The Nanny Hour w/ Ryan Jordan & Nanny Connie

This week, Katie's Crib is back - with another two-part episode! Tune in as we talk about nannies for older children: infants, toddlers, and up.

 

In the first half of the episode, Katie talks with a nanny agency expert. Ryan Jordan is the founder and CEO of Educated Nannies. Educated Nannies is an agency that uses a personalized process to place elite nannies in homes within the Los Angeles area. Ryan discusses how to find and hire the right nanny for your older child.

 

After Ryan, Katie switches things up by bringing on a current nanny in the business. Nanny Connie is a childcare professional, and Hollywood’s “go-to” nanny. She has 30+ years of experience, and has helped celebrity parents like Jessica Biel and John Krasinski. She outlines how parents and nannies can work together in raising older children, and even provides some quick parenting tips along the way. 

 

Plus, how can you make the most of your nanny’s services when he or she comes over to take care of your child? Listen for the answer!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio
in partnership with I Heart Radio. Here's why it's so
hard to find a part time nanny. If you have
a nanny at you know, thirty dollars an hour for
ten hours a week, that's three dollars after taxes, it's
a hundred and eighty dollars a week. Nobody can live
off of that. Gas prices are outrageous and so is rent.

(00:22):
You're stopping a nanny from getting a morning job or
a night job. You do have to be a unified
force with the childcare expert. Let's put it to that
support staff that is going to help you think that
process all the way out. And that's a nanny that's
a team player. Let's make them feel great about who

(00:42):
they are and what they have to give. And then
let's work together and weave this this eternal piece of
connection that will help my child be something to give
something positive back to the universe. Hello everybody, and welcome

(01:07):
back to Katie's Cript. Today's topic is something that I
literally get asked about on the daily regular nanny's. I
get texts all the time with things like a friend
of a friend is looking for a nanny. I need
part time, full time a few hours. Do you have
any leads, do you know someone, or texts like my
nanny just got sick. Finding childcare is one of the

(01:31):
biggest pieces of the puzzle that you will face as
a mother. And that's regardless of whether you intend to
be a mother who is going back to work or
who is working part time or full time, or a
mom that would like to just have breaks from their child,
to have some sort of life outside of the household,
and for a myriad of other different reasons. Obviously people

(01:52):
do daycare, and also obviously we've done episodes of Katie's
Crib before where we've had, you know, a newborn care
specialist come on. But for today's topic specifically, we are
actually talking about nanny's for older children, you know, not
nanny's for newborns, but nanny's for infants, toddlers and up.
What we have for you all today is a two parter.
Half of today's episode is advice from a nanny agency expert,

(02:16):
and the other half of today's episode is advice from
a current nanny. I'm first chatting with Ryan Jordan, who's
the founder and CEO of Educated Nanny's. Educated Nannie's is
an agency that uses a personalized process to place elite
nanny's in homes within the Los Angeles area. Ryan's going
to talk to us all about how to find the
right nanny for your child. After Ryan, I then talked

(02:36):
to Nanny Connie. Nanny Connie the one and only. She's
a childcare professional. She's Hollywood's go to nanny. She has
thirty plus years of experience. She's helped celebrity parents like
Jessica Bille and John Krasinski. She's going to be talking
with us about how parents and nanny's can work together
in raising children. She's even going to give us some
quick parenting tips along the way. With that, let's get

(02:58):
started with our first guest. I have a dear friend
on who our kids know each other. They were in
the same soccer group. We have a close, close, mutual
friend by the name of Talia Moore who has been
on the Katie's Crib multiple times for postpartum depression work
and also for a pediatric nutrition um. Her name is

(03:20):
Ryan Jordan's and she is the founder and CEO of
Educated Nanny's in Los Angeles, a nationwide staffing agency that
places household employees. She's the creator of the Educated Mama podcast,
which I had the absolute pleasure of being a guest on.
Ryan has over twenty five years of experience working with
children and families as a childcare educator, consultant, teacher, nanny,

(03:41):
and tutor. She is the proud mother to two glorious children,
her seven year old son and her five year old daughter.
Welcome after all of this to Katie's scrab Brian Jordan's Yes, Katie,
I'm so happy to be with you. I'm so happy

(04:02):
to have you here. How and why did you start
this business? Yeah, that's a great question, and it's it's
funny because it's not something I ever would imagined I
would be doing, right, I was like most people that
moved here from another state, and it was going to
be an actress or do something in that field. I

(04:23):
didn't know that. Ah, yes, Katie. I tend not to
share that portion with my successful friends, you know, oh, police, police, No,
but yeah, years ago, years ago. So you came off
of every plane, train and boat to Los Angeles with
dreams and being in Hollywood, which is why everyone comes

(04:44):
to l A. And your life takes whatever turns to
get you too, starting educated nanny's How did that happen? Yes,
So I started nanny for this little boy named baby Jake,
and it changed my life. And I knew it wasn't
I need to be a mom yet, but I had
so much joy being with kids. So I would go
on auditions and then I would nanny for a family.

(05:07):
She was a writer, and I fell in love with
her son, and then you know, we all have those
moments in our life where we have that big paradigm shift. Well,
mine was in two thousand nine my dad passed away
from an aneurism and at that moment it was super pivotal.
I was thirty one years old, I wasn't married yet,

(05:27):
I was dating Katie. I mean, it was it was awful.
It was awful, and he was my best friend. And
when he died, you know, I you know how you
kind of live out your parents dreams for a while
and you get kind of in that mode, like, you know,
I'm going to be an actress. And my dad and

(05:49):
I had this thing where he was so funny and
we do like little things together, and he loved the
entertainment world and he didn't work in it, but he
should have. You know. We had fun like that. And
then when he died, I thought what can I do
to make a difference in this world? And where what
is my purpose? And I had a full on paradigm shift.
I dropped everything. I quit acting like cold turkey. Literally,

(06:12):
I was like, I'm done, that's it. And I went
to Pepperdine and got my master's degree in education and
I started tutoring. And one of the families that I
tutored with they joked around, oh, you're the educated nanny
because I had my master's degree in education and I
had my teaching credential. So I started teaching school and
it was like a huge shift. Wow, how amazing. And

(06:37):
then that was it. That was the inspiration of it.
And finally I just remember this day. It was in
February of two thousand thirteen, so now this is four
years later. I had nannied. I had been a you know,
a school teacher for first grade, in fourth grade and
second grade and summer school special at I did and
literally one of the families um that knew me, asked

(06:57):
me to come back and be there nanny. And I
left my teaching job and said, you know what, I
want to have a family one day. What can I
do that I can have freedom and flexibility? Hi? I
left that now being a business owner of freedom and flexibility.
All right, um, what can I do? And I just
the children always inspired me. And I love moms, I

(07:18):
especially love new moms. So I thought, you know what,
let me start my agency. So three months later I
started my agency and I've never looked back. And I
swear this is my skill set. All the improv classes
I took, I can talk to anybody, all of the
child development courses. Yeah, this is the culmination of so
many things that you're great at coming together in service

(07:41):
of other people. Because you know, you and I share
this same thing, which was we were both nanny's. I
was a nannie also for a long time, you were
a nannye um, I now employ a nanny and other
childcare backup nanny's. You employ um not only personally childcare,

(08:05):
but also and you have in your life, but also
now you run an agency where you're literally placing nanny's
with families. It is the strangest thing that they are
a paid family member. I mean, I can't even begin
to tell you the stories when I was a nanny
of the inside, behind closed doors things I've saw of

(08:27):
people's families, how you're loved and trusted with the most
prized possession, that is the most important thing to your being.
And at the same time you're an employee. It's freaking weird.
It's so it is such a fine line boundary because
I joked around that my nanny was my work wife.

