407: My Common Enemy

On today's episode, Elliot sleeps with JD's brother - in JD's bed, Danl's back and missed everyone dearly, and did our guests know Donald already??

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, everybody. Helloha, Donald, phase On, Helloha, Zach Braff, how
are you? I'm good? And Joel Monique and Daniel's back
with us, everybody, Holy shit, Daniel's back as sound. This
is my love. Hi Daniel, Hi Joel Daniel. What was

(00:24):
it like to miss a show? Did you feel left out? Um?
I don't know about left out. I was certainly sad
to not be there. I'm miss getting to talk to
you guys for a day. But it was definitely cute
to sit back and listen to the show as a
listener and just you know, here the bands, here, the bands.
It was a funny episode. It was a really funny episode.

(00:45):
I laughed listening back to it. I laughed out loud
a bunch of times. I was in the dog park,
just laughing by myself, myself up at the dog park. Um.
A lot of great suggestions for the live show, guys, Um,
thank you. I disagree. I thought some of them were great,
and I want to thank our fans for helping us

(01:07):
because we don't know what the heck to do. Donald,
We're gonna make it up as we go along. But
I thought there were some good suggestions in there. Well, yeah, absolutely,
there were some great suggestions, but we said we weren't
going to do a drinking game. And I saw a
bunch of people say, let's do a drinking game. It's like, wait,
hold on now, I said, why are you trying to
peer pressure me? Which the peer pressure for I'm saying.
I saw someone say, we'll do a drinking game, but

(01:29):
it will be understood that because we're the hosts, we
can't participate. We'll drink gts, kombucha or something. You guys
drink alcohol, right, yeah, you guys can drink if you
want to play a drinking game. By all means, let's
play a drinking game. We will be the hosts of
said drinking game. Right. It made me realize, though, one thing,
that we should do it on a Friday night so
people can people who want to imbibe can get hammered. Absolutely,

(01:52):
bring the marijuana. We're not gonna and we're not gonna
smoke on camera. Either, make it out of here. Get
out of here, dude, the fuck out of here. I'm
on suggested we get high on camera. There's no way
that y'all are doing that. First of all, there's no
way I'm doing it. I got sponsors, look, I don't
think that's a good idea for us, but um, I

(02:13):
promise it's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna every
a lot of requests for Bill, so I'm sure we'll
get Bill to come on. And then we're gonna have
a very special guest. Joel. You'll have to really, really
really pick the creme de la creme guest, got it,
because this person's gonna really be seen across the earth.

(02:34):
I wish we could do this on a sound stage
somewhere where we had a couch and it was like
we were we were we were Johnny Carson and freaking
that's who'll or no Johnny Carson and Arseneo Hall at
the same time. What I mean, one day when we tour,
we'll actually do it like real. But this is just
like a bit of a Wayne's World kind of saying,

(02:55):
you know, our basement, our mom's basement, and you don't
think we should be in the same room. I don't
think we should touch anything people again that people are liking,
like you know what I mean, like people like this show,
people like bizarrely, So I think that we should stick
with everything that's working. Everyone in there in their same space.

(03:19):
I don't think we should fix anything. The name broke. Okay, so,
but you're gonna wear a onesie. I'm probably I was
deciding today whether I should get dressed up and be
a proper host with the tie because it's a special night.
Should we like make it kind of like a let's
make a deal type of thing, where like if you
wear fake Doctor's Real Friends merch, real fake Doctor's real

(03:40):
Friends merch on the podcast in some way, you're rewarded
again for that. I don't know. I don't know how.
I don't know how we're going to be able to
see what people are wearing, Like there's if let's say
there's let's just let's not oversell ourselves. Let's say there's
three thousand people. We're not gonna able to look at
three thousand people. No, you're probably right about so. I
don't even know that. I actually asked the tech guys,

(04:02):
I go, oh, can we do polls like you know
how you can do on Instagram or Twitter polls? And
he said they don't have that technology yet. That would
have been so cool to be like asked the you know,
ask the audience, pull the audience. That would have been
great that would have been awesome. That's a great And
I said, why can't you guys frantically have some really
smart guys in the back room figuring out how to
do that. They're like, you didn't call them, You didn't know.

(04:22):
You didn't say Fred, you didn't say frantically find some
guys in the back room. You called them nerds. I
remember the meeting, and I remember what you said. You
called them nerds to that. Are took offense to me
referring to the guys who would figure out how to
code nerds. I'm sorry, Yeah, I took offense to it.
Are you? Are you? Is it safe to say that
you're stoned today? Oh? Absolutely? It's a say just checking,

(04:46):
isn't it. This is where I plus my bomb button
that I don't have yet. But Dan, you got the
thing I thought you said, the picture of No, it happened.
It arrived. The guys who'll be happy to know that
the sound pad has arrived and Daniel has it on
his workbench. I can see it there and he's gonna
fill it with sounds. Daniel, we gotta go over which
sounds I want on which pad? Do you want to

(05:07):
know what I have picked? Already. Yeah, let us go definitely.
I told you I want bong hit for when Donald
goes off on a tangent like just it has to
be like, no, we have we have bong hit with
lots of bubbling. Yes, good, good. We have the toilet flush,
we have the air horn. Why do we have the boot?

(05:27):
I don't know. I'm just putting random sounds on there.
I have the requested you honor me. I have the
requested I love you Zach from Casey from Casey. That
one's good. Um. I have the bomb explosion. I have
a thunders applause. I have a boo. I have canned laughter.
Um okay, well we can talk offline. Other things that

(05:50):
should be on my pad. I'll also be able to
use them as drums. Donald, I'm starting to hate this idea. Man.
It already has drum sounds loaded on it. You turn
your and I bought the fucking thing. I know, I
turned my key and you so now you and now
now now when we're getting excited and we're loading it
with sounds. Didn't know you would be able to jeer people.
Man with the freaking boot. I'm not going to abuse

(06:13):
it and bullshit you're not going to abuse. No, I know,
I know how this works. I commit I'm not using
more than four I listen. I listened back to that
episode where you were like, yo, and when you're talking
to Bill, and this is what you said. This is
how you said it to Bill. Bill Donald said, I

(06:34):
could get the keypad as long as I don't abuse it.
How you said it, that's how you said it said.
I knew that. I knew that Bill was right away
going to be like, this is a bad idea. This
is such a bad idea. But you know what, I
committed to it, and guess what I want to try it.
I want a chance to prove like a child to
his parents. I want a chance to prove that I

(06:55):
could feel like this will be at least one to
two to three episodes of laughter, and then all of
a sudden they'll get annoying. But I feel like we're
gonna laugh for a bit. But then you know what
I'm gonna do. I'm gonna really go. I'm gonna go
light on it and not barely touch it, and then
just when you think it hasn't been used, bong hit.
It's gonna be fun, dude. I'm excited I've always wanted

(07:17):
to have a sound a sound effects machine. Am I
the only guy that gets the bar hit sound? Or
does anybody? If you say something stupid, do you get
a barng hit? No, it's I don't smoke weed and
do the program, so it's all shit. You don't. It's
in your system. Dude, you smoke weed after right? No,
I'm not an everyday smoker. A right, you don't smoke
we No, I definitely don't smoke weed doing the show.

(07:40):
You don't smoke weed no more. No. I have indica
sometimes to sleep because I have insomnia, and I find
that indigo doesn't get me stoned but helps me sleep. Okay,
but highly I highly no pun intended, recommend that if
you live in a recreational or medicinal state. Um, I've

(08:00):
had a lot of success getting off bullshit pills for
sleep and getting into something that is indicat. I recommend it. Um,
you got that lovely ass garden man? Can I bring
some plants over and maybe you can have your gardeners
help me grow some of your weeks? All right? Back, dad,
if you would like to come over and work with

(08:20):
my gardeners planting some cannabis you're welcome to Okay, there
we go. All right, should we count in and talk
about scrubs? No, not yet, Joel. Do you have any
suggestions of what type of crops we should plant? I
just want to know what you're gonna call your specific
chain of Oh yeah, well it's definitely a fake doctor's
real friends type of I don't know, but let's not

(08:41):
get into that. I don't want to all of a
sudden put our name. Let's about we made un Hey, hey, hey, hey,

(09:12):
did you? Um? Did you? Everyone wants to know. I'm
I've been holding for ten minutes. The question everyone wants
to know, did you find the time to do one
of your dope raps? No? Man, I told you, We're
not doing it again until your episode. Oh, your episode
is the special episode. So this feeling I'm having of
sadness is real. It's it's it's it's this feeling that

