February 23, 2022 • 25 mins
Imagine a world where your favorite barber, the one you go to every few weeks and talk to about pretty much everything, was also a licensed therapist. As an entrepreneur and mental health advocate, Lorenzo P. Lewis did just that. After spending so much of his childhood in his Aunt’s beauty salon, he saw the opportunity within these neighborhood gems and created “The Confess Project,” providing a tool to heal his community. In this episode, learn more about the project, and how he’s been able to turn a familiar place into a useful resource for people that want to transform into an unapologetic version of themselves.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Have you ever wanted a safe space where you can
just exist, where for a moment in time, you can
be you, with all the intricacies and parts of you
that people don't always understand. Welcome to in the deep
stories that shape us. I'm your host, Zach Stafford, and
each episode we create a space to be you, all
of you and all your messy and complicated glory. Every
(00:25):
story shares what it means to be a black and
Latin X man living with different hardships, whether it's a
struggle of identity, discrimination or health, and how they've managed
to push forward despite the circumstance. We hope to get closer,
even it's just a little to a road of healing
and understanding. Hi there, welcome back today. I want to
(00:51):
talk about something that I think we all have, and
that's confidence. Those people we reach out to when we're down,
the first name in your contacts that you share good
news with, the friends and family that are there for
the ups and downs. And I think we can all
agree that sometimes these people come via communal spaces. The
stores or restaurants, be frequent, a favorite sports bar, or
(01:11):
even the barbershop. These spaces tend to be the heartbeat
of a neighborhood, allowing people to congregate in a place
where they can freely be themselves. Our guest today, Lorenzo Lewis,
is a man that wears many hats. He's an entrepreneur,
mental health advocate, motivational speaker, author. His resume is extensive
and impressive. He's best known for taking the idea of
(01:33):
safe spaces one step further by turning the quintessential barbershop
into a place of healing through the Confessed Project. But
before he thought of this creative way of bringing mental
health to his community, Lorenzo had to go through some
tough times in his early years. Young Lorenzo was someone
who was really hurt and someone who was confused, someone
(01:56):
without parents, someone that realized that he was born in
a prison, someone that knew he had scars and that
had a lot of issues, anger and impulsivity and just things.
That was honestly very scared than anything, knowing that I
was very different from a lot of other youth. My mother,
you know, at the time, was involved in a lot
(02:17):
of different things. Um I believe prostitution was one part
of it. Drug involvement. She was incarcerated and during her stay. Um,
I was born right, So during New Jersey, UM is
where you know, my life started inside of a prison cell.
My father at that time was incarcerated in d C.
(02:37):
And so two parents incarcerated a kid coming out. My
ununcle stepped in so that I wouldn't get taken up
by the system, and so brought to Arkansas, lived a
life with external siblings, um, and really was treated like
I was their own, had my own siblings, and they
were separated as well with other family members. You know,
(02:59):
I was confused, was I was angry, you know even
and you know I still go tend therapy now, and
a part of that was me process and the fact that, um,
how they were and why did we end up in
a situation that we're in. You know, why did my
brother have to live with my grandmother, Why did I
sippsters have to stay with my other grandmother? Why did
I have to live with my aunt? And why did
we all have to have other siblings? In fact, we
(03:21):
had ourselves, right, And so those were challenging times. But
you know, again very thankful for my and my uncle
who took me in that really was able to nurture me,
give me a family um allowed me to escape parts
of poverty, which is very inevitable for black youth. And
so now that I'm a parent, I really realized my
(03:42):
parents was really dealing with their own brokenness from maybe
their experiences with their mothers and fathers and their upbringing.
They grew up in small towns in Arkansas and Alabama,
rural Arkansas and Alabama, so I can only imagine some
of the herd and some of the poverty that they faced,
and some of the and adequate sees as a young
person that they went through. And I think they were
(04:02):
really trying to find themselves, you know, and they were
just on the path and so happily he had children.
You know, as a youth, I made bad decisions. So
I really gave my graces to my parents, and really
it took a long time to get there. I'm at
peace knowing that they came and deal what they needed
to do, and that a part of my life is
now sharing with the world, whether it's parents and families,
(04:25):
that hey, we have to give grace to others to
all throughout his childhood, Lorenzo battled with the aftermath of
this broken us. He didn't know it at the time,
but he was battling through major mental health issues like depression.
But there was a place where Lorenzo began to find
grace and forgiveness that he would carry with him through adulthood.
(04:45):
His aunt's beauty salon. Some of the favorite memberies, you know,
getting off to school bus. You know, it was about
four or five stations there, right, It was about three
or four women. There was a one gentleman everybody name
of Sylvester. I'm actually contact with him to this day,
and he was my first mentor, one of the first
male barber's only male barber in the salon, but also
one of the first mentors that identified I just remember
(05:10):
those conversations that we had every day. Also from just
the communications, you know, seeing people, you know, whether they
had a home or someone to go to. They would
come into the beauty shop. They would ask to use
the phone, they would ask for food, you know, my
unt and then would help them. They would help people
get you know, they need to catch a bus fare.
They would give people money out of their pockets. I
(05:31):
really saw that anybody there had a village. If they
came in there and they really expressed that they needed support.
