September 18, 2025 • 32 mins
Success isn’t just inspiring It’s terrifying. Here’s why:
• Most of it is built in obscurity
• You’ll be envied and criticized
• It will cost you pieces of who you are right now
👉 Don’t stop here. Hear the full breakdown on the
Made For This Mountain
With Joshua Rosa.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So one fear that most people have, if not all
people have, is the fear of not being good enough.
They're not being good enough, not being successful enough, not
being seen enough, not being loved enough, not being liked enough.
There's a reality where we struggle with this, and this
is the reason why success can be so terrifying. What
the mountain of success for a lot of us becomes
this fear place, and no one really identifies us like.
We never look at the bigger perspective why it's so
(00:21):
scary that we want to be successful, but two are
afraid of what success costs and what it takes. We
become literally scared to do the things that are necessary
for us because we want to be liked, because we
want to be loved. And there's a reason why a
lot of us don't progress well. The reason a lot
of us don't change, where we don't move is because
we limit ourselves to the capability that we're capable of.
(00:41):
We limit it to the possibility of what people may
say about us. We think that if we do the thing,
if we do the thing that's scary, that's cringey, that's
out of the character for us, that that's going to
change or justify or make different the way people see us.
I need you to understand that it is scary to
be successful, but it's more scary to stay where you
are right now, this is made for this mountain with
(01:02):
Josh Rosa or turning pain into Purpose. So as we
dive into this episode about this reality that success is
terrifying you, we never speak about it like we don't
talk about this mountain of success, this fear of going
into this next thing to be unknown, because for a
lot of times it's tied to so many other things
of what's happened in our lives. We tie our success
(01:22):
to the people in our lives. We tie our success
to the people that have been in it, that have
been out of it. We even tie our failure so
that we say, well, I am not capable of doing
this because of these people, because the way my parents
treated me, because of what they said about me, because
of how it was bullied, because of whatever. We tie
all of these things to these things. And I need
you to understand this in this moment right that you
will never move away from your life like your life
(01:46):
is your life. What's happened to you has happened to
your past is your past, and don't we don't discredit it,
we don't evaluate, we don't say that it doesn't have
worth or significance because it's a part of your life,
it's a part of your story, it's a part of
the history of what's made you you today. But we
need to stop giving power to that past because what
happens to a lot of people, all of us. I mean,
I feel like this is such a common thing that
(02:07):
happens often that we fall into this rut of staying
in what's been said or done to us because we
think that's all we are. We will remain in places
where we have made home. And this is again we
see this all we talk about wounds and all these things,
but so so so prevalent when it comes to this
mountain of success, a terrifying reality that comes with being successful,
(02:29):
the things that people never address and look at. Because
there's this theory in sociology called the broken windows theory,
and I'm sure many people have heard of it, but
just to kind of give a little bit of a
different light in this broken window theory if you haven't,
is the belief that you are a byproduct of your environment, right,
so that olds saying nurture versus nature, that you become
what you've been grown into. And I have a problem
(02:50):
with that. And again it as a theory, but I
feel like a lot of people subscribe to this theory.
They believe that this is really what it is because
we tend to look at ourvironment and make say that
we are a byproduct of the environment. We say that
that thing is what's shaped us and we will never
be anything else because of our family was, because of
our poverty levels, because of all these things. First of all,
I want to give significant understanding to that, because again
(03:12):
I'm no one special. I know nothing more than most people.
I read more, maybe I hear more. So I'm not
speaking from a place of perfection or a place of
absolute knowledge, but definitely from perspective that maybe others might
not look like look at. But I have an issue
with that because it limits you before you've been limited.
Now again, there's different things I know growing up in
Hispanic home, that our cultures are very different and how
(03:35):
we were raised, and there were certain things that I
had to learn and myself and had to grow and
adapt and simulate accordingly, because again there were Dominican we
only spoke Spanish at home, but not cost and my
household was just that because that's why my grandparents spoke,
and that's when my mother spoke. So there were words
that I had to learn and adapt in, things that
I had to enculturate myself in that most people probably
(03:55):
wouldn't have had. Now for a lot of people, we
look at that and we look at the factors that, Yo,
this is hard, Like, there are things that I have
to change and adapt and grow and this has become
the thing. And what happens is that becomes a barrier,
that becomes a limiting factor as to what you're gonna grow.
So when we talk about broken windows theory, people even
this is actually from the easier side of this, right,
because we can look at finances, we can look at history,
(04:17):
we can look at social norms and social structures and
all these things that are a huge component of how
successful people are. But the biggest component of how success
is measured is not necessarily what you've come from, but
what you've come against. It's where you've grown out of.
It's not the things that are around you and things
that have been done to you. Because that is the
easy route. It is easy to limit yourself by that.
(04:38):
And this is what I love, these cases where people
who have grown up in such terrible conditions and terrible
places and have done amazing things, they go completely against
the grain. They go against what they have been told
is normalize them. They go against these things that have
limited them to being less than what they're actually made for.
And it breaks my heart because, honestly, before we got
(04:59):
DI I'd never care about numbers. I always care about
the one person that needed to hear this message. I
heard this message and all these things. But these are
topics that I wish we had more conversation around, Like
I think we have become limited by our just controlled
demographic of people, that we think that we are only
going to be this because this is all we've ever been,
that's all we've ever seen, it's all we ever known,
(05:21):
and we make this adverse struggle that shouldn't exist. We'll say, well,
I won't do this because I'm Hispanic. I won't do
this because I'm black. I won't do this because I'm
a minority. I won't do this because all of these
factors that honestly, yes, I'm not saying that they're not good,
that they're not important. I'm not disqualifying the strength and
the value they have, but I am saying that your
(05:41):
will and desire is stronger than your limiting factors. That
you will work. Yes, you might have to work three
times as hard. Four times is hard, but how bad
do you want it? And I'm not saying that that
should how it should be. But I am saying that
we are limited by the thought of the thing that
we have been told, and our fear of success is
attached to directly to that, it's attached to what we
(06:02):
have been conditioned to believe, to what society has said. Hey,
you're not capable of this unless you have this extra help.
You're not capable of this unless you do this. No,
you are capable right now where you are, in this moment,
in this place, the adversity you're facing, all that mountain
that you're in, all of those things are going to
make up this story. They're going to make up the
story as to how you succeeded and did what you
(06:23):
needed to do despite everything else, and you are fully
capable of this. That there is nothing that you're limited by.
And again back to that broken windows theory, we tend
to think that our environment dictates our growth. That the
glass ceiling that we've been limited by is only there
based on the environment that we've grown into. It doesn't matter.
(06:47):
I think that our mindset is what shifts everything. And
I'm not saying that that means that you're going to
be a perfect millionaire billionaire out of all this, But
to grow and to be successful and to not be
where your family has been, and to not be where
you have remitted to that, those things are how we
measure success. And the reason that we're afraid of success
is because we have to challenge that. The biggest thing
(07:07):
about being successful because again that the success is quantitative,
not qualitative. We were able to unpack things. It's not
how much of it you have, it's how meaningful and
how purposeful that little thing is. So we're able to
look at that thing and say that this thing was
the next step for me and for my generations. That's
how we measure success. And again, the reason we're scared
(07:28):
is because we've limited what our success can look by
based on what our family success has been. And we'll
dive a little bit deeper after this quick commercial break.
