Becoming Our Boyfriends: A Beauty Translated Valentine's Day Extravaganza

On this very special Valentine's Day episode of Beauty Translated, Carmen and Janie sit down with the men in each of their lives. Alan and Sam are the long-time boyfriends of each of the girls respectively, in this episode, we take a nostalgic stroll down Lovers Lane and get to know just how they came to fall in love, and later Janie and Carmen grill the guys over a game of Newly Weds. Do you think the guys should get their chance to grill the girls in a follow-up? Let us know! 

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For more Beauty Translated, Carmen Laurent and Janie Danger visit: @beautytranslatedpod @thecarmenlaurent @janie_danger

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Today is a very special day on the pod. It's
a Valentine's Day. Well, it's Valentine's Day eve. Currently we're
recording this for the first time ever. The night before,
we've never recorded this before. We've never recorded this before.
It's all been AI generated up until this point. But

(00:35):
today we are recording. God, I'm already sucking this up. Cool.
All right, So we're here with fucking our boyfriend. Yeah,
our boyfriends. Thank you boys for coming on our show. Yes,
boys and men boys and.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Two men too.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Men too, men? Okay, yeah, write that down too, men.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Whatever. And I'm and I'm Sam Jane's boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Is that like the movie I Am Sam?

Speaker 2 (01:06):
No, it's not.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well no, yeah, it's a great role. I would say
it is like I am Sam because he's really funny.
And you're like, Julian Moore. Is Julian Moore in that movie?
Is it Julianne Moore? I don't know if it is.
I'll watch it. Well, I didn't want to introduce him yet,
but it's okay. We're just rolling with it. Because I

(01:28):
wanted to tell you that I finally watched the movie
that I've been wanting to watch for so long. Notes
on a Scandal A Scandal. We finally, well, I finally
watched Notes on a Scandal. Alan Allen didn't watch Notes
on This in the last twenty minutes. It was the
last thirty five, the most important minutes. It was kind
of like, actually, I mean the last the ending is

(01:49):
probably like the probably most exciting part. You have to
hear the line to hear me line, it is really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I got to hear it.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Yeah, Sam, Sam, I got Sam to watch it. Want
to roll around the floors like like levers, Barbara. I
gotta say, I don't know why, but I just think
it's a really funny. I've been really like obsessed lately
with like these this kind of movie that like they
don't make anymore, which like in the mid two thousands
there was a lot of these just like very like serious,

(02:16):
like kind of like adult drama thrillers, a lot of
which starred Kate blanche She's all over the thrillers. I
feel like Notes on a Scandal's kind of like Michael
Clayton for girls, and uh, yeah, I don't know. I
just think it's a very funny thing. It kind of
reminds me about the end of Best in show when

(02:37):
they're they're making remains of the day lunchboxes, and it's
like the fact that Notes On a Scandal has become
a like recurring joke of this show Forney to me,
it's waiting for It's it's waiting for. Oh, I said,
best and show totally different. But yeah, you think we've

(02:58):
predicted that notes On a Scandal is gonna sweep the
Oscars this year. Yeah, I think it's gonna sleep. I
think it's either that or the Bitter Tears of petrovon
Kant period. I think those are the only two options.
Those are the only two movies I saw from last year.
Is that movie from last year? Or are you telling
me no that it's from that's from like the seventies.

(03:19):
I love that beautiful so nineteen twenty one basically. But yeah,
we aren't here today with our lovely boyfriends. We have
Sam and my boyfriend Alan. Introduce yourself, babe, Say hi.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
Hi, my name is Alan.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Happy Valentine's Day boys. Yeah, Valentine's Day, Valentine Day Day
listeners out there. Because I know that all of our
listeners are partnered up and not I know that there's
not one single lonely little bitch out there. I know
there's totally not So what are you, son? What are

(03:55):
our initial thoughts on Valentine's Day? That's a good question. Yeah, interesting,
I mean, isn't that every holiday?

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Though?

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Was like his excuse for now, I don't.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Know, Well, hang on, we already exchange gifts. You can't
tell me that I didn't get you anything.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
You did get me something. I wasn't planning on doing
gifts until he told me that he got me some
gifts and I was like, well, share, Well I got
to step up to the plate. I guess.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Yeah, well, yeah, I tried to give you a price train.
It's not it's not that much, but it was just
a you know, something something sweet.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I think I return the BMW.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
No, we can make good use of that. I think
Valentine's Day is sweet though.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
I do so, I do.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
See.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
I mean, I think holidays in general are sweet. I
feel like, I mean, I don't know, like every holiday,
especially in America, is yeah, functionally exists to like sell
you stuff, but like, yeah, I feel like that doesn't
like take away from the idea that like you can
find like charm and I don't know, just like having
like a day for your like your partner like and

(04:58):
stuff like that. Like, I think it's sweet. And we've
been on a lot of great Valentine's Day days we.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Have we have no What I was trying to say
is that, Yeah, you're absolutely right, Jenny. Like the charm
of walking into like I don't know, a spa or
a grocery store or anywhere you can be and there's
all these decorations lighting up the place.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
It We went to Publics last night, and.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
It is the charm of walking into.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Flower sections.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
The whole store is decked out right now. The flowers
are cool. It's it got me in the Valentine's mood.
It made me horny for Valentine's Day. Yeah, no, I
like it, honestly. The thing that I like most about
it is just like getting dinner, like going out to
eat something. Absolutely, but I will say the dinner on
Valentine's Days tend to fucking suck. We had a banger

(05:49):
won last year. Really, Yeah, we haven't actually gone out
for Valentine's thatter since we had a shitty one. When
the last time I went to the Mercury before it closed, right,
I don't know, I thought of yeah, really it's where
that vegan like restaurant is now inside of City Market. Yeah,

(06:10):
Subwoy sold me a bad sandwich on Valentine's Day. I
hate Valentine's now. No, we had a fucking amazing We
went to a steakhouse. Yeah, I guess shout out to
Kevin Rathman's Steakhouse near Crog Street. Friend of the show, Yeah,
friend of the show Kevin. No. Weirdly, there was two

(06:34):
like old co workers, Like the host was the girl
that I worked with at the time, and then one
of the cooks in the kitchen was also another like
cook at the restaurant that I worked in, and her
husband worked there, so that we got hooked up with
like double like free appetizer.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Worked nearby, and I knew the head of the bar
and so yeah, they could just kept bringing up stuff
and people were like like wait wait, no, they are
got it.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
And they were like our poor waiter like he brought
out like one like trait plate of like uh yeah,
like free like complimentary appetizers because like you know, because
we know them where they're homies. Yeah, and then the
people that like I knew brought out another one and
our waiter was standing there like, no, they already got one,
they already got it. I was like, bitch, if you

(07:22):
don't get the fuck out of the way and let
them drop that plate off, I will fucking kill you.
Like who cares if we already got one, give me
another another? Fuck? No, it was delicious. I never had
a dry age sake before. It's pretty young. Drank a
whole bottle of wine. It was great. I love that.
So is it sure? Second Valentine's Day together?

Speaker 2 (07:44):
This is our second?

