March 6, 2024 • 21 mins
Hey y'all, wussup?! You ever have issues with your friend because of THEIR friends? Or maybe you're ready to take your relationship to the next level but not sure if your partner is. Tap in - these stories might apply to you!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect, And just.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to you at another Canflee Reckless episode with
your Girl just hilarious. We're gonna jump straight into it
because y'all, I'm at work and I'll be fixing us
on the radio now only on Thursday, So catch it
on Breakfast Club every Thursday, and then I'm fixing mess
with y'all every Wednesday and Saturday. April twenty seventh at
Pullman Yard's in Atlanta, Georgia, I will be fixing Mess
(00:39):
live on stage what Can't Flee Reckless? Y'all know my
podcast for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. Okay,
it was sold out last year and it's gonna be
sold out this year. We got some other people joining
us as well. But all I know is just hilarious.
It's gonna be live fixing Mess and I'm gonna be
pulling people out the crowd.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Now. Look, ain't none of this shit gonna be you know,
pre planned, and none of that shit.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I'm gonna get people out the audience to come up
there and tell me their situations and tell me their
mess and you know, get my advice and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I might be able to clean it up for you.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Don't come with no heavy, deep ass stories and shit like.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Oh my God, like non mine.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I ain't even gonna give no examples, cause I ain't
trying to give you no fucking ideas. But don't come
up there and ask me some shit. Y'all know I
can't help y'all with. All right, don't come up there
and crazy. Don't come up there. I'm telling you because
y'all get tackled off the motherfucking stage. If anybody come
up there try and shit because y'a already know what
the fuck.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Going on with me. But yeah, y'all, I'm be very
much pregnant.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I'm even more pregnant, y'all, so I'm gonna be very emotional.
Don't try to make me cry because I already do
it at the drop of a fucking dime, all right,
so please, all right, So we're gonna jump straight and
so we got.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Two long, long, long, long, long, long, long long stories,
and we're gonna get to it right now.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Hi, Jess, listen, I am twenty three years old, and
I'm an extreme introvert.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I know what that's like.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I'm not really a big party person and I don't
do large crowds, but my friends do. One of my
good friends just throw a party for her twenty second birthday.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
She's way more social than me and also have many
other friends outside of me. The party was lit, all
types of different music and all types of different people.
I know you've scaate as fuck, shaking in the corner,
all types. Yes, I'm a big energy person, and when
I tell you I felt the energy shift before it's shifted,
I really did. Her other friends started to get sloppy drunk,
(02:28):
falling all over the place and getting extra loud with
each other. Oh, girl, I was just at my birthday
party and I ain't no introvert or nothing, but I
wasn't able to drink and I'm pregnant, So yeah, I
guess I'm an introvert while I'm pregnant. So I felt
the same way, Lord Jesus, because everybody in my birthday button. No, man,
let me finish the story. Girl, I started going on
about my all right, so continue on, y'all. No, everyone
(02:51):
was not like that, but these are her other main
friends that we're talking about here. Mind you, these are
not my friends. I'm just here for her. They were
all bumming into me, spilling drinks on my shoe.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
And screaming in my ear.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh lord, I allowed it for a little bit, but
I can only take but so much, and I'm already
not big on parties.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
So I told my friend that I was ready to go.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
It was already close to the end of the party anyway,
but her other friends talked her into going to a
club after crying after body, and it's her birthday, so
I understand.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I definitely wasn't going to that shit. Lol. She was
a little said that I was leaving, but she understood.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
But girl, as I was telling her, her friends decided
to come over and they heard me tell her that
I was leaving. They started screaming, oh girl, you so stiff,
You such a square? What was your point of even coming?
First of all, y'all bitches is drunk and she is
not calm to fucking down. I was like, oh, there's
the energy I felt. I didn't let that stop me
from leaving, nor did I let that mess with my character.
(03:49):
But I did laugh in their face and told them
to get out of my way. And proceeded to leave.
The next day, I text my friend and asked her
how was last night and also tell her that I
had a good time with her. She tells me that
she enjoyed her night, but she didn't like how I
left early, and that she didn't feel like I even
wanted to be there, and that I.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Was also acting stiff. Oh, she didn't let her fucking
friends get on her head, baby, like very much clownbed out,
and she she was drunk. She was still drunk from
the night before.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Because, bitch, you already know as my friend that I'm
a fucking introvert.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
But let me continue.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Immediately, in my head, I got confused because, for one,
she already knows I'm not a big party person, but
I definitely did party with her last night.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And for two, did she have her other friends get
in her hair? Girl?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I ain't even read your story, and I'm like all
up in your head? Girl, yes, because I just said
the same thing. That's why I need to shut up
and finish the story before I do my commentary.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
This is crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I already know that they probably were talking about me
when I left, because that's how they are. But I'm
just hoping that this is her own personal opinion and
that she's not letting her other friends make her feel
away about me. I have yet to respond to her,
and that's only because I'm usually a talker before I
am a thinker, so I don't want to jump straight
to something and that's not what it.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
But I would say this did throw me off a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's only been a few hours since she texted, but
I had no idea when you would open this message.
