On this edition of Jackan O'Brien Needs A Friend Jack and Miles discuss Rick Santorum dismissing Native American Culture entirely, Farmer John no longer making Dodger Dogs, bringing Tony Stark back to life, the Supreme Court deciding whether or not Americans should be MORE heavily armed, ANOTHER police killing of an unarmed black man, and Sharks getting freaky.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Jack
and O'Brien Needs a Trend courtesy of my dumb brain.
What that means, it's that Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend
is the other podcast that first rate podcast. I thought
it was like, whatever, so and so need wedding dates.
I don't know why I just completely took it there,
(00:21):
but yeah, I've got more need wedding dates than needs
to needs a friend. Vibes um just I'm Jack, you're
your Miles. I am Today. Once again, we have completely
wasted a fascinating conversation before we hit record. So I'm
gonna just trace it for people, I guess real quick.
(00:42):
Just leave it, leave it out of and well that
will be the last thing we can talk about. Okay,
it took so long to start recording because of one
thing I heard. Yeah, yeah, alright. Let's start off with Rixantorum,
Republican politician whose last name is synonym Us with the
foam that forms uh during anal sex um, which was
(01:07):
a game attribute from the gay community to his rampant homophobia. Anyways,
he's saying America invented its culture completely out of whole cloth,
and that native Americans didn't have much to do with it,
and just real take come on now, how oh god,
(01:37):
what would that do to you if you had to
admit that that wasn't true. That's also the weird things
like why are you digging your heels and I don't
look racists have too much time they um, yeah, it's sense,
it's uh, it's truly like the one of the great
untold stories of American history, mostly untold, is just how
(01:58):
much white settlers just stole from Native cultures and just
basically waited until like there they had no way of
settling in America until ninety percent of Native Americans were
wiped out by a plague, and then they just showed
up and started moving into their houses literally dishes, you
(02:22):
guys know how to grow food, I'm sorry, schools. They
literally were like, it's amazing how this whole like they're
these just natural gardens and like parks in Ohio, like
you can just ride your ride your horse and carriage
right through the forest. It's amazing how it grew like that.
(02:43):
Turns out that's not how it grew. Man, Um, yeah,
come on now, it leaves Santon. What did even why
did you even say this like it's obviously he was
responding to some other thing where people were like, we
need to respect indigenous cultures. Probably he's like, what do
you mean, I don't see any of that now here today.
Also go bravos. Farmer John is trending. Famous hot dog
(03:07):
maker no longer will make the Dodger dogs, which is
I mean, they've always Farmer John makes the Dodger dog.
Farmer John has been a mainstay. If you ever want
to go to a promotional giveaway night at Dodger Stadium,
chances are there's a fucking big gas Farmer John thing
just blasted on the side of it to let you
know you've got that ship for free. But they have
(03:29):
now I guess apparently they have turned down an opportunity
to extend their renew their contract with the Dodgers because
now they are you know, I guess hooking up l
A f C with their to meet needs. But like
Dodger Twitter is very It's like any fandom, right, Like
you take away a thing that they're used to, it's
now a crisis. But I'm and I get Look, not
(03:53):
all hot dogs, they're not all built the same way.
But let's be real, there wasn't anything about a Dodger
dog that tasted in different than any other hot dog
aside from the you know, length, et cetera. And it is, yeah, great,
be Frank, but I don't know, like, what do you
who are these hot dogs summeliers that are so concerned
like you're going to forget how these people are drunk
(04:14):
as ship anyway eating them things. That's why they taste
so good. Bring back Farmer John to life is what
I say. Hashtag bran back Farmer John. I had totally
missed that Tony Stark hashtag when it was trending last week,
but Marvel fans, who are bad at writing, had the
hashtag bring back Tony Stark to Life trending, And uh,
(04:39):
that's funny to me, Like what's that gonna do for you? Yeah,
what's that going to do for you? If they bring
him back to life for you to back? Yes, bring
him to life back. Supreme Court is trending because, uh,
they we might we might all be packing packing here.
