December 6, 2021 • 42 mins
You know us... we love the spicy prompts and today's prompt is no exception! Hear what the lads have to say about getting married young!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Prompt Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
back to the prompt Us Podcast. You may have heard
of us talked about these episodes in previous episodes of
the podcast. The lost tapes are episodes that we recorded
before Lockdown, before we couldn't visit each other, which makes
these episodes almost two years old. Crazy. They're almost like
our demo mix tape episodes. Welcome to the prompt Us Podcast.
(00:23):
Where you start the conversation, we'll be discussing topics focusing
on personal, spiritual and professional growth. I am Gabriel Conti,
and to my left we have the Ugo Master Zachary,
and to our right Zachary Stains and to our right
we have the Poker Master, the Chad Masters. What was
(00:44):
everyone's favorite? You go a Pokemon? Well, I mean I
did both. I did both, but I wasn't like, I
wasn't like child's level, competing with like the sling on
your arm for like your tournaments. I have a legit
have trophies from you, tournament trophies. I felt so bad
because I was, like, you know, I wasn't I think
a metals cool? And then I'll go to these U
tournaments with all these there's like older guys there, and
(01:04):
your boy was just like blue eyes white and my
brother had one of those, and I was always so jealous.
I was like, I never get any good courage when
I buy the path from Maalmart. I mean, I'm not
gonna lie. I had a lot of those. But I
what really made my deck special. I had to really
nonstate that there's reasons plane podcast, guys, I swear what
(01:27):
made my card words I'm just trying to say, is
all my trap cards is that there's a lot of
people would look at me, wouldn't think that I had
such a masterful set of traps ready for him to
step into. Dang. Anyway, I really don't even fully relate
because I never like battle. That was just like collected them. Anyway. Yeah,
(01:50):
it wasn't the podoct. It's called Dueld. For those who
were wondering, Okay, this and this is podcast, I'm just
like trying to chat, I mean act just like chat.
Get over, let's move on to the podcast. Okay, I
think it's your turn to she's a problem, big dog,
it's my turn. All right, I'll do it. But so so, basically,
the deal is is we have three prompts sitting on
(02:12):
cards on the table right now. We have never seen
them and we don't know what they are. We're picking
one which will be the topic of conversation for this podcast.
These prompts are from you. These prompts are from the audience,
and they were selected by my lovely wife Jessica and
Zachary's lovely fiance. And I think Tori also did help.
(02:35):
She yeah, she did. Actually, yeah, Tory mosses Yeah, and
shout out to my wife and Jake helped. Actually, I'm
stay farm my videographer. Um. Shout out to the to
the producers of the show. If you guys ever want
to submit any proms, little questions or anything like that,
you can hit us up on our social media accounts
(02:55):
podcast d M prompt this podcast on Instagram and Twitter,
whichever one were there, Ready to receive the prompts from
you guys. Yeah, Mr Kunti, So in the spirit of Yugo,
I'm shuffling you to draw your car like you're drawing
it from a deck of cards. Okay, I'm just picked
(03:16):
from top, right from the top. All right, we shuffled
it right, Okay. Prompts upside down over every single time. Okay,
oh oh, I pre read it because it's a quick one.
A lot of them were like long sentences. This one's quick.
Are you ready? You want? You want the prompt, you
(03:38):
want the front? Okay, guys, the prompt is what are
your thoughts on getting married? Young shaking his head, he's like,
I'm engaged. Well this that's kind of interesting because now
we'll have some different perspectives. We will also also let's
(03:59):
just say, hello, to be married for three years? How
are you been married nine and a half months? And
then like, I'm engaged, So I feel like, well, well,
let me clarify, by this time that this is airs,
will be past three years. That's true. Yes, And by
the time this airs for you will almost probably probably
a year almost yeah, or right around them. Okay. So
with that said, I think we can add a little
(04:21):
history to all this as well, like our current ages,
how long we've been married or whatever, and then like
the age that we were married, stuff like that. So um,
for myself, I am at this point of recording almost
three years at the time this releases will be past
three years married. Excuse me, just glare my throw That
(04:45):
one was that one was dirty I'm sorry for anyone listening.
People project out vomiting right now, so you know when
people to get contagiously like vomit. Yeah, someone vomited. Okay, anyway,
we're was I oh, yes, I am currently twenty five
years old, married for three years, and I got married
(05:06):
when I was twenty two. My wife was twenty So
I I fall I think I fallen into the youngest
married category between us three Where Chad, you tell us
about you, You tell us about you, baby, you do
you bo. I'm currently twenty nine. I got married nine
months ago. I was twenty eight and my wife is
(05:28):
twenty six and she had a so she was twenty
five when we got married. Okay, sweet nice, it's been
a blast because that's not almost a baby, I keep
telling your baby. I'm just feeling the vibe. I'm sipping
on my coffee right now, just like oh summer vibes
in the in the in the winter, in the technogue
in Australia, summer ribs for years at you take it away?
(05:50):
Um so so engaged for two weeks at the time
of recording news, which is crazy, pretty much a week
and a half. Actually, it's not even now, dude, in
two days it'll be Yeah, it's fine. Um, I don't
know how Chelsea is. She's probably thirty three or something.
I think, my god, that's gonna I'm cool now I'm
(06:13):
twenty three, almost twenty four, and Untils is twenty four,
so not by much. But yeah, so when you're married,
how I'll be twenty four, like we'll both which is
I guess still pretty young. Yeah, that's especially it's in
today's perception when you should get married, it's probably like
(06:35):
around thirty, which is which I guess. It's fine. Yeah, no, no,
I'm not. It's definitely shifted a lot with with school
and college more specifically being being like a step towards marriages.
Like before people would just graduate high school and then
start working for a family business or just a local job,
and then they get married. But now there's between three
(06:56):
and six years extra where people are still exploring things. Yeah,
which is that's actually crazy to think about. Yeah, so, um,
what are your thoughts I'm getting married young? Do you well?
I'm going to throw it back to you even though
you just asking, because I would love to. I mean,
I need to water and sip some water because I
(07:16):
think that you have some good insight on this, because
I mean, we we don't have an a game, and
I grew up in church world, so I feel like
I'm used to the idea of people getting married young.
I'd love to see your thoughts on it, because I
know you've had a lot of friends that also got
married young. Literally all my friends back home married each other. Yeah,
well that just sounded funny, you know, literally, like we
(07:38):
had like our our squad was like the guys and
the girls, and they all basically paired up and they
just poked it out simple maths. Yeah, hilarious. So some
people were left alone, but then they found their people.
Why do you think everyone got married young? That's what
I was kind of. Um, it was the definitely the
environment that we grew up in. We were definitely encouraged
to do so, so from just from like and this
(07:59):
might sound a little crazy when I when we explain it,
but from a Christian perspective, like you're trying to obviously
stay away from sin, you know, from stumbling before marriage
if you will. And um, with that, like that's one piece.
Then there's like the protecting your heart for the right
person and just being really intentional through the whole dating
(08:21):
process and and knowing like, hey, you're either gonna break
up with the person you're dating or you're gonna end
up marrying them. Those are the two options that are
on the table once you are in a relationship. So like,
don't get into a relationship unless you're seriously considering marrying
that person. You know, So all of those factors, like
(08:41):
like those factors and and there's more I think that
we'll get into as the that I'm just not able
to pull up off the top of my head right now.
Just as this podcast continues, I know we'll talk about
and touch on um. But a lot of those things
are reasons to like. Growing up, I was always like,
whenever I was meeting some one who like could be
(09:01):
for the sake of a better term, a candidate of
a candidate that could potentially be my wife, UM, I
always approached that relationship or friendship or whatever with the
lens of seeing if it could be a potential marriage
(09:24):
or not. You know. And if like I was like
I don't want this person raising my kids, I don't
want to spend the rest of my life with this person,
I didn't even touch it. We're most we're most people.
I was saying, today's dage. It's kind of like not
like casual dating, because I'm sure they go into it
like seriously quote unquote serious. But it's serial dating. Oh
that's what people call it nowadays. It's seriously. It's not
my term serial dating, just habitual daters where you just
(09:46):
date from just date to date date because they don't
want to be alone. There's emotional dependency there, there's relational dependency.
And by the way, I'm not these are not shots fired.
This is something that the people are developing in terms
of like sociologists the big word. Look at me, you
smart guy. Fancy dude. Anyway, what was I saying after
(10:07):
he said, after he said they just date a lot?
Is what you Yeah, there's there's a difference there, you
know what I mean. So like I'm an advocate for
dating young, but I'm also an advocate for for like
not serial dating. Excuse me, dude, we just have to
lunch and and like do you think so? Is that? Why?
Is that why your whole friend group? Then I guess
(10:29):
we're in a similar vein of like understanding and is
that why I ever got married young? Well? Yeah, let
me explain a little bit of like the way I
grew up, so like I would grew up being homeschooled,
and we had like this homeschool community back in Florida
where I grew up in Like everyone like we were
all friends. A lot of us went to the same churches,
a lot of our parents were friends with each other,
(10:50):
so everywhere we went, we were kind of being fed
the same message and consistency. There was no like friend
in our friend group who had different values than us,
so we all knew like if there were, Like I
didn't date anyone in my friend group because I just didn't.