(08:49):
Your nanny knows so much information and sees so many things,
and you know, it's such a personal professional fine line.
It's an interesting and delicate dance, and most nanni's know
how to do that dance. But I mean it's a lot.
You come home and you know so much information about

(09:12):
all of the members of that family, and you're so
emotionally connected to the family, but yet not yep. Right,
So we're gonna get into that boundary and discussion in
a little bit. But, um, when do you think it
is time for people who are listening, who are thinking
about possibly hiring a nanny. When do you think it's

(09:33):
time to make that sort of a decision. That is
an excellent question because I can tell you nine out
of ten times the person has called me too late.
I agree with you, and was hoping that that was
your answer. Yes, Yes, it's a planet call that I
get nine out of ten times. I need a nanny,
A S A P. I need a nanny like yesterday,

(09:55):
and I'm like, listen, background checks take three business days.
We need to hear from references, and half the references
we talked to our high profile entertainment families that are
you know, in Belize, and they're not going to get
back to us for two weeks, and we have to
do our due diligence, not even to mention the personal fit,
yes exactly. And trial What am I looking for in

(10:16):
this person? And I want to talk about trial days too, Okay,
So I think first and foremost for people listening, if
you feel in your gut like you're underwater and you
need help and things are really hard, and you've looked
at your finances and you're thinking you could afford something,
you should at least start the process of really looking

(10:38):
into it. Because you're right, I think people turn to
it way too late, just way too late. Why do
you what do you think for people listening? What is
the difference between a personal nanny and daycare? So for me,
a daycare is somewhere where you drop your child for
the day and they have you know, a classroom where

(10:59):
it's multiple pot teachers and multiple child care providers and
their socialization and so that's a great option for some
families and other options. You know, having a personal nanny
comes with all of those other benefits when you don't
have to leave your home during COVID, A lot of
people made that choice because you felt more protected and safe. Um,

(11:20):
you know, I always tell people, if you can't afford
to hire a nanny, why wouldn't you. They help with
children's laundry, They help prepare meals, you know, when I
come in the door from work, you know, knowing that
all of those things have been helped with during my
weak means I get to have that quality time with
my child where when a nanny's at daycare and if
you're working, when you're coming home and still doing all

(11:41):
of those things. So I think they're both great options.
But I always advise people that if you can afford
to hire a nanny, why not why not get those
extra things done and have a great role model for
your child on the moments you can't be there. I
always hire an extension of myself. I think to myself,
what are my weaknesses, what are my shanks? Is this
personality like me? And then I'm just comfortable and confident

(12:04):
that if I leave, I know there's backup. And also
to like, if my child is sick. Prior to the pandemic,
most nanny has had no problem doing sickcare. You can't
drop a sick cut child off at daycare or school
or anywhere else. I was just going to say the
biggest difference too, Okay, So if we were going to
make a sweeping generalization, daycarees are usually way less expensive

(12:29):
than a personal, full time nanny. So there's that to
look at. That's a b um. If you work strange
hours like I do that aren't consistent, a personal nanny
is the only choice really because most daycare is close
at a certain time, and if I'm on set till

(12:50):
ten eleven PM, that's not a possibility. For example, my
brother and his daughter is at a traditional daycare and
the hours are, like you know, they're long, they're eight
to five and it's amazing, But sometimes I have to
be a work at four am and I don't get
home until a PM. So like that would never be
a setup for me, and then you were saying, which
is right, there's amazing benefits to daycare. I've dropped my

(13:12):
niece off multiple times. I've picked her up multiple times.
It's amazing. It's so um socialized, and everything is incredibly
clean and organized. And I was actually so blown away.
And for those who are listening where daycare is the
affordable option for you, this podcast is in no way
shape form um thinking that that is a bad choice,

(13:34):
because it is not. It's amazing. My brother could not
be happier, and honestly, I should do a whole episode
with him on Days Thrilled. However, one of the things
that was interesting that I was babysitting my niece for
five days when they went away and she had a
fever of a hundred and they called me and I
had to pick her ass up, and I was like,
oh my god. Because a lot of daycares have strict

(13:57):
policies where if there's any chi running a fever, they
have to be picked up immediately. If there's been two
diarrhea poops in one day, you have to pick the
kid up. And so if you have a personal nanny
most of the time, especially pre COVID, but even like
my nanny now, even in COVID, if my kid has
a cold or my kid has a diarrhea, she's coming anyway,
And like, thank god because I can't call in sick

(14:19):
to work. So those are just laying out some of
the differences. Um, but I like what you said about
you think of a personal nanny as an extension of
yourself and your parenting. What are his or her strengths
or weaknesses versus your strengths and weaknesses. Since this is
the village that is raising your can you take me
through if someone was going to hire educated nanni's what

(14:42):
does the process look like? Um, to start with a
nanny agency and the fees and like all that. Yeah,
so I can give you a generalized look at that
as specific looks. So so just so everyone that's listening. So,
placement agencies are nationwide, and most agencies start with some
type of registration fee. Why, there's a lot of work

(15:04):
that goes into it upfront, such as drafting the job description.
Our agency specifically did home visits prior to the pandemic,
so I drove to every single client's home I met
with them. It's a very much personalized experience. Now, I
do Zoom consultations for thirty to forty five minutes with
every client, and our registration fee is five hundred dollars.

(15:25):
Some agencies charged two hundred to five hundred dollars. You know,
our agency specifically applies that to the placement fee. I
feel like that's a deposit and that's just an agreement
that we are teaming up to move forward. And then
once you hire a nanny, you know, fees are anywhere
from fifteen to ours is eighteen and and that's the

(15:47):
placement fee. It's a one time fee. It's a luxury.
It can range anywhere from eight thousand up to twenty
thousand dollars. But that's you know, most nannies are growing
with families for the next two, three or four years.
And I and I how people to always think of
this as you know, this is an investment in your
child's future and your future as well, your career or

(16:07):
your sanity. So I don't know if you can put
a price tag on that, but I mean support is support, Yes,
support is support. I mean, honestly, you know, our nanny
has been with us since Albi was eight weeks old,
and I went back to scandal, and we are her
final family. You know, she's sixty seven. She's telling me
she's taking me to the end, which means that I'm

(16:28):
taking her to the end of her career. So like
you know, she's had many families before me. But she
is going to get my kids to the place where
they're in school, you know, full time. So she's got
another two three years with Vera. But like you said,
like that's putting a deposit down on a relationship where
she's been will have been a full time employee of

(16:49):
mine for like eight to possibly tend if we do
part time after that ten years. So Katie, I will say,
though that is a rarity. Though I want to I
want to be clear. Oh good nanny. You know it's
a rarity, Katie. Most nanny's in l a nanny they're
very It's transient city. So think about that. Most people
come into this city for a purpose and they leave

(17:10):
with a passion. I always say that, or they leave
because of COVID, you know. And so most nanny's are
at homes for two to three years, sometimes five, sometimes six.
A lot of nanny's want to grow with a family.
But we also have families that just up and left
and we're like, hey, we can't live here anymore. So
the rules that were prior to the pandemic are very

(17:32):
different than their rules now. But if you have a
nanny that wants to grow with your family and she
is saying that you know you're my final family, I mean,
hold onto her like you've never held on. What a
beautiful relationship. I mean for those listening, it's crazy. I
hold onto her no matter what. She's got the best
job in the history of the world. If you asked me, um,

(17:55):
do you charge like when you work with an agency?
Is it the nanny's get paid hourly the same if
it's one kid, two kids? Like is that a given? Yes?
So the nanny has set their own rates, and most
nanny's will have one rate no matter the amount of children,
when it's one or two, when we get up to

(18:15):
three or four, so the rates could be anywhere from
thirty dollars an hour up to forty an hour. Growth
nanny's are all w two employees of a household. They
all have to be paid on payroll, They have to
be paid over time, they have to be paid sick time.
These are all different laws in California, other states, m
any states that have passed the domestic rights. So I

(18:38):
think there's nine of them now, yeah, that have passed
the domestic rates eight or nine? Um. And you know
this person is an employee of your household, so they
have to be paid legally. Yep, everything in my households
above board. Yes, thank gosh. You know. My goal when
I talk to people is to educate them on that. Yeah, people,

(19:00):
I get so many questions. Not only do I get
like this, why I'm so excited that you're on Not
only does the number one text I get from most
moms like do you have a nanny? Is any nanny looking?
Can your nanny ask? If there's any nannies who need
a job. The other one I get asked is what
is the difference between full time part time? Am I
supposed to paid sick days? How many? What are vacation days?

