These Things Saved My Marriage Feat. Marriage and Martinis

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I don't think guys care about the boobs, right, like
like size small to big, Like.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
That's literally all I fucking have. Okay, by the way,
just talking about the nothing. Okay, so you just fucking
hype up the boobs and say I love your boobs.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
I think the boobs are prime and better than ever.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Let's just wait.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Yeah, you know, I want to I want to do
something because usually we do affirmation on our show. Can
you affirm Adam some things that you love about him?
His physical his physical appearance.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
M h.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
M hm.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Neil.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
Happy Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (01:02):
Happy Wednesday, guys.

Speaker 5 (01:04):
You guys were in New York City still and we
have some og guests with us.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
It's been a fucking minute.

Speaker 5 (01:12):
We're just gonna get straight into it because I'm tired
of hearing you guys complain on YouTube that we don't
introduce our guests fast enough. And secondly, I'm just so
fucking excited to have you guys, because I'm drunk now
thanks to you from our last episode. This Month's Guide
This month, this month's name is a Good Mom's Guide
to Everything and my Bad Choice of the day is

(01:33):
getting drunk before recording with you. So I haven't really
eate like earlier. We were on the Today Show and
I think Miela went to go eat.

Speaker 4 (01:43):
I did not.

Speaker 5 (01:43):
I just went back to bed and laid down. And
all I had was pistachiossos in your room too. I
bought them downstairs in the hotel lobby. And so I've
I've had pistachios and tequila today and I've already cried
on your episode.

Speaker 4 (01:59):
I'm going to really try. I don't know, maybe I'll
cry to what I knows.

Speaker 5 (02:01):
I'm really feeling in my feelings, but like I got
to get some shit off my chest. But I'm just
really excited to introduce marriage and Martini's Danielle and Adam
back to the show. The last time we were on
our show was.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
Did we do it? Did we do a?

Speaker 2 (02:18):
No?

Speaker 4 (02:18):
We only did one episode, but it was just yours.

Speaker 6 (02:20):
Yeah there you haven't yeah, Adam, there, I forgot we
did that episode.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
You weren't there.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
Did cheated on you, Adam?

Speaker 1 (02:29):
But I went to l A with you.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Right after that New York and we met up and
did it an episode, but you weren't there.

Speaker 5 (02:37):
But the last time you guys were on our show
was the first year of podcasting for us, and it's
been a minute, and you guys trusted us.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
You came to a stranger's home in the valley and.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
Yeah, we let you get us wasted in your not
knowing where we.

Speaker 4 (02:53):
Were was a line for my lime Tree mixed.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Two runs to the store for a full size bottle
was a Tito's like a five hour span. We had
a great time, though, Yeah, we did.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
I mean, the only thing I remember about that night
was the Lime Tree.

Speaker 5 (03:08):
So do we have like professional cameras for this because
we're like, this is I don't know, but I remember
like it was like it was like the most high
end video of production we've ever done at that point.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, but we all spoken to one Yetti mic.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Oh my god, that is the most accurate.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
All speaking into one mic.

Speaker 4 (03:33):
All I got is one mic.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
You guys don't still use Yetti's, right, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
Graduated to shore mics. We haven't shout out to David.

Speaker 5 (03:41):
He's upgraded our life and we have our Now we
have a podcast studio in La that we all have
individual mics, but we're actually sitting in our homegirls studio
right now. Shout out to Mandy and her studio, Full
Court Studios in Brooklyn for graciously letting us use her place.
But no, we've we've advanced our our technologicals podcasting experience.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
They got to our community for like sticking in there
because some.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Real rough episodes.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, people start listening to ours from the first one
and we'll message us and be like I started listening
to at the beginning and I'm like, and you're still here.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
I mean, we didn't even thank you. We didn't know.

Speaker 6 (04:22):
Bitch bought us a mic. Like a few episodes in
she bought us I don't know.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
I think the first episode we thought it was going
to be a test, so there was no mic. Within
the second episode, we ordered some mics from Amazon, and
then Nisha bought us the Yetti that we'd.

Speaker 4 (04:35):
Use for many years.

Speaker 5 (04:36):
Okay, but I mean garage Band was doing what it
needed to do.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
I mean, listen, you want to hear the message.

Speaker 6 (04:42):
I think we even gave up on sometimes the mikes
weren't working, so we just like fuck it.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
A lot of shit wasn't working, and here our kids
in the background, and we were stalking people through other
other podcast Ever.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
Re recorded an episode, because in the beginning, we would
record an episode and be like, we're not releasing that
ship heard it. I think our first episode we recorded
like four times.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
That is the first one.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, yeah, but that's the beauty of our podcast. We
literally thought no one was listening and we literally didn't care. Actually,
our first episode was supposed to be a test, but
it was an hour and a half long, and we
were like, I'm not about to do this shit again.
I have kids.

Speaker 4 (05:18):
I was like, okare just put this one on.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
This one seems good. Yeah, we did it, and then
after that like we've literally like I want to say,
zero point five percent.

Speaker 5 (05:26):
The only time we've ever semi recorded an episode was
because maybe the mic failed and then we had to
go back and try to reimagine what we spoke about.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Or the guests had a problem, and even then we're like.

Speaker 5 (05:38):
I don't know, have you ever had any guests that
were like, can I hear the episode?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Can you take this out? Actually, just last week, you
do an episode, can we record it?

Speaker 1 (05:47):
No?

Speaker 2 (05:48):
We do not let you. We said, look, while we're recording,
if you hear if we say something, or you say
something that you don't like, do.

Speaker 4 (05:55):
You make them sign things? Because I was like, make
these host signes.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
We did a podcast one not professional.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
You're more professional than us because you're the first people
who like gave us your like press kid, You're like, yeah,
look at it. Like literally, Danielle was like all arms,
like she's like, what do you need? I can Dale,
I would still be of course, and in our eyes
we were just like like we didn't know shit, and
we're like, Danielle, help us.

Speaker 4 (06:19):
You know, the podcasting.

Speaker 5 (06:20):
Space surprisingly, I mean maybe not surprisingly because of you know,
our friendship and how how it happened, but it really
like solidified or reinvigorated my trust in women. I have
had such amazing interactions with women in the podcasting space,
so many helpful people along the way that have supported
our journey without wanting anything in return, including the person's

(06:41):
who studio I'm in at this moment and it's been amazing,
and you are one of those women. So thank you,
like very very early on too.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
That's the only way to get it done.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
You're welcome.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Sorry, what the fuck am I.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
The body language is speaking?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
I could be a prop.

Speaker 2 (07:02):
I can just show you think about Adam is that
he's so like I have to say, you know how
many husbands would be like like when I asked him
about the podcast and starting the podcast, I would say
probably ninety eight maybe ninety nine percent of husbands would
be like are you fucking crazy? Right? But like, I

(07:23):
am so lucky and it has like if you if
your partner asks you to do something that seems crazy
but yet not crazy and like we're going to go
to jail kind of way, but in a crazy like
if this works, it will be fucking awesome and even
if it doesn't work, we'll enjoy it so much. Say
yes because him saying yes to our podcast saved our

(07:47):
entire relationship. Had he said no that night, we would
be divorced right now.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
Not that was your solution.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
And he didn't know, not because I say he didn't,
Not because I would have said not. Because if I
had said no, we would be divorced, just because whatever.
Since I said yes, what it's led to no?

Speaker 5 (08:04):
He do you know?

Speaker 2 (08:05):
That night? It would have been like, Okay, he absolutely
doesn't trust me. He doesn't want to tell our story.
He wants to just suppress it. I can't do that.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
Well, That's why I love you guys. You guys are
like the married version of us, Like, because you guys
have been so transparent about your relationship and just the
ebbs and flows, the roommate phase, the lover phase, the
betrayal phase, the rebuilding phase, that I don't know what
the fuck we're doing phase.

Speaker 6 (08:33):
You know.

Speaker 5 (08:34):
And I think we have a lot of married people
that listen that I think, when I know, resonate with
that and are problem maybe in the thick of one
of those phases right now and wondering like should I
just leave this person? And like, you know, me and
Mila are not we're not real versed in marriage. We're
not We're like babies in relationships, essentially healthy ones at least,

(08:55):
And I think you guys are really a testament to,
you know, what it looks like to really ride the
wave of a relationship, because you know, people will look
at our show and say, oh, we're advocates from we
break up marriages, and we're like, if it doesn't serve.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
You, fucking leave, And then I agree with that too,
and there is.

