October 9, 2025 • 32 mins
Do you find yourself saying “I’ll start when…”? When the conditions feel perfect, when you’re ready, when the stars align? Newsflash that moment rarely comes. This episode digs deep into the When Fallacy the lie that keeps us stuck, waiting for perfect conditions. It won’t change by itself. Use these 5 psychology backed strategies to stop waiting, reclaim your power, and begin now.
What You’ll Discover:
- Why “when” never really arrives — the moving target you’ve been chasing.
- How to reframe your inner critic using cognitive behavioral tools—thought recording, evidence checking, and replacing negative self-talk.
- The dangers of upward comparison and how shifting to lateral comparison + gratitude shifts the whole energy.
- Anchoring your self-worth in intrinsic values (autonomy, competence, connection), not external wins.
- Mindfulness & self-compassion practices that interrupt “I’m not enough” loops.
- Building momentum through small wins so you see real progress, fast.
Quotes to Steal:
- “The biggest lie you’ll ever believe is: ‘I’ll start when…’”
- “If you wait for perfect timing, you’ll miss your life.”
- “When never shows up—but regret always does.”
Action Steps:
- Write down 3 things you’ve delayed because you were waiting for “when.”
- Choose one small action you can take today (start messy, start scared, just start).
- Practice a 2-minute self-compassion exercise when your inner critic shows up.
Thanks for listening. If this episode helped you wake up from waiting, leave a review, share with someone who needs to hear it, and we’ll keep journeying together.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's one of the biggest lies that people believe, is
(00:01):
that they will start when we'll say the word when
this happens, when my life is together, when I feel ready,
when people treat me right, when things flow. I don't
know if this is a real thing, a real turn,
but I'm calling it the when fallacy. Why because it's
a lie, Like we keep telling ourselves that when things
are going to be perfectly in place, that's when I'll
do something. And the reality is that it will never
(00:22):
be perfectly in place. Like no matter what you do,
no matter where you start, no matter how much you improve,
you are always going to look at something and say, man,
I could be better. But that's the whole point. That's
literally the entire point of starting something is, Yeah, you're
gonna progress to a point where even your early stages,
or even where you feel is your best, it's still
not your best because you're always going to improve. If
you love something, you will always improve in it. It's
(00:44):
not just going to be simply I show up and
that's it, and that's excuse gonna happen. It's going to
get better and better and better. So a lot of
people refuse to start because they say what they say
when this thing happens. When I'm respected, when I'm loved,
when I feel ready, you will never feel ready. That's
when they believe that that's going to start. And when
is a lie. This is made for this mountain with
(01:05):
Josh Rosa or we're turning pain into purpose. So this
is the truth, and I know that. I feel like
it's a common thing to hear and say, but I
don't think we express it correctly because we live in
a world where there are so many people doing so
many things, and we have access to it, Like this
is an interesting perspective to live in because we see
things and we retain information, and we take in information
(01:27):
that for most part of life people never would have
had access to, Like we don't know the behind the scenes,
We don't know the things that people are doing. Now
we can see those things. They share it with us,
or at least we see what they share, right, Because
that's a whole other problem. Sometimes we compare our reality
to people's pretend and that becomes a huge issue. But
(01:48):
this thought that so many people are stifled and stuck
in this place of fear, and they don't start, They
keep putting the goalposts they keep moving it. They'll say
when things are perfect or when life is together. This
mountain of when is killing so many dreams. Now, Like
(02:08):
I said, I'm always very vulnerable with you guys in
this podcast. If you're listening, I always appreciate that, and
I appreciate you and appreciating here. And I feel like
I can only speak on certain things either from experience
or a perceived perspective. For this one, I speak a
little more of both, but mostly experience because even this,
even this podcasting, even diving into this, it requires a
(02:29):
level of courage that I that even now I struggle with,
right because I have to believe that what I'm doing
is going to work, Like I have to believe that
I'm capable of making this happen. And the reality is
that I've given up every other safety net to be
able to say that this can be my life, to
be able to dive into this and make this a thing,
to say that I'm going to live off of my
(02:53):
passion and my heart and my mind. And a lot
of people would would put that as a when when
things hit, when things are perfect, I'll leave my job,
or when things are together, that's when I'll take the
big leap of faith. Now, to be clear, I'm not
saying go and quit your job and become a rapper, like,
that's not that what we're getting at here. What I
am saying is if there's something you are talented at,
(03:14):
something you're good at, something that's naturally flowing to you,
and you have the opportunity and the capacity to make
this a real thing, then do it. Then live in
the reality that this can happen because you have the work,
I think, in the courage. Like for me, I had
to choose do I want to stay working like what
I was doing is teaching. Do I want to remain
(03:36):
in that world? Or do I want to take a
leap and build something that I know I'm capable of
building and I know I have the talent, I know
I have the time, I know I have the desire
for But a lot of people would put that as
when they would say, well, when I've saved enough, and again,
that's not a bad thing. I don't want to diminish that, right.
I don't want to say that you should feel like, oh,
(03:58):
take the leap now with the six dollars you have pocket.
I mean for some situation, sure, but for most people,
that's not the case. You have families, you have bills,
you have things you have to take care of. It's
not easy to dive into something like that. So it's
it's giving yourself a realistic one and then really doing it,
because again, that's that's what happens. Some people would say, well,
when I have I don't know, twenty thousand dollars saved
(04:18):
no my bank account, that's when I'll start the business.
But then they get the twenty thousand and they're like, well,
you know what, let me get forty to be safe. Well,
you know what, now, let me push that to forty
five or sixty just because you know I want to
have a little bit because you're not going to start.
What you're doing is creating an excuse as to why
you want start, because you're afraid to start, because you're
afraid to take the next step because you're afraid of that.
For a lot of us, we keep saying when things work,
(04:39):
that's when I'll do it, And the reality is that
it won't change on its own. Like nothing in your
life is going to change without you. It's not going
to become different without you stepping into it. And the
worst part of this is that we know it, like
we know that the things that we want are never
going to change without us, and we're going to cost
this cause this pain is riftful in us because we're
(05:00):
now living a life of regret instead of a life
of lessons, Like we didn't experience the thing, We didn't
say the thing we wanted, we didn't we weren't vocal
about it. We didn't go for the person, we didn't
go for the career, we didn't go for the dream.
So the only thing you're living in is regret. You're
living in the fact that you never took a chance
on something that you could have taken a chance on.
(05:21):
And that has to be the worst pain in the
world to know that you have to live with the
thought of what if, like not not apologize. There's that
old Irish proverb that uh Drake quoted once. It's like,
I'd rather ask for forgiveness than I forgot the rest
of the proverb, but I rather has for forgiveness, then
not known, then not being able to say that I tried,
(05:44):
that I made this effort, that I jumped into something,
and again I don't know you, I don't know what
the struggles I don't, And it could be something small.
