March 6, 2024 • 40 mins
On today's episode, join Sydni as she reintroduces herself and unveils exciting changes to the show's format. On today's episode, delve into the latest pop culture phenomena, including the Reesa Teesa 50-Part TikTok story and the intriguing shifts in reality dating shows happening right now.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Oh my gosh, Hi, so was such a weird greeting.
It's funny because I'm so used to being the monotonous one,
so now I have to work on sounding excited when
we record. It's really funny because I think I've realized
this recently, is like, no matter how excited or happy
I am about something, or even like sad or mad,
(00:35):
my voice really only has one level. So even if
I'm the most excited about something I've ever been in
my life, I'm gonna sound like I just woke up.
So I'm going to work on that for the greetings
and when to figure out how to change that. Y'all
will be literally the first to know if you listen
to the last episode that's gonna be funny. I'm actually
(00:56):
sitting here perched on the edge of my seat at
my because I am covered in self tanner. And if
you guys know, my old co host Sarah used to
always talk about her self tanning woes, and I would
never relate because I literally self tanned like once a
year for really nice events. And I have a gala tonight, Gala, Gala, gala,
(01:18):
however you choose to say it, potato potato, I have
a gala tonight, and I wanted to look like I
have been in the sun in the past six months
and not stuck in the law school building. So I
self tanned. And it's really weird because I obviously not
to leave mine on for long or three hours or whatever,
because as you can see on the cover, I am black.
(01:39):
But I do want a little bit of a galar
to me, so put it on, and I don't really
know like how to not touch everything and get it everywhere,
so I'm just literally perched on the edge of my seat.
But if you're wondering why you are hearing my voice
so much and you have not listened to our last episode,
I think episode one of this season, I definitely recommend it.
But I just wanted to say thank you for joining
(02:01):
us or joining me, and welcome to season four of
Crime in Public. I'm so excited. I'm your host, Sidney Winter,
And if you've been here since the beginning, you've been
through six hosts, four hosts, two hosts, one host. We've
truly been through it all. But yeah, I just wanted
to explain the wlits just me now what to expect
to go into season four, reintroduce myself, etc. Okay, first, thanks, First,
(02:26):
why is it just me? So if you've been listening
to the show for the last four years, but mostly
the last two years seasons two and three, you know
that the show is usually hosted by me, Sydney and
my co host Sarah. Unfortunately, Sarah made the decision that
it is her time to retire from podcasting, and as
I we meanless Sarah talked about this at length, we
(02:49):
were like, people are gonna think that it's like a
super dramatic breakup because even Sarah and I when we
see like the Caller Daddy split or we saw I'm
trying to think like literally another podcast with this split,
it definitely happened before. Everyone always assumes there's like this
big blowout drama people are trying to guess. But like, unfortunately,
or probably more fortunately, this was like the most peaceful
(03:10):
parting ever, not even't necessarily a parting, Like Sarah and
I are still best friends. We literally lived together. But
as she explains a little bit more in length in
our last episode, she really wants to focus more on
her career. She just got a new job. She has
two jobs right now, so she's really putting her all
one hundred percent into her work, which I completely respect.
I have no anger or disdain towards her at all,
(03:33):
Like I completely support her wanting to put that first
and in deciding to keep doing the podcast. It's so
funny because I probably said that on the show last season.
I was like, I never understood how people did podcasts
by themselves, because you're literally like talking to the void
for thirty forty fifteen minutes, and that would be my
(03:55):
biggest fear, and I remember laughing about it with Sarah.
But when it came to making decision about wanting to stay,
I wasn't really on the fence whatsoever. Like I knew
I wanted to continue, it was more so how to continue.
This is kind of like going into what I was
gonna talk about next, about introducing me, But I think
(04:15):
it's just about being at very different places in life
right now. Like Siah, we both graduated from NYU in
twenty twenty two, which feels so long ago, but also
like last month, and we took very different routes. Sarah's
doing social media. She's a content creator and does TikTok
for a few companies, so she's like fully fleshed into
her career right now on building that out. Meanwhile, I
(04:39):
am still in school. I am in my second year
of law school right now at Columbia Law School. I'm
working at Warner Brothers as a legal fellow, and I
don't create content at all. I make like one video
every two months because I just simply cannot, and also
like I have no storage on my phone, and the
idea of like editing videos and then going back listening
(05:00):
to them, which doesn't only make any sense because I
literally have a podcast, but something about seeing my face
and hearing my voice, I'm like, so, yeah, content creation
is not for me. But even though I am super
busy with school and work right now, I think I
just felt so blessed to have this sort of community.
And as much as this podcast is really me talking
(05:22):
about things that I've been through and with I've coped
with them, things that I've learned, lessons I've learned, things
that I've been through to try and help other people,
I think at the same time, being able to talk
about it and be honest and vulnerable and know that
there is someone out there listening to this that relates
to me, it's just as impactful for me as it
(05:43):
is for maybe someone who's listening and hasn't heard a
certain perspective, or it's like hearing their own situation play
out with someone else. I know that's something I didn't
want to give up anytime soon. And just knowing that
the career path that I chose, which is entertainment law,
it's very unlikely that I would be able to do
something creative again on my own because I don't know.
(06:03):
If you guys follow certain content creators who were also
in law, like CC or any they really had this
moment while being a lawyer where they had to choose
between something creative and staying at their law firm. So
I know that I want to hold onto this opportunity
for as long as I can. And so that's really
what drove me to do this season four by myself.
(06:25):
And it's actually it's so funny sitting here because I
can hear myself breathing and I sound so asthmatic. But
we're gonna work on that. There's a literally a episode
of self realization and hopefully growth. But yeah, so that's
kind of the background as to why I'm doing this
by myself now, why Sarah's no longer here. She's supporting
(06:46):
this fully, which I can appreciate more, and there's no
bad blood. We live together, still best friends, still see
each other every day. So I'm excited to contain this
by myself. See how things go, You're in for a
lot of treats. My plan right now is to do
like two episodes by myself a month, but also have
(07:06):
some really cool guests on and continue doing advice in public,
which is something that we started our first season and
it kind of just like stuck, and I think it's
a really cool way to get to know a lot
of our listeners because I run our social media and
run such a strong word because I really do post
like once every six months. But I'm gonna be so
(07:27):
much better about that now. That's lially all on me,
But so many of you guys I've demed with and
like just talked about your relationships, your friendships, different situations,
to the point where, like I know a lot of
you buy your user names. So I think advice in
public is kind of a cool way to want to
talk about the situations on the air, but also just
(07:47):
continue that relationship. So I'm super looking forward to doing
that every month and hopefully more so than I did
in last seasons. Now that it's just me yapping away,
I have a lot of cool guests lined up, from
people on TikTok to different professions, So I'm hoping to
kind of expand the topics we talked about for the
(08:09):
last four years and get more expert testimonials because as
much as I love to give advice and talk about
my own situations and things that I've gone through, I
think having a professional perspective on things, or someone who's
had maybe different experiences and have done different journeys to
talk about what they've been through and their outlooks on
(08:29):
things also is honestly just as impactful, if not more.
So I'm hoping to kind of build on this being
a platform for other people as well. So I'm super excited.
But obviously if any of you all have suggestions or
things that you want to hear now that the show
structure is kind of changing a little bit, I would
love to hear that. You guys know, I'm always on
(08:51):
DMS chatting with y'all, so I would love to continue that.
So yeah, that's kind of like the recap of what's
going on right now. So for anyone who maybe doesn't
know me, or hasn't really listened to the last season,
or as a new listener. I'm just gonna reintroduce myself.
I am Sydney Winter. Nice to meet you. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida. Unfortunately,
(09:16):
but I have lived in LA part time since I
was probably fourteen because my dad moved out there. So
La has a little place in my heart as well.
