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January 8, 2024 59 mins

Rachel begins to tell her side of the story.

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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is Rachel Go's rope. My name is Rachel Savannah Lovis,
and I have decided to create my own podcast to
get my story out there. It's been a while since
all of this stuff has gone down, and I've been

(00:26):
quiet this whole time. I know what I have to
say is important, and it's been a scary decision deciding
to do a podcast because I'm really opening that door
up again for all of the scrutiny and judgment. But
the more I think about it, I feel like I'm

(00:48):
almost obligated to myself to stand up for myself. I
would rather speak my truth and share my story and
be ridiculed for it than just sit idly by and
watch this whole season pan out and not get my
story across. So that's why I'm doing this podcast. I'm

(01:11):
here in a room with a bunch of awesome women.
These are my iHeart family members who have really taken
me in and shown me that it's okay to speak
up and encouraging me to really step back into this spotlight.
And they really believe in me, so I'm grateful to

(01:34):
have them here with me. This is our first episode
with you, and it almost didn't happen. It was really
hard yesterday figuring out is this the right thing for
you to do? It was a tough day yesterday just
because I'm trying to decide, like, is this the best
decision for me? Going back to docy intent of vander

(02:00):
Pump Rules was very difficult for me, and I've realized
that I'm not necessarily cut out for reality TV. I
don't know. It just seems like there's a lot of
strategy going on with reality TV and things aren't always

(02:22):
the way. Sorry, I'm nervous, That's okay. I'm very hesitant
to come back to the entertainment industry. There's another world
where I close the door on the entertainment industry completely
and go live my life in nature and to my

(02:45):
yoga and pilates and really focus on my therapy and
mental health. But I feel like there's also a world
where I can speak my truth and I can get
my story out there, and I can also be doing
my theory and pilates and focusing on my mental health,

(03:06):
and that's just where my priority lies right now. Yesterday
I almost pulled the plug on this whole operation just
because I'm really scared. I'm really nervous. I feel like
it's a lot of responsibility for me to put out
a podcast every single week while vander Pump Rules Season

(03:30):
eleven is airing every single week. I have a plan
with my therapist to process what we watched on Monday's
episode for Tuesday, and then I have the remaining days
to come up with what I'll be talking about on
my podcast. And I don't want my podcast to be

(03:50):
like a response necessarily to what they're putting out there
for season eleven, because ultimately I'm not a part of it.
I remove myself from that situation for a reason. My
intention is just to share my truth. What would you
say is the main reason you did not want to

(04:14):
be a part of season eleven? Oh? The main reason
why I didn't want to be a part of season
eleven is because I don't want to be with Tom,
and I've made the decision to cut Tom out of
my life. Going back to film the show, it would

(04:38):
force me to interact with him, first of all, and
I know I'm on the outskirts with all the other cast,
so I wouldn't get my story across. I've really believed
that the girls wouldn't give me the time of day
to let me open up to them, given my previous

(05:00):
history with my interactions with them. So because I would
be on the outskirts with the cast, it would put
me in the same boat as Tom. And Tom has
away with his words and he would get back in
my ear and I could just I know, I'm not

(05:24):
in the place where I'm completely strong enough to be
able to resist that. You know, I'm not the risk
versus reward, Like, It's too risky for me to go back,
especially at the most vulnerable state I've ever been in
in my life. So I couldn't. Did you at all

(05:45):
consider going back? Oh yeah, oh yeah, well okay, so
going into treatment, right, I knew that Tom was not
a healthy person for me. I had become the worst
version of myself through the seven months of you know,
secrecy and deception and going along with these lies that

(06:13):
ate me up. And you know, part of that is
my fault. I chose to put myself in that situation,
and it was a really bad choice and I'm suffering
the consequences now. But I was still in relation with Tom.
We were talking on the phone almost every single day

(06:35):
when I went in for treatment, and in those months
that I was in there, I was debating whether or
not to go back to do this show, and I
really I realized that my problem stemmed from these unhealthy relationships.

(07:00):
And although I knew that Tom was bad for me
and he had violated me and got me into this position,
I was still talking to him and still making plans
to see him after I got out of treatment. So

(07:24):
I knew my main focus needed to be more on
like why am I doing this? And why why do
you think you're so sort of connected or entangled or
addicted to him? It's a very heavy and loaded question.

