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July 6, 2023 50 mins

It's a problem that gets to the best of us. This week the hosts discuss overthinking, whether it be in relationships, friendships, or everyday anxiety. From discussing actual ways to cope, and ways to reconfigure your thinking, this episode ensures that your journey to stop the overthinking starts today. 

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi, Hello, knew we always count down from three whenever
we start a podcast episode, and Sydney was just saying
how it reminded her of I Carly, and I missed
the old ike Curly. I tried watching the old one,
I mean the new one, and I don't like it.
I don't know, I mean I like it, but I
miss Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
I think that's all I have to say.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
That's my issue with all of these reboots is that
the characters, like the side characters that actually made the
shows are not in the reboots. Like Sam is actually
Sam is in in Icle and Sam isn't in Sex
and the City. Interesting, it's like both named Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Yeah, both Sam's are absent.

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Like they make the show. And like, I don't know,
I think it's mostly just Nickelodeon. Actually no, most shows
in general, like the main character isn't the best character,
do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yes, like Carrie, you feel that way, Carly. You both
start with the sea crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
That Corey and Victorious. She was very auxiliary to her
own show. And like Zoey one O one is coming
back and it's called like Zoe one O two and
I was like I thought she was canceled so many times.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Actually, Also, I saw a interview that Kim Control did
with the Today Show, and I don't know if you
saw this.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
It was all over.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
TikTok for me Today, And then I actually sat down
and watched the whole video. It was like three minutes long,
and Kim was basically they were just doing like a promo.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
For her new TV show, Glamorous. I think that's what
it's called.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
And I have to watch that because you know, I'm
obsessed with Kim Control, like as a person. But she
was saying how excited she is to do that show,
and then the host also mentioned the fact that she
was doing a cameo, which is only a cameo in
just like that, and she clarified she was because they
were like, oh, you are like co starring, and she
was like, no, actually, I'm doing a cameo. Just wanted
to like let you all know that it will just

be a cameo. And then she started talking about one
thing that Kim's been very adamant about over the years
was the power of saying no. She's told everybody when
everybody was asking her when she was coming back to
Sex in the City if they were doing a Sex
in the City movie three if she was going to
be in Just like that. When she was getting these questions,
the first thing she said was like, if I ever
feel uncomfortable about a situation, I'm going to say no.
She's like, mortality is knocking out my door, as a

direct quote from the interview. In fact, she was saying
how she is not going to be in a situation
where she is unhappy. And this is what she said,
which I think you're going to find interesting.

Speaker 2 (02:29):

Speaker 1 (02:30):
She said, she went on set for Just Like That
from one pm to four pm, had a great time.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
It was a great afternoon. She got her hair done.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
By the same hairstylist who did them for the original show,
hair costume design by the same person done from the
original show. And she said she went home with her
partner afterwards and had a dry martini and she said
it was a great afternoon and it made her feel
super comfortable.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
And she said the.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Actually CEO of HBO, Max was like, what can we
do to get you on the show.

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Whatever we have to do, we will do it.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
And she had a lot of terms, a lot of them,
she said, but they all got agree to and I
just wonder what they are. I feel like when we
see the cameo, it'll be indicative of like what her
terms were.

Speaker 3 (03:09):
I just feel like all of the excitement about it
and the expectations for it are so high, and the
only filmed in one afternoon, so the cameo can't really
be that long, and I feel like it's gonna be disappointing.
And I love to see them. She's like her favorite
character he used to be Miranda, but her character is
a hot mess.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Yeah, she is a hot mess, especially in just like
that like not indicative of like any partner she chooses
to have, but indicative of like I thought her and
Steve were like meant for each other. I was super
sad when they got divorced, and like that's about where
all my disappointment ends, because I actually really like Chase character.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
But I think they're a great addition to the show.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
But it was just interesting to see how like quickly
Miranda pivoted because in the original Sex in the City
she was like, don't change yourself or your partner, and
that's exactly what she's doing now, like moving to California
and just like giving up her her job and you know,
saying goodbye to her son for a little bit and
going to califun It's just interesting what they're doing in
her character.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
I just think that, like they knew that the original
Sex in the City would be problematic in today's terms,
so trying to make up for it entirely with Miranda's character,
Like she's racist in a lot of scenes, She's like
somewhat homophobic, but also is come in terms with her
own sexuality a little bit and just like says a

lot of cringey things, and like, I just loved to Miranda,
and she's an Harvard Law educated woman. I feel like,
in reality, they should have done it to another character,
like Charlotte or Carrie, because I feel like being in
that kind of environment and law, you have to kind
of know like what canon can't be said, or like

how to interact with people. So I feel like it
just doesn't make sense that it's her character that's going
through it.

Speaker 2 (04:54):
I completely agree.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
I think that maybe it was necessary to address some
of the qualms or political in correctness of the original season,
but there were like other ways to do that. I
think they just kind of went about it in a
very weird way. But regardless, I love I will say
on a positive note, I love just like that season
two better than I love season one. So I don't

love it, but I like it better than season one.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
To me, season one was a train wreck.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I thought every episode I was just so detached from
all the characters, didn't recognize them as their own characters.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
So for me, it was just like nuts.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
And then season two, I feel like they're kind of
getting back to their own groove, like and Charlotte's.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Character in particular, what's your name in real life?

