August 14, 2025 • 30 mins
You can’t climb your mountain if you’re chained to other people’s opinions.
In this raw and honest episode of Made for This Mountain, we’re unpacking the psychology of approval addiction, the spiritual and emotional cost of people pleasing, and how to break free from needing validation to feel worthy.
You’ll learn:
- Why we chase approval (and who taught us to)
- How to build real confidence that doesn’t collapse under criticism
- The silent ways people-pleasing is sabotaging your peace
- How to stay grounded in who you are—even when it’s unpopular
"Freedom begins the moment you stop auditioning for rooms you were born to own."
If you’re tired of shrinking yourself to be liked, this one’s for you.
Listen when you’re ready to stop performing and start living on purpose.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So one thing I think that we all struggle with
is the need to be liked and validated, like the
need to be wanted, the need to be included, they
need to be invited. But the biggest weakness that we have,
the thing that kills us the most, is not even
our ability or inability. It's not even our own desire
or in desire. It's not even our own motivation or
lack thereof. It's our need to want to be seen
and validated by other people. And there's so many things
(00:22):
that we can dive into that we will in this episode,
in this mountain of not caring about what other people
think like, we are stuck in this mountain because we
think that the only way that we will ever be
successful would be good is if people validate or like us.
And culture in society has proven actually the complete opposite,
that the people who are loved and like the most
are not the people who are actively looking for that,
(00:45):
but are actually the people who have become so confident
in themselves, who have loved themselves so dearly, who have
been the pinnacle and putting themselves in the pedestal so
much so that other people like them even more. This
is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa turning pain
into purpose. So the reality is that for a lot
of us, we care what people say, we care what
(01:07):
they think, we care about their opinion, we care about
their statement because it's been conditioned in us that the
way we love us, the way we can see and
we can know our own approval, that the only way
we find meaning worth in us is if other people say, hey,
you're good, if they look at us and say hey,
you're worth loving it, they say, hey, you're worth these things.
And the reality for a lot of us is that
we have been conditioned from this from from childhood. Like,
(01:30):
think about it, think about the things that you have
gone through. For the most part, for a lot of people,
it's because they've desired validation from like their parents, or
desire validation from like their teachers, or from their peers.
They never fit in or never were, they're never included
in things. So what happens is that this part of
us is ingrained to think that we need to receive
approval or satisfaction from other people, and that's how we
(01:52):
find it in ourselves. And I want to just challenge that.
I want to challenge the reality of that in this episode,
because a lot of us are stuck on this mountain.
This is this is our mon and besides all the
other ones, but for the main part, this is our
main mountain because we don't become who we want to
become by changing who we are to be validated. We
don't become this person that we're naturally supposed to be,
(02:12):
this person that's inside of you, this person that is
living the life that you want to live by pretending
to be something that other people like or approve. And again,
this web is lining through all these episodes, this reality
of people pleasing. But I think that is one of
the biggest downfalls that we all face because we again,
and it's not bad. I don't. I want to just
make sure we talk about that, because it's not bad
(02:34):
to want to be loved. It's not bad to want
to be liked, it's not bad to want to be
approved of. The bad thing comes into place when it
dictates everything else. So it dictates the actions I take,
It dictates the things I do, the jokes I say,
the life I live, It dictates every aspect of my
life because I think that the only way I'm good
is if we have that, so diving into this reality.
(02:57):
How do we stop caring? Right? How do we stop
How do we start growing and stop limiting our stuff
and limiting our growth based on what other people feel
or think about us? How do we make that a reality? Well,
let's first start with what why do you need validation? Like,
think about why is it that I need validation from
anyone else? I heard? I think it was like Alex HERMOSI,
like one of these popular podcasters and social media people
(03:20):
and business people. He does everything, but he said it once.
He said that. He said that poor people are staying
poor because they look at other poor people and need
their approval before they do anything else. Like people are
not living out their dream and not living out the
things that the desire to live because they are looking
at other people, thinking well, what would those other people
think about me? Like will they approve of me? Will
they will? They add? And And something interesting is happening
(03:42):
in this time generation where people are kind of waking up.
And I think it is because of the power of influence,
because of social media, because of podcasts, because of self
help books, because of all these things, because this is
a self help generation. And again there's like anything anything good,
it's too much of it and excessive is bad. So
even in that aspect, there are too much of this
like overhealing and overgrowing things that that is possible. Right,
(04:05):
you can you can make this very toxic if you
choose to. But the reality is that a lot of
people are waking up to this, this notion, this thought,
this growth in them that they don't have to respond
to other people and some of us. So that's why
we listen to podcasts and do these things. Someone's we
just need to keep hearing that. Right, we need this
repetition of knowing that I won't be everyone's cup of tea,
(04:27):
that I won't fit into every mode, that not everyone's
going to like me, and that's absolutely okay. I don't
need everyone to like me. When you learn to be
firm and you you learn that you're you don't have
you don't like everyone. There's not every single person as well.
You might be nice, right, you might mean inviting and cordial,
but it doesn't mean that everyone fits every part of
what you want. So what makes you think that you're
going to fit that from everyone else? And there's so
(04:47):
much freedom when we understand that we don't need to
fit that that we don't need to look like everything
for everyone. We don't have to be liked by everybody,
and you won't be so being able to understand in
that and grow in that. It's knowing that I don't
need validation. People don't step into the best version of them,
the life they want to live, the things they want
to do, because they're still begging to be validated by
(05:08):
people who can't validate themselves. Were broken people in a
broken world, and we all need healing, we all need growth,
but we can't dictate who we are based on what
others have said. You can't grow and heal and become
based on what others are struggling with or are approving of.
At the end of the day, external validation will never
(05:28):
ever ever give you the courage and strength to do
what you need to do. It's not going to fill
you the way you think you need to be filled
because we're still looking for that from other people and
other people struggle to give that to themselves, they're not
going to give it to you. So that first, our
first point there is the things that I'm doing, is
the actions that I'm taking, are are the steps that
I'm in or even the way I feel about myself?
(05:49):
Is it based on what other people have said or thought?
Am I limiting my dreams? Am I limiting my achievements
and my limiting my trials based on other people's validation
of me? Because external validation doesn't exist, They will never
validate you fully because they can't outdate themselves. So if
we continue to base our joy on fleeting things and
(06:12):
be clear, there's a difference between happiness and joy right
because we live with joy is fruit right through the spirit.
Happiness is dependent on things happening. It's dependent on exterior
circumstances and things. So we shift what we think should
be We shift our joy, which should be internal and personal,
and we think that that's happiness, So we equate the too.
