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July 10, 2023 43 mins

Inspired by the recent social media phenomenons regarding Keke Palmer, Jonah Hill, and the controlling of women's presence on social media, the hosts take this episode to discuss learning how to set healthy boundaries in relationships, learning to recognize manipulation, and how to approached situations in which you find friends, family, or anyone else in potentially toxic or manipulative relationships.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hill. It is Sunday Funday and it is raining.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Actually love Okay, I don't know what it is like.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
He knows, you guys know that I do believe, or
I did believe at some point that I could be
a narcoleptic. Yes, because I'm always a sleepy girl. But
something about the rain, like I had so much energy today.
I went to Nordsia, I went to Zara. I walked
back home from Zara the minute. Also, that's why my
hair looks like this because the rain the minute a

(00:50):
single tear drop, not teardrop, rain dropop the sky. I
was like, I need a nap expeditiously.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
Oh my god, did you take a nap?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
No?

Speaker 1 (00:59):
Oh, I thought you were laying in your bed when
I I like, this is so funny. So I think
we said this on the podcast sometimes. Sidney and I
and our all of our roomates were all very comfortable
around each other. Obviously we don't walk around the apartment naked.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
But I do.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
We strolled whatever. Yeah, I didn't really want anyway. I
go to get like my pat tie from the front door.
I got delivered, and oh, why's my game so low?
And I Sydney's door was opened like a half inch
and I didn't even know she was home, and I slowly,
I mean, she scared the shit out of me. I
slowly heard it. Creak.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Harvey was like, it's gonna be so awkward if he
hears this.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
I just knew that Hardy was gonna come like running
into my room and I have to like chase your
out with my.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
It was so funny though, because I turned around and go, oh,
I'm sorry, Sydney, were you asleep? She goes, no, I'm
just naked.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
I don't know what it is, but like I physically
cannot get ready with clothes on, like and it's so
hard because if I'm going to like somewhere with like
my roommates or like I went into like are the
need to ask you question or something, they like will
come into my room obviously and I have to be like, oh,
like warning, like I actually have no clothes on.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
But it gone to a point where like I just
skip that part.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
They know, yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Every time I come to your room, I saw like
a very set way of getting ready, and it's like
multitasking everything at once until I have five minutes to
so I need to leave and In those five minutes,
I do something stupid like go through TikTok. Then it's
time to leave and I'm like, oh, I need to
put clothes on. Then I spend the next ten to
twenty minutes finding an outfit and tear my room apart,

(02:29):
and then I leave on twenty minutes late, and like,
I try so hard to be on time, but I'm
Jamaican and just the cosmos don't work. I can literally
leave thirty minutes early in the role will find a
way to make me late.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
And also every time Sydney and I are together, I
think that bad luck transfers over to me. Because it
was the train back from Paris, which is the story
we told in the last episode. And then it was
the train on the way to the Hampton's two summers ago,
and Chance was there too, and we all got thirty
minutes before you're supposed to be there.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
We got so I don't know us have ever taken
the Long Island Railroad. If you have, you deserve compensation.
But we like were there so early with our bags.
We figured out where the train was, and like the system.
It's twenty twenty three. We are in the new millennium.
We're like way into the millennium.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yeah, we're pretty far in there.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
And like the way the system works along on the
Long Island Railroad is that there's a board so you
like know when your train time is, like you get
a ticket, the ticket can like apply to any time.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
I think, I don't know if that's true. That's what
I'm gonna say.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
And fourteen seconds before the train leaves, they have this
genormous billboards goes all of the plane, like all the
train numbers and like where the track is that it
starts running.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
So we were like, oh.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
All right, we got to run too, So we like
run to front of our train. The train is there
and we're just standing there and then it drives off.
We were like, wait, is that our train? And then
we had to wait like another two hours. So it's
like six am. Yeah, I had to wait like another
two hours for the next train to come.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
Also, we were so confused because we felt like we
were running when everybody else was running. Yet somehow we
were the.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Only people lot to get on the train and we didn't.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Get lost or anything to I think it's just luck
of a draw.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
It's actually dumb, dumber and dumbestor together, Like the dumbness
comes together and it does an end.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
It gets worser, it gets worse. It's like I love
me some books, but the street smarts aren't there.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
Oh, speaking of books, I got really into reading when
I was home. I was so for context. I was
just home for like a whole week to help babysit
my six year old cousin. We took like a day
trip back to New York, and we took him to
Harry Potter store, and you would have thought Heaven fell
into his lap. He was so excited. He loves Harry.

(04:52):
But he only like all he does though, because it's
obviously an eight movie series. He just rewatches the first
two movies over and over again. That's all he does.
Like he's never seen Baltimore. He doesn't know who that is.
He just knows like the snake.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
And then consistency is certainly their key. Yeah, but no,
it's crazy because I babysat a few weeks ago, and like,
I love babies. They're so smushy, smashy, and they're so
cute to look at and play with. However, this baby,
they were like, oh, baby's gonna nap, so like they
probably even wake up until we're back.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
I was like, wow, okay.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Two minutes after they left, the baby was like, get
me out of here. So I picked the baby up
out of the crib and I was like, hmm, that's
a smell for sure. I lay the baby down on
the like diaper tray.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
See the end's your table, yes, and changing table.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
I open the diaper.