(09:35):
you're having of sadness should not be of sadness. We're
gonna treat your episode like it is a glorious, monumous moment.
It'll be nuus this is where Bob hit monuments. It'll
be you know what, It'll be a special episode of
fake Doctor's Real tonight on a very special episode of
Fake Doctor's Real Friends. It's one of those exactly, so

(09:59):
we're gonna treat it that way. We didn't get Molly Shannon.
I have to say, that's okay. That's okay. Everyone, she
said okay. She sent a note saying she loved her
time on the show, but she's working and unable to
do it. That's fair, that's okay. We didn't want Molly
Shannon anyway on the show anyway. We didn't want her

(10:21):
on the show anyway. Ryan Reynolds, we didn't watch y'all.
We was bullshit. And we're putting all in a room.
We should put all a room of guests that we
begged to come on the show and didn't. Ryan, that
didn't so far, Ryan and Molly are just chilling on
a couch in that room. That's right. And one day,
one day, you're gonna need a favor, and I'm gonna

(10:45):
look you and yeah, and I'm gonna say you remember
that time I wanted you to come on Fake Doctor's
Real Friends. I'm gonna do you this favor. But just no,
I'm better than you for that, all right, Well, you
can be the one to tell Ryan that, um, did
you say rized the episode at all? In in a
in a non that will be that will be freestyle.
Here we go. Are you ready? So I'm confused about

(11:09):
what's happened? You? You went so if you look at
a graph, not your time graph, you're your dopeness graph.
You went so high and then you decided, you know what,
no more only on special episodes. Now I'm just gonna freestyle, yeah, man,
because it's all the same stuff anyway. All right, all right,
well here's Donald everyone with a freestyle summary of the episode.

(11:35):
All Right, here we go. Turk's really good at Operation
Dan and Elliott dating Bo Mulattos. I'm gonna keep it
one hundred with y'all. I don't know if I could
marry the woman my brother had sex whips. Okay, now
it doesn't rhyme. Um, it's not supposed to rhyme. It

(11:59):
was more sex book and word poetry. Mulatto's believe you
said that. That had me laughing so hard. But that's
such a racist word, dude. I don't know why mulattos
became racist, but I remember that word. That's import sounds
funny to me. Mulatto, mulatto. It's so cringey that I
said that. And and but it's Milano's right, that's the name, absolutely,

(12:20):
But you called the cookie mulatto, all right, that's funny.
I'm sorry. Milano used to be a term for mixed
by racial right, No, mulatto, Mulatto was not milano. No,
I know, And and and what does anyone do any
of you know the origin of what that word? I

(12:42):
have no idea, man, I well mine, she's very smart,
very smart, she's very smart. It's a challenge, I know.
I have a rough approximation of the history, which is,
like it comes out of Louisiana and it was a
way for like lights can people to differentiate from risk
black folks. The reason it is a very touchy subject

(13:03):
now is because of colorism. There's a rapper called Mulatto,
and um, if you follow what's happening in rap lately,
a different rapper recently came out with he likes it
light skin and like, it's just it's a lot of
colorism issues baked into that, which is that's you know what,
that's what sucks though, man, being a light skinned person.
I'm not trying to hate on nobody ever. You know

(13:25):
what I'm saying, And for some reason, all the jokes
are about light skinned dudes. Man, Why is it I've
been I've been called khaki by black people. Feel like, wait,
can I ask a really dumb question and forgive my ignorance?
But so within you're saying, when you think about colorism

(13:48):
within the African American community, they're darker skinned people make
fun of lighter skinned people. Well, no, it's it's there's
a there was Oh my gosh, dude, there was a
there's colorism within the African American community. There used to
be a thing called the brown paper bag, uh situation,
whereas if your skin was the color or a brown
paper bag, you were considered better. Dude. It's some bullshit, dude.

(14:13):
Like the type of stuff that African Americans have developed
within each other because of to try to try to
control one another or to suppress one one one another
is ridiculous. You think black one black crime is something
It goes even deeper than that. Like systemic systemic racism
doesn't just affect you, Uh just doesn't affect White America.

(14:37):
It's it affects African Americans just as much. Dude. It's
it's crazy how uh. This is another show entirely, but
it's crazy how how uh African Americans have turned on
each other in a lot of ways. Man. And now
you know, I have to admit, I'm I'm naive about that.

(14:58):
I don't really I mean, I see, I'm I'm asking
you guys to educate me because I don't really know
about that. When I was a kid, my brother used
to call me white. Was docking to me. My brother dad,
I used to call me white because he knew it
would fuck with me and get me so upset, and
he'd be like, you adopted white, dude. I did have
a white person tell me I was white once and
it really set me off. I was like, what are

(15:21):
you talking about? Yeah, if you guys want the actual
just because we've already brought it up, the actual origin
of the word some people, and this is from I
think dictionary dot com, But it's a Portuguese word meaning mula,
from the Latin mullus meaning mule, the hybrid offspring of
a horse and a donkey. So that's sort of offensive.
That's not very good. Yeah, But then realact I asked

(15:42):
my nul traces the origins to mulo in the sense
of hybridity, originally used to refer to any mixed race person.
All right, well, if you're still out there and thinking
that word is acceptable, we're here to tell you what's not.
And uh in two thousand and four, I referred to
a cookie incorrectly it's a milano. That joke is still funny,

(16:04):
though racist cookies aside. Racist cookies aside. It's too good.
This episode is a weird episode. Didn't you feel that? Yeah?
You know it's It was written by Bill Callahan, who
uh who I played basketball with? Funny guy, tall guy,

(16:28):
and Joanna Kerns directed it and and Joanna Kerns directed
For those of us who don't know, show me that
smile again, Yeah, don't. Joanna Kerns, who was the mom
on Growing Pains, directed this episode. Wow, did we ask
her any Growing Pains questions? Donald, I don't remember about

(16:50):
bonus you mean? Uh, yeah, No, we didn't. She had
directed several a few I shouldn't say, shuffled a couple
of episodes of Clueless, the television show. One of the
one of the best episodes we ever had was like
this Halloween episode, and she directed it and uh and

(17:12):
uh when she came on to do scrubs. You know,
I just remember I remember her. I remembered her style
when we were when she was directing, and I remember thinking,
you know, she takes, she does a lot of takes.
I remember that yet takes. And I remember thinking, but
there's a method to it, because when it's all said

(17:35):
and done, the episode usually is really good. This turned
out to be a really good episode. I I, you know,
it's fine. I'm just saying and I, you know, sometimes
they come on here, I go, oh, this one's mad.
I don't think it's a bad episode. I'm just thinking
it's it's just it's I don't know, it's it's bizarre.
First of all, it's really weird. I like to stay.
I know, it's a fuck I always said last episode

(17:56):
it's a heightened reality. But it is pretty bizarre that
Elliott would fuck my brother. That's crazy, dude, are you
kidding me? That's not that's not bizarre. That's out of
this word. That should be the end of the show.
I can't do it is the show should be in
credits right now. Man, the will they or won't they?

(18:17):
It's they won't now they won't ever again. It's all
I would like to say that there's no way that
he's gonna go marry like Donald said, a girl that
was fucking his brother for revenge. I mean, this one
I understand is Elliott just found her way to give
JD the ultimate middle fingers, like she never even considered him,

(18:39):
which is just it's even if there's a method to
it at the end, and the method is like, you
know what I'm expecting. I'm expecting Dan to be like,
oh no, we never slept together. That's what I'm expecting
to come up because I don't remember what happens in
this show, but I'm expecting maybe that's going to happen.
But also Dan is such a fuck up. He like

(19:00):
a drunk, and he's and doesn't have a job, and
he's just a na're do well And that's who Elliott
decides to bone after we break up. They are they
boning or are they just you think so? They're two
adults and she's in a ninety They're not fucking cuddling.