It's not happy. You could be happy today and absolutely
(06:34):
miserable tomorrow, but you still have joy in you knowing
that this misery is temporary, but joy is eternal, knowing
that this thing that you have in use is for
now or sorry, this thing that covening forever, and this
thing that is outside of you is for now. Have
we based our joy the way we feel we should
always feel on things outside We've confused it with happiness
or have I been rooted in the fact that no
(06:55):
matter where I'm at, no matter what I'm doing, I
have joy because of me, because of God, because of
the good things in me, not because of what's said
or done around me or to me, but what's already
in me. And we'll dive a little bit deeper into
this after this real quick commercial break. So coming back
to this thought, this notion that validation extra validation shouldn't matter,
(07:17):
it is good. First of all, I want to affirm that,
because that's what we're doing when people affirm our gifts,
when they affirm our talent, when they speak into us,
and maybe for some of us, we really need that
in these seasons. We need somebody to look at you
and say, hey, you're capable, you're good, You're able because
you are because you are these things, not but again,
not because they said simply because you are. And yes,
sometimes it feels good, it feels nice to be validated
(07:40):
in love. That's never bad. It's never bad to desire
those things. The problem comes in when we thrive off
of the desire and not thrive off of the reality.
We think that the only way we're going to be
good is if someone else tells us we're good. We
think that the only way we're gonna grow is if
somebody else says you're doing amazing and you're pushing. Biggest
(08:00):
thing you will ever learn is being able to be
firm in you despite everything else, which at least is
our next point developing internal confidence. And this is hard
because I get it. I get that there's wounds. I
get that there's struggles. I get that there's history. I
get that there's things that have happened and been said
have been done. But there's a difference between those things
(08:21):
happening around you and those things happening inside of you,
those things being internalized, becoming part of who you are,
becoming a character trait. And a lot of people refuse
to heal because they've created a character out of their woundedness.
They now relate more to the woundedness and the reality
of what they were made for. So they lack confidence,
they lack mercy, they lack love, they lack all these
things even towards themselves, because they have been identified or
(08:43):
identified with their wounds. And for a lot of us,
we don't move into confidence because we can keep thinking
with just two things tie in, right, what has been
said to us. We think that those things are who
we are, and they're not. You're not the things I've
been done to you. You're not your past, You're not
these mistakes, are not your flaws now, any of these things.
But it's easier to remain in that because they can
think about it doesn't require change as a require effort.
(09:05):
If I identify myself with my wound, I now say
that this thing is who I am, and I don't
have to change. That's just it was done to me
and this is who I became. So I lack the
enthusiasm or lack the confidence to move into these next stages.
And now I care more about that validation, external validation.
If you see, it's a house of cards, right, It
builds up upon each other because I won't feel confident
(09:28):
if I'm so concerned about what other people are saying
because of what has already been done to me. So
you build this almost like cell, this jail cell, where
you think that everything in the exterior needs to remain
out there so you can keep yourself safe. But the
reality is that you're the one that's locked up. There's
no confidence in that there's no confidence in us because
we've continue to base our validation or worth, our goodness
(09:50):
on our history, hurt, on our wound, or even on
other people. So I again, I always ask these questions,
and I challenge people to ask them themselves. So what's
the thing that has your attention? What's the thing that
you're stealing from your joy, your goodness to be able
to be in it. I tell this story often whenever
I like speak at events, and I omit names because
(10:10):
I know people will know these people. And if you
have friends of mine for many years when we went
to like middle school or elementary school, well maybe the
middle school, definitely elementary school, and you're listening, first of all,
shout out to you. You're awesome. Everyone's awesome, but you're
awesome for being here for so long. But I always
tell the story, and again I emitted some names whenever
I speak in public places. Is the story of the
(10:32):
first time I fell in love. And I tell a story.
I remember it was like a summer day. It was
beautiful or a warm day, rather it was beautiful, and
I saw this girl and I thought I was gonna
call my mom, Like mom, I found the one and
I'm super in love. And it was in Miss Sharp's
fifth grade class, and I remember that I realized that
this person liked ear rings. So what I did well
(10:54):
actually overheard them say this, or heard her say it.
And they were in fifth grade. You say on these
things all pods, right, so you have like four seeds around,
and my pod was near hers. I'm not a creep.
I can just hear really well right over her tell
her friends how much she loved earrings. So I thought
to myself, I was going to plan this huge idea,
this genius idea. I was gonna go to my mom's
little treasure box and the little ear ring thing and
(11:15):
take some ear rings and they're probably pick anyway, right,
and go play some tag. And I was gonna tag
her and be like, wow, I pick you, I love you, marry.
Making for the earrings at ten years old, though, was
super romantic. And I remember my friend he goes, oh,
let's play freeze tag. So we set up beginning freeze tag,
and then the game of freeze tag, the person has
to tag you to unfreeze you if they're a part
of your team, and you all got to make it
to home base. That was a whole goal. So me
(11:36):
being me, I perfectly set myself up right by home base, frozen,
and I saw her running towards me, and in my mind,
this is just how we replaced. I could see it
in slow motion. I see you're run towards me in
slow motion, and she has to pick me. And right
before she has to pick me, she just turned sideways
and just runs to home base and leaves me frozen.
It's also the story of my first heartbreak at ten
years old. But that was a moment that I realized
(11:57):
that again for me, is in prayer, these things are
off happening, Because in my mind, she was gonna tag me,
and I was gonna be like, wow, you picked me,
I pick you, give her the ear rings, and be
like I love you married me. That was like the
whole plot in how I had it set up. But
that's not how it went. And again in prayer, I
was praying with this thing, and this is reality that
sometimes we're willing to steal from the joy of our
treasure box to give to things and never pick us.
(12:18):
We're willing to go to the things that don't love
us and don't choose is that keep rejecting us? And
give from the thing that's meant to be good, because
we think that this thing is going to finally shoot
choose us, and that's going to validate us, and that's
going to make us confident, and that's going to make
us good. The reality is that those things should not
dictate who you are. You should dictate what those things
are through just being yourself. You should dictate the position
(12:38):
and the power and authority they have simply because you've
become so confident and so full of you that everything
else gravitates towards you. For a lot of us, we
care so much about people choosing us because we think
that them choosing us means that we get to choose ourselves.
We think that them loving us means that we finally
love ourselves. We think that them making us good and
valid and validated makes us valid ourselves. It would never happen.
(13:01):
There is no authority that anyone outside of you should
have over you. There's no reality where you stealing from
your joy to give to those things so those things
can finally pick you, and the moment did they reject
to you, that you base everything you are on that rejection.
Those things should never have more power over you than
you do. But we will keep living in this rut
of just joylessness, if that's even a word, because we
(13:25):
think that our self worth and our confidence is based
on who's chosen us and who hasn't. So looking at
those things, there are consequences to living for other people's proval.
There's consequences to not living in your own because what
happens is that we become so deeply enrooted in this,
(13:46):
so deeply embedded, so deeply buried, that this thing almost
seems impossible to overcome. And I know for a lot
of people, I've had these conversations and it's a repeated circle.