Speaker 3 (05:49):
I don't know what the baby was doing in this
crib because I was really watching it. The baby's hands,
baby's feet, it crapped up its back but also down
its leg. It's hands and feet playing with the poop.
And I was like, oh wow, I use the entire
like station of wipes that were sitting on the I

(06:09):
use the entire thing. I was like, just in case,
let's do this all again, wiping you down fifty five
more times. And I was just like, wow, that's crazy
that all you have was milk and this was the product.
And you know, I love that baby. I would gladly
watch a baby again. I think it like moved my
timeline back a couple of years because I could go
without doing with that again. I'll not forget that, Like

(06:30):
my little brother pooped in the bathtub once and my
mom started crying.

Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeaah, didn't you like make her mom finish them? Yep, yes,
that's something like I would do.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
I was like, that's actually, Sarah.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
No exactly. Also, that's the thing. It's like, I love
my little cousin. I love when he comes over. He
can come over for like a month, and I would
still love him just the same. However, just little kids.
I'm not ready for my own yet. That is just
all I have to say. But going back to what
I was saying, books, books, books. I read like approximately
fourteen books over the week because I was my grandparents
were also over, and like obviously my parents and all

(07:03):
of us like we're going out to fancy dinners and
like bars and stuff like me and my mom usually do.
So I was just like at home in my room
reading the whole time. And it's so funny because you
could just tell how bored I was because of how
and how long I haven't seen my boyfriend for based
on the books that I read and the timeline of
which I read it. So I started out with like

(07:25):
November nine by Colleen Nuver. Then I went to the
Girl in the Window. I forget who that's by then
I went to like this thriller called The Last Missus Parish.
Excellent book by the way, Page Tenner couldn't put it down.
It was emotionally exhausting though to get through the whole
thing in one day, but I did it. Then I
kind of transition. Here's where it starts to get a
little funny. I started reading Ugly Love. Then I started

(07:47):
reading I'm Gonna Let Me Bust Out my Kiddel. Then
I started reading Death Subsession. Then I started reading Haunting Adeline.
Then I started reading Honting Adeline Part two. Do you
know anything about those last three books? They are the
smuttiest smut books you'll literally ever read the entire and
Ugly Love is just bordering on that line, you know.

(08:09):
So it's just really it's a lot for me personally.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
And just tell I, I've read like half of Colling
Hoover's books and they're good dish, So she's controversial. But
my thing is also be like, girly, are you okay?
Because every single one of those books, it's like, here's
the worst trauma ever, deal with the deal with it,

(08:32):
and then fall in love.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
And I'm kind of like girl with the person who
like caused the trauma too, I'm part of me was.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Like, real, can we just have a normal book?

Speaker 3 (08:39):
Like dang, They're literally all trauma b on books, and
I feel like it's a little bit of a question mark.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
It's like the same.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Criticism that the Actor series got, where it's like glorifying
trauma is the same thing like Colleen Hoover's books have
and I'll get meaning to movies.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
I will.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
I read them and all the after books. That was
kind of like, dang, can something of light and fun?
So I'm reading a romance novel right now. It's weird though,
because like the books that I read, half of them
are like fun, quirky romance novels that I can finish
in like a day or two.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Then the other ones are like a.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
Thousand page historical anthologies. They're like historical fiction.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
I have a lot of respect for you.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
I carried those, but like A Little Life was I
just finished it.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
It was the hardest book I've ever read because it's
like nine hundreds is it nine hundred pages? It's a
really thick book. But it's also just like, here's the
worst that could ever happen to a human being. We're
gonna make it worse. Wait, next chapter, it's even worse.
Oh wow, it's even worse somehow, and part of you
is like damn especial since life couldn't get any worse.
They're like, oh wait, boom, here's the ending. I was
reading that, I was like, girl, what is this based

(09:42):
off of? Are you okay? So that was like the
most dea same book I've ever read.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
In my life.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
Oh really, Like I hope they never got into a
movie because it'd be like the worst movie ever.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
But the writing is incredible. But I was kind of like, girl.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Nine hundred pages while of Pure Trauma, I was like, dang,
are they okay?

Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (10:03):
So yeah, but you know it's fun to like get
off of Love Island and do anything else for entertainment values.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
I will say it was awesome to get off the
screens and it made me definitely fall back in love
with reading. I would say, like the last Missus Parish
really pushed me to be like I'm just gonna keep
reading and hopefully never stop.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
I will say that, like reading those books when I
was like fourteen makes a lot of sense Now. Yeah,
I look back at the mind I'm dated and like
where my idea of romance came from.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, Sydney and I were what Pad readers. Yeah, yeah,
that one story. Yeah, when I was fourteen, I was
literally reading your watpad story without really knowing that it was.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Fame meets all of us in different ways, and that
was my trystal fame.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yes. Yeah, Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Well, I was gonna say before we get into the topic,
because I know I want Seddy to kick it off
because she kind of enlightened me with these TikTok things
that are going on, not even TikTok, just like social
media in general. But before we get started, I do
want to say, this is Crying in Public. I'm Sarah.
That is Sydney. You can follow us on Instagram at
Crying in Public podcast and remember you can always listen
to us on any podcast area you get your podcasts from,

(11:15):
but mostly Spotify, Apple Podcasts, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Let's get into it.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
Before get into it, I went on a date last
night and it was crazy because he's like normal and
I feel like I haven't had that in a long time.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
That was really sad.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah, do you know what I mean? That's nice?