(07:45):
I think there's like multiple factors that play into that.
I think I put him on a pedestal and looked
up to him in a way and he validated me
in a way that I felt very adored and admired
and I felt valued as a person. But I realize

(08:11):
that I have a pattern of putting these guys on
a pedestal, and then my friendships suffer because I'm not
spending as much time with my friends. It's all about
this one person and it kind of like takes over
my life. So and we can go into it more too,

(08:36):
because I, oh, we will, does it make you feel
bad about yourself at the same time as you're sort
of on this high from those men in your life.
It makes me feel like I have grown since then,

(08:59):
just going into a mental health facility for three months,
I you know, like I was very dedicated to my
recovery and I'm aware of these things now, whereas before
it was more of like this subconscious decision making that

(09:23):
I felt like I wasn't in control of my life.
So I look back on that girl and I feel
compassion for her because she was just trying to She's
trying to live. And watching Season ten back, I got

(09:44):
really emotional because I saw how much I was drinking
and how much I was numbing my anxiety and numbing
my pain. I went through a breakup with my ex
fiance and he we had a no contact policy, which
was great, but we were working together and we were

(10:06):
filming together, and he brought his new girlfriend, who he
met three weeks after I ended our engagement, around and
told me that she was the love of his life,
and it really made me feel like what we had
wasn't real. So I know I was grieving that relationship,
and I knew I wasn't ready for another committed relationship

(10:32):
I and maybe that's part of the reason why I
had this attraction to Tom, because I knew he wasn't
emotionally available one hundred percent for me. So you kind
of felt like you spiraled in a way after you
met Ali and figured out that James was moving on

(10:53):
so quickly, right, Yeah, that was the first of it.
And the social situations I found myself in with the
cast members encouraged me to drink even more and I

(11:14):
really needed a therapist in my life to help me
like talk these things out, and instead I had Tom
and he was always there for me, and so well

(11:36):
not really, Yeah, what makes you think sort of as
you're describing it, that he was and now looking back
on it, what was really going on? Yeah, good question.
It felt like he was always there for me because
we would face time literally all hours of the day,

(11:58):
every single day, and he would come over to my
apartment and we would just like kick it on my
balcony and vent about our filming experience, and we bonded
over that unique situation of being on a reality TV
show and the things that happened behind the scenes that

(12:20):
aren't talked about, and you know, viewers don't really know
about that. He understood, and so I felt seen and
I felt heard by him. I felt validated, and it
just seemed like he was always ready to drop anything
to come see me. Do you think it was genuine?

(12:50):
I thought it was. I thought it was, and I
think I think there's a part of him that it
was a genuine, deep connection. I mean, only he can
speak on that, really, but I think there was also

(13:12):
healing that he needed to do in order to be
a more mature adult to handle his relationship, because he
was telling me that he wanted to break up with
her and venting to me about that relationship, but then
feeling stuck and like he would always tell me that

(13:35):
he was actively like breaking up with her and going
to the couple's therapy to break up with her, And
I think I was just too patient with it. I mean,
if I could go back, I would do a million
things over. But in this specific instance, I feel like
I should have really just put my foot down and
been like, Okay, like you need to decide what you want,

(13:58):
because you're telling me one thing and you're actions are
speaking a different story, and just like completely walk away.
Did you ever consider telling Arianna anything that he told
you about what was going on in the relationship and
how he felt in everything. Yeah, it was definitely uncomfortable
knowing this in the back of my mind and knowing

(14:20):
that she didn't know the extent of it. But that
interaction that you saw me speak to Ariana one of
the later episodes on season ten, where I was asking
her about her sex life because Tom was telling me
that they weren't having sex and it wasn't existent, and

(14:43):
I just was curious to know her side of the story,
like was that true for her too, or is he
just telling me one thing I wanted to know, like,
is she really attracted to him or is this more
like a you know, glorified roommate situation, because that's what
he was telling me. So I was trying to feel

(15:05):
that out, and it happened to play out on TV,
so I see what it looks like, you know. I mean, obviously,
this is just our first episode, so we're just kind
of going into it and we'll break down everything as
the weeks go on. But like, how real was everything?

(15:25):
It felt real? It felt very real. But as I
look back on it now, knowing what I know now,
it was a lot of living in this fantasy and
falling in love with a future version of him where
he wasn't with Arion anymore. How hard is it for

(15:47):
you to watch season ten? Uh, it's really difficult. I've
only well, yeah, well I've seen every single episode, but
it was very hard. Especially the earlier episodes. I could
see how much pain I was in, and then the
later episodes it was just like so cringey, with like

(16:10):
the necklace purchase and the talk with Ariana and just
the interactions that I would have and me just going
a wall and just putting it all out there without thinking,
which was very unlike me. That's what I was gonna ask.
Does it feel like you're watching yourself or is it
like out of body? Oh? I feel like I'm watching myself,

(16:34):
but like the worst version of myself. So it's not
like I don't own that because that is a part
of me. It's just a part that I've never you know,
Like I it was new. It was a new experience

(16:55):
and I think part of that too, And I don't
want to make excuses here either. I'm you know, learning
so much about myself. A lot of that had to
do with always being a good girl. And like doing
as I'm told. I was always a rule follower. And

(17:16):
once I aged out of pageants and I didn't have
that like ceiling over me anymore, I just kind of
like went wild. And just also I was coming out
of my people pleasing era, because there was a lot
of pleasing with James, especially in that relationship, and a

(17:38):
lot of holding myself back with my drinking so that
he wouldn't be tempted to drink, and a lot of
monitoring my own behaviors to benefit our relationship, which I
realize now is codependency. Was James your first unhealthy relationship, James?

