November 22, 2023 • 58 mins
In today’s episode, Amanda is joined by Sara Pedersen, Amazon’s Global Vice President of Community Engagement. Sara shares her transformative wellness journey, revealing how she transitioned from a Type A, overachieving people-pleaser to a self-aware individual living in her truth.
Sara’s relentless pursuit of achievement came to a halt during the COVID-19 pandemic, prompting her to question her happiness. Despite her external accomplishments, she realized that true happiness comes from within and embarked on a personal wellness journey.
She shares her process of letting go of past traumas, people-pleasing tendencies, and the habit of overachieving to meet others’ expectations. Sara delves into her exploration of self-identity and the tools she discovered to cultivate her own happiness.
Amanda & Sara discuss:
- Healing childhood wounds
- Unlearning old behaviors & coping mechanisms
- Sitting in uncomfortable emotions
- Releasing what no longer serves you
- Getting quiet with yourself to understand how you’re truly feeling
- Creating self-care habits and routines
- Realizing rest & fun are non-negotiables
- Taking responsibility for our own wellness
If you find yourself in a challenging situation, remember that your current struggle is not permanent. Allow yourself the grace to experience difficult days and understand that progress is made one step at a time!
Wellness is not a destination but a way of life. It doesn’t have to be an overwhelming task. The journey to wellness begins with a single step. Whether it’s going for a walk, dedicating quiet time for self-reflection, or exploring what happiness truly means to you, every step counts.
Resources:
Follow Amanda on Instagram @SoulPathology
Visit SoulPathology.com for more tools & resources or to book a private session with Amanda today!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hi, everyone, It's Amanda Rieger Green. Welcome to Soul Sessions Today.
I have an exciting episode. It's actually a two part
series on wellness, personal wellness, professional wellness, and overall health
and well being. My client and dear friend, Sarah Peterson,
is a guest today. She has been in the events
(00:30):
industry for fifteen years and currently is in business operations
for Amazon Web Services. She also has served on Amazon's
Mental Health and Wellbeing Affinity Group for the last couple
of years and contributed to the Emotional Intelligence and Success Committee.
Her contributions to workplace wellness and well being are pretty significant,
(00:55):
and so much of that stems from her personal wellness
journey and how it has evolved and how it has
impacted her life, her happiness, her definition of success, and
now she's a massive advocate for that within her workplace
and influencing and affecting optimal change.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Welcome Sarah, Thank you so much for having me. I'm
really excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You and I have a personal connection, and I know
so much of your story. But I'm excited to have
a dialogue today because I know it will resonate with
many people out there. You and I were going to
talk a little bit about your background, your wellness journey,
what triggered you into action essentially. But one of the
things I know you and I both share in our
(01:39):
background is we're type A overachievers and we're brought up
with a similar mindset of if everything looks good on paper,
if you're achieving, if you have these credentials, if you've
got a good job, if everything on paper looks good,
then you must be doing well. And that was something
that's backwards, right, And it was something that was very
(02:00):
very backwards for me for a big part of my journey.
And I know that that resonates with you. Will you
speak a little bit to your background and also what
prompted you into a wellness discovery, a lifestyle change in
taking ownership of your health and well being.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, absolutely, and thank you so much for that introduction.
As far as me, yeah, I am originally from Cleveland, Ohio,
and then I moved to Austin in two thousand and six.
Just like you said, I've been working in the events
industry for fifteen years. It's a very fast paced industry.
As far as me personally, I am very like you said,
type A overachiever. I was a competitive gymnast growing up,
(02:43):
so I always grew up with that discipline perfect, have
to be perfect, have to look perfect. And I really,
throughout my life used that as my definition of success
was really if I was achieving, and I kind of
assigned my value to what I was able to achieve
and what I was able to accomplish. So when it
(03:04):
came to going to school, it was always I wasn't
always the smartest person in the room, but I always
got straight a's because it was like, I have to
be perfect, and I love the validation that I got
from my parents and my family, you know, my family,
my friends when I got did well in school, and
then you know, I was able throughout my life, throughout
my career to continue to achieve and throughout you know, school,
(03:29):
I always did well. Throughout my career. I was able
to get promotions every year or two based on just
working hard and being gritty and putting that all in there.
I was working in the events industry. I had a
very fast paced life in Austin. I was a very
social person, which is kind of like go go go go,
(03:49):
just kind of like on the hamster wheel. It is
really how I would describe it and what changed for
me was COVID, everything kind of slowed down. I think
I'll a lot of us obviously experienced that, but working
in the events industry specifically, there was a lot of uncertainty.
My job was in question. I experienced a pay cut
(04:11):
at that time, so I was for the first time
on my life, I felt like I wasn't able to achieve,
and it really broke me down. I was trying to
be perfect and do well in my career, and no
matter what I did, it was hard to navigate COVID.
It was hard for me not to have the connections
of my friends and family. I didn't really realize how
(04:31):
much stock I put into that. And so then once
COVID hit and I was struggling in my career for
the first time, and I really wasn't taking care of
myself at that time. I really had run myself into
the ground. I started having really dark, intrusive thoughts. I
didn't have suicidal thoughts, but I had sort of just
(04:53):
what is my purpose? What am I doing here? Is
this all that there is? Like? I was just kind
of everything was up for review to me, and I
felt very lost and was waking up with anxiety every
day and I couldn't understand why because on paper, I
had everything that you would think that you would want
(05:14):
to have. I have a very loving, supportive family. I
had a great partner, and although there was uncertainty with
my job, I still had a job, you know. And
I had my health. You know, I had all these things.
Why am I not happy? And then when I started
to have dark, intrusive thoughts, it was like, okay, this
is you know, I want to give myself permission to
(05:35):
go through a hard time, but like, why am I
so unhappy when I have so much? So that really
ignited a strong passion in me, and I started just reading.
I started reading about neuroscience, mental health, well being, you know,
the mindset. Neuroscience was a big thing. Like I kind
(05:56):
of thought of it as like reading the owner's manual
when it comes to your brain, you know, like what
is it that makes people happy? And what does science
say about this? What does research say about it? And
I learned so much and I was able to pull
myself out of my dark place using the practical tools
that I had learned. And it's kind of like, why
are we not teaching this in school? Why. You know,
(06:19):
it was great for me to learn all of these things,
but I just is like, I really think a lot
of people are in the dark around what actually makes
somebody happy and like how to do that and how
to find that within yourself. So that was really it.
I was really pulling myself out of that dark time.
And then from there it really ignited this strong passion
(06:40):
to share with others because all of these tools helped
me so much, and you know, I'm just a regular girl.
You know, I'm not getting things special when it comes
to comes to that. So it's like, these practical tools
could really help others. And so that's really became my
mission and I've I've spent a lot of time learning
more about it and teaching others.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Thank you for sharing that. And I think there are
multiple points that people can resonate with, and I certainly
resonate with more than anything. It's the call to action
I have found and I see this in other people.
But oftentimes, when we are in our most discomfort, our
most disease and pain, we can either stay in it
(07:22):
and go lower, or we can find help. And sometimes
that help starts from within. And it very much sounds
like you did this deep inner searching and recognizing that
on paper, the credentials, the achievements, we're all there. I
still have my job. It could be worse. A lot
of us sometimes, or we've been taught this is go
(07:43):
to gratitude, be grateful for what you have. And I
am a believer in gratitude because it is a gateway
to shifting our perspectives and our mentality. But I'm also
a believer in not bypassing what's going on mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
and you being able to to recognize, wait a minute,
I'm waking up with anxiety.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
What does this mean? What do I mean? Why am
I here? Or what is my purpose? What is my aim?
My direction?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I mean you started getting into more esoteric questions, but
recognizing that your physical health, your anxiety, your mental health,
your emotions were involved. So you were starting to recognize
the full spectrum of wellness. You know, a lot of
times we just go to physical health, and because we
have started to take so many of the stigmas off
(08:31):
of mental health, we look at mental health, but emotional
health and energetic or spiritual health is a component of
that and ways in which we can tie all of
those together, and I want to go back to one
other thing that you said that resonates very purely and
truly for me. I, like you, from a young age,
got a lot of validation from achievements, and I was
(08:54):
the child that didn't want to get in trouble. I
would rather be praised. So sometimes we rebel or we
seek achievements and recognition. And I thought, well, if I
do well, if I show up, if I'm good, if
I get recognition, then I'm gonna make people proud. And
I had no concept of being proud of myself. It
was all this people pleasing element. If I do well,
(09:16):
then people are gonna love me, or if I do really,
really well, then I'm gonna be happy. There was no
concept of being in the present and who I really was.
And it wasn't that I was inauthentic or fake, because
because that is not not at all who I was.
I wanted to genuinely show up, help people feel better,
be better, do well. But then it came to this
(09:39):
point where all of this overachieving, all of this external
success and validation left me very empty on the inside.
And that's what I hear in you, and I mean
it truly resonates with me because my waking up moment
came from this place of who, who am I?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
What do I mean? What is all this for?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I have all of these achievements, and I am doing
well on paper externally, but I am broken inside and
I really don't know who I am, what I love.
And you've heard me say this before, and I say
this to a lot of clients because it was a
light bulb moment for me. I always say, do you
remember when you were little and you don't like.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Spinach or blue cheese?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I give spinach and blue cheese as the examples, and
then all of a sudden, you're twenty six and you're like,
I'll have the spinach, or put the spinach in my smoothie,
or absolutely give me a double helping of the blue cheese.
When do our taste buds evolve? You know, they evolve subtly,
and at some point there is this big knock on
the door that says, are you going to pay attention
(10:47):
to what's internally evolved in you and start to take note?
And I think anxiety, depression, physical disease. Our bodies are
so biologically intelligence that when they tend to be run down, depleted, exhausted,
creating things like depression or anxiety. Those are big calls
(11:08):
to action, to knowing that something internally is out of alignment,
out of sync, and it takes investigation. And it sounds
like that's what instead of you stepping back and just
falling completely into depression and not that you didn't feel
that because it was real. I know it was real
for you and you didn't just snap out of it magically,
and we'll talk about that, but you decided to get
(11:31):
curious and get into action. And I think that out
of anything when it comes to taking charge of our
personal health and wellness and well being is how can
we get curious? How can we start to investigate ourselves?
And I think that's a big gift that you bring
to the table specifically, So like getting curious and getting
(11:51):
interested in saying, Okay, how can I heal? How can
I learn about these things? And what are the practical tools?
Will you talk a little bit about some of the
tools and lessons, specifically the lessons because I know like
people pleasing unlearning that or being able to forgive or
let go of the past, those things are you know,
really do apply to your story. What were some of
(12:14):
the moments of awareness or aha moments within yourself that
you saw as limiting or holding you back from fulfilling
your meaning or better aligning with it.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah. Absolutely, and I love what you said. I think
the biggest thing for me was unlearning behavior and unlearning
being a people pleaser and unlearning being a perfectionist. But
that first piece, even before that, and you mentioned it,
there is really that awareness piece. So it's about taking
that time to really understand who you are, sitting in
(12:46):
the uncomfortable emotions and being willing to unpack those emotions
and realize where is this actually coming from? Why am
I unhappy for me when it came to, you know,
success in my career. Well, once I he's the success
that I wanted and I hadn't. I didn't feel the
happiness that I thought that I would. It's kind of like, Okay,
(13:06):
well then where it is your happiness coming from? And
that's going to be different for everybody. So it's really
taking that time is so important to self reflect. And
COVID made me do it, you know, like I don't
know if I.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
COVID made me do it. That's like a ashig Covid
made me do it.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, I was like, no, don't make me deal with this.
