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January 8, 2020 14 mins

On this edition of The Dark Zeit Rises Miles and Jamie discuss Harry & Meghan leaving the Royal Family, Grimes is gregnant, Justin Bieber has Lyme disease, the Oscars have no host this year, and College Humor has its doors closed.

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:05):
What it's the time for. Hello, the site rises. Hello,
h Hi, It's me Miles Gray and I'm joined by
Judge Judge. Yes, thank you so much for joining me,
Judge Jamie. Uh. And we're here to bring you, you know,
just kind of seeing what's trending as of right now. Uh,

(00:28):
you know, because we have to there's so much news,
and you know, by the time other shows come out
and say, what was the point, people are complaining culture
is crazy? Culture? Um, now what's trending? First up, Prince
Harry and Megan Markel. They're out. I don't know what
this means. They're saying they're smooth to quote step back

(00:49):
as senior members of the royal family. Well, I think
this is smart personally, I mean I think I think
that they're doing so basically, they're just like, we're not
gonna play ball family, like they said, they're going to
be back and forth between North America and which is
needlessly broad, but whatever. Yeah, I guess, I mean, she
knows Cannon. I feel like it would look weird if

(01:10):
they're like, do you care? And you I don't know
who cares about how they worded them couch it, but like, yeah,
I think and and this means that Megan can like
continue to work as an actor if she wants to,
which is kind of nice. Also, Harry, like Harry was
never going to inherit the throne. He knows like five
people had to die for him to inner, so he's like,
well fuck it, might as well have a life. He's like,

(01:31):
you think I want to club my nieces and nephews. No,
And he's like, I thought about it and decided it's
not and now there's too many of them. Asked me,
if I thought about it, yes, but would I do
it now? And he's like, okay, if they only had one,
I would think about it. Uh he yeah. I mean
he's he's were kindred spirits because we're born in the
exact same day. I keep saying this. So now I'm
telling you I'm going to manifest this. I will be

(01:53):
I will be smoking weed with Prince Harry within eighteen months.
That's but like that he might be around. He is
definitely gonna be around. He's going to be around. I'm
the same at the Calabasas Commons or whoever he's at
in the valley or maybe on Hollywood Boulevard, maybe in
front of man's Chinese theater, if that's something he's into.
People like people who are born on the exact same day.

(02:13):
They should meet each other, right, they should? They should.
I'm born the exact same day as Frances Bean Cobaine.
You are Frances being love Cobaine. Wow, yeah, we should meet.
That's funny. I have one of my really good best
friends had the exact same day as one of our
same birthday as one of my roommates introduced them, and
they get along swimmingly. I was like, you said they

(02:35):
got married, and they got married, big narciss But I
like them. In their statement, they were saying, after many
months of reflection, internal discussions, we have chosen to make
the transition UH this year in starting to carve out
a progressive new role within this institution. We intend to
step back as senior members blah blah blah and work
to become financially independent. Goodluck key line there. Yeah, I like.

(02:57):
I mean that just means that what they I don't
I don't know what the royal rules are, but they
can make their own money. They don't need to like
be tied to however, But it's sort of like, don't
worry We'll still do like the formal ship when we
got to and like baby will know he's baby. We'll
dress up, we'll dress up, do the dress ups. They're
not they're they've never been adverse to fashion moments. Will

(03:19):
continue to deliver on that front, I'm sure. I mean, also,
I think just like the way the media out there
has has been treating her, and it's been ye, why
would you want to stay there? Also though, I mean,
I mean, it seems like there might be a little
bit of back and forth here because I don't I mean,
I wonder how much permission they got before they at
least this because Buckingham Palace also released a statements saying, okay,

(03:46):
discussions with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are at
an early stage. We understand their desire to take a
different approach, but these are complicated issues that will take
time to work through. So like a little bit of
shade from Buckingham. Wow, it's like saying I'm gonna get
a lip ring. The Queen was like, I think you're
exactly like, well, I didn't give you permission. Yeah yeah,
So I mean, what does this mean for the suits hive?

(04:09):
What does this mean, do we get a guest appearance
or not? What does it mean for the Royal hive?
This me? You know what I mean? I mean, I
don't know what hive do you care about? More? Um?
Someone literally what hive? Do I care about the state
of our actual bee hives? Because bees, you know, are
da It's a true disaster. And I think if we're

(04:31):
going to concern ourselves with any hive, it's right. It's
the mood there pollinators were about Babu freekive in where
are my freaks at? Okay? What else? Um? I just like,
just is there news about Grimes? Miles Grimes is gregnant?