(19:22):
How many? Should we sign a contract or not? Can
you tell us those logisticals? This is great, This is
my favorite part of it. So absolutely sign a contract.
Who wants to be in a broken agreement? Think about this.
You're entering an agreement with a person that means you
want everything mapped out in that contract. What are the
grounds of termination? What are the paid vacation days, paid

(19:43):
sick time, paid holidays? What are the travel rates? What
are you gonna do if you're nanny calls and sick?
How much notice do they need to get? Is there
going to be a severance package if somebody leaves. It's
very important to map this out because the biggest relationship
blenders that I see are like six months in when
someone decides to take that vacation and nobody discussed anything,

(20:04):
and then it's the awkward conversation and people feel on
edge talking about these things. So what I always advise
is get everything on paper upfront, know what relationship you're entering,
so that you can just focus on caring for the
kids and you can focus on advising your employee and
go from there. Right, so let's talk about certain things.

(20:25):
I'm gonna map this out for Los Angeles just because
we happen to be in Los Angeles. But l A
county is you must offer forty eight hours of paid
sick time. That does not mean two days, It means
forty eight hours. So if somebody works in an eight
hour day, typically that equates to six days, Right, you
don't have to offer paid vacation. However, I've never seen

(20:46):
anyone that hasn't. Most full time, which is forty hours
a week. We consider anything less than forty hours a
week part time. So forty hours a week. Most families
are offering two, three or four weeks paid vacation. They're
offering paid sick time, they're offering six to ten paid
federal holidays. A lot of families are offering a monthly

(21:09):
medical stipend or health insurance. And if a nanny's driving
her own vehicle, they must be and reimburse at the
federal mileage rate, which this year is fifty eight point
five cents per mile. So it's a big undertaking when
you hire an employee for your household. And I can
feel overwhelming, but I promise it'll feel much underwhelming throughout

(21:29):
the entire relationship if you spend an hour being overwhelmed
setting yourself up for success. It's so true. I was
so completely freaked out by all of this. True, it's
too toothfold. You feel a like, this is the most
money ever, But then be You're like, but they're taking

(21:49):
care of the like the most important thing that I've
ever known in my life. And then you're talking about
vacation days and oh my god, she's going to get
three weeks paid vacation, and she gets six sick paid
sick days, and I have to pay her for Martin
Luther King Day and Labor Day and Memorial Day and

(22:10):
all of that, and I have to say it's all okay.
Like that stuff that really I thought was sort of
hard to swallow at first and was really scary for
anybody who's listening. It has really just made the relationship
very clear and there is no resentment because I just

(22:34):
accepted it and those are the rules and that's what
she's used to. And it was a little bit hard
at first two because my nanny had been doing this
for thirty years and so she already knew all of
this coming in, and I was like, wait what what?
Wait what? And she's really alpha. You were talking about
strengths and weaknesses. Um, she and I have different strengths
and weaknesses. And she's very very great at boundaries and

(22:56):
she's very very strong in person, and so she comes
in knowing exactly what she deserves and what she wants
and how to get it. And like I was so
weirded out at first, and now I'm so grateful because
it was so clear, and I think that is really important.
It is, and honestly, any nanny that comes in with

(23:16):
those ideas is a professional. Any nanny that says to you,
I don't want to be paid under the table, I've
never been paid on payroll, I don't have an employment agreement,
I don't sign an employment agreement, I would say run.
That's a huge red flag to me. And it's the
nanny that's probably gonna turn around and sue you because
she's gonna get COVID and go have to file for unemployment,

(23:36):
and there's going to be no unemployment for her to
file for. You and I have texted about this. It
seems impossible to find a part time nanny, anyone under
forty hours, which seems to be what a lot of
moms want because maybe they don't work full time hours,
or they are looking for just more sanity or whatever.

(23:57):
What the hell did those women do? Here's why it's
so hard to find a part time nanny. So I'll
get a phone call from a mom that says or
a dad that says, hey, I just need like twelve
hours a week. And I need it on like Monday, Wednesday, Thursday,
and it's from three to six. Okay, I mean that
math doesn't even work all this' nine hours. But whatever,

(24:18):
I need four days week, three hours ships right, you know,
you get me. So then that means that nanny can't
work with another family and how do you find another
job just on a Tuesday or the day that they
don't need you because they need that income because gas
prices are outrageous and so is rent. So that's why.
Because if you have those odd hours and some people

(24:39):
are like, well I just need like eleven to two,
and like you're you're stopping a nanny from getting a
morning job or a night job. So what I always
try to advise is do twenty hours a week and
do it after school. Offer after school hours between three
and seven or three and eight, and then maybe extend
to a date night, or maybe extend have an earlier
shift one week where that nanny grocery shops for you,

(25:02):
they walk your dog, they run some errands. So making
this into a family assistant role and get your other
stuff done, because the reality is there's a lot more
than twelve hours a week. That's the bare minimum that
people are asking for because they think, I just need
a little time here and there, but the nanny can't
afford to work that nobody can afford. If you have

(25:24):
a nanny at you know, thirty dollars an hour for
ten hours a week, that's three hundred dollars after taxes,
it's a hundred and eighty dollars a week. Nobody can
live off of that. Have you had any success. I've
had a couple of friends that have done like a
nanny share. So like, yeah, families that are best friends
that like, I did a nanny shape for years. Yeah,

(25:46):
they like, I'll take the mornings and then she has
a lunch break, and then she does afternoons at yours
and then you know, cobbling them together. She has the
full forty hours plus some overtime. Um, that's an offer.
And for people listening, it's it's not something that most
agencies take on because most of the time something happens.

(26:07):
I'll be honest with nanny shares. It's especially during the pandemic,
it's like we have different ideals of what's safe, our
kids are in different pods. And then also I can
tell you this, it becomes a nanny bidding war kind
of where the relationships going smooth for about six months,
and then somebody gets a big break or a new job,
and now they need that nanny for more hours, and

(26:27):
then now they're offering more money in the nanny's You know,
it's never an equal playing ground. It's messy. It's messy,
or one of the kids go to school and now
you know somebody sick, Do I still pay them? I
find it to be super messy unless you're truly best
friends or neighbors. Um, it's hard to do a nanny

(26:47):
share for a long time. What would be interview questions
that you would advise someone who's interviewing a nanny This
is step one, like they're doing the zoom, like you've
matched up, they're doing the zoom, or it's the trial day.
What would be like three to five things you would
you would advise people to ask once you know, I'm

(27:09):
not talking logistics, like I'm not talking like pay or
things like that. M No. I think that's excellent because
we actually give our clients interview questions to ask, because
I think it's hard for parents to come up with
those ideas. But some of the top questions we say
is number one, like why why did you choose to
become a nanny? It's such a basic question, but you

(27:31):
learn a lot about a person. And then I would
say to the nanny, while my child is sleeping, what
are some of the activities you do? This is a
good way to see if somebody is proactive and helpful
part of the house exactly, Like if evan nanny is like, oh,
you know, I'm not saying you can't take a break,
but a nanny might say, well, I take a break, okay,

(27:53):
or another nanny might respond with a question and say, oh,
I'm doing children's laundry and organizing toys and sanity seen bottles.
And you know you're going to see that somebody is proactive.
You know that's a difference. Um, you might ask have
you taken any classes or courses in child development or
have you studied any specific childcare philosophies? What is your

(28:16):
style of discipline? Hugely important? UM, right now, tell me
what COVID cautious means to you? Whoa guys, Ryan Jordan's
educated nanny's is worth it? This is so good, you know,
I mean these I it's like you know that because

(28:38):
some people ask some basic questions. And then this is
my kind of like kicker question that I asked nanny's.
You can learn so much because so many times they'll
answer in a unique way, what is your weakness. I'm
going to talk to your references and get all your
strengths and your weaknesses, but I like to hear from

