January 17, 2025 • 55 mins
Kelly Bensimon is connecting with our regular gal Louise. They are challenging each other to take their dating game to the next level in 2025!
This conversation might be just what you need to help you find Mr. I Do Part 2. For Kelly, things are heating up with Mr. Tennis. Kelly gives us an update on all the latest.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome back to I Do Part two.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's Kelly ben Simone, one of your celebrity mentors here
on the pod. On the podcast, I've been having a
blast getting to know my fellow mentors and getting to
know everyone's personal journeys to finding love. Today, I wanted
to bring in one half of our favorite deo on
this show, Louise from Thelma Louise, to talk about dating
(00:36):
in the new year.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hi Louise, Hi Kelly, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh my god, I'm so excited to talk to you.
How's everything.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Everything is good? I mean, it's the new year, so
just waiting for all those you know, uniforms and rainbows
to drop out of the sky. Right, it's a fresh late.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
So let's get into it. So we're going to talk
about our love journey. We both have really interesting love durings. Actually,
let's start with yours. Tell me a little bit about
who you are and how you fell in and out
of love.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Sure, I am. I live in Los Angeles and I
was hit by a lightning bolt. When I met my husband,
I knew I was going to marry him. I called
my mom up and I said I met my husband,
and she goes you're crazy to go to sleep, You've
had too much to drink. That was the height of
sex in the city. So I had those you know whatever,
apple martinis. But I will tell you every time I've
(01:37):
ended up dating somebody long term, there's always been some
sort of a weird twist. So now I know, if
I meet somebody and there's no like twist or weirdness
or something, it's not my guy. We're married to fourteen years.
He has a fabulous moral compass. I think ultimately we
were probably better office friends because we're both killers quite frankly,
(02:00):
dad fabulous co parent, and we do a lot together
as a family, and I get the best parts of
him and none of the bad parts. So it's like
I feel like I'm winning.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Do you guys travel together? Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And with his fiance, I mean we travel. Yes, it's
like you're away with that. Yes, it's the greatest situation
in the world. He's with all the kids and she
and I are having cocktails, laughing all day long. We
do holidays like it's amazing. Seriously, my youngest kids. When
my youngest kid left for college, he said to me, Mom,
(02:34):
I just want to tell you something I like. I
don't have any baggage, emotional baggage. I go white. Is
you guys did divorce? Amazing?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I love that? Oh, I love that? What about you? So?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I was married very young to a photographer and I
have two gorgeous girls. We got divorced when my girls
were young. I just he wasn't the right for the
right job, and I just was having like so much anxiety.
After I had both of my kids, I had really
(03:08):
bad postpartum with my first daughter, and I just genuinely
realized that, you know, he was fun. You know, as
a artist and creative, he's incredible, but as a nurturer
and provider and partner.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
He wasn't.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And I just was having so much anxiety. And I
just got pregnant again. And then the minute I got
pregnant again, I was like, we're done. I just couldn't
do it. I just couldn't handle it. And my interestingly enough,
my post pardon was really bad with my first but
then for my second, I had no part partum and
(03:48):
I was like, Okay, the baby's out. I had these
two good, beautiful, gourg girls. It's time for me to
go into my new life. I don't know how this
is gonna work, but I'm gonna try.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Didn't you kind of look at it like you're unknown
was going to be better than your known?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's really well said. I had so much fear, and
I think that you know, I had great parents, and
they were so super supportive of me being happy, but
very very concerned about being me, being single and providing
for two kids.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And I just felt like.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
The unknown was just fueled and filled with possibility, and
the past was just something that I didn't even want
to remember, not in it. Not that he's a bad person,
but it's just like, that's just not what I want.
I wanted to I just wanted a family for my family.
That's all what I've always said for a thousand years.
(04:46):
Just all I want is a family for my family.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And do you feel like when you're looking to date,
are you looking to create like a Brady Bunch situation,
to recreate the family that a thousand and it blew?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like I'm always looking at so people would be like,
why you did someone that doesn't have kids, I'm like, why,
Like I wouldn't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I mean, I don't mind, I wouldn't mind, but.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It would be difficult to date someone that doesn't have
children because they I wouldn't be able to talk to
them about things that have to.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Do with raising children.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
They'd be like what they would be like, you know,
and it wouldn't be It would be a disservice to them,
be a disservice to them.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Because they weren't a part of that. So those memories
they weren't a part of.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I also think it's a different life experience because a
few people I've dated that didn't have children, because I've
kind of arrived at the same place as you, I
just think they're I don't want to say the word selfish,
but it's like you're not. It's not selfless, right like
when you're a parent, what you know, everything goes to
them first, like I'm last, Like I would give them
(05:47):
my last dollar to eat. And I think for me,
you know, I had a significant relationship with somebody who
had quite frankly, never been married, never had kids, and
it was just we just kind of spoke a different
a different language. I think I have the opposite, like
you're looking to create great bunch. I have a hard
time merging like the people I've dated that have kids.
(06:10):
I have a hard time merging my children with other
kids and creating that like the idea of going on
a trip all of us or like it's few and
far between, Like I'm way more coupled keeping it separate.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Isn't that because you have such like a good thing
going that your family, You're like you have like an
extended family, now, do you know what I mean? Like,
because it's so comfortable, do you feel like that you
would be like, wait, it's not going to be as good.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
As this, No, because I think that's only only in
the last few years. I think it was more when
I got divorce. My kids were young, and you know,
when I had them, I was like all in on them.
And then I looked at it like I had some
key percent of the time to just do me and
do that that I got so compartmentalized that it was
like two It was like almost like a jecko on
(06:59):
a high right, like I just couldn't never And then,
you know, only one time in the last few years
did I even do a couple of those meals with
somebody I dated for close to two years, but I
just wasn't it wasn't comfortable for me. Now it could
have been a function. In my heart, I knew it
wasn't the right relationships. I wasn't going to poison the
well with my kids and you know, for lack of
(07:19):
a better word, blow my wad with them and say
this was the situation. I think what I've learned now
after that, have now since learned that they didn't like him,
that unless I think I'm going to marry this person
and go to the distance, like, I don't really want
to force that on them. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
So right, your kids are older, so are my kids,
so like what do you how do you feel about so?
For me, like I was a full time single parent,
there was no fifty to fifty. There were no Wednesdays,
there were no over the every other weekends, there was
no there was no like time for me to create
a life. It was just with my kids twenty four
to seven. And I would never train to that. I'm
(07:58):
so grateful for that.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
But they also know they can rely on you.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I mean you're their foundation, right right, Yes, thank you
for that and I appreciate that. You know, it was
very stressful to raise two girls alone and I was
around a lot of people, and so I never if
there was someone that I that I liked, I would
never I wouldn't think, Like I was having a super
Bowl party, like I would my kids be there, I
(08:23):
would invite them.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I wouldn't think twice because I.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Kind of wanted to see how that person navigated my
friends and everything. My kids weren't like, oh, I was
the same boyfriend, Like, they never even knew if I
had if I was dating.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Someone or not.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah, because I was around so many people all the time.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I think I was nervous. I was scared of their reaction.
I was scared that they the first that the person
I would finally introduce them to, they wouldn't like when
I think, what I've realized is they just want me
to be happy. They want the person to be a
nice person, treat me well, be respectful, you know, keep
me safe. But I didn't know. I didn't know that then, right,
So I just kind of shouldered it all on my
(09:02):
own and all that. But it's hard. I mean every day,
I mean they're home, they're going back to school next week,
and they're like, Mom, are you dating on anyone? What's
going on?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
And then this was the big one they came at
me with today Mom. According to all the articles, today
is the super Bowl for dating apps. This is the
biggest day of the year that people sign up for
dating apps. It's their New Year's resolution. What's the plan?
Should we work on your profile? And I was like,
it was horrified. I'm terrified to do a dating app.
(09:33):
I don't do that. Do you do dating apps? Have
you done dating apps?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Have? I was on ria from the very beginning.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I mean I've been single for a long time and
so I was on riah and I never really met
anyone that I was like amazing. But my ex fiance
I met him because my assistant created an account for
me and that's how I met him.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
So Thelma to my Louise, yeah, I I am her
Sarah O de Bergerac and I have been I was like,
you need to do this, and she went and so
I was like, I'm doing it for you. So I
have done some of her online dating, just for like
the last two months. We put it on pause because
it was just but the minute I give her phone
number out, I call her up and be like, yo,
(10:17):
you're going to be getting a call from the skylight.
I'm out now. Take take it over. Let us know
how we do on our date. So it's been actually
a fun it's been a fun adventure. But I don't know.
My kids are pretty invested in it. Now are yours?
Are you dating anyone right now?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You have? I heard your podcast tennis guy? Yes, how's
that going?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So we're twenty twenty five, Louise, and there's there's so
much Okay, so we're talking about dating apps. Today's a
super bowl of dating apps?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Wild But what do I want to know? What you want?
What you're leaving behind? And then I'll then I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
God, when am I leaving behind so much? I think
I think I need to leave behind. And I think
I need to be I don't know, like, I think
I need to be a little bit easier on myself.
I think I need to toe the line better between
looking for the butterfly, which is probably just the mirror
(11:13):
of a childhood wound, and really focus on a really good,
thoughtful human being, companion, nice person, because I think our
needs are different in our fifties as than when we
were twenties, thirties, forties, and I really need to do that.
I think I need to look I need to stay
more even across the board. I need to find a
(11:34):
little more gray, less black and white. And I think
that that is a theme that just carries over in
all kinds of areas of my life.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
It's interesting because I think a lot of people are
talking about this gray area, and for me, I feel
like I have been so black and white with like
work and laser focused and you know what I want,
what I'm going to do and how I'm going to
do it, and how I'm going to make money and
doing this and doing that. And one of my other
(12:13):
co hosts who I love, Cheryl, like we always talk
about like how busy we are and how great we
are being busy, because like being busy is just kind
of like taking away like the hurt, feel the feelings,
the feelings of like what we're how we are feeling,
not just how we're feeling about other things, but how
we are internalizing everything.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And so I really just want to like be.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
More confident and working with Amy and Heather and Cheryl
and you know, Janna and everybody I've been so I
have switched. I have become literally and I know this
is strange, I have literally become a different person tell me,
I just am so different. I'm just so more relaxed.