Speaker 1 (07:46):
This so that was our first Valentine's Well, we.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Know each other. We had not known each other for very.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
I guess this should This would be an interesting launching
point to say, to talk about how we met, because
I believe we started dating. Yeah, I remember, I got you.
I made you a card. Remember that I made you
a card with uh stop vers Halkias and Nick Mullen
kissing on it.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
I do remember.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
That doesn't matter to get into that, there's certain listeners
that will know who that is and they'll find it
funny and everyone else just can not know. And it's fine.
But that also ties into like how we met, because
we met, Like so I like telling people we met
at a comedy show because we like kind of like

(08:36):
found each other like on the internet later but like
the the end that miss Yeah, yeah, we met on
the Craigslistness Connections app and.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Well I had message you saying that I've seen you
at a comedy show.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Yes, yeah, And that was like, you know, because I
mean I get a lot of messages from a lot
of guys, but him saying that he saw me at
this one, very specific, very niche comedy show was like, oh,
so now we I know we already are like huge
freaks for being into this, and I would agree your

(09:11):
both the hugest freaks.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Whatever we are. Yeah, that's cool, fair enough.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
That's why that's why I like him. But yeah, that
night we went on a date and uh, he bought me,
he paid for my We went to the Earl Well
and we I drank like four or five Moscow mules.
You drank Narron Gansetts and we he like words, walking

(09:38):
to my car and we saw this very like overpriced
like taco or no sorry, hot dog hot dogs. I
think that was when I think this is kind of
what sealed the deal, when we both realized that we
were hot dog people. Oh, hot dogs are very like
foundational to our relationship. Yeah, I can't share a Glizzy together. Oh,
he bought me like a fifth seen fucking dollar hot dog,

(10:03):
normal as like quick trip level hot dog. Yeah, it
was very mid No, it had it had cole slaw
and chili on.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
It sounds right, and.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
It was. It was at least ten I think it
was eleven dollars. Actually, I think it was an eleven
dollars hot dog. I was like, damn Moscow mules and
eleven dollars hot dogs. The sky the sky fucks. Yeah,
I need to be with it for the rest of
my life. And uh yeah, so that's like our first
date story. Do y'all have a first date story we show? Yeah, yeah,

(10:39):
well this will be actually how many Valentins have we
spent together? Now?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Eight?

Speaker 1 (10:44):
Wow? We ate flexing on us over here, flexen on them. Oh,
sorry about y'all, but yeah, we're no. Yeah, this will
be our eighth Valentine stay together. Our first day was
not on Valentine Times Day, but it was actually the
day before New Year's Eve, and our second.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
Date was two days before no, okay, the day before
the day before, you're right, the thirty.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
And then our second date was on on New York's Eve.
New Year's Eve is a good day of connections. Oh yeah,
because you always like, I don't know, it's a day.
I fucking love New Year's Eve. It's very tangential. But
you speak about like capitalistic holidays and I guess maybe
a little bit, but like New Year's Eve is like
the least one because like, what are you going to

(11:31):
sell like champagne? Yeah, half er outfit. Yeah, but it's
just like a celebration of like all, we all made
it another year. Yeah, And I don't know, you always
see so many people. You're always out partying, like that's
that's a good day to meet someone for the first time.
It is, Yeah, but technically we met for the second time.
But we had such a great date that he invited

(11:54):
me out the next night for for New Year's Eve.
That's true to be my New Year's Eve, kids, New
Year's Eve?

Speaker 2 (11:59):
What year.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
Twenty fifteen?

Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, we literally started talking right before Trump got elected. Yeah,
so we've.

Speaker 3 (12:10):
Okay, Well it doesn't have to be you know, marked
by that occasion.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
It's an easy way to remember we started talking in November.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
It's one of those things that like everyone like remembers
where they were when like it happens. Yeah, we started
a different world it seriously. Yeah, we've been through I
mean obviously we've seen a lot happen together. So yeah,
it's been interesting in that sense. Yeah, we started, so.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
We started talking to each other online. Okay, cup it, Okay,
we're just going to call.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
It out specifically looking for LEO. Oh my god, so
I filtered my search. Oh and you settled for an Allen.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:50):
So she put out eleven twelfth of the population, and
I just happened to be at the top of all
of those leos.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yeah, it was very convenient. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
Yeah, I kept looking at us page and you know
how okay, keep it like sends you like a someone
keeps I did used to use okay keep it back
in the day. It's fine, it's kind of fun. Like
all the questions I ask you, Yeah I do. I
don't know. My okay keep it account is floating in
the ether. When I when I was in my first
like uh this this is not to disparage you or
anyone else to use it, but when I was like

(13:22):
in my like whoreror era, like my first like when
I was like living outside of my parents' house and
like court like yeah, well yeah, like and I was
like newly around, newly, like twenty one years old. That
was that was where I got got my kicks, my
stomping ground.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Wait where was the New Year's Where were you all?

Speaker 1 (13:41):
We were actually.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Completely different story. Don't need to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Talking about it?

Speaker 1 (13:47):
Nope, we were at it wasn't like an actual party.
We were at a maker's loft in makers Space, makers
space in West Midtown.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
No, No, wasn't most met the West End?

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yes? West?

Speaker 1 (14:00):
And what is the makers? It's where people all right.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
All right?

Speaker 3 (14:04):
No, yes, okay, so you can make ship. It's a
space where you communally share tools. It's like a workshop.
You bring in whatever you want to work on. It
could be woodworking, it could be cosplays. Oh yeah, like
an art like an arts like an art engineering, yeah,
but for communal use. So everyone like chips in for

(14:27):
dues and brings in tools that they don't actively use,
and you know, you can come in and work on
whatever you want. And I just happened to be friends
with a couple of people who were out of that
maker Space, and I don't know, I just I really
liked charming. I thought that she'd fit in because she's
weird and like a little crazy.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
I want to talk about that.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Okay, okay, not weird and crazy. She's beautiful. She would
outshine all the other people. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Started dating. That was one thing that I really loved
about just being with him, as he loved to show
me off and yeah and just have me on his
arm and looking hot and all that.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
It was a different time. It's true.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (15:14):
We're free to tease. This is a tease for technically,
he took us. He took us to show Zakaya and
they were too busy because he didn't make a reservation.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
Well, you can't make reservations at that restaurant, it's impossible.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
And then you've got a reservation.

Speaker 1 (15:38):
And then we went to Yahberger after. But they're no longer,
which is.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
Staying in West midtown.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
Sanda's geography a lot, He's all over the city. I
also haven't lived in the city that long, so wait,
yeah I didn't. I moved into a house in Decatur
with like four other like drag performers and my girlfriend
at the time. Are in like twenty and kind of
the tail end of twenty twenty that's when you started.