They want to know that they're heard in their scene.
So what is it about salons and barbershops that make
black people not only want to go there for you know,
haircuts all the time, of course, but also to find
community as well. Yeah, you know, historically being a barber
(05:55):
was one of the professions that they could perform on
their on their owners, their masters. In addition, that time progressed,
you know, barbershops the brick and mortars of some of
the only ownership opportunities, one of the fastest ways to
building generational wealth, long term ways to building generational well
barbershops as a loon, as I passed down through family manages. Ultimately,
(06:17):
in the Civil Rights era, barbershops were used in the
black community as voting hubs, then double a c P
and the Panthers movement, offering food to the community and
ensuring that people were getting information about what was going
on the community was coming through the barbershops. And so
even during the Civil Rights era, when organizing and black
(06:38):
freedom and people being able to have the liberation that
they could have started through barbershops, right, And so it's
just been a natural place and I think it's been
one of the most beautiful opportunities that we can really
take a step further and you know, talk about things
like mental health and well being and all the other
things that were accomplishing me in the bar of the shops.
(07:02):
It was at this point that Lorenzo started to put
two and two together that barbershops and salons could be
places of culture where stories were shared from one generation
to the next, but also places of healing. You know,
as a kid, I remember, you know, witnessing women, you know,
really pour their hearts out to my aunt about their
(07:22):
lives and about the things that they were going through
about you know, their divorce and and different things that
was just going on at work. And I just can remember, like,
you know, my aunt like really you know, praying with
people and motivating people and saying, hey, you can get
through this, and this is you know, and even giving
them whether there was some kind of a scripture or
giving them some kind of empowerment right there in front
(07:44):
of people. It was really powerful. I took it for
granted as I was smaller, but now that I really
think about it, that was probably the most transformational therapy
session that you can have with someone while doing their
hair right or cutting their hair, and so even when
I was a kid sitting and Sylvester's chair, you know,
with my small feet dangling from this chair, right. I
(08:06):
would always talk to him about what I want to
be when I grow up, and he would empower me
and say, oh, you can do that, and man, stay
out of trouble, and make sure that you're not doing
drugs when you go to school, and make sure that
you're hanging with the right people. I mean, that's mentorship
at its finest right. And so a lot of young
kids across the country went through that same experience like
I did. I just don't know if we ever captured
(08:28):
it that way. And then now we can really sit
back and take time and reflect and say, hey, this
is a powerful transition that's happening in this moment. And
then I think we should also take it further right
and do more through the barber chair. Yeah. You know,
when I first heard about your work, it made me
think about how my dad used to cut my own
hair in the bathroom and that was the time where
(08:49):
he'd give me lessons about life and what to do
and all that. So what is it about getting your
haircut that makes people so at ease to start having
these hard conversations, because typically getting your haircut can be
stressful if someone doesn't know what they're doing. So why
what is it about us as black people that really
find ourselves calmed by the process of getting a haircut?
You know, the clippers and razors are one of the
(09:11):
most intimate close proximity for men, particularly that we ever
come in contact with, probably outside of playing sports. I
mean someone putting a razor or a shop blade against
your head. That intimacy, that connection that's captured, is really
a powerful, powerful opportunity for growth, for expansion of that person.
(09:34):
And so I think that in itself, that intimacy allows
people to really let their guards. Now you know, you
know you're going to look good after this grooming session.
It really creates, I believe, and a powerful opportunity for
the barber and the client to really do more good
(09:54):
for themselves and their community. When someone walks out of
the barbershop, they feel renewed, they feel rich, juvenated, they
feel empowered, they have more confidence simply just by giving
them a haircut. This opportunity to not only look better
but also feel better gave Lorenzo an idea as he
battled through his own turmoils. He would make the barbershop
(10:17):
at place he knew, so intimately a valuable resource for
his community. I didn't really address my own therapy to
my later twenties. I was roughly coming out of college.
I had a daughter at that point. I finished two
college degrees. But I really felt lost. I felt really broken,
I felt deprived, and I didn't feel happy. You know,
the work that I was doing, I didn't feel that
(10:38):
it was really uplifting me and encouraging. And then I
really leaned in into thinking about the time I had
spent working in the mental health facilities, my own story,
and that's what allowed me to really arrive to this
place of talking about my mental health, my own story
as a public opportunity UM and they had now turned
into an organization that's able to employ barbers and employ
(10:59):
people to doing this work. And so I think, I
really want to arrive because of my own journey. And
I really feel that vulnerability was at the point of
all of this. If I was not willing to be vulnerable,
I don't believe that we will be where we are.
I don't believe that I would have even empowered my
staff those around me to do this work, and so
I think as leaders we really have to lean in
(11:21):
on vulnerability first, because I think it really builds comfort
and trust amongst so many other people than what we
probably may take for granted sometimes. The Confessed Project is
a national grassroots movement that's committed to building a culture
of mental health for black men and boys and their families.
(11:42):
My vision of the organization is to ensure that every
young black boy man between the ages of six and
thirty five is seen and heard, and that truthfully, this
will become an opportunity to expand nationally and internationally to
other men, men of color, and just individuals across our
country that can really relate to our work, that it
(12:05):
will be seen as a way to you know, alleviate
poverty and to increase mobility for themselves and their families.