(28:58):
nanny's what is your weakness? In interviews, I asked nanny's
that too. And if a nanny says to me, I
don't know how to say no, or I'm a perfectionist,
I will full stop that right there. First of all,
not knowing to say no, that is not well. That
is not a weakness. That's a gift to a boss.
That's not a weakness. It's a weakness to the job

(29:21):
or who you are. So I always say it might
be like I can't help with math over the age
of sixth grade, I am not a great cook. I
feel uncomfortable working for divorced parents. I don't know how
to discipline. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't want
to fly. I'm afraid of flights. So I really dig
in there and say what is your weakness? No surface

(29:43):
answers there, and I say listen, people get emotional. It's
hard to talk about weaknesses. But guess what, people were flawed.
We all have weaknesses and you don't need to change.
You're not supposed to have a bucket full of strengths.
Your weaknesses. Embrace them and own them and hire your weakness.
I I'm not a great cook. Every nanny I hire,
I'm like, great, take that off my plate. That is

(30:05):
my stressing. Yes, And I never want to be a
great cook. And I am okay with that. I am
a great appetizer maker, and I'll bake some mean cookies. Okay,
So it's okay. Just own it. Own it. How can
parents and nanny's work together in the discipline department? That

(30:26):
is key? And I always say start with the parents
or the grown ups in the house first. The grown
ups and the house have to be on the same page.
So many times nanny's will say to me, Mom came
home and said, no dessert. This child is going to
be going to a birthday party. There's a lot of dessert.
Mom doesn't want any dessert. Dad comes through the kitchen

(30:48):
and child hangs on the dad's leg. Daddy, I want
a cookie, Daddy, And this and daddy's like, stopped winding
him on the cellphone, has a child of cookie, and
the nanny's like, and the mom walks in at that moment,
and it's like, did you not comprehend what I was
putting down? And the nanny's like, oh my gosh. So
and that's not even discipline, this is just communications. So

(31:10):
with discipline, I always say, have that first meeting together
and say what is your style of discipline? Most times
now parents are gentle parenting. They're not doing time outs,
they're getting down to the child's level, talking through validating emotions.
And discipline to me is actually an educational boundary setting word.
It's not a bad thing. A lot of times people

(31:31):
use the word discipline as a negative. I don't think
that's a negative. I think discipline is an opportunity to
teach your child is something new and to have your
child understand the boundaries in your house. And it's something
as simple as when we go to our friend's house,
we don't jump on the couch. And if you're jumping
on the couch, you know I'm going to ask you
to stop, or I'm going to help your body down

(31:52):
from the couch. It's not safe and it's not going
to be good manners at our friend's house, you know,
So it disciplin ten to me is just helping. Yeah,
I completely agree. Um, and you have to make sure
your nanny is on the same page with whatever your
style is, you know, like because it is about clarity.

(32:14):
And you know, it's been a really interesting road, um
for us. My son when he's acting out, you know,
he'll come home and my I'll be like, how was
he and my nanny will be like, he's spicy today. Um,

(32:35):
but we've got we've got a real you know. Albie
is a very um, strong, willed, fiery child, and so
the three of us have had to work very closely,
um and being on the same page so that he
is not getting mixed signals from each different person regarding

(32:57):
what the rules are. You know, I think it's important
to establish the rules as grown ups, but then also
established the rules in front of the child. Yes, so
just like that helps give you know, they want to
know who is the leader and who they can get away,
whose buttons can they push. So with my nanny, Danielle,
I always said Danielle's and charge it for the day.

(33:19):
And if Danielle tells you something, mom is going to
agree with Danielle, and I'm more of a pushover. I mean,
I have boundaries and rules, but I learned from her
because she would set such clear boundaries and not change
her mind that my kids more often than not responded
and behaved more in front of her than me, and likewise,

(33:41):
when I was way better when I was. Yeah, what
are your tips and tricks in keeping communication lines clear
um between nanny and parents? And also, you know what's
interesting which we should talk about too, is there's been
so many times where my nanny and I are really

(34:03):
raising my kids because Adam has been out of town
working or he feels like, you know, my husband is
a very very very involved dad. And I remember when
it when we first when Miriam first started working, he
was like, why is Miriam not texting me? I should
be on that chain, you know, like he was pissed,
Like he was like, excuse me, this isn't like the

(34:26):
you and Miriam are raising our children. There's three of
us here, and I feel like I'm always on the
outs and it's always what you and Miriam want because
me and Miriam really getting the flow, especially in the
months where he's out of town shooting, you know, and
then he comes back and Miriam and I are like,
what the fuck? Like he missed everything up. We're like

(34:47):
we're raising what are you doing? You know? So how
does communication? I mean it ebbs and flows, like all
relationships do. It's really hard. Um, But any trip tips
or tricks you have I do. Um. This may sound
a little cheesy, but I do it with my employees

(35:08):
and I've done it in my house Fridays or my
happiness check day, Like what's going on, how do we
feel about the week? Anything we can approve upon, any
awesome things that you want to talk about, Like I'll
do it over zoom with my team now, or I'll
just call him out of the blue, Hey, happiness check,
what's up? How's your Friday going anything? I like to
leave space because then people can't harbor resentment or like

(35:30):
try to snowball things or stifle it. And I'd rather
talk about it now than three weeks from now, so
that it's opportunity to chat. Or when my nanny the kids,
you know, on Fridays, if the kids were sleeping or
at school or what have either playing outside on the swings.
Hey just checking in. Was there any big moments this week?
You want to discuss anything that's making you unhappy anyway

(35:51):
I can support you, you know, And also it gives
voice if I have any concerns, Like you know, this
week was really successful, but I noticed that it I
don't know, like something didn't go the way that I
had hoped or expected, and I want to have a
conversation about that. And then in regards to husband's being
on the checks chain, so I always tell nanny's this,

(36:13):
find out who's involved with what, and this is really key.
Does your boss want a phone call, a text or
an email? How do you communicate? Yes? How what form
of communication are you? What's apping them? If they're in
another country? Should you send an email? Should you send

(36:35):
a text? Um? What text do you want to be on?
I would say my husband likes to be on the
text if my nanny sends a picture of my kids
doing something cool for the day, but he doesn't want
to be on the text while he's on set, you know,
filming and getting every message like oh, the gardeners coming, okay, great,
the dogs here, the kids going here, I'm going here? O,
can you bring my pump to the office. My husband
doesn't want to know that. It's actually just more distracting,

(36:58):
but you better believe it. If I get a pict
sure of one of my kids and he wasn't on that,
he's like, wait a minute, they went to the zoo,
they did this, he feels very disconnected. So find out
what's important to them. And then obviously any chats about
baiting things like schooling or scheduling, get a Google calendar
and get everybody in there and color code that. I mean,

(37:26):
I don't know. It's all a work in progress, right,
I mean, my husband doesn't check the darn Google calendar,
but at least I try. Okay, Oh my god, we
live and die off our Google calendar. It's in and
it's like, well you didn't put that in the Google calendar,
saying well did you check like regular for me? Are
there any things that we've forgotten that you would like

(37:48):
to add? And please? Where can people find you? And
Educated Nanny? Yes, so I have a website, Educated Nannie's
dot com. We're on all social media channel you know, Facebook, Instagram.
You can call me too if you'd like. I'm happy
to chat um and I just I just want to
leave parents with two things I guess before I leave

(38:13):
is one, don't be afraid to ask for help. A
lot of people don't have family here. I can't tell
you how many overnights and free care my sister has
gotten for the eighteen years and with her child because
my mom was a block and a half away, Like
that is a gift. That is such a gift. And
if you don't have family in town or friends, because
I guess what, your friends are all busy navigating this

(38:34):
to find help and ask for help. There's nothing wrong
with asking for help. And also there's nothing wrong with
asking for help if you're not if you don't have
a job and you want to go do some self care,
or you want to take a nap so you can
show up as the best version of yourself for your
kids or your husband. Get a manicure. I mean my

(38:54):
get a manicure and have a job. And she had
you know week here and I was like, you know,
she it was part of her health was to get
in the house and go to a workout class in community.
She didn't like working out at home. She loved to hike,
she loved to be outdoors. She didn't want to be
with her kids. When she did that, she really wanted
to manicure. I was like, listen, honey, you're a better

(39:15):
mom when you have those things, and it's an amazing
thing that you can afford it. Go for it. Yes,
that's what I say. And the other piece of information
I want to offer to families going through this process
is give people the benefit of the doubt, not if
it's not a gut check. But sometimes I get calls

(39:38):
for really ridiculous things, like I had a family call
once and just I just say, your nanny is not
reading your mind, and they only know what they know
from the last situation they came in. So I'll say, well,
the nanny put the great knives in the in the dishwasher,
and does she not know this? I'm like, no, You're

(39:59):
nanny is probably in her twenties and has eaten off
of plastic forks and came from a family that doesn't
have money and may not understand etiquette. What a great
learning opportunity. It's not like she's trying to hurt your
silverware or we're an all organic family. And this nanny
was drinking a diet coke. Great, that's a simple conversation.