(16:09):
I started stealing panties and whatnot.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
No, no, no, I was.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
I was. I was transitioned out, like I started transitioning
in like twenty like late twenty eighteen, like yeah, mid
twenty eighteen, chau in Gwneesia.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, I know. Yeah it was like I.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
I transitioned very publicly too, because I was like managing
a restaurant and I was like the front of it
like a lot, and uh, I don't know, it was
it was weird for me. I didn't really like plan
on talking about this, but I was very like, uh,
I was very like bold, like I didn't I don't know,
it's weird, like looking back, that's good now. I was

(16:51):
very like I really really really cringe at it. Like
I looked like shit, I didn't do makeup goods. Like
I looked very like flamboyant and stupid in a way
that I try not to. Now you remember what I
looked like. You look gorgeous, But what I used to
look like flamboyant would be a word for it to
describe it too. You have to be a fucking ugly

(17:12):
freak before you can be a beautiful duckling, you know, beautiful.
I think I think, just just to wrap this tangent top,
I think this is why like when we like, you know,
tease like younger trans girls and like kind of girls
that like haven't found their style yet and stuff like that,
it really is from a place of love and because

(17:33):
it yeah, it is like it is like I don't know,
I just don't feel like you should be like completely coddled,
like no, babe, your crooked lipstick looks good, But there
is like, uh, I've always kind of wanted to say
that there is like an understanding there that like all
of us go through that and like all of us like,

(17:55):
it's not I don't know if anyone ever in front,
No one should ever like take anything that we say
like that personally, because we're all we're we we know
what it's like to I will post my photos.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
I won't.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
I want to so embarrassed about it.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Actually, I'm curious, Sam, have you seen pictures of of
Janie like before Oh yeah, okay, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yeah I was hot before.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
I'm not gonna lie before. Yeah, I'm I'm not kidding,
Like I would fuck guy me, and guy me would
have like no idea what to do with me now,
like like yeah, straight up, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had
like one like sexual experience with a trans person like
before I transitioned, and it was embarrassing. And I think

(18:41):
that's all the all I want to say about that story.
But uh yeah, it wasn't me. It was not it
was not Carmen, it was not Carman, it was no
one we've ever mentioned on this show before and uh
never will. But I was I was hot.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
Is the summation of that story.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
No, it's kind of funny like mentioning it because I
legitimately am a lot less embarrassed of like pre transition
photos than I am of early transition photos. Like when
I see like early transition photos, I'm like, no, bury
that kill it. I don't want anyone to ever see this.
I don't want anyone to ever look at any of
my transition photos until honestly, until I about the time

(19:23):
I started dating Sam. Like that was kind of when
I was like fully like confident in who I am,
how to style looked hot, Like yeah, like twenty twenty
was kind of when I like started getting hot. Twenty
nineteen I looked like shit, twenty twenty is the year
I went down hell really a witch sucked my beauty,

(19:44):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
Let it all out.

Speaker 1 (19:47):
You didn't defend her from the witch. Why I didn't
even defend has defended me from many witches and warlocks.
It's not easy, no, But I seriously was like a hot,
like made up teacher every like full face of makeup
every day pre twenty twenty, and then twenty twenty came
and I was just like.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
Well, I don't know, this is my comfy face.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, that was Honestly that was the thing for me too.
It is like I like, even though I wasn't that
good at makeup, I would go out with like a
full face like every fucking day. And now like I've
got it down to where I can just do like,
you know, if I want to do like a full
face and like look really like pretty, which I usually
do for like shows and stuff, yeah, or like you know,

(20:30):
a fan Valentine's Day dinner or yeah, or or photo
shoot with my beautiful co host period, I can do it.
But yeah, I've learned to kind of like less is more.

(20:50):
Let's talk more about Valentine's Day, so I just want
to know. So we talked about how we met. Right,
we did right, kind of What was there more to
talk about?

Speaker 3 (21:03):
I mean, there was like a whole story behind our
first dates.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
What was the story?

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Do tell?

Speaker 3 (21:10):
To tell?

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (21:11):
So yeah, we had been talking since like Thanksgiving, messaging
back and forth, and I was like enamored with her
profile picture with the like the leopard prince and then
the padlock.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
The day we would call it a mob mob wife aesthetic,
I would call it today. I can see that I
was very much into the mob wife. You do kind
of give Italian vibes.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, like real housewives kind of. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
I had like long, long black hair, leopard print dress. Ye,
padlock hearings for some reason.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:48):
And then it was right after Christmas that I was
just like, hey, you know, you want to have a date.
You want to go out? I mean, let's you know,
let's actually have something happen here. And so I did
the two hour drive to your place.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
He insisted on picking me up from my place.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
Well, you're supposed to. It's a first date. What am
I going to have you like, send you money and
have you uber down to see me?

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Sure you did?

Speaker 1 (22:16):
You guys like live close to each other?

Speaker 2 (22:19):
No?

Speaker 1 (22:19):
I lived in Lawrence. Really? Oh wow? I was all
tucked away over by Lawrence spells. That is that is
admirable to come out and pick you up for that.
I know, it was really sweet. I remember him being
like so nervous and like quiet the whole time, like shy. Yeah, yeah,
he's actually wearing the same You're wearing the same, honey, Oh.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
My god, I am wow.

Speaker 2 (22:41):
It looks good.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Thank you. I can't remember what Sam was wearing on
our first day. I don't remember what I was wearing either.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
I don't remember. Probably something destroyer.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
Honestly, it probably was the pig Destroyer shirt, one of
the two that I wear frequently, honestly, because I actually
I don't know because it was in January, so I
might have been a little more bundled. No matter, how
to hoodie or something. It's crazy to think. No, you
know what, I do remember. I do remember I was
wearing that yellow jacket that I wear a lot, kind

(23:14):
of look like what's the girl, Madeline? Madeline? Remember that
little cartoon Addington looked like padding trying to look like
Paddington Bear.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, I don't remember what you were wearing though.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
That's fine. I don't either, So.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Continue continue that your your your first state story. There's
more to that.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
It sounds like, I mean, how how far should I
take it? You know, we went out to have dinner,
We walked around.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
Uh that little shopping center, and he took me into
a stairwell.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yes, and the chemistry was palpable.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
Okay, wait, I'm just going to skip ahead a little
bit because last night it No, it's not the same stairwell.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Wait, we're going to share that story too.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
We've explored many stairwells.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Well, okay, yes, that's true.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
All right, to play the game now. But we were
going to play like a sort of newlywed game towards
the end of the and I guess I will scratch
this question off. But it was, what's the craziest place
you've ever made? Whoopee? And you brought up a brought
up a staircase. So well, we didn't make Whoopee on
our first day. I'm not a fucking horror.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
That's true. We didn't make Whoopee on our fish stay either.
We didn't make Whoopie and we slept together. Why are
we saying whoopie?

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Because it's the newly led game.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
That's what they say on the newly led game. They
say making whoopee. We didn't make whoopy until our third date,
when he took me to see Star Wars.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Yes, oh yeah, the force awakened.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Awesome, awakened. All right, it awakened, I'll tell you. So
that was our third date.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
That was a whole story too.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah, we just made out in.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
The stairwell, and that's you know, he took me into
a dark.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
It was well lit.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
You knew exactly where you were going. I did not
put anything in your drink.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
It was a very safe stairwell.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, it was the safest, one of the safest stairwells. Yeah,
very fine stairwell. It's kind of crazy to think about
what we're talking about. Clothes. I don't have any of
the clothes that I had from when I first started dating.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yeah, you've definitely trimmed down, and I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Damn right, you're gonna have to. I still have like
a walk in closea you're making. I do so quite
a lot. I've seen your closea. You have quite a
lot of clothes. So I'm assuming if it was cut down,
like yeah, you had basically had like a whole fucking

(25:45):
good will back there.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
It was your whole room at the time.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
I did. Yeah, it was actually kind of insane. That's awesome.
Clothes or my my thing, your outlet, Yeah, my outlet,
your outlet. I've got like seven T shirts that I
wear about when when did you? When did you guys
first say I love you? Question? When did we first
say I love you?

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (26:10):
My gosh, When did you say I love you?

Speaker 3 (26:15):
I think it was the second date.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
I think it was.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
It was was I mean, that's the story I tell
myself that's when he said it. No, actually I remember
now she said, it's like maybe a week nd. You
absolutely said it first. I was the one who held off.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
I don't remember. I don't remember it like that.