Just so, what do you think I would love a
second opinion before I respond to this woman?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Lol?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Just also, I would not be thinking like this if
this hasn't happened before. There was a situation previously where
I felt like our friends were talking mad shit about
me and influenced her decisions a little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So this is just a build up.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Hold up, hold up, I know this shit getting good,
But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, Well, honey, listen. You got my attention, and I'm
definitely gonna let you know. I mean, if you haven't
already caught on by now, I am feeling the same
exact way you're feeling, and then this is my thing.
I can certainly relate to this because I just had
a birthday party over the weekend for Cuba and Baltimore
and my little sister, my cousins, my friends, all of
(05:52):
them are extroverted when they're partying.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
My little sister said, you know, to some point, she's
to herself, but when she gets around people that she loves,
you know, she comes out of her shell.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You know. And our dad was there, and it's Baltimore.
You know what I'm saying. Our dad ain't no little
old nigga would have cane like this.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Nigga be party and this is where we got our
party animal side from, you know what I'm saying. But
I couldn't drink, I couldn't smoke, I'm pregnant, But I
just was happy to be around my loved ones. Now,
my brother Dasi, he's an introvert, and he was sitting
down all night and he barely correct the goddamn smile,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And he was still just happy to be there.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
But we all know Dazsi, we all know he's an introvert,
so we're not gonna expect for him to jump up
doing the dougie and you know or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
He's not the type to go grab a fucking mic. Now.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
He is a stand up comedian, but that's when we're
working on stage, you know, that's when we are called
to action. We're called to do what we do for
a living. You get what I'm saying. He's an introvert
and everybody knows that. Ain't nobody say why does he
over there being stuff like, uh, that's why he shouldn't
even have came because, mind you, I went in the
house after the party, but everybody else with their separate
(07:01):
ways to other parties. Mind you' SEEUA a weekend, so
it's parties all over the place, Dazzy, I guarantee you
a home and his family, you know what I'm saying.
And then I went home to mine only because I'm pregnant,
But I would have been right out with the rest
of my friends and my sister and my family, you
know what I'm saying. So I definitely understand where you're
coming from. Them bitches got in her head, and I'm
gonna call them them bitches because they were clearly fucking
(07:23):
hating with the withoutloquor This is who these girls are, you.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Can literally tell.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
And a lot of people just don't understand introverted people,
you know what I mean, And a lot of people
don't understand that sometimes like y'all resting bitch face is
literally y'all face every fucking time, y'all around people that
y'all don't really know, you know what I mean. It
had nothing to do with her friends being too loud. Yeah,
they're too loud for you, but it wasn't personal. Everybody's
(07:49):
too loud. It's a fucking party, and you came to
support your friend, so I think her taking that into
account would have been better. Like, at least you showed
up for me. At least you came out. At least
you came to me. And you don't even do parties, girl,
I know you don't do parties, but thank you for
showing up. Why would she even expect you to go
to a second party with her other loud ass friends. Now,
(08:10):
no shade to our friends, because I'm telling you they
tald like my friends all up into the park when
they were talking shit about you. You know what I'm saying,
Because my friends don't do that, you know, they let
whoever be who they are.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
You get what I'm saying. So it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
And I have all types of different friends, you know
what I'm saying, and different types of family members, extroverted,
both introverted, you know what I mean. So I think
you should have a conversation with her. I think you
should call her. Actually, don't even respond via text. I
think you should call it because to be honest, she
should have called you if she really felt this way
all that TEXI textie bullshit. Now you should call her
(08:46):
and be like, hey, look, so I can't help but
to think that your friends got in your head or whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I know they had a couple of remarks yesterday when
they heard me tell you that I'm not going to
the second party, you know, and I heard their remarks
as well.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You don't know if you heard them, but they.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You know, and recite those remarks that you heard, like, oh,
they asked me what was my point in even coming?