(40:21):
Drink your diet, coke in your car, before you come
into work, there might be things that could be easily tweaked.
And before you end a relationship, and so if the
relationship is gonna end, it's gonna end. And if there's
personality conflict, that's not good. You don't want to feel
like you're walking on eggshells. But if there's a lot

(40:42):
of times there's small little tweaks you can make when
somebody is going to be really open and receptive and
learn like this, I completely agree with that relationships take work.
You know, most of the time they should feel easy,
but you're gonna have some bumps in the road and
just try to have open communication in and you know,
those are the relationships that flourish. I can tell you

(41:03):
this nanny's never quit jobs because of children. That is great. Um.
Last question we ask every one of our guests this
parenthood is a beautiful mess. Ryan Jordan's of Educated Nanny's

(41:27):
and my friend, I am so grateful to know you
and I'm so grateful to have been a guest on
your podcast called The Educated Mama. Right you, It's so
much fun and I just like, I just want to
wrap you up on goodness, and I can't wait to
have lunch with you. And you're just one of my
You're one of my people. You're so kind and you're
so talented, and you're so good at this educated Nannies

(41:51):
dot Com call Ryan and UM, thank you so much
for being on Katie's Crib. You're amazing. You're so conversation
you know, and fun and it's great, like it's awesome, Katie.
I'm not kidding you. I could talk to you for hours.

(42:17):
Good morning, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. You all listening.
We have such a treat of a guest today. Oh man,
the one and only. I have been following this, this
incredible woman for a long time. She goes by Nanny Connie.
I wish she was like my nanny. And when I

(42:38):
say that, I don't mean like for my kids, I
mean like for me. All listening, let me tell you
a little bit about Nanny Connie first and why she's
such an amazing get for us and why she is
so knowledgeable on speaking from the nanny perspective and about
um childcare. So. Connie Simpson or Nanny Connie, is a

(42:59):
family and chi care expert, coach and consultant. She has
over thirty years of experience equipping parents and empowering nanny's
to be their best for their families. Nanny Connie is
a proud product of the Deep South, where she learned
the importance of manners, wisdom, compassion, love, and patience in abundance.
These values have made her one of the most in

(43:20):
demand baby nurses and a trusted family member. Too many
Hollywood celebrities let me just like run you down the list.
It's like Jessica Bield, Justin Timberlake, Emily Blended, John Krasinski, Brookshields,
Amal and George Clooney. What Nanny Connie has made appearances
on like so many popular media platforms to offer her
advice like Good Morning America, The tamarn Hall Show, Today Parents,

(43:42):
Good Morning Britain, etcetera, etcetera. She's global everybody. She's the
author of The Nanny Connie Way, which is a baby
manual that has become the go to guide for first
time parents, and her book gives parents to support and
affirmation that they need to be the best they can
be for their families. Welcome to Katie's Crib. Nanny Connie,

(44:05):
I love your crib. Thank you so much for being here.
Thank you darling, thank you for having me. Oh my pleasure.
Can you share with our audience how you started your
nanny journey from taking care of your daughter Courtney up
until now working with celebrity parents. Well, actually, it's like

(44:26):
when it's your calling and you try to run from it,
it will always catch up with you. You know. You
can go in many different directions, but it's like the
Marvel stretch and all that ship seems to always pop
right back to what it was. And that's me. That's
where my nanny journey came from. Um. I went to

(44:48):
school for early childhood education, and you know, I thought,
oh I'll do this, I'll do that. But I did
a lot of stuff, but mastered in none of it.
But then I found out I was ma stirring something
that was so important and important to the family. And
that was like you started off saying, I wish you
were my nanny, you know, and that's what a lot

(45:09):
of my parents have said, you know, damn my children,
I just need you for me, you know. And I
get it, I really get it, because you know when
I when I am there for you, I'm there for
your child because your child feeds off of your energy,
so it makes the whole house much more cohesive. So

(45:30):
I started off, um, taking care of my baby dolls
first of all. Then I went to school for early childhood.
Then I had my daughter, and then I said, you
know what, and having Courtney, no one's gonna take care
of her because that's my responsibility. Although I had a
phenomenal village of my aunts and my mom and you know,

(45:51):
my cousins and my grandparents. I was so blessed. I
was so blessed. Um. And Um, she she wanted for love.
You know, I was a single parent, but she didn't.
She didn't want for any love because where one would
slow down, the other one would pick her up. Ah,
that is the dream. So you really grew up with

(46:12):
the village taking care and helping raise the baby. And
I it's so bizarre to me that we live in
this time where a lot of us are very very
far due to work or life takes us places that
are very far from our family. Um. That's definitely my case. Um.

(46:34):
And it was a huge adjustment to sort of understand
that I'm going to be raising my children with also
someone who is a paid employee, you know, because that's
not how I was raised. So it is. It is
a very interesting, wild relationship. We're going to get into
all of that. So so um my next question is

(46:57):
do you think it's harder taking care of other people
rules children or your own child? Courtney, I think it's
much easier taking care of other people's children. I agree, Yes,
I agree. And people ask me this all the time
and like, as a nanny, weren't you just so prepared
when you had your own child? And I was like, honestly, no,

(47:19):
I don't know why. But for all of you listening,
there's this weird thing where my kids save up all
their shenanigans for me. They rarely pull that ship with
the babysitter or are or are nanny Miriam. Um, so
that's already inherently hard. Also, you do there is an

(47:41):
end date when you are a nanny. You do have
a shift which may end at seven pm, seven am whenever.
That is where you sort of collect yourself when you
are you're a mom. It doesn't stop. It does even
when you're away and you're working. I'm thinking about the kids.
I'm dealing with all the logistics. Were they fed when's
that doctor's appointment? Did they learn how to swim today?

(48:03):
Are they sick? Or was that a running nose? Should
I go get them COVID tested? I mean, it is endless,
It's endless. It really okay, So you hear it up
here first, because people always ask me that question as
being a nanny and a mother, which one was harder?
And I'm glad you and I agree on that, because
your your children will put you in a place that

(48:23):
they'll they'll check you without knowing that they check you
because you're already on this emotional roller coaster of the
checklist of everything you've done right, are done wrong, and
your second guessing you know your ability to be that
mom and be the best mom you can be, And
then your children come at you and they say something
that just pierces your heart and your soul because you

(48:45):
were okay, I know I could have done better, you know,
or or I did my best, or you are already
in that state of mind, and then they came back
to solidify that damn you know I could have stepped
to the plate in different way. So yes, your children
always seem to check you. Oh there you're there's my

(49:05):
son is my biggest trigger in the world for me.
We are not oil and vinegar. I don't like to
say that, because we do also wildly get along. But
he has the ability to push my buttons in a
way that I've never had before, let alone. I've never
let anyone speak to me the way he speaks to me.
Sometimes he's a slither of you. Oh my, Yes, it's

(49:28):
the slither of you that you never thought would come
to a realization or standing in front of you, but
it does come to. And that's what I try to
teach my parents. It's like you try to figure out
these little beans that lay in front of you, and
it's like, hello, look in the mirror, because that's you,
that's you lying there, you know, And and it's gonna
grow up and have a voice, and guess what, it's

