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March 10, 2024 20 mins

Join us for part one of this episode as we explore the importance of being in tune with your health: body and mind alike. Our host, Sydni, shares insights on navigating the journey to find a therapist who resonates with our unique needs and discusses the telltale signs that it's time to seek support. Furthermore, she debunks the common (and all too easy) tendency to attribute unhealthy behaviors to astrology signs and the importance of taking accountability.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, y'all. I don't know why. We've had the same
theme music for four years now, and every time it
gives me a little dance gets a going fun fact
our old friends are. One of my old friends made
our soundtrack, and that's one thing I love about n
YU is that, yes, a lot of it is fluff.

When I tell people about my major, they look at
me like I'm crazy, and we'll say, that's like ninety
percent of my NYU experience. But it's so nice meeting
so many creative people because I feel like everything that
has to do with our with the podcast, from recording
to the live shows that we did, to our theme music,
to our photography to our cover photo, like all of

that stuff we found through people that went to NYU
with us. So love a netion moment. Anyway, Welcome to
episode three. I believe of this season. You're getting into
the vibe of me doing this by myself and so
am I. This episode is gonna be super short, but

it's going to be a part one and part two
because as we speak, I am recording this literally so late.
It's seven twenty on Thursday, and usually I record the
episodes on Sunday to have them ready to go before Thursday. However,
I am leaving for Africa tonight. Literally my flight is
at midnight, and I obviously won't be able to bring

my entire podcast setup, so there will be no episode
next week. And I'm going to be rushing through this
episode this week, but when I come back, we'll have
a super duper long episode to make up for it.
But I'm honestly so excited for my trip. I haven't
been out of the country and okay, technically I went
to the Mohammas over my winter break, but I've never

been to Africa, and I'm so excited. So this trip
is paid for by the Black Law Student Association at
Columbia Law School. I'm going for what they call a
pro bono caravan, so not to be super boring, but
in order to pass the bar, you have to have
I think, fifty hours of pro bono work, which means
free legal work. So I'll be spending my spring break

week in Sierra Leone, Freetown, doing free legal work for
their government to get my fifty hours. But I'm literally
so excited. I it's funny because it's in like this
weird season in New York where it's not cold, it's
not hot, but it's super rainy and gross. So I
still have like all my winter stuff out and like
my doc Martins, my boots, et cetera. So I had

to spend literally all day digging through my storage looking
for my summer clothes because it's going to be like
mid nineties the entire time that I'm there. So I
spent all day, unfortunately, doing that, and I wasn't able
to record and edit and do all the cute fun
things I had planned for the show before I left,
So unfortunately you were left with me babbling for the

next twenty five thirty minutes. But I am super excited
for my trip, and I of course will update you guys,
and if you follow me on Instagram or TikTok, I'm
sure I will be annoyingly spamming your feeds. But so
that's what I have going on right now. So I
haven't been like a little update recently. I did talk
last episode more of update about the show, but I

wanted to go a little bit more into like what
I've been up to the past few weeks, and it
kind of ties into the theme that this episode. So
if you've listened to this podcast for the last four seasons.
You know that my former co host and also I
have had like very very mixed experiences with therapy, and

I think that obviously, as a child, I went through
therapy because of my parents divorcing, So that was like
my first kind of tryst with it. I think I
don't know if I was just because I was so
young or because I associate therapy with the situation. I've
never been crazy about it, and I've always been the
kind of person that's like, oh, like, I'll just think

my way through it. I've gotten through crazy things before,
like I'll just keep doing that. And I don't know
what it was about the last few months or this semester,
but I just had a lot on my plate this semester.
Like I'm in three classes, I'm a research assistant for
a professor, I'm writing my note, which is like your
thesis in law school. I'm also working at Warner Brothers,

and I have the podcast. So I've just been going
through a lot of stress the last few months. And
there was something that really clicked in January where I
had just felt myself losing it and I've never I've
also been I've had or struggled with depression for a while,
but there was something about this time that felt very,
very different, like I've never sat there and been like, Okay,

