Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Docking Dope.
Da Dakota John's trend I'm sick, ah Decatur Johnson. I
have the one test I have for when I'm sick
is if I spit in the toilet and it sinks
to the bottom. That's when I know I'm sick. And
(00:20):
I got it today. Baby, the heavy loo, the heavy look,
we're heavy looking it up, the whole new level. Look.
We're barely hanging off, folks, barely. All my voice sounds
like now for the foreseeable future, I am jack. That
is mild. And these are some things that are trending.
(00:42):
Dakota John's trending because Dakota Johnson continues to not give
a fun This is this is the good thing about
NEPO babies. Mhm. They have acquired through just like always
being around this ship their whole life. They have acquired
a level of like institutional comfort. They're just like they
(01:05):
take it for granted that they're famous and successful and
therefore they just don't give a fuck. Yeah, there's no
such thing as rocking the boat. When you're in that
deep you're like, no, man, i I'm just talking. What
are you talking? About there's no repercussions. So last November
marked the third anniversary of Dakota Johnson, uh calling Ellen
(01:28):
on her bullshit. Oh yeah, which is like, you did
invite me to your party? Is that? Wasn't that? Actually Ellen,
that's not true. Um. She just basically was like, you're cute,
little like snipy, flirtatious fun banter is actually fucking annoying
(01:48):
to me. Actually, no, that's not the truth, Ellen, is
what she said. And then she was and then and
then she just explained. I mean, it was very basic,
but she was just like, you keep talking about like
how I didn't invite you, and how you have this
little grudge against me and I did invite you. But
it allowed everybody to be like and another thing, Ellen, asshole?
(02:13):
Um was that something at the beginning? Now that that
the Ellen boat has been on shaky ground for a minute,
and but actually interesting, man, it's always interesting. They're these
celebrities who you hear rumors about, you know, somebody, some
reporter is like chasing him down. But it always takes
like a weirdly long amount of time where it's just
(02:35):
people talking behind the scenes, and then eventually it's like,
oh yeah, all that ship you heard was true five
years later. Um, so what's what's Dakota taken off the
spice rack? Uh? This this time she's trending because she's
just saying some spicy shit about Armie Hammer. That's not spicy.
It's not really that spicy. It's actually I don't got
(02:58):
the pickup that it did. Um, but I just think
people we have a cannibalism shaped hole in our brain
that we need to fill with cannibalism stories and so
Army Hammer. Like, so, she was doing an interview, she
remarked that she was up to being called me by
your name, and then they were like, oh really, and
(03:20):
she was like, yeah, I was up for the role
of the peach. Thank god I didn't get it, though,
because then I would have been another woman that Army
Hammer tried to eat. Then she's been banging and then
blew on her fingertips. Who else wants? Who else want
to Hollywood again? Not Hollywood Court, not Hollywood which was
(03:42):
Hollywood coke? But anyway, ye yeah, okay, then I get how.
I mean, that's how all entertainment journalists would write about it,
because they're like probably looking at her publicist and she
said like, yeah, we got we gotta strike that. Then
let her cook, Let her cook. What else you got
to say? She got, I'm gonna say about Luca the director,
(04:03):
So they also said she also said, who knew that
cannibalism was so popular? Because in response to the movie
being being a hit, I guess I don't know did
Bones and All hit? And also this story allowed us
to look into the theory that a lot of people
had because so Army Hammer star of Calling by your Name, Uh,
(04:27):
and then that director's look like check project, like calling
Me by your Name was a huge hit, and like
people were basically like make make whatever you want, and uh,
he made Bones and All cannibalism story around the time
that Army Hammer was It was like, you know, six
months after Army Hammer was exposed as being a predator
(04:50):
with cannibal leanings. But the timing like never made sense
that people are like, he's making this because of Army Yeah,
got it, And I mean unless Guadgino knew about Armie
Hammer before the rest of us. But people are saying,
uh that it was. His response to that was it
(05:14):
was it was to be directed by my great colleague
Antonio compos But he decided not to go for it.
That's when they gave me the script. Any correlation with
this kind of innuendo and silliness is preposterous, but we
do preposterous silliness. So yeah, thanks, So we're here for
why not? Yeah, keep shooting them Dakota, keep firing them off,
(05:35):
you know yeah bang bangh civil war between Shapiro and Crowder.