It doesn't always have to be a significantly huge life change,
like it could be the little thing. It could be
the thing that you've wanted to do for so long,
but you keep saying that when you're ready, or when
you have this, or when whatever you stop yourself from
doing it. It doesn't have to be massive, but it does
(06:05):
have to be real, and for a lot of us
we keep doing that. I know me personally, I don't
know you. I don't know where you're at. I don't
know your life. But would you be okay ten years
later regretting not starting now? Like would you be okay?
Down the line saying, man, if I had started ten
years ago or five years or if I started last year,
(06:26):
if I started last month? Would would you feel okay
waiting and delaying the fact that this thing can happen
if you were to just simply step into it? And
when did you feel okay with the fact that you
might miss on something because you were too afraid to
take the next step. Life is way too short, Life
is fleeting, its ending. You're not you're not gaining more life,
you're losing life. And at this point, all you're doing
(06:46):
is limiting the amounts of time that you have to
enjoy the thing that you could enjoy, the life that
you could be in, the place that you could be in,
or even just to know that it's not going to exist.
It's actually gonna heal something in you because now you
have this perspective that, Okay, I tried it and it
didn't work, and that's good to know that I didn't
waste more time in it. But you will never live
(07:06):
in what you need to live in. You will never
do what you need to do if you keep saying when.
And we'll talk about this when we come back after
this quick commercial break. The phrase that has killed more
dreams than anything in this world is when this happens,
I'll start, Like the biggest lies is, I'll start when.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I always equate this to.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Cleaning your bedroom. And I know this sounds like kind
of stupid, but it's a real thing. Like my room
is a mess, right. There's times that my room is
perfectly immaculately clean, and there are times where it just
looks like something exploded and everything is everywhere. But I
realized that the moment that I started picking up two
or three things, it's snowballed into this effect where I.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Just started doing everything.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Like the little thing that you do now is going
to be a snowball effect. If you start now, you
do not have to be perfect, you don't have to
have it all together. You just simply have to pick
a corner and you start. And the moment you start,
it makes it easier because what happens is one you're motivated,
because you're motivated because you see things changing, you see
things moving. It's like going to the gym right again,
trying we're working here, but it's like going to the
(08:09):
gym the moment you start seeing changes, not even the
changes right away, because you build the routine first, you
build the consistency. Once in moment start seeing changes, it
motivates you to do more. So this moment that you
start cleaning that little part of the room, it motivates
you to just finish, and it just pushes because it
becomes easier. The hardest thing that we will ever do
in life is start, like, not even the thing that
(08:32):
you want to do, not even the dream that you
have that that's amazing, and of course I'm not diminishing
them on of work that is going to take, but
that work becomes easier because you started, because you didn't
say one. When this is together, when this is perfect,
I'm going to start with that mountain. It wasn't a
mountain because you started, And everything happens in the moment
of starting, like that's the hardest part, right, Newton's law
(08:54):
of motion right, and the object of motion remains in motion,
the rest remains at rest. What you don't move will
never move. Well, you don't start now, will never start
right because it's easier for it to do nothing. And
this is where we struggle. This is where we really
have this z impass and this roadblock. And we're gonna
actually talk about some psychological things that really help us
break that, and we'll get into that in a minute,
(09:15):
but I want us to understand that framing that what
happens with our biggest fear, our biggest regrets, our biggest
anxieties are not the byproducts of things have happened, but
actually the byproduct of things that haven't happened. They're not
the things that have happened in our lives, but actually
the fact that we've never done the thing. So we
learn to distrust ourselves in that because when we say oh,
(09:37):
I'm going to start this thing. I'm gonna start this podcast,
I'm going to start posting on social media. I'm gonna
start going to the gym. I'm going to start this business.
I'm gonna start whatever it is that you're starting. We
say that we're gonna start, and then we give ourselves
a timeline and we don't do it. So what happens
is subconsciously our brain says, well, you're not gonna do
it anyway, so I'm not gonna push for it. But
the moment you do start, it changes everything. There's this old, old,
(10:01):
old practice, and this woman Mel Robbins claimed it for herself,
but it's not hers. It's something that's been happening for
years where you count and you simply do the thing.
You count it three or count to five, and you
just do the thing. You just start. Actually heard this
in a movie in like a nineteen sixties movie. Specifically
it was about kissing the girl. I'm not saying go
kiss the person, whatever it is, but in that movie specifically,
(10:23):
he said, oh, well, you just counted three and just
do it. Just take take the jump, and just take
the leap. And it's this reality where it's telling us
it's giving us this fine night time to do the thing. Right,
It's just you're limited by the limit of that amount
of time, and you're gonna have to step up and
do this thing and just start.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
That's gonna be the hard part for a lot of people, right.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Just that initial start, that initial spark that sets the
flame when everything else, but choosing to do the thing
is gonna be the hardest thing you do, starting right now,
not when starting today, starting right like at the end
of this podcast, if there is something tangible that you
can do, and now obviously we'll talk about things that
help us work to that psychologically, but if there are
things that you can tangibly do today, right, why do
(11:05):
I do them? Because you're creating a space for this
thing that you want to be a reality. You're not
limiting its possibility again by when you're saying now, so
we have this lie, this fallacy, this when fallacy that
things were going to fall into place. When is never
(11:25):
going to change that when is.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Always going to be something and someone.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
New it's choosing to step into it. So I want
to use some things that a psychology helps r because
it is rare. Again, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything
special of that nature. My degree is in microbiology. I mean,
I guess we'll talk about the biological component of certain things.
But there is a lot of resources out there for
us to be able to really just help us walk
(11:50):
through our day and help us grow through things. And
again this is never a replacement for anything, like you
should go speak to a person, but it's always good
to understand what power where you have over yourself, with
cognitive powers you have over yourself, because when we fail
to understand us, we guarantee that we'll misunderstand the rest
of our life. So when we fail to understand why
we do the things we do, why we say the
(12:12):
things we say, why we act or react that we react, we.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Will fail to live life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
And in a world of so much information and so
much data and so much studies and so many things
that we can literally use, it is a shame that
we don't live in the use of that. So understanding
how your brain works is huge. So you tend to
be your own biggest critic, like we need to be
our own biggest cheerleader, but half the time we are
(12:37):
bashing ourselves. We need to reframe our inner credit because
that voice is the one voice you constantly live with.
That is the one thing that in your life will
be consistent. No other person around you, the amount of money,
no career, nothing will be as consistent and consistently in
your mind.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
As you are.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
You are literally your biggest critic. And we do that
because one, we know we're capable of so much more.
We know that we have the ability in the drive
to do all these things. So we get mad at ourselves.
We become a critic in us because we're that. But
what if we reframe the way you speak to you.
What if instead of saying these terrible things about you,
you begin to support and motivate you and say, no,
(13:13):
but I am capable of this. Just because I've failed here,
it's because I haven't started. It does not mean that
I'm incapable of it. It just means that I haven't
taken that initiative. So teaching yourself to talk to yourself positively.
This disordered way that we live in this world is
that we speak to the worst part of us, and
we magnify and amplify that. We make that our pinnacle
for everything. We look at ourselves and thinks well, we'll
(13:34):
never be good, we'll never be loved, will never be anything,
because I don't believe that about me. And yes, we
can say that that's tied to how other people have
treated us. We can say that it's our past and
our family members and ours things. Yes, and there's validity
to that. But everything comes from what you say to you.
