, take this thing back and not
do anything about it, and you and we're and then
you kind of get stuck in this place where just
like where there's like the you know, revolving villain trope
of how there's always gonna be some obstacle to change

(36:27):
within politics or right now, Kirsten Cinema and Joe Mansion
have like very swiftly taken that up. We're now I'm
gonna be like, it's these two people that's why people's
wages are stagnating, and it allows for a very convenient
explanation for a lack of progress. And I'm sure with
this there is a level to where, whether it's the
most cynical consultantly like, dude, you blow this election, you

(36:51):
do some fucking wild fundraising off the back of this,
because people are going to be in such pain under
Republican leadership that will be like fucking twenty fucking all
over again. Bro. Yeah, yeah, I do. Like it is
like annoying too when when they're like getting their asses
kicked on this stuff like the jerrymandering, and then they
just go back and they're like, all right, well we

(37:12):
have a bill that is maybe gonna get through and
Joe Mansions come on, but and you're like that, Meanwhile,
the Republicans are out there just like redrawing maps and
like they're like taking over places like risk and just
like we're like, all right, but we have we have
this plan that we're trying. And it's like also always

(37:34):
on the federal level and never like the Republicans are
always playing on the state levels and the local levels,
just like right where no one's paying attention. Yeah, we're
just like tinkering and like taking over every seat down there.
And we're sitting here with like one bill that we're
blaming on Joe Mansion that you think that also would
take an extraordinary amount of work to implement if it
even passed. So it's like nothing basically. Yeah, And I

(37:56):
think people also need to really begin to get on
board or the idea that the ideology of the party
isn't is one that is like antithetical to progress. It's
it gets to a point, but at a certain level,
the remedies are existential threats to these people's power. So
I can't it's very hard to imagine that they would

(38:17):
and and and when you look at how much these
people act out of self interest, would be like, yes,
I embrace these reforms and these laws which almost completely
upend the balance of power in this country because I
think the more people it starts to being like, what's
wrong with them? They're losing around and be like this
whole thing is a mess because we're not actually looking

(38:38):
at what a politician needs to be. We're not actually
take we're not actually having serious conversations about what it
means to protect people or provide for them. Too much
of like the blue or red because either way people
are still ending up with terrible outcomes. Yeah, Republicans definitely,
like with the gerrymandering, are like the big brother who
just starts changing the rules of the game as you're

(39:00):
as you're like playing and like your your little brother,
it's like somehow winning. Actually we don't roll dice anymore. Yeah,
that's not what we do. And that your parents aren't home,
so like right right, Yeah, that's a losing That's that's
the snake that I feel like. It's more like the
little brother is doing it and the big brothers just

(39:23):
letting him because the Democrats have the fucking numbers. The
Democrats have like a majority of Americans, but they're letting
the little brothers change the game, like you know, just
and perpetuating the game because they want to keep playing
or something. If they're the same brother. It's one brother,

(39:44):
it's Tyler Dirton. Dude, what if? And they're both acting
and out in the interests of the same thing, but
they're just presenting it to us in different ways. I
don't know that your radical thought, because no, I don't
see either of them actually providing in a meaningful I mean, like, yes,
there are some interesting spending programs, but when you talk

(40:05):
about what the what is the actual need of like
people in the United States and what they're clamoring for
and what is being offered, it's like, right, they're playing
different games. Wait, so is the mom the doctor I
can't operate on. This is my son. Yeah, that's the

(40:26):
that's the operation, and that's your stratiastically Jack, The US
is standing on a fucking block of ice. That's what's happening. Yes,
all right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back,

(40:49):
and we're back. Apparently, the new Marvel movie The Eternals
has a plot element where the reason the Earth is
heating up is not because of hustle fuels, but because
there's like some like baby giant that's hatching inside the planet. Finally,
my theory gets some air in the mainstream media. Isn't

(41:11):
that amazing though that they would like, I don't know
that that movie seems like a Justice justin what's that about?
Producer Justice thought? What happened in that? So basically there's
a giant titan, that titan. Yes, these cosmic gods. The
only way that they can be born is if they