(13:05):
I listen to people a lot more. I'm not like
so eager to get my point across. I kind of
want to hear what they're doing and you know, what
tools they have in their tool belt, versus like hearing
about mine all the time. I think that just too
Like outside of like my relationships, I just had such
PTSD from being on Housewives, and I was always trying
(13:29):
to tell people like this is who i am. I'm great,
I'm this, I'm really a nice person. I'm I'm filanthropic,
I'm kind, I'm a good mother. And I was constantly
telling people. And so this year is my year of
just kind of listening and sitting back and just being
more open to what other people are doing. I mean,
I you know, like even like with you, like I
want to know, like, you know, are you gonna mean
(13:51):
a guy I celebrity on Riyah?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Like are you going to go on Riya?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Like what are your I want to know what people
are doing and how they're doing it, versus me always
telling people.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
So it seems like you have more confidence and sense
of self. Maybe that's what all this has come from
because I've part of got That's what I think we
all need to work on. That's my point of bringing
it up is I think we all need to just
get comfortable with our own you know selves kind of
words and all right, like being authentic and vulnerable and
all of that stuff. And I think that that's you know,
(14:23):
I I think I do a good job of putting
a confident face on every day, but I think on
the inside, like I can feel pretty small. Sometimes I
can question myself and feel pretty lonely and sad and
like how did I end up this way? And then
I'll be like no, like look what I've I have
to like have self talk, like look what I've accomplished. Like,
But I think for me, you know, I don't know
(14:45):
like I think i've I'm I'm a little I guess
I'm disappointed that I haven't found my person in the
nine years. I mean, I think you and I've been
divorced around the same amount of time and but a
lot of different experiences and dating and stuff. But I
just I don't know, Like I I think I have
a fear that I'm going to just end up alone,
which I don't want that.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I you know what, It's interesting that I had that
fear for a long time and for some reason, and
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I just don't feel like that anymore. I feel like
I am such I feel like.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Such a different person and the way that people are
responding to me is so different. And I I'm just
I'm just open to all possibilities. I just I don't
want to I don't want to, like say like, I
don't want to put out that I'm afraid. I don't
want to put out that. I you know, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
To put on anything that's negative. I've put out that.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I've just constantly put out negativity. And I just want
to say, I'm just saying no. You know, I was
saying no for so long and now I'm just saying yes,
and I'm being more open. And I know that sounds
like so simple.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Well I say, I think they say like, you just
have to you know, we have to raise our vibration
and admit positive vibration and it comes back to us,
right like, so if you smile at somebody or whatever,
it's just like you're giving off a different energy.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
We's so interesting what you said, because I'm a smiler
so I'll walk down the street and I'll be like,
I'm a smiler.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
I just am a smiley person. I don't know like why.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I mean, I live in New York and people are
not smiling, so I'm always like smiling. People look at
me like what's wrong with her? And it's interesting because
just because I smile doesn't mean like I'm not in
like a lot of pain.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
But I was thinking about that in yoga today. It
was so funny because I was like, I was kind
of feeling blah, to be totally honest with you, and
I was looking in the room and I was like,
I think people would look at me and my down
dog and think like, probably I'm fine, right, you don't
know person just when you kind of look at them
from a distance. And I was like, how many people
(16:50):
in this room feeling kind of straight today? Right? Like
I don't know it. It was just an interesting thing
that you're saying that like this, you know, like the
smile on the exterior is masking the interior and you
hear of all these bad things that are happening lately,
and you're like, oh, like we don't really know what's
going on behind somebody's face. Or behind closed doors. How
(17:10):
do you deal with projection?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
So hold on, wait, that's that's interesting. I'll answer the
rejection things. But that's interesting that you say that because
I was dinner with a friend of mine who's a man,
and he and I said to him, I'm like, why
are these women like do they look at me with
like such a weird look all the time? And how
come they're like not nice to me? And he goes,
because you're always smiling, And I'm like, what do you mean?
(17:32):
He goes, You just make things look.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
So easy, And I'm like, wait.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
A minute, I didn't have this, like you know, all
this money, I didn't you know. I made my own money.
I've created my possibilities for myself. No one gave me anything.
And here a lot of these women have a lot
of money from their exes. And I was like, so
hold on, let me get this straight, because I'm not like,
(17:56):
because I'm not.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Wearing my war worms now, they're just jealous. So they
have their own stuff going on. Kelly, Like, I think
somebody who's smiling is so engaging and they're so like
it just attracts people. It's like your aura is warm,
Like the second I got on with you. It was
like literally like bees to honey. It was like just
so easy to connect and talk to you, like so easy,
Like certain people make you feel comfortable that you can
(18:19):
chat or you can you know my barometers of I
can sit in silence with somebody and be comfortable and
not have to fill the air with conversation. And I
think you actually give off a really warm, very real energy.
I don't agree with him, your friend. Maybe he's in
love with you and he doesn't want you to smile
and attract people.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
All right, let's talk about dating. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Okay, so are you gonna go on a dating app?
Or are you just gonna like hide behind your friends dating?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Well, so I'm lucky in that, Wylloy No, but I'm
lucky in that. You know, I wouldn't want my circle
to have been divorced and experienced out, but I would
say I have a lot of best friends who are
divorced also. So we have like this like kind of
girl posse, which is fun. We do our girl trips,
(19:09):
we do you know, our dinners, like we have like
a crew. The hard thing is is in la I
don't know how it is in New York. It's like
you don't really meet people when you're out right, we
sit at a girl table. No guy's approaching a table
of five girls. It just doesn't happen, right, I mean
it just I mean your best case scenario is to
go to like, you know, Bald Hare after a golf
(19:31):
tournament and hope for the best you know, in the
bar area. It's like the red onion for this generation.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh, I got so Louise, I have to tell you
this a flirting tip that Countess Lwan gave me. So Basically,
when you're at a table with a with a group
of women having a great time, one of your the
nice that you go out what you do is that
you can either drop an hapkin or you can she
said send a drink over. I would right, But you
(19:56):
can send a drink over to somebody, or you can
write them a note.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Hi, Can I borrow your pen for a second? And right? Show?
What can you do?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Aloha? That's your word? But can you do that? Like,
I'm so scared of rejection, Like I got to get
a thicker skin with that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
If I were with you and I saw the guy
that you liked, I'd be like let's get that piece
of peeling.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I wouldn't do it on my own.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I wouldn't like, I wouldn't like sit there and be
like I'm gonna drop a bit.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I'm not gonna drop an upt But Luanne does that.
She does that.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I could wing women for you.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
No, No, she's gotting serious, serious game. She's like, what
are you doing?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
She's like, if I had your she said to me,
and she goes, if I had your body, I'd be
having sex every day.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I'm like, what you are?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Okay? So we need to challenge ourselves. So you're asking
about January. We need to have an accountability chart and
do those things. I mean we really, that's really what
we need to do. Like I know people that will
go sit at a restaurant and a bar by themselves.
They meet a million of people.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Oh you, So what you do is you use the
waiter to send the note to the guy.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
So you say, goog, come.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Over here, and then you're like, I wrote this little note,
dear smoke show.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
But what if they reject you? How do you handle rejection?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I mean, imagine if you sent a note over or like,
ask the guy if he wanted to glass, you know,
if you want a glass of wine and he's like married,
Oh my well, by the way, I guess they just
rejected waiters.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
It doesn't matter who cares.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
But like, oh my god, is it easy to meet people?
Like is it easy to meet people in New York?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Out?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
When you go out with your friend?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Whoa in New York? Are you kidding me? You're sitting
at places and people aren't even people like people like
look through you.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
I'm like, hello, oh my god, I was just on
a girls trip in New York. It was so I
feel like there's a million more guys in you York.
You probably feel that way about La.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Well, I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I think it's like because me, I like go into
these restaurants and I'm like, okay, I'm here all the time.
People are not looking at me, and maybe and that's
you know, it's like you were saying before about maybe
that's a good tip, is that when you do go
into a place that you typically go to, you know
kind of like throw your shoulders back and be like
(22:05):
it's the new girl in town, versus like, oh, I
come here all the time, do you know what I mean?
So that you give off that new energy like you're taught.
You're always talking about like having you know, switching your energy,
and maybe that's what you do. Maybe you're just like, no,
I'm not gonna be like the everyday girl. I'm gonna
be like the new girl. Okay, let's you just challenge
each other to do something new with dating.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So let's come up with the challenge. What yours? Well?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I think I'm gonna have to take a play out
of your friend's playbook and drop the nap and with
the notes we can combine the accent.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Okay, So Louise, I want you to try. So we're
gonna we're challenging each other. Okay, I love, this is
the game.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I'm challenging you to do something and you're challenging me
to do something in the dating world. So I'm gonna
we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I'm gonna take the tip out of Countess Luance playbook
and I want.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
You to tomorrow and.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
This week wherever you go, even if it's during the day,
Like it doesn't have to be at night. It could
be like at your coffee place or after yoga, and
like maybe give it to like the coffee guy and
be like, hey, this guy's really hot.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Can you give no, write.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
The note before, write the note in one of your cards,
not your business cards, but like a card, or.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Bring it in my clutch and just.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Have and if you see a hot guy, give it
to whomever, the wait or whatever.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Have it prepared, and like I should.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Just give it to any guy and really emersion therapy
and really challenge myself. Right, okay, so not you.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You can't do it to give it to a waiter.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Or I know, but I'll have it already.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Okay, have it ready though, have it ready?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Have to here's your challenge.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
You need to go to a place in New York
you don't ever go to, and you need to sit
at the bar by yourself, and you need to have
a conversation with a man.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Okay, okay, well hold on.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
So it was last week or the week before, which
is something I would literally and I'm not I don't
really like the word never, but I'm telling you never
do I sit at a barber myself.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
I will stand and wait.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
On my phone in the corner, pretending I'm talking to
whomever like outside, versus sitting at a barber myself. Like
it's like I'm like, oh my god, I just would
like this. I'll freak out.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
And I went to I was supposed to.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Honest, I was seeing this guy in New York and
I was away in LA and I came back from
jingle Ball and we were supposed to like walk around
and do all this Christmas shopping and stuff, and he
was like busy sleeping.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So I was like, you know what, if you're sleeping,
I'm just gonna go.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
My daughters were doing their thing, and I just went
to Saint Ambrose and I sat at the bar and
I was chatting with all these different people and I
was like, loving life.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
You know what if somebody told me really good advice,
well was.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I didn't talk to a man. I was talking to
like everybody, but not to a man specifically.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
So I don't know where I heard this. It could
have been you, but it was a good idea. So
if you're about to go to like, let's say you've
a friend's birthday dinner and it's at seven o'clock, you
should go to the restaurant early, at like six point thirty,
and then you should whatever the challenge is, force yourself
to sit at the bar talk to a guy, drop,
(25:29):
give a nap into a wait or whatever. And then
if it's like a crash and burn, you already know
that it was a thirty minute you know, kind of
quick X window and then you sit at your girl's dinner. Anyways,
that's the move.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's that is the move, because you have something to do.
You're not just sitting there waiting around and like that.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
And then you don't feel like a total loser, right right.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
And then you don't go home and you're like, wow, but.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Kelly, I heard you're being set up from your lovely
producers and I love to be set up. It is
my favorite thing. So how is mister tennant? And what
is going on? You know, you guys heard the podcast. You
had the first phone call. So where are we at?
Are you excited?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
I am so excited.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So he's coming this Thursday where he's going to work,
and then we're gonna spend the weekend doing fun stuff
in New York.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
You're going to spend the whole Is he staying in
a hotel?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Of course and then in Manhattan. Okay, and do you
guys have like okay, can I ask a logistical question?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Are you making all the reservations because it's your town
or is it on him to be the trigger puller?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
So that's a really good question. He was kind of
like asking me things like what do you like to do?
And He's like, one thing that I really want to
do is I want to go and have a bourbon
at like a really vibey place in New York, like
a cool like a library bar.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I'm like, that's cool, that's cool. That's very cool. I
was like, I'm like, I don't drink bourbon, so I'm
like I will be.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But I thought that was really cool and I love
that kind of like just vibe.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Just sounded like very warm and fun and.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Like still like in the winter and cozy.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, winter cozy exactly. So I love that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
And then he was like telling me stuff and asked
he like send me sending me places and he liked.
And then I my daughter was actually she was she
was sitting at the table and she was like, Mom,
what is what's going on? I was like, Oh, like,
I'm going out with this guy named mister Tennis this
week and he's giving me places to go. Oh my god, Mom,
(27:30):
First of all, you have to go to Okay, then
you have to go to Temple Bar then you have
to do this.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And I was like, okay, oh my god, that is
the funny. I was all right. I was like I
need a place for b and she's like, I got it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Just go on TikTok. I know we can find everything on.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
You know.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
It's interesting though for him, so you kind of have
to feel bad, right, It's like he's nervous, like he
wants to you know, he's coming to your area, but
yet he wants to be a man and come up
with good so good suggestion. It's like an interesting thing
and he doesn't. Like there's something worse than when you're
going out with somebody and they like pick a place
and you're like okay, like you know what I'm saying, Like.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I love yeah, but you know I also like to
your point, like am I picking stuff? So I was like,
I'm not gonna pick places for him because let him
have fun.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
With that, do you know what I mean? Like he's
from he's not.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
He traveled, he comes here a lot, so like let
him like have fun with that. But I was like
the one thing that I really wanted him to do,
and I said, would I think you should play tennis
while you're here, Like you're gonna be here for three days.