They might have said what they've said, they might have
done if they've done, But what.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Do you say? What do you believe? What do you
agree with?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So we use TECHNIQE that we replace certain parts of
it CBT techniques like the thought recording or evidence checking.
And this is important. I say this often, and I
think it's the best way to really check yourself is
to question is this real? See, we fail to start things,
We fail to step into our goal, into our dream,
into our future, We fail to build in anything because
(14:21):
we are hyper critical about the way we see us.
So we don't believe that we're capable of doing this thing,
of starting this ding. We don't believe that it will
be successful because we limit the possibility of it happening.
So we say, okay, because I've made X and Y
and zee mistakes in my life, that those are going
(14:41):
to be the byproduct of why this doesn't happen. So
when you do, you criticize yourself. You say, well, I'm
not capable of speaking.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Well, well, I'm.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Not capable of doing this or not capable stepping into anything.
And we use evidence based on other people's perspective of
what they've might have centered done. So we don't never,
never take our own perspective. We never questioned us, questioned
the reality of it. We just say, well, people have
said this about me, so this must be true. I
need you to understand my favorite phrase there that that
(15:07):
is a lie. They're like, Okay, I'm gonna be speaking
at an event in October with some wonderful people. It's
called which is this innovation of all Latinos in New
York and all these amazing industries that we're in and
all these things. Shout out to them. Maybe we'll just
clip this part just just to throw a little shadow
because it is an amazing event. But something I'm speaking
at this event, and I guess I'll give you a
(15:28):
little foreshadowing is about your voice. So if you haven't noticed, right,
if people listen to this podcast, I speak pretty quickly
like that that is something that is natural to me.
And I'm obviously going to talk about being Dominican and
that being a passion and we don't speak fast, which
is very passionate and all that wonderful stuff. But I've
had people in my life look at me and tell
me that I would be more successful if I spoke
(15:51):
a little slower. Now, I need you to understand this.
These people have never been in this stage as I've
been in. They've never done the things I've done. They've
never reached the accolades I've reached. But they told me
that if I've stopped doing the thing that got me there,
that I would be doing better, even though they've never
been there. I need you to understand that some people
will try to reframe your voice to match their vision.
They will try to tell you that you can't do
(16:13):
what you're doing the way you're doing it because it
doesn't sound like how they want it to sound. Again,
is their validity and use for me to slow down
so people can pick up more, sure, Absolutely, But then
that ro also change the messaging that I have behind it,
and I can I can perfectly slow my tone and
reach things in a different way, and it can change
(16:35):
the way the message is delivered, and I can enunciate
the end of every vowel and be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
But what happened is.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
That that's not me. You're not gonna get a version
that's authentically me. So what's going to happen is that
I won't connect with people the same way trying to
be something that I'm not. At the end of the day, Yes,
is there validity.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And is it the intention behind it? Positive? For sure,
I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
But we can't take other people's lack of vision as
our gospel. We can't take the things that they don't
see in us and say that, oh, well, that's what
they said, so this must be true about me. With
what happens often that we believe the critic. We believe
the critics outside and the.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Critic in our mind.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
We say, well, if a person said that I couldn't
do this, that I'm not gonna be able to that's
a lie.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That's one of the.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Greatest lies you ever believe, and your brain will stick
to it because they will say, oh no, but they
see us from a different perspective.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I need you to question that. I need you to
question the validity of that thing.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Some people will try to reframe your vision because it
doesn't match.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
The lack they have.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
We need to break a comparison cycle. There's this reality
where we're looking and I mentioned this before, we're looking
at a scope of people's lives from their best perspective.
They're not showing us who they are in the outside
of that. We're not seeing the flaws, we're not seeing
the mistakes, we're not seeing the shortcomings. We're only seeing
(17:58):
the best version of them. So what we equate is
our life to their best version of their life. And
it hurts because you're not you're not really taking account
of the fact that that's just not.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Who they are.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So you think that you're behind, You think that you're
you're not you're not ready to start. You think that
you're gonna be lost, and that's just not the case.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
We need to learn that our social comparison isn't true.
And that's another reason why people don't start. They'll say,
when I have this kind of family, or when I
have this kind of product, or when this is the thing,
that's when I'm going to do everything, and you end
up missing how you're missing, missing out of the whole
world because you think your life has to look like
(18:37):
someone else's for you to start changing and becoming.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Impactful in it. It's just not the case.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
When is not a reality for a lot of people,
like we will look at what other people are living
and what they're doing and will say that that's our
when that's just not the case. If you start today,
right now, right after this episode, you can actually say
that there's gonna be some level of traction. Why because
you're not gonna be where you were ten minutes ago
(19:05):
or nineteen minutes ago. Right You're gonna be significantly further
up just by starting, just by doing the next thing.
And we when we learn to not care about the
opinion of the people, who also learn to not care
about where they are in their life because the reality
is that their life isn't your life. Like where they're
starting where they are, that thing isn't gonna be impactful
(19:26):
for you. It might be impactful for them, but it's
not gonna help you. It's not gonna serve you. Social
comparison has been the death of so many people's dreams
because they've looked at what people have and what they
do and they compare it to everything else, like I can.
I can only use me as a comparison, and this
is just plug in your thing here. So for me,
(19:47):
I'm gonna say social media, right, podcasting. I'm looking at
this stuff and there's people that have done so many
better things in me. There are so much more talented,
that they have so much better equipment, that they have
better sound, that they have better storytelling, that they have
better production, that they have better marketing, all these things.
And if I had looked at those things and said, well,
I can't compete with them, that I'm never going to
(20:09):
be as good as them, then I would have never started.
I would have been in the same place I've always
been waiting to start. I would have never made progress.
I would have never got better, I would never improved
because I thought that I had to compete. You will
stay exactly where you are, thinking that you have to
look like someone else to be able to start. The
(20:29):
reality is that the best version that you'll ever reach
is the version that you just start with now. And
we'll talk a little bit more about this after these
last few commercials. So as we've been talking about those things,
there's a self determination theory that this is one of
the greatest things that.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I think.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
We can develop in ourselves. And it shows that people
thrive when focusing on autonomy, competence, and relatedness, not external validation.
So your own autonomy, what you have control over, right,
the things that you have authority over, the identity that
you've developed, and not of anything from the outside, not
a validation from anything on the outside. Again, again, myself
(21:11):
the only person I know. There have been times where
I've doubted my social media presence and stuff like that,
because again, I'm not perfect. There's not a single person
that's perfect. I can offer the greatest advice in the world.
I could be at it, give articulate good stories and
give just good, adequate advice and all these amazing things
(21:33):
that are beneficial to other people. But then I can
look at that and say, well, my life isn't perfect.
But the premise is that no one's life is perfect
like one. I've never professed perfection too. I never say
that I have it all figured out and all together.