Speaker 5 (09:12):
An element of that, but I also know that relationships
take work and like that it's not always going to
be perfect. But it's like who you want to be
imperfectly perfect with and like, who is it worth?

Speaker 4 (09:21):
Who is it worth it?

Speaker 5 (09:22):
It seems like you guys have found the worth the
worthiness in each other.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Well yeah, I mean not only doing this podcast, I
almost feel like I'm in a woman's world, you know,
like I'm out here to save relationship, not safe, to
better relationship.

Speaker 6 (09:39):
As Captain sabahoship, just to let.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
You know that we're in it. You know, this is
our issues. People say, Hey, look, we're in the same situation.
I'm in this world of women, you know, with the
interviews that we do. But what I found is I
get messages from men who are saying, hey, my wife
is saying, you know, I'm upset with her because of
the same reasons women complain about their husbands or boyfriends
or whatever. So we're finding doing this we're kind of

(10:07):
all intermeshed this in these problems together. Men have the
same issues that women do too, you know women, you know,
I want to act the same as you know men
in these uncomfortable relationships, and you know, doing and saying things,
you know whatever, I'm just saying. Men are reaching out
to me saying they're having these issues too, you know,

(10:30):
And thanking me for being out there doing this because
it's not just women. You know, it's not just women
having issues of course.

Speaker 3 (10:38):
You know, well, I think the problem is is that
we all have issues, But I mean men have a
much less open space to communicate their feelings and be
vulnerable open ladies.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Well, guys don't go out with their guy friends and
be like, oh, hey, I'm upset because my wife, you know,
said so you know, we don't do that where I
think women get together and you know their stories are
you know, bitch about their husbands or boyfriends or you know,
guys don't do that as far as I know, because
we don't have an outlet.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
It's considered, it's considered like female behavior.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
This is not gonna be popular amongst the women. I'm
just gonna go ahead and.

Speaker 5 (11:15):
Say, well, I think that like men, they don't worry
as much as women, right, And I think that there's
a reason why men I this is. Don't quote me,
but I really think that men look younger than women
becallo they do hello because they literally just don't give
a fuck, like they they give a fuck, but they

(11:35):
give less a fuck than we do. They have like
almost no concept of time, and age well, which which
which then like they're not men are like not like, damn,
I'm turning forty five.

Speaker 4 (11:46):
Like women are women exactly? There isn't so there's there is.

Speaker 5 (11:49):
Yes, So there's this whole other thing happening in the
background called the patriarchy that we as women are you know,
have been, you know, conditioned to feed into. But I
think that because men are men just don't have the
same worries and so they I feel like, actually, I
think women do live longer, but.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
The patriarchy makes men look younger.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Well, okay, so I'll share a story with you the vanity.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
It's true when society is that against you, you're like, oh,
like walking on sunshine. But when you're constantly worried about
being a good mom or being a good wife, or
being like beautiful enough, is your body good enough? Or
is your pussy good enough? Or you have too many
just like too many dicks, or you said it online
like yeah, your face starts to like stress out.

Speaker 5 (12:31):
The wrinkles come from my gray hairs that I have
a mask over the last five years.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
It's true. I'll share a story with you that is
very interesting. So we did these whole we just series
about body image, right, because you know, in the last
couple of years, I gained a lot of weight, and
I was sort of trying to sit with it, right,
I was sort of trying to like be okay with
it because I was just fucking tired of I mean,

(12:58):
first of all, the amount of money I waste on
diets and this and that, and you know, our life
was like a little stressful, and and our marriage is
very root in fun, right, Like we love to go
out and drink and eat, like that's our thing. And
you know, I have to sort of say to myself, Okay,
wait a minute, I can't go out and drink and
eat and not gain weight. But at the same time,

(13:22):
I want to go out and drink and eat and
have a great time with my husband because that's like
our favorite thing to do.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Right.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
So there were all these things that were happening in
my life that I was like, I have to sort
of either relinquish the I gained all this weight, or
I'm going to have to like go back to the
drawing board and be like, Okay, I'm going to figure
out how to lose the forty pounds, right, Like, those
are my two options. What am I doing? Am I
telling my husband.

Speaker 4 (13:46):
No more fun?

Speaker 2 (13:47):
We're not Yeah, we're not right. And that's sort of
what my my metabolism is. If you want to be thin,
no more fun, right your meal, prepping on Sundays for
the week, and you're you know, doing all these things right.
And Adam is the type of thing where you know,
same thing. I get messages all the time that you know,
I see in the comments, Oh are you his mom

(14:07):
or whatever? Like I see that shit in the comments. Look,
look when you have a relationship podcast and everything. Look,
our reviews, as much as most of them are glowing
and wonderful, the ones that aren't are she's the bitch
or she's the never is it about him? You know?
So so why would it be right? He's perfect, so

(14:29):
you know, in my mind it's intimidating.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
And when he drinks and eats asshole, well that's it.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
So so you know, in my mind, I'm always like, okay,
so he is. You know, he's always been a very
good looking guy. It was always sort of like when
we got married, I had a great body and I
was you know, and I still love my body, I
really do. It's more like when I leave the house
and I'm like, oh, what is everybody else? I love
my like I love everything about it, and I love

(14:56):
our relationship and the fun that we have. So, you know,
it's been a journey of am I going to accept
this or am I going to fight against it? And
so we did a bunch of body image episodes, which
actually wound up being like our most downloaded episodes ever. Wow.
And I did one myself first, being like, look, this

(15:17):
is my you know, so the perfect body has been
you know, like the mechanical rabbit going around the track,
and I have been, you know, the greyhounds constantly trying
to fucking catch that rabbit and I have never caught
it and I probably never will. And I'm fucking done,
you know, I'm done. And so when we did the
first body I asked him to listen to that. I

(15:39):
was like, you need to listen to this because that
is always on my mind, right, just like most women,
what are they thinking? Is he looking at my stomach?
What happens when he feels my stomach? What happens when
I'm on top? What's happening? You know? Like which position
do I look best in?

Speaker 1 (15:54):
You know?

Speaker 2 (15:54):
All that stuff that's always on my mind, you know,
and like I love sex with us, I love our
sex life, and I want it to be good for
him too. So we so we did a body We
did two body Image episodes together, back to back, and
the first or second, I don't remember which one, I
said to him, so how do you feel? You know,

(16:15):
because he's not the most vocal guy in bed. This
is something that we've established on the podcast. If you listen, like,
he's not you know, I love dirty talk. He's not
talk now.

Speaker 5 (16:26):
He tried.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
He tried times. Yeah what.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, yeah, no, he tries. So I said to him,
I want to know right now, what are you thinking
when I am on top or I am you know,
my stomach is you know, I've had three babies, three
c sections, four pregnancies, we had a miscarriage, all the things.
And he said, are you kidding me? I'm so busy
worrying about my own insecurities that I'm not even thinking

(16:55):
about yours. And I was floored. I mean when I
say floored, I never in a million years would have
thought that, right, Because the thing is always Adam's so
good looking. He looks so young, he looks so much
younger than you blah blah. So in my mind, as always,
if I compliment him, I am drawing attention to my

(17:19):
own negative problem areas and making him feel better about himself.
And maybe he's going to be like, wait a minute,
I'm so much better looking than her, Maybe I should
be going off and getting myself something else. So so
I'm always saying to him, you don't compliment me enough,
But I'm saying to myself, don't compliment him, because he's

(17:40):
gonna then notice that, notice how heavy you are in
all of these things. And when he said that to me,
when I tell you in that conversation, it changed everything.
But the problem is that ninety nine percent of couples
don't have that conversation.

Speaker 6 (17:57):
They don't have a conversation, and I think also they
might not even believe their partner.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Well, so what happened was during the conversation I said,
during this whole thing that we were just talking about,
if somebody says to me, hey, you look skinny, that
would be saying the same thing as someone saying to
you did you gain weight? You know? Or somebody says
to me, have you lost weight since I last saw you?
It would be hey, did you gain weight since I last, Like,

(18:24):
that's the same to me. I I this metabolism, which
is just fucking crazy. All right, Everybody who's like, you know,
playing this little small violin for me, go fuck yourselves,
because I feel the same way as if somebody calls
you fat, Like that's the same thing to me.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
I can right, right, But no one cares about skinny
people's problems.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
But we feel the same. But but it's the same.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
It's the guy. It's different. It's different, right, Like you
don't want to you don't want.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
To be by and it's a very insecure feeling. It's like, oh,
am I too skinny? Is my penis too small?

