February 25, 2020 • 49 mins
This week Peter shares an article about why we don’t listen, Maeven takes up the air drums, Beth shares her love for pogs, and Bryn lists the presidents – all four of them.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Oh, what's up, bozos? Welcome to We Know It's Parenting.
Peter mcderney, what's up, nuts, Um, No, don't go come back.
Wait wait, wait, wait, We'll try again. We'll be better.
It's so great to have you with us. If you're
returning or if you're new to the pod, Welcome, Welcome
(00:34):
a podcast about this is the podcast bozos. This is
the podcast bozos. Um not about being parents, about us
being parents and uh, how we're doing, what we think,
what we don't know about being parents. You you didn't
think for one second about what you were going to
(00:55):
say when you started life. Did you say that like
it's a thing I've ever done? You're just like it's
just occurring to you on the air, like that this
is a podcast and that you need to have sort
of like a sense of give a sense to the
(01:15):
audience of what this podcast is. I did have that thought.
I was like, it's been months since we've explained what
this is. Um, this is a parenting podcast where we
catch up on our lives and our children and we
don't know what we're doing. And that's kind of the point.
(01:36):
We know podcast, Um, yeah, we don't know. Clearly, this
week we don't know. Oh my god, can we talk
about this week? Um? Okay, yeah, I think it was
a great week. It was a great week, and I
was sick all week. But you keep talking about this
week like we got away from our kids for a
(01:58):
little bit and the entire a week, and but I
was sick the entire time, and you kept being like
it was the best week ever. I'm not speaking for you, um,
but it's your just statement. Just feel slightly detached from
(02:21):
the reality that I was experiencing. It could have been
worse and you could have been sick with kids. But again,
I'm not I'm not trying to say Beth had the
best week of her life. I don't even have the
best week of my life. And I didn't. You know
what I did. I caught up on work, I slept in,
and I went out for drinks one night with adults. Yeah,
(02:43):
we did go out for drinks. That was pretty crazy. Nuts.
Can you hear my voice? I had to screamed because
the music was too loud. That's what a fun time
I had. Your voice is rough from two days ago. Yeah,
I had to scream to force my opinions on people.
(03:03):
Tell you what I was kind of sore this weekend
because I was dancing as a dancing queen. I went crazy.
I was like, I'm out, I'm out. And that was
the end of the week where you weren't as thick
and you're like, I'm free, baby. Well. I also I
(03:24):
went to see a movie with my friends that night
and then we went to and then we sat by
this party. So I was like, I'm just going to
go to this party for like one hour and just
go hard. Um. And because I was like I can
just have like one drink and meat anyway, I was
ready to do it. And I did, and you did
and we didn't. We didn't drink too much. We didn't
(03:46):
go that hard. I also, my friends and I got
kind of yelled at in the movie theater for talking
drink what do you do? I was just like commenting
an incredible bad, incredibly bad movie that we uh and
I feel bad saying what it was. But it was
(04:08):
the photograph. I never heard of this movie. It's like
a romance. It was just very dramatic, which is not
my style of movie. And um, I just was not
like there was so much dialogue where they were just
trying to set up exposition very quickly, and it was
(04:28):
just hard to stay engaged in the movie because I
was laughing so much at like the pacing of the dialogue.
Like they like they'd be like two seconds into these
characters meeting and he would be like, do you have
a boyfriend? And she's like, no, I dump my boyfriend.
When he proposed to me. I was just like, that
is so such a shocking thing to say to someone
(04:51):
when you immediately we got to get the exposition anyway,
but you were with your girlfriends, and I did enjoy it.
I did laugh a lot. It's like maybe at bedtime
tonight she got a big laugh. I don't know what
she said, but Brin gave her a big old laugh
and she goes and basically was like, I need to
(05:11):
repeat that thing over and over. It brings that laughing,
so I'll say it louder. And then she just laughed
at everything for the sake of laughing. They have been
having these moments where they turned to each other, like
while they're watching a Disney movie and they're like, did
you see that, and like they're so excited to turn
to each other and be like that's insane. Um, we're
(05:35):
listening to music before bedtime. We're just on the couch
listening to the music, which is which is nice. And
they were like talking about the instruments and what they
could hear. And there's a line in the song that's
it's a Mason jenny song where he says he talked
to a shrink and Briton turns to me and goes, Daddy,
(05:57):
this is a fiction story. I go what. He goes,
this song, this song is fiction. I'm like, actually, I
think this is a nonfiction song. It's about Mason Jettings alcoholism.
So I was like, I think there's I think this
might be nonfiction. He goes, but Daddy, that's impossible, Like,
why go you you can't talk to a shrimp. I
(06:22):
lost the threat of It's like, I will wait as
long as it thanks for you to laugh. In the song,
Mason Jenning says he's going to talk to a shrimp, okay,
and Britt it was a long time until I was like,
you can't talk to a shrimp? Though I did see
Britt made what looks like a set list of Mason
Jennings songs and he started making a list and it's
(06:44):
like three Mason Jenning songs and then at the end,
it just says baby Beluga. Um Maven requested a different
playlist after three songs. She's big into RAFFI right now,
Why don't at least baby Beluga is like her jam
Where did did she hear this with daycare? UM? I
(07:04):
think I played it for some reason. We were talking
about sea creatures one day, but she recognized it. I
think she heard it from daycare. So now she request
He has like started recognizing songs in a way that
I find really funny, because she'll hear a song and
she's like, Mommy, you have this song or like, and
she said it about the music from A Star Is
(07:26):
Born came on on like some show the other day
and someone was like karaoke singing on the show. One
of the song they're singing shallow, and Maybone was like,
that's your song, Mommy, You're I am off the deepot
watch as I dive in UM. So you know what
(07:52):
I mean, only the best taste in music for um.
Three songs we're talking about instruments. Mayben gets it and
she's focused. Brain was just trying to boss this round.
He was, you play the bass, I'll be the guitar,
and she is going she is going to be a
rock star because she was born in the parking lot
(08:14):
of the School of Rocks, and I just well, I
posted this video on Instagram last week. I don't think
we talked about this where Maven is playing harmonica while
you're playing guitar, and I swear to god, I watched
this video like what. I filmed this as she was playing,
(08:34):
and it was like she was playing the most beautiful
sad song I've ever heard, and I was just like
and she was like on beat with the guitar and
it was just like so heartbreaking to watch her. Um.
And I feel like other people who saw it on
my Instagram were like, whoa, um, it's just like she's
(08:55):
like I just feel like she has like a connection.
And I'll say that's yes, absolutely, Um. I was impressed
with her rhythm, like she was playing melodies along with it.
That being said harmonica, the way the notes are stacks, no,
I guess, so I was playing chords to make all
of the notes be correct so she couldn't play a
(09:17):
wrong note. But yes, it's still like her rhythm. I
understand it's the harmonica, so it's like a little yeah yeah.
But she was listening and playing with me, and that
combined with she couldn't play a wrong note, created a
very impressive a little three year old. She played a
(09:41):
song that I would like sincerely listen to as like
if I was like putting on background music, you know
what I mean, Like it's just like this is haunting.
Um it was, Oh god, Anyway, we've talked about this
before that the like you're most impressed with me when
(10:02):
it comes to music, Yeah, because I'm so bad at music. Well,
because I really I love creative things and I'm like
reasonably good. I like, I'm good at drawing. I'm like
reasonably good at a lot of things. Like I can
kind of sing, but when it comes to playing, I
shouldn't say I should. I can kind of sing, but
(10:23):
I can. I can like kind of. I no notes,
and I think, but neither one of us have incredible tone.
No no, no, I don't have I don't have a
beautiful thing anyways, but I think, but I cannot. My
brain does not do instruments. Like my brain doesn't like numbers.
I get, I just like I don't want to think
(10:45):
about it. Um, it's just not how my brain works. Well,
your kids, got it? Did Britain. Britain is musical. I
don't know he's I don't think he's into math, but yeah,
I haven't seen him do that musical while he is formative,
like he likes to sing, and so I think the idea, yeah,
he's a good singer. The storytelling aspect of it he
(11:07):
really connects with. But Maven does have better rhythm. Um.
So anyway, we sat together and if your kid is
into this, this Maven was for three full songs. She
was a little testy at one point, so I like
gave her a hug and she sat on my lap
and we sat on the couch in the semi dark
(11:28):
here playing Mason Jennings songs and I just grabbed She's
sitting in my lap, and I grabbed both her hands
and I just played the high hat and the snare
drum with her hands. I was just going and she
not only like indulged me, but she was focused on
(11:48):
this for three full songs. And when I try to
like change the talk to Britain, she grabbed my hands
and bring them back. And then later I heard her
going do to do to, and I was like, yes see,
that'll be your little musician daughter. Little Drummer Girl. Hey yeah,
little drummer girl, you with me? It's a whole world
(12:10):
Mason Jennings. If anyone hasn't heard my favorite Minnesota's finger
song writer, I recommend Birds Flying Away the album I
really like. Um, what's it called? Minnesota the album? What?
