Chapter 1

Rachel begins to tell her side of the story.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Go's rope.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
My name is Rachel Savannah Lovis, and I have decided
to create my own podcast to get my story out there.
It's been a while since all of this stuff has
gone down, and I've been quiet this whole time. I
know what I have to say is important, and it's

(00:32):
been a scary decision deciding to do a podcast because
I'm really opening that door up again for all of
the scrutiny and judgment. But the more I think about it,
I feel like I'm almost obligated to myself to stand
up for myself. I would rather speak my truth and

(00:55):
share my story and be ridiculed for it than just
sit idly by and watch this whole season pan out
and not get my story across. So that's why I'm
doing this podcast. I'm here in a room with a
bunch of awesome women. These are my iHeart family members

(01:18):
who have really taken me in and shown me that
it's okay to speak up and encouraging me to really
step back into this spotlight. And they really believe in me,
so I'm grateful to have them here with me.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
This is our first episode with you, and it almost
didn't happen. It was really hard yesterday figuring out is
this the right thing for you to do?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
It was a tough day yesterday just because I'm trying
to decide, like, is this the best decision for me?
Going back to docy intent of vander Pump Rules was
very difficult for me, and I've realized that I'm not

(02:09):
necessarily cut out for reality TV. I don't know. It
just seems like there's a lot of strategy going on
with reality TV and things aren't always the way. Sorry,
I'm nervous, That's okay. I'm very hesitant to come back

(02:32):
to the entertainment industry. There's another world where I close
the door on the entertainment industry completely and go live
my life in nature and to my yoga and pilates
and really focus on my therapy and mental health. But
I feel like there's also a world where I can

(02:53):
speak my truth and I can get my story out there,
and I can also be doing my theory and pilates
and focusing on my mental health, and that's just where
my priority lies right now. Yesterday I almost pulled the
plug on this whole operation just because I'm really scared.

(03:19):
I'm really nervous. I feel like it's a lot of
responsibility for me to put out a podcast every single
week while vander Pump Rules Season eleven is airing every
single week. I have a plan with my therapist to
process what we watched on Monday's episode for Tuesday, and

(03:41):
then I have the remaining days to come up with
what I'll be talking about on my podcast. And I
don't want my podcast to be like a response necessarily
to what they're putting out there for season eleven, because
ultimately I'm not a part of it. I remove myself
from that situation for a reason. My intention is just

(04:05):
to share my truth.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
What would you say is the main reason you did
not want to be a part of season eleven?

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Oh? The main reason why I didn't want to be
a part of season eleven is because I don't want
to be with Tom, and I've made the decision to
cut Tom out of my life. Going back to film
the show, it would force me to interact with him,

(04:41):
first of all, and I know I'm on the outskirts
with all the other cast, so I wouldn't get my
story across. I've really believed that the girls wouldn't give
me the time of day to let me open up
to them, given my previous history with my interactions with them.

(05:07):
So because I would be on the outskirts with the cast,
it would put me in the same boat as Tom.
And Tom has away with his words and he would
get back in my ear and I could just I know,
I'm not in the place where I'm completely strong enough

(05:27):
to be able to resist that. You know, I'm not
the risk versus reward, Like, It's too risky for me
to go back, especially at the most vulnerable state I've
ever been in in my life. So I couldn't.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
Did you at all consider going back?

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, well okay, so going into treatment, right,
I knew that Tom was not a healthy person for me.
I had become the worst version of myself through the
seven months of you know, secrecy and deception and going

(06:11):
along with these lies that ate me up. And you know,
part of that is my fault. I chose to put
myself in that situation, and it was a really bad
choice and I'm suffering the consequences now. But I was
still in relation with Tom. We were talking on the

(06:32):
phone almost every single day when I went in for treatment,
and in those months that I was in there, I
was debating whether or not to go back to do
this show, and I really I realized that my problem

(06:55):
stemmed from these unhealthy relationships. And although I knew that
Tom was bad for me and he had violated me
and got me into this position, I was still talking
to him and still making plans to see him after

(07:19):
I got out of treatment. So I knew my main
focus needed to be more on like why am I
doing this?

Speaker 1 (07:33):
And why why do you think you're so sort of
connected or entangled or addicted to him?