I'm actually at bottom. There was something about those past
few weeks where I was like, I don't think I
can pull myself out of this. And it wasn't like
anything I necessarily triggered it. And that's what really made
me feel like this is the time to start getting help,
because I just felt saddened down all the time. And
it wasn't like I was crying every day or I

couldn't get out of bed. It was more so like
I couldn't really sleep, which if anyone that knows me
knows that, like I love napping. I napped like three
times a day, so the fact that I couldn't even
get my regular sleep in was an issue. I found
myself just being really lethargic during the day. I was
working out a lot, but not really feeling any serotonin
from it, Like after I wouldn't feel this rush that

I used to feel from working out. I started getting
a lot of weight and I was working out probably
one or two times a day at the least, so
I couldn't figure out what was happening there. I had
lost to my appetite. And it's weird because I'm a
cancer moon and cancer sun, so like crying is like
my second form, and I just couldn't. I would feel sadness,

but I couldn't like release it, and I couldn't figure
out what was wrong with me. So I thought, like,
you know, maybe I'm just getting like a really bad
bout of seasonal depression, because nothing really happened. I was
just genuinely feeling like this, And so I started getting
really bad cramps one day, and my cycle had continued

for a month, and my cycle usually lasts like three days,
so I was like, yo, what is going on? So
finally I went to go see a doctor and they
were like, Okay, yeah, something's definitely up. Let's get some
tests going. And this has been like a six week fiasco.
I've been doing this since the end of January, but
I got a lot of tests done, and as of now,

they're under the impression that I have something called pcos.
I call it picos because I think that it sounds cuter,
but apparently that's not a thing. I might start that thing,
but apparently It's called PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome.
I'm not really sure what it means. I don't think
anything I've read isn't really clear about it. But basically,
I just have a lot of CYS on my ovaries

and it leads to a drastic hormonal change. And so
all of those things that I had been feeling that
I have been invalidating myself about feeling is linked to
this condition. And we're not positive that I have it yet,
but just because of my symptoms and the way that
I've been feeling and the medication that I've been given
that's helped my symptoms, It's most likely this thing, but

I'm still getting tests done to figure it out. But
throughout all of this, well, yes, I do think I'll
end up relying on medication to help me, just because
there are so many symptoms. I finally made the push
and signed up for therapy and had my first session
this week. And I think one thing, so I was
really looking into this on TikTok on Google. Well TikTok

basically is my Google, but looking into this and trying
to figure out how to find someone that I don't
have to explain baseline things too. So when I was younger,
my therapist, I'm trying to I think her name is Stephanie.
I don't really know, but she was like an older woman.
She was white. She kind of like a Hibi top

vibe to her, which I loved for her, and I
think just like there was something missing on a connecting level,
Like I felt like I had to explain what it
was like being a black child in all white school,
dealing with a divorce, how this is interacted, et cetera.
I feel like it was hard. Well, yes, and I

think this is kind of like applicable to any situation.
But while yes, I can understand on empathetic level, I
could never be in your shoes, she could never be
in my shoes. So I felt like there was always
some sort of like slight disconnect. So I made sure
that when I was looking for a therapist this time around,
that I was either someone who I felt like I

could identify with out of interest or race, gender, et cetera.
Also someone that focuses on culturally centered therapy, which I
had never heard of before, but I saw it on
TikTok and I was able to find someone through my
Columbia School Network, and so she focuses a lot on

not necessarily just social justice, but how my personal identity
ties into my views of relationships, my views of friendships,
my views of gender roles, et cetera. So I think
that that does add a layer to things, and it's
kind of been a recurring issue, especially when it comes
to relationships. And I think just having someone that identifies

with me on gender and race level, it just like
we automatically clicked. And I think that that was something
I never felt before. And so I think that that
was part of my weird takes slash views on therapy
because while yes, I understand that talking to someone who
is equipped with the tools to help you get through things,