I yeah, feel these feelings and like all that. But
there was a lot of things from my past, like
unhealed childhood trauma and like getting back to the perfectionist thing.
So I was a competitive gymnast, which I mentioned.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So which is major by the way that I mean,
I know that about you, but but a competitive gymnast
that's intense. And there is nothing short of a perfect ten.
Yeah that you know, I mean perfect ten that in
encapsulates the energy and that environment and the high overachieving,
constant expect and then of course the body, the physical body,
(14:03):
and there's nothing you know less than perfection that is acceptable.
And I don't mean to blanket that or stereotype being
a gymnast, but it's hard on your body, it's competitive.
That is a very intense place to learn behaviors during
your formative years.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, and I'll tell you like I developed an eating
disorder at age eleven because my coach told me to
and she thought if I would be skinnier, and it
used those words, if you know, if you could get skinnier,
your scores would go up. So I did that and
then she was right. She was right. I did do
better once I got skinnier, so and I got more
(14:41):
validation from people around me. And so it's sort of like, man,
it was bad behavior and then reinforced. So that takes
a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Of and doing what like reinforced and do it like, Oh,
she was right. I got skinnier and I started to
win more or get more attention.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
And a lot of us have this story.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I mean, I danced my entire life and the same
kind of body issues and image came up and insecurities
that are still things that I know are struggles for
me today. And it's funny because you and I both
talk about this, and it's just something that's very vulnerable
for me to share you. And I've said this before
(15:21):
when I am struggling or emotionally, not in an intelligent space,
but in these feelings that take over me. One of
my coping mechanisms is to eat, and one of yours
is to not eat like you and I, you know,
and we've talked about that, and I'm smiling because it's like,
what have we learned? And I go to a onboard
or I don't want to deal with that, or I
can't think about it and instead of intelligently processing and
(15:44):
sitting in those uncomfortable emotions, which I want to talk
about in a second, because you shared something with me
a while back about that. You know, it's like, well,
let me go to the refrigerator or let me go
into the pantry. And I'm very cognizant of that today
and know how to respond to it better.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
But you're the opposite.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You're like, when I'm sick, when I'm tired, when I'm anxious,
then I just don't eat for a couple of days,
you know. So it's like the pendulum can swing in
those behaviors and how they're translated in our bodies, our biology,
our neurology. We're all wired differently, but when we are
armed with that self awareness, we can respond to it
(16:22):
and heal it or change it, which is what you
were talking about with neural patterning and cognition and rewiring
and retraining the brain. It all comes down to awareness
of behaviors, learned behaviors and whatnot. But what I wanted
to go back to is talking about sitting in your
uncomfortable emotions. You shared with me one time. I just
(16:43):
remember being on the bathroom floor and just laid out
on the bathroom floor, and so many of us can
relate to that. I mean, I have been on the
bathroom floor in a puddle of tears or fear, or
curled up in a ball multiple times in life. And
I'm in a place today and I know this resonates
with you where if I need to be in an
(17:07):
anxious state, if I need to process anxiety or recognize
that I am really low down, feeling sorry for myself, whatever,
it is, just acknowledging it and finding a way to
hold space for that, even if you know on paper
that may sound really small, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Really important to be willing to feel uncomfortable. And for me,
when I was processing all this information, what helped me
is I chose to go to therapy, which really helped.
Therapy helped me the most in terms of coming to
peace with my past. And therapy is great in the
sense that you do sit in those uncomfortable feelings and
(17:46):
you do talk about it, and you can talk to
somebody who is trained in this who can teach you
about thought patterns and just kind of help you unpack, like,
how did you get to be this super perfectionist. Okay,
well you are a gymnast and then they told you this,
and then that bad behavior was reinforced. You can whatever
your journey is. Maybe it's not perfectionist for everyone who's listening,
(18:07):
but whatever it is that's kind of holding you back,
you can unpack that, sit with it, understand where it
came from, come at peace with it, take the lessons
from it, and then let it go. Like that was
the biggest thing for me, was get coming to peace
with my past and really just taking the lessons from
(18:28):
it and then letting go of the things that didn't
serve me. So if you go back to like gymnastics,
for example, yes, bad body image. That was not a
good situation, but it also taught me amazing discipline and
I am where I am and I'm a very high
achiever and always have like two or three revenue streams
coming at one time, Like I'm just a go doer
worker and I think that comes from that, and I'm
(18:50):
grateful for it. So it's like learning to be even
in bad situations like that is a very toxic environment
in so many ways, but learning to pick out what
you learn from it, how it made you better, how
it made you stronger. And then, like I said, letting
it go is a huge.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Thing because it's not.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And you taught me this little catchphrase you said to
me one time in our sessions, and I still tell
it to myself all the time, is like this thought
or this thing is no longer serving me, this is
no longer a good use of my time or intelligence.
What can I replace this thought with and this thinking
of a better feeling thought or you know, going back
to your gratitude? And I know, gratitude to me can
(19:30):
feel a little like barfee now, like it's so overdone,
like oh, be greatful. But what I have learned too
is like when I did all of my research, I
read all these books and when it comes to gratitude,
I learn the why behind why gratitude works and we
can get into that. But that really helped me because
(19:52):
I mean, everyone has heard gratitude before, so why aren't
we doing it all the time. Well, once I learned
the why and how it works and how your brain
processes information and how you can reprogram it for happiness
and to see the good in situations, that really triggered
me to make gratitude a habit of mine. And we
can talk more about that too, but that huge for
(20:14):
me just understanding the.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Why I love what you shared about reviewing our past behaviors,
our past experiences and extrapolating maybe the harm or the
behaviors that it instilled that are limiting us or holding
us back or keeping us in disease, and also extrapolating
(20:39):
what it taught you that is healthy, wow, discipline, focus,
striving to grow, to be better, to evolve, so being
able to look at both sides of things, which is
to me, that's perspective. I think perspective is such a
gift when we're able to say, ooh, yes, this was
a toxic sitution situation, and this is how it's limited
(21:03):
me or created dysfunction or disease in certain aspects of
my psyche, my behaviors and beliefs. But here's how it
harnessed me. Here's what I've taken away from that That
I wouldn't have those skill sets otherwise and that is
so important to me. And that also is what that
(21:24):
I see gives as this allowance or this softer space
or grace to be able to heal the past, to
let go of the past and not forget the past
so much as not living in the present. In your
past behaviors and whatever is hardwired into your personality, traits
and your actions. So I think that is so helpful.
(21:47):
And one of the things that you and I have
talked about that we both share is you and I
are intense people. I think a lot of perfectionists are,
and we go hard, we're driven. We do so fun
and joy and silliness and play is not usually in
our priority list. But I know in this journey for you,
(22:09):
and it's very parallel to mine today, play, fun, silliness, happy, joy,
those are non negotiables up in my top three. They
were not even anything I would put in my to
do list or come naturally to me. And now I
know when I play and have fun or spend time
(22:29):
with people who bring out my silly side, my joyful side,
I become more productive.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Clear is that your experience?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
And what did you learn through this awakening and this
embracing of a new lifestyle about play and lightheartedness and
joy and how it affects your health and well being?
What did you learn through this awaken and this embracing
(23:02):
of a new lifestyle about play and lightheartedness and joy
and how it affects your health and well being.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
It's paramount. I have learned that rest and fun really
are weapons. I heard a friend of mine, my connection
of min Bethany Cranfield, has supposed that to me, rest
is a weapon. And I feel the same way about fun.
And especially as someone who's used to being a high
achiever and very ambitious, it can feel counterintuitive to take
(23:32):
breaks or this is going to hold me back. But
what I have learned is that taking breaks actually helps you,
not just from a scientific standpoint when it comes to
your brain and resetting, like for instance, like the way
that our brains work. What I have learned is that
we have natural energy cycles of about ninety minutes. So
(23:52):
you can do ninety minutes of focus work, you're good
to go, and then after ninety minutes your brain starts
to pull away. You can make mistakes. And that's why,
like if you've been working all day, and I have
taught myself to do this at work, is getting up
and taking breaks, getting away from your computer, Taking ten
to fifteen minutes away from something actually helps you recharge
(24:14):
and come back better. And I think too, especially I
look at it through the women's lens. But we're taught
to take care of everybody, serve everybody. You have your work,
you have your family, you have your household. It's just
so much and so a lot of times that I
was putting myself last on my list, and I know
that I think a lot of people do that as well,
(24:35):
especially women. And it's so important to be taking care
of yourself first and just allowing yourself to have fun
and it's not so serious. That's something that I'm still
teaching myself. I don't relax very well, so like actually
taking that time and scheduling it something that has helped me.
(24:55):
And that makes it sound like the most lame fun ever,
like schedule your fun, but I do. I will schedule,
you know, twenty minutes in the middle of my day
to go and tell my dog that he's the cutest
thing I've seen in my life for ten minutes because
that just makes me feel good.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Absolutely, and Sarah to me, these are again, these are
practical ways that we can be begin to create wellness
and create the traction in that wellness, so it takes
root and it's it's traction and repetition. And because we
are busy scheduling things helps, and I say this with
(25:31):
people all the time. Hey, and I had a client
do this the other day, and she actually sent me
a message just saying, I did it.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I did exactly what you said.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I said, I need you to put a reminder in
your phone at these times. And we were actually using numerology,
so it's like, do it at three thirty three am
and three thirty three in the afternoon.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
And she did.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And I was like, you won't get the three thirty
three am until you wake up in the morning, but
it means first thing in the morning, you're going to
see this notification and these are the intentions. And that way,
two times day day you are calling in, you're asking
yourself to pause to reflect whatever the prescription was that
was coming through uniquely for her, and she did it.
(26:10):
And that in and of itself, the effort of okay,
I'm going to schedule this, but you're one of the
things that you're sharing. I think is so beneficial, especially
post COVID, because we have moved into a more virtual
world with work, where we're either outside of an office
full time and we work remotely or we have flex time.
(26:32):
It's becoming more necessary, demanded almost and needed. But when
we work at home, we can feel isolated. It can
actually trigger greater loneliness, separation. And then I know, for me,
and I see it in a lot of people, that
actually depletes my creativity. And what you're sharing is for anybody,
even if you are at a desk at a cubicle
(26:54):
in an office space, really saying okay after about ninety minutes,
because I can set it a computer for four like
nobody's business and then and I mean, I can just focus,
and then I become more intense, more rigid, more restrictive
actually because my body actually is in that restrictive posturing.