I guess I missed this. We all talked about it. Yeah,
so if you haven't listened in today's episode, the short
of it is Stephen Crowder, who's like a right wing
dirt bag guy who's got a huge online presence. He
was approached by The Daily Wire, which is Ben Shapiro's company,
to basically be like, hey, come to the death row
(05:57):
of fucking hate content signed with us, and he said no,
and he he laughed off a fifty million, four year
contract that was a four day work week with four
weeks off, and basically took issue with the fact that
there were conditions to, you know, being like, if you're
d platform, like you can't get paid because that's how
(06:17):
that's how it works. They have to monetize anyway. I'm
not here to explain that to him. So this thing
has gone on even more. Some people are starting to
imply that maybe this was like a campaign, outrage campaign
that he had been orchestrating since last month, because he
had supposedly registered a domain called stop Big Cohn, as
he referenced in his video as he's saying, big conservative content,
(06:38):
uh is like you know, in bed with big tech
and whatever. And it sounds like with the timing of it,
it would have been well into the negotiations he was
having with the Daily Wires. So it's like a little bit,
you know, a sloppy but we love sloppy over here. Um.
Right now, there's like all kinds of response videos going out,
Like Tim Pool is like has Candice Owen's on his show.
(07:00):
They're all talking ship. Candice Owens is saying like this
is a bitch move from Stephen Crowder and I want
to play like it's gotten to this point where like
this is what you know, like a like a disc
track would be I guess handled in the conservative take
usphere basically because you got his video. Now other people
are clapping back with their singles and now I want
(07:21):
to play this clip from Jeremy Boring fantastic name for
the CEO of The Daily Wire, who is basically being like, oh, really,
fool like you actually aren't that cool because there's nothing
independent about you, because that's a big thing you've been saying. Oh,
I can't be bothered, I'm independent. But here's the thing
he's like, let me tell you a little something about
Stephen Crowder. You know, he talks in this video about
(07:43):
being one of the only true independent conservative voices. Uh,
And I find that incredibly offensive. You know, Stephen the
whole time I've known him has worked for someone else,
has been paid by someone else. That doesn't mean other
people tell him what to say. He's a very independent voice.
And that's good. So isn't Pat Wolfe. So is Candace
ol And so is Ben Shapiro, so is Michael Noles.
So is okay, yeah, yeah, But Stephen, you know, as
(08:06):
much or more than any of them, a very independent voice.
But he's not exactly a self made man. That he
was paid by p j TV when I met him,
which was a billionaire at the time. Then he was
paid by CRTV for a number of years, which was
at the time. Then he was paid by The Blaze,
which was subsidized by a billionaire. Yeah, all your ship
is subsidized. Did you just find out that your whole
(08:31):
ship is a racket that is funded by billionaires and
that like you're not talented and that the whole thing
is just what rich people want. Wire is actually funded
by a consortium of millionaires, and that is what's about
our shell humans four billionaires. It's just a fucking war
(08:52):
of takes happening over there. Um and again you love
to see it because they're just I'm like learning so much,
but also I'm spending his little time without having to
hear or see these people. Yeah yeah, but I mean
for people who don't know all these dip ships are
like picked out the second they're willing to like say anything, yeah,
(09:12):
anything for money, like you know, hateful conservative ship and
they're like young and can use words good. They get
picked out by billionaires and there are a cause that
like somebody very rich is paying for Like they don't
get where they are because they're just like telling it
like it is and smart and ship you're willing to
(09:35):
debase yourself in service of oligarchy or white supremacy or whatever.
So they're like, yeah, I don't do it. Is that
like they're probably not being told what to say. It's
just that, like the billionaires picked them out and fund
them based on the fact that the thing they're saying
is helping them be a billionaire. Yeah, but it's anyway.
It's just so funny when he's like, you ain't no,
(09:55):
you kept manny that. He was like, get this fifty
million dollar contract. It's outrageous, right, Like he thought everyone
was gonna go with him on that. He said, he well,
apparently he thought he was worth thirty a year, so
he thought he should be getting a hundred twenty million
dollar contract. But he thought I was gonna like cause
populist outrage, You dumb motherfucker. Everything switched up on him
(10:18):
when all his fans found out what the money was
because he wasn't talking money in his first video. They
offered me a deal. It just didn't make sense. It
felt like enslavement. And then people were like, hold on,
fifty million dollars, you fucking weirdo. You're calling enslavement is
an amount of money you should be ashamed of for
even like countenancing, like getting paid, you dumb. They don't
(10:42):
know this guy didn't even know how capitalism works. But anyway,
this is they're one of their kings. That's fun. Um,
let's take a quick break. We'll come back, we'll talk Brownie,
we'll talk Netflix, we'll talk Giselle. Right back and we're
(11:09):
back and Brownie. Lebron James is the high school student
I've seen the most highlights for and they're impressive. Like
some highlights are pretty wild. I think it's like the
number twenty six pick right now, they say six ranked
his age group. So he's looking at USC, Ohio State
(11:30):
and Oregon as the leaders. Yeah, but they're apparently like
for the people commenting on this story, they said those
are not considered his finalists. There could be a dark
horse university that comes into the picture. But I think
one thing is fairly certain to us and anybody who
is writing about this is that he he will definitely
go to a Nike school. Like that's just there's no
(11:53):
play around that. Um, you know, he's already has a
deal with Nike, like you know, an n I L
deal with them. So it'll probably be one of those.