I left and you know what I mean, I came
(11:11):
to l A and yeah, and then ended up meeting
Jess and work out why didn't work out for your
guy um anyway, But like it it's like hard to explain,
you know what I mean, Like we all grew up
with the same values in the same community. Like as
(11:34):
far as like on a on a like me hanging
out with my dudes back in the day, like we
would go to one of our say I would go
to my buddy Ricky's house and his dad was there.
Sometimes his dad would like pour into us and speak
to us about certain topics or whatever, and there was
kind of this like unspoken yet spoken standard of how
(11:56):
we are to treat women, of how we are to
conduct ourselves, of what we are supposed to and not
supposed to do. Like the first kiss thing was kind
of looked down upon because we knew that we should
be saving that for the person that we're gonna end
up marrying, you know what I mean. We're like normally
in a middle school, high school age friend group, it's
like you're trying to kiss as many people as possible,
just like because boys or boys, you know what I mean.
(12:18):
Like that's just like a thing where for our group
it was different, which was super rare. Yeah, especially now,
like leaving leaving home and going out and like just
making friends in different places and traveling the world and
stuff like that, Like it is extremely rare. And that's
one of those things that I look back into my
life and I'm like, wow, God was really protecting me
by putting me in that place, you know. So anyway,
(12:42):
those are sort of like the things that we grew
up with that kind of let me put it this way,
we were practicing our whole time growing up to be
prepared for marriage. Being comfortable being single, being comfortable with
our relationship with God, and kind of preparing our hearts
and minds for marriage, where a lot of people are
(13:03):
not doing that, and they're not they're not even exposed
to it and having those conversations, you know what I mean,
and it takes a while for them. Then then they're
like maybe like in their twenties realizing like, oh maybe
I want to get married at some point or whatever
it is, and then they start taking it more seriously.
But you do have to while you're single. You do
have to practice what you want to replicate in your marriage.
(13:26):
Like I always say, what you act as what you attract.
So if you're single or like not singling, like doing
the serial dating thing, like you said, and just like
kind of going from one person to the next to
the next, you're kind of practicing breaking your heart up
with someone and moving to the next person. The practicing
breaking heart with that personal and it becomes a normal
(13:48):
thing for you. And if that's what you're practicing, that
could really really likely carry over into a marriage relationship
and cause a lot of problems. Yeah, so so, and
like there's that there's even like talking about I know,
it's like a sensitive topic, but like talking about like
pornography and stuff like that. If you're practicing that when
(14:08):
you're single, which is super easy to do, especially as
a dude, that can so easily carry over into your marriage.
And like there's like that honeymoon phase when it's all
like first fun and exciting and everything, but then like that,
over time it can just like you can fall back
into that practice because you have practiced it so much
when you were single. So how are you acting when
(14:30):
you're single? Is is like what you're practicing when you're
single is what you were then more likely than not
going to continue to replicate once you were in a relationship.
And and then when I say what you act as
what you attract, you want to act like the person
you want to end up with, you know what I mean?
(14:50):
Like if I had met Jess and I was, you know,
like dating around or sleeping around and just doing all
these things that she wouldn't have it to do, she
wouldn't have been dating me. She wouldn't have started dating me,
you know, Like she knew that she wanted to save
herself for someone and I did too, And when we met,
our values aligned and then we both knew that we
(15:11):
had to take excuse me a wisious scruts getting emotional.
We both knew that we want to like take care
of each other's hearts and stuff like that. And Yeah, anyway,
that's like kind of a long spiel because this is
like a question that can be hit from so many
different directions. But like it's it's kind of like the
mindset that you have. Because I'm looking back at the question,
like what are your thoughts I'm getting married young. There's
(15:32):
like a lot of pros, there's some cons and stuff
like that. It just like depends on perspective. But I
think it's more you need to have no matter what
age you're at, you need to be in the right mindset,
you know what I mean, and like practice the right
things to end up in a healthy marriage relationship and
then continue to practice those healthy habits while you're in
a marriage relationship. Because even there's people that are probably
(15:55):
like maybe like divorced at thirty five, they got married
at thirty to us at thirty five, of them to
get married again at forty then get divorced again, and
it might be because they're similarly practicing the things that
they were when they were younger that caused them to
not And I don't like saying that like super lightly
(16:16):
because I know a lot of people deal with divorce
and stuff, story and everything, But um, that's just kind
of what I've I mean, I think there's so many
things that if people knew, if young people knew and
practiced to to I guess, to protect themselves from future
hurts if they really knew it, and I think a
(16:39):
lot more people would practice it and then end up
getting married younger. But I think there's like a compounding
effect which is super interesting, which is people are not
practicing safe relationships and therefore it's causing emotional hardships and
their current relationships, which pushes back the time frame that
(16:59):
they get married till later. And later compounds because the
more baggage you bring to a relationship, the less people
are gonna want to be with you. The more relationships
you go through, the more baggage you have. And so
I think that's why the age has just dramatically increased recently,
you know, And you know it's like the whole you know,
(17:21):
I really liked what you mentioned about, um, you know,
waiting for marriage, you know, in terms but a lot
of like people who aren't Christians don't really maybe understand that.
But if you like understand the why, you know, if
you understand the purpose of that practice rather than it
just being like a rule in a book, but rather
like how cau this can't protect me. You're very good
at explaining that. So I would love for you to
(17:41):
break that down for us. So I'm gonna break it
down for you. Break it down, baby, I'm just calling
you baby. On this podcast you forgot my name talking
about relationships. So there's an analogy I heard once and
it really impacted me, and I just wanted to share
it with the audience, and I hope that's cool. But
so so basically, imagine you're in a freezing cold cabin
and there's no heat, and there's a fireplace. There's no fire, right,
(18:05):
and you're freezing your your butt off, right, You're just
like you're, oh my gosh, it's so there's a blizzard
happening right now, and you don't know what you're gonna do.
And then there's a knock on the door, right, and
then hope that works, that will be dope. And so
there's a knock on the door. The sound effects from
Zack's soundboard. So so, so you open the door and
(18:26):
you see a box sitting there, and there's firewood, and
then there's there's a lighter, and then there's like instructions
for how to light this and all that you know.
And then you take that firewood in the and that
lighter flint whatever it is, and and the instructions you
toss out the instructions. What's going to happen if you
light that fire on top of your bed? Your bed's
(18:48):
gonna be on fire. And then which is going to
cause the house to burn down? Okay? What's gonna happen
if you put it in the fireplace like you're gonna
have warm, You're gonna it's gonna warm the entire place.
But guess what, It's not going to warm the bedroom
as fast as you what you wanted to. It's not
going to give you the instant gratification like what you want, okay,
because it takes longer for it too warm. But now
(19:10):
you don't risk burning your entire house down. And so
so what people, what I really want people to know
is that with Christians and primal sexes, it's not that
we're we just want to like old and oh my gosh,
that's just sin. You know what it is is we
see how powerful sex is, We see the power of
it and how great it can be, but also how
(19:30):
dangerous can be. How it can literally be the thing
that either warms your entire house, improvides warmth for you,
or can burn your house down. And so if you
just toss away the instructions to something that's that powerful,
then you're you're you're playing with fire. Yeah. But another
thing is most people aren't of the understanding of how
(19:52):
powerful it is or just don't like diminished the value
of sex. Yeah, you know what I mean, which is
which is interesting, which is very interest same mindset. Where
do you think that comes from? You know, like where
do you think is that just it's sold that dude?
I mean it's yeah, it's sold every like nowadays. Dude,
you walk you walk down like here in l A.
You just walked down the street and on a billboard.
(20:12):
It's just you know, it's sex is being sold to
us everywhere. You know, can I can I use another
example and I want you guys to use your best Dude,
where did you hear that example? Did you make that?
Frank Turik from there's an app called UM. I think
it's got got questions or UM it's something like that,
(20:35):
because that was so money. Yeah, Frank Turik shout out.
So I'm using another example and use your discretion. If
this is good enough to put in or like it,
maybe you know what I mean. And so to answer
your question, what you're saying, is that about why that
why that kind of sexual culture is so prevalent and
it's and people don't tend to give it the the
(20:58):
um the spect it deserves, you know, is that here's
another analogy, imagine imagine UM, Zach, I hold, you don't
know if I use this for example. And by the way,
there's no true questions. Okay, just answer first thing off
your head. I love how you always ask Zach the questions.