(19:22):
Dan was using a blanket as a surround. Yeah, what
about how they're fucking in the hospital in the break
room they in JD's bed. They aft in my bed.
They said fooled around, But okay, I guess fooled around.
And after there's two different different types of donald. Do
you think that those two are just doing heavy petting. No,
I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

(19:42):
And yet isn't that a funny expression? That's like heavy petting?
I just want it hard. I'm just trying to give
JD to benefit of the doubt. Man, Like I just
I don't know if I could overcome this barrier after
it's been built. This is like the ultimate f you
Now you know what you suck so much, I'm gonna

(20:04):
bone your brother right. It just doesn't see it seems
I mean, it's I guess what you do on a
TV show for drama. But it just felt a little
like what it was like it falls in the category
of Cox punching me in the face and then we
just move on. It's like, wait, she's fucking my brother,
crazy crazy. I laughed at the verse. The first thing

(20:28):
I laughed at was when what I'm in the bar
and I said, was it I'm meaning a lot of
attention from the lady. Was it the ten push ups
I've been ranking out every other Sunday. Now, what is
with this fucking contortionist girl? So, as I understand it,
she's she hits on JD. You know exactly what's with

(20:50):
this contortionist girl? You know the purpose of the joke.
The purpose of the joke is to say, are you
sure you don't want to hook up with me? Look
how flexible I am. She throws her legs up over
her head at the bar. I wish you ears could
see Donald's look Donald, keep it holy? Oh God, running

(21:18):
duddy O the lagging track star can't wait another minute?
What this song is said? Keep it holy? I don't
know what that is. That's justin bieburn, chance to wrap
her holy? Keep it holy? Okay, all right, okay, um yeah.
So JD is turning down a woman who at the
bar is showing him that she can put her legs

(21:41):
behind her head to say, hey, are you interested in this?
It does feel like she's presenting, right, I'm not hinting, yes,
I'm not tripping. No, she's presenting. Oh man, can you

(22:03):
imagine that that actress or I don't know if she's
an actress or a contortionist or both. But she gets
a call like Hey, so here's the scene. We're gonna
need you to throw your legs over your head at
the bar um. All right. So then we find out
that Kelso is drugging his wife by sticking any depressants

(22:24):
in fig Newton's Yes, and and and when asked how
much how much he gives her, he said about half
a Newton. First of all, he's a very experienced doctor,
and he doesn't know the prescription come out that he's
drugging his wife with. He judges it by how much

(22:46):
fits and I half a Newton. That's funny, by the way.
Then we learned he's not even that she's depressed. He
just wants to kill her libido. Yeah, because he doesn't
want to have sex with her. He doesn't want to
have sex with enand so he gives her an any
depressant um that might lessen her libido. Gabby steals a baby. Yes,

(23:13):
that's one of our that's the writer we had on
the show that didn't watch the show, you guys. That's
Gabby Allen playing the baby stealer. That was funny. Yes,
I finally got that baby. That's a real thing. I mean,
they gotta put like all sorts of security tags on babies.
Yeah scary. Yeah, you've done that. There's like great, you

(23:33):
like tags on the dude. You go, you they know
it's your kid, and they still scan you. They've seen
you come in several times, you know how you go?
All right, Look you have little you know, connections that
are made in life when you frequent someplace, like over
and over and over and over again, like for you

(23:53):
the maternity ward. Way to jump ahead of the joke
that I didn't ruin your joke ahead, Yeah, they they know.
They're like you walk in. It's like norm from cheers
like Dona. Yeah. Right, So so you're saying that, obviously

(24:16):
it goes without saying they need to be so secure
with babies in the maternity ward. Even if they know
you and they like, they still scan you because they
have to be super safe. Absolutely, you could have an
identical sinister twin. Yeah that I mean, first of all, yes,
that is a possibility, but the persons have to be
like diabolic, like like the evil is evil, like what

(24:39):
what did what did? What did I do to my
evil twin to make them that evil and want to
steal wants your money. He's gonna hold that baby for
ransom for some for some donal money. I feel like
if I had a twin we could get into so
much good trouble. Why would they want to steal my kids?
Right right? I agree with you? Anyway, she sings down
the hall. The interesting tidbit in this episode a bit

(25:03):
of trivia. All the flashbacks in this episode are from
Kelso's point of view. I didn't pick up on that.
I didn't well, I did notice that Kelso was having flashbacks.
I didn't notice that too. Um, but you know, he
has a bat in his attic, and the bat he
he's trying to stick his dog on it, which is
Ken's real dog, by the way, whose name was Pal,

(25:25):
very very well trained Australian shepherd. And the bat appears
to pick up backster now later in the episode. Later
in the episode, the bat steals your tennis racket, but
nearly that's not nearly as impressive as stealing an Australian shepherd. No,
but do you see the Australian shepherd get lived up in?

(25:47):
Then it's almost like it's a it's a it's a
what are those birds? Not the vultures but the ones? Yeah,
a condor, like a condor like the best size of
a condor and snatch it up. Do you remember the
movie The Last Unicorn? No, great movie anyway, If you

(26:08):
don't remember it, I can't tell you. So Last Unicorn
was this movie about the last unicorn on the and
there was this one creature in it and what was it?
What it was like? And it was the only creature
that Do you remember, Joel, Because it's a vague movie.
It's a it's a very appy kind of movie. But
when you said when you said, when you said the
bat grabs like, all right, have you ever seen the

(26:29):
movie of Unknown Origin? No, it's about a rat inside
in New York City or something like that in this
guy's apartment and the thing is so big and a
large size, and he at one point gets a cat
to get the rat, and the rat beats the shit
out of the cat and kills the cat and leaves
it in the freaking kitchen in the kitchen sink. All right,
So I mean not the kids an in refrigerator. Refrigerator.

(26:51):
So anyway, when I was a kid, my dad took
me to forty second Street to see a bunch of movies,
like I saw Jaws there, I saw Polter guys there.
We lived only a couple of blocks away, so forty
second Street time square like when freaking taxi driver was around,
was an experience I experience because my dad would take
us through the movies, and Of Unknown Origin was one
of those movies that he took me to see about

(27:12):
this rat. The only time I ever was where my
dad was jumping and grabbing me, like, holy shit, this
motherfucking rat. It's so goddamn big, you know what I mean,
like grabbing me to how big is the rat in
the movie. You never really see it, but just like it,
and you're jumping right and the dude with a rat, right,

(27:34):
and the dude gets dressed up in like hockey gear
at the end and goes at it with the rat anyway,
just saying, well you and that's what this bat, that's
what this bat thing kind of reminds me of you.
And the attic with that bat was hysterical. That made
me laugh. You screamed, You did your famous Donald Phazon
scream and it gets me every time. Yeah, I gotta

(27:55):
stop doing that scream. I think people are used to
it now. Well let's hear what you're talking about, Willis,
But I really like it. Okay, I remember why I
mean catch? I mean I catchphrases are so funny, Like
I remember being a kid being like when uncertain episodes
when Arnold didn't say what you're talking about Willis? I
was like, what the fuck is this episode? There was
no what you're talking about? Missus Garrett. Do you know

(28:18):
where missus Garrett came from originally? Oh? You know where
Mitchus Garrett went to? I know she went to Northwestern University.
Do you know what she do? You know what she
went to after different strokes? UM, don't tell me. She
went to UM her own show with the squat tuti.
What's it call facts of Life? Facts of life? You

(28:39):
take the good, you take the bad, you take them both.
In there you had the facts of lieb the facts
of life man the world seems to believe. It's a
funny lyric. I remember it was like, um, when the
boys are used to hate your date. I guess you
must invest stick gate the fact that bo yep, that

(29:04):
must have been the long cut. Well, that's that was
we learned that from ted'span. Oh that's right. Do you
know who was on the Facts of Life that you
the audience might be surprised to know was a was
a regular Molly Ringwall George Clooney, I didn't know that.
That was later on Molly Ringwall Season one. Facts of Life?

(29:24):
Really and now, were you a tutti Blair or Joe
tutti baby, Tutti tutti, tutti tutti? I really had. This
was right around the time in my age where, like,
you know, things were starting to you were a Joe,
things were starting to kick on and Joe. Yeah, I
really had a crush on Joe. Yeah. Really. It's funny

(29:48):
because Blair was like supposed to be like the beautiful
blah on bombshell, but like I'd liked I liked the
tomboy Joe. Yeah, Dan was Joel. Did you have a
particular fact of life crush? Are you too young? Well? Too?
It was okay. Do you guys remember your first sitcom crush? Oh?

(30:08):
First sitcom crush? Well, my first sitcom crush, I told
you was was Susanne. I have a preliminary question, m M,
does The Power Rangers count as a six? Not? Then?
Then Kimberly Amy Joe Johnson, Pink Ranger, The Pink Ranger,

(30:30):
Oh man, she was pretty great. She was pretty great.
You know when I did Felicity and she was on
Felicity and she was the pink Ranger. I remember geeking
out inside being like, dude, she has no idea keep
a professional, She has no idea, how fucking how dope
you know how dope she is? So just what about
a list of Milano on Who's the Ball? Of course

(30:51):
that was everybody's but but a two d uh? And
then Janet Jackson on Good Times and the Sister on
Good Times. Oh my god. When I was a kid,
and then when I moved to Los Angeles, I swore
I was gonna marry log boy He's I was like,
I'm gonna marry when I get here, I'm gonna just
gonna say, like, wore he's as Lisa Marie. Yeah, I

(31:13):
knew it. I was, I was sure of it. I
was like at the clueless, there's no way loved boy,
he's gonna say no to me. All right, we're gonna
take a break and when we come back, we're gonna
talk about bastard coded bastards with bastard filling and be
right back, and we're bad. We're bad, bastard coded bastards.

