November 6, 2025 • 31 mins
The most powerful response you’ll ever give… is no response at all.
In this episode, Joshua Rosa dives deep into the art and neuroscience of emotional control and why learning to pause, stay calm, and not react might be the most spiritual discipline of all.
When you stop feeding chaos with reaction, you reclaim something most people lose early in life: your peace.
This episode blends raw reflection with scientific insight to show you how mastering silence changes everything from relationships and leadership to emotional resilience and faith.
You’ll learn:
✅ The neuroscience of non-reaction — how your brain’s wiring determines your peace
✅ Why “amygdala hijack” makes you lash out before you think
✅ How to retrain your brain to pause, analyze, and respond with power
✅ Why criticism and emotional triggers feel like physical threats
✅ How to use silence as a strategy, not a weakness
✅ How stillness builds strength, focus, and emotional freedom
“The most powerful thing you can do to someone who hurt you is not respond. Because silence forces them to face themselves.”
If you’ve been living on emotional autopilot, this episode will show you how to step back, stay grounded, and move from reaction to response from chaos to calm.
📍 Follow Joshua:
- Instagram: @_joshuarosa
- TikTok: @_joshuarosa
- YouTube: @MadeForThisMountain
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The most powerful thing you will ever do to someone
who wants to hurt you, or someone who has hurt
your has caused any struggle in your life, is actually
pretty simple.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It is to not respond.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And there's something powerful about reclaiming your emotions, about not
giving into the things that are used to make you angry,
the things that would insight is angering you these people
that could attribute you. Why because most people, when they
can't change your mind or when they can't manipulate you anymore,
the only thing they want from you is a reaction.
It doesn't matter the reaction, it matters that they're getting
something out of you. They just if you're mad, they
(00:30):
want you to be mad. They just want to get
something out of you. And the most powerful thing that
you can ever do is literally not respond, is not
give them authority, does not give them powers, not give
back into what they want from you, because again, this
is all they could do. If they can get something
out of you, they can get a rise out of you,
then that's the only emotion that they're going to go after.
(00:50):
But when you stop that, when you stop responding, when
you stop giving authority, when you stop looking back into it,
when you stop even questioning why they're doing it.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You reclaim your power.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
This is made for Mountain with Josh Rosa or were
turning pain into purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So if you're that phrase, fake it to make it
like that, that whole.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Thing where you have to kind of just believe that
things they're going to be to succeed or believe that
it's going to happen. In that sense, there's actually some
truth to that, like scientific truth to it, like science
actually shows us that the people who are most successful,
with the people who are most powerful, to people who
have reached the best accolades, who have done all these things,
they have this thought. It's almost like a reverse engineering
(01:27):
of emotion or where they understand that they have done
something or they can do something, so they engage with
the emotion of success before anything else. So they believe
that they're capable. And this also builds in their persistence,
like they are persistently working, persistently trying because they know
that there's something there. They know that they're capable of something.
They know that that is an access to it, even
(01:49):
if they haven't had the best schooling, or if they
had the best people in their corner, or if they
have never been super successful in then before they know
what it feels like to be there. And for a
lot of us, this is just an overall thing. But
the way we respond to things, the way we respond
to people, the way we respond to to situations or environments,
is a byproduct of that because we don't know what
(02:09):
it feels like to not speak into it. The mountain
that we're talking about today, the mountain of not needing
to give people attention, not needing to respond to the person,
not needing to feed into the mess. One of the
biggest triggers for a lot of us is that we're
scared to not engage. And that sounds crazy, right, because
a lot of people are afraid to engage any things
(02:31):
that you're afraid to step into it or to argue
with this. But the biggest thing is that we are
afraid to not engage because we're afraid of what people
will say. We're afraid of the outcome, We're afraid of
the story they'll tell. We're afraid that their narrative will
be louder. We're afraid that people will look at us
differently because of the things that they've said or done,
or we're afraid of those things but I need to
ask yourself this question. Why are you afraid? Like why
(02:52):
do you care?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Why are you so convicted to needing to look good
in anyone's picture? Because at the end of the day,
this is life. At the end of the day, no
one is going to do anything more for you. They're
not gonna be the people that sacrifice things for you,
and the people that suffer for you, and then people
that pay your bills. They're not any people that step
into the messages of your life and do anything for you.
Why are you so caught up in getting people to
(03:14):
do nothing for you to look at you in a
better light? This is the hard thing for us. This
is the mountain that we face because we want people
to see us as better. And this is this long
winded we'll explain it will dive deeper into that, but
we want people to see us better because we've tied
what we think we look like to their words. So example,
(03:35):
we look at people on social media, or we look
at people in the industries like like music musicians, or
we look at actors. We look at these all of
these people and there's a perception of them that is
universally had. There's something that we all see you all
have because we think well, because they are approved of,
because they're like, they're better people. The reality is there's
a saying that says that never meet your heroes.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I don't know if you've heard that before.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
But the reality that we see these people and there's
not anything good to them.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The perception might look good.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
So whether some conscious are consciously, we create a perception
of us thinking that the way that we are good
or the way that we look good is if other
people can vindicate that for us, if they can give
us validity to that. So we need to respond to
certain things because it's going to paint our side of
the picture. The most powerful thing you would do other
than that responding is not care about your picture, like
(04:29):
not care about the comments or the concerns or the questions.
And I actually think that's.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I think it's good that you see these people saying
these things for two reasons. One is a catalyst always right.
You're going to want to do better because you want
to prove people wrong, which shouldn't be a thing. You
shouldn't want to do better in life just because you
want someone to see you or think about wow, hold
how great you are. Because that's not healthy, but it
is useful. There's a catalyst to that, and I will
never negate that is a healthy No. Is there a
(04:56):
positive outcome? Possibly, so I'm not saying do that, but
you know, maybe heal and just be better for you.
And the second one is that it actually helps us
see people for who they authentically are. The scope that
we see people through, it's a scope that we become
useful to them. So the reason that most people are
next to us are good to us is because there's
(05:18):
something of benefit that they get from us. Like there
are a few people which is good. This is actually
a great thing that this highlights this because you'll see
the people who are authentically there for you just because
they love you. And then you'll see the people who
are there because there's a benefit to having you, there's
something that they gain from it, or they just want
to be in proximity to you because they see all
the things that are happening to you. Like at the
end of the day, this can be a positive thing,
(05:38):
is being able to see who these people are. If
you need to respond, if you need to change your story,
if you need to go into this mountain what's going
to happen is that most people will play the role right,
So they'll play along with with the responses that you're giving,
They'll play along with the words you're saying. They'll play
along with these things. Why because they want to see
(05:59):
the whole story that most people are nosy and if
I know so much, they just want to be a
part of that story. And when we need to respond
to people we need to get something from them, it's
because we want them to see us differently, or we
want other people around them to see us differently.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So this this.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Need to be seen, this need to feel validated, And
I don't want to invalidate that right because it's a reality,
Like you deserve to be seen, you deserve to be loved,
you deserve to be valued. But there has to be
a place for this, Like you can't just be inconvenience
of fighting a fight, or convenience of an argument, or
in the convenience of that moment. It needs to be
(06:40):
just a groundedness of who you are. But unfortunately for
a lot of us, again we tie our worst and
value to what people see or say. So this is
what's happening. We've lost and diminished us because of that
diving into that reality where sometimes responding is the least
powerful thing you'll do. Sometimes giving into the argument and
given into the conversation, it's actually gonna hurt you more.
