April 30, 2024 • 38 mins
When was the last time you cried?
For some, crying can be seen as a sign of weakness or vulnerability. Society often teaches us that showing our feelings, especially by crying, should be avoided or suppressed, especially in certain situations or if we want to appear strong.
But it's crucial to understand that crying is a natural and healthy way to release bottled-up emotions and stress. It's a physical response that helps us deal with different situations and emotions. Trying to hold back tears can negatively affect our mental and emotional well-being, possibly making us more stressed, anxious, or even physically unwell.
Today, let's talk about the positive effects of crying and releasing our emotions. Crying is not a sign of weakness, but rather an essential aspect of being human. It provides an avenue for emotional release, stress relief, enhanced mood, mental clarity, and deeper connections with others.
So, the next time you feel like shedding a tear, don't hold back. It's perfectly okay and can be quite beneficial for your overall well-being.
What We Discuss:
- 00:00 Intro
- 00:39 Story behind ‘A Really Good Cry’
- 03:34 Crying and emotional release
- 05:32 Embracing and processing emotions
- 07:54 Emotions are signs from our body
- 10:20 Recognizing and understanding your emotions
- 14:02 Why do we suppress emotions?
- 18:01 Signs and symptoms of trapped emotions
- 22:19 Where do you carry your emotions?
- 24:56 “Learn how to see people in the gray and live in the gray…”
- 29:15 Other types of emotional release
- 34:00 Be equanimous
- 36:36 Different kinds of criers
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You have to date yourself right, You have to get
to know yourself. You have to spend time with yourself
just like you would with a partner. And so in
the same way, if your body feels like you've been
neglecting it, if your body feels like you've been rejecting it,
you haven't been acknowledging its feelings. You haven't been wanting
to hear what's happening. Your body's going to feel suppressed
and it's not gonna want to talk to you or
let you know what's happening. And so taking those moments
(00:22):
in stillness and in thought and saying, hi, body, I
am here, and I'm listening to you, and I want
to hear what you're feeling, and I want to heal
with you. You'll be surprised what starts coming up. I'm
rather Dablukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,
we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space
for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you
(00:45):
to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey, everyone,
thank you all so much for tuning in again to
A Really Good Cry and seeing as this is a
really good cry podcast. It only seems right to start
this all up by asking you when was the last
time that you cried? It would be really good for
(01:05):
you to take a second to reflect and think about that.
It may have been yesterday, may have been last month,
it may have even been a full year, but take
a second to have a little reflection about when that was.
For me, if I'm completely honest, it was yesterday. And
I guess I'll start off by giving you guys a
little bit of context behind the name of this podcast
(01:26):
and why I felt so strongly about it being called this.
When I was thinking about what I wanted people to feel,
or experience and even receive from this podcast, it was
to be seen, to feel heard, to feel really deeply understood,
and a space where you can let your guard down,
but also to realize that you were just not alone
(01:48):
in feeling whatever the feels that you are feeling. You know,
emotional moments that we have can really often make us
feel like we're alone when we're not. And for me,
crying has always been the way that I have managed
or coped with pretty much anything in my life. It's
just the way that my body wants to purge it's
the way that my body feels joy, it's the way
(02:10):
that my body feels sadness and frustration and excitement and fear.
Basically every single emotion for me is released through crying.
There's just something about a really good cry that makes
you feel lighter and brighter and like you've just let
so much go out of you. And I really hope
that this podcast will end up being a place where
(02:33):
you come to learn a little bit more about things
in life, about yourself, to let go of things that
no longer serve you and you no longer need in
your life, to refuel you and boost you up, to
ignite you to take the steps that you've always wanted
to take to release emotion, to cry, to laugh, and
(02:53):
to connect back to yourself and with other people deeper.
And hopefully we can go through all the uncomfortable stuff
that life break that's really hard to do alone. We
can hopefully do that all together. So I'm really excited
for this because I have been waiting to have a
space where I can share more than a thirty second
Instagram video or even a ten minute YouTube video. I
(03:14):
feel like I read so much and I hear so much,
and I think so much, and often when I have
conversations with friends and with people, there's just the conversations
are endless. There's so much that we can dig into
and understand, and often in those conversations, I just learned
so much about myself. And I noticed that when I
went on other people's podcast too, So I'm so excited
(03:36):
and thank you all so much for listening.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I really appreciate it. Let's make it a good one.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So I decided for this episode to do a deep
dive on crying and emotional release. So are you ready, people,
You better get your tissues out. It is time to
let it all out. I actually used to be someone
who would hide in the bathroom to cry, or I'd
run somewhere where no one could see me. I really
(04:01):
never wanted people to see me upset or emotional. But
then I was also someone who cried a lot about
a lot of things, and it really annoyed me because
I couldn't always run, and I'd end up being that
cry baby that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Would cry in front of everyone about everything.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
And over the years, honestly, I've started to really embrace
my emotions, not to have them uncontrolled or just burst
out here and there, but to really understand how to
process these emotions that we go through on a daily basis,
what it means to receive these emotions and what we
go through, but then also how to release them. I
(04:38):
actually remember I went to the extent of researching how
not to cry, and I used to try everything from
pinching myself because apparently the pain the structure body from crying,
which I still use, by the way, great technique, to
looking up at the sky or the ceiling, trying to
stop gravity, releasing tears from my eyes, breath work, tensing
(04:59):
your whole body so it feels really confident and in control. Anyway,
some of these works, some of them didn't. But all
this to say that I realize I just feel a lot,
and I feel it really deeply, and I also notice
myself feeling other people's feelings and making them my own.
But here is one thing that I know foresure, after
these thirty whatever years of living life on this earth,
(05:22):
emotions that are not dealt with do not just go away,
and we all are just walking around carrying these big
backpacks of unprocessed emotions. In some way, I heard this
quote somewhere and it has stayed with me. Ever, since
emotions are energy emotion, they are not meant to sit
in you or be collected inside of you. They are
(05:43):
meant to be felt, experienced, processed, and then they are
meant to flow out and through you.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I read that the phrase.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Trapped emotions usually means that the true self wants to
express something that the false self doesn't want us to express,
and I really can relate to that. There's so many
times where you feel like you're putting on a front
or you're trying to be somebody that you're not, and
releasing emotion feels like a vulnerable state. And usually we
(06:12):
feel vulnerable when we are showing the authentic, truest version
of ourself. And so that made so much sense to
me that the trapped emotions are when your true self
is trying to release something but your external self or
your false self doesn't want you to do that and
become vulnerable in those situations. But I've really started to
see emotions as a sign from our body, like, hey,
(06:34):
I am feeling some sort of way. You need to
give me attention, And usually things manifest physically externally when
we haven't been listening or spen taking time to hear
what's happening internally. Human emotions are actually the compass. They
guide us through our thoughts and our behaviors. Every single
(06:54):
thing physical that happens with our body is actually a
sign from our body to try and tell us something.
It really is the physical manifestation of what's happening inside
of us, and it usually is when we're not paying
attention to what's happening internally, our body just screams at
us and make sure that we realize what is happening internally.
And that could be crying, it could be anger, but
(07:17):
it could also manifest as skin issues or high blood pressure,
or digestive issues or stomach Ulsi's the list is endless.
Emotions manifest in so many different ways depending on who
we are and what we're going through. From an iovadic perspective,
which by the way, is the most ancient health science
to ever exist. I means life and vada means knowledge,
(07:39):
and it is a beautiful health science that encompasses everything
from mind, body, and spirit and how every single thing
in our environment can affect us externally and internally, and
how to navigate the world to really make sure that
we can live optimally and in that health science, it
speaks about how emotional ill health is caused by disconnect
(08:02):
between our senses, our emotions.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And our thoughts.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
That's something that I fell in love with when it
came to studying Aveda. The deep connection that there is
between the heart and the mind, and when that connection
is actually weaken, that is when ill health or disease
or problems arise. In vading sacred texts, the heart is
often referred to as riddeya. That's hatry da ya and
(08:28):
that's in Sanskrit, and it's broken down into three parts.