Speaker 1 (11:41):
That's awesome.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
He was so like chivalrous that I was like shocked
by it, but he can't be, like that's a normal
thing to do. And I was like, oh, so I'm
the weird one. But I think it was nice to
because now sometimes you like get frustrated or like lose
hope when it comes to dating, especially if you are
on hinge right now.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Like I said.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Earlier, you deserve compensation because I don't know what's happening
on that spooky app but it was like the first
time I met someone normal and I'm like, oh.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
So finally, I hope it has been restored.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
We'll see how it goes.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
But our topic for today is Sinny and I had
a conversation a couple of days ago based off of
two really prominent social media uprisings that are happening right
now over to specific celebrity situations. So I'll let Sudden
you take it away because she kind of showed me
both of them, so I only feel like that's fitting.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yes, So the premise behind this was like.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
How to see red flags and your vision is blurry,
And by that I mean we always have that one
friend or we always have been that one friend where
you are in a relationship or situationship with someone and
it's so incredibly toxic or they treat you so incredibly bad,

(13:05):
but you're so intertwined emotionally that you can't see how
bad it is, but everyone around you can. And so
this is kind of brought on by the Kikik Palmer
situation that was then spurred the Jonah Hill conversation.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
So many conversations.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
So a little bit of background context if you don't
know what's been happening on social media, especially Twitter the
last few days. So, Kiki Palmer America's literal sweetheart, true
Jackson VP. She just had a baby with this creaky,
deeky man. His name is I forget exactly because exactly

(13:46):
the story. So, Kiki is a wonderful woman. She's very
funny and I love her. She's very talented. And she
went to the Usher concert, you know, mommy's night out,
and she was wearing like a black body to with
a long sleeve Maxi dress over it. That was a
mesh very normal outfit. I thought I was respectful. I

(14:06):
thought it was cute. I even said in my head,
that's a cute outfit. It was really really cute and
Usher during the residency went over to her table and
was like serenading her, which he does every night with
any sleverties in the audience. And someone posts the video
and they look at Usher serenading Kiki Palmer. That transpired.
Someone posted it and not.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
Her boyfriend though first right, it was somebody completely different.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah, there's like a like a random guy. And so
the guy her like baby daddy. Literally that's what he is.
He's the father of her baby.

Speaker 2 (14:40):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
Swiped up on the story like quote tweeted it and
he was like, it's the outfit though you're a mom.
This is one of those moments where all the different
divisions of Twitter came united, all of the scars were healed,
people were brought together again against this one man.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
It was an uprising.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
I've never seen all of Twitter agree on one thing
that this man's awful. And to make it worse, he
continued to tweet and say things like I'm a traditional man,
while I want my wife and the mother of my
kid's dress inappropriately with her butt cheeks out at a concert.
That was literally what he said in his tweet. I'd
like to point out so many things about that one
tweet one, she's not your wife. You gave her a child,

(15:27):
not a ring.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Number one or more like she gave you a child.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
But yes, I think number one.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
Number two he got another woman pregnant right before he
started dting Kiki Palmer made her have an abortion.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
So no way, I didn't know all that.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Already, question mark.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
Now number three, you want to talk about traditional and controlling.
You are not the breadwinner of your family. You are
the trophy baby daddy like Kiki is the one taking
care of the family, the breadwinner and bringing things in
and very non traditional, as I would say approach to
a couple like happens in society. So for you to

(16:00):
come on to Twitter on your phone to publicly shame
the mother of your child, the provider of your finances,
the woman of your home mind you to stay at
home dad, and to criticize her about her outfit was
crazy to me, especially because he is shirtless, his five
to five self.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
There's traps are all over his Instagram and you've never
Takiki say, but you're a father, you know.

Speaker 3 (16:26):
So it's this whole idea notion that once you have
a romantic tie or physical tie or emotional tie or
familial tie with the man they think that they have
the ability to control you. I do not care if
you are the dally Lama, if you are the Pope,
if you are the President of the United States. Besides Obama,

(16:47):
you do not tell me what I get to wear.
I don't care if I'm the mother of fifteen hundred children.
If i want to wear a Maxi dress.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
Mind you. It literally covers every inch of her body, So.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, nothing's revealing. Even if it was still wouldn't be
an issue to me. But like, I mean, she's going
to a concert were sweatpants and turtle man.

Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, like that's actually crazy. But Twitter bullied him so
badly that he actually left the app, Thank you Lord.
But people also expose that, like he had so many
misogynistic ablest ageis tweets, like on his timeline things that
he's liked, Like he liked to post about how Tracy
Ellis Ross is too old to be having her boobs
out because suposed to video of her like her fitness journey.

(17:25):
And I'm just like a person, do men feel the
need to have opinions on our body? But I do
hope that because I'm sure if he acts like that
in public, he's probably worse in private. So I'm glad
that there was kind of that moment where everyone was like, girl,
you need to get out, because it starts with the tweet.
It starts with the joke until it's not a joke anymore,
and men try to control you. So I'm glad that

(17:46):
even though she may not have had that experience or
I've seen it beforehand, she doesn't sees it now. But
that also spurred Jonah Hill's ex partner to kind of
comment on the situation about just man be controlling in
general and for context, she's a surfer, like a professional surfer,
and she posted texts between her and Jonah Hill where
he basically was like, I get that you like to surf,

(18:10):
and I get that you're a surfer, but I do
not want you to surf with men, to speak to men,
to post in a bathing suit or bikini for attention.
And she was like, that is literally my job, and
he was like, well that's your job when you shouldn't
be with me, And this whole you did anything we
had going on for like twenty four seconds went away
because suddenly all of the men were like period, he's

(18:33):
claiming his boundaries.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
Number one period is for women. Yes.

Speaker 3 (18:36):
Number two, asserting your boundaries, which talk about a lot
on this podcast, does not mean that you get to control, degrade,
or insult your partner. It means that he should have
reframed it in a sense saying that I'm an insecure
man and I do not want the person that I
am with to seek attention from other people because I

(18:57):
feel like I should provide all of that some insecure
little man.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
That's what he really means.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
He lacks confidence, he lacks consecure, and it's giving smalltic
energy Jonah.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
And it's not your partner's responsibility to make you feel
like a man, to make you feel whold, to make
you a secure in relationship. So I think it was
giving it all around. But I think I just really
brought back this idea that for so long the relationships
I were in were so toxic abusive, like emotionally physically draining,

(19:25):
and all of my friends would constantly be like, girl,
why are you with him? He treats you so bad,
he's awful, he's not cute, And in.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
My head I was like, oh, but I love him.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
And it wasn't until I finally got out of the
quicksand took a step back that I actually, in this
current day and moment, cannot give you a single reason
that's two holes with that man. And I know that
it's a situation that me, Sarah and Room may have
been in with each other.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Especially We're like, you have to have that memohere.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
You're like, girl, I love you, So I'm gonna tell
you this from the bottom of my heart. Why are
you with this freaky loser? Like you need to do better?
You can't do better, you will do better. I think
it's just whole culture of settling because we think that
we have to be in a relationship. But as someone
who has been on both ends of the stick, I
can't explain enough that it's so much better to be

(20:14):
alone and not have to be like at the whims
of an emotional man then to constantly feel like I
have to be degraded or insulted or hurt because I
want to be I want to have a boyfriend, you know,
like I'm much rather be alone watching Love Island, healing
all of those inner wounds that when I do meet
the right person who will respect.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Me, you can show yourself and you were ready to
like accept that love that you so deserve. I'm going
to share a personal anecdot which I feel like a
lot of women can relate to my whole childhood. In
my whole life, all I wanted to do is be
an adult, right, And I always exhibited yes because I'm
a woman, and women do tend to mature more quickly

(20:56):
than men. So it was kind of like hard to
find the sentiment in my partners or like the romantic
endeavors that I was choosing. But I really always wanted
to be an adult, not only with work, like right
after college, like my goal was to become financially independent,
and like I've always been independent in like the way
I live and like what I do, and my parents
and I are very close, but I've always been able
to maintain that independence in a romantic relationship every single

(21:17):
time I would ever get in a romantic relationship, whether
it was like in high school I'm talking junior year
or high school, or like sophomore year of college, et cetera,
et cetera. I ever since I turned like I would say,
fifteen or sixteen years old, I thought that I was
thirty five, Like especially in my relationships. So when I
was wronged, so like when my high school boyfriend found
out he was texting like a bit behind my back

(21:39):
and they were sexting or whatever. And then when my
college boyfriend was telling me like I shouldn't wear certain
outfits and that's how this relates, I was like, Okay,
we can push through this because in my mind we
were like a married couple. Does that make sense. So
it's like I felt I wanted to be an adult
so bad that I was foregoing the fact that I
was twenty years old and I was solely focused on
making the relationship work. However, what I had to learn

(22:02):
is that it is not just my job to make
a relationship work. It is a partnership, and if the
other person is not emotionally, spiritually, physically mature enough to
realize that, then I should not be in that situation.
When I finally started dating my college boyfriend, I was like, Okay,
this is it. We're going to get married and have kids.
So every time he would make a really really drastic mistake,
I would overlook it and kind of excuse his behavior