(49:50):
gonna give you back everything in ten times fold that
you gave your parents. You know. It comes from both
beings of it. Yeah, it's the slip other of you
that you've You're like, oh, my achilles heel has finally
woken up and it has a right. That's exactly it. Um.
How tips for parents who are working with a nanny,

(50:13):
How can you make the most of your nannie when
they come over to work with your children who are
older than newborns. Like, let's say you have a nanny
and your kids are toddlers, are like a little bit older.
What is your advice and tips for parents to really
make the most of that time and sort of set boundaries.
I think it's really important. Although I I my book
is only the first four months, but there's a huge

(50:36):
connection between the first four months in the fifteen the
eleven to seventeen year old child, because they are they
are dealing with boundaries that they don't know what they
held to do with them, and they're trying to to
puff themselves up to say I do know, I do
have control, you know, because they're under the peer pressure

(50:57):
and they're under the realization that my parents are leaving
me in control of something. But I don't understand it.
But I want to. I want to have more independence,
So I have to act a certain way so I
can get that independence to hang out with these kids
who give me that peer pressure. So I think between
that mom and that nanny, you really have to have

(51:20):
a huge connection with each other and understand that communication
is the baseline for all of this. You know, and
you have to hear the things that the nanny are
saying to you. You know, Um, it's a once a
week meeting of sitting down and and not putting your
feelings on your shoulders to say, that's my kid I've

(51:42):
raised until eleven and I know, but you don't know
because you're eleven year old. Will hide stuff from you
because they're in fear that you will either push them
back and say, well, you can't go out with your friends,
or the judgment that will come from you. So they'll
talk to that nanny. You know, they have a better

(52:02):
end with someone who comes from the outside. So it's
important for you and that nanny to have a weekly
or every two week meeting. Wow, So you suggest do
you do this in your households too, even with little ones,
that you have a weekly set meeting with the parents
without the children present. Yes, and what is on the

(52:24):
agenda of that meeting. It can actually be like to
touch base to say, you know, she retreats to her
room every evening at five o'clock. We don't have to
worry about her, but she's in her room and the
nanny may have more information like, yeah, she goes in
her room because you and dad are doing stuff and
you don't want to hear what she's saying, or you've

(52:45):
dismissed her. So that once a week meeting gives you
to touch base or to figure out where how your
children are truly feeling, you know, or to say, here
is the situation. Let's not play each other against each
other in the situation. Let's use each other for to support.
We are not against each other. We are trying to

(53:07):
raise a decent, loving human together. Right and now will
make your nanny stay longer, that your nanny feel more supported.
That will take that edge off of where I grew
up with my mom and my aunts and my grandparents
helping me with Courtney and me being having to swallow
my pride and accept the things that they were saying

(53:28):
to me. Now you you have that same connection with
someone that you're paying to be in your home because
they feel that comfort and they feel that support. A
lot of nanny's don't walk in that grace because they
don't feel that support. So that's an interesting Yeah. You
know what's funny. I my one of my long time

(53:49):
I was in nanny for this lovely girl fifteen years
seventeen years ago something at her I was the first
call her mom called me. Now I had already been
on scandal. We're working, but we're still in each other's
lives as friends. What was really cool about finally someone
taking a chance on me as an actress is that
all the little people that I was nannying for at

(54:11):
the time or babysitting for, like instead of working for anywhere,
I would take them out to lunch or a fun
day or whatever. But those moms um one mom in
particular called me when her daughter was getting like sexually active,
and and she was like, can you hang out with her?
And just I don't want to know, I don't need
to know, like that's her private stuff, but can you

(54:33):
just judge that she is being safe and being you know,
and feeling good about her choices and understands. And I
was like, oh my god, Okay, yeah, Like I'll see
if she wants to confide in me, and I'll take
her out to dinner and stuff like that and ask
her some questions like do you have a boyfriend, Like
are you happy? What are your friends up to? And

(54:54):
she confided in me so much. And I never told
her mom, but I just called her and I said,
you've got nothing that she's doing every she's happy, she's
in control of her body, she knows what's going on.
And I was really like proud of that. But well,
again it was an example of us working in tandem
to parent this this young adult. Really, that's right, they're

(55:16):
only a child once, and that that childhood is pretty
much over with by the fifth grade, because they've started
into puberty. They started, you know, they started dealing with
the six questions. They started sounds like a nightmare. Yeah,
it really is, it really is. And and the further,
you know, by the seventh grade, you know, they really

(55:38):
feel like, as my grandmother saying, they're starting to really
smell themselves. And they are smelling themselves because they start
I love that saying, you know, I love that saying,
that's the funnies they've ever heard about. And then by
the time that they're teenagers, they're getting like, well, when
you're seventeen and eighteen, your parents don't you're an adult,
you know, And and and here we live in this

(55:58):
world where a team gives them an opportunity to tell
you to rotate on their middle finger. But when they
don't have any any sense at all of what to do,
you know, so it's really important to to pour as
much as you can into that foundation so that it
is solidified. And then when you come into middle school,

(56:21):
now you can kind of you can coast a little bit,
but then you can also be there for them so
that they will feel comfortable coming to you to have
those conversations. You know. This is like with Courtney, my
home was the home base because I wanted to see
all of her friends. Oh, I'm definitely gonna beat. My
house was like that growing up to you were like

(56:42):
this the snack house. Like my mom always had like
the good stuff to eat that was like Kudos bars,
and like my mom was you know, we were the
sleepover house. And I'm like oh, because she wanted to
know what was going on. I think we've heard on

(57:05):
this podcast a lot from a lot of experts about
that the values that your family upholds, that are things
that could be literally written on the kitchen table right
like whatever those things are to you, like be kind
or in my household, it's like we always have your
brother sisters back, like we are a team unit here,
you know, Like, um, but I do think and I

(57:28):
see this with a lot of friends. There's just a
lot of scheduling of stuff. And this is that one
percent where it's like they go from school to eight
thousand other things, and that I think maybe make some
moms feel like they're succeeding, yes, keeping them busy, keeping
them out of trouble, and keeping them busy, when when

(57:50):
actually and all actuality, you're pushing them away from you
because you're going, well, they have this and they have
that after school. So you know, we all have a
busy schedule, but did you have that connection? Did you
have that the humanity of being together? And we as
humans need that connection. We do. We we sit down

(58:13):
with our our partners and our spouses and we want
the cuddles, we want the hugs, we want our feet rub.
It's then doorfin that releases that makes us feel good.
It makes us feel you know, responsible, It makes us
feel wanted, It makes us feel something, as opposed to
a a class that you go to that makes you

(58:35):
feel nothing. So that kitchen table is so important, you know,
because you gain more from that kitchen table other than
the food that you eat that nourishes your body. You
you get your soul nourish. I love hearing this, I
really I love hearing this. When to add to the
weekly nanny parent meeting and really supporting each other and

(59:01):
realizing that you guys are a team and it's not like, oh,
you know, there's no pitting against each other. If you
are are the authority figure, you are the parent, you
are the employer. What are the effective ways where parents
and nanni's can take a unified stance so that both
authority figures maintain credibility in the parents eyes. I was

(59:22):
reading this um in your book, in Nanny Connie's book,
The Nanny Connie Way. Get it now, folks, brookshields daughter Rowan.
She tried to be sneaky and she asked both Brooke
and you if she could hold her younger sister greer,
and rather than say yes, for example, Brooke asked Rowan
what you said first, which is just an example of again,

(59:44):
not only do you have to be a unified front
if there's a spouse or a partner involved, but you
do have to be a unified force with the child
care expert or whoever you're employing. Here's the deal. A
child will try so many from ways to see how
they can get out that front door. If if walking

(01:00:05):
out that front door it's not accessible to them. They're
gonna see if that window next to the front door
is open, and if they can slither out of it
or whatever they can do to get out of it,
They're gonna try it because that's them. That's they don't
know any better, and that's what they do. That's what
children do. We did it, you know, so we always
think that we have that upper hand. So it's so

(01:00:27):
important for as opposed to just having that weekly meeting,
is to make this team, you know, so connected by
telling your nanny, let's let's go to target and go shopping,
you know, and then you have that camaraderie of talking
about you know, um like rolling, rolling and wanted to

(01:00:48):
hold the baby. But then I get to hear my
nanny and and her philosophy on how she talks to
the children. So now I get to add to what
she's saying or to say to her, well, let's say
it this way, you know, so that when you get it,
then I know I'm going to get the other end
of it, and then we can both be on the

(01:01:10):
same page. That's what you're having to do let's put
it to that support staff that's going to help you
think that process all the way out. And that's a nanny,
that's a team player, that's you know, that's someone in
your church that you've you said, okay, you know what,
can you help me two or three days a week.