(07:02):
And we'll dive into the rest of this after these
quick commercial breaks. So there's something amazing that actually happens
when you're able to sit back with your response and
not respond right away. It's kind of ingrained in our culture, right.
We have this, this always on culture. We have this
this media and instant communication, and these things train us
to be impulsive, Like there is an impulsive response to
certain things that we kind of look at and this
(07:24):
like we do this often. We saw when I was younger,
right when I was a kid, there was everyone was
a teacher that said that what you need to do
is if you're really, really angry, you need to write
things down on a piece of paper, because obviously technology,
write things down a piece of paper and hold the
note for two days, Like if you're mad at something,
and this is I think this is a brilliant technique
to take whatever it is you're angry about and you'll
(07:46):
write it out, write the whole thing on a piece
of paper, and actually, you know what I want it
to be paper. I'm going to challenge you to do
it on paper, not necessarily on your phone or your computer,
because again that's easy, but there's something tangible about doing
something physical, like bringing it into to a reality. It
exists in front of me. So writing this thing down
and allowing yourself to sit with it, because again, we're
(08:08):
in this impulsive culture where we would just want to
say things, we want to respond, and they're actually the
psychology to us.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
And we'll talk about this a little bit later, but.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What happens is that our need to respond right away
stops us from fully thinking, It stops your emotions from happening,
it stops you from actually analyze the situation as a whole,
and it actually makes things worse. So our need to respond,
our need to be impulsive, ends up hurting us significantly
more immediate reactions. It causes us to have regret. Right,
(08:36):
it's not effective if we just say something in the moment,
we might hurt them, hurt ourselves, or we're giving back
into that authority when we need to respond to a person,
because they're going to be think that us saying something
is going to make something better. It's not half the time.
The greatest thing you ever do is just not say
nothing at all, not be involved. But this is the
(08:56):
mountain that we're struggling with that a lot of us
still want to be heart we still.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Want to be seen.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We still think that if we allow them this argument
to this moment, that's going to validate us. And it's
not so allowing yourself the space to actually sit with
this and again this deeper situations. Let's just take easy
look at this. At your job, right, being able to
look at the work that you have, and maybe you
(09:21):
don't like it very much, but it'd be impulsive to
sit there and say I'm going to quit this today.
Don't really sit with this, really analyze it, really weigh
out the implications that have greatly in your life or
the life of others, because sometimes we do things an impulse,
because it's easy to go with the first emotional reaction. Again,
the teacher said the semu once and things stuck with me.
(09:43):
He said, I think it was quoting like Einstein or something,
or or somebody I don't know, somebody important.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I don't forget. I forget quote. I'll look it up later. Yeah,
I'm sorry. You guys know who this is.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
But the quote was, you are not your first thought.
You are what you do after. So the first thing
that you think, the first thing that popps since your mind,
You're not that thing. That's a byproduct of your life,
your history, the things that've come before you, things have happened.
That's a byproduct of all those things. We are responding
to trauma, as we're responding to emotional manipulation, responding to failures,
(10:15):
responding to our hurt. Very solemnly, do we ever respond
from a healed place, because again, this is why we're
talking about these things that often we don't acknowledge this soften.
Our first respond is to respond, and I want to
say this, it will trigger people who are not healed.
I've had situations in my life as I grew in
this myself, because again, I'm not perfect. There's absolutely no
human being on this earth that is perfect. Far from it.
(10:37):
But I have done stuff to better myself and to
develop myself, at least in the emotional and the mental.
I'm still working on the physical. Watch watch it a
couple months. These videos are going to be a great
montage of me, just like getting fit but being able
to not respond to people who are used to toxicity
causes a problem. Why Because they are so used to
(10:58):
a negative response that no response to them is damn
near damning.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It hurts them.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
They feel the pain from it. Why because they are
not They're not getting out of you what they're used
to getting out. I've been in situations with people close
to me or people that have been close to mirror
leave it at that, who have said things to me
and needed a response for me, and they needed for
me to engage them. But because of this, because if
I was able to sit back and be like, but no,
that's what you want, like, I'm not going to feed
(11:26):
into it, It's actually.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Made them more angry.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And I'm not saying that that's the best way to
antagonize people who are bad to you, but it is
something that helps not create more of a wound in
them and a wound in yourself. When we're able to
sit back and not not respond instantly, something changes in
(11:50):
that dynamic. If they're used to getting something from you,
and instead of you responding to them how they are
used to seeing it, instead of you giving into that
argument and you respond differently, it shifts the dynamic, it
stops giving them power over your emotions and it starts
giving you control over you. Now, there's something that I
had mentioned that was psychological that it comes from this,
(12:12):
and it's actually called the amygdala hijack. When it's over
over the emotions overtake your logic, and this happens to
every human being, right, something that was coined by Daniel Goldman,
and he said that it describes a moment your emotions
hijack literally your rational portion of your brain. So the
amgdala is your eternal alarm system. It's a It evolved
(12:32):
to detect threats faster than you can actually think. Like
literally the middla is involved in so many, so many things,
but like think about baseball. So what's happening is your
brain has this thing called ner plasticity, and there's no
pathways that are formed, and there's millions and million yere
Actually a lot of sciences said that the most incredible
thing in this world is the universe. It's not the universe,
is your brain. There's over ten thousand different synapses that
(12:54):
are connected the different parts of the brain and doing
different things, and you can actually rewire and relearn a
certain things even emotions actually amgdala, well not that less
necess necessarily, but other parts of your brain. You can
actually rewire those things in your mind, which is insane.
So the migdala think about baseball, that's what my knowledge
(13:14):
is using. It's an instant response to something like a
pitch or a batter swinging at a ball that's coming
ninety five thous an hour. It's almost an innate, instinctual response.