So there's Hurrah, which means receiving, the which means to give,
and yeah, which means to move.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Receive, give and move.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
And that really aligns with the concept of energy in
motion and it really summarizes how we're meant to see
and view emotions. Energy in motion, movement is so vital
and stagnancy is where the problems start. And so I
really urge you after this podcast, or actually we can
even do it now to be because I could take
(09:02):
a deep breath right now, Let's take a deep breath
and begin to reconnect with your physical body and ask yourself,
what emotions am I carrying with me today? And you
can write these questions down if you want to and
keep coming back to them every day every week.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Start off by.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Asking yourself what emotions am I carrying with me today?
Recognize am I feeling sadness? Am I feeling anger?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Am I feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Joy and happiness? Am I feeling worry? There are so
many different emotions. If anything, you could look up the
emotional dictionary and see all the different types of emotions
that we could feel. And it's really good to also
do that, by the way, because we're so limited right
in the words that we use. There's anger, but then
there's also frustration, and then there's also jealousy, and then
there's also so many different words that can explain how
(09:57):
we're feeling, but often we use the words that are
most like, if you are feeling frustrated, you may just
say anger, and so take a look at an emotional
dictionary and see how you're really feeling. Ask yourself what
emotions am I carrying with me today? The next question
you can ask is are they from today? Or am
I carrying them with me from the past? Where is
(10:17):
this rooting from? So really think about whether it was
something that happened today that this emotion has.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Come out of.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Or is this something that happened last week and you're
still holding onto that emotion that because you have not
quite yet processed it, Like where is this happening? You
may even think about in this day? Today I actually
lashed out at someone, I ended up saying things that
I don't really mean. Or I was quite agitated today.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
But where did that root from?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Was it just today or is it something that's happened
and it keeps nagging at you or it keeps coming
up in you and it's causing you to react in
that way today. The next question is really important, where
can I feel it in my body? So I cannot
emphasize this enough. The connection between mind and emotion and
(11:05):
how we feel really does affect what happens to our body.
And so a lot of people carry tension in different
areas in their body. For me, I carry a lot
in my hip area. It says a lot of women
do actually carry a lot of the tension or stress
in their hips, but some people can also carry in
their shoulders.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I know my grandma every time she's.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Stressed or worried, I always notice that her shoulders feel
so tight, and so some people carry in their shoulders,
some people in their heads with migraines and headaches. So
start to notice during the moments where you are feeling
emotional or you're quite tense in life, where do you
feel it through your physical body? And then if you
have noticed that there are things which you are still
(11:44):
carrying and they haven't just come up on a one off,
it's something that has continued throughout the days or weeks,
or months or years, ask yourself, why am I still.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Carrying it with me?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And really try to reflect on these. I think these
are really great questions to ask yourself on a daily basis.
But if if you don't want to do that, maybe
a weekly reflective thing for the week that's just gone by,
and you'll start to notice specific patterns that you see,
I definitely did when I tried this, and so you
can reflect on these in your head, or even you
can create a journal, an emotional journal to really start
(12:15):
seeing what you are carrying with you. There may be
things I remember seeing something from a year ago that
I came back around and I was like, oh my goodness,
I am still holding onto this to this day. And
I remember something that had triggered it on a year
later or about a year later, And so it really
helps you to notice the things that you don't sometimes
(12:36):
realize you're still carrying with you now.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
There are so.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Many layers to why we suppress our emotions. It could
be fear of judgment, wanting to seem really strong and
thinking or feeling that crying or release of emotion is
a sign of weakness. I feel like that's something that
we're kind of taught from a young age. You know,
big girls don't cry or don't be a cry baby,
don't be such a girl. That's something I heard all
(12:58):
the time that crying was a ways related to or
associated with being a girl. For some reason, we're rarely
told in school or in life that you know what,
cry if you need to, Crying is good for you.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Crying helps you to heal and to grow.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
And honestly, being someone from an Indian background, I notice
the cultural differences we're dealing with sadness and pain or
emotions in different genders. Crying is seen as and spoken
about as soft or too feminine for men and for women,
And the fact is we all actually have feminine and
masculine energies within us. Every single one of us does,
(13:35):
and actually being able to navigate between our feminine and
masculine energies is actually what balance looks like. It's actually
what creates good emotional health for all genders and all people.
So we have both inside of us for a reason,
and when we fail to recognize that we are doing
ourselves such a disservice. For many of us, it could
(13:55):
be also a method of self protection or defense. If
I don't I can protect myself from it. If I
don't feel it, I don't have to experience it or
have to go through it again. And so the fear
of being vulnerable with ourselves can be quite scary to do.
But also if the fear of being vulnerable with other people,
it's scary to see what we're sometimes actually feeling, and
(14:17):
avoiding it usually feels like the easier, more manageable option.
But the fact is some things can stay trapped inside
of us for years and years, and we put it
into a little box hidden in the corner of our
minds and our hearts. We try to forget about it,
but often we do not even realize that it is
leaking into other parts of our lives, triggering us, causing
(14:39):
us to react in different situations, rather than us responding
or thinking things through clearly, we end up having these
outbursts or acting in ways that we don't expect ourselves
to when something happens. There's been so many times where
I've had unexpected or unwarranted reactions to something, or I've
been like WHOA. Afterwards, I'd be like, WHOA, that was
(15:02):
really unexpected or that was really over exaggerated that reaction.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Sometimes it's just because I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
But other times I end up having to really think
about it, like why did I react to that person
that way? And it really is a deeper rooted issue
or a deeper rooted emotion that hasn't been dealt with before.
And sometimes little things will trigger it because it's just
built up emotion over emotion over emotion. Another thing is
childhood and what we see our parents do. It's such
(15:30):
a huge part of what we do now in our
adult years. And actually, when I was writing this, I
was thinking about how my parents dealt with emotions. And
I never really saw my dad cry. I think I
did maybe once in when I was younger. I was
when my granddad passed away, but I remember this so distinctly.
He locked himself in the bathroom and only came out
(15:52):
once he had stopped crying. And you know, there was
no conversation about crying, even when we would hug each
other when during sad moments, he would always feel like
he had to keep it together for us, and I
would see my mom cry here and there, but it
wasn't really something we spoke about and spoke of being okay,
don't worry, mummy's fine, We're okay, it's nothing, not a
(16:13):
big deal, and the actual crying pot wasn't acknowledged us.
It's okay for the crying to be here. It's how,
you know, how we release emotion. But it was always
kind of connected to something quite negative or something sad,
and there was always this explaining or justifying why someone's crying,
rather than it just being part of a normal, a
normal day to day thing that we can actually do
(16:34):
and it's okay. And if you're someone who can't quite
figure out whether you do have trapped emotions hidden inside,
because sometimes there's a lot going on and it's hard
to know what's coming from where there are actually signs
and symptoms of trapped emotions, things like regular poor decision making,
muscle tension in the body, self sabotage, overreaction or acting
(16:56):
out of character. You know, little things triggering you and
you having a respect that was larger than what you
would have expected, Increased stress and anxiety that goes on
like regularly low moods, fatigue, heaviness and energy and mind.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
That's usually my sign that I.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Notice in myself when I have some reflection to do
on what's happening inside. I always feel this heaviness. It's
like not quite sadness. Actually, it's more of a dullness
where I'm not quite feeling the happiness I usually feel
from things. I'm not feeling extremely low, but it's almost
like this in between of just feeling quite numb to things.
(17:36):
And what I've realized is that's often a sign where
I'm trying to suppress a lot and feel nothing, and
I get to a point where I suddenly just have
this outburst of emotion and I'm a wreck.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And so the.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Numbness or that feeling of not feeling much of anything
has been a really good sign for me that I
have to do some serious internal reflection. It's something that
actually ends up affecting every single part of your life
without even realizing it. From the way that you think
about yourself, Like when you feel really emotionally heavy, it
feels like there's a cloud of your head. And whenever
(18:10):
there's a build up of negative feelings in your body,
even if they're to do with other people, or even
if it's not negative view of yourself, it's still this
negativity that's circulating inside of you, and it can eventually
spill into your language, to yourself and how you treat
yourself too. And I don't know about you, but I
find a build up of emotion makes me so much snappier.
