It’s a Full Moon with Colton Haynes

Pride is at a level 10 as Jonathan and Jaymes are joined by Teen Wolf star Colton Haynes!  Colton opens up about the transformation from being closeted and told to be “less gay” in Hollywood…to the freedom of coming out and learning to be his true authentic self. We get all the details on everything from the highly anticipated Teen Wolf revival and how different it feels this time around…to his journey to sobriety and writing his book Miss Memory Lane.There’s so much to love about this Pridecast episode about learning to love yourself. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is Pridecast with Jonathan Bennett James falk on I
Heart Radio. Hey, everybody, welcome to Pridecast, your weekly dose
of love, laughter, and hopefully a little inspiration and always
a reminder to be proud of who you are. I'm

(00:24):
your host, Jonathan Bennett, and I am joined by my husband,
my betrothed. Is that what you would call you, a betrothed?
I guess you could, Yeah, your betrothed? Or is that
before you get married? Just watched the next season of
bridget That's what's going on. Okay, I might be all
into the bridge atain moment. Right now, James Vaughan is
here with me, my fabulous, lovely, gorgeous husband. Maybe you

(00:45):
lucky I'm still here. I thought i'd be a professional
water skier by today. Oh my gosh, we have to
tell everybody. So it was a holiday weekend and I
took James, who used to be a professional roller skater,
a national champion roller skater, in like elementary school or
no high school school? High school? Oh my gosh, it

(01:07):
was in high school anyway, I took him out skiing
water skiing for the first time on the lake. He
thought he was so cocky, and thought he was gonna
get up his first try. And mind you, James is
better at most things than I am. Like James always
wins at everything, but I'm not always great at the aquatic.
You're not great at the aquatic at the aquatic sports,

(01:29):
shall we say? And James tried not once, not twice?
But how many times did you try to get up?
Fourteen times? And I was not able to manage getting up,
but it was okay because we had a lot of fun. I, however,
got up both times and also went outside the wake
and jumped it. And I think I impressed you a
little bit, didn't I? Baby, I'm not I'm not as

(01:53):
the person who got voted off ninth no, who got
voted off twelve on Dancing with the Stars, meaning that
there were eleven people that were better than me on
Dancing with the Stars. I am not the most athletic
person in the world, or coordinated or graceful. There's a
YouTube video of me falling off of a balcony. Um

(02:13):
google it epic fail. Jonathan falls off of a balcony.
Didn't you go to the hospital. I went to the
hospital and broke two ribs because I tried to dance
to Bette Midler's wind Beneath My Wings and slide down
a banister to make a video for our step mom
for Mother's Day and didn't work out. So while I
broke a rib, well, you know, maybe why don't we
switch skeears is something much more inspirational than than your

(02:34):
athletic prowess. I think you're just embarrassed because you couldn't
get it up on water skis. But here's what I
love about doing podcasts. Sometimes you get to have your
friends on the show. And one of my dear friends,
Colton Haynes, is joining us because he has a new
book coming out, Miss Memory Lane. It's out now. I'm
so excited for Colton. I'm so excited for this book.

(02:56):
Let's talk to Colton Haynes today on the show. We
have a good friend of mine and a Hollywood I'm
gonna call him Hollywood Gay Royalty. He is he is.

(03:17):
He is the reigning of King of Hollywood who we
absolutely love. The one and only, super talented, super handsome
Colton Haynes. Welcome to the show. Bun that in that introduction, Um, yeah,
I definitely don't deserve it, but yes you do. Yes,
you do every up. Yes, we're this the podcast is

(03:37):
all about hyping everybody up to deserve it. Well, I
feel I feel the love. So thank you, and you
guys are Yeah, you're lucky that you are. I guess
I don't know if we can say where you are,
where you where you live, You're you're living, You're living
in my dream place, Palm Springs, Palm Springs. Yes, it's
amazing because we go there and we were amongst our people,

(04:00):
because we are just elderly gay men living in the
desert clinging to our youth. That's what we do. That's
what that's what this podcast is about. That's really what
podcast is all about. Colton. That's why. Yeah, that's why
I said yes, That's why I was like, of course
I'm there, thank you, thank you very much. It means
a lot. I feel seen. I feel very seen. Right now,

(04:22):
he's releasing a book here. We have so much to
talk to Colton has about on prodcast today. First of all, Colton, like,
we go way back, we go back years and years
over a decade. I've known you, and to see you
be where you are now and just coming to your
own is so so beautiful, Like it's it's so inspiring.

(04:46):
And I just think of like when we first met
with our good friend Ali Mackie in San Diego shooting.
We were shooting a movie and you came to visit,
like the person you were then versus the person you
are now. It's just been such a cool journey to watch,
even though there's been you know, hard, hard times and
dark times throughout the journey, just like it's just so inspiring.
It's crazy to think back to like what we were

(05:08):
like when we were kids living in Hollywood. Oh, it
was that was a different time. Definitely. We uh, yeah,
we were. We were a wild bunch, I guess I
could say. But yeah, I can't believe it's been over
ten years since each other. I've known you for a
long time. We didn't get to read your full book
yet because we have we haven't gotten a cop, our

(05:28):
hands on a copy of Coming to Milia, but we will.
And but I know from what we've read about your
book you talk about you know them like you know,
we want to call it coming out and what it's
like to be gay living in Hollywood. And I think
of all the people I've ever talked to in my
life where I say, oh, this person gets me. It
would be Colton Haynes, and I I feel like you.
There's a small group of us that were actors and

(05:52):
we were told we weren't allowed to be ourselves, weren't
allowed to be gay, we had to live in the closet,
and we weren't allowed to show like who really were
or we would lose everything. And then all of a sudden,
we we live with that for years, and then all
of a sudden, like shows start happening like Glee and all,
you know, the Ryan Murphy of it all happens, and
everyone's gay in Hollywood and everything is gay, and everything's
gay and it's okay to be gay now, and we're

(06:14):
sitting here going, guys, this is not what you told
us for the past ten years, and now all of
a sudden it's cool, like what do we do? What? Hello?
You know, I think it's it's so it's so nice
to like two see that. It's that it is kind
of being more inclusive, but at the same time, it's
kind of not being you know, it's not being as

(06:36):
inclusive as it should be. Um, And I think it's
definitely like even with you, I mean, you know, what
you had to go through after after all of the
you know with me and girls and everything. Um, but
you still continued on and now you know, now you've
evolved your career into many different ways. UM, it's definitely,
it's it's very it's such a tricky thing with being