And I moved to New York probably a little over
six years ago, six and a half maybe. I went
to NYU for undergrad. I was in the most blah
blah blah major ever. Technically it's called Media culture and Communications,
(09:40):
and I specialized in film, entertainment and political speech or
political economy. So basically my major is a million things
put into one. But in college I was super interested
in politics. I was super involved in organizing, especially during
the electric seasons while in college. So twenty twenty and
(10:02):
like the aps Maath of twenty sixteen, though for a
long time I wanted to go into politics, but I
also loved film, media, et cetera. So for a while
I wanted to do screenwriting. I wanted to write like
The Next Scandal or Headway with murders, kind of combining
my interests in politics and entertainment, but kind of all
(10:23):
of that combined together to lead me to law school.
So I'm at Columbia Law School right now. I am
a two l which means it's my second out of
third year. I'm finishing up my second year right now.
I'm kind of on the same path. I'm looking to
do intellectual property, which is like copyrights, trademarks, patents, et cetera.
(10:44):
But I'm kind of putting that all under the umbrella
of entertainment law. So still sticking with my passion for
film and music and things like that, we're just looking
at it from a legal side, so probably the more
boring side ideal. To be honest, my dream career would
probably be either one to be the first Lady, because
(11:06):
I don't know, I feel like I would low key
sleigh at that, Like imagine if like Olivia Pope minus
all of the murder and deceit, plus like a sprinkle
of Michelle Obama plus like a little bit of like Rihanna.
I feel like that's how I could be as a
first Lady, and I think that truly our nation might
need that. So I am currently looking for my president.
(11:28):
The search is not going very well, especially at the
law school. But that is one thing. Like a lot
of people have very particular opinions about dating within their profession,
and I think that no matter what profession you do,
as long as you like conduct yourself in a professional
setting and you're able to separate your personal life from
(11:49):
your work, that there's no problem unless you are in law.
I think, just because like this career literally takes over
your entire life, and especially being in law school, it
genuinely feels like being an adult kindergarten. Like all of
our classes are in the same building. You're assigned a
section your first year of about probably one hundred people,
(12:12):
and you have every single class with that group of people,
so you get to know them a little bit too well.
But the weird thing is is that everyone is a
different age or at like a different stage in life.
So I'm what they call it KJD. I went straight
from undergrad to law school. KJD stands for kindergarten and JD,
(12:33):
so I've been in school my entire life. So I
went into law school at the age of twenty two,
fresh out of college, fresh off the pandemic. So my
outlook on life in school is very very different in
some of my classmates who are like in their mid
thirties with three kids who are in elementary school and
a husband in a high rise. So it's a little
(12:55):
bit weird, like for the first time in my life
being surrounded by people who are on such different paths
than me. But at the same time, I think it
keeps a little bit grounded because I think in college
and high school sometimes, especially being from Florida where ring
by spring is the name of the game, where a
lot of my friends are getting engaged right now, or
like moving back to our hometown and starting families, having
(13:18):
kids and things like that, and sometimes it's hard to
not feel behind just because I am focusing so much
on my career right now. I'm not dating anyone. I'm
really just focusing on where I want to be in
life as an individual. Sometimes I feel a little bit
selfish or like I'm not doing things correctly just because
my life looks so different than the people I grew
(13:39):
up with. So I think being in an environment where
there are people in like a fifteen year age range,
all at very different places in life, it makes me
feel a little bit more normal or like there isn't
just one way to approach the next ten years of
my life. So I'm a bit grateful for that. But
like having lockers and like a lunch period when dating
(14:00):
each other and they're being such messy drama, it just
really feels like being back in adult middle school or
high school or whatever. So definitely has its pros and cons,
but nothing too too shabby. So yeah, that's kind of
where I am career wise. I kind of touched on relationships,
But if y'all want to hear about my oral wind
(14:23):
love life, you can literally go listen to the first
three seasons. There are so many like insane episodes. I
think it was season two or season three where I
found out that my long term boyfriend hadn't cheated on
me while we were recording the episode. I think it's
called like Crying in Our living Room. That was probably
the most insane episode we've ever recorded. But I think
(14:45):
also it's kind of crazy to have such a vulnerable
moment recorded and just out in the world, because if
I wanted to, which I really don't, I could go
back and listen to that and just see how much
I've changed or how much I've healed or gone through
in the last two years since that's happened. But yeah,
that's kind of the one thing about having a podcast
(15:07):
is that I feel like so many of my feelings, thoughts, experiences,
et cetera are kind of like publicly publicly out there permanently,
which for some people could be a little bit scary.
But I think that that's one thing I find value
when in this podcast or just having this kind of
platform's being able to go through things, heal things, heal
(15:29):
through things with the community and just being able to
have that out there and know that I've talked through it,
I've cried through it, I've laughed through it, and I've
moved on from it. So I think that's a beautiful thing.
I've been through a lot with a lot of you,
through your breakups, through your friendship breakups, through family problems,
so I kind of love that we have this community
(15:50):
thing going on. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm
at right now. An update on the podcast, update on
my life, what's going on, and obviously like as we
go throughout the season and things happen, you'll probably learn
a little bit more about me and hopefully me about you,
but I don't know why I said that accent. But yeah,
(16:11):
that's just a little update for now, and we're gonna
like really get into the weeds probably next episode. I
just wanted to use this as a way for us
to get reacquainted. But there are so many things happening
right now in pop culture and society that I feel
like we need to discuss. So the next half of
the episode's going to be about that, probably, but the
first thing we must talk about miss Resa Tisa and
(16:33):
I haven't talked to my roommates about this right now,
and just for context, like, so, I'm Sydney Black. My
roommate Chance is my best friend from elementary school through
high school, is one of my roommates and together as Sarah,
and we have such different algorithms and I feel like,
(16:53):
because actually Chance is probably on black TikTok too, because
I think there's so many videos about it. But I
feel like I'm in a very different side of social media,
mostly because my preferred methods of getting information and entertainment
are TikTok and Twitter, but primarily Twitter. So I haven't
(17:15):
talked to him about this phenomenon yet, But if you haven't,
look up Resa Tisa on TikTok So. She made videos
before this whole Ordiner went ordeal went viral. They're mostly
like taking the live videos, and they're pretty popular. They
had like probably tens of thousands of views. But on
Valentine's Day she drops this fifty part series in yes,
(17:38):
fifty parts. In each video is probably like three to
ten minutes long. So it's honestly like the length of
a movie, and not a short movie, a pretty long movie.
So the fact that I watched this entire series over
President's Day weekend is kind of crazy. But it's a
fifty part series. I don't know if it's true or on.
(18:00):
I'm taking it as true because it makes it more entertaining.
But it's a fifty part series that she made about
how she married a pathological liar. In mind you, this
whole story is set during the pandemic, and so I'm
sure if anyone listening to this was probably above the
age of eighteen or in college slash beyond. During the pandemic,
(18:23):
it felt like everything was moving at like five time speed,
because especially in New York, we were so locked down
that most people who were in relationships or like situationships
or just starting to talk to someone. You had like
two very clear choices moving forward. It's either a you
move in together and you've become serious because you literally
(18:44):
cannot see anyone outside of your household or hang out
or go to the movies or get dinner or kind
of have like a normal track relationship. So it's either
you were literally dating no matter where you were before
the pandemic started, or you weren't speaking anymore because it
kind of wasn't really like a middle way to approach
things unless you were on dating apps. But that was
just like yapping to random people for a year or
(19:07):
eight months. So she talks in the series about how
she met this man on I think Facebook dating, which
I did not know was a thing, And it's probably
the first red flag of this story because Facebook is
filled with a bunch of weirdos, and I would absolutely
never date someone I have ever met on that app.
Granted I don't really use it unless to stop people
(19:28):
from my high school, but I would absolutely not recommend
dating anyone off of Facebook. But they met on Facebook,
they got acquainted very quickly and ended up moving in
together within a month, And she goes on for literally
fifty parts about some of the most insane things I've
(19:49):
ever heard a man do. And it's not necessarily like
the story itself is so crazy, so I don't really
know what's been so captivating about it, but these videos
have gotten like tens of millions views on each part.
It's kind of like watching just a train wreck relationship
told from one person's perspective while she's driving for fifty parts.
(20:10):
And maybe that's why it's so entertaining, because it's like
short form entertainment and she's just so good at storytelling,
which is probably the biggest thing about this whole situation.
