July 31, 2025 • 31 mins
You’re not still hurting because you’re weak. You’re hurting because your brain hasn’t closed the loop yet.
In this episode of Made for This Mountain with Joshua Rosa, we dive deep into the healing process, how to stop carrying pain as protection, how to reclaim your voice from silence, and how to transform your wounds into wisdom without letting them define you. If you’ve been waiting on an apology, holding onto hurt, or building walls instead of bridges, this one’s for you.
What Hurt You Doesn’t Have to Hold You: Transforming wounds.
In this episode:
✅ Why trauma stays in the body (based on Dr. Bessel van der Kolk author of the body keeps the score)
✅ How to take radical accountability without taking on the blame
✅ Why hiding hurts more than healing
✅ What it means to re-parent your inner self and break outdated patterns
✅ How betrayal can be a gift and suffering your story
This isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about finally deciding it doesn’t get to hold the pen anymore.
Say it with me: I’m not broken. I’m becoming.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So healing doesn't mean that the problem never existed. It
means that the problem doesn't have authority over you in
your life, like the thing that has been said or
done to you or the thing that you were struggling with.
That thing doesn't have power over what you do next.
And a lot of us struggle with moving on and
growing and being healthy and is moving into the things
that are good for us because we've given so much
authority to what has been said or done to us
(00:21):
that we no longer have that authority ourselves. And the
reality is that you were not made to remain in
your wounds. You were made to strive over them. You
were made to be greater than them. And for a
lot of us, until we identify that, until we come
clean with ourselves, because let's be real, we are not
being honest with us. We kind of just throw it
underneath stuff and just say, you know what, one day,
(00:41):
I'll deal with it, a one day I'll unpack, a
one day something will fix me. And I don't have
to do anything to be fixed. Until you look at
that in the face and identify it and let it go,
you're never going to heal, and you're never gonna actually
be the full version of you, because you're still going
to be stuck on it. This is made for this
mountain with job Trosa or we're turning pain into purpose.
(01:02):
So for these last couple of episodes, we've been talking
about healing and talking about wounds and talking about the
authority that we have over them and the reality that
a lot of us struggle with to heal from this
because we've made homes in our wounds. We made it
hurt our home, and we don't move and change from
these things because it becomes easy to identify ourselves with it.
And there's a lot of people who they're consciously or
(01:24):
subconsciously love the attention that comes with this woundedness. And
this whole small chapter that we're doing, small couple of
episodes that we're talking about wounds. All of these things
come down to one thing. I mean multiple things, but
one basic thing, one thing that we all intrinsically have,
one thing that's natural to us, and it's authority. It's understanding.
(01:46):
Because okay, let's before we dive into the episode, right,
which is we're just connecting everything. If you're listen, if
this is the first episode you're listening, to you should
probably go and listen to the other ones. Not just
saying that because just to get more downloads or listens,
but just because it's it was really important to understand
how we weaved this reality of different type of wounds.
And as we talk about these wounds, there's just one
(02:07):
core reality about this that we struggle with certain things
because our authority has either been taken or our authority
has been given, and we don't heal because it becomes
easier to remain this person that is the victim than
it is the person that is the victor. We have
this mindset, whether again conscious or subconsciously, we have this
mindset where it's easier for us to remain as to
(02:31):
the damsel or a damsel of the stress. What was me,
Look what happened to me? Look what was done to me?
Instead of me saying, well, that thing doesn't define me, like,
instead of me standing up and making it clear and
standing up for who I am. We don't taek authority
over us because we don't believe that. And it's easier
to stay in that victim mindset because it's just so
(02:54):
much easier to not have to fight against the current
and to just be dragged by a lot of us
aren't standing up for ours because it's easier to just
be pulled than it is to fight back. I remember
I had this word and I was praying on and
it's either let go or be dragged. Either you're going
to let go of this thing, or it's gonna drag
you until it's too painful to hold on. Either you're
gonna stay in this thing that's killing you because you
(03:14):
think it's who you are or what you are. You're
gonna stay in this place that wasn't meant to have
authority over you because you are holding on for dear life.
But what's gonna happen is you're gonna get dragged. And
when you're dragged, it's not because it feels good, like
there's no one that's dragged by something and says, oh
that was a fun experience. No, it's actually the worst.
But what happens is that we think that as we're
(03:35):
being dragged that we need to squeeze tighter. So as
we squeeze tighter, we hurt ourselves more. Sometimes it's better
to just let go than to be dragged, than to
understand the thing that you desire to think that you wanted,
the place that you wanted to heal, the place that
you're still in the hurt. It's easier to let that
thing go than it is just to hold on for
dear life, because at the end of the day, the
only person you're hurting, the only person that's not being
(03:57):
healed or release from this is you. The only person
doesn't actually have anything that's going to beneficial from this,
because again, if people are dragging you or if they've
done things so you can put you in these positions,
these places, the only person that's not healing and growing
is not them to you. And until we are able
to identify those wounds, until we're able to identify that
mountain that we're stuck in and face it and declear
(04:19):
that you're no longer captive to it, you'll consistently go
back to it. And episodes before and in the couple
episodes that we talked in this small, little serious sub
series that we're doing about wounds, we spoke about being
able to name the mountain right, the authority that you
have by being able to say, Hey, this is the
thing that is hurting me, this is the thing that's
killing me, and this is the thing that I'm no
(04:40):
longer going to give power to. This is the thing
that no longer has authority over my life. This is
the thing that was said to me, that was done
to me, this place that I've made was made feel less,
this abandonment issue, this parental whatever it is. When we're
able to identify that thing, I'm not saying that it
just magically goes away. It's not like a magic pill
that just heals everything. But it is easier to heal
(05:01):
from something you know than something you're avoiding. It is
easier to say that this was the person or the
thing or the object of your life and just struggle
that you were in. It's easier to heal and grow
from that thing when you've made it a point to
address it. And a lot of people are struggling with
things that they know they might they might have a
sense of, but don't know where it comes from because
(05:23):
they've never been able to identify it. In this episode
that we talk about the reality of letting go of
the things that were hurting, like what hurt you doesn't
have a hold over you. We first have to be
able to be real with ourselves, Like if we can't
be real with us. We can't expect anyone else to
be real with us. We can't expect anything else to
flourish from that. We have to be real with the
reality that I need to address this thing and this
(05:46):
thing that shouldn't have power over me. If I don't
identify it, if it's hidden, it's impossible for me to
name it. So we're talking about transforming wounds. And again,
there's a lot to this. It's not like a Again,
it's not like tomorrow you're gonna wake up and everything's
gonna be perfect and you're gonna be able to help
and grow and move things because you were able to
(06:08):
transform and identify this wound. But knowing that there's something
that you've gone through, that there's something the perspective that
you can offer, because I think this is one of
the best things I've seen. So just before we dive
into this episode, just like another another little little tidbit here.