Speaker 3 (05:34):
Kristin something, Kristin Davis.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
I thought she was like really returning back to Charlotte,
which I liked, which is what yeah, which is what
I wanted.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
From the first season before I spoil it, but also
like unrelated and completely random, but it just occurred. I
have known someone for like this girl for like eight
or nine years, and she's very very active on social media,
Like she's a pretty big following on Instagram. We went
to school together, and she posts about like literally every

aspect of her life. And today she just hard launched
her man and her engagement in the same post, and
I actually felt flabbergasted because I was like, how have
I known you personally for eight years but also followed
you on Instagram? And like she posts so much, so like,
how did I not know that first that you had

a boyfriend or a partner in the first place, But
like to hard launch your man and your engagement, like
all the comments are like, oh my god, so shook.
Do you know you had a boyfriend? Like blah blah blah,
And I was like, she kind of ate like that.
I kind of loved that for her. Yeah, I kind
of love that for her.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
I don't know, Yeah, I like that. I like some
hard launches. I think they're funny.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
Okay, I know that, you know. I can't wait to
soft launch the man I eventually will get. But it's
so annoying because when I go out with my guy friends,
I forget that people don't know that those hands are
the friends of my guy friend. So like I'll post
like my food and like my really good friend Finn

for example, like his hands will be in the background.
The amounts of swipe ups I get where they're like,
oh my god, soft launch question mark number one, get
out my business number two, No number three, Oh you wish?
So I can't wait to actually soft launch and then
track who Who's talking mess? Because I did soft I
hard launched my ex boyfriend on my story when I

went to go visit him in Spain, and I remember
like because I have a business account, so I remember
like swiping up in my store and I had like
three hundred sins and I was like, who's talking mess?
And what are they saying? I want to know.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
For those of you who don't know, that was a
huge easter egg because we had Finn on who is
the owner of the arm.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
That said he was referencing That was then.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
We had him on an episode in like season one
and to talk about how guys should treat girls because
to us, he's like the model imitation of like how
a woman should be treated.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
He always treats his girlfriends with respect.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
Sydney in particular had known him for like five years previously, so.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
It was really cool getting to hear that from him.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
If you haven't listened to that episode, go listen. Because
he's a cutie in a personality way.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
He said, katy but potonically cute.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, exactly, That's what I'm in.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
And it's funny because there were so many girls that
DMed us right after the episode came out, and they're like,
is Finn free? Is like Finn single? And he got
so many follows, and I was like, you know what,
I love that for him his king era. Yes.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
No, he's a great guy.

Speaker 1 (08:38):
And I think like the reason we had him on
the episode is we were basically trying to inform our
female listeners in particular, or just like our Siss audience,
or just anybody in particular that, like the people who
like the men specifically who you invest your time in,
you should have some standards, because like, not all men
are bad, not all straight men are bad.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Here's an example of a great guy, you know what
I mean?

Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, And it's like so funny that you say that,
because as I reflect on life in the world, I
just I see women in the wild, I see women
that I'm close to, like my friends, and I see
the men that they are with. I see them with
my eyes and I'm like, hmm, that's interesting of a choice.

And then I see with my eyes, but then I
also hear with my ears, and my ears hear stories,
and I'm like, my eyes and my ears are not
believing what's occurring. Because there is no way that you,
as a normal, cute, fun, loveliest, smart girl, are putting
up with incredibly disrespectful behavior from a man that is

none of those previous things. For why, And as I reflect,
that question has not been answered, and I ask it
of myself as well, I do ask myself why because
my past I have done the same thing and I
probably will do it again. So I really wonder, like,
what is it about? Is it about the women or

is it about the men? Or is it both?

Speaker 2 (10:11):
Like, okay, carry broadshot really because I'm like she always
said that in the show. And then I wondered.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
Because the wondering needs to be done because I just
can't tell like our girls lowering their standards because we
all aspire to generally to be in a relationship, or
do men realize that women will put up with less
so they are less. I'm not saying obviously that's not
all men I've talked about earlier. Then it's an example
of a man who's not like that. But more often

than not, I just find that people who my friends
are with, or people who I see out in public,
people that I just know, I'm just kind of like,
there's no way that we should be putting up with
certain behaviors from certain people.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
It's true.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
So actually I'm going to use this time to plug
my events of the day.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
I just got my hair done this morning, so I
got my hair done bo and I got extensions in.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
And this is all related because the last time I
did that, not the extensions part, which are awesome, by
the way, literally just renewed my confidence. But anyway, I
about the same time last year, I got my hair
done at the salon and my ex made this whole
big thing about not how good my hair looked, not
worrying about like complimenting me or even just like commenting

on it in general. He made a big thing about,
like why didn't you send me more pictures as soon
as you got it done, because like, we didn't see
each other. We were long distance, my ex and I,
so we didn't see each other for like a week
after I got my hair done, So he was like,
why didn't you send me more pictures of your hair?
Like why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that?
I saw you posted on your story a bunch of times,
but you didn't send me pictures of your hair. Blah,

blah blah, and to me, I was just like, Okay,
I think that speaks perfectly to your points, Just like
why did I put up with that?