But just hearing her story about meeting and marrying this
crazy man number one, it made me feel like perfectly
okay with not dating right now, because there are some
crazy people out there. But I don't want to give
(20:31):
away the entire series because I think that it's so
entertaining you should go watch it. But I'm gonna give
like a very brief synopsis of what happened, Okay, So
I'm gonna try to summarize basically what is five hours
of storytelling, but also not give away the biggest parts.
So to make this super short risa Tisa met her
(20:56):
ex husband, who she calls Legion, about two weeks before
the COVID shutdown. So in March twenty twenty, they met
on the Facebook dating site, which I didn't know was
a thing, and I'm I'm quite scared by actually, and
they planned a date whatever. He claimed that he was
the vice president of a condiment company and that he
(21:18):
was previously a arena football player, which honestly, yes, he
did lie about, but that's just such a specific lie
that that's kind of what scares me the most. But anyway,
he said he had just moved to the Greater Atlanta
area and they had planned a date. On the way
to the date, her tire blew out. He came to
fix it, paid for it, and they still went on
(21:40):
the date. So they hit it off on the date
and things somehow went so well that when the lockdown
came two weeks later, they decided to move in together
and he moved in with her, so he paid for
pretty much all of her bills besides the phone bills.
So from her perspective, he was treating her very very well.
He had a good job, they got along really well.
(22:01):
She claims he was handsome, so for her, well, yes,
there could have been some red flags. At the beginning,
she thought that she just kind of got really lucky.
So a lot of stuff happens, and I think that
you should watch or hear from her perspective in order
to really get the full story. But this man number
one wasn't the VP of a continment company. He wasn't
(22:23):
an a reta football player from California. He never been
in California. The people that he claimed died in his
life either were a still alive or b had died
years and decades before. His family wasn't talking to him
because he is a serial liar. I think he mentioned
didn't have that job. He was broke, so when he
(22:43):
was claiming to have bought her a house in a car,
none of that was true. And so basically this man
had probably the most red flags you possibly could conjure up.
And when I was watching or listening to the story,
it wasn't necessarily The thing that stuck with me wasn't
how crazy the story was, because I don't honestly don't
know if it's true, and if it is, like God
(23:04):
bless her soul. If not, then it was still entertaining.
But The biggest thing while watching was from the very
first video, and I mean, like the very short summary
she gave in part one before starting the series, I
could have already told you that this man was insane.
And one I would say the first red flag was
Facebook Dating, because you guys already know if you've listened
(23:27):
to any season of this podcast, but really more so
the latter half of season three, you would know my
opinion on this. But for some reason, ever since not
necessarily COVID stops, but the year after COVID, the quality
of dating apps has gone down so immensely, to the
point that, yes I'm single, I've deleted all of them,
(23:50):
like I decided that for myself the best thing, which
is to take a break because they're all insane. So
starting with the obvious crazy one Tender, I literally think
that is like a breeding ground for crime and probably
like serial killing. I've never heard good stories about Tinder.
The app is scary looking, and all the times I
read these like true crime story esque horror stories about
(24:13):
dating apps for some reason, always starts with Tender, So
just keep that in mind. Two bub Bumble used to
be my favorite back in my heyday during college, but
I just feel like it's not very user friendly anymore,
and I think guys are kind of freaked out sometimes
about the idea of a woman making the first move,
which honestly is what I liked about it because I
(24:34):
know that if a guy's on that app, he's not
afraid a woman kind of stepping up to the plate.
So that's why I liked it in the first place.
But I just think again, the quality's kind of gone down.
Hinge used to be the saving grace. I thought that
Hinge was like the Rayah of the last four years,
and since there was like a little bit more exclusive,
the quality of people were better in terms of like
(24:55):
what they wanted out a relationship. If you run Hinge,
we're looking for a partner type thing. But I think
it's slowly become just another hookup app. So everyone that
I know, friend wise, including myself, have leaded the app
just because it isn't what it used to be. And
then of course there's Ryo, which was once like the
quote unquote celebritydating app. I've been on it for about
a year. Yeah, I've met and I've seen some cool people,
(25:17):
but it's just a ridiculously expensive one into I think
just kind of trying to be elitist but not really
succeeding at it. So I don't know. I've seen the
state of dating apps in general right now is a
little bit crazy, but to meet someone on Facebook does
not touch any of those things. Now, I've never been
on Facebook dating. I would never go on Facebook dating.
(25:39):
And I'm not sure if it's more of like a
match dot com vibe or like okay Cupid where it's
kind of marketed towards people of an older generation than I.
But I just think that like step number one and
meeting someone on Facebook is absolutely crazy. But aside from that,
the biggest takeaway that I had from the situation, and
(26:00):
it kind of goes back to an old episode we
had that was titled I Believe How to deal with
Looking at Red Flags me have blurry vision? Is how
many times, just listening to the story that I was like, Oh,
this man's like a serial killer, he's crazy, he's a liar.
That's not true, that's a red flag. From part one
to part five, I probably said that out loud or
(26:21):
in my head about ten times. And to her, she
was saying, while the audience may see that as a
red flag, or her friend saw it as a red flag,
or somehow, like deep down in her soul she felt
something was wrong with it. She decided to ignore it
because in her mind, she wanted a relationship so badly,
or she wanted to work out with him so badly
(26:41):
that she figured, oh, this is one or two or
three things that I can overlook, and just like taking
a pause and thinking about my own situations. How many
times like I've been in a situationship or relationship and
I just felt, instinct instinctually, instinctually, my instincts told me
(27:02):
that something was up and like either this person just
like wasn't a good guy, or like this situation is
something that should make me take pause that I just
simply ignored because I was like, Oh, this guy is
really cute. I really like this guy, or I see
things going somewhere, so I decided to ignore them. Meanwhile,
my friends were like, I don't like this guy, you
(27:23):
son a good dude. You should like take a step back,
or like you should be consider that I would just ignore.
I think that's two big things that I see a
lot or experience a lot that I'm trying to be
better about. Is when your friends do not like the
person you're dating. More often than not, it is for
a good reason. And I think that so many times
(27:45):
where where my friends would hate my exes and I
just wouldn't understand why, or I try to defend them,
or was like, oh, like, you don't know how it
is to be in the situation, and then we break
up and I finally get some clarity or take a
step back and I'm like, oh, wow, my friends were right,
that has happened. I'm not gidding with probably almost every
single person that I broke up with or as an
(28:07):
ex or I had a bad falling out with relationship
and friend wise, every single time, the people closest to me,
like my family and my friends have told me like
we saw that coming from ten miles away. So I
think one when you're in a situation and your friends
are telling you like we're concerned about x Y and Z,
or watch out for x Y and Z, it is
for a reason, and you's listening to them because you'll
(28:28):
find out sooner or later, and it's much better to
find out sooner before you get more involved with someone.
But I think too, it also shows the power of
instinct because throughout Reesatisa's Legion story I think is what
she calls it, about the legend of Legion, something like that.
She notes that when he was trying to buy her
(28:49):
house and for some reason the realtor was saying that
he didn't put money down, that he didn't see any
bank statements, and she started getting a little bit of
like a weird feeling about things. She started to make
audio diaries and she would talk to write to herself whatever,
just explaining things that had happened throughout the day or
interactions with him that she just didn't feel quite right about.
(29:12):
And I kind of had that similar circumstance where I
had like a long term ex boyfriend where not necessarily
like so, yes, he was a cheaters, like that was
the bottom line, but like he would just say or
do things that were so hurtful, but because I was
a cancer and super emotional, I would kind of gaslight
(29:32):
myself into thinking it wasn't that big of a deal
or wasn't super hurtful and I was overreacting. Or he
would platantly say like, oh, you can't take a joke,
or I didn't mean it like that, or I didn't
say that so I started keeping a folder in my
notes of just some of the things that he had
done or said, with dates and things like that, just
because I had some feeling deep down that something wrong
(29:53):
was going on, or that I knew that I would
want to remind myself one day that I didn't make
all of this stuff, that these things actually did happen.