I mean they are really, they're hearing us a Second
(05:01):
Amendment case for I think it's been like ten years
or something, eleven years since the Supreme Court has taken
up a case like this, this, Um, this could essentially
redefine like what it means to conceal carry and like
who can and who can and if every ship fucking
if everyone can, that's your fucking right to stay strapped
in public. Um. I don't that's not good. But I
(05:26):
will say this, I think that only intensifies like the looks,
the nervous looks at the leadership in this country be like, Okay,
what is going on because y'all are still letting the
filibuster rock to avoid actually, you know, creating any kind
of change. And now you have a six three conservative
majority on the Supreme Court. Who I don't do you
(05:48):
think I don't know? When I look at a six
three majority Second Amendment, I'm pretty sure I know what's
going to happen. So are we going to expand the
court now to what's going on? Because that's are are
We're just meant to be like we're just going to
fast forward to the mad Max part? Right? Yeah, it'll Uh.
I can't think of a worse idea at this moment
(06:10):
in time for America. Yeah, but uh, it seems like,
I mean, there was the energy that Trump got from
just his entire policy being owning the Libs, and it
seems to be like that's still the conservative motive. But
like that, it just seems like everything they're just now
(06:33):
it just seems like they're habitually wrong about everything like that. Um,
I don't know Rick Santorn, by the way, his quote
we birth the nation from nothing, I mean there was
nothing here. I mean, yes, we have Native Americans, but
candidly there isn't much Native American culture and American culture, um,
(06:54):
the like, if you have no idea about colonial what
you don't forget it? Yeah, say torment up, asshole. Yeah. Um. Anyways,
Elizabeth City is trending. This is a city where a
black man was shot while driving away from the police,
(07:15):
um and shot and killed. And uh they have declared
a state of emergency ahead of the release of the
body camp footage from the police. So probably probably gonna
be uh pretty bad for the police, would be my guess.
I don't yeah, you don't what I again? You know
(07:37):
this is we're gonna keep doing this and the police
are going to keep showing themselves to be who they
are until we're able to fucking move on from this.
Think it's just fucking atrocity that is called American policing. Um.
And yeah, I can only imagine what was actually said.
I mean, it just breaks your heart when you're like, man,
the evidence is gonna cause a fucking problem them essentially,
(08:01):
and you don't want to hear that. Um. They said
it was because they needed time to blur the faces out,
but I haven't actually seen what the I know the
family was going to view it and then say something,
but I've yet to see like what's been happening in
that uh, the specifics there, but it's just not Yeah,
it's never a good thing to hear. Hey, when you
see what happened, there's gonna be no excuse, Like is
(08:23):
what the subtext of that? And it just breaks my heart.
Netflix still has their windows boarded up, the Netflix building
the weird on Sunset like fully boarded up, Jesus. And finally, yeah,
so speaking of Netflix, Uh, the Oscars, which they don't
(08:43):
seem very good at winning. Uh, the Oscars happened last night.
It was very strange. We talked about it in a
little more detail yesterday or on tomorrow's episode, but all right,
let's get to uh what the conversation that happened? Before
we started recording. So I do want to get on
(09:05):
a Hosie. I want to get on a Hosnie's take
on my octopus teacher, which was that you can't trust
that octopus. Uh, he's probably trying to kill that dude,
like octopuses are mad manipulative, And then she said he's
probably at the bottom. The guy who won the award
last night, who we saw on the Oscars win the award,
(09:25):
she thinks he is probably at the bottom of the
ocean being eaten by crabs, which would suggest that much
like uh, finding Dory were, what we saw last night
was an octopus based illusion being done by maybe an
octopus with a with a coffee pot or something. Um
(09:47):
and just amazing uh skills of manipulation and color changing. Uh.
And anyways, that caused you to recount something you had
recently heard. MO heard. I'm assuming this is some kind
of colloquialism. But someone said and they felt really bad
about themselves, and they said, you know, right now, I
(10:09):
feel lower than a shark's dick. Yeah, And I said,
I'm huh, which got me thinking, I'm like punching that
up because I'm like, I don't know how low sharks
go on the water. I feel like a crab is
better their bottom feeders that could be lower if we're
talking about depths, that you could feel lower than. And
then and it was like, oh, have you seen sharks?
They got two dicks? And then we started looking at
(10:31):
sharks shark photos and sharks are and then it just
turned into sharks are freaky, are freaking massive massive dicks
they got too because they got two pelvic fins. Okay,
that's why I thought it some some other ship two
pelvic fins. And also like they theyre they like to
bite and ship and hit it from the side. It's
some pictures are really erratic. Yeah. Yeah, Like I feel
(10:56):
like if that were if that ship went down at
an aquarium, like they would have to blackout the aquarium
just because of kids around there. Like I know you
wouldn't be able to connect the donsier, but like we
can't have kids seen this hitting it from side, biting
the dorsal but not not not um. And it's saying
apparently they have to bite so they don't float away.