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Like?

Speaker 4 (19:00):
Am I?

Speaker 1 (19:01):
All the things during sex that they also like, am
I too? You know? It's it's the same insecurities as
a woman who has either gained weight and feels that
she's too fat? What is he thinking about me? Where
I'm thinking the opposite about myself?

Speaker 6 (19:16):
Am I?

Speaker 2 (19:16):
Just?

Speaker 1 (19:16):
You know all those things? And I've had people reach
out to me, women who said I listened to the
episode and their husband said, hey, you know what, I
feel like I'm too fat compared to you When we
go out, I don't feel good going out, like just
having the conversation that women never thought their husbands were
feeling that way, and because they listened to me saying

(19:38):
what I was saying, they're saying whether it's the same
or the opposite or somewhere in between. At least they're
talking and saying those things where women weren't thinking. Guys
have these feelings with these point of views or these.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
These ideas about their bodies. Yeah, you know, we assume
you look better than me. So I'm not going to
bring it up because I look insecure and then I
and then I feel like and then I'm chasing.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Like you know, the dad bad is like that was a.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
Thing that's gone, Like I don't know.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Even like like look at George Clooney Salt and Pepper,
like it's right, the older he.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Gets the fine look wonderful. Women have to color their
hair all the things that are really hard.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
But a lot of guys lose their hair. That's not
I mean, I know, it became a thing for a
while and then it's not, and then it is, and
then it's not. Like nobody wants to lose their hair.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Liked, but you can't compare, Like, no, I think women
are way under a microscope. I think way more.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
It's kind of like women going gray, right, Like the
same thing for guys who lose their hair, right Like,
it's kind of like now women who go gray. It's
kind of like a cool trending thing.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
They're trying, but it's not nearly as easy as a guy.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
So go ten years ago with guys who were bald,
who are trying to make it a cral thing because
there's cool guys out there on on camera who look
amazing bald, but we all don't write.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
Like, Okay, you don't know because you haven't had to do.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
That, and that's you're not going to the bald gods.
Don't you look great?

Speaker 2 (21:11):
You guys both like, oh my god, I'm so hoping
for him to be bald. I will shine his head.
You want you like bald guys or No, I just
want him to feel what I feel, to.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Feel the pain.

Speaker 6 (21:24):
Yeah, I still love to at about him, Ibby, I
still love.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Him and be attracted to him and everything. I just
want him to like understand a little bit of what
the pressure.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
No, for sure, I think this is a really a
really good conversation, and I really admire you for being
honest about it, and thank you, and and I'm.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Grateful for.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
Else.

Speaker 3 (21:51):
I'm grateful for you guys for like showing up, you know,
euthentically and saying like I do think the hair thing
is a big thing for men like wait is for
women the end. You know, I just thought about this
part in our book well where I talk about this
guy who I had sex with for the first time
after like from one one of my first experiences after
like breaking up my baby daddy, and he took his

(22:12):
hat off and he was balding, and I talked shit
in the book and now I feel really guilty. But
he was, he was, he was super He's still super fine.
He's a super fine guy. And all he needed to
do was just let the hair go, and he did.
But you know, all that to say is that like
body dysmorphia and like, you know, just having ideas about
our bodies. You know, me and Erica had this conversation

(22:32):
this week and it's not it wasn't pertaining to bodies,
but it was pertaining to things that happen. And then
it's not the thing that happens, but it's the thoughts
that we have after that. Fuck us you know, like
even with like you know, even with you guys who
you're married for so many years, you have three kids,
and you're saying, you know, I'm thinking about this, and
then he finally tells you and he's not thinking about
none of that shit. But in your mind, you've made

(22:53):
the main thing is this narrative, and now it's fucking
you up. You can't even get into the set, that's right.
But meanwhile he's he's he's experiencing the same thing, and
you guys are not communicating it, and so it's it's
it's you know, keeping you guys from each other.

Speaker 4 (23:05):
And even with me and Erica, you.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Know, like things will come up and I'm like, I'll
make up something in my mind and it's not real.
And it's like we have to be better at recognizing when.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
These these these.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
Negative thoughts start to perpetuate our entire thought process and
start to perpetuate like how we think about ourselves and
our self confidence. And like, you know, obviously men don't
carry babies or give birth, and they don't have they
don't experience as much pressure from society to look a
certain way because they're a little bit more acceptable after
a certain age or you know, like men are more

(23:39):
desirable at an older age. You're like, oh, he's a
zach Man.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
It's a gut. It's not that, it's not right, it's
not a thing.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
I say that to me in the beginning of a relationship.
But he's not the same person at all that he
was then. But you know, his dad always had a big,
a big belly, and he I remember him saying to
me when I was you know, twenty look twenty two
and one hundred and fifteen pounds, right like him saying
to me like, oh, it's okay for my dad because
he's you know, and he again at the time, I

(24:06):
was like, oh fuck, what am I getting myself into?
And he's not.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
He's uh why because you were thinking he's gonna have
that belly.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
Gotta give a shit about the belly. I was thinking,
he's he's so concentrated on how people look and everything,
which which has always been And I was like that too,
very much. But at the same time, you know, my
body is our journey. You know, my body is our journey.
I mean we have had you know, first of all,

(24:34):
we've had you know, like I said, I had four pregnancies,
three kids. I had one miscarriage. I had horrible, horrible
per needle, you know, a qte OCD, which is almost
killed me. I had. You know, we've had I had
terrible postpartum, we've had financial like all our stuff that

(24:55):
comes out with him, maybe with stuff that he's done,
escapism and drinking and gambling and all this stuff has
come out for me with my body and you know,
and our journey is beautiful. You know, I love our journey.
I wouldn't want to do it and I'm gonna fucking cry.
I wouldn't, you know. I love our journey. I love

(25:16):
I do. I love our journey, but it's I do.
But it is as a woman hard to you know,
have that journey and be told you're not supposed to
look like that, so you know, it is it's a
struggle because I don't want anybody else to feel like that,
and yet I feel like that, you know. So that's
been a really hard thing.

Speaker 4 (25:38):
But I mean I resonate with that. I talk about
that in the book.

Speaker 5 (25:41):
And you know, I've had body issues since I was
a young girl, just based in acting growing up in
LA comparing myself being the only black girl in my class,
having a mature body early while other girls didn't, and
I feeling totally out of place, and then getting pregnant,
gaining set twenty pounds in my pregnancy. You know the

(26:02):
story of me and Mila. You know, I saw on Instagram.
I saw her in her little string fucking bikini with
her bottle, like her little glasses champagne. And I was
triggered as fuck because I was like looking at myself.
People kept asking me if I was having twins, and
she had popped out a baby and had a six pack,
and I was like, fuck her. And I'd also seen
some other Instagram models that were like being glorified for

(26:23):
having like this snapback situation, and then when I had
my baby, and I still struggle even now till this day,
and people might look at me and look at my
Instagram be like, oh, she's such a beautiful girl, Like
what is she talking about? And it's like everyone has
their own private struggles of what their expectation of what
they're supposed to look like, what they think is beautiful,
what they hope that, what they think their partner thinks

(26:44):
is beautiful, what they see their partner look at and glorify.
Oh my God, look at that's like that's my favorite celebrity.
Oh that's this or listen't she gorgeous? And then you
look in the mirror and you're like, I don't look
like that. Does my partner think I'm attractive?

Speaker 6 (26:56):
Like?

Speaker 5 (26:56):
And then on top of that, like aging know me
and me lass started I like that's been a thing
for me now, like lately, in the last the last
few like a year or two, like and you know,
and again like I'm thirty five turning thirty six this year.
I know maybe to you, I'm like a baby and
when i'm you know, forty five, I'm a look at

(27:17):
a thirty five or look at myself and be like, but.