And maybe other people have said maybe Duke, because Lebron
was such a fan of Mike Sachowski, but Miki is
not coaching anymore. And plus they're not doing the same
so that might not make as much sense. Apparently Lebron
has very strong feelings about Ohio State. That's the home,
(12:16):
so that's where you grew up. Yeah, and so people
are like, well, there's like each school offers Lebron something
scs close to literal home at the moment. If Lebron
is staying in Los Angeles, Ohio State allows him to
like kind of go back to like the Ohio you know,
Ohio roots thing. And then they're like an Oregon is
the strongest connection with Nike. I'm like, well, I don't
(12:37):
know if that matters, but is Ohio State? Wait? Which
Ohio State University? The Ohio State that's for non sports fans.
That's what all their players say when they announced where
they came from. I went to the Ohio State University exactly.
He went to Miami University of Ohio. Netflix is coming
(13:01):
for the shared passwords. They've been promising this for a while,
but they just they just did a Q four earnings report,
and you know they were they were on with their
Wall Street homies. Who are I think it's like cool
to fire people and shipped on the consumers who pay you,
and so they were like, and by the way, we're
getting rid of these fucking shared passwords. They're going down assholes. Um. So,
(13:27):
I mean, I get why they need to do it,
but I just can't wait to see how they fuck
this up and like alienate the Yeah, I totally and
I think a lot of us to do too. Because
of that ad supported tier absolutely ship the bed like
nobody using it. So they took a big swing on that,
and I think because that was like no from the consumers,
(13:48):
they're like, well, then we're coming for your fucking passwords. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
and they're gonna like when they tried to do it
and they like test rolled some of it out and
I think some South and Central American countries and the
reports from those tests were it fucking sucks. It's bad. Look,
(14:09):
consumers get smarter, you know what I mean. So if anything,
you're just gonna start seeing like a proliferation of people
just uploading exclusive Netflix shows to like their plex server,
and then everyone just goes to that, and then the
pirates are gonna win or not. I don't know, you know,
allegedly we have a new person to like, I don't know,
there's that jay Z lyric about like in the future
(14:30):
picturing your son throwing the football with Russell Westbrook, Like, uh,
future kids or Russell Wilson. Yeah, and uh god, Russell Wilson.
Have you ever watched videos of Russell Wilson. Yeah, Oh
my god. He is the least interesting man on the planet.
He is such a dorm He's like, he looks like
(14:53):
an algorithm. Yeah. I don't know how that makes sense,
but that's his vibe, his algorithm. He looks like he
seems like he's malfunctioning at all times too, Like just
his attempts to be cool or do anything authentic on
social media are wild. Um, there's like this one long
dance video that oh man, oh I saw that. I
(15:14):
saw part of it where I was like, please get
me out of here. Hard to watch, hard watch. Anyways,
we got a new one, the Jiu Jitsu Instructor. The
family Jiu Jitsu Instructor is the new person. You gotta
be watching out for Russell Wilson throwing the mouth. It's
the Jets Mob, They're coming for you. So we talked
about how when Giselle and Tom Brady split that there
(15:36):
was rumors that she was kicking it, like you know,
with the jiu jitsu instructor, and people are like, you know,
he's been like a refuge and like like there's a
lot of trust between them. Now there's like pictures of
them and like Costa Rica and like they're on a
jog and ship and they're like, what's going on? And
again they're like the fund is going on here, Like
she's with the jiu jitsu guy, right, this guy like
Joaquim Valenci, I don't know if he's I don't know
(15:58):
if he's Brazilian also, which may factor in, uh yeah,
and which would get in a way. Yeah, but I
mean there's I mean b j j Yeah, Brazilian jiu
jitsu is definitely its own thing. So you know, it's
not Brazilian NFL football that is whack and only American.