(01:01:30):
Let's make them feel great about who they are and
what they have to give. And then let's work together
and weave this this cloth, this blanket, this eternal piece
of connection that will help my child be something, to
give something positive back to the universe. We all, I think,

(01:01:50):
are trying collectively as nanny's in the nanny field, parents,
people who are really taking on this responsibility seriously. I mean,
I think our goal is just trying to make the
world better than where we left it, and right now
we are failing miserably. UM. And I'm just praying that

(01:02:13):
all these lessons from the brilliant nanny Connie and all
the other experts we've had on Katie's crib can help
my little corner of the sky. Um. Some quick questions, UM,
that came in. Lots of questions. Everybody wants to know
what tips do you have in regard to overnight potty training. Okay,
So potty training is um I always say, I haven't

(01:02:37):
seen a nine or ten year old that that needs
to be potty trained. It's gonna happen. So first of all,
take yourself out of that that pool of people to say,
my my child was potty trained at eighteen months or
my child was potty trained in two years. Potty training
is something that's um so personal. Well, and your child,

(01:03:01):
when they are ready, they will come. It's not going
to be the stress that you think it's going to be.
Ten days is basically where I tell my parents, and
it's usually around three years old that I tell my
parents too, because they can articulate their words, they can
have this conversation, they can understand what you're asking of them. So,

(01:03:24):
so now when you get to that position, because pooping
is going to be the last thing that they do,
because that's like they're losing a part of their body.
They're scared. They never they are basically saying they're scared shitless.
So what do you have to do is you have
to say, you know what, We've mastered this end of it.

(01:03:44):
It's okay, I'm with you. When it comes to pooping.
You want to put your diaper on, So when you're
ready to poop, tell me. So now they don't feel
like they're a failure. They don't feel like my mom
is gonna be mad at me because I didn't poop here,
you know. So now you're making them comfortable and you're
giving them the security and you're helping them with their
confidence of doing this this part of their life. So

(01:04:07):
they'll come up and go, yo, mom, I I need
to go poop. So they'll put their diaper on. They're
gonna stand in the corner, you know, and when they're finished,
they say, just tell me. When you're finished, we'll go
to the pot and we'll dump it and then come
out and go okay. So now they are really confident.
So now when it comes to overnight potty training, it's like, okay,

(01:04:30):
so we're ready to go to bed. We start to
talk about okay, nine o'clock is your last water or
seven o'clock is your last water, you know, And then
you come in and you tap them and say, let's
walk to the party at eleven o'clock before you go
to bed. So you're making them void. You're helping them
to empty that bladder before they you know, have to

(01:04:52):
go all from seven to seven. Oh, I couldn't even
going exactly. So now you're telling you're helping them, you're
helping them to understand the process. Is this a lot? Hell? Yes,
but life is a lot, and you're building their self esteem.
So the overnight potty training is a parent has to

(01:05:12):
walk in that room at eleven and help them go
to the bathroom, then put them back in the bed,
and then they have to wake up a little earlier
at six in the morning to help them avoid so
because if they sleep a little late, then they, yeah,
they may have accident. And then they feel like a
failure because man, I've got to tell my mom about

(01:05:33):
this bed. I'm gonna lie about this. So now you're
sitting the wheels in motion for feeling the shame fare
there you go. And also you feel like a failure.
I can remember how like I remember potty training my
son and we had the amazing UM go wacky on

(01:05:54):
here who wrote the oh crap book? That was very
very helpful. She's been on Katie's crib. But like, the
biggest thing is you are not a failure as a parent.
None of this is a big deal. Um any tips
on having siblings get a long share. I read that
you have um you worked for a family who had

(01:06:15):
a two year old boy named Tyler. This was in
your book. Uh, and the baby sister came home and
Tyler told you like, I thank you forgot something, which
is exactly what happened to my my mom when she
brought home my baby brother were two years and nine
months apart, and she brought him home from the hospital,
and I was like, I don't want this one. Can
you bring him back now? It's it's really important to UM.

(01:06:37):
We when we started having like a lot of my
parents say to me, UM, They'll they'll come with their
second child and go, I've had children before. No no, no,
no no. Yes, you may have had a child before,
but you haven't had two children, or you haven't had
three children. Because the dynamics of that household changes with

(01:06:59):
each old. So it's really important for you to pour
instead of pouring into that infant who only wants their
diaper change and to be fed at a certain time
and to be swaddled and put back down, it's really
important for you to to pour into that three year
old who's mastering potty training, sleep training. Moved moved from

(01:07:21):
their bed to their crib, from their crib to their bed,
because they have to give up something for this new
person who comes in and now they feel less than
So you have to start with the older one as
opposed to starting with the baby. And that's where a
lot of people get lost in the sauce of parenting
because they feel like, you know, I did all of this,

(01:07:44):
like they plan all of this stuff out before the
baby comes, like getting the room together, I'm gonna potty
train him, I'm gonna take him out, the pacifier in
the bottle. You know. Yes, so your life is is,
but you've done nothing more. Then set yourself up for
failure because your child will have this regression of wow,

(01:08:06):
wait a minute, I had to give all this up
for this person to come, so I'm gonna hate them
even more, you know, instead of feeling secure even more. Yeah,
I don't remember what expert came on here that basically
was like, you should make no big changes within three
months at least of the baby coming. All right, Natty

(01:08:28):
Connie says six, So you should. So it's not like, oh,
I'm having a second baby and the baby comes and
now is the time to like put your kid in daycare,
or put your older in preschool, or get them out
of the crib into the big kid bet or put
them on the potty or whatever. It's like, just keep
things status quo and just deal with the change of
adding a new member to your family. That's right, and

(01:08:51):
that helps with the cohesiveness of those children because now
they start to love this person as opposed to go
and oh, hey, lady, you forgot something. That's kind of situation,
which he did to me. You know, it was like
the baby was cool because I was taking care of
the baby and and you know, mom was kind of
like still driving with him, you know. And I would

(01:09:14):
bring him in and I would let him peer into
the bed and I would talk about his sister, you know.
I made him a part of the process. But then
when I was ready to go, he was like, Okay,
you've done really good with this little person, So why
don't you take this little person on the home with
you as opposed to leaving it with me, you know,
because my world is super fine and I don't need

(01:09:34):
anything different, you know. So it's really important for you
to have your your village to to keep things consistent.
Let them come over and help with the baby, and
mom gets in the in the nitty gritty with that
older one and make them a part of the process,

(01:09:55):
like reading and changing the diaper and when she's feeding.
It's much as you can bring them together, those little
driplets will add up to those siblings loving and supporting
each other more as opposed to dividing. You know, like
you say, dividing conquer. No no, no, no no. We
don't want to divide too much. We want them to

(01:10:17):
be as much as you can have them together so
that they see that this is our new life. I
think that was another blessing of the code of the
pandemic was like we brought my daughter home November two,
and so much of the pandemic has been that my
children only have each other because we weren't really letting

(01:10:41):
outside people in and so that's been great for their growing.
What are your tips and tricks for like them not
sharing toys and things like that. I think that um
in the very beginning, when you start to see this happen,
it takes a nan or a parent to sit down

(01:11:01):
with them to share, to show them how to share.
If it's an older one who's not wanting them to
have their younger one to play with them. Then you
have to show them, um, how to play together, you know,
like let's show your sister how to put this in
and then give them the praise showing them that yeah,

(01:11:22):
you did it. You know, like this this can be
something really good. So it's really important for you as
a parent as opposed to sitting them down and saying
you two have to play together, well, hell, how do
we play together? You know, we have to have some
kind of instructions on how this is to work. And
then you say, when you play together with your sister,