I just might be able to articulate certain things that
people need to hear and say. And that's been the
premise and the goal, and my whole drive has been
the positiveness that people have said there's stuff that people
(21:54):
have received, and that's really been what's given me the
fuel to be able to say, Okay, I'm going to
be consistent this, But there are many times where I've
created stuff or looked at stuff and thought, man, that
doesn't look good.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's cringey.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's hard to say or to be present, but those
have been the things that people have received the greatest.
There have been times where the people that have criticized
what I'm doing right, that are close to me, that said,
maybe in this early early stages right, because now their
proof is in the pudding. And this is what I'm saying.
By the way, I'm not just saying this just to
say it. I'm saying it from literally literally lived experience,
(22:27):
because now they can't say anything about them. Now their
questions come to me, not about me. They will come
for reference and for help. And this is what's gonna happen.
By the way, when you start to think, right, the
thing that you're scared to do, the stage in your
life you're scared to jump into, the career you're scared
to move into. When you do that thing, there are
a lot of people that will criticize the starting stages
if you rely on their opinions, if you rely on
(22:50):
their statements, if you rely on what they feel, you
will stop and you will hate.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Yourself for it so much.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Further on, there are many people that looked at the
stuff that I was making and said, well, you know,
your quality isn't good, or you should not post this
because of this or whatever. And there are people close
to me, very dear to me, and it was well
mannered or good intent, with good intention. They didn't mean
it from a bad perspective. They thought that they were helping,
But the problem was that their intentions of helping were
trying to stifle the things that I was doing. So
(23:18):
if I had listened to them, I allowed them to
tell me not to do the thing or criticize the
thing I was doing. And if I had taken that
for face value, we wouldn't be where we ought today,
Like I wouldn't be in this perspective where now people
are coming to me with questions because I've made it happen.
What I'm saying with this, what I hope you take
from this, is that when you start, you're going to see.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
A lot of friction.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You're going to see people that will criticize things that
you're doing or saying, or the style that you're doing
it or whatever. And there are people that are positive
by the way, like they're helping you. But that's when
we need to learn to discern what is help and
what is just pointless. There are tons of times where
people will do these things and say these things, and
if we take that it's face valuable, stop, we will
(24:02):
live in regret because we were never able to be
firm in ourselves enough to not give people power over us,
like to not give people enough authority to make a
stop the thing that we're doing. If you are firming
you and you know that you need to press it
and you'll improve as you go along, but you will
never give people the power to make you feel ashamed
(24:24):
of doing what you're doing. And the beauty is that
this is a long run of practice and repetition that
eventually you'll become so good that people will come to you.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
They'll say, wow, I.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Can't believe you did this, and they'll only see the
positive by the way, they only see the top of
the mountain. They'll never see the work that you put
to get there. They'll see the top and they'll say well, wow,
you got here. Why because your one was a long
time ago. It's not today, it's not later on in
the future. It's today's starting at this very very point.
You've built autonomy over you. Our last few points here
(24:53):
is trained the brain through mindfulness and self compassion. This
is probably the biggest point ever dis mindfulness. Of course,
be mindful of you, but self compassion is so big.
It is the most important thing that you will ever do.
When it comes to emotion. Intelligence is to be able
to look at yourself and give yourself enough mercy and
grace to know that you've made mistakes, that you fell short,
(25:14):
that you messed up, but that you can get up again,
and you will be better, that you will improve. And
it said know that you need to love you too.
That it's not enough just hear people feel loved by
your hear people validated by you being able to say,
I love me enough that I refuse to allow anyone's
opinion of me to dictate how I feel about me
or how I see me. It's loving you enough to
(25:35):
be able to understand that you feel but.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You do not belong on the ground.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It's loving you enough to say that the things that
you have done in your past, do not dictate the
future that you will live in tomorrow. There are too
many people who have lost compassion for the world, but
even more compassion for themselves. And the reason that they
don't improve and don't grow and don't build the life
that they deserve is because they keep living in the
mistakes that they've made. You're not your mistakes, You're not
(26:00):
your pastor you're not what you've done or has been
done to you. You're not that place that you were in.
You're here now and being able to build self compassion.
It's gonna be the best psychological thing you ever do
for yourself is to treat yourself kindly, is to give
yourself the ability in the space to simply just be.
And so many people are so broken and so hurt
(26:22):
because they don't give themselves that. The question isn't do
you deserve to be loved or be compassionate for or
be forgiven? The question is do you accept it? A
lot of us don't start because we're still beating ourselves
up over anything else in our lives. Like we might
have started the dream that we had and it failed before.
So what happens is that now I don't do it
(26:42):
because I'm afraid of what it's going to look like.
You deserve compassion, not just from other people, but from you,
most importantly from you. You deserve to look at this
and just affirm who you are and know that you
are worth it. Not again, not because of what you've accomplished,
or not because of anything of that nature, but just
because of you. This is who you were made to be.
(27:06):
This is who you are, and a lot of people
have been stuck in that right. We don't allow ourselves
to start what we deserve because we stop thinking what
we deserve. We don't allow ourselves to live in this
beauty of our lives because we've made it the pinnacle
of everything else. Our last point here is just to
(27:28):
build self efficient and efficiency. The small wings first thing
I mentioned right starting the room, starting cleaning the room.
The little thing that you do, it builds up. It
becomes a snowball effect that if you start now, there's
going to be so much bigger, with so much more
impact later on. So our invitation with this one one fallacy,
(27:49):
this mountain of when, is being able to look at
this and not allow it to dictate anything else being
looked at the fact that you have this struggle that
you want, I want to do, this thing, that you have,
this dream that you have, this world you want to
live in, and being able to look at that and say, well,
this thing is not going to be dictated by my fear,
or my past, or my shame or mistakes. But it's
(28:10):
going to be dictated by me, starting now, by me
believing in me enough to do the little thing that
makes this big mountain disappear. The one fallacy is the
greatest line we'll ever believe, because we'll believe that it
will be done when we're ready, when we're confident, when
we love us, when we feel like everything is together,
(28:32):
when we think that our life now makes sense, when
we think even worse, we think we're worth it, because
we have this lie to us that nothing in us
will change until that moment. So something validates me, and
you're already validated. You're already good start. So just thank
you once again for being in this podcast, for listening
(28:53):
and being a part of this. And I'm not sure
if the episode before this one was the W's blew
friend of mine who I think it was. And we
have another couple friends that are going to be joining
in a couple of other episodes, but I do want
to make this an open invitation. If you go to
mad Moore Motivated dot com, you've got that far, there
is a box there and if there are questions or
(29:13):
comments or things that you want to us to discuss
and to just grow over, maybe you just want to
share something with me. One of the greatest things that
I'm so grateful for and people don't realize how grateful
I am. And I can't respond to everyone like DM
and comment and stuff like that because just honestly, I'm
on my phone, but I'm not on my phone that
much so as much as might look like it, right
(29:34):
because I do understand social media trends and stuff like that.
It's just not something I overindulge on. But I do appreciate.
One of my greatest things that I appreciate the most
is that is people sharing their stories and sharing the
testimonies and what this has done for them, and it's
just my favorite, Like it really brings validation to what
we're doing here, even though again speaking into that, even
(29:55):
if I didn't receive that, I'd still be doing it.