Speaker 3 (26:40):
The years makes my memory really fuzzy.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, I will never it meant to being the one
to say I love you first in any relationship.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
That's not what the backseat of my car Let's go.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Go, she wrote, I love you in the back with.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Come yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, Let's go. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
I uh, I usually say it first, honestly, but I
tried not. I like, I really like a lot of
my twenties. I think I've said this before on the show,
but a lot of my twenties has just been like
one like extended relationship after another, and you know, I
feel I feel like I'm confident, I'm comfortable admitting this.
But like when we first started dating, I was kind

(27:30):
of in like an open like kind of thing, and
it was kind of like a you know, kind of
the tail end of that relationship winding down and then
this one picking up, and I don't know, like it's
just like it's just like every time, like we're getting
into sappy territory, but like every time, like I hung

(27:53):
out with Sam, like I was just so happy, Like
even if like we were just like hanging out at
your apartment or like in my shitty fucking house, it was.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Not your fault.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
But no, I lived in a horrible spot and it
wasn't the garage that you lived in a garage? Did
you live in a garage?

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Dog house?

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Who told you I lived in a garage? I thought
I've seen pictures of living I did record. So in
the first house I lived in Decatur, I recorded a
lot of my album in like kind of a a
space that pretty clearly used to be a garage. Okay,

(28:39):
that's what it looks like. It used to be a garage,
but it was It was not a garage. It was
kind of just it was kind of really just like
a glorified closet with all the aforementioned drag people that
I lived with to use and I had like a
desk there, and living with people, it's always if you

(29:00):
seen the Jane is a bit video, the one that's
like pinned on like my Twitter and most things, like, yeah,
every scene of that is in That's why I thought
you lived in a garage. Yeah, that's not a garage,
but I could see a garage like it is garage like, yeah,
I swear I saw like a garage door track like
on the ceiling or something. It's it's garage like. Yeah,

(29:20):
but that's that's the vibe. Yeah, that's the Jeney danger vibe. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
Oh but you said I love you first I did,
but I tried to get you to say it. Yeah
I know, And then so I knew. I knew what
was happening.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Yeah, oh he could tell. Well, we went on a
heading towards and I love you. We were going out
for a few months. I feel like it was a
very like appropriate amount of like time, like I wanted
to try to give it like maybe six months or so.
I don't think it was quite that long. Are you
one of most people that's like no kissing on the Thursday? No, no, No,

(30:02):
I am a whore. I if I'm horny, I will
have sex with you. And yeah, like I've no, I'm
not like that at all, But I feel like I
just I don't know, like all of my relationships all
my life, I felt like have like had a bit
of like a speediness to them, so like and obviously

(30:23):
all of those have ended a lesbian's type, a lesbian speediness,
lesbian speed yes, exactly, a very Petrovon khunt As speed
run to them. But yeah, so with Sam, like I
really liked him and I would like think about it

(30:46):
all the time, and I would talk to him all
the time, and it's just like it was very all
consuming and I really wanted to say it for like
a while, I wanted to say it early, but I
like was kind of keeping it in my head that like,
you know, it's still early and still shouldn't do this,

(31:06):
And maybe part of it was just kind of like
thinking about how like, you know, all my other relationships
like didn't work out. Maybe we ran into it, ran
into did too fast. I don't know, but so, yeah,
we went on a vacation. That was the moment that
you realized a beach trip.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Good night.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Yeah, I had planning. Yeah, I kind of had planned
to say it on or like either get it out
of him or to say it by point.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Yeah I love you, right, yeah, Okay, she's a big
hole in the in the sand. And pulled the gun
out and staid say.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
It, Yeah, I don't get in the sand. And I
laid in it while the tide was coming in. I
was like, if you say it, I'll get out. If
you don't, I will drown in this hole. That's a
healthy way to beget any relationship. I think, just always
throw to drown yourself in the hole and you'll get
out of most situations. I do on a daily because

(32:07):
no one wants to see a pretty girl drowned in
a hole. No. So, okay, you fell in love on
the beach. We fell in love on the beach. That's
the way to say it. It was in It was
in the room. It wasn't exactly on the beach and
beach motels.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
It was a condo.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
I love those beach.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
Wasn't Hilton Headlton. Yeah, that's yeah, it's a nice little area.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Yeah, it was fun. That's bougie.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
We weren't in the bogie part. There's a there's a
there's a less bougie part, and that's where we were.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
I see you.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
I think that's called Myrtle Beach. No, it's it's there's
that's how you know it's not it's it's not bourgeois.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
I had some wonderful vacations on Myrtle Beach though. When
I was like a teenager.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
One of my.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
Friends like, it's like you better. His grandparents had like
a time share there that they would like go to.
It was like a like a trailer that they would
like once a year and uh love that.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
We would just like go there once a year and
like smoke terrible weed and like basically and like just
drink a lot. And it was right by the zoo
at Myrtle Beach, and I have this one like really
you always find yourself by a fucking I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
But we would go.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
We would like get really high and wake up and
then we would go like watch them feed the alligators
and we were like fuck yeah. And I remember the
first time we went, we got like really fucking stoned,
and we saw all these signs that were like, biggest
skater ever this way is the biggest fucking gator in

(33:48):
the in the world, biggest skater of all time, And
I'm like losing my mind, Like looking at these, I'm
ready to see Godzilla. And I get up there and
I'm it was big. But like I I think I
psyched myself up way too much because it wasn't as
big as I was hoping. Damn. I also was really stoned,

(34:11):
so I probably was just like psyching myself up too much.
That's why I don't smoke weed anymore, because I get
I get too excited about thinking about big alligators, about
Genie dangerous, you will find a zoo. What were you saying?

Speaker 3 (34:23):
You're saying this is a Valentine's Day episode?

Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yeah, just uncle.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
When did you realize that you were in love with
me and you wanted to tell me that you left me? Oh?

Speaker 2 (34:34):
Boy?

Speaker 3 (34:35):
Wow it I mean I could. I could definitely tell
that there was chemistry, Like really early on in our relationship, he.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
Would show up to my work and like bring me
flowers and.

Speaker 3 (34:48):
Donuts, donuts for all the coworkers too.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, all my coworkers were like, oh
you got to marry. Oh it is like amazing when
like your partner just brings you like treats out of nowhere.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's like when a cat like walks
up with like a dead bird for you. It was
just like that, And I actually wanted the dead bird,

(35:14):
but you want the dead birds.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
The flowers being compared to a dead bird.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
Well, that is actually how I found out I was
allergic to lily.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
Oh yes, that's right.

Speaker 2 (35:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
Oh really yeah, he got me a bokay of lily
as once. That fucked me the fuck up. Really yeah,
and I think it was trying to kill me. The
flowers were trying to like gave you hives or something.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
No, I just like a hard time breathing.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, Like I slept with him in my room and
I like couldn't breathe from like all the sign all
the sins. Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
It was a good life lesson, honestly.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
No flowers for Carmen.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
Yeah, asked ask her her allergies before getting her gifts.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
I mean yeah, so it was after I had been
like bringing her gifts and visiting her over at where
she worked, and it became more and more apparent that
like we needed to. I wanted to have her move
into my apartment or.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
At least he needed a fucking stay stay.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
What is it live? A homemaker?