Speaker 2 (07:43):
It's a very heavy and loaded question. I think there's
like multiple factors that play into that. I think I
put him on a pedestal and looked up to him
in a way and he validated me in a way
that I felt very adored and admired and I felt

(08:07):
valued as a person. But I realize that I have
a pattern of putting these guys on a pedestal, and
then my friendships suffer because I'm not spending as much
time with my friends. It's all about this one person

(08:27):
and it kind of like takes over my life. So
and we can go into it more too, because I, oh, we.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Will, does it make you feel.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Bad about yourself at the same time as you're sort
of on this high from those men in your life.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
It makes me feel like I have grown since then,
just going into a mental health facility for three months,
I you know, like I was very dedicated to my
recovery and I'm aware of these things now, whereas before

(09:17):
it was more of like this subconscious decision making that
I felt like I wasn't in control of my life.
So I look back on that girl and I feel
compassion for her because she was just trying to She's
trying to live. And watching Season ten back, I got

(09:44):
really emotional because I saw how much I was drinking
and how much I was numbing my anxiety and numbing
my pain. I went through a breakup with my ex
fiance and he we had a no contact policy, which
was great, but we were working together and we were

(10:06):
filming together, and he brought his new girlfriend, who he
met three weeks after I ended our engagement, around and
told me that she was the love of his life,
and it really made me feel like what we had
wasn't real. So I know I was grieving that relationship,
and I knew I wasn't ready for another committed relationship

(10:32):
I and maybe that's part of the reason why I
had this attraction to Tom, because I knew he wasn't
emotionally available one hundred percent for me.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
So you kind of felt like you spiraled in a
way after you met Ali and figured out that James
was moving on so.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Quickly, right, Yeah, that was the first of it. And
the social situations I found myself in with the cast
members encouraged me to drink even more and I really

(11:14):
needed a therapist in my life to help me like
talk these things out, and instead I had Tom and
he was always there for me, and so well not really, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
What makes you think sort of as you're describing it,
that he was and now looking back on it, what
was really going on?

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, good question. It felt like he was always there
for me because we would face time literally all hours
of the day, every single day, and he would come
over to my apartment and we would just like kick
it on my balcony and vent about our filming experience,

(12:10):
and we bonded over that unique situation of being on
a reality TV show and the things that happened behind
the scenes that aren't talked about, and you know, viewers
don't really know about.

Speaker 4 (12:26):
That.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
He understood, and so I felt seen and I felt
heard by him. I felt validated, and it just seemed
like he was always ready to drop anything to come
see me.

Speaker 4 (12:45):
Do you think it was genuine?

Speaker 2 (12:50):
I thought it was. I thought it was, and I
think I think there's a part of him that it
was a genuine, deep connection. I mean, only he can
speak on that, really, but I think there was also

(13:12):
healing that he needed to do in order to be
a more mature adult to handle his relationship, because he
was telling me that he wanted to break up with
her and venting to me about that relationship, but then
feeling stuck and like he would always tell me that

(13:35):
he was actively like breaking up with her and going
to the couple's therapy to break up with her, And
I think I was just too patient with it. I mean,
if I could go back, I would do a million
things over. But in this specific instance, I feel like
I should have really just put my foot down and
been like, Okay, like you need to decide what you want,

(13:58):
because you're telling me one thing and you're actions are
speaking a different story, and just like completely walk away.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
Did you ever consider telling Arianna anything that he told
you about what was going on in the relationship and
how he felt in everything.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, it was definitely uncomfortable knowing this in the back
of my mind and knowing that she didn't know the
extent of it. But that interaction that you saw me
speak to Ariana one of the later episodes on season ten,
where I was asking her about her sex life because

(14:35):
Tom was telling me that they weren't having sex and
it wasn't existent, and I just was curious to know
her side of the story, like was that true for
her too, or is he just telling me one thing
I wanted to know, like, is she really attracted to
him or is this more like a you know, glorified

(14:58):
roommate situation, because that's what he was telling me. So
I was trying to feel that out, and it happened
to play out on TV, so I see what it
looks like, you know.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
I mean, obviously, this is just our first episode, so
we're just kind of going into it and we'll break
down everything as the weeks go on.

Speaker 4 (15:21):
But like, how real was everything?

Speaker 2 (15:25):
It felt real? It felt very real. But as I
look back on it now, knowing what I know now,
it was a lot of living in this fantasy and
falling in love with a future version of him where
he wasn't with Arion anymore.

Speaker 4 (15:46):
How hard is it for you to watch season ten?

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Uh, it's really difficult. I've only well, yeah, well I've
seen every single episode, but it was very hard. Especially
the earlier episodes. I could see how much pain I
was in, and then the later episodes it was just
like so cringey, with like the necklace purchase and the

(16:12):
talk with Ariana and just the interactions that I would
have and me just going a wall and just putting
it all out there without thinking, which was very unlike me.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
That's what I was gonna ask. Does it feel like
you're watching yourself or is it like out of body?

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Oh? I feel like I'm watching myself, but like the
worst version of myself. So it's not like I don't
own that because that is a part of me. It's
just a part that I've never you know, Like I

(16:52):
it was new. It was a new experience and I
think part of that too, And I don't want to
make excuses here either. I'm you know, learning so much
about myself. A lot of that had to do with
always being a good girl. And like doing as I'm told.
I was always a rule follower. And once I aged

(17:17):
out of pageants and I didn't have that like ceiling
over me anymore, I just kind of like went wild.
And just also I was coming out of my people
pleasing era, because there was a lot of pleasing with James,
especially in that relationship, and a lot of holding myself

(17:41):
back with my drinking so that he wouldn't be tempted
to drink, and a lot of monitoring my own behaviors
to benefit our relationship, which I realize now is codependency.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Was James your first unhealthy relationship, James?