One thing that I've see often and one thing that
I love is that through these platforms, right like through
(06:30):
the social media stuff that I've had. If if you're
coming from like one of those like TikTok or Instagram
or even YouTube, one of the things that I'm just
so grateful for is seeing other people help other people,
because obviously it's hard for anyone, for me specifically though,
to be able to keep up with like all comments
and and dms all these things. It's it's difficult to task.
(06:51):
But it's so beautiful when you see other people console
and walk and help and relate to other people. Why
Because it helps us understand that I'm not the only
person that I might think my problem is unique to me,
and it might be. There might be some circumstances in
your problem that are special and unique to you, but
they're not the only ones that You're not the only
one that's going through, where they're not only your problems
(07:11):
something other people are going through. Being able to identify
that and see that it's one of the most beautiful
things We're gonna dive into this episode right after this
quick commercial break. You're not still hurting because you're weak.
You're hurting because you're holding on to what you felt before,
and your brain hasn't closed that loop out. It hasn't
finished this reality, this thought, this pattern that it was
(07:34):
going through. It hasn't made this thing stop. There's a
book called The Body Keeps the score a doctor Bason,
and it's an amazing book because it shows that that
trauma shows itself in our body, especially when it's unresolved
emotional pain. It's stored it and it's not just memory,
it's literally physically stored in your body, and your body's
nervous system has to process this, and any wound has
(07:56):
to go through this process of being healed out. But
like we were talking, but in this episode, the beginning of it,
we need to be able to identify those things for
us to be able to heal from them. You will
never be able to heal or treat a wound that
you don't know where it is. If you can't identify
the root of this thing, where it tappening, where you're
bleeding from it's like any anything, or if you're in
the hospital, if you we're just hurting your an accident
(08:16):
and there's bleeding, if you can't identify where the bleeding is,
you'll never be able to stop it. If you can't say,
this is what was said or done to me, and
this is why I'm dealing with these things, you'll never
be able to address those things. You never be able
to change it. When we process things we either sort
it out of our lives, like we get rid of it,
or we hide it somewhere that we try to hide
(08:38):
it from ourselves. Like it's either we process the things
that have been said or done to us. Either we
work through it, either we heal, either we go to therapy,
or we find people that we can process it. And
sometimes unfortunately we have to heal alone. It's either we
do that or we hide it. And that same concept
of the body keeps the score is that book, which
(08:58):
again is an amazing book, even if you just listen
to the audio book. It's such a great thing to
know and to understand because it shows up in your
body differently. And I mentioned this before in different episodes,
and this is where it comes from. Right, that's stuff
like cortosol. Right, the cortisols is a stressure hormone that
when it's elevated, when you're like very anxious or scared
or all these things, this hormone that's released in your body.
(09:21):
But what happens when this cortisol levels out, it actually
stores in your body as fat. So one big thing
if you want to lose weight, I mean maybe this
is me thing stressor hormones actually store in our body
physically in a different compartment, So what stops it from
staying anywhere else in your body? The reason that a
(09:41):
lot of us are afraid of certain things is not
even because we are mentally conscious of it. It's because
our bodies are reactive to it. Example, trauma, Right, Often
there's trauma that we might not even be able to
identify with our own thought pattern, but our bodies identify
through either smell or or a recognition of a feeling
(10:01):
or an emotion of something that you're not even conscious of.
This is why people have things like panic attacks, right.
They're not aware of the root of it, but there's
something that correlated with the trauma response that your body identified.
So when your body was able to identify that, it
responded in that notion. And this is the beauty of
being able to read books like this and diving into
things like this because it helps you understand you. Now,
(10:22):
I'm by no meanings I'm an expert, right, I'm knowing
that has any more authority than anyone that's listening, because
you have the power to learn and to grow in
these things. But I think that the use of learning
these things it's not yes. I mean yes for me
in this situation and the conversations that I have is
yes to walk and help people, just give ideas and
help people think. But I think we should all have
(10:43):
this notion understanding ourselves because it's easier to deal with
it personally than it is to just store it away
and hide it. If you know why you're responding to
certain things, what's triggering you, why you are, the emotions
that you're feeling, why you are the way you are.
When you're able to identify those things for yourself without
(11:03):
anyone else having to tell you, you're able to heal
and grow, You're able to change when you need, You're
able to address accordingly. But for a lot of us,
we don't identify the wound, and we just hide it
because we don't want to do the work to heal. Again,
I never want to make anyone feel like they're not
doing their part. But this is a personal question, right,
(11:26):
because if you're making the effort, if you're doing the work,
then great, keep pushing because at some point that levee
has to break, right, that wall has to come down.
I can't it will, it will not withstand consistency. The
one thing that will change everything in life is consistency.
Being able to look at that wound and identify it
and know where it comes from and continue to press
into it. If you are aware of it, that is
(11:47):
the most powerful thing you will ever do. You are
you'll look at that thing that was meant to kill
you and say, man, you are a good part of
this story, and you don't give it the authority to
continue to have that. And if you don't know, if
you're not aware, if you've just don't know that this
thing is present, then being able to identify that, being
able to finally know and name it is the only
way that you're ever going to control it. Because if
(12:09):
it's running rampant, it's because we haven't stopped it. And again,
it's not to make anyone feel like they're not doing anything,
but we can't say that we refuse to heal, that
we won't heal, and we refuse to do the work
that's required from it. It's a huge reality that for
a lot of us, we desire for these things just
go away, or for the people that did this to
(12:30):
us to be the ones that apologize to us. So
we need to stop waiting for an apology. Stop waiting
for them to acknowledge their part. You. Your wound may
be not it might not be your fault, it might
not be something you did, but your healing is absolutely
your responsibility. The things that you do next, those are
the things that you have to work on and heal.
And because no one is going to do that for you.
(12:52):
There's again I love tying in theories and books and
all these things. It's something called the locust theory, the
locus of control theory, and it shows that those who
take ownership, even in small ways, have significantly higher emotional intelligence.
So that locust control theory. If you take control of
the thing, if you identify the thing and you take
(13:13):
responsibility for it, whether it was something that was said
to you or done to you, or something you did
or something you said. When you take authority over that
thing that happened again, or you take ownership over your
flaws and your mistakes, you actually grow, You actually heal,
you actually become significantly better. Why because you've identified something
and you didn't let that thing run rampant. You stopped
(13:36):
it in its tracks. And again, maybe it was your mistake,
maybe something you did, but you saw it. You looked
at it, you analyze it, and you grew from it.
You didn't remain under it. A lot of people don't
heal and don't grow because they've allowed the things that
have been said or done to them are things that
they have said are done to be the end all
be all. They have made it the authority of everything,
and they wonder why they're struggling because of of course,
(13:58):
you're not going to grow, you're trying to avoid the difficulty.