(01:11:43):
you get to have fifteen minutes of playing with it
by yourself, you know, so that they learned that, Okay,
I can play with her, but I also can have
this time to myself, and then coming to me and saying, mom,
can I have fifteen minutes to play by myself at slutely?
You can because you did it with the care and

(01:12:03):
understanding that I need this independent play. But I will
play with my sister or I will play with my brother.
We have to give them that so they learn their
social skills if they're not, it's so important. I I
started doing monastory teaching in the very beginning, before Courtney

(01:12:24):
was even born. But I loved it because it taught
a child how to be social, how to care, how
to share, and that's important in this day and time.
That foundational piece goes a long way in their preteens
and their teens and their adulthood. It's so funny. My daughter,

(01:12:45):
and she's one and a half. She has like I
don't know, maybe twenty words or something like that, and
one of them is mine, and I'm like, I'm like,
this is such a class. She's the youngest and my
son is more and a half, and they played together wonderfully,
and then sometimes they're fighting tooth and nail over a
fucking toy and she's screaming and he's screaming he had

(01:13:06):
it first. She's taking it and going mine, and I'm like,
get it, girl, I'm like get it. I'm like, you're
the baby in this family and you gotta like stand
up for yourself, like go get yours, honey, like you
want it too. I see you both wanted let's figure
this out. Okay, you can have it for five minutes,
and then you can have it for five minutes and
then it's over. And they like don't even want it

(01:13:27):
any anymore. And they go play with something else, right,
and and and the other thing you do is you
put the toy in time out. You don't put the
child in time out. You go, okay, toy is bringing
lots of conflict. There's a lot of energy around this toy.
So you know what, the the toys get the time out.
Let's play with something else. Oh that's a great idea,
A great idea you mentioned from the podcast Squats and Margarita's.

(01:13:51):
This is so important, y'all that the tone of voice
and consistently meaning business for a while is the main
way that your kids can respect and listen to you.
My son does not respect me. What are some what
are some specific scenarios where you can try the right
tone and like the meaning business out you know, uh,
so that the kids listen more. I think it all happened.

(01:14:14):
It all happens in that foundation at home. You have
to get on their level, like you have to explain
and is less words again, less is best your expectations,
you know. And then when they are when you see
that they are hearing, when they're listening, they need eye contact.

(01:14:36):
Your tone of voice needs to change when it's becoming
much more serious than what it was. And then they go, WHOA,
mom has just moved to another level. I need to
figure out what's going on with this person, you know,
And and it puts that fear that you want to
help them to be respectful to something that could either

(01:14:58):
this this life changing to them. So, um a scenario
at home, it's like putting your hand on the stove.
The stove is hot. You know, we do not touch
a hot stove. You're in their face, you have eye contact.
This will hurt you. And then when they come closer
to it, it's a no, sir, this is a very

(01:15:21):
hot stove. Whoa daddy, Connie? That is good? What's the
next level? Yes, so you moved to the next level.
Because that hot stove can also be moving traffic. That
hot stove can be the life in depth situation of
someone picking them up when you said to stand right here.

(01:15:42):
So it's important for them to know when mom snapped
her finger or she gave me that look, she meant business.
So you have to find your business look, your business voice,
and then you know that no, that wasn't my child,
because now you're your child. I was best advocate and
first advocate. Do you have like my husband? So I

(01:16:05):
don't know why they fear him more than I do.
I think every household, if you do have a household
where there's parenting multiple forms, you know, whether it's the
nanny too, you know, married couple, whatever it is. Um,
my husband's mean business like this means business voice is

(01:16:26):
far more effective than mine, Like it sucks. Um, I
reserve a huge no for something dangerous, whether it is
a stove, we're running into a street, or he's going
to really hurt his sister's body or something, or they're
playing in the bathtub and you know, I'm getting you know,

(01:16:47):
if something is dangerous, it's a huge and they respond
to that. But my and I've really mastered the like
are you kidding me? Look? Like the look that's like
do you want to reconsider how you just spoke to
me as it is disrespectful and rude? Or did we
really just make our sister cry and pushed her over?
Like is that? Like? Uh? Now, my husband is if

(01:17:10):
he's you're right, less is more. He says fewer words,
there's less talking. His sternness and directness of his voice
is far quicker to be responded to, what the hell
why it's not fair? You know what it is? I
really I'm seeing more of it and and there's nothing

(01:17:31):
against it. But I really feel like gentle parenting has
made parents put the kabash on on using that that
sternness with their children. Besides all the other stuff of
gifting our children everything, you know, and making them feel like,

(01:17:53):
but I'm supposed to have, but you need to give
this to me. But my friends got it and I
can't do what I out it, you know, So all
of that mentality that our children are or are drowning in.
Then we go to the stage of gentle parenting. And
I'm saying, now you know that cookie, you know you

(01:18:15):
we're not going to have it right now, but you
know and you and you keep just even you get
exhausted with trying to gentle parent a damn cook when
really what you're suggesting is no. And he says, why
did it not? You say, because I said no, I'm
not talking about anymore. No. No mean no, I I've

(01:18:35):
already said no. And I don't I say, like, you're right,
I was, and I am drowning in gentle parenting. And
when I've been pushed, and I don't want to talk
about this ship anymore. The cookie, the dessert after dinner,
the twenty more minutes of the show, whatever the funk
it is. And I just say because I said so, no,

(01:18:57):
that's it. We're done and I'm not discussing it. And
I don't want to hear it again. That's it. That's it,
And that's where you're That's where your support staff has
to be on the same page with you, you know,
and then they will come up with fine, that's what
we're gonna do it, you know, And you have to
be more um. You have to time yourself and you

(01:19:18):
have to be come on now, come on, you know,
because you want to be able to get to the
next stage because a child doesn't know any other vice
but to keep trying different tactics to get that cookie, yes,
to get out that front door. What's one question you
wish I'd asked you? Oh, my goodness, either from like

(01:19:42):
working with a nanny as a parent, you know, what
was the question you'd wish I'd ask you about working
as a nanny that I'm as a parent. From my perspective,
the one question I wish people would ask is, um,
do you feel drained as being that nanny the home
after giving everything? How do you feel when you walk

(01:20:04):
away from it? How do I know that I've done
a good job. You know a lot of people always
talk about, yeah, the nanny, I had a nanny, but
did that person really fulfill? And I always no one
ever asked me how I feel, you know, when I
walk away. A lot of them don't walk away from
because they still are in touch with me. But you know, um,

(01:20:26):
the one question I guess that was what asked me
is like, how did that? How do you feel when
you walk away? Do you feel like you've you've succeeded
in your in the journey of being with that family.
And my answers always, um, I've walked away from some
families because I felt like what I had to offer

(01:20:48):
they weren't ready for or they weren't ready to receive,
and and that I didn't need to be there. So
I I said, I called it one of the the
coolest things that my nanny, you know, when we were
in a little bit of a trial period in trying
things on, you know, she was very much like, you know,

(01:21:10):
I'm in a way trialing you as well, like because this.
This is a real fit. Where are our styles similar?
Do we get along? Do we communicate well? Do we
do we trust each other? With that? We ask all
of our guests this question. Please finish this sentence, Nanny Connie,

(01:21:34):
parenthood is the biggest job of your life that will
never ever have a finished line. That's a very a
wonderful answer. So pace yourself, listeners, pace yourself. That's right,

(01:21:56):
Nanny Connie. Thank you so much for being on Katie's
Crib and for sharing your wisdom. Everyone. Oh my pleasure. Everyone,
go get the book. Follow her on Instagram so that
you can be up to date on these awesome things
that are hopefully coming out here. It is Nanny Connie Way,
The Nanny Connie Way. People. You are a gift. You're

(01:22:17):
a gift to parenting. Thank you for having me. Thank
you guys so much for listening to today's episode. I
want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Let me know. You can always find me at Katie's
Crib at Shanda land dot com. Katie's Crib is a

(01:22:41):
production of Shonda Land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio.
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