Then I think we all have seasons of this we
obviously is a thing where we feel like it's impossible
to overcome. It's possible to grow, and some seasons are
longer than others. But the consequence of not living for you,
(14:08):
living for other people's approval is that you will never
actually know who you are, Like you have this identity
crisis where your character can't be it can't be explained,
it can't be shown because you've created something that's only
based on the response and approval of other people, and
your whole life, you will be struggling to live the
(14:28):
fullness of this because it's so much easier to just
stay in this brut The consequence of not stepping up
for you finally cutting the ties with how you feel
about other people or how you feel of them validating you.
The consequence of you not being confidence in you is
you living the most miserable life you can. And this
(14:49):
happens because we've given that much power. Again, I don't
know where you're listening. I don't know where you're listening from.
I don't know which state of life you're in. I
don't know if if this is a thing you've been
improving in and maybe you just need some more validation.
I don't know if you're so deep in this that
this doesn't even make sense to you. But I need
you to understand that there is nothing in this world
that will ever bring you more joy than living the
(15:10):
life that you desire to live, not the life that
you think other people think you should live, like doing
the things that you will grow and yes, okay, to
be clear, it can be lonely. This is something that
as we change and as we grow, there is loneliness
to this because there there are people who don't feed,
and don't grow, and don't and don't pour into your
life that sometimes you need to remove because if they're
(15:31):
still present there, if they still remain, they'll keep draining you.
And not that it's lonely in the sense that you
feel like you're abandoned, but it's lonely in the sense
because we all as humans, we all need companionship, we
all need community, we need people around us. So that
the sense of this is the reality that yes it
can feel lonely, but it's not the end all be all.
(15:52):
It's not the thing that you remain in forever, because
what's going to happen is you. As you become more
rooted in you, as you become more confident, it becomes
so much easier to allow yourself to actually be you,
to actually grow and actually show yourself who you are.
And then what happens even from that, again, this is
building in and upwards of confidence, because what happens now
(16:14):
is that you create this life that isn't based on
what people approve of me, So not based on what
they say or their opinions. It's based on just you.
And I know again again I get it. It's hard.
It's harder to live that, it's harder to actually remain
(16:37):
in that. But that's the point. The point of growth
is not that it's easy, because if it was easy,
you would have been perfectly confident and perfectly happy, or
I would have been completely perfectly happy and completely confident.
But it's also rooted in the fact that it requires
this effort to change. So because it requires this effort
to change, you become somebody new, not in the sense
(17:01):
of like you're fake or new in the sense of
your racing who you are, but becoming new in the
sense that you are the fullness of you that you
haven't been before. We need to create this validation in
us and not in them because it allows us just
to grow. Confidence is never loud, it's quiet, it's unbothered.
(17:22):
Think about it. Whenever you're in an argument with somebody,
the person that's loud or typically is the person that's wrong,
is a person that has to yell because they have
to try to get their point across. A person that's
confident and peaceful and joyful. They typically they sit there
and just basking it because they don't have to prove
anything to anyone. They don't have to lie. They don't
have to tell the story, They don't have to change
the narrative. They don't have to get anyone on their
side because they're already right. They already know what they
(17:43):
want and what they need. So when you are confident,
when you're this person, all that stuff changes and this
person that you become doesn't need so many people. You
don't need to be validated because you are. Because you
validate you already yourself to become this version, become this full.
It might seem lonely. Absolutely, it might feel like it
(18:05):
doesn't have a purpose, but the greatest purpose in it
is that you are full of you, that you're not
living outside of you, that you're not living outside of
who you can be. So diving even deeper here and
it says reality of validation. It does feel like safety,
right because it does feel good again to hear these
things from people. And again, like I said before, I'm
(18:27):
not taking away the fact that you deserve affirmation, that
you should feel like that, but it's not something that
you should depend on for your confidence, for your growth,
for yourself joy, for you choosing you. Yes, it's important,
but it doesn't mean that it's everything. The biggest notion
(18:47):
here is that approval is something that you will never
capture completely. I think about it. We put one hundred
people in a room, right, and we ask one hundred
people a different opinion on some thing. Maybe let's just
pretend that sixty percent of them agree. There's still that
forty percent that absolutely do not agree. Right, So you
are not capable of making every person like you or
(19:10):
approve of you simply because you want to, simply because
you think that you molding and fitting will create that.
So this should be freedom. Just really quickly break that down.
There should be freedom because this allows you to understand
and think when you analyze, this allows you to understand
and think that you will never be able to have
(19:30):
everyone's approval. So why are you begging or trying for
anyone's approval? Again, I'm not saying be a jerk and
be mean, but know that it doesn't matter because it
won't change the world. You won't change everyone's opinion. They'll
just have a group of people that might like you.
(19:51):
But it's okay to not have anyone like you because
as long as you like you, their opinions are their opinions,
and they're welcome to them. Again, don't be a jerk,
don't be mean, don't be arrogant, don't be all these things,
be good, be you, but be so confident and so
loving in you that it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
And we'll get to the rest of this after this
real quick commercial break. So coming back to this, we
(20:15):
are talking about being judged in this growth and validation
and us and the notion that people are going to
judge you anyway, Like, no matter what you do. There's
funny posts on social media that happens often that many
people quote it, but you can there's so many picks.
The post made a post that they said, there's no
way that everyone's gonna agrieve for over something. We all,
(20:38):
if you make this post, everyone's gonna argue over nothing.
And people jokingly will come into the comments and they'll
argue about nothing, literally nothing. They will say, oh, well
that's not true. You know, people will agree whatever. The
reality is that people are going to judge you anyway.
They're gonna have their opinions, they're gonna have their statements,
So you finding validation in them them choosing you makes
(20:59):
no sense because their judgment is always going to be persistent.
In there you feel like you need to be loved
to grow from it, It's just not going to happen.
Your authenticity is a filter. It's actually meant to keep
certain people away from you. It's meant to safeguard you.
It's the more you show up as your real self,
the faster the wrong people find their way out. The
(21:22):
realer you, the better you, is going to gravitate or
bring towards you. The people that deserve you, the people
that need you, the people that you need, the people
are going to grow and they're gonna be good for you,
because again, you do need community. Like I'm not saying
become a hermit or live in a closer somewhere, but
I'm saying that we do need to understand that the
realer we are, yes, some people will leave, but some
(21:43):
people will turn, or some people will come or will
grow in something, because it's how that works. The authentic you,
who doesn't care about choosing or being chosen, is the
you that is going to be in places where that's value.
And actually that's even deeper and more beautiful that we
give it credit for. Because you are not begging. You
simply are so you're free to be you. It's that
(22:03):
concept of getting home and feeling like home. I have
so big I'm so big on this actually that the
people around me should feel like home in my home.
I'm not exactly the clean cleanest person ever. Like sometimes
my house is messy. Sometimes my room there's clothes everywhere.
