Daily Dad Jokes (13 May 2024)
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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: God-2008, TheQuietKid22, countvanderhoff, loonmaster2, Masselein, God-2008, Man-e-questions, OG-Kushi, StockInitial4460, 05_berryCW, Man-e-questions, Adventurous_Judge493, , coot32, God-2008, Puzzleheaded-Bee120, Major_Independence82, MrDNL, EndersGame_Reviewer, 11899881, RedFox675
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Episode Transcript
Many people say women shouldn't have children over forty, and
I agree forty is way too many kids.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
What do you get when you eat uranium? Atomic ache?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
My wife loves and teach stores, but I hate them.
Every time I go, there's never anything new.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Someone offered me an incredibly low price for a set
of tires. I thought it was too good to be true,
but it was the real deal.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I don't want my kids to watch orchestra, too much
sex and violins.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
My wife said, if I told one more John Cougar
Mellencamp joke, she was leaving me. I said, oh yeah,
life goes on.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Border collie and a sheep out for dinner. Border Collie?
What do you mean I'm too controlling? Sheep? You heard me?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
What's the most popular fish in the ocean? A starfish.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I told my friend that my wife's a genius, and
she married me. Then I was reminded oppositees a tract.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
My wife said she was so happy. I haven't told
any nickelback jokes for a while, so I asked her,
and this is how you remind me.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Why is the Egyptian so smart and well behaved because
he always listens to his mummy? Laughter continues. Shortly after
this brief ad break.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake. I said,
don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
My friend asked me if I would like to meet
Freddy Krueger. I told him I wouldn't dream of it.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
My boots always slip off my feet right after I
tie them as tight as I can. I don't yet
understand this paradox.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
What was the crooked Broadway producer's favorite pasta RICATONI?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I read a good article about how humanoid apes evolved
to not have tales. It was detailed.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Do you think when Van Goh got in trouble with
his mom did he ever get an earful I'm Bob
Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones. We have a.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Bonus Dad joke for you at the end of the episode.
Laughter is contagious, so let's spread it around. Have a
good night, and I'll be back tomorrow with more jokes.
Thank you for your support. Want the perfect Dad gift?
We have the official Daily Dad Jokes podcast Joke Button
(03:51):
now available on Amazon a massive five hundred preloaded dad
jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and grown and for
our loyal fans. Use the Checkout Discount Dad Jokes to
receive twenty five percent off the regular listing price. Check
the show notes page for the link. The Daily Dad
Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See the show
(04:12):
notes page for social media links and joke credits. This
show was recorded in front of a canned studio audience.
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids,
but when I got home they were still there.
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