One day you're working and then two days you're hanging
out with me. But like, I really want you to
play tennis because it's something that you love to do
and I want to watch you.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
And so Vanderbilt at in uh in uh it's.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Called Vanderbilt and it's this private it's not a private,
it's just a small, one course tennis tennis court.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
It's one tennis court. It's in Vanderbilt, it's in.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
It's on forty second Street, and it's so bougie and
so cool and so unique. And I was like, that
would be so fun for him and I could be
his I could like hit balls to him.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
But it will make him so you'll like actually love
watching him because if he's like super hot on the
tennis court, you'll get like totally even more into him.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Right, I just want him to do something that makes
him feel good.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I mean, I really appreciate the fact that he's coming,
but I also want to do something for him that
shows that I, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I'm interested in him and I want him to be
happy too.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
So question for you, it's good?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Is that weird? No?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
I think it's really awesome. But let's assume it's going
to be like amazing and you're gonna be But what
happens if on day day two of his three day
trip you're like just not that into it? What do
you do?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
We talk a lot, we talk at the.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Phone, so you already have a connection, you feel.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Yeah, we talk and we get along so well, like
we just get along really really well.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
That's amazing. I mean, setups truly are the best because
a you have a little intel of somebody, you're already
like kind of connecting. It's like a hometown pro so
it feels safe and I don't know, a little more familiar.
So it sounds like you guys are building a bit
of a foundation already. So when you see him, it's
just going to be like like probably you'll give him
(30:20):
a kiss hello, not like a just like a perfunctory
like hug or something.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
But you know what, also, it is he's a plu.
So plu is people like you, people I like that.
I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
I've never heard that.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
So a PLU could be a lot of different things,
but for me, a PLU is like people that are
like me, that are interested, curious, you know, good parents,
good friends. Like you said, strong moral compass. You know
that is a that's a PLU. I mean you can
meet a lot of people that.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Are not Kelly.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
You should start a dating app called PLU. Unless you're
a PLU, you cannot be a part of this dating app.
We got to limit this pool better, right.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Right, Everyone wants to make it bigger. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
no no.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
If you're not appealing you no, you know what.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I think divorce attorneys as a side gig should start
matchmaking thousand. I think you guys, I'm excited to hear
about it on your I guess that podcast which we'll
talk about like the kind of post mortem of this weekend.
What if this is? What if this happened? I mean,
wouldn't this be amazing?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I have a good.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Feeling he's I have a good feeling. He sounds like
he's a good human being, he's passionate. What happens you
created a connection, You've been talking to guy's flying, you know,
three thousand miles to see when you see him, like,
do you just give him a little handtake or do
you give him like a kiss?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Hello?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Like what's the kind of what do you think is
going to happen when you see him?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I think I don't know. I'm not going to kiss
him and be like, you know, I probably will, like.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
You're not going to row your tongue down his throat
like a kiss on the kiss on the cheek. Are
you going to see each other at first in the
daytime or the nighttime?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I think it's gonna be the night time because he
has to be at work.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
So I think it's a liquid courage will be coming soon.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, So I'll probably just like hug him because I
just I don't know. I'm like just I like just
I like think he's so great. I think he's so
great that when I texted the other guys, I'm like,
I'm boring.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Are you wow this? I am really crossing my fingers
for you? And you know, there's a concept called do
you know this concept of driftwood? Do you know who
Gabby Bernstein is?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
You asked me this before and I did not do
not to.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
This is my favorite concept and I'm gonna look at this.
Your situation is my driftwood. Okay, concept of driftwood. You
are being set up with somebody you're excited. It's good,
you're talking. He's flying in and I'm sitting here and
I'm looking at it like, oh, it's about to happen
for me too. Instead of looking at it like why
isn't it happening for me, I'm looking at it like
(32:54):
I'm next. Yes, I mean probably know, Kelly, you might
have somebody for.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Me, exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Well, that's the whole point about like, you know, friends
setting up friends, and yes, okay, you know people are like, oh,
you can go on these dating apps and all this stuff,
and like there's this big pool of people. But you know,
I think it's really really important to set people up.
And like we were saying, like recycle, recycle, and you said,
(33:20):
like we said, you you went out with him, you
went on a date with him, and I was asking,
I was asking, like, what what are your what were
your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (33:28):
It's important to recycle men because one woman's trash could
be another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Okay, so you went on a date with mister Tennant.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yes I did.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
She's not trash, he's a treasure.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
He's not.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
But I'm just kidding, no, no, I'm just we're just because
like before that, it was like trash and tree.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
I'm like, no, no, no, he's a really instellar human.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I'm going to tell you first of all, I want
you to know one thing and when you sit down.
It was so many it was five years ago, but
let me take one thing. He has the best style.
His style was beautiful. We went to dinner. He was
wearing this gorgeous cashmeir like kind of shawl like cardigan.
He smelled really good. He's got a great body, obviously
(34:15):
in tennis stead. He is a great dad. To be
honest with you, what happened was when we got set up,
I had just gotten out of a relationship and I
was a little sad, and I think that was that's
kind of hard to switch gears, and it was particularly
hard for me and he. This is five six years ago.
He had little kids in car seats and I don't
know how old his kids are now. But wasn't I
(34:38):
wasn't looking for that. I just think the timing was off.
But he's and he's very close to his family, and
so I think that great dad, close to his family, cute, warm, friendly,
amaze his style. I want you to report back to
me on it, because he had probably one of the
better senses of style of any guy I'd ever gone out.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love that because I like, I worked at fash
for so long.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
No, I know you're going to appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Actually, that makes me very very happy because there's so
many guys that I literally that sounds awful, so many guys.
But the guys in the past that I've dated, I
definitely have to have given them a little amp up.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And that's easy, and then that's so easy to do.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
It is, but it's also kind of like makes me
like I feel badly that.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I'm like, can you put that jacket on? And like,
what should I wear? I'm like, can you wear that
jacket with that shirt I have? I know it to wear.
I'm like, please wear the shirt. Then what are you
looking for? What are you looking for?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Okay? I am looking for.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Cause if I'm going to set you up, like I
need to know, I love that. Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Most importantly, I'm looking for what I call my park bench,
the person who makes me feel safe and the person
who I can sit next to talking a mile a
minute or quiet with a three dollars coffee in my hand,
looking at the birds. Happy is to be that there's
nowhere else they want to be. They need to be funny.
I have to laugh. I'm funny. I'm super self deprecating.
(36:06):
They need to be kind. They cannot have cheated on
their wives. That to me is a total deal breaker. Confident, sophisticated, intelligent,
fabulous father close to his family, talks politely about his
ex wife.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
You're like a unicorn. Do you have one? Let me
pull it out them.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Let me taste. I was just in Sun Valley and
I walked into that. I always asked for signs from
the universe, and I said, Universe, show me a unicorn.
That twenty twenty five is going to be amazing. And
I walked into this vintage store and there was this
big grass unicorn and it was for sale and I
was like, oh my god. So I bought it. It should
be ribing any day this week. It's going to go
(36:48):
right on monnight table. But yes, I am looking for
a unicorn.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I started doing that everyone since I first met I
like write down in my notes.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
I do like I'll ask for something.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
And I'll ask could I teach you about this?
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You told me that, Yeah, And I've done it and
it's it's true, It's true.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
It's true. My friends and you have to come up
with the most obscure signs. And my friend was like,
show me a mini mouse that my ex she's going
through divorce, my ex husband is thinking about me. And
everywhere she turned out of the blue, like a friend
of ours is sending a picture of her kids and
the kid was in mini mouse sweatpants. And my friend
was like, oh my god. And the more you do it,
the more in tune you are with the universe. It's like,
(37:25):
actually really fun. It's like a fun game.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
You don't feel like you're alone, which is cool.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Right, Okay, so you want a unicorn perfect park bench.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I want nice, honest, funny, confident. You know, I need somebody.
I don't need to be with somebody. I want to
be with the right person.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Right.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
So it's like, I don't need somebody to pay my bills.
I don't need somebody to pay my kids bills. I
don't need somebody to fill my dance card. I have
you know, I have friends, I have family here. I
love to stay home and read a book like it really,
you know, it's it's got to be totally added to
my life. Or it just doesn't.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
I'm not going to fit a square into a rand hole.
I'd rather be the right situation.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
So I went out a date with this guy and
there was a matchmaker and she said to me, are
you too busy to date?
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Are you too busy to date?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
No, I'm actually not. And when I was turning fifty,
this was two years ago, I woke up on January first,
my birthdays in April, and I was like, this is
going to be my year. I'm going to treat it
like a job. And I was like, I'm going to
figure out a way to go on a date or
two a week. And I did it. And I don't
think I'm too busy. Like if the right situation presented itself,
(38:38):
my hurdle is I say yes day every day, right,
I mean one hundred percent. Like I love meeting people
talking to them like I can. I love to talk
to people and get to know people, whether they're my
person or not. A different story. I don't think I'm
too busy. I think I just need to put myself
into different situations to open up more avenues like date.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
So okay, so we were looking for different avenues. Okay,
we talked about Luane or like waiter thing.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Which is that tip is amazing. It makes me laugh
so much. Oh my god, I'm dead.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But okay, so we're like, so outside of going to
bars and stuff like that, I.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Think we need to go to airports. We could sit
at airports. I think, you know, like we.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Should go with you.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I begued.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
I could do like a fun little adventure where it's
like we just go. I think you should come to
La I go to New York. Then we go sit
at different airports, and we fly to Atlanta and sit
at a bar there at a hotel. Hotel bars are
the way to go.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Let me tell you, wait, what about long distance? What
are your thoughts on long distance?
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Oh god, okay, well I used to think it was great,
and then I was, you know, like I recently gone
out with a guy from San Francisco and he flew
down and I was like, Okay, that's that's fine. Hour whatever,
maybe two hours or whatever. But I would love to
date a guy in like New York on the East
Coast because quite frankly, you know, I would like to
(39:57):
I'd love to have the opportunity to live elsewhere for
chunks of time. I work full time here. Luckily I
have an assistant. I live in a situation which is
lock and leave. I'm totally okay with long distance. Genuinely,
I think it would be fun to live in New
York for a month and then fun to have him
be here for a month. My kids are, you know, gone,
They're in college, one's about to graduate, one's a sophomore.
Who knows where one's gonna be in Nashville, Like, who knows?
(40:19):
So I would totally do long distance. And I actually
think I would love to spend time in a different city,
meeting new people, doing I grew up in La I
know it. I'm done with it. What about you?
Speaker 2 (40:33):
You know, I'm open to anything now because again, like
you and I are similar where our kids are older,
and I'm just open to every I mean, I have to,
you know, I have to actually move because I am
I'm you know, I'm one of my clients. I'm living
in his apartment. I'm renting his apartment and he wants
to sell it. And I'm like, okay, now I have
(40:53):
to like get up and move. And I could just
do anything and go anywhere. And I mean I was
even thinking like I know this sounds not that far,
but I was like, maybe I'll even move uptown. I've
never lived uptown before, or I could literally just do
anything I want. I mean, it'll probably be difficult for
me to leave my kids, to like leave the state,
(41:13):
but like, I mean, even I was thinking maybe I
should have moved to Florida, or maybe I should go
to Texas for a little bit. I had work in Texas,
and so I'm just I'm I've never been open to
moving or being away from my kids, even though they
were in college.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I was like, they have to have a family home.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
They have to have structure, they have to have comfort,
they have to know that I'm you know, reliable and
I'm there for them all the time. But now they're
just being nice to me because like mom, we're sad.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
We don't want you to be sad.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Well, like me, I think they worry about me, so
I awful. I always saw my kids home is the people,
not the structure. So I think that they've never been
attached to an actual place. It's more about the people,
which which is great. I think that do you remember
the movie because you and I think are similar age
remember the movie Sliding doors of Paltrow. Oh, Kelly, you've
got to watch them.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Wait, who else is in?