(18:33):
It affects the way that I react to stress or
I break down so much faster. It's like, you know
when kids are overtired and anything and everything triggers them.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
It is that I don't want that chocolate I wanted
the other one.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
It's literally that's how I feel when I have so
much going on inside and.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I haven't released it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Even the smallest things like my pastor's overcooked and just
makes me break down, you know. And I feel like
that's the same with as adults. We're all just little
babies really inside, and just the little stresses I end
up feeling so much bigger, and the little irritations end
up feeling way more irritating in our Vada actually says
(19:12):
that trapped emotions are the cause for chronic health conditions
or triggers for autoimmune diseases. And I've said this a
few times in this podcast, but i can't stress it enough.
Trapped emotions cause physical ill health. There's been studies about it.
But even more than that, you see it in people,
(19:32):
stress and anger and all these emotions. If they just
sit within us, they build up, They build up, they
build up, and they affect the physical mechanisms and organs
in our body. We always identify so many different external
things when we're unwell, you know, whether it's our food
or musing microwaves or pollution. But emotions, especially trapped emotions,
(19:59):
have the ability to cause bad physical health. Like if
you think about it, heartbreak. Whoever's been through a heartbreak
in their life, it can literally physically break you. You
feel the pain physically in your heart, in your chest.
When you lose someone or there's death close to you,
you feel something physically in your body. It is not
(20:20):
just in your mind. We're so used to going to
the doctor to get medicine when we feel ill, but
do we ever sit there and say, hey, what am
I feeling that could be causing this physical pain or
illness in my body? And we really do need to
do that way more as part of disease prevention, and.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Even colds and coughs.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
There's just so many things that happen to us on
a regular basis where like, oh, it's just because.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
I'm run down, But why are you run down? Are
you stressed out?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Are you emotionally burdened? Adding that to your list of
things that you are checking when you're feeling unwell is
really really useful. I actually remember when I did my
yoga teacher training and I learned that women especially and
I said that this is where I carry my emotion,
but especially women carry the emotions in our hips. And
(21:06):
I found this study which I thought was so cool,
and basically did an experiment to see the different places
in people's body that they feel emotion physically. And I
think it was then in Finland on like a thousand people,
and they mapped the body's reaction to different emotions by
asking them to color in different regions of their body
(21:26):
that they felt reactions, whether it was like large amount
or small amount, depending on what they showed them and
what emotion they felt. And so they did find that
all the emotions were connected to different parts of the body. So,
for example, anger and frustration were felt in the upper
part of the body, which kind of makes sense because
you know there's that term that's like hot headed. That
(21:47):
really makes a lot of sense. And then happiness was
actually felt.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Throughout the whole entire body.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Sadness was felt in the chest and a little bit
at in your head. Love was felt through most of
the upper body, and I mean up un till the knees.
It shows pride is felt all in the head. So
I think a lot of the negative emotions seem like
they're felt a lot more in the upper part of
the body. Envy is all in the head, there's nothing
going on in the chest. I just thought that was
(22:15):
so amazing and interesting that, Yeah, it literally shows where
emotions are felt throughout the body, and also the heat,
like it shows some of them as hot feelings where
your body feels heated, and something like depression and sadness
are cooler like blue feelings. So, I mean, it's just
so fascinating and I love when experiments really and studies
(22:38):
are able to show something that for a lot of
people is that, oh, that's so woo woo, but actually
it's not.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Feelings are not woo woo, they aren't real.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Emotions are not woo woo. They are so real.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
And just love when science backs it all up, you know,
And look, there are times where you do have to
compose yourself and keep it moving. You have an argument
with your partner and you have to go to work,
you find out bad news, but you have to show
up and you have to be in front of people,
or you have to carry on with your day. Like
you can't let your emotions constantly overwhelm you because then
(23:12):
you can't get things done during the day. And you know,
in my life, I can really relate to that. I
get messages a lot on social media saying why do
you always seem so happy? You can't always be this happy,
And to be honest, I feel like I do share
a lot of downs too, but I do choose every
single day to show up as the best version of myself.
(23:33):
And the fact is that you can feel two things
at once. I can be crying for an hour before
I get on camera and I film something and still
be sad while still trying to show up and be
happy at the same time. Both can be true at
the same time. It doesn't mean that you are faking
it or that you're lying, but we always assume that
(23:53):
you can only if you're sad, then you can only
be sad, and if you're happy, then you can only
be happy. But actually, I think about this a lot,
and I use this term a lot recently, But we
have to learn how to see people in the gray
and live in the gray. Nothing is black and white.
There is not one or the other. We are all
so much at the same time, and so when you're sad,
(24:15):
you're not always just sad, and when you're angry or
not always just angry. And so for me, I always
choose to squeeze out any parts of joy that are there,
even if I'm not feeling them at the time, I
know that they're there, and even though I know that
even though if I'm not feeling very happy when I've
woken up this morning, I know that happy exists within me,
and so I will try my best to squeeze all
(24:36):
of it out. I think you can be really selective
with what parts of you that you share with people
and how you decide to show up. I think I've
become so aware of the ripple effect that your emotions
can have on other people, and so whether it's talking
to friends or showing up online, it's a choice of
what ripple effect do I want to have on somebody?
(24:56):
Do I want to create sadness in other people's lives?
Or would I rather share a little lighthearted joy? And
that doesn't mean that you have to fake it. There's
obviously so much in going out there and sharing and
being vulnerable with your friends and with your family, And
so when I think about sharing emotions with people, I
do I do have those few people that I really
am able to just be like, you know, I'm having
(25:18):
a really bad day to day, But do I want
to share that with two million people and ruin their
day too? Because we feed off other people's emotions and
energy so much, and so yeah, sometimes I will choose
and be selective about where I spread and scatter my
negative energy because I'm so aware of the ripple effect
(25:38):
that it has on other people, especially when someone is
already not in a great mood, and then they meet
someone else not in a great mood, and then they're
sharing that not great mood and they affect one another,
and then they carry it on to the next person,
and the next person and the next person. I think,
I just always think, do I want to be creating
a rippule of sadness or do I want to try
and uplift someone else around me if I have the
(26:01):
opportunity to do so, and I have the capacity and
space to do so. So That's what I try and
do every single day. And yeah, there have been days
where I found out bad news about family members or
I've felt really really upset about something. But does that
mean that I have to stop my whole life and
just sit in that feeling or am I going to
try and control what I'm feeling for now and then
(26:23):
carry on with whatever I need to get done, because
it's life. We have jobs to go to, things to do,
and then take time to release it and process it
when it feels safe and appropriate to do so. Because
I just want to make this part really clear that
being emotional doesn't mean you are emotionally vomiting and that
(26:44):
you are uncontrolled in the way that you spill your emotions.
It's not a spontaneous thing. It's not something where you
are just constantly just overflowing with emotion with everyone and anything. No,
it's a control the means of tuning into your emotions,
accepting and being aware of what you're feeling, and knowing
(27:06):
exactly when you are able to process it, reflect on it,
and then eventually let it go. Now, I feel like
I've been talking to all of you, like you're all
criers like me, but I feel like I really need
to acknowledge the non.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Criers out there.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And I remember this one vivid moment in my life
where I was speaking to someone and I was so emotional.
I was crying, and I was really emotionally. It was
about us. We were talking, and this person was like
downright just staring me in the face, just like really
understanding and really being there, but so calm and collected
and literally not one tear in their eye. And I
(27:40):
was like, literally, are you bionic? Or what is happening?