Because we know that when one has a positive mental health,
that they have a positive traject their own life, and
so we're committed to building that culture of mental health
so that we can ensure that life is seen in
the most positive and best ways possible. You said two
(12:27):
words that really stuck with me. They were seen and heard.
Why do you think black men aren't seen in her today,
I believe that there's a lot of clutter, you know,
when you think about the world, right, black men having
to show up to protect, to serve, to be there
for each other, to be there for family members, to
take care of sick family members, to defend themselves, to
(12:48):
watch themselves in media be torn apart killed, you know,
just so many negative narratives. And so I believe also
black men historically have been raised to really be strong,
right in single parent homes, to do more, to show
up more, to lead more. You're not able to really
be seen and heard when you are giving away so
(13:10):
much of your time and your energy. And so I
believe that we allow for our work and what we
do to take care of yourself. Right, so we increase
opportunities around wellness, yoga, therapy, whatever they may be, to
saying that in order for you to continue to give
much as you give to your clients, you must give
(13:32):
to yourself first. Right, that you must be the most
precious object in your life, and that's yourself. And so
a lot of times, even with Barbera's, you know, they're
cutting here at a rapid speed, they're making money, they're
going home to take care of family, and they're listening
to people problems all day in and out throughout the week,
and so we also are teaching them about wellness, about
(13:53):
you know, hey, how to get a therapist, you know,
how to when you're taking a break, how to shut off.
You know, we have people on our games that are
able to help them with mindfulness and different things that
can help them and their clients. Right, and these just
everyday thing. So what does training look like for these barbers?
And talk to me more about how there's just no
black people present within mental health services at all, Like
(14:15):
my therapist isn't black, and this big gap around finding
services for people that look like us in the world.
It's a really authentic transaction that happens between active listening,
you know, really showing barbers and those how to lean
in the active listening validation, you know, how to validate
ones feelings and emotions and possible communication, you know, how
(14:36):
to communicate in a fair way where those really feel
that they have their their right of way to being
heard and being seen. And mental health stigma. How do
you reduce stigma? How do we understand the negative language
that ties into saying, oh, you're weak? How do we
you know eradicate that language and lift those up and
also to not judge and so and also you know,
(14:58):
how do we give people to the res sources and
help that they need. How do we help to refer
someone all of these encompasses in our training that happens
a little bit over an hour's time, and we do
this virtually and in person. We've done this with a
thousand barbers over forty cities across the United States. We
recognize that just about two to three percent of African
American that identify psychotrists in the United States. And so
(15:19):
right now, the work that we're doing, we truthfully know
that it's important for not only barber's to be on
the front lines, but that in fact, it is very
vital for us to as well partner with therapists systems
and help to build ecosystems of coalitions of people that
can help folks at the most intermediate way like listening,
(15:41):
like validating, like giving just resources and helping people to
understand that they're seen. And I think that's really important.
Most people that go and sit in a barber's share
within the Confessed project are no strangers to receiving advice
during their hair services, But how do you break past
the notions that can make the barbershop harmful, turning homophobia, misogyny,
(16:04):
and stigma on its head. We have our core areas
that we really focus on, and I think that's really
important that we lean in on that. But we also
make it very clear they in our trainings around our
focus groups that we offered that you know, hey, this
is what we need to get out to the masses,
and this is what we don't need to get out
(16:25):
to the message. And I believe that's where we really
stand in you know, a part of this sales barbershops
are the most unapologetic place in the black community. I
mean that people can really beat themselves, They can say
what they want to say, and they should be able
to want to do that because you know, there's so
many institutions in areas in life where we have to
restrict ourselves, we have to feel like we have to
(16:46):
role play and playing to a narrative that's not true.
And so we in fact really want people to just
know that they can have it hanging out, but that
when in fact that there's time to really focus on
the positive, that that's what we really show up and
do this work, and so you know, even times that
we're doing our trainings, you know, I recognize that there
are people that are have in vogal language and sometimes
(17:06):
there are children there, and you know, unfortunately somebody may
be a part of that conversation that may not have
shout of or maybe somebody don't agree about something. They're
going back and forth about a sports argument or something
that's going on with the police in the community. I
think that those are natural things that need to happen.
I think that what we do with mental health is
showing people that we can have balance, we do need
(17:29):
to have self control, and that also we have resources
that are available. This is not a one size for all.
Everybody has a unique way of being seen and heard,
and I think that some people are just going to
show up as themselves. That is brilliant because my biggest
issue with a lot of community conversations or community inventions
is that it has this expectation for people to be
(17:52):
perfect when they show up, but most people are very
imperfect or people just don't know better. And the better
way to engage with any person, whether you don't agree
with him politically or ideologically or anywhere, is to meet
them where they're at, and it sounds like that's what
you're doing every day without shame or stick mind. You know,
we we've had a lot of people even pushed back
to mental health. Shouldn't you know, obviously take place or
(18:14):
we shouldn't be you know, really engaging. But you know,
the truth of the matter is we're talking about a
population of people that have poor access to services, that
are in poverty, that our highs, you know, massive carceration,
and the list goes on and own. You know, we
we've had Barber's that's a part of his work that
totally did not agree with this when we started. And
(18:35):
then they may have reached out and said, you know what, man,
I had a family member their own drugs, and you
know what, you were right, I need to figure out
a way that my family can deal with this now.
