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November 20, 2019 15 mins

On One if by Day, Two if by Zeit Jack and Miles talk about Sharpies, Sean Maloney, the Democratic Debate PRE-take, NCAA suspensions, and Ben Simmons finally hits a 3.

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to one. If by day too,
if by Zeke, my name is Jack O'Brien. I'm all right, okay, yeah,
you don't speak. We got low energy, man, whoa we
have wit all day? Yeah, that's true. That's true. So
if you got we haven't eaten since this morning, full disclosure,
we have not eaten all day. Our mothers would be worried,

(00:23):
fucking sick right now. Actually, when I texted my mom,
I haven't eated, eated eat it. Yeah, this is gonna
be a disaster. Dropped the bomb on my head. All right,
let's let's get through this. Let's just grind this out joylessly,
like fifty fifty year anniversary sex. Oh man, uh hey,

(00:45):
I'm I'm not I'm gonna I'm gonna be great. I'm
gonna keep it fresh. The amount of EAD pills I'm
gonna taking, man, I might die. Yeah. Uh. Let's talk
about Sharpie. Why is Sharpie trending? Miles, Sharpie was trending
because it's our president's favorite writing tool. I want nothing.
Do you mean nothing? Um? He wrote? Apparently he so.

(01:07):
Around the time of Gordon Solon's testimony today, he came
out basically saying, like you heard Gordon Soling, I told
him I didn't want to quit pro quoll whatever. So
he decided to like fully write out what his like
response was, basically saying like this is actually how the
conversation went right. It's um it's interesting to think about
what was he actually on his way somewhere, because I

(01:31):
have to imagine he's watching TV. He sees what Solon says.
He sees that the media is actually focusing on the
fact that Snlon was dropping bombs and you know, incriminating
him and his entire administration. And so he gets mad
and runs out onto the lawn. It's like fire up
the chopper and just and then goes out and like

(01:54):
in a rage, starts reading these things that he wrote
down with sharpie. Yeah he just he know, he notated
his own quoted statement. Yea, and though my guy, I've
if I was a handwriting analyst, I would say, this
person has hemorrhoids and it's very upset. It's something you
can tell from is he using like a fucking like

(02:16):
paint marker like graffiti people used to just do like
a little quick nonstops or something. It says I want nothing,
I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo, tells
Zelinsky to do the right thing. This is the final
word from the press of the US. That is what
is written on there, and he screamed that ship out. Yeah.

(02:38):
So his his point was that this was one part
of solence testimony was that when uh, when Taylor was like,
you know, this is crazy. There's quid pro quo, like
the president is holding up aid for a political investigation,
and Trump was like, no, no, let's not do that

(02:59):
in text mess sage text this. Uh. That that's the
part that he chose to focus it on, just completely
regardless of context. I mean, he has like the whole
thing written now, he has like prince of tweets, Like
he really came up there with like a weird little
book report. I was gonna get an F minus. Uh
it's it's exhausting. Maloney was trending as well, which I

(03:22):
think relates to Solon's testimony as well. Yeah, Congressman Sean
Patrick Maloney from New York the Democrat, he had a
moment that quite literally erupted in applause because Gordon Solon,
you know, he was being like, well, you know, the
President said this, I didn't know barismam Biden, and I

(03:43):
didn't know that was going to benefit him. So uh
Patrick Sean Patrick Maloney, who was a former attorney I'd
imagine an attorney still once an attorney always inturney, right.
He basically cornered him logically and got him to admit
who who these investigations benefited? There This is a longer clip,
but I'm just gonna play like the last forty five

(04:05):
seconds because it's quite It's just funny how he jiu
jitsus him mentally with the legal ease in times. Mr.
We just went through this when he asked you about investigations,
which we all agree now means the bidens. We just
did this about thirty seconds ago. We right, It's pretty
simple question, isn't it. I guess I guess I'm having

(04:26):
trouble why you can't just say when he asked about investigations,
I assumed he meant, I know what you was, symphony,
But who would investigation of the bidens would benefit? There
are two different questions. I'm just asking you one who
would benefit from an investigation of the buttons? I assumed
President Trump would bet there we have it. See, he

(04:49):
didn't hurt of it? Did it? Mr? Let me ask
you something, Mr Maloney, hold on, excuse me. I've been
very forthright, and I really resent what you're trying to enough,
you've been very forth right. This is your third try
to do so. Damn son. Uh God, I didn't know