Speaker 2 (18:00):
But yeah, James is like my first real real relationship.
And I met James when I was twenty one, and
so you know, now I'm twenty nine and all of
those years have been on a reality TV show, So that's.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
Or in pageants before that. I think it's important to
acknowledge that also played a part.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, yeah, with the pageant life. The reason why I
got into pageants was because I had such social anxiety
where I wanted to overcome my fears of public speaking.
And that's also a big reason why I decided to
ultimately do Vander pump rules because I knew it would
put me outside of my comfort zone and it has.

(18:47):
I mean, look at me now, I have my own podcast.
I would never have thought right, but yeah I did.
It was very constrained, monitored, just in my own mind,
like my own expectations of what I thought I should be,
And once I let that go, it was like, I

(19:11):
don't give a f anymore. I'm going to do what
I want and I'm not here to please other people.
I'm here to please myself. So it was this selfish
era and it played out on camera.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
Would you say you've been like in secure your whole
life or like what have you thought of yourself?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, I've been insecure my whole life. I've I've always
been the tallest one in my class and just awkward
linky didn't really feel good in my own skin. At
the age of like seven, six or seven, I changed
my name to Raquel because I ultimately like didn't want

(19:55):
to be me in a way, like I wanted to
be something better most and so I had this perception
of who I was and from a very young age, and.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
Yeah, you're very guarded.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Has anyone ever told you that, like, just as producers
on this show.

Speaker 4 (20:16):
With you, it's hard to break through to you.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
Yeah, And I sort of wanted to know if you're
aware of that what that is and were you like
that on the show or are you back being like
that again now because of everything that happened that's yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Unfortunately, because of everything that has happened, I feel like
I have to have these walls up now and it's
hard for me to let people in. And it sucks
because I was at that stage in my life before
this scandal and before this experience with Tom and the

(20:56):
show and everything. Then things got out of hand, And
now I feel like, because it has become such a
talked about scandal, it's kind of put me back in
that same position. Not the same position, because I'm definitely

(21:16):
in a different place, but it's that same feeling of like, oh,
I can't let people in. And I'm also like walking
around thinking like, oh does that person you know? Do
they recognize me? Or do they have like what do
they think? Are they judging me right now? And those
are things that I'm working on Overcames.

Speaker 1 (21:36):
What are people saying is you've just started to sort
of re enter the world, right Like we've brought you
out to a few things. You went to jingle ball
with us. Yeah, what do people say to you?

Speaker 2 (21:47):
People who recognize me are usually happy to see me,
and they would usually ask for a photo. And just
there has been this really lovely one that I met
in Chicago actually, and she was like, I just really
condone what you're doing and like how you're speaking out
on your mental health and that's a really tough conversation

(22:11):
to have. And she's like, I'm just sending you so
much encouragement and love. And so it's been very positive
the interactions that I've had.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
Has anything happened negative, I'll bring up one, but we'll
get to the David Portnoy.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah, we're definitely getting into that.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
What's going on with that? Let's talk about it. Like
you don't know him?

Speaker 2 (22:36):
Correct, No, I've I didn't know how to pronounce his
last name until you under anything. No, no, no, no.
I've heard of Barstool Sports, but I've never heard of
Dave Portnoy, And it's just kind of wild how that
story came out on Things.

Speaker 4 (22:53):
Play to everyone. What happened?

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Okay, So I was in Chicago visiting my friends. These
are friends that I met at my treatment center, so
my recovery friends, and I guess I was spotted at
a coffee shop and I took a few photos with
a few people, and of course people were speculating, and

(23:16):
people were saying, oh, well, David Portnoy was in Chicago
the same weekend that Raquel was there or Rachel and
it was Halloween weekend. You guys, like you're you're thinking
way too much into it. But of course, like the
only rational thing is that David Portnoy and I are dating,
and that's why he and his girlfriend broke up.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Yeah, And I want to read what he said, because
I'm curius how this makes you feel. He said, I
can confirm I've never met that trash bag in my life,
and it's wildly insulting to even be mentioned in the same.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Sentence as her. You know, I've learned a lot about projection,
and I think he doesn't know me at all. So
whatever story he's made up in his mind is, I
don't know, just it's on him, I think. And also

(24:11):
I know that there was there's a lot of misinformation
about me out there too, and I think the reason
why he's so polarized to me is because he believes
a lie that was put out there. So it's just
a little bit quick to judge, which I mean, that's

(24:32):
his style, right, He's a shock jock and that's what
his fans like.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
So yeah, and do you think that you're able to
handle what happened and what was said better now than say,
a year ago, if someone said that about you.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Oh yeah, I've definitely developed thick skin being on vander
Pump Rules, and that has been a pro for me
because before I was very insecure and I would let
people's opinions of me like sway my view of myself.