And that's what I say. Our body is so important
(27:15):
the way we hold ourselves. But when you're hunched over
and you're doing that for hours at a time, it
actually limits your ability to receive and be open and
flexible and fluid, and it's it's actually shutting down parts
of creativity in the brain. But whether you're in a
workspace or you are at home, setting times in your
calendar to pause and go do something else for ten minutes,
(27:38):
for twenty minutes, and for me, I have actually scheduled
you know this, and I've talked about this on soul
sessions before. But I scheduled my pilates after my mother
died and dealing with grief and rebalancing life wellness routines,
reprioritizing that I will either go early in the morning,
middle of the day in the evening, and and it's
(28:00):
a drive to go there. I mean, it has to
be scheduled, but the drive time, the pilates itself.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Both of those.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Things have been massive add ons to my creativity, my clarity,
my intuition. It has also helped me intuitively to re
calibrate my body, my mind, my spirit. Intuitively, I find
a lot of revitalization. I have so many downloads when
(28:30):
I'm driving, and in scheduling that pilates time, so I
take little breaks. I've scheduled that for years, but I've
had to, especially coming out of some trauma, some grief,
some tragedy, which I know a lot of other people
can relate to. Sometimes if we double down a little
bit on quote unquote our breaks or our time away
(28:53):
from the computer. And I know we don't all have
the luxury to just stop at noon and take a
pilates class, but I know, for me, if I don't
have the luxury at noon, I get up a little
earlier in the morning. And again, depending on where you're
coming from, and if you're a mom and your responsibilities,
you may not be able to schedule that much time.
(29:14):
But where can you schedule ten or twenty minutes? Because
I do know that whatever you focus on growth and
if you will prioritize ten or twenty minutes two or
three times a day, all of a sudden opportunities will
start to come that create more flexibility, more space.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Does that resonate with you? Do you hear it?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah? Absolutely absolutely, It's so important. What has helped me
a lot too is just having a morning routine that
incorporates meditation and exercise. I don't go right into work,
and I do I wake up a little bit earlier
so that I can do that. But it is it's
just not sustainable to be work work work all the time,
or like focus like that. You have to give yourself time.
(29:56):
And especially one of the things that I really dove
into learning about and I was going through my struggles
is the subconscious mind and how to tap into your
subconscious mind to help you solve problems and navigate your life.
And a big part of that is taking time alone.
Like I think a lot of us know what to do,
and like for me, when I was going through my
hard time, hard time, I felt very much at a crossroads.
(30:18):
It was like I don't know what to do. I'm
not sure what I want with my career and like
some like old friendships that weren't resonating with me anymore.
Like I just was feeling very a little bit lost
in terms of how do I want to move forward?
What's important to me? Just like everything was kind of
up for review and having that time alone and taking
(30:39):
that time to like get outside, getting into nature, ash
if you don't know what to do, take a walk.
I remember Oprah said something and this helps me. I
listen to everything that Oprah says.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I I am a massive fan and if you listen,
everybody out there, if you have not listened to Super
Soul Sunday, and she has it all. Basically all of
Super Soul Sunday is now on her podcast. And I
direct clients and people to Super Soul Sunday all the time. Okay,
what ind Over say? Like I'm all ears.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
She said that if you don't know what to do,
and if you're feeling really stuck in life. Don't do anything.
Sit alone in a room. Just give yourself time to
sit alone in a room, whether it's twenty minutes a day,
half hour day, take that time to yourself because you
know what to do, Like you know what to do,
your intuition knows what to do, but do you know
(31:29):
what's important to you? Do you have that clarity? And
learning how to trust yourself is huge. That was a
big lesson for me and something that I'm still working at.
Learning how to do is really fully trusting yourself and
listening to your intuition. But setting yourself up for success
is like a real practical way to do that, like
(31:50):
you said, is really just scheduling that time, taking that
time to yourself. Because we get so many downloads all
the time, and we have our phones constantly going off
crazing this with the government, there's craziness here, there's violence
in school shootings, like there's just so much coming at
us that can really drag you down, and you really
(32:11):
have to take responsibility for your own wellbeing. It is
the short version.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
That's a huge message.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
And you set you and I had this discussion recently
because and where this is for just a little bit
of a teaser into part two of our conversation. We're
going to talk about wellness and workplace wellness and when
your wellness journey begins to evolve, how it can impact
you professionally on top of the personal implications in your
(32:39):
personal life, and how what organizational wellness looks like. So
we will talk about that. But one stance that Sarah
has really taken that makes sense to me is we
are responsible for our wellness. We have to decide we
want to be well and what does that look like.
(32:59):
And the biggest piece of that I start to take
away is don't get overwhelmed. You do it one thing
at a time. And like you're talking about your morning routine,
morning routines are a non negotiable for me. Wellness became
a lifestyle for me over a decade ago. And there
are times when my wellness is more well rounded, full bodied,
and it just happens because it's so natural. And there
(33:22):
are times when I am tired, I'm exhausted, just like
you know, losing my mom and every like I had
to like pull myself up and say, okay, Amanda, let's
start by cleaning out the refrigerator, making sure everything in
here is healthy, so you have food that's nourishing your body. Okay,
figure out what your exercise routine looks like, and you
(33:43):
know your mourning routine. And I've I've gotten up a
couple of hours early gosh for years because I need
that quiet time with myself to reflect, to be able
to show up abundantly. Those are things I know, but
if I'm not practicing them consistently, then the it's not
going to be effective. And one of the things when
(34:04):
you were talking about changing behaviors and thinking about worry
or negative self talk, what are some of the practices, like,
you know, getting quiet with yourself, which I think is
one massive takeaway from this conversation. If you don't get
quiet with yourself, go do it because and it's uncomfortable
(34:27):
as I'll get out sometimes because we just want to
sit and grab our phone or distract by doing the laundry.
I mean, get quiet with yourself without doing thing. Just
go sit in the closet or sit in the car
with the car totally turned off. And I don't mean
turn your car on and you know, run the gas
and exhaust and close close the garage.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I don't mean that like, I don't mean that.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Kind of thing by sitting in the car alone, but
literally go find a quiet space and avoid picking up
the phone or turning the radio on, or doing the
laundry while you're getting with yourself. I mean, just sit
and even if your if meditation is not a practice
that you have been able to incorporate yet, finding ways
(35:10):
to sit quietly, even if you have to put a
timer on your phone and it's three minutes, can you
do it and then maybe three minutes and thirty seconds
the next day? But what are some of the practices
for healing becoming conscious of negative self talk or emotions
like worry, which is a future emotion, not being in
(35:30):
the presence, you know, playing different different scenarios, out different
trajectories out into the future. What are some of the
practical ways that you have been able to recognize and
heal worry and also self critical, perfectionistic, berating self talk.
That is something I'm very conscious of, and it's you know,
(35:50):
it can be a massive detriment.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Absolutely. The first step with that is always awareness, Like
you have to be aware of your thoughts. And so
I was the type of person previously who would really
spiral you know if something negative happened, I would let
that get me down for hours, days at a time.
And that was something that was really holding me back.
(36:13):
And what I learned is really paying attention to how
you're speaking to yourself. And one of the biggest things
that I learned is to not believe everything that you think, right,
that's true. But what I learned even just like from
a physiological standpoint, our brains are all wired with what's
called a negativity bias. Because we were in the woods fighting, say,
(36:36):
were two tigers back in the day, like our hardwiring
was happening in a real life or death survival state. Well,
most of us now are no longer in those life
or death situations, but our brains are still wired and
functioning in that way. So just understanding that your brain
is kind of it's wired to keep you safe more
than it's wired to keep you happy. And so when
(36:58):
you're feeling emotions like I was a big future tripper,
I still am like a recovering future tripper now, yeah,
but it's really catching yourself and it's just noticing first
noticing like what am I feeling? Like? What is the emotion?
Can I name it? And my research, I found that
(37:19):
the average adult can only name three emotions. It's happy, sad, tired,
and tired isn't even an emotion. That's ah, that's a state.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
By the way, that is not surprising to me that
most humans don't have a massive vocabulary around their emotions.
And I usually will say to somebody, hey, could you
get yourself a feeling like, you know, search a feelings
chart where it has thirty five sixty five emotions on it,
(37:49):
you know, irritable, frustrated, elated. I mean, so it starts
to give you vocabulary and you become aware of the
nuances of emotions. Because emotions can be used erratically and unhealthily,
or they can be used intelligently and they are jet
fuel to greater happiness, health, well being and so on.
(38:12):
But if you can begin to recognize the spectrum of emotions,
it's quite fascinating and we need a little bit of help.
So I always tell people, hey, grab yourself, you know
one of those emotional charts with all the faces but
the names of the emotions, because it's enlightening, actually.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
It really is. There's an app called how you Feel
or how we Feel. I think it's okay, Well, that's
really good where it will prompt you if you're not
somebody who's really in touch with your emotions or doesn't
have that emotional vocabulary, it'll prompt you throughout the day.
And there's other ones if you just look it up.
(38:51):
There's a lot of different apps out there. And that's
another thing. Just use your resources, Like if you're struggling
with something, there's a book on it. I promise you
own luck with therapy. But for the most part, what
helped me the most was just figuring out what I
was dealing with and then finding a book or a
podcast or something to help with that, and just teaching yourself.
(39:12):
But yeah, getting back to the emotion piece of it
is really understanding what am I feeling and why am
I feeling this and not fighting it not Oh I
can't believe I'm spiraling again. Oh I can't believe I'm
so upset about this. It shouldn't be causing me this
much to cease, like giving yourself permission to feel. And
(39:34):
also not all negative emotions are bad, you know these
are again you said it earlier. When you're feeling types
of emotions that are negative, you're really usually out of alignment.
With who you are in some way, shape or form.
So it's about understanding that piece of it. So knowing
what the emotion is, naming the emotion, figuring out what
(39:56):
it's coming from, where it's coming from, and why. What
can you control in the situation. I think that's major.
A lot of times we worry about things that we
can't control, So figuring out what can I control in
this situation and then letting the rest of it go.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I mean, that's a big formulary, but a very clear
path that you just defined. So it's the willingness to
put this into action. And even if you're listening out
there and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't do
all those things, just start with the awareness. And what
Sarah was saying is getting honest, Oh my gosh, I'm
feeling completely uneasy right now. I don't know the why,
(40:39):
I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm feeling uneasy.
Just saying and it's okay that I feel uneasy, because
it really actually doesn't take but twelve to eighteen seconds
to process in emotion, and most of us either bypass
them shove them down, which has adverse effects. So the
awareness and then the honesty, the will willingness to be
(41:00):
honest about what you're experiencing will lead to the investigation. Hm,
oh my gosh, this is repeated two or three times.
Is this something in my present environment or is this
coming from an old pattern, an old experience? And whatever
I'm experiencing now is bringing this up for me to review,
for me to process. And again, we don't have to
(41:23):
be super super sleuths, but it is kind of incredible
what we can uncover and discover about ourselves very rapidly,
and the healing effects can happen, I mean sometimes instantaneously,
sometimes over time, and you can look back over two
(41:43):
or three weeks, two or three months, or over a
year and be astounded by the personal growth and self awareness,
which is part of your story because COVID as this
catalyst to wake you up to your personal meaning. You're happy,
happiness which has created success rather than success. And you
(42:03):
articulated this as we were getting on the call. You know,
at first the belief was success will create happiness, and
now your belief is happiness breeds or creates success, and
that is a flip in the script of the paradigm
of you know, your success but also it's seeded from
this internal happiness. So I think that's such a great
(42:26):
roadmap to give people. And also before we sign off
for today, because our next discussion is about taking these
things out into the world essentially how it can impact
us in workplace wellness, health and well being within our jobs,
our productivity, our creativity, creating, trust, cohesion, a multitude of
(42:51):
other things that Sarah is very involved with at Amazon
and has become a passion of hers through her own
healing journey. But I also want to talk about trusting
yourself and your intuition because all of the things that
you're lining up and these practices help you get clearer
and clearer on the inner voice connected to your intelligence,
(43:14):
your emotions, your body, but your consciousness, your intuition, and
how that plays a role or has played a greater
role over the last couple of years in your your
overall well being.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
Yeah, So when it comes to trusting yourself, this is
a big lesson that I had to learn. Something that
helped me was there is a book all out there
called The Way of Integrity. It's by Martha Beck. I
don't know if you've heard this of this book.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
I have heard this Act America. I haven't read it though.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Oh it's so good, But it's all about for me
because I was un learning, you know, very people pleaser
and like what is my voice and what do I want?
