Extras: Happen For A Reason

There are so many great conversations that come out of the Question Booth, and we want to share more of them with you. This time around, we have a couple of interviews from our recent question, 'Does everything happen for a reason?'

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
M hmmmm. Hey there, I'm and I'm Kathleen, and welcome
to the Question Booth. And today we have a couple
of bonus conversations from the booth for you. Yeah. So
we're starting to realize that we have a lot of
great interviews, I mean, sometimes too many just for a
single episode, and we want to start sharing some of
those extras with you from time to time. We want

(00:22):
to fill our feed with fun and interesting stuff for
all of you wonderful listeners. And this time around, we're
listening to two interviews from our episode does Everything Happen
for a Reason? If you haven't heard the original, it
came out about a month ago and featured a great
interview with Afro Punk co host Eve's Jeff Coke. We
got a lot of fantastic responses to this question and

(00:43):
it felt like these were still definitely worth a share.
The first conversation is with Colleen Um. So today's question
is do you think everything happens for a reason? I
guess in the terms of cause and effect, there might
be call is two things that it's hard for us
to understand, and then when something happens from that chain

(01:06):
of mysterious causes, chain of events, of all those different causes. Um,
it could be said things happen for a reason. Um.
The platitude statement that sometimes people will say after something
horrible happens, oh, everything happens for a reason, I think
is is really hard to take. Yeah, it's kind of

(01:27):
the last thing you want to hear if something really
awful has happened. Yes, and when something good happens, people
don't usually say that, oh, everything happens for a reason.
My promotion's what do you mean by that? You wouldn't
necessarily think that was a congratulatory statement. Yeah, it does seem,
but to use with the negative. I also think as
humans it's like a coping mechanism when we deal with

(01:49):
anxiety and change. I mean, what else are we going
to tell ourselves when something terrible happens, Like in your mind,
I feel like you're like, well, I hope this what
happened for a reason, But it does it's still a
little unsettling, Like if someone tells you that everything happens
for a reason where you're going through a hard time,
but we've heard it forever, Yeah, and it kind of

(02:11):
I mean it kind of instills, like from a religious
belief that God has a plan, and it started with
that and then now it's involved with different things and
just having faith in the world or in anything. That's
an interesting point to that you bring up the belief
that God has a plan. Um. I think God does
have a plan for us, and I also think we
have free will. So because of that, it's like, I

(02:34):
think He's got a pretty good set of boundaries for
us to work with them, and uh, free will can
set off some chain of events that might be outside
of those boundaries that can then lead to something that's tragic. Um.
And I believe that God can somehow bring good out

(02:55):
of any challenge in our lives. But I don't think
we're always privy to what that might be. Right, It
might be too young. Did you ever see a movie
called Clash of the Titans, had all the Greek gods
up and they're playing kind of a chessboard moving different
tragedies and in the hero's way, and you fight for
them to battle and so forth. I don't believe that
that is. I don't believe that's our God. Have you

(03:18):
always been a spiritual person, Uh, yeah, I would say so.
I was fortunate to be raised by parents that what
my mother is Catholic and was raised going to church
and catechized within the church and so forth. And then
some people when you initially leave the home go oh,
you know what, I know it all and other people don't,

(03:38):
so catch you later God, and it kind of went away.
And then I came back to church and just walked
into my local Catholic church and there was this very
nice priest there and I said, hey, I was just
curious when you offer the sacrament of reconciliation and he

(03:58):
told me he said for thirty on Saturday. So I said, okay, cool,
I'll come back. And he looked me up and down
and he's like, you know what you and I right now?
And I was like okay. And so I went into
the confessional with him, and uh, gave my confession and
was just shaking, and I was kind of terrified. I

(04:19):
was kind of terrified, and uh, the priest kind of
chuckled and this he has this great deep voice, and
he said, well, now, what do you think is going
to happen? And I said, well, I kind of know
the script and he was this was years ago and
I still remember it like it was yesterday, and he
chuckled and he said, you probably think you're the worst

(04:40):
I've ever heard. Huh. And I said yeah, because I
was weeping. I was crying. Once you say those things
out loud, that you've done that, you know, I just weren't. Yeah,
and it weren't right towards those other people. Uh. He said,
you're not. And he said and even if you were,
it doesn't matter. And we're so glad you're home. Um.
Do you have any experiences or a thing that pops

(05:01):
out to you that you think, Wow, this did happen
for a reason. Do you have any Oh, that's a
great question, like where you look back and you're like, well,
I did I think that did happen for a reason.
I guess I'll have to go back to that original
statement that I think there's cause and effect that's happening,
that we may not always see that pattern leaving up
leading up to something. UM. In my career, I had

(05:27):
a significant transition about the time that I was also
going through a significant life change where I was no
longer married to my children's father, and an opportunity to
make more money UM and and increase my skill set,
et cetera. It was a great opportunity Prior to that,
there was an almost devastating confrontation with my employer at

(05:51):
that time, and I, you know what, that's a in hindsight,
I guess I can see the pattern better because it
was it was tragic. I was crying on my way
to work and crying taking my boys to school because
I was so I had already had this thing I
felt was a huge failure in my life by not
being married anymore to their father, and that change and