Speaker 4 (27:19):
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 5 (27:20):
But you know, I look in them, I'm looking at
I literally I'm looking at the beginning of our podcast
and now and I'm like I'm noticing things.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
I'm like, huh yeah, if I do that too.

Speaker 5 (27:29):
Face is looking a little different, that line, those lines
are getting a little deeper.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
Yeah, and like, oh that belly that like used to
snap back, how used to?

Speaker 5 (27:39):
It's the skin is loose forever now, bitch, And like
it's just it's trick to be a woman and for
our bodies to kind of be kind of on the
chopping block is triggering as fuck. Yeah, you know, and
you know even for us.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
And we have daughters, and we have daughters and you know, and.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
This is not I just want to interrupt again, this
is not a woman issue. This is not female. No.
Maybe years ago there was expectations for women against men.
I think that's changing and more men are coming out
different though.

Speaker 5 (28:14):
They are physical, but they're not they're little like, okay,
like your hairline. I'm not worried about my hairline most women.
There are women of course that a fitting hair right,
right women. But I think that like the things that
men worry about are like dick size, which they are
totally out of they can't do anything about right well,
which is also traumati which is really triggering and traumatizing

(28:35):
because women we have also perpetuated this big dick like
what we want, this big dick type of thing where
men are like, well, this is what I got.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
You know, what are we supposed to do? I can't
work out or.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Put a little sea cup in our titty a little.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
Yeah, well, I don't care about size, by the way,
just saying I'm just saying I don't think guys care
about the boobs right, like like size small to big,
Like I know there's there's guys who can you know,
there's what's it called whatever?

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Because that's literally all I have.

Speaker 1 (29:08):
Okay, great these days, by the way, just.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Talking about nothing. Okay, So you guys just fucking hype
up the booms and say I love your boob.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
I think the boobs are prime and better than ever.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Let's just wait, you know, I.

Speaker 3 (29:26):
Want to I want to do something because usually we
do affirmation on our show, and I just because you
guys just said that, and because you said that, you
realize that you're not as good as giving and this
is I'm only doing this because I'm I'm not good
at this girl. But like because you're you're you sometimes
don't give Adam affirmations because you're whatever your yourtional things are.

(29:50):
Can you affirm Adam some things that you love about him,
his physical his physical appearance.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
Please go ahead. Would like me to end up my shirt.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
I would like you to say, that's gonna be the
first one take it off. Sometimes he gets out of
the shower in the morning, well usually I'm up in
the morning before him. Because I have to take our
daughter to her school's fucking far away. So but when
he does get up and shower before I do, and
he gets out and he has his shirt off and

(30:23):
he's in his little you know what do they call
the boy? Oh my god, he walks by me, I'm like,
fucking damn. But I'm also like, I wish I could
like walk out my broad underwear and be like that.
But i do think, like when you walk by me
in the morning and you're in your like you know,

(30:45):
just short off or whatever, I'm like, goddamn, like for sure.
And always when he walks in after coming home from work,
maybe it's because I'm so happy to see him or whatever.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
Are you We won't get into that kid keep going compliment.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
I'm tired.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
I'm tired.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
But so basically you have to walk down sort of
a hallway to get to the family room, where I'm
usually like laying down under a blank.

Speaker 6 (31:11):
And I'm always like like, that's my fucking husband, Like
holy shit, you know, like I'm like every single day,
you know, like I missed him so much when he's
gone during the day, like our business is in the
sense that like when he's you know, there's a lot
of times where he'll take off from his actual work

(31:31):
job and we you know, we do work.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
At home and stuff like that, and on those days,
I'm like, I don't ever want him to go back.
You know. It reminds me of like I went to
NYU here in the city and he would come every
weekend to visit me or during the week or whatever,
and on Sundays I would cry my eyes out when
he went back home. And I still have that same feeling. Granted,

(31:56):
there were a good ten years in there where I
was like, I don't fuck it, I don't no, like no, like,
let's you know, there was definitely.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Ten years three right, beautiful.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Right, let's average it five years like inner first, not
chronological like here and there where I was like, but
now where our relationship is is like when he walks in,
I'm like, that's my husband and I love him so much,
you know. But but yeah, so those those types of
things where I just I mean, he needs new jeans

(32:33):
and stuff, like we need to go shopping. These are
They're awful, these horrible?

Speaker 1 (32:39):
These are great.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
You have like a cameltone vagina.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
That's how I like them.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
We're going shopping.

Speaker 5 (32:54):
Jeans are out shout out for the women and men.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Okay, Land, Yes, I And you know, when he's on
top of me and I feel him and stuff, I'm like,
my I fucking love him. But you know, it's all
comes with the opposite of I hope he's feeling.

Speaker 4 (33:15):
The same way.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
It's hard to do, yeah, So you know, it all
comes with a you know, being told, like like I
said on our social media and stuff. Look, they're thousands
and thousands of people in our audience to our team
Danielle right, who are like, not that I want to
do teams against each other or whatever, who have listened
to our episodes and are like, my god, you're so
beautiful this and that, and I hope he knows and

(33:39):
if he doesn't want you all, have you with this
and that. You know, like our audience is fantastic and amazing,
But there's also always that part of you, you know,
like like, there's this a woman the other day I
posted a picture and like up side by side of
me like when I was younger now, and she's like,
I liked you so much better when like you look
so good when you eyebrows, And I'm like, do I

(34:01):
not wrong? I'm like, Okay, I that wasn't even on
my radio. Yeah, so you know, so it's it's hard,
but you know, but I do think that there's something
to be said for like the fact that we have
that conversation that we had in that in that episode,

(34:24):
as much as it's still work in progress for sure,
and I think it'll always be a work in progress
for me. Changed everything. And you know, that's like why
we wrote the Date Night Questions book is because people
always say to us, like, how do you get to
this point or whatever, and we're like, here are the
questions we asked each other, Here's the conversation you need

(34:44):
to have. And I would say ninety five percent of
couples never have these conversations, right.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Like, nor would we have if we hadn't started this,
right like, we would never have had these discussions or
talked about all of this stuff with that.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Right Yeah, and at the beginning of our relationship. Honestly,
he probably it probably would have been problematic for him
if I was forty pounds more, right, Like, He's changed
as the humans ina with He's evolved as a human.
So you know, so the thing is that I started as.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
A neanderthal, and then I grew to like you know.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Yeah, right right right, So you know, so people also
need to understand that just as in any relationship or
your own you know, like you guys said, you're not
the same people you were five years ago when you
came on our podcast, We're not the same people we
were five years ago in our relationship. So that check in,
you know that that Okay, maybe what he thought twenty

(35:40):
years ago or fifteen years ago or ten years ago
isn't the same thing that and I'm still basing it
on thinking he's the same.

Speaker 5 (35:48):
Person was holding you to this unrealistic body standard that
he doesn't even he's not even considering anymore.

Speaker 3 (35:54):
Even the person that he was but that he's no
longer is not giving him credit for the growth and
the evolution that he's done.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
And that's it's so important to ask each other these questions,
because you know, I like the person he is now
so much more than the person who I'm married.

Speaker 5 (36:08):
You know, I want to ask Adam to do the
same what I want. I would I would like she
gave you some affirmation.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Take my top off.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
If I share it, we can blow.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
Them out, all right?

Speaker 1 (36:23):
For me? Please be specific. What's the question?

Speaker 5 (36:26):
Well, I would like just as she gave you some
positive affirmations about yourself, what are some positive affirmations that
you can give?

Speaker 3 (36:31):
Okay, can I recall hold on, we're recording a podcast.

Speaker 6 (36:36):
It's going to be.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Just as he was, Just as she was saying, by
the way, with taking her top off, because that's what
it should happen for us all to understand what I'm
talking about. The boobs transformation from beginning to now is
the most incredible transformation of boobs I've ever seen it.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
Well, I mean, gain forty pounds in you can't find
whatever it is. It worked, But the.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Confidence that she's found in herself who she is today
is so much more attractive than who she was twenty
years ago, when she was I don't know how many
pounds skinner. I'm not gonna ask, and I'm not even
gonna get involved with that, but the confidence is so
much more attractive, and the boobs are too, that all

(37:27):
of that being together makes her so much more attractive
to me now than who she was, whether it was skinnier,
whether it was she was less confident, better eyebrows, she
had eyebrows.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
But.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
It's it's all about how she feels about herself that
makes it so much more.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
So I love physical attraction. Of course, who doesn't. She
has it, but now that she thinks she has it,
that makes it that much more attractive to me.