Like Zack answer this question for me, it's not a
trick question. And I want to be sensitive with how
(21:19):
I asked this because I know that there are people
that are affected by what I'm gonna say, and so
I want to be very sensitive. So just hanging in
there with me, Zack. Imagine you got punched in the face,
A good punch, right, but nothing crazy. How long do
you think it would take you to heal from that,
like a few days, maybe a week, two weeks if
it was a really good one, okay, two weeks. Imagine
(21:41):
that you were abused sexually. How long do you think
it would take you to recover from that? If sex
was just physical, you would repair and heal just as
fast as getting hit in the face. Sex is not
just physical. It's spiritual. It's personal. It goes to the
ups of our souls. And people are not seeing it
(22:02):
as that. They're seeing it as something that can just
be tore around with physically. They're not seeing the effects
it's actually having on the emotionally and spiritually. Oh no,
I mean yeah, I mean I think it is. But
I think that's that's just showing the depth this is.
Really it's really hard to explain the importance of understanding that,
(22:25):
you know, like especially on a practical level. Like it's
easy if you like all subscribe to the same ideology
and like belief and we're all like, okay, let's start
with the Bible and then move from there, and then
you kind of can come to the same conclusion, you
know what I mean, But from if someone doesn't share
the ideology, explaining to them, like the reasons why it
(22:46):
actually works practically as well is something you definitely have
to work through, which I think, Chad, you have done
a very good job at like piecing together on an
explanation that is satisfactory for someone who doesn't believe this
same thing you believe. I had to do it for myself.
I I always now when I explain it to friends
who are maybe questioning my decisions or different things like that,
(23:08):
I always say, I explained my philosophy before my philosopher,
and so I like to explain the reason why torrent
I didn't live together before marriage, why we wait um
until marriage to have sex, and different things like that,
I explained the philosophy behind it. And then they're like, oh, wow,
that makes a lot of sense. Where'd you come up
with that from? Yeah, well, the Lord the book. Then
(23:30):
let me tell you about this book? Can I tell
you about this book? I mean, I think and even
with the example you gave, um, I think there's something
about it's not just about respecting that person, but respecting
yourself and understanding what that looks like and what you
need from that. And I think especially bros and as
dudes were like we sometimes ignore that part of us
(23:50):
and be like, oh, that's just the thing that we feel.
But I guess, and you brought up previous second when
it comes to things like pornography and that kind of stuff,
if it was the thing that we just felt and
it was just like the need, then we wouldn't be addicted,
you know, like people wouldn't be addicted. Does that make sense?
So I think it's just really I think guys are
told generally, oh yeah, it's fine, like the sex part
(24:11):
of it's fine, it's fine just in general by the
world because we're maybe we're quicker to understand or get
into it, whatever it may be. And I think that's
actually what I have learned from a lot of like
the strong women around me, is realizing that that's not
the end all of something, you know. And even Chad
you said this the other you said this a few
times now about how like the is it ten percent intimacy?
(24:33):
I love that you were hanging out, Yeah, not even
hanging out, And that's kind of I think super forgotten,
especially as male because we can only speak as males,
but like, especially as dudes, I just feel culturally we
sometimes forget that that it's like, oh no, but I
just want to make it out all the time. And
it's like, well, bro, like you guys best friends, like
(24:54):
it's it's really something I had to learn and that
I think as guys we can turn So I think
as guys we can turn off, um a lot of
the emotional side of intimacy and just let it be
just physical and like you're actually able to or you
think you're able to. It's probably where I think I'm
able to. But just speaking like cannily right now, it's
(25:17):
where I'm learning that my wife can't do that. She
she it's more of like, um, oh, I get what
you're saying. It's like it's like almost like getting in
the pool. I can do canniballs all day and I'm
in the I'm in the pool. I'm here, you know
where my wife it's a steady walk into the pool
and where there's a lot of pursuing and a lot
of emotional pursuit and love that that comes up to
(25:40):
that point where I'm learning, just like what Zach said
that um, I need to respect the way that she
walks into its intimacy as well. Yeah, that's good, and
now I want to take that as a launching board,
because that's just in a sense, why not to have
sex right away? Now? Why would you get married young?
(26:02):
I really liked what you said. I'm just gonna say
that someone I was. I really like what you said that.
I'm a big proponent for getting married young, if you're ready,
if you kind of grew up with that intentionality. One
of the biggest things that bothers me sometimes is if
I'm on set and people this is before I was married,
but you know, uh, you know, it's only even nine months,
so this is even as as recent as this year.
(26:24):
I would be on set and people and makeup artists
or whatever would just be like, oh my gosh, you're
too young to get married. Just like go have fun,
and you're you're still a kid. And then that that
in and of itself, is then the beginning of practice
to push off marriage even longer and longer and longer,
and and it compounds. And the thing that always bothered
me is like, I pay the government a lot of
(26:46):
money in taxes, I have chest hair, and like, I'm
not a child. You know, my parents, by the time
they were my age, they had two kids, you know,
around like five and two. By the time they were
my age and at home. Know that's not to compare,
but it's just like, I'm not a child, but there's
still people that will look at me as a twenty
nine year old and still be all you're You're still
(27:07):
so young, You're still a child. And I feel like
I I I became a Christian around your age, Zach,
and so I it really did take me probably four
to five years to get to a place where I
felt emotionally ready, like where Gabe was at twenty two,
I think, right, yeah, yeah, where I felt good. And
so definitely don't get married if if you're not ready,
(27:28):
you know what I mean. But I I love the
idea of getting married young. Do you feel like you've
missed not? I'm just gonna keep asking questions because, like
I guess, for me, I am younger. Right, So, do
you feel like it was the best I mean, you'ren't
gonna say it's not the best timing. Obviously, the way
everything's rolled out for you and Toy is the best timing.
It's like God's timing on it. But do you do
(27:50):
you feel like it could have happened earlier? This is
the funniest thing between touring me all the time? Is
I wish it were earlier? You guys know the story, Beau,
the audience tell hilarious. I met Tory back, laughing the
fact that this you're gonna tell us right now. I
met Tory back in two thousand and fourteen, and she
was she was at a Miss America pageant and I
was at a Comic con convention. We're both at the
(28:11):
same convention center in Orlando, Florida, and a friend of
a friend introduced us, and from then on we I
I really wanted to date her, and I wanted to
take things further, and we went on a few dates.
When was that? That was back old, are you guys?
I was twenty four, she was twenty one in that ballpark. Yeah,
I don't know exactly the month that we met, you
(28:33):
know what, I but yeah, so she was probably two
and I was twenty four, and so you know, I'm
sorry I was turning twenty four that year. I was
probably twenty three actually, and so Chad, Yeah, which is
weird to think young Chad dude, Yeah, not much has changed.
You know. I have a few grades that you already
except you are ready for marriage. I really, man, I
(28:54):
was like, this is it, this is it, and then
she like ghosted me and she friends owed me for
like four years. And so that's always the joke is
she always says, like, babe, we weren't ready for marriage
at that time, but like I still low key wish
we got married back, you know, like I wish we
would have gotten to a relationship and then pursued marriage
from there, but it didn't work out that way. So
we actually have conflicting views, you know, like I wish
(29:16):
it would have been a long time ago. I wish
I wouldn't have spent those four years without her. It's
interesting that she sees the value of having spend those
four years though, you know, like you're looking at the
same situation, but she can go, you know, like as
much as four years. We could be technically four years
not ahead, but you know what I'm saying, four years
into it, She's like, we wouldn't be here with that.
(29:37):
That's such a good example of like me, I'm on
the jump into the pool, and she's easy emotionally walking
to it, and so she's good taking her time, and
I'm like, let's just jump, you know it. But that's
also goes back to like, yeah, I get married young
if you're ready, you know what I mean. And um,
it's cool seeing that God's plan ultimately prevailed, you know
(29:58):
what I mean. Like we talked about it one of
the previous podcasts about like God's will and we were
talking about like prayer and just like talking about like
God's will over your life and kind of like inviting
that regardless of whether you want that or not. And
that was God's will for your life, you know what
I mean, which is super cool to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I think it's really cool to see that. It's cool,
(30:20):
you know that famous versus so many people know that,
like romans, God works all things for good for those
who love him are called according to his purposes. And
what I love about that is that even if Tory
and I were screwing up his will, you know, even
if we were like messing with the plan, he still
accomplishes his goals. You know, he works through the chaos
and he works through it. And yeah, just so so
(30:42):
crazy Praise the Lord right there. So then I keep
wanting to tie it back to the question what are
your thoughts? Is the prompt what are your thoughts on
getting married young? Well, I like what you said, Chad
about if it feels like the right thing to do,
if it feels like it's the right time it feels
it's called timing. And heck, yeah, I also think getting
(31:04):
primoral counseling before you get married is a huge thing. Yeah,
I agree with that because Jess and I never did
because we were going to but because she lived in Australia,
I lived in California, and at that time I didn't
know any like any like authority in church yet that
I could fully trust to counsel Jess and I. So
(31:26):
that was in Florida, people who I would have gone to,
and it was just so difficult to like coordinate between Florida,
California and Australia too. Um, So we didn't end up
having that premortal counseling, and I wish we did because
there's things that we've run into that's like, okay, now,
this is this is something we have to work through,
even though it was something that we could have worked
out through premortial counseling before. And I really highly suggest
(31:49):
that because I know there's people, excuse me, I know
there's people who have like called off their weddings because
they went through premortal counseling and realized due to like
pastoral bounceling and stuff like that, and through like prayer
and really talking about like the hard stuff that you
don't that most people don't really talk about before getting
into marriage, that it wasn't right. You know. So that's
actually a big one as far as like a practical
(32:12):
step to get done. Yeah. And I think that ultimately
people just need to have a healthy view on marriage.