And I shouldn't have came and a band stiff. No,
I'm being who I am And if you can't take that,
that's on you.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
That's why you're not my friends.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
This is my friend, and my friend I thought would
understand me after so many years of us being friends,
and you already know that I don't even do parties,
but I was there to support you. I think that's
how you have to explain it more in depth. Sometimes
people need that. She may just be feeling away and
may need that conversation from you. You get what I'm saying,
And that ain't even to go back and see her
other friends straight, but just to get y'all on a
(09:36):
better record than that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Because I know how you feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I know that I hurt your feelings, and I know
you don't want to jump out there and respond. I
can tell you love your friend because I would have
been jumped down her motherfucking throat even her being my friend,
like I would a bitch. Don't play with me because
you already know I ain't even that type of girl,
Like the type of girl I am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I wouldn't even have fucking came. But I'm here and
I love you. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
But I'm very much a little don't want to come
to shit like that, you know. But my advice for
you is call your friend, don't text. Things can get
very lost in translation through text, and you are young
you said you're twenty three, your friends twenty two. Y'all
can get real reckless over them text messages. My little
sister is twenty okay, and I listen. I know when
(10:19):
me and her get into it, it'd be some things
that she'd be saying, and I'd be like, oh, like
you know, I'd be wanting to say, but like my
thirty two year old self has to always remember, like damn,
I was twenty as well before, and I was saying
things that I know I didn't mean just to hurt
the other person or whatever. But you know, you guys
are young, and y'all got the rest of your fucking lives,
and things like this do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Also, I'm gonna let you know while I was just
you know.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
My delivery may be a bit negative towards the other
friends or whatever, but things like this do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So don't throw your friend away. Just just talk to her,
call and talk to her.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
You don't owe nothing to the other friends, you know
what I mean, because that's not who your bond is
with your bond and your loyalty is to your friend.
And I would just hear her voice and she hear
yours now if shit don't turn out, she's still getting
all defensive, meet up with an ass and be like,
what's up? So no, no, no, no no. But then
then then you hang that shut up and then you
(11:14):
see what she's saying.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
But if y'all been friends for a long time, I
think that she will receive it. Well if you call
her versus you know, texting, because you checked on her,
you ain't have to wake up and check on her ass.
You know what you did because you're her friend. So
that's what real friends do. They talk things out, keep
me updated and let me know.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I like that little story. That's nice. That's nice.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
But once somebody ain't cheating, getting shot, stabbing itself and
it's a lot going on. Now, we got a commercial,
and if you click off of this podcast, I swear
I'm gonna beat your ass.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Listen all right.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Next, First of all, I want to start by saying,
happy Woman's mouth. You are definitely a public figure that
I'll look up to you. So thank you for being you.
Oh thank you, baby girl.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Okay, so let's get into it. I've been in a
relationship with my boyfriend for about three years. And I'm
ready to take things a little further. I've been bringing
up the idea of us moving in with each other,
but he's very very short when we talk about it,
like everything could.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Be completely fine and we would have.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
A normal conversation, but as soon as I talk about it,
his whole demeanor changes. We've talked about this once before
when we first started dating, and he did make it
clear to me that moving in with each other is
a big commitment, which it really is. Girl, But it's
been three years now, Damn how much longer does he need?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
It also starts to make me question myself, like am
I doing everything right? Am I making him feel comfortable?
Does he even really want to move in with me?
Is he happy?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Etc.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
See, that's when our mind started playing games on us.
When we let these men play games on us. Do
not do not? I mean the mind playing tricks on
us when we let these men play games with us.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I was going to drop that conversation.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
For a little while and revisit it another time, but
I'm tired of not saying him as much as I
want to see him, and I really feel like it's
about Tom that I come home to him as You're right, Sis.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You can tell he's.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Comfortable with the way things are, but I'm definitely feeling away,
and I know he recognizes it. Maybe he wants to
wait until marriage. Well what if there's even someone else? Exactly?
See your mind raising and everything. That's what I hate.
I hate when we do this as women. I hate
when we have to do this because we feel like
the guy leaves us no other choice. I don't want
(13:29):
to think like this, but how could I not? What
is stopping him from moving in with me? I feel
like he should make his feelings more visible when it
comes down to that, because he can clearly tell how
much I'm bothered about this. So my question for you is,
how do you think I should go about our conversation
the next time I revisit that topic. Do you think
my approach is wrong? Let me know something, Jess girl, No,
(13:51):
I don't think your approach is wrong. Okay, so you're
asking me how you should approach the conversation this time
going forward. I honestly but like you should start just
letting him know how bothered you are. I mean, because
you say you state how he sees it, and you
state how you know I know he recognizes it, but
I don't think you ever actually communicated with him that
(14:13):
it does bother you. Okay, So most of the time,
guys do need to hear it, you know what I'm
saying to believe it, because I'm not gonna I'm not
giving them any type of excuse or anything. But a
lot of guys, not all men, but a lot of
guys state don't pay attention in depth like that to
know or it may be bothering her to wa ain't
moving together yet, you know what I'm saying, Because you
(14:34):
said he's comfortable with the way things are, and let's
just say there is nobody else. Let's just like delete that,
subtract that from the equation. He feels comfortable, So he
may feel that you're comfortable as well because you haven't
bought it up again because you're letting it, You're letting
time go past, hoping that one day he just wakes
up like, all right, this is the day we're gonna
(14:55):
move in, or this is the day that I'm gonna
tell her that we're gonna move in. You get what
I'm saying, And you can't really do that with a man, honey.
You we have to voice each and every feeling, each
and every topic that we want to talk about, each
and every time something bothers us, so they can see that.