Speaker 5 (38:02):
So do you think that that is something that most
that women need to understand? Do you think that that
is like kind of the key that women miss out
on when with their partners?

Speaker 1 (38:10):
And yes?

Speaker 4 (38:10):
In general?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
Now, look are there people out there that are just
there for physical attraction and whatever they want it to
be is what? Do they want Skinny women? Yes? Do
they want heavy women? Yes, Like everybody wants a certain
thing and that's okay. But I think for the most part,
I would think they're thinking the way that I'm thinking. Right,

(38:33):
If they're confident in themselves the way they are, that's
so much more attractive than just the physical aspect of
what attraction is.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
I feel like your confidence gives your physical appearance like
a boost. Yes, it's not. It translates to physically physically,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (38:53):
It's like even if you almost embody exactly what it
is that you feel that you that you that you
are aspiring to have Yeah, when you.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Carry yourself in the way that you are, in the
way that you feel.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
People see that.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
People see that projection versus people seeing something. But whatever,
Like if you're insecure about this, insecure about that. And
like even for Eric and I, like we have totally
different body types. You know, we're both beautiful women, but
we have we're totally we are We're totally different women,
you know, like short hair, big hair, like light skin,
brown skin like thick skinny, big boobs, little boobs, Like

(39:27):
we are totally different women. And I think you know,
and we come from totally different places and not like
like geographically, but like I think there are Like even
in this relationship that's not marriage, it's required that we
be secure in ourselves because it's easy for some like
someone to say one thing about her or me and
I'd be like, oh shit, like by the weaklink, cute one.

Speaker 4 (39:49):
Like the thing.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Is that you know, ironically what you just said. Like
as different as you both are, I feel exactly the
same about both of you. I have the same interpretation
of both of you. Like the attractiveness of both of
you is the same because.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
They're both powerful.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Because yes, you're both powerful women. You're both extremely different,
but you're comfortable with who you are. So that's just
like a hotness like scale for me. That's just on
level for this, exactly the same for both.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
And I'm sorry, no, keep going. No, I was just
going to say, you know, I'm raising two boys, right,
so it's.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Me too, by the way, just putting that out.

Speaker 4 (40:26):
Sorry, you're there, right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
I'm just saying I'm there too sometimes.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Right, So I am very I'm always very cognizant of
the fact that I'm raising two boys, right, I'm raising
two boys with humans of the world who I want
to be very good male humans and be very respectful
of women everything, and and and and so a little
bit as much as Adam said what he just said,
and I haven't heard him ever say that before, I
would encourage him to say that in front of our

(40:54):
boys and number one and our daughter, you know.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
Because the things he's spoken to you.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, I'm saying right when he just said before. And
I'm grateful to both of you for saying that to him,
because you know, not a lot of times come up
where you say that to your partner.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Well, just so you know, I never even told you,
not never this happened yesterday, so I didn't have a
chance to tell you this. I was taking our middle son,
who is fifteen, to the bus stop, so we had
literally two minutes before the bus came, of.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Course, because he's never fucking ready for the bus.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
And he says to me in the car waiting for
the bus, why do hot girls like assholes?

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Ah?

Speaker 1 (41:30):
Right, yeah, because he's a very sweet boy, very very emotional.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
Speak dumb son.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Well, yeah, I had literally like thirty seconds to answer
this question, which was not fair because I have so
much to say and I didn't know what to say
within thirty seconds.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
And I got to continue the conversation later.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
On thousand percent. Yeah, but with having you know, thirty
seconds to talk and my mind going you know, millionize
a second, I was just like, well, why do you
like the hot girls? What is it about what makes
them hot? That makes them hot?

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Right?

Speaker 1 (42:03):
You don't have and then the bus came.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Okay, So here's the thing. So I when my so,
my my son, my fifteen year old son, my eleven
year old son is not there yet. He doesn't even
give fut girls. Who knows if we ever will. But
our fifteen year old son is very very into girls. Yeah,
I mean he is like very into girls. So, and
you know my daughter who has you know, friends and stuff,

(42:28):
or who will have crushes on girls because she's you know,
a lesbian. My my fifteen year old son will be like, oh,
is she hot? That's always his question is is she hot?
So I am notorious in Ian's with his friends of
I have a rule. I don't ever say they're not
allowed to listen to any kind of music or anything,

(42:49):
but I will push that fucking button and turn it
off and be like, why do we never say this
in real life? Why do we never? Why is this
never you know.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Realistic right?

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Why are we never allowed to disrespect and like this?
Why are you not allowed to say that word? Why
are you So I'm notorious in the fact that, like
his friends know, like I don't really want to take
a long car ride with your mom.

Speaker 4 (43:10):
You're in real time checking the fuck I'm in.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
Real time checking. So a lot of parents have a rule,
You're not allowed to listen to this kind of music.
That's not my rule. My rule is I am I am.
I am allowed to push that fucking button anytime and
be like, which makes.

Speaker 4 (43:27):
Gonyeah.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
They don't ever want me to drive them anywhere.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
It's a podcaster, right.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
So, so my my son, my fifteen year old son,
who actually is a really good looking boy, he really is,
and and you know, and we'll probably have a lot
of relationships or whatever. He'll often say like is she hot? So,
you know, recently I started to I said, okay, let's stop.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (43:54):
What does that mean? What does that mean to you?
Is she hot? Are you talking about physical are you
talking about confidence? Because let me tell you right now,
if you're talking about physical features, we have a lot
of talking to do.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Well, you know, as a fifteen year old boy, that's
what it means. She is like hot physically?

Speaker 2 (44:14):
Okay, But I want him to understand this.

Speaker 5 (44:17):
Where has he adopted his definition of hot? Like that's right,
what was the prototype?

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Mee?

Speaker 4 (44:23):
What was the girl? Who is the girl?

Speaker 2 (44:26):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (44:26):
So?

Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah, So he has a girl who he has had
a huge crush on since the beginning of the year,
beautiful girl, you know whatever. She doesn't like him back,
and and you know, and she's he's wasted a lot
of time really liking her and everything. And she's very
pretty and everything. She's very pretty, but I want him
to understand that, you know, the confidence, the the you know.

(44:51):
I want him to have somebody who like he is
a huge lover of animals. He's a huge lover of music.
He's a huge lover of Okay, does she even like
the same music if? Does she have the same appreciation
Does she have the same appreciation of appreciation of rescuing
animals that you do? Does she have like I do
not want to put a boy out into the world

(45:13):
who is going to assess a woman? And you think
about social media? Right Facebook? Facebook was founded on assessing women.
Mark Zuckerberg and his you know entourage founded Facebook on.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
As a college kid.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
But does this make it okay?

Speaker 1 (45:35):
I'm not saying it's okay, but there's a progression. Now
I can just speak to myself as.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Telling them not to do it. Who's there? Well, no,
I just totally disagree.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
I think as a progression of a boy turning into
a man. At some point, you're not there at college because.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
No one's telling you to be there. Had I never
told you to be there, you would never be there.
What Had I never told you that this is not
okay to be way to be about judging women, then
you would never be there. Someone has to be there
to tell them this is not the way to do it.
And a lot of times, no, I think it's okay.

Speaker 4 (46:17):
I think I think it's a special case.

Speaker 5 (46:18):
I think no, Mark Zuckerberg didn't know he was going
to be fucking Facebook, and he was just like a smart, genius.

Speaker 6 (46:25):
Little girl, like anybody.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
But should anybody, and then it kind of happened.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Listen. I think there's girls who are the same. I
think there's boys who are the same in that retrospect, right.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
But this is my boy. I think that I think
this is my boy.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
I think that what Danielle is trying to say is that, granted,
teenage boys are definitely looking for the hot women and
what they're primarily attracted to, because that's what it means
when hormones are raging. Hence the same thing for women.
I was a raging hormone teenager. However, I think what
she's saying is that, especially if she feels like her
was sponsibility as a woman as right as the mom,

(47:02):
especially knowing how how delayed that realization can be from
her own experience and just from living in society, is that.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
She wants her son to know for.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
Yes, let me plant these seas. I have a huge responsibility.
What what why? What are your value is?