And I think that even just thinking about creating that
folder or having one screenshot in that folder, and like
mind you, by the time that we had broken up,
there were probably about one hundred, one hundred and fifty
screenshots or notes i'd baits myself in this folder. That
(30:17):
should have been not only the first sign, but like
the sign that told me that I should not be
one in a relationship with this person, but that this
person should not have access to me if I have
the ability to make literally an entire folder of all
the awful things that they have said or done to
me in the course of our relationship. So I think
(30:37):
that that's always been in the back of my head,
but seeing someone else say it out loud during this
like TikTok storytelling thing kind of reminded me that instincts
are so powerful and that usually number one they say
women's instincts are usually right, and I one hundred percent
believe that. And I think that not only manifests itself
(31:00):
when it comes to other people, like our friends' relationships
or icky friendships, but especially within our own usually when
you feel like something is wrong, I think that we
have that feeling for a reason, and more often than not,
there's a reason why we have it. So I think
that that's one thing that I really took away from
this situation. And so while yes, I did spend six
(31:21):
hours where Presidents Day weekend watching a woman on TikTok
talk about her the failure of her marriage, but in
watching that, I feel like I learned a lot about myself.
And so yes, we might say that TikTok or social media, etc.
Is killing our brains, but for some people, for some
of us, we are learning a lot about ourselves. So
(31:42):
I think that was like a fun little not fun
at all, that was a eye opening experience for me.
So while yes, it was entertaining watching her storytell, I
did also learn something about myself. So I hope people
have that same feeling or experience listening to this podcast.
So it's a pretty cool experience on the other side
of things. But back to talking about what's going on
(32:03):
in the world right now. I was having a conversation
with some of my friends recently about the state of
reality dating shows. I think that because pre COVID or
when we were in college, that was kind of when
a lot of these shows started, the Bachelor and Bachelorette side,
(32:25):
because I've never really watched those shows, but I know
those have been around since at least I was in
like middle school or elementary school. But I'm talking about
the Netflix dating shows. I'm talking about Love Island, Love
is Blind, I'm talking about Too Hot to Handle, etc.
Where we're kind of seeing love become commodified or used
(32:46):
for entertainment. And I'll be the first to say I
watched the first season of all those shows and I
ate it up. And I think that the difference between
the first seasons versus now is that when, for example,
all used Too Hot to Handle, because I think it's
quintessential the first season and the whole premise of the
show is that the contestants knew what show they were
(33:08):
going on, which, being in law school, I'm kind of like,
is that legal? But allegedly they didn't know what show
they were going on, and they chose people who are
very sexually active and proud of it and kind of
put them in a house together with people who they
think they'd be attracted to, and then basically wouldn't let
them be physical in order to try and force them
(33:30):
to have more emotional connections. And while the first season
was so entertaining because that seemed to be the truth,
I think as time went on, people obviously know what
show they're going on, and so I think people kind
of just put themselves on there to get the Instagram
(33:50):
social media hype from it, and then they kind of
just do whatever they want to leave. So the vulnerability
of the show has kind of lost its magic. But
I think I noticed that especially with Love Island and
Love is Blind, just because Love is Blind is being
talked about so much right now, and Love Island I'm
obsessed with, and the All Stars, which is the first
(34:12):
of its kind which brought people from all the past
seasons back on, was just so eye opening because those
are two of my favorite shows, and I think the
reason why I loved them in the beginning is that
I genuinely felt that people were going on the show
to find a relationship, or that they felt that whatever
they were doing and their normal lives wasn't working, and
(34:34):
that being in a controlled environment where everyone's supposed to
be on the same page about wanting to be in
a relationship would be beneficial to them. And so I
think that I'll start with Love Island just because I
know the most about it, because I've literally seen every season.
I think that that was especially true seasons probably one
through five. But there is this shift in social media
where these people were leaving the show and no matter
(34:56):
how long you were on the show for or what
you were doing before the show, whether you were a
doctor or an AMT or an aesthetician esthetician, you would
lead the show with thousands, if not hundreds of thousands,
if not millions, of followers, and you're kind of given
a new career where you were basically just an influencer,
(35:17):
like I'm talking about Molly may More Higgins that level
of social media fame or they're kind of building empires
off of it, and so now people are just going
on the show to try and get that level of
fame rather than genuinely trying to find a connection with someone.
So the heyday of Love Island or the golden age
(35:38):
of Love Island where there were couples who are now
married with kids and you've got to see their entire
experience from day one until now it's kind of lost
that aura or that glitter to it because now you
can tell people are literally just going on to get
the fame and fortune off of it, which I mean,
I don't blame them. I do the same thing, but
I think it's kind of made the show less entertaining
(36:02):
and less genuine to watch. And so especially watching All
Stars where these people already are famous from the show
come back, I expected people to be genuine about wanting
to find their person now that they've kind of got
the benefits of Love Island already without finding relationship. But
I kind of thought it was the worst I've ever
(36:23):
seen it in terms of like people trying to play
a game just to get like quick theme off of it,
and so that was kind of disappointing to see and
like maybe honestly not interested in finishing the show even
though I did. And I think the same thing with
Love is Blind is there's all of these stories coming out.
It's different because Love Island comes out with one episode
every single day, but Love is Blind kind of drops
(36:45):
sections of episodes at once and they've already happened. It's
not live, so we're seeing leaks or spoilers online on
TikTok and Twitter, et cetera, saying that people were already
in really relationships before they went on the show, and
the whole the partner they were going just to get
like a little bit of fame or money off of it,
(37:06):
and then once the show was over or once they
were able to break up with their partners, they were
going to do so. And I think that just I
did never finished Love is Blind. I think the last
few episodes just dropped yesterday or the day before. But
I think just watching it, I was so disinterested because
you can literally tell who is on there not to
(37:27):
find necessarily love or a connection or relationship, but who
is there to get their name out there, try and
be like the star of the show or the funny
character so they can get their ten seconds of fame
and then leave. So I think, like I had never
been crazy about reality shows without reasons. I feel like
some things about our lives are kind of meant to
(37:48):
be private, and reality TV shows are the opposite of that,
but I thought there's always something like special or heartwarming
about shows based on relationships because you got to see
people fall in love in real time and to meet.
That was like entertaining and nice and softening to watch.
But I think now just the quality and the caliber
of reality thing shaus are really plummeted. I don't want
(38:09):
to watch them anymore. It's making me and everyone more
depressed throughout dating people. But too, I think especially with
Love Island, because you're watching so many men date so
many women at the same time, but not only are
you seeing them date them, you're seeing their thoughts, their
conversations with the boys, their analysis of what's happening, and
just seeing how women are regarded and treated. I don't know,
(38:31):
it's just sickening to see like the thoughts behind some
of these men's actions on the show, and the women too.
Don't get me wrong, Georgia s on that show was crazy,
But I think just seeing that just made me feel
so much better about not wanting to date, because I
don't know, I think that this idea of like respect
and being with one person and valuing one person has
really gone away, and what you see on these shows
(38:54):
is not helping. What you see on dating apps is
not helping, and I don't know, it just kind of
gave me like such a view on the state of
dating right now. But they're still entertaining to watch, don't
get me wrong, And I fear I will be tuned
into Love as Buying Reunion once I finish watching the
pod episodes and after the engagements, So I'm excited to watch.
But I think just knowing that they're only on there
(39:17):
for one reason, it's not the reason that the show
was created for, is kind of disheartening. But at the
end of the day, it is a Netflix dating show.
Your hopes can only be so high, so leaving it
with that, But I'm so excited for the rest of
the season. I have a lot of cool guests lined up,
a lot of cool topics stay with us more of
just to write along about what's happening in pop culture
(39:39):
and give you guys an update on what's happening with
the show. So I'm super excited. I'm honestly shocked I
was able to talk to this myself for this long.
I didn't think i'd be able to and I even
have more I want to say, but I'm gonna restrict
to myself, but I'm really excited to record for rest
of the season and for you guys to hear what
we have plan or what I have planned, So thank
you for tuning in. You can listen listen to Crying
(40:00):
in Public on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you
get your podcasts, and I'm so scited for you guys
to hear the rest of the season. And you can
follow me on Instagram at Crying in Public podcast or
at Sydney Winter Goodbye
Oh my gosh, Hi, so was such a weird greeting.