(22:22):
by being like, I can fix this because we're life partners.
Where's my ring? Like, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (22:28):
I was just thinking. I felt that it's like a
double elbow anger.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Like I don't have a ring on the finger. I don't.
We don't have kids, we don't have a house together
like I have no we were long distance. I don't
have any commitment to this man. And this is no hate,
no shade, but like maybe it is a little bit,
but truly, I think I had to realize that, yes,
I'm more mature, but even further than that, it's like
I have certain expectations that I can't expect a man
to fulfill unless it's like the right guy, you know,

(22:55):
like he just wasn't the right guy. And I think that,
like my maturity was an excuse to stay in the relationship,
if that makes sense. I feel like a lot of
women can relate to that, you know, like I truly
must say.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Yeah, I truly must say. Women can move mountains, Women
literally breathe life into this world, into this earth. Women
and wars, Women start wars, Troy. I'm looking at you, Helen.
The women are literally those girls, you know, Like that's

(23:30):
who we are.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
We can do anything but our mind to superwomen.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
But the one thing a woman cannot do is change
a man, and I can't.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
I can't emphasize that enough.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
And I think that in the back of my head
because I love day projects, is that when I meet
a flawed man, a man who treats me awfully, who
has no respect for me, deep down I think, Wow,
if I just love him extra hard, he'll change.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
I can't say this enough, No, he will not.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
Because people will treat you the way they want to
treat you, no matter how hard you love them, no
matter how loyal you are, how honest you are, how
committed you are. If they don't respect you, if they
don't want to be with you, they will treat you
like XYZ. No matter how hard you love them, they
will not change. So I think that it's hard to
come to terms with that, But I think once you

(24:19):
accept that, you'll realize and you really have to ask yourself,
is the way that this man is behaving right now?
Would I be okay with dealing with this for an
indefinite amount of time. I'm talking one.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
Year, two year, five years, ten years.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
Kids with this man. And if you say yes, I
want you to ask yourself that question again, and like,
really think about it, because the answer is always going
to be no. You cannot make them respect you. You
can't make them change. They'll only change if they want
to change, and most times they do not. So I
think that even though it's a hard pill to swallow,
a hard truth to accept, it.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Is the truth.

Speaker 3 (24:56):
And eventually, when you do find your peace with it,
I promise you you'll end up so much happier and
you feel like there's literally a weight with's it off
your shoulders so you're no longer having to bear someone
else's like despair, you know.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
My thing is is like when I'm in a relationship,
you're not my child. I should not have to baby you.
I should not have to mother you. You shouldn't have
to watch over you. I should have to teach you
how to love me. That's my thing. It's like I
can't stand when I have to sit somebody down. It's
not even like I'm setting a boundary. I'm not even
like trying to tell you something that's unique to me
that I feel uncomfortable with or comfortable with, or want
to do or don't want to do. It's like I'm
sitting you down teaching you basic respect. I would rather

(25:30):
stick a pin in my eye and wiggle that shit
around than have that happen again. It's like, I am
a twenty almost twenty three year old woman. I have
the rest of my life ahead of me. I'm still
young enough where I'm not stuck in any situation. And no,
I'm not going to sit down here and teach you
the basics of human life. Your mama should have done that,
and if she hadn't bat on her.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
But it's not my job, really, And it's like, also,
shame on your father for allowing you to act like that.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yes, but oh exactly for sure.

Speaker 3 (25:54):
The PRINTO dynamic, I think nothing makes you want to
gag more when people are like, yeah, I trained him
a wolf. Wolf, Why you talk my wofeen like he's
a dog. I don't want to ever have to train
a man like I never. My mom was like Sydney.
Sometimes you have to take like a not as attractive man.
I'm not as smart man, or as successful as a man,

(26:16):
or as stylish as a man, and you can change
him and make him into the persons worthy of being
your husband. And I was like mother, mother, mother, mother,
I love you so much, but I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
I did not.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
Work my butt off during school from the time I
was three until twenty five to get into a career
where I know I could take care of myself and
never be beholden to a man or his money. One Two,
I did not go through the hard work of like
learning about myself, healing from relationships, figuring out what I
want out of a partner. Didn't have to turn around

(26:50):
and raise a grown man. I'm good, I'm good, I'm sick,
I'm sick, and I'm actually so okay that I'm not
doing that. Love her but not doing that, And I
think it's honestly a generational thing, where like in the
seventies and eighties you can even have your own bank
account if you were a woman, especially an unmarried woman.
So I feel like back then you had to kind

(27:11):
of give up things that you actually want or need
a relationship in order to be okay. I have someone
work on it then, or I'll stay absolutely not. I
don't need a man to get pregnant. I don't even
to start a family. I need the man for a
bank account. I can take care of myself. So if
I am giving up my potential freedom of potential piece
for someone, it's going through something that deserves to have

(27:33):
my time. I love my energy, my attention, et cetera.
And if they don't deserve that kicking to the door,
I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
That reminds me of the Sex and the City episode.
It's in season one, episode nine, to be specific. It's
called the Turtle in the Hair, And yes, I looked
it up.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Obviously I'll say you just know the top of it.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
No I did not, that would be very scary. But
it's the episode where after Samantha got dumped, she tried
to turn that really like unappealing guy called the turtle
like he was super rich but not very appealing, into
a catch like a pay breast smelt, he didn't dress
very well, et ceter wasn't taking care of himself. Since
Samantha tried spent the whole episode to try to change him,
what did that? I just want if you ever feel