Speaker 1 (47:17):
Which is which is when I had thirty seconds to
respond to yesterday morning.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
But yet, Step, you're not in the car with him
nearly as much as I am. I get that. I'm
not blaming you. I'm just saying that I need to
utilize that time as being like, Okay, I don't want
to be the mom who's like, let's listen to a
clean version. Okay.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
I think it's more important for me to have the
responsibility than you because I spent the time, well it
started yesterday for thirty seconds, which I've learned something by
him asking me for the first time, which I can
now think about and make time to talk to him
about what took me from that point to the point
that I'm at now.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
But don't you want to don't you want to tell
him to be at the point you're at now sooner
than he is going to think he needs to.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
Figure things out on his own. I think that's healthy.

Speaker 4 (48:08):
I don't agree, and.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
With knowing some things along.

Speaker 5 (48:12):
The way, I'm gonna say you guys are obviously way
more experienced parents than I am way far ahead. But
as I'm listening to you, guys, and I'm thinking about
myself as your son's age, which is like you know,
probably about twenty years ago, thinking about if my mom
came to me and said these things to me, would
I listen if my mom if like, it's important that

(48:32):
he gets said, it's important that they get said.

Speaker 4 (48:35):
And this is this is the mother's fear.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
I feel you.

Speaker 6 (48:39):
I do because as a mom, like I'm putting me
out into the world, there's a mama bear mentality, especially
as a mom of a boy, where you're like, I
as my duty as a woman to send you out here,
because you're going to be out here fucking women. Not
for lack of a better just say I like having sex.

(49:00):
I mean like sucking them, fucking them over right, if you.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
Encountered ultimate ultimately, and they'll get fucked up even more as.

Speaker 4 (49:10):
But ultimately, guys, free will. They're gonna do what the
fuck they want.

Speaker 5 (49:15):
But all we can do is say it a hundred
times and hopefully some part of it sticks might be
the whole.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
Thing in a better situation, if we say it, then
we don't. We have to say it right. The conversation
could say it.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
But like, each of your roles are so fucking crucial
because he wants to know from his dad who maybe
you were the hot dad, You were the hot he wore,
were the hot you were the hot kid, You were
the hot guy. So your son is asking you, why
do fucking girls like the hot guy?

Speaker 4 (49:47):
Dad? Can you give me some advice?

Speaker 5 (49:48):
And you're as a dad to have this responsibility to
give him thirty seconds of advice that's going to impact
his life forever, hopefully, and then we'll have another conversation
that bitch.

Speaker 4 (49:57):
Is not going to be to me only, but.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
God, damn, you're so hot and I'm his mom, then
maybe my son will be like, oh that's hot, like and.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
Experience.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
No, but no, that's not what I do think.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
No, I really, really really do think that it is
important Adam and Danielle that even if you're starting now
and your parents like, what the fuck I think that happened?

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Sorry?

Speaker 3 (50:27):
Now, I think it's super important that you guys praise
each other out loud and be affectionate out loud. I
think you should smack her ass. I think you should
kiss her. I think you say, damn, you look good.
Today and even even for them to be like shut
the fuck up or whatever they say. I think that
is super, super super important.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
And we do that. Our kids are constantly saying, oh,
that's gross.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
We don't compliment each other, understand.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
Now nobody, but but if we're either snuggling on the
couch or a kiss or a hug or whatever, it's like,
why do you guys love each other so much? Or
why do you like there's a constant did it work out?
If you ask our children do your parents love each other?
They would say one hundred percent, yes, yeah, h do

(51:18):
they do? They love each other.

Speaker 4 (51:20):
But that an accomplishment.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
But that is an accomplishment. And I know, I'm so
happy you guys are here. Like especially this month is
like we are we put this book out. This book
has a lot. This book is like literally broke up
in three parts. It's like before children, after Daddy and
the revelation, right and like one of our one of
my fears for us as a brand, and like not

(51:42):
my fears not go fuck, but like I didn't want
people to think that we were like a man hating
like baby Daddy hating, like anti relationship duo, you know,
and like I think you know, black women specifically and
women in general get that title because it's like we're
too independent or we don't need it. And it's like,

(52:03):
let me be clear, these two bitches want to be
cared for.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
You your wives right right. We your wives to each other.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
I cook for her, We care for each other like
we ribe each other's head if a bitch has a headache,
like we are soft women. And I'm really I'm really
glad to like have you guys back in this moment,
just because I really want to make it clear that this,
like this book is for even women who are married
and like that you have different stages in your relationship

(52:34):
and it's not like it's not about like having a
problem letting somebody go and it's but it really is
about and the whole really book is about. It's like,
not only did I have a kid with somebody, but
I was so committed to being loved publicly in front
of my child in a certain way that if the
person that I gave birth to with for you the

(52:56):
products that are like you're the product of these two people,
and if if it didn't look like this, then it
had to be done, like it had to be dead,
but that this is the love that I would like
my child to see, because this is the love that
I would like you to subscribe to you as you
are on your journey. And you know, a woman could
be hot and the guy could be It doesn't matter

(53:17):
who it is. If it's a woman, if it's a male,
if they're hot, but just understanding at its core that like,
people are not always going to be hot. I'm not
always pretty, all right, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
And yeah, and your personalit's getting change too, but also.

Speaker 5 (53:30):
The passion behind you guys both care so deeply about
how this situation manifests through your son.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
Yeah, and that is the gift of the marriage too,
is that you have a position about it.

Speaker 5 (53:45):
Some people it's like figure it out, okay, whatever, Yeah,
there's only one Like, what a blessing that your son
has both people that you care so fucking much and
you care too, but you're also like you have different
perspectives but ultimately the same goal.

Speaker 6 (53:56):
Yeah, ultimately outcome and that's all that's always kind of
it's a different path.

Speaker 4 (54:03):
That is literally like, yeah, the journey of man and woman.

Speaker 5 (54:07):
It's like I think we all do generally want the
same outcome, which is love, which is support, which is acceptance,
which is safety. But the journey there often looks so
fucking different that it seems like crazy. Sometimes you're like,
I don't fucking know you well are you?

Speaker 2 (54:24):
Also? One of the amazing things about Adam I have
to say as a man as a man, is that
we have three extremely different children. I mean when I
say extremely different children, like you know, extremely different, like
I don't even know how something fucking happened with the
sperms and the or whatever. They're all amazing. But we

(54:48):
have honored each of them in their own way and
and very much been like this is their needs and
and Adam as a man has never ever been like
I need my boy to be you like this masculine whatever,
like he has very much.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
They've all taken after me. Why would I not nourish
each child in the well, No, that was true. I
mean me as a lesbian like me not I you know,
into music, right, he.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
Has your you're all me okay, but but we have
from we were on the gamut of you know, being
Mia being obviously like a huge activist and whatever, and
Ian being his like you know, masculine metrosexual self and Jonah,
we have a college fund for him. That's all. I get.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Sad.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
But but but but I think if you relinquished that
like what it's supposed to be, right, Like like when
I you know, when when Mia came out to Adam,
it was like the most beautiful thing, it really was.

Speaker 4 (55:54):
It was like the most she was.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
There was no nerves, there was know, like when she
said to him, like, you know, I knew forever that
she was lesbian, and when she came out to him,
there was no like although I know he thinks to
himself like, oh, you know, I wanted to walk her
down the and she still won't be able to walk
her down the aisle and whatever. But but to give
the kids that gift of you know, whatever you are,

(56:18):
you are And that is really what he has done
as a man like he is really and that and
we talked about physical things. That is the sexiest thing
about him is that were there our three kids. He
has done I'm gonna cry too, yeah important, yeah, and
we've yeah, yeah, that's right. And I try.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Look, I try to be like I've been through a
lot of shit myself, right, Like I've been there, I've
experienced all the different things, and I I understand there's
different all the different things that my kids could be,
right and except of whatever they're going, we weren't.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
It was very much accepted by our parents for who
we were. Yeah, I am now you are now by
my parents. What we're more accepted now because for what Well,
because we're for my parents. Our podcast is successful, so
it's acceptable now. No, they were very they were, they
were in it from the beginning. But yeah, but I

(57:24):
think that you know, there's a worthiness that that happened.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
Yeah, right, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Yeah, for your parents too. Yeah, we're still working on it.