You know, there's so many books that you can go
through that. There's a Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.
I did that one. There's one by Francis Chan I
think it's called You and Me, uh for Eternity or
something like that. You know, it's a book pastor Josh recommends. Yeah.
I want to say, yeah, I know Francis Shannon has
(32:33):
when I just I think what was really just important
for us all in all was just to get a
really healthy view of marriage, um, love and respect. I
just looked at it on the shelf because I knew
I had one on the shelf that was good. Love
and Respect is a good one. We're looking at my
book shelf and there's Boundaries in Marriage by I think
it's John Townsend and it's by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.
(32:54):
I think I um Boundaries in Marriage or even just
Boundaries in personal life is a great book books. And
I think what's I think it's really good to do
is like too. I don't want to say remove yourself
from the equation, but don't let those like googly eyes
make you make decisions that aren't like good. It's you know,
I've mentioned this in every YouTube video tour and I've
done or every podcast. I always mentioned this that I
(33:18):
listened to this speech by Pastor Rich Brokerson and he
was talking on relationships, and he had said, you know what,
you know what, what what gets you at twenty five
and thirty won't keep you fifty five and sixty, and
so you need to actively be pursuing the things they're
gonna keep you and sixty. You know, you need to
have a different look on marriage other than oh, this
is just gonna be super easy, blah blah bla blah blah,
(33:40):
We're just gonna have sex and you know everything is
great and dandy. You need to have like a realistic
view of like, wow, okay, how does this person feel
about discipline in children? Yeah, Okay, how does this person
feel about donating to the church. Does this person wanna
be volunteers in the church? How do you know? You
gotta have those really hard conversation that can be really
(34:01):
Greek because they built intimacy, They build like communication and
things you wouldn't do in another person, you know, Like
there are things, I mean, my dad sent me a
list really similar to that the day classic shadow Dad,
big phil stains, but like the day that are yeah, right,
the day I called him. I'm like, hey, I'm going
to propose the chells, like I think this is something
(34:21):
I want to do. He's like, yeah, I'm stoked for you.
And some contexts like my dad's been divorced and so
for him it means even more like a list of
things that go do you take this stuff like seriously?
And then and it is it's just like questions even
just like what's your opinion on sex? Regardless of what
the opinion, just what is do you have one? Have
you thought about it? You know? And um, things about
(34:43):
where would you love to live? Do you want to
travel now? Or travel? Like things that we think is
so simple, especially dudes, just to talk about because it's
like easy for us to talk about, I know, especially
us three, but like the voice, but I think some
things that I'm like, oh damgn, like these are things
that I need to be actively talking to Chelsea about
(35:04):
because they are, like you said, Chad, the things like
how do you discipline kids? It's like, well, yeah, that
could literally wedge itself in between a relationship like a marriage.
Oh so much. Yeah, it's goes to that. I always
go to that. I don't even I don't know where
it is in the Bible, but it talks about being
equally yoked, not yolk, not like an egg yolk yoke
and freaking jacketed. No, no, no. So being equally yoked
(35:30):
is a term that was derived from basically like back
in the day when they would like farm the land,
they would be like to oxen or whatever was pulling
you know, the whatever they were doing on the field
and stuff. But they would have a yoke on them
which was basically this big like plank of wood that
would go over the both the necks of the two
cow or oxen or whatever that we're pulling. Um, that
(35:51):
were like harvesting the land or forgive me for my
lack of knowledge on farming but um, the yoke would
be on their net X and it would keep them
in line, right next to each other. And if one
of them was to go a little farther ahead than
the other one, well no, it could break the others. Yeah. Yeah,
(36:12):
So it would force them to stay right next to
each other and one not move farther ahead or behind
or whatever because there was dire consequences. So that's a
term in the Bible that they talk about, um in
in marriage because you need to be equally yoked on
all those things, all the important things, you know what
(36:34):
I mean? Um, And there's like like you don't have
to be like Jesse and I were not equally yoked
on the TV shows that we like. You know, I
like deep action dramas and Jess likes to watch the
you know, lighthearted comedy rom coms and stuff like that.
Like that's a non issue. What I'm talking about is
the deep stuff, like literally, like, how do you see
(36:58):
us raising our kids one day? You guys talk about
that a lot, not to get into that heaps, but
about you know, doing that in a public sense. What
does that look like? Those are the real conversations that
I've had with you guys, and it's been really what
do you mean in a public sense, Well, like you know,
like doing um, like like your work is influencial work, right,
we're going with kids. Yeah, and it's obviously encouraging that
(37:20):
you guys feel the same about it. But it is
those deeper questions that are the things you really need
to know, right, Like I mean, my I remember at
a youth camp that um, a youth past I can't
remember who um. He gave a great example of if
two people are two pillars, right. He was like, if
they lean on each other, one's going to outweigh and
(37:42):
four I was trying to explain equally, right, He's like,
but Jesus standing in the middle for you to to
lean on is like one cohesive thing, you know. And
like that I was sixteen and like that stuck with
me so far, Like you know that. I mean, now
we're going into relationship with each other and God, but
I think, um, yeah, but I mean it all has
to do with the question. It's like ultimately, like what
(38:04):
I talked about before about like the mindset that you
have towards marriage enables you, whether young or old, to
lead yourself or I have have godly do I guess
or just like head towards a marriage that will be
healthy and will be long term and stuff like that. Yeah,
I think it's I think it's just really important for
(38:25):
you know, to kind of wrap that up. I think
that you need to have a healthy view on marriage.
We do. That's reading through books or asking an older
married couple for advice, you know, to just pick their
brain and what they've been through. I think there's so
many different types of resources that you can you can
look for in that certain topic. Um. I think it's
it's good for you too, just like the Bible says,
(38:46):
you know, it says give yourself a sober assessment, you know,
to to to look in the mirror and be like, okay,
am I emotionally ready? Am I do I? You know,
because people have to just like the same type of
um respect that we tend to give sex is the
same respect that we want to give marriage to. You
know that this is something where I'm tying my life,
(39:07):
I'm becoming one with somebody else. And so I think
we're all in agreement that like getting married young is
great if you're ready and you have a healthy view
on marriage, and if you have people ready to do
life with you, because I think that's what's so interesting
about the actual wedding ceremony. You know. What I mean
is that it used to be done in like a
public atmosphere, and what they would do is is they
(39:30):
would ask you questions like, Okay, we're all gathered here
today to witness, Okay, to be a part of something.
We're here to witness these two in holy matrimony become one. Okay,
And then it even says, you know, um, does anyone
disagree with what's happening? They don't ask that anymore, you know,
but that used to be a thing where if you
(39:50):
don't think it was healthy, the community which would speak out.
And also they even ask at the end of the ceremony,
they say, do you do you now witness them becoming one?
And do you elect to say yes, I'm going to
be a part of their marriage to make sure they
stay on the right track. Marriage used to be a
communal thing. Now it's becoming less and less of that.
(40:11):
But kind of like the community that Gabe grew up
in being around it that that kind of um, what
do you even call that? A squad? I don't know,
squad I don't know, A flock a gang, I don't know,
but like that used to be the way people did it.
And so in marriage wasn't just this whole thing where
just two people decide one day, oh let's go do this,
and then like everybody else doesn't really have an opinion.
(40:33):
It should be a communal effort from your families, from
your your pastors, you're the people you look up to
and everything like that. So whither you're young or you're
my age, definitely just have a healthy view on on marriage.
But you know, that's just my opinion. But going back
to like my experience, my opinion, I'm going to tell
(40:53):
you my opinion before we fully wrap up here. Um,
going back to like what you're saying with like my
squad back in Florida, Like for all of them, it
is that community thing. And it's not just like if
one of the marriages in that community falls apart, it's
just that's the issue. It's going to affect so many
other people. Yeah, there was more accountability than most really, Yeah,
(41:16):
so much more like it could tear apart the friend group.
It can. It could cause so many problems within the
community that is so strong, you know, so you have
this accountability from every angle, like you have it from God,
you have it from the other person, from your family,
from your community. And then once you have kids, you
have your kids to like you know that you want
(41:37):
to give them a supportive household with your parents and stuff,
because it's just it's important and you want to show
them what a healthy marriage looks. Yes, yes, exactly the
example of it. But you know that's just our opinion.
We're ridiculous. Oh my gosh. Should we let us know? Guys?
Should we on the podcast like that? It's pretty funny.
I mean, if you had a funny way, we'll take it. Yeah,
(42:00):
us and give us suggestions prompt us on on ways
to conclude our thoughts. If if, if, if you want
to you know, yo, what's up? Guys? Thank you so
much for watching this episode of prompt Us. Make sure
to go to prompt us podcast dot com sument your
own prompts and we will see you in the next one.