You know, that's also teaching a man how to communicate
with you, whether you are conscious of that or not,
(15:15):
that's teaching him. Okay, so she's being she gonna come
no matter what, my baby gonna come to me about whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So let me do the same.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Or not even let me do the same, because sometimes
they don't learn how to reciprocate it, but they do
learn that you are that type of person, so they
handle you better going forward. You know, according to that,
this is how I think you should approach it. I'm
gonna let you know. I think you should start off
very honest. You should say, babe, Okay, something has been
bothering me, and I've been wanting to have this conversation
(15:43):
with you for a few months now, or however realistically
how long it is. Don't make no time up. Tell
him the fucking truth. It's been bothering me four months now.
You know, every time we visit the conversation of us
moving in together, you get kind of short and all
of that.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I know we talked about it before and I just
kind of like left it alone because I didn't want
to push you away, And that is the truth. I
didn't want to push you away. However, it's been three years, okay,
and you seem to be comfortable with the way things
are now.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
If you are, that's you, but me, I am not.
I'm not. I feel like now I should be coming
home to you. I feel like that.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I don't know if you want to wait till marriage
or whatever, but I don't feel like we should have
to wait until marriage to move in.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You know what I'm saying, Like, I feel like I
should be coming home to you.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And if you just don't flat out agree with that,
if you don't want to move, I think that you
should be mad enough to tell me. You should be
at least open and honest enough to tell me moving
together is not a good idea. I don't like that,
and then try to see why because it may be
reasons that he don't want to. Maybe he moved with
someone in the past and it didn't work. Maybe you know,
it could be all sorts of reasons why this man
(16:53):
really don't want to move with you.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
You get what I'm saying. And if you can't let
it hurt you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
You can't let it get to you because it may
very well be his truth, but we don't know the
truth because you haven't sat down with him again and
told him your whole truth.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
So makers adds tell the truth to you? What is it?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And you can even tell him. You had me even
questioning myself like what am I not doing?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Like?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Do you even want to move in with me? And
then the last question, the big boom, the big bang theory.
Is there someone else? I hate feeling like this, you
know what I mean? And I would like for you
to answer these questions like are you seeing someone else?
Are you scared to move with me because you're dealing
with somebody else? Are you living with somebody else? Like
you know, I don't know, I don't know, but I
know that I feel that it's time that we come
(17:34):
home to each other. And that's that, straight up, point
blank girl. And then you will get the reaction problem
not I mean, I ain't gonna say that you're looking for,
but you're gonna get a reaction, and you're more than
likely you're gonna get the truth, you know, because when
you put everything.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Out there and you are level with the guy.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
You're looking in his eyes and he ain't got nowhere
to run, he ain't looking at his phone. They fill
back into a corner, and he will more than likely
tell you to choose. And the reason why I'm saying
more than likely because less than likely he could lie too,
Like you know, when gods fell back into a corner,
they lie to they lie their way out. Oh babe,
I was just thinking about that, or you know, I
don't know. I got to take care of my moms,
(18:13):
or I don't know. I just I have anxiety when
it comes to moving, you know, because you said, as
he stated earlier, that's a big commitment. And if he's
saying he is aware of how big of a commitment
that is, then he could get cold feet. You know,
he could be nervous, he could be scared, he could
be that could mean marriage for him, like, oh shit,
(18:34):
that's kind of like marrying somebody. But the fact that
you let three years go by, he ain't had nothing
else to do but to get comfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Boo.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
This is kind of an equal fault, you know, if
you and him, I do blame you because men will
only do to us what we allow.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But I love you, so my sister looking like, how
you gonna just blame her?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I mean, I'm just saying I do blame you a
lot because you let a lot of time will pass
and you ain't even been happy with this part of it.
You know, we can't keep putting ourselves in these miserable
situations to save a nigga feelings, Okay, because relationship is
communication amongst other things. But communication don't hold nothing in.
(19:18):
That's why half of us be single out here for
a while, hurt, carrying hate for x'es and shit, because
we didn't say we didn't tell these We didn't have
the strength or find the strength to tell these men
how we felt in the moment. That's why you You
still probably got things that you want to say to
your ex ten years later. Nah, bit you should have
said it. And I'll be hard on my women about
(19:40):
it because it's like, shit, we know damn well, the
ain't gonna do it, so you do it. Shit, Lisa lousn,
stop playing with your damn self, all right, but keep
me updated. And just like that, we've come to the
end of another carefully reckless episode with your girl.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Just hilarious.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
What I'll be doing I'll be fixing mess, and I
will be fixing mess like I said. Saturday, April twenty
seventh at Pullman Yards in Atlanta. Live Carefully Reckless with
your girl just hilarious on the stage. Make sure you
come and you let me know all your mess. Letter
out on the stage so we can cry together. I'll
give you some good advice so you can go home
filling ten times better than you came. Make sure you
get your tickets at Black Effect dot com or something
(20:19):
like that. Y'all get y'all tickets, Get y'alls, and I
will see y'all soon. It's the second annual Black Effect
Podcast Festival, hosted by My Girl Pretty Thee and be
at yard. They gonna keep the crowd jumping. Can'tfully Reckless
(21:45):
is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect, And just.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Welcome back to you at another Canflee Reckless episode with
your Girl just hilarious. We're gonna jump straight into it
because y'all, I'm at work and I'll be fixing us
on the radio now only on Thursday, So catch it
on Breakfast Club every Thursday, and then I'm fixing mess
with y'all every Wednesday and Saturday. April twenty seventh at
Pullman Yard's in Atlanta, Georgia, I will be fixing Mess
(00:39):
live on stage what Can't Flee Reckless? Y'all know my
podcast for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. Okay,
it was sold out last year and it's gonna be
sold out this year. We got some other people joining
us as well. But all I know is just hilarious.