(18:00):
But yeah, James is like my first real real relationship.
And I met James when I was twenty one, and
so you know, now I'm twenty nine and all of
those years have been on a reality TV show, So
that's or in pageants before that. I think it's important

(18:20):
to acknowledge that also played a part. Well, yeah, with
the pageant life. The reason why I got into pageants
was because I had such social anxiety where I wanted
to overcome my fears of public speaking. And that's also
a big reason why I decided to ultimately do Vander

(18:41):
pump rules because I knew it would put me outside
of my comfort zone and it has. I mean, look
at me now, I have my own podcast. I would
never have thought right, but yeah I did. It was
very constrained, monitored, just in my own mind, like my

(19:02):
own expectations of what I thought I should be, And
once I let that go, it was like, I don't
give a f anymore. I'm going to do what I
want and I'm not here to please other people. I'm
here to please myself. So it was this selfish era

(19:23):
and it played out on camera. Would you say you've
been like in secure your whole life or like what
have you thought of yourself? Yeah, I've been insecure my
whole life. I've I've always been the tallest one in
my class and just awkward linky didn't really feel good

(19:44):
in my own skin. At the age of like seven,
six or seven, I changed my name to Raquel because
I ultimately like didn't want to be me in a way,
like I wanted to be something better most and so
I had this perception of who I was and from

(20:06):
a very young age, and yeah, you're very guarded. Has
anyone ever told you that, like, just as producers on
this show with you, it's hard to break through to you. Yeah,
And I sort of wanted to know if you're aware
of that what that is and were you like that

(20:27):
on the show or are you back being like that
again now because of everything that happened that's yeah. Unfortunately,
because of everything that has happened, I feel like I
have to have these walls up now and it's hard
for me to let people in. And it sucks because

(20:48):
I was at that stage in my life before this
scandal and before this experience with Tom and the show
and everything. Then things got out of hand, And now
I feel like, because it has become such a talked
about scandal, it's kind of put me back in that

(21:12):
same position. Not the same position, because I'm definitely in
a different place, but it's that same feeling of like, oh,
I can't let people in. And I'm also like walking
around thinking like, oh does that person you know? Do
they recognize me? Or do they have like what do
they think? Are they judging me right now? And those
are things that I'm working on Overcames. What are people

(21:36):
saying is you've just started to sort of re enter
the world, right Like we've brought you out to a
few things. You went to jingle ball with us. Yeah,
what do people say to you? People who recognize me
are usually happy to see me, and they would usually
ask for a photo. And just there has been this

(21:59):
really lovely one that I met in Chicago actually, and
she was like, I just really condone what you're doing
and like how you're speaking out on your mental health
and that's a really tough conversation to have. And she's like,
I'm just sending you so much encouragement and love. And
so it's been very positive the interactions that I've had.

(22:24):
Has anything happened negative, I'll bring up one, but we'll
get to the David Portnoy. Yeah, we're definitely getting into that.
What's going on with that? Let's talk about it. Like
you don't know him? Correct, No, I've I didn't know
how to pronounce his last name until you under anything. No, no, no, no.
I've heard of Barstool Sports, but I've never heard of

(22:46):
Dave Portnoy, And it's just kind of wild how that
story came out on Things Play to everyone. What happened? Okay,
So I was in Chicago visiting my friends. These are
friends that I met at my treatment center, so my
recovery friends, and I guess I was spotted at a

(23:09):
coffee shop and I took a few photos with a
few people, and of course people were speculating, and people
were saying, oh, well, David Portnoy was in Chicago the
same weekend that Raquel was there or Rachel and it
was Halloween weekend. You guys, like you're you're thinking way
too much into it. But of course, like the only

(23:30):
rational thing is that David Portnoy and I are dating,
and that's why he and his girlfriend broke up. Yeah,
And I want to read what he said, because I'm
curius how this makes you feel. He said, I can
confirm I've never met that trash bag in my life,
and it's wildly insulting to even be mentioned in the
same sentence as her. You know, I've learned a lot

(23:53):
about projection, and I think he doesn't know me at all.
So whatever story he's made up in his mind is,
I don't know, just it's on him, I think. And
also I know that there was there's a lot of