(06:59):
you know, out in Hollywood because you know, you're you're
basically told you can only be one way of like
out if you're you know, if you're you know, mask
presenting and essentially white, then you can you know, then
you can be in Hollywood, if that makes sense. So
I just think that that's such a wrong message to
like to really send it to the to everybody. And

(07:22):
you know, I think there just needs to be like
more inclusion. But you know, I think we definitely had
to go through it and are still going through it. Uh,
to this day, you've done so many things from team Well,
if you're shooting the movie right now, right, we just
we just finished so and then I yeah, we finished,
I flew here and then it's been kind of hitting

(07:44):
the ground running. But like the movie was, it was
so it was so wild to be around everybody and
for it's like over ten years to go by, and
it feels like we just like we just finished the
show and so um and I love Atlanta. We got
you back in the same kind of area that we
shot in for the show, and yeah, that was just

(08:04):
like so cool. But it happened so quickly, and I
want to like go back so and it's it's so
nostalgic for you to probably go there, see all that
your family you shot with forever and then to all
be back. It's one of those things where it feels
like no time has passed, but it also feels like
so much time has past? Is that so much? And
plus now we're not in high school anymore? So well

(08:24):
I don't we guess we weren't really in high school
because we were. You've been playing in high school for
fifty two years. Because your skin is so good, So
we're just gonna lean into that Colton, okayd and twelve,
but it looks fifteen. It's great on the inside. I
definitely in life a hundred and fifty. So yeah, yeah,
And so to be back with with the cast and

(08:44):
to shoot that, what was some of your favorite moments?
You know, going back to set with with everybody and
like just tell us give the Vans some sneak peak
of something, give them a nugget that they can be expecting.
I it's so it so funny because it's it's like
very top secret. But at the same time, like I
think I did, you know, I didn't really ask for

(09:06):
permission when I was like posting stuff. And I'm not
the best at like social media anymore. I used to
love it, and but so I would post things and
be like, oh, I can't say the F word. Oh
fuh um, I'll just say the editor some time. But yeah,
I definitely it was so I kept spoiling certain things,

(09:28):
but people weren't catching anything. So it was nice. What
what that meant was they just weren't watching my stuff.
But at the same time it felt nice too, like
just kind of be how we used to be because
we didn't have to really worry about um making the
studio mad or things like that. And now it's like
that's Paramount Plus, but like we're so glad to be
on that platform and on that, you know, with with

(09:49):
Paramount Plus and UM, hopefully there'll be an opportunity for
more coming in the future, so we'll see how it's received.
And yeah, can I be entertainment journalists second, and get
a little deeper onsh because because we're going to talk
about the book Miss Memory Lane, and we're talking about
in that book, you share your story of how you
got to where you are now. So being where you

(10:11):
are now and going back to those people that you
were with ten years ago, how different is that experience?
They're just like it's so present now, you know. It
kind of was. It was kind of shocking for everyone
else to be like, wow, you're Everyone kept saying like,
you know, why are you doing like bits, like why
are you being like this? And I was like, I'm

(10:32):
not doing a bit. I'm just kind of like I'm
in a lot better of a wood now. And it
kind of like someone kept saying that, and it was
like making me mad, and I was like, look, i
am not just because I'm not walking around with the
dark cloud over my head all the time, like I'm
still me and so I um, it was just so
incredible too. I genuinely felt like I was everyone's mom,

(10:56):
and so that was weird because I was like, damn,
I mean, you know, so much chance change in all
of our lives, but so much is still the same.
We're still you know, We're still like that family at
our core, but I'm just not staying out and you know,
partying with everybody like I used to. But we god
that the connection that everyone says that with their TV shows,

(11:17):
everyone's like, you know, we're so close to their cast,
But I feel like most people are just like, you know,
there's just there's line. But this genuinely like this this
cast has been my family and it's been with me
through the darkest and you know, the highest, the best
times of my life. Um, and we I think we
just made more memories and like we everyone kept I

(11:43):
can't say that it was it was so you want
to do. Yeah, yeah, I'm like it's basically we were.
We were just causing a lot of trouble, but in
the best ways. Just kind of like, um, you know,
doing our own thing on set and like just definitely
making it all our own and kind of ad libbing

(12:05):
and all this stuff, and it really I think made
for it to be more I don't know, it just
makes things more interesting on set. And we just had
so much fun and um yeah, I'm literally trying not
to spoil things. Yes, I can see what Yeah, you
can see they people who are listening this can't see
the wheels turnas yes. But he's also mouthing what the
spoilers to us, So we're seeing that we're not going

(12:25):
to tell anybody. Um now, so you said something really
interesting just now. You said it was before you had
like Instagram and everything, like back in the day when
when Team Will started, social media wasn't as prevalent as
it is now. Like it was there, but it wasn't
what it you know has become. And in two thousand nineteen,
you did an article with people and I have to

(12:48):
quote you because it's so beautiful, or you didn't do
an article for people. You posted this on your Instagram
and they pulled it and we got to read it
and learn about it. But you said, I don't want
worrying about if I look hot or not on Instagram
to be my legacy. I don't want to skirt around
the truth to please other people or to gain economic success.
I have far more important things to say than what

(13:08):
magazine I just shot for what TV show I'm a
part of, although I'm thankful for all of them, but
I don't want to project a curated life. And I thought,
and you go on to say, like I don't want
to worry about what time it is and how many
to post, Like am I posting at the right time?
How many lights did I get? And it seems like
you've stepped away from that in a sense, while still

(13:28):
doing what you need to do for work, but been
able to like step away from all of it. How
does that feel? And first of all that it's probably
the coolest post I've ever read in my life because
I identify it with it personally so much. I think
it's it's so beautiful. So how does it feel to
kind of step away from all of it? I appreciate
you for saying that, I, you know, it definitely feels.

(13:51):
It really shows you that, you know, you what you
kind of have to do to kind of stay relevant
or you know. I think for me, chasing being relevant
has never been monetarily valuable to me, And so I
found that the more I just and me and I'm
not focusing on doing things for my career, I'm more

(14:12):
focused now. I think I'm really like trying to, you know,
get my message across by like helping people or things
like that, and like I'm not really like I'm not
in the gym, like trying to have apps like it's
just not it's not my project anymore. And so I
when I got to take a step away from living
my life for other people, I really got to focus.