So coming back into this reality that success can actually
be very terrifying because it has to challenge everything. It
has to challenge you, has to challenge your mind, how
you think, your processes, how you work, how things change
around you. It has to even challenge what the social
(07:50):
norms in this world have been. We have been limited
by so many things because it's again socially acceptable to say, well,
I can't because we look at that phrase, I can't
because you've given authority to the thing that you're doing
because of something else. You've said that, because of how
it be treated, because of how I been raised, because
of how my family was, because of the alcohol addiction,
because of the drug addiction, because of this thing that's
(08:13):
been a hindrance to me. You've given authority to your
success based on what has been said about you. And today,
if the only thing we do in this episode, yeah,
will dive into these common things and common thoughts and practice.
But if the only thing that we do is dispel
that lies, and this is the most successful episode I've
ever had because the reality is that you are fully,
fully capable. You're not limited to that. And the terrifying
(08:36):
thing about success it is that it's going to range
to something it will cost you everything of who you
are right now to be who you need to be.
The very death of the old you comes with pain.
There's something that has to hurt. We have never been
in this new person, so that's gonna hurt. This change
in your life, this perspective that you're gonna take, the
shift that you're gonna have, is gonna hurt. Success is
(08:57):
going to be painful because if you're going to grow,
are no longer going to fit in the mold that
you were in before. You have to break out of
that thing to be next. And why it hurts us
because so many things around us change our our perspective,
change our environment, change our people. We lose people when
we become better because there are some people in your
life that benefited from the worst version of you. So
when you become the best version of you, they hate
(09:18):
that version. They can no longer manipulate, control or get
what they need from that version, and they're going to
hate it. And it's going to hurt you because in
your mind, you think that you need to keep these
people around. But I need you to understand that you
don't have to keep anyone in your life that isn't
actually loving you fully. And the people that love you fully,
will never question or doubt or make you feel like
(09:40):
your growth is bad. They're going to walk with you.
They're going to applaud you. They're going to be your
biggest cheerleaders or biggest fans. They will never make you
feel that this next stage of you is a bad
stage of you. They're going to actually support the dream.
They're going to download the podcast, They're going to share
the real They're going to share your your business. They're
(10:00):
going to share the things that you want. They're going
to share in your failures and in your successes. They're
going to love you in each stage of that. So
if your fear of being successful is that you will
lose people, I promise you you will never lose a
person that belongs there. They can never lose the people
that desire to love you. And this is a season
for a lot of us right as we've grow and
as we become better, it hurts because there are people
(10:22):
that we hold dearly to us, that we love so much,
that we want to see in every stage in our
life that we no longer have relationships or connections to it.
And I don't want to the one to dismiss that
because it's not bad to feel and to lament and
to love the people that were there and when they
were there, but it's okay to understand that they were
in a different chapter of this book. This next place
(10:42):
you're in doesn't require them. And it's not that they
don't bring valuant that they're not good, because intrinsically, naturally,
just by their own human nature, they are. But that
means that the season that you're in doesn't require them.
Our success will be driven not by what we want,
but by what we're willing to sacrifice, and there's a
(11:03):
healthy balance to this. Sometimes sacrifice looks like I can't
go out tonight because I have things that I'm working towards.
Sometimes sacrifice looks like I can't show up to these
things because as much as I would love to you,
it's not going to be beneficial to the overall story.
I have to work on something. And then sometimes sacrifice
just looks like I need to take a day off
of work to be with the people that I love.
Because that's also healthy. It's understanding that there is a
(11:26):
balance between what you're giving up and what you're putting out.
And it hurts, because who doesn't want to be in
all the things, the fear of the fomo right, the
fear of missing out. We want to be involved, but
it's going to make you miss out on who you
deserve to be. For you trying to be the place
you're not supposed to be in. So what are you
(11:47):
willing to say no to? Like, what is that thing
that you that allows you to say no now so
you can say yes later to you? What will be
the thing in you that dies so the fool you
can truly live, so you're not remitted to that person
that you used to be. The place that you're in
doesn't remain the place that you remain in. If you
are lonely in this season, if you are misunderstood, if
(12:10):
no one gets you good, this means that you're putting
the work that you're shetting off the things that don't
have at any actual value. We're creatures of company. We
desire to be around people, to be loved by people,
and that's that validation and that need that we feel
like needs to be stroked and actually loved and all
these things. There comes a point as you grow that
(12:32):
you need a season of solitude. And I don't mean
like you become like a reclusive hermit, and you don't
do anything, and you don't respond to people. When you
don't whatever, you just cut everyone off. I don't mean that,
I don't mean to that extreme, because that's unhealthy too.
I mean that you focus on what you need to
do so much so that you stop giving in too
everything else, and you stop allowing people to control you
(12:56):
and to dictate and change what your plans are right now.
The reality is that for a lot of us, this
stems from abandonment, whether we've been the ones abandoning or
been the ones that have been abandoned. We tend to
want people to validate us and to love us enough
that we don't have to show up for ourselves. Like
(13:16):
we allow their love and their energy and their persona
and just who they are to make us feel good
about us. It comes to a point where we have
to choose what season am I in. So the reason
that again we're choosing these things and success is terrifying
and it's scary because it's going to require for you
to say I don't care if you like me, if
(13:38):
you don't like me again, at that same point, the
people that love you will be there for you, but
it's going to be something that's going to cause you separation. Now,
a lot of people aren't aware of this because successful
people aren't vocal as they're growing, especially if you're coming
from a stage of being stuck in something, being stuck
in a bad relationship, being stuck in a bad career path,
being stuck in a bad mental health space. All these
(14:00):
things are things that people often don't even notice, like
they don't see the bottom work. And and I see
this often. I see people look at the success to
people have had, and even myself included, I've seen this happen.
I've heard it happen. I haven't seen it for myself
because people won't say things to my face. That's another
thing you'll go through. You'll hear people say things about you,
but they'll never say to you because it takes too
much validation to actually confirm those things. So you'll hear
(14:22):
people say, well, this person just got lucky, this person
just showed up, this person just I'll use myself as
an example, not to bragger to boast, because the only
reason I'm using me as example is because I only
know me well, I know me better than I know
most other people. So people don't see the hours that
goes into this, like the hours that it takes to
sit here and to script and to show up because
(14:44):
I am everything. I'm the talent, I'm the scripting, I'm
the video guy, I'm the lighting guy, I'm the sound guy.
I do everything that is required for me to be
successful at this, and people don't notice the hours that
goes into this, that the hard work that it actually
takes even to make social media. I was sharing this
actually with my son, who won't ever be able to
identify because it's like eight months old. Well he is
(15:06):
eight months old, and I was on my memories on Facebook.
They popped up when I first hit my first twenty
five thousand people, and I was so successful. I was
so happy with that moment, that success, and I was
just like, I again joking because my son, who was
a baby, he's not actually gonna see them. I'm like, look, look, buddy,
look what daddy did this. Wow? Can we believe that
this was a year and a half ago or something
(15:27):
to that reframe? And it hit me in that moment
like no one's ever going to see that. Like people
probably saw that and would talk about it, right, but
Bashit would say that it's nothing, that I was just
lucky that I just showed up, that I hit one
or two videos, whatever, But the reality comes that they're
going to talk anyway. Like a lot of us are
afraid to step into things to be successful, to grow
(15:48):
into the actually things that we love, because we're afraid
of what people will say and the fact that people
will only see the successful part of it. It's gonna
be easy for them to judge what they see outside,
but they'll never realize the worker it took you in
the inside. They'll never realize the hours you put in.