(31:41):
With bastard filling. Two people said it, two people say
it in this episode. It's a great line. I gotta
read the line because hold on me, it's on the
Scrumbs wiki. Molly says Perry, no one is pure evil.
I mean, yes, everyone has a hard outer shell, but
inside everybody has a creamy center. He said, there are
plenty of people in here, on this particular planet that
are hard on the outside and hard the inside. And

(32:01):
then she says, so they have more of a neuguinte center,
and he says, lady, lady, people aren't chocolates, do you
know what? They are? Mostly bastards, bastard coated bastards with
bastard feeling. But I don't find them half as annoying
as I find naive, bubbleheaded optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
And then she touches his chest and she goes, I'm

(32:23):
touching your creamy sent you. This has been Scrubs theater exactly.
But anyway, that's a funny line. I think bastard, Yes,
I think bastard covered bastards with bastard filling is a
funny line. I want to what is I thought a

(32:47):
bastard was like a kid who doesn't have a dad.
Isn't that what a bastard is? Yeah? But I think
that's the Chinese division. But I didn't think it became
just just calling someone like a jerk. It became like,
you know, well, that's what Marty McFly calls the Libyans
after they shoot Doc Brown. I know that you pasta

(33:08):
a deep cut. Um. How about so Kelso and Cox
really just are pissed off that Molly's happy. They try
and break her, They try and just fuck with this episode. Yeah,
you know, I would expect that from Cox. I didn't
necessarily expect Kelso to like really invest like that because

(33:30):
he doesn't pissed that she won't write a prescription for
him to stick the drugs in the half Newton right
now he's in. Yeah, he wants to get revenge on
her because she won't. She won't played by his rules. Right.
I'm sure he could just write the prescription, right. I
didn't understand that either, or couldn't Kell to write prescription

(33:52):
for your family members? Is that a rule? I don't know.
Could Cox have written a prescription? Well in Garden State?
Doesn't your it doesn't doesn't don't your parents write the
prescriptions for you. Yeah. Um. And that was actually inspired
um by someone I knew whose father was a psycho

(34:12):
psychiatrist and had her on so many meds. And I
remember thinking, like, this woman is taking so many drugs
because this one causes this side effects, so she takes
this one for that, and then that causes another side effects.
So she was taking like a handful of these insane
pills and she certainly didn't seem like any of it
was really helping her. And I that was sort of

(34:33):
the the you know, genesis of that idea was was thinking, like, God,
her father, I'm sure he means well, but he's like,
they're they're they're caught in this horrific loop. You know.
Do you think in this clim and do you think
in today's climate you could still tell this joke where
Kelso's drugging his wife, Um, yeah, because he's not. I mean,

(34:55):
I think so he's he's drugging her with any It's
not like he's drugging her own with with roof a
doll or something. He's drugging her with any depressants he's
trying to try. I mean, I don't know, Joel, what
do you think I don't give me drugs without my consent.
I don't want to tie at all without knowing that
I'm taking it time. No, I know, but Donald's saying.
Donald's saying in twenty twenty one, could you still write

(35:16):
a I'm drugging my wife with any depressants joke? Probably not.
I don't think so. No, I know. It's crazy, right,
it's crazy. What was funny? So like not so long ago,
it's crazy and now it's like, oh, that's a little dangerous. Yeah, no,

(35:37):
I hear you. I agree with you. I didn't even
think of it, by the way. It's just I didn't
even think of it at the time. But I think
you're probably right. What about when he gives he gives
her a Spanish book because she's going to Mexico, and
she says, grassius and he goes, you're welcome. Oh boy,

(36:00):
oh boy, oh boy. So you're really working the diabetes
angle with Carla. You got her wrapped around your finger.
This is the best part of this is the best
part of the episode. To meet h I laughed a
lot at Turk's use of his diabetes. Yeah, and I
think I might do the same. And it's because he

(36:21):
hasn't figured out his medication yet. So he's getting away
with a lot of shit, right, So he's getting sandwiches,
he's getting sandwiches, he's getting he's getting a bunch of things.
He's getting sex, he's getting whatever he wants, as long
as it's as long as it's for his diabetes. It's
it's it's his I thought, I thought it was so
funny how she runs away and comes back on Ncgurney

(36:43):
smiling with the sandwich, like she's so happy to do
it for him, like Carla is so happy to do
it for something funny, like because you're hooking me up
with sandwiches and whatnot. But then she's doing the same thing.
She winds up doing the exact same thing. Everybody's lying
in the episode. That's the theme, everybody. The theme. The

(37:04):
theme is that everyone is being duplicitous with everybody, No
one is really being honest, and it creates quite a
tangled mess. Well, yeah, don't you remember the commercial when
you tell one lie, you need to another. No you
don't remember, Oh, let me take it up. When you

(37:27):
tell one lie it leads to another, then you tell
two lies. Oh brother, you don't notice then you lie
and lie. I don't remember the exactly like it Latterday Saints,
so it was Jesus Christ spend so much money on
ads when we were kids. Do you remember the one

(37:47):
without found a rebel, mister Robertson, Mister Robertson, I broke
your window. I broke your window with my ball, and
I've come to a kidfess. Do you remember that one? No?
But I remember like when we were kid is. I
don't know if it was an East Coast Tri State
area thing, but like whenever we were watching the Latter
Day Saints were hitting us up wi X with messages hardcore,

(38:11):
don't lie, don't lie and then always tell the truth. Dude,
I remember. You know, if you look up on YouTube
you could find the one with Alfonso and it's like
a musical and they were always musical numbers. Uh. I
remember a kid being like, Mommy, I got bubble gum
all over the dog. Do you remember that one? No?

(38:31):
That was one too. Do you remember when this wasn't
a Latter Day Saints one? But do you remember the
PSA that was like, um, it was pills and they
were they were puppets. Speaking of pills, and they sang
it was it was to protect kids from not eating pills,
and it was. And the puppets pills would sing weird
not candy, even though we looked so fine and dandy. Yes, yeah,

(38:59):
I'm sure that on YouTube anyway, those pills could sing.
They had they had range. There was a long song.
That's the only part I remember. Um. All right, so
Dan's back in the tub. I think I did. First
of all, I did a really great pratfall. Yes, where

(39:23):
is that potfall? I wrote it down over the couch
When when Dan pops up, I literally backwards leaped over
that couch. That's some serious trust that no one accidentally
moved the pad Because when you landed, did you do
a back roll? Did you roll over? No? I just
fucking hurled myself backwards and just trusted that that Matt

(39:44):
would be there. How many times did you truly injure
yourself doing these prat falls? Like, let's talk about that. Like,
I know you had a hernia at one point. Did
that come from pratt falling too? I don't know. You know,
I think some people are just predisposed to have, like, um,
the one that's called an ingwall next to your growing um.
It's you know, it's just like it's it's very common
for men um, but it happened. I don't know you

(40:06):
did so I remember you did. You were doing pratfalls
with the hernia and you were like, I'm getting surgery tomorrow. Like,
don't you remember that? Don't you remember this? I do remember, well,
I don't know. I always had back issues from it,
you know, I mean, I really did nine years of
hurling myself around. I always I used to have go
to the chiropractor a lot helped me. When you cheaper
by the dozens, Are you gonna be doing that? Um? No,

(40:31):
it's not as broad as um It's not as as
as slap sticky, as as as a Steve Martin thing.
I'm not like, I'm not like swinging from chandeliers. That's
still's funny. It still makes there's there's there's there's some,
there's some there's definitely some funny physical related comedy, But
I'm not. My character's not as like goofy as jadis okay.

