Daily Dad Jokes (18 May 2024)
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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: sjmaeff, Majorpain2006, Arskov, Urabys, VERBERD, emjay144, Majestic_Natural3285, g3nerallycurious, TheRealAuthorSarge, Bossk759, GuruKing23, VERBERD, , canuck_4423, AndreT_NY, dlordcletus, Nervous_Resort5188, Fox_Fleet60, gandalfsmokespipe, HitlerthePainter, DavidTheGoof, incredibleinkpen, Chinius58, GoonerBear94, Sir_Pluses, thatsquishyboy, RustyWood86, Whocaresevenadamn, Squidproquo1130, AndreT_NY, Rai-27,
Episode Transcript
What happens when Dwayne Johnson goes to Alcatraz while sipping
single malt on ice. You get the rock on the rock,
drinking Scotch on the rocks.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery.
Daffy turns to Elmer and says, is this whiskey? Elmer
says yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a back.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
I heard Bill Gates just bought shares in Jack Daniels.
I'm no expert, but that seems like a whiskey investment
to me.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Unfortunately, Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels could not be with
us tonight, but they're with us in spirit.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
What do you call an underwater whiskey distillery? Suburban development?
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I bought a twelve year old whiskey, his mom was furious.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
A gun, a cigarette, and a whiskey walk into a
bar and they decide to form a government agency.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
If a fly drowns in your glass of whiskey, does
it die with a bus?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Why do cranes drink whiskey straight? They think it'll put
hair in their.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Chests whiskey may not fix your life, but it's worth
a shot.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Whiskey is an amazing invention. Two doubles and you start
feeling single again.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
More dad jokes are on the way after this quick announcement.
A Star Wars fan orders three tequilas, two whiskeys, and
one fireball. What does he start with? Solo shot? First?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I almost invested in a distillery, but I backed out
at the last minute I found out it was a
whiskey business.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
My friend's been ill in bed all over Christmas, so
I went round today and took some presents and a
large bottle of whiskey. Fingers crossed he won't notice they're gone.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
What brand of whiskey do bodybuilders drink?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Jack Daniels, what's the most you've ever spent on a
bottle of whiskey? Mine is forty five minutes.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I like my whiskey, like my marriage on the rocks.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Have you guys tried this new whiskey? I usually have
a w on the rocks.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
My doctor said he could smell whiskey on my breath
at nine am, which was creepy considering my appointment was
at four pm.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
A corpse walks into a bar and orders a double whiskey.
The bartender laughs and says, I've never served a stiff
drink before.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
What did Alexander Hamilton see when he was given a
small glass of terrible whiskey? I am not throwing away
my shut.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
What's so funny about whiskey? It's ry humor, vodka, tequila whiskey.
I'm calling the shots. I don't understand people who chase whiskey.
(04:40):
Not once has a bottle ever run for me?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Why is an unmarried man from Malta very desirable because
he is a single malt.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I wanted to splurge on a bottle of Scotch from
my officionado father in law to Garner favorite. Not knowing
his preferences, I couldn't decide on the Glen Livid or
the log of a One. It was a whiskey decision.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
A man walks into a bar and says, give me
something cold and full of scotch. The bartender says, you
can take my wife.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
What's a Scottish person's favorite drink? While hiking a Scotch
on the rocks, I.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Met a lady at a bar who was a housekeeper.
I offered to buy her a drink. She said, sure,
I'll take a scotch. Make it neat.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
What's Popcorn's favorite drink? Butterscotch?
Speaker 1 (06:01):
What happened to the man who robbed the liquor store
and didn't get caught? He got off scotch free?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
What is Doc Brown's favorite drink? Great scotch?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Why should you never mix bourbon with scrambled eggs? Two whiskey?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
A rich occultist tells his butler to get him some
aged bourbon. He summoned spirits of long ago.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
While on vacation. I asked the waitress, do you have
a local bourbon? I'd like to try something from this area.
She says, we have one that is about two hours away.
I replied, I don't want to wait two hours for
a drink.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Three old women sneak from Jack Daniels into a baseball game,
taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?
It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded.
I'm Bob Jeffey.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
And I'm Montgomery Jones, and that's the top shelf. Dad
jokes for World Whiskey Day, we're on a mission to
spread the laughs and drowns far and wide. So please
do us a favorite and share just one of these
jokes with your family and friends today. Thanks. Want the
(07:34):
perfect dad gift, we have the official Daily Dad Jokes
Podcast Joke Button now available on Amazon, a massive five
hundred preloaded dad jokes guaranteed to make you laugh and grown.
And for our loyal fans, use the checkout discount code
dad Jokes to receive twenty five percent off the regular
listing price. Check the show notes page for the link.
(07:59):
The Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios. See
the show notes page for social media links and Joe credits.
This show was recorded in front of a canned studio
audience
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