It's gonna be live fixing Mess and I'm gonna be
pulling people out the crowd.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Now. Look, ain't none of this shit gonna be you know,
pre planned, and none of that shit.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I'm gonna get people out the audience to come up
there and tell me their situations and tell me their
mess and you know, get my advice and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I might be able to clean it up for you.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Don't come with no heavy, deep ass stories and shit like.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Oh my God, like non mine.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
I ain't even gonna give no examples, cause I ain't
trying to give you no fucking ideas. But don't come
up there and ask me some shit. Y'all know I
can't help y'all with. All right, don't come up there
and crazy. Don't come up there. I'm telling you because
y'all get tackled off the motherfucking stage. If anybody come
up there try and shit because y'a already know what
the fuck.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Going on with me. But yeah, y'all, I'm be very
much pregnant.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I'm even more pregnant, y'all, so I'm gonna be very emotional.
Don't try to make me cry because I already do
it at the drop of a fucking dime, all right,
so please, all right, So we're gonna jump straight and
so we got.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Two long, long, long, long, long, long, long long stories,
and we're gonna get to it right now.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Hi, Jess, listen, I am twenty three years old, and
I'm an extreme introvert.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I know what that's like.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I'm not really a big party person and I don't
do large crowds, but my friends do. One of my
good friends just throw a party for her twenty second birthday.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Now.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
She's way more social than me and also have many
other friends outside of me. The party was lit, all
types of different music and all types of different people.
I know you've scaate as fuck, shaking in the corner,
all types. Yes, I'm a big energy person, and when
I tell you I felt the energy shift before it's shifted,
I really did. Her other friends started to get sloppy drunk,
(02:28):
falling all over the place and getting extra loud with
each other. Oh, girl, I was just at my birthday
party and I ain't no introvert or nothing, but I
wasn't able to drink and I'm pregnant, So yeah, I
guess I'm an introvert while I'm pregnant. So I felt
the same way, Lord Jesus, because everybody in my birthday button. No, man,
let me finish the story. Girl, I started going on
about my all right, so continue on, y'all. No, everyone
(02:51):
was not like that, but these are her other main
friends that we're talking about here. Mind you, these are
not my friends. I'm just here for her. They were
all bumming into me, spilling drinks on my shoe.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
And screaming in my ear.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Oh lord, I allowed it for a little bit, but
I can only take but so much, and I'm already
not big on parties.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
So I told my friend that I was ready to go.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
It was already close to the end of the party anyway,
but her other friends talked her into going to a
club after crying after body, and it's her birthday, so
I understand.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I definitely wasn't going to that shit. Lol. She was
a little said that I was leaving, but she understood.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
But girl, as I was telling her, her friends decided
to come over and they heard me tell her that
I was leaving. They started screaming, oh girl, you so stiff,
You such a square? What was your point of even coming?
First of all, y'all bitches is drunk and she is
not calm to fucking down. I was like, oh, there's
the energy I felt. I didn't let that stop me
from leaving, nor did I let that mess with my character.
(03:49):
But I did laugh in their face and told them
to get out of my way. And proceeded to leave.
The next day, I text my friend and asked her
how was last night and also tell her that I
had a good time with her. She tells me that
she enjoyed her night, but she didn't like how I
left early, and that she didn't feel like I even
wanted to be there, and that I.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Was also acting stiff. Oh, she didn't let her fucking
friends get on her head, baby, like very much clownbed out,
and she she was drunk. She was still drunk from
the night before.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Because, bitch, you already know as my friend that I'm
a fucking introvert.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
But let me continue.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Immediately, in my head, I got confused because, for one,
she already knows I'm not a big party person, but
I definitely did party with her last night.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
And for two, did she have her other friends get
in her hair? Girl?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I ain't even read your story, and I'm like all
up in your head? Girl, yes, because I just said
the same thing. That's why I need to shut up
and finish the story before I do my commentary.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
This is crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I already know that they probably were talking about me
when I left, because that's how they are. But I'm
just hoping that this is her own personal opinion and
that she's not letting her other friends make her feel
away about me. I have yet to respond to her,
and that's only because I'm usually a talker before I
am a thinker, so I don't want to jump straight
to something and that's not what it.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
But I would say this did throw me off a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's only been a few hours since she texted, but
I had no idea when you would open this message.