They'll never realize the change you had to make. You'll
never realize that therapy sessions you have to go through.
The'll never realize the gym hours you had to put it.
(16:09):
They'll never realize all those things. They will only see
the mountaintop. And that's okay, that's perfectly fine, because this
is not for them. This is for you. What you
are going to do, the things that you're going to
step into, the success that is going to be scary
for you to take on. It is not for them.
You don't do things for people to clap for you.
You do things because you know that you will clap
(16:30):
for you. You do things because you know that it's
for you. If you are doing things for other people
to see you, then you are not responding out of
your self growth. You're responding out of your wounds. You
want them to clap for you and cheer you want
and make you feel better about you. No one is
going to do that. This is the sad truth, is
sad reality that no one is going to clap for you.
They might see the success that might see the mountaintop
and they'll say, wow, you were so lucky and you
(16:51):
made it. But I need you to be so firm
in what you're doing that you don't care if they
approve of it or not. You're validated by you. And
it's terrifying to go through this because we have to
come to that terms. I think that the biggest tool,
the biggest catalyst for a lot of people is as
they grow that they this is actually the biggest part
(17:12):
of growth. As it become better, you shed away the
desire to be likened seen. You shed away the desire
to be cheered on, You shed away the desire to
be admonished. It actually becomes significantly more humbling because you
saw the work, you were a part of the work,
you believed in it, and you did it. And it
becomes to this point where you are joyful with you
(17:34):
and what you're doing and not necessarily requiring them to
do anything for you. Yes, it's terrifying to be successful,
it's terrifying to step into this, but you are more
than capable. The next point we're diving into is that
success happens in obscurity, not in the public eye, like
(17:56):
what people don't know, they can't ruin. And that's such
a classic phrase. Then it's so true because what happens
is that we tend to be so happy and so
excited that we want to share what's happening in our lives.
We want to share this next thing we're doing. But
I need you to not share those things, because people
can't ruin what they can't see. People can't hurt whether
they will never be able to get to what you've
never put out there. And envy is a terrible thing.
(18:19):
Envy does not mean that you are better than them,
or that you have more money than people who are
richer and better, often on paper, more significantly better than
you will be envious of you Why not because you
have more, but because you have something that they can't do.
You have a love that they do not have. Do
they have a wound that you are magnifying in your success.
(18:40):
I need you to be successful, even if people will
be envious of you, and even if those people close
to you. I've seen that happen with family members. I've
seen people in families become envious of other people simply
because they're doing a thing that they wanted to do.
And it's okay. Let them be envious. Stop being afraid
of doing something because you're afraid of someone else's response.
Going to respond anyway, It's not being vocal about the
(19:03):
things that you don't need to be vocal about. Sometimes
you just need to work in silence and make sure
that this thing is happening before you share it anywhere else.
And I get it. It's exciting. You are doing the work,
you're changing, you're growing all these beautiful things. But stop
allowing your over zealousness to share about it get in
(19:24):
the way of its success. Stop allowing the fact that
you want people to see it to be proud of it,
even if it's not bragging, even if it's literally just excitement.
Stop allowing those things to overshadow the reality of it,
because what you're doing is giving people access to things
that they don't deserve access to. What you're doing is
giving people an opportunity to stop things for you. I
(19:46):
have example, people posted their flight to tickets. I've seen
this story happen many times and with their flight numbers
and what other people have done as a joke to
be funny, call it that they've called in or went
online and can so their flights. Why because they thought
that this is a funny thing to do to a person.
But the reality is that they have allowed themselves to
(20:06):
be accessible in a way that people were able to
cancel the things that they were so excited for. And
we'll dive into the rest of this after these real
quick commercial breaks. So success can be terrifying, and this
is something that is mounting that a lot of us
are stuck on that we don't even start because we've
become afraid before it's even begun. And there is a
mental cost of achievement. There is a cost that comes
(20:28):
with There's nothing in this world that is given to
you without a cost. Right, Like, I'm not saying that
this is something's going to cost you your whole life,
and well, actually, yes, I am saying that, because it's
going to cost you the life of who you used
to be. But what I'm saying is that it's not
going to cost you things that are literal, like your
physical life, Like you're not going to sit here or
die because you're trying to be successful. There are people
that have done that. They've done it wrong right, because
(20:50):
there's no balance that last portion of it. They haven't
balanced their regular life and their family with the success
or they haven't balanced seasons. There are seasons of this.
We are completely locked in and focused so that we
can be the best version of ourselves to our family
and our friends. But there is a cost, and I
hope that one thing that we do, other than motivate
(21:12):
for that to happen, is able to just identify what
that cost looks like as you progress and as you change.
There is no such thing as perfection. I want that
to be absolutely clear. There is no perfect person in
this world. Only perfect person ever was Jesus and they
crucified him. So there's that there is no perfect person
in this world. You will never have everything perfectly figured out.
(21:32):
You will never have every perfect answer. In fact, myself included,
I'm really good at giving people advice, I'm terrible at
taking my own. Because it's easy for us to be
persuaded or for us to change based on other people's perspective,
because that's part of our human nature, and it's really
hard for us to sit here and speak correctly to
ourselves enough to change. But there is a cost that
(21:54):
comes with this. There's a cost of adapting your mind
and the way you think that we don't really speak on.
It's going to make you respond differently to certain things.
And what I mean by that is that when you
change how you think, when you change what you're doing,
when you're changing the life you're living, the mental cost
that comes with this is tiring. It's very taxing, and
(22:17):
it's okay for that. This is where balance kicks in
to be a reality because there are certain seasons that
we feel like we have to work extra hard. But
if we don't balance that off with seasons where we
are able to not stop working but allow ourselves to
space to grow, and allow ourselves to space to just
rest and be at peace, all we'll do is create
(22:38):
this imbalance that will drain us completely. And this is
why there's so many people who might seem like they
have everything in the world behave themselves. This is why
there's the suicide's rates are so high, especially within extremely wealthy,
because there is no counterweight to do that. So this
is where we talk about the balance of this right
and I mentioned that before, but just a little bit
more in detail, that you don't stop working, you don't
(23:02):
stop creating, so don't stop growing, but you do allow
yourself space to just disconnect from certain things in different ways. Obviously,
these seasons should not be prolonged because this then becomes
a lifestyle, But there should be seasons and times where
you just allow yourself the rest. You don't have to
have everything figured out every day. Again, people are terrified
for success because they think that every single day of
(23:22):
their lives needs to be this super home run, the
super success everything has it doesn't. It's okay for you
to have moments where you're failing. It's okay for you
to have moments where you fall. It's okay for you
to have moments where things just don't make any sense.
But it's not okay for you to remain in those moments.
It's not okay for you to unpack and say this
is who I am and this is the life I
live and that's it. That's not okay. The difference between
(23:43):
a person who is successful has that kind of mindset
is that they're very aware of that, they are very
aware that they will fail. They're very aware that they
are human, They're very aware that they will make mistakes.