It's funny because I'm so used to being the monotonous one,
so now I have to work on sounding excited when
we record. It's really funny because I think I've realized
this recently, is like, no matter how excited or happy
I am about something, or even like sad or mad,
(00:35):
my voice really only has one level. So even if
I'm the most excited about something I've ever been in
my life, I'm gonna sound like I just woke up.
So I'm going to work on that for the greetings
and when to figure out how to change that. Y'all
will be literally the first to know if you listen
to the last episode that's gonna be funny. I'm actually
(00:56):
sitting here perched on the edge of my seat at
my because I am covered in self tanner. And if
you guys know, my old co host Sarah used to
always talk about her self tanning woes, and I would
never relate because I literally self tanned like once a
year for really nice events. And I have a gala tonight, Gala, Gala, gala,
(01:18):
however you choose to say it, potato potato, I have
a gala tonight, and I wanted to look like I
have been in the sun in the past six months
and not stuck in the law school building. So I
self tanned. And it's really weird because I obviously not
to leave mine on for long or three hours or whatever,
because as you can see on the cover, I am black.
(01:39):
But I do want a little bit of a galar
to me, so put it on, and I don't really
know like how to not touch everything and get it everywhere,
so I'm just literally perched on the edge of my seat.
But if you're wondering why you are hearing my voice
so much and you have not listened to our last episode,
I think episode one of this season, I definitely recommend it.
But I just wanted to say thank you for joining
(02:01):
us or joining me, and welcome to season four of
Crime in Public. I'm so excited. I'm your host, Sidney Winter,
And if you've been here since the beginning, you've been
through six hosts, four hosts, two hosts, one host. We've
truly been through it all. But yeah, I just wanted
to explain the wlits just me now what to expect
to go into season four, reintroduce myself, etc. Okay, first, thanks, First,
(02:26):
why is it just me? So if you've been listening
to the show for the last four years, but mostly
the last two years seasons two and three, you know
that the show is usually hosted by me, Sydney and
my co host Sarah. Unfortunately, Sarah made the decision that
it is her time to retire from podcasting, and as
I we meanless Sarah talked about this at length, we
(02:49):
were like, people are gonna think that it's like a
super dramatic breakup because even Sarah and I when we
see like the Caller Daddy split or we saw I'm
trying to think like literally another podcast with this split,
it definitely happened before. Everyone always assumes there's like this
big blowout drama people are trying to guess. But like, unfortunately,
or probably more fortunately, this was like the most peaceful
(03:10):
parting ever, not even't necessarily a parting, Like Sarah and
I are still best friends. We literally lived together. But
as she explains a little bit more in length in
our last episode, she really wants to focus more on
her career. She just got a new job. She has
two jobs right now, so she's really putting her all
one hundred percent into her work, which I completely respect.
I have no anger or disdain towards her at all,
(03:33):
Like I completely support her wanting to put that first
and in deciding to keep doing the podcast. It's so
funny because I probably said that on the show last season.
I was like, I never understood how people did podcasts
by themselves, because you're literally like talking to the void
for thirty forty fifteen minutes, and that would be my
(03:55):
biggest fear, and I remember laughing about it with Sarah.
But when it came to making decision about wanting to stay,
I wasn't really on the fence whatsoever. Like I knew
I wanted to continue, it was more so how to continue.
This is kind of like going into what I was
gonna talk about next, about introducing me, But I think
(04:15):
it's just about being at very different places in life
right now. Like Siah, we both graduated from NYU in
twenty twenty two, which feels so long ago, but also
like last month, and we took very different routes. Sarah's
doing social media. She's a content creator and does TikTok
for a few companies, so she's like fully fleshed into
her career right now on building that out. Meanwhile, I
(04:39):
am still in school. I am in my second year
of law school right now at Columbia Law School. I'm
working at Warner Brothers as a legal fellow, and I
don't create content at all. I make like one video
every two months because I just simply cannot, and also
like I have no storage on my phone, and the
idea of like editing videos and then going back listening
(05:00):
to them, which doesn't only make any sense because I
literally have a podcast, but something about seeing my face
and hearing my voice, I'm like, so, yeah, content creation
is not for me. But even though I am super
busy with school and work right now, I think I
just felt so blessed to have this sort of community.
And as much as this podcast is really me talking
(05:22):
about things that I've been through and with I've coped
with them, things that I've learned, lessons I've learned, things
that I've been through to try and help other people,
I think at the same time, being able to talk
about it and be honest and vulnerable and know that
there is someone out there listening to this that relates
to me, it's just as impactful for me as it
(05:43):
is for maybe someone who's listening and hasn't heard a
certain perspective, or it's like hearing their own situation play
out with someone else. I know that's something I didn't
want to give up anytime soon. And just knowing that
the career path that I chose, which is entertainment law,
it's very unlikely that I would be able to do
something creative again on my own because I don't know.
(06:03):
If you guys follow certain content creators who were also
in law, like CC or any they really had this
moment while being a lawyer where they had to choose
between something creative and staying at their law firm. So
I know that I want to hold onto this opportunity
for as long as I can. And so that's really
what drove me to do this season four by myself.
(06:25):
And it's actually it's so funny sitting here because I
can hear myself breathing and I sound so asthmatic. But
we're gonna work on that. There's a literally a episode
of self realization and hopefully growth. But yeah, so that's
kind of the background as to why I'm doing this
by myself now, why Sarah's no longer here. She's supporting
(06:46):
this fully, which I can appreciate more, and there's no
bad blood. We live together, still best friends, still see
each other every day. So I'm excited to contain this
by myself. See how things go, You're in for a
lot of treats. My plan right now is to do
like two episodes by myself a month, but also have
(07:06):
some really cool guests on and continue doing advice in public,
which is something that we started our first season and
it kind of just like stuck, and I think it's
a really cool way to get to know a lot
of our listeners because I run our social media and
run such a strong word because I really do post
like once every six months. But I'm gonna be so
(07:27):
much better about that now. That's lially all on me,
But so many of you guys I've demed with and
like just talked about your relationships, your friendships, different situations,
to the point where, like I know a lot of
you buy your user names. So I think advice in
public is kind of a cool way to want to
talk about the situations on the air, but also just
(07:47):
continue that relationship. So I'm super looking forward to doing
that every month and hopefully more so than I did
in last seasons. Now that it's just me yapping away,
I have a lot of cool guests lined up, from
people on TikTok to different professions, So I'm hoping to
kind of expand the topics we talked about for the
(08:09):
last four years and get more expert testimonials because as
much as I love to give advice and talk about
my own situations and things that I've gone through, I
think having a professional perspective on things, or someone who's
had maybe different experiences and have done different journeys to
talk about what they've been through and their outlooks on
(08:29):
things also is honestly just as impactful, if not more.
So I'm hoping to kind of build on this being
a platform for other people as well. So I'm super excited.
But obviously if any of you all have suggestions or
things that you want to hear now that the show
structure is kind of changing a little bit, I would
love to hear that. You guys know, I'm always on
(08:51):
DMS chatting with y'all, so I would love to continue that.
So yeah, that's kind of like the recap of what's
going on right now. So for anyone who maybe doesn't
know me, or hasn't really listened to the last season,
or as a new listener. I'm just gonna reintroduce myself.
I am Sydney Winter. Nice to meet you. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida. Unfortunately,
(09:16):
but I have lived in LA part time since I
was probably fourteen because my dad moved out there. So
La has a little place in my heart as well.
And I moved to New York probably a little over
six years ago, six and a half maybe. I went
to NYU for undergrad. I was in the most blah
blah blah major ever. Technically it's called Media culture and Communications,
(09:40):
and I specialized in film, entertainment and political speech or
political economy. So basically my major is a million things
put into one. But in college I was super interested
in politics. I was super involved in organizing, especially during
the electric seasons while in college. So twenty twenty and
(10:02):
like the aps Maath of twenty sixteen, though for a
long time I wanted to go into politics, but I
also loved film, media, et cetera. So for a while
I wanted to do screenwriting. I wanted to write like
The Next Scandal or Headway with murders, kind of combining
my interests in politics and entertainment, but kind of all
(10:23):
of that combined together to lead me to law school.