(14:33):
This book took me three years to write, and you know,
it's it's not at all I mean, I think once
you all read it, it's not at all what you're
gonna expect, because it's very it is. I only said
that I would do this if they would let me
be a percent, if they wouldn't censor at all. And
so I talked about some really really dark, extremely sexual
dark really a lot of things that have happened and

(14:56):
I and I and I was able to just really
speak my truth with it. And and a lot of
that has to do with UM something that does happen
through the social media, because you know, I when you
get to a point your career when you feel like
everything is kind of on the rise and you know
everyone has your back, and then all of that goes away.
And just because my you know, my appearance had changed,

(15:18):
I had gained sixty pounds, I you know, I UM,
I had gotten into a a relationship which I legally
can't talk about, but I got into a relationship. And
so once you do those things, after coming out of
the closet, you are no longer um in a way
like viable or um you know, sexy to the public.

(15:40):
And then once you so when you once, you lose
all that and you start and I started to realize
that my only currency based on what other people thought
of me was the way that I look and so
in a lot of ways, I felt like I had
gone um all of the When when all that went
away and I lost my currency, which was the way
that I looked, I felt completely empty and broke. And

(16:01):
so I didn't have to take a step back and
be like, you know what, I I now get to
present you know, my real self and my other things
to the world with this book. And um yeah, social
media is I think it's very useful and um but
it it can be very very damaging to your mental health,
I think, as all of us know. And I once

(16:23):
I took a step away from that, didn't just personal
you know, growth started happening for me. That was the
longest answer in the world. No, it's so beautiful. Something
there too that like I would love to touch on,
like not even from like an actor or celebrity standpoint,
but just from like just every gay man standpoint, especially
like I feel like our generation you talk about like

(16:44):
your parents being your currency, and I feel like that
does happen a lot with a lot of us. I
mean that that was me. I was like, I gotta
get in the gym, I gotta become this person. And
I would love to get a psychologist to talk to
about this with a figure out like where that comes from,
because for me, I think get was getting picked on,
getting getting you know, called faggot and shoved into walls

(17:05):
of the skating rink and and not being tough enough,
not being what a man was, you know, from being
from Virginia, like, and I think my way to combat
that was, Okay, I'm gonna just get in the gym
and I'm gonna become this guy that looks like all
those muscle and fitness magazines I saw, and that's gonna
be my thing. And then there's the weird sexualization by
other people that comes with that that then starts to

(17:26):
make you feel like, Okay, this is my value, this
is this is what I have to offer the gay world.
And I guess if I had some advice to the
children that are listening to this, it would be find
some other currency, find as much currency in other places
for yourself as you can, because that can't be all
you're about, because it does lead to a really dark

(17:49):
spot when all of a sudden you don't have it. Yeah,
it's definitely, you know. It's also once I stopped kind
of living in this thing of like, you know, I
was so angry at the way that I felt like
I was being treated. But once I realized that I
was the person who was putting that out in the world,
once I realized I had to take part. I had
to you know, I had to take stock of my

(18:11):
part in all of that and being like I was
forced feeding my my body and whatever I thought was,
you know, the what people wanted, I was given that
on a platter and serving serving it to everybody. And
so once I kind of was like, you know what,
I it's my physical being. My physical is literally the
most unimportant part about me, and I think that my
heart and that's one I'm not I definitely not one

(18:33):
of the most confident people in the world. Um uh.
And so I once I realized there are other parts
of me that I that I love and also believe
in more than my physical like my heart and my
my ability to be vulnerable. I started really leaning into
that and and well, I'm still want the best of
social media, like I said, but I started really just

(18:55):
um leaning on my you know, my humor and other
qualities and just realizing that, I mean, I can't change
this and so um. But at the same time, it's
just not important to me. Like, I'm not trying to
get a boyfriend. I'm not trying to find someone to
have sex with. I'm not um, I'm not I'm genuinely
just trying to be the best dad I can be

(19:15):
to my four year old, my cat. And I see
people says all the time when I say that I
have a four year old and they're like, you're a dad.
I'm like, yes, I am, uh no, but I definitely
my priorities just have changed and I and I I
I'm not at this point in my life. I'm just
not trying to impress anyone. And so I don't really
feel like personally that I that I have to or

(19:39):
really need to like present a sexy kind of whatever
bullshit thing because it's just not really um important to
me anymore. Which because a lot of that did kind
of really like break my like spirit, having to like
present all of me to the world in the way

(20:00):
that I did to try to have a career, and
so you know, hopefully I can. I don't know, I'm
rambling at this point, but now I love it. It's good.
But everything you're saying is, yeah, there's people that are
gonna hear this, and it's kind of like set off
light bulbs for them. So it's good to just hear you,
someone that they see on TV and in movies and
that they aspire to be, like say this stuff, because

(20:22):
I think it's just really important because even if like
one person hears this and it saves them from a
hell that any of us went through. I think it's
totally totally valid for you to ramble as much as
you want. And I think what you said there too,
just now is there. You're you're not trying to be anything, like,
you're not trying to be anything for other people. You're
just trying to be yourself. And by you know, getting

(20:43):
to this part of the journey that you're in now,
you're able to do that. Because I remember when you're
talking about your sense of humor, like your sense of
humor and how funny you are. Like Colton Haynes is hilarious,
and like I know that because I know Colton and
I know he's hilarious, but like so many people didn't
know that because you were you were in such a
depression and had everything going on that you had this

(21:05):
dark cloud. But I saw the glimpses when we were
just being kids and like with Ali, just like musical
theatering around and like just being the most when like
all your guard would come down and you were just
you getting to be you and that was hilarious and
beautiful and funny, and you saw Colton. And then because
of Hollywood and everything, all the other reasons, all the

(21:26):
depression and everything stacks on top of it and suppresses
the hilarious Colton Haynes. So like this is Jonathan Bennett
saying on Priadcast, Colton Haynes is hilarious and I can't
wait for the world to see how hilarious he is.
I now like it'll be funny, definitely. Yeah, Now now
do a bit press Uh no, no, I just like

(21:47):
it's so it's just I didn't grow up like I
just was always this like innocent very you know, I
was a really effeminate kid and I and I just
didn't know that it was wrong until like puberty hit
me like a truck. And then then I was like, oh,
oh who. Then I moved to l A, and you know,

(22:09):
I was being told constantly that everything I was, that
none of it would benefit me to pursue my dreams
and so and so. Once that, you know, once I
started losing all those are trying to fix the things
I thought were wrong. I lost my sense of humor,
I lost my I lost my passion for this entire industry.