Huh who All right? Okay, I mean the but like
(11:21):
I've always I've always thought it would be funny to
imagine like dinosaur dicks like at Jurassic Park, if like
the t rex had had a big penis, but people
like no, shark or dinosaurs probably don't have penises. But
like this, this shark penis is exactly what I had imagined,
(11:42):
uh as being the weirdest, the very weird possibility of
like if the t rex was walking around and just said, uh,
like three ft long penis just dangling down there. Um,
we don't know, it's not true, right, Um, I don't know. Yeah.
I always said, you know, that's the hill that you
(12:02):
always want to die on, and it is soho the
t rex's penis cowers. Uh yeah, I can't get in
any natural history museums. I. I this is really startling
to me to see this because I grew up a
huge shark shark fan, and to know that they were
(12:26):
burying the lead so to speak. Uh, when I was
a kid, not telling me that sharks had not one,
but two massive dog ers. Um, it's pretty called claspers.
Now that seems misguided or misleading to call them claspers. Yeah,
I think because I don't know, that's probably their way
of being like, dude, don't don't start talking about the
(12:48):
sharks dicks. Just let's let's calm something else, right, or
they probably I didn't know what they were. They're like,
oh look, they got a couple of claspers down there.
Oh my god, sword, what is that? What is a class?
Get the kids out of here, honey, get the kids
out of here. It's not a clasp. It's not a clasp,
it says uh, anatomical structure found in some groups animals
(13:10):
used in mating. Carlos in his fish plus te reports
of public served the channel. Man, I don't know whatever. Class,
brother friendly goes, good to see you. Uh, all right,
Well that is where we will end it for today. Class. Yeah.
She she's already told me that dinosaurs most likely had cloakas.
(13:34):
I think they're called. Um so, I get it. She's
already piste on my dream. But you know, I still
like to think about it sometimes. Every once in a while.
It's funny to me. That is going to do it
for this afternoon. We're back tomorrow with a whole last
episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other,
(13:54):
be kind to yourselves, wear a mask, and don't do
nothing about white supremacy. We'll talk to out tomorrow, bye
bye m
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Jack
and O'Brien Needs a Trend courtesy of my dumb brain.
What that means, it's that Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend
is the other podcast that first rate podcast. I thought
it was like, whatever, so and so need wedding dates.
I don't know why I just completely took it there,
(00:21):
but yeah, I've got more need wedding dates than needs
to needs a friend. Vibes um just I'm Jack, you're
your Miles. I am Today. Once again, we have completely
wasted a fascinating conversation before we hit record. So I'm
gonna just trace it for people, I guess real quick.
(00:42):
Just leave it, leave it out of and well that
will be the last thing we can talk about. Okay,
it took so long to start recording because of one
thing I heard. Yeah, yeah, alright. Let's start off with Rixantorum,
Republican politician whose last name is synonym Us with the
foam that forms uh during anal sex um, which was
(01:07):
a game attribute from the gay community to his rampant homophobia. Anyways,
he's saying America invented its culture completely out of whole cloth,
and that native Americans didn't have much to do with it,
and just real take come on now, how oh god,
(01:37):
what would that do to you if you had to
admit that that wasn't true. That's also the weird things
like why are you digging your heels and I don't
look racists have too much time they um, yeah, it's sense,
it's uh, it's truly like the one of the great
untold stories of American history, mostly untold, is just how
(01:58):
much white settlers just stole from Native cultures and just
basically waited until like there they had no way of
settling in America until ninety percent of Native Americans were
wiped out by a plague, and then they just showed
up and started moving into their houses literally dishes, you
(02:22):
guys know how to grow food, I'm sorry, schools. They
literally were like, it's amazing how this whole like they're
these just natural gardens and like parks in Ohio, like
you can just ride your ride your horse and carriage
right through the forest. It's amazing how it grew like that.
(02:43):
Turns out that's not how it grew. Man, Um, yeah,
come on now, it leaves Santon. What did even why
did you even say this like it's obviously he was
responding to some other thing where people were like, we
need to respect indigenous cultures. Probably he's like, what do
you mean, I don't see any of that now here today.