Sometimes I didn't do anything like that. I'm not saying again,
be a slob, but I am saying that people should
(22:24):
feel like home where you're not this cookie cutter, makeup
done hyfe perfect, close, neatly packaged away, where you are
free to be the authentic you who might in this
moment be a little messy and a little broken, a
little messed up. But the people around you love that person.
You don't have to pretend and put on a mask
on because you don't have to change who you are.
(22:47):
These people will gravitate towards you because you are authentically you.
The people that you have to pretend, the people that
you're looking for validation for. Those people will never make
you feel like home because you have to keep everything
in a specific way for them to stay there. You're
not here, You're not in this world. To be liked,
you're in this world. It has to be loved, of course,
because you're mental love. But you're not in this world
(23:07):
to be liked. Then the people who are conveniently that
where you're basing a validation from, are basing this this
authentic you from there. Yeah, they might they might not
like you, or they might like you, but they don't
love you because the people, the people that love you
are those people that are gravitating towards you. And we
need to learn to distinguish between people who belong in
our life for life and people who are seasons in
(23:28):
our life and cutting off those things. It's gonna hurt,
because anything we prune is ultimately painful, but the beauty
is that there's so much growth in that pruning. We
can't like these plants behind me. There's some of them
are dying, right, some of them have little little, uh,
little dry spots. That's how I bought them, by the way,
it wasn't my fault literally got them. But what I'm
(23:48):
gonna have to do is take scissors and cut those
those things, and not to prune away the dead parts
so that the good plant can grow and flourish even
greater when trees burn down, right, that something farm do
this on purpose. They burn the tree so that the
soil can be fertile and it can have growth. Sometimes
there are things in your life that you're gonna have
to burn away so that the soil can be fertile
(24:09):
and it can grow. So the thing that is going
to flourish from this place, the thing that's gonna grow
in here that you might thought, you might have thought
you needed it in that season, but the reality is
that that that thing has to go so that the
good things can grow. You have to remove. Sometimes that's
gonna hurt because it's painful. It hurts to cut things away,
It hurts to burn things, it hurts to prune. But
there is no growth in a place of things that
(24:31):
are just stagnant and dead and you thinking that one
day they're just gonna resolve themselves. Unfortunately, we have to
cut away, we have to burn. But what's gonna grow
next is gonna be so much better. It's gonna be
significantly more beautiful. People pleasing is a trauma response. It's
not a personality type, and a lot of us are
(24:54):
stuck in that right. We think that if we are liked,
it will heal certain parts of us. We think that
if we show up for people the way that that
we want them to show up for us, so they
will eventually approve or show up for us that same way.
And what's going to happen is that you're going to
hurt yourself more thinking that they're going to live or
be like you. They're not. And that's okay. It's not
(25:15):
their job either to tend those wounds for you. And
this hurts to hear because I think sometimes we think
that people are nicer than they are, we think that
people are better than they are. But it's not their
job to heal that in you. It's not their job
to validate that in you. It's not their job to
make you feel seen or loved. It's not it really isn't.
It's our job to understand that we are seen and loved,
and that it's not the people that are around us,
(25:37):
but first from internal and of course from God. But
if we keep going back to this rut of thinking
that we have to be chosen, thinking that we have
to be validated, thinking that our confidence is found in
those things, then we'll consistently hurt ourselves. This last portion,
(25:57):
this last point that we're going to touch here is
I think how the best way to end this, and
then I think I'm gonna leave this more in a
thought for you, right in a stuff pattern, maybe something
to sit with today or during the week, and just
kind of unpack this reality. Because every time you abandon
yourself for approval, you create an inner critic. I heard
(26:21):
actually listen to this. Every time that you abandon yourself
for approval, you create an inner critic. Every time that
you change who you are or who you want so
that people around you can approve of you or love
you, you create a new voice in your head that says, well,
this is what you did that time, or this is
who you are, or this is how you revert to.
Every time that you sit here and abandon you for
(26:42):
someone else, you begin to resent yourself more because, whether
it's conscious or subconscious, whether there's small or big, you
create something in you because you've chosen them over yourself.
You've chosen what they say or what they look like
or how they are over yourself. You chose their opinion
over your own heart and will continue to stay in
(27:03):
this rut of needing to be validated or needed to
be chosen because we've created a monster in us. We
create this self betrayal an effort to choose them. I
need you to be so confident in you that you
just begin to choose you for everything, that it's not
just about being loved or liked by other people, but
(27:24):
it's really about being loved and like by yourself, loving
and liking you so deeply and so intimately that it
does not matter what they say or do. You have
chosen you, and you choose you today, and you will
continue to choose you. We will continue to feel invalidated
out of purpose and just out of love if we
continue to stay in that. So I leave you with that,
(27:45):
that point, that thought, that thought process. What is it
in you that you've abandoned for other people, either for
their love or for their approval, for their dreams, for
their goals. Have you changed what you wanted to do
or to dreams that you had, the goals that you've
created because you wanted other people to like you, or
because you think other people will criticize you. And then
(28:07):
that's such a big one that we don't have any
time to dive any deeper into that. Maybe in the
next episode we'll include that in there. But have you
not lived out your dream because you think that someone
is gonna talk about it. Hey, I'm gonna root it
for you. They're already talking. They're already talking about you
like they're already gossiping. They're already creating things, they already
saying things. So what let them do those things? I
need you to do what you need to do despite
(28:29):
their opinions. Don't kill your dream to feed their ego.
Don't let yourself die so that they can feel good.
Stop abandoning you for their approval. Stop creating self sabotaging
yourself to choose them. Start choosing you. Start making this
the year, the month, the season that you're in. Make
this a season where you create this purpose in you
that's so deeply rooted that it does not matter what
(28:51):
they said, because they didn't live your life. They haven't
gone through the things you've gone through. They haven't struggled
the way you struggled. They haven't healed in the places
you heal the they're not healing in the places that
you're currently healing. For them to have opinions strong enough
for you not to be you, I don't care who
they are, what they've done. You need to make sure
that you are living a life that you approve of,
(29:11):
that you validate, that you choose, and everything else will
gravitate towards you. And whatever the Peda Gallery has to say,
the Peanut Gallery is gonna say it anyway. I don't
care about your comments because you don't live my life.
I don't care about your critiques. When you haven't done
the work that I've done, you do it. Worry about
nothing else but done. So I hope that this episode
(29:33):
is at least challenging, even the smallest way. And again
the whole rating thing, I can ask if you like it,
please just go ahead and give some reviews or some
five stars. I need to start getting that done. I
don't really promote that ever, because you know not that
I don't care. I do care. I do care about
those things because this is what's going to signify if
(29:56):
next year we have another contractor we have more podcast episodes.
I do care about that. But at the same time,
same sentiment. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I'm
gonna do my job. I'm gonna do what I can,
and I can't expect anyone else to approve of it.