What's the one where he's like piano a lot of piano,
(12:32):
But that's one I like. Well, there's nothing better than
Birds Flying Away and his debut Mason Jennet album. But
Minnesota's might be anyway in my next my next one.
This is the Music Podcast. Welcome back to our music podcast,
music Heads, Music Music, McNerney and Newell Music Heads. You've
got a heads, what have you started? Like ni music?
(12:56):
We're real music heads. Um yeah, um, so our children
are back. Our children are back. Huge shout out to
your parents who had our children. The whole week camp
Nana and Granddad was a smashing success, and I know they.
(13:18):
I think they all had a lot of fun. They
all did. I think I'm sure my parents parents got
tired of them. They must have been exhausted. My parents
would periodically send us photos of them just like whatever
they were doing, and it was always like sort of
just destroying the house, like rolling around in a yoga
mat or like you know, just like uh invented fun
(13:41):
just being weird. Um, and they were having a ball,
having a ball. We should just, um, we should have
them live there. I know. It really makes you just
never want to have them Like it was just it
was so strange to be in our own home without
the Yeah, and like we went out to dinner just
(14:02):
the two of us a couple of times, and then
we also ignored each other a whole lot, and both
those things were great. Yeah, the dinner would have been
more fun if I was like I could eat food
comfortably with mylness, but I it was nice to Yeah. Also,
the woman to whom we paid money for an Airbnb, um,
(14:29):
oh yeah, we canceled their Airbnb because I was like,
we can't sell her baby that you know, like the
day of so cancelation policy. So would even try to
get money back. But she called us two days later
and was like, we feel so bad that your wife
was sick. Um, please come stay anytime. You've already paid
for it. And I was like that's very sweet, thank you.
(14:50):
And then I got an email from Airbnb asking us
to review the place, and I was like, oh, she
got the same email either way, I gave her a
five star review for a place that I've never been.
That's where Airbnb the service becomes way better with like
regular people and not companies, you know what I mean,
(15:10):
Like they're more dependent upon you liking what they're doing.
Oh yeah, um, it's depending on each other. Um. Our
last Airbnb was a little weird when we left and
that woman called me was like, I can't get my
cable back. I was like, I don't, I didn't catch
a cable. I was like on the phone troubleshooting how
(15:32):
to find her cable channels. Anyway, Yeah, but I missed
our kids. I did. It was nice to miss them
and they seem like again, like ten years older. Yeah,
they're huge. Um. So I had to do late pick
up today for I had late audition, so I had
(15:55):
to pay for Maybe to stay late, and so I
got hit. I got back sooner than I thought, but
I know Maybe was already getting dinner. So I picked
up Brandon Brenn and I had a solo dinner and
he just decided to ask. He's like one on one
daddy time. That's when I asked questions. He goes, what
language is it when you say Retty? And I was like, well,
(16:18):
that's English, but you mean an accent. He goes, yes, Retty,
Like I think you're doing an English accent because it's
not Irish. What language is it? And then um, and
then he started talking about something a topic I have
been avoiding, which is the topic of presidents, which I'm like,
I don't wanna. I don't want to talk about dal
(16:40):
Trump with I'm so scared about talking about it with anyone. Yeah,
but Brin brought it up. He's like, you know George
Washington And I was like, yeah, do you He's like, yeah,
try corner hat. I go yeah. He goes, I know
another president with the hat cylinder flat top. He goes,
(17:04):
he said, like, Sabraham Lincoln. It was it was something
was a little off. I was like, Abraham Lincoln. He goes, yeah,
that's what I said, Abraham Lincoln. He's like, I know
for different presidents, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bibbity Boverty. You
just started laughing as there he goes, just kidding, I
(17:27):
only know three. And then I listed every single president
in order because I can do that, and I'm proud
of it. Do you think in the future it feels
like they do only teach kids like two presidents. They're like,
these are the highlights. I feel like in the future
it'll be it'll be like George Washington Lincoln Obama. Like
(17:49):
there's a a lot of people in this country who
would probably not agree with you. Um, but I know
why they teach those two because it was president to
Day weekend and President's Day weekend involves Washington's birthday and
Lincoln's birthday. I think, yeah, right, um yeah, don't they
(18:10):
have like the same birthday or something. I don't know.
They're They're like there a few days apart. It's more
like President's week. Um, it's it's so oh yeah, then
that's when Lincoln said, four score and seven years ago,
send your kids off to your your their in laws
and have a break. Because that's what it means to me. Now,
(18:31):
pretend it made sense what I just said. God just
so disrespectful to the history. This next segment is is what, Beth?
(18:57):
What is it? You pointed at me as I started talking,
so it sounded like you were not rolling until midway
through me talking, So I paused so you could reset
It's okay, I don't remember doing it. You're probably right,
but I'm not going to go back. I love you.
Try again, you're so distracting. Um. This next segment is
(19:19):
called would you Knows? That's where we present each other
with parenting. That's what you told me it was, I said,
did you notice I did? I'm keeping this in too well.
I wasn't interrupted during my original I'm genuinely apolog could
have just reset I could? I know, I know, but
(19:41):
it's too far. Now we must torture our listeners with this. Okay,
go ahead. Intro. This is called that's time for did
you knows? This is where we talked about something we've
learned or read and I read UM. Interesting article from
(20:01):
the New York Times is written by Kate Murphy very recently.
You might have read it if if you read it. Um,
I'm just gonna read the beginning of this because I've
found it very relatable. You're not listening. Here's why. Uh,
you're not listening. Let me finish. That's not what I
said after I love you. These are among the most
(20:22):
common refrains in close relationships during my two year research
two years researching a book on listening, I learned something
incredibly ironic about interpersonal communication. The closer we feel towards somebody,
the less likely we are to listen carefully to them.
It's called the closeness communication bias, and over time it
constrain and even end relationships. Once you know people well
(20:44):
enough to feel close, as an unconscious tendency to tune
them out because you think you already know what they're
going to say. It's kind of like when you're you've
traveled a certain route several times and no longer notice
signposts and scenery. But people are always changing. The some
of daily interactions and activities continually shapes us. No, no, no,
(21:05):
so none of us are the same as we were
last months, last week, or even yesterday. The closest communication
biases that work with romantic partners, when romantic partners feel
they don't know each other anymore, and when parents discover
their children are up to things they never imagined. It
can even occur when two people spent all their time
together and have many of the same experiences. It's so
(21:25):
much larger article. Did you get the idea? Um that
is fascinating? I really relate to this. I think I
do too, and well, especially in the sense that like
weeks like this one, when if I'm not feeling well,
my instinct is just to try to like rest and
(21:47):
not like I don't want to like monologue about how
I'm feeling, and then you'll like, you'll say things to
me about how it's like the best week ever, and
I'm like, did you notice that? I was like ill,
like um right now, It's I just I have this
(22:09):
experience frequently. I feel like because I'm not like I
don't like sometimes I'll speak up about something once, but
I don't like constantly bring it up, and then I
just I'm like, oh, this, people are not aware of
the things I said, like well, and this this is
one of those instances where again like in a good
(22:33):
way and a bad way, I'm not thinking about you.
When I say that, I mean none of us are
thinking about each other. It is the thing we really are,
like all of us are just in our own world. Well.
I think about this specific thing a lot as an
improv teacher, where I'm trying to get people who don't
(22:54):
know each other that well because they're in a class
to try to create the illusion of intimacy, the illusion
of familiarity, like to play characters that know each other
with improvisers that don't know each other that well, you
have to click into this. You have to trick yourself
into being so comfortable with somebody that you don't listen
to everything they say. And so when you come into
(23:18):
an impressing and you're nervous, people are listening so hard
that it's you know, it's artificial, and so it's that
weird thing of like tricking your brain into acting like
it already knows. And so yeah, with I think all
the time we've talked about this where especially when things
are tense between us and there's like hard times and
(23:40):
I'm angry, it feels like um, and I know you
probably feel the same aou that like I'm I'm doing work,
I'm trying, and you're not trying at all. And then
you like sometimes years later I realized, oh, you're very different.
And I think this is part of it, which is like,
I don't know, it's hard to notice the other person
(24:00):
making an effort because your brain is is not looking
for it, it's blind to it. And you're like, I
know you, I know what you do. And that's why.