Why are you not crying with me? But we were
just wonderful, unique aliens. And there are just some people
who do not cry. And look, it could be deeply
suppressed or they just express their emotion in different ways.
And if crying isn't your cup of tea, there are
also so many other ways that you can release.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
One of them is writing. There's also movement.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
When you feel stagnant in certain parts of your life,
Like let's say you're feeling stagnant emotionally, moving your body
physically can also help with those emotions. If you're feeling
stagnant physically, you can write things down and let things
flow in movement, emotionally and in writing. Movement is such
a big part of every part of life. So whether
(28:27):
you dance, or you stretch, or you get a massage,
or you do breath work, all of that counter's movement.
You go out, you go for a run, you go
for a walk, that movement in body will also help
movement in mind too. Another thing is breath work. Breath work,
I just mentioned it now, but it's so important and
it really does help. Your breath and your emotions are
so intertwined and connected, and so it says that once
(28:50):
if you have control of your breath. It talks about
this a lot in yoga. If you have control of
your breath, you can control your emotions, and it really
does make sense because if you think about it, what's
the thing that changes the most when you are feeling
certain emotions. If you're anxious, you're breathing goes fast. If
you're feeling calm, you're breathing is slower. When you start crying,
you notice the breath pattern change. And so trying to
(29:12):
actually control your breath during the time that you're feeling
emotions can help you also control them, but can also
help you release them too. Meditation and sitting in stillness
it's something that I feel we just don't do as
much as we should. Me included, I just don't do
it as much as I should. And sometimes we avoid
sitting in stillness because we don't want to hear what's
(29:32):
happening in our mind. But that can be a really
beautiful way for emotions to come to the surface because
you're saying, hi, body, high mind, I am here and
I'm listening. It's just like a partner. Like think of yourself.
I always say you have to date yourself, right, you
have to get to know yourself. You have to spend
time with yourself, just like you would with a partner.
And so in the same way, if your body feels
like you've been neglecting it. If your body feels like
(29:54):
you've been rejecting it, you haven't been acknowledging its feelings,
you haven't been wanting to hear what's happening. Your body's
going to feel suppressed and it's not going to want
to talk to you or let you know what's happening.
And so taking those moments in stillness and in thought
and saying, hi, body, I am here and I'm listening
to you, and I want to hear what you're feeling,
and I want to heal with you. You'll be surprised
(30:17):
what starts coming up and what your body starts telling you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Oh my gosh. In touch.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Touch is such a beautiful way to release emotion. It's
like when someone hugs you when you're at that tipping
point of crying.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Sometimes it can bring.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Comfort, and you know that feeling of wait, don't hug me,
or I'm going to cry. It's because when you feel
comfort in someone else, your body suddenly feels like it
lets its guards down and you feel like you're able
to let things out and let things flow. And so
go give someone a hug that you feel loved by
and cared by. And that can also really help. There's
(30:52):
actually two breath works. Just want to go back to
breath work because there's two breath works that I did
do in my Yobu teacher training. It was really interesting
and released emotions like I have never experienced before.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
One thing that I.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Tried there's holotropic breathing. I think it's breathing a really fast,
straight and a fast pace. But the one I tried
was Pramer breath work, and it's another breath pattern. Basically,
different speeds and different mechanisms of breathing or different patterns
evoke different things in your body, and it's almost like
a purging breath work.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
It was wild.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
We were all in a room, all trying this breath
work being guided by our teachers, and I remember it
was like that was the breath pattern that we were doing.
Within like ten minutes, it was people screaming out in pain,
people crying their eyes out, like emotions like I never
seen them released in my life, and we were all
(31:49):
in a room doing that. So you can imagine how
overwhelming that was. But that's also apparently meant to be
a really great way to unlock trauma and emotion from
the body too.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
And there is.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
One word that has change my whole view of emotions,
and it's actually used a lot in spiritual texts, and
it's this world called equanimity, and it means to feel
a balance of emotions through the ups and the downs,
through the waves of life. Your mind and your emotions
and your body are able to stay equanomous, like I
(32:19):
think that's the word.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I able to stay stable.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
You feel the waves, but you're almost riding them rather
than trying to, you know, trying to swim against them.
And it's the practice of really surrendering, receiving, processing, and
releasing emotions as they come, just like water flowing. And
so you end up having lows but not too low,
(32:42):
and you end up having the highs of life, but
you don't feel it too deeply. You realize that you're
someone that is just experiencing them rather than you actually
being the emotion or feeling the emotion.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
And it takes a lot to get there. I can't
say I've experienced it, but it's.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
One thing I really aspire for, because you know, when
you end up seeing the larger perspective of things when
you're going through emotions, you always realize.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Sometimes you just have to surrender.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
You cannot be in control of everything, and you have
to be okay with the waves of life coming your way.
And you can either fight them and get tired of fighting,
or you can try and cope with them and ride
the waves and accept what's coming to you. But yeah,
some of the things that have actually helped me the most,
I'd say is daily meditation just to ground me and
(33:33):
create this bubble around me, and I actually changed the
perspective that I see the world through and life through
on a daily basis. It really feels like I'm looking
at the world through more of a healed lens rather
than a triggered lens and physical movement every single day.
My goodness, I'm a whole different human when you catch
me before a workout and emotionally, I think writing writing
(33:57):
has really been the other thing that's helped me. And
most importantly, I know we hear this word every single
day all the time on our social media with everybody,
but it's so important gratitude during the difficult times, trying
to see perspective and the bigger picture during those times
literally will carry you through. And even from that experiment
that was done, it so that when you feel happiness
(34:18):
and you feel gratitude, the other emotions kind of fade away.
And so trying to remain in gratitude, think of anything,
even just the smallest thing that you're grateful for in
the time that you feel in your darkest or your worst,
and it has the ability to lift you up, just
that little bear. And So to end this, I want
to just say something that I totally made up. It's
the different kind of cry is and I'm pretty sure
(34:40):
I have been all of them at one point in life,
but I'm going to show you what they are. So
the first one is the loud, ugly cry. And you
all have that friend that has that loud, ugly cry.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
You know what. I've been that person.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I'm not ashamed of it, but it's the the one
who really knows how to let loose with their emotions.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
The ugly, the loud, the everything. That's number one. Number
two is the breathless. We all know that. I just
don't know what it's like.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
You can't even understand what they're saying. There's like a
whole lot of breathing going on. That's number two. Then
there's a sniffler and the snotty, there is water coming
from every part of the body. They're just snotty and
sniffly when they're trying to cry. And it's not cute either,
to be honest. The high pitched one, Oh, you know,
this one is like that.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I just don't know what's happening in me.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I've had a few of them, and it's kind of
hard because you kind of want to cry with them,
but at the same time you can't help but laugh.
And then that I'm not crying, you're crying cryer where
it's just I've got something in my eye and they're
waving their hand in front of their face and it's just,
you know, trying to avoid wanted dropping out of their eye.
(35:57):
And the last one is the silent crier, one who
is almost beautifully annoyingly crying and sobbing in the corner,
wiping the tears from the corner of their eyes gently
with a napkin, and they'll have their little cry and
then they'll check their makeup and it will be beautiful
and still okay, and they'll carry on with their day.
So those are my versions of all the different criers.
(36:19):
Think about which one you are. I say, the uglier
the cry, the better, to be quite honest, So I
really hope that this podcast was useful. I hope that
it's helped you to think about connecting deeper to your
emotions and reflecting on a regular basis, making sure you
are taking emotional inventory. I think that's really a really
(36:41):
good word. Okay, emotional inventory. Are you taking emotional inventory
every single week to figure out what is happening inside?
And I really hope that it helps you become more
comfortable with managing your emotions. And if you only do
one thing away from this, let it be to cry
it unapologetically and as ugly as you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I was actually pretty nervous recording this. I can't believe
I actually made.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
It through my first solo podcast.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
It's kind of exciting we did it, and there is
so much more to come, and I feel like we
actually covered a lot in this episode. I wasn't sure
I was going to be able to make thirty minutes,
and it's like, I don't even know how long this
has been. But thank you all so much for listening.