Speaker 2 (11:55):
Why didn't I question it? Why didn't I get mad?
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
I think I think women in particular have a tendency
to not be confrontational when it comes to men and
say sorry instead of excuse the fuck me. And I
think that's something that has been indoctrinated in us since
we were very young.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
And I think that's something that needs to change.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
So when I think about how I used to act
in my last relationship, it is funny to me now,
but it's like, am I, well I do the same
thing in the future. Am I doing the same thing
right now? It's crazy to think about.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
And that kind of goes into our topic. Not that's
signing our topic before we're halfway through the episode. So
today we're talking about overthinking. And I do think that
if I if I had a rod flag for myself,
it would be that I put the overthink and overthinker

by a lot. Actually, And part of me used to think, like,
is it just because like I'm a very like intrinsic person,
Like I just do a lot of thinking in general.
I guess everyone thinks a lot. I don't really know,
but I'm a big okay, I'm a big reflection person,
I will say. And from my past relationships, the thing

that's been consistent is I think I'm an anxious person
in general, like not even just about relationships, but about school,
about work, about life, about climate change, like literally everything.
And I think that my anxiety manifests itself physically through
me overthinking things. And I realized that it wasn't necessarily

the fact that I reflected so much that was the issue.
It was the way that I would respond to myself overthinking.
And I think that in the past I spent so
much time and energy and just brain power trying to
get a definitive answer as to why this guy doesn't

like me, or why this man treats me this way,
or why I'm not in a happy relationship, or why
they prefer this hinge girl over me, et cetera. I
just wanted to have a definite answer, and I felt
that if I did have that that I would be okay,
I could be able to move on. But I think
I realized a few things through that whole process. One

that I'm most more times than not in life. I'm
never going to have that definitive answer because that's just
the way the world works. They could tell me x
y Z, but I will never know if that's true
because I'm not them, you know, I can't get inside
their brain one. So I think learning to live with
not having answers was one thing I had to realize
stems from overthinking that I needed to get used to.

But also that by spending so much time putting importance
in those kinds of questions like why don't they like me,
why don't whatever, that I was taking away from kind
of my own agency in relationships because I should have
been asking why am I okay with someone treating me
this way? Why do I care? Why they prefer this
person over me? It should just move stuff like that.

So I think overthinking for me was more so about
placing more energy and focus on other people's thoughts and
feelings instead of redirecting that focus onto mine. And that's
what I've learned through these last five years, being literally
crazy about overthinking, especially in relationship.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
That's so smart we talk about on this podcast, like
redirecting energy to yourself and focusing on yourself a lot.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
But the main reason why we do like.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
So many episodes with so many different topics, with this
huge variety of topics that all are kind of related,
but they're all just kind of about getting to your
core and understanding that, like you are the prize. And
we've said that when we were reviewing the Lori Harvey book,
but or the Steve Harvey book.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Who wrote that Steve Harvey book we were talking.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
About yeah, yeah, exactly. So it all comes back to
the same message. And I think Sny just related that
really perfectly. It's just like, whether it comes to overthinking,
or whether it comes to relationships or breakups or friend breakups,
it all just comes back to you do have to
be selfish once.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
In a while. And that's one thing that what I
was saying earlier.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
It's like, as women, I feel like often times we're
raised to be the people pleasers and to be the
kind of oh my god, no, it was my fall,
and to just like be the appeasers in any situation
in general with family, friends, relationships. And one main goal
that Senny and I have through all of these podcasts,
with all of these topic varieties, is that you can

be your own person.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
You can be a little selfish.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
You also do have to be giving and generous, because
that's what makes a human human. But one thing that
we do want to encourage all women or all people
in general, is that you are the prize. You are
so special and loved and you are just deserving of
some focus. And if you're not getting it from anybody else,
that's not your fucking problem. You need to give it
to yourself, and that comes with a lot of accountability, responsibility, agency,

And that's what Senny and I are promoting here, which
I think is really the main message.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
I agree, and I think that an important distinction to
make is that sometimes people conflate putting yourself first with
being selfish or being self centered. I think that there's
a very distinct difference, because, at least how I would
describe it, I would say that being selfish or being

self centered is more about only caring about yourself and
not caring about how your actions, your thoughts, your words
affect other people. But I think that putting yourself first
and recentering yourself and your decisions is more so about
prioritizing your feelings rather than putting emphasis on others. So

I think that there's a very distinct difference between the two,
and we're advocating for the latter. But I definitely would
say that the key to piece that I have found
over my journey of adulthood so far, which is approximately
like three seconds, is that the longer you try to

please people, to be perfect for everyone, but not necessarily
doing things that are best for like your self interests,
you're never going to be happy. So put yourself first.
Stop prioritizing people's feelings or actions above your own. And

I promise evil for the peace, feel that you will
feel peace.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
And I think when you do talk about like being
selfish and stuff, sometimes you literally do have to be selfish,
like in the word like in the definition that you described.
It's like, let's say you promised to do so or
like or you have to engage in behavior that might
seem selfish to other people. So for example, like let's
say you made plans to go to dinner and you
cancel on those plans last minute because your battery is

low and you really just need a moment to yourself.
That could seem pretty selfish to the people who you're
going to go to dinner with but in the end,
it's necessary for you, if that makes sense, and like
that's something that.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
You have to do for yourself. Just that's just an example,
but you.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
Get my drift, like sometimes you do actually have to
be a little but selfish. Not all the time, of course,
but yeah, it's true. Everybody has to be at some
point or another.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
And I will say that that kind of brings me
to another point, is that even like in the realm
of overthinking, I think that it can manifest itself in
a number of ways. We've kind of talked about it
in more so like a relationship point of view, but
I think that also comes with friendships as well, in
the form of fomo, which is like that means fear

