July 22, 2021 • 25 mins
Dramos reacts to a trending tweet by artist Yung Bleu who proclaimed that we need to stay off social media if we don't want to cheat. Giving takes from experts, his Instagram followers and of course his own experience, Dramos breaks down the temptation for instant gratification that comes from being on social media.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Let me talk about talk. Here we go, he said,
he lived life where you question where you fit in
every time you may say you do this with not really. Alright,
Yes we're back man, episode number two Life as a Gringo.
(00:27):
I'm excited. So we're doing two episodes a week just
so people are familiar. So every Tuesday and Thursday we
dropped in new episodes. Tuesday's episode will be more about
like a general topic and then on Thursdays you can
expect a trending topic from like something in the culture
that we will will react to here on the on
the podcast Big Shots Everything. I tuned into the first episode.
(00:49):
I appreciate all the love that we got this far, man,
Thank you all so much. It means so much. Um.
So today's episode, Man, we are reacting to a tweet
that came out from the artist Young Blue, and this
has been like kind of making its go around social media.
His tweet was my black man, and I think this
could be applied to just about anybody. Um if you
want to be faithful, just stay off social media, post
(01:12):
and get the funk off a SAP because soon as
you start scrolling, boom a sentities. That's the devil my brother.
Uh and and it's a very nice sentiment he's sharing,
but it also sparked a big debate amongst people. So
I wanted to have the conversation um about social media
and if we think that it um entices people or
(01:33):
makes people cheap. So that's what we're gonna center around today.
Uh and we'll talk about people and how they act
in relationships and their expectations for their partner when it
comes to social media. And if it's the first time
tuning into the show, I usually break the podcast down
into four segments, and I'll explain throughout the course of
show as we get into them what each segment is,
but what kind of tackle uh this topic from, you know,
(01:54):
different perspectives or different angles in each segment. And again,
if it is your first time, if as a gon
angle Man is for those of us who don't quite
fit in Man. Growing up, I was somebody who's clowned
for being a quote unquote fake like you know, because
my Spanish is trash, but also made to feel like
a bit of it outside when it came to my
white friends and some of the cultural things that I
(02:15):
was used to check out the episode wonder if you
want some more details on that. I have my parents
on it, kind of shedding light into a little bit
more of my background, but without further ado, let's just
dive right into it. In a segment we call for
the People in the Back, where we do more of
a deep dive into what we're talking about. I'll give
a bit more of my opinion. I'll hit you with
some stats from some experts, uh, and we'll just get
(02:36):
into a man and we'll say it real loud for
the people in the back, for the people in the back, back, back, back, same,
a lot of the people in the same at the
people in the back. So social media is definitely probably
(02:59):
like the base for many fights in a lot of
people's relationships. I personally have certain rules that you know,
aren't rules that were like set by my partner, um.
They're just rules I've set for myself when it comes
to just like my own mental health. And it's not
necessarily just when it comes to um, like women. It
also just happens to be with other pages that might
sort of make me feel lesser than So for me,
(03:21):
I actually I have like my my DJ dramas page right,
and that's what everybody sees and what I interact with.
And then I also have another page, which is the
one that I actually pay attention to the most. And
on that page, I have things that I follow on
there that are just like super interesting to me. Like
I don't comment, I don't like on those pages. I
don't do anything on those pages. It's strictly just for
me to like enjoy seeing different content from creators and
(03:42):
pages that I find to be interesting. But I will admit,
like years ago, um, that page was like full of
me following like you know, Instagram models and and you know,
women that I found to be attractive and all these things,
and I began to realize just like how toxic it
was because then you would begin to compare those women
to the women that you have in your life. And
I just think it's a terrible, terrible way to go
(04:04):
about things. And like I said, it's not strictly just
when it comes to women. I mean, I don't follow
like certain people who are just like Stutten when it
comes to money and all these different things all the time,
because um, you know, stuff like that might make me
question what I'm doing with my life, you know, like
why don't I have this, why I don't not have that,
And that's kind of what I've sort of curated my
social media feed to not be, to not be things
(04:25):
that make me question my own value, because let's be real,
we're all on social media, you know, for for so much.
I mean, there was a study done uh In that
said the average users spent two hours and twenty four
minutes per day on social media. So for me, it's like,
I want to be super conscious of how I'm spending
my time and what I'm ingesting and social media. If
(04:46):
I'm gonna be spending that much time on it, I
want to make sure that the content I'm ingesting is
not toxic things that make me feel bad, but instead
things that inspire me and inspire me to do creative
things or just like bring a smile to my face
and listen. I know it's one thing to like, all right, well,
that's your opinion, you know, that's how you feel. Not
all of us have to do the same thing. And
I get it. We're all free do we want to do.
But there are also like experts who kind of back
(05:08):
up my mindset when it comes to social media. I
was reading an article on on fatherly dot com that
I found Uh, and they had a sex and family therapist,
Jacqueline Craven Pickens Um, and she's also the director of
Texas Texts, Addictive Disorders and Recovery Studies Program. Um studied
the relationship between infidelity and social media for almost a decade,
and she has a book called Facebook Infidelity When Poking
(05:32):
Becomes Problematic. Um and a couple other Facebook based books
or social media based books about this kind of stuff.
But Um she says that Facebook and other social media
platforms a bet cheating by offering a false view into
people's lives. And I quote she says, the majority of
people going online aren't posting about their woes or struggles.
It's mostly I'm on vacation, or I did this wonderful thing,
(05:55):
or here's this great meal I'm having. This version of
life often looks more active than the unedited real one
of the person scrolling through the feed. If you're doubting
your relationship or your own happiness, you go to Facebook
and you look at somebody else, you may think, Wow,
they have it all together. They're this happy and attractive person.