But they don't stay in those things. They don't let
their lives be dictated by their failings. You shouldn't allow
your life to be dictated by your past, by your failings,
(24:04):
by your mistakes. The failings, the failures and failings that
you will have in this season is the next season,
the next month, next week, next year, whatever it is,
You will have them. But the difference will come when
you choose to not remain in them, when you choose
to say, okay, this is another stumbling black, let's get up,
let's keep working. As we talk about success, and I
(24:27):
mentioned this often, and I just I just want to
reiterate this point that success will always be faced with envy,
it will always be faced with aggression, It will always
be faced with things that you have illuminated in other
people that they have not done themselves. And the better
you become, the more you grow, the more successful you become,
this is something that you will have to deal with
more often. And I always equate this with like trolls
(24:48):
in my comments sections. Those are one of the greatest
lessons I've learned from social media. I could have the
most positive message in the world, I could have the
best thing to ever say, and so much any people
will receive. I've seen comment sections some of my videos
that are a little more viral, where you'll have like
hundreds and not thousands of like amazing comments of people
(25:10):
receiving such amazing things. But there's always those one or
two or three trolls, people that have nothing better to
do than just make you attempt to try to make
you upset, because again they're hurt and their woundedness can
only be reflected through these things. And again, especially like
places like social media and just the Internet in general,
this is a very easy place for people who have
(25:31):
nothing better to do to come and try to rob
you of your piece. And I've learned that I made
it a mission to not respond to those comments, to
just not engage why, because that's all they want. They
just want someone and this is gonna get a little
depr So I want you to realize this does not
justify what they're saying or what they're doing. It does
(25:51):
not dismiss the fact that they said this to you
or did this to you. But there are some people
in your life that will say things to you simply
because they want some form of attention, and that attention
it's soothing a wound. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's
negative attention that they want. They might just want to
be loved. But the only way they could respond is
to do the hurt, so that wound is an easy
emotion for them to access. So what they do is
(26:12):
that they hurt you. In that transmission of it, they
try to get you to say or do something that
is just a response. They just want something, an emotional response.
So it's easier to start an argument, it's easier to
fight with somebody. It's easier to say something negative about
them than it is to say something positive because they
think you're not going to get your attention. Now, that's
(26:34):
obviously an Instagram post, an Instagram comment. It's a little deeper.
It's someone we know personally, But it doesn't justify it It
doesn't mean that it's okay. It just means that we understand,
and when we understand, we don't respond the same. When
you understand where the wound comes from, when you understand
where the hurt comes from, when you understand where this
(26:55):
person is struggling, you don't respond to them that same breath.
As you become more successful, and a lot of people
are afraid of this, this becomes part of their mountain
that they're afraid of criticism. They're afraid of being talked about.
They're afraid of being ridiculed. They're afraid of being hurt
by people's words and actions and their distance. But I
need you to understand that no one above you ever
(27:16):
criticized you. Like people only punch from the bottom up,
They never punch from the top down. It's always successful people,
good people, healthy people will always care about you and
your growth because they know this struggle. As you become
more successful, you appreciate the efforts of other people so
much more. Another example I always say is in my car, right.
(27:37):
I mean, I have another car now that I love
dearly too, But whenever I'm in my car, I was
so happy for other people's cars, like I would look
at other people's cars and say, Nah, that car is
fire man, that's dope. Boh, they fit in that car
that looks like them. Because I was so successful, so
happy about my thing, that my joy transmuted to their things.
I was happy for them. I'm happy for them still
(27:58):
to this day. I'm very happy for people and they're successes.
I'm so happy when people step into what they were
made for and live that out because I'm not envious
of anyone. I'm so firm in me that I can
celebrate other people. People who are envious of you will
look at your successes and try to criticize you. They'll
try to bash you, they'll try to destroy you. Why
because it hurts them to see you happy. When people
are wounded. They do not want to see other people happy.
(28:20):
That's like someone that had just got a bad relationship.
They don't want to see happy relationship. They don't want
to see marriages. Why because it reminds them of their pain.
And that's just common sense, Like just think about it.
It's if it's a reminded me of someone that hurt me,
I don't want to see that for you. And it's
okay to love people in that you have to realize
that some people will criticize you just to criticize you
because you haven't done anything to them, but because they
(28:42):
feel that way, just because it's their own woundedness, their
own envy, and their own hate. We have to continue
to press in even when that happens. And even more importantly,
we have to be joyful, like we have to be
joyful for other people's successes despite our failures, because the
more you can celebrate other people, the easy it is
for you to celebrate you, the easier it is for
(29:02):
you to live in what you're meant for. And at
the end of it, success becomes terrifying to a lot
of us because it doesn't allow us the room to
hide like it's hard for you. You can grow and grind
and become slightly successful and inquiet and all these things.
But the more successful you become, the more public people
(29:23):
see that even if it's just a small thing, I mean,
something that you're growing in your own life, even if
your success looks like just you being able to be
more consistent in the gym, I'm trying to be. That's
my extullent. We're working on that. I told that I
already we're working on it. But even if that's your
little success that no one else sees, that, eventually people
will see the byproduct of it. They'll see what you
(29:45):
look like and for seeking all these things that it
brings you into a point where people will have something
to say because they'll see something. It's obvious, right, they're
going to see this progress and changing you, and this
is going to be something that's going to bring you
out to it. So a lot of people become terrified
of their success because they don't want people to see them.
They don't want to be in that limeline. And that's okay.
I mean, I get it. I understand that we don't
(30:07):
want these things. But I need you to reshape what
that looks like. If your fear of success becomes the
criticism of the public, if a fear of success becomes
being seen or being held in their microscope, I need
you to understand that one you will motivate other people.
You'll motivate the people around you to be better, and
(30:27):
that should be our first goal is to just be
better for us, so that other people around this could
be better too, Like first of all us, right, but
then they them too, They magnify towards that, and two
to just be honest, like, there is no one that's perfect,
not a single person, And if you were able to
do this and your imperfection, then what's just that that
anyone else can't? You become a beacon of positivity to
(30:50):
those people who you are capable of everything that you
desire to do. You have this gifting and this ability there,
it's already imprinted in you. It's not about can you,
it's about will you? So as we just wrap this
episode up, the question remains that what would you do?
In that phrase that I've been living my life by
that I've mentioned before, I can, I will, I must?
(31:11):
So what is it that you can? What is it
that you will? And what is it that you must
do for life to be successful? So thank you so
much for being a part of this episode. And it
just just a quick tidbit as we wrap up this
last episode. I don't know how successful my podcast will be.
It's a perfect episode just mention this, But my only
(31:31):
concern has always been how we reach other people, how
we grow with other people, how we help other people
move and change. Then and I realized that the only
way I can ever actually magnify that myself on this
podcast is with you. You are listening. You have made
it this far. Shout out to you, Shouts to everybody.
P shaus to you because they won't hear this even
I here, but sharing and liking in the whole five
(31:52):
star thing helps us actually reach these people. And I've
never asked for this, and I mean I've mentioned it before,
but I've become more prevalent as to how important it
is because it's never been a thought for me. And
so I'm living my own words, right. I'm being bold
and vocal about the things that I desire and want
to grow. And if not, it is what it is.
I have already in my measurement of success. I've already
(32:12):
been successful in that. And if it doesn't happen, we
have plenty of time before we even know anything like that.
But I'm just me, you know, thinking ahead. If that
doesn't happen, this already did, so the next season of
Whatever's Next will be amazing. So thank you for being here,
for being supportive, and actually the next episode that you
hear will be with a special person. We'll just leave
(32:36):
it at that. That's very As a popular comedian in
the New York area, and I won't give too much
about that, but I'm excited to hear other people's stories.