(22:30):
Um and I I definitely am like it's it's kind
of hard for me to be honest. It's like the book,
there are some humorous parts in it. I can you
know there are I have this there's a lot of
like a lot of things that I think we're funny,
but it's so it's so it's so visceral and really

(22:51):
really real and it's so emotional that it's hard to
see the humor. And so me, I'm in interviews, I
just love to like not answer any the questions and
I just do kind of bits and like make jokes
all the time, and I can't do that with the book,
and so I think I find. What I'm finding is
like I have friends who have you know, podcasts and
things like that, but they're like comedians, and I'm like,

(23:13):
those bitches didn't freak ask me to be I'm like, oh,
They're not gonna ask me to be the cloud that's
looming over their comedy podcast because I'm talking about like,
you know, a lot of a lot of things. Yeah, yeah,
so so yeah maybe the next maybe then that well,
if I start working on the next book, you know,
I'll do like the David Sedaris kind of like, you know,
a little thing. I'm so happy that this book is

(23:34):
out because I think with this book, you're gonna get
so much personal healing from it, from from the world.
Knowing your story, I'm sure there's gonna come a whole
bunch of healing, hopefully, and with that comes your humor,
and that will help you shine. And I hope you
get to do really funny things in the future because
I think you're hilarious hopefully. Thank you. Yeah. I just

(23:55):
think that it's something that we all have in common,
especially but you too, meet me. Just the stories I've
heard from my husband and what I have gotten to
see from sneak peaks of your book and interviews you've done.
You guys went through a lot of the same stuff
with people telling you you had to remember my baby time,
but I haven't like talked down the octave and like

(24:16):
do different stuff like that, which is like so dumb
and so stupid and don't do it. And that's why
I love the kids now that are just like living
their lives and being so authentic on camera, which is
awesome that we've gotten there. But you guys went through
a lot of similar stuff. What's the thing I read
about you having to do like post it notes when
you talked to the what what is that under my tongue?

(24:36):
I had to go get this? Who said this? To
do well? This? This one of my my first manager
when I moved to town. And so I basically was
put into a movement for the actor class that that
would that that helped me butch up. But also I
was put into a speech therapy class. I was put
in some class to fix my mannerisms, and so I

(24:58):
used to have to put posting notes under my tongue
to fix my list or or make sure my tongue
was set back a bit, and so like I'm talking,
I mean, the thing is is it's it. It's so
for me, it is so like it's so refreshing to
see that a lot of like we said, the kids
these days are having to do that. And so I
just hope that, um, I just hope that a lot

(25:21):
of the ship that uh that we went through, UM
I do it is still happening. I know that it is,
and I'm sure we all know it is. It's just
hard to see, you know, whenever the way that people
are treated in the press, whenever there's a lot of speculation,
because what that does is you know that I basically
was told like, don't come out because there's already speculation.

(25:43):
So the audience, the audience um already speculates. So they
don't want you to tell them that they're right, but
they also want when they want to feel like, they
want to feel like they're right without being told that
they're not. And so for me, I just that that
thing of of coming out and then realizing that the
interest was in the speculation, that like that that wasn't fun.

(26:08):
And I just hope that more people don't have to
go through, you know, hiding their true selves. I know,
I feel you and it's something I had to do
as well, like you know mean girls like I mean,
I'm sure I'm gonna say. I'm just gonna say some
things and see if you if any of these ring
true for you, Colton, like going to an audition and
like making sure you don't dress too gay, going to

(26:31):
a red carpet and being like, oh ship, where are
my hands? Where are my hands are? Don't flill your arms,
don't flow your arms, like keep your hands in your pockets,
like stay butch, stay low, stayground, and talk cool like
which which Starlett? Which Starlett? Am? I gonna get pictures
with that? That my manager will try to play some
blogs so I can date a new girl this week.
And it's and it's so miserable. And when people live

(26:52):
like that. You both of us have done it. There's
other people that do it, have had to do it,
and so people still doing it. But what it leads
to is it leads to depression. At leads to things
I d yeah, it leads to alcoholism, it leads to addiction,
It leads to all these things. And you're you're, you're
you talked about being sober in in your book and

(27:13):
your journey to sobriety, which I think is so beautiful
and it changes your whole life, doesn't it. God, it's
it's just what's it like here for you? For me,
it really is this. You know, I'm a product of
both my parents, which I talked about a lot in
the book. They met and rehab and they kind of
escaped together and they had a really timiltuous relationship. And um,

(27:36):
and I I feel, you know, I think it's sober
until after both my parents passed away and both dying
from addiction and alcoholism. And so for me it feels
like it's not only like a second lease on life
because I ended up I had an overdose, ended up
in the hospital, as in the hospital for over a month, um,
and I having a second lease on life for me,

(27:58):
but I'm also getting to live of the life that
like my parents never got to live. And so I'm
definitely not doing it for you know, not doing it
for them. You have to do it for yourself first
and foremost. But I to to kind of experience and
realized that, you know, it is a disease. I didn't
know that until I got sober, Like I didn't know
it's it affects you know, your your it's a brain

(28:20):
disease essentially alcoholism. So I there are things I just
learned by getting sober that I wish my mom got
to learn, but you know she didn't. That it's a
very very intense. UM. It took me three years just
to write this one chapter my mom because it's so emotional,
and I think that you know, once you lose parents, UM,

(28:41):
for me, I just I started trying to do things
they never got to do and kind of always remind
myself that, like, you know, there's we don't have that
much time. And so that's what I kind of with
my sobriety. I just really wanted to, um like honor
them and also just like be there for myself for once.
I never I never believed in myself really and I

(29:04):
just always doubt, like I was always down on myself
and always doing whatever I could to feel numb and
just trying to really avoid working on my actual trauma
and then just numbing it with pills and drugs and alcohol.
And so now that I don't have to do that, UM,
I'm definitely more awkward. I don't have I don't have
that thing too you know, whenever I go to events,

(29:26):
I I'm not a great party guest. I I literally
and I have friends. My friend to look literally thinks
it's the funniest thing in the world to bring because
they always invite me, and it is. So it's like
watching someone I just start acting like three different people
and I don't even know who those people are, and

(29:47):
so it is the most ridiculous thing. But I you know,
it's Yeah, I definitely am not going to a lot
of parties. I could say that because it's very awkward.
It's award for everyone refined yourself when you had to
become something else for so long. It's like, well, what
parts of this are actually me? And how do I
navigate getting myself back? Yeah? I feel like a four

(30:07):
year old. We have so much more to get into,
but we're gonna take a quick break right now. We'll
be right back. Do you know Leslie Khan, the acting coach?
You know of her? Right? So I walked into her class.