I'm just gonna have to show up for it. So
thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part
of this episode. Thank you literally just for tre who
you are. I need you to understand that you are
(30:18):
valid and good as who you are, and you being
here is amazing. You listening is amazing, and you walking
through this is amazing. So thank you for listening, and
I'll catch you on the next one.
So one thing I think that we all struggle with
is the need to be liked and validated, like the
need to be wanted, the need to be included, they
need to be invited. But the biggest weakness that we have,
the thing that kills us the most, is not even
our ability or inability. It's not even our own desire
or in desire. It's not even our own motivation or
lack thereof. It's our need to want to be seen
and validated by other people. And there's so many things
(00:22):
that we can dive into that we will in this episode,
in this mountain of not caring about what other people
think like, we are stuck in this mountain because we
think that the only way that we will ever be
successful would be good is if people validate or like us.
And culture in society has proven actually the complete opposite,
that the people who are loved and like the most
are not the people who are actively looking for that,
(00:45):
but are actually the people who have become so confident
in themselves, who have loved themselves so dearly, who have
been the pinnacle and putting themselves in the pedestal so
much so that other people like them even more. This
is made for this mountain with Josh Rosa turning pain
into purpose. So the reality is that for a lot
of us, we care what people say, we care what
(01:07):
they think, we care about their opinion, we care about
their statement because it's been conditioned in us that the
way we love us, the way we can see and
we can know our own approval, that the only way
we find meaning worth in us is if other people say, hey,
you're good, if they look at us and say hey,
you're worth loving it, they say, hey, you're worth these things.
And the reality for a lot of us is that
we have been conditioned from this from from childhood. Like,
(01:30):
think about it, think about the things that you have
gone through. For the most part, for a lot of people,
it's because they've desired validation from like their parents, or
desire validation from like their teachers, or from their peers.
They never fit in or never were, they're never included
in things. So what happens is that this part of
us is ingrained to think that we need to receive
approval or satisfaction from other people, and that's how we
(01:52):
find it in ourselves. And I want to just challenge that.
I want to challenge the reality of that in this episode,
because a lot of us are stuck on this mountain.
This is this is our mon and besides all the
other ones, but for the main part, this is our
main mountain because we don't become who we want to
become by changing who we are to be validated. We
don't become this person that we're naturally supposed to be,
(02:12):
this person that's inside of you, this person that is
living the life that you want to live by pretending
to be something that other people like or approve. And again,
this web is lining through all these episodes, this reality
of people pleasing. But I think that is one of
the biggest downfalls that we all face because we again,
and it's not bad. I don't. I want to just
make sure we talk about that, because it's not bad
(02:34):
to want to be loved. It's not bad to want
to be liked, it's not bad to want to be
approved of. The bad thing comes into place when it
dictates everything else. So it dictates the actions I take,
It dictates the things I do, the jokes I say,
the life I live, It dictates every aspect of my
life because I think that the only way I'm good
is if we have that, so diving into this reality.
(02:57):
How do we stop caring? Right? How do we stop
How do we start growing and stop limiting our stuff
and limiting our growth based on what other people feel
or think about us? How do we make that a reality? Well,
let's first start with what why do you need validation? Like,
think about why is it that I need validation from
anyone else? I heard? I think it was like Alex HERMOSI,
like one of these popular podcasters and social media people
(03:20):
and business people. He does everything, but he said it once.
He said that. He said that poor people are staying
poor because they look at other poor people and need
their approval before they do anything else. Like people are
not living out their dream and not living out the
things that the desire to live because they are looking
at other people, thinking well, what would those other people
think about me? Like will they approve of me? Will
they will? They add? And And something interesting is happening
(03:42):
in this time generation where people are kind of waking up.
And I think it is because of the power of influence,
because of social media, because of podcasts, because of self
help books, because of all these things, because this is
a self help generation. And again there's like anything anything good,
it's too much of it and excessive is bad. So
even in that aspect, there are too much of this
like overhealing and overgrowing things that that is possible. Right,
(04:05):
you can you can make this very toxic if you
choose to. But the reality is that a lot of
people are waking up to this, this notion, this thought,
this growth in them that they don't have to respond
to other people and some of us. So that's why
we listen to podcasts and do these things. Someone's we
just need to keep hearing that. Right, we need this
repetition of knowing that I won't be everyone's cup of tea,
(04:27):
that I won't fit into every mode, that not everyone's
going to like me, and that's absolutely okay. I don't
need everyone to like me. When you learn to be
firm and you you learn that you're you don't have
you don't like everyone. There's not every single person as well.
You might be nice, right, you might mean inviting and cordial,
but it doesn't mean that everyone fits every part of
what you want. So what makes you think that you're
going to fit that from everyone else? And there's so
(04:47):
much freedom when we understand that we don't need to
fit that that we don't need to look like everything
for everyone. We don't have to be liked by everybody,
and you won't be so being able to understand in
that and grow in that. It's knowing that I don't
need validation. People don't step into the best version of them,
the life they want to live, the things they want
to do, because they're still begging to be validated by
(05:08):
people who can't validate themselves. Were broken people in a
broken world, and we all need healing, we all need growth,
but we can't dictate who we are based on what
others have said. You can't grow and heal and become
based on what others are struggling with or are approving of.
At the end of the day, external validation will never
(05:28):
ever ever give you the courage and strength to do
what you need to do. It's not going to fill
you the way you think you need to be filled
because we're still looking for that from other people and
other people struggle to give that to themselves, they're not
going to give it to you. So that first, our
first point there is the things that I'm doing, is
the actions that I'm taking, are are the steps that
I'm in or even the way I feel about myself?
(05:49):
Is it based on what other people have said or thought?
Am I limiting my dreams? Am I limiting my achievements
and my limiting my trials based on other people's validation
of me? Because external validation doesn't exist, They will never
validate you fully because they can't outdate themselves. So if
we continue to base our joy on fleeting things and
(06:12):
be clear, there's a difference between happiness and joy right
because we live with joy is fruit right through the spirit.
Happiness is dependent on things happening. It's dependent on exterior
circumstances and things. So we shift what we think should
be We shift our joy, which should be internal and personal,
and we think that that's happiness, So we equate the too.
It's not happy. You could be happy today and absolutely
(06:34):
miserable tomorrow, but you still have joy in you knowing
that this misery is temporary, but joy is eternal, knowing
that this thing that you have in use is for
now or sorry, this thing that covening forever, and this
thing that is outside of you is for now. Have
we based our joy the way we feel we should
always feel on things outside We've confused it with happiness
or have I been rooted in the fact that no
(06:55):
matter where I'm at, no matter what I'm doing, I
have joy because of me, because of God, because of
the good things in me, not because of what's said
or done around me or to me, but what's already
in me. And we'll dive a little bit deeper into
this after this real quick commercial break. So coming back
to this thought, this notion that validation extra validation shouldn't matter,
(07:17):
it is good. First of all, I want to affirm that,
because that's what we're doing when people affirm our gifts,
when they affirm our talent, when they speak into us,
and maybe for some of us, we really need that
in these seasons. We need somebody to look at you
and say, hey, you're capable, you're good, You're able because
you are because you are these things, not but again,
not because they said simply because you are. And yes,
sometimes it feels good, it feels nice to be validated
(07:40):
in love. That's never bad. It's never bad to desire
those things. The problem comes in when we thrive off
of the desire and not thrive off of the reality.