(25:09):
But I know I'm not a trash bag. So if
he's saying I'm a trash bag, it's fine. It's just
like rolling off my shoulder because it's not.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
What would you like to say to.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Him if he was sitting here right now, what would
you say? I don't know. I'm such an avoidant person.
I'm like, I don't know. I wouldn't want to be
in the same room as him, honestly. Yeah, Oh, I
have something to say. I'm hesitant to say this too,
because I don't want to start any beef, but I
was more disturbed at somebody who made a TikTok about it,

(25:46):
like further perpetuating the rumor that deve Portnoy and I
were the reason why he and his girlfriend broke up.
Because this is a friend of mine who I've known
in high school and I introduced her to our friend
group and she decided to make a TikTok and say like,

(26:08):
I really hope this isn't true. And I felt like
commenting saying, hey, you know, you could have just texted
me if you were that concerned.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
Do you feel betrayed by a lot of people?

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah? I do. I do, and it's hard, but it's
like I betrayed people too, so I don't know. It's
a difficult reality to accept.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
Do you feel that you deserve to be betrayed or mistreated?

Speaker 2 (26:37):
I don't know if I necessarily deserve to be betrayed.
I have really gained a huge appreciation for the friends
who have stuck by me through this tough time and
haven't spoken publicly voicing their opinions and sharing personal stories. Yeah,

(27:02):
it's like, at least my eyes are open to who
my true friends are. Because going forward like this is
my whole motto to like attract positive people into my
life to create real strong friendships that have true intimacy

(27:23):
and develop those So if you know, if anything, looking
on the bright side, it's narrowed down my group of people.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Yeah, I'm assuming you're not friends with the TikTok creator.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
No, I am followed her recently.

Speaker 3 (27:40):
And who do you talk to? Would you talk to
anyone from the Vanderbump former or current gas members.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
It's really difficult for me too. There are a few
people that I do speak to occasionally and that have
expressed that they miss me so much, and they haven't
spoken out publicly, like bashing me or anything. But I
have these walls up, and I know that vander Pump rules.

(28:11):
I mean, the scandal got so out of hand that
it became so sensationalized, and the ratings were so high,
so I know that they were digging and digging for
any information that they could get from any of the
cast members. So I protected myself and had to take
a step back. And I've expressed that to these friends,

(28:33):
and I've made it clear that like, once you're out
of that world, then you know, we can have these
intimate conversations.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Again, were weeks just a couple of weeks from the
premiere season eleven.

Speaker 4 (28:49):
How do you feel about that?

Speaker 2 (28:54):
I know it's going to be a lot for me emotionally,
but ultimately I feel like, no, I know that I
made the right decision by leaving. So whatever shit show
goes on on the TV is going to be, it's
going to be entertaining. I guess I suspect that people

(29:17):
I don't know. The thing is there. There always has
to be drama, and there always has to be a villain,
and because I took myself out of that equation, it
will be interesting to see who they choose as a
villain this year.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
Did you ever think about not watching at all?

Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah? I did. Yeah, I think in my treatment facility
when I finally decided I'm not going back to do
the show, or ultimately I was being swayed in that direction.
We were going over my triggers, and basically, you want
to avoid the things that trigger you, and then you
want to focus on the things that bring you joy.

(29:55):
And watching an episode of vander Pump Rules would be
a trigger for me. Yeah, but I feel like I'm
still in it. Like I'm not on the show anymore,
but I'm still in the midst of this chaos is drama,
and now that I'm doing a podcast, I guess I'm
really we have to watch it, but maybe.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
Do you think there's any chance that watching it will
make you feel good about the decision to leave?

Speaker 2 (30:23):
I think so, I suspect, So I'm also curious.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I mean, if I were in your shoes, I feel
like one thing that would be really hard for me
is to see my dog on this season, Like, how
do you feel about that?