(06:14):
then my you know, my other safe place of work
also altered with that confrontation. It felt very unfair and
I had you know, there's two sides of every story,
but it was just it was really devastating to have
that level of confrontation with I guess kind of my
work family unit. Uh. And and so I thought, well,

(06:37):
I know this isn't right. I know I shouldn't be
going to work crying. I know I shouldn't be shaking
when I walked past this particular boss a little bit afraid,
and and so I stretched my wings and found something else,
And honestly, it happened fairly quickly. And so, yeah, it's
one of those things just like, well, look at that

(07:00):
that wasn't near as bad as I thought, And in fact,
I'm going into an incredible opportunity that, honest to gosh,
um brought me here to Atlanta for a conference, right, So,
so yeah, I think I think having that belief um.
Like I said, you never feel good when someone says that.
If anyone had told me that when I was like

(07:21):
getting out of my car, wiping my tears and forcing
myself to walk into work, I would have been like,
you know what, gound sand. That is the most stupid
thing I've ever heard. There's no excuse for that. But
at the same time it I almost got pushed out
of the nest. I got pushed out of a seven
year comfort zone that wasn't going to put me in

(07:42):
a place where I could help anyone else. I could
only survive in that position, and so opening up the
door to that new position was amazing. That was Colleen.
We'll have another question Booth interview for you after the break.
M h and we're back. Thanks for joining us, and

(08:06):
let's hear from Alex. Do you think everything happens for
a reason. Well, I think it's a mix. Obviously. I
think for the most part it does everything happens because
or whatever chain reaction needs to take place takes place.
Like you know, I think, at least from my own experience, Um,

(08:26):
everything that has seemed so random and so happenstance happened
because it needs to get me to some certain point. Um.
I think you can look at it as it being
a totally random happenstance and someone or something is just
happening because it should. But I think ultimately things happen

(08:48):
because you need to get to a certain point in life. Yeah. Yeah,
it's interesting way to look at it. Can you think
of anything in your life or an experience that comes
to mind where you were like, whoa that was meant
to happen? Yes? Um, I think so last year, I

(09:09):
I married this girl that I was dating for three months,
and so it was kind of this moment of seeing, oh,
this is a lot, but this girl was amazing. You know.
She changed my perception about everything. Everything is a choice almost,
you know, and so I kind of realized this person

(09:31):
is so great, this is a person I could see
myself being with the rest of my life. And so
I made the leap and just said let's just get married.
And she was totally down with it, and we got
married in my kitchen floor. That was it. And so
like interestingly enough, um, you know, a year later, she

(09:51):
unfortunately left me. I mean, as to be expected, as
things don't go as they're planned out. But I think again,
and this is for me. The reason why it happened
was I needed to be back home. I mean we planned, Okay,
we're going to move away from l A, get away
from all this toxic you know, energy, and and find

(10:13):
some kind of new life here, you know. And I've
been in l A for like seven years and had
been kind of in a love hate relationship with it,
and finally just making the leap with her because it
felt so comfortable, you know, to make some kind of
life decision with her eventually ended me up back here

(10:35):
and you know, she's gone. But I think it ultimately
leads to me kind of rebuilding a bond with my family. Yeah,
that's amazing. Yeah, And so I think it's it's how
you look at it. I mean, that's at least the
best way for me to to look at it. I
think I think we are, as as like human beings,

(10:57):
have to look at things narratively. Yeah, So it's an
interesting because the more that I've asked this question. Um,
it's a very personal way to look at life, I think,
but overall, as humans, we just strive to understand and
make reason out of every single thing in our day
to day life. You need a coping mechanism. You have
to the like, say that didn't just happen just so

(11:17):
I could feel horrible. I have to, you know, it
has to be for some reason. I think it helps
to definitely find motivation. Yes, it's like it's a little
bit more of an optimistic way of life. It's also
like a mindset, and I think it's it's it's also
a great way to be in the present. You know.
It's if I'm here for a reason, if whatever in

(11:40):
my past brought me to this point in my present,
I have to accept that. I have to accept it,
that that is something that has happened and I can
build from it. I think also on the opposite end
of it is that and I think this is a
kind of a newer way of thinking about it. But
like you know, I think there's a romantic edge to

(12:02):
thinking that nothing happens for any reason. And this is
a complete you know, it's just a bowl of entropy
and like you've happened to meet this one person and
it doesn't really matter that you happen to meet this person,
but for some reason, like you can just choose, you
know what, I'm gonna make this means something, I think
in another positive way to look at is that nothing

(12:25):
that I've done matters really. Um, it takes kind of
the pressure off a little bit, but it also is like, Okay,
that means you can keep going and keep doing whatever
you want. Yeah, but I think there is like a
universal truth though you know that there is pain, there
is joy, um to what degree you know we experience

(12:50):
it is totally different. But I think I think there
is that sameness that we're all just kind of we
have no idea why we are here, you know, and
then we make that story, we make our story, and
that is I think the sameness that it is. It's
just we're all just these kind of machines that are

(13:10):
like you, I'm gonna sleep and eat and try to
figure out something beyond that. That's it for today. We
hope we enjoyed hearing a couple more conversations from the
booth and let us know what you think. You can
send us an email at the Question Booth at house
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We're also on Instagram at the Question Booth, and I
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(13:32):
We'll be back with a full length episode soon, but
until then, see you in the Question Booth.