(04:57):
She's she's she's reget oh my wait with legitimately with
well this movie, just this this movie. This news just
came through. But she posted to her Instagram she got
a bump, she did. She did a funny edit on
it to put alien in her stomach because it's Grimes.

(05:17):
And even though she's, you know, bearing the child of evil,
she's still kind of funny sometimes. Um. So, yeah, she's, she's,
she's having As of right now, it would seem that
she's having she's Greg Nitt with Greg Musk's Yeah, Greg musks, Greg,
do you think how what I mean the letdown of
the century is Grimes, Uh, turning on us like that? Yeah?

(05:40):
But hey, you know, but maybe that's just sometimes we
find out who people actually are, not who we want
them to be. A spaceship musk, she couldn't resist his
space musk. She couldn't resist a space And now she'll
never be free. I was hoping that Grimes would get
free and then she would write a great book and
we would all be like, oh that was that was
Verry for a while there. But now she'll never be free. Uh. Well,

(06:04):
you know I got much luck to them. Well, can
regard you and Nancy? Yeah, Greg, Nancs are always celebrated,
Gregnancies are beautiful. What else? Lime diseases trending because the twist.
Justin Bieber said that he goes, I know like it
was some ship that people been saying, like, I look
like shit it literally said in this post quote his

(06:27):
Instagram post. Well, a lot of people kept saying Justin
Bieber looks like ship on math, etcetera. They failed to
realize I've been recently diagnosed with lyme disease. Not only that,
but had serious case of chronic mono, which affected my skin,
brain function, energy, and overall health. Wow wow wow. And
he said he has a docuseries coming out to explain

(06:48):
all of this. That's the part of the story that
I'm like, Oh, and at the end he's battling a
life threatening disease and it's a commercial I love. I mean,
it could be that it's just like a legit. I
don't know who knows what I mean obviously, like no one,
No one wants to disease line. Disease is no joke.

(07:09):
That's like a god and he had krown mom, that's
chronic mono. Let's let's give this guy some space. I mean,
my god. Yeah, that's it looks like ship part resonate
with you because that sort of description of like waiting
for a second part to come. I can't read and
look like He's like, oh, everyone's been saying I look
like and I can't read. And I am here to

(07:30):
announce I have accepted the role of dancer in the
upcoming Santa University. I've no longer singing best wishes to him.
I have an aunt that has lime disease, and it
is no joke. It is tough isn't it like really
is it hard to um? Like what's the word? I'm
a treat Like the treatment options are very limited. Well,
it's very hard to diagnose. It takes forever to die

(07:51):
because people think it's a million and one other things.
And there's I mean, there's a lot of like, um
theory that I can't speak to. But I have your
friend with lime disease who like has done stand up
about it, and there there's you know, it's basically like
a disease that was manufactured as a weapon of war,
and so it's really hard to get it diagnosed because

(08:14):
people don't because then you have to admit that it exists.
It's like it's a weird, complicated thing that I hope
I didn't butcher the facts of. Yeah, but something like that.
I just learned about it from Real Housewives at Beverly
Hills because you laun Foster. She says in her Dutch accent,
lime is tough. It's treatable, but it's tough. Yeah. Uh so, Yeah,

(08:36):
I guess he's saying, you know, he's going to have tour.
He's going to have a tour. I guess also that
him and Haley are gonna start. They're going to get
Greg nont too. They're gonna get gregann and Aunt. You know,
I like Justin and Haley. That's my hottake. They seem happy.
I just don't care anymore. Like I don't have the
energy to hate Justin Bieber. No, it's people have been
demanding that we hate Justin Bieber for like twelve years,

(08:59):
I mean time living in a post hate world. I'm
wow beautiful. The only thing I hate is ihop. Okay,
sorry I said it. Goodbye, sorry, just kissed that endorsement deal,
bye bye bye bye. Uh and that was a big
check too, would have been two hundred bucks before or
after taxes before. Oh the things I've done for two

(09:20):
d before taxes. Yeah, no I won't. I've lived here
too with very little options for income. What else? No,
it's a no host here for the Oscars. Also this
is true again. Yeah that that broke a couple of
hours ago. Oscars Oscar tweeted, they're like celebrities, chick the stars, chick,

(09:42):
Pristine's chick host. Uh so whatever, I don't care. Whatever,
I mean, I think they should like someone's treating like
lets some minaj do it. I'm like Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah,
I don't care. Why not, I don't have someone do it.
If you want to do it, give it to someone
who is not a siss hat white man. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