Speaker 3 (42:04):
It's Gwyneth Paltrow, some British actor. But the point of
the movie is, which is how I'm choosing to look
at my life now is sliding doors right and Back
in the day, I used to probably make more impulsive decisions,
not looking at the entire chessboard, saying well, if I
do this and I For example, when I was graduating college,
(42:24):
I went to Berkeley. I had this big plan. I
wanted to spend the first five years post college and
I wanted to live one year each in a different
five cities. Choose five cities, New York, London, Dallas, whatever
it was, because I was like, if I came straight
back to LA, I knew I was going to never
leave right, and I really wanted to drink their coffee.
I had no idea what I wanted to do. So
(42:46):
I got a job in New York and I was
supposed to start in August of ninety four in an
entertainment company, and I came home at such an idiot.
I came home that summer to LA and I like
met a guy and was like, oh, I'm not going
to this is my guy, Like, I'm not moving to
New York and I never did and it's the single
biggest regret in my life. And you look at it
(43:06):
like that was the sliding door, right, So to our
kind of twenty twenty five philosophy of just say yes
in a way, if we're just saying yes to opportunities,
those are our sliding doors. So for all you know,
Amy and Heather want to set you up with ten
and as guy who's la, you guys get hit You
said yes, you could hit it off. All of a sudden,
(43:26):
you're not locked into, you know, a mortgage in New York.
You could be living in La. You have no idea.
These are sliding doors. Every day we have sliding doors
that are presented to us and we have to decide,
like which door are we going in or not going in?
And what is that gonna domino effect?
Speaker 1 (43:53):
What about like making new friends?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
So we've talked about dating apps, we've talked about we're
gonna do together, but what literally what about like it's
so hard to meet Like I'm so happy to meet
you just because you know, you're you're smart, you're interesting,
you're engaging, you're insightful, like you just you you think
differently a little bit, a little differently than than me,
(44:16):
but we were we're in the same scope of possibility
in our thought process, which I love about you. But like,
if I didn't know Amy, I wouldn't know you. So how,
you know, how do you meet other friends that are
interested in the same things when they're when you don't
Like when we're younger, we have all these you know,
the play groups and the parents, and like you meet
all these people and you're like the common denominators your kids.
(44:38):
But now it's like I don't have a common denominator.
Or if I meet someone, they're like, oh, you're single,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Well, yeah, I'm single. They're like, oh, Like it's like
a bad thing.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
Like you know, it's funny. I haven't had to be
honest with you people. I don't I haven't had that.
I haven't had that experience with which I I love
my girlfriends so much, and I have such a great
kind of posse of friends and I just love I
don't know, like I actually love collecting amazing friends. I
(45:10):
will tell you that new friendships. I'm a very open
a new friendship and I'm really look, I might not
be a lot of things right, but I know I'm
a really good friend and I'm really loyal and I'm
super like dependable, like I love my friend. I'm a giver,
I'm not a taker. So for me, making friends has
never been a challenge for me. I've had you know,
(45:32):
friends since I was you know, like two years old.
I have a hard time being more connectable to men,
to be honest with you.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
And so for me, like I meet you, I goes
back to me asking you like if you're too busy
and maybe that's so, maybe it's not maybe maybe I
have to rephrase the question, like because it's.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
You know, just from you know, listening.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
To you, you obviously are so proficient in so many
things you know you are, You're like perfect in so
many ways you are.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
But does that what? What? But what about for men?
Speaker 2 (46:05):
Like how how do they how do they come into
into play? Like you know what void can they feel
for you outside of being your your you know, you
said you like your park bench, but there they have
to be They need more than that than to just
be your park bench. They need to feel wanted and needed.
(46:26):
And if you have, if you're this, you know.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
I think you're right, Kelly. I think that's my You're beautiful.
I'm super self sufficient. I'm super self sufficient, and I
think that for a lot of men, you know, probably
similar with you, Like you know, you've kind of done
it on.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
Your self sufficient, but you're also really really beautiful. So
it's like a lot of women are self sufficient, but
they're not so beautiful. So it's like they are more
maybe they're more insecure because they're they're not you know,
they're not they don't look like you. I mean probably
walk down the street and guys.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Like, holy sug, who's that? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (47:02):
So how do they but no, just I'm asking, like, so,
how like what can you do to be more open,
like you said the grave, be more open to allowing
these men.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
To see like who you are too. I mean that's
what I've been doing.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I need to be a little more dependent, not independent.
I need to learn to be a little softer. I
think I need to learn to ask for help more.
I think I need to. You know, when I'm on
a date, I tend to ask a lot of questions
(47:39):
and deflect the off of me. And sometimes when I
go on a date, now I like sit down my hands,
you know, like Louise, stop asking so many questions, like
let them ask you. You know what I'm saying, Like,
I think it's just a default, right, it comes from
stuff in my in my childhood.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I think it's also genuinely like because you're really smart,
so you're like asking questions and you probably know the
answer to most of the questions that you're asking.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Which is there's nothing that's amazing, by the way, But.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
One thing that I've learned in the past couple of
months is not and people are calling it trauma bond,
but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
I don't like trauma bond.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Like I don't need to say to you, I got
divorced and my ex husband did this, and I've been
doing all these things and my life is so bad.
How bad is your life? Like that's not how I
want to connect with you. I want to connect with
you in ways like I know who you are, I
know who your friends are.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Let's talk about like you know.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Solutions, tricks, fun things to do together, but at the
end of the day, like the solutions that are that
we are coming to at this time of our life,
Like that's really really what's super important to me, and
this podcast has been so crucial because it's opened me
up to again like listening to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
To before my fear, I had so much fear, but
the way that it was projected was like this over
self confidence, which was the opposite.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
I was literally like crawling inside you and I are
the same person.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
I'd be grinding my teeth at night. My dentist is like,
what are you doing. I'm like, I don't know. She's like,
you're grinding. You're literally grinding your teeth down. I'm like,
because I'm like a nervous wreck.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
That's me. That's me too. And you and I are
super super I'm just like the blonde version of you.
We're super super similar. And I think we have the
same lessons to learn, and I think that we're learning
them every day and we're going to be presented with
different people to teach us those lessons. Right, Like every
relationship I have has taught me something more about myself
or made me be more vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
I have something. So now we have a second challenge. Okay,
so the first challenge is like what we're going to
do for something that's fun to meet new.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
People, which I love that, but why don't What about
our second challenge?
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Could be something that's we did something this week that
made it extremely vulnerable, like in a super a super
awkward position.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
I want to I want to do that. Okay, so
what are your ideas? What are your ideas?
Speaker 3 (50:07):
I need to I need to think about it. I uh,
I see my kids are here one more week and
then they're leaving on Sunday. So I've kind of because
they just got back from being gone with their dad
for two weeks. So like my whole week is like it.
I just want to focus on that.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
It could be like a ten minute thing.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
It's not like it's no yeah, like on your way
to yoga or something like something I don't know, just
something that would put you in a vulnerable position.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
There was a guy I'm dangerous.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
I'm not asking you to.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Like no, no, no, no no no no no no. I
had dated a really nice guy and we broke up
in October and he was a good guy, and I'm like,
part of me is like did I got? But he
was a really good guy and he had texted me
over Christmas and he's like, let's have dinner in January
and I was like, yeah, totally. I think I'll reach out.
I'll reach out to this week and see if he
wants to.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Have dinner or you don't have to have dinner. Why
can't you just go for a coffee or.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
A drink or a coffee.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
But like I think, I, yeah, just have a coffee.
And by the way, yeah, don't don't to the dinner.
Don't to the dinner.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Oh so one of my producers, she told the Starbucks
barista about her breakup.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
So like, it's okay to you know, be.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Open, and I think it's interesting, listen whatever happens with
this guy. I think it's good to also have conversations.
Like I'm the kind of person I'm so black and white.
And maybe that's because I'm like I'm a super mom.
I'm gonna protect my family. I can do it all.
Here's my cape. And so what I do is I'm like,
(51:36):
I don't like what you do. I'm like, you're done,
and I just I just remove you.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Oh, you and I are so similar. Do you look
back in the rear view.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
If I see someone, if I see you in the stail, like, Hi,
I have zero interested in calling you.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
I have zero. They're like, oh yeah, you're gonna call me,
I'm like, no.
Speaker 3 (51:54):
So it, Kelly. If somebody crosses you, are you black
and white? Whereas you just kind of look back.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
If I'm dating you and you did do things that
really like put me in a position that makes me
super vulnerable and afraid, I'm like we're done, like finished,
or if you put me in a situation where like trust,
you know, trust in this new part of my new
world is like paramount to anything everything, And so if
(52:23):
I can't trust you, or if I can't you know,
I'm like, I'm an action speak louder in the words,
like a lot of people are like YadA, YadA, YadA,
and so I just want to be able to trust people.
And I just think it's great and I want to
hear what I want to hear what happens, because if
that happens, I want to hear what happens after you guys.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
After you guys talk, I'll do that, you know. And
it's funny, I'm the same way with you with trust,
Like trust is like a piece of paper. Once it's
ripped or torn, you can glue and tape it, but
the schism is always there. And I think that when
somebody blows your trust or crosses you in a way
like there's just no going back for me.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
In the spirit of your driftwood. It's like painting over
rotten lumber.
Speaker 3 (53:04):
Yes, well, driftwood, you're my driftwood. Tennis and your driftwood.
I'm so excited. Seriously, we have so many like texting
things that we've got it. And when are you going
to come to la will you might.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
Be hopefully soon, hopefully soon visiting.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
Tennis and then he's going to hunt you to me
for an hour or we can all go to dinner,
I know, remember.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
Louise, Oh my god, thank you so so so much. Okay,
so we know what our marching orders are. Yes, something
vulnerable and something really fun.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
Something vulnerable and something risky with like the Countess Luerns,
like taking a play out of her playbook. And don't
forget the going to a restaurant or a bar thirty
minutes before your girl's dinner, because you can accomplish something
there in a safe kind of time.
Speaker 1 (53:47):
Brame.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
But by the way, I'm actually going to do the
same thing that you're doing. And I'm gonna write myself
a little note and I'm gonna take a photo. Yeah,
I want to write two notes tomorrow tonight, tomorrow to
when I'm out about whoever I am.
Speaker 1 (54:02):
I'm just gonna be like, can you give this that person?
Speaker 3 (54:03):
Yeah, let's do let's challenge ourselves because guess what we doing?
Great stuff comes back and.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
Return You're like, should she drop something?
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Oh my god, you are so much fun. I love
talking about meeting new friends and people that you know
when you meet somebody in your life and they're aligned
with kind of your core values and where you are,
know you, well, you're that's you. You're my girl, You're new,
You're my new twenty twenty five friend. I'm good, Louise.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
It was so great getting to chat with you today
on the pod. You have such great insight, and it's
been so cool to meet someone who's going through a
similar journey as me.
Speaker 1 (54:41):
Do you want dating advice?
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Call us or email us, follow us on socials. All
the information will be in the show notes, and make
sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part
two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
Speaker 3 (55:00):
EXTI EXTI fou
Welcome back to I Do Part two.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It's Kelly ben Simone, one of your celebrity mentors here
on the pod. On the podcast, I've been having a
blast getting to know my fellow mentors and getting to
know everyone's personal journeys to finding love. Today, I wanted
to bring in one half of our favorite deo on
this show, Louise from Thelma Louise, to talk about dating
(00:36):
in the new year.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hi Louise, Hi Kelly, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Oh my god, I'm so excited to talk to you.