So thank you for listening, thank you for being a
part of this episode, and we'll catch you in the
next one.
So one fear that most people have, if not all
people have, is the fear of not being good enough.
They're not being good enough, not being successful enough, not
being seen enough, not being loved enough, not being liked enough.
There's a reality where we struggle with this, and this
is the reason why success can be so terrifying. What
the mountain of success for a lot of us becomes
this fear place, and no one really identifies us like.
We never look at the bigger perspective why it's so
(00:21):
scary that we want to be successful, but two are
afraid of what success costs and what it takes. We
become literally scared to do the things that are necessary
for us because we want to be liked, because we
want to be loved. And there's a reason why a
lot of us don't progress well. The reason a lot
of us don't change, where we don't move is because
we limit ourselves to the capability that we're capable of.
(00:41):
We limit it to the possibility of what people may
say about us. We think that if we do the thing,
if we do the thing that's scary, that's cringey, that's
out of the character for us, that that's going to
change or justify or make different the way people see us.
I need you to understand that it is scary to
be successful, but it's more scary to stay where you
are right now, this is made for this mountain with
(01:02):
Josh Rosa or turning pain into Purpose. So as we
dive into this episode about this reality that success is
terrifying you, we never speak about it like we don't
talk about this mountain of success, this fear of going
into this next thing to be unknown, because for a
lot of times it's tied to so many other things
of what's happened in our lives. We tie our success
(01:22):
to the people in our lives. We tie our success
to the people that have been in it, that have
been out of it. We even tie our failure so
that we say, well, I am not capable of doing
this because of these people, because the way my parents
treated me, because of what they said about me, because
of how it was bullied, because of whatever. We tie
all of these things to these things. And I need
you to understand this in this moment right that you
will never move away from your life like your life
(01:46):
is your life. What's happened to you has happened to
your past is your past, and don't we don't discredit it,
we don't evaluate, we don't say that it doesn't have
worth or significance because it's a part of your life,
it's a part of your story, it's a part of
the history of what's made you you today. But we
need to stop giving power to that past because what
happens to a lot of people, all of us. I mean,
I feel like this is such a common thing that
(02:07):
happens often that we fall into this rut of staying
in what's been said or done to us because we
think that's all we are. We will remain in places
where we have made home. And this is again we
see this all we talk about wounds and all these things,
but so so so prevalent when it comes to this
mountain of success, a terrifying reality that comes with being successful,
(02:29):
the things that people never address and look at. Because
there's this theory in sociology called the broken windows theory,
and I'm sure many people have heard of it, but
just to kind of give a little bit of a
different light in this broken window theory if you haven't,
is the belief that you are a byproduct of your environment, right,
so that olds saying nurture versus nature, that you become
what you've been grown into. And I have a problem
(02:50):
with that. And again it as a theory, but I
feel like a lot of people subscribe to this theory.
They believe that this is really what it is because
we tend to look at ourvironment and make say that
we are a byproduct of the environment. We say that
that thing is what's shaped us and we will never
be anything else because of our family was, because of
our poverty levels, because of all these things. First of all,
I want to give significant understanding to that, because again
(03:12):
I'm no one special. I know nothing more than most people.
I read more, maybe I hear more. So I'm not
speaking from a place of perfection or a place of
absolute knowledge, but definitely from perspective that maybe others might
not look like look at. But I have an issue
with that because it limits you before you've been limited.
Now again, there's different things I know growing up in
Hispanic home, that our cultures are very different and how
(03:35):
we were raised, and there were certain things that I
had to learn and myself and had to grow and
adapt and simulate accordingly, because again there were Dominican we
only spoke Spanish at home, but not cost and my
household was just that because that's why my grandparents spoke,
and that's when my mother spoke. So there were words
that I had to learn and adapt in, things that
I had to enculturate myself in that most people probably
(03:55):
wouldn't have had. Now for a lot of people, we
look at that and we look at the factors that, Yo,
this is hard, Like, there are things that I have
to change and adapt and grow and this has become
the thing. And what happens is that becomes a barrier,
that becomes a limiting factor as to what you're gonna grow.
So when we talk about broken windows theory, people even
this is actually from the easier side of this, right,
because we can look at finances, we can look at history,
(04:17):
we can look at social norms and social structures and
all these things that are a huge component of how
successful people are. But the biggest component of how success
is measured is not necessarily what you've come from, but
what you've come against. It's where you've grown out of.
It's not the things that are around you and things
that have been done to you. Because that is the
easy route. It is easy to limit yourself by that.
(04:38):
And this is what I love, these cases where people
who have grown up in such terrible conditions and terrible
places and have done amazing things, they go completely against
the grain. They go against what they have been told
is normalize them. They go against these things that have
limited them to being less than what they're actually made for.
And it breaks my heart because, honestly, before we got
(04:59):
DI I'd never care about numbers. I always care about
the one person that needed to hear this message. I
heard this message and all these things. But these are
topics that I wish we had more conversation around, Like
I think we have become limited by our just controlled
demographic of people, that we think that we are only
going to be this because this is all we've ever been,
that's all we've ever seen, it's all we ever known,
(05:21):
and we make this adverse struggle that shouldn't exist. We'll say, well,
I won't do this because I'm Hispanic. I won't do
this because I'm black. I won't do this because I'm
a minority. I won't do this because all of these
factors that honestly, yes, I'm not saying that they're not good,
that they're not important. I'm not disqualifying the strength and
the value they have, but I am saying that your
(05:41):
will and desire is stronger than your limiting factors. That
you will work. Yes, you might have to work three
times as hard. Four times is hard, but how bad
do you want it? And I'm not saying that that
should how it should be. But I am saying that
we are limited by the thought of the thing that
we have been told, and our fear of success is
attached to directly to that, it's attached to what we
(06:02):
have been conditioned to believe, to what society has said. Hey,
you're not capable of this unless you have this extra help.
You're not capable of this unless you do this. No,
you are capable right now where you are, in this moment,
in this place, the adversity you're facing, all that mountain
that you're in, all of those things are going to
make up this story. They're going to make up the
story as to how you succeeded and did what you
(06:23):
needed to do despite everything else, and you are fully
capable of this. That there is nothing that you're limited by.
And again back to that broken windows theory, we tend
to think that our environment dictates our growth. That the
glass ceiling that we've been limited by is only there
based on the environment that we've grown into. It doesn't matter.
(06:47):
I think that our mindset is what shifts everything. And
I'm not saying that that means that you're going to
be a perfect millionaire billionaire out of all this, But
to grow and to be successful and to not be
where your family has been, and to not be where
you have remitted to that, those things are how we
measure success. And the reason that we're afraid of success
is because we have to challenge that. The biggest thing
(07:07):
about being successful because again that the success is quantitative,
not qualitative. We were able to unpack things. It's not
how much of it you have, it's how meaningful and
how purposeful that little thing is. So we're able to
look at that thing and say that this thing was
the next step for me and for my generations. That's
how we measure success. And again, the reason we're scared
(07:28):
is because we've limited what our success can look by
based on what our family success has been. And we'll
dive a little bit deeper after this quick commercial break.