Baseball players are amazing because they've built that so deeply
in there that it's an instant response. But it's meant
to keep you alive. It's meant to be this portion
(13:34):
of you that.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Just responds.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
But what's happening is that it's become too normal for us,
like it's become just an instant thing. It takes twelve
milliseconds for the reproof ertal cortex, which is where I
rational thinking comes from, to actually manipulate and see the situation,
to actually take everything in for a hole. Your mindala
is actually faster than that. It's significantly longer for your
(14:01):
rational portion to actually catch up. So what happens is
that we respond from that Amigala hijacker respond from that
point of just giving into the situation. So what would
happen if you stopped, If you took this two to
three second pause, You've allowed your brain the timeframe it
needs to actually respond logically, not respond out of fear,
(14:23):
and not respond out of anxiety, not respond out of
just need to get something. For a lot of people,
we don't do this right. This is not something that
most people. Most people, okay, and not that this podcast
is anything special. I mean I hope it is to you.
I hope that there's something you're getting from this. No
good is coming from this, because it's pointless for me
not to be in this thing, right, well, the whole down.
(14:43):
Please download, turn on the downloads and give five stars
and all that stuff. That's what keeps us going. But
I hope it's important to you. But it is not
the only place where it's ever talked about, right where
I'm not the leading foremost scient system and brain activity.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
My degree is in microbiology.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Sure I can talk about those things, but very very different.
But it is something that is not practiced because yes,
it could be easily found, like this is information that's
publicly available and there's tons of podcasts and tons of videos,
but most people don't respond this way, we don't look
for this, we don't go.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Through this.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Growth pattern. So you're here listening to this. So what's
happening is that there's something different. Even if conscious or subconscious,
your brain is absorbing some of this. Now, this is
what happens after right, What typically happens is later on,
do these things ruminate in your mind? Do they actually
have space to grow and be left in there so
that it remains in there. For a lot of people,
that doesn't happen. They move it away, they push it
(15:38):
to the side, and they move on to the next sting.
Your brain again can be rewired. So why I mentioned
this is because there needs to be something that's staying
in your mind. This needs to be a repetiti a
repeated thought so that your brain can pick it up.
It needs to be something that is consistent so that
you can actually live in it. So the ability to
be able to grow through this and understand that you
(16:02):
have to choose to not respond at first. At first,
it's going to be a mechanical thing. You have to
do it first. You have to consistently remind yourself. Let's
say you're in the middle of an argument. Let's give
that example, you have to choose in that respond You
have to look at the situation and stuff and tell yourself, wait, wait,
don't don't hnswer you yet, give yourself space.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Now. I hate to make this cultural. I mean I
should because Michael did that.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Right. It's our network and most of you listening are
probably bilingual, which is awesome because that's just great. It
shows our voice and our language in this culture. I
was when I was reading this, when I was writing this,
and I was creating this episode, I'm sitting here and
I'm thinking about, like, man, that was my childhood, like
growing up my mother, her first response was fight. Wait,
(16:50):
it was in flight in your fight to fight it
always fight, right Dominican moms. Again, it is ingrained in
our society. It's grain in our culture. It's greened ingrained
in US immigrant a lot of people, right, all Puerto Ricans, Columbians, everybody,
we have the same same background, but at least in
our culture, at least before I can speak from my perspective,
it's very ingrained to to do this, that our first
(17:13):
response is a fight. But this, and again, I don't
want to invalidate this, because again, life is crazy. We're
doing ten thousand different things, and one thing after another
and after another, and then you come home and their
dishes aren't done.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
There's a need to sort of respond there. And what
happens is that we create this this trauma almost when
it comes to conversations with our family members and people,
because we know remember how they used to treat it.
So our respond is to respond to their negativeness or
respond even in that moment, to that thing poorly. And
(17:45):
I get it. I'm not again, not invalidating that, not
dismissing it, not dismissing the trigger, the argument.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That happened from it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
But I wonder how different would our emotional states be,
our mental health, our life in general if the way
our parents responded to us was not from the amiddlah,
was not from that that instant need to argue with you,
but from a soft and centered point. This is where
like soft parenting comes into to play. As a parent myself,
(18:15):
I think about these things. I think about the reality
that I'm going to cause generational trauma to my kid
if I don't respond to them in an appropriate way. Now,
I say, there has to be times for the belt,
but this is as all has to be appropriate. It
has to be rational. It can't be just you know
(18:37):
how a lot of us grew up with belts and
pans and junks and all this stuff. But that's all
coming from an irrational response. It's all coming from something
that's compounded to years. It's all coming from things that
they've gone through, so in their mind they have to
respond in this way. And it's all coming from the
societal components. We're seeing things around them. Their life is different,
(18:59):
life is hard. So this is the first response we
have to people. And just to kind of give like
a little push on this one, because I think it's
important for us to have a perspective of we don't
have the luxury of having the people around us. Now,
there's different facts to this, right, there's people that need
to be away from us, right, the people that we
(19:19):
don't we should not have in our lives for health reasons,
for mental health reasons, for all these things. And they
are people that we didn't we need in our lives
that are still a family we still love dearly, but
we didn't realize what it would look like to not
have those people. And we'll touch on this after this
real quick commercial break. So What I mean by that
(19:40):
that we have people in our lives who we love
and care for and don't realize the shortness that we
have them there for like that for me, that perspective
is my mom. Right, my mom passed away a couple
of years ago. Again, I've mentioned this before, but pretty
fairly recently, and it is an unexpected thing. So what
happens when we respond to people from this state of
(20:02):
hurtness to state from we respond from them again? The
max respond from needing to argue or needing or response
from them, or or we react or overreact. Even in moments,
there is something that happens that there's this dissonance between
the moment that it happened to tragedies and when we
have that disconnect there, we don't realize that this thing
(20:23):
is happening. We don't realize that we're never gonna have
these kind of moments. Why I say this because there
is something so powerful about knowing the fragility of life,
knowing how limited our time is here on earth, knowing
how limited our time is with people that we actually love,
people that we should work at healing and not reacting
right because we do this, again, there's power in not
(20:43):
reacting the mountain of overreacting. The mountain of reacting or
needing to react doesn't negate the need for us to
healthily and in a healthy way respond to people. Now, there
are people, of course saying, Braeve, it should not be
in your life. There are people that are unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
For your life.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Family members could fall into that category too. I don't
want to dismiss that right, because there are family members
that do these things terribly to you, that make you
less of the person that you feel like you should be,
that you feel loved, lesson you should I don't want
to get that.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
But there is a reality where.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
There are situations that can be healed, there are situations
that can be mended, there are things that can and
there's a reality that we need to come to terms
with that. Again, life is short, things are fleeting. So
is the response again worth the division? Is a response
worth the anguish, This is a response worth not having
(21:38):
a good, healthy relationship with these people. This is all
into people's courts, into people's personal courtse because again I
don't know where you stand or what you do, but
there is an importance in knowing how to react correctly.