(41:00):
Um So Turk convinces uh JD to use the pain
of Elliott dating Dan to get make it so that
she can she'll forgive him for dumping her, right, and
he tries it and it sends Dan back into the

(41:23):
bathtub again. Right. I love that. I love it. I
go he goes hey, little brother, I go, ah, what
are you doing back in the tub? Yeah, he s
Elliot broke up with me. Yeah, I'm supposed to work,
so it works. But now your brother, no, but they're lying.
They're lying. They didn't break Why don't wait, why is
he in the tub? They do break up. They do

(41:45):
break up for that hot second, don't they? And then
he goes back. Oh. I thought it was all fronting
that they were. They were hiding their relationship, didn't I
didn't pick up on that. It was like a play,
a performative exercise in tricking j D. Then I go
over her house and she's she's all dialed up and
she's in this nighty. She's got her cleavage on display

(42:08):
and the blue BRA's back. Yep. They got champagne, they
got Dido plane, and they got um, what's the other
thing in candlesticks? I really laughed at. I really laughed at.
You were like, yeah, you're talking. I just wanted to
tell you that. Well, thank you, I said, if my

(42:33):
if my heart could write songs it would be. And
then I take a sip of the champagne on it.
It's so tingly, it's a tingly drink. And then Dan
Dan appears. I pop over the couch. Then there's this
really surreal fantasy where we're both standing there naked, looking

(42:53):
at each other's spinning right and realizing that you have
no feelings for each other. And I have a question.
I really think it's possible. I guess it is. If
you're just so over it, come on, buddy, come on, buddy,
come on, buddy. Wait, let me finish my thought and
then you can come on buddy me. Okay, if you
think it's possible someone you really cared about, I'm not
talking about some flame. You had to be standing there

(43:16):
naked in front of them, looking at their naked body,
and you had such strong feelings for them to absolutely
feel nothing. That's what That's what, jays are you both
are you both single? Yeah? In this scenario we are
in the show, we are and you butt naked in
front of each other. Yeah, we're both buck naked looking
at each other's bodies like eighteen inches apart. What do
you say buck naked or do you say butt naked Buck.

(43:39):
I think if you say buck, I say butt. Okay,
So anyway, I don't think it's possible. No, yeah, this
isn't like some girl that you like woman. You're not
a true well you know that you had a like
just a hook up where this is like someone you
were like, had strong feelings for. I feel like if
you guys are back in that situation, if you guys

(44:00):
back in that situation but naked in front of each other,
I think Buck is correct. You might want to pivot.
It's okay to pivot at forty six. I have looked
this up because I was curious. They're both acceptable. Buck
naked is older, the more original of the two. Well,
since you're forty six, you should probably use Buck. I'm

(44:21):
gonna keep it. I'm gonna keep an urbane but urban
keeping a Buck, baby. That'd be funny if Daniel's definition
said that if you're urban but yo. Yeah, But I

(44:44):
don't think. I don't think. I don't think if you're
both single at that moment and you're butt naked, now,
if you just appear in front of each other like,
oh shit, I'm button naked in front of my ax,
how did this happen. I don't think. Okay, yeah, sure,
but if you're both at this point button naked and
you're both single, something going, something's been. We're eighteen inches

(45:05):
apart and we're on some sort of lazy Susan spinning around,
I don't really. I mean, I guess it was just
a stylistic thing to choose to put lazy Susan, and
that's a fantasy to but I don't think. I don't
think that's why are we naked on a lazy Susan?
To prove that you guys were standing in front of
each other naked, you wouldn't have any feelings at that,

(45:27):
but it wouldn't funny if we if we within the fantasy,
Like I broke the moment to be like, why are
we spinning on a lazy Susan? Um? Yeah, So I
don't believe that I watched that, and I was like,
first of all, Sarah's beautiful and naked, and j D
is a straight male who was very in love with her,

(45:51):
and I just don't believe that he'd be like, although
she she feels like you should really meet her brother
gay brother, she keeps making a jokes about me. Yeah, well,
I'm saying, I love Dido and I need to meet
her brother Barry because he's the one of the four
brothers that she thinks is gay. Yes, I don't know
if you saw this, but I saw this. Did you

(46:12):
see the light frames in the background this episode? Okay,
go to I got it up. I can go to it.
What are you talking about it? Go to the I'm
not sure if it's the apartment where it's Elliott's apartment
toward the end in the corner. Is that a light frame?

(46:34):
You see it a bunch of times if you go
through the whole scene between the two, it's like a
little black piece in the corner that has nothing to
do with anything. It's almost like it's I think it's
that one. I'm not sure. I don't see it. I
gotta go back. I don't know. I saw a light
frame and I didn't write down the scene that it

(46:55):
was in because I was freaking stoned when I was
watching the show. I feel like there was a that's
where you hit the button, But I feel like there
was a couple of shots where I could see like
the edge of a keynote, it felt like, or the
edge of it. I don't know, I don't see it,
but you know, I'm sure. I'm sure that there's there's
somewhere in there. Yeah, I could be wrong. I'm gonna
look at it again, all right, to make sure love

(47:17):
that people love fuck ups. Donald, Maybe there's a fuck up.
It's so easy to paint things out these days, you know,
because everything is just so computerized and it's it's easy
for someone to go, oh, there's a light, and we'll
just we'll paint that out or put it in shadow
or crop it out. Do you remember when you talked
about how you saw your first CG tier. I feel

(47:39):
like I just saw it in something. I don't know
what it was. I was watching. I was watching something
with Casey and it was like a CG. I was like,
that's CG. You were just recently watching something. I don't
remember what it was. Yeah, the cgtiers are coming, they're
coming strong. I saw it one too recently. It doesn't
look real yet. It doesn't look real. It looks kind
of fake. It's kind of like a piece of ice

(48:02):
tear coming out like it's It's good if you like,
if you have a specific moment that hinges on a tear,
and and and the actors can't do it. First of all,
it's one thing to say, okay, in this scene, you cry, okay,
But to have like that moment of like the Denzel
and Glory moment of like the tear, you know, cresting

(48:24):
the lid and dropping like that, that's pretty freaking hard
to choreograph. And it's almost impossible. And that's why you
want oscars for that shit, right, So I'm saying like, So,
I'm saying like if if, if you know, if your
script has a moment that's so key to it. Yeah,
I mean maybe maybe, maybe it's fine. I think it'll
help with continuity too, because, as we've spoken on the show,

(48:46):
sometimes someone's crying and then all of a sudden they're not,
and then they would have some tears in their eyes.
So I think that's going to help filmmakers be like, Okay,
well it doesn't match. Let me just put a little
gloss on her eyes. Otherwise it looks, you know, where
did all the tears go? Because we're doing this five
hours later, you know. Speaking of Sarah Chuk, I've been
watching Firefly Lane with Oh yeah, how is it? I
just started it last night, Dad, shit is funny She's

(49:06):
so good. Sarah's so good, right, Sarah's so good. So
it's Catherine Katie's good too. But Sarah has a special
place in my heart. And like, like I'm not watching it,
like my wife is watching it. Like my wife is invested,
Like she stands up and she's into it, into it.
And you know, I'll be on a couch playing video

(49:28):
games on my phone or something and Sarah say something
and I'll laugh. I'll like, She's laugh out loud, funny
Sarah chuk and very happy for It's a huge kid, Donald.
I mean she was. When Sarah was on her show,
she was talking about, Oh, I hope we get another
season of it, um, and that I was wondering, is
it a what kind of show is it? I thought
it was a limited series, but if it's a full

(49:48):
lawn series. Wow, good for her, man, It's so good, dude.
I think it's ideal for her because it shot it
where she lives in Vancouver, and uh and I you know,
I didn't know anything about it other than I when
you when you open Netflix, it's like the top trending
show in in the United States. So she's killing it.
That's good for her. I'm really happy for She's such
a good actress. Yeah, man, yeah, yes, and not used

(50:12):
enough in my opinion. No, you know what I mean.
She could be in Marble, she could be in Star Wars.
Sarah has those chops. I think Sarah will offered a
part in Star Wars. She'd say, I'm sorry, give this
role to Donald Fazon. No, she better not. And they'd
be like, Sarah, it's a part for a forty something
blonde woman. And she'd be like, I don't care. Look,

(50:35):
she's she's so athletic. She fronts like she's not coordinated,
but she's really coordinated. Sarah could be an action star easily,
you know what I mean, if she wanted to. She's
very talented and I'm so happy for her. And if
you're listening, um, check out Firefly Lane because Sarah Chalk
is back on top with a top Netflix show. Do

(50:55):
you know I'm speaking of top shows. I read that
wand Division is the number one show on Earth. Wow,
and it deserves it. It's such a good show, man,
it deserves it. Man. It just makes you think so much,
man about like they developed a world and now I'm
stuck and I can't get out, no matter like I

(51:16):
think about it when I'm not when i'm when I
shouldn't be thinking about it, Like what if this is?
Like they've just developed it so well. It's good storytelling. Man.
Have you guy's gotten back and done the rewatch yet? No,
after episode five, you got to go all the way
back to the beginning and rewatch the whole series. It's
like a completely different series. Joel, are you whispering because
you're paving? She's asleep at my feet? Yes, and I

(51:39):
don't want to wake. I think it's really adorable that
you're whispering because your puppy's asleep on your feet. So cute.
And I just like her sleeping. Play with her later.
All right, we're gonna go a break and we come back.
We got a caller for you that is gonna blow
your socks off, okay, and there are gonna be or
buck naked. We'll be right back. And we're bad, and

(52:07):
we're bad. Let's bring here comes Gabrielle Rovera. Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for Gabriella. Hi, guys and friends,

(52:29):
my fiance Jordan's George Jorda, Hi, guys, welcome to the show.
We're very very happy to have you. I can already
tell one thing. Jordan loves Star Wars. Oh, yes, got
baby Yoda? Yeah? Or you got you a nice little

(52:50):
baby Yoda. Now and I see another. I see a puppet.
I see a puppet. It's somebody uppet. Yes, a puppet
made to look like him. That's so cool. Oh my god,
I'm gonna get a puppet of Donald. Oh my god,
you guys look almost I take it cool. I love it.