So coming back into this reality that success can actually
be very terrifying because it has to challenge everything. It
has to challenge you, has to challenge your mind, how
you think, your processes, how you work, how things change
around you. It has to even challenge what the social
(07:50):
norms in this world have been. We have been limited
by so many things because it's again socially acceptable to say, well,
I can't because we look at that phrase, I can't
because you've given authority to the thing that you're doing
because of something else. You've said that, because of how
it be treated, because of how I been raised, because
of how my family was, because of the alcohol addiction,
because of the drug addiction, because of this thing that's
(08:13):
been a hindrance to me. You've given authority to your
success based on what has been said about you. And today,
if the only thing we do in this episode, yeah,
will dive into these common things and common thoughts and practice.
But if the only thing that we do is dispel
that lies, and this is the most successful episode I've
ever had because the reality is that you are fully,
fully capable. You're not limited to that. And the terrifying
(08:36):
thing about success it is that it's going to range
to something it will cost you everything of who you
are right now to be who you need to be.
The very death of the old you comes with pain.
There's something that has to hurt. We have never been
in this new person, so that's gonna hurt. This change
in your life, this perspective that you're gonna take, the
shift that you're gonna have, is gonna hurt. Success is
(08:57):
going to be painful because if you're going to grow,
are no longer going to fit in the mold that
you were in before. You have to break out of
that thing to be next. And why it hurts us
because so many things around us change our our perspective,
change our environment, change our people. We lose people when
we become better because there are some people in your
life that benefited from the worst version of you. So
when you become the best version of you, they hate
(09:18):
that version. They can no longer manipulate, control or get
what they need from that version, and they're going to
hate it. And it's going to hurt you because in
your mind, you think that you need to keep these
people around. But I need you to understand that you
don't have to keep anyone in your life that isn't
actually loving you fully. And the people that love you fully,
will never question or doubt or make you feel like
(09:40):
your growth is bad. They're going to walk with you.
They're going to applaud you. They're going to be your
biggest cheerleaders or biggest fans. They will never make you
feel that this next stage of you is a bad
stage of you. They're going to actually support the dream.
They're going to download the podcast, They're going to share
the real They're going to share your your business. They're
(10:00):
going to share the things that you want. They're going
to share in your failures and in your successes. They're
going to love you in each stage of that. So
if your fear of being successful is that you will
lose people, I promise you you will never lose a
person that belongs there. They can never lose the people
that desire to love you. And this is a season
for a lot of us right as we've grow and
as we become better, it hurts because there are people
(10:22):
that we hold dearly to us, that we love so much,
that we want to see in every stage in our
life that we no longer have relationships or connections to it.
And I don't want to the one to dismiss that
because it's not bad to feel and to lament and
to love the people that were there and when they
were there, but it's okay to understand that they were
in a different chapter of this book. This next place
(10:42):
you're in doesn't require them. And it's not that they
don't bring valuant that they're not good, because intrinsically, naturally,
just by their own human nature, they are. But that
means that the season that you're in doesn't require them.
Our success will be driven not by what we want,
but by what we're willing to sacrifice, and there's a
(11:03):
healthy balance to this. Sometimes sacrifice looks like I can't
go out tonight because I have things that I'm working towards.
Sometimes sacrifice looks like I can't show up to these
things because as much as I would love to you,
it's not going to be beneficial to the overall story.
I have to work on something. And then sometimes sacrifice
just looks like I need to take a day off
of work to be with the people that I love.
Because that's also healthy. It's understanding that there is a
(11:26):
balance between what you're giving up and what you're putting out.
And it hurts, because who doesn't want to be in
all the things, the fear of the fomo right, the
fear of missing out. We want to be involved, but
it's going to make you miss out on who you
deserve to be. For you trying to be the place
you're not supposed to be in. So what are you
(11:47):
willing to say no to? Like, what is that thing
that you that allows you to say no now so
you can say yes later to you? What will be
the thing in you that dies so the fool you
can truly live, so you're not remitted to that person
that you used to be. The place that you're in
doesn't remain the place that you remain in. If you
are lonely in this season, if you are misunderstood, if
(12:10):
no one gets you good, this means that you're putting
the work that you're shetting off the things that don't
have at any actual value. We're creatures of company. We
desire to be around people, to be loved by people,
and that's that validation and that need that we feel
like needs to be stroked and actually loved and all
these things. There comes a point as you grow that
(12:32):
you need a season of solitude. And I don't mean
like you become like a reclusive hermit, and you don't
do anything, and you don't respond to people. When you
don't whatever, you just cut everyone off. I don't mean that,
I don't mean to that extreme, because that's unhealthy too.
I mean that you focus on what you need to
do so much so that you stop giving in too
everything else, and you stop allowing people to control you
(12:56):
and to dictate and change what your plans are right now.
The reality is that for a lot of us, this
stems from abandonment, whether we've been the ones abandoning or
been the ones that have been abandoned. We tend to
want people to validate us and to love us enough
that we don't have to show up for ourselves. Like
(13:16):
we allow their love and their energy and their persona
and just who they are to make us feel good
about us. It comes to a point where we have
to choose what season am I in. So the reason
that again we're choosing these things and success is terrifying
and it's scary because it's going to require for you
to say I don't care if you like me, if
(13:38):
you don't like me again, at that same point, the
people that love you will be there for you, but
it's going to be something that's going to cause you separation. Now,
a lot of people aren't aware of this because successful
people aren't vocal as they're growing, especially if you're coming
from a stage of being stuck in something, being stuck
in a bad relationship, being stuck in a bad career path,
being stuck in a bad mental health space. All these
(14:00):
things are things that people often don't even notice, like
they don't see the bottom work. And and I see
this often. I see people look at the success to
people have had, and even myself included, I've seen this happen.
I've heard it happen. I haven't seen it for myself
because people won't say things to my face. That's another
thing you'll go through. You'll hear people say things about you,
but they'll never say to you because it takes too
much validation to actually confirm those things. So you'll hear
(14:22):
people say, well, this person just got lucky, this person
just showed up, this person just I'll use myself as
an example, not to bragger to boast, because the only
reason I'm using me as example is because I only
know me well, I know me better than I know
most other people. So people don't see the hours that
goes into this, like the hours that it takes to
sit here and to script and to show up because
(14:44):
I am everything. I'm the talent, I'm the scripting, I'm
the video guy, I'm the lighting guy, I'm the sound guy.
I do everything that is required for me to be
successful at this, and people don't notice the hours that
goes into this, that the hard work that it actually
takes even to make social media. I was sharing this
actually with my son, who won't ever be able to
identify because it's like eight months old. Well he is
(15:06):
eight months old, and I was on my memories on Facebook.
They popped up when I first hit my first twenty
five thousand people, and I was so successful. I was
so happy with that moment, that success, and I was
just like, I again joking because my son, who was
a baby, he's not actually gonna see them. I'm like, look, look, buddy,
look what daddy did this. Wow? Can we believe that
this was a year and a half ago or something
(15:27):
to that reframe? And it hit me in that moment
like no one's ever going to see that. Like people
probably saw that and would talk about it, right, but
Bashit would say that it's nothing, that I was just
lucky that I just showed up, that I hit one
or two videos, whatever, But the reality comes that they're
going to talk anyway. Like a lot of us are
afraid to step into things to be successful, to grow
(15:48):
into the actually things that we love, because we're afraid
of what people will say and the fact that people
will only see the successful part of it. It's gonna
be easy for them to judge what they see outside,
but they'll never realize the worker it took you in
the inside. They'll never realize the hours you put in.
