July 24, 2025 • 30 mins
If you’ve ever wondered how to build confidence and self-esteem from scratch, this episode is for you. Whether you're struggling with insecurity, recovering from rejection, or just trying to believe in yourself again, this message will help you take the first real step toward healing your self-image and stepping fully into your purpose.
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with it’s something you build. In this episode, we dive deep into how to overcome insecurity, rebuild confidence after failure, and understand the truth about self-worth healing. You’ll learn how to develop a confidence mindset, even if life has tried to convince you that you’re not enough.
We’ll break down the difference between fake confidence and real self-love, explore how to boost self-esteem fast, and share daily confidence habits that are proven to create long-lasting change. Whether you’ve been struggling silently or are simply in a season of self-reflection, this is your reminder that you can rewrite your story starting now.
This isn’t just about motivation it’s about personal growth, emotional healing, and reclaiming the power that was always yours.
Becoming confident isn't about becoming perfect, it's about understanding who you actually are.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, the real reason that more people aren't happy
in this world has nothing to do with like their
financial status or their environment, or help how much people
like them or don't like them. It's actually confidence. And
I know this is like cliche to say, but I'm
going to prove to you that it's very easy, very
possible for you to build confidence that's so firm, so
strong that it doesn't matter what anyone else says. And
(00:21):
when you regain that power, when you start loving you
so deeply and so personally, it's so easy for you
to be joyful. And what happens is this huge ripple effect.
When you are happy, everything around you becomes happy. Is
everything around you becomes joy because you're so firm in that.
That's what we're looking at. This is made for this
mountain with Josh Rosa or turning pain into purpose. So
(00:44):
in this episode just talking about this reality of confidence.
First of all, I need you to understand. I get it.
People are going through different situations. You're living in different
places or different things that are happening in them and
with them and around them, and there's all these stresses
and all these pains and all these things are happening
but the most purposeful people in this world, the most
joyful people, the people that have done the greatest things
(01:06):
in this world, are not people that have had everything
figured out, like guess it seems like they have everything together.
It seems like they know every other step. And because
of this, because of what they built in them, they
are able to portray and to be and to grow
into this person they desire to be. Because they're not
believing what other people are telling them that they are
or they're not they're not giving authority to understand themselves
(01:30):
to other people. And what I need you to understand
is when we talk about building confidence and actually healing
this wound of lack of confidence, of self hate, this
mountain of not being able to portray self esteem and
just be this full version of you. When we talk
about this particular wound, we need to first understand that
it often stems from our thoughts of how we are
(01:52):
loved or approved by other people. The worst thing that
we have ever done in this world is thinking that
people pleasing is love, like thinking that if I do
more of something for someone, they will finally see my worth.
And one of the worst things that we can ever
go into in this particular thing is thinking that we
only find validation through those people, even if no one
(02:14):
validates you, if there's not a single person that will
take me, for example, because if you're listening, you're listening,
you're here if it's me in this situation, even if
one person, even if nobody listens, honestly, because at the
end of the day, this should be something that I
do out of the fruits of the things that I've learned,
out of the love that I have for this, out
of the desire to grow and just share, even if
(02:34):
no one listens. The goal is not for other people
to like me or think I know more, or think
I'm better, or think I'm good, or think anything of me,
because my validation is not found in what people say
or think about me. It's found in what I say
or think about me. And this is how your brain works.
We're gonna talk about this a little bit later, right
but just just so you can keep this in the
back of your head that your brain will believe, will
(02:56):
you tell it? So if you're constantly telling yourself that
you are not good, if you're honestly telling yourself that
you for you to like you, other people, so other
people have to like you. For if you're constantly telling
yourself these things, what your brain is gonna believe is like, well, no,
no one's saying this about us, so must not be true.
It must not be the thing that I have confident
And so what happens is that you are repeating a
(03:17):
cycle of pain and of struggle that you shouldn't be
in because again, Chris Rock made this joke, and I
feel like I've said this before, but he said once
that self esteem is literally self like, how dare you
let other people rob you of your self esteem? Of
letting other people dictate how you feel about you? So what?
The greatest words words you ever say are those two words?
(03:39):
So what? So what if people don't like you? So
what if they don't approve of you? So what if
they don't show up for you? So what if they
don't clap for you? I need you to be so
firm and so confident in you that if they don't
do those things, you don't stop doing what you love
to get them to like you or approve of you,
people will talk about you. The more grounded and more
well rounded you become, the better you become, the more
successful you become the more other people like you. That
(04:01):
will aggravate miserable people. So what's gonna happen is that
they will have something to talk about you. But if
you are not firm and confident in you, if I
don't know who I am, I will feel some type
of way when people who don't know who I am
tell me who I am, when they try to dictate
and change the narrative as to what I can do
or can't do. If you aren't firm in you, they
will rob you of that and they will make you
(04:23):
feel like you're nothing because they feel like they're nothing.
Your light is going to illuminate some very shady people,
and when you are bright, those people are going to
have to say something. But I need you to be
so firm in you that you don't change what you do,
or who you are, or how you act to please
anyone else, because at the end of the day, you
won't even please them. This is the big news last year.
(04:45):
You won't even make them happy because they're not happy.
You need to be so firm in you that no
one changes anything that you're doing, that they don't change
what they're saying. But before those people, before we begin
to them. You need to be the first person that
builds you up. Now, this is this thing that happens often,
and I'm not saying be arrogant, or be cocky, or
be overly proud, or be proud of yourself. Absolutely, just
(05:06):
don't be arrogant about it. But what happens very commonly
is there are people that believe, without a question of
a doubt, that they will be this thing, that will
succeed in this world, that are going to be this thing.
More often than not, those people actually do succeed. Why
because they've already conditioned themselves that know what that person
is going to do. It's gonna know the next steps
(05:27):
and know the next moves, the next action. If you
believe that you belong, you will more than belong, you
will own it. And for a lot of us, we
have struggled with that because again we have become our
own biggest critic instead of our own biggest cheerleader. We
talk more poorly about ourselves than we do anything else.
We don't really build ourselves up. Why because it's so
much easier to just bash. It's so much easier to
just sit there and just take the negative route about
(05:49):
you because you think that that's just who you are,
and I need to understand that's not who you are.
You are meant for something amazing, for something good. But
if you do not let yourself actually dive into this,
actually be real with who you are, you're gonna be
stuck in that. And it's impossible to build self esteem
if you are the one that's destroying your self esteem,
if you're the one that's attacking you, if you're the
one that's constantly believing the lies about you. We are
(06:11):
not meant to fight this war in every front right
because you're already gonna fight the world side like you're
gonna fight the war in this world. You're gonna fight
all the naysayers, doll. You're gonna fight all the other
things that are gonna be roadblocks. You're gonna fight all
the other wounds that we've been talking about in this series.
You're gonna fight all these These are all things that
are becoming wars. You can't fight the war outside while
(06:33):
you're still fighting a war inside. If what you've built
in you isn't established enough, it's gonna be easy to
rob you of that. So, yeah, self esteem is self
it's you first. But you can't give people power to
tell you what you should feel or believe about you.