And this happens again from not needing to react instantly,
from not needing to react from the impulsiveness, because you
(22:00):
can cause so much more damage when you respond incorrectly,
when you respond from a place of hurt or a
place of woulnderness as opposed to a place of firmness,
opposed to taking that two second pause and just allowing
yourself the space to actually respond correctly. There's so much
power in non reaction. It's the silenessing of your brain.
(22:24):
It's knowing that I don't need to give this situation authority,
I don't need to feed into this. And what happened
is that happens for a lot of people, is that
because they become so accustomed to responding so instantly, again,
the pathways in your brain, your brain actually has been rewired.
It's been taught that this is how we respond. And
(22:47):
for some people that are listening to this, and I hope,
at first of all, thank you for listening at all,
thank you for being here in this podcast, and I
really really really always hope that something good comes from this.
But for some of us, we need to do so
much work in rewiring what we've been taught or we've
taught ourselves is normal. Rewiring that we need to respond,
(23:10):
Knowing that we don't have to give authority to everything
and being conscious of this helps us re establish control
because right now, what's happening for a lot of people
is that they're responding from a.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Loose train. It's just running wild. There's no control in there.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So every response is within that stressor it becomes it's
something that agitates you.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
It activates that.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Party of bringing the needs to respond to people. There's
something powerful that happens in the need to not need
that response. And back to that, just that first point
that we talked about not needing the valid validation from
these people, not needing for your story to be good.
Now again, families different. There's things that are you need
to heal. Our friends are different too, right, these things
(23:54):
that you need to heal and need to grow from.
I'm not saying those kinds of people. I mean, they
can't fall into the other category, but we're not taking
them into that category. But we're talking about people specifically
who do not need to be in your life at all.
We regain our power from that situation, and for those
people that do need to be in our lives, that
we feel like still have goodness and are still good
with us those people you respond differently to them too.
(24:16):
You actually heal the things that would have been significantly worse.
There's no need for us to need people who don't
serve and love us. There's no need for us to
feel like we have to over exert ourselves for people
who don't make us feel like we're valued or cared for.
There's no need for you to prove your side of
the story by arguing or yelling or fighting or again,
(24:38):
go and responding from the midgla, from that instant response moment.
For people who do not hold any valid weight over
your life, they will continue to rob, steal, put, and
plunder her the things that you find good and joyful
because you think that you need to paint your story better,
that you need to make other people see you better.
So what what does it matter what other people think?
(25:00):
No matter whether people are going to feel like if
your life is miserable because you need to keep painting
it differently. Their opinions are cheap. Let them be cheap.
Stop allowing people who do not hold weight or value
in your life to tell you how you should be happy.
There's a story of Alexander the Great and a philosopher
called Diogenes. And Diogenes is like, there's minimalist, because care
(25:24):
about anything in this world, has no money, no connections, nothing,
And he heard alex the Great heard of the Augenes,
heard of a story and heard of all the things
that he just didn't care for.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He had no attachment to the kingdom of Alexander Great.
He didn't even care.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
And one day Alexander Great decides he's going to go
out and find Diogenes. He says that I'm going to
offer him whatever he wants in my kingdom. So he
comes into town and Diogenes, as weird as he is,
is inside of one of those beer jarge the giant ones,
the one of those giant things whatever circle uh, I
(25:57):
forgot the name, but sitting inside of this thing, and
Exend the Great comes up to him. He says to him,
he says, ask anything in this kingdom, anything I own,
and I will give it to you. And he looks
up and he sees ex On the Great blocking the sun.
And he looks back down and he looks up and
he says, what I want is for you to move
(26:19):
out of my way so my son can keep kidding
my home. He didn't want anything from him. No matter
how much authority he had, or how much connection and
how much relationship he had, he didn't care for him.
He was more concerned about the sunlight hitting his face.
And I think this somebody is so powerful to understand
that story, to understand that there is this this resounding power.
(26:46):
And not needing other people to give you things, not
needing them to validate you, not needing them to look
at you in the face and tell you how good
you are, not needing them to be happy with you,
to paint a perfect picture of you, needing people to
make you feel like you're worth it. Because when it's
all said and done with, this boils down to our
(27:08):
our need of reaction, or our desire to react to people,
our desire to prove ourselves, boils down to us being seen,
to us being liked, and all we're doing is causing
our nervous system more stress. Your nervous system can't tell
the difference between threat a threat or criticism like it
(27:30):
will take on. Your body will be triggered by this
because you have caused so much mental strife in this
situation that it actually causes your body physical pain. And
it's crazy to think that we're causing ourselfs hurt because
we need to respond to other people, we need to
(27:51):
give them power. One more story before we wrap up,
because I think this is a perfect one for this
one and it's just and this is a story that
the Dahalai Lama said, And he said that a man
came to him and gave him a box as a
gift and tried to give it to him, and he
rejected the gift, and as he was teaching the students,
(28:15):
he said, that's anger. He says that if someone comes
and brings you a gift and you don't respond to
when you don't accept it, is it your gift? And
of course your students responded, no, it's not our gift.
He said, that's the same with anger. If someone comes
to you and responds to you in anger and you
choose to not accept it, and you choose and not
(28:36):
respond to, but you choose to leave it with them,
then that's their anger. The reality is that for a
lot of us, we entertain other people's demons. We entertained
their struggles and their hurt, We entertained their problems, and
their fears because we want to respond to them. But
all we're doing is creating a new home for their pain,
(28:57):
for their demons to stay with us, because if we
had to go to them to argue and to fight
and to win, to prove ourselves to them that we've
just said we agree with you, we come into alignment
with your argument in your pain, and instead of healing
it for them and healing it for ourselves, we've just
created more of a riffle. We've created again, a response
out of a fear, out of emotion, out of a
(29:18):
need to be validated, out of a need to be
looked at as you're good, because we wanted to be
painted in a better life. Nothing is ever going to
change in our lives if our thing is to always
respond right away, like if our need is to give
people the same quote unquote energy that they give us,
(29:42):
if our need is to be paying ourselves as the
best person ever, let people say what they need to
say and feel.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
What they need to feel.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
As long as you are the one that's healthy, Your
mental health is more important than winning the fight. Your
mental health is more important improving yourself. Your mental health
is more important than you needing other people to like you.
It is more important to have peace than it is
to be looked as good. It is more important to
know where you stand because you did not respond, than
(30:13):
it is to be looked at as the quintessential person
that is around. You will hurt yourself more trying to win,
trying to respond, trying to look good than anything else.
So I hope this episode brings you peace. I hope
that there's something here that you look at and you say,
I'm not going to respond instantly. I'm going to sit
(30:36):
back with this and allow myself to really analyze the situation.