Just so, what do you think I would love a
second opinion before I respond to this woman?
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Lol?
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Just also, I would not be thinking like this if
this hasn't happened before. There was a situation previously where
I felt like our friends were talking mad shit about
me and influenced her decisions a little bit.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So this is just a build up.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Hold up, hold up, I know this shit getting good,
But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, Well, honey, listen. You got my attention, and I'm
definitely gonna let you know. I mean, if you haven't
already caught on by now, I am feeling the same
exact way you're feeling, and then this is my thing.
I can certainly relate to this because I just had
a birthday party over the weekend for Cuba and Baltimore
and my little sister, my cousins, my friends, all of
(05:52):
them are extroverted when they're partying.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
My little sister said, you know, to some point, she's
to herself, but when she gets around people that she loves,
you know, she comes out of her shell.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
You know. And our dad was there, and it's Baltimore.
You know what I'm saying. Our dad ain't no little
old nigga would have cane like this.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Nigga be party and this is where we got our
party animal side from, you know what I'm saying. But
I couldn't drink, I couldn't smoke, I'm pregnant, But I
just was happy to be around my loved ones. Now,
my brother Dasi, he's an introvert, and he was sitting
down all night and he barely correct the goddamn smile,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
And he was still just happy to be there.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
But we all know Dazsi, we all know he's an introvert,
so we're not gonna expect for him to jump up
doing the dougie and you know or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
He's not the type to go grab a fucking mic. Now.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
He is a stand up comedian, but that's when we're
working on stage, you know, that's when we are called
to action. We're called to do what we do for
a living. You get what I'm saying. He's an introvert
and everybody knows that. Ain't nobody say why does he
over there being stuff like, uh, that's why he shouldn't
even have came because, mind you, I went in the
house after the party, but everybody else with their separate
(07:01):
ways to other parties. Mind you' SEEUA a weekend, so
it's parties all over the place, Dazzy, I guarantee you
a home and his family, you know what I'm saying.
And then I went home to mine only because I'm pregnant,
But I would have been right out with the rest
of my friends and my sister and my family, you
know what I'm saying. So I definitely understand where you're
coming from. Them bitches got in her head, and I'm
gonna call them them bitches because they were clearly fucking
(07:23):
hating with the withoutloquor This is who these girls are, you.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Can literally tell.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
And a lot of people just don't understand introverted people,
you know what I mean, And a lot of people
don't understand that sometimes like y'all resting bitch face is
literally y'all face every fucking time, y'all around people that
y'all don't really know, you know what I mean. It
had nothing to do with her friends being too loud. Yeah,
they're too loud for you, but it wasn't personal. Everybody's
(07:49):
too loud. It's a fucking party, and you came to
support your friend, so I think her taking that into
account would have been better. Like, at least you showed
up for me. At least you came out. At least
you came to me. And you don't even do parties, girl,
I know you don't do parties, but thank you for
showing up. Why would she even expect you to go
to a second party with her other loud ass friends. Now,
(08:10):
no shade to our friends, because I'm telling you they
tald like my friends all up into the park when
they were talking shit about you. You know what I'm saying,
Because my friends don't do that, you know, they let
whoever be who they are.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
You get what I'm saying. So it is what it is.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
And I have all types of different friends, you know
what I'm saying, and different types of family members, extroverted,
both introverted, you know what I mean. So I think
you should have a conversation with her. I think you
should call her. Actually, don't even respond via text. I
think you should call it because to be honest, she
should have called you if she really felt this way
all that TEXI textie bullshit. Now you should call her
(08:46):
and be like, hey, look, so I can't help but
to think that your friends got in your head or whatever.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I know they had a couple of remarks yesterday when
they heard me tell you that I'm not going to
the second party, you know, and I heard their remarks
as well.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You don't know if you heard them, but they.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
You know, and recite those remarks that you heard, like, oh,
they asked me what was my point in even coming?
And I shouldn't have came and a band stiff. No,
I'm being who I am And if you can't take that,
that's on you.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
That's why you're not my friends.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
This is my friend, and my friend I thought would
understand me after so many years of us being friends,
and you already know that I don't even do parties,
but I was there to support you. I think that's
how you have to explain it more in depth. Sometimes
people need that. She may just be feeling away and
may need that conversation from you. You get what I'm saying,
And that ain't even to go back and see her
other friends straight, but just to get y'all on a
(09:36):
better record than that.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Because I know how you feeling.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I know that I hurt your feelings, and I know
you don't want to jump out there and respond. I
can tell you love your friend because I would have
been jumped down her motherfucking throat even her being my friend,
like I would a bitch. Don't play with me because
you already know I ain't even that type of girl,
Like the type of girl I am.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I wouldn't even have fucking came. But I'm here and
I love you. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
But I'm very much a little don't want to come
to shit like that, you know. But my advice for
you is call your friend, don't text. Things can get
very lost in translation through text, and you are young
you said you're twenty three, your friends twenty two. Y'all
can get real reckless over them text messages. My little
sister is twenty okay, and I listen. I know when
(10:19):
me and her get into it, it'd be some things
that she'd be saying, and I'd be like, oh, like
you know, I'd be wanting to say, but like my
thirty two year old self has to always remember, like damn,
I was twenty as well before, and I was saying
things that I know I didn't mean just to hurt
the other person or whatever. But you know, you guys
are young, and y'all got the rest of your fucking lives,
and things like this do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Also, I'm gonna let you know while I was just
you know.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
My delivery may be a bit negative towards the other
friends or whatever, but things like this do happen.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So don't throw your friend away. Just just talk to her,
call and talk to her.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
You don't owe nothing to the other friends, you know
what I mean, because that's not who your bond is
with your bond and your loyalty is to your friend.