You can't allow the outside world to ruin the inside
world that you have, the things that you have to
work in and on and grow through. At the end
(06:55):
of the day, the only person that's gonna be your
biggest cheerleader or your biggest enemy, it's you. And we'll
talk a little bit more about this after this quick break.
So the reality is that confidence actually isn't a trait.
It's trained. Like confidence, it might seem like people who
are super confident that they just wake up that day,
they just wake up and they just look confident. There
are confident, but it's actually done through repetitions, actually does
(07:17):
it through practice. Confidence is built in doing, not in waiting.
You can't expect to be confident in something that you're
not willing to fail in. The people that have been
the most successful are the people that failed the most.
And doctor Andrew Huberman actually talks about this right. He
talks about confidence is what grows when your brain is
used to facing discomfort and surviving it. Like the greatest pilots,
(07:39):
the greatest Air Force pilots are those that have been
in really scary situations right that they don't know what's
gonna happen next. They don't know this next stage is
the plane is falling. They need to adjust and correct
and align certain things. You become amazing at something when
you do it in repetition. It's anything, working out, exercises,
all these things. Everything that you do in repetition will
(08:03):
be the thing that you'll become amazing at, even if
you suck completely at it first. If at first part
you will grow through something, you would only become good
at it by failing at it. By knowing the ins
and out. You are knowing every You know every part
of this particular thing because you have been so invested
in so in it that even when you failed, you
(08:23):
learned something new from it. You grew from it. But
this is the problem that we lose confidence in us
and we don't try things. We don't step into the
next things don't We don't want to be seen because
we think that people are seeing our failures. And I
need you first of all. First of all, yes we're
talking about confidence and self esteem and all these things,
and that's really important. That's great to know, but I
need you to also understand that no one cares like
(08:44):
and I mean this is the nicest way I can
say this to you, in the most loving and gentle way.
No one actually cares what you're doing. Yes, there might
when you're When you're successful at it, that's one they'll
talk about it absolutely because now you're in the limelight.
Now you're attracting things. But while you're failing, nobody cares
that you're failing. They don't care that you're making the
mistakes and don't care that you're falling. They don't care
that you suck. They're not looking at that because that
doesn't drive anything in them. It's when you are really
(09:06):
good that that's when they have something to say, because
now you are attracting things. But I need you to
understand that as you grow through those stages, as you fail,
as you suck, when you become good, when you become confident,
it doesn't matter what anyone else says, because you know
the work that you did. You know the hours it took,
you know the editing you're doing, social media things, the
(09:27):
hours and hours of growth and challenges and learning and
all these things. You know what it took to get
to the position that you're in, so you don't let
people dictate that. But in the beginning, in the start
of this, which should be comforting, it should be comfort
to know that no one is actually watching you. And
as much as you think that you're failing and that
people are going to ridicule you or criticize you for
(09:48):
or attack your again your confidence in it, they don't
actually care. They're not watching your failures. And that's also
a double edged sword, right, because so many people say, oh,
you were lucky, you woke up one day and everything
was together. And people don't see the sacrifice. They don't
see the hours that you put in. They don't see
the worst that you're doing. But they don't have to
see the worst because they don't have to reap the reward. Also,
they can talk, they can have other things to say,
(10:09):
but you need to know that what you're firm and
confident is you. And yes, they're not watching you while
you fail, but they will watch you when you succeed.
And while they criticize the middle stages, when you're at
the top, they'll always say that they knew you. I
need you to be so confident in you that you
are willing to fail consistently and loudly fail, boldly fail
to an extent that it's so much of a failure
(10:33):
that now you know how far you can fail. It's
okay to do this because confidence is not built. It's
not given to you. It's not a trait, it's trained.
It's built in your failure. It's built in that thing
that you have to grow through. When we're moving into
these things, we need to first challenge that voice or I've
mentioned this before and just diving just a little bit
(10:53):
deeper in there, because our low self esteem comes from
an internalized voice, like the inner critic is the worst
enemy that you will ever have. Why and there's actually
a great reason for this, because that inner critic is
going to die, like the thing in you that doesn't
want you to be this next stage of you, that
does the work, that wakes up, that puts in the effort,
That thing and you, the laziness in you, has to
(11:13):
fight louder and bolder and stronger because it doesn't want
to die. It wants to survive. It wants to keep
you from being this next version of you that is
who you deserve and desire to be. But it's so
loud and so voisterous that it drives you crazy. It
makes you really believe that that's all you'll do. You'll
answer to the laziness, you'll answer to the to the procrastination.
(11:33):
You'll answer to those things. Because it's easy to choose
that thing that's alive than to kill it. We have
to ask ourselves, what is the voice I'm actually listening to? Like,
is this the voice of who I can be? Or
is this the voice of that's trying to keep me back?
Is this the voice of trying to keep me in
chains in this place that I no longer belong in,
because it doesn't want to go. And it's understandable because
(11:56):
it's like anything, even if it was a human person,
which kind of it is, it's a version of you.
It doesn't want to leave. It wants you to believe
that you can't move into the next thing, so that
you have to stay with it. And that's okay to
let those things go. It's okay to step into the
next version of you and watch the old version of
you die. And just a little bit sidebar with this
particular woman, write your self esteem and growing confidence and
(12:19):
other stuff. What we don't prepare for, we will often
do prepare for is that as you grow and become better,
your environment changes, right, the people around you change, whether
for the better or for the worst. Or the people
around you sometimes will have to leave because they don't
fit into the version of you that you're in next.
And it's not that you don't love them, it's not
that you don't care about them, it's not that you
don't value them. But they don't serve the good thing
(12:41):
in you. They were so used to that same lazy person,
that same inner, inner critic that you don't want to destroy,
and they feed into that, They feed that particular life
that you don't want to live. Unfortunately, for a lot
of us will allow ourselves to stay as the worst
version of us so that we can keep people comfortable
around us. Will continue to be small so that people
(13:03):
can feel big around us, will continue to be the
worst and ugliest version of you, just so all the
people can say you, well, it won't say you changed,
and I need you to change. I need you to
stop being okay with this mediocricy of life that is
just keeping you in the stupid rut that you don't
belong in. This wound doesn't heal for a lot of
us because we keep festering in things, thinking that we
(13:25):
have to save everyone around us, that we have to
save the people in this world. There's only one savior,
and it's not you. You can't do these things and
think that you will actually still change and become better.
The critic in you, that person that is people and
even not even just a critic, but the people pleased
are in you, that person in you that desires to
make other people happy and joyful and desires to give.
(13:49):
It's beautiful because it's coming from a genuine part of
your heart. It's coming from something good in you. But
it isn't real. It's not helping, it's not serving, it's
not growing anything and anyone. It's just the woundedness thinking
that it can soothed itself by being valued and seen.
You do not need to be soothed. You need to
be loved. And in places where you have to give
(14:11):
to receive, that is not love, that is an exchange.