And that's kind of exactly what I was talking about
when I say I curate my my social media feed
(06:18):
in a in a certain way, because let's be real,
people be starting on social media and sometimes they make
you feel like shit about your own life. Like these
women that you're following. I'm speaking from the perspective of
a heterosexual man, but whatever you're into, right, But for
my example, these women that you might be looking at like,
they ain't posting their pictures from when they just rolled
out of bed or when they like sitting in sweatpants
(06:39):
and their hair is a mess on the couch, you know,
watching Netflix something like that. Like they're posting their best
pictures right where they're touched up, they're done up, filters
out there, makeup done, all that kind of stuff. And
this isn't any shade towards them. But what I'm saying
is what we're looking at is the best version of themselves.
So I think for a lot of people, they'll sit
there and look at their spouse and be like, damn, like,
why don't they look like this? Well, the reality is
(07:00):
the person you're actually looking on Instagram doesn't look like
that for the most part in real life. What I
think that can do is make you feel like you
need more or you want more. If you're not careful.
I saw another article on this website it's a mind
Body Green dot com and this was like their relationships, uh,
part of the of the website and uh, it says, uh,
the drool worthy image of a couple on vacation can
(07:22):
trigger feelings of envy, which can keep you from appreciating
where you are in the present moment. And then they
had an expert, a psychotherapist UH named Can Page and
he he says social media tends to ignore the gritty
and mundane parts of a couple's lives struggles, chores, compromise,
and intimacy in the midst of challenges and a lot
(07:43):
of times, it's like we're all looking for like this escape,
right when life becomes a little bit difficult, We're searching
for this escape, like uh. And and they talk about
it as like a vacation, right, We're looking for like
a vacation from our normal lives. Um. And he goes
on to say that a vacation can make you feel happy,
but it's the everyday moments that lead to ultimate satisfaction.
He adds, uh, when relationships end, it is so often
(08:04):
that those tiny, mundane moments are the ones that evoke
the deepest nostalgia. And that's kind of the problem with
social media because it just makes us like so attached
to the idea of instant gratification. And that's honestly, if
I think back to my days when I was out
there in the streets and I'll touch on this in
a future episode UM where I talk about ho phases,
but uh, it always instant gratification, you know what I mean,
(08:27):
Like picking up a girl at a bar or whatever
the case may be, like was just instant gratification, but
it didn't leave me feeling genuinely happy or fulfilled. And
that's kind of this idea of social media. It tempts
us and leads us into exploring these things that give
us instant gratification and potentially sacrificing things that actually matter.
And in this conversation talking about our relationships and not
(08:49):
for nothing, there may be some of you who aren't
on this same like spiritual journey, and you're just like,
you know what, fuck it, I want all the instant gratification,
you know what I'm saying, Like you only live once, yolo,
whatever the funk you want to say at this point
in life, So the only thing I would say to
you is, remember social media is something you're not in
control of. So if you're out there messing around, being
(09:10):
shady where you're reaching out to can keep them receipts
and get you all kinds of tripped up. So is
it even worth it at the end of the day.
And that actually is the perfect kind of segue. It's
gonna pull up an example for our next segment that
we call me hint that where I I kind of
focus in on a person or persons that I think
all a perfect example for the topic that we're talking about.
(09:32):
So we're gonna get into the me hint that segment
of the show, but first let's take a quick break
and we'll be right back, all right. So I was
gonna get super messy on this one and like bring
up a whole bunch of celebrities who have gotten caught
um d m NG women or getting caught cheating on
(09:54):
their girl because of social media screenshots. But you know
what I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna get messy
and and uh and and bring up some drama because
that's not what I do here on the podcast. But
I will say public officials, I do not hold them
to that same standard. So the ultimate like cautionary tale
for anybody thinking about stepping out on their relationship is
(10:18):
the politician Anthony Wiener, yes real name, so in Anthony
Weiner was caught sliding into the Twitter d M of
a Los Angeles college student named Nikki uh or so
he thought. The reality is Weiner was actually being catfished
by a young man uh in the great state of
New York. Now win a guy tripped up because the
(10:40):
person cat fishing him actually used his friends Twitter account
reach with the post of Winers and they're saying within
twenty minutes, Winner was all up in this fake college
girls d ms and it gets pretty cringeworthy. He referred
to himself as the mongoose. He even uh he even
went as far as to send a photo uh of
his erect penis concealed by boxer briefs. Basically like he
(11:05):
was out there and of course he was married. And
and I use this as a cautionary tale. Is it funny? Yes?
And does it confirm that God has a sense of humor?
That this man's last name is Wiener and then he
was sending pictures of his Weener of course absolutely all
the above is true, but more so than just clowning
on this man, it's a cautionary tale. It should be
a cautionary tale because aside and the fact that morally
(11:27):
it is wrong to cheat on your your significant other
and it's wrong to use social media to do so
and to allow yourself to get caught up in the
temptations of it, I think we also can all agree
that the risk is not worth the reward on here,
Like it's all out there, they can screenshot it. Why
even take a penitentiary chance on this? It don't make
(11:48):
no sense. It ain't worth it. I'm sorry. No, no
one night stand that I've ever had in my entire
life during my single days was ever worth getting caught
up in something like this. It just ain't worth it.
Like the instant gratific ocasion is not worth the lifelong
story that potentially could follow you. Um, because even if
you're not a celebrity lesbian, real girls be sharing their
(12:10):
stuff with each other. Men be sharing their stuff with
each other, So it's gonna live on in some way
amongst the circle of people that know you, or at
least it potentially could, and that should be enough to
scare you away from doing some dumb ship that you
are going to regret forever. Now, all this is just
my opinion, of course, and I'm always open to hearing
the outlook of others. Maybe I got it all wrong here,
(12:32):
So I posed this question to uh my Instagram followers
at DJ dramas if you want to be a part
of the show. I did a poll asking if if
my followers think that social media leads people to cheat.