They'll never realize the change you had to make. You'll
never realize that therapy sessions you have to go through.
The'll never realize the gym hours you had to put it.
(16:09):
They'll never realize all those things. They will only see
the mountaintop. And that's okay, that's perfectly fine, because this
is not for them. This is for you. What you
are going to do, the things that you're going to
step into, the success that is going to be scary
for you to take on. It is not for them.
You don't do things for people to clap for you.
You do things because you know that you will clap
(16:30):
for you. You do things because you know that it's
for you. If you are doing things for other people
to see you, then you are not responding out of
your self growth. You're responding out of your wounds. You
want them to clap for you and cheer you want
and make you feel better about you. No one is
going to do that. This is the sad truth, is
sad reality that no one is going to clap for you.
They might see the success that might see the mountaintop
and they'll say, wow, you were so lucky and you
(16:51):
made it. But I need you to be so firm
in what you're doing that you don't care if they
approve of it or not. You're validated by you. And
it's terrifying to go through this because we have to
come to that terms. I think that the biggest tool,
the biggest catalyst for a lot of people is as
they grow that they this is actually the biggest part
(17:12):
of growth. As it become better, you shed away the
desire to be likened seen. You shed away the desire
to be cheered on, You shed away the desire to
be admonished. It actually becomes significantly more humbling because you
saw the work, you were a part of the work,
you believed in it, and you did it. And it
becomes to this point where you are joyful with you
(17:34):
and what you're doing and not necessarily requiring them to
do anything for you. Yes, it's terrifying to be successful,
it's terrifying to step into this, but you are more
than capable. The next point we're diving into is that
success happens in obscurity, not in the public eye, like
(17:56):
what people don't know, they can't ruin. And that's such
a classic phrase. Then it's so true because what happens
is that we tend to be so happy and so
excited that we want to share what's happening in our lives.
We want to share this next thing we're doing. But
I need you to not share those things, because people
can't ruin what they can't see. People can't hurt whether
they will never be able to get to what you've
never put out there. And envy is a terrible thing.
(18:19):
Envy does not mean that you are better than them,
or that you have more money than people who are
richer and better, often on paper, more significantly better than
you will be envious of you Why not because you
have more, but because you have something that they can't do.
You have a love that they do not have. Do
they have a wound that you are magnifying in your success.
(18:40):
I need you to be successful, even if people will
be envious of you, and even if those people close
to you. I've seen that happen with family members. I've
seen people in families become envious of other people simply
because they're doing a thing that they wanted to do.
And it's okay. Let them be envious. Stop being afraid
of doing something because you're afraid of someone else's response.
Going to respond anyway, It's not being vocal about the
(19:03):
things that you don't need to be vocal about. Sometimes
you just need to work in silence and make sure
that this thing is happening before you share it anywhere else.
And I get it. It's exciting. You are doing the work,
you're changing, you're growing all these beautiful things. But stop
allowing your over zealousness to share about it get in
(19:24):
the way of its success. Stop allowing the fact that
you want people to see it to be proud of it,
even if it's not bragging, even if it's literally just excitement.
Stop allowing those things to overshadow the reality of it,
because what you're doing is giving people access to things
that they don't deserve access to. What you're doing is
giving people an opportunity to stop things for you. I
(19:46):
have example, people posted their flight to tickets. I've seen
this story happen many times and with their flight numbers
and what other people have done as a joke to
be funny, call it that they've called in or went
online and can so their flights. Why because they thought
that this is a funny thing to do to a person.
But the reality is that they have allowed themselves to
(20:06):
be accessible in a way that people were able to
cancel the things that they were so excited for. And
we'll dive into the rest of this after these real
quick commercial breaks. So success can be terrifying, and this
is something that is mounting that a lot of us
are stuck on that we don't even start because we've
become afraid before it's even begun. And there is a
mental cost of achievement. There is a cost that comes
(20:28):
with There's nothing in this world that is given to
you without a cost. Right, Like, I'm not saying that
this is something's going to cost you your whole life,
and well, actually, yes, I am saying that, because it's
going to cost you the life of who you used
to be. But what I'm saying is that it's not
going to cost you things that are literal, like your
physical life, Like you're not going to sit here or
die because you're trying to be successful. There are people
that have done that. They've done it wrong right, because
(20:50):
there's no balance that last portion of it. They haven't
balanced their regular life and their family with the success
or they haven't balanced seasons. There are seasons of this.
We are completely locked in and focused so that we
can be the best version of ourselves to our family
and our friends. But there is a cost, and I
hope that one thing that we do, other than motivate
(21:12):
for that to happen, is able to just identify what
that cost looks like as you progress and as you change.
There is no such thing as perfection. I want that
to be absolutely clear. There is no perfect person in
this world. Only perfect person ever was Jesus and they
crucified him. So there's that there is no perfect person
in this world. You will never have everything perfectly figured out.
(21:32):
You will never have every perfect answer. In fact, myself included,
I'm really good at giving people advice, I'm terrible at
taking my own. Because it's easy for us to be
persuaded or for us to change based on other people's perspective,
because that's part of our human nature, and it's really
hard for us to sit here and speak correctly to
ourselves enough to change. But there is a cost that
(21:54):
comes with this. There's a cost of adapting your mind
and the way you think that we don't really speak on.
It's going to make you respond differently to certain things.
And what I mean by that is that when you
change how you think, when you change what you're doing,
when you're changing the life you're living, the mental cost
that comes with this is tiring. It's very taxing, and
(22:17):
it's okay for that. This is where balance kicks in
to be a reality because there are certain seasons that
we feel like we have to work extra hard. But
if we don't balance that off with seasons where we
are able to not stop working but allow ourselves to
space to grow, and allow ourselves to space to just
rest and be at peace, all we'll do is create
(22:38):
this imbalance that will drain us completely. And this is
why there's so many people who might seem like they
have everything in the world behave themselves. This is why
there's the suicide's rates are so high, especially within extremely wealthy,
because there is no counterweight to do that. So this
is where we talk about the balance of this right
and I mentioned that before, but just a little bit
more in detail, that you don't stop working, you don't
(23:02):
stop creating, so don't stop growing, but you do allow
yourself space to just disconnect from certain things in different ways. Obviously,
these seasons should not be prolonged because this then becomes
a lifestyle, But there should be seasons and times where
you just allow yourself the rest. You don't have to
have everything figured out every day. Again, people are terrified
for success because they think that every single day of
(23:22):
their lives needs to be this super home run, the
super success everything has it doesn't. It's okay for you
to have moments where you're failing. It's okay for you
to have moments where you fall. It's okay for you
to have moments where things just don't make any sense.
But it's not okay for you to remain in those moments.
It's not okay for you to unpack and say this
is who I am and this is the life I
live and that's it. That's not okay. The difference between
(23:43):
a person who is successful has that kind of mindset
is that they're very aware of that, they are very
aware that they will fail. They're very aware that they
are human, They're very aware that they will make mistakes.