(41:33):
called the life force. Yeah yeah, they yes, they basically
the mission is to abort giant baby and boilers. They
successfully do so. But that was my pitch to Marvel
years ago, a big abortion, and they said get out

(41:55):
of here. Now they've taken it and used it with
command on Gioannni no less unbelieved we could happened. But
justin is it true? Like don't they suggest that like
that's causing the planet to heat up? Yeah? Yeah, it's
basically they it's an earth destroying thing. They needed to
in order for this thing to be born and needs

(42:16):
to heat up and destroy the Earth as it awakens
itself into into the universe. I guess. Yeah, So if
you believe the fossil fuel ship, you're you need to
you know, do some research. I would love to hear,
like to in the in our world like that half

(42:37):
that is proven to be true. There's a little baby
titan in the earth, right, and it's it's that's what's
causing global warming. And just to hear like Mitch McConnell
try and like downplay the baby Titan would be like
such a beautiful thing. I mean, there's a bulge of
malarky from the main street, like they don't believe it,

(42:57):
but there's a that's why we're team me with our
Sentinel Army from Genosha to address this. Okay, all right,
but we do have to get to the most important yes,
which is yeah, Kim Newton's back. Shout out to Kim Newton.
Loved to see it beat the ship out of the Cardinals,
although I think they were injury depleted, but Reese's apparently,

(43:22):
I say, recy Is pecs. Yeah you said I never
sucked you because I respect that from childhood. Been hearing that,
I'm like, yeah, yeahs Rec's pecs. Anyways, people were like
anybody else gets so annoyed when he says it. I
didn't even realize I was saying that ship my bad

(43:44):
right and yeah, now, but anyways, Rec's has announced a
new product besides their pecs, which is a pie sized
Reese's Cup. Yeah, they call it Thanksgiving pie. This ship
is a nine inch, three and a half pound fucking

(44:07):
circle chocolate and peanut. Oh my god, it's got to
be thick as hell. I can't You're gonna break your
whole fucking mouth trying to even bite that ship. But
I'm I'm having a lot of trouble with this because
I fucking love It's like my fucking favorite And like
when I first saw this image, I said, oh, ship,

(44:27):
they just made a pie version that looks like a
peanut butter cup. And then I'm like, no, it's just
a fucking nine inch gigant or version of it. And
I'm having a lot of trouble trying to be like,
are they like my teeth hurt looking at it? Like
I can like cavities are developing for me just looking
at the picture. But there's something about it. I don't

(44:47):
know why. It's like I'm I'm drawn in like a
moth to the flame. But the sirens song of it
is I can feel. I can feel how I will
feel sitting on a cow after having some of that,
like just that like sugar rush, like crash and full
and gross, and the taste of like it in your mouth,

(45:09):
the aftertaste, the sugary like fake chemically after Oh my god,
but I want it real bad that first bite though,
You're gonna feel like you're traveling at light speed, like yeah, yeah,
it's gonna start blurring on the periphery right like like
like like I picture like when Bart has the slurpee
concentrate on The Simpsons and you just like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(45:35):
that seems like where we're headed. So it should be
noted like people shouldn't get there hopes up too much
because this is a limited a dish offering that I'm
sure is only going to be out to like a
a very few number of like influencers or something. They
got three thousand of them on deck. Now I'm not

(45:55):
going to sell these for them because give me one.
So I'll leave it there. You could look it up
for yourself. I feel like you guys could get one,
man if you if you like, I feel like you
guys should defink get one. Yeah. I just learned how
to pronounce re seasons. Yeah they're like, yeah, we we
were considering you all. But Jack doesn't even know a brand.