I also ask people who are in relationships or um
even just like hypothetically, what their rules or if they
would even have rules when it comes to social media
(12:52):
in their relationships. We'll get into all that. Also, I
have a couple of people ask me some questions, so
I'll answer some stuff in there. So all a part
of a segment what we call asked a gringo. Before
we get into that, though, we're gonna take a quick
break and we'll be right back, all right. So I
(13:13):
gotta say I'm a little bit shocked here because I
did a poll and in the poll, I asked, do
you think social media makes people cheats? And Uh, yeah,
I'm a little bit surprised here. The majority of you
said no, and it was closed. So you said no,
of you said yes, I gotta I'm a little bit surprised,
(13:33):
a little bit shocked at those numbers. Uh. Maybe I word,
you know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put any
shade on people's answers. Um. But yeah, majority you do
not believe that social media leads you to cheat. That's
pretty interesting. Um. And then for the second part of it,
I put out there a question, and the question was,
do you have rules or would you have rules for
(13:53):
social media when it comes to your partner? Why? All right?
And this is where it got a little bit interesting.
So definitely a mixed bag of of opinions on this one.
I'm gonna read off you. So we got at what
does it via say, Yuri? Uh, and you said no,
if you don't trust each other, don't be together. And yeah,
I definitely agree with this. I mean, trust is obviously
(14:16):
a very huge thing. Um. And and I don't ask
to like see my girls social media. I don't have
any specific rules for her and vice versa, um, because
you know, we trust each other. Now, if there's like
a history of infidelity, maybe I can see how there
might be like a difference there where you kind of
feel like you have to, uh for your own sanity,
set some sort of rules. But no, I don't believe
(14:36):
in in setting rules. If I have to create rules
and like monitor or social media in order to be
comfortable being in a relationship with you, it is probably
just not the relationship for me. But that's my opinion
on that, my humble opinions. On the other side of
the spectrum, here we have at Luis Navarro six nine three.
He says, yes, no guy friends, no such thing. Men
(14:58):
always have inten shins man. Um, I don't know, bro,
this sounds a little bit controlling. No guy friends and
and no disrespect here. But I think that that sounds
a little crazy. And if you're not able to trust
your girl, um, I don't know what kind of relationship
do you really have at that point? You know? I mean,
I get it. I can understand, like the idea that, yeah,
a lot of dudes have other intentions, you know, but
(15:20):
at the end of the day, it takes two people
to tangle, as they say, and your girl still has
to be complicit in the factory if something was to happen,
so um to me, you should trust her enough to
not worry that if she has some guy friends. That
means something's gonna go down one of my buddies that
I grew up with, And this would have you crack
it up. At Viet d Dog twenty one, he says, Uh,
(15:41):
I haven't liked the girl's post in years because I'm
scared of her. That is the most truthful and honest
and probably the smartest response to this type of thing. Um, yeah,
you don't want no problems with your girl. Man, it
ain't worth it. It It ain't worth it. Uh smart man.
Right there, a happily married man with their congrats on
a new baby as well at JMO JJ said rules
(16:05):
question mark sounds a little overbearing, not at all. I
love that. I think it's a very very healthy, healthy
response to this whole thing. Okay, I love this one
right here because I feel like women are so misguided
when it comes to this idea. Right here. I love
it all right. I'm glad this one came up. At KNY,
I'm gonna mess up your name. I'm sorry, Kaney, so
(16:26):
lax O b Uh said, following too many women that
don't look like me is a red flag. And I
have some like breaking news coming in for women on
behalf of men. When it comes to women that a
man would potentially sleep with. I'm sorry, but most of
us do not have just one type, especially when we're
(16:47):
talking about a random hook up. So to think that
your dude would only want to mess with women who
look just like you doesn't make any sense at all.
It's just not good logic. And I hope that you
change the logic on this one, because if he's following
a bunch of women who are like blondes and your brunette,
chances are he still might want to smash the blondes.
Has nothing to do with the fact that they look
(17:07):
different than you. I would actually argue that a lot
of times a dude would be more interested in a
woman who looks like the polar opposite of his current girlfriend, uh,
because it's something different at that point, Like the same
way why men watch like porn that looks completely different
than the girl that they're with. Doesn't mean they're not
happy with the girl they're with, just means they're like
looking at something different than the norm. Just something to
(17:30):
keep in mind. I mean, if I'm wrong, dude, hit
me up, let me know if y'all think I'm wrong.
But In my opinion, if a guy is going to
cheat on you, he's not specifically just looking for women
that look like the relationship that he's in. I mean, listen,
what do I know. It's my humble opinion. But what
I'm saying is, if a man is going to cheat
on you or a woman is going to cheat on you,
chances are they're not going to limit uh their potential
(17:51):
uh sexual partners in that instance, to just people that
look like their current partner. Uh. This one was funny
is from at uh ill VC said, Yes, number one rule.
She got to be posting fire, make us look good.
We're your brand now. Okay, so you're guessing your girl up.
You want her reposting that picture that gets everybody talking
(18:12):
and gets people liking it. Um, listen, And that's to me,
like as a joke, but it is the ultimate comfortability
because it is the ultimate compliment to like know that
your girl is wanted by other dudes. That's the way
I look at it. I don't get mad. It's like yeah,
like that's fire, Like yeah, okay, all these dudes want
my girl. But guess what, I'm the one who got her.
You know what I'm saying, so like that's nothing but
a compliment to me. If somebody's hitting out my girl,
(18:33):
that's just a compliment to me. Now obviously if it's
somebody to know, it's a different story. But just generally speaking,
all right, now we've got some questions for me. I
just basically made it a general thing, like if anybody
had any questions for me when it comes to this
topic like social media and dating. Um, so we got
a few of those. At Rial's Revengage asked me, do
you think women use their social media to seek validation
(18:54):
from men? I mean short answer, yeah, but I think
we all do. I don't think that's just like exclusive
to to win man. I think all of us have
time periods that we do that. And it's not even
just like validation necessarily in a like sexual way or
trying to feel attractive. I think also validation in that
we're like successful, we're doing well, you know what I'm saying,
Like that's why people still in the graham and do
(19:16):
whatever they do. Um. But yeah, I think we're all
using social media for validation in some way, you know,
or we've been guilty of it in some way, shape
or form. When we're posting something. I think it's just
something we're all um guilty of to a degree. I
wouldn't say just just women, but I mean if you're
talking about like some of these um women who make
a living like being you know, an Instagram girl with
(19:36):
like you know, the Bikinian but pictures and all that
kind of stuff, Like, yeah, I'm sure you know some
of the validation is coming from all the likes and
comments are getting, just like the dudes who be posting
the pictures with the shirt off, you know what I'm saying,
or uh, then popping bottles in the club and all
that kind of stuff like that's all just for show
to get some sort of validation from from people. That's true.
