In this edition of Pope Trendonardo, Jack and Miles discuss the new 'Nova Pope, Bill Gates giving away all his money, Pepsi getting knocked out of the top 3 sodas in America, Trump's UK "Trade Deal", Joe Biden's appearance on 'The View', and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Pope
Trendonardo aka Pope Trendo Trendo Trendo aka America trend Pope.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Wow, look at look at us. We fucking did it.
We fucking I mean, because it's so funny. You read
something we read so many articles about. It's like, where
where does the Catholic Church like need to make gains?
And they're like, in America, it's contracting, and maybe they're like,
maybe this will help, Maybe this will help. Yeah, maybe
(00:36):
maybe if you if you really wanted to help, you
would have you know who you would have made pope
And we already told you that with our Ai slop
who you should have made Pope Lebron James Lebron mm
hmmm honestly, yeah, if you can just do anything. Lebron
sounds like a pope's name, Pope Lebron. Yeah, fourth, Yeah,
Pope Leonardo, the Leo, the Fourth. A lot of people
(01:01):
had that idea before, so starting things off on a
very unoriginal front. Yeah, the big big thing because Americans
are into college sports and Villanova villain. Yo, new Pope
just dropped, He's from Nova. If you fuck with the
Philadelphia area, bro, Like we know about Nova. My friend Chris,
(01:24):
you know, Philly fan, Philly based all his like relatives
went to Nova. Yeh, he's like, bro, but he's like
between the Nova Knicks and the Pope, He's like, we're
eating Bro, I know, for really eating. I was like,
you're right. Shout out Villanova shot Wildcats. Shout out to.
Villanova is a college in the Philadelphia area that's one
a couple of basketball titles recently, and they're they have
(01:47):
a thing happening with the Knicks right now where like
all of the player, like a bunch of the best
players on the team played together in college, which like
doesn't happen. And then they just got a dang Pope
just got everything's coming up Philadelphia, Everything's coming up Nova.
Hell yeah, man, good for them. What's up with this point?
(02:07):
He's from Where's he? He's from Chicago, born in Chicago.
It's a Chicago guy going to Villanova for It's got
things to hide. His real name Robert Pravo. Is that
how it's pronounced Pravo? Isn't that how they pronounced? Like
the tour buses prevost those buses. I've never pronounced that before,
(02:29):
but you know you've seen a R E V O
S T. Whatever it is. Pre vost pray vo, let
us pray though, Let us pray though. I like my
ship with Chunky prey Go. His name is Cardinal Pravo. Wow.
He was born in chic k go. Okay, okay, and
now I'm on a roll. Okay, now you can't stop
(02:51):
talking in rhyme. It's a first ever American pope. This
was as a young Catholic boy, I was like, but
why is the pope not? I think it was like
the first time that I was like, wait, America is
like not not the only country. Yeah, it's not the
center of the world. I remember being blown away because
wasn't John Paul Polish? Yeah, And I was like, how
(03:13):
how do you do? Is that a thing? Like the
people the first racest jokes? We all hear, Yeah that guy.
How many light bulbs can he screw in or not? Yeah?
But uh this is this was a shocker. I got
I gotta say, Uh, so he's just some dude from Chicago.
(03:34):
He was an American cardinal, just some guy from Chicago. Yeah,
just a perfect eighties comedy yeah, King Ralph style. So
apparently having an American pope was considered taboo before. It's
very taboo because given the geopolitical power already wielded by
the United States, you would think maybe, uh, to take
(03:58):
a step of that, what's left of maybe an alternate
source of power. The two most powerful people in the
world now are both American President of the US. Like
any good American Catholic person within the structure of the
Catholic Church, has he also helped cover up sexual abuse.
He's been accused of it. Miles and the people who
(04:21):
accused of covering up cases. Wow, I mean, you know,
it seems like a lot of like, let's see where
this investigation goes type thing and then like moving move.
I don't know if he was doing the three card
Monty thing that they do with the sex preads, but
the sex crims. But yeah, obviously you know that's not great. Also,
(04:47):
and you're not gonna believe this, but has said some
less than progressive things about same sex marriage in the past.
So hey, look again, that's the Catholic Church for you,
I know, but for a pope, for a pope, he's
on the progressive side of the Leger. He he was
(05:11):
a Francis guy. The so woke pope like kind of
brought him up, blessed him with what is what is
considered to be one of the most powerful jobs in Catholicism,
which is like he names the bishops. I don't think
he like named. He's not like your ted, but like
he did, he determines who gets to be bishop, which
is he's like the bishop shot caller, Bishop shot caller, wow, wow,
(05:36):
which is not the cardinal. At first, I was like,
that seems like a real conflict of interest that he
like named all the people who voted him to be pope,
but those are cardinals, and that's different. Bishop's higher or lower.
I think bishop's lower, right, the cardinal is like, because
you know who the cardinal is of your city, like
Cardinal Roger Moel. Yeah, they always shout him at LA
(05:58):
who is like the big cardinal area. I think it
was O'Hara was maybe his last name? Okay, sure, Cardinal
Bishop O'Hara. Uh that that could be wrong. That might
just be the name of a of a high school
that is a high school in Philly. That might be Yeah, yeah,
I was, I was. I was asleep at that point
(06:19):
in the mass, I guess, but anyway, he was like
the big archbishop. Oh, he was the Archbishop John Francis O'Hara,
the Archbishop of Philadelphia. I was thinking of the school
I was there. My parents are not gonna be happy there.
They just listened for the occasional times that Catholicism comes
(06:39):
up to see if I know what I'm talking about,
straight up heresy and it and also with you they
they do appreciate when I when I say that, and
with your spirit. Maybe less about the saviors downstairs when
you guys do talk about the church. I'm just saying
they would have given him a big one. Yeah, but yeah,
he spent a lot of time in Peru supporting Venezuelan immigrants.