Also go bravos. Farmer John is trending. Famous hot dog
(03:07):
maker no longer will make the Dodger dogs, which is
I mean, they've always Farmer John makes the Dodger dog.
Farmer John has been a mainstay. If you ever want
to go to a promotional giveaway night at Dodger Stadium,
chances are there's a fucking big gas Farmer John thing
just blasted on the side of it to let you
know you've got that ship for free. But they have
(03:29):
now I guess apparently they have turned down an opportunity
to extend their renew their contract with the Dodgers because
now they are you know, I guess hooking up l
A f C with their to meet needs. But like
Dodger Twitter is very It's like any fandom, right, Like
you take away a thing that they're used to, it's
now a crisis. But I'm and I get Look, not
(03:53):
all hot dogs, they're not all built the same way.
But let's be real, there wasn't anything about a Dodger
dog that tasted in different than any other hot dog
aside from the you know, length, et cetera. And it is, yeah, great,
be Frank, but I don't know, like, what do you
who are these hot dogs summeliers that are so concerned
like you're going to forget how these people are drunk
(04:14):
as ship anyway eating them things. That's why they taste
so good. Bring back Farmer John to life is what
I say. Hashtag bran back Farmer John. I had totally
missed that Tony Stark hashtag when it was trending last week,
but Marvel fans, who are bad at writing, had the
hashtag bring back Tony Stark to Life trending, And uh,
(04:39):
that's funny to me, Like what's that gonna do for you? Yeah,
what's that going to do for you? If they bring
him back to life for you to back? Yes, bring
him to life back. Supreme Court is trending because, uh,
they we might we might all be packing packing here.
I mean they are really, they're hearing us a Second
(05:01):
Amendment case for I think it's been like ten years
or something, eleven years since the Supreme Court has taken
up a case like this, this, Um, this could essentially
redefine like what it means to conceal carry and like
who can and who can and if every ship fucking
if everyone can, that's your fucking right to stay strapped
in public. Um. I don't that's not good. But I
(05:26):
will say this, I think that only intensifies like the looks,
the nervous looks at the leadership in this country be like, Okay,
what is going on because y'all are still letting the
filibuster rock to avoid actually, you know, creating any kind
of change. And now you have a six three conservative
majority on the Supreme Court. Who I don't do you
(05:48):
think I don't know? When I look at a six
three majority Second Amendment, I'm pretty sure I know what's
going to happen. So are we going to expand the
court now to what's going on? Because that's are are
We're just meant to be like we're just going to
fast forward to the mad Max part? Right? Yeah, it'll Uh.
I can't think of a worse idea at this moment
(06:10):
in time for America. Yeah, but uh, it seems like,
I mean, there was the energy that Trump got from
just his entire policy being owning the Libs, and it
seems to be like that's still the conservative motive. But
like that, it just seems like everything they're just now
(06:33):
it just seems like they're habitually wrong about everything like that. Um,
I don't know Rick Santorn, by the way, his quote
we birth the nation from nothing, I mean there was
nothing here. I mean, yes, we have Native Americans, but
candidly there isn't much Native American culture and American culture, um,
(06:54):
the like, if you have no idea about colonial what
you don't forget it? Yeah, say torment up, asshole. Yeah. Um. Anyways,
Elizabeth City is trending. This is a city where a
black man was shot while driving away from the police,
(07:15):
um and shot and killed. And uh they have declared
a state of emergency ahead of the release of the
body camp footage from the police. So probably probably gonna
be uh pretty bad for the police, would be my guess.
I don't yeah, you don't what I again? You know
(07:37):
this is we're gonna keep doing this and the police
are going to keep showing themselves to be who they
are until we're able to fucking move on from this.
Think it's just fucking atrocity that is called American policing. Um.
And yeah, I can only imagine what was actually said.
I mean, it just breaks your heart when you're like, man,
the evidence is gonna cause a fucking problem them essentially,
(08:01):
and you don't want to hear that. Um. They said
it was because they needed time to blur the faces out,
but I haven't actually seen what the I know the
family was going to view it and then say something,
but I've yet to see like what's been happening in
that uh, the specifics there, but it's just not Yeah,
it's never a good thing to hear. Hey, when you
see what happened, there's gonna be no excuse, Like is
(08:23):
what the subtext of that? And it just breaks my heart.