And the whole premise of the book is learning to
live integrity, and a big thing is not telling wise,
you know, like even white lies, like just being honest,
(44:06):
like I'm not up for going to xyz event tonight,
but I hope to see you another time. Like living
in that integrity and being truthful is really helpful.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
That's huge. What you just shared is huge. And I
do talk about this with a lot of people and
have practiced it for myself because text messages are a
really great place to check ourselves, honestly, because a lot
of times we'll say, oh my gosh, that sounds so
great or I'm so excited for you, and that actually
may not be at all what we are thinking. But
(44:38):
being able to pause and sounds like you can just
reword your text messages to be in honesty and integrity
and it may be wow, it sounds like you're really happy.
That's excellent, you know, I mean instead of I mean
to really help us get clear on our language or
setting a boundary with a yes or a no. Oh yeah,
(45:00):
thank you for including me. But if I say yes,
it's going to be too much on my plate. I mean,
words are so powerful and our boundaries and that you
just hit the nail on the head on a massive
something that has been a game changer for me as
far as defining my own truth and even enhancing my intuition.
While those may not sound completely aligned, but being able
(45:23):
to communicate in integrity.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, and just learning how to say no and being okay,
right disappointing people, you know. I think that's a big
thing for me is I don't like disappointing people, and
I always want to be there and be one hundred
percent for everybody. But when it comes to at the
expense of me, that's where it has to stop. And
that's where I learned. But it is about setting boundaries,
(45:47):
and it's about living in integrity. And if someone asks
you to go do this, and if your body is saying,
oh my god, I don't want to go to that
baby shower, don't go. Don't go like ye go to
lunch after like suggest an activity that is more in
alignment with what you would want to do. I think
that just living more in my truth has allowed me
(46:09):
to accept one, to just accept myself as I am,
and letting go of the need to please please people,
and letting go of the need to be perfect. And
I think just being okay with being my imperfect self
has allowed me to stay true to myself much more
because I'm not living for other people. And like when
it came to success and getting back to the beginning
(46:31):
of this, why am I not happy? Well, I was
chasing when everyone else told me I should be chasing,
not what I really wanted. And so I think just
knowing yourself and being true to yourself and practically being
authentic to you and your relationships is really key and
something that I previously wasn't doing, and so that was
(46:53):
big for me.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
I think that's huge, and I think it gives everyone
out there a lot of practical resources, tools and food
for thought. And what you just shared of no, I
don't want to go to that baby shower. It's such
a simple example, but also one of those that for
most of us, especially the people pleasers out there, you know,
the perfectionists out there that want to be everything to everyone,
(47:17):
which is impossible and not sustainable, by the way, and
not healthy and not authentic. There's a lot of things
that it is not versus what it is, and the
beauty in that is being able to say thank you
for inviting me. I'm not going to be able to come,
but I do want to celebrate you, and here's how
(47:39):
can we do this? And when we do that, then
we give ourselves permission to be authentic. And guess what
else it alleviates is guilt because then we say, Okay,
I don't want to go or I can't go, and
then we just guilt trip ourselves and we may as
well have just said yes, because we are resenting, refeeling
an emotion over and over again. And emotions are again
(47:59):
are like jet fuel, whether they are positive and they
are propelling us forward or they are keeping us in
a lower vibrational state which just completely deflects from our
opportunity to be happy and well. So so much of
this conversation today has given everyone practical insights and tools,
(48:21):
but especially around picking up the torch of self awareness,
recognizing what happiness means to you who you are today,
and beginning to investigate your wellness journey knowing that it
doesn't have to be overwhelming. You just start by starting.
And I remember, you know, like in multiple things in life,
(48:42):
when we start something out, it's not what it's going
to look like in two months, six months, eight months,
a year. When we're starting, we're just beginning and being
able to implement one or two things. And I think
probably one of the most valuable things that Sarah said,
and she said a lot of valuable things, so I
am singling out one is create quiet time for yourself.
(49:05):
Sit by yourself or with yourself in either comfortable or
uncomfortable moments for a little while, because the truth is
in there, and it gives you this space, this sacred
space to be with yourself no matter what you're experiencing
or going through, so you can hear the voice in
your head, the feelings in your body, the comfort or
(49:27):
discomfort that you're experiencing, and experience it all because that
creates this opportunity for greater wellness and clarity around your voice,
your happiness.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
So I think that's huge.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
And when Sarah and I return in the second part
of our discussion, as I mentioned, we're going to talk
more about taking this into the workplace and workplace wellness
professional health, wellness, fitness and well being, but we're also
going to talk about different practices and also cognition and communication.
(50:05):
But wellness is a lifestyle and again how it impacts
the workplace. So is there anything in this segment and
talking about your personal journey which I appreciate and your
vulnerability that you want to leave here, or any nuggets
of wisdom that you feel like people right now, especially
in the holidays, that feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life,
(50:27):
like if you think to some of your holiday practices,
because they can be stressful and overwhelming, you know, what
are you going to do this holiday season to make
sure that you are prioritizing you first, your wellness first.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah, and I now we'll just say getting back to
the first question that for anybody who is really struggling,
I would say the biggest piece of advice would be
to know that this is not forever, This is not
your forever right now, what you're going through, and just
giving yourself grace and giving yourself permission to have bad
days and maybe showing up today means you're at ten
(51:05):
percent of what you normally are and when you're really
going through it, sometimes that's enough. You said something earlier
which really resonated. And I learned a concept through author
Mel Robbins, who she's great if you're reading materially. She
has so many great books, but one of her concepts
is around brick by brick build your house. Like when
it comes to like per papping for the holidays or
(51:29):
getting your work done, whatever it is your relationships. Don't
try to boil the ocean and do everything in one
day or get overwhelmed by it. Think about what is
one small thing I can do today to get better?
And say you're in a really dark time, Well maybe
that is taking a shower, honestly, you know, like have
those little small winds and get you know, being okay
(51:52):
with not being okay is a big takeaway that I
would like to leave your audience with for sure, and
just giving yourself grace to get better. Abraham Hicks has
this saying which I love in a lot of her
teachings where she says, you can't take a train that's
going one hundred miles an hour in one direction and
get it to go one hundred miles an hour the
(52:14):
other direction overnight. You know, like if you're unlearning these
behaviors unlearning these things and like trying to be better,
and like having moving to a place of wellness where
you haven't been prioritizing your wellness like I was. You
have to give yourself a break and don't expect to
change overnight. And success is not linear. Progress is not
(52:35):
always linear. So just being kind to yourself is so
so important, and we'll talk about this in the next
episode more tactical, but talking to yourself in a positive
way is really helpful. But when it comes to prioritizing
in the holidays, I'm a big list maker. Don't give
me a reason to make a list, because I'll take it.
(52:56):
I love it. But just getting organized, understand what you
need to get done, being realistic with what you're willing
to take on, Like do you really want to host
your entire family and do all of the meals? Could
one of these maybe be a potluck or you know,
just kind of like figuring not over committing yourself, I
(53:16):
would say, because so many times holidays are supposed to
be this time of rest and reach farge and then
you bring yourself into the ground and by the end
of the holidays, you need holidays to recoup from the
stress of the holidays.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
Yes, absolutely, over committing taking on too much. So as
this goes back to self awareness and getting honest, yeah,
you know, really getting honest.
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Do I have the time to take this on?
Speaker 1 (53:40):
If I contribute this, and then I'm feeling guilty like
I should contribute this, this and this, and then it's stressful.
I just did that with Thanksgiving. I'm bringing a couple
of things, and then I realized I was signing myself
up for more things and it didn't even make any sense.
It was an old behavior of feeling guilty that I
wasn't bringing enough for gonness sakes. I'm like, I already
(54:01):
bring it up to the table. I'm laughing as I
say that, kind of jokingly, but that's really that's the
way I'm hardwired. If I'm going to bring one thing,
why don't I bring two or three more things so
I can show that I'm contributing. And that comes from
a lack perspective. I know exactly today at face value,
that comes from I'm not enough, is exactly what that's saying.
(54:22):
So I just am bringing the one thing and it's
going to be fabulous. It's Brussels sprouts. By the way,
I make these really great Brussels sprouts, and everybody is
bringing one or two things and there's tons of us.
But I'm like, I don't have to bring Brussels sprouts
and an amazing salad. The Brussels sprouts are probably gonna
be enough because we're gonna have an abundance of food.
(54:42):
So what you're sharing is being self aware and getting honest,
so you are mindful not to over commit. You commit
what you can so you can enjoy yourself because being
able to relax, to be present, to enjoy yourself without overextending,
because there's enough on our plates that create an over extension,
and then that contributes to stress, anxiety and the burnout,
(55:05):
all the things.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
That's why you Am I doing this? Am I doing
it kind of feel guilty? Or Am I doing it
because it makes me feel happy? And yes it's a
lot of work, but it creates an amazing experience for
my family and the people that I love. Like, if
you if that brings you joy and being so scheduled,
it's not about make sure you don't do anything over
the holidays. If you like hosting, if that's what reached, like, yeah,
(55:27):
feel good, do it. But I'm saying don't do things
out of guilt or because you feel like, oh I
have to, and like not, you know, sometimes not always
totally in our control. We have different family members and things,
but generally speaking, just kind of setting those boundaries and
then figuring out, like what does a successful holiday look
like to me? Like, how do I want to feel
(55:48):
after the holidays? Do I want to be rested? Okay, well,
then you need to do things that make you create rest. Yeah,
help with rest, simple life. But it's like assessing what
you want out of the holiday season. And then I'm
a big planner, so then like making a plan to
get out of the holidays what you would like instead
(56:09):
of just saying yes all across the board yes, like
what happened? I think.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
I think that's a great takeaway for everyone too, is
what is your plan for this holiday season? And if
you listen to this after Thanksgiving, it's okay, we got
we have a whole other season that we walk into.
But whether it's Thanksgiving or any holiday season or any
season of life, what is my plan? What do I
want to earn from this? What do I want to experience?
(56:37):
Get clear on two or three one intention and see
how you can contribute to that, or create that, or
affect that in your experience. I think that is a
brilliant takeaway, and I'm going to do that for Thanksgiving,
like I actually like, after we get off of our call,
I'm going to sit and reflect on what I want
to experience over Thanksgiving and how I can mindfully take
(57:01):
practical action around that within what is in my control,
which what can I control my attitudes, actions, and behaviors.
Speaker 3 (57:09):
So I think that's a wonderful nugget. Sarah.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Thank you for the wisdom, the insight that you have
shared and really helping outline your wellness journey so well.