of missing out and I was blessed with the gene
of not having that, but I can see how it
does affect people because I will even say, like I
was in a friend group at one point where it
was like guys and girls, and I was like romantically

involved with someone in the friend group, and you know,
I knew that that could, you know, not end well,
because it never ends well when that's a situation. However,
I did it anyway, and it was hard once the
romantic things ended, because I felt like everyone continued to

hang out and be close friends but purposely excluded me.
And at first I really didn't care because, like I said,
I don't really get fomo. It's between going out and
drinking and hang out with my friends and being in
my bed and watching the violent it will always be
the latter. Like I could see fifty stories of people
like popping bottles and like dancing, and you know, I

generally do not get affected by it. I'm going to
me and leve isolent till the end.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
I was out in that friend group by the way,
just a little like I'm not about.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Yeah, this is friends. Yeah. And so on one hand,
it kind of sucked just because it had been like
four or five months of seeing my friends hang out
every single weekend without me, and it was sort of
like I would bring up the situation and I felt
I was kind of being gaslighted to with a point
where they would be like, oh my god, it's not intentional.

It's not like that, like it just happened. And while
that excuse could have worked the first like one, two, three,
or four times, it happened after four months, I was
kind of like, y'all need to get more creative with
your excuses.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
But yeah, like oh it was last minute or et cetera.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
Yeah, or like hey, we don't want to hang out
with you because it's awkward. Like cool, But I think
that instead of focusing on like, oh, I'm missing out,
why are they mad at me? Why are they excluding me?
Blah blah blah, I took it more so as a
chance to be like what I want to be involved

with or close friends with people who I feel like
I've always been there for and would never exclude, but
then to turn around and have this more situation where
I felt like I was being ostracized for no longer
being romantically involved with someone. So I took it less
as a moment of being sad about not you goan

to go out with my friends, and more so realizing
that this is like the perfect opportunity or the perfect
showing to me that maybe this is not what I
want in friends, or maybe I need to distance myself
and involve myself with other people because it's not the
kind of friendship that I want. So I think at
the same time, I know it's annoying people say like
everything happens for a reason. But I'm truly a believer

in that, and I do think that people do show
their true colors, and when they do, you should take
it at base value for sure.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
And you'll always know when something like not so comfortable
or something upsetting happens. Like in the bad times, people
definitely show their true colors. It's really interesting to watch
because in the good times it's easy. It's like, oh,
you know, she's like the fun friend and she's a
happy friend and all that stuff, and then we go
out all the time. But then something bad happens or
something awkward happens, and that's really when people show their loyalty.

And that's why I say I like to think like
the friends that I have right now in my life
is actually super curated over like years, and college is
a big indicator of that as well. It's very and
maturing of course, but yeah, it's it is really interesting
to see.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
It's like when shit hits the fan, who sticks around.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
Yeah, Like I squarely categorize people in like three categories.
One like my close friends, and like I've always been
one to say like quality over quantity because I've always
i think just because of the way that my schools
have been structured. And I consider myself be like somewhat outgoing.
Is I usually have like pretty big friend groups, But
I do believe that some people are meant to be

in your life for certain seasons or certain periods and
not necessarily your lifetime. And that's okay because you grow
and you change as you get older. But so I
like my three categories of like close friends, which is
like Sarah our roommate, Chance, a couple of friends from
law school, Cook, my friends from high school that just
I feel like have been with me through very hard
times and have shown up in the ways that I

would want a friend to. Then I have people who
are acquaintances, people I like hanging out with and enjoy
spending time with. People that I wouldn't necessarily trust or
be my ghosting person when I'm in those kinds of seasons,
and the people I just don't mess with because they're
freaky when it comes to supporting people. And I really
don't like negative energy unless it's my own. So if

I just feel like you're not bringing necessarily any benefit
or joy to my life, why would I invest time
into spending time with you When I don't need to.
So I fully believe in quality over friends, like having
a few very good friends and having fifty five friends
that you're not necessarily close with. And that is a
thing I really see in the South because like I

will see people from my high school.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh my god, the wedding is like my town in general.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Yes, have weddings, and they have like sixty four brides maids.
Tell me all their middle names right now, tell me
all their birthday day. What are their mother's names? Thank you, Like,
there's no way that you were that close with your
whole sorority. That's crazy, that's so funny.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
Oh yeah, didn't we see on TikTok or something some
girl had all of her like all of her sorority,
like her chapter as her like maate of honor.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
I was like, what, Like they will be okay, it's
okay to pick and choose. Yeah, Like, I think my
problem will be having enough bridesmaids, because if I don't
talk to you on a weekly basis, or like I
wouldn't run to you if I like, you wouldn't be
like my emergency call if I'm in like jail or
the hospital. You're not my bridesmaid. And that's a solid
like five people, so we're gonna have to We'll see.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah, I'll have tryouts and I have auditions. I think
also a big part with overthinking and something that I
definitely struggled with in past friend groups and in breakups,
but not really I I and Sydney actually knows this
is really funny. I actually tend to take friend group
breakups harder than I take actual breakups. It is right,

can't you totally attest to that. I get so upset,
it's like a morning period. I literally got so upset
when we had our friendship rift, like a couple of
years ago, and like me and Sydney were on one
side and the rest of the bitches are on the
other side, and I was just like, oh my god,
I was so upset, like crying every day, Like it
literally felt like a breakup to me. Like I couldn't sleep,

I couldn't eat that much. It was crazy. I'm happy
Sidney was there to get me through it. But she
kept saying to me, she was like, who cares quality
over quantity? Like they're out there done, Like you have
to get over it at some point because I was
like taking a little bit Okay, she wasn't mean about
I swear like, but towards like the month mark, she
was like, I will always be here for you, Like
it is quality over quantity. Think about how much we've
been through together and how much our friendship is going

to grow, and forget about them, like think about how
mean they were to you. Why would you even want
friends like that in the first place? And I think
what took me too long to get over it was
that And what put me through a really hard time
is also thinking like what did I do?