You are not doing things because these people love your
care for you. You're doing things because you feel like
this wound of not being seen and not being loved,
by not being admired or admonished, this wound will be
soothed through them approving of you that people please or
needs to die. That person in you that stops everything
(14:33):
from growing and changing and being the full version of
you has to go because there is no place for
that person and the person you desire to become. There
is no place for that critic to live in this
next part of your life. I need you to become
so confident in you. This is the goal here, that
you become so censored and you grow in this self
(14:55):
esteem that nothing deterbs or despises or makes you go
away from where you need to be. It's okay to
let things die that will kill you later. It's okay
to end leve relationships end or friendships or family or
toxic environments or working environment. Let those things wither and
(15:16):
die and not keep feeding them, because those things are
the things that are killing you. Allowing that inner critic
that people pleaser to go is one of the greatest
things you ever do. Our next point here is confidence
is a byproduct of keeping the promise to yourself. And
this is gonna hurt because it hurts me. This point
hurts me. And like I said many times before, I'm
(15:37):
not perfect there's not again, not a single person that's perfect.
And I share this advice in these conversations and these
topics of people and all these things, not from a
place of perfection, but from a place of understanding. Just
because you understand something doesn't mean that you are the
greatest at it or you're doing anything with It's just
easy to verbalize. For me, I can take the things
that we've talked about because these are things that most
(15:57):
people know, right. It's just you need someone to walk
with you through this thing. And this hurt me because
it convicted me. That's another wonderful Christian word they would
throw in there, but it convicted me because this is
a reality. Confidence is a byproduct of keeping a promise
to yourself. If you can't trust you, if you don't
trust your own word, why should you be confident? Like,
(16:19):
why should your confidence trust it? If you say and
this is an example of this, if you say okay
on Monday, and I say it all the time, and
I'm trying, we have to take and navigate. But this
is what I'm saying, fail loudly, fail boldly, fail in compleicency.
Even if you don't do it, you have to continue
to fail, because when you stop trying, and that's when
you guarantee that failure is a thing. But if I
(16:41):
say Monday, I'm going to start going to the gym.
If I say I set a time and I set
things aside, and then I choose to look over and
just roll over and say I'm not going to do
this thing, then what's happening. I'm internalizing this reality where
I'm now creating this barrier between what I said I
was going to do and what I did. I can't
trust me with the little things, So how is it
that I expect myself to grow and to be confident
(17:02):
in anything else? And I'm going to give you this tool,
and I hope this is something you're taking and I hope,
I hope this is the most listening to episode that
I ever have, because I think this is so powerful
and this is something that would change so many people
and it would change me. I want you to do
something small, right, So something that you're not used to doing,
something that you want to do, but you keep failing
(17:23):
at it, and you keep or not even failing at it.
You don't even try, but you don't allow yourself to
lift through this thing. I want you to take that
particular thing, make this promise to you and do this
small thing, make that next step happen. Just do that.
Today I'm practicing. What I'm preaching today was a byproduct
of that. Today's I'm recording this episode on a Sunday,
and I'm sitting here and I said, I need to
(17:45):
get this done. This has to be done, not even
just just to meet the quota, right because I have
to hit my certain numbers and all that wonderful stuff.
Not even because of that. This has to be done
because I said I was going to do it, because
I made a promise to me that I was going
to complete this particular thing or these particular episodes, and
I was gonna do this series on wounds, and there's
(18:05):
miniseries within the series of Wounds, and I was gonna
make that happen. And I had to choose to make
that thing happen. So what I'm challenging you is, as
you're listening, as we dive any deeper into this, I
need you to pick something, even if it's small, because
what we're doing here is we're building habits, right, We're
building the patterns of knowing that I'm challenging myself, and
I'm promising to me that I will do and I
(18:26):
will complete because I made that promise, right, I'm saying,
I'm going to do this thing and I'm going to
follow through with it. So what we're doing is that
we're building a foundation of promises that you made to
yourself that you're gonna keep because the reality is that
we don't trust us. And this is for a lot
of us, is subconsciously right. It becomes to a point
where we say these things and in our subconscious our
(18:47):
brain goes, yeah, you're not gonna do that. That's not
gonna happen. So we don't live against that. We prove it, right,
we say, oh yeah, that's that's it. I'm reinforcing this
terrible thing in me. So I need you to pick
something small, no matter what it is, and keep that promise.
Keep that, and then you know, obviously we're building up
and we're building more, and we're adding things that are
more difficult in things that we genuinely want to try
(19:08):
and things that we really want to do. But I
need you to build on that because if you do
not trust you, if you can't believe you, then nothing's
ever going to change in you. You're never gonna say,
you're never gonna be that person that you're in visions.
You're actually giving back in in a critic you're saying, well, yeah,
you know what, You're right, we're not going to succeed
because our self esteem is based on the trust of us,
and we're not trusting us. We're not growing in this.
(19:30):
There has to be a point where you look at
the promises that you make for you and actually follow
through with it. And there's a saying, this is ever
promise that you keep to yourself is a vote for
the best to you, right that you're making a promise
to you and actually voting on that reality. And we'll
talk a little bit more about this after there's really
(19:50):
quick commercial break. Okay, so this is a great series,
and I love these wounds that we're addressing and talking about. Again,
these are things that for a lot of us that
have to be repetitive, We have to repeat to believe.
We have to keep seeing and saying and doing until
this has become something that's natural to us. And it's
easy again to say these things. What's hard is going
(20:13):
to be implementing them. It's going to be hard to
sit here and saying I'm actually going to do this thing.
That's why that last point that we just talked about,
why that challenge a small thing because we it's a
snowball effect, right, When we build on things, we build outward,
we build up. Perhaps we build outwards and up from
this particular thing, because it doesn't have to be massive.
It's just the starting point. Now, if you really want
(20:35):
to get deep with that, and this is just you know,
I throw that out there. I feel like I should
start adding these in the show notes and you know what, well, yeah,
you know, we'll figure that out later. I'll see. I'll
see if I could add these in there in the
show notes. If they're not there, that's because I couldn't.
And if they are there, I did it. But giving
yourself a kind promise, and what I mean by that
(20:56):
is all right, So let's just say example that you
desire to I use this example before for something else,
but I feel like to go and start a podcast
right because you're listening to a podcast right now. So
just feel like you want to start a podcast. I
want you to give yourself. I don't know, let's say
this week and this week I'm going to write out
two three episodes or whatever, something something that's challenging but
(21:16):
not super challenging. Right, It's like not over the top,
it's like in the middle. Give yourself this this challenge
to write these things out in that time frame. So
you're gonna give yourself Monday to I don't know, let's
say Monday to Wednesday, just for for sake of Riggs
saying dates. You're gonna give yourself that timeframe and say,
I'm gonna do this particular thing in these days, the
small version of it, and then I'm gonna build upon it.