How's everything.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Everything is good? I mean, it's the new year, so
just waiting for all those you know, uniforms and rainbows
to drop out of the sky. Right, it's a fresh late.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
So let's get into it. So we're going to talk
about our love journey. We both have really interesting love durings. Actually,
let's start with yours. Tell me a little bit about
who you are and how you fell in and out
of love.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Sure, I am. I live in Los Angeles and I
was hit by a lightning bolt. When I met my husband,
I knew I was going to marry him. I called
my mom up and I said I met my husband,
and she goes you're crazy to go to sleep, You've
had too much to drink. That was the height of
sex in the city. So I had those you know whatever,
apple martinis. But I will tell you every time I've
(01:37):
ended up dating somebody long term, there's always been some
sort of a weird twist. So now I know, if
I meet somebody and there's no like twist or weirdness
or something, it's not my guy. We're married to fourteen years.
He has a fabulous moral compass. I think ultimately we
were probably better office friends because we're both killers quite frankly,
(02:00):
dad fabulous co parent, and we do a lot together
as a family, and I get the best parts of
him and none of the bad parts. So it's like
I feel like I'm winning.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Do you guys travel together? Yes?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And with his fiance, I mean we travel. Yes, it's
like you're away with that. Yes, it's the greatest situation
in the world. He's with all the kids and she
and I are having cocktails, laughing all day long. We
do holidays like it's amazing. Seriously, my youngest kids. When
my youngest kid left for college, he said to me, Mom,
(02:34):
I just want to tell you something I like. I
don't have any baggage, emotional baggage. I go white. Is
you guys did divorce? Amazing?
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I love that? Oh, I love that? What about you? So?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I was married very young to a photographer and I
have two gorgeous girls. We got divorced when my girls
were young. I just he wasn't the right for the
right job, and I just was having like so much anxiety.
After I had both of my kids, I had really
(03:08):
bad postpartum with my first daughter, and I just genuinely
realized that, you know, he was fun. You know, as
a artist and creative, he's incredible, but as a nurturer
and provider and partner.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
He wasn't.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And I just was having so much anxiety. And I
just got pregnant again. And then the minute I got
pregnant again, I was like, we're done. I just couldn't
do it. I just couldn't handle it. And my interestingly enough,
my post pardon was really bad with my first but
then for my second, I had no part partum and
(03:48):
I was like, Okay, the baby's out. I had these
two good, beautiful, gourg girls. It's time for me to
go into my new life. I don't know how this
is gonna work, but I'm gonna try.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Didn't you kind of look at it like you're unknown
was going to be better than your known?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
That's really well said. I had so much fear, and
I think that you know, I had great parents, and
they were so super supportive of me being happy, but
very very concerned about being me, being single and providing
for two kids.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And I just felt like.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
The unknown was just fueled and filled with possibility, and
the past was just something that I didn't even want
to remember, not in it. Not that he's a bad person,
but it's just like, that's just not what I want.
I wanted to I just wanted a family for my family.
That's all what I've always said for a thousand years.
(04:46):
Just all I want is a family for my family.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
And do you feel like when you're looking to date,
are you looking to create like a Brady Bunch situation,
to recreate the family that a thousand and it blew?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like I'm always looking at so people would be like,
why you did someone that doesn't have kids, I'm like, why,
Like I wouldn't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I mean, I don't mind, I wouldn't mind, but.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
It would be difficult to date someone that doesn't have
children because they I wouldn't be able to talk to
them about things that have to.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Do with raising children.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
They'd be like what they would be like, you know,
and it wouldn't be It would be a disservice to them,
be a disservice to them.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Because they weren't a part of that. So those memories
they weren't a part of.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I also think it's a different life experience because a
few people I've dated that didn't have children, because I've
kind of arrived at the same place as you, I
just think they're I don't want to say the word selfish,
but it's like you're not. It's not selfless, right like
when you're a parent, what you know, everything goes to
them first, like I'm last, Like I would give them
(05:47):
my last dollar to eat. And I think for me,
you know, I had a significant relationship with somebody who
had quite frankly, never been married, never had kids, and
it was just we just kind of spoke a different
a different language. I think I have the opposite, like
you're looking to create great bunch. I have a hard
time merging like the people I've dated that have kids.
(06:10):
I have a hard time merging my children with other
kids and creating that like the idea of going on
a trip all of us or like it's few and
far between, Like I'm way more coupled keeping it separate.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Isn't that because you have such like a good thing
going that your family, You're like you have like an
extended family, now, do you know what I mean? Like,
because it's so comfortable, do you feel like that you
would be like, wait, it's not going to be as good.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
As this, No, because I think that's only only in
the last few years. I think it was more when
I got divorce. My kids were young, and you know,
when I had them, I was like all in on them.
And then I looked at it like I had some
key percent of the time to just do me and
do that that I got so compartmentalized that it was
like two It was like almost like a jecko on
(06:59):
a high right, like I just couldn't never And then,
you know, only one time in the last few years
did I even do a couple of those meals with
somebody I dated for close to two years, but I
just wasn't it wasn't comfortable for me. Now it could
have been a function. In my heart, I knew it
wasn't the right relationships. I wasn't going to poison the
well with my kids and you know, for lack of
(07:19):
a better word, blow my wad with them and say
this was the situation. I think what I've learned now
after that, have now since learned that they didn't like him,
that unless I think I'm going to marry this person
and go to the distance, like, I don't really want
to force that on them. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
So right, your kids are older, so are my kids,
so like what do you how do you feel about so?
For me, like I was a full time single parent,
there was no fifty to fifty. There were no Wednesdays,
there were no over the every other weekends, there was
no there was no like time for me to create
a life. It was just with my kids twenty four
to seven. And I would never train to that. I'm
(07:58):
so grateful for that.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
But they also know they can rely on you.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I mean you're their foundation, right right, Yes, thank you
for that and I appreciate that. You know, it was
very stressful to raise two girls alone and I was
around a lot of people, and so I never if
there was someone that I that I liked, I would
never I wouldn't think, Like I was having a super
Bowl party, like I would my kids be there, I
(08:23):
would invite them.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I wouldn't think twice because I.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Kind of wanted to see how that person navigated my
friends and everything. My kids weren't like, oh, I was
the same boyfriend, Like, they never even knew if I
had if I was dating.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Someone or not.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Yeah, because I was around so many people all the time.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I think I was nervous. I was scared of their reaction.
I was scared that they the first that the person
I would finally introduce them to, they wouldn't like when
I think, what I've realized is they just want me
to be happy. They want the person to be a
nice person, treat me well, be respectful, you know, keep
me safe. But I didn't know. I didn't know that then, right,
So I just kind of shouldered it all on my
(09:02):
own and all that. But it's hard. I mean every day,
I mean they're home, they're going back to school next week,
and they're like, Mom, are you dating on anyone? What's
going on?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (09:11):
And then this was the big one they came at
me with today Mom. According to all the articles, today
is the super Bowl for dating apps. This is the
biggest day of the year that people sign up for
dating apps. It's their New Year's resolution. What's the plan?
Should we work on your profile? And I was like,
it was horrified. I'm terrified to do a dating app.
(09:33):
I don't do that. Do you do dating apps? Have
you done dating apps?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Have? I was on ria from the very beginning.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I mean I've been single for a long time and
so I was on riah and I never really met
anyone that I was like amazing. But my ex fiance
I met him because my assistant created an account for
me and that's how I met him.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
So Thelma to my Louise, yeah, I I am her
Sarah O de Bergerac and I have been I was like,
you need to do this, and she went and so
I was like, I'm doing it for you. So I
have done some of her online dating, just for like
the last two months. We put it on pause because
it was just but the minute I give her phone
number out, I call her up and be like, yo,
(10:17):
you're going to be getting a call from the skylight.
I'm out now. Take take it over. Let us know
how we do on our date. So it's been actually
a fun it's been a fun adventure. But I don't know.
My kids are pretty invested in it. Now are yours?
Are you dating anyone right now?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
You have? I heard your podcast tennis guy? Yes, how's
that going?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
So we're twenty twenty five, Louise, and there's there's so
much Okay, so we're talking about dating apps. Today's a
super bowl of dating apps?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Wild But what do I want to know? What you want?
What you're leaving behind? And then I'll then I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
God, when am I leaving behind so much? I think
I think I need to leave behind. And I think
I need to be I don't know, like, I think
I need to be a little bit easier on myself.
I think I need to toe the line better between
looking for the butterfly, which is probably just the mirror
(11:13):
of a childhood wound, and really focus on a really good,
thoughtful human being, companion, nice person, because I think our
needs are different in our fifties as than when we
were twenties, thirties, forties, and I really need to do that.
I think I need to look I need to stay
more even across the board. I need to find a
(11:34):
little more gray, less black and white. And I think
that that is a theme that just carries over in
all kinds of areas of my life.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
It's interesting because I think a lot of people are
talking about this gray area, and for me, I feel
like I have been so black and white with like
work and laser focused and you know what I want,
what I'm going to do and how I'm going to
do it, and how I'm going to make money and
doing this and doing that. And one of my other
(12:13):
co hosts who I love, Cheryl, like we always talk
about like how busy we are and how great we
are being busy, because like being busy is just kind
of like taking away like the hurt, feel the feelings,
the feelings of like what we're how we are feeling,
not just how we're feeling about other things, but how
we are internalizing everything.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And so I really just want to like be.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
More confident and working with Amy and Heather and Cheryl
and you know, Janna and everybody I've been so I
have switched. I have become literally and I know this
is strange, I have literally become a different person tell me,
I just am so different. I'm just so more relaxed.
(13:05):
I listen to people a lot more. I'm not like
so eager to get my point across. I kind of
want to hear what they're doing and you know, what
tools they have in their tool belt, versus like hearing
about mine all the time. I think that just too
Like outside of like my relationships, I just had such
PTSD from being on Housewives, and I was always trying
(13:29):
to tell people like this is who i am. I'm great,
I'm this, I'm really a nice person. I'm I'm filanthropic,
I'm kind, I'm a good mother. And I was constantly
telling people. And so this year is my year of
just kind of listening and sitting back and just being
more open to what other people are doing. I mean,
I you know, like even like with you, like I
want to know, like, you know, are you gonna mean
(13:51):
a guy I celebrity on Riyah?