I know it will resonate with so many people, but
I hope you all have gotten some healthy nuggets and
takeaways to prompt your own personal wellness journey and impact
(57:35):
you in the months ahead and especially through the holiday season,
because I think it is a really fruitful time to
pay attention to where we may be out of alignment
or out of wax. So thank you, Sarah, and I'm
looking forward to our second discussion, so please join us,
where we'll talk more about professional wellness and workplace wellness
(57:57):
and how to really affect some change in your career
and in your work environment to experience greater happiness, health,
and well being.
Speaker 2 (58:08):
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 1 (58:09):
On soul sessions, and please be sure to reach out
with any feedback or questions.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
We'd be happy to answer them.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
Take care, Thank bye,
Hi, everyone, It's Amanda Rieger Green. Welcome to Soul Sessions Today.
I have an exciting episode. It's actually a two part
series on wellness, personal wellness, professional wellness, and overall health
and well being. My client and dear friend, Sarah Peterson,
is a guest today. She has been in the events
(00:30):
industry for fifteen years and currently is in business operations
for Amazon Web Services. She also has served on Amazon's
Mental Health and Wellbeing Affinity Group for the last couple
of years and contributed to the Emotional Intelligence and Success Committee.
Her contributions to workplace wellness and well being are pretty significant,
(00:55):
and so much of that stems from her personal wellness
journey and how it has evolved and how it has
impacted her life, her happiness, her definition of success, and
now she's a massive advocate for that within her workplace
and influencing and affecting optimal change.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Welcome Sarah, Thank you so much for having me. I'm
really excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You and I have a personal connection, and I know
so much of your story. But I'm excited to have
a dialogue today because I know it will resonate with
many people out there. You and I were going to
talk a little bit about your background, your wellness journey,
what triggered you into action essentially. But one of the
things I know you and I both share in our
(01:39):
background is we're type A overachievers and we're brought up
with a similar mindset of if everything looks good on paper,
if you're achieving, if you have these credentials, if you've
got a good job, if everything on paper looks good,
then you must be doing well. And that was something
that's backwards, right, And it was something that was very
(02:00):
very backwards for me for a big part of my journey.
And I know that that resonates with you. Will you
speak a little bit to your background and also what
prompted you into a wellness discovery, a lifestyle change in
taking ownership of your health and well being.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah, absolutely, and thank you so much for that introduction.
As far as me, yeah, I am originally from Cleveland, Ohio,
and then I moved to Austin in two thousand and six.
Just like you said, I've been working in the events
industry for fifteen years. It's a very fast paced industry.
As far as me personally, I am very like you said,
type A overachiever. I was a competitive gymnast growing up,
(02:43):
so I always grew up with that discipline perfect, have
to be perfect, have to look perfect. And I really,
throughout my life used that as my definition of success
was really if I was achieving, and I kind of
assigned my value to what I was able to achieve
and what I was able to accomplish. So when it
(03:04):
came to going to school, it was always I wasn't
always the smartest person in the room, but I always
got straight a's because it was like, I have to
be perfect, and I love the validation that I got
from my parents and my family, you know, my family,
my friends when I got did well in school, and
then you know, I was able throughout my life, throughout
my career to continue to achieve and throughout you know, school,
(03:29):
I always did well. Throughout my career. I was able
to get promotions every year or two based on just
working hard and being gritty and putting that all in there.
I was working in the events industry. I had a
very fast paced life in Austin. I was a very
social person, which is kind of like go go go go,
(03:49):
just kind of like on the hamster wheel. It is
really how I would describe it and what changed for
me was COVID, everything kind of slowed down. I think
I'll a lot of us obviously experienced that, but working
in the events industry specifically, there was a lot of uncertainty.
My job was in question. I experienced a pay cut
(04:11):
at that time, so I was for the first time
on my life, I felt like I wasn't able to achieve,
and it really broke me down. I was trying to
be perfect and do well in my career, and no
matter what I did, it was hard to navigate COVID.
It was hard for me not to have the connections
of my friends and family. I didn't really realize how
(04:31):
much stock I put into that. And so then once
COVID hit and I was struggling in my career for
the first time, and I really wasn't taking care of
myself at that time. I really had run myself into
the ground. I started having really dark, intrusive thoughts. I
didn't have suicidal thoughts, but I had sort of just
(04:53):
what is my purpose? What am I doing here? Is
this all that there is? Like? I was just kind
of everything was up for review to me, and I
felt very lost and was waking up with anxiety every
day and I couldn't understand why because on paper, I
had everything that you would think that you would want
(05:14):
to have. I have a very loving, supportive family. I
had a great partner, and although there was uncertainty with
my job, I still had a job, you know. And
I had my health. You know, I had all these things.
Why am I not happy? And then when I started
to have dark, intrusive thoughts, it was like, okay, this
is you know, I want to give myself permission to
(05:35):
go through a hard time, but like, why am I
so unhappy when I have so much? So that really
ignited a strong passion in me, and I started just reading.
I started reading about neuroscience, mental health, well being, you know,
the mindset. Neuroscience was a big thing. Like I kind
(05:56):
of thought of it as like reading the owner's manual
when it comes to your brain, you know, like what
is it that makes people happy? And what does science
say about this? What does research say about it? And
I learned so much and I was able to pull
myself out of my dark place using the practical tools
that I had learned. And it's kind of like, why
are we not teaching this in school? Why. You know,
(06:19):
it was great for me to learn all of these things,
but I just is like, I really think a lot
of people are in the dark around what actually makes
somebody happy and like how to do that and how
to find that within yourself. So that was really it.
I was really pulling myself out of that dark time.
And then from there it really ignited this strong passion
(06:40):
to share with others because all of these tools helped
me so much, and you know, I'm just a regular girl.
You know, I'm not getting things special when it comes
to comes to that. So it's like, these practical tools
could really help others. And so that's really became my
mission and I've I've spent a lot of time learning
more about it and teaching others.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Thank you for sharing that. And I think there are
multiple points that people can resonate with, and I certainly
resonate with more than anything. It's the call to action
I have found and I see this in other people.
But oftentimes, when we are in our most discomfort, our
most disease and pain, we can either stay in it
(07:22):
and go lower, or we can find help. And sometimes
that help starts from within. And it very much sounds
like you did this deep inner searching and recognizing that
on paper, the credentials, the achievements, we're all there. I
still have my job. It could be worse. A lot
of us sometimes, or we've been taught this is go
(07:43):
to gratitude, be grateful for what you have. And I
am a believer in gratitude because it is a gateway
to shifting our perspectives and our mentality. But I'm also
a believer in not bypassing what's going on mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
and you being able to to recognize, wait a minute,
I'm waking up with anxiety.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
What does this mean? What do I mean? Why am
I here? Or what is my purpose? What is my aim?
My direction?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I mean you started getting into more esoteric questions, but
recognizing that your physical health, your anxiety, your mental health,
your emotions were involved. So you were starting to recognize
the full spectrum of wellness. You know, a lot of
times we just go to physical health, and because we
have started to take so many of the stigmas off
(08:31):
of mental health, we look at mental health, but emotional
health and energetic or spiritual health is a component of
that and ways in which we can tie all of
those together, and I want to go back to one
other thing that you said that resonates very purely and
truly for me. I, like you, from a young age,
got a lot of validation from achievements, and I was
(08:54):
the child that didn't want to get in trouble. I
would rather be praised. So sometimes we rebel or we
seek achievements and recognition. And I thought, well, if I
do well, if I show up, if I'm good, if
I get recognition, then I'm gonna make people proud. And
I had no concept of being proud of myself. It
was all this people pleasing element. If I do well,
(09:16):
then people are gonna love me, or if I do really,
really well, then I'm gonna be happy. There was no
concept of being in the present and who I really was.
And it wasn't that I was inauthentic or fake, because
because that is not not at all who I was.
I wanted to genuinely show up, help people feel better,
be better, do well. But then it came to this
(09:39):
point where all of this overachieving, all of this external
success and validation left me very empty on the inside.
And that's what I hear in you, and I mean
it truly resonates with me because my waking up moment
came from this place of who, who am I?
Speaker 3 (10:00):
What do I mean? What is all this for?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I have all of these achievements, and I am doing
well on paper externally, but I am broken inside and
I really don't know who I am, what I love.
And you've heard me say this before, and I say
this to a lot of clients because it was a
light bulb moment for me. I always say, do you
remember when you were little and you don't like.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Spinach or blue cheese?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I give spinach and blue cheese as the examples, and
then all of a sudden, you're twenty six and you're like,
I'll have the spinach, or put the spinach in my smoothie,
or absolutely give me a double helping of the blue cheese.
When do our taste buds evolve? You know, they evolve subtly,
and at some point there is this big knock on
the door that says, are you going to pay attention
(10:47):
to what's internally evolved in you and start to take note?
And I think anxiety, depression, physical disease. Our bodies are
so biologically intelligence that when they tend to be run down, depleted, exhausted,
creating things like depression or anxiety. Those are big calls
(11:08):
to action, to knowing that something internally is out of alignment,
out of sync, and it takes investigation. And it sounds
like that's what instead of you stepping back and just
falling completely into depression and not that you didn't feel
that because it was real. I know it was real
for you and you didn't just snap out of it magically,
and we'll talk about that, but you decided to get
(11:31):
curious and get into action. And I think that out
of anything when it comes to taking charge of our
personal health and wellness and well being is how can
we get curious? How can we start to investigate ourselves?
And I think that's a big gift that you bring
to the table specifically, So like getting curious and getting
(11:51):
interested in saying, Okay, how can I heal? How can
I learn about these things? And what are the practical tools?
Will you talk a little bit about some of the
tools and lessons, specifically the lessons because I know like
people pleasing unlearning that or being able to forgive or
let go of the past, those things are you know,
really do apply to your story. What were some of
(12:14):
the moments of awareness or aha moments within yourself that
you saw as limiting or holding you back from fulfilling
your meaning or better aligning with it.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Yeah. Absolutely, and I love what you said. I think
the biggest thing for me was unlearning behavior and unlearning
being a people pleaser and unlearning being a perfectionist. But
that first piece, even before that, and you mentioned it,
there is really that awareness piece. So it's about taking
that time to really understand who you are, sitting in
(12:46):
the uncomfortable emotions and being willing to unpack those emotions
and realize where is this actually coming from? Why am
I unhappy for me when it came to, you know,
success in my career. Well, once I he's the success
that I wanted and I hadn't. I didn't feel the
happiness that I thought that I would. It's kind of like, Okay,
(13:06):
well then where it is your happiness coming from? And
that's going to be different for everybody. So it's really
taking that time is so important to self reflect. And
COVID made me do it, you know, like I don't
know if I.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
COVID made me do it. That's like a ashig Covid
made me do it.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, I was like, no, don't make me deal with this.
I yeah, feel these feelings and like all that. But
there was a lot of things from my past, like
unhealed childhood trauma and like getting back to the perfectionist thing.
So I was a competitive gymnast, which I mentioned.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
So which is major by the way that I mean,
I know that about you, but but a competitive gymnast
that's intense. And there is nothing short of a perfect ten.
Yeah that you know, I mean perfect ten that in
encapsulates the energy and that environment and the high overachieving,
constant expect and then of course the body, the physical body,
(14:03):
and there's nothing you know less than perfection that is acceptable.