Lacey asked me, Do you care if your girl gets
(19:58):
d m s from old friends and quotes from school
or work? Um? No, I mean, I think you can't
blame somebody for the actions of somebody else. Like I
can't help it if some old like high school classmate
decides to d M her or something like that, But
that has nothing to do with her, has nothing to
do with me. Now, of course, if she responds in
a certain way or invites the conversation or or tries
(20:20):
to continue a conversation on UM, then yeah, I would
feel some type of way about that. But at the
end of the day, I can't control what somebody else does,
and I can't, you know, be upset with what somebody
else does who has no like connection to me. You
know what I'm saying. All I care about is how
my girl responds to that situation. That's how I would care,
all right. And the last one is from via Sauri.
(20:42):
She has questions and answers on this one UM question
was do you have any rules with your girlfriend regarding
social media? Uh? And no. The only rules with my
girlfriend regarding social media neither one of us have like, uh,
you know, told the other one we can or cannot
do a certain thing. UM. Obviously that's just built upon trust.
I would say. The only thing is UM that we've
(21:02):
been working on lately is not having a phone at dinner,
and that has nothing to do with like the topic
at hand, but just more so being present um to
each other in a relationship. And and obviously like it's
tough for me because you know, my emails on my
phone and always like checking if something's coming in or
you might be checking, you know, social media to kind
of you know, put up content whatever the case may be.
That is a part of my job. So it's definitely
(21:24):
something that's become a small obsession of mine. Um. But
I'd say that's the only thing we're we're working on
as far as the rules, you know what I'm saying,
just trying to be president when we are spending that
time with one another and doing things like dinner. Um.
But other than that, nothing as it pertains to like,
you know, knowing each other's log and passwords or all
that kind of stuff. You know, I don't have anything
to hide, you know, I trust her. I don't believe
she has anything to hide. And that's kind of good
(21:45):
enough for for both of us, I think. And man,
thank you guys so much for participating in the ask
Gooding segment. If you want to be a part of
the podcast at DJ Dramas, I'll be posting these different
questions for you guys, or leaving it open for you
to ask me questions. You'll see it in my Instagram
stories at the DJ Dramas once again, if you want
to be a part of the show. And man, we're
(22:05):
gonna take everything we've learned right now in this whole episode,
we're gonna kind of try to tie it together in
a neat bow in a segment I call conclusion, Stu.
Just okay, So, I think the thing that is hitting
the hardest to me is just like social media makes
us fall in love and chase the instant gratification. And
(22:30):
that is not just when it comes to dating or
you know, cheating, as it pertains to this topic, but
just in general. Right, Like we want that validation. Oh,
I want validation of you know, my body looks good,
this outfit is type, this thing that I'm doing is cool.
Whatever the case, you want those likes, you want those comments,
that's all instant gratification, and that's all validation. Um. And
and it makes me think of the quote that I
(22:51):
read earlier, and to me, that kind of sums it
up the best. Um talking about this in terms of
like a vacation, Right, vacations are like that instant gratification,
that short lived happiness. And it's Ken Page's words that
like suck out to me, uh, the most of everything
that I talked about on today's show. And again he's
a psychotherapist, and it was that, uh, a vacation can
make you feel happy, but it's the everyday moments that
(23:14):
lead to ultimate satisfaction. When relationships end. It is so
often those tiny mundane moments that evoke the deepest nostalgia.
And to me, man, those are like, that's a bar
right there that write that down, Put that somewhere, Especially
that last line about the tiny mundane moments, man, Like,
that's what you gotta keep in mind. There's obviously always
(23:35):
going to be temptation out there, and this goes beyond
just social media. But the way I see social media
is like, in the same way, if you're constantly at
clubs getting drunk and your concert around women and you're
in a relationship, you know, the temptation to cheat is
going to be much much higher. You know what I'm saying,
You gotta kind of protect yourself from those those situations.
And it's the same thing the way I've used social media,
Why I put myself in a position where I'm gonna be,
(23:57):
you know, um, tempted to look at those things and
tempted to even question what my life is, you know
what I'm saying, Tempted to question the things that I
have in this life. So I personally try to take
myself out of those situations as best that I can,
because yes, like he's saying, those types of things, they
will make you not as appreciative of those little moments
in your life and in the people that bring you
(24:18):
that joy on a daily basis. And at the end
of the day, that's what's most important. Sure, you might
have one night out there where you have a ball
with some random person, but that is nothing in comparison
to a day in, day out, solid relationship that you
can count on with somebody who loves you and that
you love and that you can continue to create memories
with and those inside jokes and that will be there
(24:40):
for you throughout the ups and downs your life. That's
the most important part of it. And there was no
one night with some random person that's worth putting all
that at risk. So man, you social media sparingly and
understand that you've got to kind of protect your your
mental and protect your mind a little bit, uh and
and put yourself in the position to not make stupid decisions.
That's what's all about. And with that said, thank you
so much for tuning into today's episode. We'll be back
(25:02):
with a brand new one on Tuesday. If you missed
the first episode. It's all up right now. Um. Of course,
wherever you're listening to this podcast, you can check it out.
Follow me at DJ Dramas. If you want to be
a part of the show, you want to give me
some feedback, let me know any topics you think I
should be tackling. Next week's show, the one that's happening
on Tuesday, we'll be talking about mental health and this one, man, Um,
(25:24):
I'm gonna be very raw, very real, very honest about
my own struggles with mental health. So I definitely hope
that you guys tune in. I taken some questions from
people a little while back on my I G man,
this one, like, we really go into it, and I'm
just excited to share it with everybody. So Tuesday, back
with a new episode of Life as a Gringo, and
I'll talk to y'all then. Life as a Gringo is
(25:46):
a production of The Michael through the Podcast Network and
I Heart Radio.