And I would just hear her voice and she hear
yours now if shit don't turn out, she's still getting
all defensive, meet up with an ass and be like,
what's up? So no, no, no, no no. But then
then then you hang that shut up and then you
(11:14):
see what she's saying.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
But if y'all been friends for a long time, I
think that she will receive it. Well if you call
her versus you know, texting, because you checked on her,
you ain't have to wake up and check on her ass.
You know what you did because you're her friend. So
that's what real friends do. They talk things out, keep
me updated and let me know.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I like that little story. That's nice. That's nice.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
But once somebody ain't cheating, getting shot, stabbing itself and
it's a lot going on. Now, we got a commercial,
and if you click off of this podcast, I swear
I'm gonna beat your ass.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Listen all right.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Next, First of all, I want to start by saying,
happy Woman's mouth. You are definitely a public figure that
I'll look up to you. So thank you for being you.
Oh thank you, baby girl.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Okay, so let's get into it. I've been in a
relationship with my boyfriend for about three years. And I'm
ready to take things a little further. I've been bringing
up the idea of us moving in with each other,
but he's very very short when we talk about it,
like everything could.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Be completely fine and we would have.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
A normal conversation, but as soon as I talk about it,
his whole demeanor changes. We've talked about this once before
when we first started dating, and he did make it
clear to me that moving in with each other is
a big commitment, which it really is. Girl, But it's
been three years now, Damn how much longer does he need?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (12:35):
It also starts to make me question myself, like am
I doing everything right? Am I making him feel comfortable?
Does he even really want to move in with me?
Is he happy?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
Etc.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
See, that's when our mind started playing games on us.
When we let these men play games on us. Do
not do not? I mean the mind playing tricks on
us when we let these men play games with us.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I was going to drop that conversation.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
For a little while and revisit it another time, but
I'm tired of not saying him as much as I
want to see him, and I really feel like it's
about Tom that I come home to him as You're right, Sis.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You can tell he's.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Comfortable with the way things are, but I'm definitely feeling away,
and I know he recognizes it. Maybe he wants to
wait until marriage. Well what if there's even someone else? Exactly?
See your mind raising and everything. That's what I hate.
I hate when we do this as women. I hate
when we have to do this because we feel like
the guy leaves us no other choice. I don't want
(13:29):
to think like this, but how could I not? What
is stopping him from moving in with me? I feel
like he should make his feelings more visible when it
comes down to that, because he can clearly tell how
much I'm bothered about this. So my question for you is,
how do you think I should go about our conversation
the next time I revisit that topic. Do you think
my approach is wrong? Let me know something, Jess girl, No,
(13:51):
I don't think your approach is wrong. Okay, so you're
asking me how you should approach the conversation this time
going forward. I honestly but like you should start just
letting him know how bothered you are. I mean, because
you say you state how he sees it, and you
state how you know I know he recognizes it, but
I don't think you ever actually communicated with him that
(14:13):
it does bother you. Okay, So most of the time,
guys do need to hear it, you know what I'm
saying to believe it, because I'm not gonna I'm not
giving them any type of excuse or anything. But a
lot of guys, not all men, but a lot of
guys state don't pay attention in depth like that to
know or it may be bothering her to wa ain't
moving together yet, you know what I'm saying, Because you
(14:34):
said he's comfortable with the way things are, and let's
just say there is nobody else. Let's just like delete that,
subtract that from the equation. He feels comfortable, So he
may feel that you're comfortable as well because you haven't
bought it up again because you're letting it, You're letting
time go past, hoping that one day he just wakes
up like, all right, this is the day we're gonna
(14:55):
move in, or this is the day that I'm gonna
tell her that we're gonna move in. You get what
I'm saying, And you can't really do that with a man, honey.
You we have to voice each and every feeling, each
and every topic that we want to talk about, each
and every time something bothers us, so they can see that.