And I don't mean to blanket that or stereotype being
a gymnast, but it's hard on your body, it's competitive.
That is a very intense place to learn behaviors during
your formative years.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, and I'll tell you like I developed an eating
disorder at age eleven because my coach told me to
and she thought if I would be skinnier, and it
used those words, if you know, if you could get skinnier,
your scores would go up. So I did that and
then she was right. She was right. I did do
better once I got skinnier, so and I got more
(14:41):
validation from people around me. And so it's sort of like, man,
it was bad behavior and then reinforced. So that takes
a lot.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Of and doing what like reinforced and do it like, Oh,
she was right. I got skinnier and I started to
win more or get more attention.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
And a lot of us have this story.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I mean, I danced my entire life and the same
kind of body issues and image came up and insecurities
that are still things that I know are struggles for
me today. And it's funny because you and I both
talk about this, and it's just something that's very vulnerable
for me to share you. And I've said this before
(15:21):
when I am struggling or emotionally, not in an intelligent space,
but in these feelings that take over me. One of
my coping mechanisms is to eat, and one of yours
is to not eat like you and I, you know,
and we've talked about that, and I'm smiling because it's like,
what have we learned? And I go to a onboard
or I don't want to deal with that, or I
can't think about it and instead of intelligently processing and
(15:44):
sitting in those uncomfortable emotions, which I want to talk
about in a second, because you shared something with me
a while back about that. You know, it's like, well,
let me go to the refrigerator or let me go
into the pantry. And I'm very cognizant of that today
and know how to respond to it better.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
But you're the opposite.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You're like, when I'm sick, when I'm tired, when I'm anxious,
then I just don't eat for a couple of days,
you know. So it's like the pendulum can swing in
those behaviors and how they're translated in our bodies, our biology,
our neurology. We're all wired differently, but when we are
armed with that self awareness, we can respond to it
(16:22):
and heal it or change it, which is what you
were talking about with neural patterning and cognition and rewiring
and retraining the brain. It all comes down to awareness
of behaviors, learned behaviors and whatnot. But what I wanted
to go back to is talking about sitting in your
uncomfortable emotions. You shared with me one time. I just
(16:43):
remember being on the bathroom floor and just laid out
on the bathroom floor, and so many of us can
relate to that. I mean, I have been on the
bathroom floor in a puddle of tears or fear, or
curled up in a ball multiple times in life. And
I'm in a place today and I know this resonates
with you where if I need to be in an
(17:07):
anxious state, if I need to process anxiety or recognize
that I am really low down, feeling sorry for myself, whatever,
it is, just acknowledging it and finding a way to
hold space for that, even if you know on paper
that may sound really small, Yeah, it's.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Really important to be willing to feel uncomfortable. And for me,
when I was processing all this information, what helped me
is I chose to go to therapy, which really helped.
Therapy helped me the most in terms of coming to
peace with my past. And therapy is great in the
sense that you do sit in those uncomfortable feelings and
(17:46):
you do talk about it, and you can talk to
somebody who is trained in this who can teach you
about thought patterns and just kind of help you unpack, like,
how did you get to be this super perfectionist. Okay,
well you are a gymnast and then they told you this,
and then that bad behavior was reinforced. You can whatever
your journey is. Maybe it's not perfectionist for everyone who's listening,
(18:07):
but whatever it is that's kind of holding you back,
you can unpack that, sit with it, understand where it
came from, come at peace with it, take the lessons
from it, and then let it go. Like that was
the biggest thing for me, was get coming to peace
with my past and really just taking the lessons from
(18:28):
it and then letting go of the things that didn't
serve me. So if you go back to like gymnastics,
for example, yes, bad body image. That was not a
good situation, but it also taught me amazing discipline and
I am where I am and I'm a very high
achiever and always have like two or three revenue streams
coming at one time, Like I'm just a go doer
worker and I think that comes from that, and I'm
(18:50):
grateful for it. So it's like learning to be even
in bad situations like that is a very toxic environment
in so many ways, but learning to pick out what
you learn from it, how it made you better, how
it made you stronger. And then, like I said, letting
it go is a huge.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Thing because it's not.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And you taught me this little catchphrase you said to
me one time in our sessions, and I still tell
it to myself all the time, is like this thought
or this thing is no longer serving me, this is
no longer a good use of my time or intelligence.
What can I replace this thought with and this thinking
of a better feeling thought or you know, going back
to your gratitude? And I know, gratitude to me can
(19:30):
feel a little like barfee now, like it's so overdone,
like oh, be greatful. But what I have learned too
is like when I did all of my research, I
read all these books and when it comes to gratitude,
I learn the why behind why gratitude works and we
can get into that. But that really helped me because
(19:52):
I mean, everyone has heard gratitude before, so why aren't
we doing it all the time. Well, once I learned
the why and how it works and how your brain
processes information and how you can reprogram it for happiness
and to see the good in situations, that really triggered
me to make gratitude a habit of mine. And we
can talk more about that too, but that huge for
(20:14):
me just understanding the.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Why I love what you shared about reviewing our past behaviors,
our past experiences and extrapolating maybe the harm or the
behaviors that it instilled that are limiting us or holding
us back or keeping us in disease, and also extrapolating
(20:39):
what it taught you that is healthy, wow, discipline, focus,
striving to grow, to be better, to evolve, so being
able to look at both sides of things, which is
to me, that's perspective. I think perspective is such a
gift when we're able to say, ooh, yes, this was
a toxic sitution situation, and this is how it's limited
(21:03):
me or created dysfunction or disease in certain aspects of
my psyche, my behaviors and beliefs. But here's how it
harnessed me. Here's what I've taken away from that That
I wouldn't have those skill sets otherwise and that is
so important to me. And that also is what that
(21:24):
I see gives as this allowance or this softer space
or grace to be able to heal the past, to
let go of the past and not forget the past
so much as not living in the present. In your
past behaviors and whatever is hardwired into your personality, traits
and your actions. So I think that is so helpful.
(21:47):
And one of the things that you and I have
talked about that we both share is you and I
are intense people. I think a lot of perfectionists are,
and we go hard, we're driven. We do so fun
and joy and silliness and play is not usually in
our priority list. But I know in this journey for you,
(22:09):
and it's very parallel to mine today, play, fun, silliness, happy, joy,
those are non negotiables up in my top three. They
were not even anything I would put in my to
do list or come naturally to me. And now I
know when I play and have fun or spend time
(22:29):
with people who bring out my silly side, my joyful side,
I become more productive.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Clear is that your experience?
Speaker 1 (22:38):
And what did you learn through this awakening and this
embracing of a new lifestyle about play and lightheartedness and
joy and how it affects your health and well being?
What did you learn through this awaken and this embracing
(23:02):
of a new lifestyle about play and lightheartedness and joy
and how it affects your health and well being.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
It's paramount. I have learned that rest and fun really
are weapons. I heard a friend of mine, my connection
of min Bethany Cranfield, has supposed that to me, rest
is a weapon. And I feel the same way about fun.
And especially as someone who's used to being a high
achiever and very ambitious, it can feel counterintuitive to take
(23:32):
breaks or this is going to hold me back. But
what I have learned is that taking breaks actually helps you,
not just from a scientific standpoint when it comes to
your brain and resetting, like for instance, like the way
that our brains work. What I have learned is that
we have natural energy cycles of about ninety minutes. So
(23:52):
you can do ninety minutes of focus work, you're good
to go, and then after ninety minutes your brain starts
to pull away. You can make mistakes. And that's why,
like if you've been working all day, and I have
taught myself to do this at work, is getting up
and taking breaks, getting away from your computer, Taking ten
to fifteen minutes away from something actually helps you recharge
(24:14):
and come back better. And I think too, especially I
look at it through the women's lens. But we're taught
to take care of everybody, serve everybody. You have your work,
you have your family, you have your household. It's just
so much and so a lot of times that I
was putting myself last on my list, and I know
that I think a lot of people do that as well,
(24:35):
especially women. And it's so important to be taking care
of yourself first and just allowing yourself to have fun
and it's not so serious. That's something that I'm still
teaching myself. I don't relax very well, so like actually
taking that time and scheduling it something that has helped me.
(24:55):
And that makes it sound like the most lame fun ever,
like schedule your fun, but I do. I will schedule,
you know, twenty minutes in the middle of my day
to go and tell my dog that he's the cutest
thing I've seen in my life for ten minutes because
that just makes me feel good.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Absolutely, and Sarah to me, these are again, these are
practical ways that we can be begin to create wellness
and create the traction in that wellness, so it takes
root and it's it's traction and repetition. And because we
are busy scheduling things helps, and I say this with
(25:31):
people all the time. Hey, and I had a client
do this the other day, and she actually sent me
a message just saying, I did it.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I did exactly what you said.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
I said, I need you to put a reminder in
your phone at these times. And we were actually using numerology,
so it's like, do it at three thirty three am
and three thirty three in the afternoon.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
And she did.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And I was like, you won't get the three thirty
three am until you wake up in the morning, but
it means first thing in the morning, you're going to
see this notification and these are the intentions. And that way,
two times day day you are calling in, you're asking
yourself to pause to reflect whatever the prescription was that
was coming through uniquely for her, and she did it.
(26:10):
And that in and of itself, the effort of okay,
I'm going to schedule this, but you're one of the
things that you're sharing. I think is so beneficial, especially
post COVID, because we have moved into a more virtual
world with work, where we're either outside of an office
full time and we work remotely or we have flex time.
(26:32):
It's becoming more necessary, demanded almost and needed. But when
we work at home, we can feel isolated. It can
actually trigger greater loneliness, separation. And then I know, for me,
and I see it in a lot of people, that
actually depletes my creativity. And what you're sharing is for anybody,
even if you are at a desk at a cubicle
(26:54):
in an office space, really saying okay after about ninety minutes,
because I can set it a computer for four like
nobody's business and then and I mean, I can just focus,
and then I become more intense, more rigid, more restrictive
actually because my body actually is in that restrictive posturing.
And that's what I say. Our body is so important
(27:15):
the way we hold ourselves. But when you're hunched over
and you're doing that for hours at a time, it
actually limits your ability to receive and be open and
flexible and fluid, and it's it's actually shutting down parts
of creativity in the brain. But whether you're in a
workspace or you are at home, setting times in your
calendar to pause and go do something else for ten minutes,
(27:38):
for twenty minutes, and for me, I have actually scheduled
you know this, and I've talked about this on soul
sessions before. But I scheduled my pilates after my mother
died and dealing with grief and rebalancing life wellness routines,
reprioritizing that I will either go early in the morning,
middle of the day in the evening, and and it's
(28:00):
a drive to go there. I mean, it has to
be scheduled, but the drive time, the pilates itself.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Both of those.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Things have been massive add ons to my creativity, my clarity,
my intuition. It has also helped me intuitively to re
calibrate my body, my mind, my spirit. Intuitively, I find
a lot of revitalization. I have so many downloads when
(28:30):
I'm driving, and in scheduling that pilates time, so I
take little breaks. I've scheduled that for years, but I've
had to, especially coming out of some trauma, some grief,
some tragedy, which I know a lot of other people
can relate to. Sometimes if we double down a little
bit on quote unquote our breaks or our time away
(28:53):
from the computer. And I know we don't all have
the luxury to just stop at noon and take a
pilates class, but I know, for me, if I don't
have the luxury at noon, I get up a little
earlier in the morning. And again, depending on where you're
coming from, and if you're a mom and your responsibilities,
you may not be able to schedule that much time.