And some people will never deserve the response from you.
They will never deserve an argument or a conversation. But
none of this changes unless you choose it. So thank
you for listening, thank you for being here, thank you
for your presence again the whole thing. If you can,
please share the episode, go download the episode, give us
(30:59):
five stars out of that diffle stuff that helps us.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Keep doing this.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
But even if you don't, I'm just grateful for you,
grateful that you were able to listen, and I know
that I know to get this far. At least it
means that there's actually something of value here, so I
hope that there's value for you.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Thank you for being here, and we'll catch you on
the next one.
The most powerful thing you will ever do to someone
who wants to hurt you, or someone who has hurt
your has caused any struggle in your life, is actually
pretty simple.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It is to not respond.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
And there's something powerful about reclaiming your emotions, about not
giving into the things that are used to make you angry,
the things that would insight is angering you these people
that could attribute you. Why because most people, when they
can't change your mind or when they can't manipulate you anymore,
the only thing they want from you is a reaction.
It doesn't matter the reaction, it matters that they're getting
something out of you. They just if you're mad, they
(00:30):
want you to be mad. They just want to get
something out of you. And the most powerful thing that
you can ever do is literally not respond, is not
give them authority, does not give them powers, not give
back into what they want from you, because again, this
is all they could do. If they can get something
out of you, they can get a rise out of you,
then that's the only emotion that they're going to go after.
(00:50):
But when you stop that, when you stop responding, when
you stop giving authority, when you stop looking back into it,
when you stop even questioning why they're doing it.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
You reclaim your power.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
This is made for Mountain with Josh Rosa or were
turning pain into purpose.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So if you're that phrase, fake it to make it
like that, that whole.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Thing where you have to kind of just believe that
things they're going to be to succeed or believe that
it's going to happen. In that sense, there's actually some
truth to that, like scientific truth to it, like science
actually shows us that the people who are most successful,
with the people who are most powerful, to people who
have reached the best accolades, who have done all these things,
they have this thought. It's almost like a reverse engineering
(01:27):
of emotion or where they understand that they have done
something or they can do something, so they engage with
the emotion of success before anything else. So they believe
that they're capable. And this also builds in their persistence,
like they are persistently working, persistently trying because they know
that there's something there. They know that they're capable of something.
They know that that is an access to it, even
(01:49):
if they haven't had the best schooling, or if they
had the best people in their corner, or if they
have never been super successful in then before they know
what it feels like to be there. And for a
lot of us, this is just an overall thing. But
the way we respond to things, the way we respond
to people, the way we respond to to situations or environments,
is a byproduct of that because we don't know what
(02:09):
it feels like to not speak into it. The mountain
that we're talking about today, the mountain of not needing
to give people attention, not needing to respond to the person,
not needing to feed into the mess. One of the
biggest triggers for a lot of us is that we're
scared to not engage. And that sounds crazy, right, because
a lot of people are afraid to engage any things
(02:31):
that you're afraid to step into it or to argue
with this. But the biggest thing is that we are
afraid to not engage because we're afraid of what people
will say. We're afraid of the outcome, We're afraid of
the story they'll tell. We're afraid that their narrative will
be louder. We're afraid that people will look at us
differently because of the things that they've said or done,
or we're afraid of those things but I need to
ask yourself this question. Why are you afraid? Like why
(02:52):
do you care?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Why are you so convicted to needing to look good
in anyone's picture? Because at the end of the day,
this is life. At the end of the day, no
one is going to do anything more for you. They're
not gonna be the people that sacrifice things for you,
and the people that suffer for you, and then people
that pay your bills. They're not any people that step
into the messages of your life and do anything for you.
Why are you so caught up in getting people to
(03:14):
do nothing for you to look at you in a
better light? This is the hard thing for us. This
is the mountain that we face because we want people
to see us as better. And this is this long
winded we'll explain it will dive deeper into that, but
we want people to see us better because we've tied
what we think we look like to their words. So example,
(03:35):
we look at people on social media, or we look
at people in the industries like like music musicians, or
we look at actors. We look at these all of
these people and there's a perception of them that is
universally had. There's something that we all see you all
have because we think well, because they are approved of,
because they're like, they're better people. The reality is there's
a saying that says that never meet your heroes.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I don't know if you've heard that before.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
But the reality that we see these people and there's
not anything good to them.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
The perception might look good.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
So whether some conscious are consciously, we create a perception
of us thinking that the way that we are good
or the way that we look good is if other
people can vindicate that for us, if they can give
us validity to that. So we need to respond to
certain things because it's going to paint our side of
the picture. The most powerful thing you would do other
than that responding is not care about your picture, like
(04:29):
not care about the comments or the concerns or the questions.
And I actually think that's.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
A good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
I think it's good that you see these people saying
these things for two reasons. One is a catalyst always right.
You're going to want to do better because you want
to prove people wrong, which shouldn't be a thing. You
shouldn't want to do better in life just because you
want someone to see you or think about wow, hold
how great you are. Because that's not healthy, but it
is useful. There's a catalyst to that, and I will
never negate that is a healthy No. Is there a
(04:56):
positive outcome? Possibly, so I'm not saying do that, but
you know, maybe heal and just be better for you.
And the second one is that it actually helps us
see people for who they authentically are. The scope that
we see people through, it's a scope that we become
useful to them. So the reason that most people are
next to us are good to us is because there's
(05:18):
something of benefit that they get from us. Like there
are a few people which is good. This is actually
a great thing that this highlights this because you'll see
the people who are authentically there for you just because
they love you. And then you'll see the people who
are there because there's a benefit to having you, there's
something that they gain from it, or they just want
to be in proximity to you because they see all
the things that are happening to you. Like at the
end of the day, this can be a positive thing,
(05:38):
is being able to see who these people are. If
you need to respond, if you need to change your story,
if you need to go into this mountain what's going
to happen is that most people will play the role right,
So they'll play along with with the responses that you're giving,
They'll play along with the words you're saying. They'll play
along with these things. Why because they want to see
(05:59):
the whole story that most people are nosy and if
I know so much, they just want to be a
part of that story. And when we need to respond
to people we need to get something from them, it's
because we want them to see us differently, or we
want other people around them to see us differently.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
So this this.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
Need to be seen, this need to feel validated, And
I don't want to invalidate that right because it's a reality,
Like you deserve to be seen, you deserve to be loved,
you deserve to be valued. But there has to be
a place for this, Like you can't just be inconvenience
of fighting a fight, or convenience of an argument, or
in the convenience of that moment. It needs to be
(06:40):
just a groundedness of who you are. But unfortunately for
a lot of us, again we tie our worst and
value to what people see or say. So this is
what's happening. We've lost and diminished us because of that
diving into that reality where sometimes responding is the least
powerful thing you'll do. Sometimes giving into the argument and
given into the conversation, it's actually gonna hurt you more.