(07:03):
Seems very quick pro immigrant, very quick. Right, this is
day two. I don't know. I don't know. I just
don't even know what the norm is like. Is it
usually a knockout dragon day? I think it usually takes
a little bit longer. I think we uh, you know,
some some of the people who were like on the
short list, according to the media, were like much more
(07:25):
conservative than this person. So I guess in that respect
we dodged a papal bullet. Papal bull whatever. I don't know.
There's a wordplay there that Miles just blessed that joke
with his hand. I have to anyway, that's and that's
all the Pope news that fit to print, as far
as I can tell any too much. Sorry about that,
(07:48):
Sorry about sorry about all. He's got glasses, I don't know. Yeah, yeah,
good for him? All right? What's Bill Gates getting up to?
He just he's he's trending because he's basically said, I'm
giving all my money away for the next twenty years
being I'm gonna do the good billionaire thing and give
away over you know, his more than two hundred billion
(08:10):
dollars on quote global health, development and education, so basically
in twenty years. It will close its stores in twenty
forty five. And I think, I don't know, part of
it is like he I think he's the way that
I've seen this rolled out. He has a lot to
say about Elon Musk, which you should you're a millionaire problem, okay,
But he's like, I feel like part of me is like,
are you saying this to juxtapose yourself as a billionaire,
(08:33):
to be like, I'm not one of the bad ones.
I mean, I'm a billionaire. By default, I am bad,
but I'm not the bad because look at what Elon's doing.
He said, Uh, he was accusing him of quote, killing
the world's poorest children. I mean, that's facts, facts, So
I'm not going to be like, all right, Bill, wait
a dunk on him. But then he also goes on
to say, uh, you know that like he would, I'd
(08:54):
love for him to go in and meet the children
that have now been infected with HIV because he cut
that money. When you know Bill Gates, he's it seems
pretty consistent in terms of like trying to make the
world better. Now, how effective that is, I'm not I'm
not the best person to sort of gauge how effective
is philanthropy is, but they clearly do stuff. And I'm
glad to hear that. Someone's like and I'm fuck it,
(09:14):
I'm giving it all away. Because he did say my
kids ain't getting this shit. He did, Yeah, I think
they're getting like, yeah, some they're manner of fifty million
something yeah, yeah, they're only getting fifty million yeah and
the yeah, I guess usually these things like the Gates
Foundation are like the Clinton whatever, like they just become
(09:37):
like wealth funds. And they're like invested and stuff like that.
So the idea of like setting a end date where
they're like, and that's when we'll be out of money
because we are giving it all away, is can someone
go out with a fucking bang be like, no, bro,
here's one hundred BILLI for fucking unhoused people. Yeah, in
the United States, boom, let's go. I mean, like, I
(09:59):
get you're stretching it out over years, but you know,
the brand is really toxic for billionaires, and it can
just take one person to really work on their brand.
You know. That's the conversation that's happening behind closed doors,
worked on our branding? How do we build a brand?
These greedy motherfuckers who don't know a working person if
their life depended on it. So all their ideas are
(10:21):
so abstract and like won't resonate. Like what if you
opened a theme park that was free for brown kids. Oh,
I don't know what the answer is, but I know
that it involves AI. That's right, you know, exactly exactly
all right, there's a there's a big I don't know
which one's bigger bigger news in terms of the passing
(10:41):
of the torch, but we have a new top three soda,
which I don't. I'm not gonna say I'm shocked, but
I was spiritually affected by this. It's like a head
of state has passed or so. Yeah, exactly, this is
(11:02):
there's a new top three. So do you know the
top three sodas off the top of your head? Up
to this point, I don't know. I only know like
coke or Pepsi are probably the top two. Coke and
Pepsi and Doctor Pepper have been our top three. Doctor
Pepper really like the people who love Doctor Pepper loved
Doctor Pepper so hard, like they just yeah, yeah, anyways,
(11:27):
Pepsi has been knocked out of the top three. Oh
and god Jack, hold on, really you are right? Yeah? Yeah,
for real, all of the all of the Pepsi has
been knocked out of the top It's it's been replaced
by sprite. Oh ship. Yeah, okay, I get behind that, Spry. Yeah. Hey,
(11:51):
our time has come clear. Drinkers unite. Yeah, we obeyed
our thirst to the top three. Baby Anthony honestly did
it to me for knowing how on the internet people
know the healing power of sprite out of like a
fucking soda fountain. Well this is this was a long
time coming. Surprising that it took this long. Yeah, I mean,
(12:13):
while we're going through such a caffeine assance where everybody
is like, yeah, being caffeinated, it's surprising that a non
caffeinated beverage is taking is landing in the top three. However,
I will say, we're not If you need a caffeinated
pick me up, you're not going to Pepsi anymore. Yeah,
You're going to Monster like cocaine Blast. Yeah, exactly, Yeah,
(12:37):
monster cocaine Monster cocaine Blast. Yeah. So it never really
made sense like this is this seems like, you know,
either coke or Pepsi, we're gonna last in the top three,
and then you needed some some variety in there. But yeah,
I don't know. I mean it may we've been dunking
(12:58):
on Pepsi since we did that, like one long form
story about the logo redesign, you know, and how lost
they are as a company who has like been like
a spokesperson for Pepsi, you know, like the ars dude,
the top people, the Spice Gros data mess back in
the day. Recently, I'm saying, oh, yeah, they're off that
(13:18):
generation next shit, remember Yeah, that Generation Next was fucking
killing it. The last time I heard I can think
of a celebrity being associated with Pepsi was the Generat Yeah, yeah,
twenty twenty. Was that twenty twenty? I think it was
right after anyway, Yeah, where she's like, I've solved racial
(13:39):
inequity and it just gives the Kapa Pepsi and then
everybody's cool. I think that this is a direct result
of this, but it's definitely like the death. They're part
of the same thing, you know. Yeah, I mean that
must suck to work at Pepsi, right, Like if you're
like in their innovation, like if you're the people that
are like in charge of making sure the brand is hot,
(14:01):
they're probably like, you fucked us. Yeah, because Sprite is
a coke product, I think, right, yeah, there's a Starry
Do or whatever the fuck whatever, you know what I'm
talking about, the Starry Storry. Yeah, Starry Do Star dou Valley.