And then you do next is that within the two
(21:38):
weeks here, I'm going to record one of these or
record two of these, whatever it is. Again, find the
middle ground. That's that's that's still a challenge for you,
but something that you can still do and then build
upon that. What's with that again, what it's gonna do
is gonna reinforce is reality that you made a promise
to you and you kept it, you followed through, you
did what you needed to do. And now this becomes
easy to repeat because it's already in you. It's already
(21:59):
now nactual to you. Be building this up again, That
first point is there's no mistake. These all go together perfectly.
That first point is that that that is confidence is
built right, it's not it's not a trait that you
just wake up with one day. It's trained. You grew
into this particular thing. Now we need to stop this point.
Our next point here is stop measuring confidence by comparison.
(22:21):
And that's a killer that that phrase comparison is the
thief of joy. That a lot of people are looking
at people doing the things that they want to do
and compare themselves. And I'll be completely honest and I'm
always transparent with everyone as I speak these things because
it's my truth. I've struggled with that so many times,
like I've struggled with with comparison and uh and the
(22:43):
last two episodes talked about this imposter syndrome. I struggle
with that often because these are things that I look
at people doing what I'm doing, and they have better connections,
they have better relationships, they have all these things, and
it's just easy to get wrapped up and lost in
what they're doing. I spoke at a conference in in Indiana,
Like I speak at the main stage, just fIF thousand people,
(23:04):
but I was invited to speak there, and I'm sitting
that I'm thinking to myself as I'm heading to this conference,
I'm like, there are people that are so much better
than I am at this, Like they they are they
know what I'm doing, they do what with my talk,
what I'm giving about, they know that very well, and
they're more successful, and they're more articulated in certain things.
Maybe not as a speaker. I'm very confident in my
speaking abilities, but maybe in the things the terminology that
(23:26):
they might have or the experience they might have. And
I'm sitting there thinking, and I was really just liking
myself out of something that I was already in because
it's so easy to look at other people and compare
yourself and limit what you can do because you think
you'll never be like them. But I need to understand
that you don't have to be like them. Like your
gifting and your talent is unique to you. And they
might be in the industry or the field or whatever
(23:48):
or the talent that you're trying to be like, and
they might they might already have it, but they don't
have what you have. They don't have what you know.
They don't they're not you and it does not matter
what they're doing, It matters what you're doing. Pairing yourself
to people is always going to be just a terrible
way to go with this, because what you're gonna do
is you're gonna compare even to yourself. I need to understand,
(24:09):
Like I look at stuff that I've made years ago,
and I'm like, oh, that was so terrible. But i
look at stuff that I'm making now and I'm like, oh,
this is great. I'm only improving. You will only improve,
you will only become better. The only person that you'll
have any comparison to is who you used to be,
to the person that you're becoming now. We replace this phrase, right,
am I as good as them? When to replace that
(24:30):
with am I better than I was yesterday? Like? Is
the person that I am now improving? Am I? Am
I better in what I'm doing now than I was yesterday?
Did I give up and just started flowing with whatever?
Stry taking the current just the easy route around around this?
There is no reality where there won't be people that
are quote unquote better than you in your field. But
(24:52):
that's just not that was the case. Then there will
be no improvement for anyone because even the best of
the best. There's still improvement for them. But when we
start comparing ourselves to those people, thinking that we have
to look like them, or act like them, or speak
like them, or do the things that they do, you
lose the love that you have for yourself. You lose
the love that you have in the craft that you're practicing,
or the thing you're doing, or the career you're starting.
(25:14):
You lose that ability to be the full version of
you because you think you need to be them. They
already exist. We don't need them. We need you. We
need the talent that you bring, We need the gifting
that you have. The world needs the things that were
already put in you. But if you are so hard
on yourself that you destroy your own self esteem and
you don't even start, then you're robbing the world of you.
(25:36):
We need those things in you. Lack of confidence often
comes from an unhealed identity wound. You weren't made to
hustle for worth. You were born with it. Like your wounds,
don't come back to this thought of being seen or
not seen. It doesn't matter who sees you who doesn't
see you. Your identity is already grounded and rooted and
(25:58):
what you are not what people approve of or don't
approve of. And again that's killing that critic and killing
that people pleaser in you. That it's not a necessity
to be loved or seen by other people. It's a
necessity to be loved and seen on your own. You're
already loved and seen by God, first of all, that's
the most, the greatest level of received. But understanding that
on your own, who you are is more valid and
(26:21):
more useful than who you need to be for other people,
because that's who the world needs. It doesn't need an
imitation of them, it doesn't need an extra them. It
needs you. It needs the fullness of you. And you're
not just gonna impact and change your own world. You're
gonna change and impact your families and the people around you,
and your future kids or your current kids or whatever,
your coworkers or whatever. Those people will be greatly impacted
(26:42):
and brought up because you were so full and firm
on you. And it's not your job to do that,
by the way, just to be clear, it's not your
job to become better so that other people can become better.
But it's a byproduct of how good you are because
it will challenge and grow the people that desire to
be around you. It will feed the mouths that you
need to feed. It will help you be this version
of you that is so firm and loved that everyone
(27:05):
else around you feels firm and loved. Our last point
is exactly that, it's a confidence is contagious, like everyone
around you will heal because of you, like they will
be better because of you. They will receive what they
need because of you. And it's again again, I just
want to echo that because I don't want to solidify
(27:25):
any live of people pleasing. This is not people pleasing.
This is just a byproduct of a fullness of who
you are that feeds into what they receive. So they
feel loved and seen because you have loved and you
have seen because you are full, not because of them,
not because you had to do it for them, but
because it just naturally flows out of you. So this
(27:49):
reality of self confidence is reality of just of your
self esteem and just knowing that you have the authority
to build this, that you have the power to change
and to rearrange and to move and to shift how
things are. It's it's rooted, not in your perfection, but
in your desire to be available, your desire to to
(28:11):
be available to you, by the way, again, not to
other people. Yes, again byproduct. I don't want to dismiss it.
I don't want to sound like we're hating other people
and everything is just about us and our ego and
our pride. That's actually terrible. Actually you don't want that,
But I do want you to understand that it is.
It's principal core about you. You can't that that analogy right,
the plane is coming down. You have to be able
(28:33):
to put the mask over you before you put the
mask on anyone else. I can't tell you to love
you and to be confident and to work on your
self esteem if I don't love me, if I'm not
confident in me, I, of course, first of all, to
be clear of this, of course, there are tons of
things that I need to work on. There will be
tons of things that you need to change and work on,
and that's life. You will literally work. And if you're not,
(28:56):
if you're not working and growing and changing, you're not
living life. You're either living a lie or you're not
even moving at all. You will always progress. There's always
something that's going to be changed. I can't tell you
to be confident and to have self esteem if I
don't believe and love me enough to do myself. Yes,
there are things that I'm working on, things you will
have to work on. But at the core of this all,
(29:16):
it's not about the work that's in the future. It's
about what's happening right now. Who am I, Who do
I love? And how do I please the world? Am
I actually doing something productive or am I just going
with the flow? Your self esteem matters. Who you are matters.
The person that you are meant to be is important.