We think that the only way we're going to be
good is if someone else tells us we're good. We
think that the only way we're gonna grow is if
somebody else says you're doing amazing and you're pushing. Biggest
(08:00):
thing you will ever learn is being able to be
firm in you despite everything else, which at least is
our next point developing internal confidence. And this is hard
because I get it. I get that there's wounds. I
get that there's struggles. I get that there's history. I
get that there's things that have happened and been said
have been done. But there's a difference between those things
(08:21):
happening around you and those things happening inside of you,
those things being internalized, becoming part of who you are,
becoming a character trait. And a lot of people refuse
to heal because they've created a character out of their woundedness.
They now relate more to the woundedness and the reality
of what they were made for. So they lack confidence,
they lack mercy, they lack love, they lack all these
things even towards themselves, because they have been identified or
(08:43):
identified with their wounds. And for a lot of us,
we don't move into confidence because we can keep thinking
with just two things tie in, right, what has been
said to us. We think that those things are who
we are, and they're not. You're not the things I've
been done to you. You're not your past, You're not
these mistakes, are not your flaws now, any of these things.
But it's easier to remain in that because they can
think about it doesn't require change as a require effort.
(09:05):
If I identify myself with my wound, I now say
that this thing is who I am, and I don't
have to change. That's just it was done to me
and this is who I became. So I lack the
enthusiasm or lack the confidence to move into these next stages.
And now I care more about that validation, external validation.
If you see, it's a house of cards, right, It
builds up upon each other because I won't feel confident
(09:28):
if I'm so concerned about what other people are saying
because of what has already been done to me. So
you build this almost like cell, this jail cell, where
you think that everything in the exterior needs to remain
out there so you can keep yourself safe. But the
reality is that you're the one that's locked up. There's
no confidence in that there's no confidence in us because
we've continue to base our validation or worth, our goodness
(09:50):
on our history, hurt, on our wound, or even on
other people. So I again, I always ask these questions,
and I challenge people to ask them themselves. So what's
the thing that has your attention? What's the thing that
you're stealing from your joy, your goodness to be able
to be in it. I tell this story often whenever
I like speak at events, and I omit names because
(10:10):
I know people will know these people. And if you
have friends of mine for many years when we went
to like middle school or elementary school, well maybe the
middle school, definitely elementary school, and you're listening, first of all,
shout out to you. You're awesome. Everyone's awesome, but you're
awesome for being here for so long. But I always
tell the story, and again I emitted some names whenever
I speak in public places. Is the story of the
(10:32):
first time I fell in love. And I tell a story.
I remember it was like a summer day. It was
beautiful or a warm day, rather it was beautiful, and
I saw this girl and I thought I was gonna
call my mom, Like mom, I found the one and
I'm super in love. And it was in Miss Sharp's
fifth grade class, and I remember that I realized that
this person liked ear rings. So what I did well
(10:54):
actually overheard them say this, or heard her say it.
And they were in fifth grade. You say on these
things all pods, right, so you have like four seeds around,
and my pod was near hers. I'm not a creep.
I can just hear really well right over her tell
her friends how much she loved earrings. So I thought
to myself, I was going to plan this huge idea,
this genius idea. I was gonna go to my mom's
little treasure box and the little ear ring thing and
(11:15):
take some ear rings and they're probably pick anyway, right,
and go play some tag. And I was gonna tag
her and be like, wow, I pick you, I love you, marry.
Making for the earrings at ten years old, though, was
super romantic. And I remember my friend he goes, oh,
let's play freeze tag. So we set up beginning freeze tag,
and then the game of freeze tag, the person has
to tag you to unfreeze you if they're a part
of your team, and you all got to make it
to home base. That was a whole goal. So me
(11:36):
being me, I perfectly set myself up right by home base, frozen,
and I saw her running towards me, and in my mind,
this is just how we replaced. I could see it
in slow motion. I see you're run towards me in
slow motion, and she has to pick me. And right
before she has to pick me, she just turned sideways
and just runs to home base and leaves me frozen.
It's also the story of my first heartbreak at ten
years old. But that was a moment that I realized
(11:57):
that again for me, is in prayer, these things are
off happening, Because in my mind, she was gonna tag me,
and I was gonna be like, wow, you picked me,
I pick you, give her the ear rings, and be
like I love you married me. That was like the
whole plot in how I had it set up. But
that's not how it went. And again in prayer, I
was praying with this thing, and this is reality that
sometimes we're willing to steal from the joy of our
treasure box to give to things and never pick us.
(12:18):
We're willing to go to the things that don't love
us and don't choose is that keep rejecting us? And
give from the thing that's meant to be good, because
we think that this thing is going to finally shoot
choose us, and that's going to validate us, and that's
going to make us confident, and that's going to make
us good. The reality is that those things should not
dictate who you are. You should dictate what those things
are through just being yourself. You should dictate the position
(12:38):
and the power and authority they have simply because you've
become so confident and so full of you that everything
else gravitates towards you. For a lot of us, we
care so much about people choosing us because we think
that them choosing us means that we get to choose ourselves.
We think that them loving us means that we finally
love ourselves. We think that them making us good and
valid and validated makes us valid ourselves. It would never happen.
(13:01):
There is no authority that anyone outside of you should
have over you. There's no reality where you stealing from
your joy to give to those things so those things
can finally pick you, and the moment did they reject
to you, that you base everything you are on that rejection.
Those things should never have more power over you than
you do. But we will keep living in this rut
of just joylessness, if that's even a word, because we
(13:25):
think that our self worth and our confidence is based
on who's chosen us and who hasn't. So looking at
those things, there are consequences to living for other people's proval.
There's consequences to not living in your own because what
happens is that we become so deeply enrooted in this,
(13:46):
so deeply embedded, so deeply buried, that this thing almost
seems impossible to overcome. And I know for a lot
of people, I've had these conversations and it's a repeated circle.
Then I think we all have seasons of this we
obviously is a thing where we feel like it's impossible
to overcome. It's possible to grow, and some seasons are
longer than others. But the consequence of not living for you,
(14:08):
living for other people's approval is that you will never
actually know who you are, Like you have this identity
crisis where your character can't be it can't be explained,
it can't be shown because you've created something that's only
based on the response and approval of other people, and
your whole life, you will be struggling to live the
(14:28):
fullness of this because it's so much easier to just
stay in this brut The consequence of not stepping up
for you finally cutting the ties with how you feel
about other people or how you feel of them validating you.