Speaker 2 (30:34):
That's really hard? And this is one of the reasons
why I wanted to do a podcast to talk about
these things like the Graham situation.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
Do you want to take a minute and sort of
talk about the dog.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
God? This is a long story. So Graham, my mini
golden doodle, was gifted to me by my parents for

(31:08):
a graduation gift. And the same day I got him
was the same day James and I got our own
apartment in LA and so we raised him together. Graham Graham.
Graham Graham is a big personality. He's got a big
dog energy and a little dog body, and he's feisty

(31:32):
and he's fun, he's sporty, but there's also a side
of him where he gets possessive of his objects like
bones or balls or anything that he shouldn't be having,
and he'll switch into an attack mode. And it also

(31:54):
doesn't help the situation. And I'm hesitant to save even
this because I don't want to put anything out there
that's gonna I don't know. My intentions aren't to bring
somebody down, but I feel like it's an important piece
in this puzzle. The truth of the matter is James

(32:15):
was not a good dog owner. And the way that
James would taunt Graham and he would just antagonize him.
He would kick Graham off of the couch when he
was sleeping and not expecting it, so that would shock him.
He would encourage Graham to bite his hands, and it

(32:36):
really reinforced that biting behavior with Graham. And the moments
where he did drink too much and he was unhinged
and yelling, Graham would hide under the couch so and
dogs pick up on that kind of energy, so I'm
sure that played a part in his behavior. And I

(33:00):
would do my best to stop James from tormenting Graham,
but I felt myself nagging him, and my mom used
to nag when I grew up, and I don't want
to be like my mom, So I would like nag
a nag, and then I would stop, but I would
express to him that this is really bothering me. But
I put him in training. We did agility together and

(33:23):
I had him in special socialization training after James and
I broke up. But Graham has bitten a few people,
and my parents were taking care of Graham for me
while I was at the Meadows. So one day I
got a phone call from my mom and she was

(33:46):
in a panic. On the phone, she said that she's
on her way to the emergency room because Graham bit
her and she has a gash on her finger where
the doctor said he couldn't even stitch it up. It
was just like a chunk of flesh missing, and he
recommended that we put the dog down, and I didn't

(34:12):
want that. I was already inquiring about different foster families
to watch over Graham, but the ones that did take
him in said it wasn't a good fit. So I
had the really difficult decision to either leave the Meadows
and take care of my dog or stay and extend

(34:36):
my stay because I knew I had more work that
needed to be done. Because I was still talking to
Tom every single day. So my family found a breed
specific golden doodle rescue in southern California, and my dad
drove him over there, and my mom had the trainer's

(34:59):
phone number, and they promised to keep the rescue adoption
situation under wraps because I was a public figure. My
mom made it very clear. She didn't say who I was,
but she said that I've been in the media lately
and we would like to keep this confidential. So they

(35:21):
promised to do that, and so I guess they had
Graham adopted out to a new owner. The owner returned
Graham in three days because he bit him, and then
they needed more money for a new trainer because the
trainer that was working with him didn't want to work

(35:42):
with him anymore. And so they scanned his microchip saw
that it was me registered with the dog, and they
decided to contact vander Pump Dogs. And so Lisa vander
Pump was notified that this Golden Noodle Rescue you had
Graham Cracker, and she was like, I think they were

(36:03):
asking for a donation, but she was like, oh, oh,
I'll adopt Graham Cracker, you know. And so so she
adopts him and then you know, doesn't tell me or
anybody keep said a secret because we all know, like
her first priority is a storyline. And how'd you find out? Okay,

(36:27):
So I found out. So I was one week after
my ninety day stay at this facility, I was out. Basically,
we were trying to come to an agreement in negotiations
to get me back to do vander Pump Roules. They
were really trying to get me to sign to do
vander Pumper Rules before the cast trip to Like Tahoe,

(36:48):
because that's when they wanted me to re enter. Ultimately,
I said, whichever way you put it, I can't physically.
I physically can't go back because it wouldn't peak up
for me. And so they said, fine, it's over your time.
And then the next week, my mom and I are

(37:09):
sitting on the bed and we're looking at Instagram and
it was a fan that posted Graham is that you
and Lake Tahoe. And I was like, my heart sank
and I was like, Mom, there's no way that Graham
would be back on the show, right, Like that just

(37:30):
doesn't make sense. And she's like, oh, I don't know,
Like let me call the trainer and let me call
the foster, and the foster told us like, oh, isn't
it great. Lisa vander Pump adopted Graham. She said that
if she can't rehome him, that he'll live out the
rest of his days on her ranch. And my mom

(37:52):
and I are like, ranch, Like, she's not having Ranch.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
So Graham's back on the show, and you don't have Graham,
but they have Graham, and they're filming with Graham, which
I know sounds crazy we're talking about Graham.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
But I surrendered all rights to Graham when I gave
him to the rescue to be rehomed with a good
family who's experienced with dogs who have aggressive behavior. And
Lisa goes and adopts him, takes him to Lake Tahoe

(38:28):
and surprises James with Graham, saying James, well, I can
only imagine. But basically the story that they put out
there is Lisa told everyone that I surrendered my dog
at a kill shelter and he was hours away of
being euthanized.

Speaker 4 (38:44):
Yeah, so this was what was in the press.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yes, so I know that that's the story. That's the
storyline that they're gonna push for season eleven. When Graham
comes into the picture, and I'm sure James like to
say that. Obviously the goal to get a reaction, right,
and James is a very reactive person, so I could
only imagine like what his thought process is. And then

(39:08):
it's like to drop this dog on you and not
even like console your girlfriend to see like what's you know,
like it was very like spur the moment and to
think about I was only a week out of my
treatment and their whole plan was to get me to
Tahoe so that they could drop this bomb on me. Crazy.