(10:04):
I don't know. Did you watch the documentary the Kevin
Hart Docuseries For some reason, I watched every second one
on Netflix. Yeah, it'six. I have not. It's weird. I
mean it's weird, but you're just like, huh, it's a
docuseries that will make you go. H things that make
you go. He really did cheat on his wife Finney,
and his apology apparently his apology was terrible. Yeah, that

(10:28):
was it couldn't it could have happened. He could have
just been like, I'm sorry, and then he was like,
I Babu Frick would have never handled a situation like that.
Why not let Baba give babbing your host with Baby Yoda.
I mean, you're welcome, ABC Disney. That sounds like something
that they would do. You know already there's gonna be

(10:48):
a cameo from Babu Frick or Baby Yoda. You know,
I love Wasted. I know that everyone this is corny
as hell, But whenever a cartoon walks out on the award.
I cheer which Shrek was at the odd There's I
cheer the Simpsons are at the Emmy's. I cheer. Have
no choice Oscar Animated Person show with Oscar Shrek, it
might be a Shrek. Oh my god, I mean, I

(11:09):
have no choice but to cheer. People love it. How
many more years must go by till Babu Frick can
set foot on that stage? I wonder if Babu Frick
has staying power. I wonder because Baby Yoda, I feel
like already secured in the zeitgeist forever. I mean, I
think that maybe might be a flourish in the pan
with with our influence and are outsized, UM celebrity can't

(11:32):
calm it down? We can we can get the Babu
Frick movement at a fever pitture. Don't let the hive
settle um okay, and lastly, rest in peace to College
Humor Um. College Humor Media. Basically Sam Rice, who was
believe was running it forever UM, basically said that I
see the parent company said that they are no longer

(11:53):
financing the company funding it UM and like you know,
about a hundred over a hundred people pretty much lost
her jobs like that been there, Yeah right, I've always
lay off like that. Um well, when I worked for
this YouTube show, we felt it coming. Yeah, and it

(12:15):
was like an unceremonious unplugging of the entire production. I
got a sudden layer, I had one. I just it's
like it comes for us all. And then I left
Playboy before the heads rolled there. My head also rolled there.
But oh yeah, did you did you take video too
from that meeting when they're like, hey, sorry, like everyone's fired. No, no,
there's a meeting where yeah, apparently like it was a

(12:39):
really lame way to tell people like that they're the
cuts are incoming. No I got magazine cuts. I didn't
get media cuts. Oh yeah, well the digital took a
big big bite of the apple there. Yeah, so um yeah,
I mean it's it's uh. They were pretty much one
of the last one standing. I know. I mean they
had a good run. If you if you're like a fan,

(12:59):
there's I've got some friends that were still working there, yea,
and know some people that working there. Are some people
who started there, like people who I know in l
A who college humor or the reason they're in Los
Angeles from New York. They've moved on, I believe, and
you know some are still there. Um, but yeah, and
Tao Yang keep an eye on you hate to see
it all right, Well, thanks for sticking around for I

(13:23):
guess not for with us, but staking around for us,
because we look at all the metrics and we know
who respects us and who doesn't and when you're me
and when we cry. Yeah exactly, but I'm I'm actually
I think I just do want to be really honest.
After we get off, Mike, I am going to need
some time to process this Gregnancy, this Grimes, Gregnancy, the Grimes, Gregnancy.

(13:43):
I mean, unfortunately, I'm gonna be following this Gregnancy very care.
I should get that. Yeah, you should get that app
you know where people who are gregnant. It updates you
every like like stage or it's like now it's a
little eggcorn. I hate that. Now it's an eggplant. My cousin.
My cousin is very gregnant right now. And she texted
me She's like, the greg is the size of a Furbie.

(14:05):
You're like, you'll tell you it's the size of Furby
Ferby Mommy. I was like, oh, yeah, you get a
little furbye humming in there. Yeah, it's beak. Did you
imagine if you gave birth to a furby like legit?
Of course I have that dream every night. Yeah, it's

(14:26):
a dream. It's not a nightmare. Yeah. No, Wow, it's
so manageable. And what do you want to name it?
Miss Gregg? You gave birth to the furby and then
you go, which, Oh my god, this is this is breathing,
this is groundbreaking news. Uh. The name is Greg Greg. Okay,

(14:46):
all Hill, Greg. Thank you guys. We'll see you tomorrow
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