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, he needed a homemaker.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
My apartment was trash. I wasn't taking care of myself.
I wasn't cooking. You were cooking, Okay, Yes, that's the
only thing I'm good at. And then she's good at
everything else and not the cooking.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
That's interesting because I'm the one that cooks. Sam's good
at cooking, but I'm the one that likes cooking, like
for both of us.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Well, you're a gourmet, true, and I'm the homemaker.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
Yeah, and he is. His house is like way more
like tidy than sammy homemaker. I don't know. My shit
gets tidy for like a day and then it's all
just chaos.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
But you know, it's a lot of wires.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
There is a lot of wires involved in my life.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
A lot of plugs, plugs, all right. The yeah, we
don't have that kind of money. No. The off brand,
it's the Spenser.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
It is like off Brandy. You know, they give like good,
like normal back massages too, though, when they're just used
for what they're supposed to be used for. Yeah, I've
heard I actually got Alan.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
Oh yeah, exactly, yepeah nice.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
No, I got my fucking their gun. But I'll use
it on his dick if he wants me to. I
haven't asked for that, for the record, it has has
not been requested. But yeah, that's I mean acts of
service service, Yeah, you know, speaking of Yeah, what's yours
love language? I mean Alan's love language? What's your love language?

Speaker 3 (37:48):
Pape my love language? What are the love languages?

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Again? Well, yours is quality time?

Speaker 3 (37:53):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (37:53):
It is?

Speaker 1 (37:53):
It is?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
It is interesting.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Sounds like you're kind of just what are the what
are they do you? It's quality time, acts of service, touch.

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Gifts, gift, dinner, and then the fifth words of affirmation.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Words of affirmation.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
Yeah. I feel like Jamie's all of them like anything.
She's just like, oh yeah, yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Honestly, I don't really like know, but like, I think
you're right, like all of them, I do enjoy quite
a bit. But I guess if I had to pick one,
it would be acts of service because I just really
really like when I don't have to do things. Oh yeah,
but that being said, I have a very like caregiver mentality,

(38:42):
and I do like so I like to like make
dinner for us and stuff. I like to like do
things like I love like I don't know, I love
like when he comes home from work and I like
have been like making dinner all day or something like
we haven't tacos tonight, like I love the homemaker.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:03):
I get a lot of pleasure from that. Yeah, Sam,
do you have one to you that that.

Speaker 2 (39:09):
That I am, that that I like you need?

Speaker 1 (39:12):
That's usually what it means. I don't like.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
No, I don't know I am. They're all good, They're
all so good. I don't he doesn't want words of affirmation?
Who doesn't want a gift ship? What do you think?
What do you think I am?

Speaker 1 (39:30):
What goes the furthest for you? Though? I think you know,
I don't know. You didn't really answer what you think
I am?

Speaker 2 (39:39):
You said all I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
I'll say if I had, I'm going to do process
of elimination here. And I I feel like we spend
a ton of time together, but I feel like we
don't like need to like I feel like we're good,
like just like I are, just like usually like a
phone call or a text or something, just like, oh,

(40:02):
how was your day? Okay, good night, like we like
our own time, like last night, like we didn't stay
together last night, I just like made sure to text
you at night. She was acting last night, I was
I was acting. Carmen got to see her, she got
to see me act, uh, misbehaving a little bit.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
So I would scratch that one off.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
I would say maybe gifts. I feel like both of
us feel like we just like I don't buy you gifts. Yeah,
but we're both broken.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Poorly, Like two years, I've been broke as fuck. Have
you all like Shange Valentine's gifts? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (40:39):
No, we haven't.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
We will tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
So the BMW comes later.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yeah, the BMW comes later unless unless I we should
have waited, and I think someone else deserves at more. Sorry, Sam, Yeah,
I'm gonna be honest. I think you're I think your
words of affirmation or acts of service, That's that's what

(41:06):
I think. Now are you one of those two? Are
y'all astrology compatible? Is that something that you factor into
your relationship at all?

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Not any We're Christians. So, uh, we don't believe that.
I don't know what what is.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
I'm gonna be honest. I don't even know what Samson is.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
I'm a Virgo.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
Wow, what's my son?

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Bitch? I don't know?

Speaker 1 (41:33):
What do you do? Do you really not know?

Speaker 2 (41:36):
I mean, I know, I know, I know, you know
what my son?

Speaker 1 (41:39):
You're a Sagittarian.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
Is Virgo and Sagittaria is compatible. There's some I wouldn't
say they're not compatible.

Speaker 2 (41:48):
I would say they are.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
They're actually oh I'm looking at it now, they're actually
the least compatible. Yeah, they actually historically are like rivals.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Make an edit, Make an editor edit that they're compatible
a Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 (42:02):
I'm still yeah, I'm refreshing the page. It's even less
compatible now that I've refreshed those. Well, if we get
into our or newly game, yeah sure, sure, you guys

(42:23):
ready to play a game one of Janie's all right,
I'm keeping score and for the record, the couple that
does the best, the couple that wins, gets married. The
couple that loses breaks up. So that's what's happening.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
I can finally be free.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
Oh my god, damn, you're getting fucking roasted. I am out.
This is what happens when you're together for eight years.
You don't sam like never.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Makes you no. I'm so scared you'll you'll, you'll, you'll
beat me out.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Leaving me every other day. I think it would be
funny as long as you don't make a joke about
me being ugly. That would be like the one that
like I would be like me being ugly.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
But he does joke about leaving me when he goes
to buy a pack of smokes all the time. I
got we joke about we called we call each other gay.
That's kind of like our our our playful little things
aff yeah yeah, yeah, see, maybe both of us are forward.

(43:29):
We're slurs of affirmation, slurs of affirmation on there. Okay,
all right, we're gonna sorry all of some easy ones.
How are we gonna? Uh so, okay, all right here,
I'll just I'll start it like this. If this doesn't work,
we'll try it a different way. But Alan, what is

(43:52):
Carmen's favorite movie?

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Favorite movie?

Speaker 2 (44:01):
She has so many?

Speaker 3 (44:03):
Okay, the one that she keeps on bringing up with
me most recently, the one that she wants to watch.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
She had a pretty solid answer.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Oh shit, oh shit, we want to hear what you say. Yeah,
saving Private Ryan.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
You strike me more as a Shakespeare in Love. He's
trying to he's trying to do it. He's trying to
throw it. He's trying to throw it on.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Where's the clock Moonstruck?

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Oh yeah, I have been trying to get him to
watch that is one of Sam's favorite That's not the
answer you provided. That is not the answer that unfortunately, Carmen.
Would you like to ask my boyfriend? Yes, Sam, what
is Jamie's favorite movie? It is.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Mulholland Drive.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Damn wow. What The answer Carmen provided me was The
Bird Cage, The bird Cage. I'm curious though, is it
the bird Cage or luckge all full? Okay, Robin Williams
give a funk about that.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
People.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Yeah, this is a pretty francophobic podcast. I need I
need Robin Williams. I mean Nathan Lane, Yeah, okay. Or
it's not Hank and I need Hank Azario, or it's
not the birdca.

Speaker 2 (45:15):
We talk about movies literally constant.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Yeah, yeah, let's show, let's show. I do go through
phases some instruck. I've been trying to get him to
watch lately. It's a good answer. Yeah, good try. Yeah
that's still one point for Sam. Yeah, that's still one
point for Sam.

Speaker 3 (45:31):
Last week it was saving Private Ryan before Moon's truck.
So I don't I don't know where she's trying to
sell me on this bird cage.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Maybe she just the equalizer too, that's yes, all right?
Since uh what is uh? Allan? What is Carmen's favorite?
Who would be her favorite pop singer? Her favorite pop?
Girly pop? I pop music? Gurley? Who's her girl?