Speaker 2 (26:45):
Like what about me makes all my friends?

Speaker 1 (26:47):
And also I think I had trouble because I moved
around my whole childhood with my parents because we were
a military family, so I would always have to say
goodbye to friends after like.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
Two or three years, no more than three.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
So the fact that I lost this group of girls
so I thought would always have my back and I
thought we're going to be bridesmaids in my wedding. I
was very upset because I was like, what is it
about me? Like what is it that I'm doing wrong?
And Sydney I could not be more grateful for and
what she taught me. She was like, you have to
redirect that energy because it was not something that you did.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
And if it was, which it wasn't, she was like,
and if it was, let it go. It's done.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Like it instead of just being like, oh my god,
what did I do wrong?

Speaker 3 (27:23):
What am I?

Speaker 2 (27:24):
What is so bad about me?

Speaker 1 (27:25):
To be like maybe it wasn't a right fit, like
maybe it was not meant to be, And that really
helped me along my healing journey.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
And like I will say, ooh, I'm the most dramatic
person when it comes to relationship.

Speaker 2 (27:37):
Right, yeah, we're opposite.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
Like literally the opposite. Like you can ask Sarah one
of the times I broke up with my ex, one
of the five hundred and seventy six point three four
tens I blasted, I will survive in my literally like
three weeks straight. So I'm a little bit dramatic. I'm
a cancer, so that's you know, customary. But when it
came to like friendship breakups, just because I'm such a

strong believer in that when people show you their true colors,
take it. And that's why I honestly was not upset.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
What should not care about? All? I felt?

Speaker 3 (28:09):
Soot all didn't cry, one tear, didn't send one text,
because to me, it was like even though because these
were like my first friends I made in college all
the way through senior year, and I was like, well,
of course I'll miss having like that kind of girl group,
because like they did know so much about me and
I knew so much about them, and like we had
been through so much together at the same time. Just

things that were said, things that were done. It I
had to think to myself, take people at their actions.
What I want to be friends with someone who won
has this kind of character, who would do these kinds
of things to someone they called their friend, who would
say such awful things. No, So, if anything, I do
not feel like I'm necessarily losing anything. I'm not losing friends,

I'm not losing experiences or ventures or whatever. I'm gaining peace.
And for me, I will take the ladder any day.
So for me, that's why I instantly wasn't upset about
the situation, because why would I want to spend time
or be close with people who just whose characters and
values and beliefs and ways of handling things in no

way match my own? You know, Like, I think everyone's
a different maturity level, people value different things about certain people.
But at the end of the day, if we don't
align in terms of like how we assess situations or
how mature we are in terms of communication, then goodbye.
Like I don't really care, you know, I just wish

I could extend that to men.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
That's the thing. It's selling out.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
Those freaking men are hard.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
I was gonna say, it's just funny because I have
a lot easier of a time getting over breakups.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Because I don't know why.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
I think it's just totally opposite for me. I think
it's not even the fact that like, oh, I'm a
girl's because like you're a girl's girl too, so that
doesn't really make sense. I think maybe like kind of thing,
what are you using the reasoning is, do you have
any ideas?

Speaker 2 (30:06):
I'm gonna mull it over.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
I feel like one relationships differ from friendships because you
can have so many friendships. At the end of the day,
when it comes to being a relationship, like you only
end up with one person.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
Yeah, maybe that's why pressure I get.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
On the situation.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yeah, maybe that's.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
I'm also the manipulation. Oh zoo me, mama, Like I
think that it's like, for example, Sarah and I live together.
We spend obviously a lot of time together. But I
feel like when you're in a relationship with someone, there's
so much one on one intimate time and you see

or experience, or have control over so much of another
person that you don't necessarily have in a friendship. And
that's the same reason why I feel like people who say, like,
if your friends first and then you date, you can
never go back because you do reach a new level
of intimacy or deep levelm intimacy that you can never
have as just friends.

Speaker 1 (31:04):
You know, Yeah, absolutely, I think maybe you nailed it
on the head. When the reason I don't like it's
not the breakups aren't hard for me, Like my last
breakup in particular, like absolutely murdered me.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
But I think the reason why I'm able to.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
Get over it maybe a little quicker is because of
exactly what you said, Like it is, I feel like
the stakes are too high.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
It's like you.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Are the one person that I kind of wanted to
spend my whole life with and you did show your
true colors, so goodbye, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (31:32):
Like for me, it's just that simple in my brain.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
I do also have like avoidant attachment styles, so with
like in relationships in particular, so it's very I think,
just easier for like three strikes in your out. It's
it's easier for me to be like, Okay, after we
break up, that's it, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
It's like you were done here. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah, but don't get me wrong. Breakup suck, Like, oh
my god, my last breakup. I'd totally overthought everything. I
should have cut it out clean. But I think I
told you guys talking to you listeners that we, you know,
went on a break first and then we broke up
and it was totally just the experience was totally prolonged
and it should have ended like quicker than that. But yeah,