But it is very nice to see and I do
love to hear your story. So there's things you want
to share with me, things you want to hear, people
you want to see, things you've gone through. Feel free
to go in that box and just tell me whatever
that is. And yeah, anything you have on there, I'd
(30:16):
love to hear it. And again, the most important part
I guess I have to mention is the usual. Go
give stars and comments and share the episodes, because that's
the way that we actually do get to continue to
do this. So thank you again for listening, thank you
for being president, thank you for being on this episode,
and I hope that today is a day when you
start you just take the leap and make it work.
(30:37):
We'll see you on the next one.
It's one of the biggest lies that people believe, is
(00:01):
that they will start when we'll say the word when
this happens, when my life is together, when I feel ready,
when people treat me right, when things flow. I don't
know if this is a real thing, a real turn,
but I'm calling it the when fallacy. Why because it's
a lie, Like we keep telling ourselves that when things
are going to be perfectly in place, that's when I'll
do something. And the reality is that it will never
(00:22):
be perfectly in place. Like no matter what you do,
no matter where you start, no matter how much you improve,
you are always going to look at something and say, man,
I could be better. But that's the whole point. That's
literally the entire point of starting something is, Yeah, you're
gonna progress to a point where even your early stages,
or even where you feel is your best, it's still
not your best because you're always going to improve. If
you love something, you will always improve in it. It's
(00:44):
not just going to be simply I show up and
that's it, and that's excuse gonna happen. It's going to
get better and better and better. So a lot of
people refuse to start because they say what they say
when this thing happens. When I'm respected, when I'm loved,
when I feel ready, you will never feel ready. That's
when they believe that that's going to start. And when
is a lie. This is made for this mountain with
(01:05):
Josh Rosa or we're turning pain into purpose. So this
is the truth, and I know that. I feel like
it's a common thing to hear and say, but I
don't think we express it correctly because we live in
a world where there are so many people doing so
many things, and we have access to it, Like this
is an interesting perspective to live in because we see
things and we retain information, and we take in information
(01:27):
that for most part of life people never would have
had access to, Like we don't know the behind the scenes,
We don't know the things that people are doing. Now
we can see those things. They share it with us,
or at least we see what they share, right, Because
that's a whole other problem. Sometimes we compare our reality
to people's pretend and that becomes a huge issue. But
(01:48):
this thought that so many people are stifled and stuck
in this place of fear, and they don't start, They
keep putting the goalposts they keep moving it. They'll say
when things are perfect or when life is together. This
mountain of when is killing so many dreams. Now, Like
(02:08):
I said, I'm always very vulnerable with you guys in
this podcast. If you're listening, I always appreciate that, and
I appreciate you and appreciating here. And I feel like
I can only speak on certain things either from experience
or a perceived perspective. For this one, I speak a
little more of both, but mostly experience because even this,
even this podcasting, even diving into this, it requires a
(02:29):
level of courage that I that even now I struggle with,
right because I have to believe that what I'm doing
is going to work, Like I have to believe that
I'm capable of making this happen. And the reality is
that I've given up every other safety net to be
able to say that this can be my life, to
be able to dive into this and make this a thing,
to say that I'm going to live off of my
(02:53):
passion and my heart and my mind. And a lot
of people would would put that as a when when
things hit, when things are perfect, I'll leave my job,
or when things are together, that's when I'll take the
big leap of faith. Now, to be clear, I'm not
saying go and quit your job and become a rapper, like,
that's not that what we're getting at here. What I
am saying is if there's something you are talented at,
(03:14):
something you're good at, something that's naturally flowing to you,
and you have the opportunity and the capacity to make
this a real thing, then do it. Then live in
the reality that this can happen because you have the work,
I think, in the courage. Like for me, I had
to choose do I want to stay working like what
I was doing is teaching. Do I want to remain
(03:36):
in that world? Or do I want to take a
leap and build something that I know I'm capable of
building and I know I have the talent, I know
I have the time, I know I have the desire
for But a lot of people would put that as
when they would say, well, when I've saved enough, and again,
that's not a bad thing. I don't want to diminish that, right.
I don't want to say that you should feel like, oh,
(03:58):
take the leap now with the six dollars you have pocket.
I mean for some situation, sure, but for most people,
that's not the case. You have families, you have bills,
you have things you have to take care of. It's
not easy to dive into something like that. So it's
it's giving yourself a realistic one and then really doing it,
because again, that's that's what happens. Some people would say, well,
when I have I don't know, twenty thousand dollars saved
(04:18):
no my bank account, that's when I'll start the business.
But then they get the twenty thousand and they're like, well,
you know what, let me get forty to be safe. Well,
you know what, now, let me push that to forty
five or sixty just because you know I want to
have a little bit because you're not going to start.
What you're doing is creating an excuse as to why
you want start, because you're afraid to start, because you're
afraid to take the next step because you're afraid of that.
For a lot of us, we keep saying when things work,
(04:39):
that's when I'll do it, And the reality is that
it won't change on its own. Like nothing in your
life is going to change without you. It's not going
to become different without you stepping into it. And the
worst part of this is that we know it, like
we know that the things that we want are never
going to change without us, and we're going to cost
this cause this pain is riftful in us because we're
(05:00):
now living a life of regret instead of a life
of lessons, Like we didn't experience the thing, We didn't
say the thing we wanted, we didn't we weren't vocal
about it. We didn't go for the person, we didn't
go for the career, we didn't go for the dream.
So the only thing you're living in is regret. You're
living in the fact that you never took a chance
on something that you could have taken a chance on.
(05:21):
And that has to be the worst pain in the
world to know that you have to live with the
thought of what if, like not not apologize. There's that
old Irish proverb that uh Drake quoted once. It's like,
I'd rather ask for forgiveness than I forgot the rest
of the proverb, but I rather has for forgiveness, then
not known, then not being able to say that I tried,
(05:44):
that I made this effort, that I jumped into something,
and again I don't know you, I don't know what
the struggles I don't, And it could be something small.
It doesn't always have to be a significantly huge life change,
like it could be the little thing. It could be
the thing that you've wanted to do for so long,
but you keep saying that when you're ready, or when
you have this, or when whatever you stop yourself from
doing it. It doesn't have to be massive, but it does
(06:05):
have to be real, and for a lot of us
we keep doing that. I know me personally, I don't
know you. I don't know where you're at. I don't
know your life. But would you be okay ten years
later regretting not starting now? Like would you be okay?
Down the line saying, man, if I had started ten
years ago or five years or if I started last year,
(06:26):
if I started last month? Would would you feel okay
waiting and delaying the fact that this thing can happen
if you were to just simply step into it? And
when did you feel okay with the fact that you
might miss on something because you were too afraid to
take the next step. Life is way too short, Life
is fleeting, its ending. You're not you're not gaining more life,
you're losing life. And at this point, all you're doing
(06:46):
is limiting the amounts of time that you have to
enjoy the thing that you could enjoy, the life that
you could be in, the place that you could be in,
or even just to know that it's not going to exist.