I just felt that one I don't even know where
to start, because well, yes, I'm only twenty three. I've
been through so much not just in my whole life,
but in the last five years alone that I worked
so hard to repress. And I felt that because I
had been able to work my way through that to
a level where I can function on a day to
day basis, why would I want to reopen those wounds

and go through that entire traumatic process again? Just end
up with the same or similar result, and so that's
where I've been struggling with and I currently still am,
because this whole idea of where to start is kind
of time that's looming in my mind. With my first session,
we kind of just focused more and so on what's
happening right now and using that to like peel back

some layers to get to I guess the root of
the cause. I think that's probably just like one thing
that I've been trying to unlearn this year is I
feel like I've developed such strong opinions on things like therapy,
like mental health, like self care, et cetera, and sometimes
it's really hard when we're just oversaturated with information. I

feel like sometimes when I go on TikTok, well, yes,
there are so many videos that are made by therapists
or relationship coaches or people like that that I do
find to be genuinely helpful. I think at the same time,
there is a lot of information that is toxic, and
sometimes it's hard to discern between the two, and I
think that's something that I definitely struggled with the last

two years, especially when convincing myself that maybe some of
the actions that I've taken that I viewed to be
healthy were in fact toxic, and I was putting a
lot of that blame on other people or other factors
in the situations, especially when it comes to relationships or friendships.
But I think that really taking home the idea that

the only thing I can control is how I react
to things is something that I'm really trying to focus
on this year because I know that although yes, like
I'm twenty three and I've graduated college, this is probably
the last few years I'm going to have where I'm
kind of in this in the mill area, Like I
haven't graduated school yet. I have my job for after graduation,

so I know what's sort of coming up in the future.
But in terms of like relationships, friendships, where I'm going
to be, what I'm going to do, there's still some
kind of ambiguity, and I want to be able to
better myself and work on myself and make sure I'm
in the best mental and physical and emotional shape possible
so that when I do graduate and it's time going

to make a lot of those decisions, I'll be in
the best place to make those decisions. So I tried
to do this again with undergrad but I think just
coming out of college post COVID, because anyone that was
in college during COVID it hit my sophomore spring, so
most of my college experience was online, which was the worst.

But I think just trying to to deal with something
that was so unprecedented and deal with graduation and applying
to law schools during COVID, it was just a lot,
and it wasn't really I think the time for me
to start working on all of these things because I
just had so much going on at once. But I
think that I finally learned that I'm always going to
be busy. I can always make an excuse as to

why I can't start, but the longer I prolong my
healing journey or dealing with certain issues, the longer they're
going to affect me on a day to day basis.
And I think that a lot of things that I
had convinced to myself that I had worked through or
had processed fully and had moved on from are things

that still affect being on a day to day basis.
And the way that I react to things, the way
that I approach situations, the way that I problem solve, etc.
And I know that they're not healthy, and I know
what the root cause of them is. It's more so
trying to work over them because as a cancer I
literally get over nothing. I cannot get over anything ever,

and it's really really annoying. So I'm trying to stop
using my horoscope as an excuse for that and actually
do the work. So that's like where I am right now.
And I think so many times when I listen to
podcasts or TikTok or just talk to friends about therapy,
there's never a conversation about kind of the anxieties about

getting into it. It's just, Oh, you have to get
into therapy. Therapy is so great, you'll feel so much
better after. But I think, honestly, the hardest step is
just making that first appointment or looking for someone, because
it's honestly, finding a therapist is like dating, Like you
have to find someone that you have the chemistry with,
someone that understands you, someone that you want to and
can be open with. So I think that some of

the anxieties that you would have around find relationship you'd
have in the same way around therapy. Because if I'm
going to spill my deepest, darkest secrets, in security situations,
I would not tell anyone. I want to make sure
that it's with someone that can actually help me process
your things without be having to put a wall up.
So I think that was the hardest thing for me,

and I honestly lucked out. And I'm really excited for
how this journey is gonna go. I only know like
when do you stop therapy, Like there's a come a
point where they're like, Okay, you're good now. I don't
really think so, So for all I know, this could
be a lifelong journey. But I am excited to start
it and just start getting myself on the right track.
And so kind of going back to the PCOS thing.