The one thing that I've learned over life is that
for a lot of us, it's so much easier to
point the finger at other people than it is to
understand that I have to change and I have to
work on myself, and there's no one that's perfect. I'm
far from it. But I think the authority of knowing
(14:20):
that you have authority to correct your mistakes, you also
have authority to not allow things to continue. You have
authority to choose, and not just like things that you do,
because yes, that's one of them, but also things that
are said or done to you. You have the authority
to tell people that you do not belong in this
position and remove them from it and stop hiding behind
(14:40):
the notion of wanting people around, or wanting yourself to
be a certain way, or wanting to hide from the
things that have happened, the wounds that have happened to you.
It's so much easier to let those things just be,
but it's so much more powerful when you identify those
things and don't let those things control you. The reality
is that most people won't take accountability for their side
(15:02):
of the mess, and it's like the reality is that
the longer that you wait for them to do it,
the longer that you're hurting your own healing. The longer
you wait for somebody else to be accountable for what
they did is the longer it's going to take for
you to heal from the thing that has happened. And
accountability that it means acknowledging your flaws. It means the
knowledge and your a part in it. It doesn't mean
that you were wrong, doesn't mean you have to take
all the blame and all the heat, but it's acknowledging
(15:24):
that there's something in you that you can heal and
grow from, and that you don't have to wait for
somebody else to apologize. You don't have to wait for
them to finally acknowledge their mistakes. It's just knowing, Hey,
this is what I did, This was my part in this,
and I'm gonna take that right. I'm going to take
my part of this and work and heal from it.
It's knowing that you are imperfect. And I think knowing
(15:46):
that you are imperfect is one of the biggest gifts. Ever.
It doesn't. I'm not saying that it justifies like consistently
messing up and making mistakes and following all the time.
I need to understand that I'm not justifying like your
sins like to do the craziest things in this world.
But is to understand that you are not perfect and
you'll never be. And it's okay to not be perfect.
(16:06):
It's okay to let go of things that are just unrealistic.
You won't hit a home run every single time. You
don't have to have every single day be perfect. You
are not perfect. And the more you realize this, the
more you accept this, the more you realize that we
have to be accountable for the things we do. Yes,
but we also have to give ourselves enough space and
grace to realize that we are human and we're going
(16:28):
to make mistakes and the worst thing we could ever
do is dwell on the thing that's already happened, because
if you dwell on those things, you're creating something that's
not even there. The reality is that you don't actually
remember things right. You remember how a memory felt, You
don't remember the actual thing. You remember the memory of
a memory. So we are creating this narrative in our
brains is actually hurting us and killing us in the
(16:50):
long run, because we think that we need to have
it all perfect, that we have to have it all
figured out again. I'm not saying go around and be
a hot mess every hey, but I am saying that
you have to give yourself enough grace to know that
you are not perfect. Than any person that thinks that
they're perfect is the epitome of a problem because they
are not perfect, and they'll be so quick to talk
(17:11):
about you and judge you, but they themselves are flawed
and broken. So we have to stop allowing ourselves to
sit in this thought that we need to be perfect,
and stop allowing yourself to think that anyone else's judgment
over you is cast it higher than you because they
themselves are flawed. There is not a single human on
this earth that is perfect, So being able to identify
(17:32):
that and identify the wound, and taking accountability for your
portion of the things that you have said or done,
because again you're not perfect. You're going to be a
part of something. But being able to identify that, being
able to say that this thing is a wound or
something that's happened to me, and I know that I
have some portion of it, but I allow this to
(17:53):
be released. I understand what I did. I identify it,
I grew from it. I understand what was done to me.
I identified it and grew from it, and not need
to have everything exactly perfectly figured out. That's the beauty
of life. Actually, the beauty of life is that everything
is so flawed, everything is so lost and broken, and
the only thing that ever brings us fullness is for
(18:14):
of course God, but that reality that we need to
hold on to. That like nothing else in this world
is perfect, nothing else is together, nothing else is exact,
and you don't have to be. There's so much beauty
in the flaws, there's so much beauty in the broken,
and there's so much beauty in that because this is
reality that there is no cookie cutter away, that none
(18:35):
of us have it all together, and when we hold
ourselves at a higher esteem of everyone else, we're only
hurting ourselves again. Again. I'm just I don't want to
say I'm not justifying bad actions or stupidity. I'm not
saying go out in like rob banks and stuff like. Okay,
that's choice. You're making some bad decisions, but knowing that
there is no such thing as absolute perfection, that you
(18:57):
are going to make mistakes. But the trick is not
just knowing you're gonna make mistakes, is being accountable for
the moment that you made those things, saying I messed
up here? How can I rectify that? That's real emotional growth,
That's real emotional maturity. It's actually the growth of everything else.
Because everything in your life will benefit from your accountability.
(19:19):
Everything you do next, every job, every fitness journey, every career, everything,
everything you do next will benefit from your radical accountability.
And if you're radically accountable, it's not that you are
better than anyone else, but you'll be able to see
and identify things in a different way because you know
that you don't have everything figured out, but you're accountable
(19:42):
for it. And we'll talk a little bit more after
this quick commercial break. You can't turn pain into purpose
until you stop using it as a protection. You're not
building a life, you're building walls. And we need to
change this reality. We need to stop living behind the
thought that my pain has controlled me for so long
that it's become a hindrance. It doesn't allow me to
(20:02):
move into the next thing. The things that have been
done to you should not be the things that you
remain under. The places that you have been, the words,
the bad feelings, that the ridicule, those things should not
be the thing that you have created a jail selling
because we're not using it for purpose, We're using it
for protection. We're not allowing ourselves to be heard again.
(20:22):
We think that if I avoid and sabotage and destroying
that I will never feel the pain that I felt before.
But here's the reality that you will also not feel
the healing and the love and the freedom that comes
out of it. It's impossible for you to be the full,
loved and full you outside of the fully vulnerable you.
If you are consistently behind these laws, you're not creating
(20:42):
walls to protect yourself, You're creating a jail cell to
keep you in and there's nothing good that grows in there.
There's no thing in this place that you are forcing
yourself because you think that your healing you're protecting is
going to be happening there, and you think that that
that's the place that's going to happen. All you're doing
is creating a barrier from everything else. And we can't
(21:05):
healing these places. Our defense mechanisms is like it's it's
it's emotionally numbing, right, it's a it's our need for
perfectionism and to have everything in order to protect us.
We think that's reliving our pain, we'relieving our pains, but
it's not. It's just creating this wall against everything else.
(21:25):
And I see it so often where people will blame
what's been done to them in their past and say, well, no,
you know, one day someone said this to me and
this is what I've believed and this is who I am.
But I need you to hear that out loud, like
hear what that sounds like someone said, And someone did,
so you became. You allowed the words of someone else,
You allow the things that other people have said to you.
(21:45):
You've allowed those things to have more authority over your life.
Than your own word. You've allowed that thing to be
the wall between your healing, this mountain that you're stuck in,
This growth that needs to come from that only comes
from you realizing that these people who have said or
done and I'm not again, I'm not minimizing the level
of hurt that comes from these things. I'm not saying
(22:08):
it doesn't hurt, it doesn't suck. I am saying, however,
that it should not have more power over you than
you do. It should not have more authority over you
than you have, because we continue to stay in things
that don't serve us, that aren't good for us, because
we think that those things have more authority over us.