It's actually gonna heal something in you because now you
have this perspective that, Okay, I tried it and it
didn't work, and that's good to know that I didn't
waste more time in it. But you will never live
(07:06):
in what you need to live in. You will never
do what you need to do if you keep saying when.
And we'll talk about this when we come back after
this quick commercial break. The phrase that has killed more
dreams than anything in this world is when this happens,
I'll start, Like the biggest lies is, I'll start when.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I always equate this to.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Cleaning your bedroom. And I know this sounds like kind
of stupid, but it's a real thing. Like my room
is a mess, right. There's times that my room is
perfectly immaculately clean, and there are times where it just
looks like something exploded and everything is everywhere. But I
realized that the moment that I started picking up two
or three things, it's snowballed into this effect where I.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Just started doing everything.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Like the little thing that you do now is going
to be a snowball effect. If you start now, you
do not have to be perfect, you don't have to
have it all together. You just simply have to pick
a corner and you start. And the moment you start,
it makes it easier because what happens is one you're motivated,
because you're motivated because you see things changing, you see
things moving. It's like going to the gym right again,
trying we're working here, but it's like going to the
(08:09):
gym the moment you start seeing changes, not even the
changes right away, because you build the routine first, you
build the consistency. Once in moment start seeing changes, it
motivates you to do more. So this moment that you
start cleaning that little part of the room, it motivates
you to just finish, and it just pushes because it
becomes easier. The hardest thing that we will ever do
in life is start, like, not even the thing that
(08:32):
you want to do, not even the dream that you
have that that's amazing, and of course I'm not diminishing
them on of work that is going to take, but
that work becomes easier because you started, because you didn't
say one. When this is together, when this is perfect,
I'm going to start with that mountain. It wasn't a
mountain because you started, And everything happens in the moment
of starting, like that's the hardest part, right, Newton's law
(08:54):
of motion right, and the object of motion remains in motion,
the rest remains at rest. What you don't move will
never move. Well, you don't start now, will never start
right because it's easier for it to do nothing. And
this is where we struggle. This is where we really
have this z impass and this roadblock. And we're gonna
actually talk about some psychological things that really help us
break that, and we'll get into that in a minute,
(09:15):
but I want us to understand that framing that what
happens with our biggest fear, our biggest regrets, our biggest
anxieties are not the byproducts of things have happened, but
actually the byproduct of things that haven't happened. They're not
the things that have happened in our lives, but actually
the fact that we've never done the thing. So we
learn to distrust ourselves in that because when we say oh,
(09:37):
I'm going to start this thing. I'm gonna start this podcast,
I'm going to start posting on social media. I'm gonna
start going to the gym. I'm going to start this business.
I'm gonna start whatever it is that you're starting. We
say that we're gonna start, and then we give ourselves
a timeline and we don't do it. So what happens
is subconsciously our brain says, well, you're not gonna do
it anyway, so I'm not gonna push for it. But
the moment you do start, it changes everything. There's this old, old,
(10:01):
old practice, and this woman Mel Robbins claimed it for herself,
but it's not hers. It's something that's been happening for
years where you count and you simply do the thing.
You count it three or count to five, and you
just do the thing. You just start. Actually heard this
in a movie in like a nineteen sixties movie. Specifically
it was about kissing the girl. I'm not saying go
kiss the person, whatever it is, but in that movie specifically,
(10:23):
he said, oh, well, you just counted three and just
do it. Just take take the jump, and just take
the leap. And it's this reality where it's telling us
it's giving us this fine night time to do the thing. Right,
It's just you're limited by the limit of that amount
of time, and you're gonna have to step up and
do this thing and just start.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
That's gonna be the hard part for a lot of people, right.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Just that initial start, that initial spark that sets the
flame when everything else, but choosing to do the thing
is gonna be the hardest thing you do, starting right now,
not when starting today, starting right like at the end
of this podcast, if there is something tangible that you
can do, and now obviously we'll talk about things that
help us work to that psychologically, but if there are
things that you can tangibly do today, right, why do
(11:05):
I do them? Because you're creating a space for this
thing that you want to be a reality. You're not
limiting its possibility again by when you're saying now, so
we have this lie, this fallacy, this when fallacy that
things were going to fall into place. When is never
(11:25):
going to change that when is.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Always going to be something and someone.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
New it's choosing to step into it. So I want
to use some things that a psychology helps r because
it is rare. Again, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything
special of that nature. My degree is in microbiology. I mean,
I guess we'll talk about the biological component of certain things.
But there is a lot of resources out there for
us to be able to really just help us walk
(11:50):
through our day and help us grow through things. And
again this is never a replacement for anything, like you
should go speak to a person, but it's always good
to understand what power where you have over yourself, with
cognitive powers you have over yourself, because when we fail
to understand us, we guarantee that we'll misunderstand the rest
of our life. So when we fail to understand why
we do the things we do, why we say the
(12:12):
things we say, why we act or react that we react, we.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Will fail to live life to the fullest.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
And in a world of so much information and so
much data and so much studies and so many things
that we can literally use, it is a shame that
we don't live in the use of that. So understanding
how your brain works is huge. So you tend to
be your own biggest critic, like we need to be
our own biggest cheerleader, but half the time we are
(12:37):
bashing ourselves. We need to reframe our inner credit because
that voice is the one voice you constantly live with.
That is the one thing that in your life will
be consistent. No other person around you, the amount of money,
no career, nothing will be as consistent and consistently in
your mind.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
As you are.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
You are literally your biggest critic. And we do that
because one, we know we're capable of so much more.
We know that we have the ability in the drive
to do all these things. So we get mad at ourselves.
We become a critic in us because we're that. But
what if we reframe the way you speak to you.
What if instead of saying these terrible things about you,
you begin to support and motivate you and say, no,
(13:13):
but I am capable of this. Just because I've failed here,
it's because I haven't started. It does not mean that
I'm incapable of it. It just means that I haven't
taken that initiative. So teaching yourself to talk to yourself positively.
This disordered way that we live in this world is
that we speak to the worst part of us, and
we magnify and amplify that. We make that our pinnacle
for everything. We look at ourselves and thinks well, we'll
(13:34):
never be good, we'll never be loved, will never be anything,
because I don't believe that about me. And yes, we
can say that that's tied to how other people have
treated us. We can say that it's our past and
our family members and ours things. Yes, and there's validity
to that. But everything comes from what you say to you.
They might have said what they've said, they might have
done if they've done, But what.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Do you say? What do you believe? What do you
agree with?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So we use TECHNIQE that we replace certain parts of
it CBT techniques like the thought recording or evidence checking.
And this is important. I say this often, and I
think it's the best way to really check yourself is
to question is this real? See, we fail to start things,
We fail to step into our goal, into our dream,
into our future, We fail to build in anything because
(14:21):
we are hyper critical about the way we see us.
So we don't believe that we're capable of doing this thing,
of starting this ding. We don't believe that it will
be successful because we limit the possibility of it happening.