And as we address as mounts in this wound of
(29:37):
self esteem, and you're confident in building that up, we
need to know that it's not about what's been done
or said to us, or what we have done or said,
but it's about what we do next. So thank you
for being a part of this episode, for listening, and
I think we have one more about wounds. I think
it'll be the end of our our mini series here,
and I hope that these are actually bringing at least
(29:58):
some level of clarity something. I know we can't expect
perfection from everything and every single time, but at the
very minimum, sum level of clarity somewhere, So thank you
for being on this episode, thank you for listening or
watching wherever you are, and I'll see you in the
next one. Take care,
You know, the real reason that more people aren't happy
in this world has nothing to do with like their
financial status or their environment, or help how much people
like them or don't like them. It's actually confidence. And
I know this is like cliche to say, but I'm
going to prove to you that it's very easy, very
possible for you to build confidence that's so firm, so
strong that it doesn't matter what anyone else says. And
(00:21):
when you regain that power, when you start loving you
so deeply and so personally, it's so easy for you
to be joyful. And what happens is this huge ripple effect.
When you are happy, everything around you becomes happy. Is
everything around you becomes joy because you're so firm in that.
That's what we're looking at. This is made for this
mountain with Josh Rosa or turning pain into purpose. So
(00:44):
in this episode just talking about this reality of confidence.
First of all, I need you to understand. I get it.
People are going through different situations. You're living in different
places or different things that are happening in them and
with them and around them, and there's all these stresses
and all these pains and all these things are happening
but the most purposeful people in this world, the most
joyful people, the people that have done the greatest things
(01:06):
in this world, are not people that have had everything
figured out, like guess it seems like they have everything together.
It seems like they know every other step. And because
of this, because of what they built in them, they
are able to portray and to be and to grow
into this person they desire to be. Because they're not
believing what other people are telling them that they are
or they're not they're not giving authority to understand themselves
(01:30):
to other people. And what I need you to understand
is when we talk about building confidence and actually healing
this wound of lack of confidence, of self hate, this
mountain of not being able to portray self esteem and
just be this full version of you. When we talk
about this particular wound, we need to first understand that
it often stems from our thoughts of how we are
(01:52):
loved or approved by other people. The worst thing that
we have ever done in this world is thinking that
people pleasing is love, like thinking that if I do
more of something for someone, they will finally see my worth.
And one of the worst things that we can ever
go into in this particular thing is thinking that we
only find validation through those people, even if no one
(02:14):
validates you, if there's not a single person that will
take me, for example, because if you're listening, you're listening,
you're here if it's me in this situation, even if
one person, even if nobody listens, honestly, because at the
end of the day, this should be something that I
do out of the fruits of the things that I've learned,
out of the love that I have for this, out
of the desire to grow and just share, even if
(02:34):
no one listens. The goal is not for other people
to like me or think I know more, or think
I'm better, or think I'm good, or think anything of me,
because my validation is not found in what people say
or think about me. It's found in what I say
or think about me. And this is how your brain works.
We're gonna talk about this a little bit later, right
but just just so you can keep this in the
back of your head that your brain will believe, will
(02:56):
you tell it? So if you're constantly telling yourself that
you are not good, if you're honestly telling yourself that
you for you to like you, other people, so other
people have to like you. For if you're constantly telling
yourself these things, what your brain is gonna believe is like, well, no,
no one's saying this about us, so must not be true.
It must not be the thing that I have confident
And so what happens is that you are repeating a
(03:17):
cycle of pain and of struggle that you shouldn't be
in because again, Chris Rock made this joke, and I
feel like I've said this before, but he said once
that self esteem is literally self like, how dare you
let other people rob you of your self esteem? Of
letting other people dictate how you feel about you? So what?
The greatest words words you ever say are those two words?
(03:39):
So what? So what if people don't like you? So
what if they don't approve of you? So what if
they don't show up for you? So what if they
don't clap for you? I need you to be so
firm and so confident in you that if they don't
do those things, you don't stop doing what you love
to get them to like you or approve of you,
people will talk about you. The more grounded and more
well rounded you become, the better you become, the more
successful you become the more other people like you. That
(04:01):
will aggravate miserable people. So what's gonna happen is that
they will have something to talk about you. But if
you are not firm and confident in you, if I
don't know who I am, I will feel some type
of way when people who don't know who I am
tell me who I am, when they try to dictate
and change the narrative as to what I can do
or can't do. If you aren't firm in you, they
will rob you of that and they will make you
(04:23):
feel like you're nothing because they feel like they're nothing.
Your light is going to illuminate some very shady people,
and when you are bright, those people are going to
have to say something. But I need you to be
so firm in you that you don't change what you do,
or who you are, or how you act to please
anyone else, because at the end of the day, you
won't even please them. This is the big news last year.
(04:45):
You won't even make them happy because they're not happy.
You need to be so firm in you that no
one changes anything that you're doing, that they don't change
what they're saying. But before those people, before we begin
to them. You need to be the first person that
builds you up. Now, this is this thing that happens often,
and I'm not saying be arrogant, or be cocky, or
be overly proud, or be proud of yourself. Absolutely, just
(05:06):
don't be arrogant about it. But what happens very commonly
is there are people that believe, without a question of
a doubt, that they will be this thing, that will
succeed in this world, that are going to be this thing.
More often than not, those people actually do succeed. Why
because they've already conditioned themselves that know what that person
is going to do. It's gonna know the next steps
(05:27):
and know the next moves, the next action. If you
believe that you belong, you will more than belong, you
will own it. And for a lot of us, we
have struggled with that because again we have become our
own biggest critic instead of our own biggest cheerleader. We
talk more poorly about ourselves than we do anything else.
We don't really build ourselves up. Why because it's so
much easier to just bash. It's so much easier to
just sit there and just take the negative route about
(05:49):
you because you think that that's just who you are,
and I need to understand that's not who you are.
You are meant for something amazing, for something good. But
if you do not let yourself actually dive into this,
actually be real with who you are, you're gonna be
stuck in that. And it's impossible to build self esteem
if you are the one that's destroying your self esteem,
if you're the one that's attacking you, if you're the
one that's constantly believing the lies about you. We are
(06:11):
not meant to fight this war in every front right
because you're already gonna fight the world side like you're
gonna fight the war in this world. You're gonna fight
all the naysayers, doll. You're gonna fight all the other
things that are gonna be roadblocks. You're gonna fight all
the other wounds that we've been talking about in this series.
You're gonna fight all these These are all things that
are becoming wars. You can't fight the war outside while
(06:33):
you're still fighting a war inside. If what you've built
in you isn't established enough, it's gonna be easy to
rob you of that. So, yeah, self esteem is self
it's you first. But you can't give people power to
tell you what you should feel or believe about you.
You can't allow the outside world to ruin the inside
world that you have, the things that you have to
work in and on and grow through. At the end
(06:55):
of the day, the only person that's gonna be your
biggest cheerleader or your biggest enemy, it's you. And we'll
talk a little bit more about this after this quick break.
So the reality is that confidence actually isn't a trait.