(46:16):
He called it feces but rageous. The other. But yeah,
like I'm I'm god, I just don't know what to
do with myself looking at it, Like it's it's like
I feel like in that old Chappelle show sketch where
he saw that gigantic crack rock. Yeah, like I mean,
it's everything I love, but in such a large form.
I don't know if this is safe for anyone. That's

(46:38):
how I feel. But I just will say I've been
because like right now is kind of the year for
like really interesting Thanksgiving recipes and like must have items
of shout out to people on Twitter who have sent
me there like scalped potato or hash brown castle recipes,
like I asked, thank you so much. But I just like,
if we're talking about junk food sort of inspired Thanksgiving dishes,

(47:00):
I just saw this recipe on Vice for sour cream
and onion mashed potatoes, and that to me, so I'm like, Okay,
this feels a little bit more safe, you know what
I mean, Like I can, I can, I can have,
I can reconcile all of these things being together, it
feels right. Plus it's one of my favorite chip flavors.
But like everything, put your touch in there. Once you

(47:23):
see Reese's Peanut butter pie on a size in in
in poundage of it. Everything below that will seem reasonable,
that's true. Yeah, it's just blown apart because like that
is the most one of the most indulgent things I
can imagine. I mean, like slicing it into into pie pieces.
Eating a Reese's cup with a fucking work seems so awesome.

(47:50):
I guess you could imagine you were like in Honey,
I shrunk the kids right, and you have like a
real good time. Maybe. Oh, I would definitely just take
that down myself, like I'm not cutting it up in
a closet somewhere, just like if frozen. I feel like
you could break someone's skull with that. So here's the thing.
They have dramatized this with a you know, somebody cutting

(48:12):
a piece of it out like it's a you know,
thanks like it's a Thanksgiving pie, and it is holding
together in a way that suggests me that they use
a fucking diamond cutter to to cut that thing, because
it's just like such a perfect Like I feel like
that ship would get real messy. It would be hard
to cut, but which is why I would just eat

(48:34):
it all myself. I do like the confidence of coming
in and just calling something Thanksgiving pie. Yeah, it is
famous for pies being like, nah, family, we got you,
this is the pie. Yeah, where's the pizza place that's

(48:54):
doing Thanksgiving pie? But the Thanksgiving pizza that sounds fucking gross, man,
I mean it sounds gross. But I feel like I
would eat that ship if there was like like a stuffing,
like a stuffing based crust, and then he's just drill. Look.
I'm like I said, I'm disturbed when it comes to
fantasizing about food. But I'm the same way though anything

(49:16):
like that, Like I'm I'll try yeah, like I would
try that. I do. I feel like the reason it
sounds bad to me the Thanksgiving pizzas because cheese features
so rarely and Thanksgiving food right like other things you're
scalped potatoes, your hash brown cast role. That's what I'm saying.

(49:36):
It might be. It might be a slightly cheese free affair,
but I just feel like I could eat I could
eat like a slice of something that had everything on
a Thanksgiving plate on it, like if done right, why
not just put it all on top of the slice
of Thanksgiving pie from all done at once? Do you
put anything on that thanks like that Reese's Thanksgiving pie?

(49:57):
Are you thinking like people are supposed to put like
whip cream on top of it or something like is
there anything else you're supposed to be putting on there?
Because it's right and I'd imagine one slice is like
three thousand percent of your daily sugar and so miles
funny you should mention that because on the hype Beasts
article about this, they show the box, the limited a

(50:19):
dishbox Reese's nine inch cup pie and it lists the
calorie count as one hundred and sixty per serving, which means, like, again,
you would need a laser cutter to fucking get something
that is that small. I feel like just smelling it
is two like oh seven million serving, you do need

(50:43):
to be good at geometry and have They're like, if
you open the box and you're not wearing a respirator,
you'll go into diabetic shop. Yeah, this is sugar cloud
is coming off that thing. It's worse than fentyl in
a copaganda video. I would they like had a video
of it, like being cut with lasers. I feel like

(51:03):
that's the only way you could cut honestly, Like when
you think about it, right, like, because I remember as
a kid, like my mom or my dad, like, man,
you can't eat a hole like you're fucking you ate
way too much? Can yeah cut it? And then you
try and cut that ship and just like fell apart,
and oh yeah, I don't know how you could, Like
you would have to be like a hydraulic stone cutter,

(51:25):
or like you're saying, like a laser cut a laser
cut it. Yeah, I saw that on Reddit though someone
cut a pizza with a laser recently. You know what
would be good for this one to like kind of
help with structural integrity. You put it on top of
a Graham cracker crust and put it in the oven
for a little bit, and then you have a little
bit more structural integrity, but it's a little so you