But what if we never crossed paths with that gentleman
like he would have no way of really connecting that
and maybe he would have went off and exploded with
somebody because he was upset, and so now he had
(18:56):
an outlet. And so that's why, you know, it may
not be their time, but the fact that this model
is in place, it's definitely gonna be evident that it
will be helpful to someone. Um, it's incredible, and you know,
you all have not only been successful in doing linkage
the care work, but you've been so good at what
you're doing that you collaborated with Harvard University to study
some of us work. Talk to me about that research
(19:17):
and what findings did Harvard find from talking to barber's
the findings that we got out of it. You know,
I think it's about roughly thirty thirty five barbers comprised
of so many states that we've been in that we've
worked with, and one of the high level things that
we recognize is that barbers can be seen as mental
health and suicide prevention gatekeepers and also seen as those
(19:37):
who can eradicate and a personal community violence. We also
recognized in that study that the work that we do
can really be ramped up into supporting those who are
doing work around domestic violence, those that are doing work
around community violence, because those barbers are really on the
front lines of bringing peace into our communities. And so
(20:00):
even though we're there talking about mental health, in fact,
there was also studies there where you know, men talked
about how they stopped someone from going to commit a
crime they want to commit a homicide or take someone's
life because of something that happened, and that Barbara was
able to stop that right because of the relationship. You know,
(20:20):
we recognize in some of our studies that sometimes it's
not just a therapist going into the barbershop, that it
may be a community leader that needs to speak the language.
So a pastor or a city council person or someone
that's really respected could be very received just as much
as a therapist. So although therapists are in demand for
giving this work and being clinical and during their part,
(20:42):
I truthfully think we have to understand that the people
in these communities really trust the people that they know,
and if they don't know you, it's very hard for
them to open up to you. And so I think
that's where the challenge really comes in, is that we
have to know that everybody he does not look at
the systems and institutions that we know as a way
(21:05):
to take care of them. Some people look at them
it's oh, no, they're here to hurt me. So everybody
has to be armed with the information right so that
they can help people that may be very hard to reach,
and I think that's where we become very powerful because
these barbers maybe halfway graduated high school. They may be
ex drug dealers or whatever case may be, but they
(21:26):
can save a life sometime faster than a guy in
a white coat. Why is it that you're so committed
and get so much, I guess life out of this
work that so many people aren't willing to take on.
It's personal to me, you know. I was checking to
a mental health hospital at the age of ten years
old after my dad passed away, and um, they thought
(21:48):
it was just a matter of behavior issues and anger.
But I was struggling from depression at an early age,
grappling the grief and the issues around his death, not
having my mother and father in my life, get involved
in games, been incarcerated, being diagnosed with major depression in
my twenties. It's personal to me because I never felt
that I was truthfully seen and heard and that nobody
(22:09):
really I always grew up feeling that no one really
understood who I was and how I felt. And I
know that a lot of other black men, black women,
black trans folks, you know who whomever has maybe a
part of our communities feel the same way that I do,
and so I want to ensure that not only this
(22:30):
story is a way to grow, but it's also it's
a way for me to speak to my younger self
and say that I'm willing to do more to help
more people that then look like me. So that's incredible.
And do you feel seen and heard today? Absolutely? Absolutely, UM,
And I believe a lot of this work has really
helped me to heal tremendously. As being an advocate for
(22:52):
mental health, I believe that I've had to really be
very critical about my own mental health and also ensuring
that UM taking care of myself. And so I think
that I've been able to do that, and so I'm
really really grateful that doing this work has really helped
me to, I think, to really look at healing and
look at everything that I do and really approach it
(23:15):
with intention and approaching from a benefit analysis of how
how's it taking care of me? And how can I
give to others? And my final question for you before
I let you go back to your life doing a
lot of work, important work, is what advice do you
have for folks who are feeling anxious about engaging in
any type of mental health service? Or talking to someone
to get help, especially man be optimistic and taking a
(23:37):
day at a time, being open to change and trusting
your good And I also know that healing is not linear. No,
healing is a lifetime You know that once you've went
through a traumatic issue, you go through therapy. You know,
you don't just get well. Let me It's a lifetime journey.
Is just like working on a marriage, working on you know,
a fitness goal, working on whatever that may be. Healing
(24:00):
is not linear. It is a lifetime's work. And I
think once we commit to that and we know that
we're better off. And we always tell our barbers, they're like, hey,
you know, it may not be you, it may be
a family member, but in fact, someday this will be important.
Lorenzo highlights an important point when he says that healing
(24:21):
is not linear because like most things in life, it
isn't a straight shot. Grief isn't linear, trauma isn't linear,
and the solutions to most problems are almost never a
one size fits all. But it's how we show up
in the world every day for ourselves and for others
that makes us more successful on our road to healing.