(24:14):
misinformation about me out there too, and I think the
reason why he's so polarized to me is because he
believes a lie that was put out there. So it's
just a little bit quick to judge, which I mean,
that's his style, right, He's a shock jock and that's

(24:36):
what his fans like. So yeah, and do you think
that you're able to handle what happened and what was
said better now than say, a year ago, if someone
said that about you. Oh yeah, I've definitely developed thick
skin being on vander Pump Rules, and that has been

(24:57):
a pro for me because before I was very insecure
and I would let people's opinions of me like sway
my view of myself. But I know I'm not a
trash bag. So if he's saying I'm a trash bag,
it's fine. It's just like rolling off my shoulder because

(25:19):
it's not What would you like to say to him
if he was sitting here right now, what would you say?
I don't know. I'm such an avoidant person. I'm like,
I don't know. I wouldn't want to be in the
same room as him, honestly. Yeah, Oh, I have something
to say. I'm hesitant to say this too, because I
don't want to start any beef, but I was more

(25:41):
disturbed at somebody who made a TikTok about it, like
further perpetuating the rumor that deve Portnoy and I were
the reason why he and his girlfriend broke up. Because
this is a friend of mine who I've known in
high school and I introduced her to our friend group

(26:03):
and she decided to make a TikTok and say like,
I really hope this isn't true. And I felt like
commenting saying, hey, you know, you could have just texted
me if you were that concerned. Do you feel betrayed
by a lot of people? Yeah? I do. I do,
and it's hard, but it's like I betrayed people too,

(26:26):
so I don't know. It's a difficult reality to accept.
Do you feel that you deserve to be betrayed or mistreated?
I don't know if I necessarily deserve to be betrayed.
I have really gained a huge appreciation for the friends

(26:47):
who have stuck by me through this tough time and
haven't spoken publicly voicing their opinions and sharing personal stories. Yeah,
it's like, at least my eyes are open to who
my true friends are. Because going forward like this is

(27:10):
my whole motto to like attract positive people into my
life to create real strong friendships that have true intimacy
and develop those So if you know, if anything, looking
on the bright side, it's narrowed down my group of people. Yeah,

(27:34):
I'm assuming you're not friends with the TikTok creator. No,
I am followed her recently. And who do you talk to?
Would you talk to anyone from the Vanderbump former or
current gas members. It's really difficult for me too. There
are a few people that I do speak to occasionally
and that have expressed that they miss me so much,

(27:56):
and they haven't spoken out publicly, like bashing me or anything.
But I have these walls up, and I know that
vander Pump rules. I mean, the scandal got so out
of hand that it became so sensationalized, and the ratings

(28:18):
were so high, so I know that they were digging
and digging for any information that they could get from
any of the cast members. So I protected myself and
had to take a step back. And I've expressed that
to these friends, and I've made it clear that like,
once you're out of that world, then you know, we

(28:42):
can have these intimate conversations. Again, were weeks just a
couple of weeks from the premiere season eleven. How do
you feel about that? I know it's going to be
a lot for me emotionally, but ultimately I feel like, no,
I know that I made the right decision by leaving.

(29:05):
So whatever shit show goes on on the TV is
going to be, it's going to be entertaining. I guess
I suspect that people I don't know. The thing is there.
There always has to be drama, and there always has
to be a villain, and because I took myself out
of that equation, it will be interesting to see who

(29:28):
they choose as a villain this year. Did you ever
think about not watching at all? Yeah? I did. Yeah,
I think in my treatment facility when I finally decided
I'm not going back to do the show, or ultimately
I was being swayed in that direction. We were going
over my triggers, and basically, you want to avoid the

(29:50):
things that trigger you, and then you want to focus
on the things that bring you joy. And watching an
episode of vander Pump Rules would be a trigger for me. Yeah,
but I feel like I'm still in it. Like I'm
not on the show anymore, but I'm still in the
midst of this chaos is drama, and now that I'm

(30:11):
doing a podcast, I guess I'm really we have to
watch it, but maybe do you think there's any chance
that watching it will make you feel good about the
decision to leave? I think so, I suspect, So I'm
also curious. I mean, if I were in your shoes,
I feel like one thing that would be really hard
for me is to see my dog on this season, Like,

(30:32):
how do you feel about that? That's really hard? And
this is one of the reasons why I wanted to
do a podcast to talk about these things like the
Graham situation. Do you want to take a minute and
sort of talk about the dog God? This is a
long story. So Graham, my mini golden doodle, was gifted

(31:07):
to me by my parents for a graduation gift. And
the same day I got him was the same day
James and I got our own apartment in LA and
so we raised him together. Graham Graham. Graham Graham is
a big personality. He's got a big dog energy and