that my overthinking just went nuts. But Sinney's right, when
people show your true colors, you do have to take
action and never forget. And I don't know why I
wasn't thinking this way, but don't forget. It's like when
you break up with someone, Sinney and I don't believe
in breaks, or at least I don't anymore, because it's
like it's the same thing as breaking up and then
just getting back together afterwards basically, So It's like, if
you want to break up, breakup, I think, just wipe

the slate clean, do what you have to do being
a sort of woman or being a sort of person,
and then if you want to get back together, nothing
saying you can't later. That's why we think breaks are
stupid because it's literally like the same thing. You're just
calling it a break because you might want to sleep
with other people.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
No little I think think it's excuse do you want
to sleep with other people and make sure there's not
anything else out there? And you have the wrong person
if you think that, I'm going to allow you to
go see. Yeah, my hair looks been so funny. You
guys know like to multitask. I'm straightening my hair now
and it actually looks crazy. One question I do have, though,

is why I wonder why there Oh, yes, that's what
I feel like because all this humidity. I do wonder
why situationship breakups hurts so much more than relationship breakups.
Like I was with someone for four and a half

years and that man was literally a little demon. But
like I feel I got over that like relatively quickly,
just because we broke up so many times, and I
finally realized, like, this man is so spooky. But then,
like I had a four month or like five month situationship.
That thing had me out for like three months out
of commission of everything. Yes, like I literally cried in

my bed, not leave, stops drinking, like everything. But I
think that because I let myself fully feel it and heal,
I came back so much better than I did with
or yeah, my ex because sorry let me drop in
the names, because with my ex after so, I didn't

really let myself like get that upset about it, just
because like I had driven up with him so many
times and we fought actually sixteen times a day, So
I was like, what, this is literally just a normal Tuesday.
And I think it was because I was the one
to finally in things that I felt like I was ready.
Usually it was the other way around. But then I
walked through the world and I was like, oh, I

hate men for a solid like nine months. It's still
kind of going on, but I tried so hard to
not hate them, So I think we're making progress. But
I do think that the way that you let yourself
heal from things does determine how you come out on
the other side. If that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, absolutely, situationships for me have never really been an
issue of breaking up with the situationship.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
So what would that breakup be called.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
Situation no longer?

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, So my.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
Situations no longer moments have never really been that bad.
And I feel like, because this is just what I
did personally, it's not what I recommend you doing.

Speaker 2 (35:21):
This is just what I did.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
I'm just gonna tell you old tale what I did.
And this is why my situation breakups wasn't so bad
is because since I do have like very detachment personality
with men, like for me, it was really easy to
kind of separate the friend from the like adult activities
we would do together. So for me, it was always

like a friends with benefit situation. And I would always
make that extremely clear both to the guy and then
mentally in my brain, like I would force myself to
just like draw that hard line in the sand. So
it's either like until we start dating, like until you
ask me to be your girlfriend's does that make sense?
And like that that's just the way like I got
through it. I would not recommend this to anybody, but

just like it just helped for me. So like if
it did end and like if the guy, if if
like the feeling was mutual, then like who cares if
like one day I texted him and I was like, hey,
look this isn't work anymore, we should stop doing this,
or the other way around. If he texted me that
or something like or just ghosted me, it just wouldn't
like hurt at all. I maybe would like miss the
adult activities you would used to do together, but that

would be sorry, yeah, I like trying to be very
considerate of your like law jobs at the moment. Thank you, Like, yeah,
I would like maybe miss that aspect, but other than that,
it didn't go further, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
And then when we would get close and.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
Like let's say we would be friends on the side,
like that's all he was a friend, and then when
we do the adult activities, like that's you know, it
was just like no toe crossed the other line. If
it did, like if a boundary was crossed, I'll make
it very clear that either we need to break things
off or we need to progress in this relationship. You
need to ask me to be your girlfriend, or we
need to just keep things go in the same way,

because like that's when things get complicated.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
You know what I mean, yes, And I think that
that's where we're off.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
This does not work for everybody for sure.

Speaker 3 (37:11):
I think because she's a Leo. I'm in Kansas, and
I realize everyone in my life is a Leo. Okay,
I have to say this on the podcast because it's
becoming so freaky. I need to stop saying the word freaky.
It's like my word of the week.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Yeah, you said it spooky. You said spooky a lot
this episode two.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Like I don't mean freaky as in like freaky deeky.
I mean freaky as in like spooky. Spooky needs a synonym,
it's skilly. So I am seeing someone so casually right now,
and it's really scaring me because I was like being
cute redever and I was like, oh my god, like
what's your sign? And he was like, oh, I'm a Leo.