(39:29):
I told Lisa, I you spoke to her. Yeah, I
texted her saying I don't support Graham being with James.
He needs to be with an owner who knows how
to work with troubled dogs. And I won't go into
the specifics of why I don't think James is a

(39:51):
worthy dog owner, but this is, you know, like I
would not live with myself if I didn't express these
concer and something were to happen. And so she called
me and I expressed my thoughts, but her concerns more
lied with me coming back to do the show, and

(40:12):
she said, well, darling, why don't you just come to
the LaRosa and bring me some flowers and explain why
you left sir so abruptly without notice and apologize and
then you can explain your side of the story. And
it was like wait what and almost, you know, like
it almost got me because I was like, well, I

(40:34):
do want to explain my side of the story, Like, yeah,
it's an important thing, like this is my child that's
being drawn into this mix. And I feel like they
were almost using him as bait. Perhaps I don't know,
but it definitely has been a thought that has crossed
my mind, trying to get me to come back and

(40:55):
explain myself. But I realized that if I were to
explain the real story, they wouldn't air.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
It, right.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
I mean, look, we're just one hour into this podcast
and we've barely touched all of it. Yeah, and so
I don't know that it would have been possible to
convey it on an edited television show where you had
three minutes in a scene.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
That's very true, and that's a good point of view
from a producer standpoint, which I think is accurate. But
then as a storyline standpoint, I know that James is
now the number one guy in the group by process
of elimination, so.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
By Explain that to a layman like myself. Explain what
that means.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
So there's a famous line that Jax Taylor said a
while back on vander Pump Rules, saying that he's the
number one guy in the group. And so since Jacks
didn't come back for the remainder of the seasons, it
was like, now who's the number one guy in the group,
And a lot of people were saying it was Tom Sandibal.

(42:05):
And now that Tom Sandoval isn't the number one guy
in the group. Now it's between Schwartz and James Kennedy,
and so by process of elimination, James Kennedy is the
number one guy in the group.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
Interesting.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
So, speaking of Tom Sandival, we wanted to play for
you again with your permission some things that Tom recently said.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Yeah, let's hear it. Do you miss her? Yes, of
course I do. We were best friend, so you have
no relationship whatsoever, and it's heartbreaking, it's heartbreaking to go through.
So you were in it.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Yeah, See that's the part I believe she was just
the excuse.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
I thought she was the excuse. It's not just some
hot girl, like come on, I was. I was a
model for like fifteen years. Like, it's it's deeper than that,
it's more than that, the arrogance of it all.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
I was a model.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
I was a model for fourteen years.

Speaker 4 (43:00):
What is he talking about?

Speaker 2 (43:03):
What is he talking about? Uh, Honestly, I kind of
zoned that one out because I've I've listened to this
podcast interview maybe like five times now, I prost I
sent it to my therapist. When I heard just a
little snippet on Instagram someone was promoting and I heard

(43:24):
what he was saying just in that snippet, I was like, Oh,
I feel.

Speaker 4 (43:27):
Sick, like funny sick, or actually six like six sick.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
And then I've never had this physical reaction before, but
my I felt like I was going to throw up,
like because his voice repulsed me. And I'm like, Okay,
this is a good sign.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Like, so hearing him say that he missed you, it
doesn't bring up any feelings at all.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
No, because well, it's a complicated question because there is
that part of me that wants to believe in that
fantasy and I miss that. Yeah, but in living in reality, no, Like,
because he misses all of the benefits of our relationship

(44:12):
without actually being in a relationship and also having a
committed relationship.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Does it feel vindicating it all that he's publicly saying, oh, yes.

Speaker 4 (44:23):
It doesn't. No.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
And I know that he was kind of like playing
the offensive because I'm coming out with my own podcast
and he's afraid of what I'm going to say. So
I know that he's like really trying to milk the
victim rule to make himself look better, I think, But
in reality, I think it's making him look worse. I mean,

(44:46):
that's what I mean. I've been reading normally, I'm staying
away from all of this stuff like this one. This
one got me.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
Yeah, I bet Why did.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
This stand out?

Speaker 3 (44:58):
I'm just curious compared to all the other stuff he
said and done about you.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
This one is this one stood out because it seemed
like he really did flip on me, and he really
threw me under the bus, and he was okay with it,
and it seemed like he was doing a lot of
victim blaming and not taking accountability and owning it and
maybe standing up for me a little bit, Like if

(45:22):
you really did love me and care about me the
way that you say you did, I think he would
probably not say something like that.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
Well, I also want to say, he said that you
made the first move.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Is that true? We can get into it. It's not.