(51:45):
can get cut through the chocolate. Though. Yeah, I also
just love a Graham Cracker crust. You're adding the grampracker
crust underneath him adding this guy's add stuff over here. Well,
because like if you think about like the everything is
too melty this point right, like the bottom's meltie, the
sides are melty like that she is gonna I don't
know it looks. If someone ends up buying it, how

(52:08):
the funk are you gonna eat it? I don't think
it's something you. I think like it's a shame secret.
It's like the portrait of Dorian Gray. You keep it
in your addict and you nibble away at it, and
you know, prolong your life through this little bit. How
much does it cost? I think it's like forty bucks
or something, right, I bet you can get like two
for one at CBS. I bet this will be sold

(52:30):
for ten x the Yeah, and hey, Reese's I'm willing
to be convinced if you want to send me one
of these to my house for Thanksgiving, I would tryanksgiving pie.
I will start pronouncing your name correctly, Reese's p. Well,

(52:51):
it's the same as pieces, and that's that's pieces, not
now you're gonna tell me the pieces Reese's pieces. I mean,
that's how I said I wanted lived in Kentucky. But
I'd love to show up to a family, the family
Thanksgiving and just just drop that on the table, right. Yeah,
we need to bring green beans, graze. Yeah, put your

(53:15):
green beans on here. Let's chop it up. Yeah, be
like that King Vader video where he does the bottle
flip and then walks out. Everybody just like falls over backwards. Right,
Oh my god. Yeah, that thanks like a corner COPI
is blowing on all right, let's talk about alfh on
a shelf. So it's back in the news in the

(53:35):
context of like should these things be banned? But it
was like a joking thing. A judge in cop County,
Georgia jokingly banned alf on a shelf in a mock
court order on Twitter, which is apparently a thing judges
can do. Pretty So, just in case you're wondering why
the judges focusing on Twitter jokes, it's because there's nothing

(53:57):
else important going on in cop County so much as
uh like recently when parents were literally suing the school
district for its refusal to implement a mask mandate and
a bus driver died of COVID after they didn't do
that they weren't allowed to do that. Well, I think
the judge did issue a mock court order on that. Yeah,

(54:20):
let's be fair, I think about it. So yeah, but
his whole thing was like, we're gonna ban elf on
a shelf this year because as a gift to tired parents,
so it's just like some real straight down the middle
j Leno type ship. Wait, so I'm sorry. Look, I

(54:41):
whenever this ship has come up, I'm so confused about
elf on the shelf culture. I remember many years ago
I posted on Instagram. I said, here, I'm willing to
do a cultural exchange with a white person. I'll tell
you about Japanese holidays and quanza. If you can explain
elf on a shelf to me, please? And how is
this a gift to hired? Isn't the point being, like,
you know, the elf will fucking make sure you're acting right,

(55:05):
Like yeah right? I thought the elf a tired parents.
So this is this is the tired parents of the
lowest possible standard of un parenting variety. They have to
get up in the middle of the night or like
just after their kids are and move the elf. And

(55:25):
if they forget to move the elf, like, that's the
thing I always here is people being like, damn, my
kid caught me moving the elf for like realized I
didn't move it, and I had to say, the elf
on the shelf got drunk and not me. If I
got drunk, I'd be moving that elf on the shelf, man, right, Yeah,
that I'd been putting, coming up with wild ship to
do and just put put in the shower, you know, yeah,

(55:47):
having to drop out of a closet like a dead
body and people out, Yeah, dropping from the ceiling. Oh yeah. Also, like,
wouldn't the gift to tired parents be making school easy
year for the kids? Like that? The guy keeps refusing
to like, man, I'm asked, man, it probably would help
tired parents. Yeah, but I mean that he he had

(56:10):
that joke locked and loaded about tired parents or something,
so he probably had that like in twin he wanted
to use it last year's like fun man, don't yet tragedy.
It's one of the real tragedies of the COVID nine
team pandemic because he wasn't able to use that last year.
This guy this judges Twitter drafts that are fucking rotting. Yeah, yeah,