(29:14):
But where can you schedule ten or twenty minutes? Because
I do know that whatever you focus on growth and
if you will prioritize ten or twenty minutes two or
three times a day, all of a sudden opportunities will
start to come that create more flexibility, more space.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Does that resonate with you? Do you hear it?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah? Absolutely absolutely, It's so important. What has helped me
a lot too is just having a morning routine that
incorporates meditation and exercise. I don't go right into work,
and I do I wake up a little bit earlier
so that I can do that. But it is it's
just not sustainable to be work work work all the time,
or like focus like that. You have to give yourself time.
(29:56):
And especially one of the things that I really dove
into learning about and I was going through my struggles
is the subconscious mind and how to tap into your
subconscious mind to help you solve problems and navigate your life.
And a big part of that is taking time alone.
Like I think a lot of us know what to do,
and like for me, when I was going through my
hard time, hard time, I felt very much at a crossroads.
(30:18):
It was like I don't know what to do. I'm
not sure what I want with my career and like
some like old friendships that weren't resonating with me anymore.
Like I just was feeling very a little bit lost
in terms of how do I want to move forward?
What's important to me? Just like everything was kind of
up for review and having that time alone and taking
(30:39):
that time to like get outside, getting into nature, ash
if you don't know what to do, take a walk.
I remember Oprah said something and this helps me. I
listen to everything that Oprah says.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I I am a massive fan and if you listen,
everybody out there, if you have not listened to Super
Soul Sunday, and she has it all. Basically all of
Super Soul Sunday is now on her podcast. And I
direct clients and people to Super Soul Sunday all the time. Okay,
what ind Over say? Like I'm all ears.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
She said that if you don't know what to do,
and if you're feeling really stuck in life. Don't do anything.
Sit alone in a room. Just give yourself time to
sit alone in a room, whether it's twenty minutes a day,
half hour day, take that time to yourself because you
know what to do, Like you know what to do,
your intuition knows what to do, but do you know
(31:29):
what's important to you? Do you have that clarity? And
learning how to trust yourself is huge. That was a
big lesson for me and something that I'm still working at.
Learning how to do is really fully trusting yourself and
listening to your intuition. But setting yourself up for success
is like a real practical way to do that, like
(31:50):
you said, is really just scheduling that time, taking that
time to yourself. Because we get so many downloads all
the time, and we have our phones constantly going off
crazing this with the government, there's craziness here, there's violence
in school shootings, like there's just so much coming at
us that can really drag you down, and you really
(32:11):
have to take responsibility for your own wellbeing. It is
the short version.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
That's a huge message.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
And you set you and I had this discussion recently
because and where this is for just a little bit
of a teaser into part two of our conversation. We're
going to talk about wellness and workplace wellness and when
your wellness journey begins to evolve, how it can impact
you professionally on top of the personal implications in your
(32:39):
personal life, and how what organizational wellness looks like. So
we will talk about that. But one stance that Sarah
has really taken that makes sense to me is we
are responsible for our wellness. We have to decide we
want to be well and what does that look like.
(32:59):
And the biggest piece of that I start to take
away is don't get overwhelmed. You do it one thing
at a time. And like you're talking about your morning routine,
morning routines are a non negotiable for me. Wellness became
a lifestyle for me over a decade ago. And there
are times when my wellness is more well rounded, full bodied,
and it just happens because it's so natural. And there
(33:22):
are times when I am tired, I'm exhausted, just like
you know, losing my mom and every like I had
to like pull myself up and say, okay, Amanda, let's
start by cleaning out the refrigerator, making sure everything in
here is healthy, so you have food that's nourishing your body. Okay,
figure out what your exercise routine looks like, and you
(33:43):
know your mourning routine. And I've I've gotten up a
couple of hours early gosh for years because I need
that quiet time with myself to reflect, to be able
to show up abundantly. Those are things I know, but
if I'm not practicing them consistently, then the it's not
going to be effective. And one of the things when
(34:04):
you were talking about changing behaviors and thinking about worry
or negative self talk, what are some of the practices, like,
you know, getting quiet with yourself, which I think is
one massive takeaway from this conversation. If you don't get
quiet with yourself, go do it because and it's uncomfortable
(34:27):
as I'll get out sometimes because we just want to
sit and grab our phone or distract by doing the laundry.
I mean, get quiet with yourself without doing thing. Just
go sit in the closet or sit in the car
with the car totally turned off. And I don't mean
turn your car on and you know, run the gas
and exhaust and close close the garage.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I don't mean that like, I don't mean that.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Kind of thing by sitting in the car alone, but
literally go find a quiet space and avoid picking up
the phone or turning the radio on, or doing the
laundry while you're getting with yourself. I mean, just sit
and even if your if meditation is not a practice
that you have been able to incorporate yet, finding ways
(35:10):
to sit quietly, even if you have to put a
timer on your phone and it's three minutes, can you
do it and then maybe three minutes and thirty seconds
the next day? But what are some of the practices
for healing becoming conscious of negative self talk or emotions
like worry, which is a future emotion, not being in
(35:30):
the presence, you know, playing different different scenarios, out different
trajectories out into the future. What are some of the
practical ways that you have been able to recognize and
heal worry and also self critical, perfectionistic, berating self talk.
That is something I'm very conscious of, and it's you know,
(35:50):
it can be a massive detriment.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Absolutely. The first step with that is always awareness, Like
you have to be aware of your thoughts. And so
I was the type of person previously who would really
spiral you know if something negative happened, I would let
that get me down for hours, days at a time.
And that was something that was really holding me back.
(36:13):
And what I learned is really paying attention to how
you're speaking to yourself. And one of the biggest things
that I learned is to not believe everything that you think, right,
that's true. But what I learned even just like from
a physiological standpoint, our brains are all wired with what's
called a negativity bias. Because we were in the woods fighting, say,
(36:36):
were two tigers back in the day, like our hardwiring
was happening in a real life or death survival state. Well,
most of us now are no longer in those life
or death situations, but our brains are still wired and
functioning in that way. So just understanding that your brain
is kind of it's wired to keep you safe more
than it's wired to keep you happy. And so when
(36:58):
you're feeling emotions like I was a big future tripper,
I still am like a recovering future tripper now, yeah,
but it's really catching yourself and it's just noticing first
noticing like what am I feeling? Like? What is the emotion?
Can I name it? And my research, I found that
(37:19):
the average adult can only name three emotions. It's happy, sad, tired,
and tired isn't even an emotion. That's ah, that's a state.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
By the way, that is not surprising to me that
most humans don't have a massive vocabulary around their emotions.
And I usually will say to somebody, hey, could you
get yourself a feeling like, you know, search a feelings
chart where it has thirty five sixty five emotions on it,
(37:49):
you know, irritable, frustrated, elated. I mean, so it starts
to give you vocabulary and you become aware of the
nuances of emotions. Because emotions can be used erratically and unhealthily,
or they can be used intelligently and they are jet
fuel to greater happiness, health, well being and so on.
(38:12):
But if you can begin to recognize the spectrum of emotions,
it's quite fascinating and we need a little bit of help.
So I always tell people, hey, grab yourself, you know
one of those emotional charts with all the faces but
the names of the emotions, because it's enlightening, actually.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
It really is. There's an app called how you Feel
or how we Feel. I think it's okay, Well, that's
really good where it will prompt you if you're not
somebody who's really in touch with your emotions or doesn't
have that emotional vocabulary, it'll prompt you throughout the day.
And there's other ones if you just look it up.
(38:51):
There's a lot of different apps out there. And that's
another thing. Just use your resources, Like if you're struggling
with something, there's a book on it. I promise you
own luck with therapy. But for the most part, what
helped me the most was just figuring out what I
was dealing with and then finding a book or a
podcast or something to help with that, and just teaching yourself.
(39:12):
But yeah, getting back to the emotion piece of it
is really understanding what am I feeling and why am
I feeling this and not fighting it not Oh I
can't believe I'm spiraling again. Oh I can't believe I'm
so upset about this. It shouldn't be causing me this
much to cease, like giving yourself permission to feel. And
(39:34):
also not all negative emotions are bad, you know these
are again you said it earlier. When you're feeling types
of emotions that are negative, you're really usually out of alignment.
With who you are in some way, shape or form.
So it's about understanding that piece of it. So knowing
what the emotion is, naming the emotion, figuring out what
(39:56):
it's coming from, where it's coming from, and why. What
can you control in the situation. I think that's major.
A lot of times we worry about things that we
can't control, So figuring out what can I control in
this situation and then letting the rest of it go.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
I mean, that's a big formulary, but a very clear
path that you just defined. So it's the willingness to
put this into action. And even if you're listening out
there and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't do
all those things, just start with the awareness. And what
Sarah was saying is getting honest, Oh my gosh, I'm
feeling completely uneasy right now. I don't know the why,
(40:39):
I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm feeling uneasy.
Just saying and it's okay that I feel uneasy, because
it really actually doesn't take but twelve to eighteen seconds
to process in emotion, and most of us either bypass
them shove them down, which has adverse effects. So the
awareness and then the honesty, the will willingness to be
(41:00):
honest about what you're experiencing will lead to the investigation. Hm,
oh my gosh, this is repeated two or three times.
Is this something in my present environment or is this
coming from an old pattern, an old experience? And whatever
I'm experiencing now is bringing this up for me to review,
for me to process. And again, we don't have to
(41:23):
be super super sleuths, but it is kind of incredible
what we can uncover and discover about ourselves very rapidly,
and the healing effects can happen, I mean sometimes instantaneously,
sometimes over time, and you can look back over two
(41:43):
or three weeks, two or three months, or over a
year and be astounded by the personal growth and self awareness,
which is part of your story because COVID as this
catalyst to wake you up to your personal meaning. You're happy,
happiness which has created success rather than success. And you
(42:03):
articulated this as we were getting on the call. You know,
at first the belief was success will create happiness, and
now your belief is happiness breeds or creates success, and
that is a flip in the script of the paradigm
of you know, your success but also it's seeded from
this internal happiness. So I think that's such a great
(42:26):
roadmap to give people. And also before we sign off
for today, because our next discussion is about taking these
things out into the world essentially how it can impact
us in workplace wellness, health and well being within our jobs,
our productivity, our creativity, creating, trust, cohesion, a multitude of
(42:51):
other things that Sarah is very involved with at Amazon
and has become a passion of hers through her own
healing journey. But I also want to talk about trusting
yourself and your intuition because all of the things that
you're lining up and these practices help you get clearer
and clearer on the inner voice connected to your intelligence,
(43:14):
your emotions, your body, but your consciousness, your intuition, and
how that plays a role or has played a greater
role over the last couple of years in your your
overall well being.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
Yeah, So when it comes to trusting yourself, this is
a big lesson that I had to learn. Something that
helped me was there is a book all out there
called The Way of Integrity. It's by Martha Beck. I
don't know if you've heard this of this book.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
I have heard this Act America. I haven't read it though.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Oh it's so good, But it's all about for me
because I was un learning, you know, very people pleaser
and like what is my voice and what do I want?