Speaker 1 (57:34):
We're still working on it.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Yeah, I mean yeah, so, I you know, I I
feel like that was a really big deal. You know,
when when you decide to have kids together, you talk
a lot about the toddler years and everything, and you
know who's going to get up in the middle of
the night and this and that, and there's this whole

(57:55):
more important aspect missing, right, which is what kind of
humans are we going to raise? And I think that's
what Adam and I have concentrated on. Maybe not from
the beginning, no at all.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
Right, Right, that's evolved, right, that's evolved, and.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
It's very much been like what kind of humans we
want to put out into the world. And we have
raised advocates, we've raised you know, like allies. We have
raised really really good human beings. I'm very proud of
the humans we've raised, and that's been really our number
one priority together and you know, so that to me

(58:32):
is the partnership of parenthood, right, like we have done.
I'm so proud of the humans that we have raised.
I really am. And you know, and when I say, like,
I stop and I ask them about the music and
everything like that, like a lot of it is you
know a little bit like you know, a lot of

(58:53):
parents that I know don't allow certain music in their homes,
don't allow certain movies or and we've never been those people.
We're always like like we love you know, like raunchy
this and raunchy that or whatever. But the conversation that
surrounds it is what is important, right Like, Okay, this
is great, this is fun, this is great music. You know,

(59:15):
why are we why are we not taking it literally?
Why are we not saying this or that? And I
think together we've been a really good team with that.
So you know, so that has really been like I
feel like, as much as I feel like I love
our podcast so much and everything, and I think we're
teaching a lot of parents about how to do things

(59:37):
your own way, I feel like as parents, I think
raising our kids has sort of been like our a
gift to the world. Like I think we're really raising
good humans.

Speaker 5 (59:48):
I'm like, watching you guys is really inspirational to me
because I don't think I have a lot of examples
of successful marriages in my.

Speaker 4 (59:56):
Life, and like I don't. I don't even mean I'm
not even talking about my imediate friend.

Speaker 5 (01:00:00):
I mean as like even like my parents, like grandparents,
everyone that I know that is close to me has
been ended up in divorce, right, And so like seeing
a relationship work through these things, your children being essentially
expressions of your relationship in ways, and like this this
soul shifting project that you guys get to work on

(01:00:20):
together to you know, conspire and create. And granted they have,
like we side, free will and they're going to be
who the fuck they are, but they these these things
that come from us, that sprout from goals, and they
are like these gifts we get to leave along the way,
as are we of you know the people before us,
and you know the mothers and fathers before us. But

(01:00:42):
it's like this project that you guys get to work
on this lifetime and life is short, and you guys
get to do this thing together, and you know, and
figuring out what is it that we like, what is
that we want to do together, How do we want
to spend our time, how do we want to raise
our kids?

Speaker 4 (01:00:55):
What is the goal? You know, it's not always going
to be perfect. We're not always going to agree with
what is the goal?

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Right, Yeah, we never knew what our goal was until
we realize what our goal was, which is to put
good people onto this planet, which is our children, and
how to do it properly. And look, we can only
do what we can do. We can do everything that
we think is the right thing to do, and then
they're out there on their own.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
I always say that my motherhood is the best job
because I can create one less asshole in the world.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Right, I feel that very much.

Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
Sometimes I feel like we are putting some assholes out
into the world to us, but not of course.

Speaker 3 (01:01:37):
And also I want you to encourage you guys and
remind you guys to the same grace and space and
save space and affirmative love that you give your children,
that you offer to yourselves and to each other, because
sometimes it's like we limitlessly love our kids unconditionally. We
give them free rein to express and say and fall
down and get up and get up and get up,

(01:01:59):
and we give them the words.

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
And ask these questions like why do I consider that hot?
Why do you consider that?

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Ask yourself please please? And kids music off and be
like why what is this? But I mean saying no, no,
we're not allowed to listen, but.

Speaker 5 (01:02:16):
Even asking ourselves as adults those exact questions, right right,
like why do I what do I consider hot?

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
Why do I feel like my body isn't enough? What
are these questions?

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Like?

Speaker 4 (01:02:26):
Just like your son is asking like is she hot? Yes,
you're asking yourself like am I fat? What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Am I hot? What does that mean? This is my journey?

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
And I'm hot because I'm I'm raising three kids.

Speaker 4 (01:02:38):
I'm not I'm getting a business.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
I've built a business, right you know, because I told
my husband to jump on board and I saved our
marriage because I was willing to be vulnerable.

Speaker 4 (01:02:47):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
And stuff means nothing to a fifteen year old. But
I'm saying, like to try to pass along iur journey
and what we think is hot. Now, how do you
relate that to a teenager?

Speaker 3 (01:03:03):
Well, we're more also saying like whatever part of ourselves
and from each other our kids.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
Yeah, yeah, And I think also, you know, not blaming
Adam and not blaming me, but the fact that like
we could both do a much better job of affirming
each other in front of our kids. I think we
can both and you fucking too, but I think we
could both do a much better job of that, And
especially as our bodies change and we age and everything,

(01:03:31):
the more you know, we show our kids, that all
of our kids that you know that that you're not
just doing it for your partner, which should be enough anyway,
but you're doing it in the sense of like changing
bodies and changing humans is a natural progression and it
is thing beautiful and it means that we're still here
and we've served worry.

Speaker 4 (01:03:53):
About We all just have to worry about that, right concept.

Speaker 2 (01:03:57):
Right, and those affirmations like would change.

Speaker 5 (01:04:00):
I always show up physically on this world, and that's
sort of just existing and enjoying the short time we
have here.

Speaker 4 (01:04:06):
That's right.

Speaker 5 (01:04:07):
Well, that leads me to today's affirmation. You guys, I
just thumbed through our book, A Good Mom's Guide to
Making Bad Choices, which is available everywhere, and you should
have it. You don't have it, go get it right
the fuck now. And we have affirmations in every chapter.
Mela shares one. I share one, just so you know.
In each chapter it's each of our voices really walking
you through where we're at in this particular part of

(01:04:30):
our journey. I think this is just that, oh we
have this is my affirmation, and this isn't the chapter.
Fuck I'm expecting, and I'm gonna just breed you just
the brief description of what the chapters about, because we
haven't really done that, so fuck I'm expecting. Pregnancy can
be triggering, beautiful, and isolating confusing right The shifts in

(01:04:51):
your body, identity, and friendships can feel overwhelming. On the
other hand, the life growing inside of you plant seeds
of self advocacy and intuition that you may not have
experienced before. Pregnancy is a very real understanding that nothing
will ever be the same again. Affirmation so true. My

(01:05:11):
body has been given the incredible gift to be a
vessel for life. I joyfully accept the challenges and changes
that come with this soul shifting privilege.

Speaker 4 (01:05:22):
So just a reminder that, like we have this privilege.

Speaker 5 (01:05:24):
Whether you carry or not, whether you are the deliverer
or not, of like the soul shifting privilege we have
with our kids, right, which is why we take it
so fucking seriously.

Speaker 6 (01:05:32):
It's personal as fuck, right, So there's that, And then
also we are the vessels of life.

Speaker 5 (01:05:39):
You've carried four children, You've had four children, Like, I
love what you said about my body is our journey, yeah,
you know, and I think that when you start really
like reimagining your body in that way, it kind of
shifts how you view it and perceive it and respect
it and deserves fucking respect.

Speaker 4 (01:06:01):
That's right, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:03):
And our our episodes on that they were on the
top fifty charts for like weeks and weeks. I think
it's like episodes like two seventeen to eighteen, two nineteen.
I don't know exactly, but they I mean, we've gotten
more messages about those episodes than people everyone can relate
to that, that's right. And I think also the fact
that like we all hold on to these these ideas

(01:06:27):
of what our partner thinks, and we don't release them
because you know, it's not comfortable to talk about. And
I hold on to them for years. I still hold
on to them. I still need that that, you know,
like those affirmations like you said, this for me is
like I'm ready to go home and have sex because
he like you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
Know you much.