Also sometimes you'll say a thing or I'll say a
thing and the other person will immediately extrapolate upon this
and give it the credit of every bad thing you've
ever done instead of actually dealing with the one. It's
(24:23):
hard not to when something fits a pattern you've experienced.
It's hard not to see the pattern when you're like, oh,
it's happening again, Like yeah, yeah, sure, I mean that's
obviously it's not a black and white thing. It's incredibly complicated.
But I've never thought about it this way. Um, And
of course I thought about it selfishly first when I'm like, yeah,
(24:46):
Beth does this to me, and then I was like, okay, well,
definitely do this to her too. I do think like
when when people are discussing like sensitive issues, like when
you're carefully wording something, there's always like two interpretations to
what you're saying, Like when you're trying to be diplomatic,
you're kind of like weighing both sides out loud, like
(25:09):
people hear what they want to hear if they're assuming
you're coming from a malicious place. Yeah, you know. I
think this is we get on each other's cases sometimes
about tone, um, and where I think the more both
of us try really hard to be diplomatic. That's usually
(25:30):
when the other person is like, you're talking to me
so condescending, because for you it starts to take on
this slow lecture tone that does it does appear so condescending.
You're like, well, the same way when you do it.
And it's totally ironic because I have learned that like, oh,
(25:52):
this is this is you putting in an effort and
I have to turn this part of my brain off,
that that part of my brain that's going, oh, I
know what you're doing, and I know you because I
know you, there's nothing you can tell me because I
know you. Yeah, it's hard, m it is like, it's
(26:14):
an incredible The thing that you're brain does is that
there's just like endless amounts of sensory information coming in
all the time, and so it automatically has all of
these processes to filter out irrelevant information and just give
you the things that pay attention to. And the more
(26:36):
you get to know a person, they get filtered up.
I just want to finish that though. One important point
for women, I think to take away from this is
to get more comfortable repeating ourselves. Just spoon feed it
over and over again. These are the demands. This is
(26:56):
what I need. We're not women are not told to
be persistent. Were It's like, okay you yeah, I mean,
I mean I would say everyone's different, but you you
hate repeating yourself. I do. It just feels laborious. I'm like, what,
we already had this conversation and I was raised to
(27:23):
hear things the fifth time, and I say things twelve times,
and it's there's no weight to it for me. And
it has taken me a long time to We've covered
this on the podcast Low context versus High context. When
you repeat yourself, I appreciate it, and I can tell
(27:43):
that it's an effort and I can tell you're trying
not to be upset about it. Um, yeah, well I'm
realizing I need to do that with more people. Yeah,
I think you do. And it's hard. I mean, it's
it's I know, I know that it's hard for you,
and I understand why, well, because it's like it feels
(28:06):
I know this is not the case, but in the moment,
it feels malicious because it's like you forget egotistically that
people just forget things, like people forget things all the time.
They forget like most of what you're telling them all
the time, but sometimes when you're like thinking back on
when you were telling them it, and it was like
a very important momentous like think like you're like overcoming
(28:31):
a lot to get the words out in a moment
that felt very weighted. And then that that person just
like completely forgets. It's like it's hard to in the
moment when they're You're like your your brain is like
did they forget or do they just not care? Like
it's just it's hard to get to the bottom of it. Well,
(28:52):
I think you really absorb and consider everything you hear,
but you also you put pressure on yourself to be
thoughtful and so it is you you put more effort
into it and and other people don't. And I think
that's like it's like a shitty deal. Yeah, well that's
(29:14):
why I need to learn how to be less thoughtful
with people. Yeah, I mean, yes, I mean just like
but I think you are, I mean in terms of
like giving it less weight. Yeah. Um, it's a bravo.
Thank you. This really did make me think about that.
(29:34):
Like again, Ah, I just I appreciate you a lot
right now. Um. And it's a lot of little things
like this where I'm just like, oh, I'm trying hard
to notice um, things that I think have fallen into
(29:54):
this filter that this article talks about. We should just
be like, well, I know about you in that set
and to try to like keep looking at moments and
times with fresh eyes. That goes, well, what's happening now?
What's happening now? And I'm evolving at a rapid pace
and you can't be on last months. I don't want to.
It's like our kids. I don't want to miss it,
(30:16):
you know, so fast wives ah um. Anyway, great article,
read the rest of it. Thank you for sharing. This
has been Did you notice this segment is called would
(30:37):
you knows? This is the segment where where you present
each other with parenting hypotheticals. This is it, It's happening alright. Great.
So we got an email from one of our one
of our favored listeners, Sarah, who's written in a couple
of times, along with her daughter Elizabeth, who's written us
(30:58):
some would you know? Elizabeth? Sarah's daughter has written us
another one. Are you ready for this? Hi, Ben, Peter,
Elizabeth and I are still out here listening, but we
got behind over the summer and fall with vacations and
my work travel schedule. So we're getting all caught up
episode by episode during our commute to school. Elizabeth has
(31:18):
wanted to write a parenting hypothetical for a while now.
I've been delaying trying to get more caught up on episodes.
She decided about a week ago to write you about
bay blades. I don't know if I'm saying that right, um,
but I think bay blades are like an anime style,
like tops, like spinning tops that you like, like battle
(31:44):
with other ones. Um. So here I am reading you
on Sunday night. Disclaimer The situation below was dedicated dictated
entirely by her. So good luck. Um. One night, you
go to bed thinking that the next day will be
right because you will have a special dinner to yourself
without your kids. You know us, Elizabeth. When you wake up,
(32:08):
you have shrunk into a bay blade and your house
looks totally different to cut. Two kids come into the
room that you are in. They pick you up and
put you the and put these giant things on you,
and then you go flying out of nowhere into a
big arena. Then the kids start yelling you go get
that bay blade, and they say go get them. You
(32:30):
guys don't know what to do and keep bumping into
each other, and then one of you splits into three pieces.
You are now trapped in a world where you and
your kids are bay Blades and you have to find
your way out in ten days, because in this world,
ten days is one day in your world, so you
can go to your special dinner. What do you do?
(32:51):
Have a great eating stare at Elizabeth Fans in Georgia.
What was the last part? I totally space that you're
the worst listener, just trailed off right at the important part. Okay,
so we have ten days in bay blade world, which
is one day in the real world. We need to
get out otherwise we're going to miss our big date
(33:12):
that we get to have without our kids. And one
of us is broken into three cases and we're bay blades. Um.
I don't know how one propels oneself on one is
a baye Blades. I don't know how you would get
out of this world. I don't know why it has
a different frame of time than you have here in
(33:33):
the real world. I gotta say, I don't know the answer.
Nothing about in my mind, this is the POGs of
t Um. I don't know if it's as as big
as big or maybe much bigger than POGs. Nothing's as
big as POGs was for me. Um, you were the
(33:58):
prime age for POGs, weren't you. Yeah. I mean POGs
are also just there were so cheap. It was like
ten cents a pog, and that was the only form
of consumer culture that I was able to participate in
on any level. Like there were other stuff. It was
like you were like, well, maybe I'll get a toy
(34:19):
once a year on Christmas. That will be some random
thing I didn't ask for. But like like I didn't
have like other kids had, like on demand like toys
like action figures and stuff, and I just never had that.
So POGs was like I was like, I'm giving money
to a person and getting a thing that is a
(34:40):
cool thing for kids to have. Um, you know, did
you have a My little brother Sam had a giant
tub of POGs. Did you actually play POGs? Not really,
there was more just about looking at them. I also
I had a terrible collection of pos It was just
like the it was like the remnant bin I'm sure,
(35:04):
third drink character from Earthworm Gym. Yeah. I just had
like one slammer. At the end of the day, I
I have had a slammer with O. J. Simpson behind
bars on it. If that's not the most early nineties
object on Earth that I don't know what it is.
(35:26):
I don't really remember what was on my pods because
I feel like, again it was like off brand characters,
like it was nothing could anything. Yeah, there was no
laundy to It's just little circle cardboards pieces with pictures
on them. Culture was just starting back for any of
you that were not born within the very specific three
(35:49):
years required to be into POGs. Bogs are just like
crappy Marbles where you get a bunch of circles cardboard discs,
you stack them up slammer and you you throw the
slammer down on it, and all of the pods that
flip over you get to keep or something like that.
Not a good game. I'm sure it was not a
(36:10):
playable game. It was more just about like collecting. It's
like little piece of cardboard, the same as Marble's. Uh
maybe the same as bay Blades. Okay, so but Beth,
what I want to know if we're baye Blades, are
we able to move? Are we sentient? Bay blades. Do
we have muscles? Because I know nothing about this world.
(36:32):
I feel like I'm at the mercy of a child
to spin me like a top. That's how what I'm picturing.