(53:12):
That's really good. The name of the company. You should
give him a shout out. One of the best gifts
I've ever gotten, Like ever, I think, so do you
ever walk around and do puppet shows with that kind
of hard to do that these days. But I then
once we get out of this pandemic. They did a
good job, Jordan. It looks a lot like you. It

(53:33):
looks more like you than you do a little bit, right, Yeah,
like that too. Oh my god, that's cool. Now you
don't remember you don't remember the name of the company,
because that's a great gift to give people. It's my
puppets on it's on Etsy. They did a really great job.
I'm so so if I go on Etsy and I Joel,

(53:53):
maybe you can search if you go on Etsy and
just search make a puppet that looks like my fiance.
I think I'm gonna get Donald. I'm gonna get Donald.
I'm gonna get me and Donald and do and then
we could do the theme song for our show. We'll
do a music video, no star about a show we made.

(54:14):
Maybe for the live show what we'll do a whole
section with puppets. Yeah, I love it. Oh my gosh, Donald,
We'll duck out of frame because people will be watching,
and we'll operate the puppet like this. Yeah, Now, should
I be you and you be me? Probably that probably
will only end in tears. We'll definitely a good segment

(54:35):
for the live show. All Right, we're gonna do it.
Are you guys gonna tune into the live show? Absolutely?
One of your five thousand guests. Well, wait, by the way,
five thousand might be like, that's unrealistic. I want to
I really want to undersell, so we'll only we'll only
be excited if it's more. So. Let's say there's gonna
be about two hundred people, I'm gonna have five thousand

(54:56):
was a little bit cocky. I think, Well, we'll be
two of the two hundred. All right, I made a
bunch of things from Etsy that Joel is showings Eva
Eva linka puppets. Maybe was that he used, let me
I can check my email. I don't know. Don't worry
about I don't worry. We're distracting from the show. Just
go on Etsy if you want to get a puppet made.

(55:17):
I'll be on there after this show getting donets. I
didn't know that Etsy was like that. I thought Etsy
was like if you build stuff and you're thinking about
and you want to sell something that you I didn't
know like you could like there are people that build
stores on Etsy and sell I didn't I where you
can anything you can think of, someone is making that

(55:39):
on Etsy. It's yeah, I did. I wasn't aware of that,
like and I and I did, man, I I'm sure
there's people making stop motion figures. Yeah, dude, that's what
I did. I went down to there are people selling
full on puppets, full on made puppets for you on Etsy.
You mean you mean not they're kind of puppets, stop
motion puppets. No, like stop motion puppets, like full on on.

(56:00):
They're expensive. No, nothing's you know. And then somewhere you
got the one that looks like you. No, this the
one I got, uh, the one that looks like me?
Was I saw this guy online who does it professional?
He works for Ardman, he works for Uh, he works,
he did, he worked. Him and his brother worked on
uh the Isle of Dogs. His name is Nathaniel Uh.

(56:24):
But they they work. How much does a puppet cost
of you like that? Well, I'm not gonna get into that.
Let's not. We don't have to get into that. There's
a lot of money payments, monthly payments on it. Yeah,
it's well, I mean he's professional. He's a professional stop
motion guy making a likeness that you can animate. I mean, yeah,
it's not gonna be cheap. It's so worth it, though.

(56:45):
It's look at the smile on his face. Man, he's
so happy as it. He's still smiling. By the way.
I want to get puppets of all of us. I'm
gonna get Daniel Joel Donald. Don't Daniel, what I honor you? Yeah,
that would be honest, you would honor me. He turned
it into it like it was like he was going
out on the phone. I don't know, I don't know

(57:07):
if they're gonna be Wait what was the lead time?
How long did it take to get your puppet? I
ordered it in September and then it got here, um
a few days after Christmas. Oh, it's gonna be too
long for our live show, which is probably gonn happened
in March, my custom puppet, Gabriella says, my custom puppet.
There you go, guys, we gave we gave that shop
a shout out. Very cool. All right, guys, where are

(57:29):
you calling from Chicago? Right shot? Shout down? I went
to Northwestern nice Yeah, and Evanston. We didn't really go
in to Chico much. It was too cold. Yes, we
are about a fifteen minute walk away from a Wrigley Field.
Oh you go to games straight up in our neighborhood.

(57:53):
Do you go to games when it's non pandemic times?
Every now and again? I guess they got since they
won the World Series there, they've been a little more expensive.
I think, so Donald, real quick, we just want um,
we have met you at C two C two E
two before. No, it was I a dick. No, No,

(58:14):
we have a photo will show you we were you guys.
Jones and Mary and I do remember that. Yeah, it
was that now that's two e two Chicago Comic Con.
Remember Comic Con, so we can just go. I missed it,
did you guys? Because celebration was like a month after that?

(58:37):
Did you go to celebration right after that? No? No,
that would have been That would have been so much fun.
It was literally but it was like a month after
C two e two, wasn't it something like that? Yeah,
that was such a great time. I remember being I
was in and out of Chicago so much at that moment.
I was like, this is so cool, man. I love Listen,

(58:57):
great pizza. You can't beat the pizza. And I don't
like that that sick ass pie. Chicago bar pizza. C Dude,
you're want to crack if you and you're giving Chicago pizza.
Shout out, what's telling you? Because it's good, dude, it's
good pizza. And then and then Alicia took us to

(59:18):
one night because when we did C two e two,
it was the clad cast of Clueless. I remember Alicia
and Paul took us one night to some restaurant I
forget the name, and I'm but I remember the drinks
were like, you know, we let Alicia order and so
you know, the food was a little you know, it
was vegan, and it was like, you know, raw and

(59:38):
all of that stuff vegan. No, but we would you know,
we're damn we're hanging out right. Who came we haven't
seen it? Who gives a shit? It's edible, right, Ain't
nobody gonna die? You're like, I just want to be
with you, guys. Alicia, hand me the lettuce. I have
an extra piece of lettuce with my lettuce. We went out.
We had a good time in Chicago, man, Chica. All

(01:00:00):
I could think about was Adventures in Babysitting and how
nobody would go into how Chicago the city was so
scary to the to the kids from Adventures in Babysitting.
All right, guys, let's dive in. You have a question
for us, Yes, here it is. Besides Elliott, what love
interest of JD would you all like to see more of?

(01:00:21):
Was there any character that you felt had great chemistry
with j D and in an alternate universe end up
with Well, she's not on the show yet, but when
Elizabeth Banks gets on the show, I thought that was
an excellent choice for a psych out, like because that

(01:00:44):
became a will there won't They also you know, and
you kind of wanted them to be it also, so
it was definitely one of those things. So if it
could be Elizabeth Banks character, yes, all right, I think
of Tasty Komba wife because um, I really I really
liked her. Yes, I thought she was fun, and I

(01:01:06):
really liked Amy, and I thought Amy was fun and
so I, uh, I don't know, my brain went to
tasty Koma wife. Yes, I was thinking Kylie, she's about
to come up in a few right, she is coming up.
A great girl. She was the only black girl you
dated on the show. She was Turk approved, and she
was Turk approved, Turk approved and everything. Um, and and

(01:01:31):
Mandy Moore is coming up. I guess that season five
she was a good girlfriend. Although she didn't laugh, she
just said that's so funny. Yes, that's so funny. Yeah,
that's so funny. Um all right, what else you got
for us? Um? Okay, if each of the main characters
wore a mask with a saying or design at work,

(01:01:53):
what would each character have? Oh, you mean like a
like a pandemic mask. Yeah, like we'll be wearing them
for a while, right, So what would each characters like
mask be? Well, Jenny probably hugged me, hug me so
needy for love and affection. That's what I'm talking about.