I think that's what I was a tie in conflating
the two. But yeah, I again just fall back. I think,
(14:25):
do you think it's a good time? I mean, no,
they're not going to do that, but like PEPSI should
just give up I think they have a little bit.
I think, yeah, their focus is on mountain dew, like
they're seeing the growth probably like the growth lines not
really match up for the pet for the actual pepsi beverage.
But yeah, like they're a good good pepsi, like weird
(14:51):
like nitro pepsi, where like you there's like a little
nitrogen canister that you like carbonate the pepsi with and
it's to be actually pretty good. So maybe that's their
lanes like more of a niche thing. Yeah, but yeah,
pepsi do a liquid nitrogen one so we can all
have fun. I mean when I was a kid, like
(15:11):
PEPSI was the ship. When I was a kid, like
pepsi was cool. I was. I was a pepsi fan.
Yeah I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't like when the
people like pepsi, I was like, oh ship. I remember
coming in from like playing outside and being really thirsty
it was like the summer and just taking a massive
pepsi to the dome, just like chugging a can maybe
(15:32):
a can and a half of pepsi and that being
the first like drug experience in where I was like,
I feel incredible at tearing right after garage that had
the refrigerator that was fun pepsi. Yeah yeah, all right,
well all right for a boomers. That's why I'm saying boomers. Wow, boomer,
(15:58):
I'm not a boomer bae. Also, I'm off pepsi now
you know what I mean. So, like you know, I
never actually liked it. Wow, baity Now was like your parents.
First of all, my mother never let me drink colas.
That's why I was always team sprite for whatever reason
in her mind, clear soda was somehow the better option.
But this is a crazy fall from the late eighties
when Michael Jackson and Madonna were like pepsi people, and
(16:20):
like that, something happened in that branding, like that marketing department.
They must have maybe taken just obscene swings on talent
and they're like, we're gonna fucking create our business if
we pay Kendall Jenner another fourteen million dollars to hold
a can of sprite up to a CoP's face. Yeah,
canna pepsi, she held a canda sprite up. We actually
would none of this would have happened, and she would
have solved exactly racism, exactly. All right, We'll be right back,
(16:53):
and we're back. We're back, and the orange smoke has
come out of the White House and announced a trade deal.
I thought you're going to talk about that most beautiful
girl thing? Oh enough, did you see that? No? It
so stupid. There's like a sorry, this is like a
(17:14):
thing in our dock right now of a trending story
where Yahoo is said she was named most beautiful girl
in the world at age six. Here's what she looks
like at twenty four. It's the dumbest article of like
just like this. I don't know who the fuck is
saying this is the most beautiful girl of the when
(17:35):
she was six years old. That is gross fucking predator shit,
not like some guy with an eye for talent, whoever
the fuck named it. But then like they're like, and
now she's still a model, great, yeah, right, Like so
this person was had an eye for that. Yeah. This
story just weirded me out to the extent that I
(17:56):
was just going to try and skip it, but I
just I couldn't. When I saw those it was just
funny because I was like, Okay, what the fuck is
going on here with this headline. It's just now I
have more questions about who goes around naming the most
beautiful children in the world, like we need to fucking
investigate anyone doing that shit. Well, she looks like like
the pictures of her when she's six, it looks like
(18:16):
she's back in that like beauty uh competition, like child
beauty competition shit like Toddler's and Tiaras shit. Which, yeah,
that whole thing is so so weird, so broken and strange,
and uh it's like Yaho. And by the way, those
are the people who think everybody in Hollywood are pedophiles
(18:39):
and you know what I mean, like that this is
what they've got going on is on the weekend. Also,
this makes sense because Yahoo definitely appeals to like the
oldest people on the internet. So for them, they will
read a headline like this completely uncritically and be like,
what did ever happen to the most beautiful six year old? Right?
And then that be it. Anyway, she's fine, she's twenty four. Great, Yeah,
(19:02):
there we go, amazing, amazing story, great work, Yahoo. Trade deal.
Trump has announced a historic trade deal, more historic than
anything ever. Yeah, it's not much of anything. It's for
first of all, like announce a trade deal with China. Okay,
not our ninth largest trading partner, like the at least
hit the top three. Who's it with with the UK?
(19:25):
With the UK? Yeah? Yeah, And you know it's like,
first of all, there's still ten percent tariffs on them,
so it's like, well, what's the thing They're like emphasizing
other industries like AI and biotech and all this other shit.
So a lot of people are like, what is this
really and is this just a fig leaf? Like is
this an actual deal or we just saying we're claiming
(19:48):
victory because we need to claim victory. It feels like
they're just claiming victory to claim victory because like, while
the market had a slight uptick, this does nothing to
actually sort of assuage concerns over what the fuck is
going on with the economy and what this trade war
is going to look like. Howard lutnik though, came out
(20:10):
and he started trending because again it's sycophant Fridays or
Thursdays or Saturday, whatever, it's time for the siccaphans to
come out, and this was him talking about how this
is the Secretary of Commerce, Howard Lutnix saying how fucking
sick this deal is but the president.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
And by the way, I want to make this clear, Well,
Jamison and.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I worked hard.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
This was the president's deal, and people think, oh, that's
not the way it works. If you got to sit
next to him, I have the best deal maker to
my left, and if you don't fit, then we take
advantage of him calling the Prime minister getting that deal done.