And you will never grow or heal from that. Some
(22:28):
people refuse to heal because their wounds have become their character.
It's easier to blame what it's happened than it is
to look at it in the face to identify. It's
easier to say that was done and that's why I
am and I became this because of that. Again, that
authority that that word trouve allowed that thing to be.
(22:48):
You've given that power. I need you to not allow
the bitterness of this world to make you cold, like
I need you to not allow the things that have
been said or done to you to be the authority
over your life. That you've made that thing into your
protection instead of living in your purpose. You made the hurt,
the woundedness, this thing that you hide behind, and not
(23:09):
the thing that you are on top of. I need
to not let the coldness of this world make you cold,
because you're letting it rob you of this beauty that's
in you, this love that you're deshired to give, this
this thing that is perfect and beautiful because it's fully you.
And you're allowing this thing to rob you of just
(23:29):
the happiest version of you, because you've given it more
authority than you've given yourself, because you think that this
thing is your character, because you think that this trauma
is who you are, and it's not. It's a lie.
We've made ourselves bitter, cold and jaded because we've allowed
the world to dictate our warmth. Stop allowing this lie
(23:54):
to rob you of it. The reality is that we
will continue to say that, and we're doing the opposite
of healing, right Because the opposite of healing isn't hurting,
it's hiding. It's silence doesn't protect you, It prolongs the wound.
I need you to hear that that the opposite of
healing isn't hurting, it's hiding. And the silence doesn't protect you,
(24:15):
it prolongs the wound. This thing that you have remained
in is not allowing you to move. You haven't spoken,
you haven't been vocal into it. So you haven't spoken
into that thing. You haven't allowed it. You haven't spoken
into the reality of who you are, have allowed yourself
to be full of you. So what happens is that
this wound is prolonging, it's remaining because you haven't scared
(24:37):
it away. You haven't become the best version of you,
so it stays in the room. And for a lot
of us, we don't speak into these things because we
don't think we have authority. I feel like that has
been the underlying word. And if this is the only
thing you take from this episode that you have authority, yes,
over the people in your life, you have authority over yourself,
(24:58):
but you have authority your wounds. And it's again, I'll
reiterate this, It's not a right away thing. It's not
fixed overnight, and I am not minimizing any one's hurt
in the new one's pain. But I need you to
understand that what you continually speak into will eventually change
the thing that you are speaking into, the problem, the wound,
(25:20):
the hurt. Yes, right now, it might be difficult, but
you are telling yourself. You're telling your brain because your
brain doesn't know the difference. Right. Your brain was just
made to repeat sloops. It was made to protect you.
It was made to be simple. It wasn't made to
be complex. Of what you say consistently, it believes. So
if you believe that you are your woundedness, if you
believe that you are what was done to you, if
you believe that that is who you are, then that's
(25:41):
who you will be. But if you tell it every
single time that lie comes up, every single time you're
afraid to take the next step, every time that an
opportunity comes up, and your wound is still there, if
you speak to it, it minimizes. It does. I'm not
saying it goes away right away, but I am saying
that minimizes. We don't make monsters and yelling. We make
(26:03):
them in the silence the thing we are afraid to
speak into or about gains its own lore, its own story,
It gains its own power, because again, the opposite of
healing isn't hurting, it's hiding. And silence doesn't protect you.
It just prolongs it. It doesn't change the reality of
what this thing is because I didn't speak into it.
If I ignored it, it didn't go away. If I spoke
(26:26):
into it, if I grew and I healed from it,
then that thing no longer has power. That thing that
I was hiding behind, that that I was thinking was
protecting me, now becomes something of purpose. And it's a
catalyss into this next stage of who you are. What
we don't heal, we become. You're not broken, you're not stuck.
(26:47):
You're just staying in something that makes you believe, that
wants you to think that you're attached, that you're there,
that you're attached to this thing. And we see this
so much in different attachment styles, and we're not going
to dive super deep into this. I feel like there's
something so many people talk about but as attachment theory,
right where we have different ways of dating or relating
(27:07):
to people, different patterns and different ways of connecting, and
a lot of This comes from unresolved and unhealed trauma
and unhealed wounds, and for a lot of us, we
haven't identified certain things, so we don't allow ourselves to
be connected. Okay, world, quick, I said we were going to,
but just a quick example for the last couplements we
have here, something like attachment, anxious attachment. Right, a person
(27:29):
who was overly anxious about the relationship. They are over
zealous and overpushing because they're afraid of rejection. So what
happens is that they end up creating that rejection by
being too much, by being extra and whatever that wound is,
it could be rooted in very different things. But if
we don't identify where it came from, we'll continue to
repeat what we did. We'll continue to go back into
(27:51):
that because we we aren't secure in us, we aren't
fooled in us, and we don't allow ourselves to change
from it. So our last point here before we wrap
this episode up, is if it didn't kill you, it
taught you and what new limits look like, and even further,
what you will and won't allow in the future. And
I think that's the biggest portion of this because if
(28:14):
you identify these things and you heal, you grow from it.
You won't allow people to treat you the same way.
You won't allow people to get away with things that
got away with you. Won't allow people authority over your
life that don't deserve authority over your life. You won't
allow people to walk over you. Your suffering will be
your story, and it will be the best part of it.
The thing that was meant to kill you would be
the best part of the whole story. Sometimes the trash
(28:35):
takes itself out. I need you to understand that when
you identify this, people will leave because the people that
were taking advantage that were that you're healing costs them something.
They will have to leave because they don't fit in
this world anymore. And it's the greatest gift you ever receive.
The people that don't support, and don't serve, and don't
(28:58):
love and don't grow with you in those things, they
will remove themselves and you will be freed from that lie.
So if we don't identify the wound, if we don't
know its name, we don't know where it came from,
we don't sit to do the work. We can't expect
to heal, We can't expect to be the best version
of us because we haven't done anything for it. We
haven't actually grown. And the beauty is that that saying
(29:23):
is true. It doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. In
some cases, it just really hurts. It hurts to heal
from it. It hurts to identify. It hurts that it happened.
But it either hurts that it happened and you remain
in the hurt, or hurts that it happened and you
grow and heal and become something so much better from it.
We have to identify that wood if we want to
(29:43):
transform it. We can never become what we are made
to become if we remain in the things that were
done to us and not the things that we actually are.
So in this couple of episodes that we talked about
wounds and we talked about healing, and we identify these things,
I think the most prevallege thing that we need to
understand is that word authority. That you have authority over
(30:04):
what's said, over what's done, over what's going to be said,
over what's going to be done, and know that where
you give power to power overmain In our next episode,
we'll probably talk just a little bit to kind of
be a little bit in there, but we're talking more
about if it's what's meant for you, that whole thing,
if it's meant for you, we'll dive into that and
(30:25):
we'll give too much away. But there are certain things
that we don't allow ourselves to live in because we
remain in things that we have already lived in and
we can't be in the next thing staying in that
current thing. So thank you for being a part of
this episode. I really hope that there's something beneficial in
this at least and listen to all series for anyone
that's listening, And I really hope that you guys are
(30:47):
sharing these episodes. Are they really really hope that someone
outside I mean, yes, you you who are listening. You
are so important, But there are also people that might
just need just that little bit of encouragement. I really
hope that they receive it. So I hope you go
out and just be amazing and thank you for being here,
thank you for listening, and we'll see you on the
next one.