The consequence of you not being confidence in you is
you living the most miserable life you can. And this
(14:49):
happens because we've given that much power. Again, I don't
know where you're listening. I don't know where you're listening from.
I don't know which state of life you're in. I
don't know if if this is a thing you've been
improving in and maybe you just need some more validation.
I don't know if you're so deep in this that
this doesn't even make sense to you. But I need
you to understand that there is nothing in this world
that will ever bring you more joy than living the
(15:10):
life that you desire to live, not the life that
you think other people think you should live, like doing
the things that you will grow and yes, okay, to
be clear, it can be lonely. This is something that
as we change and as we grow, there is loneliness
to this because there there are people who don't feed,
and don't grow, and don't and don't pour into your
life that sometimes you need to remove because if they're
(15:31):
still present there, if they still remain, they'll keep draining you.
And not that it's lonely in the sense that you
feel like you're abandoned, but it's lonely in the sense
because we all as humans, we all need companionship, we
all need community, we need people around us. So that
the sense of this is the reality that yes it
can feel lonely, but it's not the end all be all.
(15:52):
It's not the thing that you remain in forever, because
what's going to happen is you. As you become more
rooted in you, as you become more confident, it becomes
so much easier to allow yourself to actually be you,
to actually grow and actually show yourself who you are.
And then what happens even from that, again, this is
building in and upwards of confidence, because what happens now
(16:14):
is that you create this life that isn't based on
what people approve of me, So not based on what
they say or their opinions. It's based on just you.
And I know again again I get it. It's hard.
It's harder to live that, it's harder to actually remain
(16:37):
in that. But that's the point. The point of growth
is not that it's easy, because if it was easy,
you would have been perfectly confident and perfectly happy, or
I would have been completely perfectly happy and completely confident.
But it's also rooted in the fact that it requires
this effort to change. So because it requires this effort
to change, you become somebody new, not in the sense
(17:01):
of like you're fake or new in the sense of
your racing who you are, but becoming new in the
sense that you are the fullness of you that you
haven't been before. We need to create this validation in
us and not in them because it allows us just
to grow. Confidence is never loud, it's quiet, it's unbothered.
(17:22):
Think about it. Whenever you're in an argument with somebody,
the person that's loud or typically is the person that's wrong,
is a person that has to yell because they have
to try to get their point across. A person that's
confident and peaceful and joyful. They typically they sit there
and just basking it because they don't have to prove
anything to anyone. They don't have to lie. They don't
have to tell the story, They don't have to change
the narrative. They don't have to get anyone on their
side because they're already right. They already know what they
(17:43):
want and what they need. So when you are confident,
when you're this person, all that stuff changes and this
person that you become doesn't need so many people. You
don't need to be validated because you are. Because you
validate you already yourself to become this version, become this full.
It might seem lonely. Absolutely, it might feel like it
(18:05):
doesn't have a purpose, but the greatest purpose in it
is that you are full of you, that you're not
living outside of you, that you're not living outside of
who you can be. So diving even deeper here and
it says reality of validation. It does feel like safety,
right because it does feel good again to hear these
things from people. And again, like I said before, I'm
(18:27):
not taking away the fact that you deserve affirmation, that
you should feel like that, but it's not something that
you should depend on for your confidence, for your growth,
for yourself joy, for you choosing you. Yes, it's important,
but it doesn't mean that it's everything. The biggest notion
(18:47):
here is that approval is something that you will never
capture completely. I think about it. We put one hundred
people in a room, right, and we ask one hundred
people a different opinion on some thing. Maybe let's just
pretend that sixty percent of them agree. There's still that
forty percent that absolutely do not agree. Right, So you
are not capable of making every person like you or
(19:10):
approve of you simply because you want to, simply because
you think that you molding and fitting will create that.
So this should be freedom. Just really quickly break that down.
There should be freedom because this allows you to understand
and think when you analyze, this allows you to understand
and think that you will never be able to have
(19:30):
everyone's approval. So why are you begging or trying for
anyone's approval? Again, I'm not saying be a jerk and
be mean, but know that it doesn't matter because it
won't change the world. You won't change everyone's opinion. They'll
just have a group of people that might like you.
(19:51):
But it's okay to not have anyone like you because
as long as you like you, their opinions are their opinions,
and they're welcome to them. Again, don't be a jerk,
don't be mean, don't be arrogant, don't be all these things,
be good, be you, but be so confident and so
loving in you that it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
And we'll get to the rest of this after this
real quick commercial break. So coming back to this, we
(20:15):
are talking about being judged in this growth and validation
and us and the notion that people are going to
judge you anyway, Like, no matter what you do. There's
funny posts on social media that happens often that many
people quote it, but you can there's so many picks.
The post made a post that they said, there's no
way that everyone's gonna agrieve for over something. We all,
(20:38):
if you make this post, everyone's gonna argue over nothing.
And people jokingly will come into the comments and they'll
argue about nothing, literally nothing. They will say, oh, well
that's not true. You know, people will agree whatever. The
reality is that people are going to judge you anyway.
They're gonna have their opinions, they're gonna have their statements,
So you finding validation in them them choosing you makes
(20:59):
no sense because their judgment is always going to be persistent.
In there you feel like you need to be loved
to grow from it, It's just not going to happen.
Your authenticity is a filter. It's actually meant to keep
certain people away from you. It's meant to safeguard you.
It's the more you show up as your real self,
the faster the wrong people find their way out. The
(21:22):
realer you, the better you, is going to gravitate or
bring towards you. The people that deserve you, the people
that need you, the people that you need, the people
are going to grow and they're gonna be good for you,
because again, you do need community. Like I'm not saying
become a hermit or live in a closer somewhere, but
I'm saying that we do need to understand that the
realer we are, yes, some people will leave, but some
(21:43):
people will turn, or some people will come or will
grow in something, because it's how that works. The authentic you,
who doesn't care about choosing or being chosen, is the
you that is going to be in places where that's value.
And actually that's even deeper and more beautiful that we
give it credit for. Because you are not begging. You
simply are so you're free to be you. It's that
(22:03):
concept of getting home and feeling like home. I have
so big I'm so big on this actually that the
people around me should feel like home in my home.
I'm not exactly the clean cleanest person ever. Like sometimes
my house is messy. Sometimes my room there's clothes everywhere.
Sometimes I didn't do anything like that. I'm not saying again,
be a slob, but I am saying that people should
(22:24):
feel like home where you're not this cookie cutter, makeup
done hyfe perfect, close, neatly packaged away, where you are
free to be the authentic you who might in this
moment be a little messy and a little broken, a
little messed up. But the people around you love that person.