Prompt Us is a production of iHeart Radio. For more
podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
(42:23):
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Prompt Us is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
back to the prompt Us Podcast. You may have heard
of us talked about these episodes in previous episodes of
the podcast. The lost tapes are episodes that we recorded
before Lockdown, before we couldn't visit each other, which makes
these episodes almost two years old. Crazy. They're almost like
our demo mix tape episodes. Welcome to the prompt Us Podcast.
(00:23):
Where you start the conversation, we'll be discussing topics focusing
on personal, spiritual and professional growth. I am Gabriel Conti,
and to my left we have the Ugo Master Zachary,
and to our right Zachary Stains and to our right
we have the Poker Master, the Chad Masters. What was
(00:44):
everyone's favorite? You go a Pokemon? Well, I mean I
did both. I did both, but I wasn't like, I
wasn't like child's level, competing with like the sling on
your arm for like your tournaments. I have a legit
have trophies from you, tournament trophies. I felt so bad
because I was, like, you know, I wasn't I think
a metals cool? And then I'll go to these U
tournaments with all these there's like older guys there, and
(01:04):
your boy was just like blue eyes white and my
brother had one of those, and I was always so jealous.
I was like, I never get any good courage when
I buy the path from Maalmart. I mean, I'm not
gonna lie. I had a lot of those. But I
what really made my deck special. I had to really
nonstate that there's reasons plane podcast, guys, I swear what
(01:27):
made my card words I'm just trying to say, is
all my trap cards is that there's a lot of
people would look at me, wouldn't think that I had
such a masterful set of traps ready for him to
step into. Dang. Anyway, I really don't even fully relate
because I never like battle. That was just like collected them. Anyway. Yeah,
(01:50):
it wasn't the podoct. It's called Dueld. For those who
were wondering, Okay, this and this is podcast, I'm just
like trying to chat, I mean act just like chat.
Get over, let's move on to the podcast. Okay, I
think it's your turn to she's a problem, big dog,
it's my turn. All right, I'll do it. But so so, basically,
the deal is is we have three prompts sitting on
(02:12):
cards on the table right now. We have never seen
them and we don't know what they are. We're picking
one which will be the topic of conversation for this podcast.
These prompts are from you. These prompts are from the audience,
and they were selected by my lovely wife Jessica and
Zachary's lovely fiance. And I think Tori also did help.
(02:35):
She yeah, she did. Actually, yeah, Tory mosses Yeah, and
shout out to my wife and Jake helped. Actually, I'm
stay farm my videographer. Um. Shout out to the to
the producers of the show. If you guys ever want
to submit any proms, little questions or anything like that,
you can hit us up on our social media accounts
(02:55):
podcast d M prompt this podcast on Instagram and Twitter,
whichever one were there, Ready to receive the prompts from
you guys. Yeah, Mr Kunti, So in the spirit of Yugo,
I'm shuffling you to draw your car like you're drawing
it from a deck of cards. Okay, I'm just picked
(03:16):
from top, right from the top. All right, we shuffled
it right, Okay. Prompts upside down over every single time. Okay,
oh oh, I pre read it because it's a quick one.
A lot of them were like long sentences. This one's quick.
Are you ready? You want? You want the prompt, you
(03:38):
want the front? Okay, guys, the prompt is what are
your thoughts on getting married? Young shaking his head, he's like,
I'm engaged. Well this that's kind of interesting because now
we'll have some different perspectives. We will also also let's
(03:59):
just say, hello, to be married for three years? How
are you been married nine and a half months? And
then like, I'm engaged, So I feel like, well, well,
let me clarify, by this time that this is airs,
will be past three years. That's true. Yes, And by
the time this airs for you will almost probably probably
a year almost yeah, or right around them. Okay. So
with that said, I think we can add a little
(04:21):
history to all this as well, like our current ages,
how long we've been married or whatever, and then like
the age that we were married, stuff like that. So um,
for myself, I am at this point of recording almost
three years at the time this releases will be past
three years married. Excuse me, just glare my throw That
(04:45):
one was that one was dirty I'm sorry for anyone listening.
People project out vomiting right now, so you know when
people to get contagiously like vomit. Yeah, someone vomited. Okay, anyway,
we're was I oh, yes, I am currently twenty five
years old, married for three years, and I got married
(05:06):
when I was twenty two. My wife was twenty So
I I fall I think I fallen into the youngest
married category between us three Where Chad, you tell us
about you, You tell us about you, baby, you do
you bo. I'm currently twenty nine. I got married nine
months ago. I was twenty eight and my wife is
(05:28):
twenty six and she had a so she was twenty
five when we got married. Okay, sweet nice, it's been
a blast because that's not almost a baby, I keep
telling your baby. I'm just feeling the vibe. I'm sipping
on my coffee right now, just like oh summer vibes
in the in the in the winter, in the technogue
in Australia, summer ribs for years at you take it away?
(05:50):
Um so so engaged for two weeks at the time
of recording news, which is crazy, pretty much a week
and a half. Actually, it's not even now, dude, in
two days it'll be Yeah, it's fine. Um, I don't
know how Chelsea is. She's probably thirty three or something.
I think, my god, that's gonna I'm cool now I'm
(06:13):
twenty three, almost twenty four, and Untils is twenty four,
so not by much. But yeah, so when you're married,
how I'll be twenty four, like we'll both which is
I guess still pretty young. Yeah, that's especially it's in
today's perception when you should get married, it's probably like
(06:35):
around thirty, which is which I guess. It's fine. Yeah, no, no,
I'm not. It's definitely shifted a lot with with school
and college more specifically being being like a step towards marriages.
Like before people would just graduate high school and then
start working for a family business or just a local job,
and then they get married. But now there's between three
(06:56):
and six years extra where people are still exploring things. Yeah,
which is that's actually crazy to think about. Yeah, so, um,
what are your thoughts I'm getting married young? Do you well?
I'm going to throw it back to you even though
you just asking, because I would love to. I mean,
I need to water and sip some water because I
(07:16):
think that you have some good insight on this, because
I mean, we we don't have an a game, and
I grew up in church world, so I feel like
I'm used to the idea of people getting married young.
I'd love to see your thoughts on it, because I
know you've had a lot of friends that also got
married young. Literally all my friends back home married each other. Yeah,
well that just sounded funny, you know, literally, like we
(07:38):
had like our our squad was like the guys and
the girls, and they all basically paired up and they
just poked it out simple maths. Yeah, hilarious. So some
people were left alone, but then they found their people.
Why do you think everyone got married young? That's what
I was kind of. Um, it was the definitely the
environment that we grew up in. We were definitely encouraged
to do so, so from just from like and this
(07:59):
might sound a little crazy when I when we explain it,
but from a Christian perspective, like you're trying to obviously
stay away from sin, you know, from stumbling before marriage
if you will. And um, with that, like that's one piece.
Then there's like the protecting your heart for the right
person and just being really intentional through the whole dating
(08:21):
process and and knowing like, hey, you're either gonna break
up with the person you're dating or you're gonna end
up marrying them. Those are the two options that are
on the table once you are in a relationship. So like,
don't get into a relationship unless you're seriously considering marrying
that person. You know, So all of those factors, like
(08:41):
like those factors and and there's more I think that
we'll get into as the that I'm just not able
to pull up off the top of my head right now.
Just as this podcast continues, I know we'll talk about
and touch on um. But a lot of those things
are reasons to like. Growing up, I was always like,
whenever I was meeting some one who like could be
(09:01):
for the sake of a better term, a candidate of
a candidate that could potentially be my wife, UM, I
always approached that relationship or friendship or whatever with the
lens of seeing if it could be a potential marriage
(09:24):
or not. You know. And if like I was like
I don't want this person raising my kids, I don't
want to spend the rest of my life with this person,
I didn't even touch it. We're most we're most people.
I was saying, today's dage. It's kind of like not
like casual dating, because I'm sure they go into it
like seriously quote unquote serious. But it's serial dating. Oh
that's what people call it nowadays. It's seriously. It's not
my term serial dating, just habitual daters where you just
(09:46):
date from just date to date date because they don't
want to be alone. There's emotional dependency there, there's relational dependency.
And by the way, I'm not these are not shots fired.
This is something that the people are developing in terms
of like sociologists the big word. Look at me, you
smart guy. Fancy dude. Anyway, what was I saying after
(10:07):
he said, after he said they just date a lot?
Is what you Yeah, there's there's a difference there, you
know what I mean. So like I'm an advocate for
dating young, but I'm also an advocate for for like
not serial dating. Excuse me, dude, we just have to
lunch and and like do you think so? Is that? Why?
Is that why your whole friend group? Then I guess
(10:29):
we're in a similar vein of like understanding and is
that why I ever got married young? Well? Yeah, let
me explain a little bit of like the way I
grew up, so like I would grew up being homeschooled,
and we had like this homeschool community back in Florida
where I grew up in Like everyone like we were
all friends. A lot of us went to the same churches,
a lot of our parents were friends with each other,
(10:50):
so everywhere we went, we were kind of being fed
the same message and consistency. There was no like friend
in our friend group who had different values than us,
so we all knew like if there were, Like I
didn't date anyone in my friend group because I just didn't.