(31:28):
a little dog body, and he's feisty and he's fun,
he's sporty, but there's also a side of him where
he gets possessive of his objects like bones or balls
or anything that he shouldn't be having, and he'll switch

(31:49):
into an attack mode. And it also doesn't help the situation.
And I'm hesitant to save even this because I don't
want to put anything out there that's gonna I don't know.
My intentions aren't to bring somebody down, but I feel
like it's an important piece in this puzzle. The truth

(32:11):
of the matter is James was not a good dog owner.
And the way that James would taunt Graham and he
would just antagonize him. He would kick Graham off of
the couch when he was sleeping and not expecting it,
so that would shock him. He would encourage Graham to

(32:33):
bite his hands, and it really reinforced that biting behavior
with Graham. And the moments where he did drink too
much and he was unhinged and yelling, Graham would hide
under the couch so and dogs pick up on that
kind of energy, so I'm sure that played a part

(32:57):
in his behavior. And I would do my best to
stop James from tormenting Graham, but I felt myself nagging him,
and my mom used to nag when I grew up,
and I don't want to be like my mom, So
I would like nag a nag, and then I would stop,
but I would express to him that this is really
bothering me. But I put him in training. We did

(33:22):
agility together and I had him in special socialization training
after James and I broke up. But Graham has bitten
a few people, and my parents were taking care of
Graham for me while I was at the Meadows. So
one day I got a phone call from my mom

(33:45):
and she was in a panic. On the phone, she
said that she's on her way to the emergency room
because Graham bit her and she has a gash on
her finger where the doctor said he couldn't even stitch
it up. It was just like a chunk of flesh missing,

(34:05):
and he recommended that we put the dog down, and
I didn't want that. I was already inquiring about different
foster families to watch over Graham, but the ones that
did take him in said it wasn't a good fit.

(34:25):
So I had the really difficult decision to either leave
the Meadows and take care of my dog or stay
and extend my stay because I knew I had more
work that needed to be done. Because I was still
talking to Tom every single day. So my family found

(34:49):
a breed specific golden doodle rescue in southern California, and
my dad drove him over there, and my mom had
the trainer's phone number, and they promised to keep the
rescue adoption situation under wraps because I was a public figure.

(35:10):
My mom made it very clear. She didn't say who
I was, but she said that I've been in the
media lately and we would like to keep this confidential.
So they promised to do that, and so I guess
they had Graham adopted out to a new owner. The
owner returned Graham in three days because he bit him,

(35:34):
and then they needed more money for a new trainer
because the trainer that was working with him didn't want
to work with him anymore. And so they scanned his
microchip saw that it was me registered with the dog,
and they decided to contact vander Pump Dogs. And so

(35:56):
Lisa vander Pump was notified that this Golden Noodle Rescue
you had Graham Cracker, and she was like, I think
they were asking for a donation, but she was like, oh, oh,
I'll adopt Graham Cracker, you know. And so so she
adopts him and then you know, doesn't tell me or

(36:18):
anybody keep said a secret because we all know, like
her first priority is a storyline. And how'd you find out? Okay,
So I found out. So I was one week after
my ninety day stay at this facility, I was out. Basically,
we were trying to come to an agreement in negotiations

(36:39):
to get me back to do vander Pump Roules. They
were really trying to get me to sign to do
vander Pumper Rules before the cast trip to Like Tahoe,
because that's when they wanted me to re enter. Ultimately,
I said, whichever way you put it, I can't physically.
I physically can't go back because it wouldn't peak up
for me. And so they said, fine, it's over your time.

(37:05):
And then the next week, my mom and I are
sitting on the bed and we're looking at Instagram and
it was a fan that posted Graham is that you
and Lake Tahoe. And I was like, my heart sank
and I was like, Mom, there's no way that Graham

(37:26):
would be back on the show, right, Like that just
doesn't make sense. And she's like, oh, I don't know,
Like let me call the trainer and let me call
the foster, and the foster told us like, oh, isn't
it great. Lisa vander Pump adopted Graham. She said that
if she can't rehome him, that he'll live out the

(37:48):
rest of his days on her ranch. And my mom
and I are like, ranch, Like, she's not having Ranch.
So Graham's back on the show, and you don't have Graham,
but they have Graham, and they're filming with Graham, which
I know sounds crazy we're talking about Graham. But I
surrendered all rights to Graham when I gave him to

(38:13):
the rescue to be rehomed with a good family who's
experienced with dogs who have aggressive behavior. And Lisa goes
and adopts him, takes him to Lake Tahoe and surprises
James with Graham, saying James, well, I can only imagine.

(38:34):
But basically the story that they put out there is
Lisa told everyone that I surrendered my dog at a
kill shelter and he was hours away of being euthanized. Yeah,
so this was what was in the press. Yes, so
I know that that's the story. That's the storyline that
they're gonna push for season eleven. When Graham comes into
the picture, and I'm sure James like to say that.