If you made it all the way to the end,
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And let's all work together to normalize crying, shall we,
And also please tag me in all your ugly cry pictures.
I recommend you document when you are crying because I
think that we take pictures of ourselves when we're really happy,
or take pictures of ourselves smiling in different moments, but
let's also start taking pictures of the growth moments, the
(37:49):
times that we were finding difficult, so that we can
look back and see how much we have grown, or
even just to start normalizing that. You know what, Yeah,
I'm crying today, just accepting it another way of accepting
our emotions. Thank you so much, sending your so much love,
and I hope you have such a wonderful day or
evening or wherever and whenever you are listening
You have to date yourself right, You have to get
to know yourself. You have to spend time with yourself
just like you would with a partner. And so in
the same way, if your body feels like you've been
neglecting it, if your body feels like you've been rejecting it,
you haven't been acknowledging its feelings. You haven't been wanting
to hear what's happening. Your body's going to feel suppressed
and it's not gonna want to talk to you or
let you know what's happening. And so taking those moments
(00:22):
in stillness and in thought and saying, hi, body, I
am here, and I'm listening to you, and I want
to hear what you're feeling, and I want to heal
with you. You'll be surprised what starts coming up. I'm
rather Dablukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,
we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space
for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you
(00:45):
to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey, everyone,
thank you all so much for tuning in again to
A Really Good Cry and seeing as this is a
really good cry podcast. It only seems right to start
this all up by asking you when was the last
time that you cried? It would be really good for
(01:05):
you to take a second to reflect and think about that.
It may have been yesterday, may have been last month,
it may have even been a full year, but take
a second to have a little reflection about when that was.
For me, if I'm completely honest, it was yesterday. And
I guess I'll start off by giving you guys a
little bit of context behind the name of this podcast
(01:26):
and why I felt so strongly about it being called this.
When I was thinking about what I wanted people to feel,
or experience and even receive from this podcast, it was
to be seen, to feel heard, to feel really deeply understood,
and a space where you can let your guard down,
but also to realize that you were just not alone
(01:48):
in feeling whatever the feels that you are feeling. You know,
emotional moments that we have can really often make us
feel like we're alone when we're not. And for me,
crying has always been the way that I have managed
or coped with pretty much anything in my life. It's
just the way that my body wants to purge it's
the way that my body feels joy, it's the way
(02:10):
that my body feels sadness and frustration and excitement and fear.
Basically every single emotion for me is released through crying.
There's just something about a really good cry that makes
you feel lighter and brighter and like you've just let
so much go out of you. And I really hope
that this podcast will end up being a place where
(02:33):
you come to learn a little bit more about things
in life, about yourself, to let go of things that
no longer serve you and you no longer need in
your life, to refuel you and boost you up, to
ignite you to take the steps that you've always wanted
to take to release emotion, to cry, to laugh, and
(02:53):
to connect back to yourself and with other people deeper.
And hopefully we can go through all the uncomfortable stuff
that life break that's really hard to do alone. We
can hopefully do that all together. So I'm really excited
for this because I have been waiting to have a
space where I can share more than a thirty second
Instagram video or even a ten minute YouTube video. I
(03:14):
feel like I read so much and I hear so much,
and I think so much, and often when I have
conversations with friends and with people, there's just the conversations
are endless. There's so much that we can dig into
and understand, and often in those conversations, I just learned
so much about myself. And I noticed that when I
went on other people's podcast too, So I'm so excited
(03:36):
and thank you all so much for listening.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I really appreciate it. Let's make it a good one.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
So I decided for this episode to do a deep
dive on crying and emotional release. So are you ready, people,
You better get your tissues out. It is time to
let it all out. I actually used to be someone
who would hide in the bathroom to cry, or I'd
run somewhere where no one could see me. I really
(04:01):
never wanted people to see me upset or emotional. But
then I was also someone who cried a lot about
a lot of things, and it really annoyed me because
I couldn't always run, and I'd end up being that
cry baby that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Would cry in front of everyone about everything.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
And over the years, honestly, I've started to really embrace
my emotions, not to have them uncontrolled or just burst
out here and there, but to really understand how to
process these emotions that we go through on a daily basis,
what it means to receive these emotions and what we
go through, but then also how to release them. I
(04:38):
actually remember I went to the extent of researching how
not to cry, and I used to try everything from
pinching myself because apparently the pain the structure body from crying,
which I still use, by the way, great technique, to
looking up at the sky or the ceiling, trying to
stop gravity, releasing tears from my eyes, breath work, tensing
(04:59):
your whole body so it feels really confident and in control. Anyway,
some of these works, some of them didn't. But all
this to say that I realize I just feel a lot,
and I feel it really deeply, and I also notice
myself feeling other people's feelings and making them my own.
But here is one thing that I know foresure, after
these thirty whatever years of living life on this earth,
(05:22):
emotions that are not dealt with do not just go away,
and we all are just walking around carrying these big
backpacks of unprocessed emotions. In some way, I heard this
quote somewhere and it has stayed with me. Ever, since
emotions are energy emotion, they are not meant to sit
in you or be collected inside of you. They are
(05:43):
meant to be felt, experienced, processed, and then they are
meant to flow out and through you.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I read that the phrase.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Trapped emotions usually means that the true self wants to
express something that the false self doesn't want us to express,
and I really can relate to that. There's so many
times where you feel like you're putting on a front
or you're trying to be somebody that you're not, and
releasing emotion feels like a vulnerable state. And usually we
(06:12):
feel vulnerable when we are showing the authentic, truest version
of ourself. And so that made so much sense to
me that the trapped emotions are when your true self
is trying to release something but your external self or
your false self doesn't want you to do that and
become vulnerable in those situations. But I've really started to
see emotions as a sign from our body, like, hey,
(06:34):
I am feeling some sort of way. You need to
give me attention, And usually things manifest physically externally when
we haven't been listening or spen taking time to hear
what's happening internally. Human emotions are actually the compass. They
guide us through our thoughts and our behaviors. Every single
(06:54):
thing physical that happens with our body is actually a
sign from our body to try and tell us something.
It really is the physical manifestation of what's happening inside
of us, and it usually is when we're not paying
attention to what's happening internally, our body just screams at
us and make sure that we realize what is happening internally.
And that could be crying, it could be anger, but
(07:17):
it could also manifest as skin issues or high blood pressure,
or digestive issues or stomach Ulsi's the list is endless.
Emotions manifest in so many different ways depending on who
we are and what we're going through. From an iovadic perspective,
which by the way, is the most ancient health science
to ever exist. I means life and vada means knowledge,
(07:39):
and it is a beautiful health science that encompasses everything
from mind, body, and spirit and how every single thing
in our environment can affect us externally and internally, and
how to navigate the world to really make sure that
we can live optimally and in that health science, it
speaks about how emotional ill health is caused by disconnect
(08:02):
between our senses, our emotions.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
And our thoughts.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
That's something that I fell in love with when it
came to studying Aveda. The deep connection that there is
between the heart and the mind, and when that connection
is actually weaken, that is when ill health or disease
or problems arise. In vading sacred texts, the heart is
often referred to as riddeya. That's hatry da ya and
(08:28):
that's in Sanskrit, and it's broken down into three parts.
So there's Hurrah, which means receiving, the which means to give,
and yeah, which means to move.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Receive, give and move.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
And that really aligns with the concept of energy in
motion and it really summarizes how we're meant to see
and view emotions. Energy in motion, movement is so vital
and stagnancy is where the problems start. And so I
really urge you after this podcast, or actually we can
even do it now to be because I could take
(09:02):
a deep breath right now, Let's take a deep breath
and begin to reconnect with your physical body and ask yourself,
what emotions am I carrying with me today? And you
can write these questions down if you want to and
keep coming back to them every day every week.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Start off by.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Asking yourself what emotions am I carrying with me today?