I left and you know what I mean, I came
(11:11):
to l A and yeah, and then ended up meeting
Jess and work out why didn't work out for your
guy um anyway, But like it it's like hard to explain,
you know what I mean, Like we all grew up
with the same values in the same community. Like as
(11:34):
far as like on a on a like me hanging
out with my dudes back in the day, like we
would go to one of our say I would go
to my buddy Ricky's house and his dad was there.
Sometimes his dad would like pour into us and speak
to us about certain topics or whatever, and there was
kind of this like unspoken yet spoken standard of how
(11:56):
we are to treat women, of how we are to
conduct ourselves, of what we are supposed to and not
supposed to do. Like the first kiss thing was kind
of looked down upon because we knew that we should
be saving that for the person that we're gonna end
up marrying, you know what I mean. We're like normally
in a middle school, high school age friend group, it's
like you're trying to kiss as many people as possible,
just like because boys or boys, you know what I mean.
(12:18):
Like that's just like a thing where for our group
it was different, which was super rare. Yeah, especially now,
like leaving leaving home and going out and like just
making friends in different places and traveling the world and
stuff like that, Like it is extremely rare. And that's
one of those things that I look back into my
life and I'm like, wow, God was really protecting me
by putting me in that place, you know. So anyway,
(12:42):
those are sort of like the things that we grew
up with that kind of let me put it this way,
we were practicing our whole time growing up to be
prepared for marriage. Being comfortable being single, being comfortable with
our relationship with God, and kind of preparing our hearts
and minds for marriage, where a lot of people are
(13:03):
not doing that, and they're not they're not even exposed
to it and having those conversations, you know what I mean,
and it takes a while for them. Then then they're
like maybe like in their twenties realizing like, oh maybe
I want to get married at some point or whatever
it is, and then they start taking it more seriously.
But you do have to while you're single. You do
have to practice what you want to replicate in your marriage.
(13:26):
Like I always say, what you act as what you attract.
So if you're single or like not singling, like doing
the serial dating thing, like you said, and just like
kind of going from one person to the next to
the next, you're kind of practicing breaking your heart up
with someone and moving to the next person. The practicing
breaking heart with that personal and it becomes a normal
(13:48):
thing for you. And if that's what you're practicing, that
could really really likely carry over into a marriage relationship
and cause a lot of problems. Yeah, so so, and
like there's that there's even like talking about I know,
it's like a sensitive topic, but like talking about like
pornography and stuff like that. If you're practicing that when
(14:08):
you're single, which is super easy to do, especially as
a dude, that can so easily carry over into your marriage.
And like there's like that honeymoon phase when it's all
like first fun and exciting and everything, but then like that,
over time it can just like you can fall back
into that practice because you have practiced it so much
when you were single. So how are you acting when
(14:30):
you're single? Is is like what you're practicing when you're
single is what you were then more likely than not
going to continue to replicate once you were in a relationship.
And and then when I say what you act as
what you attract, you want to act like the person
you want to end up with, you know what I mean?
(14:50):
Like if I had met Jess and I was, you know,
like dating around or sleeping around and just doing all
these things that she wouldn't have it to do, she
wouldn't have been dating me. She wouldn't have started dating me,
you know, Like she knew that she wanted to save
herself for someone and I did too, And when we met,
our values aligned and then we both knew that we
(15:11):
had to take excuse me a wisious scruts getting emotional.
We both knew that we want to like take care
of each other's hearts and stuff like that. And Yeah, anyway,
that's like kind of a long spiel because this is
like a question that can be hit from so many
different directions. But like it's it's kind of like the
mindset that you have. Because I'm looking back at the question,
like what are your thoughts I'm getting married young. There's
(15:32):
like a lot of pros, there's some cons and stuff
like that. It just like depends on perspective. But I
think it's more you need to have no matter what
age you're at, you need to be in the right mindset,
you know what I mean, and like practice the right
things to end up in a healthy marriage relationship and
then continue to practice those healthy habits while you're in
a marriage relationship. Because even there's people that are probably
(15:55):
like maybe like divorced at thirty five, they got married
at thirty to us at thirty five, of them to
get married again at forty then get divorced again, and
it might be because they're similarly practicing the things that
they were when they were younger that caused them to
not And I don't like saying that like super lightly
(16:16):
because I know a lot of people deal with divorce
and stuff, story and everything, But um, that's just kind
of what I've I mean, I think there's so many
things that if people knew, if young people knew and
practiced to to I guess, to protect themselves from future
hurts if they really knew it, and I think a
(16:39):
lot more people would practice it and then end up
getting married younger. But I think there's like a compounding
effect which is super interesting, which is people are not
practicing safe relationships and therefore it's causing emotional hardships and
their current relationships, which pushes back the time frame that
(16:59):
they get married till later. And later compounds because the
more baggage you bring to a relationship, the less people
are gonna want to be with you. The more relationships
you go through, the more baggage you have. And so
I think that's why the age has just dramatically increased recently,
you know, And you know it's like the whole you know,
(17:21):
I really liked what you mentioned about, um, you know,
waiting for marriage, you know, in terms but a lot
of like people who aren't Christians don't really maybe understand that.
But if you like understand the why, you know, if
you understand the purpose of that practice rather than it
just being like a rule in a book, but rather
like how cau this can't protect me. You're very good
at explaining that. So I would love for you to
(17:41):
break that down for us. So I'm gonna break it
down for you. Break it down, baby, I'm just calling
you baby. On this podcast you forgot my name talking
about relationships. So there's an analogy I heard once and
it really impacted me, and I just wanted to share
it with the audience, and I hope that's cool. But
so so basically, imagine you're in a freezing cold cabin
and there's no heat, and there's a fireplace. There's no fire, right,
(18:05):
and you're freezing your your butt off, right, You're just
like you're, oh my gosh, it's so there's a blizzard
happening right now, and you don't know what you're gonna do.
And then there's a knock on the door, right, and
then hope that works, that will be dope. And so
there's a knock on the door. The sound effects from
Zack's soundboard. So so, so you open the door and
(18:26):
you see a box sitting there, and there's firewood, and
then there's there's a lighter, and then there's like instructions
for how to light this and all that you know.
And then you take that firewood in the and that
lighter flint whatever it is, and and the instructions you
toss out the instructions. What's going to happen if you
light that fire on top of your bed? Your bed's
(18:48):
gonna be on fire. And then which is going to
cause the house to burn down? Okay? What's gonna happen
if you put it in the fireplace like you're gonna
have warm, You're gonna it's gonna warm the entire place.
But guess what, It's not going to warm the bedroom
as fast as you what you wanted to. It's not
going to give you the instant gratification like what you want, okay,
because it takes longer for it too warm. But now
(19:10):
you don't risk burning your entire house down. And so
so what people, what I really want people to know
is that with Christians and primal sexes, it's not that
we're we just want to like old and oh my gosh,
that's just sin. You know what it is is we
see how powerful sex is, We see the power of
it and how great it can be, but also how
(19:30):
dangerous can be. How it can literally be the thing
that either warms your entire house, improvides warmth for you,
or can burn your house down. And so if you
just toss away the instructions to something that's that powerful,
then you're you're you're playing with fire. Yeah. But another
thing is most people aren't of the understanding of how
(19:52):
powerful it is or just don't like diminished the value
of sex. Yeah, you know what I mean, which is
which is interesting, which is very interest same mindset. Where
do you think that comes from? You know, like where
do you think is that just it's sold that dude?
I mean it's yeah, it's sold every like nowadays. Dude,
you walk you walk down like here in l A.
You just walked down the street and on a billboard.
(20:12):
It's just you know, it's sex is being sold to
us everywhere. You know, can I can I use another
example and I want you guys to use your best Dude,
where did you hear that example? Did you make that?
Frank Turik from there's an app called UM. I think
it's got got questions or UM it's something like that,
(20:35):
because that was so money. Yeah, Frank Turik shout out.
So I'm using another example and use your discretion. If
this is good enough to put in or like it,
maybe you know what I mean. And so to answer
your question, what you're saying, is that about why that
why that kind of sexual culture is so prevalent and
it's and people don't tend to give it the the
(20:58):
um the spect it deserves, you know, is that here's
another analogy, imagine imagine UM, Zach, I hold, you don't
know if I use this for example. And by the way,
there's no true questions. Okay, just answer first thing off
your head. I love how you always ask Zach the questions.
Like Zack answer this question for me, it's not a
trick question. And I want to be sensitive with how
(21:19):
I asked this because I know that there are people
that are affected by what I'm gonna say, and so
I want to be very sensitive. So just hanging in
there with me, Zack. Imagine you got punched in the face,
A good punch, right, but nothing crazy. How long do
you think it would take you to heal from that,
like a few days, maybe a week, two weeks if
it was a really good one, okay, two weeks. Imagine
(21:41):
that you were abused sexually. How long do you think
it would take you to recover from that? If sex
was just physical, you would repair and heal just as
fast as getting hit in the face. Sex is not
just physical. It's spiritual. It's personal. It goes to the
ups of our souls. And people are not seeing it
(22:02):
as that. They're seeing it as something that can just
be tore around with physically. They're not seeing the effects
it's actually having on the emotionally and spiritually. Oh no,
I mean yeah, I mean I think it is. But
I think that's that's just showing the depth this is.