(38:58):
Obviously the goal to get a reaction, right, and James
is a very reactive person, so I could only imagine
like what his thought process is. And then it's like
to drop this dog on you and not even like
console your girlfriend to see like what's you know, like
it was very like spur the moment and to think

(39:19):
about I was only a week out of my treatment
and their whole plan was to get me to Tahoe
so that they could drop this bomb on me. Crazy.
I told Lisa, I you spoke to her. Yeah, I
texted her saying I don't support Graham being with James.
He needs to be with an owner who knows how

(39:43):
to work with troubled dogs. And I won't go into
the specifics of why I don't think James is a
worthy dog owner, but this is, you know, like I
would not live with myself if I didn't express these
concer and something were to happen. And so she called

(40:03):
me and I expressed my thoughts, but her concerns more
lied with me coming back to do the show, and
she said, well, darling, why don't you just come to
the LaRosa and bring me some flowers and explain why
you left sir so abruptly without notice and apologize and

(40:24):
then you can explain your side of the story. And
it was like wait what and almost, you know, like
it almost got me because I was like, well, I
do want to explain my side of the story, Like, yeah,
it's an important thing, like this is my child that's
being drawn into this mix. And I feel like they
were almost using him as bait. Perhaps I don't know,

(40:49):
but it definitely has been a thought that has crossed
my mind, trying to get me to come back and
explain myself. But I realized that if I were to
explain the real story, they wouldn't air it, right. I mean, look,
we're just one hour into this podcast and we've barely
touched all of it. Yeah, and so I don't know

(41:12):
that it would have been possible to convey it on
an edited television show where you had three minutes in
a scene. That's very true, and that's a good point
of view from a producer standpoint, which I think is accurate.
But then as a storyline standpoint, I know that James
is now the number one guy in the group by

(41:35):
process of elimination, so by Explain that to a layman
like myself. Explain what that means. So there's a famous
line that Jax Taylor said a while back on vander
Pump Rules, saying that he's the number one guy in
the group. And so since Jacks didn't come back for

(41:55):
the remainder of the seasons, it was like, now who's
the number one guy in the group, And a lot
of people were saying it was Tom Sandibal. And now
that Tom Sandoval isn't the number one guy in the group.
Now it's between Schwartz and James Kennedy, and so by

(42:16):
process of elimination, James Kennedy is the number one guy
in the group. Interesting. So, speaking of Tom Sandival, we
wanted to play for you again with your permission some
things that Tom recently said. Yeah, let's hear it. Do
you miss her? Yes, of course I do. We were
best friend, so you have no relationship whatsoever, and it's heartbreaking,

(42:38):
it's heartbreaking to go through. So you were in it. Yeah,
See that's the part I believe she was just the excuse.
I thought she was the excuse. It's not just some
hot girl, like come on, I was. I was a
model for like fifteen years. Like, it's it's deeper than that,
it's more than that, the arrogance of it all. I

(42:58):
was a model. I was a model for fourteen years.
What is he talking about? What is he talking about? Uh, Honestly,
I kind of zoned that one out because I've I've
listened to this podcast interview maybe like five times now,
I prost I sent it to my therapist. When I

(43:19):
heard just a little snippet on Instagram someone was promoting
and I heard what he was saying just in that snippet,
I was like, Oh, I feel sick, like funny sick,
or actually six like six sick. And then I've never
had this physical reaction before, but my I felt like
I was going to throw up, like because his voice

(43:41):
repulsed me. And I'm like, Okay, this is a good sign. Like,
so hearing him say that he missed you, it doesn't
bring up any feelings at all. No, because well, it's
a complicated question because there is that part of me
that wants to believe in that fantasy and I miss that. Yeah,

(44:02):
but in living in reality, no, Like, because he misses
all of the benefits of our relationship without actually being
in a relationship and also having a committed relationship. Does
it feel vindicating it all that he's publicly saying, oh, yes,

(44:23):
it doesn't. No. And I know that he was kind
of like playing the offensive because I'm coming out with
my own podcast and he's afraid of what I'm going
to say. So I know that he's like really trying
to milk the victim rule to make himself look better,
I think, But in reality, I think it's making him

(44:44):
look worse. I mean, that's what I mean. I've been
reading normally, I'm staying away from all of this stuff
like this one. This one got me. Yeah, I bet
Why did this stand out? I'm just curious compared to
all the other stuff he said and done about you,
this one is this one stood out because it seemed

(45:05):
like he really did flip on me, and he really
threw me under the bus, and he was okay with it,
and it seemed like he was doing a lot of
victim blaming and not taking accountability and owning it and
maybe standing up for me a little bit, Like if
you really did love me and care about me the
way that you say you did, I think he would

(45:31):
probably not say something like that. Well, I also want
to say, he said that you made the first move.
Is that true? We can get into it. It's not.
I got nothing but time. I could tell you the story.