So we say, okay, because I've made X and Y
and zee mistakes in my life, that those are going
(14:41):
to be the byproduct of why this doesn't happen. So
when you do, you criticize yourself. You say, well, I'm
not capable of speaking.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Well, well, I'm.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Not capable of doing this or not capable stepping into anything.
And we use evidence based on other people's perspective of
what they've might have centered done. So we don't never,
never take our own perspective. We never questioned us, questioned
the reality of it. We just say, well, people have
said this about me, so this must be true. I
need you to understand my favorite phrase there that that
(15:07):
is a lie. They're like, Okay, I'm gonna be speaking
at an event in October with some wonderful people. It's
called which is this innovation of all Latinos in New
York and all these amazing industries that we're in and
all these things. Shout out to them. Maybe we'll just
clip this part just just to throw a little shadow
because it is an amazing event. But something I'm speaking
at this event, and I guess I'll give you a
(15:28):
little foreshadowing is about your voice. So if you haven't noticed, right,
if people listen to this podcast, I speak pretty quickly
like that that is something that is natural to me.
And I'm obviously going to talk about being Dominican and
that being a passion and we don't speak fast, which
is very passionate and all that wonderful stuff. But I've
had people in my life look at me and tell
me that I would be more successful if I spoke
(15:51):
a little slower. Now, I need you to understand this.
These people have never been in this stage as I've
been in. They've never done the things I've done. They've
never reached the accolades I've reached. But they told me
that if I've stopped doing the thing that got me there,
that I would be doing better, even though they've never
been there. I need you to understand that some people
will try to reframe your voice to match their vision.
They will try to tell you that you can't do
(16:13):
what you're doing the way you're doing it because it
doesn't sound like how they want it to sound. Again,
is their validity and use for me to slow down
so people can pick up more, sure, Absolutely, But then
that ro also change the messaging that I have behind it,
and I can I can perfectly slow my tone and
reach things in a different way, and it can change
(16:35):
the way the message is delivered, and I can enunciate
the end of every vowel and be able to do that.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
But what happened is.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
That that's not me. You're not gonna get a version
that's authentically me. So what's going to happen is that
I won't connect with people the same way trying to
be something that I'm not. At the end of the day, Yes,
is there validity.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And is it the intention behind it? Positive? For sure,
I'm sure.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
But we can't take other people's lack of vision as
our gospel. We can't take the things that they don't
see in us and say that, oh, well, that's what
they said, so this must be true about me. With
what happens often that we believe the critic. We believe
the critics outside and the.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Critic in our mind.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
We say, well, if a person said that I couldn't
do this, that I'm not gonna be able to that's
a lie.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That's one of the.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Greatest lies you ever believe, and your brain will stick
to it because they will say, oh no, but they
see us from a different perspective.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I need you to question that. I need you to
question the validity of that thing.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Some people will try to reframe your vision because it
doesn't match.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
The lack they have.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
We need to break a comparison cycle. There's this reality
where we're looking and I mentioned this before, we're looking
at a scope of people's lives from their best perspective.
They're not showing us who they are in the outside
of that. We're not seeing the flaws, we're not seeing
the mistakes, we're not seeing the shortcomings. We're only seeing
(17:58):
the best version of them. So what we equate is
our life to their best version of their life. And
it hurts because you're not you're not really taking account
of the fact that that's just not.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Who they are.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So you think that you're behind, You think that you're
you're not you're not ready to start. You think that
you're gonna be lost, and that's just not the case.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
We need to learn that our social comparison isn't true.
And that's another reason why people don't start. They'll say,
when I have this kind of family, or when I
have this kind of product, or when this is the thing,
that's when I'm going to do everything, and you end
up missing how you're missing, missing out of the whole
world because you think your life has to look like
(18:37):
someone else's for you to start changing and becoming.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Impactful in it. It's just not the case.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
When is not a reality for a lot of people,
like we will look at what other people are living
and what they're doing and will say that that's our
when that's just not the case. If you start today,
right now, right after this episode, you can actually say
that there's gonna be some level of traction. Why because
you're not gonna be where you were ten minutes ago
(19:05):
or nineteen minutes ago. Right You're gonna be significantly further
up just by starting, just by doing the next thing.
And we when we learn to not care about the
opinion of the people, who also learn to not care
about where they are in their life because the reality
is that their life isn't your life. Like where they're
starting where they are, that thing isn't gonna be impactful
(19:26):
for you. It might be impactful for them, but it's
not gonna help you. It's not gonna serve you. Social
comparison has been the death of so many people's dreams
because they've looked at what people have and what they
do and they compare it to everything else, like I can.
I can only use me as a comparison, and this
is just plug in your thing here. So for me,
(19:47):
I'm gonna say social media, right, podcasting. I'm looking at
this stuff and there's people that have done so many
better things in me. There are so much more talented,
that they have so much better equipment, that they have
better sound, that they have better storytelling, that they have
better production, that they have better marketing, all these things.
And if I had looked at those things and said, well,
I can't compete with them, that I'm never going to
(20:09):
be as good as them, then I would have never started.
I would have been in the same place I've always
been waiting to start. I would have never made progress.
I would have never got better, I would never improved
because I thought that I had to compete. You will
stay exactly where you are, thinking that you have to
look like someone else to be able to start. The
(20:29):
reality is that the best version that you'll ever reach
is the version that you just start with now. And
we'll talk a little bit more about this after these
last few commercials. So as we've been talking about those things,
there's a self determination theory that this is one of
the greatest things that.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I think.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
We can develop in ourselves. And it shows that people
thrive when focusing on autonomy, competence, and relatedness, not external validation.
So your own autonomy, what you have control over, right,
the things that you have authority over, the identity that
you've developed, and not of anything from the outside, not
a validation from anything on the outside. Again, again, myself
(21:11):
the only person I know. There have been times where
I've doubted my social media presence and stuff like that,
because again, I'm not perfect. There's not a single person
that's perfect. I can offer the greatest advice in the world.
I could be at it, give articulate good stories and
give just good, adequate advice and all these amazing things
(21:33):
that are beneficial to other people. But then I can
look at that and say, well, my life isn't perfect.
But the premise is that no one's life is perfect
like one. I've never professed perfection too. I never say
that I have it all figured out and all together.
I just might be able to articulate certain things that
people need to hear and say. And that's been the
premise and the goal, and my whole drive has been
the positiveness that people have said there's stuff that people
(21:54):
have received, and that's really been what's given me the
fuel to be able to say, Okay, I'm going to
be consistent this, But there are many times where I've
created stuff or looked at stuff and thought, man, that
doesn't look good.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's cringey.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
It's hard to say or to be present, but those
have been the things that people have received the greatest.
There have been times where the people that have criticized
what I'm doing right, that are close to me, that said,
maybe in this early early stages right, because now their
proof is in the pudding. And this is what I'm saying.
By the way, I'm not just saying this just to
say it. I'm saying it from literally literally lived experience,
(22:27):
because now they can't say anything about them. Now their
questions come to me, not about me. They will come
for reference and for help. And this is what's gonna happen.