Speaker 3 (46:02):
You have like five and you go through phases?

Speaker 1 (46:06):
I do Carmage. From what we talked about last night,
she seemed to be pretty forgiving, but ultimately, with a
lot of these, she did provide.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
A one.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
There was one that stuck. She's my guiding light. No
matter who I go to, I always come back to her.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
Kylie, Sorry, why do you do this to me?

Speaker 1 (46:26):
It's not looking good for us, Shall it's not looking
good for us.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
I'm being sabotaged. She that'd be the answers before the show,
and now she's changing it up on me. Well, I
thought Sam the answers too, So you're saying pop star, yes,
like pop star?

Speaker 1 (46:43):
Yeah? Like never stop, never stopping, not just okay, I
think it's Carly Ray oh Jobson were come on, no,
you don't think that's reasonable. I love, I love Carlie
ray Jepson, but I'm trying to convince you. Are you
sure that's not your favorite pop star Carmens as you say,

(47:04):
yours myn is Madonna? Well okay when you were sussing
that out, were you thinking it might be Sophie?

Speaker 2 (47:10):
Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
That's why specifically, that's why I made it. Yes, it
would be if I was just like favorite, like Girley
like that. Yes, but my favorite pop singer is Charlie
x X.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
I like Charlie XX way.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
More than Carli ray Jepson. He's evaluating, re evacuating his
entire life. Yeah, I know, I like, yeah I did.
I didn't even like listen to the last Carli Jefson album.
All right, I love carl but I like Charlie Waite.
Charlie's like mean so much to me? Is it carl
or is it Charlie's.

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Charlie Charlie car Wait? I said, I said Charlie Ray.
He said Charlie Ray cyrus.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
All right, let's be haters real quick. If uh, if
Carmen had to pick a least favorite pop girlies that
she hates, is she picking.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
Taylor Swift?

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Oh? Oh damn?

Speaker 1 (48:13):
One point?

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Nice?

Speaker 1 (48:15):
Nice?

Speaker 2 (48:16):
All right? Who do I hate?

Speaker 1 (48:19):
Damn it?

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Yes, damn it, damn.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
That's funny because we're we're like both such big haters
that they were both immediately like at the time. We
talk about who we hate, probably more than who we like.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
That's the easiest one. Yeah, that's yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Well, I think the favorite movie is Miami dropped today.
I saw it stream slipt pop Miami. Everybody, we cannot
get into that. Oh my god. The track lista that
looks so fucking whale cock? Are you ready for the
song called whale cock? Let's save this for next episode.

(48:54):
Maybe maybe I'll listen to it just to make myself mad.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
All right?

Speaker 1 (49:00):
What our favorite animals do? You do? You guys got
gotta venture a guest for those Who's my favorite animal?
I think Sam could figure out my favorite animal fairly easy?

Speaker 2 (49:12):
Am i am? I going first on the Twitter?

Speaker 1 (49:14):
Okay, what's my favorite animal?

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Bird? Bird?

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (49:18):
Bird bird? Dog?

Speaker 3 (49:24):
You we have a dog together. He is the light
of your life. You can't tell me that he's.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Not just dog.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
I know the right answer here because of what you
told me. But Alan is making complete sense by saying
that you talk about your dog all the time. You're
always like posting pictures of home.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
You take naps.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
I almost want to give him a point for that. Okay,
find it's a point. But what I wrote Bat that
is my favorite.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
Animal would have made sense before we got the dog.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
I'm putting a point. We were the home that started
COVID nineteen favorite TV shows? Alan, do you want to
go first?

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (50:14):
The X Files?

Speaker 2 (50:15):
Hell?

Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yeah, immediately? What's my favorite TV show? Sam?

Speaker 2 (50:20):
Mhm, I need a second? Oh, come on, I need
a second.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
If you need more time, I have a story about
the X Files.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Tell us.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
So I took her to dragon Con back in.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
When he really made my pussy wet.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
Oh took her to Dragon Con. We stood in line
to go see Jillian Anderson for like two hours to
line up and go to her panel. We somehow we're
in the right place in line to just have this
big black van come right in front of us and
like swerve right into the hotel park garage and out

(51:02):
she steps Jillian Anderson just steps right out of the
van and it gets escorted straight in and somehow we
find ourselves like on the aisle seats in this huge
ass like with a really great with a great view.
And then she decides that she absolutely has to meet
Jillian Anderson after the panel. So we make this long

(51:26):
track forty five minutes to go down to where they're
taking photos and like shaking hands with all of the fans.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
I walk again to cash only.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
Cash only. Yes, we didn't have cash on hands, and
it was like, I don't know, it was like, yes,
it was a crazy amount of money.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
And I was like, oh, well, I guess I don't
get to meet Jillian Anderson.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
So like, hold on, hang right here for a second.
I'm just I'll be right back. I need to go
to the bathroom and I gotta take a shuit or something.
I walk all the way up to all the other
hotel across the streets. It takes me like thirty minutes
to get there, go to this ATM, make.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
A big trance.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Damn he fell and the toilet.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Oh that's another story. And well, okay, when we get
into the toilet, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Yeah, I had to save him from the toilet one time.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
Yeah, come back with two hundred and fifty dollars in hand,
hand it over to the photographer over the panel, and
she just nearly bowls over Gillian Anderson trying to get
that photo done.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
I did. Actually we had to take two photos because
my eyes were closed the first time, and they made
me come back and like do another one in the
second time.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I was like no blinking, no blinking eyes were like
paste it open and we framed it. It's in your office,
right next to your desk.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
It is so I like that.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
This is kind of like a like like that movie
slum Dog Millionaire, where like every answer has like an
elaborate like question, like an elaborate like like memory to why.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
We have to fix that?

Speaker 1 (52:56):
That was a good movie.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
That's all right, that's pretty good. We'll say, did you
come up with your answer?

Speaker 2 (53:01):
I have a wrong answer, okay, but I can't think
what the right answer is. I'm gonna say twin peaks. Yeah.
I did not think that would be number one.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
Damon to cut me.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Oh yeah, I thought you were going she's a queen and.

Speaker 1 (53:24):
Yeah, Denise is an icon? Yeah no, what like I mean? Yeah,
like that. It's like the grandest like statement ever made
with a television show, like it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
I thought maybe whitest kids, you know, Oh I mean, but.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Yeah, that is probably a more grand artistic state than
anything David Lynch has ever made. But what's our score
so far? It is? Uh, Sam for Alan Sam? Four?
When did Sam get four?

Speaker 2 (53:57):
Three?

Speaker 1 (53:58):
One has an asterisk, that's the dog, one by the dog,
put an astross by the We'll say that's three and
a half points.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
In all fairness. She used to have a preserved bet
in formal the hide that was sitting dead on our
bookshelf for like years. She didn't save that bat. She
gave it away or she threw it in the garbage.
I don't remember what she did with it. She has
not thrown away at the dog.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
Good point, but I.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
Will get him stuffed. Oh my god, you haven't thought
about that. No. I dated a girl that did taxidermy
for a while. It was weird. I can only imagine
that being weird. Yeah, okay, uh, this will be a

(54:50):
very easy one for me. But we you know, this
is a gaming podcast. We're both gamers. We're gamers.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
You know, do you know? Do you know what.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
Do you know what Carmen's favorit? Video games?

Speaker 3 (55:02):
Can we come back to me?

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Sam? Do you know what Janey's favorite video games?

Speaker 2 (55:07):
Dark Souls?