Let me talk about talk. Here we go, he said,
he lived life where you question where you fit in
every time you may say you do this with not really. Alright,
Yes we're back man, episode number two Life as a Gringo.
(00:27):
I'm excited. So we're doing two episodes a week just
so people are familiar. So every Tuesday and Thursday we
dropped in new episodes. Tuesday's episode will be more about
like a general topic and then on Thursdays you can
expect a trending topic from like something in the culture
that we will will react to here on the on
the podcast Big Shots Everything. I tuned into the first episode.
(00:49):
I appreciate all the love that we got this far, man,
Thank you all so much. It means so much. Um.
So today's episode, Man, we are reacting to a tweet
that came out from the artist Young Blue, and this
has been like kind of making its go around social media.
His tweet was my black man, and I think this
could be applied to just about anybody. Um if you
want to be faithful, just stay off social media, post
(01:12):
and get the funk off a SAP because soon as
you start scrolling, boom a sentities. That's the devil my brother.
Uh and and it's a very nice sentiment he's sharing,
but it also sparked a big debate amongst people. So
I wanted to have the conversation um about social media
and if we think that it um entices people or
(01:33):
makes people cheap. So that's what we're gonna center around today.
Uh and we'll talk about people and how they act
in relationships and their expectations for their partner when it
comes to social media. And if it's the first time
tuning into the show, I usually break the podcast down
into four segments, and I'll explain throughout the course of
show as we get into them what each segment is,
but what kind of tackle uh this topic from, you know,
(01:54):
different perspectives or different angles in each segment. And again,
if it is your first time, if as a gon
angle Man is for those of us who don't quite
fit in Man. Growing up, I was somebody who's clowned
for being a quote unquote fake like you know, because
my Spanish is trash, but also made to feel like
a bit of it outside when it came to my
white friends and some of the cultural things that I
(02:15):
was used to check out the episode wonder if you
want some more details on that. I have my parents
on it, kind of shedding light into a little bit
more of my background, but without further ado, let's just
dive right into it. In a segment we call for
the People in the Back, where we do more of
a deep dive into what we're talking about. I'll give
a bit more of my opinion. I'll hit you with
some stats from some experts, uh, and we'll just get
(02:36):
into a man and we'll say it real loud for
the people in the back, for the people in the back, back, back, back, same,
a lot of the people in the same at the
people in the back. So social media is definitely probably
(02:59):
like the base for many fights in a lot of
people's relationships. I personally have certain rules that you know,
aren't rules that were like set by my partner, um.
They're just rules I've set for myself when it comes
to just like my own mental health. And it's not
necessarily just when it comes to um, like women. It
also just happens to be with other pages that might
sort of make me feel lesser than So for me,
(03:21):
I actually I have like my my DJ dramas page right,
and that's what everybody sees and what I interact with.
And then I also have another page, which is the
one that I actually pay attention to the most. And
on that page, I have things that I follow on
there that are just like super interesting to me. Like
I don't comment, I don't like on those pages. I
don't do anything on those pages. It's strictly just for
me to like enjoy seeing different content from creators and
(03:42):
pages that I find to be interesting. But I will admit,
like years ago, um, that page was like full of
me following like you know, Instagram models and and you know,
women that I found to be attractive and all these things,
and I began to realize just like how toxic it
was because then you would begin to compare those women
to the women that you have in your life. And
I just think it's a terrible, terrible way to go
(04:04):
about things. And like I said, it's not strictly just
when it comes to women. I mean, I don't follow
like certain people who are just like Stutten when it
comes to money and all these different things all the time,
because um, you know, stuff like that might make me
question what I'm doing with my life, you know, like
why don't I have this, why I don't not have that,
And that's kind of what I've sort of curated my
social media feed to not be, to not be things
(04:25):
that make me question my own value, because let's be real,
we're all on social media, you know, for for so much.
I mean, there was a study done uh In that
said the average users spent two hours and twenty four
minutes per day on social media. So for me, it's like,
I want to be super conscious of how I'm spending
my time and what I'm ingesting and social media. If
(04:46):
I'm gonna be spending that much time on it, I
want to make sure that the content I'm ingesting is
not toxic things that make me feel bad, but instead
things that inspire me and inspire me to do creative
things or just like bring a smile to my face
and listen. I know it's one thing to like, all right, well,
that's your opinion, you know, that's how you feel. Not
all of us have to do the same thing. And
I get it. We're all free do we want to do.
But there are also like experts who kind of back
(05:08):
up my mindset when it comes to social media. I
was reading an article on on fatherly dot com that
I found Uh, and they had a sex and family therapist,
Jacqueline Craven Pickens Um, and she's also the director of
Texas Texts, Addictive Disorders and Recovery Studies Program. Um studied
the relationship between infidelity and social media for almost a decade,
and she has a book called Facebook Infidelity When Poking
(05:32):
Becomes Problematic. Um and a couple other Facebook based books
or social media based books about this kind of stuff.
But Um she says that Facebook and other social media
platforms a bet cheating by offering a false view into
people's lives. And I quote she says, the majority of
people going online aren't posting about their woes or struggles.
It's mostly I'm on vacation, or I did this wonderful thing,
(05:55):
or here's this great meal I'm having. This version of
life often looks more active than the unedited real one
of the person scrolling through the feed. If you're doubting
your relationship or your own happiness, you go to Facebook
and you look at somebody else, you may think, Wow,
they have it all together. They're this happy and attractive person.
And that's kind of exactly what I was talking about
when I say I curate my my social media feed
(06:18):
in a in a certain way, because let's be real,
people be starting on social media and sometimes they make
you feel like shit about your own life. Like these
women that you're following. I'm speaking from the perspective of
a heterosexual man, but whatever you're into, right, But for
my example, these women that you might be looking at like,
they ain't posting their pictures from when they just rolled
out of bed or when they like sitting in sweatpants
(06:39):
and their hair is a mess on the couch, you know,
watching Netflix something like that. Like they're posting their best
pictures right where they're touched up, they're done up, filters
out there, makeup done, all that kind of stuff. And
this isn't any shade towards them. But what I'm saying
is what we're looking at is the best version of themselves.