(45:58):
We're happy to hear it, and then you can decide
who made the first move, because I'm not accusing anyone.
I think it's like, you know, a day or two
after Guys Night, which was a day or two after
this girl's trip to Vegas, which is all the show.
This is all on the show. Yeah, this is like

(46:18):
episode three or four or something like that. I don't know.
So basically, I'm filming a scene at SIR with Lisa,
and I'm telling her how I'm standing up for myself
and I'm not allowing these girls to pick on me anymore,
and I'm not gonna let them bully me, and I'm
coming into my own. He knew that I was at
Sir filming, and so he came by Sir and he

(46:42):
got me a drink at the bar, like my special
drinks that I like with the strawberries and whatever, and
we were like, okay, cool, Like let's go to Beaches
with the group afterwards, which is around the corner from
Sir in West Hollywood, and before we left, Sir, we
had a little conversation on the patio, just the two

(47:03):
of us, and were you best friends at this point?
At this point, no friends, I'm actually attracted. We were
well then though people can grow on you. Yeah, I
think then I was starting to feel a certain way
got it and the tension he would give me, and

(47:24):
just like the you know, like it just felt digging
into love bombing later, but we shall yeah, cue the
love bombing and uh So he was like, oh, let's
let's not go to beaches, let's go to the abbey instead.
And I'm like okay. So we get a drink up
abby and I was like, do you need a ride home?

(47:47):
And he was like yeah, and I was like, okay,
I'll drive you home. So we get to his house
and we're like, cameras are no camera, No cameras, got cameras.
So we get to his house and we're like sitting
in my car just chatting for twenty minutes, and then
he's like, do you want to come in for a
night cap? And I was like, oh, twist my arm,

(48:08):
why don't you? And I was like, yeah, of course
I do. So then we go to the front door
and he's apparently locked out because he left his key
in there, and this is the house he lives with Ariana. Yeah,
where is she? She's sleeping upstairs. So he's like, oh,
I'm locked out. Let me try the back door, like,

(48:30):
come with me around back, and I was like okay, cool.
So we go in the back and the sliding door
isn't unlocked. So he's like, well, we've got the fire
pit here. I was like, yeah, fire Pit's cool, Like
we could just keep talking. So we've got the fire
pit going and we're chatting and then he goes He says,

(48:50):
do you know what the best thing about this pool is?
And I was like what? And he's like, that is heated?
And I was like should we go in? And why?
On camera he's so juicy okay, he was like, well,
I don't know. I was like, well, do you have towels.

(49:11):
He's like, yeah, I have towels in the side, in
the side of the house. And I was like, okay,
then I'm gonna go in. So I like took my
jeans off and I had this like corset top on,
so I left that on and I was in my
underwear and I went in his pool and it was heated.

(49:32):
What's an he wear? Oh no, I don't know if
I want to know the answer. Just his boxers. Okay,
thank god? Okay, So then what okay? So then you know,
I'm swimming around in the shallow side of the pool
and then he's swimming around in the deep end, and
I have my little my phone is playing music over here,

(49:54):
and he was like he like came swimming over to
me and he's like turn that down, and I was like, okay,
turned it down, and then he and then he like
looked at me a certain way and then he like
grabbed me, spun me and kissed me. And I was
like surprised, but like happy, Oh god, so bad, so embarrassing.

(50:18):
Many people have been in You're not the only person
that's ever been in this situation, which we will dig
into in further episode. I think what's blowing my mind too,
is like all this is happening. There aren't cameras, so
this show is very real. Like these relationships I know
are real, and I think, I you know, like that's

(50:39):
the part too, that I think maybe fans were disappointed
about because they didn't get to see it play out
in real time. They can listen here. I knew, I
mean I knew it was wrong. Tom knew it was
wrong because he's not caught up in this moment right well, yeah,
because you know, right after Tom kissed me, he like

(51:01):
sat on the stair of the pool one step in
and he was like hands on his face, like like
his mind must have been running a million miles a minute,
like contemplating what to do. And I was like, uh,
you know, like I should go. Oh wow, you know,

(51:22):
so I got my towel, I dried off, I got
my pants on, and he was like no, no, no, no no, no,
don't go, don't go. Just sit down. So we moved
to like the fire pit, a couch on the by
the fire pit, and he was like, hang on, like
I just need to think for a second, like I
you know, like I just don't know what to do

(51:43):
right now because I like really like you, but you know,
and I was like okay. I was like, well I
feel weird sitting here, Like would you rather like go
talk about this in my car? And he was like yeah,
So we go to my car. Well what happened in there?