(56:33):
they're all fake court mandates, right. So it does seem
to be like a part of like American Christmas culture
that has been just like officially adopted like it was.
It's people last year we're like posting pictures of their
elf on the shelf in a glass jar quarantining, which
is terrifying when it looks like it's one of those

(56:55):
like you know, fetus is from a fucking like islanded
doctor man type. Yeah, like in a in a glass jar.
Pretty dark. Yeah, I mean that is just google alph
on the Shelf quarantine and try to convince yourself that
a child to well miles where if he's quarantining for

(57:16):
fourteen days, where the fox are you going to go
to the bathroom? I'm sorry, Wow, somebody's not thinking through
And what the fund does this elf eat then lysol
and Clorox wipes that are in there with him? He
eats Christmas spirit. He consumes Christmas spirit through through the
glass with a piss. But they don't need to eat
or drink. But yeah, a child will clearly one day

(57:38):
be cheerfully describing all this to their therapists. But there's
like more subtle ship. Oh one parent got tired of,
you know, doing the alph on the Shelf thing and
told their child that the elf had died from COVID.
Oh smart, Yeah, that's that's helpful. But alphon the Shelf's
popularity is apparently only increasing. Last year that Flicks acquired

(58:00):
the rights to Elf on the Shelf in a massive
seven figure deal, and pediatric experts are like already pretty
concerned that the toy could like, I don't know, having
a magical spy living in your house will make kids paranoid, right,

(58:20):
Using a small toy to control their behavior will likely
be ineffective and potentially harmful down the road, since it's
basically this is just indoctrination for a surveillance state, like
living in a state where but I mean, like caption
TVs are everywhere. I mean, look, let's all give it
up for the original Elf on a shelf. God, who

(58:41):
I forgot. I was taught in school be like this
motherfucker knows everything, y'all. Yea, even if you see some ship.
I remember as a kid, I would apologize to God
for saying, oh my God. And I wasn't even Christian
like about the school I went. I was in an
environment where it's like, oh, you said, the Lord's in vain,
and then I was off that I'm like, come and
get me, so I did. Uh. Somebody was just asking

(59:04):
on Twitter about like first, I think reconciliation was the
like part where you do, like confession what you do
at age seven or I did at age seven. I
don't know if that's still the case. I was kind
of advanced in my Catholicism as a kid. I was, yeah,
I was confessing to ship when I was four. I
was crying my fucking eyes out. All the other kids

(59:26):
were just like going and being like I pushed my
sister on the stairs. Sorry, and I like had been
like cursing at God in my brain. Yeah, and I
like was I was so distraught and I was like sobbing.
My parents like went up and talk to the priest afterwards,
They're like, is everything all right? I was like, he's

(59:47):
gonna tell them fuck, which it was traumatized. But it
was like at a time when I was just learning
to swear, and I was like, what is the worst
thing I could do? Oh damn? And then I couldn't
stop my mind. I didn't have the impulse control. Oh dude.

(01:00:08):
It was swearing was like when I was a kid,
when you're that young or whatever, like it feels like chaos.
It feels like inviting chaos into the world. And yeah, yeah,
you're just swearing. You're just like You're like, this feels good,
but I'm supposed to feel bad, I think, and I think, yeah,
especially like I confess the same ship. I was like,
I was like, I'm swearing with my friends too much,

(01:00:30):
and this is like a pretty st Yeah, it's fine,
who cares man? And I guess all I'd say is
I'm like, damn, like at every level you have these
small things to be like someone's watching yours, right, yeah,
But at the same time it's it's just this one's
so like perfectly consumerist. And also to have it like
be a specific like spy in your house that is

(01:00:52):
always watching you and reporting back to like the higher
authority of Santa. And now they're so The Elf on
the Shelf website now has a teacher resource center with
free kindergarten to grade five lessons plans and lesson plans
and classroom resources. She used elfh on a Shelf because
it's just like assumed that everyone's family has fucking elf