Speaker 1 (55:08):
Yes, period, This is not a hard one.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
I feel like I could guess Carmen's. I don't know.
I just have something on my mind. Yeah, go come
in for the.

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Majora's Mask.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
That's one of my favorites. That is one of my
favorite games.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
Really, I don't remember.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
That's my favorite older game. Okay, it is my favorite
older game. Yes, I will give him that. But my
favorite video game is Banetta. Did we forget about the
Witch with Gus?

Speaker 2 (55:41):
Yes? I did.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
And when you put it that way, it's like, how
could it be anything else. She's got guns on her
hands and her feet.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
I was going to say the Sims.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
You gotta say the ship.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah, just strike me as a Sims.

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Actually that was like when I was into the Sims
when I was a kid. Yeah, I haven't played it
though I was an adult. Okay, Well, now we're getting
into like real, real girl territory. Because everyone knows that
girls like.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Food.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
So if you were to like make like a comfort
food for for us, if you were to make a
comfort food for Carmen, what would you make baked z
D I'll count it. She said, pasta and bread.

Speaker 3 (56:27):
Pasta and bread. That's true.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
That's yeah, O count that. You sound yea solid.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Well, I know whatever you answered isn't what I would
actually make, because I would probably be a fried baloney sandwich.
So I'm gonna say tacos.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
Damn, I'll count it because I just wrote Mexican food
and now, yes, you're right, that's so broad.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
That's a whole category, like a huge there's so many
different Italian foods.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
They both kind of country.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
And with that she said pasta, I said Mexican food,
like any any pot. Like you could have said lasagna
and that would have counted. She just said pasta and
bro You could have said spaghetti, could have said spaghetti.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
Could have said spaghetti. That's true. I never made her
lasagna in her life. I don't think, oh you should.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
You have.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Labor of love hate it?

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Yeah, it's I don't know. I love like see, I
love cooking like it's one of those things that just
like clear cleanses my brain. Uh. I'm going to switch
the order of this around a little bit because I
like this question a lot. What is Carmen's go to
karaoke song?

Speaker 3 (57:46):
It's share. I don't know the title of this song,
but it's it's singing I will.

Speaker 1 (57:51):
I'll give you some leeway here if you can.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
Kind of you.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
You don't know the song.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
I don't know the title of the song. It's the
one that's auto believe okay, thank you?

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Yes, Sam? What is my go to carry okay song?

Speaker 2 (58:08):
David Bowie Life on Mark Yay.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
You guys are good. You guys are the part. So
moved these out of the way to get to a
different one. But I have to go back to food
real quick favorite fast food restaurant. If we're going to
a fast food restaurant, where are we going?

Speaker 3 (58:29):
Mmm mmm, I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
Alan, do you have one for Carmen.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
Chick fil A?

Speaker 2 (58:36):
Damn, damn, damn.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Yeah, damn. That was pretty good. There's a lot of
things that was good. You're right, yeah, you We have
like talked about Chick fil A a lot though we have, Sam,
I feel like you should know this one.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
McDonald's.

Speaker 3 (58:56):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Oh, do you remember when we were camping.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
I do. We took that long walk back and we
talked and we ranked like every fast food restaurant we
could possibly think of.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
I did not even put McDonald's in s here. I
put it in a's here because consistent. But it's just
it's McDonald It's not the best. How could that be
the best?

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Taco Bell?

Speaker 1 (59:17):
It's Taco Bell, But you said McDonald's first.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
Yeah, Taco Bell is pretty good.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
But it's my favorite fast food place.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
I'm hearing it all the time.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
Yeah, I'd get it all the time. The price is wonderful,
the men us great, it's for the people talk about
and also, if you recall, my favorite regional food is
Mexican food, and what's more Mexican than talk about Yeah?

Speaker 2 (59:42):
What she got me?

Speaker 3 (59:44):
She got me in with that one.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
I feel like this might be a hard one, but
what uh do you know what Carmen's first job was
before she was a famous podcast? First ever job?

Speaker 3 (59:57):
First job?

Speaker 1 (59:58):
I've talked about the woman before, but not.

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
I thought that you were an esthetician and over the forum.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
Yeah, but that was that was not the first, but
that was like the first job I had as an esthetician.
So that's something, but not a point. I guess Damn,
I haven't brought this up a billion times, so I'd
forgive you if you forget it. But it is like funny,
so that's how you might remember it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
It's rest I'm not saying as my it's restaurant, right
like no, okay, then I'm out.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
Yeah already when I say it, you're gonna probably remember that.
My first ever job was being a waiver at Liberty
tax Oh yeah, I stood in the statue of Liberty
costume on the corner. I stood in a dress on
the first time, a cross dress Lady Liberty Lady, Liberty
costume was what did it for me?

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
I would get I would get in that dress.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
And is that how the.

Speaker 3 (01:01:00):
Wacky waving and flatful tube people work? If there's a
person in there, Yeah, there's a person in there. Oh okay,
there's a really tall transsexual right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Yeah, I didn't say that. They didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
They can vote.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
Just because they're wacky doesn't mean they're.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
Not the wacky tube men. Was why Hillary lost? They
didn't vote, They didn't vote, they voted third party. Why
they voted for Jill Stein? You were I still don't
even understand what yours was. You made floral arrangements. It
was stupid. Yeah, this, I worked at a flora silk

(01:01:39):
floral arrangement factory factory.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
Oh you talked about like this maybe once.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Yeah, the woman tried to send me to like conversion
Oh yes, therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
Oh my god, that is crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
It a floral arrangement place. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
My dad So for those of you who don't know,
my dad was a cop and he used to work
at you know, that giant fucking church in Gwinnett County.
I met this woman who owned a silk floral arrangement
company and she was like super Christian and niya. She
like tried to like she fired me, but before that
she tried to like convince my parents to send me

(01:02:17):
to conversion therapy. It was very very fun and very interesting. Well,
I've got three more here that I really like, and
there's a few others that we put down that aren't
aren't aren't quite as hitting it for me? Not hitting it?

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
Yeah, are we tied by the way. I feel like
Sam's really nervous. I think I think coming for me.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
One, I'm using like tally marks on my computer, so one, two,
you don't have to count it now, we'll count it
up there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
Yeah that's fun.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
Okay, Uh, Yeah, I really like these next few What
is Carmen's biggest fear?

Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Biggest fear.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
Sounds like, don't look at me. I don't know what
this bitch is.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
Buried alive.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
No, okay, what have I ever talked about that?

Speaker 3 (01:03:15):
You don't really talk about your fears that much.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
I'm terrified of wasps, Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
But that's such a real tangible fear that, oh I.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
Had to come up with like a cosmic horror that
I'm would afraid of.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
That's much more intangible, and I appreciate that way. No,
you've been stung on the leg by a wasps. We
walk by wasp and horrifying all the time, and I'm
terrified of them.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I am too. I fucking hate wasps. They all I
see is just a war machine when I look at them.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
But that's how brave you are that you can just
walk right by them every day, braver.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
Than the troops. Yeah, Sam, do you know my greatest fear?

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
Of course, of course, of course it's a very normal one.
It's that you feared that you have a doppel ganger.