(07:02):
And we'll dive into the rest of this after these
quick commercial breaks. So there's something amazing that actually happens
when you're able to sit back with your response and
not respond right away. It's kind of ingrained in our culture, right.
We have this, this always on culture. We have this
this media and instant communication, and these things train us
to be impulsive, Like there is an impulsive response to
certain things that we kind of look at and this
(07:24):
like we do this often. We saw when I was younger,
right when I was a kid, there was everyone was
a teacher that said that what you need to do
is if you're really, really angry, you need to write
things down on a piece of paper, because obviously technology,
write things down a piece of paper and hold the
note for two days, Like if you're mad at something,
and this is I think this is a brilliant technique
to take whatever it is you're angry about and you'll
(07:46):
write it out, write the whole thing on a piece
of paper, and actually, you know what I want it
to be paper. I'm going to challenge you to do
it on paper, not necessarily on your phone or your computer,
because again that's easy, but there's something tangible about doing
something physical, like bringing it into to a reality. It
exists in front of me. So writing this thing down
and allowing yourself to sit with it, because again, we're
(08:08):
in this impulsive culture where we would just want to
say things, we want to respond, and they're actually the
psychology to us.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
And we'll talk about this a little bit later, but.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What happens is that our need to respond right away
stops us from fully thinking, It stops your emotions from happening,
it stops you from actually analyze the situation as a whole,
and it actually makes things worse. So our need to respond,
our need to be impulsive, ends up hurting us significantly
more immediate reactions. It causes us to have regret. Right,
(08:36):
it's not effective if we just say something in the moment,
we might hurt them, hurt ourselves, or we're giving back
into that authority when we need to respond to a person,
because they're going to be think that us saying something
is going to make something better. It's not half the time.
The greatest thing you ever do is just not say
nothing at all, not be involved. But this is the
(08:56):
mountain that we're struggling with that a lot of us
still want to be heart we still.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Want to be seen.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
We still think that if we allow them this argument
to this moment, that's going to validate us. And it's
not so allowing yourself the space to actually sit with
this and again this deeper situations. Let's just take easy
look at this. At your job, right, being able to
look at the work that you have, and maybe you
(09:21):
don't like it very much, but it'd be impulsive to
sit there and say I'm going to quit this today.
Don't really sit with this, really analyze it, really weigh
out the implications that have greatly in your life or
the life of others, because sometimes we do things an impulse,
because it's easy to go with the first emotional reaction. Again,
the teacher said the semu once and things stuck with me.
(09:43):
He said, I think it was quoting like Einstein or something,
or or somebody I don't know, somebody important.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
I don't forget. I forget quote. I'll look it up later. Yeah,
I'm sorry. You guys know who this is.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
But the quote was, you are not your first thought.
You are what you do after. So the first thing
that you think, the first thing that popps since your mind,
You're not that thing. That's a byproduct of your life,
your history, the things that've come before you, things have happened.
That's a byproduct of all those things. We are responding
to trauma, as we're responding to emotional manipulation, responding to failures,
(10:15):
responding to our hurt. Very solemnly, do we ever respond
from a healed place, because again, this is why we're
talking about these things that often we don't acknowledge this soften.
Our first respond is to respond, and I want to
say this, it will trigger people who are not healed.
I've had situations in my life as I grew in
this myself, because again, I'm not perfect. There's absolutely no
human being on this earth that is perfect. Far from it.
(10:37):
But I have done stuff to better myself and to
develop myself, at least in the emotional and the mental.
I'm still working on the physical. Watch watch it a
couple months. These videos are going to be a great
montage of me, just like getting fit but being able
to not respond to people who are used to toxicity
causes a problem. Why Because they are so used to
(10:58):
a negative response that no response to them is damn
near damning.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It hurts them.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
They feel the pain from it. Why because they are
not They're not getting out of you what they're used
to getting out. I've been in situations with people close
to me or people that have been close to mirror
leave it at that, who have said things to me
and needed a response for me, and they needed for
me to engage them. But because of this, because if
I was able to sit back and be like, but no,
that's what you want, like, I'm not going to feed
(11:26):
into it, It's actually.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Made them more angry.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
And I'm not saying that that's the best way to
antagonize people who are bad to you, but it is
something that helps not create more of a wound in
them and a wound in yourself. When we're able to
sit back and not not respond instantly, something changes in
(11:50):
that dynamic. If they're used to getting something from you,
and instead of you responding to them how they are
used to seeing it, instead of you giving into that
argument and you respond differently, it shifts the dynamic, it
stops giving them power over your emotions and it starts
giving you control over you. Now, there's something that I
had mentioned that was psychological that it comes from this,
(12:12):
and it's actually called the amygdala hijack. When it's over
over the emotions overtake your logic, and this happens to
every human being, right, something that was coined by Daniel Goldman,
and he said that it describes a moment your emotions
hijack literally your rational portion of your brain. So the
amgdala is your eternal alarm system. It's a It evolved
(12:32):
to detect threats faster than you can actually think. Like
literally the middla is involved in so many, so many things,
but like think about baseball. So what's happening is your
brain has this thing called ner plasticity, and there's no
pathways that are formed, and there's millions and million yere
Actually a lot of sciences said that the most incredible
thing in this world is the universe. It's not the universe,
is your brain. There's over ten thousand different synapses that
(12:54):
are connected the different parts of the brain and doing
different things, and you can actually rewire and relearn a
certain things even emotions actually amgdala, well not that less
necess necessarily, but other parts of your brain. You can
actually rewire those things in your mind, which is insane.
So the migdala think about baseball, that's what my knowledge
(13:14):
is using. It's an instant response to something like a
pitch or a batter swinging at a ball that's coming
ninety five thous an hour. It's almost an innate, instinctual response.
Baseball players are amazing because they've built that so deeply
in there that it's an instant response. But it's meant
to keep you alive. It's meant to be this portion
(13:34):
of you that.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Just responds.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
But what's happening is that it's become too normal for us,
like it's become just an instant thing. It takes twelve
milliseconds for the reproof ertal cortex, which is where I
rational thinking comes from, to actually manipulate and see the situation,
to actually take everything in for a hole. Your mindala
is actually faster than that. It's significantly longer for your
(14:01):
rational portion to actually catch up. So what happens is
that we respond from that Amigala hijacker respond from that
point of just giving into the situation. So what would
happen if you stopped, If you took this two to
three second pause, You've allowed your brain the timeframe it
needs to actually respond logically, not respond out of fear,
(14:23):
and not respond out of anxiety, not respond out of
just need to get something. For a lot of people,
we don't do this right. This is not something that
most people. Most people, okay, and not that this podcast
is anything special. I mean I hope it is to you.