(30:28):
I walked into her room to coach with her, probably
three years ago, right, and I was like, I don't
know what to do, and I was like talking about
this character. I was like, he's straight, So I need
to do this and should I stand like this? Where
should I put my hands? And I was going on
all these things and I kind of and she kind
of asked some more questions about like my life and
my what I had done work wise, and I told
her about mean girls and everything and like went through

(30:48):
all the jobs I'd had and them, and she took
a beat and she looked at me and she goes,
my god, you don't even know who you are. And
I was like, you're right, I don't. And she goes,
you're so worried about what the character is and what
you have to be for all these other people, for

(31:09):
these characters that you don't even know who you are
to be able to do this audition. And I was
like wow, and I it hit me so hard because
it's true, like you and I both went through it
with like I going to a party, like which which
which Jonathan do they want? Do they want like cool?
Butch Jonathan? Do they want like funny zany Jonathan that's

(31:31):
like wacky and like you know, theater theater kid like
but like who's who's who's gonna be there? Like and
then you get then you go to like a house
party and you'd be in a conundrum because you'd be
at like a house party with like people from the industry,
and like, okay, there's like HBO executives here are like
some you know, like people from some network. So you
wanted to be like cool guy because they're gonna cast

(31:51):
me and I have to be like cool and straight
and whatever. But then like your musical theater best friends
would be there and so you're like all I want
to do is sing Wicked and you're like going back
and forth, and you'd be I'm this crazy person at
the party, and so then you just drink to like
numb it. Oh am, I right, that is one I
just remember. I remember Zany Jonathan. I mean I remember

(32:13):
being like, how in the hell does someone have that
much energy? I literally I would and we would even
like when you know when because Ali and I are
still best friends, and even that that when we were
all in San Diego, I was like if I wish
I could bottle some of that up and like, you know,
like um, but no, I definitely agree with what you're
talking about. And you know, I think that you know,

(32:35):
trying to present like really it is it is, you
know for me at least, I'm sure that that y'all
can say the same. It's it's kind of like I
just wanted. I wanted to be whatever you wanted me
to be. If that, if that was going to help
me and closer towards my dream, I would be whoever
you wanted me to be, because I didn't know who
I was, and I still don't know who I am,

(32:55):
and so I feel like I'm a four year old.
I'm almost four years sober, and I'm doing things. You know,
it's definitely an out of body experience. But like someone
I someone wants um, it broke my heart. But someone
I was playing in a tennis tournament, um, and uh,
the announcer said, Holton Haynes. He's like a house with
no furniture. He's like a beautiful house with no furniture,

(33:17):
and and everyone's laughing and and it took me a
second to kind of realize what that meant. And I
was like, oh shit, Like he's got all the goods
on the outside. You know, he's wearing the great tennis
outfit he's got, he's you know, has a nice racket,
but there's really nothing on the inside. He doesn't have
a brain or anything on the inside, like and so
that that didn't like spun me out and I wrote

(33:38):
this like really, um it was. It was part of
what got me my my the book was I wrote
this kind of um intense uh letter that that kind
of explained to how I am now, you know. And
I really I once I realized that, like, yeah, I

(34:00):
I don't live in that glass house that I used
to have. And I once I realized that I am
exactly who I'm meant to be, which is a two
bedroom in the scorching hot valley, um with with second
hand furniture and hand me down clothes that I love
well one cat one because this one is murderous and
will kill if I want more. But yeah, once I

(34:20):
realized that, like like I'm okay, I now have like
my internal furniture. There's furniture in this house and um
and I, yeah, that's not really like in the book.
But I've been thinking about it a lot because I'm
in the process of working on something else. And um,
I it's just that that the whole world could see,

(34:43):
um that that that was kind of what I was
presenting to the world, like just everything on the outside,
but there's nothing going on in the inside that like
broke my heart, and so that was kind of a
catalyst to, you know, all the next kind of endeavors
that I started working on. But I don't remember the
question now. I'm just going no, it's perfect, It's absolutely beautiful.

(35:03):
It just our whole point with podcast is being about
a celebration and building up our community. And so there's
stuff in this to take away that I hope people
do take away. And I think a big thing here
is because our community could so many times like gang
up on each other, and I wanna talk mess on
each other that if you see somebody being their authentic

(35:24):
self and they are allowed, are they are flailly? Are
they are boysterous? Are they are whatever you think they're
not supposed to be because they are supposed to fit
in your box. If just encourage them and applaud them
and say something nice to them about it, like I
love your energy that I tell my baby, like I
love your flailing I love I call him my wacky

(35:46):
Bruce because there's that scene in what's the movie, um,
the Jim Carrey movie Anchor Man, Anchor Man. They cut
to Wacky Bruce and I'm like, that's my baby's wacky Bruce,
Like I like my wacky Bruce. And so when you
see somebody just being themselves, especially in our community, just
like build them up for that so they don't go
through this dark stuff of feeling like they have to
be something else like we all went through. Like we're
in a different place now, So let them know they're

(36:08):
amazing for being just themselves. And Colton, I think you're
amazing for being who you are. I want to say
it right now. Thank you. I think the same way
about Lacky Bruce. Thank you. Now. This is podcast, and
so we always like to make the listeners aware that, yes,
you know we have we've done a lot of great
work and we're we're headed into the future with some

(36:30):
great things ahead for the l g B t Q
plus community. But we also like to talk about our
past and where we've come from, because to know where
we're going, we got to know where we came from.
So we like to do a thing we call this
Week and gay History. James, what happened this week in
gay history, which you will never deliver the actual information
of gay history because you don't want to have to

(36:51):
do I don't want to have to read the facts.
I just want to do it because as is this
happening right now Colton on the podcast, there's music under
us playing because it's like a whole thing this week
and gay history. Colton, We're going to teach you something.
Here we go, James, but what happened research is done
by our producer ray We thank you, But Raymond, I'm
a skirt on this one because I've found something different
that I actually really wanted to touch on because I

(37:12):
think there's a little a little ton of conversation to
have on this too. Up. So this week in Gay History,
y'all know who Gilbert Baker is, but that don't look
at the paper baby. Okay, obviously we don't, but we
should because in nineteen fifty one, this week in gay History,
Gilbert Baker, the designer of the Rainbow Pride flag, was born.
So the original rainbow Pride flag wasn't availed at San

(37:34):
Francisco Pride back in and the color the flag, which
I don't know if you know what they were intended
to be, but they were intended to reflect the diversity
of the LGBTQ community. So that leads to the conversation
of member A couple of years ago when people added, um,
they added the design to the flag for trans and

(37:57):
people of color and more representation, which if you pay
attention to the history, you realize the whole point of
the flag was to reflect the diversity. So that's kind
of the point in doing it. But some people were
like up in arms and like made a stink about it.
You remember that? Yet? Where are you on that Colton?
Do you remember that? I? You know, I feel like
it's still you know, I think it's still going on.