Despite our imperfections. This has been in the deep Stories
(24:47):
that shape us. Find this episode and others on the
I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to podcasts. Don't forget to share, rate, and review if
you enjoyed this conversation. This show is produced by Von
Chien and master by James Foster. Our show researcher is
John and Raggio and our writer is Yvette Lopez. A
special shout out to our guest Lorenzo Lewis. I'm your host,
(25:08):
Zack Stafford
Have you ever wanted a safe space where you can
just exist, where for a moment in time, you can
be you, with all the intricacies and parts of you
that people don't always understand. Welcome to in the deep
stories that shape us. I'm your host, Zach Stafford, and
each episode we create a space to be you, all
of you and all your messy and complicated glory. Every
(00:25):
story shares what it means to be a black and
Latin X man living with different hardships, whether it's a
struggle of identity, discrimination or health, and how they've managed
to push forward despite the circumstance. We hope to get closer,
even it's just a little to a road of healing
and understanding. Hi there, welcome back today. I want to
(00:51):
talk about something that I think we all have, and
that's confidence. Those people we reach out to when we're down,
the first name in your contacts that you share good
news with, the friends and family that are there for
the ups and downs. And I think we can all
agree that sometimes these people come via communal spaces. The
stores or restaurants, be frequent, a favorite sports bar, or
(01:11):
even the barbershop. These spaces tend to be the heartbeat
of a neighborhood, allowing people to congregate in a place
where they can freely be themselves. Our guest today, Lorenzo Lewis,
is a man that wears many hats. He's an entrepreneur,
mental health advocate, motivational speaker, author. His resume is extensive
and impressive. He's best known for taking the idea of
(01:33):
safe spaces one step further by turning the quintessential barbershop
into a place of healing through the Confessed Project. But
before he thought of this creative way of bringing mental
health to his community, Lorenzo had to go through some
tough times in his early years. Young Lorenzo was someone
who was really hurt and someone who was confused, someone
(01:56):
without parents, someone that realized that he was born in
a prison, someone that knew he had scars and that
had a lot of issues, anger and impulsivity and just things.
That was honestly very scared than anything, knowing that I
was very different from a lot of other youth. My mother,
you know, at the time, was involved in a lot
(02:17):
of different things. Um I believe prostitution was one part
of it. Drug involvement. She was incarcerated and during her stay. Um,
I was born right, So during New Jersey, UM is
where you know, my life started inside of a prison cell.
My father at that time was incarcerated in d C.
(02:37):
And so two parents incarcerated a kid coming out. My
ununcle stepped in so that I wouldn't get taken up
by the system, and so brought to Arkansas, lived a
life with external siblings, um, and really was treated like
I was their own, had my own siblings, and they
were separated as well with other family members. You know,
(02:59):
I was confused, was I was angry, you know even
and you know I still go tend therapy now, and
a part of that was me process and the fact that, um,
how they were and why did we end up in
a situation that we're in. You know, why did my
brother have to live with my grandmother, Why did I
sippsters have to stay with my other grandmother? Why did
I have to live with my aunt? And why did
we all have to have other siblings? In fact, we
(03:21):
had ourselves, right, And so those were challenging times. But
you know, again very thankful for my and my uncle
who took me in that really was able to nurture me,
give me a family um allowed me to escape parts
of poverty, which is very inevitable for black youth. And
so now that I'm a parent, I really realized my
(03:42):
parents was really dealing with their own brokenness from maybe
their experiences with their mothers and fathers and their upbringing.
They grew up in small towns in Arkansas and Alabama,
rural Arkansas and Alabama, so I can only imagine some
of the herd and some of the poverty that they faced,
and some of the and adequate sees as a young
person that they went through. And I think they were
(04:02):
really trying to find themselves, you know, and they were
just on the path and so happily he had children.
You know, as a youth, I made bad decisions. So
I really gave my graces to my parents, and really
it took a long time to get there. I'm at
peace knowing that they came and deal what they needed
to do, and that a part of my life is
now sharing with the world, whether it's parents and families,
(04:25):
that hey, we have to give grace to others to
all throughout his childhood, Lorenzo battled with the aftermath of
this broken us. He didn't know it at the time,
but he was battling through major mental health issues like depression.
But there was a place where Lorenzo began to find
grace and forgiveness that he would carry with him through adulthood.
(04:45):
His aunt's beauty salon. Some of the favorite memberies, you know,
getting off to school bus. You know, it was about
four or five stations there, right, It was about three
or four women. There was a one gentleman everybody name
of Sylvester. I'm actually contact with him to this day,
and he was my first mentor, one of the first
male barber's only male barber in the salon, but also
one of the first mentors that identified I just remember
(05:10):
those conversations that we had every day. Also from just
the communications, you know, seeing people, you know, whether they
had a home or someone to go to. They would
come into the beauty shop. They would ask to use
the phone, they would ask for food, you know, my
unt and then would help them. They would help people
get you know, they need to catch a bus fare.
They would give people money out of their pockets. I
(05:31):
really saw that anybody there had a village. If they
came in there and they really expressed that they needed support.
They want to know that they're heard in their scene.