(01:01:14):
on a shelf, and so it assumes every family celebrates
Christmas as well. Yes, yeah, very much indivisible and if
you don't want to be divided, gets suck out. I
like to think like some kids get like real hardened
to the elf on the shelf and just like stop
giving a ship. You know, this is everywhere. What does
it even matter anymore. Man, I don't care. Should making

(01:01:36):
my backpack? Look at my backpack? See what I got? Yeah,
fucking lull pet. I found that ship hand. I'm sucking
up in front of the elf. Tell me this guy
is a full of ship. Yeah, and I'm taking a
dollar from my mom's bucket book. You do what you
want to do watching this, watch this se not noting
we I hope we don't have any children listeners. But

(01:01:58):
if we do, I mean, if we do, like that,
that elf should not have a head tomorrow morning. Get
get it now, Like, oh look it's the elf proletariat
has arrived. But yeah, there So there was like a
deep dive story like and I think Columbia Journalism Review

(01:02:19):
talking about how this like contributes to the shaping of
children as governable subjects and to accept, not question increasingly
intrusive modes of surveillance, and that when that came out,
it was like featured on Drudge in the Washington Post,
is like, look at these crackpots. But then a couple
of years later, a product was released called the Elf

(01:02:39):
Surveillance Camera, which is a fake CCTV camera to make
children think that an elf is watching them. At all times,
complete with a red flashing light that makes it all
the more real and sure to keep the children in line.
Those are quotes from their fucking the website. So is
that does the box sell it as like a direct

(01:03:00):
into Santa or like, is it still the elf who
has to taking the raw data and pars it to
give the files to Santa Claus. Yeah, I mean I
think I think they're probably like selling it as a
raw feed to the elf then, because it's called the
elf cam off to Santa Cam, right, right, so they
still have to do all the CIA work created dossier

(01:03:20):
on you and everything, right, Yeah, Yeah, I mean I
just love it again, you know, like but in a way,
I'm like sorry Elf because organized religion has been doing
this for a minute. But also I love that they're
introducing kids to the concept of the Panopticon, right, like
in just philosophically get into that kids. If you're into
Jeremy Bentham or if you're a lost fan. That's how

(01:03:42):
I found ou about Jeremy because that was one of
blocks nicknames, and I was like, yo, Jeremy Bentham, guys
talking some ship right now, the Panopticon. But all that
to say is like this fucking surveillance camera. It reminds
me of like the kind of ship right, because I remember,
like in the like nineties and ship my grandparents used
to have a chili and barbecue restaurant like off Crenshaw

(01:04:04):
are actually slost in an overhill by the home depot
shout out to Warren's famous chili. And at the time,
surveillance cameras were like the new thing, but not everyone
could afford them, so you would buy these jank ass
toy ones that had a light that would give you
the impression that it was an actual operating camera. And
like when I look at this and I'm like, oh,
this looks like when you go place, you're like, yeah,

(01:04:24):
that's a fake ass camera that like someone's like, yo, dude,
just print ELF on a shelf cam on these man
like rebox that ship a whole other fucking life for
this thing. Yeah, it's it's wild. And like the reviews
on the Amazon products for Elf on the Shelf Cam,
one parent claimed the camera was good for older kids

(01:04:45):
who don't believe in ELF on a shelf, but do
believe in you know, the replica camera you just installed
in their room. Don't believe in a shelf, but understand
being recorded right exactly, understand that the whole world let's watching.
Ye just mad, I'm just mad at this, you know, like, fuck,

(01:05:07):
it's stupid elfana shelf. Like I remember, man, because I
had a very quick, fucking like pipeline to not believing
in like organized religion or fucking Santa, because like, at first,
I remember like at schools like well you praying you
act good and then you asked and then maybe we'll
give it to you. Well, I didn't get Mario paint

(01:05:27):
for Super Nintendo that year, so I don't know where
the funk he was out on that one. And then
my parents were very clearly just like, look, if you
act right, we can make this transactional. I will get
will get you one of these things you want, but
you have to act right, and if you don't, guess
what you can, you have a very different experience on Christmas.
That was enough for me. Yeah, am I am? I?