That's what Elizabeth is doing to us. She's spinning us
like baye blades, and we're helpless to do. What do
you think about it? And one of us got split
into three pieces? Yeah, I don't. I don't feel hopeful
about the situation at all. I've just been plunged into it.
(36:54):
I don't know the rules of the world. My husband
is in three pieces. It's I'm assuming because the question
is being framed at me as though I have some
sort of choice in what's happening going forward, and you're
in an arena, yeah, just whirling. I assume here's what
I would do, Elizabeth. I would use the sheer force
(37:14):
of will two crunt. I'll scrunch up my face and
will myself to come back together. But not as a
spinning bay blade. I don't even know if I'm saying
this right by baby blade, babe blade, um, but I
would come back together so that the three pieces is
basically one peg leg and two little arms, and then
(37:36):
I jump up and I smack those kids that are
spent at the face, and then I'd say, hey, we'll
put us back to wherever we where we came from.
All Right, you're like the lamest Toy Story character ever.
Hey we put us back, Peter, you're ruining the whole
(37:56):
point of the world that we don't talk to that.
They did it in Toy Story one. That was the
end of the That's a climax of the movie. They
never did it again. Snap out of it, Pinch me.
We're asleep. Then we wake up and we have our date.
Did it nailed it? Well? I think we all learned
(38:18):
our lesson. We call in our friends the POGs. Um, Well, fantastic.
Did we do it? Did we answer it? I think
so nice? Wow. This next sement, it's called listeners. Want
(38:44):
to know where we take questions and comments from you guys. Oh,
we gotta follow up email from our friend Ivan Um
who wrote to us about his very big Baby's got
a very big baby and the baby continues to be
very big. Did you see there was a You probably
(39:06):
didn't see this, someone tweeted out a excerpt from an
Amy Adams interview where she referred to her co star
as a big boy. What what the context is that
she was getting distracted on set because her co star
is a very attractive six five man and this was
(39:29):
like some old movie she did this Pedigrew or whatever.
But she was talking about how she's getting really distracted,
and the director came over and had to like ask
this actor to leave this set. But I just loved
that she described as a big boy. And I didn't
know that could mean a lot of things until you
(39:50):
described that person. Now it's very endearing. It's great anyway,
your big boy. Um, sure you're like above average boy,
you're like seventy percentile. I guess very slightly above average boy.
(40:12):
Um great, Um, almost gonna a little here, But even
did send us a chart of baby's weight. And I
can assure you that this is a big baby, but
that's not what this emails about. Hey, I haven't just
for the women out here. Next time, send pictures. Okay,
(40:34):
this is a picture. You said a chart, A picture
of a chart. No, I mean send pictures of this
big boy baby. Beth wants to see this, this big
old baby. I'm for a future reference. If you're going
to email me about your large baby, send a picture
of this baby. UM, I'm sorry, those are the rules.
(40:58):
I'm just I was gonna ask on this part, but
I haven't talked about Um a woman would never send
a chart and not a picture of the baby. I'm
sorry anyway, Ivan says, I just wanted to share some
of my parenting winds. Also, as of two weeks ago,
I found out I could put my son to sleep
(41:20):
within fifteen minutes, okay, bragging, no bottles needed. It would
it would comprise of a small routine. One I put
on a white noise machine made mainly hair dryer sound,
and hugged him while caressing his eyebrows. Five minutes of
going from awake to sleepy. Five minutes of crying because
(41:42):
he is sleepy. Five minutes of making sure he is
out and making a Ninja move so he doesn't wake up.
Because of this, uh, me and my wife were able
to get two hours back every evening, just the two
of us. Now as of yesterday, when I don't want
and I don't know why, but he doesn't cry anymore.
(42:02):
I know twice is not yet a pattern, but still
I dare to be helpful. Another win is basically that
I found out also yesterday that if he sleeps on
his side instead of his back, he wakes up half
as often incredibly happy about it, considering tomorrow is my birthday,
Happy birthday. I'm taking both of this these winds as
a fantastic gift, and the odd chance you read this
(42:24):
out loud to please give a shout out to my
loving wife Laura into my big baby Thin. Thank you, Laura,
Hi baby Fin. Shout out big big baby Fin, and
for being so funny and inspiring. Lots of love, Van,
great job. I haven't that's again, I think I said
(42:48):
the last time. Um, I didn't know if it was
Ivan or von Um, who does live in Germany but
from Brazil, and he mentioned that that's not a typical
name for Brazil, thinking if it's Portuguese, would you say Van, No,
We'll need a thirty email to find out if if
he wanted it to us to pronounce it other than Ivan,
(43:10):
he should have mentioned in the email. I got a
lot of crime, even a lot of criticians, and here
about they need a picture and a phonetic spelling of
I just think this is this is I'm saying this
with love in the year of our Lord. If you
don't understand engagement, and you know, put a picture for
(43:36):
the algorithm of my brain, for the algorithm of Beth.
The Beth algorithm likes a big, chunky baby. And I
don't just want to hear about it. And if I
was just going to hear about it, describe the chunky nous.
You want to know you wanna know how many pain
picture for my ears? Yes, I do want to know
(43:58):
how many folds there are? Let me, Matt, you want
to you want to sniff that baby that's sleepy chunky baby. Anyway,
I relate to this, this feeling of especially when putting
kids in bed, when you like, figure something out and
(44:19):
it might be helpful somebody. This might work for somebody,
but a lot a lot of times it doesn't. It
works for you and your child. But it doesn't mean
it's not a wonderful victory. It's that feeling. And it's
like men love to have hacks. They're parenting. All has
to be hacks, baby hacks, baby charts. We want tangible progress.
(44:41):
My baby is an eight seven. My baby's an eight.
I thought you're just ranking the baby. I'm really proud
of my baby. He's like an eight. I mean, isn't
that way you guys are doing. Yeah, we get together
and we go to the playground. Were like, check out
(45:04):
that baby's four? That baby anyway? I do you remember
how you're prop your routine for putting either of our
children to sleep before they did it themselves. Uh, I remember.
(45:24):
I remember doing a lot of rocking, um, some futile singing.
I the singing was more for me. Yeah, the singing
was for me to pass the time because I was
just like, I know this assholes not closing his eyes
for five minutes or more. UM with a big ball.
(45:48):
A lot of bouncing on that ball. I bounced on
the ball and I would twist my torso left and right.
I really getting the back and forth in the up
and down. I really don't miss all of u. Um.
So whatever way you can hack through it and feel
like you're making progress is great. All right, if you
want to hack your baby, it's great. I do think
(46:13):
hacks are good, like a good way of men learning
how to engage with their baby. Like the truth is
the baby is just bonding with you, and they're getting
comfort out of their parents bonding. So it's good. It's great,
But I think it's funny. It's not yeah, I wouldn't.
(46:36):
I don't know. Um, I've done I'm I'm sure I've
done all sorts of crazy things when I was tired
and wanted a baby to go to sleep. Yeah, But
like the rare times a thing would change and you'd
be like, I don't have to do this anymore. It's
I have to give it credit to some new thing
(46:58):
that's like I figured it out. Here is how you
do this. And doing this podcast has really helped me
also too, to resist that urged me to bend tell
everybody this is the way. This is how babies work, work,
just the way this one worked for five minutes just now. Um,
(47:19):
because this I would tell a friends this is how
it works. And then two weeks later they come back.
But I've been trying that thing and I was like,
oh yeah, no, that stopped working for me too. That
worked for few days. Also, then you have a second
kid and realized that they're completely different. Yeah, they're a
different person and don't give a crap the three months
you spent months and out the ball with some other kid. Um.
(47:44):
But I also, yeah, again, I really relate to that,
Like it's five minutes of this, then it's five minutes
of this. It's five minutes of that. I did it. Oh,
you go to sleep. And on that note, we're gonna
go to sleep. This has been another episode we was parenting.
We would like to hear your parents success stories, your
(48:04):
parents struggles question. I liked hearing that success story. I
felt I felt happy for Ivan. You know what, let's
just do some bragging this week. Parents brag to us
about what you figured out that works for your child. Um,
we want to hear it. You can email us at
(48:25):
we knows pott a gmail dot com yes, or a voicemail.
We haven't had a voicemail in a while. You say
that the one week I don't have the voicemail. Okay,
here we go. I saw you looking down. I thought
that's what you're doing. I was looking for. Okay. You
can leave us a voicemail at three four seven three
eight four seven three nine six. Follow us on Instagram
(48:47):
if you would, we know potted gmail dot com or
our individual accounts. You wants funny content of those children
to the Facebook, Twitter, those things rate and review on
the podcast. Wherever you was the podcast, Please buy my book.