You know, that's also teaching a man how to communicate
with you, whether you are conscious of that or not,
(15:15):
that's teaching him. Okay, so she's being she gonna come
no matter what, my baby gonna come to me about whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So let me do the same.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Or not even let me do the same, because sometimes
they don't learn how to reciprocate it, but they do
learn that you are that type of person, so they
handle you better going forward. You know, according to that,
this is how I think you should approach it. I'm
gonna let you know. I think you should start off
very honest. You should say, babe, Okay, something has been
bothering me, and I've been wanting to have this conversation
(15:43):
with you for a few months now, or however realistically
how long it is. Don't make no time up. Tell
him the fucking truth. It's been bothering me four months now.
You know, every time we visit the conversation of us
moving in together, you get kind of short and all
of that.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I know we talked about it before and I just
kind of like left it alone because I didn't want
to push you away, And that is the truth. I
didn't want to push you away. However, it's been three years, okay,
and you seem to be comfortable with the way things
are now.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
If you are, that's you, but me, I am not.
I'm not. I feel like now I should be coming
home to you. I feel like that.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
I don't know if you want to wait till marriage
or whatever, but I don't feel like we should have
to wait until marriage to move in.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
You know what I'm saying, Like, I feel like I
should be coming home to you.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
And if you just don't flat out agree with that,
if you don't want to move, I think that you
should be mad enough to tell me. You should be
at least open and honest enough to tell me moving
together is not a good idea. I don't like that,
and then try to see why because it may be
reasons that he don't want to. Maybe he moved with
someone in the past and it didn't work. Maybe you know,
it could be all sorts of reasons why this man
(16:53):
really don't want to move with you.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
You get what I'm saying. And if you can't let
it hurt you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
You can't let it get to you because it may
very well be his truth, but we don't know the
truth because you haven't sat down with him again and
told him your whole truth.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
So makers adds tell the truth to you? What is it?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
And you can even tell him. You had me even
questioning myself like what am I not doing?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Like?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
What is it?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Do you even want to move in with me? And
then the last question, the big boom, the big bang theory.
Is there someone else? I hate feeling like this, you
know what I mean? And I would like for you
to answer these questions like are you seeing someone else?
Are you scared to move with me because you're dealing
with somebody else? Are you living with somebody else? Like
you know, I don't know, I don't know, but I
know that I feel that it's time that we come
(17:34):
home to each other. And that's that, straight up, point
blank girl. And then you will get the reaction problem
not I mean, I ain't gonna say that you're looking for,
but you're gonna get a reaction, and you're more than
likely you're gonna get the truth, you know, because when
you put everything.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Out there and you are level with the guy.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
You're looking in his eyes and he ain't got nowhere
to run, he ain't looking at his phone. They fill
back into a corner, and he will more than likely
tell you to choose. And the reason why I'm saying
more than likely because less than likely he could lie too,
Like you know, when gods fell back into a corner,
they lie to they lie their way out. Oh babe,
I was just thinking about that, or you know, I
don't know. I got to take care of my moms,
(18:13):
or I don't know. I just I have anxiety when
it comes to moving, you know, because you said, as
he stated earlier, that's a big commitment. And if he's
saying he is aware of how big of a commitment
that is, then he could get cold feet. You know,
he could be nervous, he could be scared, he could
be that could mean marriage for him, like, oh shit,
(18:34):
that's kind of like marrying somebody. But the fact that
you let three years go by, he ain't had nothing
else to do but to get comfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Boo.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
This is kind of an equal fault, you know, if
you and him, I do blame you because men will
only do to us what we allow.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But I love you, so my sister looking like, how
you gonna just blame her?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I mean, I'm just saying I do blame you a
lot because you let a lot of time will pass
and you ain't even been happy with this part of it.
You know, we can't keep putting ourselves in these miserable
situations to save a nigga feelings, Okay, because relationship is
communication amongst other things. But communication don't hold nothing in.
(19:18):
That's why half of us be single out here for
a while, hurt, carrying hate for x'es and shit, because
we didn't say we didn't tell these We didn't have
the strength or find the strength to tell these men
how we felt in the moment. That's why you You
still probably got things that you want to say to
your ex ten years later. Nah, bit you should have
said it. And I'll be hard on my women about
(19:40):
it because it's like, shit, we know damn well, the
ain't gonna do it, so you do it. Shit, Lisa lousn,
stop playing with your damn self, all right, but keep
me updated. And just like that, we've come to the
end of another carefully reckless episode with your girl.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Just hilarious.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
What I'll be doing I'll be fixing mess, and I
will be fixing mess like I said. Saturday, April twenty
seventh at Pullman Yards in Atlanta. Live Carefully Reckless with
your girl just hilarious on the stage. Make sure you
come and you let me know all your mess. Letter
out on the stage so we can cry together. I'll
give you some good advice so you can go home
filling ten times better than you came. Make sure you
get your tickets at Black Effect dot com or something
(20:19):
like that. Y'all get y'all tickets, Get y'alls, and I
will see y'all soon. It's the second annual Black Effect
Podcast Festival, hosted by My Girl Pretty Thee and be
at yard. They gonna keep the crowd jumping. Can'tfully Reckless
(21:45):
is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
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