You don't understand who's the president of United States. So
he's the closer. He gets deals done that we could
(20:48):
never get done because he understands business. He understands deals,
and that's why we're here today.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Well okay, Jesus Christ. And by the way, it's almost
like it's like written word for word from something that
Trump dictated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's the president. And by
the way, uh, the most amazing president of all time.
And if you don't know, you don't understand President deals
the way he make a deal, so deal that I
(21:16):
was even like, you're the closer. Okay, man, it's getting
so weird. I mean it's been weird, but like the
just the the fact that every five days they need
to have an in person PEP rally for him in
front of him, like in front of the media is
really weird. It's really weird. It's a weird world. It's
fucking fucking sad. So a lot of people are like,
(21:38):
we'll see what this fucking deal renders, but this just
feels like a lot of just deal for Optic's sake,
TBD on what the long term benefits will be for
either country. All right, And finally Joe Biden had to
uh had to get his his flowers. It's like everyone
talking about this guy funeral Fer, What about my dad
(22:00):
funeral I could have won? Yeah, so he a view
of it. Yeah, he's like in a reputation management tour
and he's got a quote veteran campaign and communications strategist
to help him fix his public image. And so his
first stop was the View and he claimed that he
(22:23):
would have beaten Trump had he run, so like basically
just being like, you know, we saw when he dropped out.
He was like, she can't win, man, she stinks man,
And it's me baby all day, Joe b And when
he dropped out, there was like a massive, like multi
digit surge in polling. Like the only reason that it
(22:46):
was ever anywhere close was because he dropped out. You
And also, to be fair, she ran on the same
things you would have ran on too. The reason she
lost was because she refused to knife you the way that.
And again, this is just a great you know, Kamala
Harris refusing to back away from Joe Biden's terrible policies.
(23:11):
Great call on her part, and her advisor's good, great call.
You you got absolutely nothing out of it other than
a fucking historical loss that completely fucked this country for
decades to come. But on the other hand, you have
the loyalty of this guy who came out and just
fucking knifety on the view right. Yeah, I don't know.
It's just like I don't know why he thinks he
(23:33):
needs to resurrect, Like what the why are you on
any kind of I mean, he's still got a future
of any sort, like not just like not being alive,
but I think he thinks he has a future, Like
he can run again. Doctor Jill can buy him an
Oculus headset and just let him fucking have fun for
like twelve hours a day with that thing. I'm sure
(23:54):
it'll blow his mind. Just let him just he's old, Okay, Yeah,
he's old. He's like, you know, a lot of people
didn't show up. He acts like the depression in turnout
had to do with the fact that he wasn't on
the ballot, rather than people being so dissatisfied with the
direction of the country and having a candidate was not
offering anything different main character syndrome. Yeah it was. It
(24:17):
was actually all about me. Well, many stories appear to
all be about you when they're when you're you. That's
just the way that life works. And apparently that optical
illusion never gets any less tricky to certain people. Yeah. Hey, well,
like last time I ran, and that looked totally different
for me than this time when I didn't run, and
(24:38):
this time I lost. Uh oh man. When asked about
whether or not the story is about his cognitive decline
were true or not, he refuted them and then like
rambled for several minutes before his wife had to be like,
all right, Joe, let's let's move it. Joe, let's wrap
it up. Let's wrap it up. I'm a cognitive decline.
(24:58):
I don't know cognitive I'm behind it. End of it here.
This is a little bit and which I won't go
into him in interested time, interested time, And we got
it done. And you know one of the things that
that well, well, you know one of the things. There
you go, doctor Jill, come on with Dally, you finish that.
You know what Joe's trying to say? I think here
(25:23):
that was a question about his cognitive decline, and he
fucking trailed off mid sentence. How who is out here
being like, dude, this guy's still got it. We got
to get him out there in front of the view.
Just a bunch of people who are making money off
of this shit, like including the fucking Chris Meager, whoever
(25:43):
this strat at the Communic Comms guy he hired, who's
just like, yeah, well fucking take a check and tell
him I can. I'll convince the world the earth is
fucking brown and the sky is orange. Sure. Brian the
Editor asked if he does birthday parties. That is like
literally the like he's very predictable, Like he is like
a pool string toy, you know, like that, I know
(26:05):
exactly what he's gonna sound like. You ask him a question,
he's gonna talk about it for half a sentence, talk
about how and we did something about that, We got
that done so and then he's gonna stumble a little bit,
and then someone's gonna come in and be like dude,
and that's I cannot handle powerful old white guy geriatric
jazz anymore from please, none of these people say actual
(26:29):
things out loud that makes sense. Ever, Trump, It's interesting,
like I feel like they've decided to take over. Like
there's a lot more press these days with Donald Trump,
where he's not talking and people are talking about him,
and he just sits there pleased and allows people to
talk about it. That's how you hide up someone's cognitive
(26:53):
That's right, Yeah, that's how it's done. And this guy's
so smart he's not even saying anything, and don't ask him.
He's falling asleep and is soon all right. Those are
some of the things that are trending on this Thursday afternoon.
We are back tomorrow with a whole lass episode of
the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be
kind to yourselves, get your vaccines where you still can
(27:15):
get your flu shot, don't do nothing about white supremacy,
and we will talk to you all tomorrow. Bye bye.