(01:05:49):
Like am I too cynical and being like, man, we
gotta get these kids off a whimsical. I didn't have it,
but I guess like you're teaching them to like game
a system where you're like, okay, I have to do
all my and like the room that doesn't have the
health in it, like like, yeah, well that they should
understand that there's certain places you can go to to
be creepy and weird. Not just do it, not do

(01:06:10):
it in front of everybody, Okay, but yeah it is
weird to be like to have like an old man
like Mardy. But like we just trusted that Santa was
just watching us jack off or whatever, and like you know,
like and that was hot and that was for everybody,
all right. Santa got his thing. I got my voyeuristic thing.
Like everybody was happy knowing that there was no physical

(01:06:34):
thing in the room watching, just the idea of it,
trying to shame the omniscient Christ. You're like, oh, so okay, Jesus,
you're a freak. You like, I'm gonna give you one.
You can leave, but if you want, that's all huge. Okay,
you're nasty. I know you're here every time. Damn that

(01:06:55):
you can't get enough off of this? All right, Chris,
It's such a pleasure of heavy you man, where can
people find you? Follow you? Oh? Thanks, man, I really
had a great time. I'm at real Chris cow on
all the things Twitter, Instagram, TikTok all that stuff. So
at real Chris cow nice And is there a tweet

(01:07:16):
or some of the work of social media you've been enjoying.
Oh yeah, my friend had a tweet that I really enjoyed.
His name is James Heskey and uh, he had a
tweet last week. He's at James Heskey and he said, ah, ship,
the judge in the Writtenhouse trial is going around the
room and making everyone say one nice thing about guns.

(01:07:38):
And I thought that was very funny. So yeah, followed
James Heskey, Miles, where can people find you? What tweet
you've been enjoying? You can find me on Twitter and
Instagram at Miles of Gray and the other show four
twenty day Fiance. We're talking ninety day fiance with Sophia Alexandra.
It's a wonderful time. Stop on by some tweets I like.
First one is from at We're All Black and it

(01:08:01):
says in parentheses depressed boar at my life. Another one
is from Chesty and Testy at at Underscore Sugar Tits
is quote tweeting a page sixth article that says Taylor
Lautner engaged to a longtime girlfriend Taylor Dome and to

(01:08:21):
which Chesty and Testy tweeted, now they're both gonna be
Taylor Lautner. Wow, hell yeah yeah, so yeah they are
around that one. I guess that's happened before, right, Taylor's
I don't want to think about that, but yeah, all right,
let's see some tweets have been enjoying. You can find

(01:08:42):
me on Twitter at Jack Underscore. O'Brien's tweets have been
enjoying kafka esque as An Esquire tweeted, in zoomers will
discover the bud light what was I've ad campaign and
start repeating it incessantly. That's going to happen. Andrew Knox tweeted,
nobody raspberries, you have twenty four hours. Mike Scolland's tweeted

(01:09:03):
I have a cousin at Quaker Oats and he says, ooops,
all berries was no accident, and then an entire eaves
trough in the Garbage tweeted when it comes to superliteral names,
you can't eat fireplace like I saw that. You can
find us on Twitter at daily zeit guys were at

(01:09:24):
d daily zeit Geist on Instagram. We have a Facebook
fan page on our website daily ze guys dot com,
where we post our episodes on our foot we look
off to the information that we talked about today's episode
as well as a song and we think you might
enjoy Miles. What's song do we think people might enjoy?
I'm gonna think they're gonna enjoy this little ditty from
the UK from rapper Sam Wise. And this track is

(01:09:47):
called First Little Rollie. And you know, I just like
I like international rap. What can I say? I've had
enough of American rap, so I'd like to put my
ears elsewhere and the UK scene is always delivering. But yeah,
this is just a great production. I love that. I
love his flow lyrically wonderful and again the instrumental. I

(01:10:07):
really enjoyed the instrumental. So check this out again, First
Little Rolie by Sam Wise. All right, we'll go check
that out. The Daily Zyka is the production of I
Heart Radio. From more podcasts from I Heart Radio visit
the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you
listen to podcasts. That's gonna do it for this morning,
but we are back this afternoon to tell you what's trending,
and we'll talk to you all that and by