I hope that there's something you're getting from this. No
good is coming from this, because it's pointless for me
not to be in this thing, right, well, the whole down.
(14:43):
Please download, turn on the downloads and give five stars
and all that stuff. That's what keeps us going. But
I hope it's important to you. But it is not
the only place where it's ever talked about, right where
I'm not the leading foremost scient system and brain activity.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
My degree is in microbiology.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Sure I can talk about those things, but very very different.
But it is something that is not practiced because yes,
it could be easily found, like this is information that's
publicly available and there's tons of podcasts and tons of videos,
but most people don't respond this way, we don't look
for this, we don't go.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Through this.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Growth pattern. So you're here listening to this. So what's
happening is that there's something different. Even if conscious or subconscious,
your brain is absorbing some of this. Now, this is
what happens after right, What typically happens is later on,
do these things ruminate in your mind? Do they actually
have space to grow and be left in there so
that it remains in there. For a lot of people,
that doesn't happen. They move it away, they push it
(15:38):
to the side, and they move on to the next sting.
Your brain again can be rewired. So why I mentioned
this is because there needs to be something that's staying
in your mind. This needs to be a repetiti a
repeated thought so that your brain can pick it up.
It needs to be something that is consistent so that
you can actually live in it. So the ability to
be able to grow through this and understand that you
(16:02):
have to choose to not respond at first. At first,
it's going to be a mechanical thing. You have to
do it first. You have to consistently remind yourself. Let's
say you're in the middle of an argument. Let's give
that example, you have to choose in that respond You
have to look at the situation and stuff and tell yourself, wait, wait,
don't don't hnswer you yet, give yourself space.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Now. I hate to make this cultural. I mean I
should because Michael did that.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Right. It's our network and most of you listening are
probably bilingual, which is awesome because that's just great. It
shows our voice and our language in this culture. I
was when I was reading this, when I was writing this,
and I was creating this episode, I'm sitting here and
I'm thinking about, like, man, that was my childhood, like
growing up my mother, her first response was fight. Wait,
(16:50):
it was in flight in your fight to fight it
always fight, right Dominican moms. Again, it is ingrained in
our society. It's grain in our culture. It's greened ingrained
in US immigrant a lot of people, right, all Puerto Ricans, Columbians, everybody,
we have the same same background, but at least in
our culture, at least before I can speak from my perspective,
it's very ingrained to to do this, that our first
(17:13):
response is a fight. But this, and again, I don't
want to invalidate this, because again, life is crazy. We're
doing ten thousand different things, and one thing after another
and after another, and then you come home and their
dishes aren't done.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I get it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
There's a need to sort of respond there. And what
happens is that we create this this trauma almost when
it comes to conversations with our family members and people,
because we know remember how they used to treat it.
So our respond is to respond to their negativeness or
respond even in that moment, to that thing poorly. And
(17:45):
I get it. I'm not again, not invalidating that, not
dismissing it, not dismissing the trigger, the argument.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That happened from it.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
But I wonder how different would our emotional states be,
our mental health, our life in general if the way
our parents responded to us was not from the amiddlah,
was not from that that instant need to argue with you,
but from a soft and centered point. This is where
like soft parenting comes into to play. As a parent myself,
(18:15):
I think about these things. I think about the reality
that I'm going to cause generational trauma to my kid
if I don't respond to them in an appropriate way. Now,
I say, there has to be times for the belt,
but this is as all has to be appropriate. It
has to be rational. It can't be just you know
(18:37):
how a lot of us grew up with belts and
pans and junks and all this stuff. But that's all
coming from an irrational response. It's all coming from something
that's compounded to years. It's all coming from things that
they've gone through, so in their mind they have to
respond in this way. And it's all coming from the
societal components. We're seeing things around them. Their life is different,
(18:59):
life is hard. So this is the first response we
have to people. And just to kind of give like
a little push on this one, because I think it's
important for us to have a perspective of we don't
have the luxury of having the people around us. Now,
there's different facts to this, right, there's people that need
to be away from us, right, the people that we
(19:19):
don't we should not have in our lives for health reasons,
for mental health reasons, for all these things. And they
are people that we didn't we need in our lives
that are still a family we still love dearly, but
we didn't realize what it would look like to not
have those people. And we'll touch on this after this
real quick commercial break. So What I mean by that
(19:40):
that we have people in our lives who we love
and care for and don't realize the shortness that we
have them there for like that for me, that perspective
is my mom. Right, my mom passed away a couple
of years ago. Again, I've mentioned this before, but pretty
fairly recently, and it is an unexpected thing. So what
happens when we respond to people from this state of
(20:02):
hurtness to state from we respond from them again? The
max respond from needing to argue or needing or response
from them, or or we react or overreact. Even in moments,
there is something that happens that there's this dissonance between
the moment that it happened to tragedies and when we
have that disconnect there, we don't realize that this thing
(20:23):
is happening. We don't realize that we're never gonna have
these kind of moments. Why I say this because there
is something so powerful about knowing the fragility of life,
knowing how limited our time is here on earth, knowing
how limited our time is with people that we actually love,
people that we should work at healing and not reacting
right because we do this, again, there's power in not
(20:43):
reacting the mountain of overreacting. The mountain of reacting or
needing to react doesn't negate the need for us to
healthily and in a healthy way respond to people. Now, there
are people, of course saying, Braeve, it should not be
in your life. There are people that are unhealthy.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
For your life.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Family members could fall into that category too. I don't
want to dismiss that right, because there are family members
that do these things terribly to you, that make you
less of the person that you feel like you should be,
that you feel loved, lesson you should I don't want
to get that.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
But there is a reality where.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
There are situations that can be healed, there are situations
that can be mended, there are things that can and
there's a reality that we need to come to terms
with that. Again, life is short, things are fleeting. So
is the response again worth the division? Is a response
worth the anguish, This is a response worth not having
(21:38):
a good, healthy relationship with these people. This is all
into people's courts, into people's personal courtse because again I
don't know where you stand or what you do, but
there is an importance in knowing how to react correctly.
And this happens again from not needing to react instantly,
from not needing to react from the impulsiveness, because you
(22:00):
can cause so much more damage when you respond incorrectly,
when you respond from a place of hurt or a
place of woulnderness as opposed to a place of firmness,
opposed to taking that two second pause and just allowing
yourself the space to actually respond correctly. There's so much
power in non reaction. It's the silenessing of your brain.
(22:24):
It's knowing that I don't need to give this situation authority,
I don't need to feed into this. And what happened
is that happens for a lot of people, is that
because they become so accustomed to responding so instantly, again,
the pathways in your brain, your brain actually has been rewired.