The Daily Zeite guist as executive produced by Catherine Law,
co produced by Bye Wayne, co produced by Victor Wright,
co written by J M McNabb, edited and engineered by
Justin Conner and edited and engineered by Brian Jeffries.
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Pope
Trendonardo aka Pope Trendo Trendo Trendo aka America trend Pope.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Wow, look at look at us. We fucking did it.
We fucking I mean, because it's so funny. You read
something we read so many articles about. It's like, where
where does the Catholic Church like need to make gains?
And they're like, in America, it's contracting, and maybe they're like,
maybe this will help, Maybe this will help. Yeah, maybe
(00:36):
maybe if you if you really wanted to help, you
would have you know who you would have made pope
And we already told you that with our Ai slop
who you should have made Pope Lebron James Lebron mm
hmmm honestly, yeah, if you can just do anything. Lebron
sounds like a pope's name, Pope Lebron. Yeah, fourth, Yeah,
Pope Leonardo, the Leo, the Fourth. A lot of people
(01:01):
had that idea before, so starting things off on a
very unoriginal front. Yeah, the big big thing because Americans
are into college sports and Villanova villain. Yo, new Pope
just dropped, He's from Nova. If you fuck with the
Philadelphia area, bro, Like we know about Nova. My friend Chris,
(01:24):
you know, Philly fan, Philly based all his like relatives
went to Nova. Yeh, he's like, bro, but he's like
between the Nova Knicks and the Pope, He's like, we're
eating Bro, I know, for really eating. I was like,
you're right. Shout out Villanova shot Wildcats. Shout out to.
Villanova is a college in the Philadelphia area that's one
a couple of basketball titles recently, and they're they have
(01:47):
a thing happening with the Knicks right now where like
all of the player, like a bunch of the best
players on the team played together in college, which like
doesn't happen. And then they just got a dang Pope
just got everything's coming up Philadelphia, Everything's coming up Nova.
Hell yeah, man, good for them. What's up with this point?
(02:07):
He's from Where's he? He's from Chicago, born in Chicago.
It's a Chicago guy going to Villanova for It's got
things to hide. His real name Robert Pravo. Is that
how it's pronounced Pravo? Isn't that how they pronounced? Like
the tour buses prevost those buses. I've never pronounced that before,
(02:29):
but you know you've seen a R E V O
S T. Whatever it is. Pre vost pray vo, let
us pray though, Let us pray though. I like my
ship with Chunky prey Go. His name is Cardinal Pravo. Wow.
He was born in chic k go. Okay, okay, and
now I'm on a roll. Okay, now you can't stop
(02:51):
talking in rhyme. It's a first ever American pope. This
was as a young Catholic boy, I was like, but
why is the pope not? I think it was like
the first time that I was like, wait, America is
like not not the only country. Yeah, it's not the
center of the world. I remember being blown away because
wasn't John Paul Polish? Yeah, And I was like, how
(03:13):
how do you do? Is that a thing? Like the
people the first racest jokes? We all hear, Yeah that guy.
How many light bulbs can he screw in or not? Yeah?
But uh this is this was a shocker. I got
I gotta say, Uh, so he's just some dude from Chicago.
(03:34):
He was an American cardinal, just some guy from Chicago. Yeah,
just a perfect eighties comedy yeah, King Ralph style. So
apparently having an American pope was considered taboo before. It's
very taboo because given the geopolitical power already wielded by
the United States, you would think maybe, uh, to take
(03:58):
a step of that, what's left of maybe an alternate
source of power. The two most powerful people in the
world now are both American President of the US. Like
any good American Catholic person within the structure of the
Catholic Church, has he also helped cover up sexual abuse.
He's been accused of it. Miles and the people who
(04:21):
accused of covering up cases. Wow, I mean, you know,
it seems like a lot of like, let's see where
this investigation goes type thing and then like moving move.
I don't know if he was doing the three card
Monty thing that they do with the sex preads, but
the sex crims. But yeah, obviously you know that's not great. Also,
(04:47):
and you're not gonna believe this, but has said some
less than progressive things about same sex marriage in the past.
So hey, look again, that's the Catholic Church for you,
I know, but for a pope, for a pope, he's
on the progressive side of the Leger. He he was
(05:11):
a Francis guy. The so woke pope like kind of
brought him up, blessed him with what is what is
considered to be one of the most powerful jobs in Catholicism,
which is like he names the bishops. I don't think
he like named. He's not like your ted, but like
he did, he determines who gets to be bishop, which
is he's like the bishop shot caller, Bishop shot caller, wow, wow,
(05:36):
which is not the cardinal. At first, I was like,
that seems like a real conflict of interest that he
like named all the people who voted him to be pope,
but those are cardinals, and that's different. Bishop's higher or lower.
I think bishop's lower, right, the cardinal is like, because
you know who the cardinal is of your city, like
Cardinal Roger Moel. Yeah, they always shout him at LA
(05:58):
who is like the big cardinal area. I think it
was O'Hara was maybe his last name? Okay, sure, Cardinal
Bishop O'Hara. Uh that that could be wrong. That might
just be the name of a of a high school
that is a high school in Philly. That might be Yeah, yeah,
I was, I was. I was asleep at that point
(06:19):
in the mass, I guess, but anyway, he was like
the big archbishop. Oh, he was the Archbishop John Francis O'Hara,
the Archbishop of Philadelphia. I was thinking of the school
I was there. My parents are not gonna be happy there.
They just listened for the occasional times that Catholicism comes
(06:39):
up to see if I know what I'm talking about,
straight up heresy and it and also with you they
they do appreciate when I when I say that, and
with your spirit. Maybe less about the saviors downstairs when
you guys do talk about the church. I'm just saying
they would have given him a big one. Yeah, but yeah,
he spent a lot of time in Peru supporting Venezuelan immigrants.