You don't have to pretend and put on a mask
on because you don't have to change who you are.
(22:47):
These people will gravitate towards you because you are authentically you.
The people that you have to pretend, the people that
you're looking for validation for. Those people will never make
you feel like home because you have to keep everything
in a specific way for them to stay there. You're
not here, You're not in this world. To be liked,
you're in this world. It has to be loved, of course,
because you're mental love. But you're not in this world
(23:07):
to be liked. Then the people who are conveniently that
where you're basing a validation from, are basing this this
authentic you from there. Yeah, they might they might not
like you, or they might like you, but they don't
love you because the people, the people that love you
are those people that are gravitating towards you. And we
need to learn to distinguish between people who belong in
our life for life and people who are seasons in
(23:28):
our life and cutting off those things. It's gonna hurt,
because anything we prune is ultimately painful, but the beauty
is that there's so much growth in that pruning. We
can't like these plants behind me. There's some of them
are dying, right, some of them have little little, uh,
little dry spots. That's how I bought them, by the way,
it wasn't my fault literally got them. But what I'm
(23:48):
gonna have to do is take scissors and cut those
those things, and not to prune away the dead parts
so that the good plant can grow and flourish even
greater when trees burn down, right, that something farm do
this on purpose. They burn the tree so that the
soil can be fertile and it can have growth. Sometimes
there are things in your life that you're gonna have
to burn away so that the soil can be fertile
(24:09):
and it can grow. So the thing that is going
to flourish from this place, the thing that's gonna grow
in here that you might thought, you might have thought
you needed it in that season, but the reality is
that that that thing has to go so that the
good things can grow. You have to remove. Sometimes that's
gonna hurt because it's painful. It hurts to cut things away,
It hurts to burn things, it hurts to prune. But
there is no growth in a place of things that
(24:31):
are just stagnant and dead and you thinking that one
day they're just gonna resolve themselves. Unfortunately, we have to
cut away, we have to burn. But what's gonna grow
next is gonna be so much better. It's gonna be
significantly more beautiful. People pleasing is a trauma response. It's
not a personality type, and a lot of us are
(24:54):
stuck in that right. We think that if we are liked,
it will heal certain parts of us. We think that
if we show up for people the way that that
we want them to show up for us, so they
will eventually approve or show up for us that same way.
And what's going to happen is that you're going to
hurt yourself more thinking that they're going to live or
be like you. They're not. And that's okay. It's not
(25:15):
their job either to tend those wounds for you. And
this hurts to hear because I think sometimes we think
that people are nicer than they are, we think that
people are better than they are. But it's not their
job to heal that in you. It's not their job
to validate that in you. It's not their job to
make you feel seen or loved. It's not it really isn't.
It's our job to understand that we are seen and loved,
and that it's not the people that are around us,
(25:37):
but first from internal and of course from God. But
if we keep going back to this rut of thinking
that we have to be chosen, thinking that we have
to be validated, thinking that our confidence is found in
those things, then we'll consistently hurt ourselves. This last portion,
(25:57):
this last point that we're going to touch here is
I think how the best way to end this, and
then I think I'm gonna leave this more in a
thought for you, right in a stuff pattern, maybe something
to sit with today or during the week, and just
kind of unpack this reality. Because every time you abandon
yourself for approval, you create an inner critic. I heard
(26:21):
actually listen to this. Every time that you abandon yourself
for approval, you create an inner critic. Every time that
you change who you are or who you want so
that people around you can approve of you or love
you, you create a new voice in your head that says, well,
this is what you did that time, or this is
who you are, or this is how you revert to.
Every time that you sit here and abandon you for
(26:42):
someone else, you begin to resent yourself more because, whether
it's conscious or subconscious, whether there's small or big, you
create something in you because you've chosen them over yourself.
You've chosen what they say or what they look like
or how they are over yourself. You chose their opinion
over your own heart and will continue to stay in
(27:03):
this rut of needing to be validated or needed to
be chosen because we've created a monster in us. We
create this self betrayal an effort to choose them. I
need you to be so confident in you that you
just begin to choose you for everything, that it's not
just about being loved or liked by other people, but
(27:24):
it's really about being loved and like by yourself, loving
and liking you so deeply and so intimately that it
does not matter what they say or do. You have
chosen you, and you choose you today, and you will
continue to choose you. We will continue to feel invalidated
out of purpose and just out of love if we
continue to stay in that. So I leave you with that,
(27:45):
that point, that thought, that thought process. What is it
in you that you've abandoned for other people, either for
their love or for their approval, for their dreams, for
their goals. Have you changed what you wanted to do
or to dreams that you had, the goals that you've
created because you wanted other people to like you, or
because you think other people will criticize you. And then
(28:07):
that's such a big one that we don't have any
time to dive any deeper into that. Maybe in the
next episode we'll include that in there. But have you
not lived out your dream because you think that someone
is gonna talk about it. Hey, I'm gonna root it
for you. They're already talking. They're already talking about you
like they're already gossiping. They're already creating things, they already
saying things. So what let them do those things? I
need you to do what you need to do despite
(28:29):
their opinions. Don't kill your dream to feed their ego.
Don't let yourself die so that they can feel good.
Stop abandoning you for their approval. Stop creating self sabotaging
yourself to choose them. Start choosing you. Start making this
the year, the month, the season that you're in. Make
this a season where you create this purpose in you
that's so deeply rooted that it does not matter what
(28:51):
they said, because they didn't live your life. They haven't
gone through the things you've gone through. They haven't struggled
the way you struggled. They haven't healed in the places
you heal the they're not healing in the places that
you're currently healing. For them to have opinions strong enough
for you not to be you, I don't care who
they are, what they've done. You need to make sure
that you are living a life that you approve of,
(29:11):
that you validate, that you choose, and everything else will
gravitate towards you. And whatever the Peda Gallery has to say,
the Peanut Gallery is gonna say it anyway. I don't
care about your comments because you don't live my life.
I don't care about your critiques. When you haven't done
the work that I've done, you do it. Worry about
nothing else but done. So I hope that this episode
(29:33):
is at least challenging, even the smallest way. And again
the whole rating thing, I can ask if you like it,
please just go ahead and give some reviews or some
five stars. I need to start getting that done. I
don't really promote that ever, because you know not that
I don't care. I do care. I do care about
those things because this is what's going to signify if
(29:56):
next year we have another contractor we have more podcast episodes.
I do care about that. But at the same time,
same sentiment. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I'm
gonna do my job. I'm gonna do what I can,
and I can't expect anyone else to approve of it.
I'm just gonna have to show up for it. So
thank you for listening. Thank you for being a part
of this episode. Thank you literally just for tre who
you are. I need you to understand that you are
(30:18):
valid and good as who you are, and you being
here is amazing. You listening is amazing, and you walking
through this is amazing. So thank you for listening, and
I'll catch you on the next one.
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