(28:11):
like you have to change a man or train a man,
I want you to go back to that episode. For
all of my SATC lovers or just like that lovers,
I want you to go back. I don't want you
to rewatch that episode. And if Samantha, like the goddess Samantha,
the woman I pray to every night before I go
to bed. If she couldn't do it, what makes you
think that you get? And also the man was rich too,

(28:31):
you know what I mean? Like, why are you trying
to change this random guy who like works at this
sonic across the street, Like, I don't understand. You are
so much better than that, truly, truly.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
And that's like my thing now. So I feel like
I don't know TikTok thing. But also just like with
people I know, friends actually just literally any woman where
Like I'll see girls date really spooky in and they're like, oh.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
But he's rich. Girl, girl, girl, girl.

Speaker 3 (28:56):
I don't know, if you've never seen Social Network, if
you've never seen actually any Wolf of Wall Street, any finance,
social Network's good money comes in, goes girl. He puts
that stuff in. Literally, he can lose all his money tomorrow.
And then you slept with a man who who what?

Speaker 1 (29:11):
Watch Real Housewives you can see how quickly those men
lose their money.

Speaker 2 (29:15):
Sometimes they jogging down with them.

Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah, And that's like something that I've found hard because
I think especially as because it's okay, So I'm not
gonna want to watch the show insecure if you haven't,
it's really good. And there's a line in the show
where the character Molly, she's a black female attorney, where
I was like, oh, whoa, and she was like, highly
educated women, but especially a highly educated women of color

(29:40):
are like the largest single demographic because I think your
expectations are so much higher, and men like to be
able to control women in the lost situation, especially when
it comes to money. Yes, so it's so hard dating
when you've reached a certain level of comfortability with yourself financially,
where like you do want someone who is like equal
to that or high. And I think that in the

(30:01):
back of my head that's always been like a question
like are men going to be like turned off or
like pushed away by like ambition or things like that,
because I'm not gonna be like, you know, staying at
home with kids or like asking you like for money,
like that's not what I want. I like very clearly
chose this work path because I never want to be

(30:24):
beholden from, like beholden by a man because of money.
Like if I need to leave, I'm gonna leave, you know.
So I think that that's been hard in terms of dating, especially.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Like at our age is that I need.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
To find someone who's like inspired by any wanting to
be ambitious instead of like being threatened by that one.
But two, it's like a lot of the men who
like I would consider it to be like in the
same like kind of life path or like hourly path
or whatever in terms of like work life is like
finance pros and other lawyers. And as someone who has
tried to date people of both those professions, I'm so

(30:58):
good to argue.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
I'm not about to date someone else who likes to argue,
you do.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
I need to win arguments. So you know, I can't
stand assassin.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
No assassin is for women.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
It's you. That's my job, So yeah, I can't do that.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
I have a funny story and kind of to support
your point. And when I was eighteen, I went on
a date with this guy who was almost ten years
my senior, and he took me out for a couple
of dates, all really nice places, put down the check
for all three of them, and just from his like
family background and the stuff like you know, when you
can smell money on somebody, not just money, old money,

(31:35):
do you know what I mean? From the stuff that
he said, you know where he's like, oh I vacation
and like stuff like that. Yeah yeah, or like like
you showed me a picture of his house where like
where his parents are from. I was like, oh my god,
Like this is nuts. Anyway, So we go on a
couple of dates, and I'm not gonna lie, you know.
I was eighteen years old, I was new to the city.
I was really excited to date somebody with full pockets.

(31:57):
I mean that is exciting. It's like the glamour and stuff.
And I really wasn't thinking that, clearly, I wasn't. I
was being a little shallow in that, for sure. But
I think that's also a common experience when you moved
to New York City. You get distracted by shiny things.
Anywhos Rama's date. This is like if you're a third
or fourth date and you can just tell the vibe switched,

(32:17):
like and it switched kind of like a little bit
on the third day. It was a gradual thing, like
he didn't just have a bad day or something. You
would just tell vibe is off. I think you could
tell the mask was coming off. That's a better way
of describing it, because on this date he was just
so patronizing, like I was asking questions about where he
was from, and he was almost laughing at my ignorance
about just this foreign country that I've never been to

(32:39):
before in my life. And it was very just like
you could just tell everything he said was meant to
demean me and put me in my place, and I
go in my brain, it was like a waterfall crashed down.
I said, if you're like this on the fourth date,
what are you going to be like when we're married?
Does that make sense? So ever since then I ghosted him,
and ever since then, I realized being distracted by monetary