So what is it about salons and barbershops that make
black people not only want to go there for you know,
haircuts all the time, of course, but also to find
community as well. Yeah, you know, historically being a barber
(05:55):
was one of the professions that they could perform on
their on their owners, their masters. In addition, that time progressed,
you know, barbershops the brick and mortars of some of
the only ownership opportunities, one of the fastest ways to
building generational wealth, long term ways to building generational well
barbershops as a loon, as I passed down through family manages. Ultimately,
(06:17):
in the Civil Rights era, barbershops were used in the
black community as voting hubs, then double a c P
and the Panthers movement, offering food to the community and
ensuring that people were getting information about what was going
on the community was coming through the barbershops. And so
even during the Civil Rights era, when organizing and black
(06:38):
freedom and people being able to have the liberation that
they could have started through barbershops, right, And so it's
just been a natural place and I think it's been
one of the most beautiful opportunities that we can really
take a step further and you know, talk about things
like mental health and well being and all the other
things that were accomplishing me in the bar of the shops.
(07:02):
It was at this point that Lorenzo started to put
two and two together that barbershops and salons could be
places of culture where stories were shared from one generation
to the next, but also places of healing. You know,
as a kid, I remember, you know, witnessing women, you know,
really pour their hearts out to my aunt about their
(07:22):
lives and about the things that they were going through
about you know, their divorce and and different things that
was just going on at work. And I just can remember, like,
you know, my aunt like really you know, praying with
people and motivating people and saying, hey, you can get
through this, and this is you know, and even giving
them whether there was some kind of a scripture or
giving them some kind of empowerment right there in front
(07:44):
of people. It was really powerful. I took it for
granted as I was smaller, but now that I really
think about it, that was probably the most transformational therapy
session that you can have with someone while doing their
hair right or cutting their hair, and so even when
I was a kid sitting and Sylvester's chair, you know,
with my small feet dangling from this chair, right. I
(08:06):
would always talk to him about what I want to
be when I grow up, and he would empower me
and say, oh, you can do that, and man, stay
out of trouble, and make sure that you're not doing
drugs when you go to school, and make sure that
you're hanging with the right people. I mean, that's mentorship
at its finest right. And so a lot of young
kids across the country went through that same experience like
I did. I just don't know if we ever captured
(08:28):
it that way. And then now we can really sit
back and take time and reflect and say, hey, this
is a powerful transition that's happening in this moment. And
then I think we should also take it further right
and do more through the barber chair. Yeah. You know,
when I first heard about your work, it made me
think about how my dad used to cut my own
hair in the bathroom and that was the time where
(08:49):
he'd give me lessons about life and what to do
and all that. So what is it about getting your
haircut that makes people so at ease to start having
these hard conversations, because typically getting your haircut can be
stressful if someone doesn't know what they're doing. So why
what is it about us as black people that really
find ourselves calmed by the process of getting a haircut?
You know, the clippers and razors are one of the
(09:11):
most intimate close proximity for men, particularly that we ever
come in contact with, probably outside of playing sports. I
mean someone putting a razor or a shop blade against
your head. That intimacy, that connection that's captured, is really
a powerful, powerful opportunity for growth, for expansion of that person.
(09:34):
And so I think that in itself, that intimacy allows
people to really let their guards. Now you know, you
know you're going to look good after this grooming session.
It really creates, I believe, and a powerful opportunity for
the barber and the client to really do more good
(09:54):
for themselves and their community. When someone walks out of
the barbershop, they feel renewed, they feel rich, juvenated, they
feel empowered, they have more confidence simply just by giving
them a haircut. This opportunity to not only look better
but also feel better gave Lorenzo an idea as he
battled through his own turmoils. He would make the barbershop
(10:17):
at place he knew, so intimately a valuable resource for
his community. I didn't really address my own therapy to
my later twenties. I was roughly coming out of college.
I had a daughter at that point. I finished two
college degrees. But I really felt lost. I felt really broken,
I felt deprived, and I didn't feel happy. You know,
the work that I was doing, I didn't feel that
(10:38):
it was really uplifting me and encouraging. And then I
really leaned in into thinking about the time I had
spent working in the mental health facilities, my own story,
and that's what allowed me to really arrive to this
place of talking about my mental health, my own story
as a public opportunity UM and they had now turned
into an organization that's able to employ barbers and employ
(10:59):
people to doing this work. And so I think, I
really want to arrive because of my own journey. And
I really feel that vulnerability was at the point of
all of this. If I was not willing to be vulnerable,
I don't believe that we will be where we are.
I don't believe that I would have even empowered my
staff those around me to do this work, and so
I think as leaders we really have to lean in
(11:21):
on vulnerability first, because I think it really builds comfort
and trust amongst so many other people than what we
probably may take for granted sometimes. The Confessed Project is
a national grassroots movement that's committed to building a culture
of mental health for black men and boys and their families.
(11:42):
My vision of the organization is to ensure that every
young black boy man between the ages of six and
thirty five is seen and heard, and that truthfully, this
will become an opportunity to expand nationally and internationally to
other men, men of color, and just individuals across our
country that can really relate to our work, that it
(12:05):
will be seen as a way to you know, alleviate
poverty and to increase mobility for themselves and their families.
Because we know that when one has a positive mental health,
that they have a positive traject their own life, and
so we're committed to building that culture of mental health
so that we can ensure that life is seen in
the most positive and best ways possible. You said two
(12:27):
words that really stuck with me. They were seen and heard.