(52:04):
Did you hook up? Yeah? We did everything. It was
very it was very bad, like why is he saying this?
I think he's just trying to spin the narrative. Got
it even as just sort of an innocent bystander here,
It's blurry. They both, Yeah, it seemed like nobody's right,
nobody's wrong in who made the first move? Right? Does

(52:25):
it even matter? Like who cares? Because it was like
I feel like I'm in this like romantic, like I
feel swept off my feet, like I feel so infatuated
and like loved, and then it's like, oh no, like oh,
I'm now hanging out with Arianna and a group of people,

(52:46):
and I just feel with cameras. Yeah, and then you know,
like I'm drinking more because I'm feeling uncomfortable. And it
got to a point where my friends were like my
friend me aside one night at Shorts and Sandy's, because
we were all there and I was drinking a lot,

(53:07):
and he was like, what's going on, Raquel, Like what
is going on? And I was like, I don't know
if I can tell you. I don't think I should
tell you. And he's like me, who are you talking to? Oh?
My friend? Okay? Got it? He was like, what has
what's been going on? Because we haven't been hanging out
like we normally would, and and I would come up

(53:30):
with these excuses as to where I was and what
I was doing, like I'm, you know, getting my teaching
credentials for pilates, like I'm looking into it, you know,
like it wasn't even like a real thing. And he's like,
I just feel like you're not okay, and I was
like I'm not okay, and he's like, I want you

(53:52):
to tell me, and I was like I want to
tell you too, but I'm really drunk right now and
I can't tell you right now, but like like let's
talk tomorrow. And so I went home, slept and he
called me in the morning and he was like, okay,
so what's going on? And I was like, oh man,
I was hoping you wouldn't remember. And he was like, no,

(54:14):
just tell me it's fine. And I was like, okay.
You know, Tom and I have been seeing each other
and this has been going on for a few months,
and like I really love him, like I have these
strong feelings for him. And he was like, Raquel, this

(54:34):
is not good, like what about Arianna? And I was
like I know, like I I know, like this is
why I'm like drinking and like like not well, and
he was like, I don't condone this behavior at all,
Like I don't stand by this, but I want to
be a friend for you, but I don't agree with this,

(54:55):
and I think you need to end things. And I
was like, you're right. It's like okay, noted. Thank you
for listening and not being judgmental and being there for me.
And so you know, I knew I needed to end it,

(55:19):
and I would try to end it, yeah, but then
he would always find a way to get back in
my life. I guess it gives us a lot to
talk about. How do you feel my mouth is dry? No,
I feel good. It feels good to tell these stories
because these are the stories that I've been telling my

(55:40):
family and my close friends and and it's like this
is my crazy life, Like this is what I got
myself into. And I know there's like a part where
the producers weren't happy with me because it's a reality
TV show, right, like it should be a reality but like,
you know, it was our secret. I see. Oh they

(56:03):
wanted all this, yeah, they wanted it to all be
on camera, right, and instead I was you know, Schwartz
was a convenient cover up in a way, and we'll
get into short and we'll get into boundaries and love
bombing and oh so much. Real quick though, I want

(56:25):
to know what fears you have of doing this podcast.
I think my biggest fear is that I'm not going
to be portrayed the way that I feel like it's
true to me. And maybe I have that fear because
I don't know my experience with vander pump Rolls, and
I know, like you know, there's a there's an algorithm,

(56:45):
this is the entertainment industry, Like we want this to
be a salacious podcast for the views that gets like
the ratings and all the stuff. I just don't want to.
I know I'm in a vulnerable place, so I don't
want to get too overboard in that direction because that's
not really true to who I am. Also, like there's

(57:10):
NDAs that are signed with the contract when you film
a show like this where you can't disclose storyline information,
and I feel pretty secure in myself that will unfortunately,
because this Tom Sandoval situation wasn't really a storyline for
all of the season. It was my actual life. I

(57:30):
feel comfortable talking about those things. But then when we
go into the realities of reality TV. I feel like
that's where it gets a little bit risky. So it
feels really good to get these stories off of my chest.
And I know that I would just be like spinning
around in circles if I remained quiet and didn't get

(57:53):
my story across. So I think you guys for listening.
And part of the reason why I'm drawn to do
a podcast and talk about these specific concepts of like
when you put somebody on a pedestal and there's a
power and balance and issues with codependency and molding yourself

(58:16):
to shape someone else's perception of you and getting caught
up in those very vulnerable personal things that I've experienced
is because I know that there's other people out there
that struggle with those things too, And I'm not the
first person to be involved in a relationship that wasn't

(58:38):
handled correctly, so my story is not unique, and that
mine's just broadcasted to a much, much larger skill
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