There's no manual honest and gory Wisdom about having a baby.
On sale now and we'll see you next time. May Bye.
Oh, what's up, bozos? Welcome to We Know It's Parenting.
Peter mcderney, what's up, nuts, Um, No, don't go come back.
Wait wait, wait, wait, We'll try again. We'll be better.
It's so great to have you with us. If you're
returning or if you're new to the pod, Welcome, Welcome
(00:34):
a podcast about this is the podcast bozos. This is
the podcast bozos. Um not about being parents, about us
being parents and uh, how we're doing, what we think,
what we don't know about being parents. You you didn't
think for one second about what you were going to
(00:55):
say when you started life. Did you say that like
it's a thing I've ever done? You're just like it's
just occurring to you on the air, like that this
is a podcast and that you need to have sort
of like a sense of give a sense to the
(01:15):
audience of what this podcast is. I did have that thought.
I was like, it's been months since we've explained what
this is. Um, this is a parenting podcast where we
catch up on our lives and our children and we
don't know what we're doing. And that's kind of the point.
(01:36):
We know podcast, Um, yeah, we don't know. Clearly, this
week we don't know. Oh my god, can we talk
about this week? Um? Okay, yeah, I think it was
a great week. It was a great week, and I
was sick all week. But you keep talking about this
week like we got away from our kids for a
(01:58):
little bit and the entire a week, and but I
was sick the entire time, and you kept being like
it was the best week ever. I'm not speaking for you, um,
but it's your just statement. Just feel slightly detached from
(02:21):
the reality that I was experiencing. It could have been
worse and you could have been sick with kids. But again,
I'm not I'm not trying to say Beth had the
best week of her life. I don't even have the
best week of my life. And I didn't. You know
what I did. I caught up on work, I slept in,
and I went out for drinks one night with adults. Yeah,
(02:43):
we did go out for drinks. That was pretty crazy. Nuts.
Can you hear my voice? I had to screamed because
the music was too loud. That's what a fun time
I had. Your voice is rough from two days ago. Yeah,
I had to scream to force my opinions on people.
(03:03):
Tell you what I was kind of sore this weekend
because I was dancing as a dancing queen. I went crazy.
I was like, I'm out, I'm out. And that was
the end of the week where you weren't as thick
and you're like, I'm free, baby. Well. I also I
(03:24):
went to see a movie with my friends that night
and then we went to and then we sat by
this party. So I was like, I'm just going to
go to this party for like one hour and just
go hard. Um. And because I was like I can
just have like one drink and meat anyway, I was
ready to do it. And I did, and you did
and we didn't. We didn't drink too much. We didn't
(03:46):
go that hard. I also, my friends and I got
kind of yelled at in the movie theater for talking
drink what do you do? I was just like commenting
an incredible bad, incredibly bad movie that we uh and
I feel bad saying what it was. But it was
(04:08):
the photograph. I never heard of this movie. It's like
a romance. It was just very dramatic, which is not
my style of movie. And um, I just was not
like there was so much dialogue where they were just
trying to set up exposition very quickly, and it was
(04:28):
just hard to stay engaged in the movie because I
was laughing so much at like the pacing of the dialogue.
Like they like they'd be like two seconds into these
characters meeting and he would be like, do you have
a boyfriend? And she's like, no, I dump my boyfriend.
When he proposed to me. I was just like, that
is so such a shocking thing to say to someone
(04:51):
when you immediately we got to get the exposition anyway,
but you were with your girlfriends, and I did enjoy it.
I did laugh a lot. It's like maybe at bedtime
tonight she got a big laugh. I don't know what
she said, but Brin gave her a big old laugh
and she goes and basically was like, I need to
(05:11):
repeat that thing over and over. It brings that laughing,
so I'll say it louder. And then she just laughed
at everything for the sake of laughing. They have been
having these moments where they turned to each other, like
while they're watching a Disney movie and they're like, did
you see that, and like they're so excited to turn
to each other and be like that's insane. Um, we're
(05:35):
listening to music before bedtime. We're just on the couch
listening to the music, which is which is nice. And
they were like talking about the instruments and what they
could hear. And there's a line in the song that's
it's a Mason jenny song where he says he talked
to a shrink and Briton turns to me and goes, Daddy,
(05:57):
this is a fiction story. I go what. He goes,
this song, this song is fiction. I'm like, actually, I
think this is a nonfiction song. It's about Mason Jettings alcoholism.
So I was like, I think there's I think this
might be nonfiction. He goes, but Daddy, that's impossible, Like,
why go you you can't talk to a shrimp. I
(06:22):
lost the threat of It's like, I will wait as
long as it thanks for you to laugh. In the song,
Mason Jenning says he's going to talk to a shrimp, okay,
and Britt it was a long time until I was like,
you can't talk to a shrimp? Though I did see
Britt made what looks like a set list of Mason
Jennings songs and he started making a list and it's
(06:44):
like three Mason Jenning songs and then at the end,
it just says baby Beluga. Um Maven requested a different
playlist after three songs. She's big into RAFFI right now,
Why don't at least baby Beluga is like her jam
Where did did she hear this with daycare? UM? I
(07:04):
think I played it for some reason. We were talking
about sea creatures one day, but she recognized it. I
think she heard it from daycare. So now she request
He has like started recognizing songs in a way that
I find really funny, because she'll hear a song and
she's like, Mommy, you have this song or like, and
she said it about the music from A Star Is
(07:26):
Born came on on like some show the other day
and someone was like karaoke singing on the show. One
of the song they're singing shallow, and Maybone was like,
that's your song, Mommy, You're I am off the deepot
watch as I dive in UM. So you know what
(07:52):
I mean, only the best taste in music for um.
Three songs we're talking about instruments. Mayben gets it and
she's focused. Brain was just trying to boss this round.
He was, you play the bass, I'll be the guitar,
and she is going she is going to be a
rock star because she was born in the parking lot
(08:14):
of the School of Rocks, and I just well, I
posted this video on Instagram last week. I don't think
we talked about this where Maven is playing harmonica while
you're playing guitar, and I swear to god, I watched
this video like what. I filmed this as she was playing,
(08:34):
and it was like she was playing the most beautiful
sad song I've ever heard, and I was just like
and she was like on beat with the guitar and
it was just like so heartbreaking to watch her. Um.
And I feel like other people who saw it on
my Instagram were like, whoa, um, it's just like she's
(08:55):
like I just feel like she has like a connection.
And I'll say that's yes, absolutely, Um. I was impressed
with her rhythm, like she was playing melodies along with it.
That being said harmonica, the way the notes are stacks, no,
I guess, so I was playing chords to make all
of the notes be correct so she couldn't play a
(09:17):
wrong note. But yes, it's still like her rhythm. I
understand it's the harmonica, so it's like a little yeah yeah.
But she was listening and playing with me, and that
combined with she couldn't play a wrong note, created a
very impressive a little three year old. She played a
(09:41):
song that I would like sincerely listen to as like
if I was like putting on background music, you know
what I mean, Like it's just like this is haunting.
Um it was, Oh god, Anyway, we've talked about this
before that the like you're most impressed with me when
(10:02):
it comes to music, Yeah, because I'm so bad at music. Well,
because I really I love creative things and I'm like
reasonably good. I like, I'm good at drawing. I'm like
reasonably good at a lot of things. Like I can
kind of sing, but when it comes to playing, I
shouldn't say I should. I can kind of sing, but
(10:23):
I can. I can like kind of. I no notes,
and I think, but neither one of us have incredible tone.
No no, no, I don't have I don't have a
beautiful thing anyways, but I think, but I cannot. My
brain does not do instruments. Like my brain doesn't like numbers.
I get, I just like I don't want to think
(10:45):
about it. Um, it's just not how my brain works. Well,
your kids, got it? Did Britain. Britain is musical. I
don't know he's I don't think he's into math, but yeah,
I haven't seen him do that musical while he is formative,
like he likes to sing, and so I think the idea, yeah,
he's a good singer. The storytelling aspect of it he
(11:07):
really connects with. But Maven does have better rhythm. Um.
So anyway, we sat together and if your kid is
into this, this Maven was for three full songs. She
was a little testy at one point, so I like
gave her a hug and she sat on my lap
and we sat on the couch in the semi dark
(11:28):
here playing Mason Jennings songs and I just grabbed She's
sitting in my lap, and I grabbed both her hands
and I just played the high hat and the snare
drum with her hands. I was just going and she
not only like indulged me, but she was focused on
(11:48):
this for three full songs. And when I try to
like change the talk to Britain, she grabbed my hands
and bring them back. And then later I heard her
going do to do to, and I was like, yes see,
that'll be your little musician daughter. Little Drummer Girl. Hey yeah,
little drummer girl, you with me? It's a whole world
(12:10):
Mason Jennings. If anyone hasn't heard my favorite Minnesota's finger
song writer, I recommend Birds Flying Away the album I
really like. Um, what's it called? Minnesota the album? What?