So I think for a lot of people, they'll sit
there and look at their spouse and be like, damn, like,
why don't they look like this? Well, the reality is
(07:00):
the person you're actually looking on Instagram doesn't look like
that for the most part in real life. What I
think that can do is make you feel like you
need more or you want more. If you're not careful.
I saw another article on this website it's a mind
Body Green dot com and this was like their relationships, uh,
part of the of the website and uh, it says, uh,
the drool worthy image of a couple on vacation can
(07:22):
trigger feelings of envy, which can keep you from appreciating
where you are in the present moment. And then they
had an expert, a psychotherapist UH named Can Page and
he he says social media tends to ignore the gritty
and mundane parts of a couple's lives struggles, chores, compromise,
and intimacy in the midst of challenges and a lot
(07:43):
of times, it's like we're all looking for like this escape,
right when life becomes a little bit difficult, We're searching
for this escape, like uh. And and they talk about
it as like a vacation, right, We're looking for like
a vacation from our normal lives. Um. And he goes
on to say that a vacation can make you feel happy,
but it's the everyday moments that lead to ultimate satisfaction.
He adds, uh, when relationships end, it is so often
(08:04):
that those tiny, mundane moments are the ones that evoke
the deepest nostalgia. And that's kind of the problem with
social media because it just makes us like so attached
to the idea of instant gratification. And that's honestly, if
I think back to my days when I was out
there in the streets and I'll touch on this in
a future episode UM where I talk about ho phases,
but uh, it always instant gratification, you know what I mean,
(08:27):
Like picking up a girl at a bar or whatever
the case may be, like was just instant gratification, but
it didn't leave me feeling genuinely happy or fulfilled. And
that's kind of this idea of social media. It tempts
us and leads us into exploring these things that give
us instant gratification and potentially sacrificing things that actually matter.
And in this conversation talking about our relationships and not
(08:49):
for nothing, there may be some of you who aren't
on this same like spiritual journey, and you're just like,
you know what, fuck it, I want all the instant gratification,
you know what I'm saying, Like you only live once, yolo,
whatever the funk you want to say at this point
in life, So the only thing I would say to
you is, remember social media is something you're not in
control of. So if you're out there messing around, being
(09:10):
shady where you're reaching out to can keep them receipts
and get you all kinds of tripped up. So is
it even worth it at the end of the day.
And that actually is the perfect kind of segue. It's
gonna pull up an example for our next segment that
we call me hint that where I I kind of
focus in on a person or persons that I think
all a perfect example for the topic that we're talking about.
(09:32):
So we're gonna get into the me hint that segment
of the show, but first let's take a quick break
and we'll be right back, all right. So I was
gonna get super messy on this one and like bring
up a whole bunch of celebrities who have gotten caught
um d m NG women or getting caught cheating on
(09:54):
their girl because of social media screenshots. But you know
what I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna get messy
and and uh and and bring up some drama because
that's not what I do here on the podcast. But
I will say public officials, I do not hold them
to that same standard. So the ultimate like cautionary tale
for anybody thinking about stepping out on their relationship is
(10:18):
the politician Anthony Wiener, yes real name, so in Anthony
Weiner was caught sliding into the Twitter d M of
a Los Angeles college student named Nikki uh or so
he thought. The reality is Weiner was actually being catfished
by a young man uh in the great state of
New York. Now win a guy tripped up because the
(10:40):
person cat fishing him actually used his friends Twitter account
reach with the post of Winers and they're saying within
twenty minutes, Winner was all up in this fake college
girls d ms and it gets pretty cringeworthy. He referred
to himself as the mongoose. He even uh he even
went as far as to send a photo uh of
his erect penis concealed by boxer briefs. Basically like he
(11:05):
was out there and of course he was married. And
and I use this as a cautionary tale. Is it funny? Yes?
And does it confirm that God has a sense of humor?
That this man's last name is Wiener and then he
was sending pictures of his Weener of course absolutely all
the above is true, but more so than just clowning
on this man, it's a cautionary tale. It should be
a cautionary tale because aside and the fact that morally
(11:27):
it is wrong to cheat on your your significant other
and it's wrong to use social media to do so
and to allow yourself to get caught up in the
temptations of it, I think we also can all agree
that the risk is not worth the reward on here,
Like it's all out there, they can screenshot it. Why
even take a penitentiary chance on this? It don't make
(11:48):
no sense. It ain't worth it. I'm sorry. No, no
one night stand that I've ever had in my entire
life during my single days was ever worth getting caught
up in something like this. It just ain't worth it.
Like the instant gratific ocasion is not worth the lifelong
story that potentially could follow you. Um, because even if
you're not a celebrity lesbian, real girls be sharing their
(12:10):
stuff with each other. Men be sharing their stuff with
each other, So it's gonna live on in some way
amongst the circle of people that know you, or at
least it potentially could, and that should be enough to
scare you away from doing some dumb ship that you
are going to regret forever. Now, all this is just
my opinion, of course, and I'm always open to hearing
the outlook of others. Maybe I got it all wrong here,
(12:32):
So I posed this question to uh my Instagram followers
at DJ dramas if you want to be a part
of the show. I did a poll asking if if
my followers think that social media leads people to cheat.
I also ask people who are in relationships or um
even just like hypothetically, what their rules or if they
would even have rules when it comes to social media
(12:52):
in their relationships. We'll get into all that. Also, I
have a couple of people ask me some questions, so
I'll answer some stuff in there. So all a part
of a segment what we call asked a gringo. Before
we get into that, though, we're gonna take a quick
break and we'll be right back, all right. So I
(13:13):
gotta say I'm a little bit shocked here because I
did a poll and in the poll, I asked, do
you think social media makes people cheats? And Uh, yeah,
I'm a little bit surprised here. The majority of you
said no, and it was closed. So you said no,
of you said yes, I gotta I'm a little bit surprised,
(13:33):
a little bit shocked at those numbers. Uh. Maybe I word,
you know, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put any
shade on people's answers. Um. But yeah, majority you do
not believe that social media leads you to cheat. That's
pretty interesting. Um. And then for the second part of it,
I put out there a question, and the question was,
do you have rules or would you have rules for
(13:53):
social media when it comes to your partner? Why? All right?