(07:03):
Seems very quick pro immigrant, very quick. Right, this is
day two. I don't know. I don't know. I just
don't even know what the norm is like. Is it
usually a knockout dragon day? I think it usually takes
a little bit longer. I think we uh, you know,
some some of the people who were like on the
short list, according to the media, were like much more
(07:25):
conservative than this person. So I guess in that respect
we dodged a papal bullet. Papal bull whatever. I don't know.
There's a wordplay there that Miles just blessed that joke
with his hand. I have to anyway, that's and that's
all the Pope news that fit to print, as far
as I can tell any too much. Sorry about that,
(07:48):
Sorry about sorry about all. He's got glasses, I don't know. Yeah, yeah,
good for him? All right? What's Bill Gates getting up to?
He just he's he's trending because he's basically said, I'm
giving all my money away for the next twenty years
being I'm gonna do the good billionaire thing and give
away over you know, his more than two hundred billion
(08:10):
dollars on quote global health, development and education, so basically
in twenty years. It will close its stores in twenty
forty five. And I think, I don't know, part of
it is like he I think he's the way that
I've seen this rolled out. He has a lot to
say about Elon Musk, which you should you're a millionaire problem, okay,
But he's like, I feel like part of me is like,
are you saying this to juxtapose yourself as a billionaire,
(08:33):
to be like, I'm not one of the bad ones.
I mean, I'm a billionaire. By default, I am bad,
but I'm not the bad because look at what Elon's doing.
He said, Uh, he was accusing him of quote, killing
the world's poorest children. I mean, that's facts, facts, So
I'm not going to be like, all right, Bill, wait
a dunk on him. But then he also goes on
to say, uh, you know that like he would, I'd
(08:54):
love for him to go in and meet the children
that have now been infected with HIV because he cut
that money. When you know Bill Gates, he's it seems
pretty consistent in terms of like trying to make the
world better. Now, how effective that is, I'm not I'm
not the best person to sort of gauge how effective
is philanthropy is, but they clearly do stuff. And I'm
glad to hear that. Someone's like and I'm fuck it,
(09:14):
I'm giving it all away. Because he did say my
kids ain't getting this shit. He did, Yeah, I think
they're getting like, yeah, some they're manner of fifty million
something yeah, yeah, they're only getting fifty million yeah and
the yeah, I guess usually these things like the Gates
Foundation are like the Clinton whatever, like they just become
(09:37):
like wealth funds. And they're like invested and stuff like that.
So the idea of like setting a end date where
they're like, and that's when we'll be out of money
because we are giving it all away, is can someone
go out with a fucking bang be like, no, bro,
here's one hundred BILLI for fucking unhoused people. Yeah, in
the United States, boom, let's go. I mean, like, I
(09:59):
get you're stretching it out over years, but you know,
the brand is really toxic for billionaires, and it can
just take one person to really work on their brand.
You know. That's the conversation that's happening behind closed doors,
worked on our branding? How do we build a brand?
These greedy motherfuckers who don't know a working person if
their life depended on it. So all their ideas are
(10:21):
so abstract and like won't resonate. Like what if you
opened a theme park that was free for brown kids. Oh,
I don't know what the answer is, but I know
that it involves AI. That's right, you know, exactly exactly
all right, there's a there's a big I don't know
which one's bigger bigger news in terms of the passing
(10:41):
of the torch, but we have a new top three soda,
which I don't. I'm not gonna say I'm shocked, but
I was spiritually affected by this. It's like a head
of state has passed or so. Yeah, exactly, this is
(11:02):
there's a new top three. So do you know the
top three sodas off the top of your head? Up
to this point, I don't know. I only know like
coke or Pepsi are probably the top two. Coke and
Pepsi and Doctor Pepper have been our top three. Doctor
Pepper really like the people who love Doctor Pepper loved
Doctor Pepper so hard, like they just yeah, yeah, anyways,
(11:27):
Pepsi has been knocked out of the top three. Oh
and god Jack, hold on, really you are right? Yeah? Yeah,
for real, all of the all of the Pepsi has
been knocked out of the top It's it's been replaced
by sprite. Oh ship. Yeah, okay, I get behind that, Spry. Yeah. Hey,
(11:51):
our time has come clear. Drinkers unite. Yeah, we obeyed
our thirst to the top three. Baby Anthony honestly did
it to me for knowing how on the internet people
know the healing power of sprite out of like a
fucking soda fountain. Well this is this was a long
time coming. Surprising that it took this long. Yeah, I mean,
(12:13):
while we're going through such a caffeine assance where everybody
is like, yeah, being caffeinated, it's surprising that a non
caffeinated beverage is taking is landing in the top three. However,
I will say, we're not If you need a caffeinated
pick me up, you're not going to Pepsi anymore. Yeah,
You're going to Monster like cocaine Blast. Yeah, exactly, Yeah,
(12:37):
monster cocaine Monster cocaine Blast. Yeah. So it never really
made sense like this is this seems like, you know,
either coke or Pepsi, we're gonna last in the top three,
and then you needed some some variety in there. But yeah,
I don't know. I mean it may we've been dunking
(12:58):
on Pepsi since we did that, like one long form
story about the logo redesign, you know, and how lost
they are as a company who has like been like
a spokesperson for Pepsi, you know, like the ars dude,
the top people, the Spice Gros data mess back in
the day. Recently, I'm saying, oh, yeah, they're off that
(13:18):
generation next shit, remember Yeah, that Generation Next was fucking
killing it. The last time I heard I can think
of a celebrity being associated with Pepsi was the Generat Yeah, yeah,
twenty twenty. Was that twenty twenty? I think it was
right after anyway, Yeah, where she's like, I've solved racial
(13:39):
inequity and it just gives the Kapa Pepsi and then
everybody's cool. I think that this is a direct result
of this, but it's definitely like the death. They're part
of the same thing, you know. Yeah, I mean that
must suck to work at Pepsi, right, Like if you're
like in their innovation, like if you're the people that
are like in charge of making sure the brand is hot,
(14:01):
they're probably like, you fucked us. Yeah, because Sprite is
a coke product, I think, right, yeah, there's a Starry
Do or whatever the fuck whatever, you know what I'm
talking about, the Starry Storry. Yeah, Starry Do Star dou Valley.