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Like are you going to go on Riya?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Like what are your I want to know what people
are doing and how they're doing it, versus me always
telling people.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
So it seems like you have more confidence and sense
of self. Maybe that's what all this has come from
because I've part of got That's what I think we
all need to work on. That's my point of bringing
it up is I think we all need to just
get comfortable with our own you know selves kind of
words and all right, like being authentic and vulnerable and
all of that stuff. And I think that that's you know,
(14:23):
I I think I do a good job of putting
a confident face on every day, but I think on
the inside, like I can feel pretty small. Sometimes I
can question myself and feel pretty lonely and sad and
like how did I end up this way? And then
I'll be like no, like look what I've I have
to like have self talk, like look what I've accomplished. Like,
But I think for me, you know, I don't know
(14:45):
like I think i've I'm I'm a little I guess
I'm disappointed that I haven't found my person in the
nine years. I mean, I think you and I've been
divorced around the same amount of time and but a
lot of different experiences and dating and stuff. But I
just I don't know, Like I I think I have
a fear that I'm going to just end up alone,
which I don't want that.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
I you know what, It's interesting that I had that
fear for a long time and for some reason, and
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I just don't feel like that anymore. I feel like
I am such I feel like.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Such a different person and the way that people are
responding to me is so different. And I I'm just
I'm just open to all possibilities. I just I don't
want to I don't want to, like say like, I
don't want to put out that I'm afraid. I don't
want to put out that. I you know, I don't want.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
To put on anything that's negative. I've put out that.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I've just constantly put out negativity. And I just want
to say, I'm just saying no. You know, I was
saying no for so long and now I'm just saying yes,
and I'm being more open. And I know that sounds
like so simple.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Well I say, I think they say like, you just
have to you know, we have to raise our vibration
and admit positive vibration and it comes back to us,
right like, so if you smile at somebody or whatever,
it's just like you're giving off a different energy.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
We's so interesting what you said, because I'm a smiler
so I'll walk down the street and I'll be like,
I'm a smiler.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
I just am a smiley person. I don't know like why.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I mean, I live in New York and people are
not smiling, so I'm always like smiling. People look at
me like what's wrong with her? And it's interesting because
just because I smile doesn't mean like I'm not in
like a lot of pain.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
But I was thinking about that in yoga today. It
was so funny because I was like, I was kind
of feeling blah, to be totally honest with you, and
I was looking in the room and I was like,
I think people would look at me and my down
dog and think like, probably I'm fine, right, you don't
know person just when you kind of look at them
from a distance. And I was like, how many people
(16:50):
in this room feeling kind of straight today? Right? Like
I don't know it. It was just an interesting thing
that you're saying that like this, you know, like the
smile on the exterior is masking the interior and you
hear of all these bad things that are happening lately,
and you're like, oh, like we don't really know what's
going on behind somebody's face. Or behind closed doors. How
(17:10):
do you deal with projection?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
So hold on, wait, that's that's interesting. I'll answer the
rejection things. But that's interesting that you say that because
I was dinner with a friend of mine who's a man,
and he and I said to him, I'm like, why
are these women like do they look at me with
like such a weird look all the time? And how
come they're like not nice to me? And he goes,
because you're always smiling, And I'm like, what do you mean?
(17:32):
He goes, You just make things look.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
So easy, And I'm like, wait.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
A minute, I didn't have this, like you know, all
this money, I didn't you know. I made my own money.
I've created my possibilities for myself. No one gave me anything.
And here a lot of these women have a lot
of money from their exes. And I was like, so
hold on, let me get this straight, because I'm not like,
(17:56):
because I'm not.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Wearing my war worms now, they're just jealous. So they
have their own stuff going on. Kelly, Like, I think
somebody who's smiling is so engaging and they're so like
it just attracts people. It's like your aura is warm,
Like the second I got on with you. It was
like literally like bees to honey. It was like just
so easy to connect and talk to you, like so easy,
Like certain people make you feel comfortable that you can
(18:19):
chat or you can you know my barometers of I
can sit in silence with somebody and be comfortable and
not have to fill the air with conversation. And I
think you actually give off a really warm, very real energy.
I don't agree with him, your friend. Maybe he's in
love with you and he doesn't want you to smile
and attract people.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
All right, let's talk about dating. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Okay, so are you gonna go on a dating app?
Or are you just gonna like hide behind your friends dating?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
Well, so I'm lucky in that, Wylloy No, but I'm
lucky in that. You know, I wouldn't want my circle
to have been divorced and experienced out, but I would
say I have a lot of best friends who are
divorced also. So we have like this like kind of
girl posse, which is fun. We do our girl trips,
(19:09):
we do you know, our dinners, like we have like
a crew. The hard thing is is in la I
don't know how it is in New York. It's like
you don't really meet people when you're out right, we
sit at a girl table. No guy's approaching a table
of five girls. It just doesn't happen, right, I mean
it just I mean your best case scenario is to
go to like, you know, Bald Hare after a golf
(19:31):
tournament and hope for the best you know, in the
bar area. It's like the red onion for this generation.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Oh, I got so Louise, I have to tell you
this a flirting tip that Countess Lwan gave me. So Basically,
when you're at a table with a with a group
of women having a great time, one of your the
nice that you go out what you do is that
you can either drop an hapkin or you can she
said send a drink over. I would right, But you
(19:56):
can send a drink over to somebody, or you can
write them a note.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Hi, Can I borrow your pen for a second? And right? Show?
What can you do?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Aloha? That's your word? But can you do that? Like,
I'm so scared of rejection, Like I got to get
a thicker skin with that.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
If I were with you and I saw the guy
that you liked, I'd be like let's get that piece
of peeling.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I wouldn't do it on my own.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
I wouldn't like, I wouldn't like sit there and be
like I'm gonna drop a bit.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I'm not gonna drop an upt But Luanne does that.
She does that.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
I could wing women for you.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
No, No, she's gotting serious, serious game. She's like, what
are you doing?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
She's like, if I had your she said to me,
and she goes, if I had your body, I'd be
having sex every day.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I'm like, what you are?
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Okay? So we need to challenge ourselves. So you're asking
about January. We need to have an accountability chart and
do those things. I mean we really, that's really what
we need to do. Like I know people that will
go sit at a restaurant and a bar by themselves.
They meet a million of people.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Oh you, So what you do is you use the
waiter to send the note to the guy.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
So you say, goog, come.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Over here, and then you're like, I wrote this little note,
dear smoke show.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
How are you?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
But what if they reject you? How do you handle rejection?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
I mean, imagine if you sent a note over or like,
ask the guy if he wanted to glass, you know,
if you want a glass of wine and he's like married,
Oh my well, by the way, I guess they just
rejected waiters.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
It doesn't matter who cares.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
But like, oh my god, is it easy to meet people?
Like is it easy to meet people in New York?
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Out?
Speaker 3 (21:28):
When you go out with your friend?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Whoa in New York? Are you kidding me? You're sitting
at places and people aren't even people like people like
look through you.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
I'm like, hello, oh my god, I was just on
a girls trip in New York. It was so I
feel like there's a million more guys in you York.
You probably feel that way about La.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Well, I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
I think it's like because me, I like go into
these restaurants and I'm like, okay, I'm here all the time.
People are not looking at me, and maybe and that's
you know, it's like you were saying before about maybe
that's a good tip, is that when you do go
into a place that you typically go to, you know
kind of like throw your shoulders back and be like
(22:05):
it's the new girl in town, versus like, oh, I
come here all the time, do you know what I mean?
So that you give off that new energy like you're taught.
You're always talking about like having you know, switching your energy,
and maybe that's what you do. Maybe you're just like, no,
I'm not gonna be like the everyday girl. I'm gonna
be like the new girl. Okay, let's you just challenge
each other to do something new with dating.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So let's come up with the challenge. What yours? Well?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I think I'm gonna have to take a play out
of your friend's playbook and drop the nap and with
the notes we can combine the accent.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Okay, So Louise, I want you to try. So we're
gonna we're challenging each other. Okay, I love, this is
the game.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I'm challenging you to do something and you're challenging me
to do something in the dating world. So I'm gonna
we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
I'm gonna take the tip out of Countess Luance playbook
and I want.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
You to tomorrow and.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
This week wherever you go, even if it's during the day,
Like it doesn't have to be at night. It could
be like at your coffee place or after yoga, and
like maybe give it to like the coffee guy and
be like, hey, this guy's really hot.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Can you give no, write.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
The note before, write the note in one of your cards,
not your business cards, but like a card, or.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Bring it in my clutch and just.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Have and if you see a hot guy, give it
to whomever, the wait or whatever.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Have it prepared, and like I should.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
Just give it to any guy and really emersion therapy
and really challenge myself. Right, okay, so not you.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You can't do it to give it to a waiter.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Or I know, but I'll have it already.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Okay, have it ready though, have it ready?
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Have to here's your challenge.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
You need to go to a place in New York
you don't ever go to, and you need to sit
at the bar by yourself, and you need to have
a conversation with a man.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Okay, okay, well hold on.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
So it was last week or the week before, which
is something I would literally and I'm not I don't
really like the word never, but I'm telling you never
do I sit at a barber myself.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
I will stand and wait.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
On my phone in the corner, pretending I'm talking to
whomever like outside, versus sitting at a barber myself. Like
it's like I'm like, oh my god, I just would
like this. I'll freak out.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
And I went to I was supposed to.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Honest, I was seeing this guy in New York and
I was away in LA and I came back from
jingle Ball and we were supposed to like walk around
and do all this Christmas shopping and stuff, and he
was like busy sleeping.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So I was like, you know what, if you're sleeping,
I'm just gonna go.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
My daughters were doing their thing, and I just went
to Saint Ambrose and I sat at the bar and
I was chatting with all these different people and I
was like, loving life.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
You know what if somebody told me really good advice,
well was.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I didn't talk to a man. I was talking to
like everybody, but not to a man specifically.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
So I don't know where I heard this. It could
have been you, but it was a good idea. So
if you're about to go to like, let's say you've
a friend's birthday dinner and it's at seven o'clock, you
should go to the restaurant early, at like six point thirty,
and then you should whatever the challenge is, force yourself
to sit at the bar talk to a guy, drop,
(25:29):
give a nap into a wait or whatever. And then
if it's like a crash and burn, you already know
that it was a thirty minute you know, kind of
quick X window and then you sit at your girl's dinner. Anyways,
that's the move.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
That's that is the move, because you have something to do.
You're not just sitting there waiting around and like that.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
And then you don't feel like a total loser, right right.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
And then you don't go home and you're like, wow, but.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Kelly, I heard you're being set up from your lovely
producers and I love to be set up. It is
my favorite thing. So how is mister tennant? And what
is going on? You know, you guys heard the podcast. You
had the first phone call. So where are we at?
Are you excited?
Speaker 1 (26:07):
I am so excited.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
So he's coming this Thursday where he's going to work,
and then we're gonna spend the weekend doing fun stuff
in New York.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
You're going to spend the whole Is he staying in
a hotel?
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Of course and then in Manhattan. Okay, and do you
guys have like okay, can I ask a logistical question?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Are you making all the reservations because it's your town
or is it on him to be the trigger puller?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
So that's a really good question. He was kind of
like asking me things like what do you like to do?
And He's like, one thing that I really want to
do is I want to go and have a bourbon
at like a really vibey place in New York, like
a cool like a library bar.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I'm like, that's cool, that's cool. That's very cool. I
was like, I'm like, I don't drink bourbon, so I'm
like I will be.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But I thought that was really cool and I love
that kind of like just vibe.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Just sounded like very warm and fun and.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Like still like in the winter and cozy.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, winter cozy exactly. So I love that.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
And then he was like telling me stuff and asked
he like send me sending me places and he liked.
And then I my daughter was actually she was she
was sitting at the table and she was like, Mom,
what is what's going on? I was like, Oh, like,
I'm going out with this guy named mister Tennis this
week and he's giving me places to go. Oh my god, Mom,
(27:30):
First of all, you have to go to Okay, then
you have to go to Temple Bar then you have
to do this.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And I was like, okay, oh my god, that is
the funny. I was all right. I was like I
need a place for b and she's like, I got it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Just go on TikTok. I know we can find everything on.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
You know.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
It's interesting though for him, so you kind of have
to feel bad, right, It's like he's nervous, like he
wants to you know, he's coming to your area, but
yet he wants to be a man and come up
with good so good suggestion. It's like an interesting thing
and he doesn't. Like there's something worse than when you're
going out with somebody and they like pick a place
and you're like okay, like you know what I'm saying, Like.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I love yeah, but you know I also like to
your point, like am I picking stuff? So I was like,
I'm not gonna pick places for him because let him
have fun.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
With that, do you know what I mean? Like he's
from he's not.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
He traveled, he comes here a lot, so like let
him like have fun with that. But I was like
the one thing that I really wanted him to do,
and I said, would I think you should play tennis
while you're here, Like you're gonna be here for three days.