So I'm at Columbia Law School right now. I am
a two l which means it's my second out of
third year. I'm finishing up my second year right now.
I'm kind of on the same path. I'm looking to
do intellectual property, which is like copyrights, trademarks, patents, et cetera.
(10:44):
But I'm kind of putting that all under the umbrella
of entertainment law. So still sticking with my passion for
film and music and things like that, we're just looking
at it from a legal side, so probably the more
boring side ideal. To be honest, my dream career would
probably be either one to be the first Lady, because
(11:06):
I don't know, I feel like I would low key
sleigh at that, Like imagine if like Olivia Pope minus
all of the murder and deceit, plus like a sprinkle
of Michelle Obama plus like a little bit of like Rihanna.
I feel like that's how I could be as a
first Lady, and I think that truly our nation might
need that. So I am currently looking for my president.
(11:28):
The search is not going very well, especially at the
law school. But that is one thing. Like a lot
of people have very particular opinions about dating within their profession,
and I think that no matter what profession you do,
as long as you like conduct yourself in a professional
setting and you're able to separate your personal life from
(11:49):
your work, that there's no problem unless you are in law.
I think, just because like this career literally takes over
your entire life, and especially being in law school, it
genuinely feels like being an adult kindergarten. Like all of
our classes are in the same building. You're assigned a
section your first year of about probably one hundred people,
(12:12):
and you have every single class with that group of people,
so you get to know them a little bit too well.
But the weird thing is is that everyone is a
different age or at like a different stage in life.
So I'm what they call it KJD. I went straight
from undergrad to law school. KJD stands for kindergarten and JD,
(12:33):
so I've been in school my entire life. So I
went into law school at the age of twenty two,
fresh out of college, fresh off the pandemic. So my
outlook on life in school is very very different in
some of my classmates who are like in their mid
thirties with three kids who are in elementary school and
a husband in a high rise. So it's a little
(12:55):
bit weird, like for the first time in my life
being surrounded by people who are on such different paths
than me. But at the same time, I think it
keeps a little bit grounded because I think in college
and high school sometimes, especially being from Florida where ring
by spring is the name of the game, where a
lot of my friends are getting engaged right now, or
like moving back to our hometown and starting families, having
(13:18):
kids and things like that, and sometimes it's hard to
not feel behind just because I am focusing so much
on my career right now. I'm not dating anyone. I'm
really just focusing on where I want to be in
life as an individual. Sometimes I feel a little bit
selfish or like I'm not doing things correctly just because
my life looks so different than the people I grew
(13:39):
up with. So I think being in an environment where
there are people in like a fifteen year age range,
all at very different places in life, it makes me
feel a little bit more normal or like there isn't
just one way to approach the next ten years of
my life. So I'm a bit grateful for that. But
like having lockers and like a lunch period when dating
(14:00):
each other and they're being such messy drama, it just
really feels like being back in adult middle school or
high school or whatever. So definitely has its pros and cons,
but nothing too too shabby. So yeah, that's kind of
where I am career wise. I kind of touched on relationships,
But if y'all want to hear about my oral wind
(14:23):
love life, you can literally go listen to the first
three seasons. There are so many like insane episodes. I
think it was season two or season three where I
found out that my long term boyfriend hadn't cheated on
me while we were recording the episode. I think it's
called like Crying in Our living Room. That was probably
the most insane episode we've ever recorded. But I think
(14:45):
also it's kind of crazy to have such a vulnerable
moment recorded and just out in the world, because if
I wanted to, which I really don't, I could go
back and listen to that and just see how much
I've changed or how much I've healed or gone through
in the last two years since that's happened. But yeah,
that's kind of the one thing about having a podcast
(15:07):
is that I feel like so many of my feelings, thoughts, experiences,
et cetera are kind of like publicly publicly out there permanently,
which for some people could be a little bit scary.
But I think that that's one thing I find value
when in this podcast or just having this kind of
platform's being able to go through things, heal things, heal
(15:29):
through things with the community and just being able to
have that out there and know that I've talked through it,
I've cried through it, I've laughed through it, and I've
moved on from it. So I think that's a beautiful thing.
I've been through a lot with a lot of you,
through your breakups, through your friendship breakups, through family problems,
so I kind of love that we have this community
(15:50):
thing going on. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm
at right now. An update on the podcast, update on
my life, what's going on, and obviously like as we
go throughout the season and things happen, you'll probably learn
a little bit more about me and hopefully me about you,
but I don't know why I said that accent. But yeah,
(16:11):
that's just a little update for now, and we're gonna
like really get into the weeds probably next episode. I
just wanted to use this as a way for us
to get reacquainted. But there are so many things happening
right now in pop culture and society that I feel
like we need to discuss. So the next half of
the episode's going to be about that, probably, but the
first thing we must talk about miss Resa Tisa and
(16:33):
I haven't talked to my roommates about this right now,
and just for context, like, so, I'm Sydney Black. My
roommate Chance is my best friend from elementary school through
high school, is one of my roommates and together as Sarah,
and we have such different algorithms and I feel like,
(16:53):
because actually Chance is probably on black TikTok too, because
I think there's so many videos about it. But I
feel like I'm in a very different side of social media,
mostly because my preferred methods of getting information and entertainment
are TikTok and Twitter, but primarily Twitter. So I haven't
(17:15):
talked to him about this phenomenon yet, But if you haven't,
look up Resa Tisa on TikTok So. She made videos
before this whole Ordiner went ordeal went viral. They're mostly
like taking the live videos, and they're pretty popular. They
had like probably tens of thousands of views. But on
Valentine's Day she drops this fifty part series in yes,
(17:38):
fifty parts. In each video is probably like three to
ten minutes long. So it's honestly like the length of
a movie, and not a short movie, a pretty long movie.
So the fact that I watched this entire series over
President's Day weekend is kind of crazy. But it's a
fifty part series. I don't know if it's true or on.
(18:00):
I'm taking it as true because it makes it more entertaining.
But it's a fifty part series that she made about
how she married a pathological liar. In mind you, this
whole story is set during the pandemic, and so I'm
sure if anyone listening to this was probably above the
age of eighteen or in college slash beyond. During the pandemic,
(18:23):
it felt like everything was moving at like five time speed,
because especially in New York, we were so locked down
that most people who were in relationships or like situationships
or just starting to talk to someone. You had like
two very clear choices moving forward. It's either a you
move in together and you've become serious because you literally
(18:44):
cannot see anyone outside of your household or hang out
or go to the movies or get dinner or kind
of have like a normal track relationship. So it's either
you were literally dating no matter where you were before
the pandemic started, or you weren't speaking anymore because it
kind of wasn't really like a middle way to approach
things unless you were on dating apps. But that was
just like yapping to random people for a year or
(19:07):
eight months. So she talks in the series about how
she met this man on I think Facebook dating, which
I did not know was a thing, And it's probably
the first red flag of this story because Facebook is
filled with a bunch of weirdos, and I would absolutely
never date someone I have ever met on that app.
Granted I don't really use it unless to stop people
(19:28):
from my high school, but I would absolutely not recommend
dating anyone off of Facebook. But they met on Facebook,
they got acquainted very quickly and ended up moving in
together within a month, And she goes on for literally
fifty parts about some of the most insane things I've
(19:49):
ever heard a man do. And it's not necessarily like
the story itself is so crazy, so I don't really
know what's been so captivating about it, but these videos
have gotten like tens of millions views on each part.
It's kind of like watching just a train wreck relationship
told from one person's perspective while she's driving for fifty parts.
(20:10):
And maybe that's why it's so entertaining, because it's like
short form entertainment and she's just so good at storytelling,
which is probably the biggest thing about this whole situation.