Netflix still has their windows boarded up, the Netflix building
the weird on Sunset like fully boarded up, Jesus. And finally, yeah,
so speaking of Netflix, Uh, the Oscars, which they don't
(08:43):
seem very good at winning. Uh, the Oscars happened last night.
It was very strange. We talked about it in a
little more detail yesterday or on tomorrow's episode, but all right,
let's get to uh what the conversation that happened? Before
we started recording. So I do want to get on
(09:05):
a Hosie. I want to get on a Hosnie's take
on my octopus teacher, which was that you can't trust
that octopus. Uh, he's probably trying to kill that dude,
like octopuses are mad manipulative, And then she said he's
probably at the bottom. The guy who won the award
last night, who we saw on the Oscars win the award,
(09:25):
she thinks he is probably at the bottom of the
ocean being eaten by crabs, which would suggest that much
like uh, finding Dory were, what we saw last night
was an octopus based illusion being done by maybe an
octopus with a with a coffee pot or something. Um
(09:47):
and just amazing uh skills of manipulation and color changing. Uh.
And anyways, that caused you to recount something you had
recently heard. MO heard. I'm assuming this is some kind
of colloquialism. But someone said and they felt really bad
about themselves, and they said, you know, right now, I
(10:09):
feel lower than a shark's dick. Yeah, And I said,
I'm huh, which got me thinking, I'm like punching that
up because I'm like, I don't know how low sharks
go on the water. I feel like a crab is
better their bottom feeders that could be lower if we're
talking about depths, that you could feel lower than. And
then and it was like, oh, have you seen sharks?
They got two dicks? And then we started looking at
(10:31):
sharks shark photos and sharks are and then it just
turned into sharks are freaky, are freaking massive massive dicks
they got too because they got two pelvic fins. Okay,
that's why I thought it some some other ship two
pelvic fins. And also like they theyre they like to
bite and ship and hit it from the side. It's
some pictures are really erratic. Yeah. Yeah, Like I feel
(10:56):
like if that were if that ship went down at
an aquarium, like they would have to blackout the aquarium
just because of kids around there. Like I know you
wouldn't be able to connect the donsier, but like we
can't have kids seen this hitting it from side, biting
the dorsal but not not not um. And it's saying
apparently they have to bite so they don't float away.
Huh who All right? Okay, I mean the but like
(11:21):
I've always I've always thought it would be funny to
imagine like dinosaur dicks like at Jurassic Park, if like
the t rex had had a big penis, but people
like no, shark or dinosaurs probably don't have penises. But
like this, this shark penis is exactly what I had imagined,
(11:42):
uh as being the weirdest, the very weird possibility of
like if the t rex was walking around and just said, uh,
like three ft long penis just dangling down there. Um,
we don't know, it's not true, right, Um, I don't know. Yeah.
I always said, you know, that's the hill that you
(12:02):
always want to die on, and it is soho the
t rex's penis cowers. Uh yeah, I can't get in
any natural history museums. I. I this is really startling
to me to see this because I grew up a
huge shark shark fan, and to know that they were
(12:26):
burying the lead so to speak. Uh, when I was
a kid, not telling me that sharks had not one,
but two massive dog ers. Um, it's pretty called claspers.
Now that seems misguided or misleading to call them claspers. Yeah,
I think because I don't know, that's probably their way
of being like, dude, don't don't start talking about the
(12:48):
sharks dicks. Just let's let's calm something else, right, or
they probably I didn't know what they were. They're like,
oh look, they got a couple of claspers down there.
Oh my god, sword, what is that? What is a class?
Get the kids out of here, honey, get the kids
out of here. It's not a clasp. It's not a clasp,
it says uh, anatomical structure found in some groups animals
(13:10):
used in mating. Carlos in his fish plus te reports
of public served the channel. Man, I don't know whatever. Class,
brother friendly goes, good to see you. Uh, all right,
Well that is where we will end it for today. Class. Yeah.
She she's already told me that dinosaurs most likely had cloakas.
(13:34):
I think they're called. Um so, I get it. She's
already piste on my dream. But you know, I still
like to think about it sometimes. Every once in a while.
It's funny to me. That is going to do it
for this afternoon. We're back tomorrow with a whole last
episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other,
(13:54):
be kind to yourselves, wear a mask, and don't do
nothing about white supremacy. We'll talk to out tomorrow, bye
bye m
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