(01:02:13):
That's what I'm talking about. That I'm talking about. That's
what I'm talking about. Yeah, the Todds would be flames obviously.
Oh yeah yeah. And it wouldn't be a mask. It
would be his banana hammock hack. Oh my god. Remember
we did this. We did this video with Rob and

(01:02:35):
he has like his own to this day he has
its own like comedic Todd props that he has made,
and he has one that he pulled. It's a banana hammock.
But the the hammock is cartoon cartoonersly a long so um,
we pull it out, didn't We haven't pulled out? We do.

(01:02:58):
We do a bit when this E show comes out.
You gotta watch you. We had him do this bit
where I mean it makes no sense. We were just
so feeling so silly. It was like the old days.
We were just cracking up, telling Rob to say jokes.
But he like acts like he's wiggling, as though you
could buy wiggling get out of a fucking banana hammock.
And he does like a little wiggle and then pulls
it out of his jeans. The hammock part is like

(01:03:19):
four feet long. It's hilarious. It's so stupid, but we laughed.
Um yeah, I don't know. I guess yeah, you would
definitely be This mask is what I'm talking about. Yeah,
absolutely absolutely, What do you think the frick on a stick? Elliott? Yeah, yes, Um,

(01:03:40):
John will be like, don't talk to me, right, yes,
I've been like doctor Cox would just be like regular
like medical like no right right, no, just no, I'm
not participating in a joke with my mask. I don't know.
It's funny people that like have a on their mask.

(01:04:00):
I've never that's bizarre. It's like might as well, right,
like we're all looking at it. Yeah, I mean there's listen,
if I could figure it out, if there's a way
to make it so that because now we're starting to
have to double up because of the new variants that
are coming in and everything like that, if there's a
way to make it so that the top one kind
of looks like my face. I saw this guy, Yeah,

(01:04:24):
I saw this guy on the web. I mean talking
about free time. This guy made you know, they have
those realistic masks, masks look like your face. This guy
made it, but had it so a normal regular mask
looks like it's below his lips. And he goes, I'm
gonna I'm gonna test this out. And he goes into
a car dealership and the guy's like, sir, sir, put

(01:04:46):
your mask up. And he's like, I'm wearing a mask.
He's like, sir, above your nose, and he's like, bro,
and he pulls it down. And the guy's like, oh shit,
that's cool. Sure, I'm sure. They just need to be comfortable, man,
Like my ears are starting to hurt the back of

(01:05:08):
my ears, right, like the rash. Don't y'all get like
the little rash two sometimes from the thing and one
that doesn't pull my ears forward? Like they're all right,
they're all doing this to me. We gotta figure that out.
If it's for the rest of it, if it's gonna
be for a really long time, we need to figure
out something a little bit more comfortable, especially if we
have to double up and everything, like now, like maybe

(01:05:29):
we should figure out a way to maybe maybe fake
doctors can do it. I don't know. I go to
a sports story get and Adidas or Nike branded uh
face mask Nike Nike doesn't sell them. Nike won't sell them.
They don't have them at the store. They only give
them to the employees, so you can't get it from there.
You know what I mean, I'm special about the Nike one. Well,

(01:05:52):
it's sporty, so it's made to you know, it's made
for sport, right, Adidas, it's sporty. It's made for sports.
So it's more coming, like she was saying, there was
something particularly special about So I haven't as mask and
it's just super comfort, comfortable, more comfortable because it's made
for sport. It's made to not be a distraction. You know. Hey,

(01:06:12):
you know what you know what time it is that
it's time for Chicago's favorite segment. It's time to fix
your live, all right, guys, go ahead, Well a little
bit about our life. So we are planning a wedding
during this pandemic, and yes, and we had to postpone

(01:06:39):
our reception. We'll still get married, but we had to
make that decision to do that. Um, but just real
quick after we sent our postponeent email to our family
and friends, and an hour later, Dol asked us to
be on the show. So I felt like we were
sent an angel. But I'm also getting my masters in business,

(01:07:04):
and I work full time as a hair stylist, so
I have to physically go into work. So we're just
really busy, and Jordan's working from home, of course, but
I fixed my life question definitely pertains to this. So
I want to know, you know, how do I decide

(01:07:24):
what direction to take my career in once I'm done
with school. You know, I don't want to keep changing
career paths. I want to have like a stable job
that you know, doesn't consume my life because I want
to do things like start a family and travel more.
But I just want to like, how do I make

(01:07:45):
how can I be sure that the sacrifices and the
hard work that come with, you know, working full time
and going to school, How do I make sure that
it's going to pay off for me in the end?
What do you love? Yeah? What is it? Also? What
is the other job that you said? There was two?
She works as a full time hairstylist and she's going
to business school and you're going to business school. Yes,
now you I'm assuming, I'm assuming because you're asking this,

(01:08:07):
you don't aspire to like own your own salon it's
not out of the question, but a part of me
also does think about doing a career change. I would
still like to stay in the beauty industry, but maybe
not be a hairstylists, you know, be on my feet
all day. But I really do like my job. I
just want to do something better for my future. My

(01:08:29):
thought is that the thing that lights you up most, Like,
forget any preconceived notion you have in your head, like oh,
you can't make money at that, like for just for starters,
take that stuff, that those voices away, and go what
would be my favorite thing to do? Like what would
I be so stoked to get up in the morning

(01:08:50):
and do, like you know, like as you brainstorm this,
take away any voices you have about oh I can't
do that, or oh that's too or everyone does that,
and then like start there because I know it's fucking
a very contrived expression. Do what you love and the
money will follow. But I really, I really believe it,

(01:09:10):
because you're never gonna put more work and passion into something,
especially if it's your own business. You can't be something
and you're like, oh, I'm doing this to make money,
and I really just want to be with my kid
at home. It's got to be something that lights you
up that Like you watch these people on Shark Tank,
you know there there, I just think there's such a
good examples because you know, they're putting everything they have
on the line, but they love the idea. They're so

(01:09:31):
into the business and so they're willing to dedicate all
that time and passion. So that's my my first instinct
is to tell you to like kind of hone in
on things that you would really light you up in
your day. I agree with you, Zach. I think you're
absolutely right about that. Is there anything that comes to
mind when we when we say this, anything that like

(01:09:52):
comes up for you? Yeah? So you know, I became
a hair stylist not just because I like doing hair,
but I liked the things about it that made it
a business. You know that you kind of are your
own small business in a way, marketing yourself. You have
to grow yourself. I liked I like to talk to people.

(01:10:15):
I feel like I can really connect with people that
I'm good at it. So I felt like those were
in hairstyling. So that's why I decided to go to
cosmetology school in the first place. So definitely something to
you know, kind of continue that would be great well.
And also you have a lot of experience in that area.
It's always good if if you don't hate it, it's

(01:10:37):
great to take all your knowledge. You've seen how your
places run. I'm sure you've seen places where you're like, oh,
I would totally do this differently, or oh, I like
how they do this, and you can totally mold it
to be your your baby. Yeah, And it's also kind
of intimidating right now to open a small business, you know,
especially during the pandemic. I think if you'd weight it

(01:10:59):
would Yeah, you can if you can wait. I mean,
you're lucky that you can rely on your skill set
to keep having money. Yeah, you have a trade that
you can keep making money during this time. And actually
you're one of the people that can make money during
this time because so many people can't even do what
they do right now. Yeah, it's a yeah, I'm I'm

(01:11:23):
on the same page as I'm on the same page
as Zach. Find what you love and go for yours.
I tell Zack that's that's what I sell that Zach
all the time. Go for yours, man, you gotta go
for yours. You gotta go for yours? Do I do
I or do I not say? Zach? What do I
say when you're like, dude, I think I'm gonna get
this part? What do I tell you? It's either go
for yours or that's what's up. That's what's up, that's

(01:11:45):
right for yours, And then if I'm lucky, it'll be like,
go for yours, that's what's up. No. But I mean,
like when Donald and I each set out to to
try this bizarre career that it's very very very hard
to become successful at. You couldn't have We couldn't have
dedicated the amount of time and the amount of rejection

(01:12:08):
and the amount of of you know, humbling you get
in in a given year if you weren't so one
hundred percent committed to it. So that allows you to
take the hits and the ego fucking slams and the
ups and downs of this wacky career that we took

(01:12:29):
on because we just love it so much. It's like
it's like it's we couldn't We wouldn't want to do
anything else. So you have to find what that thing
is for you that you know, starting a business, you're
gonna have ups and downs. You're gonna have ups where
you're like, oh my god, I can't believe this wonderful
thing happened, and then you're gonna have downs We're like,
oh fuck, I guess what just happened. And that's so.
But if you love it, if you're so into it,