By the way, when you start to think, right, the
thing that you're scared to do, the stage in your
life you're scared to jump into, the career you're scared
to move into. When you do that thing, there are
a lot of people that will criticize the starting stages
if you rely on their opinions, if you rely on
(22:50):
their statements, if you rely on what they feel, you
will stop and you will hate.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Yourself for it so much.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Further on, there are many people that looked at the
stuff that I was making and said, well, you know,
your quality isn't good, or you should not post this
because of this or whatever. And there are people close
to me, very dear to me, and it was well
mannered or good intent, with good intention. They didn't mean
it from a bad perspective. They thought that they were helping,
But the problem was that their intentions of helping were
trying to stifle the things that I was doing. So
(23:18):
if I had listened to them, I allowed them to
tell me not to do the thing or criticize the
thing I was doing. And if I had taken that
for face value, we wouldn't be where we ought today,
Like I wouldn't be in this perspective where now people
are coming to me with questions because I've made it happen.
What I'm saying with this, what I hope you take
from this, is that when you start, you're going to see.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
A lot of friction.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
You're going to see people that will criticize things that
you're doing or saying, or the style that you're doing
it or whatever. And there are people that are positive
by the way, like they're helping you. But that's when
we need to learn to discern what is help and
what is just pointless. There are tons of times where
people will do these things and say these things, and
if we take that it's face valuable, stop, we will
(24:02):
live in regret because we were never able to be
firm in ourselves enough to not give people power over us,
like to not give people enough authority to make a
stop the thing that we're doing. If you are firming
you and you know that you need to press it
and you'll improve as you go along, but you will
never give people the power to make you feel ashamed
(24:24):
of doing what you're doing. And the beauty is that
this is a long run of practice and repetition that
eventually you'll become so good that people will come to you.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
They'll say, wow, I.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Can't believe you did this, and they'll only see the
positive by the way, they only see the top of
the mountain. They'll never see the work that you put
to get there. They'll see the top and they'll say well, wow,
you got here. Why because your one was a long
time ago. It's not today, it's not later on in
the future. It's today's starting at this very very point.
You've built autonomy over you. Our last few points here
(24:53):
is trained the brain through mindfulness and self compassion. This
is probably the biggest point ever dis mindfulness. Of course,
be mindful of you, but self compassion is so big.
It is the most important thing that you will ever do.
When it comes to emotion. Intelligence is to be able
to look at yourself and give yourself enough mercy and
grace to know that you've made mistakes, that you fell short,
(25:14):
that you messed up, but that you can get up again,
and you will be better, that you will improve. And
it said know that you need to love you too.
That it's not enough just hear people feel loved by
your hear people validated by you being able to say,
I love me enough that I refuse to allow anyone's
opinion of me to dictate how I feel about me
or how I see me. It's loving you enough to
(25:35):
be able to understand that you feel but.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
You do not belong on the ground.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It's loving you enough to say that the things that
you have done in your past, do not dictate the
future that you will live in tomorrow. There are too
many people who have lost compassion for the world, but
even more compassion for themselves. And the reason that they
don't improve and don't grow and don't build the life
that they deserve is because they keep living in the
mistakes that they've made. You're not your mistakes, You're not
(26:00):
your pastor you're not what you've done or has been
done to you. You're not that place that you were in.
You're here now and being able to build self compassion.
It's gonna be the best psychological thing you ever do
for yourself is to treat yourself kindly, is to give
yourself the ability in the space to simply just be.
And so many people are so broken and so hurt
(26:22):
because they don't give themselves that. The question isn't do
you deserve to be loved or be compassionate for or
be forgiven? The question is do you accept it? A
lot of us don't start because we're still beating ourselves
up over anything else in our lives. Like we might
have started the dream that we had and it failed before.
So what happens is that now I don't do it
(26:42):
because I'm afraid of what it's going to look like.
You deserve compassion, not just from other people, but from you,
most importantly from you. You deserve to look at this
and just affirm who you are and know that you
are worth it. Not again, not because of what you've accomplished,
or not because of anything of that nature, but just
because of you. This is who you were made to be.
(27:06):
This is who you are, and a lot of people
have been stuck in that right. We don't allow ourselves
to start what we deserve because we stop thinking what
we deserve. We don't allow ourselves to live in this
beauty of our lives because we've made it the pinnacle
of everything else. Our last point here is just to
(27:28):
build self efficient and efficiency. The small wings first thing
I mentioned right starting the room, starting cleaning the room.
The little thing that you do, it builds up. It
becomes a snowball effect that if you start now, there's
going to be so much bigger, with so much more
impact later on. So our invitation with this one one fallacy,
(27:49):
this mountain of when, is being able to look at
this and not allow it to dictate anything else being
looked at the fact that you have this struggle that
you want, I want to do, this thing, that you have,
this dream that you have, this world you want to
live in, and being able to look at that and say, well,
this thing is not going to be dictated by my fear,
or my past, or my shame or mistakes. But it's
(28:10):
going to be dictated by me, starting now, by me
believing in me enough to do the little thing that
makes this big mountain disappear. The one fallacy is the
greatest line we'll ever believe, because we'll believe that it
will be done when we're ready, when we're confident, when
we love us, when we feel like everything is together,
(28:32):
when we think that our life now makes sense, when
we think even worse, we think we're worth it, because
we have this lie to us that nothing in us
will change until that moment. So something validates me, and
you're already validated. You're already good start. So just thank
you once again for being in this podcast, for listening
(28:53):
and being a part of this. And I'm not sure
if the episode before this one was the W's blew
friend of mine who I think it was. And we
have another couple friends that are going to be joining
in a couple of other episodes, but I do want
to make this an open invitation. If you go to
mad Moore Motivated dot com, you've got that far, there
is a box there and if there are questions or
(29:13):
comments or things that you want to us to discuss
and to just grow over, maybe you just want to
share something with me. One of the greatest things that
I'm so grateful for and people don't realize how grateful
I am. And I can't respond to everyone like DM
and comment and stuff like that because just honestly, I'm
on my phone, but I'm not on my phone that
much so as much as might look like it, right
(29:34):
because I do understand social media trends and stuff like that.
It's just not something I overindulge on. But I do appreciate.
One of my greatest things that I appreciate the most
is that is people sharing their stories and sharing the
testimonies and what this has done for them, and it's
just my favorite, Like it really brings validation to what
we're doing here, even though again speaking into that, even
(29:55):
if I didn't receive that, I'd still be doing it.
But it is very nice to see and I do
love to hear your story. So there's things you want
to share with me, things you want to hear, people
you want to see, things you've gone through. Feel free
to go in that box and just tell me whatever
that is. And yeah, anything you have on there, I'd
(30:16):
love to hear it. And again, the most important part
I guess I have to mention is the usual. Go
give stars and comments and share the episodes, because that's
the way that we actually do get to continue to
do this. So thank you again for listening, thank you
for being president, thank you for being on this episode,
and I hope that today is a day when you
start you just take the leap and make it work.
(30:37):
We'll see you on the next one.
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