What's the one where he's like piano a lot of piano,
(12:32):
But that's one I like. Well, there's nothing better than
Birds Flying Away and his debut Mason Jennet album. But
Minnesota's might be anyway in my next my next one.
This is the Music Podcast. Welcome back to our music podcast,
music Heads, Music Music, McNerney and Newell Music Heads. You've
got a heads, what have you started? Like ni music?
(12:56):
We're real music heads. Um yeah, um, so our children
are back. Our children are back. Huge shout out to
your parents who had our children. The whole week camp
Nana and Granddad was a smashing success, and I know they.
(13:18):
I think they all had a lot of fun. They
all did. I think I'm sure my parents parents got
tired of them. They must have been exhausted. My parents
would periodically send us photos of them just like whatever
they were doing, and it was always like sort of
just destroying the house, like rolling around in a yoga
mat or like you know, just like uh invented fun
(13:41):
just being weird. Um, and they were having a ball,
having a ball. We should just, um, we should have
them live there. I know. It really makes you just
never want to have them Like it was just it
was so strange to be in our own home without
the Yeah, and like we went out to dinner just
(14:02):
the two of us a couple of times, and then
we also ignored each other a whole lot, and both
those things were great. Yeah, the dinner would have been
more fun if I was like I could eat food
comfortably with mylness, but I it was nice to Yeah. Also,
the woman to whom we paid money for an Airbnb, um,
(14:29):
oh yeah, we canceled their Airbnb because I was like,
we can't sell her baby that you know, like the
day of so cancelation policy. So would even try to
get money back. But she called us two days later
and was like, we feel so bad that your wife
was sick. Um, please come stay anytime. You've already paid
for it. And I was like that's very sweet, thank you.
(14:50):
And then I got an email from Airbnb asking us
to review the place, and I was like, oh, she
got the same email either way, I gave her a
five star review for a place that I've never been.
That's where Airbnb the service becomes way better with like
regular people and not companies, you know what I mean,
(15:10):
Like they're more dependent upon you liking what they're doing.
Oh yeah, um, it's depending on each other. Um. Our
last Airbnb was a little weird when we left and
that woman called me was like, I can't get my
cable back. I was like, I don't, I didn't catch
a cable. I was like on the phone troubleshooting how
(15:32):
to find her cable channels. Anyway, Yeah, but I missed
our kids. I did. It was nice to miss them
and they seem like again, like ten years older. Yeah,
they're huge. Um. So I had to do late pick
up today for I had late audition, so I had
(15:55):
to pay for Maybe to stay late, and so I
got hit. I got back sooner than I thought, but
I know Maybe was already getting dinner. So I picked
up Brandon Brenn and I had a solo dinner and
he just decided to ask. He's like one on one
daddy time. That's when I asked questions. He goes, what
language is it when you say Retty? And I was like, well,
(16:18):
that's English, but you mean an accent. He goes, yes, Retty,
Like I think you're doing an English accent because it's
not Irish. What language is it? And then um, and
then he started talking about something a topic I have
been avoiding, which is the topic of presidents, which I'm like,
I don't wanna. I don't want to talk about dal
(16:40):
Trump with I'm so scared about talking about it with anyone. Yeah,
but Brin brought it up. He's like, you know George
Washington And I was like, yeah, do you He's like, yeah,
try corner hat. I go yeah. He goes, I know
another president with the hat cylinder flat top. He goes,
(17:04):
he said, like, Sabraham Lincoln. It was it was something
was a little off. I was like, Abraham Lincoln. He goes, yeah,
that's what I said, Abraham Lincoln. He's like, I know
for different presidents, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Bibbity Boverty. You
just started laughing as there he goes, just kidding, I
(17:27):
only know three. And then I listed every single president
in order because I can do that, and I'm proud
of it. Do you think in the future it feels
like they do only teach kids like two presidents. They're like,
these are the highlights. I feel like in the future
it'll be it'll be like George Washington Lincoln Obama. Like
(17:49):
there's a a lot of people in this country who
would probably not agree with you. Um, but I know
why they teach those two because it was president to
Day weekend and President's Day weekend involves Washington's birthday and
Lincoln's birthday. I think, yeah, right, um yeah, don't they
(18:10):
have like the same birthday or something. I don't know.
They're They're like there a few days apart. It's more
like President's week. Um, it's it's so oh yeah, then
that's when Lincoln said, four score and seven years ago,
send your kids off to your your their in laws
and have a break. Because that's what it means to me. Now,
(18:31):
pretend it made sense what I just said. God just
so disrespectful to the history. This next segment is is what, Beth?
(18:57):
What is it? You pointed at me as I started talking,
so it sounded like you were not rolling until midway
through me talking, So I paused so you could reset
It's okay, I don't remember doing it. You're probably right,
but I'm not going to go back. I love you.
Try again, you're so distracting. Um. This next segment is
(19:19):
called would you Knows? That's where we present each other
with parenting. That's what you told me it was, I said,
did you notice I did? I'm keeping this in too well.
I wasn't interrupted during my original I'm genuinely apolog could
have just reset I could? I know, I know, but
(19:41):
it's too far. Now we must torture our listeners with this. Okay,
go ahead. Intro. This is called that's time for did
you knows? This is where we talked about something we've
learned or read and I read UM. Interesting article from
(20:01):
the New York Times is written by Kate Murphy very recently.
You might have read it if if you read it. Um,
I'm just gonna read the beginning of this because I've
found it very relatable. You're not listening. Here's why. Uh,
you're not listening. Let me finish. That's not what I
said after I love you. These are among the most
(20:22):
common refrains in close relationships during my two year research
two years researching a book on listening, I learned something
incredibly ironic about interpersonal communication. The closer we feel towards somebody,
the less likely we are to listen carefully to them.
It's called the closeness communication bias, and over time it
constrain and even end relationships. Once you know people well
(20:44):
enough to feel close, as an unconscious tendency to tune
them out because you think you already know what they're
going to say. It's kind of like when you're you've
traveled a certain route several times and no longer notice
signposts and scenery. But people are always changing. The some
of daily interactions and activities continually shapes us. No, no, no,
(21:05):
so none of us are the same as we were
last months, last week, or even yesterday. The closest communication
biases that work with romantic partners, when romantic partners feel
they don't know each other anymore, and when parents discover
their children are up to things they never imagined. It
can even occur when two people spent all their time
together and have many of the same experiences. It's so
(21:25):
much larger article. Did you get the idea? Um that
is fascinating? I really relate to this. I think I
do too, and well, especially in the sense that like
weeks like this one, when if I'm not feeling well,
my instinct is just to try to like rest and
(21:47):
not like I don't want to like monologue about how
I'm feeling, and then you'll like, you'll say things to
me about how it's like the best week ever, and
I'm like, did you notice that? I was like ill,
like um right now, It's I just I have this
(22:09):
experience frequently. I feel like because I'm not like I
don't like sometimes I'll speak up about something once, but
I don't like constantly bring it up, and then I
just I'm like, oh, this, people are not aware of
the things I said, like well, and this this is
one of those instances where again like in a good
(22:33):
way and a bad way, I'm not thinking about you.
When I say that, I mean none of us are
thinking about each other. It is the thing we really are,
like all of us are just in our own world. Well.
I think about this specific thing a lot as an
improv teacher, where I'm trying to get people who don't
(22:54):
know each other that well because they're in a class
to try to create the illusion of intimacy, the illusion
of familiarity, like to play characters that know each other
with improvisers that don't know each other that well, you
have to click into this. You have to trick yourself
into being so comfortable with somebody that you don't listen
to everything they say. And so when you come into
(23:18):
an impressing and you're nervous, people are listening so hard
that it's you know, it's artificial, and so it's that
weird thing of like tricking your brain into acting like
it already knows. And so yeah, with I think all
the time we've talked about this where especially when things
are tense between us and there's like hard times and
(23:40):
I'm angry, it feels like um, and I know you
probably feel the same aou that like I'm I'm doing work,
I'm trying, and you're not trying at all. And then
you like sometimes years later I realized, oh, you're very different.
And I think this is part of it, which is like,
I don't know, it's hard to notice the other person
(24:00):
making an effort because your brain is is not looking
for it, it's blind to it. And you're like, I
know you, I know what you do. And that's why.
Also sometimes you'll say a thing or I'll say a
thing and the other person will immediately extrapolate upon this
and give it the credit of every bad thing you've
ever done instead of actually dealing with the one. It's
(24:23):
hard not to when something fits a pattern you've experienced.