And I was like oh, because everyone in my life
is a Leo, like my grandma, my brother, my sister Sarah,
my best friend from law school, three of my exes
are Leo's. So I was like, oh, okay. And I
was like, oh, it's like, when's your birthday? And he
tells me the day I have now dated three men
with the same birthday, and it's my sister's birthday, and

I'm kind of like that I need to go like
take off the lottery or something like are these my
magic numbers? I don't understand. I define that to be
very weird. But I think at the same time, like
I'm the kind of person where when I'm in a
relationship or even a situationship or even just seeing someone,
like I invest myself emotionally so much without meaning to,

just because that is who I am.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
And there's nothing wrong with that for sure at all. Yeah,
that's that's my favorite aspect about you. One of them
is that you like put your whole heart in stuff,
especially relationships.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
It was cute the first time, but now I'm just like,
oh my god, where are my rings whatever? That's scary.
I never take them off and they're not in my hands.
What were we talking about? Oh yeah, So, like if
I start seeing someone or start talking to someone, I

will know I'm not even joking after the first date
for like them or not.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
It's true.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
The problem is and I usually that's like nice for
like saving time and energy and effort, but then it's like,
if I decide I do like there's no going back. Sorry.
So I'm working on that cause I think that's one
part of overthinking is that like I analyze every single
aspect of a situation and I'm like, oh my gosh,
he blinks three times and looks to the right. Does
that mean he like? So I'm trying to stop doing

that because I definitely put the overthinking overthinker, as I
said earlier. But that's one thing that I'm trying to
work on. Another thing is that if I'm fighting with
a man, especially friends, not so much, but like with
a man, if I have something to say, if I
have something on my if I have an opinion, like
I have to say it, like I will literally sit

in my bed, not siting. Don't do it, don't do it,
don't do it. Then trigger fingers came out and da
da da da da da da da, And I realized
that word vomiting and like putting every single like thought
and process I have in my head onto a text
is not the smartest way to approach a situation. So
my method right now to kind of combat aspects of

overthinking when it comes to like bickering or arguing with
a romantic partner is that I write every single one
of my thoughts into my notes and I give myself
twelve to twenty four hours to find it, like, process
through everything before I send them a text. Because I
know that I'm a very reactionary person emotionally, and I

usually and then by usually I mean actually one hundred
point seven percent of the time regret saying it. So
I'm just saying it because it's on my mind, because
I do overthink, and so I think giving myself that
buffer process allows me to release my emotions as I should,
like healthily and not keep them in, but at the
same time process things and be rational, think with my
head and not my heart before approaching situations. So that's

like where I'm at right now. Sorry, every time I
have a thought now, I think like my brain sounds
like Courtney Kardashian.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Oh that is so funny.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
It's like, yeah, like that's where we're at. Oh, I'm
watching Kardashians right now.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
That is so accurate. That was a good impression. So
that's where we're Thank you.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
Ah, what I do, And this is something I've learned
I have. I don't have a lot of anxiety about relationships.
I don't have a lot of anxiety about my work.
I have a lot of anxiety about social situations. So
I would say, like if so, I have a lot
of anxiety over like whether or not somebody is mad

at me, for example, like if the vibe is even
a little bit and I'm sure so many of you
can relate, if the vibe is even a little bit off,
I'm like, oh my god, they hate me. They never
want to talk to me again. So I think that,
like what I've learned, and this is just part of maturing.
I only realize this in the past, like literally a
year or something, when I started surrounding myself with healthier people.
This is what I have learned, Like for example, like

Sydney in Chance, And you know what I've learned is
that if someone is mad at you, it is their
responsibility to let you know what you did wrong. And
like if they're a very good friend, they're not gonna
be fucking passive aggressive, they're not gonna like make you ask,
like they're gonna be an adult and they're gonna tell you.
And until they do that, like if they were mad,

and if they're like a good, healthy person, they would
do that. You know what I mean, So it's like
I have to have enough trust in my friends and
the people I surround myself with that if they have
a problem with me, they would come up to me
and let me know so that we can fix the
problem and move on together, and they're not gonna be
petty or passive aggressive, which of course I am just
I'm blessed to have friends like that. I've never had
this issue with anybody who I'm friends with right now.
But when I was not surrounding myself with like the

healthiest people, for example, I would just be constantly worried
about like whether or not I was enough, or whether
or not someone was mad at me, or we were
gonna get in a fight because I hate confrontation, et cetera,
et cetera. And one thing that I learned is just
like you have to detach yourself from a situation in
the way where it's like, if they have a problem,
they're gonna make that clear. They're going to communicate that
to me, And if I think that they're mad, I

would even ask like are you mad? Like there just
has to be some like healthy level of communication. But
how to cure the overthinking part is like I'm telling
you right now. Ninety percent of the time you think
they're mad at you, they're not mad at you.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
They love you. They're just like maybe tired or they
had a bad day. And that's that's what I've had
to learn. It's like, not everything's about me.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
So I kind of like redirected that energy to just
be like, Okay, they had a bad day, something is
off with them. If they're pissed at me or if
anything about me, they're gonna tell me. And until then
there's nothing I can do, you know, let go, let
God or whatever that saying is.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I'm not really just at all.

Speaker 1 (43:42):
I don't know why I just said that, but it's
like leave it up to the universe.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
There's only so much your account of there's only so much.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
You can go when it comes to stuff like that.
Does that make sense, Like it's very much a practice
of detaching.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Like I literally thought you were gonna say leave it
to beaver.