(01:12:50):
if it's like your baby, that's all gonna be, You're
gonna you're gonna never want to give it up. Yeah,
and watch lots of Shark Tank. Yes, because I I'm
joking because I don't know anything about business, but I
feel like I've learned a lot from watching Shark Tank.
They have a lot of passion, that's for sure. You
can see it, you know. I once went to I'm
friends with Chris Sakin. I once went to one of

(01:13:12):
the tapings and he took me in the control room,
and you learn that they those interview sessions go on
for like three hours. They're like really long, and they
edit them all down to that little Yeah, they're long
because they they they they're not all three hours, but
they're long, and they cut them down to whenever they

(01:13:34):
are fifteen. I've never I've never watched Shark Tank. Please
don't add a people, please don't add me. Um, but
I have a question. I don't think anyone's gonna be
passionately mad at you for not watching. You'd be surprised. Um,
but how what's the success ratio? Um? It's all over
the place, It's all over the place. Um. The I

(01:13:56):
think the most successful one is scrub Daddy that we
had on as one of our advertisers, and the you know,
because I genuinely was shouting out that sponge, I think
that's their most successful one them. But you know, some
of them, some of them are huge, and some of them,
you know, they A business is only as as strong
as the people running it, and of course the idea

(01:14:16):
and some of the people, you know, they might have
a great idea, but they don't know what they're doing
and they run into the ground. Dude, has anybody ever
walked in It was like, I want to open rest
a chain of restaurants. Um. Maybe I don't think it's
I don't know. They've done food things before. I remember
if it was specifically a chain of brick and mortars,

(01:14:37):
but they've definitely done food items and trucks. There was
a truck Eppo. There's food trucks. I don't think there's
a brick and mortar restaurant things. I don't think anyway.
The point is, guys, you're welcome. You're welcome, We welcome,
You're kind of welcome. You're kind of welcome. We kind
of gave you something. We gave a good pep talk Donald. Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
because that's really all we can give you on this.
At the end of the day, it's up to you

(01:14:58):
to make it on your own to go. Also, you
can ruminate on that. Like it's weird to like like
come up with that like on a podcast while we're
talking to you, But like I think it's a good
thing to just sort of meditate and ruminate on, Like
what would I be most stoked to get up and
do every day? Like if there were if there was
if if if I if a genie said to me,
your dream business will come true tonight, what would it be?

(01:15:20):
Like what is it that you know? Just and and
just don't get stopped, don't go I can't do that, Like,
don't let the voices in your head talk to that
white board, get the whiteboard, put that white board. Definitely
write it on a whiteboard, right, I mean, remind yourself
every day said, remind yourself every day what you said
you wanted to do, put it up, stare at it,
and then ask yourself each day, what could I be doing?

(01:15:41):
Is there anything I could be doing today that would
be furthering me getting that dream to come true? Yeah,
that's kind of what the point of the white board
is in my mind, is that if I'm sitting here
at my desk, I'm just gonna you can't help but
catch yourself staring at the board, and then you go,
you know what for for goal number four? I haven't
done anything in like a week, Why don't I write

(01:16:02):
and write that email I'm afraid to write. You know,
it just gets you. It keeps you focused on your
on your goals. Do you know what I mean? You
can even try to you can even try to hide
it in other rooms. You'll accidentally walk into the room
and see the white board, look at it staring at you. Dude.
It would be it's there always, dude. It's like I So,
since we started talking about that, I did that. I

(01:16:23):
wrote a bunch of things down, and I you know,
I've since erased it and wrote new things down. It
continues to evolve, right, I recommend that for everybody, even
if even if your goal is outlandishly wild, it's something

(01:16:45):
to get you motivated to keep it moving, especially in
these times, right. And I'm just of a belief system
that that doesn't matter how wild that thing is, because
shit just fucking happened. I mean Amanda sometimes Amanda's had
Amanda Clutes has had on hers forever, like Oprah, she's
obsessed with. She wants to somehow to be involved with Oprah.
And like last year she's like being interviewed by Gail.

(01:17:06):
I'm like, you've reached your one degree from Oprah. Like
it doesn't matter how outlandish it is, Like make that
shit happen. You know. She she a year ago, you know,
before all the things that happened to a man that happened,
she was like, I wish one day I could go
to Oprah has this like retreat leadership retreater for women
I believe in. And she's like, oh my god, like

(01:17:26):
one of my life goals is to get invited that. Well,
now she's like a host on the Talk and friends
with Gail. I'm like, that shit's gonna happen. Anything could happen,
but in her mind, in her mind, a year ago
that was like outlandish, but do it all right, we
gotta go, but thank you guys, and um, please come
to the live show since you said you were, you

(01:17:47):
inspired us. If you indeed see puppetry on the live shows,
all you know where it came from. You know where
it came from. Yeah, right, Gabriella. They are so cute, adorable, dude,
I remember them from you. Yeah. Um, well I think

(01:18:10):
we did it. Donald, We did do it, and we
had some giggles. We did and and you know what,
I'm sorry about the leaflower if you hear that, M
sure there are no leaves left in my yard. I
just want to say, you know, uh, we're starting to

(01:18:30):
get into some crazy uh new territory numbers are dropping
dramatically in the United States of America and around the world.
Uh please, people, do not let your guard down. Now
is not the time to let your guard down. Now
is the time. You made it this far, you know

(01:18:51):
what I mean. Now, don't get it fucking now, fucking well,
don't get it now this far extra extra cautious. Don't
let your guard down. There's new variants swirling around the
United States, and you know it could all pop up again.
So until we are safe, safe, safe the safe can be,

(01:19:13):
you know, until this virus has been kicked in the butt.
Please wear a mask, o ye, Please wash your hands,
wash your hands, and be safe. Be safe, and don't
think about just yourself. Think about the people around you
as well. I get it. I get it that we're
all sick of the mask. But just think about the
people around you, because you know, I feel horrible if

(01:19:37):
I gave somebody COVID nineteen. I would too if you
gave it to me. On Tuesday's show, we will debut
the sound pad. Oh, by the way, I need ummm
one of them. Of course it's a good one. Donald,
do you have any I know, I know that you're
feeling like you have buyer's remorse, but um do you

(01:20:01):
have any sounds you would like in the pad? Wu
tang forever you want? Yeah, by the way, anything you
want tang? What you just want to you just want
you sang wu tang wu tang forever Wu tang? Okay?
Put in there in there, all right? I need that
in there? What else? How about this firm? I got one,

(01:20:23):
I got one, I got one, I got one, I
got one. I need a high pitch fart. Daniel like
her like like like oh like, yeah, I got a fluttering,
fluttering sphincter. How about this one? Here we go from
my sneakers. You know that ship saved my life quite
a few times. She's the fastest hunker juck in the galaxy.

(01:20:45):
It's wait, do you want to do? You want to
give me a quick Star Wars sound bite that I
can use do or do not? There is no try. Yeah,
good'll put that in there. I'm very exciting. How do
you warn those sneakers? Yeah? By the way, no, man,
I'm not trying to wait, wait, bust those up. That
should cost you money, dog, I know, but I know

(01:21:06):
I'm not. I'm not down with you like putting them
on a shelf that never get worn. Rock them, don't
stock them. Yeah, rock'em, don't stock them. Rock'em, don't stock them. Rock'em.
Don't stop the stocking working all around the clock. Rock'em.
Don't stock them, rock'em, don't stock I'm all right, everybody,

(01:21:29):
Um there you go. We love you, we care about you.
Be healthy. Oh wait, wait, wait wait right five six
seven eighty man, I had more to say, ass neck Okay,
we'll cut it off. Go ahead, No, say that that shit.
It's say that shit. It's not over. We could have been.
We brought it back. It's not over. Say that ship.

(01:21:50):
Say what you gotta say, damn it. Be kind. Call
your mother, Tell her you love her. If your mother's
no longer here, call someone else, call your father, Tell
me love them. Mhmm. Why are you looking at me
like that? I'm not looking at you like anything. I
like you're looking at me and holding in your laugh.

(01:22:12):
And I'm trying to tell everyone to call their mom.
Because you started off with be kind, Yeah, be kind,
But you said it so, you said it so softly. Well,
because I didn't know if I was gonna allow you
to continue to show or if you were really stop
this ship five six, seven, eight Stories about show we

(01:22:33):
made about a bunch of dots and nurses, I said,
he's stories never so yeata around here? Are yeato around here?
M h