I think that's what I was a tie in conflating
the two. But yeah, I again just fall back. I think,
(14:25):
do you think it's a good time? I mean, no,
they're not going to do that, but like PEPSI should
just give up I think they have a little bit.
I think, yeah, their focus is on mountain dew, like
they're seeing the growth probably like the growth lines not
really match up for the pet for the actual pepsi beverage.
But yeah, like they're a good good pepsi, like weird
(14:51):
like nitro pepsi, where like you there's like a little
nitrogen canister that you like carbonate the pepsi with and
it's to be actually pretty good. So maybe that's their
lanes like more of a niche thing. Yeah, but yeah,
pepsi do a liquid nitrogen one so we can all
have fun. I mean when I was a kid, like
(15:11):
PEPSI was the ship. When I was a kid, like
pepsi was cool. I was. I was a pepsi fan.
Yeah I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't like when the
people like pepsi, I was like, oh ship. I remember
coming in from like playing outside and being really thirsty
it was like the summer and just taking a massive
pepsi to the dome, just like chugging a can maybe
(15:32):
a can and a half of pepsi and that being
the first like drug experience in where I was like,
I feel incredible at tearing right after garage that had
the refrigerator that was fun pepsi. Yeah yeah, all right,
well all right for a boomers. That's why I'm saying boomers. Wow, boomer,
(15:58):
I'm not a boomer bae. Also, I'm off pepsi now
you know what I mean. So, like you know, I
never actually liked it. Wow, baity Now was like your parents.
First of all, my mother never let me drink colas.
That's why I was always team sprite for whatever reason
in her mind, clear soda was somehow the better option.
But this is a crazy fall from the late eighties
when Michael Jackson and Madonna were like pepsi people, and
(16:20):
like that, something happened in that branding, like that marketing department.
They must have maybe taken just obscene swings on talent
and they're like, we're gonna fucking create our business if
we pay Kendall Jenner another fourteen million dollars to hold
a can of sprite up to a CoP's face. Yeah,
canna pepsi, she held a canda sprite up. We actually
would none of this would have happened, and she would
have solved exactly racism, exactly. All right, We'll be right back,
(16:53):
and we're back. We're back, and the orange smoke has
come out of the White House and announced a trade deal.
I thought you're going to talk about that most beautiful
girl thing? Oh enough, did you see that? No? It
so stupid. There's like a sorry, this is like a
(17:14):
thing in our dock right now of a trending story
where Yahoo is said she was named most beautiful girl
in the world at age six. Here's what she looks
like at twenty four. It's the dumbest article of like
just like this. I don't know who the fuck is
saying this is the most beautiful girl of the when
(17:35):
she was six years old. That is gross fucking predator shit,
not like some guy with an eye for talent, whoever
the fuck named it. But then like they're like, and
now she's still a model, great, yeah, right, Like so
this person was had an eye for that. Yeah. This
story just weirded me out to the extent that I
(17:56):
was just going to try and skip it, but I
just I couldn't. When I saw those it was just
funny because I was like, Okay, what the fuck is
going on here with this headline. It's just now I
have more questions about who goes around naming the most
beautiful children in the world, like we need to fucking
investigate anyone doing that shit. Well, she looks like like
the pictures of her when she's six, it looks like
(18:16):
she's back in that like beauty uh competition, like child
beauty competition shit like Toddler's and Tiaras shit. Which, yeah,
that whole thing is so so weird, so broken and strange,
and uh it's like Yaho. And by the way, those
are the people who think everybody in Hollywood are pedophiles
(18:39):
and you know what I mean, like that this is
what they've got going on is on the weekend. Also,
this makes sense because Yahoo definitely appeals to like the
oldest people on the internet. So for them, they will
read a headline like this completely uncritically and be like,
what did ever happen to the most beautiful six year old? Right?
And then that be it. Anyway, she's fine, she's twenty four. Great, Yeah,
(19:02):
there we go, amazing, amazing story, great work, Yahoo. Trade deal.
Trump has announced a historic trade deal, more historic than
anything ever. Yeah, it's not much of anything. It's for
first of all, like announce a trade deal with China. Okay,
not our ninth largest trading partner, like the at least
hit the top three. Who's it with with the UK?
(19:25):
With the UK? Yeah? Yeah, And you know it's like,
first of all, there's still ten percent tariffs on them,
so it's like, well, what's the thing They're like emphasizing
other industries like AI and biotech and all this other shit.
So a lot of people are like, what is this
really and is this just a fig leaf? Like is
this an actual deal or we just saying we're claiming
(19:48):
victory because we need to claim victory. It feels like
they're just claiming victory to claim victory because like, while
the market had a slight uptick, this does nothing to
actually sort of assuage concerns over what the fuck is
going on with the economy and what this trade war
is going to look like. Howard lutnik though, came out
(20:10):
and he started trending because again it's sycophant Fridays or
Thursdays or Saturday, whatever, it's time for the siccaphans to
come out, and this was him talking about how this
is the Secretary of Commerce, Howard Lutnix saying how fucking
sick this deal is but the president.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
And by the way, I want to make this clear, Well,
Jamison and.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I worked hard.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
This was the president's deal, and people think, oh, that's
not the way it works. If you got to sit
next to him, I have the best deal maker to
my left, and if you don't fit, then we take
advantage of him calling the Prime minister getting that deal done.