It's been taught that this is how we respond. And
(22:47):
for some people that are listening to this, and I hope,
at first of all, thank you for listening at all,
thank you for being here in this podcast, and I
really really really always hope that something good comes from this.
But for some of us, we need to do so
much work in rewiring what we've been taught or we've
taught ourselves is normal. Rewiring that we need to respond,
(23:10):
Knowing that we don't have to give authority to everything
and being conscious of this helps us re establish control
because right now, what's happening for a lot of people
is that they're responding from a.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Loose train. It's just running wild. There's no control in there.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So every response is within that stressor it becomes it's
something that agitates you.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
It activates that.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Party of bringing the needs to respond to people. There's
something powerful that happens in the need to not need
that response. And back to that, just that first point
that we talked about not needing the valid validation from
these people, not needing for your story to be good.
Now again, families different. There's things that are you need
to heal. Our friends are different too, right, these things
(23:54):
that you need to heal and need to grow from.
I'm not saying those kinds of people. I mean, they
can't fall into the other category, but we're not taking
them into that category. But we're talking about people specifically
who do not need to be in your life at all.
We regain our power from that situation, and for those
people that do need to be in our lives, that
we feel like still have goodness and are still good
with us those people you respond differently to them too.
(24:16):
You actually heal the things that would have been significantly worse.
There's no need for us to need people who don't
serve and love us. There's no need for us to
feel like we have to over exert ourselves for people
who don't make us feel like we're valued or cared for.
There's no need for you to prove your side of
the story by arguing or yelling or fighting or again,
(24:38):
go and responding from the midgla, from that instant response moment.
For people who do not hold any valid weight over
your life, they will continue to rob, steal, put, and
plunder her the things that you find good and joyful
because you think that you need to paint your story better,
that you need to make other people see you better.
So what what does it matter what other people think?
(25:00):
No matter whether people are going to feel like if
your life is miserable because you need to keep painting
it differently. Their opinions are cheap. Let them be cheap.
Stop allowing people who do not hold weight or value
in your life to tell you how you should be happy.
There's a story of Alexander the Great and a philosopher
called Diogenes. And Diogenes is like, there's minimalist, because care
(25:24):
about anything in this world, has no money, no connections, nothing,
And he heard alex the Great heard of the Augenes,
heard of a story and heard of all the things
that he just didn't care for.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
He had no attachment to the kingdom of Alexander Great.
He didn't even care.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
And one day Alexander Great decides he's going to go
out and find Diogenes. He says that I'm going to
offer him whatever he wants in my kingdom. So he
comes into town and Diogenes, as weird as he is,
is inside of one of those beer jarge the giant ones,
the one of those giant things whatever circle uh, I
(25:57):
forgot the name, but sitting inside of this thing, and
Exend the Great comes up to him. He says to him,
he says, ask anything in this kingdom, anything I own,
and I will give it to you. And he looks
up and he sees ex On the Great blocking the sun.
And he looks back down and he looks up and
he says, what I want is for you to move
(26:19):
out of my way so my son can keep kidding
my home. He didn't want anything from him. No matter
how much authority he had, or how much connection and
how much relationship he had, he didn't care for him.
He was more concerned about the sunlight hitting his face.
And I think this somebody is so powerful to understand
that story, to understand that there is this this resounding power.
(26:46):
And not needing other people to give you things, not
needing them to validate you, not needing them to look
at you in the face and tell you how good
you are, not needing them to be happy with you,
to paint a perfect picture of you, needing people to
make you feel like you're worth it. Because when it's
all said and done with, this boils down to our
(27:08):
our need of reaction, or our desire to react to people,
our desire to prove ourselves, boils down to us being seen,
to us being liked, and all we're doing is causing
our nervous system more stress. Your nervous system can't tell
the difference between threat a threat or criticism like it
(27:30):
will take on. Your body will be triggered by this
because you have caused so much mental strife in this
situation that it actually causes your body physical pain. And
it's crazy to think that we're causing ourselfs hurt because
we need to respond to other people, we need to
(27:51):
give them power. One more story before we wrap up,
because I think this is a perfect one for this
one and it's just and this is a story that
the Dahalai Lama said, And he said that a man
came to him and gave him a box as a
gift and tried to give it to him, and he
rejected the gift, and as he was teaching the students,
(28:15):
he said, that's anger. He says that if someone comes
and brings you a gift and you don't respond to
when you don't accept it, is it your gift? And
of course your students responded, no, it's not our gift.
He said, that's the same with anger. If someone comes
to you and responds to you in anger and you
choose to not accept it, and you choose and not
(28:36):
respond to, but you choose to leave it with them,
then that's their anger. The reality is that for a
lot of us, we entertain other people's demons. We entertained
their struggles and their hurt, We entertained their problems, and
their fears because we want to respond to them. But
all we're doing is creating a new home for their pain,
(28:57):
for their demons to stay with us, because if we
had to go to them to argue and to fight
and to win, to prove ourselves to them that we've
just said we agree with you, we come into alignment
with your argument in your pain, and instead of healing
it for them and healing it for ourselves, we've just
created more of a riffle. We've created again, a response
out of a fear, out of emotion, out of a
(29:18):
need to be validated, out of a need to be
looked at as you're good, because we wanted to be
painted in a better life. Nothing is ever going to
change in our lives if our thing is to always
respond right away, like if our need is to give
people the same quote unquote energy that they give us,
(29:42):
if our need is to be paying ourselves as the
best person ever, let people say what they need to
say and feel.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
What they need to feel.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
As long as you are the one that's healthy, Your
mental health is more important than winning the fight. Your
mental health is more important improving yourself. Your mental health
is more important than you needing other people to like you.
It is more important to have peace than it is
to be looked as good. It is more important to
know where you stand because you did not respond, than
(30:13):
it is to be looked at as the quintessential person
that is around. You will hurt yourself more trying to win,
trying to respond, trying to look good than anything else.
So I hope this episode brings you peace. I hope
that there's something here that you look at and you say,
I'm not going to respond instantly. I'm going to sit
(30:36):
back with this and allow myself to really analyze the situation.
And some people will never deserve the response from you.
They will never deserve an argument or a conversation. But
none of this changes unless you choose it. So thank
you for listening, thank you for being here, thank you
for your presence again the whole thing. If you can,
please share the episode, go download the episode, give us
(30:59):
five stars out of that diffle stuff that helps us.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Keep doing this.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
But even if you don't, I'm just grateful for you,
grateful that you were able to listen, and I know
that I know to get this far. At least it
means that there's actually something of value here, so I
hope that there's value for you.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Thank you for being here, and we'll catch you on
the next one.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com