Recognize am I feeling sadness? Am I feeling anger?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Am I feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Joy and happiness? Am I feeling worry? There are so
many different emotions. If anything, you could look up the
emotional dictionary and see all the different types of emotions
that we could feel. And it's really good to also
do that, by the way, because we're so limited right
in the words that we use. There's anger, but then
there's also frustration, and then there's also jealousy, and then
there's also so many different words that can explain how
(09:57):
we're feeling, but often we use the words that are
most like, if you are feeling frustrated, you may just
say anger, and so take a look at an emotional
dictionary and see how you're really feeling. Ask yourself what
emotions am I carrying with me today? The next question
you can ask is are they from today? Or am
I carrying them with me from the past? Where is
(10:17):
this rooting from? So really think about whether it was
something that happened today that this emotion has.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Come out of.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Or is this something that happened last week and you're
still holding onto that emotion that because you have not
quite yet processed it, Like where is this happening? You
may even think about in this day? Today I actually
lashed out at someone, I ended up saying things that
I don't really mean. Or I was quite agitated today.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
But where did that root from?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Was it just today or is it something that's happened
and it keeps nagging at you or it keeps coming
up in you and it's causing you to react in
that way today. The next question is really important, where
can I feel it in my body? So I cannot
emphasize this enough. The connection between mind and emotion and
(11:05):
how we feel really does affect what happens to our body.
And so a lot of people carry tension in different
areas in their body. For me, I carry a lot
in my hip area. It says a lot of women
do actually carry a lot of the tension or stress
in their hips, but some people can also carry in
their shoulders.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I know my grandma every time she's.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Stressed or worried, I always notice that her shoulders feel
so tight, and so some people carry in their shoulders,
some people in their heads with migraines and headaches. So
start to notice during the moments where you are feeling
emotional or you're quite tense in life, where do you
feel it through your physical body? And then if you
have noticed that there are things which you are still
(11:44):
carrying and they haven't just come up on a one off,
it's something that has continued throughout the days or weeks,
or months or years, ask yourself, why am I still.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Carrying it with me?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
And really try to reflect on these. I think these
are really great questions to ask yourself on a daily basis.
But if if you don't want to do that, maybe
a weekly reflective thing for the week that's just gone by,
and you'll start to notice specific patterns that you see,
I definitely did when I tried this, and so you
can reflect on these in your head, or even you
can create a journal, an emotional journal to really start
(12:15):
seeing what you are carrying with you. There may be
things I remember seeing something from a year ago that
I came back around and I was like, oh my goodness,
I am still holding onto this to this day. And
I remember something that had triggered it on a year
later or about a year later, And so it really
helps you to notice the things that you don't sometimes
(12:36):
realize you're still carrying with you now.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
There are so.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Many layers to why we suppress our emotions. It could
be fear of judgment, wanting to seem really strong and
thinking or feeling that crying or release of emotion is
a sign of weakness. I feel like that's something that
we're kind of taught from a young age. You know,
big girls don't cry or don't be a cry baby,
don't be such a girl. That's something I heard all
(12:58):
the time that crying was a ways related to or
associated with being a girl. For some reason, we're rarely
told in school or in life that you know what,
cry if you need to, Crying is good for you.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Crying helps you to heal and to grow.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
And honestly, being someone from an Indian background, I notice
the cultural differences we're dealing with sadness and pain or
emotions in different genders. Crying is seen as and spoken
about as soft or too feminine for men and for women,
And the fact is we all actually have feminine and
masculine energies within us. Every single one of us does,
(13:35):
and actually being able to navigate between our feminine and
masculine energies is actually what balance looks like. It's actually
what creates good emotional health for all genders and all people.
So we have both inside of us for a reason,
and when we fail to recognize that we are doing
ourselves such a disservice. For many of us, it could
(13:55):
be also a method of self protection or defense. If
I don't I can protect myself from it. If I
don't feel it, I don't have to experience it or
have to go through it again. And so the fear
of being vulnerable with ourselves can be quite scary to do.
But also if the fear of being vulnerable with other people,
it's scary to see what we're sometimes actually feeling, and
(14:17):
avoiding it usually feels like the easier, more manageable option.
But the fact is some things can stay trapped inside
of us for years and years, and we put it
into a little box hidden in the corner of our
minds and our hearts. We try to forget about it,
but often we do not even realize that it is
leaking into other parts of our lives, triggering us, causing
(14:39):
us to react in different situations, rather than us responding
or thinking things through clearly, we end up having these
outbursts or acting in ways that we don't expect ourselves
to when something happens. There's been so many times where
I've had unexpected or unwarranted reactions to something, or I've
been like WHOA. Afterwards, I'd be like, WHOA, that was
(15:02):
really unexpected or that was really over exaggerated that reaction.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Sometimes it's just because I'm hungry.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
But other times I end up having to really think
about it, like why did I react to that person
that way? And it really is a deeper rooted issue
or a deeper rooted emotion that hasn't been dealt with before.
And sometimes little things will trigger it because it's just
built up emotion over emotion over emotion. Another thing is
childhood and what we see our parents do. It's such
(15:30):
a huge part of what we do now in our
adult years. And actually, when I was writing this, I
was thinking about how my parents dealt with emotions. And
I never really saw my dad cry. I think I
did maybe once in when I was younger. I was
when my granddad passed away, but I remember this so distinctly.
He locked himself in the bathroom and only came out
(15:52):
once he had stopped crying. And you know, there was
no conversation about crying, even when we would hug each
other when during sad moments, he would always feel like
he had to keep it together for us, and I
would see my mom cry here and there, but it
wasn't really something we spoke about and spoke of being okay,
don't worry, mummy's fine, We're okay, it's nothing, not a
(16:13):
big deal, and the actual crying pot wasn't acknowledged us.
It's okay for the crying to be here. It's how,
you know, how we release emotion. But it was always
kind of connected to something quite negative or something sad,
and there was always this explaining or justifying why someone's crying,
rather than it just being part of a normal, a
normal day to day thing that we can actually do
(16:34):
and it's okay. And if you're someone who can't quite
figure out whether you do have trapped emotions hidden inside,
because sometimes there's a lot going on and it's hard
to know what's coming from where there are actually signs
and symptoms of trapped emotions, things like regular poor decision making,
muscle tension in the body, self sabotage, overreaction or acting
(16:56):
out of character. You know, little things triggering you and
you having a respect that was larger than what you
would have expected, Increased stress and anxiety that goes on
like regularly low moods, fatigue, heaviness and energy and mind.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
That's usually my sign that I.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Notice in myself when I have some reflection to do
on what's happening inside. I always feel this heaviness. It's
like not quite sadness. Actually, it's more of a dullness
where I'm not quite feeling the happiness I usually feel
from things. I'm not feeling extremely low, but it's almost
like this in between of just feeling quite numb to things.
(17:36):
And what I've realized is that's often a sign where
I'm trying to suppress a lot and feel nothing, and
I get to a point where I suddenly just have
this outburst of emotion and I'm a wreck.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And so the.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Numbness or that feeling of not feeling much of anything
has been a really good sign for me that I
have to do some serious internal reflection. It's something that
actually ends up affecting every single part of your life
without even realizing it. From the way that you think
about yourself, Like when you feel really emotionally heavy, it
feels like there's a cloud of your head. And whenever
(18:10):
there's a build up of negative feelings in your body,
even if they're to do with other people, or even
if it's not negative view of yourself, it's still this
negativity that's circulating inside of you, and it can eventually
spill into your language, to yourself and how you treat
yourself too. And I don't know about you, but I
find a build up of emotion makes me so much snappier.