(05:10):
they let people set off firearms in the Congress building.
Damn Uh. It's still who knows what it's going to
mean in the end. It's again, it's so clear, actually
just about are you are are you a going to
let him get away with this? Yes? Really yeah, they
are their best to I mean, but so Drudge, just

(05:34):
this is how I know what other other people, the
people on the right are thinking. His headline is still
ambassador drops bombs followed President's orders. Juliani pushed quid pro
quo Pence new So, I mean it seems to be
like cutting through like it seems like yeah, well, I

(05:55):
think for people who are smart enough to understand like
how power works and how you need to hold onto it,
like you can't just do this version of like till
the wheels come off, because when the wheels come off,
it is no longer a vehicle. So you gotta be
like hold on how do we keep the fucking wheels
on unless you're sledding? Yeah, exactly, thank you, Um, but
how do you have a sled with wheels? Uh? That

(06:16):
somehow like you're if you're thinking a long term strategy
for the Republicans, you're like, this isn't this, this is
actually the end point or this is gonna lead to
like really bad damage. Like if we're being smart, we
would give up a sacrificial lamb in the form of
the president if they were really about their power and
be like, Yo, we can't let this dude pushes around. Right. Well,
I mean I think yeah, it seems like they're like, well,

(06:37):
Giuliani was the one who told you so maybe it
was just Juliani who wanted the this uh this investigation
to happen. But then the Democrats are gonna call Giuliani.
Juliani has already said, you know, I have the receipts,
but like held his phone up to the camera and said,
I if anybody comes for me, this is what's gonna

(06:58):
go down. And remember early on he was talking about
Mike Pompeo and all that stuff too in the State Department.
Why do you ask Mike Pompeo. Right, you know, so
again this it's probably gonna unravel pretty quickly at a
certain point. Um, and whoa, the tears will flow. Yeah,
how far we've fallen? Democratic debate is trending. We're recording
this about forty minutes before the debate goes down. Uh

(07:21):
So this episode and tomorrow morning's episode, you you will
not devoid of Democratic debate. I will say tomorrow afternoons
episode is going to be full of the fire democratic
debate takes or who knows, something else might be trending
At that point we'll be like what well and Lindsay Lohan. Um,
I really hope they're together. It's been going around. It's

(07:43):
been going around, they've been they have similar friends, I
guess it seems. But Andrew Yang was trending at the
top of Twitter. A lot of the Yang Gang was
out here saying endorses Andrew. I'm not front. People asked
if I was Young Gang because I had a blue
hat in a photo once. Um, they're really looking for

(08:04):
I'm bald gang, not Young Gang. How many? How many
degrees of separation do you think you are? From? Andreas Salmon,
oh me and NBS. Yeah, I mean I know people
that work in Hollywood to uh n C double A
is trending because they suspended the best college basketball player
this year. Uh, who's that Wiseman or Wiseman? Uh from Memphis. Yeah,

(08:32):
he's gonna be the number one pick this next year.
But like there was questions about his eligibility. James Wiseman,
James Wiseman, Jim Wiseman is Jimmy Wise. But he plays
for Memphis and they suspended him for twelve games and
what happened There was like some eligibility questions and then

(08:52):
he played despite being ineligible, and so why would he
be ineligible? Like what was I think? I think it
was Yeah, and academic is because I'm like, he's eighteen.
It's like not like he went burned through his like
years like he was a Juco transfering. Oh he's seven
ft one Yeah, yeah, look going to be me. He's
like big, quick and just good good at basketball. Do

(09:16):
you think does he look as dominant as Zion did
last season? No? But yeah who Yeah? I mean Zion
might be too dominant for the human frame, right, Like
he might be too fast and strong and big for
uh physics. Do you think he's the second Coming of

(09:36):
Greg Odin. I don't I think that's too spicy a take.
I think it was Odin just his once he had
that surgery as a rap, right. Yeah, So there's something
that happens with like seven foot two people, like once
you hit that height. Yeah, there's just certain things. Yeah,
and if your feet specifically, like if you have feet
problems like that's it's gonna be really hard for you

(09:59):
to recover. Uh, that's a lot of weight. There's a
lot of weight on those feets in those feet. You
saw you saw shocks toes. Yeah. Uh yeah. So the
n C double A fucking is the worst and so
uneven and how they enforced things and yeah, they're just
they're a bunch of old, old dudes just trying to