And this is where it got a little bit interesting.
So definitely a mixed bag of of opinions on this one.
I'm gonna read off you. So we got at what
does it via say, Yuri? Uh, and you said no,
if you don't trust each other, don't be together. And yeah,
I definitely agree with this. I mean, trust is obviously
(14:16):
a very huge thing. Um. And and I don't ask
to like see my girls social media. I don't have
any specific rules for her and vice versa, um, because
you know, we trust each other. Now, if there's like
a history of infidelity, maybe I can see how there
might be like a difference there where you kind of
feel like you have to, uh for your own sanity,
set some sort of rules. But no, I don't believe
(14:36):
in in setting rules. If I have to create rules
and like monitor or social media in order to be
comfortable being in a relationship with you, it is probably
just not the relationship for me. But that's my opinion
on that, my humble opinions. On the other side of
the spectrum, here we have at Luis Navarro six nine three.
He says, yes, no guy friends, no such thing. Men
(14:58):
always have inten shins man. Um, I don't know, bro,
this sounds a little bit controlling. No guy friends and
and no disrespect here. But I think that that sounds
a little crazy. And if you're not able to trust
your girl, um, I don't know what kind of relationship
do you really have at that point? You know? I mean,
I get it. I can understand, like the idea that, yeah,
a lot of dudes have other intentions, you know, but
(15:20):
at the end of the day, it takes two people
to tangle, as they say, and your girl still has
to be complicit in the factory if something was to happen,
so um to me, you should trust her enough to
not worry that if she has some guy friends. That
means something's gonna go down one of my buddies that
I grew up with, And this would have you crack
it up. At Viet d Dog twenty one, he says, Uh,
(15:41):
I haven't liked the girl's post in years because I'm
scared of her. That is the most truthful and honest
and probably the smartest response to this type of thing. Um, yeah,
you don't want no problems with your girl. Man, it
ain't worth it. It It ain't worth it. Uh smart man.
Right there, a happily married man with their congrats on
a new baby as well at JMO JJ said rules
(16:05):
question mark sounds a little overbearing, not at all. I
love that. I think it's a very very healthy, healthy
response to this whole thing. Okay, I love this one
right here because I feel like women are so misguided
when it comes to this idea. Right here. I love
it all right. I'm glad this one came up. At KNY,
I'm gonna mess up your name. I'm sorry, Kaney, so
(16:26):
lax O b Uh said, following too many women that
don't look like me is a red flag. And I
have some like breaking news coming in for women on
behalf of men. When it comes to women that a
man would potentially sleep with. I'm sorry, but most of
us do not have just one type, especially when we're
(16:47):
talking about a random hook up. So to think that
your dude would only want to mess with women who
look just like you doesn't make any sense at all.
It's just not good logic. And I hope that you
change the logic on this one, because if he's following
a bunch of women who are like blondes and your brunette,
chances are he still might want to smash the blondes.
Has nothing to do with the fact that they look
(17:07):
different than you. I would actually argue that a lot
of times a dude would be more interested in a
woman who looks like the polar opposite of his current girlfriend, uh,
because it's something different at that point, Like the same
way why men watch like porn that looks completely different
than the girl that they're with. Doesn't mean they're not
happy with the girl they're with, just means they're like
looking at something different than the norm. Just something to
(17:30):
keep in mind. I mean, if I'm wrong, dude, hit
me up, let me know if y'all think I'm wrong.
But In my opinion, if a guy is going to
cheat on you, he's not specifically just looking for women
that look like the relationship that he's in. I mean, listen,
what do I know. It's my humble opinion. But what
I'm saying is, if a man is going to cheat
on you or a woman is going to cheat on you,
chances are they're not going to limit uh their potential
(17:51):
uh sexual partners in that instance, to just people that
look like their current partner. Uh. This one was funny
is from at uh ill VC said, Yes, number one rule.
She got to be posting fire, make us look good.
We're your brand now. Okay, so you're guessing your girl up.
You want her reposting that picture that gets everybody talking
(18:12):
and gets people liking it. Um, listen, And that's to me,
like as a joke, but it is the ultimate comfortability
because it is the ultimate compliment to like know that
your girl is wanted by other dudes. That's the way
I look at it. I don't get mad. It's like yeah,
like that's fire, Like yeah, okay, all these dudes want
my girl. But guess what, I'm the one who got her.
You know what I'm saying, so like that's nothing but
a compliment to me. If somebody's hitting out my girl,
(18:33):
that's just a compliment to me. Now obviously if it's
somebody to know, it's a different story. But just generally speaking,
all right, now we've got some questions for me. I
just basically made it a general thing, like if anybody
had any questions for me when it comes to this
topic like social media and dating. Um, so we got
a few of those. At Rial's Revengage asked me, do
you think women use their social media to seek validation
(18:54):
from men? I mean short answer, yeah, but I think
we all do. I don't think that's just like exclusive
to to win man. I think all of us have
time periods that we do that. And it's not even
just like validation necessarily in a like sexual way or
trying to feel attractive. I think also validation in that
we're like successful, we're doing well, you know what I'm saying,
Like that's why people still in the graham and do
(19:16):
whatever they do. Um. But yeah, I think we're all
using social media for validation in some way, you know,
or we've been guilty of it in some way, shape
or form. When we're posting something. I think it's just
something we're all um guilty of to a degree. I
wouldn't say just just women, but I mean if you're
talking about like some of these um women who make
a living like being you know, an Instagram girl with
(19:36):
like you know, the Bikinian but pictures and all that
kind of stuff, Like, yeah, I'm sure you know some
of the validation is coming from all the likes and
comments are getting, just like the dudes who be posting
the pictures with the shirt off, you know what I'm saying,
or uh, then popping bottles in the club and all
that kind of stuff like that's all just for show
to get some sort of validation from from people. That's true.