(18:33):
It affects the way that I react to stress or
I break down so much faster. It's like, you know
when kids are overtired and anything and everything triggers them.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
It is that I don't want that chocolate I wanted
the other one.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
It's literally that's how I feel when I have so
much going on inside and.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I haven't released it.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Even the smallest things like my pastor's overcooked and just
makes me break down, you know. And I feel like
that's the same with as adults. We're all just little
babies really inside, and just the little stresses I end
up feeling so much bigger, and the little irritations end
up feeling way more irritating in our Vada actually says
(19:12):
that trapped emotions are the cause for chronic health conditions
or triggers for autoimmune diseases. And I've said this a
few times in this podcast, but i can't stress it enough.
Trapped emotions cause physical ill health. There's been studies about it.
But even more than that, you see it in people,
(19:32):
stress and anger and all these emotions. If they just
sit within us, they build up, They build up, they
build up, and they affect the physical mechanisms and organs
in our body. We always identify so many different external
things when we're unwell, you know, whether it's our food
or musing microwaves or pollution. But emotions, especially trapped emotions,
(19:59):
have the ability to cause bad physical health. Like if
you think about it, heartbreak. Whoever's been through a heartbreak
in their life, it can literally physically break you. You
feel the pain physically in your heart, in your chest.
When you lose someone or there's death close to you,
you feel something physically in your body. It is not
(20:20):
just in your mind. We're so used to going to
the doctor to get medicine when we feel ill, but
do we ever sit there and say, hey, what am
I feeling that could be causing this physical pain or
illness in my body? And we really do need to
do that way more as part of disease prevention, and.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Even colds and coughs.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
There's just so many things that happen to us on
a regular basis where like, oh, it's just because.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
I'm run down, But why are you run down? Are
you stressed out?
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Are you emotionally burdened? Adding that to your list of
things that you are checking when you're feeling unwell is
really really useful. I actually remember when I did my
yoga teacher training and I learned that women especially and
I said that this is where I carry my emotion,
but especially women carry the emotions in our hips. And
(21:06):
I found this study which I thought was so cool,
and basically did an experiment to see the different places
in people's body that they feel emotion physically. And I
think it was then in Finland on like a thousand people,
and they mapped the body's reaction to different emotions by
asking them to color in different regions of their body
(21:26):
that they felt reactions, whether it was like large amount
or small amount, depending on what they showed them and
what emotion they felt. And so they did find that
all the emotions were connected to different parts of the body. So,
for example, anger and frustration were felt in the upper
part of the body, which kind of makes sense because
you know there's that term that's like hot headed. That
(21:47):
really makes a lot of sense. And then happiness was
actually felt.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Throughout the whole entire body.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Sadness was felt in the chest and a little bit
at in your head. Love was felt through most of
the upper body, and I mean up un till the knees.
It shows pride is felt all in the head. So
I think a lot of the negative emotions seem like
they're felt a lot more in the upper part of
the body. Envy is all in the head, there's nothing
going on in the chest. I just thought that was
(22:15):
so amazing and interesting that, Yeah, it literally shows where
emotions are felt throughout the body, and also the heat,
like it shows some of them as hot feelings where
your body feels heated, and something like depression and sadness
are cooler like blue feelings. So, I mean, it's just
so fascinating and I love when experiments really and studies
(22:38):
are able to show something that for a lot of
people is that, oh, that's so woo woo, but actually
it's not.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Feelings are not woo woo, they aren't real.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Emotions are not woo woo. They are so real.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
And just love when science backs it all up, you know,
And look, there are times where you do have to
compose yourself and keep it moving. You have an argument
with your partner and you have to go to work,
you find out bad news, but you have to show
up and you have to be in front of people,
or you have to carry on with your day. Like
you can't let your emotions constantly overwhelm you because then
(23:12):
you can't get things done during the day. And you know,
in my life, I can really relate to that. I
get messages a lot on social media saying why do
you always seem so happy? You can't always be this happy,
And to be honest, I feel like I do share
a lot of downs too, but I do choose every
single day to show up as the best version of myself.
(23:33):
And the fact is that you can feel two things
at once. I can be crying for an hour before
I get on camera and I film something and still
be sad while still trying to show up and be
happy at the same time. Both can be true at
the same time. It doesn't mean that you are faking
it or that you're lying, but we always assume that
(23:53):
you can only if you're sad, then you can only
be sad, and if you're happy, then you can only
be happy. But actually, I think about this a lot,
and I use this term a lot recently, But we
have to learn how to see people in the gray
and live in the gray. Nothing is black and white.
There is not one or the other. We are all
so much at the same time, and so when you're sad,
(24:15):
you're not always just sad, and when you're angry or
not always just angry. And so for me, I always
choose to squeeze out any parts of joy that are there,
even if I'm not feeling them at the time, I
know that they're there, and even though I know that
even though if I'm not feeling very happy when I've
woken up this morning, I know that happy exists within me,
and so I will try my best to squeeze all
(24:36):
of it out. I think you can be really selective
with what parts of you that you share with people
and how you decide to show up. I think I've
become so aware of the ripple effect that your emotions
can have on other people, and so whether it's talking
to friends or showing up online, it's a choice of
what ripple effect do I want to have on somebody?
(24:56):
Do I want to create sadness in other people's lives?
Or would I rather share a little lighthearted joy? And
that doesn't mean that you have to fake it. There's
obviously so much in going out there and sharing and
being vulnerable with your friends and with your family, And
so when I think about sharing emotions with people, I
do I do have those few people that I really
am able to just be like, you know, I'm having
(25:18):
a really bad day to day, But do I want
to share that with two million people and ruin their
day too? Because we feed off other people's emotions and
energy so much, and so yeah, sometimes I will choose
and be selective about where I spread and scatter my
negative energy because I'm so aware of the ripple effect
(25:38):
that it has on other people, especially when someone is
already not in a great mood, and then they meet
someone else not in a great mood, and then they're
sharing that not great mood and they affect one another,
and then they carry it on to the next person,
and the next person and the next person. I think,
I just always think, do I want to be creating
a rippule of sadness or do I want to try
and uplift someone else around me if I have the
(26:01):
opportunity to do so, and I have the capacity and
space to do so. So That's what I try and
do every single day. And yeah, there have been days
where I found out bad news about family members or
I've felt really really upset about something. But does that
mean that I have to stop my whole life and
just sit in that feeling or am I going to
try and control what I'm feeling for now and then
(26:23):
carry on with whatever I need to get done, because
it's life. We have jobs to go to, things to do,
and then take time to release it and process it
when it feels safe and appropriate to do so. Because
I just want to make this part really clear that
being emotional doesn't mean you are emotionally vomiting and that
(26:44):
you are uncontrolled in the way that you spill your emotions.
It's not a spontaneous thing. It's not something where you
are just constantly just overflowing with emotion with everyone and anything. No,
it's a control the means of tuning into your emotions,
accepting and being aware of what you're feeling, and knowing
(27:06):
exactly when you are able to process it, reflect on it,
and then eventually let it go. Now, I feel like
I've been talking to all of you, like you're all
criers like me, but I feel like I really need
to acknowledge the non.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Criers out there.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And I remember this one vivid moment in my life
where I was speaking to someone and I was so emotional.
I was crying, and I was really emotionally. It was
about us. We were talking, and this person was like
downright just staring me in the face, just like really
understanding and really being there, but so calm and collected
and literally not one tear in their eye. And I
(27:40):
was like, literally, are you bionic? Or what is happening?
Why are you not crying with me? But we were
just wonderful, unique aliens. And there are just some people
who do not cry. And look, it could be deeply
suppressed or they just express their emotion in different ways.
And if crying isn't your cup of tea, there are
also so many other ways that you can release.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
One of them is writing. There's also movement.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
When you feel stagnant in certain parts of your life,
Like let's say you're feeling stagnant emotionally, moving your body
physically can also help with those emotions. If you're feeling
stagnant physically, you can write things down and let things
flow in movement, emotionally and in writing. Movement is such
a big part of every part of life. So whether
(28:27):
you dance, or you stretch, or you get a massage,
or you do breath work, all of that counter's movement.