So healing doesn't mean that the problem never existed. It
means that the problem doesn't have authority over you in
your life, like the thing that has been said or
done to you or the thing that you were struggling with.
That thing doesn't have power over what you do next.
And a lot of us struggle with moving on and
growing and being healthy and is moving into the things
that are good for us because we've given so much
authority to what has been said or done to us
(00:21):
that we no longer have that authority ourselves. And the
reality is that you were not made to remain in
your wounds. You were made to strive over them. You
were made to be greater than them. And for a
lot of us, until we identify that, until we come
clean with ourselves, because let's be real, we are not
being honest with us. We kind of just throw it
underneath stuff and just say, you know what, one day,
(00:41):
I'll deal with it, a one day I'll unpack, a
one day something will fix me. And I don't have
to do anything to be fixed. Until you look at
that in the face and identify it and let it go,
you're never going to heal, and you're never gonna actually
be the full version of you, because you're still going
to be stuck on it. This is made for this
mountain with job Trosa or we're turning pain into purpose.
(01:02):
So for these last couple of episodes, we've been talking
about healing and talking about wounds and talking about the
authority that we have over them and the reality that
a lot of us struggle with to heal from this
because we've made homes in our wounds. We made it
hurt our home, and we don't move and change from
these things because it becomes easy to identify ourselves with it.
And there's a lot of people who they're consciously or
(01:24):
subconsciously love the attention that comes with this woundedness. And
this whole small chapter that we're doing, small couple of
episodes that we're talking about wounds. All of these things
come down to one thing. I mean multiple things, but
one basic thing, one thing that we all intrinsically have,
one thing that's natural to us, and it's authority. It's understanding.
(01:46):
Because okay, let's before we dive into the episode, right,
which is we're just connecting everything. If you're listen, if
this is the first episode you're listening, to you should
probably go and listen to the other ones. Not just
saying that because just to get more downloads or listens,
but just because it's it was really important to understand
how we weaved this reality of different type of wounds.
And as we talk about these wounds, there's just one
(02:07):
core reality about this that we struggle with certain things
because our authority has either been taken or our authority
has been given, and we don't heal because it becomes
easier to remain this person that is the victim than
it is the person that is the victor. We have
this mindset, whether again conscious or subconsciously, we have this
mindset where it's easier for us to remain as to
(02:31):
the damsel or a damsel of the stress. What was me,
Look what happened to me? Look what was done to me?
Instead of me saying, well, that thing doesn't define me, like,
instead of me standing up and making it clear and
standing up for who I am. We don't taek authority
over us because we don't believe that. And it's easier
to stay in that victim mindset because it's just so
(02:54):
much easier to not have to fight against the current
and to just be dragged by a lot of us
aren't standing up for ours because it's easier to just
be pulled than it is to fight back. I remember
I had this word and I was praying on and
it's either let go or be dragged. Either you're going
to let go of this thing, or it's gonna drag
you until it's too painful to hold on. Either you're
gonna stay in this thing that's killing you because you
(03:14):
think it's who you are or what you are. You're
gonna stay in this place that wasn't meant to have
authority over you because you are holding on for dear life.
But what's gonna happen is you're gonna get dragged. And
when you're dragged, it's not because it feels good, like
there's no one that's dragged by something and says, oh
that was a fun experience. No, it's actually the worst.
But what happens is that we think that as we're
(03:35):
being dragged that we need to squeeze tighter. So as
we squeeze tighter, we hurt ourselves more. Sometimes it's better
to just let go than to be dragged, than to
understand the thing that you desire to think that you wanted,
the place that you wanted to heal, the place that
you're still in the hurt. It's easier to let that
thing go than it is just to hold on for
dear life, because at the end of the day, the
only person you're hurting, the only person that's not being
(03:57):
healed or release from this is you. The only person
doesn't actually have anything that's going to beneficial from this,
because again, if people are dragging you or if they've
done things so you can put you in these positions,
these places, the only person that's not healing and growing
is not them to you. And until we are able
to identify those wounds, until we're able to identify that
mountain that we're stuck in and face it and declear
(04:19):
that you're no longer captive to it, you'll consistently go
back to it. And episodes before and in the couple
episodes that we talked in this small, little serious sub
series that we're doing about wounds, we spoke about being
able to name the mountain right, the authority that you
have by being able to say, Hey, this is the
thing that is hurting me, this is the thing that's
killing me, and this is the thing that I'm no
(04:40):
longer going to give power to. This is the thing
that no longer has authority over my life. This is
the thing that was said to me, that was done
to me, this place that I've made was made feel less,
this abandonment issue, this parental whatever it is. When we're
able to identify that thing, I'm not saying that it
just magically goes away. It's not like a magic pill
that just heals everything. But it is easier to heal
(05:01):
from something you know than something you're avoiding. It is
easier to say that this was the person or the
thing or the object of your life and just struggle
that you were in. It's easier to heal and grow
from that thing when you've made it a point to
address it. And a lot of people are struggling with
things that they know they might they might have a
sense of, but don't know where it comes from because
(05:23):
they've never been able to identify it. In this episode
that we talk about the reality of letting go of
the things that were hurting, like what hurt you doesn't
have a hold over you. We first have to be
able to be real with ourselves, Like if we can't
be real with us. We can't expect anyone else to
be real with us. We can't expect anything else to
flourish from that. We have to be real with the
reality that I need to address this thing and this
(05:46):
thing that shouldn't have power over me. If I don't
identify it, if it's hidden, it's impossible for me to
name it. So we're talking about transforming wounds. And again,
there's a lot to this. It's not like a Again,
it's not like tomorrow you're gonna wake up and everything's
gonna be perfect and you're gonna be able to help
and grow and move things because you were able to
(06:08):
transform and identify this wound. But knowing that there's something
that you've gone through, that there's something the perspective that
you can offer, because I think this is one of
the best things I've seen. So just before we dive
into this episode, just like another another little little tidbit here.
One thing that I've see often and one thing that
I love is that through these platforms, right like through
(06:30):
the social media stuff that I've had. If if you're
coming from like one of those like TikTok or Instagram
or even YouTube, one of the things that I'm just
so grateful for is seeing other people help other people,
because obviously it's hard for anyone, for me specifically though,
to be able to keep up with like all comments
and and dms all these things. It's it's difficult to task.