But they don't stay in those things. They don't let
their lives be dictated by their failings. You shouldn't allow
your life to be dictated by your past, by your failings,
(24:04):
by your mistakes. The failings, the failures and failings that
you will have in this season is the next season,
the next month, next week, next year, whatever it is,
You will have them. But the difference will come when
you choose to not remain in them, when you choose
to say, okay, this is another stumbling black, let's get up,
let's keep working. As we talk about success, and I
(24:27):
mentioned this often, and I just I just want to
reiterate this point that success will always be faced with envy,
it will always be faced with aggression, It will always
be faced with things that you have illuminated in other
people that they have not done themselves. And the better
you become, the more you grow, the more successful you become,
this is something that you will have to deal with
more often. And I always equate this with like trolls
(24:48):
in my comments sections. Those are one of the greatest
lessons I've learned from social media. I could have the
most positive message in the world, I could have the
best thing to ever say, and so much any people
will receive. I've seen comment sections some of my videos
that are a little more viral, where you'll have like
hundreds and not thousands of like amazing comments of people
(25:10):
receiving such amazing things. But there's always those one or
two or three trolls, people that have nothing better to
do than just make you attempt to try to make
you upset, because again they're hurt and their woundedness can
only be reflected through these things. And again, especially like
places like social media and just the Internet in general,
this is a very easy place for people who have
(25:31):
nothing better to do to come and try to rob
you of your piece. And I've learned that I made
it a mission to not respond to those comments, to
just not engage why, because that's all they want. They
just want someone and this is gonna get a little
depr So I want you to realize this does not
justify what they're saying or what they're doing. It does
(25:51):
not dismiss the fact that they said this to you
or did this to you. But there are some people
in your life that will say things to you simply
because they want some form of attention, and that attention
it's soothing a wound. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's
negative attention that they want. They might just want to
be loved. But the only way they could respond is
to do the hurt, so that wound is an easy
emotion for them to access. So what they do is
(26:12):
that they hurt you. In that transmission of it, they
try to get you to say or do something that
is just a response. They just want something, an emotional response.
So it's easier to start an argument, it's easier to
fight with somebody. It's easier to say something negative about
them than it is to say something positive because they
think you're not going to get your attention. Now, that's
(26:34):
obviously an Instagram post, an Instagram comment. It's a little deeper.
It's someone we know personally, But it doesn't justify it It
doesn't mean that it's okay. It just means that we understand,
and when we understand, we don't respond the same. When
you understand where the wound comes from, when you understand
where the hurt comes from, when you understand where this
(26:55):
person is struggling, you don't respond to them that same breath.
As you become more successful, and a lot of people
are afraid of this, this becomes part of their mountain
that they're afraid of criticism. They're afraid of being talked about.
They're afraid of being ridiculed. They're afraid of being hurt
by people's words and actions and their distance. But I
need you to understand that no one above you ever
(27:16):
criticized you. Like people only punch from the bottom up,
They never punch from the top down. It's always successful people,
good people, healthy people will always care about you and
your growth because they know this struggle. As you become
more successful, you appreciate the efforts of other people so
much more. Another example I always say is in my car, right.
(27:37):
I mean, I have another car now that I love
dearly too, But whenever I'm in my car, I was
so happy for other people's cars, like I would look
at other people's cars and say, Nah, that car is
fire man, that's dope. Boh, they fit in that car
that looks like them. Because I was so successful, so
happy about my thing, that my joy transmuted to their things.
I was happy for them. I'm happy for them still
(27:58):
to this day. I'm very happy for people and they're successes.
I'm so happy when people step into what they were
made for and live that out because I'm not envious
of anyone. I'm so firm in me that I can
celebrate other people. People who are envious of you will
look at your successes and try to criticize you. They'll
try to bash you, they'll try to destroy you. Why
because it hurts them to see you happy. When people
are wounded. They do not want to see other people happy.
(28:20):
That's like someone that had just got a bad relationship.
They don't want to see happy relationship. They don't want
to see marriages. Why because it reminds them of their pain.
And that's just common sense, Like just think about it.
It's if it's a reminded me of someone that hurt me,
I don't want to see that for you. And it's
okay to love people in that you have to realize
that some people will criticize you just to criticize you
because you haven't done anything to them, but because they
(28:42):
feel that way, just because it's their own woundedness, their
own envy, and their own hate. We have to continue
to press in even when that happens. And even more importantly,
we have to be joyful, like we have to be
joyful for other people's successes despite our failures, because the
more you can celebrate other people, the easy it is
for you to celebrate you, the easier it is for
(29:02):
you to live in what you're meant for. And at
the end of it, success becomes terrifying to a lot
of us because it doesn't allow us the room to
hide like it's hard for you. You can grow and grind
and become slightly successful and inquiet and all these things.
But the more successful you become, the more public people
(29:23):
see that even if it's just a small thing, I mean,
something that you're growing in your own life, even if
your success looks like just you being able to be
more consistent in the gym, I'm trying to be. That's
my extullent. We're working on that. I told that I
already we're working on it. But even if that's your
little success that no one else sees, that, eventually people
will see the byproduct of it. They'll see what you
(29:45):
look like and for seeking all these things that it
brings you into a point where people will have something
to say because they'll see something. It's obvious, right, they're
going to see this progress and changing you, and this
is going to be something that's going to bring you
out to it. So a lot of people become terrified
of their success because they don't want people to see them.
They don't want to be in that limeline. And that's okay.
I mean, I get it. I understand that we don't
(30:07):
want these things. But I need you to reshape what
that looks like. If your fear of success becomes the
criticism of the public, if a fear of success becomes
being seen or being held in their microscope, I need
you to understand that one you will motivate other people.
You'll motivate the people around you to be better, and
(30:27):
that should be our first goal is to just be
better for us, so that other people around this could
be better too, Like first of all us, right, but
then they them too, They magnify towards that, and two
to just be honest, like, there is no one that's perfect,
not a single person, And if you were able to
do this and your imperfection, then what's just that that
anyone else can't? You become a beacon of positivity to
(30:50):
those people who you are capable of everything that you
desire to do. You have this gifting and this ability there,
it's already imprinted in you. It's not about can you,
it's about will you? So as we just wrap this
episode up, the question remains that what would you do?
In that phrase that I've been living my life by
that I've mentioned before, I can, I will, I must?
(31:11):
So what is it that you can? What is it
that you will? And what is it that you must
do for life to be successful? So thank you so
much for being a part of this episode. And it
just just a quick tidbit as we wrap up this
last episode. I don't know how successful my podcast will be.
It's a perfect episode just mention this, But my only
(31:31):
concern has always been how we reach other people, how
we grow with other people, how we help other people
move and change. Then and I realized that the only
way I can ever actually magnify that myself on this
podcast is with you. You are listening. You have made
it this far. Shout out to you, Shouts to everybody.
P shaus to you because they won't hear this even
I here, but sharing and liking in the whole five
(31:52):
star thing helps us actually reach these people. And I've
never asked for this, and I mean I've mentioned it before,
but I've become more prevalent as to how important it
is because it's never been a thought for me. And
so I'm living my own words, right. I'm being bold
and vocal about the things that I desire and want
to grow. And if not, it is what it is.
I have already in my measurement of success. I've already
(32:12):
been successful in that. And if it doesn't happen, we
have plenty of time before we even know anything like that.
But I'm just me, you know, thinking ahead. If that
doesn't happen, this already did, so the next season of
Whatever's Next will be amazing. So thank you for being here,
for being supportive, and actually the next episode that you
hear will be with a special person. We'll just leave
(32:36):
it at that. That's very As a popular comedian in
the New York area, and I won't give too much
about that, but I'm excited to hear other people's stories.
So thank you for listening, thank you for being a
part of this episode, and we'll catch you in the
next one.
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