(10:21):
keep these young people from making anything any kind of
money for themselves. Yeah fu the n C double A.
Uh and we'll say that. Man. I'm still I still
got some eligibility. Yeah. I actually never played, so I
could a red shirt, Like, what's up, man, you need me?
I could play a very slow one, you know. My

(10:42):
eligibility is still like so many people who are probably
still keeping track of their eligibility in the back of
them were like, how old are you? Like, we're born
in ninety two. I was like, I was born a
few years before that. Okay, full disclosure, born in the eighties.
They like, get the funk out. Uh, and finally ending
Ben Simmons three, Ben Simmons, ben siemens. Uh. This is

(11:05):
the most up voted post on our NBA right now,
right now on pace could be the highest rated post.
It's it's condescending. Look. The person who submitted the first
time he hit a three, which was in the preseason,
was like a Celtics fanner. It was like, are the
are the Celtics? Uh? You mean you slash the Celtics

(11:29):
would be a user. Okay, you're just I know you're learning, right,
it's still you gotta learn the lingo. Uh so I
think he was www dot the Celtics dot dot dot
blog spot dot net. But yeah, so, I mean it's
passive aggressive. Simmons has never and he the only threes
he's taken are like last second heaves. But he's not
a he's not a good shooter. Yeah, that's not his

(11:51):
bread and butter. Not his bread and butter. He's a
six ten point guard. Uh, who's a great passer, and Uh,
the way the people responded to the idea of him
being able to shoot threes. Uh, well, it's very patronizing
because I get it, he's a big man hitting and three.
It was like when Shaq hit that one three, people
were like, oh my goodness. Right, the people weren't like

(12:15):
nobody said that like Shack should shoot threes. He just
did it as a goof People think Ben Simmons because
he's athletic and a perimeter player. Like it's like Jason
Kidd when he first came in the league and they
called him Aeson because he was missing a j Yeah,
oh boy. He like he's just a He's a great

(12:35):
point guard, great passer, great at getting to the rack,
but not a great shooter. And people are like, come on, dude,
why don't you shoot threee that part of your game? Bro?
Shoot shoot three? Bro? Do you think he should be
shooting more Ben Simmons, I think he's good at what
he does. Keep yeah, keep it simple. Yeah. But anyways,
I do want to play the audio of him hitting
a three in the first quarter of the Sixers game

(12:58):
against the Knicks. Uh, this is condescending. You're Keena A
Below average three point seven. Maybe that will finally leave
after his NBA career. Wow, So that was like those

(13:23):
videos or like the equipment manager, like they let him
get one look at the end of the season and
then like the equipment manager hit the three, there's a yeah,
so good fuck you man. Uh, guy who was just
freaking out about that. But that's like the home team,
that's the home crowd, the home announcer. Uh. If I
was Simon, if I was Simmons, I was saying that

(13:45):
on behalf of Ben Simmons. Hey, fun you guys like
I have that, but just shut the funk up. That's
not my game. Yes, exactly, look at you being a
little protective, a little um he was he half Australian
or he's fully Australian. He was born in Australian Uh,
I mean he lives in America. His dad was I
believe a h An American who played professional ball in Australia,

(14:09):
and uh he was raised in Australia. I don't know,
has a little Australia all the accent. Yeah. So that's
people condescendingly up voting that on Reddit and uh are
condescendingly cheering. Really loudly for him. The really weird thing
is that his teammate Joel Embid was also like cheering,

(14:29):
Like when he hit it at the three in preseason,
he was like, a he he did it, and uh
it was a little I don't know if I was
Ben Simmons at the way. Alright, then I get it
and I see you yea yeah. Do you see a
little bit of Ben Simmons in you? Is that why
you kind of get like this? He's like, you know,
that's me right there. That's well. I did have a
terrible jumper. The only difference I had a terrible rest

(14:55):
of my game where it was really great basketball. So yeah, yeah,
hell yeah, Okay, Well, shout out to Romen King for
the title of today's episode. One if by Land to
if by Zight or one if by day too if
by night sight sight. But we need to eat, y'all.
What happens. We're literally in this lab grinding out all
these podcasts episodes. But you know what, the wheels are

(15:18):
not going to come off never. We just put on
the new prelis because we're slit. Yeah, okay, we're light
of a show. All right, I gotta go, what are
you miles. Are you Jack, I'm Dan Okay, good night, love, bye, bye,
and good luck.

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Jack O'Brien

Jack O'Brien

Miles Gray

Miles Gray

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