And the whole premise of the book is learning to
live integrity, and a big thing is not telling wise,
you know, like even white lies, like just being honest,
(44:06):
like I'm not up for going to xyz event tonight,
but I hope to see you another time. Like living
in that integrity and being truthful is really helpful.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
That's huge. What you just shared is huge. And I
do talk about this with a lot of people and
have practiced it for myself because text messages are a
really great place to check ourselves, honestly, because a lot
of times we'll say, oh my gosh, that sounds so
great or I'm so excited for you, and that actually
may not be at all what we are thinking. But
(44:38):
being able to pause and sounds like you can just
reword your text messages to be in honesty and integrity
and it may be wow, it sounds like you're really happy.
That's excellent, you know, I mean instead of I mean
to really help us get clear on our language or
setting a boundary with a yes or a no. Oh yeah,
(45:00):
thank you for including me. But if I say yes,
it's going to be too much on my plate. I mean,
words are so powerful and our boundaries and that you
just hit the nail on the head on a massive
something that has been a game changer for me as
far as defining my own truth and even enhancing my intuition.
While those may not sound completely aligned, but being able
(45:23):
to communicate in integrity.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Yeah, and just learning how to say no and being okay,
right disappointing people, you know. I think that's a big
thing for me is I don't like disappointing people, and
I always want to be there and be one hundred
percent for everybody. But when it comes to at the
expense of me, that's where it has to stop. And
that's where I learned. But it is about setting boundaries,
(45:47):
and it's about living in integrity. And if someone asks
you to go do this, and if your body is saying,
oh my god, I don't want to go to that
baby shower, don't go. Don't go like ye go to
lunch after like suggest an activity that is more in
alignment with what you would want to do. I think
that just living more in my truth has allowed me
(46:09):
to accept one, to just accept myself as I am,
and letting go of the need to please please people,
and letting go of the need to be perfect. And
I think just being okay with being my imperfect self
has allowed me to stay true to myself much more
because I'm not living for other people. And like when
it came to success and getting back to the beginning
(46:31):
of this, why am I not happy? Well, I was
chasing when everyone else told me I should be chasing,
not what I really wanted. And so I think just
knowing yourself and being true to yourself and practically being
authentic to you and your relationships is really key and
something that I previously wasn't doing, and so that was
(46:53):
big for me.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
I think that's huge, and I think it gives everyone
out there a lot of practical resources, tools and food
for thought. And what you just shared of no, I
don't want to go to that baby shower. It's such
a simple example, but also one of those that for
most of us, especially the people pleasers out there, you know,
the perfectionists out there that want to be everything to everyone,
(47:17):
which is impossible and not sustainable, by the way, and
not healthy and not authentic. There's a lot of things
that it is not versus what it is, and the
beauty in that is being able to say thank you
for inviting me. I'm not going to be able to come,
but I do want to celebrate you, and here's how
(47:39):
can we do this? And when we do that, then
we give ourselves permission to be authentic. And guess what
else it alleviates is guilt because then we say, Okay,
I don't want to go or I can't go, and
then we just guilt trip ourselves and we may as
well have just said yes, because we are resenting, refeeling
an emotion over and over again. And emotions are again
(47:59):
are like jet fuel, whether they are positive and they
are propelling us forward or they are keeping us in
a lower vibrational state which just completely deflects from our
opportunity to be happy and well. So so much of
this conversation today has given everyone practical insights and tools,
(48:21):
but especially around picking up the torch of self awareness,
recognizing what happiness means to you who you are today,
and beginning to investigate your wellness journey knowing that it
doesn't have to be overwhelming. You just start by starting.
And I remember, you know, like in multiple things in life,
(48:42):
when we start something out, it's not what it's going
to look like in two months, six months, eight months,
a year. When we're starting, we're just beginning and being
able to implement one or two things. And I think
probably one of the most valuable things that Sarah said,
and she said a lot of valuable things, so I
am singling out one is create quiet time for yourself.
(49:05):
Sit by yourself or with yourself in either comfortable or
uncomfortable moments for a little while, because the truth is
in there, and it gives you this space, this sacred
space to be with yourself no matter what you're experiencing
or going through, so you can hear the voice in
your head, the feelings in your body, the comfort or
(49:27):
discomfort that you're experiencing, and experience it all because that
creates this opportunity for greater wellness and clarity around your voice,
your happiness.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
So I think that's huge.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
And when Sarah and I return in the second part
of our discussion, as I mentioned, we're going to talk
more about taking this into the workplace and workplace wellness
professional health, wellness, fitness and well being, but we're also
going to talk about different practices and also cognition and communication.
(50:05):
But wellness is a lifestyle and again how it impacts
the workplace. So is there anything in this segment and
talking about your personal journey which I appreciate and your
vulnerability that you want to leave here, or any nuggets
of wisdom that you feel like people right now, especially
in the holidays, that feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life,
(50:27):
like if you think to some of your holiday practices,
because they can be stressful and overwhelming, you know, what
are you going to do this holiday season to make
sure that you are prioritizing you first, your wellness first.
Speaker 2 (50:42):
Yeah, and I now we'll just say getting back to
the first question that for anybody who is really struggling,
I would say the biggest piece of advice would be
to know that this is not forever, This is not
your forever right now, what you're going through, and just
giving yourself grace and giving yourself permission to have bad
days and maybe showing up today means you're at ten
(51:05):
percent of what you normally are and when you're really
going through it, sometimes that's enough. You said something earlier
which really resonated. And I learned a concept through author
Mel Robbins, who she's great if you're reading materially. She
has so many great books, but one of her concepts
is around brick by brick build your house. Like when
it comes to like per papping for the holidays or
(51:29):
getting your work done, whatever it is your relationships. Don't
try to boil the ocean and do everything in one
day or get overwhelmed by it. Think about what is
one small thing I can do today to get better?
And say you're in a really dark time, Well maybe
that is taking a shower, honestly, you know, like have
those little small winds and get you know, being okay
(51:52):
with not being okay is a big takeaway that I
would like to leave your audience with for sure, and
just giving yourself grace to get better. Abraham Hicks has
this saying which I love in a lot of her
teachings where she says, you can't take a train that's
going one hundred miles an hour in one direction and
get it to go one hundred miles an hour the
(52:14):
other direction overnight. You know, like if you're unlearning these
behaviors unlearning these things and like trying to be better,
and like having moving to a place of wellness where
you haven't been prioritizing your wellness like I was. You
have to give yourself a break and don't expect to
change overnight. And success is not linear. Progress is not
(52:35):
always linear. So just being kind to yourself is so
so important, and we'll talk about this in the next
episode more tactical, but talking to yourself in a positive
way is really helpful. But when it comes to prioritizing
in the holidays, I'm a big list maker. Don't give
me a reason to make a list, because I'll take it.
(52:56):
I love it. But just getting organized, understand what you
need to get done, being realistic with what you're willing
to take on, Like do you really want to host
your entire family and do all of the meals? Could
one of these maybe be a potluck or you know,
just kind of like figuring not over committing yourself, I
(53:16):
would say, because so many times holidays are supposed to
be this time of rest and reach farge and then
you bring yourself into the ground and by the end
of the holidays, you need holidays to recoup from the
stress of the holidays.
Speaker 1 (53:29):
Yes, absolutely, over committing taking on too much. So as
this goes back to self awareness and getting honest, yeah,
you know, really getting honest.
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Do I have the time to take this on?
Speaker 1 (53:40):
If I contribute this, and then I'm feeling guilty like
I should contribute this, this and this, and then it's stressful.
I just did that with Thanksgiving. I'm bringing a couple
of things, and then I realized I was signing myself
up for more things and it didn't even make any sense.
It was an old behavior of feeling guilty that I
wasn't bringing enough for gonness sakes. I'm like, I already
(54:01):
bring it up to the table. I'm laughing as I
say that, kind of jokingly, but that's really that's the
way I'm hardwired. If I'm going to bring one thing,
why don't I bring two or three more things so
I can show that I'm contributing. And that comes from
a lack perspective. I know exactly today at face value,
that comes from I'm not enough, is exactly what that's saying.
(54:22):
So I just am bringing the one thing and it's
going to be fabulous. It's Brussels sprouts. By the way,
I make these really great Brussels sprouts, and everybody is
bringing one or two things and there's tons of us.
But I'm like, I don't have to bring Brussels sprouts
and an amazing salad. The Brussels sprouts are probably gonna
be enough because we're gonna have an abundance of food.
(54:42):
So what you're sharing is being self aware and getting honest,
so you are mindful not to over commit. You commit
what you can so you can enjoy yourself because being
able to relax, to be present, to enjoy yourself without overextending,
because there's enough on our plates that create an over extension,
and then that contributes to stress, anxiety and the burnout,
(55:05):
all the things.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
That's why you Am I doing this? Am I doing
it kind of feel guilty? Or Am I doing it
because it makes me feel happy? And yes it's a
lot of work, but it creates an amazing experience for
my family and the people that I love. Like, if
you if that brings you joy and being so scheduled,
it's not about make sure you don't do anything over
the holidays. If you like hosting, if that's what reached, like, yeah,
(55:27):
feel good, do it. But I'm saying don't do things
out of guilt or because you feel like, oh I
have to, and like not, you know, sometimes not always
totally in our control. We have different family members and things,
but generally speaking, just kind of setting those boundaries and
then figuring out, like what does a successful holiday look
like to me? Like, how do I want to feel
(55:48):
after the holidays? Do I want to be rested? Okay, well,
then you need to do things that make you create rest. Yeah,
help with rest, simple life. But it's like assessing what
you want out of the holiday season. And then I'm
a big planner, so then like making a plan to
get out of the holidays what you would like instead
(56:09):
of just saying yes all across the board yes, like
what happened? I think.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
I think that's a great takeaway for everyone too, is
what is your plan for this holiday season? And if
you listen to this after Thanksgiving, it's okay, we got
we have a whole other season that we walk into.
But whether it's Thanksgiving or any holiday season or any
season of life, what is my plan? What do I
want to earn from this? What do I want to experience?
(56:37):
Get clear on two or three one intention and see
how you can contribute to that, or create that, or
affect that in your experience. I think that is a
brilliant takeaway, and I'm going to do that for Thanksgiving,
like I actually like, after we get off of our call,
I'm going to sit and reflect on what I want
to experience over Thanksgiving and how I can mindfully take
(57:01):
practical action around that within what is in my control,
which what can I control my attitudes, actions, and behaviors.
Speaker 3 (57:09):
So I think that's a wonderful nugget. Sarah.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Thank you for the wisdom, the insight that you have
shared and really helping outline your wellness journey so well.
I know it will resonate with so many people, but
I hope you all have gotten some healthy nuggets and
takeaways to prompt your own personal wellness journey and impact
(57:35):
you in the months ahead and especially through the holiday season,
because I think it is a really fruitful time to
pay attention to where we may be out of alignment
or out of wax. So thank you, Sarah, and I'm
looking forward to our second discussion, so please join us,
where we'll talk more about professional wellness and workplace wellness
(57:57):
and how to really affect some change in your career
and in your work environment to experience greater happiness, health,
and well being.
Speaker 2 (58:08):
Thank you for joining me.
Speaker 1 (58:09):
On soul sessions, and please be sure to reach out
with any feedback or questions.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
We'd be happy to answer them.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
Take care, Thank bye,
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