It's trained. Like confidence, it might seem like people who
are super confident that they just wake up that day,
they just wake up and they just look confident. There
are confident, but it's actually done through repetitions, actually does
(07:17):
it through practice. Confidence is built in doing, not in waiting.
You can't expect to be confident in something that you're
not willing to fail in. The people that have been
the most successful are the people that failed the most.
And doctor Andrew Huberman actually talks about this right. He
talks about confidence is what grows when your brain is
used to facing discomfort and surviving it. Like the greatest pilots,
(07:39):
the greatest Air Force pilots are those that have been
in really scary situations right that they don't know what's
gonna happen next. They don't know this next stage is
the plane is falling. They need to adjust and correct
and align certain things. You become amazing at something when
you do it in repetition. It's anything, working out, exercises,
all these things. Everything that you do in repetition will
(08:03):
be the thing that you'll become amazing at, even if
you suck completely at it first. If at first part
you will grow through something, you would only become good
at it by failing at it. By knowing the ins
and out. You are knowing every You know every part
of this particular thing because you have been so invested
in so in it that even when you failed, you
(08:23):
learned something new from it. You grew from it. But
this is the problem that we lose confidence in us
and we don't try things. We don't step into the
next things don't We don't want to be seen because
we think that people are seeing our failures. And I
need you first of all. First of all, yes we're
talking about confidence and self esteem and all these things,
and that's really important. That's great to know, but I
need you to also understand that no one cares like
(08:44):
and I mean this is the nicest way I can
say this to you, in the most loving and gentle way.
No one actually cares what you're doing. Yes, there might
when you're When you're successful at it, that's one they'll
talk about it absolutely because now you're in the limelight.
Now you're attracting things. But while you're failing, nobody cares
that you're failing. They don't care that you're making the
mistakes and don't care that you're falling. They don't care
that you suck. They're not looking at that because that
doesn't drive anything in them. It's when you are really
(09:06):
good that that's when they have something to say, because
now you are attracting things. But I need you to
understand that as you grow through those stages, as you fail,
as you suck, when you become good, when you become confident,
it doesn't matter what anyone else says, because you know
the work that you did. You know the hours it took,
you know the editing you're doing, social media things, the
(09:27):
hours and hours of growth and challenges and learning and
all these things. You know what it took to get
to the position that you're in, so you don't let
people dictate that. But in the beginning, in the start
of this, which should be comforting, it should be comfort
to know that no one is actually watching you. And
as much as you think that you're failing and that
people are going to ridicule you or criticize you for
(09:48):
or attack your again your confidence in it, they don't
actually care. They're not watching your failures. And that's also
a double edged sword, right, because so many people say, oh,
you were lucky, you woke up one day and everything
was together. And people don't see the sacrifice. They don't
see the hours that you put in. They don't see
the worst that you're doing. But they don't have to
see the worst because they don't have to reap the reward. Also,
they can talk, they can have other things to say,
(10:09):
but you need to know that what you're firm and
confident is you. And yes, they're not watching you while
you fail, but they will watch you when you succeed.
And while they criticize the middle stages, when you're at
the top, they'll always say that they knew you. I
need you to be so confident in you that you
are willing to fail consistently and loudly fail, boldly fail
to an extent that it's so much of a failure
(10:33):
that now you know how far you can fail. It's
okay to do this because confidence is not built. It's
not given to you. It's not a trait, it's trained.
It's built in your failure. It's built in that thing
that you have to grow through. When we're moving into
these things, we need to first challenge that voice or I've
mentioned this before and just diving just a little bit
(10:53):
deeper in there, because our low self esteem comes from
an internalized voice, like the inner critic is the worst
enemy that you will ever have. Why and there's actually
a great reason for this, because that inner critic is
going to die, like the thing in you that doesn't
want you to be this next stage of you, that
does the work, that wakes up, that puts in the effort,
That thing and you, the laziness in you, has to
(11:13):
fight louder and bolder and stronger because it doesn't want
to die. It wants to survive. It wants to keep
you from being this next version of you that is
who you deserve and desire to be. But it's so
loud and so voisterous that it drives you crazy. It
makes you really believe that that's all you'll do. You'll
answer to the laziness, you'll answer to the to the procrastination.
(11:33):
You'll answer to those things. Because it's easy to choose
that thing that's alive than to kill it. We have
to ask ourselves, what is the voice I'm actually listening to? Like,
is this the voice of who I can be? Or
is this the voice of that's trying to keep me back?
Is this the voice of trying to keep me in
chains in this place that I no longer belong in,
because it doesn't want to go. And it's understandable because
(11:56):
it's like anything, even if it was a human person,
which kind of it is, it's a version of you.
It doesn't want to leave. It wants you to believe
that you can't move into the next thing, so that
you have to stay with it. And that's okay to
let those things go. It's okay to step into the
next version of you and watch the old version of
you die. And just a little bit sidebar with this
particular woman, write your self esteem and growing confidence and
(12:19):
other stuff. What we don't prepare for, we will often
do prepare for is that as you grow and become better,
your environment changes, right, the people around you change, whether
for the better or for the worst. Or the people
around you sometimes will have to leave because they don't
fit into the version of you that you're in next.
And it's not that you don't love them, it's not
that you don't care about them, it's not that you
don't value them. But they don't serve the good thing
(12:41):
in you. They were so used to that same lazy person,
that same inner, inner critic that you don't want to destroy,
and they feed into that, They feed that particular life
that you don't want to live. Unfortunately, for a lot
of us will allow ourselves to stay as the worst
version of us so that we can keep people comfortable
around us. Will continue to be small so that people
(13:03):
can feel big around us, will continue to be the
worst and ugliest version of you, just so all the
people can say you, well, it won't say you changed,
and I need you to change. I need you to
stop being okay with this mediocricy of life that is
just keeping you in the stupid rut that you don't
belong in. This wound doesn't heal for a lot of
us because we keep festering in things, thinking that we
(13:25):
have to save everyone around us, that we have to
save the people in this world. There's only one savior,
and it's not you. You can't do these things and
think that you will actually still change and become better.
The critic in you, that person that is people and
even not even just a critic, but the people pleased
are in you, that person in you that desires to
make other people happy and joyful and desires to give.
(13:49):
It's beautiful because it's coming from a genuine part of
your heart. It's coming from something good in you. But
it isn't real. It's not helping, it's not serving, it's
not growing anything and anyone. It's just the woundedness thinking
that it can soothed itself by being valued and seen.
You do not need to be soothed. You need to
be loved. And in places where you have to give
(14:11):
to receive, that is not love, that is an exchange.