But just hearing her story about meeting and marrying this
crazy man number one, it made me feel like perfectly
okay with not dating right now, because there are some
crazy people out there. But I don't want to give
(20:31):
away the entire series because I think that it's so
entertaining you should go watch it. But I'm gonna give
like a very brief synopsis of what happened, Okay, So
I'm gonna try to summarize basically what is five hours
of storytelling, but also not give away the biggest parts.
So to make this super short risa Tisa met her
(20:56):
ex husband, who she calls Legion, about two weeks before
the COVID shutdown. So in March twenty twenty, they met
on the Facebook dating site, which I didn't know was
a thing, and I'm I'm quite scared by actually, and
they planned a date whatever. He claimed that he was
the vice president of a condiment company and that he
(21:18):
was previously a arena football player, which honestly, yes, he
did lie about, but that's just such a specific lie
that that's kind of what scares me the most. But anyway,
he said he had just moved to the Greater Atlanta
area and they had planned a date. On the way
to the date, her tire blew out. He came to
fix it, paid for it, and they still went on
(21:40):
the date. So they hit it off on the date
and things somehow went so well that when the lockdown
came two weeks later, they decided to move in together
and he moved in with her, so he paid for
pretty much all of her bills besides the phone bills.
So from her perspective, he was treating her very very well.
He had a good job, they got along really well.
(22:01):
She claims he was handsome, so for her, well, yes,
there could have been some red flags. At the beginning,
she thought that she just kind of got really lucky.
So a lot of stuff happens, and I think that
you should watch or hear from her perspective in order
to really get the full story. But this man number
one wasn't the VP of a continment company. He wasn't
(22:23):
an a reta football player from California. He never been
in California. The people that he claimed died in his
life either were a still alive or b had died
years and decades before. His family wasn't talking to him
because he is a serial liar. I think he mentioned
didn't have that job. He was broke, so when he
(22:43):
was claiming to have bought her a house in a car,
none of that was true. And so basically this man
had probably the most red flags you possibly could conjure up.
And when I was watching or listening to the story,
it wasn't necessarily The thing that stuck with me wasn't
how crazy the story was, because I don't honestly don't
know if it's true, and if it is, like God
(23:04):
bless her soul. If not, then it was still entertaining.
But The biggest thing while watching was from the very
first video, and I mean, like the very short summary
she gave in part one before starting the series, I
could have already told you that this man was insane.
And one I would say the first red flag was
Facebook Dating, because you guys already know if you've listened
(23:27):
to any season of this podcast, but really more so
the latter half of season three, you would know my
opinion on this. But for some reason, ever since not
necessarily COVID stops, but the year after COVID, the quality
of dating apps has gone down so immensely, to the
point that, yes I'm single, I've deleted all of them,
(23:50):
like I decided that for myself the best thing, which
is to take a break because they're all insane. So
starting with the obvious crazy one Tender, I literally think
that is like a breeding ground for crime and probably
like serial killing. I've never heard good stories about Tinder.
The app is scary looking, and all the times I
read these like true crime story esque horror stories about
(24:13):
dating apps for some reason, always starts with Tender, So
just keep that in mind. Two bub Bumble used to
be my favorite back in my heyday during college, but
I just feel like it's not very user friendly anymore,
and I think guys are kind of freaked out sometimes
about the idea of a woman making the first move,
which honestly is what I liked about it because I
(24:34):
know that if a guy's on that app, he's not
afraid a woman kind of stepping up to the plate.
So that's why I liked it in the first place.
But I just think again, the quality's kind of gone down.
Hinge used to be the saving grace. I thought that
Hinge was like the Rayah of the last four years,
and since there was like a little bit more exclusive,
the quality of people were better in terms of like
(24:55):
what they wanted out a relationship. If you run Hinge,
we're looking for a partner type thing. But I think
it's slowly become just another hookup app. So everyone that
I know, friend wise, including myself, have leaded the app
just because it isn't what it used to be. And
then of course there's Ryo, which was once like the
quote unquote celebritydating app. I've been on it for about
a year. Yeah, I've met and I've seen some cool people,
(25:17):
but it's just a ridiculously expensive one into I think
just kind of trying to be elitist but not really
succeeding at it. So I don't know. I've seen the
state of dating apps in general right now is a
little bit crazy, but to meet someone on Facebook does
not touch any of those things. Now, I've never been
on Facebook dating. I would never go on Facebook dating.
(25:39):
And I'm not sure if it's more of like a
match dot com vibe or like okay Cupid where it's
kind of marketed towards people of an older generation than I.
But I just think that like step number one and
meeting someone on Facebook is absolutely crazy. But aside from that,
the biggest takeaway that I had from the situation, and
(26:00):
it kind of goes back to an old episode we
had that was titled I Believe How to deal with
Looking at Red Flags me have blurry vision? Is how
many times, just listening to the story that I was like, Oh,
this man's like a serial killer, he's crazy, he's a liar.
That's not true, that's a red flag. From part one
to part five, I probably said that out loud or
(26:21):
in my head about ten times. And to her, she
was saying, while the audience may see that as a
red flag, or her friend saw it as a red flag,
or somehow, like deep down in her soul she felt
something was wrong with it. She decided to ignore it
because in her mind, she wanted a relationship so badly,
or she wanted to work out with him so badly
(26:41):
that she figured, oh, this is one or two or
three things that I can overlook, and just like taking
a pause and thinking about my own situations. How many
times like I've been in a situationship or relationship and
I just felt, instinct instinctually, instinctually, my instincts told me
(27:02):
that something was up and like either this person just
like wasn't a good guy, or like this situation is
something that should make me take pause that I just
simply ignored because I was like, Oh, this guy is
really cute. I really like this guy, or I see
things going somewhere, so I decided to ignore them. Meanwhile,
my friends were like, I don't like this guy, you
(27:23):
son a good dude. You should like take a step back,
or like you should be consider that I would just ignore.
I think that's two big things that I see a
lot or experience a lot that I'm trying to be
better about. Is when your friends do not like the
person you're dating. More often than not, it is for
a good reason. And I think that so many times
(27:45):
where where my friends would hate my exes and I
just wouldn't understand why, or I try to defend them,
or was like, oh, like, you don't know how it
is to be in the situation, and then we break
up and I finally get some clarity or take a
step back and I'm like, oh, wow, my friends were right,
that has happened. I'm not gidding with probably almost every
single person that I broke up with or as an
(28:07):
ex or I had a bad falling out with relationship
and friend wise, every single time, the people closest to me,
like my family and my friends have told me like
we saw that coming from ten miles away. So I
think one when you're in a situation and your friends
are telling you like we're concerned about x Y and Z,
or watch out for x Y and Z, it is
for a reason, and you's listening to them because you'll
(28:28):
find out sooner or later, and it's much better to
find out sooner before you get more involved with someone.
But I think too, it also shows the power of
instinct because throughout Reesatisa's Legion story I think is what
she calls it, about the legend of Legion, something like that.
She notes that when he was trying to buy her
(28:49):
house and for some reason the realtor was saying that
he didn't put money down, that he didn't see any
bank statements, and she started getting a little bit of
like a weird feeling about things. She started to make
audio diaries and she would talk to write to herself whatever,
just explaining things that had happened throughout the day or
interactions with him that she just didn't feel quite right about.
(29:12):
And I kind of had that similar circumstance where I
had like a long term ex boyfriend where not necessarily
like so, yes, he was a cheaters, like that was
the bottom line, but like he would just say or
do things that were so hurtful, but because I was
a cancer and super emotional, I would kind of gaslight
(29:32):
myself into thinking it wasn't that big of a deal
or wasn't super hurtful and I was overreacting. Or he
would platantly say like, oh, you can't take a joke,
or I didn't mean it like that, or I didn't
say that so I started keeping a folder in my
notes of just some of the things that he had
done or said, with dates and things like that, just
because I had some feeling deep down that something wrong
(29:53):
was going on, or that I knew that I would
want to remind myself one day that I didn't make
all of this stuff, that these things actually did happen.