One day you're working and then two days you're hanging
out with me. But like, I really want you to
play tennis because it's something that you love to do
and I want to watch you.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
And so Vanderbilt at in uh in uh it's.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Called Vanderbilt and it's this private it's not a private,
it's just a small, one course tennis tennis court.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
It's one tennis court. It's in Vanderbilt, it's in.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
It's on forty second Street, and it's so bougie and
so cool and so unique. And I was like, that
would be so fun for him and I could be
his I could like hit balls to him.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
But it will make him so you'll like actually love
watching him because if he's like super hot on the
tennis court, you'll get like totally even more into him.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Right, I just want him to do something that makes
him feel good.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I mean, I really appreciate the fact that he's coming,
but I also want to do something for him that
shows that I, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
I'm interested in him and I want him to be
happy too.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
So question for you, it's good?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Is that weird? No?
Speaker 3 (29:35):
I think it's really awesome. But let's assume it's going
to be like amazing and you're gonna be But what
happens if on day day two of his three day
trip you're like just not that into it? What do
you do?
Speaker 1 (29:49):
We talk a lot, we talk at the.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Phone, so you already have a connection, you feel.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Yeah, we talk and we get along so well, like
we just get along really really well.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
That's amazing. I mean, setups truly are the best because
a you have a little intel of somebody, you're already
like kind of connecting. It's like a hometown pro so
it feels safe and I don't know, a little more familiar.
So it sounds like you guys are building a bit
of a foundation already. So when you see him, it's
just going to be like like probably you'll give him
(30:20):
a kiss hello, not like a just like a perfunctory
like hug or something.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Wait.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
But you know what, also, it is he's a plu.
So plu is people like you, people I like that.
I don't know that.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
I've never heard that.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
So a PLU could be a lot of different things,
but for me, a PLU is like people that are
like me, that are interested, curious, you know, good parents,
good friends. Like you said, strong moral compass. You know
that is a that's a PLU. I mean you can
meet a lot of people that.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Are not Kelly.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
You should start a dating app called PLU. Unless you're
a PLU, you cannot be a part of this dating app.
We got to limit this pool better, right.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Right, Everyone wants to make it bigger. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
no no.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
If you're not appealing you no, you know what.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I think divorce attorneys as a side gig should start
matchmaking thousand. I think you guys, I'm excited to hear
about it on your I guess that podcast which we'll
talk about like the kind of post mortem of this weekend.
What if this is? What if this happened? I mean,
wouldn't this be amazing?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I have a good.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Feeling he's I have a good feeling. He sounds like
he's a good human being, he's passionate. What happens you
created a connection, You've been talking to guy's flying, you know,
three thousand miles to see when you see him, like,
do you just give him a little handtake or do
you give him like a kiss?
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Hello?
Speaker 3 (31:39):
Like what's the kind of what do you think is
going to happen when you see him?
Speaker 1 (31:43):
I think I don't know. I'm not going to kiss
him and be like, you know, I probably will, like.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
You're not going to row your tongue down his throat
like a kiss on the kiss on the cheek. Are
you going to see each other at first in the
daytime or the nighttime?
Speaker 1 (32:02):
I think it's gonna be the night time because he
has to be at work.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
So I think it's a liquid courage will be coming soon.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, So I'll probably just like hug him because I
just I don't know. I'm like just I like just
I like think he's so great. I think he's so
great that when I texted the other guys, I'm like,
I'm boring.
Speaker 3 (32:21):
Are you wow this? I am really crossing my fingers
for you? And you know, there's a concept called do
you know this concept of driftwood? Do you know who
Gabby Bernstein is?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
You asked me this before and I did not do
not to.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
This is my favorite concept and I'm gonna look at this.
Your situation is my driftwood. Okay, concept of driftwood. You
are being set up with somebody you're excited. It's good,
you're talking. He's flying in and I'm sitting here and
I'm looking at it like, oh, it's about to happen
for me too. Instead of looking at it like why
isn't it happening for me, I'm looking at it like
(32:54):
I'm next. Yes, I mean probably know, Kelly, you might
have somebody for.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Me, exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
Well, that's the whole point about like, you know, friends
setting up friends, and yes, okay, you know people are like, oh,
you can go on these dating apps and all this stuff,
and like there's this big pool of people. But you know,
I think it's really really important to set people up.
And like we were saying, like recycle, recycle, and you said,
(33:20):
like we said, you you went out with him, you
went on a date with him, and I was asking,
I was asking, like, what what are your what were
your thoughts?
Speaker 3 (33:28):
It's important to recycle men because one woman's trash could
be another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
Okay, so you went on a date with mister Tennant.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yes I did.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
She's not trash, he's a treasure.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
He's not.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
But I'm just kidding, no, no, I'm just we're just because
like before that, it was like trash and tree.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
I'm like, no, no, no, he's a really instellar human.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I'm going to tell you first of all, I want
you to know one thing and when you sit down.
It was so many it was five years ago, but
let me take one thing. He has the best style.
His style was beautiful. We went to dinner. He was
wearing this gorgeous cashmeir like kind of shawl like cardigan.
He smelled really good. He's got a great body, obviously
(34:15):
in tennis stead. He is a great dad. To be
honest with you, what happened was when we got set up,
I had just gotten out of a relationship and I
was a little sad, and I think that was that's
kind of hard to switch gears, and it was particularly
hard for me and he. This is five six years ago.
He had little kids in car seats and I don't
know how old his kids are now. But wasn't I
(34:38):
wasn't looking for that. I just think the timing was off.
But he's and he's very close to his family, and
so I think that great dad, close to his family, cute, warm, friendly,
amaze his style. I want you to report back to
me on it, because he had probably one of the
better senses of style of any guy I'd ever gone out.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
I love that because I like, I worked at fash
for so long.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
No, I know you're going to appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Actually, that makes me very very happy because there's so
many guys that I literally that sounds awful, so many guys.
But the guys in the past that I've dated, I
definitely have to have given them a little amp up.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
And that's easy, and then that's so easy to do.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
It is, but it's also kind of like makes me
like I feel badly that.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
I'm like, can you put that jacket on? And like,
what should I wear? I'm like, can you wear that
jacket with that shirt I have? I know it to wear.
I'm like, please wear the shirt. Then what are you
looking for? What are you looking for?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Okay? I am looking for.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Cause if I'm going to set you up, like I
need to know, I love that. Okay.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Most importantly, I'm looking for what I call my park bench,
the person who makes me feel safe and the person
who I can sit next to talking a mile a
minute or quiet with a three dollars coffee in my hand,
looking at the birds. Happy is to be that there's
nowhere else they want to be. They need to be funny.
I have to laugh. I'm funny. I'm super self deprecating.
(36:06):
They need to be kind. They cannot have cheated on
their wives. That to me is a total deal breaker. Confident, sophisticated, intelligent,
fabulous father close to his family, talks politely about his
ex wife.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
You're like a unicorn. Do you have one? Let me
pull it out them.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
Let me taste. I was just in Sun Valley and
I walked into that. I always asked for signs from
the universe, and I said, Universe, show me a unicorn.
That twenty twenty five is going to be amazing. And
I walked into this vintage store and there was this
big grass unicorn and it was for sale and I
was like, oh my god. So I bought it. It should
be ribing any day this week. It's going to go
(36:48):
right on monnight table. But yes, I am looking for
a unicorn.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
I started doing that everyone since I first met I
like write down in my notes.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
I do like I'll ask for something.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
And I'll ask could I teach you about this?
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (36:59):
You told me that, Yeah, And I've done it and
it's it's true, It's true.
Speaker 3 (37:03):
It's true. My friends and you have to come up
with the most obscure signs. And my friend was like,
show me a mini mouse that my ex she's going
through divorce, my ex husband is thinking about me. And
everywhere she turned out of the blue, like a friend
of ours is sending a picture of her kids and
the kid was in mini mouse sweatpants. And my friend
was like, oh my god. And the more you do it,
the more in tune you are with the universe. It's like,
(37:25):
actually really fun. It's like a fun game.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
You don't feel like you're alone, which is cool.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Right, Okay, so you want a unicorn perfect park bench.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I want nice, honest, funny, confident. You know, I need somebody.
I don't need to be with somebody. I want to
be with the right person.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Right.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
So it's like, I don't need somebody to pay my bills.
I don't need somebody to pay my kids bills. I
don't need somebody to fill my dance card. I have
you know, I have friends, I have family here. I
love to stay home and read a book like it really,
you know, it's it's got to be totally added to
my life. Or it just doesn't.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
I'm not going to fit a square into a rand hole.
I'd rather be the right situation.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
So I went out a date with this guy and
there was a matchmaker and she said to me, are
you too busy to date?
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Are you too busy to date?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
No, I'm actually not. And when I was turning fifty,
this was two years ago, I woke up on January first,
my birthdays in April, and I was like, this is
going to be my year. I'm going to treat it
like a job. And I was like, I'm going to
figure out a way to go on a date or
two a week. And I did it. And I don't
think I'm too busy. Like if the right situation presented itself,
(38:38):
my hurdle is I say yes day every day, right,
I mean one hundred percent. Like I love meeting people
talking to them like I can. I love to talk
to people and get to know people, whether they're my
person or not. A different story. I don't think I'm
too busy. I think I just need to put myself
into different situations to open up more avenues like date.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
So okay, so we were looking for different avenues. Okay,
we talked about Luane or like waiter thing.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Which is that tip is amazing. It makes me laugh
so much. Oh my god, I'm dead.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
But okay, so we're like, so outside of going to
bars and stuff like that, I.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Think we need to go to airports. We could sit
at airports. I think, you know, like we.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Should go with you.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I begued.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
I could do like a fun little adventure where it's
like we just go. I think you should come to
La I go to New York. Then we go sit
at different airports, and we fly to Atlanta and sit
at a bar there at a hotel. Hotel bars are
the way to go.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
Let me tell you, wait, what about long distance? What
are your thoughts on long distance?
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Oh god, okay, well I used to think it was great,
and then I was, you know, like I recently gone
out with a guy from San Francisco and he flew
down and I was like, Okay, that's that's fine. Hour whatever,
maybe two hours or whatever. But I would love to
date a guy in like New York on the East
Coast because quite frankly, you know, I would like to
(39:57):
I'd love to have the opportunity to live elsewhere for
chunks of time. I work full time here. Luckily I
have an assistant. I live in a situation which is
lock and leave. I'm totally okay with long distance. Genuinely,
I think it would be fun to live in New
York for a month and then fun to have him
be here for a month. My kids are, you know, gone,
They're in college, one's about to graduate, one's a sophomore.
Who knows where one's gonna be in Nashville, Like, who knows?
(40:19):
So I would totally do long distance. And I actually
think I would love to spend time in a different city,
meeting new people, doing I grew up in La I
know it. I'm done with it. What about you?
Speaker 2 (40:33):
You know, I'm open to anything now because again, like
you and I are similar where our kids are older,
and I'm just open to every I mean, I have to,
you know, I have to actually move because I am
I'm you know, I'm one of my clients. I'm living
in his apartment. I'm renting his apartment and he wants
to sell it. And I'm like, okay, now I have
(40:53):
to like get up and move. And I could just
do anything and go anywhere. And I mean I was
even thinking like I know this sounds not that far,
but I was like, maybe I'll even move uptown. I've
never lived uptown before, or I could literally just do
anything I want. I mean, it'll probably be difficult for
me to leave my kids, to like leave the state,
(41:13):
but like, I mean, even I was thinking maybe I
should have moved to Florida, or maybe I should go
to Texas for a little bit. I had work in Texas,
and so I'm just I'm I've never been open to
moving or being away from my kids, even though they
were in college.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I was like, they have to have a family home.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
They have to have structure, they have to have comfort,
they have to know that I'm you know, reliable and
I'm there for them all the time. But now they're
just being nice to me because like mom, we're sad.