(06:51):
But it's so beautiful when you see other people console
and walk and help and relate to other people. Why
Because it helps us understand that I'm not the only
person that I might think my problem is unique to me,
and it might be. There might be some circumstances in
your problem that are special and unique to you, but
they're not the only ones that You're not the only
one that's going through, where they're not only your problems
(07:11):
something other people are going through. Being able to identify
that and see that it's one of the most beautiful
things We're gonna dive into this episode right after this
quick commercial break. You're not still hurting because you're weak.
You're hurting because you're holding on to what you felt before,
and your brain hasn't closed that loop out. It hasn't
finished this reality, this thought, this pattern that it was
(07:34):
going through. It hasn't made this thing stop. There's a
book called The Body Keeps the score a doctor Bason,
and it's an amazing book because it shows that that
trauma shows itself in our body, especially when it's unresolved
emotional pain. It's stored it and it's not just memory,
it's literally physically stored in your body, and your body's
nervous system has to process this, and any wound has
(07:56):
to go through this process of being healed out. But
like we were talking, but in this episode, the beginning of it,
we need to be able to identify those things for
us to be able to heal from them. You will
never be able to heal or treat a wound that
you don't know where it is. If you can't identify
the root of this thing, where it tappening, where you're
bleeding from it's like any anything, or if you're in
the hospital, if you we're just hurting your an accident
(08:16):
and there's bleeding, if you can't identify where the bleeding is,
you'll never be able to stop it. If you can't say,
this is what was said or done to me, and
this is why I'm dealing with these things, you'll never
be able to address those things. You never be able
to change it. When we process things we either sort
it out of our lives, like we get rid of it,
or we hide it somewhere that we try to hide
(08:38):
it from ourselves. Like it's either we process the things
that have been said or done to us. Either we
work through it, either we heal, either we go to therapy,
or we find people that we can process it. And
sometimes unfortunately we have to heal alone. It's either we
do that or we hide it. And that same concept
of the body keeps the score is that book, which
(08:58):
again is an amazing book, even if you just listen
to the audio book. It's such a great thing to
know and to understand because it shows up in your
body differently. And I mentioned this before in different episodes,
and this is where it comes from. Right, that's stuff
like cortosol. Right, the cortisols is a stressure hormone that
when it's elevated, when you're like very anxious or scared
or all these things, this hormone that's released in your body.
(09:21):
But what happens when this cortisol levels out, it actually
stores in your body as fat. So one big thing
if you want to lose weight, I mean maybe this
is me thing stressor hormones actually store in our body
physically in a different compartment, So what stops it from
staying anywhere else in your body? The reason that a
(09:41):
lot of us are afraid of certain things is not
even because we are mentally conscious of it. It's because
our bodies are reactive to it. Example, trauma, Right, Often
there's trauma that we might not even be able to
identify with our own thought pattern, but our bodies identify
through either smell or or a recognition of a feeling
(10:01):
or an emotion of something that you're not even conscious of.
This is why people have things like panic attacks, right.
They're not aware of the root of it, but there's
something that correlated with the trauma response that your body identified.
So when your body was able to identify that, it
responded in that notion. And this is the beauty of
being able to read books like this and diving into
things like this because it helps you understand you. Now,
(10:22):
I'm by no meanings I'm an expert, right, I'm knowing
that has any more authority than anyone that's listening, because
you have the power to learn and to grow in
these things. But I think that the use of learning
these things it's not yes. I mean yes for me
in this situation and the conversations that I have is
yes to walk and help people, just give ideas and
help people think. But I think we should all have
(10:43):
this notion understanding ourselves because it's easier to deal with
it personally than it is to just store it away
and hide it. If you know why you're responding to
certain things, what's triggering you, why you are, the emotions
that you're feeling, why you are the way you are.
When you're able to identify those things for yourself without
(11:03):
anyone else having to tell you, you're able to heal
and grow, You're able to change when you need, You're
able to address accordingly. But for a lot of us,
we don't identify the wound, and we just hide it
because we don't want to do the work to heal. Again,
I never want to make anyone feel like they're not
doing their part. But this is a personal question, right,
(11:26):
because if you're making the effort, if you're doing the work,
then great, keep pushing because at some point that levee
has to break, right, that wall has to come down.
I can't it will, it will not withstand consistency. The
one thing that will change everything in life is consistency.
Being able to look at that wound and identify it
and know where it comes from and continue to press
into it. If you are aware of it, that is
(11:47):
the most powerful thing you will ever do. You are
you'll look at that thing that was meant to kill
you and say, man, you are a good part of
this story, and you don't give it the authority to
continue to have that. And if you don't know, if
you're not aware, if you've just don't know that this
thing is present, then being able to identify that, being
able to finally know and name it is the only
way that you're ever going to control it. Because if
(12:09):
it's running rampant, it's because we haven't stopped it. And again,
it's not to make anyone feel like they're not doing anything,
but we can't say that we refuse to heal, that
we won't heal, and we refuse to do the work
that's required from it. It's a huge reality that for
a lot of us, we desire for these things just
go away, or for the people that did this to
(12:30):
us to be the ones that apologize to us. So
we need to stop waiting for an apology. Stop waiting
for them to acknowledge their part. You. Your wound may
be not it might not be your fault, it might
not be something you did, but your healing is absolutely
your responsibility. The things that you do next, those are
the things that you have to work on and heal.
And because no one is going to do that for you.
(12:52):
There's again I love tying in theories and books and
all these things. It's something called the locust theory, the
locus of control theory, and it shows that those who
take ownership, even in small ways, have significantly higher emotional intelligence.
So that locust control theory. If you take control of
the thing, if you identify the thing and you take
(13:13):
responsibility for it, whether it was something that was said
to you or done to you, or something you did
or something you said. When you take authority over that
thing that happened again, or you take ownership over your
flaws and your mistakes, you actually grow, You actually heal,
you actually become significantly better. Why because you've identified something
and you didn't let that thing run rampant. You stopped
(13:36):
it in its tracks. And again, maybe it was your mistake,
maybe something you did, but you saw it. You looked
at it, you analyze it, and you grew from it.
You didn't remain under it. A lot of people don't
heal and don't grow because they've allowed the things that
have been said or done to them are things that
they have said are done to be the end all
be all. They have made it the authority of everything,
and they wonder why they're struggling because of of course,
(13:58):
you're not going to grow, you're trying to avoid the difficulty.
The one thing that I've learned over life is that
for a lot of us, it's so much easier to
point the finger at other people than it is to
understand that I have to change and I have to
work on myself, and there's no one that's perfect. I'm
far from it. But I think the authority of knowing
(14:20):
that you have authority to correct your mistakes, you also
have authority to not allow things to continue. You have
authority to choose, and not just like things that you do,
because yes, that's one of them, but also things that
are said or done to you. You have the authority
to tell people that you do not belong in this
position and remove them from it and stop hiding behind
(14:40):
the notion of wanting people around, or wanting yourself to
be a certain way, or wanting to hide from the
things that have happened, the wounds that have happened to you.