It's hard not to see the pattern when you're like, oh,
it's happening again, Like yeah, yeah, sure, I mean that's
obviously it's not a black and white thing. It's incredibly complicated.
But I've never thought about it this way. Um, And
of course I thought about it selfishly first when I'm like, yeah,
(24:46):
Beth does this to me, and then I was like, okay, well,
definitely do this to her too. I do think like
when when people are discussing like sensitive issues, like when
you're carefully wording something, there's always like two interpretations to
what you're saying, Like when you're trying to be diplomatic,
you're kind of like weighing both sides out loud, like
(25:09):
people hear what they want to hear if they're assuming
you're coming from a malicious place. Yeah, you know. I
think this is we get on each other's cases sometimes
about tone, um, and where I think the more both
of us try really hard to be diplomatic. That's usually
(25:30):
when the other person is like, you're talking to me
so condescending, because for you it starts to take on
this slow lecture tone that does it does appear so condescending.
You're like, well, the same way when you do it.
And it's totally ironic because I have learned that like, oh,
(25:52):
this is this is you putting in an effort and
I have to turn this part of my brain off,
that that part of my brain that's going, oh, I
know what you're doing, and I know you because I
know you, there's nothing you can tell me because I
know you. Yeah, it's hard, m it is like, it's
(26:14):
an incredible The thing that you're brain does is that
there's just like endless amounts of sensory information coming in
all the time, and so it automatically has all of
these processes to filter out irrelevant information and just give
you the things that pay attention to. And the more
(26:36):
you get to know a person, they get filtered up.
I just want to finish that though. One important point
for women, I think to take away from this is
to get more comfortable repeating ourselves. Just spoon feed it
over and over again. These are the demands. This is
(26:56):
what I need. We're not women are not told to
be persistent. Were It's like, okay you yeah, I mean,
I mean I would say everyone's different, but you you
hate repeating yourself. I do. It just feels laborious. I'm like, what,
we already had this conversation and I was raised to
(27:23):
hear things the fifth time, and I say things twelve times,
and it's there's no weight to it for me. And
it has taken me a long time to We've covered
this on the podcast Low context versus High context. When
you repeat yourself, I appreciate it, and I can tell
(27:43):
that it's an effort and I can tell you're trying
not to be upset about it. Um, yeah, well I'm
realizing I need to do that with more people. Yeah,
I think you do. And it's hard. I mean, it's
it's I know, I know that it's hard for you,
and I understand why, well, because it's like it feels
(28:06):
I know this is not the case, but in the moment,
it feels malicious because it's like you forget egotistically that
people just forget things, like people forget things all the time.
They forget like most of what you're telling them all
the time, but sometimes when you're like thinking back on
when you were telling them it, and it was like
a very important momentous like think like you're like overcoming
(28:31):
a lot to get the words out in a moment
that felt very weighted. And then that that person just
like completely forgets. It's like it's hard to in the
moment when they're You're like your your brain is like
did they forget or do they just not care? Like
it's just it's hard to get to the bottom of it. Well,
(28:52):
I think you really absorb and consider everything you hear,
but you also you put pressure on yourself to be
thoughtful and so it is you you put more effort
into it and and other people don't. And I think
that's like it's like a shitty deal. Yeah, well that's
(29:14):
why I need to learn how to be less thoughtful
with people. Yeah, I mean, yes, I mean just like
but I think you are, I mean in terms of
like giving it less weight. Yeah. Um, it's a bravo.
Thank you. This really did make me think about that.
(29:34):
Like again, Ah, I just I appreciate you a lot
right now. Um. And it's a lot of little things
like this where I'm just like, oh, I'm trying hard
to notice um, things that I think have fallen into
(29:54):
this filter that this article talks about. We should just
be like, well, I know about you in that set
and to try to like keep looking at moments and
times with fresh eyes. That goes, well, what's happening now?
What's happening now? And I'm evolving at a rapid pace
and you can't be on last months. I don't want to.
It's like our kids. I don't want to miss it,
(30:16):
you know, so fast wives ah um. Anyway, great article,
read the rest of it. Thank you for sharing. This
has been Did you notice this segment is called would
(30:37):
you knows? This is the segment where where you present
each other with parenting hypotheticals. This is it, It's happening alright. Great.
So we got an email from one of our one
of our favored listeners, Sarah, who's written in a couple
of times, along with her daughter Elizabeth, who's written us
(30:58):
some would you know? Elizabeth? Sarah's daughter has written us
another one. Are you ready for this? Hi, Ben, Peter,
Elizabeth and I are still out here listening, but we
got behind over the summer and fall with vacations and
my work travel schedule. So we're getting all caught up
episode by episode during our commute to school. Elizabeth has
(31:18):
wanted to write a parenting hypothetical for a while now.
I've been delaying trying to get more caught up on episodes.
She decided about a week ago to write you about
bay blades. I don't know if I'm saying that right, um,
but I think bay blades are like an anime style,
like tops, like spinning tops that you like, like battle
(31:44):
with other ones. Um. So here I am reading you
on Sunday night. Disclaimer The situation below was dedicated dictated
entirely by her. So good luck. Um. One night, you
go to bed thinking that the next day will be
right because you will have a special dinner to yourself
without your kids. You know us, Elizabeth. When you wake up,
(32:08):
you have shrunk into a bay blade and your house
looks totally different to cut. Two kids come into the
room that you are in. They pick you up and
put you the and put these giant things on you,
and then you go flying out of nowhere into a
big arena. Then the kids start yelling you go get
that bay blade, and they say go get them. You
(32:30):
guys don't know what to do and keep bumping into
each other, and then one of you splits into three pieces.
You are now trapped in a world where you and
your kids are bay Blades and you have to find
your way out in ten days, because in this world,
ten days is one day in your world, so you
can go to your special dinner. What do you do?
(32:51):
Have a great eating stare at Elizabeth Fans in Georgia.
What was the last part? I totally space that you're
the worst listener, just trailed off right at the important part. Okay,
so we have ten days in bay blade world, which
is one day in the real world. We need to
get out otherwise we're going to miss our big date
(33:12):
that we get to have without our kids. And one
of us is broken into three cases and we're bay blades. Um.
I don't know how one propels oneself on one is
a baye Blades. I don't know how you would get
out of this world. I don't know why it has
a different frame of time than you have here in
(33:33):
the real world. I gotta say, I don't know the answer.
Nothing about in my mind, this is the POGs of
t Um. I don't know if it's as as big
as big or maybe much bigger than POGs. Nothing's as
big as POGs was for me. Um, you were the
(33:58):
prime age for POGs, weren't you. Yeah. I mean POGs
are also just there were so cheap. It was like
ten cents a pog, and that was the only form
of consumer culture that I was able to participate in
on any level. Like there were other stuff. It was
like you were like, well, maybe I'll get a toy
(34:19):
once a year on Christmas. That will be some random
thing I didn't ask for. But like like I didn't
have like other kids had, like on demand like toys
like action figures and stuff, and I just never had that.
So POGs was like I was like, I'm giving money
to a person and getting a thing that is a
(34:40):
cool thing for kids to have. Um, you know, did
you have a My little brother Sam had a giant
tub of POGs. Did you actually play POGs? Not really,
there was more just about looking at them. I also
I had a terrible collection of pos It was just
like the it was like the remnant bin I'm sure,
(35:04):
third drink character from Earthworm Gym. Yeah. I just had
like one slammer. At the end of the day, I
I have had a slammer with O. J. Simpson behind
bars on it. If that's not the most early nineties
object on Earth that I don't know what it is.
(35:26):
I don't really remember what was on my pods because
I feel like, again it was like off brand characters,
like it was nothing could anything. Yeah, there was no
laundy to It's just little circle cardboards pieces with pictures
on them. Culture was just starting back for any of
you that were not born within the very specific three
(35:49):
years required to be into POGs. Bogs are just like
crappy Marbles where you get a bunch of circles cardboard discs,
you stack them up slammer and you you throw the
slammer down on it, and all of the pods that
flip over you get to keep or something like that.
Not a good game. I'm sure it was not a
(36:10):
playable game. It was more just about like collecting. It's
like little piece of cardboard, the same as Marble's. Uh
maybe the same as bay Blades. Okay, so but Beth,
what I want to know if we're baye Blades, are
we able to move? Are we sentient? Bay blades. Do
we have muscles? Because I know nothing about this world.
(36:32):
I feel like I'm at the mercy of a child
to spin me like a top. That's how what I'm picturing.