You are not doing things because these people love your
care for you. You're doing things because you feel like
this wound of not being seen and not being loved,
by not being admired or admonished, this wound will be
soothed through them approving of you that people please or
needs to die. That person in you that stops everything
(14:33):
from growing and changing and being the full version of
you has to go because there is no place for
that person and the person you desire to become. There
is no place for that critic to live in this
next part of your life. I need you to become
so confident in you. This is the goal here, that
you become so censored and you grow in this self
(14:55):
esteem that nothing deterbs or despises or makes you go
away from where you need to be. It's okay to
let things die that will kill you later. It's okay
to end leve relationships end or friendships or family or
toxic environments or working environment. Let those things wither and
(15:16):
die and not keep feeding them, because those things are
the things that are killing you. Allowing that inner critic
that people pleaser to go is one of the greatest
things you ever do. Our next point here is confidence
is a byproduct of keeping the promise to yourself. And
this is gonna hurt because it hurts me. This point
hurts me. And like I said many times before, I'm
(15:37):
not perfect there's not again, not a single person that's perfect.
And I share this advice in these conversations and these
topics of people and all these things, not from a
place of perfection, but from a place of understanding. Just
because you understand something doesn't mean that you are the
greatest at it or you're doing anything with It's just
easy to verbalize. For me, I can take the things
that we've talked about because these are things that most
(15:57):
people know, right. It's just you need someone to walk
with you through this thing. And this hurt me because
it convicted me. That's another wonderful Christian word they would
throw in there, but it convicted me because this is
a reality. Confidence is a byproduct of keeping a promise
to yourself. If you can't trust you, if you don't
trust your own word, why should you be confident? Like,
(16:19):
why should your confidence trust it? If you say and
this is an example of this, if you say okay
on Monday, and I say it all the time, and
I'm trying, we have to take and navigate. But this
is what I'm saying, fail loudly, fail boldly, fail in compleicency.
Even if you don't do it, you have to continue
to fail, because when you stop trying, and that's when
you guarantee that failure is a thing. But if I
(16:41):
say Monday, I'm going to start going to the gym.
If I say I set a time and I set
things aside, and then I choose to look over and
just roll over and say I'm not going to do
this thing, then what's happening. I'm internalizing this reality where
I'm now creating this barrier between what I said I
was going to do and what I did. I can't
trust me with the little things, So how is it
that I expect myself to grow and to be confident
(17:02):
in anything else? And I'm going to give you this tool,
and I hope this is something you're taking and I hope,
I hope this is the most listening to episode that
I ever have, because I think this is so powerful
and this is something that would change so many people
and it would change me. I want you to do
something small, right, So something that you're not used to doing,
something that you want to do, but you keep failing
(17:23):
at it, and you keep or not even failing at it.
You don't even try, but you don't allow yourself to
lift through this thing. I want you to take that
particular thing, make this promise to you and do this
small thing, make that next step happen. Just do that.
Today I'm practicing. What I'm preaching today was a byproduct
of that. Today's I'm recording this episode on a Sunday,
and I'm sitting here and I said, I need to
(17:45):
get this done. This has to be done, not even
just just to meet the quota, right because I have
to hit my certain numbers and all that wonderful stuff.
Not even because of that. This has to be done
because I said I was going to do it, because
I made a promise to me that I was going
to complete this particular thing or these particular episodes, and
I was gonna do this series on wounds, and there's
(18:05):
miniseries within the series of Wounds, and I was gonna
make that happen. And I had to choose to make
that thing happen. So what I'm challenging you is, as
you're listening, as we dive any deeper into this, I
need you to pick something, even if it's small, because
what we're doing here is we're building habits, right, We're
building the patterns of knowing that I'm challenging myself, and
I'm promising to me that I will do and I
(18:26):
will complete because I made that promise, right, I'm saying,
I'm going to do this thing and I'm going to
follow through with it. So what we're doing is that
we're building a foundation of promises that you made to
yourself that you're gonna keep because the reality is that
we don't trust us. And this is for a lot
of us, is subconsciously right. It becomes to a point
where we say these things and in our subconscious our
(18:47):
brain goes, yeah, you're not gonna do that. That's not
gonna happen. So we don't live against that. We prove it, right,
we say, oh yeah, that's that's it. I'm reinforcing this
terrible thing in me. So I need you to pick
something small, no matter what it is, and keep that promise.
Keep that, and then you know, obviously we're building up
and we're building more, and we're adding things that are
more difficult in things that we genuinely want to try
(19:08):
and things that we really want to do. But I
need you to build on that because if you do
not trust you, if you can't believe you, then nothing's
ever going to change in you. You're never gonna say,
you're never gonna be that person that you're in visions.
You're actually giving back in in a critic you're saying, well, yeah,
you know what, You're right, we're not going to succeed
because our self esteem is based on the trust of us,
and we're not trusting us. We're not growing in this.
(19:30):
There has to be a point where you look at
the promises that you make for you and actually follow
through with it. And there's a saying, this is ever
promise that you keep to yourself is a vote for
the best to you, right that you're making a promise
to you and actually voting on that reality. And we'll
talk a little bit more about this after there's really
(19:50):
quick commercial break. Okay, so this is a great series,
and I love these wounds that we're addressing and talking about. Again,
these are things that for a lot of us that
have to be repetitive, We have to repeat to believe.
We have to keep seeing and saying and doing until
this has become something that's natural to us. And it's
easy again to say these things. What's hard is going
(20:13):
to be implementing them. It's going to be hard to
sit here and saying I'm actually going to do this thing.
That's why that last point that we just talked about,
why that challenge a small thing because we it's a
snowball effect, right, When we build on things, we build outward,
we build up. Perhaps we build outwards and up from
this particular thing, because it doesn't have to be massive.
It's just the starting point. Now, if you really want
(20:35):
to get deep with that, and this is just you know,
I throw that out there. I feel like I should
start adding these in the show notes and you know what, well, yeah,
you know, we'll figure that out later. I'll see. I'll
see if I could add these in there in the
show notes. If they're not there, that's because I couldn't.
And if they are there, I did it. But giving
yourself a kind promise, and what I mean by that
(20:56):
is all right, So let's just say example that you
desire to I use this example before for something else,
but I feel like to go and start a podcast
right because you're listening to a podcast right now. So
just feel like you want to start a podcast. I
want you to give yourself. I don't know, let's say
this week and this week I'm going to write out
two three episodes or whatever, something something that's challenging but
(21:16):
not super challenging. Right, It's like not over the top,
it's like in the middle. Give yourself this this challenge
to write these things out in that time frame. So
you're gonna give yourself Monday to I don't know, let's
say Monday to Wednesday, just for for sake of Riggs
saying dates. You're gonna give yourself that timeframe and say,
I'm gonna do this particular thing in these days, the
small version of it, and then I'm gonna build upon it.
And then you do next is that within the two
(21:38):
weeks here, I'm going to record one of these or
record two of these, whatever it is. Again, find the
middle ground. That's that's that's still a challenge for you,
but something that you can still do and then build
upon that. What's with that again, what it's gonna do
is gonna reinforce is reality that you made a promise
to you and you kept it, you followed through, you
did what you needed to do. And now this becomes
easy to repeat because it's already in you. It's already
(21:59):
now nactual to you. Be building this up again, That
first point is there's no mistake. These all go together perfectly.
That first point is that that that is confidence is
built right, it's not it's not a trait that you
just wake up with one day. It's trained. You grew
into this particular thing. Now we need to stop this point.
Our next point here is stop measuring confidence by comparison.