And I think that even just thinking about creating that
folder or having one screenshot in that folder, and like
mind you, by the time that we had broken up,
there were probably about one hundred, one hundred and fifty
screenshots or notes i'd baits myself in this folder. That
(30:17):
should have been not only the first sign, but like
the sign that told me that I should not be
one in a relationship with this person, but that this
person should not have access to me if I have
the ability to make literally an entire folder of all
the awful things that they have said or done to
me in the course of our relationship. So I think
(30:37):
that that's always been in the back of my head,
but seeing someone else say it out loud during this
like TikTok storytelling thing kind of reminded me that instincts
are so powerful and that usually number one they say
women's instincts are usually right, and I one hundred percent
believe that. And I think that not only manifests itself
(31:00):
when it comes to other people, like our friends' relationships
or icky friendships, but especially within our own usually when
you feel like something is wrong, I think that we
have that feeling for a reason, and more often than not,
there's a reason why we have it. So I think
that that's one thing that I really took away from
this situation. And so while yes, I did spend six
(31:21):
hours where Presidents Day weekend watching a woman on TikTok
talk about her the failure of her marriage, but in
watching that, I feel like I learned a lot about myself.
And so yes, we might say that TikTok or social media, etc.
Is killing our brains, but for some people, for some
of us, we are learning a lot about ourselves. So
(31:42):
I think that was like a fun little not fun
at all, that was a eye opening experience for me.
So while yes, it was entertaining watching her storytell, I
did also learn something about myself. So I hope people
have that same feeling or experience listening to this podcast.
So it's a pretty cool experience on the other side
of things. But back to talking about what's going on
(32:03):
in the world right now. I was having a conversation
with some of my friends recently about the state of
reality dating shows. I think that because pre COVID or
when we were in college, that was kind of when
a lot of these shows started, the Bachelor and Bachelorette side,
(32:25):
because I've never really watched those shows, but I know
those have been around since at least I was in
like middle school or elementary school. But I'm talking about
the Netflix dating shows. I'm talking about Love Island, Love
is Blind, I'm talking about Too Hot to Handle, etc.
Where we're kind of seeing love become commodified or used
(32:46):
for entertainment. And I'll be the first to say I
watched the first season of all those shows and I
ate it up. And I think that the difference between
the first seasons versus now is that when, for example,
all used Too Hot to Handle, because I think it's
quintessential the first season and the whole premise of the
show is that the contestants knew what show they were
(33:08):
going on, which, being in law school, I'm kind of like,
is that legal? But allegedly they didn't know what show
they were going on, and they chose people who are
very sexually active and proud of it and kind of
put them in a house together with people who they
think they'd be attracted to, and then basically wouldn't let
them be physical in order to try and force them
(33:30):
to have more emotional connections. And while the first season
was so entertaining because that seemed to be the truth,
I think as time went on, people obviously know what
show they're going on, and so I think people kind
of just put themselves on there to get the Instagram
(33:50):
social media hype from it, and then they kind of
just do whatever they want to leave. So the vulnerability
of the show has kind of lost its magic. But
I think I noticed that especially with Love Island and
Love is Blind, just because Love is Blind is being
talked about so much right now, and Love Island I'm
obsessed with, and the All Stars, which is the first
(34:12):
of its kind which brought people from all the past
seasons back on, was just so eye opening because those
are two of my favorite shows, and I think the
reason why I loved them in the beginning is that
I genuinely felt that people were going on the show
to find a relationship, or that they felt that whatever
they were doing and their normal lives wasn't working, and
(34:34):
that being in a controlled environment where everyone's supposed to
be on the same page about wanting to be in
a relationship would be beneficial to them. And so I
think that I'll start with Love Island just because I
know the most about it, because I've literally seen every season.
I think that that was especially true seasons probably one
through five. But there is this shift in social media
where these people were leaving the show and no matter
(34:56):
how long you were on the show for or what
you were doing before the show, whether you were a
doctor or an AMT or an aesthetician esthetician, you would
lead the show with thousands, if not hundreds of thousands,
if not millions, of followers, and you're kind of given
a new career where you were basically just an influencer,
(35:17):
like I'm talking about Molly may More Higgins that level
of social media fame or they're kind of building empires
off of it, and so now people are just going
on the show to try and get that level of
fame rather than genuinely trying to find a connection with someone.
So the heyday of Love Island or the golden age
(35:38):
of Love Island where there were couples who are now
married with kids and you've got to see their entire
experience from day one until now it's kind of lost
that aura or that glitter to it because now you
can tell people are literally just going on to get
the fame and fortune off of it, which I mean,
I don't blame them. I do the same thing, but
I think it's kind of made the show less entertaining
(36:02):
and less genuine to watch. And so especially watching All
Stars where these people already are famous from the show
come back, I expected people to be genuine about wanting
to find their person now that they've kind of got
the benefits of Love Island already without finding relationship. But
I kind of thought it was the worst I've ever
(36:23):
seen it in terms of like people trying to play
a game just to get like quick theme off of it,
and so that was kind of disappointing to see and
like maybe honestly not interested in finishing the show even
though I did. And I think the same thing with
Love is Blind is there's all of these stories coming out.
It's different because Love Island comes out with one episode
every single day, but Love is Blind kind of drops
(36:45):
sections of episodes at once and they've already happened. It's
not live, so we're seeing leaks or spoilers online on
TikTok and Twitter, et cetera, saying that people were already
in really relationships before they went on the show, and
the whole the partner they were going just to get
like a little bit of fame or money off of it,
(37:06):
and then once the show was over or once they
were able to break up with their partners, they were
going to do so. And I think that just I
did never finished Love is Blind. I think the last
few episodes just dropped yesterday or the day before. But
I think just watching it, I was so disinterested because
you can literally tell who is on there not to
(37:27):
find necessarily love or a connection or relationship, but who
is there to get their name out there, try and
be like the star of the show or the funny
character so they can get their ten seconds of fame
and then leave. So I think, like I had never
been crazy about reality shows without reasons. I feel like
some things about our lives are kind of meant to
(37:48):
be private, and reality TV shows are the opposite of that,
but I thought there's always something like special or heartwarming
about shows based on relationships because you got to see
people fall in love in real time and to meet.
That was like entertaining and nice and softening to watch.
But I think now just the quality and the caliber
of reality thing shaus are really plummeted. I don't want
(38:09):
to watch them anymore. It's making me and everyone more
depressed throughout dating people. But too, I think especially with
Love Island, because you're watching so many men date so
many women at the same time, but not only are
you seeing them date them, you're seeing their thoughts, their
conversations with the boys, their analysis of what's happening, and
just seeing how women are regarded and treated. I don't know,
(38:31):
it's just sickening to see like the thoughts behind some
of these men's actions on the show, and the women too.
Don't get me wrong, Georgia s on that show was crazy,
But I think just seeing that just made me feel
so much better about not wanting to date, because I
don't know, I think that this idea of like respect
and being with one person and valuing one person has
really gone away, and what you see on these shows
(38:54):
is not helping. What you see on dating apps is
not helping, and I don't know, it just kind of
gave me like such a view on the state of
dating right now. But they're still entertaining to watch, don't
get me wrong, And I fear I will be tuned
into Love as Buying Reunion once I finish watching the
pod episodes and after the engagements, So I'm excited to watch.
But I think just knowing that they're only on there
(39:17):
for one reason, it's not the reason that the show
was created for, is kind of disheartening. But at the
end of the day, it is a Netflix dating show.
Your hopes can only be so high, so leaving it
with that, But I'm so excited for the rest of
the season. I have a lot of cool guests lined up,
a lot of cool topics stay with us more of
just to write along about what's happening in pop culture
(39:39):
and give you guys an update on what's happening with
the show. So I'm super excited. I'm honestly shocked I
was able to talk to this myself for this long.
I didn't think i'd be able to and I even
have more I want to say, but I'm gonna restrict
to myself, but I'm really excited to record for rest
of the season and for you guys to hear what
we have plan or what I have planned, So thank
you for tuning in. You can listen listen to Crying
(40:00):
in Public on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you
get your podcasts, and I'm so scited for you guys
to hear the rest of the season. And you can
follow me on Instagram at Crying in Public podcast or
at Sydney Winter Goodbye
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