Speaker 4 (45:41):
I got nothing but time.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
I could tell you the story. We're happy to hear it,
and then you can decide who made the first move,
because I'm not accusing anyone. I think it's like, you know,
a day or two after Guys Night, which was a
day or two after this girl's trip to Vegas, which

(46:15):
is all the show. This is all on the show. Yeah,
this is like episode three or four or something like that.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
So basically, I'm filming a scene at SIR with Lisa,
and I'm telling her how I'm standing up for myself
and I'm not allowing these girls to pick on me anymore,
and I'm not gonna let them bully me, and I'm
coming into my own. He knew that I was at
Sir filming, and so he came by Sir and he

(46:42):
got me a drink at the bar, like my special
drinks that I like with the strawberries and whatever, and
we were like, okay, cool, Like let's go to Beaches
with the group afterwards, which is around the corner from
Sir in West Hollywood, and before we left, Sir, we
had a little conversation on the patio, just the two.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
Of us, and were you best friends at this point?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
At this point, no friends, I'm actually attracted. We were
well then though people can grow on you. Yeah, I
think then I was starting to feel a certain way
got it and the tension he would give me, and
just like the you know, like it just felt.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Digging into love bombing later, but we shall yeah, cue.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
The love bombing and uh So he was like, oh,
let's let's not go to beaches, let's go to the
abbey instead. And I'm like okay. So we get a
drink up abby and I was like, do you need
a ride home? And he was like yeah, and I
was like, okay, I'll drive you home. So we get
to his house and we're like, cameras are no camera,

(47:54):
No cameras, got cameras. So we get to his house
and we're like sitting in my car just chatting for
twenty minutes, and then he's like, do you want to
come in for a night cap? And I was like, oh,
twist my arm, why don't you? And I was like, yeah,
of course I do. So then we go to the
front door and he's apparently locked out because he left

(48:15):
his key in there.

Speaker 4 (48:16):
And this is the house he lives with Ariana.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, where is she? She's sleeping upstairs. So he's like, oh,
I'm locked out. Let me try the back door, like,
come with me around back, and I was like okay, cool.
So we go in the back and the sliding door
isn't unlocked. So he's like, well, we've got the fire

(48:39):
pit here. I was like, yeah, fire Pit's cool, Like
we could just keep talking. So we've got the fire
pit going and we're chatting and then he goes He says,
do you know what the best thing about this pool is?
And I was like what? And he's like, that is heated?
And I was like should we go in? And why?

Speaker 1 (49:01):
On camera he's so juicy okay.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
He was like, well, I don't know. I was like, well,
do you have towels. He's like, yeah, I have towels
in the side, in the side of the house. And
I was like, okay, then I'm gonna go in. So
I like took my jeans off and I had this
like corset top on, so I left that on and
I was in my underwear and I went in his

(49:29):
pool and it was heated. What's an he wear?

Speaker 4 (49:33):
Oh no, I don't know if I want to know
the answer.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
Just his boxers. Okay, thank god? Okay, So then what okay?
So then you know, I'm swimming around in the shallow
side of the pool and then he's swimming around in
the deep end, and I have my little my phone
is playing music over here, and he was like he
like came swimming over to me and he's like turn

(49:58):
that down, and I was like, okay, turned it down,
and then he and then he like looked at me
a certain way and then he like grabbed me, spun
me and kissed me. And I was like surprised, but
like happy, Oh god, so bad, so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
Many people have been in You're not the only person
that's ever been in this situation, which we will dig
into in further episode. I think what's blowing my mind too,
is like all this is happening. There aren't cameras, so
this show is very real.

Speaker 5 (50:33):
Like these relationships I know are real, and I think,
I you know, like that's the part too, that I
think maybe fans were disappointed about because they didn't get
to see it play out in real time.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
They can listen here.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
I knew, I mean I knew it was wrong. Tom
knew it was wrong because.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
He's not caught up in this moment right.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
Well, yeah, because you know, right after Tom kissed me,
he like sat on the stair of the pool one
step in and he was like hands on his face,
like like his mind must have been running a million
miles a minute, like contemplating what to do. And I

(51:17):
was like, uh, you know, like I should go. Oh wow,
you know, so I got my towel, I dried off,
I got my pants on, and he was like no, no, no, no, no,
don't go, don't go. Just sit down. So we moved
to like the fire pit, a couch on the by
the fire pit, and he was like, hang on, like
I just need to think for a second, like I

(51:40):
you know, like I just don't know what to do
right now because I like really like you, but you know,
and I was like okay. I was like, well I
feel weird sitting here, Like would you rather like go
talk about this in my car? And he was like yeah,

(52:00):
So we go to my car. Well what happened in there?
Did you hook up? Yeah? We did everything. It was
very it was very bad, like why is he saying this?
I think he's just trying to spin the narrative.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
Got it even as just sort of an innocent bystander here,
It's blurry. They both, Yeah, it seemed like nobody's right,
nobody's wrong in who made the first move?