Speaker 1 (41:41):
We don't want you to be sad.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
Well, like me, I think they worry about me, so
I awful. I always saw my kids home is the people,
not the structure. So I think that they've never been
attached to an actual place. It's more about the people,
which which is great. I think that do you remember
the movie because you and I think are similar age
remember the movie Sliding doors of Paltrow. Oh, Kelly, you've
got to watch them.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Wait, who else is in?
Speaker 3 (42:04):
It's Gwyneth Paltrow, some British actor. But the point of
the movie is, which is how I'm choosing to look
at my life now is sliding doors right and Back
in the day, I used to probably make more impulsive decisions,
not looking at the entire chessboard, saying well, if I
do this and I For example, when I was graduating college,
(42:24):
I went to Berkeley. I had this big plan. I
wanted to spend the first five years post college and
I wanted to live one year each in a different
five cities. Choose five cities, New York, London, Dallas, whatever
it was, because I was like, if I came straight
back to LA, I knew I was going to never
leave right, and I really wanted to drink their coffee.
I had no idea what I wanted to do. So
(42:46):
I got a job in New York and I was
supposed to start in August of ninety four in an
entertainment company, and I came home at such an idiot.
I came home that summer to LA and I like
met a guy and was like, oh, I'm not going
to this is my guy, Like, I'm not moving to
New York and I never did and it's the single
biggest regret in my life. And you look at it
(43:06):
like that was the sliding door, right, So to our
kind of twenty twenty five philosophy of just say yes
in a way, if we're just saying yes to opportunities,
those are our sliding doors. So for all you know,
Amy and Heather want to set you up with ten
and as guy who's la, you guys get hit You
said yes, you could hit it off. All of a sudden,
(43:26):
you're not locked into, you know, a mortgage in New York.
You could be living in La. You have no idea.
These are sliding doors. Every day we have sliding doors
that are presented to us and we have to decide,
like which door are we going in or not going in?
And what is that gonna domino effect?
Speaker 1 (43:53):
What about like making new friends?
Speaker 2 (43:56):
So we've talked about dating apps, we've talked about we're
gonna do together, but what literally what about like it's
so hard to meet Like I'm so happy to meet
you just because you know, you're you're smart, you're interesting,
you're engaging, you're insightful, like you just you you think
differently a little bit, a little differently than than me,
(44:16):
but we were we're in the same scope of possibility
in our thought process, which I love about you. But like,
if I didn't know Amy, I wouldn't know you. So how,
you know, how do you meet other friends that are
interested in the same things when they're when you don't
Like when we're younger, we have all these you know,
the play groups and the parents, and like you meet
all these people and you're like the common denominators your kids.
(44:38):
But now it's like I don't have a common denominator.
Or if I meet someone, they're like, oh, you're single,
and I'm like.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
Well, yeah, I'm single. They're like, oh, Like it's like
a bad thing.
Speaker 3 (44:49):
Like you know, it's funny. I haven't had to be
honest with you people. I don't I haven't had that.
I haven't had that experience with which I I love
my girlfriends so much, and I have such a great
kind of posse of friends and I just love I
don't know, like I actually love collecting amazing friends. I
(45:10):
will tell you that new friendships. I'm a very open
a new friendship and I'm really look, I might not
be a lot of things right, but I know I'm
a really good friend and I'm really loyal and I'm
super like dependable, like I love my friend. I'm a giver,
I'm not a taker. So for me, making friends has
never been a challenge for me. I've had you know,
(45:32):
friends since I was you know, like two years old.
I have a hard time being more connectable to men,
to be honest with you.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
And so for me, like I meet you, I goes
back to me asking you like if you're too busy
and maybe that's so, maybe it's not maybe maybe I
have to rephrase the question, like because it's.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
You know, just from you know, listening.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
To you, you obviously are so proficient in so many
things you know you are, You're like perfect in so
many ways you are.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
But does that what? What? But what about for men?
Speaker 2 (46:05):
Like how how do they how do they come into
into play? Like you know what void can they feel
for you outside of being your your you know, you
said you like your park bench, but there they have
to be They need more than that than to just
be your park bench. They need to feel wanted and needed.
(46:26):
And if you have, if you're this, you know.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
I think you're right, Kelly. I think that's my You're beautiful.
I'm super self sufficient. I'm super self sufficient, and I
think that for a lot of men, you know, probably
similar with you, Like you know, you've kind of done
it on.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
Your self sufficient, but you're also really really beautiful. So
it's like a lot of women are self sufficient, but
they're not so beautiful. So it's like they are more
maybe they're more insecure because they're they're not you know,
they're not they don't look like you. I mean probably
walk down the street and guys.
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Like, holy sug, who's that? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (47:02):
So how do they but no, just I'm asking, like, so,
how like what can you do to be more open,
like you said the grave, be more open to allowing
these men.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
To see like who you are too. I mean that's
what I've been doing.
Speaker 3 (47:18):
I need to be a little more dependent, not independent.
I need to learn to be a little softer. I
think I need to learn to ask for help more.
I think I need to. You know, when I'm on
a date, I tend to ask a lot of questions
(47:39):
and deflect the off of me. And sometimes when I
go on a date, now I like sit down my hands,
you know, like Louise, stop asking so many questions, like
let them ask you. You know what I'm saying, Like,
I think it's just a default, right, it comes from
stuff in my in my childhood.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
I think it's also genuinely like because you're really smart,
so you're like asking questions and you probably know the
answer to most of the questions that you're asking.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Which is there's nothing that's amazing, by the way, But.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
One thing that I've learned in the past couple of
months is not and people are calling it trauma bond,
but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
I don't like trauma bond.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
Like I don't need to say to you, I got
divorced and my ex husband did this, and I've been
doing all these things and my life is so bad.
How bad is your life? Like that's not how I
want to connect with you. I want to connect with
you in ways like I know who you are, I
know who your friends are.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Let's talk about like you know.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Solutions, tricks, fun things to do together, but at the
end of the day, like the solutions that are that
we are coming to at this time of our life,
Like that's really really what's super important to me, and
this podcast has been so crucial because it's opened me
up to again like listening to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
To before my fear, I had so much fear, but
the way that it was projected was like this over
self confidence, which was the opposite.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
I was literally like crawling inside you and I are
the same person.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
I'd be grinding my teeth at night. My dentist is like,
what are you doing. I'm like, I don't know. She's like,
you're grinding. You're literally grinding your teeth down. I'm like,
because I'm like a nervous wreck.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
That's me. That's me too. And you and I are
super super I'm just like the blonde version of you.
We're super super similar. And I think we have the
same lessons to learn, and I think that we're learning
them every day and we're going to be presented with
different people to teach us those lessons. Right, Like every
relationship I have has taught me something more about myself
or made me be more vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
I have something. So now we have a second challenge. Okay,
so the first challenge is like what we're going to
do for something that's fun to meet new.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
People, which I love that, but why don't What about
our second challenge?
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Could be something that's we did something this week that
made it extremely vulnerable, like in a super a super
awkward position.
Speaker 1 (50:01):
I want to I want to do that. Okay, so
what are your ideas? What are your ideas?
Speaker 3 (50:07):
I need to I need to think about it. I uh,
I see my kids are here one more week and
then they're leaving on Sunday. So I've kind of because
they just got back from being gone with their dad
for two weeks. So like my whole week is like it.
I just want to focus on that.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
It could be like a ten minute thing.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
It's not like it's no yeah, like on your way
to yoga or something like something I don't know, just
something that would put you in a vulnerable position.
Speaker 3 (50:32):
There was a guy I'm dangerous.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
I'm not asking you to.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Like no, no, no, no no no no no no. I
had dated a really nice guy and we broke up
in October and he was a good guy, and I'm like,
part of me is like did I got? But he
was a really good guy and he had texted me
over Christmas and he's like, let's have dinner in January
and I was like, yeah, totally. I think I'll reach out.
I'll reach out to this week and see if he
wants to.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Have dinner or you don't have to have dinner. Why
can't you just go for a coffee or.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
A drink or a coffee.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
But like I think, I, yeah, just have a coffee.
And by the way, yeah, don't don't to the dinner.
Don't to the dinner.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Oh so one of my producers, she told the Starbucks
barista about her breakup.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
So like, it's okay to you know, be.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
Open, and I think it's interesting, listen whatever happens with
this guy. I think it's good to also have conversations.
Like I'm the kind of person I'm so black and white.
And maybe that's because I'm like I'm a super mom.
I'm gonna protect my family. I can do it all.
Here's my cape. And so what I do is I'm like,
(51:36):
I don't like what you do. I'm like, you're done,
and I just I just remove you.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
Oh, you and I are so similar. Do you look
back in the rear view.
Speaker 2 (51:46):
If I see someone, if I see you in the stail, like, Hi,
I have zero interested in calling you.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
I have zero. They're like, oh yeah, you're gonna call me,
I'm like, no.
Speaker 3 (51:54):
So it, Kelly. If somebody crosses you, are you black
and white? Whereas you just kind of look back.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
If I'm dating you and you did do things that
really like put me in a position that makes me
super vulnerable and afraid, I'm like we're done, like finished,
or if you put me in a situation where like trust,
you know, trust in this new part of my new
world is like paramount to anything everything, And so if
(52:23):
I can't trust you, or if I can't you know,
I'm like, I'm an action speak louder in the words,
like a lot of people are like YadA, YadA, YadA,
and so I just want to be able to trust people.
And I just think it's great and I want to
hear what I want to hear what happens, because if
that happens, I want to hear what happens after you guys.
Speaker 3 (52:45):
After you guys talk, I'll do that, you know. And
it's funny, I'm the same way with you with trust,
Like trust is like a piece of paper. Once it's
ripped or torn, you can glue and tape it, but
the schism is always there. And I think that when
somebody blows your trust or crosses you in a way
like there's just no going back for me.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
In the spirit of your driftwood. It's like painting over
rotten lumber.
Speaker 3 (53:04):
Yes, well, driftwood, you're my driftwood. Tennis and your driftwood.
I'm so excited. Seriously, we have so many like texting
things that we've got it. And when are you going
to come to la will you might.
Speaker 1 (53:13):
Be hopefully soon, hopefully soon visiting.
Speaker 3 (53:16):
Tennis and then he's going to hunt you to me
for an hour or we can all go to dinner,
I know, remember.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
Louise, Oh my god, thank you so so so much. Okay,
so we know what our marching orders are. Yes, something
vulnerable and something really fun.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
Something vulnerable and something risky with like the Countess Luerns,
like taking a play out of her playbook. And don't
forget the going to a restaurant or a bar thirty
minutes before your girl's dinner, because you can accomplish something
there in a safe kind of time.
Speaker 1 (53:47):
Brame.
Speaker 2 (53:47):
But by the way, I'm actually going to do the
same thing that you're doing. And I'm gonna write myself
a little note and I'm gonna take a photo. Yeah,
I want to write two notes tomorrow tonight, tomorrow to
when I'm out about whoever I am.
Speaker 1 (54:02):
I'm just gonna be like, can you give this that person?
Speaker 3 (54:03):
Yeah, let's do let's challenge ourselves because guess what we doing?
Great stuff comes back and.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
Return You're like, should she drop something?
Speaker 3 (54:12):
Oh my god, you are so much fun. I love
talking about meeting new friends and people that you know
when you meet somebody in your life and they're aligned
with kind of your core values and where you are,
know you, well, you're that's you. You're my girl, You're new,
You're my new twenty twenty five friend. I'm good, Louise.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
It was so great getting to chat with you today
on the pod. You have such great insight, and it's
been so cool to meet someone who's going through a
similar journey as me.
Speaker 1 (54:41):
Do you want dating advice?
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Call us or email us, follow us on socials. All
the information will be in the show notes, and make
sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part
two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
Speaker 3 (55:00):
EXTI EXTI fou
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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