You go out, you go for a run, you go
for a walk, that movement in body will also help
movement in mind too. Another thing is breath work. Breath work,
I just mentioned it now, but it's so important and
it really does help. Your breath and your emotions are
so intertwined and connected, and so it says that once
(28:50):
if you have control of your breath. It talks about
this a lot in yoga. If you have control of
your breath, you can control your emotions, and it really
does make sense because if you think about it, what's
the thing that changes the most when you are feeling
certain emotions. If you're anxious, you're breathing goes fast. If
you're feeling calm, you're breathing is slower. When you start crying,
you notice the breath pattern change. And so trying to
(29:12):
actually control your breath during the time that you're feeling
emotions can help you also control them, but can also
help you release them too. Meditation and sitting in stillness
it's something that I feel we just don't do as
much as we should. Me included, I just don't do
it as much as I should. And sometimes we avoid
sitting in stillness because we don't want to hear what's
(29:32):
happening in our mind. But that can be a really
beautiful way for emotions to come to the surface because
you're saying, hi, body, high mind, I am here and
I'm listening. It's just like a partner. Like think of yourself.
I always say you have to date yourself, right, you
have to get to know yourself. You have to spend
time with yourself, just like you would with a partner.
And so in the same way, if your body feels
like you've been neglecting it. If your body feels like
(29:54):
you've been rejecting it, you haven't been acknowledging its feelings,
you haven't been wanting to hear what's happening. Your body's
going to feel suppressed and it's not going to want
to talk to you or let you know what's happening.
And so taking those moments in stillness and in thought
and saying, hi, body, I am here and I'm listening
to you, and I want to hear what you're feeling,
and I want to heal with you. You'll be surprised
(30:17):
what starts coming up and what your body starts telling you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Oh my gosh. In touch.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
Touch is such a beautiful way to release emotion. It's
like when someone hugs you when you're at that tipping
point of crying.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Sometimes it can bring.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Comfort, and you know that feeling of wait, don't hug me,
or I'm going to cry. It's because when you feel
comfort in someone else, your body suddenly feels like it
lets its guards down and you feel like you're able
to let things out and let things flow. And so
go give someone a hug that you feel loved by
and cared by. And that can also really help. There's
(30:52):
actually two breath works. Just want to go back to
breath work because there's two breath works that I did
do in my Yobu teacher training. It was really interesting
and released emotions like I have never experienced before.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
One thing that I.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Tried there's holotropic breathing. I think it's breathing a really fast,
straight and a fast pace. But the one I tried
was Pramer breath work, and it's another breath pattern. Basically,
different speeds and different mechanisms of breathing or different patterns
evoke different things in your body, and it's almost like
a purging breath work.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
It was wild.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
We were all in a room, all trying this breath
work being guided by our teachers, and I remember it
was like that was the breath pattern that we were doing.
Within like ten minutes, it was people screaming out in pain,
people crying their eyes out, like emotions like I never
seen them released in my life, and we were all
(31:49):
in a room doing that. So you can imagine how
overwhelming that was. But that's also apparently meant to be
a really great way to unlock trauma and emotion from
the body too.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
And there is.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
One word that has change my whole view of emotions,
and it's actually used a lot in spiritual texts, and
it's this world called equanimity, and it means to feel
a balance of emotions through the ups and the downs,
through the waves of life. Your mind and your emotions
and your body are able to stay equanomous, like I
(32:19):
think that's the word.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
I able to stay stable.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
You feel the waves, but you're almost riding them rather
than trying to, you know, trying to swim against them.
And it's the practice of really surrendering, receiving, processing, and
releasing emotions as they come, just like water flowing. And
so you end up having lows but not too low,
(32:42):
and you end up having the highs of life, but
you don't feel it too deeply. You realize that you're
someone that is just experiencing them rather than you actually
being the emotion or feeling the emotion.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
And it takes a lot to get there. I can't
say I've experienced it, but it's.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
One thing I really aspire for, because you know, when
you end up seeing the larger perspective of things when
you're going through emotions, you always realize.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Sometimes you just have to surrender.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
You cannot be in control of everything, and you have
to be okay with the waves of life coming your way.
And you can either fight them and get tired of fighting,
or you can try and cope with them and ride
the waves and accept what's coming to you. But yeah,
some of the things that have actually helped me the most,
I'd say is daily meditation just to ground me and
(33:33):
create this bubble around me, and I actually changed the
perspective that I see the world through and life through
on a daily basis. It really feels like I'm looking
at the world through more of a healed lens rather
than a triggered lens and physical movement every single day.
My goodness, I'm a whole different human when you catch
me before a workout and emotionally, I think writing writing
(33:57):
has really been the other thing that's helped me. And
most importantly, I know we hear this word every single
day all the time on our social media with everybody,
but it's so important gratitude during the difficult times, trying
to see perspective and the bigger picture during those times
literally will carry you through. And even from that experiment
that was done, it so that when you feel happiness
(34:18):
and you feel gratitude, the other emotions kind of fade away.
And so trying to remain in gratitude, think of anything,
even just the smallest thing that you're grateful for in
the time that you feel in your darkest or your worst,
and it has the ability to lift you up, just
that little bear. And So to end this, I want
to just say something that I totally made up. It's
the different kind of cry is and I'm pretty sure
(34:40):
I have been all of them at one point in life,
but I'm going to show you what they are. So
the first one is the loud, ugly cry. And you
all have that friend that has that loud, ugly cry.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
You know what. I've been that person.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I'm not ashamed of it, but it's the the one
who really knows how to let loose with their emotions.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
The ugly, the loud, the everything. That's number one. Number
two is the breathless. We all know that. I just
don't know what it's like.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
You can't even understand what they're saying. There's like a
whole lot of breathing going on. That's number two. Then
there's a sniffler and the snotty, there is water coming
from every part of the body. They're just snotty and
sniffly when they're trying to cry. And it's not cute either,
to be honest. The high pitched one, Oh, you know,
this one is like that.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I just don't know what's happening in me.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
I've had a few of them, and it's kind of
hard because you kind of want to cry with them,
but at the same time you can't help but laugh.
And then that I'm not crying, you're crying cryer where
it's just I've got something in my eye and they're
waving their hand in front of their face and it's just,
you know, trying to avoid wanted dropping out of their eye.
(35:57):
And the last one is the silent crier, one who
is almost beautifully annoyingly crying and sobbing in the corner,
wiping the tears from the corner of their eyes gently
with a napkin, and they'll have their little cry and
then they'll check their makeup and it will be beautiful
and still okay, and they'll carry on with their day.
So those are my versions of all the different criers.
(36:19):
Think about which one you are. I say, the uglier
the cry, the better, to be quite honest, So I
really hope that this podcast was useful. I hope that
it's helped you to think about connecting deeper to your
emotions and reflecting on a regular basis, making sure you
are taking emotional inventory. I think that's really a really
(36:41):
good word. Okay, emotional inventory. Are you taking emotional inventory
every single week to figure out what is happening inside?
And I really hope that it helps you become more
comfortable with managing your emotions. And if you only do
one thing away from this, let it be to cry
it unapologetically and as ugly as you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
I was actually pretty nervous recording this. I can't believe
I actually made.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
It through my first solo podcast.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
It's kind of exciting we did it, and there is
so much more to come, and I feel like we
actually covered a lot in this episode. I wasn't sure
I was going to be able to make thirty minutes,
and it's like, I don't even know how long this
has been. But thank you all so much for listening.
If you made it all the way to the end,
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
And let's all work together to normalize crying, shall we,
And also please tag me in all your ugly cry pictures.
I recommend you document when you are crying because I
think that we take pictures of ourselves when we're really happy,
or take pictures of ourselves smiling in different moments, but
let's also start taking pictures of the growth moments, the
(37:49):
times that we were finding difficult, so that we can
look back and see how much we have grown, or
even just to start normalizing that. You know what, Yeah,
I'm crying today, just accepting it another way of accepting
our emotions. Thank you so much, sending your so much love,
and I hope you have such a wonderful day or
evening or wherever and whenever you are listening
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