It's so much easier to let those things just be,
but it's so much more powerful when you identify those
things and don't let those things control you. The reality
is that most people won't take accountability for their side
(15:02):
of the mess, and it's like the reality is that
the longer that you wait for them to do it,
the longer that you're hurting your own healing. The longer
you wait for somebody else to be accountable for what
they did is the longer it's going to take for
you to heal from the thing that has happened. And
accountability that it means acknowledging your flaws. It means the
knowledge and your a part in it. It doesn't mean
that you were wrong, doesn't mean you have to take
all the blame and all the heat, but it's acknowledging
(15:24):
that there's something in you that you can heal and
grow from, and that you don't have to wait for
somebody else to apologize. You don't have to wait for
them to finally acknowledge their mistakes. It's just knowing, Hey,
this is what I did, This was my part in this,
and I'm gonna take that right. I'm going to take
my part of this and work and heal from it.
It's knowing that you are imperfect. And I think knowing
(15:46):
that you are imperfect is one of the biggest gifts. Ever.
It doesn't. I'm not saying that it justifies like consistently
messing up and making mistakes and following all the time.
I need to understand that I'm not justifying like your
sins like to do the craziest things in this world.
But is to understand that you are not perfect and
you'll never be. And it's okay to not be perfect.
(16:06):
It's okay to let go of things that are just unrealistic.
You won't hit a home run every single time. You
don't have to have every single day be perfect. You
are not perfect. And the more you realize this, the
more you accept this, the more you realize that we
have to be accountable for the things we do. Yes,
but we also have to give ourselves enough space and
grace to realize that we are human and we're going
(16:28):
to make mistakes and the worst thing we could ever
do is dwell on the thing that's already happened, because
if you dwell on those things, you're creating something that's
not even there. The reality is that you don't actually
remember things right. You remember how a memory felt, You
don't remember the actual thing. You remember the memory of
a memory. So we are creating this narrative in our
brains is actually hurting us and killing us in the
(16:50):
long run, because we think that we need to have
it all perfect, that we have to have it all
figured out again. I'm not saying go around and be
a hot mess every hey, but I am saying that
you have to give yourself enough grace to know that
you are not perfect. Than any person that thinks that
they're perfect is the epitome of a problem because they
are not perfect, and they'll be so quick to talk
(17:11):
about you and judge you, but they themselves are flawed
and broken. So we have to stop allowing ourselves to
sit in this thought that we need to be perfect,
and stop allowing yourself to think that anyone else's judgment
over you is cast it higher than you because they
themselves are flawed. There is not a single human on
this earth that is perfect, So being able to identify
(17:32):
that and identify the wound, and taking accountability for your
portion of the things that you have said or done,
because again you're not perfect. You're going to be a
part of something. But being able to identify that, being
able to say that this thing is a wound or
something that's happened to me, and I know that I
have some portion of it, but I allow this to
(17:53):
be released. I understand what I did. I identify it,
I grew from it. I understand what was done to me.
I identified it and grew from it, and not need
to have everything exactly perfectly figured out. That's the beauty
of life. Actually, the beauty of life is that everything
is so flawed, everything is so lost and broken, and
the only thing that ever brings us fullness is for
(18:14):
of course God, but that reality that we need to
hold on to. That like nothing else in this world
is perfect, nothing else is together, nothing else is exact,
and you don't have to be. There's so much beauty
in the flaws, there's so much beauty in the broken,
and there's so much beauty in that because this is
reality that there is no cookie cutter away, that none
(18:35):
of us have it all together, and when we hold
ourselves at a higher esteem of everyone else, we're only
hurting ourselves again. Again. I'm just I don't want to
say I'm not justifying bad actions or stupidity. I'm not
saying go out in like rob banks and stuff like. Okay,
that's choice. You're making some bad decisions, but knowing that
there is no such thing as absolute perfection, that you
(18:57):
are going to make mistakes. But the trick is not
just knowing you're gonna make mistakes, is being accountable for
the moment that you made those things, saying I messed
up here? How can I rectify that? That's real emotional growth,
That's real emotional maturity. It's actually the growth of everything else.
Because everything in your life will benefit from your accountability.
(19:19):
Everything you do next, every job, every fitness journey, every career, everything,
everything you do next will benefit from your radical accountability.
And if you're radically accountable, it's not that you are
better than anyone else, but you'll be able to see
and identify things in a different way because you know
that you don't have everything figured out, but you're accountable
(19:42):
for it. And we'll talk a little bit more after
this quick commercial break. You can't turn pain into purpose
until you stop using it as a protection. You're not
building a life, you're building walls. And we need to
change this reality. We need to stop living behind the
thought that my pain has controlled me for so long
that it's become a hindrance. It doesn't allow me to
(20:02):
move into the next thing. The things that have been
done to you should not be the things that you
remain under. The places that you have been, the words,
the bad feelings, that the ridicule, those things should not
be the thing that you have created a jail selling
because we're not using it for purpose, We're using it
for protection. We're not allowing ourselves to be heard again.
(20:22):
We think that if I avoid and sabotage and destroying
that I will never feel the pain that I felt before.
But here's the reality that you will also not feel
the healing and the love and the freedom that comes
out of it. It's impossible for you to be the full,
loved and full you outside of the fully vulnerable you.
If you are consistently behind these laws, you're not creating
(20:42):
walls to protect yourself, You're creating a jail cell to
keep you in and there's nothing good that grows in there.
There's no thing in this place that you are forcing
yourself because you think that your healing you're protecting is
going to be happening there, and you think that that
that's the place that's going to happen. All you're doing
is creating a barrier from everything else. And we can't
(21:05):
healing these places. Our defense mechanisms is like it's it's
it's emotionally numbing, right, it's a it's our need for
perfectionism and to have everything in order to protect us.
We think that's reliving our pain, we'relieving our pains, but
it's not. It's just creating this wall against everything else.
(21:25):
And I see it so often where people will blame
what's been done to them in their past and say, well, no,
you know, one day someone said this to me and
this is what I've believed and this is who I am.
But I need you to hear that out loud, like
hear what that sounds like someone said, And someone did,
so you became. You allowed the words of someone else,
You allow the things that other people have said to you.
(21:45):
You've allowed those things to have more authority over your life.
Than your own word. You've allowed that thing to be
the wall between your healing, this mountain that you're stuck in,
This growth that needs to come from that only comes
from you realizing that these people who have said or
done and I'm not again, I'm not minimizing the level
of hurt that comes from these things. I'm not saying
(22:08):
it doesn't hurt, it doesn't suck. I am saying, however,
that it should not have more power over you than
you do. It should not have more authority over you
than you have, because we continue to stay in things
that don't serve us, that aren't good for us, because
we think that those things have more authority over us.
And you will never grow or heal from that. Some
(22:28):
people refuse to heal because their wounds have become their character.
It's easier to blame what it's happened than it is
to look at it in the face to identify. It's
easier to say that was done and that's why I
am and I became this because of that. Again, that
authority that that word trouve allowed that thing to be.