Lacey asked me, Do you care if your girl gets
(19:58):
d m s from old friends and quotes from school
or work? Um? No, I mean, I think you can't
blame somebody for the actions of somebody else. Like I
can't help it if some old like high school classmate
decides to d M her or something like that, But
that has nothing to do with her, has nothing to
do with me. Now, of course, if she responds in
a certain way or invites the conversation or or tries
(20:20):
to continue a conversation on UM, then yeah, I would
feel some type of way about that. But at the
end of the day, I can't control what somebody else does,
and I can't, you know, be upset with what somebody
else does who has no like connection to me. You
know what I'm saying. All I care about is how
my girl responds to that situation. That's how I would care,
all right. And the last one is from via Sauri.
(20:42):
She has questions and answers on this one UM question
was do you have any rules with your girlfriend regarding
social media? Uh? And no. The only rules with my
girlfriend regarding social media neither one of us have like, uh,
you know, told the other one we can or cannot
do a certain thing. UM. Obviously that's just built upon trust.
I would say. The only thing is UM that we've
(21:02):
been working on lately is not having a phone at dinner,
and that has nothing to do with like the topic
at hand, but just more so being present um to
each other in a relationship. And and obviously like it's
tough for me because you know, my emails on my
phone and always like checking if something's coming in or
you might be checking, you know, social media to kind
of you know, put up content whatever the case may be.
That is a part of my job. So it's definitely
(21:24):
something that's become a small obsession of mine. Um. But
I'd say that's the only thing we're we're working on
as far as the rules, you know what I'm saying,
just trying to be president when we are spending that
time with one another and doing things like dinner. Um.
But other than that, nothing as it pertains to like,
you know, knowing each other's log and passwords or all
that kind of stuff. You know, I don't have anything
to hide, you know, I trust her. I don't believe
she has anything to hide. And that's kind of good
(21:45):
enough for for both of us, I think. And man,
thank you guys so much for participating in the ask
Gooding segment. If you want to be a part of
the podcast at DJ Dramas, I'll be posting these different
questions for you guys, or leaving it open for you
to ask me questions. You'll see it in my Instagram
stories at the DJ Dramas once again, if you want
to be a part of the show. And man, we're
(22:05):
gonna take everything we've learned right now in this whole episode,
we're gonna kind of try to tie it together in
a neat bow in a segment I call conclusion, Stu.
Just okay, So, I think the thing that is hitting
the hardest to me is just like social media makes
us fall in love and chase the instant gratification. And
(22:30):
that is not just when it comes to dating or
you know, cheating, as it pertains to this topic, but
just in general. Right, Like we want that validation. Oh,
I want validation of you know, my body looks good,
this outfit is type, this thing that I'm doing is cool.
Whatever the case, you want those likes, you want those comments,
that's all instant gratification, and that's all validation. Um. And
and it makes me think of the quote that I
(22:51):
read earlier, and to me, that kind of sums it
up the best. Um talking about this in terms of
like a vacation, Right, vacations are like that instant gratification,
that short lived happiness. And it's Ken Page's words that
like suck out to me, uh, the most of everything
that I talked about on today's show. And again he's
a psychotherapist, and it was that, uh, a vacation can
make you feel happy, but it's the everyday moments that
(23:14):
lead to ultimate satisfaction. When relationships end. It is so
often those tiny mundane moments that evoke the deepest nostalgia.
And to me, man, those are like, that's a bar
right there that write that down, Put that somewhere, Especially
that last line about the tiny mundane moments, man, Like,
that's what you gotta keep in mind. There's obviously always
(23:35):
going to be temptation out there, and this goes beyond
just social media. But the way I see social media
is like, in the same way, if you're constantly at
clubs getting drunk and your concert around women and you're
in a relationship, you know, the temptation to cheat is
going to be much much higher. You know what I'm saying,
You gotta kind of protect yourself from those those situations.
And it's the same thing the way I've used social media,
Why I put myself in a position where I'm gonna be,
(23:57):
you know, um, tempted to look at those things and
tempted to even question what my life is, you know
what I'm saying, Tempted to question the things that I
have in this life. So I personally try to take
myself out of those situations as best that I can,
because yes, like he's saying, those types of things, they
will make you not as appreciative of those little moments
in your life and in the people that bring you
(24:18):
that joy on a daily basis. And at the end
of the day, that's what's most important. Sure, you might
have one night out there where you have a ball
with some random person, but that is nothing in comparison
to a day in, day out, solid relationship that you
can count on with somebody who loves you and that
you love and that you can continue to create memories
with and those inside jokes and that will be there
(24:40):
for you throughout the ups and downs your life. That's
the most important part of it. And there was no
one night with some random person that's worth putting all
that at risk. So man, you social media sparingly and
understand that you've got to kind of protect your your
mental and protect your mind a little bit, uh and
and put yourself in the position to not make stupid decisions.
That's what's all about. And with that said, thank you
so much for tuning into today's episode. We'll be back
(25:02):
with a brand new one on Tuesday. If you missed
the first episode. It's all up right now. Um. Of course,
wherever you're listening to this podcast, you can check it out.
Follow me at DJ Dramas. If you want to be
a part of the show, you want to give me
some feedback, let me know any topics you think I
should be tackling. Next week's show, the one that's happening
on Tuesday, we'll be talking about mental health and this one, man, Um,
(25:24):
I'm gonna be very raw, very real, very honest about
my own struggles with mental health. So I definitely hope
that you guys tune in. I taken some questions from
people a little while back on my I G man,
this one, like, we really go into it, and I'm
just excited to share it with everybody. So Tuesday, back
with a new episode of Life as a Gringo, and
I'll talk to y'all then. Life as a Gringo is
(25:46):
a production of The Michael through the Podcast Network and
I Heart Radio.
Host
DJ Dramos
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