Really it's really hard to explain the importance of understanding that,
(22:25):
you know, like especially on a practical level. Like it's
easy if you like all subscribe to the same ideology
and like belief and we're all like, okay, let's start
with the Bible and then move from there, and then
you kind of can come to the same conclusion, you
know what I mean, But from if someone doesn't share
the ideology, explaining to them, like the reasons why it
(22:46):
actually works practically as well is something you definitely have
to work through, which I think, Chad, you have done
a very good job at like piecing together on an
explanation that is satisfactory for someone who doesn't believe this
same thing you believe. I had to do it for myself.
I I always now when I explain it to friends
who are maybe questioning my decisions or different things like that,
(23:08):
I always say, I explained my philosophy before my philosopher,
and so I like to explain the reason why torrent
I didn't live together before marriage, why we wait um
until marriage to have sex, and different things like that,
I explained the philosophy behind it. And then they're like, oh, wow,
that makes a lot of sense. Where'd you come up
with that from? Yeah, well, the Lord the book. Then
(23:30):
let me tell you about this book? Can I tell
you about this book? I mean, I think and even
with the example you gave, um, I think there's something
about it's not just about respecting that person, but respecting
yourself and understanding what that looks like and what you
need from that. And I think especially bros and as
dudes were like we sometimes ignore that part of us
(23:50):
and be like, oh, that's just the thing that we feel.
But I guess, and you brought up previous second when
it comes to things like pornography and that kind of stuff,
if it was the thing that we just felt and
it was just like the need, then we wouldn't be addicted,
you know, like people wouldn't be addicted. Does that make sense?
So I think it's just really I think guys are
told generally, oh yeah, it's fine, like the sex part
(24:11):
of it's fine, it's fine just in general by the
world because we're maybe we're quicker to understand or get
into it, whatever it may be. And I think that's
actually what I have learned from a lot of like
the strong women around me, is realizing that that's not
the end all of something, you know. And even Chad
you said this the other you said this a few
times now about how like the is it ten percent intimacy?
(24:33):
I love that you were hanging out, Yeah, not even
hanging out, And that's kind of I think super forgotten,
especially as male because we can only speak as males,
but like, especially as dudes, I just feel culturally we
sometimes forget that that it's like, oh no, but I
just want to make it out all the time. And
it's like, well, bro, like you guys best friends, like
(24:54):
it's it's really something I had to learn and that
I think as guys we can turn So I think
as guys we can turn off, um a lot of
the emotional side of intimacy and just let it be
just physical and like you're actually able to or you
think you're able to. It's probably where I think I'm
able to. But just speaking like cannily right now, it's
(25:17):
where I'm learning that my wife can't do that. She
she it's more of like, um, oh, I get what
you're saying. It's like it's like almost like getting in
the pool. I can do canniballs all day and I'm
in the I'm in the pool. I'm here, you know
where my wife it's a steady walk into the pool
and where there's a lot of pursuing and a lot
of emotional pursuit and love that that comes up to
(25:40):
that point where I'm learning, just like what Zach said
that um, I need to respect the way that she
walks into its intimacy as well. Yeah, that's good, and
now I want to take that as a launching board,
because that's just in a sense, why not to have
sex right away? Now? Why would you get married young?
(26:02):
I really liked what you said. I'm just gonna say
that someone I was. I really like what you said that.
I'm a big proponent for getting married young, if you're ready,
if you kind of grew up with that intentionality. One
of the biggest things that bothers me sometimes is if
I'm on set and people this is before I was married,
but you know, uh, you know, it's only even nine months,
so this is even as as recent as this year.
(26:24):
I would be on set and people and makeup artists
or whatever would just be like, oh my gosh, you're
too young to get married. Just like go have fun,
and you're you're still a kid. And then that that
in and of itself, is then the beginning of practice
to push off marriage even longer and longer and longer,
and and it compounds. And the thing that always bothered
me is like, I pay the government a lot of
(26:46):
money in taxes, I have chest hair, and like, I'm
not a child. You know, my parents, by the time
they were my age, they had two kids, you know,
around like five and two. By the time they were
my age and at home. Know that's not to compare,
but it's just like, I'm not a child, but there's
still people that will look at me as a twenty
nine year old and still be all you're You're still
(27:07):
so young, You're still a child. And I feel like
I I I became a Christian around your age, Zach,
and so I it really did take me probably four
to five years to get to a place where I
felt emotionally ready, like where Gabe was at twenty two,
I think, right, yeah, yeah, where I felt good. And
so definitely don't get married if if you're not ready,
(27:28):
you know what I mean. But I I love the
idea of getting married young. Do you feel like you've
missed not? I'm just gonna keep asking questions because, like
I guess, for me, I am younger. Right, So, do
you feel like it was the best I mean, you'ren't
gonna say it's not the best timing. Obviously, the way
everything's rolled out for you and Toy is the best timing.
It's like God's timing on it. But do you do
(27:50):
you feel like it could have happened earlier? This is
the funniest thing between touring me all the time? Is
I wish it were earlier? You guys know the story, Beau,
the audience tell hilarious. I met Tory back, laughing the
fact that this you're gonna tell us right now. I
met Tory back in two thousand and fourteen, and she
was she was at a Miss America pageant and I
was at a Comic con convention. We're both at the
(28:11):
same convention center in Orlando, Florida, and a friend of
a friend introduced us, and from then on we I
I really wanted to date her, and I wanted to
take things further, and we went on a few dates.
When was that? That was back old, are you guys?
I was twenty four, she was twenty one in that ballpark. Yeah,
I don't know exactly the month that we met, you
(28:33):
know what, I but yeah, so she was probably two
and I was twenty four, and so you know, I'm
sorry I was turning twenty four that year. I was
probably twenty three actually, and so Chad, Yeah, which is
weird to think young Chad dude, Yeah, not much has changed.
You know. I have a few grades that you already
except you are ready for marriage. I really, man, I
(28:54):
was like, this is it, this is it, and then
she like ghosted me and she friends owed me for
like four years. And so that's always the joke is
she always says, like, babe, we weren't ready for marriage
at that time, but like I still low key wish
we got married back, you know, like I wish we
would have gotten to a relationship and then pursued marriage
from there, but it didn't work out that way. So
we actually have conflicting views, you know, like I wish
(29:16):
it would have been a long time ago. I wish
I wouldn't have spent those four years without her. It's
interesting that she sees the value of having spend those
four years though, you know, like you're looking at the
same situation, but she can go, you know, like as
much as four years. We could be technically four years
not ahead, but you know what I'm saying, four years
into it, She's like, we wouldn't be here with that.
(29:37):
That's such a good example of like me, I'm on
the jump into the pool, and she's easy emotionally walking
to it, and so she's good taking her time, and
I'm like, let's just jump, you know it. But that's
also goes back to like, yeah, I get married young
if you're ready, you know what I mean. And um,
it's cool seeing that God's plan ultimately prevailed, you know
(29:58):
what I mean. Like we talked about it one of
the previous podcasts about like God's will and we were
talking about like prayer and just like talking about like
God's will over your life and kind of like inviting
that regardless of whether you want that or not. And
that was God's will for your life, you know what
I mean, which is super cool to see. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I think it's really cool to see that. It's cool,
(30:20):
you know that famous versus so many people know that,
like romans, God works all things for good for those
who love him are called according to his purposes. And
what I love about that is that even if Tory
and I were screwing up his will, you know, even
if we were like messing with the plan, he still
accomplishes his goals. You know, he works through the chaos
and he works through it. And yeah, just so so
(30:42):
crazy Praise the Lord right there. So then I keep
wanting to tie it back to the question what are
your thoughts? Is the prompt what are your thoughts on
getting married young? Well, I like what you said, Chad
about if it feels like the right thing to do,
if it feels like it's the right time it feels
it's called timing. And heck, yeah, I also think getting
(31:04):
primoral counseling before you get married is a huge thing. Yeah,
I agree with that because Jess and I never did
because we were going to but because she lived in Australia,
I lived in California, and at that time I didn't
know any like any like authority in church yet that
I could fully trust to counsel Jess and I. So
(31:26):
that was in Florida, people who I would have gone to,
and it was just so difficult to like coordinate between Florida,
California and Australia too. Um, So we didn't end up
having that premortal counseling, and I wish we did because
there's things that we've run into that's like, okay, now,
this is this is something we have to work through,
even though it was something that we could have worked
out through premortial counseling before. And I really highly suggest
(31:49):
that because I know there's people, excuse me, I know
there's people who have like called off their weddings because
they went through premortal counseling and realized due to like
pastoral bounceling and stuff like that, and through like prayer
and really talking about like the hard stuff that you
don't that most people don't really talk about before getting
into marriage, that it wasn't right. You know. So that's
actually a big one as far as like a practical
(32:12):
step to get done. Yeah. And I think that ultimately
people just need to have a healthy view on marriage.