(22:21):
And that's a killer that that phrase comparison is the
thief of joy. That a lot of people are looking
at people doing the things that they want to do
and compare themselves. And I'll be completely honest and I'm
always transparent with everyone as I speak these things because
it's my truth. I've struggled with that so many times,
like I've struggled with with comparison and uh and the
(22:43):
last two episodes talked about this imposter syndrome. I struggle
with that often because these are things that I look
at people doing what I'm doing, and they have better connections,
they have better relationships, they have all these things, and
it's just easy to get wrapped up and lost in
what they're doing. I spoke at a conference in in Indiana,
Like I speak at the main stage, just fIF thousand people,
(23:04):
but I was invited to speak there, and I'm sitting
that I'm thinking to myself as I'm heading to this conference,
I'm like, there are people that are so much better
than I am at this, Like they they are they
know what I'm doing, they do what with my talk,
what I'm giving about, they know that very well, and
they're more successful, and they're more articulated in certain things.
Maybe not as a speaker. I'm very confident in my
speaking abilities, but maybe in the things the terminology that
(23:26):
they might have or the experience they might have. And
I'm sitting there thinking, and I was really just liking
myself out of something that I was already in because
it's so easy to look at other people and compare
yourself and limit what you can do because you think
you'll never be like them. But I need to understand
that you don't have to be like them. Like your
gifting and your talent is unique to you. And they
might be in the industry or the field or whatever
(23:48):
or the talent that you're trying to be like, and
they might they might already have it, but they don't
have what you have. They don't have what you know.
They don't they're not you and it does not matter
what they're doing, It matters what you're doing. Pairing yourself
to people is always going to be just a terrible
way to go with this, because what you're gonna do
is you're gonna compare even to yourself. I need to understand,
(24:09):
Like I look at stuff that I've made years ago,
and I'm like, oh, that was so terrible. But i
look at stuff that I'm making now and I'm like, oh,
this is great. I'm only improving. You will only improve,
you will only become better. The only person that you'll
have any comparison to is who you used to be,
to the person that you're becoming now. We replace this phrase, right,
am I as good as them? When to replace that
(24:30):
with am I better than I was yesterday? Like? Is
the person that I am now improving? Am I? Am
I better in what I'm doing now than I was yesterday?
Did I give up and just started flowing with whatever?
Stry taking the current just the easy route around around this?
There is no reality where there won't be people that
are quote unquote better than you in your field. But
(24:52):
that's just not that was the case. Then there will
be no improvement for anyone because even the best of
the best. There's still improvement for them. But when we
start comparing ourselves to those people, thinking that we have
to look like them, or act like them, or speak
like them, or do the things that they do, you
lose the love that you have for yourself. You lose
the love that you have in the craft that you're practicing,
or the thing you're doing, or the career you're starting.
(25:14):
You lose that ability to be the full version of
you because you think you need to be them. They
already exist. We don't need them. We need you. We
need the talent that you bring, We need the gifting
that you have. The world needs the things that were
already put in you. But if you are so hard
on yourself that you destroy your own self esteem and
you don't even start, then you're robbing the world of you.
(25:36):
We need those things in you. Lack of confidence often
comes from an unhealed identity wound. You weren't made to
hustle for worth. You were born with it. Like your wounds,
don't come back to this thought of being seen or
not seen. It doesn't matter who sees you who doesn't
see you. Your identity is already grounded and rooted and
(25:58):
what you are not what people approve of or don't
approve of. And again that's killing that critic and killing
that people pleaser in you. That it's not a necessity
to be loved or seen by other people. It's a
necessity to be loved and seen on your own. You're
already loved and seen by God, first of all, that's
the most, the greatest level of received. But understanding that
on your own, who you are is more valid and
(26:21):
more useful than who you need to be for other people,
because that's who the world needs. It doesn't need an
imitation of them, it doesn't need an extra them. It
needs you. It needs the fullness of you. And you're
not just gonna impact and change your own world. You're
gonna change and impact your families and the people around you,
and your future kids or your current kids or whatever,
your coworkers or whatever. Those people will be greatly impacted
(26:42):
and brought up because you were so full and firm
on you. And it's not your job to do that,
by the way, just to be clear, it's not your
job to become better so that other people can become better.
But it's a byproduct of how good you are because
it will challenge and grow the people that desire to
be around you. It will feed the mouths that you
need to feed. It will help you be this version
of you that is so firm and loved that everyone
(27:05):
else around you feels firm and loved. Our last point
is exactly that, it's a confidence is contagious, like everyone
around you will heal because of you, like they will
be better because of you. They will receive what they
need because of you. And it's again again, I just
want to echo that because I don't want to solidify
(27:25):
any live of people pleasing. This is not people pleasing.
This is just a byproduct of a fullness of who
you are that feeds into what they receive. So they
feel loved and seen because you have loved and you
have seen because you are full, not because of them,
not because you had to do it for them, but
because it just naturally flows out of you. So this
(27:49):
reality of self confidence is reality of just of your
self esteem and just knowing that you have the authority
to build this, that you have the power to change
and to rearrange and to move and to shift how
things are. It's it's rooted, not in your perfection, but
in your desire to be available, your desire to to
(28:11):
be available to you, by the way, again, not to
other people. Yes, again byproduct. I don't want to dismiss it.
I don't want to sound like we're hating other people
and everything is just about us and our ego and
our pride. That's actually terrible. Actually you don't want that,
But I do want you to understand that it is.
It's principal core about you. You can't that that analogy right,
the plane is coming down. You have to be able
(28:33):
to put the mask over you before you put the
mask on anyone else. I can't tell you to love
you and to be confident and to work on your
self esteem if I don't love me, if I'm not
confident in me, I, of course, first of all, to
be clear of this, of course, there are tons of
things that I need to work on. There will be
tons of things that you need to change and work on,
and that's life. You will literally work. And if you're not,
(28:56):
if you're not working and growing and changing, you're not
living life. You're either living a lie or you're not
even moving at all. You will always progress. There's always
something that's going to be changed. I can't tell you
to be confident and to have self esteem if I
don't believe and love me enough to do myself. Yes,
there are things that I'm working on, things you will
have to work on. But at the core of this all,
(29:16):
it's not about the work that's in the future. It's
about what's happening right now. Who am I, Who do
I love? And how do I please the world? Am
I actually doing something productive or am I just going
with the flow? Your self esteem matters. Who you are matters.
The person that you are meant to be is important.
And as we address as mounts in this wound of
(29:37):
self esteem, and you're confident in building that up, we
need to know that it's not about what's been done
or said to us, or what we have done or said,
but it's about what we do next. So thank you
for being a part of this episode, for listening, and
I think we have one more about wounds. I think
it'll be the end of our our mini series here,
and I hope that these are actually bringing at least
(29:58):
some level of clarity something. I know we can't expect
perfection from everything and every single time, but at the
very minimum, sum level of clarity somewhere, So thank you
for being on this episode, thank you for listening or
watching wherever you are, and I'll see you in the
next one. Take care,
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