Why do you think black men aren't seen in her today,
I believe that there's a lot of clutter, you know,
when you think about the world, right, black men having
to show up to protect, to serve, to be there
for each other, to be there for family members, to
take care of sick family members, to defend themselves, to
(12:48):
watch themselves in media be torn apart killed, you know,
just so many negative narratives. And so I believe also
black men historically have been raised to really be strong,
right in single parent homes, to do more, to show
up more, to lead more. You're not able to really
be seen and heard when you are giving away so
(13:10):
much of your time and your energy. And so I
believe that we allow for our work and what we
do to take care of yourself. Right, so we increase
opportunities around wellness, yoga, therapy, whatever they may be, to
saying that in order for you to continue to give
much as you give to your clients, you must give
(13:32):
to yourself first. Right, that you must be the most
precious object in your life, and that's yourself. And so
a lot of times, even with Barbera's, you know, they're
cutting here at a rapid speed, they're making money, they're
going home to take care of family, and they're listening
to people problems all day in and out throughout the week,
and so we also are teaching them about wellness, about
(13:53):
you know, hey, how to get a therapist, you know,
how to when you're taking a break, how to shut off.
You know, we have people on our games that are
able to help them with mindfulness and different things that
can help them and their clients. Right, and these just
everyday thing. So what does training look like for these barbers?
And talk to me more about how there's just no
black people present within mental health services at all, Like
(14:15):
my therapist isn't black, and this big gap around finding
services for people that look like us in the world.
It's a really authentic transaction that happens between active listening,
you know, really showing barbers and those how to lean
in the active listening validation, you know, how to validate
ones feelings and emotions and possible communication, you know, how
(14:36):
to communicate in a fair way where those really feel
that they have their their right of way to being
heard and being seen. And mental health stigma. How do
you reduce stigma? How do we understand the negative language
that ties into saying, oh, you're weak? How do we
you know eradicate that language and lift those up and
also to not judge and so and also you know,
(14:58):
how do we give people to the res sources and
help that they need. How do we help to refer
someone all of these encompasses in our training that happens
a little bit over an hour's time, and we do
this virtually and in person. We've done this with a
thousand barbers over forty cities across the United States. We
recognize that just about two to three percent of African
American that identify psychotrists in the United States. And so
(15:19):
right now, the work that we're doing, we truthfully know
that it's important for not only barber's to be on
the front lines, but that in fact, it is very
vital for us to as well partner with therapists systems
and help to build ecosystems of coalitions of people that
can help folks at the most intermediate way like listening,
(15:41):
like validating, like giving just resources and helping people to
understand that they're seen. And I think that's really important.
Most people that go and sit in a barber's share
within the Confessed project are no strangers to receiving advice
during their hair services, But how do you break past
the notions that can make the barbershop harmful, turning homophobia, misogyny,
(16:04):
and stigma on its head. We have our core areas
that we really focus on, and I think that's really
important that we lean in on that. But we also
make it very clear they in our trainings around our
focus groups that we offered that you know, hey, this
is what we need to get out to the masses,
and this is what we don't need to get out
(16:25):
to the message. And I believe that's where we really
stand in you know, a part of this sales barbershops
are the most unapologetic place in the black community. I
mean that people can really beat themselves, They can say
what they want to say, and they should be able
to want to do that because you know, there's so
many institutions in areas in life where we have to
restrict ourselves, we have to feel like we have to
(16:46):
role play and playing to a narrative that's not true.
And so we in fact really want people to just
know that they can have it hanging out, but that
when in fact that there's time to really focus on
the positive, that that's what we really show up and
do this work, and so you know, even times that
we're doing our trainings, you know, I recognize that there
are people that are have in vogal language and sometimes
(17:06):
there are children there, and you know, unfortunately somebody may
be a part of that conversation that may not have
shout of or maybe somebody don't agree about something. They're
going back and forth about a sports argument or something
that's going on with the police in the community. I
think that those are natural things that need to happen.
I think that what we do with mental health is
showing people that we can have balance, we do need
(17:29):
to have self control, and that also we have resources
that are available. This is not a one size for all.
Everybody has a unique way of being seen and heard,
and I think that some people are just going to
show up as themselves. That is brilliant because my biggest
issue with a lot of community conversations or community inventions
is that it has this expectation for people to be
(17:52):
perfect when they show up, but most people are very
imperfect or people just don't know better. And the better
way to engage with any person, whether you don't agree
with him politically or ideologically or anywhere, is to meet
them where they're at, and it sounds like that's what
you're doing every day without shame or stick mind. You know,
we we've had a lot of people even pushed back
to mental health. Shouldn't you know, obviously take place or
(18:14):
we shouldn't be you know, really engaging. But you know,
the truth of the matter is we're talking about a
population of people that have poor access to services, that
are in poverty, that our highs, you know, massive carceration,
and the list goes on and own. You know, we
we've had Barber's that's a part of his work that
totally did not agree with this when we started. And
(18:35):
then they may have reached out and said, you know what, man,
I had a family member their own drugs, and you
know what, you were right, I need to figure out
a way that my family can deal with this now.