You know, there's so many books that you can go
through that. There's a Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.
I did that one. There's one by Francis Chan I
think it's called You and Me, uh for Eternity or
something like that. You know, it's a book pastor Josh recommends. Yeah.
I want to say, yeah, I know Francis Shannon has
(32:33):
when I just I think what was really just important
for us all in all was just to get a
really healthy view of marriage, um, love and respect. I
just looked at it on the shelf because I knew
I had one on the shelf that was good. Love
and Respect is a good one. We're looking at my
book shelf and there's Boundaries in Marriage by I think
it's John Townsend and it's by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.
(32:54):
I think I um Boundaries in Marriage or even just
Boundaries in personal life is a great book books. And
I think what's I think it's really good to do
is like too. I don't want to say remove yourself
from the equation, but don't let those like googly eyes
make you make decisions that aren't like good. It's you know,
I've mentioned this in every YouTube video tour and I've
done or every podcast. I always mentioned this that I
(33:18):
listened to this speech by Pastor Rich Brokerson and he
was talking on relationships, and he had said, you know what,
you know what, what what gets you at twenty five
and thirty won't keep you fifty five and sixty, and
so you need to actively be pursuing the things they're
gonna keep you and sixty. You know, you need to
have a different look on marriage other than oh, this
is just gonna be super easy, blah blah bla blah blah,
(33:40):
We're just gonna have sex and you know everything is
great and dandy. You need to have like a realistic
view of like, wow, okay, how does this person feel
about discipline in children? Yeah, Okay, how does this person
feel about donating to the church. Does this person wanna
be volunteers in the church? How do you know? You
gotta have those really hard conversation that can be really
(34:01):
Greek because they built intimacy, They build like communication and
things you wouldn't do in another person, you know, Like
there are things, I mean, my dad sent me a
list really similar to that the day classic shadow Dad,
big phil stains, but like the day that are yeah, right,
the day I called him. I'm like, hey, I'm going
to propose the chells, like I think this is something
(34:21):
I want to do. He's like, yeah, I'm stoked for you.
And some contexts like my dad's been divorced and so
for him it means even more like a list of
things that go do you take this stuff like seriously?
And then and it is it's just like questions even
just like what's your opinion on sex? Regardless of what
the opinion, just what is do you have one? Have
you thought about it? You know? And um, things about
(34:43):
where would you love to live? Do you want to
travel now? Or travel? Like things that we think is
so simple, especially dudes, just to talk about because it's
like easy for us to talk about, I know, especially
us three, but like the voice, but I think some
things that I'm like, oh damgn, like these are things
that I need to be actively talking to Chelsea about
(35:04):
because they are, like you said, Chad, the things like
how do you discipline kids? It's like, well, yeah, that
could literally wedge itself in between a relationship like a marriage.
Oh so much. Yeah, it's goes to that. I always
go to that. I don't even I don't know where
it is in the Bible, but it talks about being
equally yoked, not yolk, not like an egg yolk yoke
and freaking jacketed. No, no, no. So being equally yoked
(35:30):
is a term that was derived from basically like back
in the day when they would like farm the land,
they would be like to oxen or whatever was pulling
you know, the whatever they were doing on the field
and stuff. But they would have a yoke on them
which was basically this big like plank of wood that
would go over the both the necks of the two
cow or oxen or whatever that we're pulling. Um, that
(35:51):
were like harvesting the land or forgive me for my
lack of knowledge on farming but um, the yoke would
be on their net X and it would keep them
in line, right next to each other. And if one
of them was to go a little farther ahead than
the other one, well no, it could break the others. Yeah. Yeah,
(36:12):
So it would force them to stay right next to
each other and one not move farther ahead or behind
or whatever because there was dire consequences. So that's a
term in the Bible that they talk about, um in
in marriage because you need to be equally yoked on
all those things, all the important things, you know what
(36:34):
I mean? Um, And there's like like you don't have
to be like Jesse and I were not equally yoked
on the TV shows that we like. You know, I
like deep action dramas and Jess likes to watch the
you know, lighthearted comedy rom coms and stuff like that.
Like that's a non issue. What I'm talking about is
the deep stuff, like literally, like, how do you see
(36:58):
us raising our kids one day? You guys talk about
that a lot, not to get into that heaps, but
about you know, doing that in a public sense. What
does that look like? Those are the real conversations that
I've had with you guys, and it's been really what
do you mean in a public sense, Well, like you know,
like doing um, like like your work is influencial work, right,
we're going with kids. Yeah, and it's obviously encouraging that
(37:20):
you guys feel the same about it. But it is
those deeper questions that are the things you really need
to know, right, Like I mean, my I remember at
a youth camp that um, a youth past I can't
remember who um. He gave a great example of if
two people are two pillars, right. He was like, if
they lean on each other, one's going to outweigh and
(37:42):
four I was trying to explain equally, right, He's like,
but Jesus standing in the middle for you to to
lean on is like one cohesive thing, you know. And
like that I was sixteen and like that stuck with
me so far, Like you know that. I mean, now
we're going into relationship with each other and God, but
I think, um, yeah, but I mean it all has
to do with the question. It's like ultimately, like what
(38:04):
I talked about before about like the mindset that you
have towards marriage enables you, whether young or old, to
lead yourself or I have have godly do I guess
or just like head towards a marriage that will be
healthy and will be long term and stuff like that. Yeah,
I think it's I think it's just really important for
(38:25):
you know, to kind of wrap that up. I think
that you need to have a healthy view on marriage.
We do. That's reading through books or asking an older
married couple for advice, you know, to just pick their
brain and what they've been through. I think there's so
many different types of resources that you can you can
look for in that certain topic. Um. I think it's
it's good for you too, just like the Bible says,
(38:46):
you know, it says give yourself a sober assessment, you know,
to to to look in the mirror and be like, okay,
am I emotionally ready? Am I do I? You know,
because people have to just like the same type of
um respect that we tend to give sex is the
same respect that we want to give marriage to. You
know that this is something where I'm tying my life,
(39:07):
I'm becoming one with somebody else. And so I think
we're all in agreement that like getting married young is
great if you're ready and you have a healthy view
on marriage, and if you have people ready to do
life with you, because I think that's what's so interesting
about the actual wedding ceremony. You know. What I mean
is that it used to be done in like a
public atmosphere, and what they would do is is they
(39:30):
would ask you questions like, Okay, we're all gathered here
today to witness, Okay, to be a part of something.
We're here to witness these two in holy matrimony become one. Okay,
And then it even says, you know, um, does anyone
disagree with what's happening? They don't ask that anymore, you know,
but that used to be a thing where if you
(39:50):
don't think it was healthy, the community which would speak out.
And also they even ask at the end of the ceremony,
they say, do you do you now witness them becoming one?
And do you elect to say yes, I'm going to
be a part of their marriage to make sure they
stay on the right track. Marriage used to be a
communal thing. Now it's becoming less and less of that.
(40:11):
But kind of like the community that Gabe grew up
in being around it that that kind of um, what
do you even call that? A squad? I don't know,
squad I don't know, A flock a gang, I don't know,
but like that used to be the way people did it.
And so in marriage wasn't just this whole thing where
just two people decide one day, oh let's go do this,
and then like everybody else doesn't really have an opinion.
(40:33):
It should be a communal effort from your families, from
your your pastors, you're the people you look up to
and everything like that. So whither you're young or you're
my age, definitely just have a healthy view on on marriage.
But you know, that's just my opinion. But going back
to like my experience, my opinion, I'm going to tell
(40:53):
you my opinion before we fully wrap up here. Um,
going back to like what you're saying with like my
squad back in Florida, Like for all of them, it
is that community thing. And it's not just like if
one of the marriages in that community falls apart, it's
just that's the issue. It's going to affect so many
other people. Yeah, there was more accountability than most really, Yeah,
(41:16):
so much more like it could tear apart the friend group.
It can. It could cause so many problems within the
community that is so strong, you know, so you have
this accountability from every angle, like you have it from God,
you have it from the other person, from your family,
from your community. And then once you have kids, you
have your kids to like you know that you want
(41:37):
to give them a supportive household with your parents and stuff,
because it's just it's important and you want to show
them what a healthy marriage looks. Yes, yes, exactly the
example of it. But you know that's just our opinion.
We're ridiculous. Oh my gosh. Should we let us know? Guys?
Should we on the podcast like that? It's pretty funny.
I mean, if you had a funny way, we'll take it. Yeah,
(42:00):
us and give us suggestions prompt us on on ways
to conclude our thoughts. If if, if, if you want
to you know, yo, what's up? Guys? Thank you so
much for watching this episode of prompt Us. Make sure
to go to prompt us podcast dot com sument your
own prompts and we will see you in the next one.
Prompt Us is a production of iHeart Radio. For more
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(42:23):
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