(22:48):
You've given that power. I need you to not allow
the bitterness of this world to make you cold, like
I need you to not allow the things that have
been said or done to you to be the authority
over your life. That you've made that thing into your
protection instead of living in your purpose. You made the hurt,
the woundedness, this thing that you hide behind, and not
(23:09):
the thing that you are on top of. I need
to not let the coldness of this world make you cold,
because you're letting it rob you of this beauty that's
in you, this love that you're deshired to give, this
this thing that is perfect and beautiful because it's fully you.
And you're allowing this thing to rob you of just
(23:29):
the happiest version of you, because you've given it more
authority than you've given yourself, because you think that this
thing is your character, because you think that this trauma
is who you are, and it's not. It's a lie.
We've made ourselves bitter, cold and jaded because we've allowed
the world to dictate our warmth. Stop allowing this lie
(23:54):
to rob you of it. The reality is that we
will continue to say that, and we're doing the opposite
of healing, right Because the opposite of healing isn't hurting,
it's hiding. It's silence doesn't protect you, It prolongs the wound.
I need you to hear that that the opposite of
healing isn't hurting, it's hiding. And the silence doesn't protect you,
(24:15):
it prolongs the wound. This thing that you have remained
in is not allowing you to move. You haven't spoken,
you haven't been vocal into it. So you haven't spoken
into that thing. You haven't allowed it. You haven't spoken
into the reality of who you are, have allowed yourself
to be full of you. So what happens is that
this wound is prolonging, it's remaining because you haven't scared
(24:37):
it away. You haven't become the best version of you,
so it stays in the room. And for a lot
of us, we don't speak into these things because we
don't think we have authority. I feel like that has
been the underlying word. And if this is the only
thing you take from this episode that you have authority, yes,
over the people in your life, you have authority over yourself,
(24:58):
but you have authority your wounds. And it's again, I'll
reiterate this, It's not a right away thing. It's not
fixed overnight, and I am not minimizing any one's hurt
in the new one's pain. But I need you to
understand that what you continually speak into will eventually change
the thing that you are speaking into, the problem, the wound,
(25:20):
the hurt. Yes, right now, it might be difficult, but
you are telling yourself. You're telling your brain because your
brain doesn't know the difference. Right. Your brain was just
made to repeat sloops. It was made to protect you.
It was made to be simple. It wasn't made to
be complex. Of what you say consistently, it believes. So
if you believe that you are your woundedness, if you
believe that you are what was done to you, if
you believe that that is who you are, then that's
(25:41):
who you will be. But if you tell it every
single time that lie comes up, every single time you're
afraid to take the next step, every time that an
opportunity comes up, and your wound is still there, if
you speak to it, it minimizes. It does. I'm not
saying it goes away right away, but I am saying
that minimizes. We don't make monsters and yelling. We make
(26:03):
them in the silence the thing we are afraid to
speak into or about gains its own lore, its own story,
It gains its own power, because again, the opposite of
healing isn't hurting, it's hiding. And silence doesn't protect you.
It just prolongs it. It doesn't change the reality of
what this thing is because I didn't speak into it.
If I ignored it, it didn't go away. If I spoke
(26:26):
into it, if I grew and I healed from it,
then that thing no longer has power. That thing that
I was hiding behind, that that I was thinking was
protecting me, now becomes something of purpose. And it's a
catalyss into this next stage of who you are. What
we don't heal, we become. You're not broken, you're not stuck.
(26:47):
You're just staying in something that makes you believe, that
wants you to think that you're attached, that you're there,
that you're attached to this thing. And we see this
so much in different attachment styles, and we're not going
to dive super deep into this. I feel like there's
something so many people talk about but as attachment theory,
right where we have different ways of dating or relating
(27:07):
to people, different patterns and different ways of connecting, and
a lot of This comes from unresolved and unhealed trauma
and unhealed wounds, and for a lot of us, we
haven't identified certain things, so we don't allow ourselves to
be connected. Okay, world, quick, I said we were going to,
but just a quick example for the last couplements we
have here, something like attachment, anxious attachment. Right, a person
(27:29):
who was overly anxious about the relationship. They are over
zealous and overpushing because they're afraid of rejection. So what
happens is that they end up creating that rejection by
being too much, by being extra and whatever that wound is,
it could be rooted in very different things. But if
we don't identify where it came from, we'll continue to
repeat what we did. We'll continue to go back into
(27:51):
that because we we aren't secure in us, we aren't
fooled in us, and we don't allow ourselves to change
from it. So our last point here before we wrap
this episode up, is if it didn't kill you, it
taught you and what new limits look like, and even further,
what you will and won't allow in the future. And
I think that's the biggest portion of this because if
(28:14):
you identify these things and you heal, you grow from it.
You won't allow people to treat you the same way.
You won't allow people to get away with things that
got away with you. Won't allow people authority over your
life that don't deserve authority over your life. You won't
allow people to walk over you. Your suffering will be
your story, and it will be the best part of it.
The thing that was meant to kill you would be
the best part of the whole story. Sometimes the trash
(28:35):
takes itself out. I need you to understand that when
you identify this, people will leave because the people that
were taking advantage that were that you're healing costs them something.
They will have to leave because they don't fit in
this world anymore. And it's the greatest gift you ever receive.
The people that don't support, and don't serve, and don't
(28:58):
love and don't grow with you in those things, they
will remove themselves and you will be freed from that lie.
So if we don't identify the wound, if we don't
know its name, we don't know where it came from,
we don't sit to do the work. We can't expect
to heal, We can't expect to be the best version
of us because we haven't done anything for it. We
haven't actually grown. And the beauty is that that saying
(29:23):
is true. It doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. In
some cases, it just really hurts. It hurts to heal
from it. It hurts to identify. It hurts that it happened.
But it either hurts that it happened and you remain
in the hurt, or hurts that it happened and you
grow and heal and become something so much better from it.
We have to identify that wood if we want to
(29:43):
transform it. We can never become what we are made
to become if we remain in the things that were
done to us and not the things that we actually are.
So in this couple of episodes that we talked about
wounds and we talked about healing, and we identify these things,
I think the most prevallege thing that we need to
understand is that word authority. That you have authority over
(30:04):
what's said, over what's done, over what's going to be said,
over what's going to be done, and know that where
you give power to power overmain In our next episode,
we'll probably talk just a little bit to kind of
be a little bit in there, but we're talking more
about if it's what's meant for you, that whole thing,
if it's meant for you, we'll dive into that and
(30:25):
we'll give too much away. But there are certain things
that we don't allow ourselves to live in because we
remain in things that we have already lived in and
we can't be in the next thing staying in that
current thing. So thank you for being a part of
this episode. I really hope that there's something beneficial in
this at least and listen to all series for anyone
that's listening, And I really hope that you guys are
(30:47):
sharing these episodes. Are they really really hope that someone
outside I mean, yes, you you who are listening. You
are so important, But there are also people that might
just need just that little bit of encouragement. I really
hope that they receive it. So I hope you go
out and just be amazing and thank you for being here,
thank you for listening, and we'll see you on the
next one.
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