That's what Elizabeth is doing to us. She's spinning us
like baye blades, and we're helpless to do. What do
you think about it? And one of us got split
into three pieces? Yeah, I don't. I don't feel hopeful
about the situation at all. I've just been plunged into it.
(36:54):
I don't know the rules of the world. My husband
is in three pieces. It's I'm assuming because the question
is being framed at me as though I have some
sort of choice in what's happening going forward, and you're
in an arena, yeah, just whirling. I assume here's what
I would do, Elizabeth. I would use the sheer force
(37:14):
of will two crunt. I'll scrunch up my face and
will myself to come back together. But not as a
spinning bay blade. I don't even know if I'm saying
this right by baby blade, babe blade, um, but I
would come back together so that the three pieces is
basically one peg leg and two little arms, and then
(37:36):
I jump up and I smack those kids that are
spent at the face, and then I'd say, hey, we'll
put us back to wherever we where we came from.
All Right, you're like the lamest Toy Story character ever.
Hey we put us back, Peter, you're ruining the whole
(37:56):
point of the world that we don't talk to that.
They did it in Toy Story one. That was the
end of the That's a climax of the movie. They
never did it again. Snap out of it, Pinch me.
We're asleep. Then we wake up and we have our date.
Did it nailed it? Well? I think we all learned
(38:18):
our lesson. We call in our friends the POGs. Um, Well, fantastic.
Did we do it? Did we answer it? I think
so nice? Wow. This next sement, it's called listeners. Want
(38:44):
to know where we take questions and comments from you guys. Oh,
we gotta follow up email from our friend Ivan Um
who wrote to us about his very big Baby's got
a very big baby and the baby continues to be
very big. Did you see there was a You probably
(39:06):
didn't see this, someone tweeted out a excerpt from an
Amy Adams interview where she referred to her co star
as a big boy. What what the context is that
she was getting distracted on set because her co star
is a very attractive six five man and this was
(39:29):
like some old movie she did this Pedigrew or whatever.
But she was talking about how she's getting really distracted,
and the director came over and had to like ask
this actor to leave this set. But I just loved
that she described as a big boy. And I didn't
know that could mean a lot of things until you
(39:50):
described that person. Now it's very endearing. It's great anyway,
your big boy. Um, sure you're like above average boy,
you're like seventy percentile. I guess very slightly above average boy.
(40:12):
Um great, Um, almost gonna a little here, But even
did send us a chart of baby's weight. And I
can assure you that this is a big baby, but
that's not what this emails about. Hey, I haven't just
for the women out here. Next time, send pictures. Okay,
(40:34):
this is a picture. You said a chart, A picture
of a chart. No, I mean send pictures of this
big boy baby. Beth wants to see this, this big
old baby. I'm for a future reference. If you're going
to email me about your large baby, send a picture
of this baby. UM, I'm sorry, those are the rules.
(40:58):
I'm just I was gonna ask on this part, but
I haven't talked about Um a woman would never send
a chart and not a picture of the baby. I'm
sorry anyway, Ivan says, I just wanted to share some
of my parenting winds. Also, as of two weeks ago,
I found out I could put my son to sleep
(41:20):
within fifteen minutes, okay, bragging, no bottles needed. It would
it would comprise of a small routine. One I put
on a white noise machine made mainly hair dryer sound,
and hugged him while caressing his eyebrows. Five minutes of
going from awake to sleepy. Five minutes of crying because
(41:42):
he is sleepy. Five minutes of making sure he is
out and making a Ninja move so he doesn't wake up.
Because of this, uh, me and my wife were able
to get two hours back every evening, just the two
of us. Now as of yesterday, when I don't want
and I don't know why, but he doesn't cry anymore.
(42:02):
I know twice is not yet a pattern, but still
I dare to be helpful. Another win is basically that
I found out also yesterday that if he sleeps on
his side instead of his back, he wakes up half
as often incredibly happy about it, considering tomorrow is my birthday,
Happy birthday. I'm taking both of this these winds as
a fantastic gift, and the odd chance you read this
(42:24):
out loud to please give a shout out to my
loving wife Laura into my big baby Thin. Thank you, Laura,
Hi baby Fin. Shout out big big baby Fin, and
for being so funny and inspiring. Lots of love, Van,
great job. I haven't that's again, I think I said
(42:48):
the last time. Um, I didn't know if it was
Ivan or von Um, who does live in Germany but
from Brazil, and he mentioned that that's not a typical
name for Brazil, thinking if it's Portuguese, would you say Van, No,
We'll need a thirty email to find out if if
he wanted it to us to pronounce it other than Ivan,
(43:10):
he should have mentioned in the email. I got a
lot of crime, even a lot of criticians, and here
about they need a picture and a phonetic spelling of
I just think this is this is I'm saying this
with love in the year of our Lord. If you
don't understand engagement, and you know, put a picture for
(43:36):
the algorithm of my brain, for the algorithm of Beth.
The Beth algorithm likes a big, chunky baby. And I
don't just want to hear about it. And if I
was just going to hear about it, describe the chunky nous.
You want to know you wanna know how many pain
picture for my ears? Yes, I do want to know
(43:58):
how many folds there are? Let me, Matt, you want
to you want to sniff that baby that's sleepy chunky baby. Anyway,
I relate to this, this feeling of especially when putting
kids in bed, when you like, figure something out and
(44:19):
it might be helpful somebody. This might work for somebody,
but a lot a lot of times it doesn't. It
works for you and your child. But it doesn't mean
it's not a wonderful victory. It's that feeling. And it's
like men love to have hacks. They're parenting. All has
to be hacks, baby hacks, baby charts. We want tangible progress.
(44:41):
My baby is an eight seven. My baby's an eight.
I thought you're just ranking the baby. I'm really proud
of my baby. He's like an eight. I mean, isn't
that way you guys are doing. Yeah, we get together
and we go to the playground. Were like, check out
(45:04):
that baby's four? That baby anyway? I do you remember
how you're prop your routine for putting either of our
children to sleep before they did it themselves. Uh, I remember.
(45:24):
I remember doing a lot of rocking, um, some futile singing.
I the singing was more for me. Yeah, the singing
was for me to pass the time because I was
just like, I know this assholes not closing his eyes
for five minutes or more. UM with a big ball.
(45:48):
A lot of bouncing on that ball. I bounced on
the ball and I would twist my torso left and right.
I really getting the back and forth in the up
and down. I really don't miss all of u. Um.
So whatever way you can hack through it and feel
like you're making progress is great. All right, if you
want to hack your baby, it's great. I do think
(46:13):
hacks are good, like a good way of men learning
how to engage with their baby. Like the truth is
the baby is just bonding with you, and they're getting
comfort out of their parents bonding. So it's good. It's great,
But I think it's funny. It's not yeah, I wouldn't.
(46:36):
I don't know. Um, I've done I'm I'm sure I've
done all sorts of crazy things when I was tired
and wanted a baby to go to sleep. Yeah, But
like the rare times a thing would change and you'd
be like, I don't have to do this anymore. It's
I have to give it credit to some new thing
(46:58):
that's like I figured it out. Here is how you
do this. And doing this podcast has really helped me
also too, to resist that urged me to bend tell
everybody this is the way. This is how babies work, work,
just the way this one worked for five minutes just now. Um,
(47:19):
because this I would tell a friends this is how
it works. And then two weeks later they come back.
But I've been trying that thing and I was like,
oh yeah, no, that stopped working for me too. That
worked for few days. Also, then you have a second
kid and realized that they're completely different. Yeah, they're a
different person and don't give a crap the three months
you spent months and out the ball with some other kid. Um.
(47:44):
But I also, yeah, again, I really relate to that,
Like it's five minutes of this, then it's five minutes
of this. It's five minutes of that. I did it. Oh,
you go to sleep. And on that note, we're gonna
go to sleep. This has been another episode we was parenting.
We would like to hear your parents success stories, your
(48:04):
parents struggles question. I liked hearing that success story. I
felt I felt happy for Ivan. You know what, let's
just do some bragging this week. Parents brag to us
about what you figured out that works for your child. Um,
we want to hear it. You can email us at
(48:25):
we knows pott a gmail dot com yes, or a voicemail.
We haven't had a voicemail in a while. You say
that the one week I don't have the voicemail. Okay,
here we go. I saw you looking down. I thought
that's what you're doing. I was looking for. Okay. You
can leave us a voicemail at three four seven three
eight four seven three nine six. Follow us on Instagram
(48:47):
if you would, we know potted gmail dot com or
our individual accounts. You wants funny content of those children
to the Facebook, Twitter, those things rate and review on
the podcast. Wherever you was the podcast, Please buy my book.
There's no manual honest and gory Wisdom about having a baby.
On sale now and we'll see you next time. May Bye.
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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