Speaker 2 (44:01):

Speaker 3 (44:03):
I was like, that's something that you would say. And
even like being on the flip side of that situation,
nothing annoys me more. It's like, if you're mad, just
say so. Like if I'm mad at someone, I literally
text the I'm like, hey, this has been on my mind,
is and bothering me and can we talk about it?
Because at the end of the day, parading around with
the powdy face on and like wagh for them to

notice is only wasting my time. So if I actually
want to work through the situation, I'll just tell you
I'm mad. And if I know, then I'm not mad,
because why would I waste my own time trying to
you to pick and guess and choose my movie.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
And so I'm friends with you because it's that simple,
And like I think the same way as well.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
It's like I know, like if I had a.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
Problem with you, Sidney Winter, I would fucking tell you
because I want to like let it go, move on,
and I can trust that tomorrow we're gonna like just
forget about it and move on, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
And like that's the way our friendship works.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
And that's that's why I star and I never fight.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yeah. Well, also, also I feel like this.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
Weighs heavier on people and people with a certain syndrome
that Sidney is blessed not to have, and that is
people please her syndrome.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
She used to be a people pleaser.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
She still is sometimes like all of us are, but
like I am a man, and Sydney knows like I'm
a major people pleaser, not just in the way where
it's like I hide my feelings, but in the way
where I just genuinely don't get upset at anything.

Speaker 2 (45:22):
Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (45:23):
No, I'll be like, I'll be like, girl, uh, you
should not be not mad about that.

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Yeah, Sidney has to like sit me down and tell
me sometimes, like when I'm getting mistreated and literally anyway,
it's like my little guard dog. She's like, Sarah, listen,
like you have to say whoa. She's like, no, you
actually have to be mad at that. I think, like
you need to stick up for yourself. So yeah, on
the flip side, it's hard for me to like do that.
But as a people pleaser, that's where I start to overthink,

is like, oh my god, is this person mad at me?
Or like, oh my god, if I get mad at
this person, which doesn't really happen with my friends. It's
more like this is more relationship geared. I would say, right, Sidney,
it's like, oh my god, but if I get mad
at this person, are they gonna get mad at me?

Speaker 2 (46:02):
For getting mad back.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
So I think, like as a major people pleaser and
as a LEO and as like I get anxious and
overthink in that way. And that's how I solve that, is,
like I have friends around you who are super supportive,
and also I have friends who are good at communication,
Like if there was ever an issue, why trust they
would tell me, And until then I just have to
let go, Like God, there's nothing I can do.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
Yes, I agree, this is a great thought.

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Oh yeah, I think it's so funny that like ninety
seven percent of the people in my life are leo's
and they all have wildly different personalities, but if you
break them down into like their biggest personality traits, they're
all the same. Yeah. I don't know how else to
describe it. Yes, Like they all love their birthday, they
all love other people with other people's birthdays. They're all

people pleasers like et cetera. And it's just so funny. Yeah,
oh my god, I think about it. I have so
many Leos in my life.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
Are you scared? I think cancers and Leo's are really
attracted to each other.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
They are, I think because they're like ying and yang
of each other. Yeah, but if one more if actually,
I'm not even kidding, if one more Leo man breaks
my heart, I'm gonna start revolutions, Like I'm not kidding,
I will riot because why.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
My old boyfriend was a LEO that didn't go very well.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
But he's the only Leo I know that doesn't act
like actually, yes he does. I'm thinking about the letter
situation now. Was the most Leo thing I've ever heard
in my entire life.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Wasn't it?

Speaker 3 (47:29):

Speaker 2 (47:29):
Exactly in a way.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
We're all the same truly, But my new man is
a Libra and I don't really enough to think of that.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
I don't even know anything about libro's. My dad's a Libra.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
That's all I know, which is scary, but it's when
it's his birthday October fourth.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Okay. I do feel kind of bad because there's like
a few signs where like in my head don't really exist,
like Libra Pisces. Could not even tell you what months
of those are.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Tauris I struggle with, like, I don't know what is
even about you.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Both my parents are tauruses.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
Yeah, that's funny, that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
My mom's like that's like, that's why we didn't work.

Speaker 1 (48:04):
I was like, I don't have thoughts, but uh, Sagittarius
is also, like it's so funny that they're a fire
sign because like I never think about Sagittarius.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
I Sagittarius, Sagittarius.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
I oh see, I have chances of Sage. Oh is she? Oh?

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Never mind? I'm sorry chance if.

Speaker 3 (48:22):
You're listening, but you're probably and my stepmom is a sage.
I don't okay. Scorpio, I don't know any.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Oh, Scorpio is more than Sagittarius.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
And I just like don't know what it is about.
Like Capricorns not cancer, go together back.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
I don't know thing about those I dated.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
I don't know anything about aquariustizes rihann As an aquarius Capricorns.
I am a Capricorn rising and my ex is Capricorn.
They're like very type a very organized, like intellectual driven,
which is so annoying because I am a cancer moon
cancer sun Capricorn rising, which means I'm emotional, double emotion

and intellectual.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I know a lot about aries. Gemini's Leo's obviously cancers.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
Aries I don't know anything about. Besides he was the.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
God as aries are very fiery and spearheaded. They always
want to be like the leader of the pack. They're
very ambitious, but they always want to run everything.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Basically, it makes me laugh.

Speaker 3 (49:22):
Like someone wrote down one day and was like, here's
a guide to your personality, and it fits.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
It does fit sometimes.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
Jillion years earlier. Everyone's like, crack, that's right, that's so funny.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
All right, you guys, We hope you enjoyed that episode
on overthinking and that little chat about moroscopes and star signs.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
Have a great day. That was so weird.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Remember to listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or
wherever you at your podcasts, and you can also follow
us on social media at Crying in Public podcast on Instagram.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Thank you so much for listening. We love you. Goodbye,
ge Bai
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