Speaker 4 (01:06:50):
So welcome.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Seriously, Like I think that that's not something you do
just hear once, right, you need to hear it again
and again and again.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
And it's so much easier than you think it's going
to be. Like I've I said before where there has
been more. Now we're saying your builders. You know, hey, listen,
you know when we go out, I feel that because
you're not and you look so beautiful. Like it's they've
never said that before, but they listened to our episode

(01:07:18):
and all of a sudden they were just able to
say it because.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
So much and it's so easy to do. And our book,
The Day and Night Questions also has a lot of
topics on that. We have a like a things you
want your partner to know, so something you've never said
to them before or they'd never said to you before
and you can communicate for the first time ever without
having you know, the stress of like, oh my god,

(01:07:43):
what are they going to think?

Speaker 6 (01:07:44):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
It's a very gentle way to talk about it. So
we we recommend also the date night questions to do that.

Speaker 3 (01:07:51):
And speaking of date night questions, we're gonna do our
tearro and they we're gonna wrap up and usually we
have I forgot the deck at the hotel room because because,
But today's taro was ten of cups and the ten
of Cups represents happiness, joy, content, and emotional satisfaction in

(01:08:11):
your family, relationship, or companion. This is where all your dreams,
needs and wishes have been fulfilled and you feel a
complete sense of satisfaction. This card is most associated with
a sense of happily ever after, of family, of lasting
harmony and peace and I love reading This card shows
something romantic, real and genuine that has a strong potential

(01:08:33):
for something that will last. It deserves all of your
effort to make it come true. The ten of Cups
could also indicate a family holiday where you can relax,
the retreat and spend time with yourself. It's as family members,
but I have to switch it up.

Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
It's not perfect, but it's happily.

Speaker 3 (01:08:53):
It's forever and look just like a couple on two kids,
like looking really gleefully into the sunlight.

Speaker 4 (01:09:00):
So I love this for you.

Speaker 3 (01:09:03):
Yeah, tell the people where they can find you. We're
so happy to have you on again. We're so grateful.
We always learned so much for you from you. Damn,
I'm drunk.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
Welcome to Marriage and Martina. Marriage and Martinis.

Speaker 4 (01:09:19):
The name, it's not a cute name.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
It's podcast the Truth Serum.

Speaker 3 (01:09:24):
Yes, they're like you can take little bottles on the
airplane and trust me it works.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
Oh my god. Yes, we have all the so so
we're Marriage of Martini's on Instagram. We have a really
fun Instagram account Marriage of Martinis. Or if you go
to marriage to Martinis dot com you can get our
dat night questions. Also our famous like world famous now
body image episodes. We also have a guide to that

(01:09:52):
which is called let Yourself Go. If you want to
go and purchase that and have a little like, you know,
time with yourself for your partner or whatever and talk about,
you know, how you're feeling about your body image and
your journey and everything.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
And she was just asking me where that.

Speaker 4 (01:10:14):
Existed business. You're gonna be a page.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
I was going through my journey.

Speaker 1 (01:10:24):
I'm sold.

Speaker 2 (01:10:27):
When I was going through my journey of my body
image thing, I I wrote this journal and I wrote
questions for people, and you know a lot of people
feel the same way that I do. That. Look, you know,
regardless of your size or whatever, we're all going through
some kind of physical journey. And it was really about
honoring that journey and whatever it is, and understanding that

(01:10:50):
your sexiness comes from that journey. And I truly believe that.
And it's to the point where I had said to
Adam in the episode, even if you can't honor that journey,
if you don't understand that journey, then I need to
move on. And I truly believe that because I think
you said pack your bag. But seriously, you know, I

(01:11:12):
think that that is very true. You know, you, like
we're all talking about, you have one life and you have.

Speaker 4 (01:11:17):
One body, and the it is real, and that's aging
process is real. Changes happen.

Speaker 5 (01:11:23):
You can't stop it. I don't give a fuck what
you do, what kind of doctor you have. That is
the one thing you can't You're not You're gonna die
and you will age. Those are the Those are the
two truths if you if you live this life to
the end.

Speaker 2 (01:11:38):
And to compare our bodies and our journeys to our partners,
you know, if they're not having children, and if they're not,
it's it's it's completely unfair. And and I have made
so much peace with myself about my body to the
point where I always say, like, I stand in front
of a mirror after my shower and I'm like, yeah,

(01:11:59):
you feel like you're sexy. And then I go out
into the world and I'm like, WHOA, what is everybody
else thinking? And and that is my my biggest challenge,
you know, is not what I think about myself, because
when I'm in my room thinking about myself, it's much
different than when I go into the world. But I'm
trying to hold on to what I think about myself

(01:12:19):
and hold on to the fact that I have a
husband who you know, I know appreciates our journey and
loves our journey. So we're working on it and yours.

Speaker 3 (01:12:27):
You guys get a lot. You guys walk around like
naked at him more him, you should like walk around
the panties in the room.

Speaker 2 (01:12:36):
Kids don't fit we have teenage.

Speaker 4 (01:12:41):
And walk around underwear in front of your kids.

Speaker 2 (01:12:43):
Have you have you.

Speaker 4 (01:12:45):
A speedo yet?

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
No? Wait, start over?

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
But honestly, like teenagers, people are like, I want to
do all the things. You don't realize how hard is
to have a sex life with teenagers business.

Speaker 4 (01:13:00):
Dogs and they actually they know that, they know the signs.

Speaker 2 (01:13:06):
They're like, oh, you just locked your door.

Speaker 4 (01:13:09):
They're suspicious.

Speaker 3 (01:13:13):
Well, they ask you if you're having sex.

Speaker 1 (01:13:14):
They're the worst cock seven living in our house besides us. Yes,
there's our house.

Speaker 2 (01:13:21):
Of course, when we were younger, who is that me?

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
And start over?

Speaker 2 (01:13:28):
Yeah? Okay, so so when we were younger, yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:13:34):
On that note, you will have to listen to that
horror on Patreon. Should go to patre dot combat anywhere
else anything else that we need to people need to
know that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:50):
People.

Speaker 5 (01:13:50):
You need to go get the date Night Questions experience
Tonight with Danielle's body image.

Speaker 2 (01:13:58):
If you go on our e books. It's only in
any book. Right now. We have a parent in Questions
book coming out soon which is all the parents in Questions.
You should have been asked but you weren't.

Speaker 4 (01:14:08):
Oh my god, that's like our book. Literally, what the fuck.

Speaker 6 (01:14:11):
No one asked, no one, No one thought about these
questions for us. Right, if I have the questions, I
probably still won't let them come in me.

Speaker 2 (01:14:19):
Yeah, we have a very unconventional parenting way, which can
be documented in all the truancy your letters we've gotten
for our kids.

Speaker 1 (01:14:27):
And you better talk about how fucking much the kids
love us because of that in that book.

Speaker 2 (01:14:31):
No, our kids love our podcasts. They love uh yeah, they.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
Love our unconventional parenting.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
Of course they do. They state not so much.

Speaker 4 (01:14:39):
They're going to be amazing humans and adults.

Speaker 3 (01:14:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
I do believe that. I do. I really do believe
that we've already raised Our kids are already like huge
like allies and advocates, and they they write postcards and
they do all the things.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
All right, all right, let's go.

Speaker 4 (01:14:58):
We're good.

Speaker 2 (01:14:59):
I'm molested, she's right about her, she's too drunk.

Speaker 1 (01:15:06):
Let's she needs food.

Speaker 5 (01:15:11):
You guys will leave all of the information this episode description.
Make sure you go check out marriage and Martini's on
all podcast platforms. Check out our friends Danielle and Adam.
They're the bomb or the Ship. Thank you guys for training.

Speaker 4 (01:15:23):
Back on you guys, We love you.

Speaker 5 (01:15:26):
Make sure you go rate and review this episode. If
you're not subscribed to YouTube, go ahead, what the fuck
are you doing? Put the subscribe watch watch us in
all of our glory here and what else?

Speaker 3 (01:15:38):
Check out the Good Vibratory, it's coming up. If you
haven't booked a summer vacation, now is the time you
need to be cared for.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
You need a break, And I'm going to I'm going
to Pete.

Speaker 3 (01:15:48):
We're making Daniel come. And if you haven't yet, to
Master in the Bathroom. If you haven't bought the book yet,
grab a Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices and
we love you.

Speaker 4 (01:16:01):
We'll see you next week. Bye bye.

Speaker 1 (01:16:22):
Solo record

Speaker 6 (01:16:28):
Las

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Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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