Speaker 1 (01:04:10):
Yes, I's afraid that I'm afraid that I have a
doppelganger out there in the world. That's evil or not evil,
just the fact that they might exist. Just the plot
of us basically, Yeah, it's more the plot of Enemy,
the Jake Jillan movie, which we've talked about. Yeah, which, No,
we talked about it last night when I was assessing

(01:04:30):
this out. We did talk about in the pod too.
Did I might have cut it from the pot we
talked about with Hesse. I think we talked about it.
Oh yeah, it did get cut, but we did talk
in the Hesse episode. Maybe we can dig that up
and put it in some like bonus content somewhere, don't.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
I did tell Hessa that my biggest fear was having
a doppel ganger, and she was like, oh, that's so normal.

Speaker 2 (01:04:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Yeah, And it does stem from a viewing of that
movie where I got an ominous phone hall like right
after watching it, of like a pre recorded message of
like like weird like fire Brimstone Preacher talking about like
I've seen I've seen a person.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
They look like you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
I saw them in a dream. They look just like you,
but they're not you, and they were just trying to
get a de transition. Yeah, this is before I transition.
So I had to create the doppelganger. I had I
had to transition to throw to throw.

Speaker 3 (01:05:27):
Yeah, so if you transition to the doppel ganger transition
to ship, you know it's going to keep me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
The Doppelganger is not doesn't exist, So we don't need
to worry about that does not exist. Very normal health.

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
No, Sam knows that you can't if you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:43):
You can't get you can't go down this road.

Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
You actually like, work me up. It will affect his
life in a negative way.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Yeah, we need to move on. We cannot talk about
the Doppelganger.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
Yeah, speaking of getting worked up, this is probably my
actual favorite question here. But what is the craziest thing
that your partner believes? And this one we're probably not
really expecting either of you to get ours right, but
we just thought it'd be a fun thing to talk about.
What do you think the craziest thing Carmen believes on us?

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Oh my god, he got it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
You don't know about anyaknaki.

Speaker 2 (01:06:31):
I've heard I feel like I've heard it, but it
is like.

Speaker 1 (01:06:35):
The missing link theory or whatever. It's like, I'm not
I don't actually believe this. For the record, everybody but
I did on like our first or second date, explain
this and great detail to him, and he thought, sure,
this is the same person I want to continue dating.
But later that is like a like truly like how

(01:06:55):
you know you love someone thing when they tell you
something batshit insane and you're like, it's kind of endearing.
It's like the theory that like the missing link between
chip you know, primates and humans are aliens from outer
space who came here to create humans, to enslave humans

(01:07:17):
to mine gold for them, because they mean gold in
order to travel through space.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
It's just like hollow Earth as well. It just.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
There's a lot of there's like hollowers people and like
also like hyper hollowers people and like all those like
weird like Nazis that believe that like Antarctica leads to
like they believe in in a way, but so does
like like hotep theories like ties to Aunaki as well.

(01:07:47):
Like you've seen probably recently there was like the anarchy
created AIDS thing around Atlanta.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
Yes, yes, yes, and there's also.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
Yeah that was she put those I'm trying to warn people.
There's that video that I love of the kid that's
like wrapping all of the like of like and can't
forget about them. Sexy ass mermaids. These are the lyrens.
They look like lions. I ain't lion.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
So how do I find Carmen's doppelganger and date her instead?

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
My god, is trying to be spicy. He's not really
like this. He's not really a misogynost No.

Speaker 3 (01:08:31):
One said anything about misogyny. I don't want to date
someone draw someone Carmen shaped drawing the line of misogyny.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Now, he did say something like what did he say
that made me anyway? Okay, I'm shocked that you were
able to get that. That just kind of goes to
show how much Carmen has probably talked about. But I
wrote down I wrote down two things here because.

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
They're both don't lead me. Don't lead me if you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Know I'm saying, if you name one of these, I'll
take a They're different things, but like, there's two pretty
crazy things that I believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
I don't know if that's entirely fair to the game,
to the spirit of the game, but well, the thing
I have in my mind is not crazy. It's true. Yeah,
and it would be say JFK right like his sick

(01:09:32):
to the left.

Speaker 1 (01:09:33):
You were close I that, Yeah, you're right, that I
do not consider crazy at all, especially because like even
broad consensus of like normal people like believe the JFK
conspiracy to some degree, but.

Speaker 2 (01:09:48):
This one.

Speaker 1 (01:09:50):
Is not as broadly agreed upon. And that is nine
to eleven conspiracies. Bush did nine to eleven that you
put that I put, well, I put two, I put,
I put nine to eleven conspiracies And this is the
really crazy one. But like ancient Aliens, which kind of
is the same thing as mine a little bit, but

(01:10:11):
like yeah, more broad, yeah, but more in like a
kind of like Jane and I are the same kind
of crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:10:17):
I feel like, yeah, we are.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
It's more just in the like it's not in the
way that like the show has it, because the show
is just silly stuff. It's there to credit the truth,
it's there to discredit the truth. It's just a bunch
of silly bullshit. But like the actual just like theory
that like time in like the broad spectrum of the
universe can be like a cyclical thing where like people

(01:10:42):
from like the far future could like give information to
people of the past, and like I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
So that and the towers just did that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
Yeah, yeah, maybe I have the stealing melted on there.
I feel like this has ran on a little long
and our listeners are probably like going crazy right now.
But I'm a person who's having to edit this episode
is probably I would like to I would like to
put a pin and that maybe we can talk about
ancient aliens another time. I promise it'll have a whole

(01:11:13):
episode about nine to eleven conspiracies and ancient Yeah, yeah,
I promise. The things I believe are not that crazy,
but they sound crazy and minor with a healthy dose
of irony. I don't know about Jenny, though, I can't
speak for Jane. Do you uh, do you want to
call it there? Yeah, we can call it there. We
can wrap up Valentine's Day special well, Sam one by

(01:11:35):
the way, oh my god, by how much? By one plant?
Oh yeah, seven to eight. I guess it's over for us, bab.

Speaker 3 (01:11:43):
Yeah, it was a good run.

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
Yeah, good, good game.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
Into the microphone. Well, thank you both for being here, Yeah,
thank you, thanks for having me are balance well, thanks
for being my Valentine. Thanks for being my Valentine.

Speaker 2 (01:11:58):
Of course I'm talking to Carmen.

Speaker 1 (01:12:01):
Thanks for being Vale. No, I was just kidding. This
was a lot of fun. Thank all of you for
being our our Valentines, Thanks for being our listeners and
our fans and supporting us. And I'm sorry that I
called you a loser if you're single right now. I
didn't mean that. I was just part of my wry
sense of humor. And I'm sure you understand that because

(01:12:22):
you love me and I love you, and I'm sorry.
We did not get to voicemails this week, but please
leave us more voicemails and we will be taking them
on next week's episode, in which we will be speaking
to the metal musician Liturgy. Oh my god. Yes, I'm
very excited about this one. So gonna be badass. So yeah,
Halo Hauntendrick's on the pod for next week. I'm very

(01:12:43):
excited about that. So yeah, tune in. Cool, Thanks for listening. Yeah,
Happy Valentine's Day everyone, Happy Valentine's Day. Get fucked. Okay,
bye bye. The boys don't want to say bye bye bye.

(01:13:05):
Thank you for listening to Beauty Translated. Beauty Translated is
hosted by me Carmen Laurent and Jamie Danger, produced by
Kurt Garen and Jess Krinchuch. So special thanks to Ali
Perry and Ali Cancor. Our theme music is done by
Aaron Kauffman and Beauty Translated is proud to be a
part of the outspoken network from iHeart Podcasts. For more

(01:13:27):
iHeart podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you can get your podcasts.