You don't understand who's the president of United States. So
he's the closer. He gets deals done that we could
(20:48):
never get done because he understands business. He understands deals,
and that's why we're here today.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Well okay, Jesus Christ. And by the way, it's almost
like it's like written word for word from something that
Trump dictated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's the president. And by
the way, uh, the most amazing president of all time.
And if you don't know, you don't understand President deals
the way he make a deal, so deal that I
(21:16):
was even like, you're the closer. Okay, man, it's getting
so weird. I mean it's been weird, but like the
just the the fact that every five days they need
to have an in person PEP rally for him in
front of him, like in front of the media is
really weird. It's really weird. It's a weird world. It's
fucking fucking sad. So a lot of people are like,
(21:38):
we'll see what this fucking deal renders, but this just
feels like a lot of just deal for Optic's sake,
TBD on what the long term benefits will be for
either country. All right, And finally Joe Biden had to
uh had to get his his flowers. It's like everyone
talking about this guy funeral Fer, What about my dad
(22:00):
funeral I could have won? Yeah, so he a view
of it. Yeah, he's like in a reputation management tour
and he's got a quote veteran campaign and communications strategist
to help him fix his public image. And so his
first stop was the View and he claimed that he
(22:23):
would have beaten Trump had he run, so like basically
just being like, you know, we saw when he dropped out.
He was like, she can't win, man, she stinks man,
And it's me baby all day, Joe b And when
he dropped out, there was like a massive, like multi
digit surge in polling. Like the only reason that it
(22:46):
was ever anywhere close was because he dropped out. You
And also, to be fair, she ran on the same
things you would have ran on too. The reason she
lost was because she refused to knife you the way that.
And again, this is just a great you know, Kamala
Harris refusing to back away from Joe Biden's terrible policies.
(23:11):
Great call on her part, and her advisor's good, great call.
You you got absolutely nothing out of it other than
a fucking historical loss that completely fucked this country for
decades to come. But on the other hand, you have
the loyalty of this guy who came out and just
fucking knifety on the view right. Yeah, I don't know.
It's just like I don't know why he thinks he
(23:33):
needs to resurrect, Like what the why are you on
any kind of I mean, he's still got a future
of any sort, like not just like not being alive,
but I think he thinks he has a future, Like
he can run again. Doctor Jill can buy him an
Oculus headset and just let him fucking have fun for
like twelve hours a day with that thing. I'm sure
(23:54):
it'll blow his mind. Just let him just he's old, Okay, Yeah,
he's old. He's like, you know, a lot of people
didn't show up. He acts like the depression in turnout
had to do with the fact that he wasn't on
the ballot, rather than people being so dissatisfied with the
direction of the country and having a candidate was not
offering anything different main character syndrome. Yeah it was. It
(24:17):
was actually all about me. Well, many stories appear to
all be about you when they're when you're you. That's
just the way that life works. And apparently that optical
illusion never gets any less tricky to certain people. Yeah. Hey, well,
like last time I ran, and that looked totally different
for me than this time when I didn't run, and
(24:38):
this time I lost. Uh oh man. When asked about
whether or not the story is about his cognitive decline
were true or not, he refuted them and then like
rambled for several minutes before his wife had to be like,
all right, Joe, let's let's move it. Joe, let's wrap
it up. Let's wrap it up. I'm a cognitive decline.
(24:58):
I don't know cognitive I'm behind it. End of it here.
This is a little bit and which I won't go
into him in interested time, interested time, And we got
it done. And you know one of the things that
that well, well, you know one of the things. There
you go, doctor Jill, come on with Dally, you finish that.
You know what Joe's trying to say? I think here
(25:23):
that was a question about his cognitive decline, and he
fucking trailed off mid sentence. How who is out here
being like, dude, this guy's still got it. We got
to get him out there in front of the view.
Just a bunch of people who are making money off
of this shit, like including the fucking Chris Meager, whoever
(25:43):
this strat at the Communic Comms guy he hired, who's
just like, yeah, well fucking take a check and tell
him I can. I'll convince the world the earth is
fucking brown and the sky is orange. Sure. Brian the
Editor asked if he does birthday parties. That is like
literally the like he's very predictable, Like he is like
a pool string toy, you know, like that, I know
(26:05):
exactly what he's gonna sound like. You ask him a question,
he's gonna talk about it for half a sentence, talk
about how and we did something about that, We got
that done so and then he's gonna stumble a little bit,
and then someone's gonna come in and be like dude,
and that's I cannot handle powerful old white guy geriatric
jazz anymore from please, none of these people say actual
(26:29):
things out loud that makes sense. Ever, Trump, It's interesting,
like I feel like they've decided to take over. Like
there's a lot more press these days with Donald Trump,
where he's not talking and people are talking about him,
and he just sits there pleased and allows people to
talk about it. That's how you hide up someone's cognitive
(26:53):
That's right, Yeah, that's how it's done. And this guy's
so smart he's not even saying anything, and don't ask him.
He's falling asleep and is soon all right. Those are
some of the things that are trending on this Thursday afternoon.
We are back tomorrow with a whole lass episode of
the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be
kind to yourselves, get your vaccines where you still can
(27:15):
get your flu shot, don't do nothing about white supremacy,
and we will talk to you all tomorrow. Bye bye.
The Daily Zeite guist as executive produced by Catherine Law,
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