(38:20):
But I think as as long as its basically like,
whatever colors we need to add to the flag to
make sure that every community has represented, then then add
whatever we need to add, Like I mean, I'll get
my freaking sewing machine out right now, so you know
he will, Nick, don't don't tempt him. He really will.
So it's a new flag right here. He's gonna Betsy
ross it right here. But I think we're all with

(38:44):
you on that Colton, like, and I'll just say it
like because we get to just say how we feel
on this. Like, if you have an issue with them
adding colors to the flag, it's stupid. I'm not saying
you're stupid. But I'm saying the stance is stupid. The
whole point is to make people like think about it.
When we see a flag and we're traveling, we go
somewhere you see that, like, oh, that's a safe space
for us. That's a place we can go be ourselves.
So the whole point of our community is to make

(39:06):
sure everybody that is from a marginalized community in the
l g B t q I A plus plus plus
community feels safe. It feels like they have a place.
So if we need to put the whole Crayola box
on a flag and then a few extra colors to
I say, go for it. Like that's the point that
I'm always say this on our podcast. Their strengthened numbers.

(39:27):
We are the alphabet mafia. The more the merrier, So
I'm all for it. So if you have an issue
with the flag still after I've given you this piece
of gay history about the colors being for diversity, check
yourself and then go get a new flag. And if
we need to add burnt Sienna, for all the musical
theater queens out there like me, I will I'm claiming
burnt Sienna, that's the color I was the entire early

(39:48):
two thousands because of the spray tan I got. That's true,
that's true, Burnt Sienna. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes absolutely I love it. Oh my gosh. So pride
means so much to so many people, and it's something
different for each person. So I want to ask you,
Colton Haynes, what does pride mean to you? It's Pride

(40:10):
Month right now. What does pride mean to you? Gosh?
It means that I get to exist in a world
that you know, essentially growing up I didn't feel a
part of. And also it just means that I like, yeah,
I mean, it definitely means that I'm part of a family,
and that's that's something that I haven't always felt like,

(40:33):
especially growing up, and so um, you know, just it
just means I get to just be my authentic self
whoever I decided that I'm going to be that day,
one of the you know ten characters, Yes, in the
Colton Haynes movie, one of the ten characters shows up
each day, whicheveryone he wants to be, he can be.
It's awesome. Well you know what called real glad to

(40:57):
see you? You were in that movie? What were you
in teen teen? Spirit? Teen Spirit new movie on Paramount Plus.
You know so real, it's not real excited for your book,
Mr memory Lanes real excited give her another take. I
don't need to see that. I'm just quoting Valerie Cherish.
If nobody knows, favorite casing the entire world. When you

(41:20):
also realized drag Race, he told Rue, that's who we
wanted to be. Okay, snatch game as you opened a
whole can of worms. I don't know if we're gonna
get him back. We're not okay. Here's the thing. When
I judged RuPaul's drag Race, I was sitting next to
a Paul and I know she's a huge comeback fan,
so I literally turned her at one point and I
just like did a little bit of Valerie Cherish and
I was like, real is it? Oh? And RuPaul lost it.

(41:40):
It was off camera, but it was like one of
my shining moments in my life. Like I made RuPaul
laugh from doing such a good Valerie Cherished like, that's it,
that's a wrap on me. I don't, I don't know.
I have nothing else on my sleeve. I can't even,
I can't even. I walked by RuPaul and I almost
literal almost like painted. I can't even imagine having a
conversation with Mama rou um because I I just yeah,

(42:03):
I would, I would definitely paint. So that I did
Snatch Game episode, so I got to go to do
Snatch Game, which was even more stressful. And the runway
they did frozen from Broadway and saying musical theater. So
I was like Snatch Game, Rue Paul musical theater, like goodbye,
Like I'm just I'm I'm out. I wouldn't be able

(42:23):
to do it. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it. Um.
Do you remember your first Pride you went to? Do
you remember? I'm I'm I know. I had a really
interesting experience with like Pride and what that meant to me,
like going to the actual events because of having to
be in the closet. I would want to go, but
it wasn't allowed to So we're like baseball hats and
like try to like hide yourself because you still wanted

(42:44):
to go. Did that happen to you? I just I
I never you know, I never really went, and so
like that. I think the thing that that was that
really sucked for me is like I had a really
troubling coming out when I was like fourteen, I ended
up having to move away. But once I repaired the
relationship with my mom by the time I was like sixteen,
even though I wasn't living with her. Uh my mom

(43:06):
brought me to Wichita Pride when I was sixteen, after
after a very tumultuous coming out. So it's two years
after that. And I don't talk about that and that
in the book, and I definitely I should have, but
I um like the fact that somehow a couple of
years could go by and and my mom could. It

(43:28):
wasn't that my mom was never homophobic. She just knew
that it would have been hard for me to exist
as a gay man in a town of six hundred
people in Kansas. And then once I got to go,
I went back to visit her and she brought me
to which Top Pride when I was like sixteen, and
it was like it was incredible. And then, um, you know,
I moved to l A and when I had to

(43:48):
like lock all my you know, lock myself back up
in the closet, and I never really got to go.
And now I'm uncomfortable around situations like that, just because
I I find myself longing like I would I was
a I mean, I was a goga boy when I
was in high school, and so like I was sneaking
in the clubs, and so I longed for that that
old like I longed for that like that gay kind

(44:12):
of freedom that I had when I was younger. And
then now in l A, I'm having to learn how
to how to be myself in situations like that because
I find myself presenting Instagram Colton, that's what I call him,
is like I find myself being like, oh, if I
don't present what people, what the people who might follow
me on social media want, then I'm just not there's

(44:34):
no point in me being here because I'm not um,
you know, I'm not keeping the dicks hard, and so
I can't say I can't say that um, and so
I I really it comes to a point where it's
like I shouldn't be here because I'm not um, I'm
not giving what people want for me, and so I
still and it is kind of makes me sad because I,
you know, I don't I don't like day or any