(33:04):
value never works out in your favor. There are poor
assholes and there are rich assholes, and I would just
really like to make that clear. And I've found that out.
I've been on plenty of dates since then with very
old money, gorgeous even men, and they've been dicks. So
it's like, it's definitely not everything. It's not even ten
percent of the equation.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
That's why I'm so like.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
About this idea of like high value women or high
value men, or like high value dating, because it's just
throughout money. And I'm like, if you're dating so unpurely
for the monetary benefit, you're not going to be happy.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
But I think it's also like calling.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
Women low value or high value depending on how much
they make or what they're willing to do for a.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Man, or how many bodies they have.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Yeah, I think it's disgusting.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
So I think, like that whole debate, I'm not in
tune with Yeah at all whatsoever, because it's like I'm
not willing to quit my job to move somewhere for
a man on low value nor not.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Or if I'm not willing to have your kids the
second you put a ring on my finger, I'm low value.
Or if I have a body account that's over ten people.
It's stuff like that where it really doesn't make any sense.
It's just not even a factor, you know, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
Also, those men are I have like so many men
nowadays that do claim to be Like if I saw
like high value man in a man's bio, I think
i'd actually block them.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Looking for a high value woman, Yeah, I don't know.
I'm okay, I don't need to be that woman for you, true,
Yeah I can't. I hope you find what.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
You're looking for.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
And there are women who like do value that relationship
and like good for you.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
I just can't do it.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
But that's the thing. It's like, no matter who you're dating,
if they have like lots of money, if they don't
have lots of money, it's like it shouldn't be a
factor in whether or not you are dating them. I
think it might be an added benefit or something, but
I just don't think it should be included on your
husband list. Does that make sense? Yeah, because really you
should be thinking about love, respect, morals, honesty, like humor

(35:01):
even before you know, wanting to date like an old
money person just for the heck of it.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
This is crazy to me. And they're also old Money's
not that it's called old money. It's not that common.
We're not all dating Ganderbilts out here. So you know,
it gets you a boo that works at.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
I don't know so much.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Also, did anybody watch that movie where this woman got
inducted into an old money family and the like. On
the day of their wedding day, they made her go
running around the house and they played a game of
hide and seek and they actually were shooting to kill
her like that entire movie. So you just really want
to think about it, just go watch that movie out
No it was no, no, no, it was that woman
with the bug eyes that you or no.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
A woman the menu.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
No, it's a girl who looks exactly like her.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Though Oh, I thought she was aar for the longest time. Oh,
we do hering, Grimes, I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
You told me she was a At one point I
think I might play No.

Speaker 3 (35:54):
Everyone was like, Grimes has a kid with Elon. I
was like, I'm taking this too far.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
Ai, She's not.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
She is a human being, so get out. I've never
watched it with the volume off. She did try to
the volume off, I think because they make it less
scary to me because my ex, the crazy one, was like,
my family is just like the family, and get out
and I was like, oh, and I'm black. This is
not a good recipe. So I didn't watch it with
the volume of. Oh my gosh, I couldn't really.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
Tell you what happened. I described the scenes to you.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
That's so scary. Why would you tell you that? Simply
not true?

Speaker 2 (36:27):
Girl? Have you met this man? And true? Yes?

Speaker 1 (36:29):
I have run literally Nope, which is another Jordan movie
I was debating. Oh, I got in this debate this
week with my uncle, who hated us. I love that movie.
I obviously don't think it's better than get Out, but
I love Us. It goes like in chronological order. For me,

(36:51):
it goes like get Out Us and then Nope. If
you haven't watched Nope, go watch it. It's a really
fun movie. But I thought Us was a masterpiece. A
lot of people thought like the plot just was too crazy,
with like the Untethered or whatever. I've loved it. You
watched that one with the volume on, didn't you.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yeah. I thought it was so good.

Speaker 1 (37:07):
My uncle hated it.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
When it was her, I was like, whoa, I also
love whatever. His name is, Jordan Pools name Jordan Peele,
peel nice.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
It was a couple wait, what's the word for the
letters that made.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
The sounds, Oh, vowels?

Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yes, I was gonna say victims and it was just
a couple of vowels off.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
But I had the right idea and the right heart.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
I love horror. I like rediscovered it. I rediscovered my
love for horror like books, I would say, thriller books,
horror movies and TV shows like Yellow Jackets so good.
Also just like genuinely amazing horror movies like Sounds of
the Lamb. This is the Shinings. I really like dove

(37:56):
into the classics recently and it's good. I really love them.
It's there's just so much on the core line. Even
there's a lots unpack, especially in stop motion.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
I saw The Blackening this weekend?

Speaker 1 (38:07):
How did you like it?

Speaker 3 (38:07):
It was like the writing was really bad and it
was really cringey, but there were moments that were funny.
But the moments that were funny weren't because they were
written funny.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
Oh, they were like ironically funny.