But what if we never crossed paths with that gentleman
like he would have no way of really connecting that
and maybe he would have went off and exploded with
somebody because he was upset, and so now he had
(18:56):
an outlet. And so that's why, you know, it may
not be their time, but the fact that this model
is in place, it's definitely gonna be evident that it
will be helpful to someone. Um, it's incredible, and you know,
you all have not only been successful in doing linkage
the care work, but you've been so good at what
you're doing that you collaborated with Harvard University to study
some of us work. Talk to me about that research
(19:17):
and what findings did Harvard find from talking to barber's
the findings that we got out of it. You know,
I think it's about roughly thirty thirty five barbers comprised
of so many states that we've been in that we've
worked with, and one of the high level things that
we recognize is that barbers can be seen as mental
health and suicide prevention gatekeepers and also seen as those
(19:37):
who can eradicate and a personal community violence. We also
recognized in that study that the work that we do
can really be ramped up into supporting those who are
doing work around domestic violence, those that are doing work
around community violence, because those barbers are really on the
front lines of bringing peace into our communities. And so
(20:00):
even though we're there talking about mental health, in fact,
there was also studies there where you know, men talked
about how they stopped someone from going to commit a
crime they want to commit a homicide or take someone's
life because of something that happened, and that Barbara was
able to stop that right because of the relationship. You know,
(20:20):
we recognize in some of our studies that sometimes it's
not just a therapist going into the barbershop, that it
may be a community leader that needs to speak the language.
So a pastor or a city council person or someone
that's really respected could be very received just as much
as a therapist. So although therapists are in demand for
giving this work and being clinical and during their part,
(20:42):
I truthfully think we have to understand that the people
in these communities really trust the people that they know,
and if they don't know you, it's very hard for
them to open up to you. And so I think
that's where the challenge really comes in, is that we
have to know that everybody he does not look at
the systems and institutions that we know as a way
(21:05):
to take care of them. Some people look at them
it's oh, no, they're here to hurt me. So everybody
has to be armed with the information right so that
they can help people that may be very hard to reach,
and I think that's where we become very powerful because
these barbers maybe halfway graduated high school. They may be
ex drug dealers or whatever case may be, but they
(21:26):
can save a life sometime faster than a guy in
a white coat. Why is it that you're so committed
and get so much, I guess life out of this
work that so many people aren't willing to take on.
It's personal to me, you know. I was checking to
a mental health hospital at the age of ten years
old after my dad passed away, and um, they thought
(21:48):
it was just a matter of behavior issues and anger.
But I was struggling from depression at an early age,
grappling the grief and the issues around his death, not
having my mother and father in my life, get involved
in games, been incarcerated, being diagnosed with major depression in
my twenties. It's personal to me because I never felt
that I was truthfully seen and heard and that nobody
(22:09):
really I always grew up feeling that no one really
understood who I was and how I felt. And I
know that a lot of other black men, black women,
black trans folks, you know who whomever has maybe a
part of our communities feel the same way that I do,
and so I want to ensure that not only this
(22:30):
story is a way to grow, but it's also it's
a way for me to speak to my younger self
and say that I'm willing to do more to help
more people that then look like me. So that's incredible.
And do you feel seen and heard today? Absolutely? Absolutely, UM,
And I believe a lot of this work has really
helped me to heal tremendously. As being an advocate for
(22:52):
mental health, I believe that I've had to really be
very critical about my own mental health and also ensuring
that UM taking care of myself. And so I think
that I've been able to do that, and so I'm
really really grateful that doing this work has really helped
me to, I think, to really look at healing and
look at everything that I do and really approach it
(23:15):
with intention and approaching from a benefit analysis of how
how's it taking care of me? And how can I
give to others? And my final question for you before
I let you go back to your life doing a
lot of work, important work, is what advice do you
have for folks who are feeling anxious about engaging in
any type of mental health service? Or talking to someone
to get help, especially man be optimistic and taking a
(23:37):
day at a time, being open to change and trusting
your good And I also know that healing is not linear. No,
healing is a lifetime You know that once you've went
through a traumatic issue, you go through therapy. You know,
you don't just get well. Let me It's a lifetime journey.
Is just like working on a marriage, working on you know,
a fitness goal, working on whatever that may be. Healing
(24:00):
is not linear. It is a lifetime's work. And I
think once we commit to that and we know that
we're better off. And we always tell our barbers, they're like, hey,
you know, it may not be you, it may be
a family member, but in fact, someday this will be important.
Lorenzo highlights an important point when he says that healing
(24:21):
is not linear because like most things in life, it
isn't a straight shot. Grief isn't linear, trauma isn't linear,
and the solutions to most problems are almost never a
one size fits all. But it's how we show up
in the world every day for ourselves and for others
that makes us more successful on our road to healing.
Despite our imperfections. This has been in the deep Stories
(24:47):
that shape us. Find this episode and others on the
I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to podcasts. Don't forget to share, rate, and review if
you enjoyed this conversation. This show is produced by Von
Chien and master by James Foster. Our show researcher is
John and Raggio and our writer is Yvette Lopez. A
special shout out to our guest Lorenzo Lewis. I'm your host,
(25:08):
Zack Stafford
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