I wonder if she's like, yeah, you know, he's just
(16:20):
tom just has no honey in his hips, you know
what I mean, He's touched down, Tommy. I need someone
with a little bit of you know, as we say
in Brazil, some some some that X factor that we
like to tap into. But anyway, you know, one of
the insiders said Gizella doors and trust valenci And has
been spending a lot of time with him. But I
don't think it's a traditional dating scenario, which means they're dating,
(16:43):
like yeah, there's nothing going on here. They simply have
a quote deep personal relationship and he is a teacher
to her and the kids. Oh Tom, no, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. When you step to this guy, he's gonna
have you in his guard so quick, and you're gonna
act like just told him you walked out a fucking
anger management family. So he's gonna be like, Oh, you're
(17:04):
a tough guy. Huh okay, let me come over here. Chom,
I got something, are you, Mr Braigy? Uh yeah, that
Portuguese accent, you know, Chom Braigy And that quote whether
it goes on to say whether or not it will
ever become more than that rests on the table. So
(17:25):
that's a really non committal way from him. That sounds
like a yeah, the teacher to her, I'm a teacher
to her and the kids, like a very slightual describing
whether or not they're fucking you know. Yeah. I also
found out what what what's the type of fat that
people are speculating to that cheek fat Yeah removed. There
(17:51):
was a really funny tweet with someone who's like, we
don't call that boocle fat around here, we call that
guancha like Italian like parked out will meat he used
to cook with. Yeah, that was more of a foodie
joke for child. But yeah, some people. So people are
speculating because he's he's very thin, I think because he
(18:15):
is on so like, do people realize how restrictive TB
twelve is. No TV twelve considers tomatoes a junk food.
Tomatoes like just raw tomatoes. That's not you're not that's
too inflammatory, Like there's so much ship you can't it's
too much. And now he looks like handsome squid word
(18:35):
having a mid life crisis. Yeah, and it is wild
to see, Like when he came into the league, he
was just like he looked like a football player, and
now he looks Yeah that he's a guy where the
Jets mob took off with his wife and kids. He
looks like a character from a nightmare before Christmas, you know,
like very he's he's got Jack Skellington vibes um and
(18:58):
it's good, Like, hey, he's still a handsome dude. He
was handsome before too, Like it's it's all good. That's
why I feel comfortable like making fun of his changing appearances,
Like I'm not. It's not like it's like, look at
this ugly you know, he's still an icon. It's just, uh,
what do you you act like? He's listening to this
ship Tom. It's all right, man, like, don't don't be
(19:21):
mad at me. Just take a look in the mirror,
you know. All right, get to the next one so
we could feel older, okay. Uh and finally, uh, somebody
issued a list of the top rap songs turning thirty
this year. It's oh, yeah, I know him all, I
know him, all these songs that are turning thirty. Okay,
(19:42):
first one, what if I say, who that's the sound
of the police. Yeah, that's cares one sound of the police.
How about this one that's slam Bionic Lords of the
(20:03):
Underground chief come on, chef Chiefs about to be thirty?
Shoop shoopoo again. This is how I this is how
we chill from ninety three till died the seven Digits
call up Bridget Yeah so was a mischief till infinity,
which makes sense. It's but still had to put that
(20:24):
in my mind. Um uh full you know how we
do it? Ice cube? Okay, hey what about a fool?
Don't you know I'm local local Boom dum boom, insane
in the brain. Also, Papa, Papa you n I d
(20:44):
I gotta let him know you ain't up. That's how
I remember on the radio, it was who are you
calling up at you? We're like what uh? Then? Uh?
Naughty by Nature, hip Hop Hooray, Diggible Planets where I'm from,
Keep your head up by Tupac, Outcast Players, ball Snoop Dog.
(21:06):
Some of these seem real, like the Cypress Hill one
for some reason. I think maybe because like my friends
at the time, we're into the Cypress Hill one, like
right away, like the second that came out, They're like, oh,
we smoked weed too, right exactly? Yeah, Murder number four
I got. I think I had that cass single. If not,
(21:28):
I had the cassette album of Murder Murder they gave me.
That's when I was like, who's Calvin Rhodus like the
video because had that and I was like, that's his.
That's when I was like rappers can have, like really
dorky asked names. Oh no, and then when I learned,
(21:49):
I was like, no, I can't believe. Shoot and Murder
was the case came out in the same year, also
award tour, and then one of our favorites, don't yeah
casual is everything around me because I mean, we gotta
get that money, dollar dollar bill, y'all. Oh my god,
(22:09):
wait when do we That's so funny, Jack. I remember
when we were talking about the twenty fifth anniversary of
thirty six Chambers on this show. Yeah, early episodes and
we're talking thirty years. Oh my god, Miles, we just
carbon date. Just use like I'm fucking just use, just
(22:30):
use thirty Look, cut cut us in half like the
rings on a tree, and just hold up the thirty
six Chambers next to our bleeding body and you'll hold there.
All right. Those are some of the things that are
trending on this Friday afternoon. We're back on Monday with
the whole last episode of the show. Be kind to
each other, be kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't
(22:51):
do nothing about white supremacy, and we will talk to
y'all on Monday. Bye bye.