Speaker 3 (38:19):
Yeah, it was like ironically funny, or you could tell
it was like an improv like one off line.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Oh really.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Also, I didn't realize that the seats reclined that much,
so I had like the popcorn in my lap, and
then I don't realize I was gonna flatten out, so
I spilled the entire thing popcorn onto my face like
the first two minutes of the movie.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, that's just so funny. I'm really excited for Barbenheimer.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh, Barbenheimer, can't wait. Yeah, I love it. I love
how both of us know what that is. I'm so
excited and it's just so funny. Like their marketing tactics
literally overlapped so much. It's hilarious. Also, you know, I
love me some was a Killian Murphy. He's on my
top five list of them. We discussed our top five
lists on the podcast, like our cheating list, but like
it's not serious, it's just funny. But we discussed our

(39:04):
top fives on the pod, Like I think that was
a couple of episodes ago. Killian Murphy's like number four
on my list, and he is. He looks good in
Oppenheimer two. It reminds me of Tommas Shelby, which is
always good for him. I don't think he's blonde.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Hair Oppenheimer man.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
I don't know what I thought his name sounded like
it certainly wasn't that. But I heard Margot Robbie, She's
like Lillian Fight. I was like, yes, Killian.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Sicilian pizza.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
I always get so jarred when I hear Margot Robbie
speak in her Australian accent. I always forget she's Australian.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
I'm kind of girls give it up at this point,
because you literally play an American every movie ever.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
Just to let it go.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
Yeah, I've said this all the time too. It's like,
I love Margot Robbie I think she's a brilliant actress.
I think she's gorgeous inside and out. Like interviews, you
can just tell she's a good person. However, her one
accent that she does in uh, Suicide Squad and Wolfe
Wall Street for some reasons, I'm like, girl, what part
of Brooklyn are you trying to thank you? No, I'm
not crazy on this right because my boyfriend disagrees with me.

(40:01):
I think it's the most funny thing I've ever heard,
and like, I just kind of want to talk to
her accent coach. Really, if you love her, that's just funny.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
If you have any opinion about Margot Robbie, that's not
she's hot, and then they alm disagree with you. I
have a video of my ex. I was like asleep
in bed and I was like, why is he on
the computer? He just scrolling through Google images of Marga Robbie.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
Was he jerking off?

Speaker 2 (40:19):
No, he was just sitting there.

Speaker 1 (40:21):
Speaking of movies, did you end up going to see
The Little Mermaid?

Speaker 3 (40:25):
No? And Wayne to look, I'm gotten Disney, okay, because
you're crazy for that. All of you people are haters,
you as your as your black friend. You didn't go
with me, chancer didn't go with me. No one else
sang with me, So I was like, oh, I see,
I will remember this.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
My one criticism is not about anything except for, uh,
what was her name?

Speaker 2 (40:45):
What was her name? What was her name?

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Akaina? Honestly, Scuttle was good the whole movie until the
Scuttle but song, and you could just first of all,
you could just hear the lin manuel Miranda in the song,
which I thought was funny. But the song is just hilarious,
Like what is the scuttle?

Speaker 2 (41:01):
But why is this relevant?

Speaker 1 (41:02):
What are we talking about?

Speaker 2 (41:03):
I just thought she was canceled, so I was like,
why are bringing this back?

Speaker 1 (41:05):
I thought she was canceled too. Also, are you up
to date with all the Coleen drama that's going on
right now? TikTok?

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Yeah, But I was like, never anto YouTube like that.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
So I was just like me, neither, But you have
to tell me you listen to the song like on
TikTok or something.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
I know, I just I've heard I saw the TikTok what. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
For those unfamiliar, it's really popular YouTube. Collen has been
a yes, she's yeah, Miranda sing's essentially. I never got
that either, an important distinction. Never thought she was funny,
but she has a huge fan base or hat I
suppose she has recently been accused of like child grooming,
et cetera, just like all of these really bad things,

(41:47):
and so to apologize quote, she went on YouTube, got
out her little uguilele and played us like a six
minute song about how we all suck and like it's
the toxic gossip train that is directing these rumors and
not anything of actual real fact, but a lot of
like victims have spoken out, so it's pretty it's it's
just funny, Like the seriousness of the situation compared to

(42:09):
her playing a sixth minute ukulele song on her YouTube
is really funny.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Like that contradictions is like do you have a pr agent?
Do they hate you?

Speaker 1 (42:18):
They're crying in their beds. They're crying in their beds,
under their beds.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
That's round just quick, like ya, you're too far.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah. Literally, all her publicists are like, or there are
also some really fed up publicists out there in the
world who are probably celebrating this because is the most
attention she's ever gotten since twenty twelve.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Where it's like when COVID hit and all the celebrities
were like the people single, Oh my god. Wait, it
was like people are dying thank you for that song. No,
it was Galgado.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Yeah yeah, Oh I got everything to learn about that one.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
I'm like, oh wow, I learned that against my will.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Or like when the blam movement was at its peak
again over COVID, when it was like that song that
isn't even about anything like that, it's that mackelmore song
about being like part of the LGBTQ community, and they
use that song to like do face paint and go
like this Like that, I got so cringey. COVID was

(43:11):
such a cringe time looking back on it. All right,
you guys, that is all the time we have for today.
Thank you so much for listening. I already gave you
all of our information at the beginning of the episode. Again,
we are crying in public and we love you.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Gey Bye bye,
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