For those who don't know, it can be there's like
really no idea of like how you get it. And
it affects people in different ways. So for some women
it might be weight gain. For some women, might be
facial hair. For some women it might be pre diabetes,
it might be infertility, it might be depression, it might

be a lack of sleep, et cetera. It could be
a prolonged period, it could be in a regular period,
it could be a mis period. So there's literally five
million symptoms that could be the same, opposite could mean
twenty different others conditions, So it's kind of hard to
diagnose in some cases. But I'm in any case, starting

to get my treatment on track, and I finally found
like a workout cause I hate working out, and I
don't know if it's just me, but it annoys me
so much when I see people not even just on
social media but also in person, that are like, Oh,
I love to work out. I love running. It makes
me so happy. I just want to run a marathon
every day. I just love it. I hate going to

the gym. I think it's so boring. I rather just
lay there on the mats than pick up anything. I'm tired.
I don't really know why. It's like push ourselves to
the brink of pain and exhaustion and sometimes death to
make ourselves feel better. It doesn't make any sense to me.
So for so long, the only form of actual physical
activity I liked was cheerleading and dance because that's what

I grew up doing. And so my part of my
on this health moment I'm in was trying to find
a method of working out that I genuinely enjoyed, and
I finally have so I go to this class called
Peevol in New York. I think they honestly have them
all over the country. I'm not really sure, but they
only have one location in New York. And just to

show you how much I like it, this studio is
forty five minutes by train from my apartment, and there
is one train to get there, and that one train's
under construction, so that forty five minutes turns into an
hour and a half. And I will take that train
every single day to get to this class. And I
think it's because it kind of reminds me of dance
and cheerleading, but also just because I feel so much

better and lighter after it. And for so long I
had been working out, going to the gym and sprinting
and lifting weights, and it wasn't helping me get to
the goals I wanted to not just weight loss, but
feeling better about myself and feeling stronger and feeling I
have more energy. And I think I just wasn't doing
the right workouts for me. I think that we kind
of this one fits, one size fits all approach to

working out. I know that just from like doing my
own research and like watching tiktoks from Jim Bros. And
gym coaches. Everyone's like, oh, just eating a calorie deficit
and run sometimes like you'll lose weight. And for me,
that literally wasn't working, no matter how many weight training
videos I followed, no matter how much I cut down
on my eating, no matter how much I tried to
calorie count, which was so unhealthy for me. Yes, and

I work for some people, but for me, it just
like wasn't suitable. I finally started doing this workout method
and I started eating healthier. I started eating with intention
That's what I would say. I wasn't counting calories. I'm
not restricting myself because I love me a cupcake. I
love me a cake. I love me a burger. I
love me some Chick fil A. I eat it every week.
So I think it's being more intentional about what I

put into my body has helped me a lot. And
even my doctor was like, oh, you've lost like X
amount of weight in this amount of time, Like, I
know you've been struggling with that's whatever you're doing, keep
doing it. So I think just having that kind of validation,
not only within myself, from like seeing a difference and
feeling a difference, but getting it from professional was also

very very nice. So if anyone wants to hear more
about kind of like my workout philosophy, I'll happy to
share it, even though I'm not professional. But I will
say that one size fits all when it comes to
health is not a thing. When it comes to eating,
it's not a thing. So I think just take all
of this nutrition advice and working out advice that you

see on the internet with the grain of salt, because
in the same ways that we have to remember about
like filtering, comparing ourselves with things like that, that same
thing exists when it comes to health as well. So
this is a very quick update starter for this episode.
I do plan on doing a very very long part too.

I'm kind of diving into this topic a little bit
more when I get back from Africa. So thank you
guys for listening for that quick little update. Stay tuned
for that episode. If you want to see more, hear more,
feel more, whatever, you can follow wow me on Instagram
at Sydney Winter. That's s y d n I w
y n t e R. Yes, my name is spelled

so wrong. It's also in the description of this episode
or You can follow at Crying in Public podcast on
Instagram or TikTok, and if you want to hear a
more episode to either listen back. If you want to
hear more in the future, you can find me on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye.
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