(44:55):
of that stuff, and so like I'll find myself. I
was in New York a couple of weeks ago, and
like I was like, don't throw a pity for the
pay party for yourself calling like I'm like walking by
gay bars being like I wish I could go in
there without feeling and still feel wholly anonymous and like
still not feel like I have to um present, yeah, present,

(45:16):
because I'm you know, in or at least was really
in the public eye. So it's still something I'm working on.
Thank thankful to my therapists multiple uh. And you know
I'll get back. I'm going to get back to that
kind of um, that kid that I used to have
so in me, So you get it. I mean I
even saw a big change that five and a half
years I've been with Jonathan. I've seen a big change

(45:37):
and what he would present places versus how he is now.
So I mean it's it's a journey for sure. Like
I I think, you get there and I'm gonna do something.
You guys keep talking, Okay, are you going I'm just
gonna get something, Okay, jam He's going to get something.
But Dame's wasn't wearing pants when he got up, by

(45:59):
the way, he never wears pants around the house. Literally
why I married him. But I'm like, babe, there's a
spot on the floor that he's cleaned again. He's like,
why do you keep spilling stuff? I'm like, I don't
such a fun time, Raymond. You're sitting here, Raymond Z
we say that I have. Raymond, what do you think

(46:19):
about all these stories You're you know, like, I took
a long time to come out to my parents, and
I think my whole life would be different. And if
I felt like I could do it when I was
fifteen mm hmm, yeah yeah, and I really like seeing

(46:44):
those kids. And the thing that really hurt my like
soul was having to go back in the closet like
that was because like I was, I was just a
I mean, I was not your average I mean I
would fit right into the cast of Euphoria. Yeah, yeah,
that was me. And then I you know, but yeah,
I mean I think obviously we're on our own journey,

(47:06):
and um, I think that that. Yeah, I mean it does.
It does make me feel like you want to get
back into like maybe go back to your teens and
see what it would be like to live um kind
of your authentic self back then. Um. And yeah, so
I'm sorry you didn't get to do that, but yeah, James,
what do you have? I would I would have loved
So I'm coming in on the tail end of this,

(47:27):
but I would have loved that. I always think, like, man,
if I could go back to high school and not
have to pretend that the guy I went to homecoming
with was actually like we had to pretend that we
weren't going together, and we had two girls that were
friends come with us, and we couldn't even know as
them that like they were coming with us because we
wanted to go together. Like if we could go back

(47:47):
now and see the kids like going to their homecomanies together,
it is beautiful. Like I brought my I brought my boyfriend.
In high school two, I was nominated for UM. I
went to four different high schools my senior year. I
was like the new kid, and I think I was
only nominated for com king because everyone was like this,
who is this guy? And I brought my boyfriend and
I was out and we we got to like wear

(48:08):
our matching suits and like um and you know, dance
to like boys two men and UM and then yeah
and then all that kind of you know, then you
have to go back in because the same thing happened
to me. I was out. I was a big old
musical theater queen in high school, like the gayest kid
you have ever met. I'm like, what do you want
to sing? Rent, Like, we can do all of it.

(48:30):
I can do all of it. Let's go. And then
like I get all my children and I have to
go back in the closet. So yes, I totally understand.
What do you mean, like you're out? And then the
industry puts us back in? James, what do you get? Well, No,
I just went because like you talked about your therapist,
and like, as gay men, a lot of us go
to therapy. Um, it's a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful thing.
And one of the things that my therapist taught me

(48:53):
that has worked really well with me is replacing memories
and replacing something that was bad or hurtful within like
a good memory because the way the timeline of your
brain works, it actually pushes stuff away, so whatever is
more recent, like if added trauma in a certain place,
like for example, the house that Jonathan and Iram was
with my ax and like it was a really traumatic,
hurtful place. But then Jonathan and I came here and

(49:14):
did a lot of work to it, and it became
a beautiful place. And now I love walking in here
because I used to sing Wicked in the living room
on a bicycle go on true story in the middle
of pandemic. Actually did. But so I went to a
lot of speech therapy. So you talk about speech therapy
like resonates with me my voice. You will hear it
go back and forth a thousand times too, between like
accent not accent, like like my much higher pitched voice.

(49:37):
My lower voice is just because like so many times,
I was taught to talk so differently between like news
and school and and and shows and all that. So
what is the I got a post it note, which,
by the way, was very hard to find in this house.
What is the activity? How does this work? What were
you supposed to do with this? You have to like
fold it up. You have to basically like fold it
up into something like a bunch of different like folded

(49:59):
a bunch okay, and then yeah, and then put it yeah,
a bunch of hals and then put it under your tongue.
And it's supposed to um kind of fix the placement
of your tongue. Let's see what happened. I couldn't say
I'm just doing it right now and now I'm supposed
to talk like this. It doesn't happen. This just made

(50:19):
me like right back to your my fifth gray shelf,
like I'm, I'm it's not right. It sounds like you're
chewing gum. And this is supposed to help. It was
supposed to help, like because once you isn't ridiculous, it's
not what we're doing. What does it help do? So
then once you take it out, it's supposed to help

(50:40):
the placement of your tongue. So you have to talk
like that for a long time. Um, but we shouldn't
be Yeah, I mean like then once you it's the
same with a highlighter, like if you if you put
a highlighter in your mouth and talk and then you
take it out and then it helps with addiction. Ah Colton,
Before we go, I want to ask you what your
favorite part are about being lgbt Q plus is what's

(51:04):
your favorite part about being gay? Um that I kind
of get to experience UM in a lot of ways.
I get to feel like, I get to experience a
lot of UM. I get to feel my feelings I
think more because I do have you know I do
have qualities of um, you know, I feel like I
just have a lot of different qualities from growing up

(51:26):
with my sisters and kind of identifying within and also
with brought with my brothers, and you know, I think
I just have access to my emotions, which I'm um.
I mean, I'm proud just of so many things, but
I definitely, um, I'm just at this point really proud
that I live in a world where I'm able to
exist whole, being, wholy myself because there's sort of people

(51:49):
out there who don't get to be that, you know,
who are who don't have that luxury. And you know,
I think the more we are able to be ourselves
and I think that that can just really can continue
to change and allow other people to beat themselves as well.
So um, yeah, that's beautiful. I love it. Al Right,
before we go, kind do a big gay spotlight. Okay,
go for it. I want to show him a big