Speaker 4 (52:25):
Right?

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Does it even matter?

Speaker 4 (52:27):
Like who cares?

Speaker 2 (52:28):
Because it was like I feel like I'm in this
like romantic, like I feel swept off my feet, like
I feel so infatuated and like loved, and then it's like,
oh no, like oh, I'm now hanging out with Arianna
and a group of people, and I.

Speaker 4 (52:46):
Just feel with cameras.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Yeah, and then you know, like I'm drinking more because
I'm feeling uncomfortable. And it got to a point where
my friends were like my friend me aside one night
at Shorts and Sandy's, because we were all there and
I was drinking a lot, and he was like, what's
going on, Raquel, Like what is going on? And I

(53:12):
was like, I don't know if I can tell you.
I don't think I should tell you.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
And he's like me, who are you talking to?

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Oh? My friend?

Speaker 4 (53:20):
Okay? Got it?

Speaker 2 (53:21):
He was like, what has what's been going on? Because
we haven't been hanging out like we normally would, and
and I would come up with these excuses as to
where I was and what I was doing, like I'm,
you know, getting my teaching credentials for pilates, like I'm
looking into it, you know, like it wasn't even like

(53:41):
a real thing. And he's like, I just feel like
you're not okay, and I was like I'm not okay,
and he's like, I want you to tell me, and
I was like I want to tell you too, but
I'm really drunk right now and I can't tell you
right now, but like like let's talk tomorrow. And so

(54:04):
I went home, slept and he called me in the
morning and he was like, okay, so what's going on?
And I was like, oh man, I was hoping you
wouldn't remember. And he was like, no, just tell me
it's fine. And I was like, okay. You know, Tom
and I have been seeing each other and this has
been going on for a few months, and like I

(54:27):
really love him, like I have these strong feelings for him.
And he was like, Raquel, this is not good, like
what about Arianna? And I was like I know, like
I I know, like this is why I'm like drinking
and like like not well, and he was like, I

(54:47):
don't condone this behavior at all, Like I don't stand
by this, but I want to be a friend for you,
but I don't agree with this, and I think you
need to end things. And I was like, you're right.
It's like okay, noted. Thank you for listening and not

(55:07):
being judgmental and being there for me. And so you know,
I knew I needed to end it, and I would
try to end it, yeah, but then he would always
find a way to get back in my life.

Speaker 4 (55:27):
I guess it gives us a lot to talk about.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
How do you feel my mouth is dry? No, I
feel good. It feels good to tell these stories because
these are the stories that I've been telling my family
and my close friends and and it's like this is
my crazy life, Like this is what I got myself into.
And I know there's like a part where the producers

(55:53):
weren't happy with me because it's a reality TV show, right,
like it should be a reality but like, you know,
it was our secret.

Speaker 4 (56:01):
I see. Oh they wanted all.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
This, yeah, they wanted it to all be on camera, right,
and instead I was you know, Schwartz was a convenient
cover up in a way, and we'll get into short
and we'll.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Get into boundaries and love bombing and oh so much.

Speaker 3 (56:25):
Real quick though, I want to know what fears you
have of doing this podcast.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
I think my biggest fear is that I'm not going
to be portrayed the way that I feel like it's
true to me. And maybe I have that fear because
I don't know my experience with vander pump Rolls, and
I know, like you know, there's a there's an algorithm,
this is the entertainment industry, Like we want this to

(56:50):
be a salacious podcast for the views that gets like
the ratings and all the stuff. I just don't want to.
I know I'm in a vulnerable place, so I don't
want to get too overboard in that direction because that's
not really true to who I am. Also, like there's

(57:10):
NDAs that are signed with the contract when you film
a show like this where you can't disclose storyline information,
and I feel pretty secure in myself that will unfortunately,
because this Tom Sandoval situation wasn't really a storyline for
all of the season. It was my actual life. I

(57:30):
feel comfortable talking about those things. But then when we
go into the realities of reality TV. I feel like
that's where it gets a little bit risky. So it
feels really good to get these stories off of my chest.
And I know that I would just be like spinning
around in circles if I remained quiet and didn't get

(57:53):
my story across. So I think you guys for listening.
And part of the reason why I'm drawn to do
a podcast and talk about these specific concepts of like
when you put somebody on a pedestal and there's a
power and balance and issues with codependency and molding yourself

(58:16):
to shape someone else's perception of you and getting caught
up in those very vulnerable personal things that I've experienced
is because I know that there's other people out there
that struggle with those things too, And I'm not the
first person to be involved in a relationship that wasn't

(58:38):
handled correctly, so my story is not unique, and that
mine's just broadcasted to a much, much larger skill