(52:10):
gay spotlight. You gott introduce me to the same played
in music. All Right, it's time for this week's big
gay Spotlight, where we shown a spotlight on someone in
the lgbt Q plus community that is doing extraordinary things
and needs to be hyped. So who we hype in
this week? James, I don't always do celebrities on this,
and I had somebody else alone switch it out with
next week's because I think this is so cool. I'm

(52:31):
showing I'm a big gay spotlight this week on Laverne Cox.
Who adore Laverne. I love you to death. But I'm
doing this not only for what an amazing advocate she
is in so many ways for the trans community and
for the queer community as a whole, but because I
don't know if you'll saw this or not, but go
look it up if you haven't google it. She was
the inspiration for Mattel's first trans Barbie doll, and I

(52:52):
can't think of a more perfect representative for that than
Laverne Cox, and especially in the time when trans right
seemed like they're so under attack, and to have Laverne
who by the way, and give you a little history
on this too, because this month in gay history, Laverne
Cox was on the cover of What was It Time

(53:13):
magazine um as the first uh industry about be in,
the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a
Primetime Emmy. That was two She's just trailblazing all the time,
breaking down barriers. And now there's trends all out there
for kids to play with and and and just feel
seen and feel love. And it's just it's beautiful, like

(53:34):
we're making progress, y'all. So a big gaye spotlight goes
on the Verne Cox this week, Colton, do you want
to shine your big gay spotling on anyone in your life?
For anyone? You know, they don't gotta be famous, they
don't gotta be famous, gonna be anyone, you know. I've
gotten just to to There's a couple of people that
I've um that I've just become. I feel like they're
my best friends, just during the pandemic. And you know,

(53:57):
my friend Brandon Kyle Goodman, who a lot of people
I know from the internet. Um, he's you know, not
only hilarious with they have something called Messy Mondays. But
at the same time, I'm in the process of reading,
um reading Brandon's book that is about to come what's
going to come out shortly in a couple of months,

(54:17):
I believe, And I'm just so inspired by Brandon and
Brandon's on Big Mouth. He's a writer for Big Mouth
and also has been in a bunch of other things,
but it's just really been a friend that I've needed
during the pandemic. And you know, whether it's my friend
of look or actially or requested or Brandon, we really

(54:40):
have formed these this bond, especially during the pandemic. Now
to be out of it and actually like get to
enjoy their company, Like I just gosh, I really learned
so much from from them, and I'm just really really yeah,
I definitely needed to slow down in the pandemic was
de wally hard for all of us, but that's something

(55:02):
good that came out of it from me. So and
I want to shine my big gay spotlight, which I
normally don't do. Usually we just shine one James. James
kind of leads it. But I'm going to shine my
big gay spotlight this week. I'm Colton Haynes. Because if
there's anyone, oh my god, I'm getting emotional. No, we're
not doing this now. If there's anyone that I feel

(55:25):
like sees me and understands everything, it's Colton Haynes. Because
I see you and I just understand you and to
be able to do what you're doing now and to
be fearless by releasing this book and having the strength
and courage it takes to do what you're doing and

(55:46):
to be on this journey you're on, and to stand
up and tell your truth to the world in hopes
that it inspires everyone. That is probably the strongest, most courageous,
most respectable thing a human being can do. And so
I shined my big spotlight on Mr Colton Haynes this week.

(56:10):
I love you, Papa John's you know you see money
there's people are gonna listen to this and need to
hear it because both of you guys, at the height
of your darkest place, if you had twenty seconds to
go back in time and say something to yourself, what
would you say. I'd say, it's okay to be gay,

(56:32):
turn on the musical theater and just listen to it
at full volume. Like I would say, just be yourself
because you're scared that you're scared that once they find
out the real you, they're not gonna love you, and
that you're gonna disappoint your fans. But what happens is
you realize that when you are your true self and
live a true life of who you are, is when

(56:53):
people can actually connect with you because no one connected
with me because I wasn't a real person. I was
a shell of like what I thought I should be.
But when you're real person, people connect with you and
they embrace you and they love you even more. So
just be yourself and go for it because you only
You're the only one that knows how to do you yeah,
and you do it so well. So yeah, I mean

(57:14):
this an emotionally took an emotion. I know, I didn't
mean for it to get emotional, and all the sudden
I got emotional because I'm so proud of you. Well
we do, and we just have so much history and
you know, like you know, I think I think that
like if I could go back, I just would be.
I think if this is something also that you could tell,
you're all of us could tell ourselves, like you know
that we're all worthy of love without pain. And I

(57:37):
and I say in my dedication in the book, I
dedicated to all the queer kids, and I say because
and I say to all the queer kids, who, um,
who would break their own arm if only to have
someone signed their past, And I say, you're you're worthy
of love without pain. Um. And that's that was me
as a kid, I would do anything I could to
feel uh like it, to feel attention or to feel

(58:02):
love and to just feel a part of And so
like I just think of like being that kid who
would wear a cast to school and just hope that
it would help me be a part of And so
I think I would tell my myself in that kind
of darkest time of like, hey, like, you don't need
to continue to hurt yourself because you you're worthy of
that love and you don't like that pain is not

(58:25):
going to um just seeking out pain because you want
to feel something that's not a reason, that's not the
feeling that you want. And I would just tell he
I would. I would just be like, yeah, I would
tell myself you know you're worthy of love without pain,
because that would have saved me a lot of heartaches.
So well, I know you're saving a lot of people
by writing this book and by telling your truth and

(58:47):
being on this podcast and sharing your story. So thank
you so much for joining us on podcast. Colton. If
if you don't know, the book is out, it's Miss
Memory Lane by Colton Haynes. It's out now. Where can
you get it? Everywhere? Books are sold basically right never
where books are sold. On the audio book, I pry
on the last third of it and it is extremely heartbreaking,
so I also get that too, because you're in for

(59:08):
a Yeah. Also go buy tissues because it's a wild ride.
So thank you so much for joining us, and we
love you and we're so proud of you. And I
cannot wait to read this book and I know people
are going to freak out for it. Yeah. Thanks for
sharing your story, buddy. Thank you so much. Thankank guys
for having me. I really appreciate it. Okay, love you,
Good to see you YouTube. H Thank you so much

(59:32):
for joining us on this episode of Pridecast. Make sure
you follow us along on Instagram at pridecast Pod, join
the conversation and go please rate our podcast, give us reviews.
And if you didn't like it, don't go rate or
give us reviews, just do nothing. But if you loved us,
give us some good reviews please and we will see
you all hopefully at l A Pride Saturday, June eleven

(59:55):
and June twelve. Come out and be proud of this
two